1
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,920
<i>Previously on Californication:</i>

2
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:14,115
- How's school?
- Dad, I'm not going. Working on a novel.

3
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,353
- What are you gonna fill a novel with?
- Life, love, sex, death.

4
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,088
What do you know
about those things?

5
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:24,633
- Move it along, groupie, Take him with you.
- Watch your tongue. This is Faith.

6
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:29,604
Have a look and grasp the cosmic
importance of this lovely young lady.

7
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:33,802
- Without her, there'd be no rock 'n' roll.
- Tony talked about you all the time.

8
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,345
He said that you had
an uncanny ability...

9
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:38,176
to suck killer riffs out of him.

10
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,318
I'm sorry I was such a bitch.

11
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,851
God, I'm so sorry
I fucked your husband.

12
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:46,718
But you haven't nailed it yet,
because I could be the hammer.

13
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,451
I'm in the middle of an epic shit storm
right now.

14
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,620
I fired my manager last week,
and I'm all out of cocaine.

15
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,392
Might you be in the market
for new representation?

16
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,466
If you can get me some Peruvian flake...

17
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I'll maybe think about
throwing you in the mix.

18
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- Here you go, rock-star asshole.
- It'd be an honor to work with both of you.

19
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See you bright and early tomorrow.
Afternoon.

20
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,517
Becca.

21
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,559
I think it's time, Becca.

22
00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:27,857
For what?

23
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,831
Time you stop this funny business
and went back to school.

24
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,435
No, I'm not doing that.

25
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:36,836
- What are you doing?
- I'm living the life of an artist.

26
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Okay, I got it,
but what does that mean to you, exactly?

27
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Because there's a lot more
to being an artist than just...

28
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:45,715
altering your consciousness
on a daily basis.

29
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I know, which is why I'm writing
on a daily basis.

30
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You are?

31
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- How many pages you got?
- I'm closing in on three hundy.

32
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- I'm jealous.
- I'm going to finish it, Dad.

33
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- My first novel.
- I hate you.

34
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Do you want to know
how many boys I've slept with?

35
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,059
No. No, no. That's disgusting.

36
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:09,105
I'm going through
an extremely slutty phase right now.

37
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Will you do me a favor and take this
and just hit me over the head with it...

38
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as hard as you can?
I won't get mad, I promise.

39
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- Stop.
- Just:

40
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I just want to experience everything
while I still can, you know?

41
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Every taste, every smell.

42
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Stop gagging.
You're not my father right now.

43
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,252
You're my artistic guidance counselor.

44
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- You can't judge me.
- Your mom, she can judge you.

45
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She is judging you,
and she's worried about you.

46
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She's got way too many issues
to handle this shit.

47
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She thinks I'm headed down your path.

48
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- What's so bad about that?
- That's exactly what I said.

49
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That's my girl.

50
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Okay, well, I'm not judging you.

51
00:02:46,799 --> 00:02:49,643
But, Becca, promise me that
you'll just keep it simple.

52
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You know, get your drink on,
keep the pages coming...

53
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smoke a little peaches and herb even,
but stay away from the hard stuff.

54
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And no more of that tasting
and smelling. That's disgusting.

55
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What about blowjobs?

56
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,196
Hank! Hank! We gotta go.

57
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,833
Thank God.
Charlie, I will go anywhere with you.

58
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You know why? Because my daughter
is asking me about blowjobs.

59
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- Where we off to?
- Atticus needs you aboard Air Force <i>69...</i>

60
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,738
- ...right this very now.
- That sounds exhausting.

61
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He's like a retarded
rock 'n' roll puppy, that guy.

62
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- Will you blow him off for me?
- No, I won't blow him off. I can't do that.

63
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He's my biggest client. I'm sorry, but
he is. How many records have you sold?

64
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Are you wearing eye shadow, Charlie?

65
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- Hello, Becca.
- Charlie.

66
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- I have to take your father away from you.
- Get him out of my sight.

67
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,494
Do you guys mind if I crash here,
do some writing...

68
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maybe have a few people over?

69
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Whatever you need. I got alcohol.
I got pornography. I got Pictionary.

70
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Have fun.

71
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<i>No blowjobs.</i>

72
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<i>Welcome aboard Air Force 69...</i>

73
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- ...where your every wish is our command.
- Really?

74
00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:51,895
Atticus makes us say this shit.

75
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But we will make out
with each other if you want.

