1 00:00:00,461 --> 00:00:02,158 (Tessa) George didn't love shrinks. 2 00:00:02,190 --> 00:00:04,990 But he also knew when he was in over his head, 3 00:00:05,110 --> 00:00:06,257 and such was the case 4 00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:08,540 when Noah announced his undying love for... 5 00:00:08,571 --> 00:00:10,323 Carmen. 6 00:00:10,683 --> 00:00:12,458 Great. 7 00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:13,928 And... 8 00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,634 Uh, C... Carmen wrestling a snake. 9 00:00:17,424 --> 00:00:18,941 Mm-hmm. 10 00:00:19,349 --> 00:00:21,248 All right. 11 00:00:21,368 --> 00:00:23,569 Carmen as a butterfly... 12 00:00:23,603 --> 00:00:27,051 making love... to a dragon's face. 13 00:00:30,977 --> 00:00:33,019 Al Jarreau. 14 00:00:33,738 --> 00:00:35,545 Wait, wait, wait. 15 00:00:36,049 --> 00:00:38,602 Al Jarreau straddling Carmen. 16 00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:41,487 Fantastic. 17 00:00:41,538 --> 00:00:44,179 Oh. Are you writing a prescription? 18 00:00:44,207 --> 00:00:45,941 Yes. 19 00:00:45,976 --> 00:00:47,401 Yes, I am. 20 00:00:47,651 --> 00:00:49,027 Okay. 21 00:00:49,147 --> 00:00:50,680 (Door opens) 22 00:00:50,714 --> 00:00:52,907 Hey. How... how... how is he? (Door closes) 23 00:00:52,907 --> 00:00:55,230 The man is obsessed, quite frankly, 24 00:00:55,276 --> 00:00:56,974 with Carmen, his former housekeeper. 25 00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,554 I knew it. I knew it. This is a mess. 26 00:00:59,674 --> 00:01:00,719 He thinks he's in love with her. 27 00:01:00,719 --> 00:01:03,386 But he's not. It's a midlife crisis, 28 00:01:03,506 --> 00:01:07,100 and it is incredibly common, and it will pass. 29 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,593 Okay. You sure? 30 00:01:08,713 --> 00:01:11,252 - It's classic caregiver transference. - Uh-huh. 31 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:12,379 Triggered, perhaps, 32 00:01:12,386 --> 00:01:14,975 by being married to an icy, strident, 33 00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:17,321 self-important, castrating W.A.S.P. 34 00:01:17,321 --> 00:01:18,979 So you've met Jill? 35 00:01:18,987 --> 00:01:20,809 I've met everyone. 36 00:01:20,816 --> 00:01:23,561 Right. Well, there... there's gotta be something I can do. 37 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:27,072 Well, there is. Keep his mind off of Carmen 38 00:01:27,104 --> 00:01:29,207 - and redirect those thoughts. - Mm-hmm. 39 00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:31,530 Introduce some fun new hobbies, 40 00:01:31,522 --> 00:01:33,086 great food, perhaps. 41 00:01:33,070 --> 00:01:36,143 I know this fantastic place for baklava, 42 00:01:36,159 --> 00:01:38,317 if he partakes in something like that. 43 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:44,370 You may also want to employ a little light smack talk. 44 00:01:44,378 --> 00:01:47,975 Offer up some disparaging remarks about Carmen. 45 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,344 Hmm. Will that work? 46 00:01:49,344 --> 00:01:50,536 It may. 47 00:01:50,570 --> 00:01:53,172 For example, um... 48 00:01:53,206 --> 00:01:55,507 "Carmen isn't even that pretty." 49 00:01:55,627 --> 00:02:00,446 Or, "if you ask me, Carmen isn't too pretty." 50 00:02:00,974 --> 00:02:03,664 Or, "there are a lot of other girls out there"... 51 00:02:03,672 --> 00:02:05,503 Aah! (Thuds) 52 00:02:05,535 --> 00:02:08,101 (Noah yelling indistinctly, punches landing) Passion, when expressed non-violently, 53 00:02:08,115 --> 00:02:10,054 - can be beautiful. - Noah! 54 00:02:10,054 --> 00:02:12,072 But just because you're passionate about something, 55 00:02:12,401 --> 00:02:15,545 doesn't necessarily mean that others share your passion. 56 00:02:15,795 --> 00:02:20,174 Oh, Tessa, just look how the sunlight kisses each crystal 57 00:02:20,214 --> 00:02:22,882 and sends all those refractions just flyin'. 58 00:02:23,002 --> 00:02:26,595 (Gasps) Oh, isn't it just a thing of wonder? 59 00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:29,637 Tessa, do you or do you not 60 00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:32,429 feel like you're doing the rumba inside a rainbow? 61 00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:36,374 Oh. Yeah. Totally. 62 00:02:36,392 --> 00:02:38,201 Sorry, Dallas. (Slaps table) 63 00:02:38,209 --> 00:02:40,844 I'm just really stressed about this whole college thing. 64 00:02:40,883 --> 00:02:42,526 I mean, watching Ryan go through it, 65 00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:44,817 I can't stop thinking about next year. 66 00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:48,407 My grades are fine, but I'm not sure that's enough anymore. 67 00:02:48,884 --> 00:02:50,221 I need to be more impressive. 68 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,841 Impressive? Tessa, you're very impressive. 69 00:02:52,961 --> 00:02:55,187 After all, how many high school students 70 00:02:55,211 --> 00:02:56,454 can boast to being named 71 00:02:56,478 --> 00:02:59,575 senior vice president of prismatic affairs 72 00:02:59,606 --> 00:03:01,366 at a crystal cup of crystals? 