1
00:00:00,296 --> 00:00:02,296
Previously
on Californication...
2
00:00:02,489 --> 00:00:04,730
He gave me a ride because
I spent the night at his place.
3
00:00:04,985 --> 00:00:06,919
- What's his name?
- Ross.
4
00:00:06,987 --> 00:00:08,854
- What's your poison?
- [chuckles] Heroin...
5
00:00:08,888 --> 00:00:10,456
coke, booze, speed.
6
00:00:10,490 --> 00:00:11,724
A little bit
of everything, really.
7
00:00:11,758 --> 00:00:12,958
And there's all
the fucked up
8
00:00:12,993 --> 00:00:15,394
sexual shit
that goes along with it.
9
00:00:15,428 --> 00:00:17,029
How do you know
about Becca's thing tonight?
10
00:00:17,063 --> 00:00:19,365
Oh, we keep in touch.
She's always asking me
11
00:00:19,399 --> 00:00:20,799
questions about writing.
She never asks me
12
00:00:20,834 --> 00:00:22,635
questions about writing.
13
00:00:22,669 --> 00:00:24,570
[Gasps]
Okay, hi.
14
00:00:24,604 --> 00:00:25,971
I'm--I'm--I'm here
to see Natalie.
15
00:00:26,006 --> 00:00:27,740
Natalie's my wife.
16
00:00:27,774 --> 00:00:28,974
Natalie said,
17
00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:30,876
"Let the new designer in."
18
00:00:30,910 --> 00:00:32,211
Okay, that's--that's me.
19
00:00:32,245 --> 00:00:33,779
I don't want
to twist your arm,
20
00:00:33,813 --> 00:00:36,148
but, um, I'd like
to take your hand here...
21
00:00:36,182 --> 00:00:39,018
And shove it up my skirt.
Mmm.
22
00:00:39,052 --> 00:00:41,053
- [Screams]
- If you're gonna die,
23
00:00:41,087 --> 00:00:42,888
wouldn't you rather die
with your dick in my bum?
24
00:00:42,922 --> 00:00:45,157
If I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die doing
25
00:00:45,191 --> 00:00:47,226
what I was born to do.
This is it.
26
00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:49,061
This is the moment
we've been waiting for.
27
00:00:49,095 --> 00:00:51,263
I'm shitting genius right now.
28
00:00:51,298 --> 00:00:52,464
Hank, we gotta go!
29
00:00:52,499 --> 00:00:54,166
Do you guys mind
if I crash here?
30
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,969
Do some writing?
Maybe have a few people over?
31
00:00:57,003 --> 00:00:59,104
- Whatever you need.
- Congratulations.
32
00:00:59,139 --> 00:01:02,641
You have made it
to the next round. [Laughs]
33
00:01:09,549 --> 00:01:12,918
[Dry heaves]
34
00:01:12,952 --> 00:01:15,054
[Vomiting]
35
00:01:16,656 --> 00:01:19,091
Home sweet...
36
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:21,260
Holy Moses.
37
00:01:21,294 --> 00:01:23,162
[Cup clatters]
38
00:01:23,196 --> 00:01:26,865
What the fuck?
Hank?
39
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:31,170
Jesus guide me!
40
00:01:42,882 --> 00:01:44,083
All the furniture
is in the bedroom, Hank.
41
00:01:44,117 --> 00:01:46,452
Shh, shh, shh!
42
00:01:46,486 --> 00:01:48,320
- Just the tip. Come on.
- No!
43
00:01:48,355 --> 00:01:50,022
Get a condom.
Is that Becca?
44
00:01:50,090 --> 00:01:52,324
Just like five seconds.
Four seconds.
45
00:01:52,359 --> 00:01:55,561
She looks good, Hank.
46
00:01:55,595 --> 00:01:57,730
She's grown up.
I'll kill you.
47
00:01:57,764 --> 00:02:00,499
- She's very well-developed.
- I will fucking kill you.
48
00:02:00,533 --> 00:02:06,038
You know chlorine kills
99.9% of the sperm, right?
49
00:02:06,106 --> 00:02:07,339
It's true.
50
00:02:07,374 --> 00:02:09,341
Okay, fine.
51
00:02:09,376 --> 00:02:11,510
I'll get a condom, jeez.
52
00:02:11,544 --> 00:02:13,846
Hey, Hank! What's up?
Hey...
53
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,214
- Oh!
- Dad!
54
00:02:15,248 --> 00:02:17,683
[Groaning]
55
00:02:17,717 --> 00:02:19,318
- Hi, Becca.
- Ohh!
56
00:02:19,352 --> 00:02:22,321
[Upbeat music]
57
00:02:22,355 --> 00:02:26,355
♪ Californication 6x07 ♪
The Dope Show
Original Air Date on February 24, 2013
58
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:31,380
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
59
00:03:04,063 --> 00:03:05,397
You didn't have to hit him.
60
00:03:05,432 --> 00:03:08,167
No, I didn't have to.
I wanted to.
61
00:03:08,201 --> 00:03:09,768
He could sue you.
62
00:03:09,803 --> 00:03:11,170
Yeah, but then I'd have
to cut off his dick
63
00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:12,905
and feed it to the homeless.
You know what?
64
00:03:12,972 --> 00:03:15,073
I still haven't heard
you say you're sorry.
65
00:03:15,108 --> 00:03:17,075
Am I sorry for messing up
Charlie's place?
66
00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:18,877
Yes, of course,
and I will clean it up.
67
00:03:18,912 --> 00:03:20,245
But am I sorry for throwing
68
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,514
a killer party and having
an awesome time?
69
00:03:22,582 --> 00:03:24,616
Absolutely not.
[Phone chirps]
70
00:03:24,651 --> 00:03:25,884
This is becoming
a problem, Becca.
71
00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:27,119
- Right.
- I'm not sure I agree.
72
00:03:27,153 --> 00:03:28,387
Give me that.
73
00:03:28,421 --> 00:03:29,621
[Whoosh]
74
00:03:29,656 --> 00:03:31,123
Booyah!
75
00:03:31,157 --> 00:03:32,324
Great, now you have
to buy me a new one.
76
00:03:32,358 --> 00:03:33,959
- No, I don't.
- Fine.
77
00:03:33,993 --> 00:03:35,727
Then you won't be able
to get in touch with me.
78
00:03:35,795 --> 00:03:37,563
I could be holed up
in a crack den somewhere,
79
00:03:37,597 --> 00:03:39,465
and you wouldn't be able
to track my iPhone.
80
00:03:39,499 --> 00:03:40,732
I don't like you
very much right now.
81
00:03:40,767 --> 00:03:42,067
Do you like
her very much right now?
82
00:03:42,101 --> 00:03:43,335
- No, I don't.
- Hmm.
83
00:03:43,369 --> 00:03:44,803
I don't see what
the big deal is.
84
00:03:44,838 --> 00:03:47,005
You drank all the time.
Not all the time.
85
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,107
- You smoke pot.
- When it's around.
86
00:03:49,142 --> 00:03:50,576
It's not like I have
one of those
87
00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:52,478
magic marijuana cards
or anything, right?
88
00:03:52,512 --> 00:03:53,712
Do you use cocaine?