76
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<i>Okay-</i>

77
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Krull, the English Danish.
What's shaking, Magic Mountain?

78
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- Here, show me some love.
- No love, no love.

79
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Kruller, this is Charlie Runkle.

80
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I've got my eye on you,
the both of you.

81
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- All right?
- Good talking.

82
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Hank.

83
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,509
Thank you for coming.

84
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Why am I here?

85
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:40,281
- I've got nothing.
- What do you mean?

86
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You know how much money they're paying
me to write the music for this thing?

87
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:48,190
- No, I don't.
- More money than you'll ever see.

88
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,624
Hey, I've made a fair amount of cabbage
in my day.

89
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,091
How cute.

90
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:54,492
Your proletariat hopes and dreams.

91
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You know how many songs I've written
for this venture of ours?

92
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- No, but why don't you tell me.
- Zero.

93
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Zero point zero fucking zero.

94
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- That doesn't sound good.
- It isn't fucking good.

95
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- It's bloody terrible.
- It's also not true.

96
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,645
You played a song for me
at your party.

97
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I wrote that when I was 12 years old.
I was trying to recycle it.

98
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:18,182
Probably why it sounded so shitty.

99
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Fuck you. Wasn't too shitty for the judges
of my year nine talent contest.

100
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What am I doing here?

101
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Hank.

102
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I need you, Hank. I need to get
at the heart of this love story.

103
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I need you to open a vein for me. I've been
rich and famous for so long now...

104
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that I don't think I know what it means
to be a human being anymore.

105
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:43,147
You're real, Hank. You're a real man.

106
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You're a man who loves a woman
who doesn't love you back.

107
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She loves me back. It's complicated.

108
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I love my wife. She loves me.
We're together. It's not that complicated.

109
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- You fuck other women.
- That's different.

110
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How so?

111
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Do you urinate, Hank?

112
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,390
Do you defecate?

113
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:06,560
There are elements in the human body
that need to take flight.

114
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,205
Ejaculate's just one of them.

115
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- Right, that's what masturbation is for.
- No. Masturbation?

116
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Masturbation's for the poor,
the downtrodden, the silent unfuckables.

117
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I walk down the street
and women present themselves.

118
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They want to extract my fluids.
It's an honor and a privilege, Hank.

119
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What sort of asshole
would refuse such a kindness?

120
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:28,456
- What about your lady?
- What about her?

121
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- What about her needs?
- Wives are different.

122
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They don't rub themselves raw like we do.
They're ladies.

123
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All right,
you seem to have it all figured out.

124
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<i>- I'll</i> be on my way.
- No, please.

125
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,799
Please stay.

126
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:47,571
I am flying to New York to play my music
for the Broadway producers.

127
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,041
But you have no music.

128
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,808
Which is why we need
to hammer the story out.

129
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:55,942
Once I know the story,
the music will pour out of me...

130
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:59,783
like a chunky hailstorm of shit
after a night of Dutch curry.

131
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:04,184
Speaking of which, I have got to
drop the kids off at the pool...

132
00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:07,923
before I soil my leathers.
These pants, $7000.

133
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,657
It's good to be the king.

134
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:16,239
Make yourself comfortable, Hank.
There's pizza and cocaine and apple juice.

135
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:19,342
- Hello, sweetheart.
- Hello, Hank.

136
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,773
Mrs. Fetch.

137
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:23,914
Or perhaps I should say
Mrs. Fetching.

138
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,974
I've been wanting to have a word
with you.

139
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:30,086
- Regarding?
- An extramarital affair.

140
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,586
Oh I my'

141
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:35,021
- I know my husband fucks around.
- You do?

142
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,025
- But we have an agreement.
- Are you sure?

143
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:42,360
Well, we've never actually discussed it,
but I have needs too, you know.

144
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,969
That's what I said.
I mean, that's totally understandable.

145
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:48,366
Would you like to take care
of those needs?

146
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:52,203
- Me? Why me?
- Because.

147
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:56,814
This whole rock 'n' roll,
idiot-man-child shit gets old.

148
00:08:56,969 --> 00:09:01,179
I need a real man from the real world.

149
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:03,616
Are you man enough
to be that real, Hank?

150
00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:04,982
I don't think so.

151
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:07,624
In fact, you should speak
to my estranged better half.

152
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:11,023
She would tell you that I fall
more into the idiot-man-child category.

153
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,890
Karen? She speaks the world of you.