73 00:03:01,397 --> 00:03:02,875 I don't think the schools I'm looking at 74 00:03:02,867 --> 00:03:04,158 are gonna care about that. 75 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:08,193 I... I need a credential with more substance. 76 00:03:08,201 --> 00:03:08,913 (Door bells jingle) 77 00:03:08,944 --> 00:03:12,252 Dallas, may I post a flyer in your shop window 78 00:03:12,245 --> 00:03:13,253 for my book signing? 79 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:16,319 As you may recall, I'm a published author. 80 00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:19,455 And as such, I find my readers 81 00:03:19,471 --> 00:03:21,903 really do relish the opportunity for face time. 82 00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:22,967 Excuse me, Mrs. Werner. 83 00:03:22,998 --> 00:03:25,767 I'd be happy to post flyers for you around town, 84 00:03:25,798 --> 00:03:28,035 or help you with anything else you may need. 85 00:03:28,058 --> 00:03:30,506 - Interning for a published author... - Which I am. 86 00:03:30,506 --> 00:03:32,532 Would look really good on my college application. 87 00:03:32,563 --> 00:03:35,714 An intern. What a novel idea. 88 00:03:35,706 --> 00:03:39,108 Pun intended, constructed, and delivered impeccably. 89 00:03:39,898 --> 00:03:41,243 You'll start at once. 90 00:03:41,228 --> 00:03:42,666 You don't mind, right, Dallas? 91 00:03:42,697 --> 00:03:43,698 I mean, it's been pretty slow around here. 92 00:03:43,706 --> 00:03:45,129 I'm sure you can manage without me. 93 00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:47,663 Manage? Don't be silly. A monkey could do this job. 94 00:03:47,703 --> 00:03:50,440 Oh. Absolutely. That's what I've always said. 95 00:03:50,416 --> 00:03:52,942 I'll just go ahead and place an ad for part-time help... 96 00:03:52,926 --> 00:03:53,904 at the zoo. 97 00:03:53,896 --> 00:03:55,460 Sensational. 98 00:03:55,478 --> 00:03:57,563 Tessa, you're hired. You have the job. 99 00:03:57,587 --> 00:03:59,738 And I use that term loosely, because there is no pay. 100 00:03:59,753 --> 00:04:02,333 - Understood. - I'm tough, but not fair. 101 00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:15,261 (Dalia) Mr. Wolfe? 102 00:04:15,799 --> 00:04:17,182 What are you doing? 103 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:19,151 Oh, Dalia, don't mind me. 104 00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,472 Since Chef Alan adulterated our relationship, 105 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,162 I've decided to throw out absolutely everything 106 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,675 that reminds me of him. 107 00:04:30,246 --> 00:04:32,068 Which is absolutely everything. 108 00:04:32,076 --> 00:04:33,851 What about the microwave? 109 00:04:34,164 --> 00:04:35,392 What about the microwave? 110 00:04:35,512 --> 00:04:37,652 Doesn't the microwave remind you of Chef Alan? 111 00:04:37,684 --> 00:04:38,497 Not really. 112 00:04:38,536 --> 00:04:41,391 But the microwave cooks food, and so does Chef Alan. 113 00:04:41,511 --> 00:04:43,002 No, I see your point. 114 00:04:43,025 --> 00:04:44,605 You should throw out your microwave. 115 00:04:44,590 --> 00:04:46,834 Okay. I know. It's just... 116 00:04:47,609 --> 00:04:49,767 I use my microwave... 117 00:04:49,887 --> 00:04:51,206 a lot. 118 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,794 Yeah. 119 00:04:53,302 --> 00:04:55,605 And besides, Mr. Wolfe, 120 00:04:55,656 --> 00:04:57,025 getting rid of all your stuff 121 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,933 isn't gonna make you feel better anyway. 122 00:04:58,956 --> 00:05:02,147 It isn't? Well, what is? 123 00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:05,782 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 124 00:05:05,816 --> 00:05:10,620 (Alih Jey) * last night I had a pleasant nightmare * 125 00:05:10,655 --> 00:05:13,990 ♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪ 126 00:05:13,992 --> 00:05:15,775 (Crunches) 127 00:05:17,422 --> 00:05:18,345 - Mmm! - You like it? 128 00:05:18,329 --> 00:05:19,744 I love it! 129 00:05:19,864 --> 00:05:21,864 Almost as much as I love... 130 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,811 Don't say it. Come on. 131 00:05:23,827 --> 00:05:25,423 Don't... don't even say her name. 132 00:05:25,430 --> 00:05:27,472 You need to wipe every thought... 133 00:05:27,526 --> 00:05:29,247 She was good at wiping stuff. 134 00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:30,060 Noah... 135 00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:32,916 She was. She wiped everything. 136 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,496 My counters, my windows, 137 00:05:35,616 --> 00:05:38,304 and you should have seen the way she polished a knob. 138 00:05:38,424 --> 00:05:39,759 (Squeaking) 139 00:05:39,879 --> 00:05:40,815 (Noah) She loved it. 140 00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:42,363 (Spits) It wasn't a chore. 