89
00:03:53,746 --> 00:03:55,447
[Sighs]
90
00:03:55,482 --> 00:03:58,550
I have experimented with
the drug you call cocaine.
91
00:03:58,618 --> 00:04:00,118
A long, long time ago,
92
00:04:00,153 --> 00:04:02,120
in a galaxy far, far away,
93
00:04:02,155 --> 00:04:03,822
in my misspent youth.
That's a lie.
94
00:04:03,857 --> 00:04:05,858
Well, sometimes it's important
to lie to children.
95
00:04:05,892 --> 00:04:07,359
Mmhmm.
96
00:04:07,393 --> 00:04:09,061
- This is not a very good talk.
- No, it's not.
97
00:04:09,095 --> 00:04:10,429
Bottom line is,
98
00:04:10,463 --> 00:04:11,663
you're making some questionable
99
00:04:11,698 --> 00:04:13,031
choices right now.
Huh. Yeah.
100
00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:15,000
Says the queen
of questionable choices.
101
00:04:15,034 --> 00:04:16,735
- Hey! Be respectful
- Ow.
102
00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:18,604
Of your mother's
questionable choices.
103
00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:20,639
Look, I respect you both.
Always.
104
00:04:20,673 --> 00:04:23,976
My home life has been chaotic,
to say the least.
105
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:26,445
But I've always kept it
together.
106
00:04:26,479 --> 00:04:27,980
You guys had it easy with me.
107
00:04:28,047 --> 00:04:29,982
Agreed.
108
00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:31,617
But you can't expect
us to ignore
109
00:04:31,651 --> 00:04:33,318
the fact that you're
110
00:04:33,353 --> 00:04:35,393
out of control right now.
Yeah, yeah, what she said.
111
00:04:35,421 --> 00:04:37,623
But I'm having so much fun.
112
00:04:37,657 --> 00:04:40,292
I'm partying like a rock star.
113
00:04:40,326 --> 00:04:41,927
Okay, look, enough
of this jibber-jabber.
114
00:04:41,961 --> 00:04:43,362
No more lectures.
115
00:04:43,396 --> 00:04:44,663
Let's take this shit
116
00:04:44,697 --> 00:04:45,898
into the field.
Come on.
117
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:47,399
Let's go.
118
00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:50,402
[Upbeat music]
119
00:04:50,436 --> 00:04:57,876
♪
120
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:01,480
What up, Runks?
121
00:05:01,514 --> 00:05:02,714
What is--what?
122
00:05:02,749 --> 00:05:04,416
Yee!
123
00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:06,251
- Okay, what the fuck is that?
- What--I'm sorry.
124
00:05:06,286 --> 00:05:07,653
I'm sorry. Look, I just--
125
00:05:07,687 --> 00:05:09,421
I had an experience recently--
126
00:05:09,455 --> 00:05:11,089
Yeah, like a gay thing?
I heard.
127
00:05:11,124 --> 00:05:13,025
No, no, I'm totally
straight now.
128
00:05:13,059 --> 00:05:14,359
Didn't you hear?
129
00:05:14,394 --> 00:05:15,594
[Laughs]
No.
130
00:05:15,628 --> 00:05:17,529
I heard that
you got fired again.
131
00:05:17,564 --> 00:05:19,431
Well, yes,
that was unfortunate.
132
00:05:19,465 --> 00:05:22,601
But...
133
00:05:22,635 --> 00:05:24,102
Are you trying to get out
134
00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:26,204
of your child support payments
or something?
135
00:05:26,239 --> 00:05:27,606
- Look, a bow.
- Is that--stop it.
136
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,242
- No! No, never.
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
137
00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:31,910
- God, I got a new job.
- Mm-hmm.
138
00:05:31,945 --> 00:05:34,513
A good job.
I do still
139
00:05:34,547 --> 00:05:36,515
wonder why I have to pay you
140
00:05:36,549 --> 00:05:39,918
to care for a child that you
named after your second husband.
141
00:05:39,953 --> 00:05:42,120
That still does
not sit well with me.
142
00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:43,522
He's your son, Charlie!
143
00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:44,923
I know, I know,
and I love him to death.
144
00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:46,758
And that's what
I'm here about, really.
145
00:05:46,793 --> 00:05:50,128
Because I had a life-or-death
experience recently.
146
00:05:50,163 --> 00:05:52,130
And it really--
it clarified things
147
00:05:52,165 --> 00:05:54,166
for me, Marcy.
It focused things.
148
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,970
And I thought,
I would really like
149
00:05:58,004 --> 00:05:59,671
to spend the day with
you and little Stu.
150
00:05:59,739 --> 00:06:01,607
Well, that's great.
151
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:03,775
You're welcome
to spend the day with Stu,
152
00:06:03,810 --> 00:06:05,544
and I will go shopping.
153
00:06:05,578 --> 00:06:06,945
That works too.
154
00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:09,715
Happy to lighten your load.
155
00:06:09,749 --> 00:06:11,750
What?
I don't know.
156
00:06:11,784 --> 00:06:14,252
I just know you're working
some kind of angle here.
157
00:06:14,287 --> 00:06:16,321
No, Marcy, scout's honor.
I have no angle.
158
00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:18,523
I am angle-free.
159
00:06:18,558 --> 00:06:21,226
That's bullshit, because we
all know you're dick's all bent.
160
00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:22,661
Thanks for reminding me.
161
00:06:22,695 --> 00:06:24,596
That's what I'm here for.
162
00:06:24,631 --> 00:06:26,565
Just keepin' it real, Runkle.
163
00:06:26,599 --> 00:06:28,834
I'm just glad
you're thinking about it.
164
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:30,335
All right!
165
00:06:30,370 --> 00:06:32,704
Stuart!
166
00:06:32,739 --> 00:06:34,573
I know all this
"partying like a rock star"
167
00:06:34,607 --> 00:06:36,141
stuff looks like fun,
168
00:06:36,175 --> 00:06:37,776
but this shit eventually
turns on you, you know?
169
00:06:37,810 --> 00:06:39,378
You wanna know what
a real rock star looks like?
170
00:06:39,412 --> 00:06:41,279
It ain't pretty.
171
00:06:44,817 --> 00:06:46,351
Hank.
172
00:06:46,386 --> 00:06:49,287
Friend.
173
00:06:49,322 --> 00:06:51,790
[Sniffles]
I missed you.
174
00:06:51,824 --> 00:06:53,125
And you brought
your family with you.
175
00:06:53,192 --> 00:06:55,027
- Yes.
- Is--is that your child?
176
00:06:55,061 --> 00:06:56,795
Becca.
177
00:06:56,829 --> 00:06:57,996
Hello, child.
178
00:06:58,031 --> 00:06:59,498
Hi.
179
00:06:59,532 --> 00:07:01,266
She speaks English.
180
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:04,136
And Karen, oh, my God!
181
00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:06,038
- Hey.
- I had a dream about you.
182
00:07:06,072 --> 00:07:07,305
- Oh.
- Did I tell you?
183
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,974
I was standing on the stage,
184
00:07:09,008 --> 00:07:10,609
and I spied you
in the front row.
185
00:07:10,643 --> 00:07:13,478
And I was enchanted
by your preternatural beauty.
