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00:00:06,996 --> 00:00:08,996
♪
2
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:14,896
HOMER:
Do the Homer shake.
3
00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:16,948
♪
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00:00:19,869 --> 00:00:21,870
♪
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:25,895
♪ The Simpsons 24x14 ♪
Gorgeous Grampa
Original Air Date on March 3 2013
6
00:00:27,276 --> 00:00:30,228
Hmm. I can't believe
you're reading
7
00:00:30,262 --> 00:00:32,714
when there's so much
great stuff on TV.
8
00:00:32,748 --> 00:00:34,532
Hmm, you're right.
9
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:35,867
It is the golden age
10
00:00:35,901 --> 00:00:38,536
of well-written,
brilliantly-acted TV shows.
11
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:41,239
(scoffs) Writing is
for bathroom walls,
12
00:00:41,273 --> 00:00:43,708
and acting is for
getting out of DUIs.
13
00:00:43,742 --> 00:00:46,945
The only reason TV exists
is for reality shows
14
00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:51,216
about white-trash scuzzbags
doing subhuman, made-up jobs.
15
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:53,384
Um... Oh. Ah.
16
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:55,487
Eek. Yikes. Oh.
17
00:00:55,521 --> 00:00:57,388
Ew. Ugh. Well...
18
00:00:57,423 --> 00:00:59,390
Ew. Ah. Dad!
19
00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:01,392
No. Ah! Oh.
20
00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:02,760
Seriously? Ah!
21
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,963
(bluesy rock music playing)
22
00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:07,432
Ooh, jail music!
23
00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:09,250
NARRATOR: When storage lockers
are abandoned,
24
00:01:09,285 --> 00:01:11,603
we open them up!
25
00:01:11,637 --> 00:01:14,305
Our expert bidders face off
in the ultimate contest
26
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,292
to discover the amazing
treasures within.
27
00:01:17,326 --> 00:01:20,645
This is Storage Battles!
28
00:01:21,647 --> 00:01:23,648
I'll give it one marathon.
29
00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:29,287
I don't care what people say,
I am feeling this unit.
30
00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:31,723
No one feels out a unit like CJ.
31
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:34,692
Not Bubba,
not Debbie and Danny, no one.
32
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,494
Mostly worthless junk:
33
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:39,197
family photo albums,
home movies,
34
00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:40,999
ah, kids' drawings.
35
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:43,735
Eh, just some nobody.
36
00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:45,236
Here we go, here we go.
37
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:47,038
Bubble wrap.
38
00:01:47,072 --> 00:01:49,507
If there's wrap, it ain't crap.
39
00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:50,742
Bingo!
40
00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:52,210
Antique bayonets.
41
00:01:52,244 --> 00:01:55,813
Oh! I'm talking World War One,
Spanish American War.
42
00:01:55,848 --> 00:01:58,149
Crimea, baby.
43
00:01:58,183 --> 00:02:01,819
Well, if you found the right
buyer on the right day,
44
00:02:01,854 --> 00:02:04,556
and he knew nothing
about bayonets,
45
00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:07,425
you might sell them
for possibly $500.
46
00:02:07,459 --> 00:02:09,160
Definitely $500.
47
00:02:09,194 --> 00:02:10,395
$500!
48
00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:11,763
Five hundy!
49
00:02:11,797 --> 00:02:13,197
Five hundaminidos!
50
00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:14,999
(chuckles)
51
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,235
(humming)
52
00:02:17,269 --> 00:02:18,436
High-five me, Marge.
53
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:19,737
I want to know
what it's for.
54
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:21,105
Too late.
55
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:24,175
We're gonna get rich
off the poor and forgetful.
56
00:02:24,209 --> 00:02:25,710
And dead people.
57
00:02:29,448 --> 00:02:31,449
I bet I win a locker
full of treasure,
58
00:02:31,483 --> 00:02:35,119
like a solid gold bar of silver
or Picasso's TV.
59
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,621
Oh, no, no, no.
60
00:02:36,655 --> 00:02:39,324
It is I who will be watching
Picasso's TV tonight!
61
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,359
(both grunting)
62
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:42,727
Looks like
you're not the only
63
00:02:42,761 --> 00:02:44,629
predatory opportunist
in town.
64
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:45,630
(gasps)
65
00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:47,065
There's other P.O.'s?!
66
00:02:47,099 --> 00:02:49,667
Uh-oh, better put on
my game shades.
67
00:02:56,775 --> 00:02:58,476
Do I hear $50? Let me get $50.
68
00:02:58,510 --> 00:02:59,444
Oh, yeah!
69
00:02:59,478 --> 00:03:00,745
$100. Is there $100 out there?
70
00:03:00,779 --> 00:03:02,246
Looking for $100.
Thank you!