141 00:05:42,483 --> 00:05:44,131 She was greedy for it. 142 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:45,625 Hmm. 143 00:05:45,937 --> 00:05:50,083 She was a sorceress. A playful sorceress. 144 00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:51,795 She invented this great game 145 00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:54,509 where she would disappear into thin air. 146 00:05:54,845 --> 00:05:57,958 And the moment that Opus and I began to get nervous, 147 00:05:58,078 --> 00:06:00,695 she would reappear! (Laughs) 148 00:06:00,815 --> 00:06:01,610 It was a miracle. 149 00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:02,814 It was peek-a-boo. 150 00:06:02,799 --> 00:06:04,363 It was pure magic. 151 00:06:04,386 --> 00:06:06,685 I'm trying to help you here, Noah. 152 00:06:06,716 --> 00:06:08,523 You're a married man. 153 00:06:08,643 --> 00:06:10,454 My body may be married. 154 00:06:10,574 --> 00:06:13,247 But my soul... it runs free, 155 00:06:13,286 --> 00:06:15,702 (Noah) through the night, into the thicket, 156 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,816 where warm Carmen awaits, 157 00:06:20,504 --> 00:06:22,545 in the damp, salty night air. 158 00:06:22,545 --> 00:06:23,257 Hey! (Snaps fingers) 159 00:06:23,304 --> 00:06:25,791 You need to stop indulging this fantasy and move on. 160 00:06:25,911 --> 00:06:27,550 - Move on? - Yes. 161 00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,943 Ever since Carmen left, I haven't been able to sleep. 162 00:06:30,288 --> 00:06:32,048 (Crunches) I haven't been able to eat. 163 00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:33,283 Really? Seem... seems like 164 00:06:33,307 --> 00:06:35,043 you're doing just fine with the baklava. 165 00:06:35,317 --> 00:06:37,608 Yeah, well, this happens to be delicious. 166 00:06:38,218 --> 00:06:40,502 As you can see, I moved my desk in here, 167 00:06:40,510 --> 00:06:42,927 on the front lines. This allowed me 168 00:06:42,911 --> 00:06:46,298 to observe my subject in its natural habitat. (Cooing) 169 00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:49,253 (Giggling) (Laughs) 170 00:06:49,373 --> 00:06:51,256 - Tessa, I beg you. - Sorry. 171 00:06:51,376 --> 00:06:54,462 In any case, the more I studied the baby, 172 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:59,264 the more I realized he has no idea what he's doing. 173 00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,913 Babies are born into this world 174 00:07:00,913 --> 00:07:03,174 with their heads up their diapers. 175 00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:05,340 They have no idea how to be a baby. 176 00:07:05,387 --> 00:07:07,194 Hence... 177 00:07:07,946 --> 00:07:09,329 my latest book. 178 00:07:09,364 --> 00:07:11,692 "How to be a baby: You're out, now what?" 179 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:12,841 Wow. 180 00:07:13,702 --> 00:07:18,069 How brave of you to target a demographic that doesn't read. 181 00:07:18,189 --> 00:07:18,997 You know what? 182 00:07:19,051 --> 00:07:21,158 They'll never learn if you coddle them, Tessa. 183 00:07:21,192 --> 00:07:22,426 Never. 184 00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:23,861 (Thuds, Opus coos) 185 00:07:23,981 --> 00:07:26,810 Now as my intern, your main duty 186 00:07:26,818 --> 00:07:29,438 is to nurture and support my creative process 187 00:07:29,718 --> 00:07:30,765 and to count out 188 00:07:30,744 --> 00:07:33,671 my daily nutritional allotment of almonds. 189 00:07:33,705 --> 00:07:35,088 Six almonds. 190 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:38,075 No more, even if I beg. 191 00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:41,428 You are not to give me a single almond over six. 192 00:07:41,624 --> 00:07:42,679 Think I can handle that. 193 00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:44,548 That's only because you've never seen me beg. 194 00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:46,083 Six almonds. 195 00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:48,107 - What if I'm starving? - So what? 196 00:07:48,162 --> 00:07:49,147 Six almonds. 197 00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:51,595 Bravissima. (Packaging rustles) 198 00:07:51,861 --> 00:07:53,112 Oh, wait a minute. 199 00:07:53,401 --> 00:07:56,717 It actually says here serving size is seven almonds. 200 00:07:56,837 --> 00:07:58,586 So let's make it seven almonds. 201 00:07:58,641 --> 00:08:01,269 "Seven almonds." 202 00:08:01,511 --> 00:08:02,199 Got it. 203 00:08:02,207 --> 00:08:04,553 Add one more almond to the pile, 204 00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,360 and we're all set. 205 00:08:06,915 --> 00:08:08,464 Coming right up. 206 00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:11,552 (Packaging rustles) 207 00:08:11,943 --> 00:08:13,734 (Clink) 208 00:08:14,462 --> 00:08:16,072 Thank you, Tessa. 209 00:08:16,192 --> 00:08:17,815 Aah! 210 00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:19,535 You imbecile. 