186
00:07:13,513 --> 00:07:15,113
So I focused all my
187
00:07:15,148 --> 00:07:17,516
energy on you, and--and--
188
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:20,452
and I made you have an orgasm
just by looking at you.
189
00:07:20,486 --> 00:07:21,787
Hmm, how do you know
she wasn't faking it?
190
00:07:21,821 --> 00:07:25,323
It was my fucking dream.
191
00:07:28,728 --> 00:07:30,896
Oh, ooh, oh, God.
192
00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,498
Ooh, I'm feeling something.
[Chuckles]
193
00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:35,534
- I think it's bouncing off--
- Shut the fuck up.
194
00:07:35,568 --> 00:07:37,903
Come on, I've got someone
to introduce you to.
195
00:07:37,937 --> 00:07:39,705
He's a big fan of yours.
[Laughs] And mine.
196
00:07:39,739 --> 00:07:41,907
You see what I mean?
197
00:07:41,941 --> 00:07:46,812
Hank, Karen, child...
198
00:07:46,846 --> 00:07:49,648
I would like you to meet
the poet and philosopher,
199
00:07:49,682 --> 00:07:51,750
- Holy shit, that's...
Both: Marilyn Manson.
200
00:07:51,784 --> 00:07:53,852
[Snaps]
201
00:07:53,886 --> 00:07:56,588
We're talking about doing
a duet together.
202
00:07:56,622 --> 00:07:57,989
Maybe a tour of the states.
203
00:07:58,024 --> 00:07:59,858
That would be really something,
eh?
204
00:07:59,892 --> 00:08:01,293
I'm just here
for the narcotics.
205
00:08:01,327 --> 00:08:03,061
[Atticus giggling]
206
00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:05,030
He'she--he kids.
207
00:08:05,064 --> 00:08:06,364
Not really.
208
00:08:06,399 --> 00:08:08,033
- He does--
- Hey, listen,
209
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,735
I brought Becca here
because I want--
210
00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:11,837
- Becca? Who's Becca?
- My daughter.
211
00:08:11,871 --> 00:08:13,338
Oh, the child.
212
00:08:13,372 --> 00:08:15,006
Yeah.
She's recently discovered
213
00:08:15,074 --> 00:08:16,441
the joys of substance abuse...
[Gasps]
214
00:08:16,476 --> 00:08:18,143
And I want to disabuse
her of the notion
215
00:08:18,177 --> 00:08:20,545
that it won't hurt her
in the long run, you understand?
216
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,547
Why would you do that?
217
00:08:22,582 --> 00:08:24,716
Because I love her,
and I don't want her to O.D.
218
00:08:24,751 --> 00:08:26,284
before she's
of legal drinking age.
219
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:28,053
Can you help a brother out?
220
00:08:28,087 --> 00:08:29,721
Absolutely.
221
00:08:29,756 --> 00:08:32,791
I've done quite a few anti-drug
P.S.A.s in my time.
222
00:08:32,825 --> 00:08:36,027
- Mm-hmm.
- Some of them sober even.
223
00:08:36,062 --> 00:08:37,262
Hank Moody?
224
00:08:37,296 --> 00:08:39,030
Marilyn Manson.
225
00:08:39,098 --> 00:08:40,632
I'm a fan of your words.
226
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:42,567
- Oh.
- I'd be honored
227
00:08:42,602 --> 00:08:48,073
if you came
and did some narcotics with me.
228
00:08:48,107 --> 00:08:50,208
[Whispers]
This is so fucking cool.
229
00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:53,779
Yeah, it is fucking cool.
230
00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,814
[Children playing, yelling]
I know, I see you
231
00:08:55,848 --> 00:08:58,049
inside the mouth,
that's right, I know.
232
00:08:58,117 --> 00:08:59,317
[Whack]
Ow! What the--
233
00:08:59,352 --> 00:09:00,652
[smack]
234
00:09:00,686 --> 00:09:02,954
[Gasps] Braden!
I'm so sorry.
235
00:09:02,989 --> 00:09:05,323
[Laughing] You're new here.
Yeah, I am.
236
00:09:05,358 --> 00:09:07,659
Yeah, it kind of makes you
want to eat a shotgun, huh?
237
00:09:07,693 --> 00:09:10,128
- [Exhales] You said it, sister.
- [Chuckles]
238
00:09:10,163 --> 00:09:12,631
I'm Tricia.
Hi. Charlie.
239
00:09:12,665 --> 00:09:14,766
Both: Nice to meet you.
240
00:09:14,801 --> 00:09:18,203
I'm, uh, Braden, Aidan,
and Jaden's mom.
241
00:09:18,237 --> 00:09:19,604
- Wow.
- Yeah.
242
00:09:19,639 --> 00:09:21,606
You're making me feel lazy.
243
00:09:21,641 --> 00:09:22,841
I just have the one.
[Laughs]
244
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:24,142
Don't do that, Stuie.
245
00:09:24,177 --> 00:09:25,343
Nope, not in your mouth!
246
00:09:25,378 --> 00:09:26,645
Okay.
[Laughs]
247
00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,513
Are you married?
Eh, divorced.
248
00:09:28,548 --> 00:09:29,781
- Yeah.
- You?
249
00:09:29,816 --> 00:09:32,017
Married.
23 years.
250
00:09:32,051 --> 00:09:34,653
- Really? Wow!
- Yeah.
251
00:09:34,687 --> 00:09:37,022
You don't even look old enough
to be married that long.
252
00:09:37,056 --> 00:09:38,790
Oh, thank you.
That's sweet.
253
00:09:38,825 --> 00:09:41,193
Actually, my husband and I
are high school sweethearts.
254
00:09:41,227 --> 00:09:43,161
- That is so cool.
- Well.
255
00:09:43,196 --> 00:09:45,530
- And inspiring, you know?
- Don't do that. No.
256
00:09:45,565 --> 00:09:46,998
Toto make it work for...
257
00:09:47,033 --> 00:09:48,266
- Yeah.
- So long.
258
00:09:48,301 --> 00:09:49,935
It's work.
It is, actually.
259
00:09:49,969 --> 00:09:52,637
Hard work.
I see you, Stu.
260
00:09:52,672 --> 00:09:53,972
[Laughs]
I don't know.
261
00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:56,308
You gotta
be just best friends and,
262
00:09:56,342 --> 00:09:57,742
I don't know,
keep it fresh somehow.
263
00:09:57,743 --> 00:09:59,177
- Absolutely.
- Yes.
264
00:09:59,212 --> 00:10:01,213
You gotta tell me
your secret sometime.
265
00:10:01,247 --> 00:10:03,982
Hey, would you want to get the
kids together for a playdate?
266
00:10:04,016 --> 00:10:05,517
- Uh, yeah, sure, I guess.
- Yeah.
267
00:10:05,551 --> 00:10:07,118
You put your phone number
in here,
268
00:10:07,153 --> 00:10:08,353
and I'll text you sometime.
269
00:10:08,387 --> 00:10:09,688
Okay.
270
00:10:09,722 --> 00:10:11,122
Here you go.
Perfect.
271
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:14,059
[Laughs]
272
00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:15,293
[Phone chirps]
273
00:10:18,664 --> 00:10:21,066
I'm sorry.