71
00:03:02,281 --> 00:03:03,915
$150, $150.
(strums electric guitar)
72
00:03:03,949 --> 00:03:05,116
Do I have $200?
73
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:06,985
$250. Do I hear...
(yelling grunt)
74
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:08,086
$350.
Yarr!
75
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,821
Four. Do I hear $400?
76
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:11,089
$450.
Bidding!
77
00:03:11,123 --> 00:03:12,256
$500.
(plays bagpipes)
78
00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:13,725
$550.
Skinner!
79
00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:15,493
$600.
(trumpeting)
80
00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:16,728
$650.
81
00:03:16,762 --> 00:03:18,630
$650 going once,
$650 going twice...
82
00:03:18,664 --> 00:03:21,265
(saxophone playing)
83
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:24,068
$1,000.
84
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:25,403
$1,000 going once, going twice.
85
00:03:25,437 --> 00:03:27,505
Sold to the man who didn't
wait for the bidding
86
00:03:27,539 --> 00:03:29,107
to get anywhere near $1,000!
87
00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:32,210
In the money game,
cash is king.
88
00:03:32,244 --> 00:03:33,878
(chuckles)
89
00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:36,280
(harmonica playing
bluesy music)
90
00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:41,753
We spent $1,000 on a
bunch of old boxes?
91
00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:43,688
You won't be laughing
when these boxes
92
00:03:43,722 --> 00:03:45,456
are full of
priceless treasures.
93
00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:48,059
I wasn't laughing,
I was being worried.
94
00:03:48,093 --> 00:03:49,227
(humming)
95
00:03:51,063 --> 00:03:52,363
Feather boas?
96
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,332
Mine's full of
hand mirrors.
97
00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:56,501
I've got perfume spritzers.
98
00:03:56,535 --> 00:03:58,469
Makeup and baby oil.
99
00:03:58,504 --> 00:04:00,171
Tights? Robes?
100
00:04:00,205 --> 00:04:03,324
Oh, this stupid locker must have
belonged to some old lady.
101
00:04:03,359 --> 00:04:06,260
"Property of
Abraham J. Simpson"?
102
00:04:06,295 --> 00:04:08,162
This is Grampa's stuff.
103
00:04:08,197 --> 00:04:10,998
Why would my man-dad
have lady stuff?
104
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,900
It's not all lady stuff.
105
00:04:12,935 --> 00:04:17,572
Look at all these
fitness publications.
106
00:04:18,574 --> 00:04:20,141
Beefcake mags?
107
00:04:20,175 --> 00:04:21,776
(gasps)
108
00:04:21,810 --> 00:04:25,046
I think your dad might be gay.
109
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,014
Oh, that's insane.
110
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,167
My dad was
married to a woman
111
00:04:29,201 --> 00:04:32,620
who left him because he ignored
her needs for decades.
112
00:04:32,654 --> 00:04:36,991
Ah, my gay dad
is gay for gays.
113
00:04:37,025 --> 00:04:39,360
(harmonica playing
bluesy music)
114
00:04:41,363 --> 00:04:43,331
(groans)
115
00:04:43,365 --> 00:04:45,800
I think this is great.
116
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:47,902
Old gay men
are adorable.
117
00:04:47,936 --> 00:04:51,038
Like wrinkle dogs in a
wrinkle dog calendar.
118
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:53,040
Those are pretty cute.
119
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,810
Your dad's been in the
closet for so long,
120
00:04:55,844 --> 00:04:59,197
he probably doesn't know how
tolerant society's become.
121
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:03,701
They even had a gay float
in the Pride Parade last year.
122
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:06,571
My dad has
always been so angry.
123
00:05:06,605 --> 00:05:08,873
Maybe if we help him
be who he is,
124
00:05:08,907 --> 00:05:10,608
he'll finally be happy.
125
00:05:10,642 --> 00:05:12,110
Oh, Homie,
126
00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:15,079
you're so enlightened.
127
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:21,586
Yeah, gay rights
are human rights, baby.
128
00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:25,089
(humming)
129
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:26,908
Are you sure you're not
just doing all this
130
00:05:26,942 --> 00:05:28,676
because it's cool
to be accepting
131
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:30,077
of a gay family member?
132
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,513
Oh, honey, that's
just silly.
133
00:05:32,548 --> 00:05:34,298
This'll show
Helen Lovejoy.
134
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:37,435
Always bragging about
her he-she cousin.
135
00:05:37,469 --> 00:05:41,606
Abe, we found
your storage locker.
136
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:42,940
It's okay, Dad.
137
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:45,443
We know the truth,
and we love you.
138
00:05:45,477 --> 00:05:46,778
What?!
139
00:05:46,812 --> 00:05:49,430
The contents of that locker
are my private business!