211 00:08:19,655 --> 00:08:22,321 You gullible, malleable fool. 212 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:25,066 I just tricked you into giving me another almond. 213 00:08:25,186 --> 00:08:27,186 I tricked you! 214 00:08:27,553 --> 00:08:29,383 You have to be ready. 215 00:08:29,657 --> 00:08:31,369 - But... - Butts are for people 216 00:08:31,369 --> 00:08:33,669 who eat more than six almonds in a sitting. 217 00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:36,288 And as you can see from my butt, 218 00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:37,837 that ain't me. 219 00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,954 Pun intended. 220 00:08:46,980 --> 00:08:50,343 So that's why he's been so upset over Carmen leaving? 221 00:08:50,392 --> 00:08:54,340 I had no idea Noah is in love with Carmen. 222 00:08:54,347 --> 00:08:55,904 Okay, okay. Da... Dallas, 223 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,687 not a... not a word to anyone. 224 00:08:57,710 --> 00:09:01,040 And you cannot say anything to Jill. 225 00:09:01,075 --> 00:09:03,122 (Sighs) I can't imagine how she'd feel. 226 00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:04,373 Or if she'd feel. 227 00:09:04,493 --> 00:09:05,914 Jill tends to resist feeling. 228 00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,228 For instance, she felt nothing 229 00:09:07,259 --> 00:09:09,566 when she stole your daughter from my employ. 230 00:09:09,589 --> 00:09:10,974 Okay, well, I think... I think Tessa 231 00:09:10,942 --> 00:09:12,602 thought that was a good opportunity. 232 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:16,186 Hey, as rewarding as the crystal field has been for you, 233 00:09:16,605 --> 00:09:19,256 it's probably not where she sees herself in five years. 234 00:09:19,303 --> 00:09:21,860 No? I guess she sees herself residing 235 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:25,215 in the frigid, flaky recesses of Jill Werner's tailpipe. 236 00:09:25,207 --> 00:09:27,483 Wow. You really paint a picture. 237 00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,360 But truthfully, that coldness, I think, 238 00:09:29,376 --> 00:09:30,244 is part of the problem. 239 00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:32,970 I mean, Carmen... she was warm with Noah. 240 00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:37,079 I know. She's the best. She's numero uno. 241 00:09:37,126 --> 00:09:38,244 Yeah, but the timing. 242 00:09:38,295 --> 00:09:41,114 I mean, they have a new baby. They have to stick together. 243 00:09:41,161 --> 00:09:42,357 Right, and it's not exactly 244 00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:44,867 like Carmen's expressed the same feelings towards him. 245 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,377 Since she's been here, 246 00:09:46,431 --> 00:09:48,942 she has not mentioned Noah's name once. 247 00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:52,008 Noah? If I may ask, how is he? 248 00:09:52,128 --> 00:09:54,597 - Oh. Uh, he's... he's good. - He's good. 249 00:09:54,717 --> 00:09:56,369 - He's doing real good. - Real good. 250 00:09:56,489 --> 00:09:57,475 (Exhales) 251 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,816 Please give this to him for me. 252 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,430 He always forgets to wipe down the touch screen of his phone. 253 00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:08,362 It tends to get so greasy. 254 00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:12,765 I... I will... see that he gets this. 255 00:10:12,885 --> 00:10:15,150 Thank you. On a lighter note, 256 00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:18,294 I pulled three handfuls of yellow wig hair 257 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,672 from the drain in the downstairs bath. 258 00:10:21,477 --> 00:10:24,004 I'll talk to Dalia. 259 00:10:24,270 --> 00:10:25,810 He needs a new look, 260 00:10:25,818 --> 00:10:27,973 one that says, "you cheated on me, 261 00:10:27,977 --> 00:10:28,610 you're a cheater, 262 00:10:28,602 --> 00:10:30,229 drop dead, you homosexual cheater." 263 00:10:30,253 --> 00:10:31,535 But without losing a lot of length. 264 00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:34,015 How about some daring magenta tips? 265 00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:35,133 Ooh, like that. 266 00:10:35,253 --> 00:10:36,956 But do daring magenta tips say, 267 00:10:36,985 --> 00:10:38,719 "I hope you stop breathing in your sleep"? 268 00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,045 Mm, no. But they do say, 269 00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:42,022 "I'm fun. You're not. I hope you get S.A.R.S." 270 00:10:42,057 --> 00:10:43,340 'Kay. 271 00:10:43,374 --> 00:10:44,933 This is exciting. 272 00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:47,111 No, Mr. Wolfe. 273 00:10:47,145 --> 00:10:49,447 This is war. 274 00:10:49,481 --> 00:10:51,972 Okay. I stuffed your face in all these envelopes, 275 00:10:52,092 --> 00:10:53,568 cubed your bedtime gouda, 276 00:10:53,568 --> 00:10:55,859 and ordered refill bags for the diaper genie. 