Is this from you?
274
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,801
Why are you apologizing?
275
00:10:22,835 --> 00:10:24,636
Just give me five minutes.
276
00:10:24,670 --> 00:10:26,671
Well, wh-what about the kids?
277
00:10:26,706 --> 00:10:29,007
Don't be such a fucking pussy.
They're fine.
278
00:10:32,912 --> 00:10:35,413
Uh, Stuie, daddy has to go--
279
00:10:35,448 --> 00:10:38,817
I'm--just stay inside
the dragon, okay, Stuie?
280
00:10:38,851 --> 00:10:41,519
In the mouth.
281
00:10:41,554 --> 00:10:45,423
[Coughs]
282
00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:48,026
I love doing drugs.
283
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:50,862
Hey, that sounds like
something you would say, Dad.
284
00:10:50,897 --> 00:10:52,731
Yeah, as--as a joke, maybe.
285
00:10:52,765 --> 00:10:54,766
Here's the thing, child.
286
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:57,535
Some of us are Keith Moon,
287
00:10:57,570 --> 00:10:59,070
and some of us
are Keith Richards.
288
00:10:59,105 --> 00:11:01,039
And--and you don't know
which one you are
289
00:11:01,073 --> 00:11:04,776
until you end up in a coffin
or in an old people's home.
290
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:06,878
Huh, that's comforting.
Thank you.
291
00:11:06,913 --> 00:11:08,580
Here's something
they don't tell you.
292
00:11:08,614 --> 00:11:10,115
Rampant sexual behavior,
293
00:11:10,149 --> 00:11:12,384
drug use, etcetera...
294
00:11:12,418 --> 00:11:15,086
You will end up with AIDS.
[Stifles a laugh]
295
00:11:15,121 --> 00:11:17,222
Well, no,
they do tell you that, actually.
296
00:11:17,256 --> 00:11:18,924
Well, I wish they
would have told me,
297
00:11:18,958 --> 00:11:22,527
because I have AIDS, now.
298
00:11:22,561 --> 00:11:25,463
[Laughter]
299
00:11:25,498 --> 00:11:27,599
I'm just fucking kidding.
300
00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:31,136
Why are you guys so serious?
301
00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:34,506
Christmas. I want AIDS.
302
00:11:34,540 --> 00:11:37,208
Should we just say
this whole thing backfired,
303
00:11:37,243 --> 00:11:38,476
and get the fuck out of here.
304
00:11:38,511 --> 00:11:39,945
Now.
305
00:11:39,979 --> 00:11:42,981
Listen, Moody,
love your words, much respect.
306
00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:44,382
But I like your taste
in women better.
307
00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:45,884
She's a handsome one,
isn't she?
308
00:11:45,918 --> 00:11:48,086
I had a dream about
her last night.
309
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:52,791
I made her come
just by looking at her.
310
00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:54,125
You guys aren't together
anymore, right?
311
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,827
So is it cool if I--
312
00:11:55,861 --> 00:11:57,095
Do not start with me,
Marilyn Manson,
313
00:11:57,129 --> 00:11:58,830
or we will tussle.
314
00:11:58,864 --> 00:12:00,598
You want to tussle with me?
315
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:02,467
Seriously, you wanna tussle?
Tussle!
316
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:03,902
- I'll tussle with you.
- Come on, Dad, don't fight...
317
00:12:03,936 --> 00:12:05,303
- I'll tussle.
- With Marilyn Manson.
318
00:12:05,338 --> 00:12:06,805
He's one of my heroes.
319
00:12:06,839 --> 00:12:08,974
Hear that, dad?
[Whispering] Fucking hero.
320
00:12:09,008 --> 00:12:10,508
Okay, okay, well--you--
321
00:12:10,543 --> 00:12:12,577
please, let's just steer
this shit back around,
322
00:12:12,611 --> 00:12:14,212
all right?
323
00:12:14,246 --> 00:12:16,448
Now, I put it to the esteemed
panel: Is it possible
324
00:12:16,515 --> 00:12:18,083
to make great art without
killing yourself?
325
00:12:18,117 --> 00:12:19,517
I say, "yes."
326
00:12:19,552 --> 00:12:21,753
Me too!
327
00:12:21,787 --> 00:12:23,188
Totally possible.
328
00:12:23,222 --> 00:12:26,691
But drugs
just make it more fun.
329
00:12:26,726 --> 00:12:28,126
- [Stifled laugh]
- I like this chick.
330
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,661
Boom.
331
00:12:29,695 --> 00:12:31,329
Yeah, I need to urinate
and possibly vomit.
332
00:12:31,364 --> 00:12:32,664
- Come on.
- Here, look...
333
00:12:32,698 --> 00:12:34,432
- Okay, so this...
- Becca, come on.
334
00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:36,267
Look, please, just--just--
just stay here and make sure
335
00:12:36,302 --> 00:12:37,702
she doesn't ingest anything.
336
00:12:37,737 --> 00:12:39,137
Let's get the fuck
out of here, now.
337
00:12:39,171 --> 00:12:40,805
- Listen, listen.
- What are you doing?
338
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,273
These guys are a fucking mess.
She's gonna get it.
339
00:12:42,308 --> 00:12:44,142
Eventually.
Just let her--she will.
340
00:12:44,176 --> 00:12:46,811
- She's loving it!
- Mom, take a picture.
341
00:12:46,846 --> 00:12:49,547
Are you kidding me?
342
00:12:54,387 --> 00:12:56,888
- That you, Charlie?
- Yep.
343
00:12:56,922 --> 00:12:59,524
- What took you so long?
- Well--I--you know--
344
00:12:59,558 --> 00:13:01,493
I was in the ladies',
sorry.
345
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,094
I guess I misunderstood.
346
00:13:03,162 --> 00:13:05,997
Well, get on in here.
347
00:13:06,032 --> 00:13:08,166
Whoaho! Tricia!
348
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,901
Looking good.
349
00:13:09,935 --> 00:13:12,737
All right, well.
350
00:13:12,772 --> 00:13:14,506
Uh, well I gotta tell you,
351
00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:15,940
this is already way better
352
00:13:15,975 --> 00:13:17,642
than my last naughty
bathroom experience.
353
00:13:17,676 --> 00:13:18,877
Don't call me Tricia.
I'm not Tricia right now.
354
00:13:18,911 --> 00:13:20,178
I'm Hannah.
355
00:13:20,212 --> 00:13:22,247
Okay.
Is that like a...
356
00:13:22,281 --> 00:13:23,681
Multiple personality
thing, or...
357
00:13:23,716 --> 00:13:26,017
[Laughs] No, silly,
it's my website.
358
00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:28,386
Yeah, Housewife Hannah?
You do know it?
359
00:13:28,421 --> 00:13:29,921
- Mm, I don't think so.
- Funny.
360
00:13:29,955 --> 00:13:31,156
I took you for a big porn guy.
361
00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:32,590
- Oh, I am.
- Oh.
362
00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:34,793
- I--and, oh, is it a pay site?
- It sure is.
363
00:13:34,827 --> 00:13:36,361
Yeah, that's what it is.
'Cause I don't really like
364
00:13:36,395 --> 00:13:37,662
to pay for my porn.
It's--it's a thing.