154
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,190
- Really?
- Yeah.

155
00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:17,596
- That's sweet. What does she say?
- Enough about Karen.

156
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:22,172
- Isn't it weird, because she works for you?
- I'm paying Karen to remodel my home.

157
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,808
If she thinks she can expect
more than a paycheck...

158
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,568
for her services, fuck her.

159
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:29,303
- All's fair, Hank.
- I see you and your husband have...

160
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:33,314
the same twisted sense of entitlement.
It's actually kind of cute.

161
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:38,182
I don't want to twist your arm,
but I'd like to take your hand here...

162
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,517
and shove it up my skirt.

163
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:50,529
You making a play on the boss's wife?
You've got no fucking shame.

164
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,692
Kruller, it is not what it looks like.

165
00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:55,998
I'm just meat. Man meat.
You know how that goes. You know.

166
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,903
Give me an excuse, pal.

167
00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,907
You won't even hear me coming.

168
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:04,070
I'll slice them fucking cheeks wide open.

169
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:07,513
They'll be flapping about like the sails
on the HMS Bounty.

170
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,620
See what a fucking charmer
you are then, son.

171
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:16,955
What are you doing?

172
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,357
What's it look like?
Getting ready for takeoff.

173
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:21,828
What's wrong with you?
You're sweating like a pig.

174
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:25,128
- You know what a nervous flier I am.
- No. I've never flown with you.

175
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,795
That's because I never fly, Hank.
It scares the shit out of me.

176
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,771
What's to keep this thing
from just falling into the ocean?

177
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:34,275
We're going to New York.
There is no ocean.

178
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:37,107
That's even worse. Certain death!

179
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:40,978
Okay, just buck up, buddy-boy.
This shit is too weird for me. I'm out.

180
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:44,212
Hank. Hank. Hank.

181
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,850
Hank.

182
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,182
Hey.

183
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:52,995
Hey, yourself.

184
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,223
You just can't stay away
from me, can you?

185
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,924
What are you doing here, Hank?

186
00:10:57,089 --> 00:11:00,127
My presence was requested
by the king of Pop-Tarts.

187
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:01,896
- Same.
- I get it.

188
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,268
He's in the market
for a new muse, is that it?

189
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,343
- Who says I'm interested?
- Well, you're here, aren't you?

190
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,476
Maybe I heard
you were gonna be here.

191
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:12,445
- Maybe you did. Did you?
- Maybe.

192
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:16,917
- Maybe I just came with a friend.
- Jesus Christ!

193
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,682
No, I've got it. I've got it. I'm fine.

194
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,055
- Frank!
- Widow.

195
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,592
- Call me Trudy.
- Okay.

196
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,231
Beautiful. You had your dick
in me mouth, remember?

197
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:32,494
- Of course. Who could forget?
- He's got a nice rig on him, he does.

198
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:36,128
He could foam the fucking runway
with that thing.

199
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:37,365
Good to know.

200
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,407
- So you guys are BFFs now?
- Yeah.

201
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,738
We've certainly got
a lot in common, no?

202
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:44,313
Been riding the same
disco stick and all.

203
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:49,510
Staying or going?

204
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,049
Staying or going, Hank?

205
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,622
All right,
favorite Radiohead album.

206
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,287
That's easy. None of them.

207
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,333
- That shit is way too cool for me.
- Fuck off.

208
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,834
All right, here's one for you.

209
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:11,501
<i>Side two, track three,
Houses of the Holy...</i>

210
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:15,168
by a little band they like to call
Led Zeppelin.

211
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:17,503
"No Quarter."

212
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,811
You're good. You are good.

213
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,349
You have no idea.

214
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,885
I inherited a dead uncle's
vinyl collection...

215
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:28,651
and spent years in my childhood
bedroom just listening to records.

216
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:30,918
Is that all?

217
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:37,034
I will have you know, Hank, that I was
a very good little Catholic schoolgirl.

218
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:38,361
Up to a point.

219
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:41,595
Are you trying turn me on?

220
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:46,141
Have you given any further thought to,
you know, what...?

221
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:49,370
- To what?
- You said you could do something with me.

222
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,105
Bring my best work out of me.

223
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,443
You said that you could be
the hammer...

224
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,177
that would help me to nail it.

225
00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:01,452
I'm not sure. Something tells me you're
a little more trouble than you're worth.

226
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,116
No, no, no.

227
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:08,322
I can wax on and wax off
with the best of them, Mrs. Miyagi.