277 00:10:55,979 --> 00:10:58,369 Is there anything else you'd like me to do 278 00:10:58,377 --> 00:10:59,277 before I head out? 279 00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,341 Tessa, why did you take this internship 280 00:11:01,359 --> 00:11:02,772 working for me? It's funny. 281 00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:04,876 I was actually just asking myself the same question. 282 00:11:04,876 --> 00:11:06,291 I think I know the answer. 283 00:11:06,411 --> 00:11:07,833 I think that there's a part of you 284 00:11:07,872 --> 00:11:10,533 that dreams of one day being a published author. 285 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,931 You know, maybe you're... 286 00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,054 Of course I'm right. 287 00:11:14,088 --> 00:11:16,704 Which is why I'd like to give you 288 00:11:16,693 --> 00:11:18,288 a little creative writing assignment. 289 00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:19,626 Really? 290 00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:24,731 That's great. I mean, thank you. 291 00:11:24,765 --> 00:11:27,048 You are very welcome. 292 00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,821 So what's the assignment? 293 00:11:31,855 --> 00:11:34,298 I'd like you to help Opus 294 00:11:34,314 --> 00:11:36,769 write a review for my new book. 295 00:11:37,473 --> 00:11:38,710 (Opus fusses) Wait, what? 296 00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:41,157 It'll take a little creativity on your part, 297 00:11:41,181 --> 00:11:43,777 and a willingness to try on his. 298 00:11:44,401 --> 00:11:46,336 (Coos) 299 00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:48,822 (Sighs) Don't think I understand. 300 00:11:48,856 --> 00:11:50,879 He will speak without words, 301 00:11:50,999 --> 00:11:53,178 and you will listen without ears. 302 00:11:53,232 --> 00:11:54,093 I have ears. 303 00:11:54,085 --> 00:11:57,150 Then you heard how... poetic that sounded. 304 00:11:57,270 --> 00:11:58,981 Let me get this straight... 305 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:02,437 You want me to ask Opus what he thought of your book, 306 00:12:02,469 --> 00:12:05,847 and then transcribe his incoherent babbling... 307 00:12:05,863 --> 00:12:09,257 Into a review that you post on Amazon. 308 00:12:09,377 --> 00:12:10,556 If there's another printing, 309 00:12:10,579 --> 00:12:12,159 it may even wind up on the jacket. 310 00:12:12,495 --> 00:12:14,130 I'll be your first published piece, 311 00:12:14,169 --> 00:12:16,023 and my first five-star review. 312 00:12:15,999 --> 00:12:17,946 How do you know Opus is gonna give you five stars? 313 00:12:18,066 --> 00:12:21,043 He connects with the material. See for yourself. 314 00:12:21,163 --> 00:12:23,283 (Rips) 315 00:12:25,884 --> 00:12:28,355 And I just thought some fresh air 316 00:12:28,389 --> 00:12:30,807 and a new hobby, like tapping syrup, 317 00:12:30,841 --> 00:12:32,718 would help get your mind off of... 318 00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:33,923 Tapping Carmen? 319 00:12:33,978 --> 00:12:36,207 I get it. You're a good friend. 320 00:12:36,261 --> 00:12:38,209 Well, I'm just trying to look out for you, man. 321 00:12:38,329 --> 00:12:39,933 I can tell you from experience, 322 00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,666 the single parent thing is not easy. 323 00:12:41,689 --> 00:12:42,925 And neither is marriage, 324 00:12:42,886 --> 00:12:45,572 but you can't just bolt when things get hard. 325 00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:48,165 - No. You're right. - Yeah. 326 00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:52,662 My place is in Jill Werner's bony, punishing arms. 327 00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:55,039 Besides, if Carmen felt the same, 328 00:12:55,071 --> 00:12:56,377 she would have reached out by now. 329 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,481 Some small gesture, but she hasn't. 330 00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:01,170 Yeah. 331 00:13:01,439 --> 00:13:03,790 L... let's go home. 332 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,825 - Yeah? - Let's take our sap, 333 00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:08,529 run it through the reverse osmosis filter, 334 00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:12,368 boil it, evaporate it, bottle it... 335 00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:14,331 and then go home. 336 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:18,046 (Whirring, dryer turns off) 337 00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:23,090 (Pink) * I don't know if I could yell any louder * 338 00:13:24,365 --> 00:13:26,096 My only question is, 339 00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,931 is it gay enough? 340 00:13:27,982 --> 00:13:29,399 Absolutely. 341 00:13:29,847 --> 00:13:31,634 I think it's naughty. 