365
00:13:37,696 --> 00:13:39,197
Okay, shh.
366
00:13:39,231 --> 00:13:40,665
Stop talking.
367
00:13:40,699 --> 00:13:43,134
I'm gonna need you
to film this for me.
368
00:13:43,202 --> 00:13:45,036
Film...What, exactly?
369
00:13:45,071 --> 00:13:47,238
I'm gonna suck your dick,
and you're gonna film it.
370
00:13:47,273 --> 00:13:49,574
Then you're gonna give
me a big messy facial.
371
00:13:49,608 --> 00:13:51,176
That's my thing.
[Laughs]
372
00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:53,078
That's what I'm known for,
you know?
373
00:13:53,112 --> 00:13:54,579
In fact, the messier the better.
374
00:13:54,613 --> 00:13:57,282
Just get it all over
my glasses and shit.
375
00:13:57,316 --> 00:13:58,683
That's what the fans love.
376
00:13:58,717 --> 00:14:00,852
Okay, this is
a good shot right there.
377
00:14:00,886 --> 00:14:02,687
Oh, oh, oh...You're gonna want
to put this on.
378
00:14:02,721 --> 00:14:04,756
- Really?
- Yeah.
379
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,024
I mean, you probably don't want
to show your face, right?
380
00:14:06,058 --> 00:14:07,258
Oh, probably not.
381
00:14:07,293 --> 00:14:09,027
Good idea.
Yeah, yeah.
382
00:14:09,061 --> 00:14:11,029
- But, has anyone else worn--
- Put the fucking mask on.
383
00:14:11,063 --> 00:14:12,964
- It doesn't matter, okay, yeah.
- Just put the fucking mask on.
384
00:14:12,998 --> 00:14:15,733
Chop, chop.
385
00:14:15,768 --> 00:14:16,935
Okay, good.
386
00:14:16,969 --> 00:14:18,636
- Okay?
- Yeah.
387
00:14:18,671 --> 00:14:21,206
- Does it look good?
- Eh, it's fine. All right.
388
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,841
Okay, you ready?
Yeah.
389
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:24,109
All right, let's do this.
390
00:14:24,143 --> 00:14:25,443
Get that cock out.
391
00:14:25,478 --> 00:14:28,046
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
[Laughs]
392
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,448
Yeah, and remember...
On my face, okay?
393
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:32,550
- Okay.
- You listening?
394
00:14:32,585 --> 00:14:34,586
- Yeah.
- Okay. Are you listening?
395
00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:37,489
Yeah, uh-huh.
Okay--oh, oh.
396
00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:39,557
Oh, unh.
397
00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:41,726
Oh...Oh...Yeah!
398
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,095
Ah, oh!
399
00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:45,797
Oh, ah.
400
00:14:45,831 --> 00:14:47,599
Oh ho-ho-ho.
Oh!
401
00:14:47,633 --> 00:14:48,833
Ahh!
402
00:14:48,868 --> 00:14:50,201
Dude!
403
00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:53,304
What the fuck?
404
00:14:53,339 --> 00:14:55,340
My God, you just wasted
your load.
405
00:14:55,374 --> 00:14:57,108
You're supposed to
shoot it on my face.
406
00:14:57,143 --> 00:14:59,844
Well you--the whole situation.
It's very exciting.
407
00:14:59,879 --> 00:15:01,112
Do you wanna go again?
'Cause I could do better.
408
00:15:01,147 --> 00:15:02,514
No, no, forget it.
409
00:15:02,548 --> 00:15:04,482
Just get the fuck out of here,
you loser.
410
00:15:04,517 --> 00:15:07,218
[Sighs]
Give me my mask.
411
00:15:07,286 --> 00:15:09,154
Like, now.
412
00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:12,323
God. Go!
413
00:15:12,358 --> 00:15:14,926
You want to know the secret
to a good marriage?
414
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,628
Listen to her
every once in a while.
415
00:15:16,662 --> 00:15:18,696
Is that so fucking hard?
416
00:15:18,731 --> 00:15:19,931
Do you still wanna
do the playdate?
417
00:15:19,965 --> 00:15:21,399
No.
418
00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:23,501
[Coughs]
419
00:15:29,742 --> 00:15:32,377
Hey, stud.
420
00:15:32,411 --> 00:15:33,945
Oh, dear.
421
00:15:33,979 --> 00:15:36,514
Mm.
[Chuckles]
422
00:15:36,549 --> 00:15:38,483
I knew you wouldn't
stay away for long.
423
00:15:38,517 --> 00:15:39,717
Actually, I'm here
with my daughter.
424
00:15:39,752 --> 00:15:41,119
I brought her here to teach her
425
00:15:41,153 --> 00:15:43,655
about the perils of drug
and alcohol abuse.
426
00:15:43,689 --> 00:15:44,923
Oh, how's that working
out for you?
427
00:15:44,957 --> 00:15:47,425
- Not well. Not well at all.
- Mm.
428
00:15:47,459 --> 00:15:48,960
Have you had the tour?
429
00:15:48,994 --> 00:15:50,161
Oh, I don't believe I have.
430
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:52,163
- So many rooms.
- Mm.
431
00:15:52,198 --> 00:15:55,233
So many nooks and crannies.
432
00:15:55,267 --> 00:15:58,169
So many places to curl
up and get lost.
433
00:15:58,204 --> 00:16:00,238
Oh, well, I don't think
I'd wanna get lost.
434
00:16:00,272 --> 00:16:01,639
You know?
In fact,
435
00:16:01,674 --> 00:16:03,541
I should probably get back
to the war room
436
00:16:03,576 --> 00:16:05,076
before somebody gets pregnant.
437
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:06,377
- Hey.
- Yes.
438
00:16:06,412 --> 00:16:07,645
Did you know Atticus collects
439
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,614
medieval torture devices?
440
00:16:09,648 --> 00:16:11,749
No, I did not,
but that revelation does not
441
00:16:11,784 --> 00:16:13,251
particularly surprise me.
442
00:16:13,285 --> 00:16:14,986
Do you know what
a breast ripper is, Hank?
443
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:16,554
[Claps]
No, I do not,
444
00:16:16,589 --> 00:16:18,656
but it's pretty
self-explanatory,
445
00:16:18,691 --> 00:16:20,225
and nasty.
446
00:16:20,259 --> 00:16:22,961
It tore to shreds the breasts
of women
447
00:16:22,995 --> 00:16:25,730
that were convicted
of adultery.
448
00:16:25,764 --> 00:16:27,699
Why, why? Why ruin
a perfectly good breast?
449
00:16:27,766 --> 00:16:28,933
That doesn't make any sense.
450
00:16:28,968 --> 00:16:30,401
Oh, you're sweet.
451
00:16:30,436 --> 00:16:31,869
Thank you.
452
00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:34,038
Oh, no, no, no.
I didn't mean yours.
453
00:16:34,073 --> 00:16:36,074
Oh, you don't
think they're lovely?
454
00:16:36,108 --> 00:16:37,508
Oh, no, they're killer.
455
00:16:37,543 --> 00:16:39,010
You've got beautiful cans.
456
00:16:39,044 --> 00:16:40,445
It's just that,
it's inappropriate
457
00:16:40,479 --> 00:16:41,713
to talk about another
man's breasts.
458
00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,214
You--you know what I mean?
459
00:16:43,249 --> 00:16:44,882
I'll decide
what's inappropriate.
460
00:16:44,917 --> 00:16:47,118
I am not sure that you should.
461
00:16:47,152 --> 00:16:48,453
Touch 'em.
462
00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:49,988
Oh, no, I'm--I'm good.
463
00:16:50,022 --> 00:16:52,090
Come on, you don't want
to touch them?
464
00:16:52,124 --> 00:16:54,259
All right, maybe just--
just one, just...
465
00:16:54,293 --> 00:16:55,793
[Moans]
466
00:16:55,828 --> 00:16:58,930
Oh, God, oh.
467
00:16:58,998 --> 00:17:01,032
It's just been so long
since I was groped
468
00:17:01,066 --> 00:17:03,668
by capable hands. Oh!
469
00:17:03,702 --> 00:17:05,536
Karen!
470
00:17:05,604 --> 00:17:08,139
Um, just a breast exam.
471
00:17:08,207 --> 00:17:09,474
You know, checking for lumps?
472
00:17:09,508 --> 00:17:11,109
[Exhales]
473
00:17:11,143 --> 00:17:13,144
I think you're okay.
You should be fine.
474
00:17:13,178 --> 00:17:15,046
I'll do the same for you.
Anytime, anywhere.
475
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,414
You know I will.
476
00:17:16,448 --> 00:17:18,883
Yeah.
So, Marilyn Manson's trying
477
00:17:18,917 --> 00:17:21,619
to get your daughter and
I into a threesome right now.
478
00:17:21,654 --> 00:17:24,022
Oh, that's my cue.
479
00:17:28,961 --> 00:17:30,161
[Sighs]
480
00:17:30,195 --> 00:17:34,899
[Camera clicks]
481
00:17:34,933 --> 00:17:36,668
Okay, Becca, I get it.
I give up.
482
00:17:36,702 --> 00:17:38,236
All right,
this is way too much fun.
483
00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:41,172
If I was your age and this
was happening to me,
484
00:17:41,206 --> 00:17:44,075
I would tell my parents
to fuck off and die too.
485
00:17:44,109 --> 00:17:45,443
My father would punch me
in the mouth,
486
00:17:45,477 --> 00:17:46,677
but that's another story,
so...
487
00:17:46,679 --> 00:17:47,945
[Claps]
We're gonna leave.
488
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:49,180
We're gonna...
What? What?
489
00:17:49,248 --> 00:17:50,581
Leave you to have fun
with your hero.
490
00:17:50,616 --> 00:17:53,184
What the fuck are you
talking about?
491
00:17:53,218 --> 00:17:55,153
Mom, dad, easy, come on.
I'm gonna take care of the girl.
492
00:17:55,187 --> 00:17:56,821
Look at this face.
Come on.
493
00:17:56,855 --> 00:17:58,089
The girl's gonna be fine.
494
00:17:58,123 --> 00:17:59,957
We're gonna make some s'mores,
495
00:17:59,992 --> 00:18:01,426
and tell ghost stories,
496
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:02,894
talk about our favorite
serial killers.
497
00:18:02,928 --> 00:18:05,363
I'll have her home by dawn,
I swear.
498
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,334
Becca, take a picture
of me teabagging
499
00:18:09,368 --> 00:18:13,671
before he wakes up.
500
00:18:13,706 --> 00:18:15,973
[Mumbling]
No more, Manson.
501
00:18:16,008 --> 00:18:18,509
No more balls, Manson.
502
00:18:18,544 --> 00:18:20,545
Too many balls.
503
00:18:20,579 --> 00:18:21,979
Get off me.
504
00:18:22,014 --> 00:18:24,882
- Daddy?
- Yes, my boy?
505
00:18:24,917 --> 00:18:27,652
- Where did you go today?
- Hmm?
506
00:18:27,686 --> 00:18:29,220
What do you mean?
507
00:18:29,254 --> 00:18:32,323
You were in the bathroom
for a very long time.
508
00:18:32,358 --> 00:18:34,392
Oh. Oh, yeah.
509
00:18:34,426 --> 00:18:37,562
Those chicken fingers
gave daddy a bad tummy.
510
00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:39,364
I had to make big potty.
511
00:18:39,398 --> 00:18:45,536
[Giggles]
[Laughter]
512
00:18:45,571 --> 00:18:46,838
Good night, mommy.
513
00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:49,207
Good night, daddy.
I love you.
514
00:18:49,241 --> 00:18:51,175
Oh, buddy.
[Kiss, kiss, kiss]
515
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:53,611
[Kisses]
Good night, baby.
516
00:18:58,250 --> 00:18:59,550
[Sighs]
517
00:18:59,585 --> 00:19:00,718
[Sighs]
518
00:19:05,557 --> 00:19:07,258
He's so happy.
519
00:19:07,292 --> 00:19:09,761
'Cause this is the way
it's supposed to be.
520
00:19:09,795 --> 00:19:12,563
He should fall asleep
like this every night.
521
00:19:12,598 --> 00:19:16,701
Yeah, that's a nice little
fairy tale, Charlie.
522
00:19:16,735 --> 00:19:19,036
But it's not the reality
of his life.
523
00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:22,073
Maybe it should be.
524
00:19:22,107 --> 00:19:26,010
Why can't we make it so,
for him?
525
00:19:26,044 --> 00:19:32,417
Because, the people
who made him
526
00:19:32,451 --> 00:19:34,752
weren't meant to be together.
527
00:19:34,787 --> 00:19:37,355
Are you sure about that?
528
00:19:37,389 --> 00:19:39,190
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
529
00:19:39,224 --> 00:19:41,859
I think I have the divorce
papers to prove it.
530
00:19:41,894 --> 00:19:43,227
Okay, you know what?
531
00:19:43,262 --> 00:19:45,696
I've made certain mistakes,
Marcy.
532
00:19:45,731 --> 00:19:47,331
You've made certain mistakes.
533
00:19:47,366 --> 00:19:50,268
Maybe it's time we just
get past all that already,
534
00:19:50,302 --> 00:19:51,669
and start to get real.
535
00:19:51,703 --> 00:19:54,639
Yeah, like it's
just that easy.
536
00:19:54,673 --> 00:19:59,410
- Well, maybe it is.
- [Sighs]
537
00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:03,014
[Sighs]
I still love you, Marcy.
538
00:20:03,048 --> 00:20:04,715
What?
539
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:06,484
Why are you telling me this?
I don't know.
540
00:20:06,518 --> 00:20:07,819
I don't know.
It just came out.
541
00:20:07,853 --> 00:20:10,054
Well keep that shit
to yourself.
542
00:20:10,088 --> 00:20:11,622
I can't.
Because when I feel something,
543
00:20:11,657 --> 00:20:15,059
I like to express it.
Good for you.
544
00:20:15,093 --> 00:20:16,327
But I'm done with you.
545
00:20:16,361 --> 00:20:17,628
I'm done with Stu.
546
00:20:17,663 --> 00:20:19,797
I'm done with men.
547
00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:23,568
Realso, what,
you're into women now?