228
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:12,099
- Atticus would like a word with you.
- Okay.

229
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,703
Not you, sweetheart.

230
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,135
I told you he wanted to get
in your knickers.

231
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,741
Well, it's not as easy as it looks.

232
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,935
Yeah, don't I know it.

233
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:27,312
- Groovy bedroom, dude.
- This is not a bedroom.

234
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:31,285
This is my very own erotic chapel.

235
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:35,454
That doesn't sound
the slightest bit creepy.

236
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:38,590
- The answer is yes.
- Sorry?

237
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:42,665
I would very much like to enter
into a relationship with you...

238
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:48,067
one based solely on sexual pleasure
and the transference of inspiration.

239
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:52,669
I'm sorry, Atticus, but the answer is no.

240
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:56,678
Tony said that you were like a miracle.

241
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,440
When you came into his life...

242
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:02,677
he was blocked and bloated
and strung out on China White...

243
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,480
and two days later...

244
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:07,351
he had a double album's worth
of material.

245
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:11,427
I would very much like
to receive the same benefits...

246
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,531
in exchange for which
you will experience...

247
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,225
first-class travel,
pharmaceutical-grade narcotics...

248
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,336
the occasional trinket...

249
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:24,167
and a solid 5.9 inches
of rock-star penis.

250
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,707
That's from taint to tip.

251
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,709
And it's the high end of average.
Don't believe what you read.

252
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,815
That does sound
like the deal of a lifetime.

253
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,850
But it's not really that simple.

254
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:36,645
Why is it not that simple?

255
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:40,848
Okay. I'll buy you a German automobile,
but that's it.

256
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:44,790
- Atticus, your wife is outside.
- Yes, but I slipped her an Ambien.

257
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:47,294
What? That's awful.

258
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:51,094
- Is it? Why?
- Because you drugged your wife.

259
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,026
She loves drugs.

260
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:59,871
Look, I'm not actually used
to having to ask for sexual favors.

261
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,137
Typically, they just come to me.

262
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:04,907
I know. I do.

263
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:10,179
The thing is,
when I throw in with a guy, I go all in.

264
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:12,720
That sounds delightful.

265
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:15,586
I need to know what we're
trying to accomplish here.

266
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,255
A rock opera.

267
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,662
About love.

268
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,823
Great. All right. Play me something.

269
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:28,269
You're fucking joking, right?
I have to audition for you?

270
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,734
You think we'll make it?

271
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:33,672
His favorite place to play
was Madison Square Garden.

272
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:36,869
Atticus promised to get me in there.

273
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,773
I'm gonna spread his ashes
all over the fucking place.

274
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,920
Is that sanitary?

275
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:47,847
- What are you so scared of, pumpkin?
- It's just...

276
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,461
so unnatural, this flying.

277
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,753
What's the worst that could happen?

278
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,628
We end up fucking crumbs in a jar, huh?

279
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,600
Big fucking deal.

280
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:03,899
All just dust in the wind, you silly twat.

281
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:08,976
You remind me of my ex-wife.

282
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:11,479
You still love her?

283
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,674
Moments like these, when I'm...

284
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:18,288
staring death in the face, I realize I
have a lot of unresolved feelings for her.

285
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,822
Yeah, she is the mother
of my child.

286
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,721
Oh, no, I'm sorry.

287
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:27,762
Well, I feel that my life has deteriorated
ever since we broke up.

288
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,526
But I've had some
solid sexual experiences.

289
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:31,724
Right.

290
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,871
I've made some serious deposits
in the wank bank.

291
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:42,537
- That's brilliant.
- I'm still in love with her.

292
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,072
Come here.

293
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:48,611
Come here, little boy.

294
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:55,021
It's all right. It's all right.
I've been there.

295
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:02,466
- That's nice.
- Yeah, it's nice.

296
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,338
There he is.

297
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,776
There's your little winky.

298
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,612
Come on, now, wee willy.

299
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:27,519
Stand up and shout for Trudy.

300
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:32,587
Let Trudy tug all your troubles away.

301
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,726
There you go.

302
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:44,271
You're a speedy one, ain't you?

303
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,573
Good for you.

304
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,302
You got yours.

305
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,208
Rest up, pumpkin.

306
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,712
I might ask you to put it
in me bum later.

307
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:59,982
It's too small for the front,
but just right for the back.

308
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,358
Tony was way too big
for that sort of buggering.