342 00:13:31,669 --> 00:13:32,669 (Giggles) It is. 343 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,437 Thank you guys for the pick-me-up. 344 00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:36,239 I really needed it. 345 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,730 (Whispers) Where do I pay? 346 00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:40,366 You don't pay. Chef Alan pays. 347 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,587 Actually, he does pay. 348 00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:46,881 Fine. You pay, and then Chef Alan pays. 349 00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:48,875 This is only phase one, Mr. Wolfe. 350 00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:49,892 Phase one? 351 00:13:49,939 --> 00:13:52,300 You look better, but you don't feel better. 352 00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:53,747 And in order to feel better, 353 00:13:53,778 --> 00:13:55,650 you need to make Chef Alan feel worse. 354 00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:58,588 You need to find his sad button and his mad button, 355 00:13:58,596 --> 00:14:00,190 and push them both... 356 00:14:00,224 --> 00:14:02,676 like, 15 times in a row. 357 00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:04,688 How do you know all this? 358 00:14:04,808 --> 00:14:06,550 Dalia, did someone break your... 359 00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:08,231 (Droning noise) 360 00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:09,549 What's that noise? 361 00:14:09,567 --> 00:14:11,195 She's crying. 362 00:14:11,485 --> 00:14:12,819 (Continues droning) Crying? 363 00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:15,763 Are you sure? There are no tears. 364 00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:18,859 Yeah. She taught herself to dry cry years ago 365 00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:20,324 to avoid ruining her makeup. 366 00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:21,861 (Continues droning) It'll run its course. 367 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,904 It often stops just as suddenly as... 368 00:14:23,865 --> 00:14:26,148 Do you guys wanna get Sushi? 369 00:14:33,235 --> 00:14:34,909 (Typing) "The only thing that stinks 370 00:14:34,948 --> 00:14:37,841 more than this book is my diaper. 371 00:14:38,404 --> 00:14:40,688 All the wipes in the world 372 00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:43,378 won't freshen up this turd. 373 00:14:43,498 --> 00:14:47,077 Signed, Opus Werner." 374 00:14:47,406 --> 00:14:49,399 Throwing Opus under the bus, aren't ya? 375 00:14:49,704 --> 00:14:52,027 Uh, I'd like to think Opus and I 376 00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:53,338 are of the same mind on this. 377 00:14:53,458 --> 00:14:57,502 Well, it sounds like somebody has mastered how to be a baby. 378 00:14:59,544 --> 00:15:01,663 It's not me. It's her. 379 00:15:01,679 --> 00:15:04,345 Jill Werner is the most vapid, self-obsessed narcissist 380 00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:05,401 I have ever met. 381 00:15:05,385 --> 00:15:07,247 Well, nobody's perfect. 382 00:15:07,591 --> 00:15:08,866 Why are we eating syrup? 383 00:15:08,986 --> 00:15:10,750 Well, I didn't get the Greens. You want some on your Greens? 384 00:15:10,758 --> 00:15:11,658 - The Greens? - Yeah. 385 00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:13,003 No, dad, I don't. 386 00:15:13,018 --> 00:15:14,567 We can choose to bask in the negativity 387 00:15:14,598 --> 00:15:16,530 because somebody had a bad day at the office, 388 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:17,859 or we can happily guzzle 389 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,416 the sweet, Amber fluid of the lord. 390 00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,066 There. Now it's on your Greens. 391 00:15:22,105 --> 00:15:24,084 - George, the woman is a monster. - Okay. 392 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,595 I honestly don't know how Noah stays married to her. 393 00:15:26,642 --> 00:15:29,732 Part of me wants to slip him a note that says 394 00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:32,054 "run. Run for your life." 395 00:15:32,077 --> 00:15:33,086 Please do not do that, 396 00:15:33,094 --> 00:15:34,596 because I have been working very hard 397 00:15:34,627 --> 00:15:35,581 to keep that from happening. 398 00:15:35,597 --> 00:15:36,464 Look, I'll admit 399 00:15:36,449 --> 00:15:38,748 that Jill is not like most of the moms in Chatswin. 400 00:15:38,868 --> 00:15:40,007 But she's a career woman. 401 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,149 I thought you of all people would appreciate that. 402 00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,682 I thought you looked up to her. 403 00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:45,959 I did, until I got to know her. 404 00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,281 Have you seen how she conducts herself 405 00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:49,439 around a plate of almonds? 