140
00:05:49,465 --> 00:05:50,598
Get out!
141
00:05:50,632 --> 00:05:51,966
Just admit who you are,
142
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,101
and you can find new love.
143
00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:56,037
If you don't
want to die alone,
144
00:05:56,071 --> 00:05:58,239
come out of your room.
145
00:05:58,273 --> 00:06:01,709
(moaning):
Love... love...
146
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,344
love... love...
147
00:06:03,378 --> 00:06:05,096
(all gasping)
148
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:07,715
Hi, Marge.
149
00:06:07,749 --> 00:06:10,785
I was just taking Stanlerina
to get her hormone shots.
150
00:06:10,819 --> 00:06:11,986
(groans):
Oh.
151
00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:14,388
Your father wasted
his whole life being married
152
00:06:14,423 --> 00:06:16,157
to your mother
and having you.
153
00:06:16,191 --> 00:06:19,260
We've got to find him a
boyfriend before it's too late.
154
00:06:19,294 --> 00:06:21,596
Why don't you put a
personal ad on the Internet?
155
00:06:21,630 --> 00:06:23,664
That's how young people
date these days.
156
00:06:23,699 --> 00:06:24,832
It's weird that you don't
157
00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:26,567
consider yourself
a young person.
158
00:06:26,602 --> 00:06:27,401
I know.
159
00:06:27,436 --> 00:06:28,603
It's weird to me, too.
160
00:06:28,637 --> 00:06:30,671
"Help me out of the closet.
161
00:06:30,706 --> 00:06:33,274
"Wonderful older man
seeks life partner
162
00:06:33,308 --> 00:06:35,810
before rapidly-encroaching
death."
163
00:06:35,844 --> 00:06:36,911
No fatties.
164
00:06:36,945 --> 00:06:38,613
How about some fatties?
165
00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:39,614
Fine.
166
00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:41,015
Okay, post this under
167
00:06:41,049 --> 00:06:42,817
"Men Seeking Men."
168
00:06:42,851 --> 00:06:44,285
But what subheading?
169
00:06:44,319 --> 00:06:45,920
Hmm, nothing too serious.
170
00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:48,923
Here we go, "Casual Encounters."
171
00:06:48,957 --> 00:06:51,959
Perfect! No pressure.
172
00:06:53,228 --> 00:06:54,929
I hope someone
saw our ad.
173
00:06:54,963 --> 00:06:57,698
If I can't find my father a man
to kiss and cuddle,
174
00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,333
then I've failed as a son.
175
00:06:59,368 --> 00:07:00,535
(gasps)
176
00:07:00,569 --> 00:07:01,569
Someone's coming.
177
00:07:02,871 --> 00:07:05,373
Are you
"Wrinkled and Romantic"?
178
00:07:05,407 --> 00:07:08,009
Huh? What the heck are you
talking about, Spectacles?
179
00:07:08,043 --> 00:07:10,211
Oh, I've been hung up
on someone for years,
180
00:07:10,245 --> 00:07:12,346
but I'm trapped
in the friend zone.
181
00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:14,448
(sighs)
It's time for me to move on.
182
00:07:14,483 --> 00:07:15,516
So move on.
183
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:16,717
You're blocking the ducks.
184
00:07:16,752 --> 00:07:18,920
Don't you want
to be happy, Abe?
185
00:07:18,954 --> 00:07:22,690
Admit who you are,
a wonderful gay man.
186
00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:24,308
(stammers)
187
00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:25,443
What?!
188
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,144
I don't ride sidesaddle!
189
00:07:27,179 --> 00:07:29,013
I'm straight as a submarine!
190
00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:31,482
Then how do you
explain this?
191
00:07:31,516 --> 00:07:33,117
Oh, hello, Smithers.
192
00:07:33,151 --> 00:07:36,053
(chuckles) Fancy seeing you
in Casual Encounter Park.
193
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,274
(gasps)
You're Glamorous Godfrey!
194
00:07:40,309 --> 00:07:41,976
Who?
195
00:07:42,010 --> 00:07:44,612
Glamorous Godfrey was the most
famous wrestler in the world.
196
00:07:44,646 --> 00:07:45,880
And you are he!
197
00:07:45,914 --> 00:07:47,715
Is this true?
198
00:07:47,749 --> 00:07:49,617
BURNS:
Behold.
199
00:07:49,651 --> 00:07:51,085
HOMER: Look at
all this wrestling crap.
200
00:07:51,119 --> 00:07:52,236
LISA: Ah.
BART: Ay, caramba!
201
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:54,972
Fine, I was Glamorous Godfrey.
202
00:07:55,006 --> 00:07:57,141
(sobbing)
203
00:07:57,175 --> 00:07:58,209
What's wrong?
204
00:07:58,243 --> 00:08:01,045
I so wanted
him to be gay.