309
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,464
Come on.

310
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:13,733
Why?

311
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,272
That's what's missing in my life,
you know?

312
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,705
Romance and longing.

313
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:23,438
- What about Mr. Fetch?
- You can't long for a cartoon character.

314
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,445
I mean, don't get me wrong.

315
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:29,780
He was a really sweet boy,
all heart and balls and swagger.

316
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:34,049
But that boy turned into a rock star...

317
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:37,558
and that rock star got
everything he ever wanted and more.

318
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:41,797
Eventually,
he just lost touch with reality.

319
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,867
I just... I want to long for someone.

320
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,628
The way you long for Karen.

321
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,637
Jeez. Okay.

322
00:18:52,731 --> 00:18:58,113
Here we go. Come on.
There you go. Come on, just...

323
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,306
Trying to skull-fuck
the missus now, are you?

324
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,976
Kruller, this is so not what it looks like.

325
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:10,650
- You're gonna enjoy this, aren't you?
- You have no idea.

326
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:14,389
Land this fucking plane
right fucking now!

327
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,061
Why? We're gonna crash,
aren't we?

328
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,429
I want this pathetic
little slut off my plane.

329
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:22,470
This is my private airplane,
and I make the rules!

330
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,107
Why are we not landing?

331
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:27,073
Why are the landing gears
not coming down?

332
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:30,111
- What did she do?
- She was inappropriate with me...

333
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,875
with my wife on board, no less.

334
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,415
Is she alive?

335
00:19:38,076 --> 00:19:39,578
She's fine. Go back to sleep.

336
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:43,192
It's bullshit. He's pissed off
because I wasn't interested in fucking him.

337
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,989
I knew it.
I knew you were a fucking cow.

338
00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:49,530
- Hey, I thought we were friends.
- No, no more!

339
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:53,033
- Home-wrecker! Home-wrecking cow!
- No, I don't buy that for a second.

340
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,435
I don't give a fuck if you buy it.
She's gone, and I'm gonna tell...

341
00:19:56,595 --> 00:20:01,203
the entire rock 'n' roll community
that you have vagitosis and warts.

342
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:02,811
That is just fucking mean.

343
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,177
Okay, land this plane. But if she
goes, I go, and you can finish...

344
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:09,148
your fucking musical by yourself,
you spoiled ginger.

345
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:13,279
And get your house in order,
because your wife is looking for strange.

346
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:16,789
That's the second time
you've laid hands on me.

347
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,896
The first time, I deserved it.
I wrecked your piano and cocaine.

348
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,397
But I did not deserve that pathetic
little bitch-slap just now.

349
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,535
You know what that calls for?

350
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:26,761
Titty twister!

351
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,169
Get him off me!

352
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,867
Jesus, Mary, Joseph!

353
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,207
Here we come!

354
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:41,476
Hank? Hank? Hold me!

355
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:42,880
Settle down, Runks.

356
00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:45,988
- If this is it, this is a good day to die.
- This is the captain.

357
00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:48,784
<i>We're experiencing turbulence.
Please take your seat.</i>

358
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,493
Jesus!

359
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:01,563
Tony!

360
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,842
Oh, no!

361
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:15,384
Well, thank you
for standing up for me.

362
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:18,180
Oh, sure, no problem.
I mean, who wouldn't?

363
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:22,120
Just because you're a groupie and you've
slept with thousands of rocker dudes...

364
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,352
doesn't mean you're not
a woman of virtue.

365
00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:27,122
I don't believe for a second
that you have vagitosis.

366
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,788
- Or warts.
- If you say so.

367
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:31,901
Go ahead, Churchill. Get in there.

368
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:35,470
- I don't know if I can. I'm too freaked out.
- Come on, prime minister.

369
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:38,904
If you're gonna die, wouldn't you
rather die with your dick in me bum?

370
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,178
Yeah.

371
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:53,521
Fuck this. If I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die doing what I was born to do.

372
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:05,794
- Wait. Dude, really?
- Could you pick a more obvious song?

373
00:22:05,957 --> 00:22:07,800
Fuck you! It's an homage.

374
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:11,099
Cameron Crowe was right,
and Elton John was a God.

375
00:22:42,094 --> 00:22:45,303
Fuck. This is it. This is the moment
we've been waiting for.

376
00:22:45,464 --> 00:22:47,535
I'm shitting genius right now.