406 00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:50,839 Well, she's got a lot going on. 407 00:15:50,885 --> 00:15:52,591 Have you ever written a body of work 408 00:15:52,711 --> 00:15:54,092 you were extremely proud of? 409 00:15:54,115 --> 00:15:55,677 I imagine it takes a lot out of you. 410 00:15:55,695 --> 00:15:59,527 Oh, my God. George, why are you defending her? 411 00:16:00,075 --> 00:16:01,411 And then I thought, 412 00:16:01,436 --> 00:16:03,633 my God, George, why are you defending her? 413 00:16:03,938 --> 00:16:05,506 And I realized 414 00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:08,395 that it's impossible for me to hear you talk about leaving 415 00:16:08,794 --> 00:16:13,166 without remembering what it felt like to be left. 416 00:16:14,621 --> 00:16:16,250 I'm Jill. 417 00:16:16,317 --> 00:16:20,321 I'm an unpublished Jill Werner, 17 years out. 418 00:16:20,673 --> 00:16:21,854 Grim. 419 00:16:21,870 --> 00:16:23,582 (Sighs) I wasn't being objective, 420 00:16:23,621 --> 00:16:25,389 or a good friend. 421 00:16:25,999 --> 00:16:28,173 I... I have no right telling you... 422 00:16:28,453 --> 00:16:31,021 Look, don't beat yourself up, buddy. 423 00:16:31,055 --> 00:16:32,529 Carmen and I weren't meant to be. 424 00:16:32,537 --> 00:16:34,602 Like I said, if she felt anything for me, 425 00:16:34,722 --> 00:16:37,010 she would have reached out by now. 426 00:16:37,044 --> 00:16:37,978 Yeah. 427 00:16:38,012 --> 00:16:41,218 Well, that's the thing. 428 00:16:43,932 --> 00:16:44,999 Where did you get this? 429 00:16:45,119 --> 00:16:47,154 From Carmen. She asked me to give it to you, 430 00:16:47,138 --> 00:16:48,496 and I didn't, because... 431 00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,180 I knew it. 432 00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:51,658 I knew it. 433 00:16:51,692 --> 00:16:53,760 She does care. 434 00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:56,363 I am leaving my wife... 435 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,846 for Carmen! 436 00:16:58,866 --> 00:17:01,401 (Laughs) 437 00:17:01,419 --> 00:17:03,937 - Whoo-hoo! - Noah? Darling? 438 00:17:03,992 --> 00:17:05,322 (Door opens) 439 00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:10,116 Well, today's pain is tomorrow's best-seller. 440 00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,492 Am I right? 441 00:17:17,101 --> 00:17:18,885 Sweets... 442 00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:21,737 (Tessa) When your strike reaches its intended target, 443 00:17:21,729 --> 00:17:24,576 there's something bittersweet about the moment. 444 00:17:24,696 --> 00:17:28,620 On the one hand, it's great to watch your tormentor fall. 445 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:30,677 On the other hand, 446 00:17:30,864 --> 00:17:33,820 watching them fall reminds you that they're human. 447 00:17:34,047 --> 00:17:35,152 Jill... 448 00:17:35,908 --> 00:17:38,122 I'm sorry about that. 449 00:17:38,169 --> 00:17:40,531 I can't understand what went wrong with us. 450 00:17:41,086 --> 00:17:42,963 I know how painful this must be. 451 00:17:42,971 --> 00:17:44,723 Oh, I looked like a fool today. 452 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,867 Meaning I... I think maybe Noah has been... 453 00:17:47,921 --> 00:17:49,751 Noah? I'm talking about you. 454 00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:51,792 I asked you to do one thing for me. 455 00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:55,655 Craft a five-star ok review from my child's point of view. 456 00:17:55,687 --> 00:17:56,461 - And what you... - Hold on. 457 00:17:56,581 --> 00:17:57,602 Are you really telling me 458 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,964 that you're more upset about the book review I posted 459 00:17:59,957 --> 00:18:03,187 than you are about... the end of your marriage? 460 00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:05,861 Look, Noah leaving me for Carmen 461 00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:07,793 is a real crap sandwich. 462 00:18:07,913 --> 00:18:09,200 But you know something? 463 00:18:09,224 --> 00:18:11,155 It came on ciabatta. 464 00:18:11,343 --> 00:18:13,683 (Greg Laswell's "Girls just want to have fun" playing) 465 00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:15,543 What's this? You already started a new book? 466 00:18:15,663 --> 00:18:18,288 A new chapter. 467 00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:21,487 Ahh. 468 00:18:21,714 --> 00:18:23,598 Mm. (Inhales deeply) 469 00:18:23,718 --> 00:18:25,827 Maybe this one will be worth a damn. 470 00:18:26,031 --> 00:18:27,845 And then it occurred to me... 471 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,199 no matter what I thought of Jill Werner, 472 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,622 it would never be as bad 473 00:18:31,638 --> 00:18:33,694 as what Jill Werner thought of herself. 474 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:36,744 ♪ Those girls, they... ♪ 475 00:18:36,864 --> 00:18:38,424 Hey, Dallas. 