548
00:20:23,602 --> 00:20:27,605
No, you jackass.
549
00:20:31,243 --> 00:20:32,810
Gross.
550
00:20:32,845 --> 00:20:34,045
Stop it.
551
00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:35,813
Shh.
552
00:20:35,848 --> 00:20:38,716
You're gonna wake the boy.
553
00:20:41,854 --> 00:20:44,622
[Kissing sounds]
554
00:20:49,127 --> 00:20:50,561
Okay, this is stupid.
I--I can't stand it.
555
00:20:50,629 --> 00:20:52,296
I'm going in!
Wait-hold on a minute.
556
00:20:52,331 --> 00:20:53,831
It's gotta be her decision.
No-I'm going in.
557
00:20:53,866 --> 00:20:55,099
I know her.
She'll be out in a minute.
558
00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:57,134
What happens
if he has abducted her,
559
00:20:57,169 --> 00:20:59,504
and he is selling
her into sex trafficking?
560
00:20:59,538 --> 00:21:02,540
He's a rock star, Karen,
not a sex trafficker.
561
00:21:02,574 --> 00:21:04,442
He could be both.
[Door opens]
562
00:21:04,476 --> 00:21:06,043
Quick, let's go!
He's looking for me.
563
00:21:06,078 --> 00:21:07,645
He wants me to film him
pooping on Atticus.
564
00:21:07,679 --> 00:21:08,913
That's my line.
565
00:21:08,947 --> 00:21:10,948
That's my girl.
566
00:21:14,319 --> 00:21:17,021
So, what have
we learned today, folks?
567
00:21:17,055 --> 00:21:20,224
I think we've learned
that some things never change.
568
00:21:20,259 --> 00:21:21,993
Well, that sounds
a bit pointed, lady.
569
00:21:22,060 --> 00:21:23,227
What do you mean by that?
570
00:21:23,262 --> 00:21:24,896
Everything I learned,
I already knew.
571
00:21:24,930 --> 00:21:27,698
I know you guys love me.
I know you care.
572
00:21:27,733 --> 00:21:31,836
I know drugs are good and bad,
and dangerous and fun.
573
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,110
I know those guys are lunatics.
574
00:21:33,138 --> 00:21:35,006
I'm never going to be like that.
575
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,042
I'm just trying to figure
it out for myself.
576
00:21:38,076 --> 00:21:39,577
And I know that's scary
for you guys,
577
00:21:39,611 --> 00:21:42,246
but you're just going
to have to trust me.
578
00:21:42,281 --> 00:21:43,848
Can you do that?
579
00:21:43,882 --> 00:21:45,082
I suppose so.
580
00:21:45,117 --> 00:21:47,051
Well, you don't exactly leave
581
00:21:47,085 --> 00:21:49,654
us with much choice.
Great.
582
00:21:49,688 --> 00:21:52,356
Well, I'm glad
we got that settled.
583
00:21:52,391 --> 00:21:53,824
I'm gonna hang in my room.
584
00:21:53,859 --> 00:21:55,359
Security check.
585
00:21:55,394 --> 00:21:58,529
Did you pack your
bag yourself, ma'am?
586
00:21:58,564 --> 00:21:59,730
Oh, I see.
587
00:21:59,765 --> 00:22:01,032
What?
588
00:22:01,066 --> 00:22:02,867
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
589
00:22:02,901 --> 00:22:06,337
And...that you can keep.
590
00:22:06,371 --> 00:22:08,839
Really?
591
00:22:08,907 --> 00:22:10,226
[Gasps]
592
00:22:13,045 --> 00:22:15,279
- Good night.
- I will make sure this goes
593
00:22:15,314 --> 00:22:18,616
directly into police evidence.
594
00:22:18,650 --> 00:22:20,217
Nightcap?
No.
595
00:22:20,252 --> 00:22:21,452
Recap?
596
00:22:21,486 --> 00:22:23,254
No. What?
Recap what?
597
00:22:23,288 --> 00:22:24,855
Your asinine plan
598
00:22:24,923 --> 00:22:28,526
to educate our daughter
on the perils of drug abuse?
599
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,927
Okay, well maybe my plan
600
00:22:29,962 --> 00:22:31,529
didn't go exactly according
to plan,
601
00:22:31,563 --> 00:22:33,197
but maybe it did.
Maybe I'm a fucking genius.
602
00:22:33,231 --> 00:22:35,099
Or maybe we just went up there
603
00:22:35,133 --> 00:22:38,135
so you could see her.
Who, Natalie?
604
00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:40,972
Oh, God. Karen.
605
00:22:41,006 --> 00:22:42,440
Why are you shitting
where I eat?
606
00:22:42,474 --> 00:22:43,708
Well, that's disgusting.
607
00:22:43,742 --> 00:22:45,142
That's disgusting?
608
00:22:45,177 --> 00:22:47,612
What--you--like your hands
all over her--
609
00:22:47,646 --> 00:22:48,879
Oh, she practically
forced me to do it.
610
00:22:48,914 --> 00:22:50,114
- Really?
- Yes, and who am I
611
00:22:50,148 --> 00:22:51,482
to pass up a perfectly pleasant
612
00:22:51,550 --> 00:22:53,751
boob grab?
She--it was my hostess.
613
00:22:53,785 --> 00:22:54,952
It would have been rude
for a guest to--
614
00:22:54,987 --> 00:22:56,253
are you jealous?
615
00:22:56,288 --> 00:22:59,991
[Laughs]
No. No, I'm not.
616
00:23:00,025 --> 00:23:01,525
I'm pissed.
617
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,094
I'm pissed because
you're screwing up
618
00:23:03,128 --> 00:23:04,595
the only job I have right now.
619
00:23:04,630 --> 00:23:05,991
Karen, the woman
is--is practically
620
00:23:05,998 --> 00:23:07,665
hurling herself at me.
Oh!
621
00:23:07,699 --> 00:23:09,500
She's unhappy, I guess.
You know, it's like
622
00:23:09,534 --> 00:23:11,469
a freak show over there.
Who can blame her?
623
00:23:11,503 --> 00:23:13,437
And apparently, I'm a real man.
624
00:23:13,472 --> 00:23:14,739
From the real world.
625
00:23:14,773 --> 00:23:16,841
Right.
626
00:23:16,875 --> 00:23:20,011
So you're the perfect guy
to ease her pain and suffering.
627
00:23:20,045 --> 00:23:21,612
It's not my fault.
628
00:23:21,647 --> 00:23:23,314
It's like I emit this strange
kind of homing
629
00:23:23,348 --> 00:23:26,150
beacon for these malcontents.
You're amazing.
630
00:23:26,184 --> 00:23:27,618
No, no, and I don't want
to have anything to do
631
00:23:27,653 --> 00:23:29,320
with her, Karen...
Mmhmm.
632
00:23:29,354 --> 00:23:30,621
Which makes perfect sense,
because the person that I
633
00:23:30,656 --> 00:23:31,922
want to have everything
to do with
634
00:23:31,957 --> 00:23:35,026
wants nothing to do with me.
635
00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:36,327
Oh, good.
636
00:23:36,361 --> 00:23:39,597
Well, we agree on something.
Oh.
637
00:23:39,631 --> 00:23:43,601
- Good night.
- Good night.
638
00:23:51,410 --> 00:23:53,377
Ahh.
639
00:23:53,412 --> 00:23:56,547
- [Laughing] Oh, my God.
- Mm.
640
00:23:56,581 --> 00:23:58,482
[Exhales]
Ugh!
641
00:23:58,517 --> 00:24:00,618
Ophelia is gonna
be so pissed at me.
642
00:24:00,652 --> 00:24:02,553
Ophelia!
643
00:24:02,587 --> 00:24:05,489
We have sex for
the first time in years...
644
00:24:05,524 --> 00:24:06,791
- Mm.
- And this is the first thought
645
00:24:06,825 --> 00:24:08,025
to cross your mind?
646
00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:09,460
Mmhmm.
647
00:24:09,494 --> 00:24:12,663
So...
648
00:24:12,698 --> 00:24:14,565
How was it for you?
649
00:24:14,599 --> 00:24:16,934
- It was okay.
- Okay?
650
00:24:16,968 --> 00:24:20,104
Well, that's a--
that's a start, I guess.
651
00:24:20,138 --> 00:24:22,840
It was familiar...
652
00:24:22,874 --> 00:24:25,176
In a not-entirely
unpleasant way.
653
00:24:25,210 --> 00:24:27,011
Oh.
654
00:24:27,045 --> 00:24:30,915
And you lasted almost long
enough for mommy to get hers.
655
00:24:30,949 --> 00:24:32,817
I know, how cool was that,
right?
656
00:24:32,851 --> 00:24:35,352
I think it's because I blew some
serious yolk already today.
657
00:24:35,387 --> 00:24:36,587
Gross.
658
00:24:36,621 --> 00:24:38,723
Where?
Here.
659
00:24:38,757 --> 00:24:39,990
In the shower.
660
00:24:40,058 --> 00:24:41,392
It's my daily ritual.
661
00:24:41,426 --> 00:24:44,295
You remember.
Yes.
662
00:24:44,329 --> 00:24:46,764
So how was the fucking fun zone?
663
00:24:46,798 --> 00:24:48,866
Oh, I found
it seriously frightening.
664
00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:51,469
- Mm-hmm.
- There was this one mom--
665
00:24:51,503 --> 00:24:54,238
Oh! Tricia.
666
00:24:54,272 --> 00:24:55,673
Yeah, how did you know?
667
00:24:55,707 --> 00:24:59,043
Because, everybody
knows about Tricia.
668
00:24:59,077 --> 00:25:01,545
She tries to fuck all the dads.
669
00:25:01,580 --> 00:25:03,514
She's got this website.
670
00:25:03,548 --> 00:25:07,151
It's called "Housewife Hannah."
671
00:25:07,185 --> 00:25:09,487
Wait.
672
00:25:09,521 --> 00:25:10,721
Did you do something with her?
673
00:25:10,756 --> 00:25:12,523
No.
674
00:25:12,557 --> 00:25:15,059
- Mm?
- God.
675
00:25:15,093 --> 00:25:16,327
Okay.
676
00:25:16,361 --> 00:25:18,028
Here, check this out.
677
00:25:18,063 --> 00:25:20,131
Oh, my God.
678
00:25:20,165 --> 00:25:22,133
Jesus!
[Laughs]
679
00:25:22,167 --> 00:25:24,268
Look at that guy.
680
00:25:24,302 --> 00:25:26,804
He's such a fucking tool.
681
00:25:26,838 --> 00:25:29,306
Then you're gonna give
me a big messy facial.
682
00:25:29,341 --> 00:25:32,109
All over my glasses.
Oh, Jesus.
683
00:25:32,144 --> 00:25:35,713
I'd know that bent fucking
chode anywhere.
684
00:25:35,747 --> 00:25:37,214
[Charlie groaning on video]
685
00:25:37,249 --> 00:25:38,883
- Nice.
- Ah, oh.
686
00:25:38,917 --> 00:25:40,951
Oh, God.
687
00:25:40,986 --> 00:25:42,219
Aah!
688
00:25:42,254 --> 00:25:45,623
Ah! Aah!
689
00:25:50,162 --> 00:25:52,429
Dad.
690
00:25:52,464 --> 00:25:53,764
Daughter.
691
00:25:53,799 --> 00:25:57,301
Is that what I think it is?
692
00:25:57,335 --> 00:25:58,836
It sure is.
693
00:25:58,870 --> 00:26:01,539
Would you mind taking a look?
Of course.
694
00:26:01,573 --> 00:26:03,741
I'd be honored.
695
00:26:03,775 --> 00:26:05,743
Whoa.
696
00:26:05,777 --> 00:26:07,011
It's quite the weighty tome.
697
00:26:07,045 --> 00:26:08,979
Words, words, words.
698
00:26:09,014 --> 00:26:12,349
Congratulations, sweetie.
699
00:26:12,384 --> 00:26:16,086
You know, whether it's good,
bad, or somewhere in between,
700
00:26:16,121 --> 00:26:19,023
this is a huge accomplishment.
Huge.
701
00:26:19,057 --> 00:26:20,758
Why would you assume it's bad?
702
00:26:20,792 --> 00:26:23,160
Spoken like a true writer.
703
00:26:27,332 --> 00:26:29,099
Mm.
704
00:26:29,134 --> 00:26:30,334
Are you okay?
705
00:26:30,368 --> 00:26:33,103
Yeah.
706
00:26:33,138 --> 00:26:36,340
Just for a moment there,
it was...
707
00:26:36,374 --> 00:26:39,443
Like everything was all right
in the world again.
708
00:26:39,477 --> 00:26:42,813
Seemed like old times.
709
00:26:42,848 --> 00:26:44,014
I love you, Dad.
710
00:26:44,049 --> 00:26:48,519
I love you too, sweetheart.
711
00:26:48,553 --> 00:26:49,787
Be careful, okay?
712
00:26:49,821 --> 00:26:52,022
I will, Dad.
713
00:26:52,057 --> 00:26:53,457
I promise.
714
00:26:53,491 --> 00:26:55,226
[Iron Maiden's Wasted Years]
715
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:58,329
♪ From the coast of gold
716
00:26:58,363 --> 00:27:01,699
♪ across the seven seas
717
00:27:01,733 --> 00:27:05,035
♪ I'm traveling on
Thanks for a great day today.
718
00:27:05,070 --> 00:27:08,105
♪ Far and wide
719
00:27:08,139 --> 00:27:10,875
♪ but now it seems
720
00:27:10,909 --> 00:27:14,345
♪ I'm just a stranger
to myself ♪
721
00:27:14,379 --> 00:27:17,481
♪ and all the things
I sometimes do ♪
722
00:27:17,515 --> 00:27:21,085
♪ it isn't me but someone else
723
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,754
♪ too much time on my hands
724
00:27:23,788 --> 00:27:26,891
♪ I've got you on my mind
725
00:27:30,195 --> 00:27:33,497
♪ so easily
726
00:27:33,531 --> 00:27:36,700
♪ when you can't find
the words to say ♪
727
00:27:36,735 --> 00:27:38,993
♪ it's hard to make
it through another day ♪
728
00:27:39,173 --> 00:27:44,173
== sync, corrected by elderman ==