377
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:49,201
<i>Saw your...</i>

378
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,178
<i>Reflected in the windows</i>

379
00:22:52,337 --> 00:22:56,717
Of a Boeing 727

380
00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,216
<i>Stared out at...</i>

381
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,952
<i>As the sunset turned</i>

382
00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:07,393
It's okay. She knows.

383
00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:09,657
She knows you love her.

384
00:23:11,656 --> 00:23:13,329
Yeah, I suppose she does.

385
00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:16,871
<i>Tums Hell's Kitchen into heaven</i>

386
00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:20,067
<i>Tum my face to me</i>

387
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:21,336
Come here.

388
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:25,380
<i>I tucked your hair behind your ear</i>

389
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,778
If this is really it...

390
00:23:27,939 --> 00:23:31,910
then I want to spend the last moments
of my life listening to great music...

391
00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:35,957
and making outwith the cute guy
who just defended my honor.

392
00:23:36,114 --> 00:23:38,651
That sounds like a reasonable request.

393
00:23:40,519 --> 00:23:43,864
<i>So long as we are together</i>

394
00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:47,162
<i>So long as we are</i>

395
00:23:47,325 --> 00:23:49,805
<i>So long</i>

396
00:23:50,328 --> 00:23:52,001
<i>So long</i>

397
00:23:52,164 --> 00:23:53,472
Help!

398
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,244
Fucking Christ!

399
00:24:07,679 --> 00:24:10,751
I just had me an assgasm!

400
00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:17,056
You're a bloody fucking sorcerer,
you are.

401
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:33,808
Terra firma.

402
00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:36,248
Terra firma, motherfuckers!

403
00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:37,648
Careful, Charlie.

404
00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:40,551
There's bound to be a bunch
of rock star DNA on that floor.

405
00:24:40,712 --> 00:24:41,918
I don't care, Hank.

406
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,788
I don't care if I get the mother
of all cold sores.

407
00:24:44,950 --> 00:24:47,487
And we are taking the train
back to Los Angeles.

408
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:50,531
- No, we're not.
- Why can't you ever indulge me?

409
00:24:52,090 --> 00:24:54,934
Well, my friends, we did it.

410
00:24:55,093 --> 00:24:56,868
We have a song.

411
00:24:57,662 --> 00:25:00,609
Jesus bloody Christ, woman,
you are a...

412
00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:02,574
A proper fucking muse.

413
00:25:02,734 --> 00:25:04,338
Thank you.

414
00:25:07,205 --> 00:25:12,621
And I'm deeply sorry
about my childish behavior.

415
00:25:12,777 --> 00:25:15,917
I tend to get that way
when my manhood is assailed.

416
00:25:16,081 --> 00:25:17,788
Fuck you.

417
00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:20,155
What the fuck?

418
00:25:20,318 --> 00:25:22,594
Hello, sweetheart.
Did you have a nice sleep?

419
00:25:23,488 --> 00:25:25,092
Did I take an Ambien?

420
00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:28,704
- Yeah. Don't you remember?
- No.

421
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,168
Yeah.

422
00:25:30,428 --> 00:25:33,136
Did you drug me again,
you fucking wanker?

423
00:25:33,598 --> 00:25:35,874
Of course not.
Guess what, though.

424
00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:40,483
While you were sleeping, I wrote you a song.
I'll play it to you back at the hotel.

425
00:25:40,639 --> 00:25:43,017
- Okay.
- Come on, darling. It'll be all right.

426
00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:45,176
Shit. Okay.

427
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:05,071
I don't want to alarm you...

428
00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:08,040
but you seem to have misplaced
your clothes.

429
00:26:08,199 --> 00:26:10,679
I won't be needing them for a while.

430
00:26:10,835 --> 00:26:12,906
Is it naked nap time?

431
00:26:13,438 --> 00:26:15,816
I think I'm gonna hang back here
for a bit.

432
00:26:15,974 --> 00:26:19,421
Really? Because that's
New York city out there...

433
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:22,388
and I know like seven pizzerias,
all of them fantastic...

434
00:26:22,547 --> 00:26:26,552
and we could hit every one, just one
bite here and one bite there and just...

435
00:26:26,718 --> 00:26:28,561
Sounds yummy. Maybe after.

436
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,064
After. After?

437
00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:35,329
- I've been doing some thinking.
- Some naked thinking.

438
00:26:35,493 --> 00:26:40,704
Congratulations.
You have made it to the next round.