205
00:08:01,079 --> 00:08:04,081
Well, on V.E. Day, I
kissed a man by mistake.
206
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,449
Thank you.
207
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,647
You were
a world-famous wrestler?
208
00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:11,482
Spill the beans, old man.
209
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:12,650
Word beans!
210
00:08:12,684 --> 00:08:14,885
Oh, all right, I'll tell you.
211
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,021
It was the 1950s.
212
00:08:17,055 --> 00:08:19,056
HOMER (groans):
Oh, those things?
213
00:08:19,091 --> 00:08:21,492
GRAMPA: It was the heyday
of pro wrestling.
214
00:08:21,526 --> 00:08:24,261
You could make good money
if you were the manly mixture
215
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:26,731
of strong and fat
we called beefy.
216
00:08:26,765 --> 00:08:30,534
Good guys were called
"baby faces."
217
00:08:30,569 --> 00:08:33,320
And bad guys
were called "heels."
218
00:08:33,355 --> 00:08:37,224
I was the king of the heels,
Glamorous Godfrey.
219
00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:38,509
How dare he!
220
00:08:38,543 --> 00:08:40,411
That was drinking milk!
221
00:08:40,445 --> 00:08:42,897
GRAMPA:
My motto was "Always cheat."
222
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:43,814
(groans)
223
00:08:43,849 --> 00:08:44,615
(groans)
224
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:52,957
But the thing that really drove
them crazy was my vanity.
225
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,893
You are the luckiest people
in the world.
226
00:08:55,927 --> 00:08:58,062
You get to look at me.
227
00:08:58,096 --> 00:08:59,547
(crowd booing)
228
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:05,736
Grampa, you were
the original bad boy.
229
00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:09,540
Yeah, I was boastful before
all your football showboaters,
230
00:09:09,574 --> 00:09:12,359
rap music-ers and
TV beach Italians.
231
00:09:12,394 --> 00:09:15,262
But there was a down side
to being hated:
232
00:09:15,297 --> 00:09:17,031
being hated.
233
00:09:17,065 --> 00:09:20,067
(crowd booing)
234
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,257
(crowd booing)
235
00:09:27,592 --> 00:09:29,660
Well, I just couldn't take it.
236
00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:38,836
Being despised was
no way to live.
237
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:39,904
Pshaw!
238
00:09:39,938 --> 00:09:41,172
Pshaw, I say!
239
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,706
Pshaw yourself!
240
00:09:42,741 --> 00:09:44,475
Pshaw!
Pshaw!
241
00:09:44,509 --> 00:09:45,810
Homer, do something!
242
00:09:45,844 --> 00:09:47,611
They're killing each other!
243
00:09:47,646 --> 00:09:49,580
Oh, yeah?
(muffled shouting)
244
00:09:49,614 --> 00:09:52,399
The world may have despised
Glamorous Godfrey,
245
00:09:52,434 --> 00:09:54,702
but that conceited
mother-puncher was my hero.
246
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,339
Please, Abe, let
me buy you dinner
247
00:09:58,373 --> 00:10:00,674
in exchange for a few
tales of the golden age
248
00:10:00,709 --> 00:10:02,076
of professional
grappling.
249
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:06,797
Sorry, I been trying to forget
those days for 50 years.
250
00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:08,165
But, Grampa,
251
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,100
I want to hear about
old-time wrestling, too.
252
00:10:10,135 --> 00:10:12,486
Well, it looks like
you've made a new fan.
253
00:10:12,521 --> 00:10:15,322
It'd be a shame to
let him down, hmm?
254
00:10:15,357 --> 00:10:16,323
Fine.
255
00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:17,791
One dinner.
256
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,093
Excellent.
257
00:10:19,127 --> 00:10:21,278
So we'll take the boy
and make a night of it.
258
00:10:21,313 --> 00:10:22,379
I don't know.
259
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,047
Should I really
let the men
260
00:10:24,065 --> 00:10:25,916
who ruined my
past and present
261
00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:28,469
hang out with the kid who's
going to ruin my future?
262
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:29,637
I'll bring you home
my dessert.
263
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,138
Text me the choices.
264
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,840
BURNS:
I can't believe I'm on the town
265
00:10:32,874 --> 00:10:35,776
with Glamorous Godfrey
himself.
266
00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:39,163
Tell me of your epic battle
with Swedish Olaf Johannsen.
267
00:10:39,197 --> 00:10:42,917
Oh, yeah,
"The Fury of the Fjords."
268
00:10:42,951 --> 00:10:46,170
(shouting in Swedish)
269
00:10:46,204 --> 00:10:48,889
(muffled grunting)
270
00:10:48,924 --> 00:10:50,424
(laughs)
271
00:10:50,458 --> 00:10:52,509
You settled
that Swede's meatballs.
272
00:10:52,544 --> 00:10:54,995
What I wouldn't give
to see Glamorous Godfrey
273
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:56,530
in action once more.
274
00:10:56,565 --> 00:10:58,032
Would you ever consider
275
00:10:58,066 --> 00:10:59,900
throwing your wig
back into the ring?
276
00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,969
Go back to
being a villain?
277
00:11:02,003 --> 00:11:03,370
Oh, forget that.
278
00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:06,173
Being hated is the
worst feeling there is.
279
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,241
(chuckles)
280
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,909
You've got it all wrong,
my friend.
281
00:11:08,944 --> 00:11:10,477
Once you see it my way,
282
00:11:10,512 --> 00:11:12,813
you'll understand
that being hated
283
00:11:12,847 --> 00:11:15,316
is the greatest
feeling in the world.
284
00:11:15,350 --> 00:11:18,719
♪ Don't really care
for chasing women ♪
285
00:11:18,753 --> 00:11:20,621
♪ Never was keen on booze
286
00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:23,207
♪ Don't take cocaine
or Mary Jane ♪
287
00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:26,026
♪ No, I get drunk on boos...
288
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,896
Uh, that's B-O-O-S,
not Z-E as before.
289
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:30,164
Uh, we get it.
290
00:11:30,198 --> 00:11:31,465
♪ Because...
(grunts)
291
00:11:31,499 --> 00:11:33,918
♪ You've got to love
to be hated ♪
292
00:11:33,952 --> 00:11:36,387
♪ Find the good in being bad
293
00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:38,906
♪ Oh, the crowd is full
of gentlemen ♪
294
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:40,908
♪ But they've paid
to see the cad ♪
295
00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:43,210
♪ Yes, it's a hoot,
a kick, a gas ♪
296
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,312
♪ When you're the villain
of the show ♪
297
00:11:45,347 --> 00:11:47,798
♪ Once you wear black,
you'll never go back ♪
298
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,834
♪ It's a high to be loathed
299
00:11:52,904 --> 00:11:55,172
♪ Chucky, Stalin, Megatron
300
00:11:55,206 --> 00:11:57,374
♪ Eric Cartman, Donkey Kong
301
00:11:57,409 --> 00:11:59,510
♪ Vader, Nader, Simon Legree
302
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,712
♪ Terminators,
one, two and three ♪
303
00:12:01,746 --> 00:12:04,031
♪ Iago, Joker, Voldemort
304
00:12:04,065 --> 00:12:06,300
♪ McEnroe on center court
305
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,535
♪ Mr. Burns and Skeletor
306
00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:11,388
♪ Keep your good guys,
what a snore ♪
307
00:12:11,423 --> 00:12:15,125
♪ When it's your head
they wanna sever ♪
308
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,695
♪ And your blood
they wanna shed ♪
309
00:12:17,729 --> 00:12:19,830
♪ You know you're gonna
live forever ♪
310
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,032
♪ If everybody wants you dead
311
00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:24,084
♪ So listen up,
because I'm giving ♪
312
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:26,337
♪ The best advice
you'll ever know ♪
313
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,988
♪ So feel the thrill
314
00:12:28,023 --> 00:12:29,289
♪ I know you will
315
00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:32,076
♪ It's a high to be
316
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,828
♪ Loa...
317
00:12:34,863 --> 00:12:36,513
♪ ...thed!
318
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:39,016
I'll feel like
I'll live forever
319
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,669
as long as everybody
wants me dead.
320
00:12:41,703 --> 00:12:43,037
Okay, Burns!
321
00:12:43,071 --> 00:12:46,240
Glamorous Godfrey
will wrestle again!
322
00:12:46,274 --> 00:12:47,441
(all gasp)
323
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,878
That cocaine I ordered
is taking forever!
324
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,153
(indistinct chatter)
325
00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,002
I can't wait to see Grampa
kick some ass.
326
00:12:58,004 --> 00:12:59,572
He's always pretended
to be boring,
327
00:12:59,606 --> 00:13:01,474
but he's really
a straight-up psycho.
328
00:13:01,508 --> 00:13:04,260
Your grandfather
is not psycho.
329
00:13:04,294 --> 00:13:07,463
The only thing he's
"straight-up" is loves you.
330
00:13:07,497 --> 00:13:10,199
Gorilla Joe, Gorilla Sam,
Gorilla Pete,
331
00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:12,368
Ook and Eek, the Gorilla Twins.
332
00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:15,204
Where did Mr. Burns dig up
all these old wrestlers?
333
00:13:15,238 --> 00:13:16,605
Apparently, old folks homes
334
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,075
are full of people
that used to be things.
335
00:13:19,109 --> 00:13:21,594
Just like you and me.
Swear to God.
336
00:13:21,628 --> 00:13:24,096
Welcome, aficionados
of the roped ring,
337
00:13:24,131 --> 00:13:26,749
to a thrilling night
of senior-on-senior action.
338
00:13:26,783 --> 00:13:29,185
(grunting)
(snoring)
339
00:13:29,219 --> 00:13:30,953
(grunting grows weaker)
340
00:13:30,987 --> 00:13:33,622
(both snoring)
341
00:13:33,657 --> 00:13:35,458
(all snoring)
342
00:13:35,492 --> 00:13:36,826
(crowd cheering)
343
00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:38,844
Folding chairs!
Folding chairs!
344
00:13:38,879 --> 00:13:40,780
Can't hit somebody when
they're not looking
345
00:13:40,814 --> 00:13:42,248
without a
folding chair!
346
00:13:42,282 --> 00:13:43,249
Can I have one?
347
00:13:43,283 --> 00:13:44,300
Can I?
Fine.
348
00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:45,601
Ha!
349
00:13:45,635 --> 00:13:47,620
And now our main event.
350
00:13:47,654 --> 00:13:50,539
In this corner,
Baby Face Palooka.
351
00:13:50,574 --> 00:13:51,807
And entering the ring,
352
00:13:51,842 --> 00:13:54,577
America's original
vainglorious bastard,
353
00:13:54,611 --> 00:13:56,278
Glamorous Godfrey!
354
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,780
(crowd booing)
355
00:13:57,814 --> 00:13:59,965
(baroque orchestral music
playing)
356
00:14:01,835 --> 00:14:03,953
(booing continues)
357
00:14:05,288 --> 00:14:07,273
(quietly): Yes,
feel the hatred.
358
00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:10,943
It makes you strong,
powerful, alive.
359
00:14:10,977 --> 00:14:14,380
You are the luckiest people
in the world!
360
00:14:14,414 --> 00:14:16,382
You get to look at me!
361
00:14:16,416 --> 00:14:18,934
(booing continues)
362
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:20,769
(crowd coughing)
363
00:14:20,821 --> 00:14:22,204
(crowd booing)
364
00:14:22,239 --> 00:14:23,439
You show 'em, Godfrey!
365
00:14:23,473 --> 00:14:25,508
You're the prettiest
old man in the world!
366
00:14:25,542 --> 00:14:28,077
Why do you think
bad guys are so cool?
367
00:14:28,111 --> 00:14:30,279
Why do you still have
a thing for Nelson?
368
00:14:30,313 --> 00:14:32,114
I'm not!
That's ridiculous!
369
00:14:32,149 --> 00:14:34,433
I just...
it's that... he, uh...
370
00:14:34,468 --> 00:14:37,119
He's a rebel,
and only I can change him!
371
00:14:37,154 --> 00:14:38,053
(clang)
372
00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:40,105
(crowd clamoring, booing)
373
00:14:48,098 --> 00:14:49,465
(crowd shouting)
374
00:14:51,835 --> 00:14:53,853
(booing)
375
00:14:57,707 --> 00:14:59,808
It's so sad that
Grampa has to cheat
376
00:14:59,843 --> 00:15:02,878
instead of relying on his
God-given wrestling skills.
377
00:15:02,913 --> 00:15:05,948
What kind of person
revels in disapproval?
378
00:15:05,982 --> 00:15:09,785
What kind of
person, indeed.
379
00:15:11,905 --> 00:15:13,956
(baroque orchestral music
playing)
380
00:15:13,990 --> 00:15:17,960
MILHOUSE: It's the prettiest boy
in Springfield, Bart Simpson!
381
00:15:17,994 --> 00:15:19,695
(indistinct chatter)
What's going on?
382
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:26,135
You are the luckiest people
in the world!
383
00:15:26,169 --> 00:15:27,570
You get to look at me!
384
00:15:27,604 --> 00:15:29,471
(crowd booing)
385
00:15:31,758 --> 00:15:33,058
Hey! (grunts)
386
00:15:33,093 --> 00:15:34,827
(humming)
387
00:15:34,861 --> 00:15:36,295
(coughs)
388
00:15:36,329 --> 00:15:37,496
(booing continues)
389
00:15:37,531 --> 00:15:39,932
Hey, Simpson, tell your
kid to quit showboating.
390
00:15:39,966 --> 00:15:43,469
I've never seen anyone
so full of self-regard!
391
00:15:43,503 --> 00:15:46,639
And I've worked
with Bob Balaban!
392
00:15:46,673 --> 00:15:49,041
(booing continues)
393
00:15:52,829 --> 00:15:55,764
Your behavior at that
game was unacceptable!
394
00:15:55,799 --> 00:15:58,817
You're lucky they gave you
your participant trophy!
395
00:15:58,852 --> 00:16:01,186
I got one
just for watching the game.
396
00:16:03,189 --> 00:16:05,991
Listen, getting people riled up
is what heels do.
397
00:16:06,026 --> 00:16:07,626
Heel? Oh, no.
398
00:16:07,661 --> 00:16:09,662
Tell me you're not
trying to be like Grampa!
399
00:16:09,696 --> 00:16:11,096
Well, sure I am.
400
00:16:11,131 --> 00:16:12,698
I always thought
Grampa was lame,
401
00:16:12,732 --> 00:16:14,433
but he's
really awesome!
402
00:16:14,467 --> 00:16:16,569
Your grandfather
is super lame!
403
00:16:16,603 --> 00:16:19,371
I mean, if he wasn't
a terrible father,
404
00:16:19,406 --> 00:16:21,507
what's my excuse for this?
405
00:16:21,541 --> 00:16:22,942
(grunting)
406
00:16:24,878 --> 00:16:27,413
I know your grandpa
seems exciting now,
407
00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:29,915
but all that preening
and cheating--
408
00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:33,786
those turnbuckle antics are
not gonna make him happy.
409
00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:36,272
(Grampa and Burns sigh)
410
00:16:36,306 --> 00:16:38,240
Burnsy, I can't
remember the last time
411
00:16:38,275 --> 00:16:40,259
I was so happy!
412
00:16:41,394 --> 00:16:43,362
You grandson-
ruining fiend!
413
00:16:43,396 --> 00:16:45,414
Look what your
number one fan
414
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:47,049
did at show-and-tell!
415
00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:48,083
(Bart giggling)
416
00:16:48,118 --> 00:16:49,785
ROBOTIC VOICE:
Wait. Ow.
417
00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:51,854
Ah. Wait.
418
00:16:51,888 --> 00:16:53,856
Who would film
such a thing?
419
00:16:53,890 --> 00:16:55,374
It's found footage!
420
00:16:55,408 --> 00:16:58,143
So what? We could use
another winner in this family!
421
00:16:58,178 --> 00:16:59,595
How are you
a winner?
422
00:16:59,629 --> 00:17:01,597
You're cheating
in a fake sport.
423
00:17:01,631 --> 00:17:02,931
Fake? Ridiculous.
424
00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:04,583
If professional wrestling
were fake,
425
00:17:04,618 --> 00:17:07,486
that would make every fan
in the history of the sport
426
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,955
a complete and utter moron.
427
00:17:11,591 --> 00:17:12,958
Mercy.
428
00:17:12,993 --> 00:17:16,028
You know, I've always had
a keen eye for tiny talent.
429
00:17:16,062 --> 00:17:18,464
Perhaps you and the lad
could tag-team up.
430
00:17:18,498 --> 00:17:19,798
Wrestle with Bart?
431
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:22,801
Well, he ain't beefy,
but he is infuriating,
432
00:17:22,836 --> 00:17:24,703
and you can't
teach infuriating.
433
00:17:24,738 --> 00:17:26,805
Monty, you're
a genius!
434
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,308
Bart cannot be an
old-time wrestler!
435
00:17:29,342 --> 00:17:33,362
As your inattentive son, and
your incompetent employee,
436
00:17:33,396 --> 00:17:34,913
I forbid it!
437
00:17:34,948 --> 00:17:39,084
Oh, why does everything
I forbid always happen?
438
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,452
(grunts)
439
00:17:43,264 --> 00:17:44,564
(indistinct chatter)
440
00:17:44,599 --> 00:17:47,267
So, Beautiful,
you got your moves memorized?
441
00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:48,935
You know it,
Glamorous!
442
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,704
Eye gouge! Ear bite!
Folding chair!
443
00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:52,839
Hair pull! Face-fart!
Flying face-fart!
444
00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:54,858
And then I start
fighting dirty.
445
00:17:54,892 --> 00:17:56,025
(laughs)
446
00:17:56,043 --> 00:17:57,778
They're gonna
hate you so much.
447
00:17:59,197 --> 00:18:00,764
Oh, I get it.
448
00:18:00,798 --> 00:18:04,401
You're here to tell the kid he
can't wrestle with his grandpa.
449
00:18:04,435 --> 00:18:06,536
(grunting)
450
00:18:06,554 --> 00:18:08,872
I don't care if Bart
is a wrestler,
451
00:18:08,906 --> 00:18:13,210
a busboy, or even
a stoplight squeegee man,
452
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:16,046
as long as
he's a nice person.
453
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,949
But if he gets too much
attention for acting bad,
454
00:18:18,983 --> 00:18:21,735
he might turn bad
on the inside.
455
00:18:21,769 --> 00:18:23,653
Eh, that's women-talk.
456
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:27,557
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to comb out my curls!
457
00:18:27,592 --> 00:18:30,961
One... two... three...
458
00:18:30,995 --> 00:18:33,830
(crowd cheering in distance)
459
00:18:33,865 --> 00:18:37,067
Beautiful Bart,
can I have your autograph?
460
00:18:37,101 --> 00:18:38,902
Sure. Here you go.
461
00:18:38,936 --> 00:18:40,604
(hawks, spits)
462
00:18:40,638 --> 00:18:42,539
(laughs)
463
00:18:42,573 --> 00:18:44,107
Eh, hey, Bart,
464
00:18:44,142 --> 00:18:46,543
leave some of that bad
attitude for the ring.
465
00:18:46,577 --> 00:18:48,945
The world is my ring now.
466
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:50,313
(laughing manically)
467
00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:56,853
In this corner,
for truth and justice,
468
00:18:56,888 --> 00:18:58,688
Captain Flag and Half-Mast.
469
00:18:58,723 --> 00:19:00,690
(crowd cheering)
470
00:19:00,725 --> 00:19:04,094
Now entering the ring,
the first family of foul play,
471
00:19:04,128 --> 00:19:06,396
Glamorous Godfrey
and Beautiful Bart!
472
00:19:06,430 --> 00:19:08,281
(crowd booing)
473
00:19:08,316 --> 00:19:09,683
(sniffing)
474
00:19:09,717 --> 00:19:11,384
You all stink!
475
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,454
(crowd shouting)
476
00:19:17,508 --> 00:19:20,527
Glamorous Godfrey is dead!
477
00:19:20,561 --> 00:19:21,361
(all gasp)
478
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:24,114
(crowd murmuring)
479
00:19:24,148 --> 00:19:26,783
I am Honest Abe!
480
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,018
(all gasp)
481
00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:33,623
And this is Laddie Liberty!
482
00:19:33,658 --> 00:19:35,192
What are you doing?
483
00:19:35,226 --> 00:19:37,510
I ain't a heel no more,
I'm a good guy.
484
00:19:37,545 --> 00:19:38,945
And you're a baby-face.
485
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,480
But-but what about
the cheating?
486
00:19:40,514 --> 00:19:41,548
No more cheating.
487
00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:42,649
And the preening?
488
00:19:42,683 --> 00:19:43,817
No more preening.
489
00:19:43,851 --> 00:19:45,051
But I'm so pretty.
490
00:19:45,086 --> 00:19:47,287
That's for others to say now.
491
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:49,022
What are you doing,
Godfrey?
492
00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:52,292
You're a villain, not some
bullet-brained rail-splitter.
493
00:19:52,326 --> 00:19:55,312
Without someone to hate, there's
no excitement, no thrill.
494
00:19:55,346 --> 00:19:57,981
I don't care.
My grandson's soul is at stake.
495
00:19:58,015 --> 00:20:00,317
How dare you.
I wrote a song for you.
496
00:20:00,351 --> 00:20:02,636
When am I ever
going to use that again?
497
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:05,972
Curse you, and this
morbidly obese little half-wit.
498
00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:10,360
So, they only want
to see a good guy
499
00:20:10,394 --> 00:20:12,195
fight a bad guy, eh?
500
00:20:12,230 --> 00:20:13,813
(gasps)
501
00:20:13,848 --> 00:20:16,066
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa...
502
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:17,734
(crowd gasps)
503
00:20:17,752 --> 00:20:19,703
He's taking on Mean Man Monty!
504
00:20:19,737 --> 00:20:21,538
Go get him, Honest Abe!
505
00:20:21,572 --> 00:20:23,840
This is why we go to
everything in this town--
506
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,225
it always pays off.
507
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:28,161
(gasps)
508
00:20:28,195 --> 00:20:29,813
Honest Abe,
can I pin him?
509
00:20:29,847 --> 00:20:32,749
Ha-ha! You know it,
Laddie Liberty!
510
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:35,385
(grunting)
511
00:20:37,221 --> 00:20:39,522
(crowd cheering)
512
00:20:40,558 --> 00:20:43,226
Damndest boos
I ever heard.
513
00:20:43,261 --> 00:20:45,095
They're cheering, Grampa.
514
00:20:45,129 --> 00:20:48,265
This is what I've been
missing my whole life.
515
00:20:48,299 --> 00:20:50,267
(cheering continues)
516
00:20:50,301 --> 00:20:52,769
Oh, that was so sweet.
517
00:20:52,803 --> 00:20:53,837
(sobbing softly)
518
00:20:53,871 --> 00:20:56,439
I wish Grampa was my dad.
519
00:20:56,457 --> 00:21:01,457
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
520
00:21:45,444 --> 00:21:46,748
Shh!