476 00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:40,074 Tessa. How are you doing? 477 00:18:40,092 --> 00:18:42,845 Have you climbed your way up the literary food chain 478 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,714 and secured the college credential of your dreams? 479 00:18:44,721 --> 00:18:46,474 Actually... 480 00:18:47,401 --> 00:18:50,403 I'd really like to come back and work for you, 481 00:18:50,437 --> 00:18:52,405 if you'll have me. 482 00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,090 Well, I don't know, Tessa. 483 00:18:54,124 --> 00:18:56,257 No college admissions director 484 00:18:56,377 --> 00:18:57,844 - is gonna look twice... - I don't care. 485 00:18:57,878 --> 00:19:00,418 Working for Jill might look better on paper, 486 00:19:00,441 --> 00:19:05,418 but she can't teach me anything about being a good person. 487 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,934 And... who can, exactly? 488 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,944 Okay, now you're just fishing. 489 00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:13,309 Well, go on, let me catch something. 490 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,028 You, Dallas. 491 00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:18,097 I can learn about being a better person from you. 492 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,949 Who? (Laughs) 493 00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,819 I like the way you say that. (Laughs) 494 00:19:29,612 --> 00:19:31,262 Where is she? 495 00:19:31,382 --> 00:19:33,483 Carmen. 496 00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,444 Carmen! 497 00:19:35,564 --> 00:19:37,933 (Carmen, voice echoes) In the bathroom! 498 00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,851 It better be number one, woman, 499 00:19:41,891 --> 00:19:43,251 'cause I'm coming in. 500 00:19:43,494 --> 00:19:45,621 This can't wait! Ahh! 501 00:19:45,741 --> 00:19:49,618 (Gasps) Mr. Werner! 502 00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:51,768 (Squeaks) (Romantic music playing) 503 00:19:52,222 --> 00:19:53,841 Don't move a muscle, Carmen. 504 00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,422 I want to remember you just like this. 505 00:19:56,542 --> 00:19:58,056 It's going to cause a flood. 506 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,341 I don't care! Let it! 507 00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:06,504 Why didn't you contact me? 508 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,856 I waited every day for you to contact me, 509 00:20:08,864 --> 00:20:09,944 and you never did! 510 00:20:10,064 --> 00:20:11,805 I wrote you 42 e-mails, 511 00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:14,237 one e-mail a day for 42 days. 512 00:20:14,222 --> 00:20:15,731 What address did you use? 513 00:20:15,851 --> 00:20:17,929 The A.O.L. one. 514 00:20:18,049 --> 00:20:20,815 I don't check that account. 515 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,193 It's too late now. 516 00:20:24,313 --> 00:20:26,312 It's over. 517 00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,244 It's not over. 518 00:20:28,364 --> 00:20:30,317 It's never over! 519 00:20:30,747 --> 00:20:35,249 (Music swells) 520 00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:37,535 (Music stops) (Grunts) What the hell?! 521 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,788 (Squeaks) I thought you said you missed me. 522 00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:43,846 (Spits) I miss working for you. 523 00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:47,584 I'm sorry, but I only like you as a boss. 524 00:20:48,218 --> 00:20:50,095 What about the chamois? 525 00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:52,300 It was for wiping things. 526 00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:54,919 (Groans) 527 00:20:55,107 --> 00:20:56,554 No. No. I won't go. 528 00:20:56,674 --> 00:20:59,357 No, this is too easy, Carmen! 529 00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:01,293 I didn't fight for you last time. 530 00:21:01,566 --> 00:21:04,094 I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice. 531 00:21:05,086 --> 00:21:06,978 I have a lot of mopping to do. 532 00:21:07,098 --> 00:21:10,467 Well, then, I'm gonna stand right here beside you, 533 00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:11,858 and I'm gonna watch you mop. 534 00:21:11,978 --> 00:21:14,299 Well, I can't if you're in the middle of the floor. 535 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:17,169 Well, I have to show you that I'm not giving up on this. 536 00:21:17,161 --> 00:21:18,561 Where do you want me to stand? 537 00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,462 I don't know. On the toilet? 538 00:21:20,517 --> 00:21:23,080 Fine. Just... 539 00:21:24,990 --> 00:21:27,151 (Grunts) 540 00:21:27,169 --> 00:21:30,154 (Shoes squeak) 541 00:21:32,724 --> 00:21:35,032 You're beautiful. 542 00:21:37,916 --> 00:21:43,900 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -