1 00:00:00,961 --> 00:00:02,658 Tessa: George didn't love shrinks. 2 00:00:02,690 --> 00:00:05,490 But he also knew when he was in over his head, 3 00:00:05,610 --> 00:00:06,755 and such was the case 4 00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:09,040 when Noah announced his undying love for... 5 00:00:09,071 --> 00:00:10,823 Carmen. 6 00:00:11,183 --> 00:00:12,958 Great. 7 00:00:12,990 --> 00:00:14,428 And... 8 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:17,134 Uh, C... Carmen wrestling a snake. 9 00:00:17,924 --> 00:00:19,441 Mm-hmm. 10 00:00:19,849 --> 00:00:21,748 All right. 11 00:00:21,868 --> 00:00:24,069 Carmen as a butterfly... 12 00:00:24,103 --> 00:00:27,551 making love... to a dragon's face. 13 00:00:31,477 --> 00:00:33,519 Al Jarreau. 14 00:00:34,238 --> 00:00:36,045 Wait, wait, wait. 15 00:00:36,549 --> 00:00:39,102 Al Jarreau straddling Carmen. 16 00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:41,987 Fantastic. 17 00:00:42,038 --> 00:00:44,679 Oh. Are you writing a prescription? 18 00:00:44,707 --> 00:00:46,441 Yes. 19 00:00:46,476 --> 00:00:47,901 Yes, I am. 20 00:00:48,151 --> 00:00:49,527 Okay. 21 00:00:49,647 --> 00:00:51,180 (Door opens) 22 00:00:51,214 --> 00:00:53,406 Hey. How... how... how is he? (Door closes) 23 00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:55,730 The man is obsessed, quite frankly, 24 00:00:55,776 --> 00:00:57,474 with Carmen, his former housekeeper. 25 00:00:57,496 --> 00:01:00,054 I knew it. I knew it. This is a mess. 26 00:01:00,174 --> 00:01:01,219 He thinks he's in love with her. 27 00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:03,886 But he's not. It's a midlife crisis, 28 00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:07,600 and it is incredibly common, and it will pass. 29 00:01:07,608 --> 00:01:09,093 Okay. You sure? 30 00:01:09,213 --> 00:01:11,744 - It's classic caregiver transference. - Uh-huh. 31 00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:12,879 Triggered, perhaps, 32 00:01:12,886 --> 00:01:15,475 by being married to an icy, strident, 33 00:01:15,483 --> 00:01:17,820 self-important, castrating W.A.S.P. 34 00:01:17,821 --> 00:01:19,479 So you've met Jill? 35 00:01:19,487 --> 00:01:21,309 I've met everyone. 36 00:01:21,316 --> 00:01:24,060 Right. Well, there... there's gotta be something I can do. 37 00:01:24,061 --> 00:01:27,572 Well, there is. Keep his mind off of Carmen 38 00:01:27,604 --> 00:01:29,707 - and redirect those thoughts. - Mm-hmm. 39 00:01:29,762 --> 00:01:33,486 Introduce some fun new hobbies, great food, perhaps. 40 00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:36,643 I know this fantastic place for baklava, 41 00:01:36,659 --> 00:01:38,817 if he partakes in something like that. 42 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:44,870 You may also want to employ a little light smack talk. 43 00:01:44,878 --> 00:01:48,475 Offer up some disparaging remarks about Carmen. 44 00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:49,843 Hmm. Will that work? 45 00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:51,036 It may. 46 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,672 For example, um... 47 00:01:53,706 --> 00:01:56,007 "Carmen isn't even that pretty." 48 00:01:56,127 --> 00:02:00,946 Or, "if you ask me, Carmen isn't too pretty." 49 00:02:01,474 --> 00:02:04,164 Or, "there are a lot of other girls out there"... 50 00:02:04,172 --> 00:02:05,803 Aah! (Thuds) 51 00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:08,601 (Noah yelling indistinctly, punches landing) Tessa: Passion, when expressed non-violently, 52 00:02:08,615 --> 00:02:10,552 - can be beautiful. - Noah! 53 00:02:10,553 --> 00:02:12,572 But just because you're passionate about something, 54 00:02:12,901 --> 00:02:16,045 doesn't necessarily mean that others share your passion. 55 00:02:16,295 --> 00:02:20,674 Oh, Tessa, just look how the sunlight kisses each crystal 56 00:02:20,714 --> 00:02:23,382 and sends all those refractions just flyin'. 57 00:02:23,502 --> 00:02:27,095 (Gasps) Oh, isn't it just a thing of wonder? 58 00:02:27,494 --> 00:02:30,137 Tessa, do you or do you not 59 00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:32,929 feel like you're doing the rumba inside a rainbow? 60 00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:36,874 Oh. Yeah. Totally. 61 00:02:36,892 --> 00:02:38,701 Sorry, Dallas. (Slaps table) 62 00:02:38,709 --> 00:02:41,344 I'm just really stressed about this whole college thing. 63 00:02:41,383 --> 00:02:43,026 I mean, watching Ryan go through it, 64 00:02:43,033 --> 00:02:45,300 I can't stop thinking about next year. 65 00:02:45,301 --> 00:02:48,907 My grades are fine, but I'm not sure that's enough anymore. 66 00:02:49,384 --> 00:02:50,721 I need to be more impressive. 67 00:02:50,722 --> 00:02:53,341 Impressive? Tessa, you're very impressive. 68 00:02:53,461 --> 00:02:55,687 After all, how many high school students 69 00:02:55,711 --> 00:02:56,954 can boast to being named 70 00:02:56,978 --> 00:03:00,075 senior vice president of prismatic affairs 71 00:03:00,106 --> 00:03:01,866 at a crystal cup of crystals? 72 00:03:01,897 --> 00:03:03,373 I don't think the schools I'm looking at 73 00:03:03,374 --> 00:03:04,658 are gonna care about that. 74 00:03:04,659 --> 00:03:08,693 I... I need a credential with more substance. 75 00:03:08,701 --> 00:03:09,413 (Door bells jingle) 76 00:03:09,444 --> 00:03:12,744 Dallas, may I post a flyer in your shop window 77 00:03:12,745 --> 00:03:13,753 for my book signing? 78 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,819 As you may recall, I'm a published author. 79 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,955 And as such, I find my readers 80 00:03:19,971 --> 00:03:22,403 really do relish the opportunity for face time. 81 00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:23,467 Excuse me, Mrs. Werner. 82 00:03:23,498 --> 00:03:26,267 I'd be happy to post flyers for you around town, 83 00:03:26,298 --> 00:03:28,535 or help you with anything else you may need. 84 00:03:28,558 --> 00:03:31,004 - Interning for a published author... - Which I am. 85 00:03:31,005 --> 00:03:33,032 Would look really good on my college application. 86 00:03:33,063 --> 00:03:36,205 An intern. What a novel idea. 87 00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:39,608 Pun intended, constructed, and delivered impeccably. 88 00:03:40,398 --> 00:03:41,727 You'll start at once. 89 00:03:41,728 --> 00:03:43,166 You don't mind, right, Dallas? 90 00:03:43,197 --> 00:03:44,198 I mean, it's been pretty slow around here. 91 00:03:44,206 --> 00:03:45,629 I'm sure you can manage without me. 92 00:03:45,668 --> 00:03:48,163 Manage? Don't be silly. A monkey could do this job. 93 00:03:48,203 --> 00:03:50,915 Oh. Absolutely. That's what I've always said. 94 00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:53,425 I'll just go ahead and place an ad for part-time help... 95 00:03:53,426 --> 00:03:54,404 at the zoo. 96 00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:55,960 Sensational. 97 00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:58,063 Tessa, you're hired. You have the job. 98 00:03:58,087 --> 00:04:00,238 And I use that term loosely, because there is no pay. 99 00:04:00,253 --> 00:04:02,833 - Understood. - I'm tough, but not fair. 100 00:04:13,861 --> 00:04:15,761 Dalia: Mr. Wolfe? 101 00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:17,682 What are you doing? 102 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,651 Oh, Dalia, don't mind me. 103 00:04:19,992 --> 00:04:22,972 Since Chef Alan adulterated our relationship, 104 00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:25,638 I've decided to throw out absolutely everything 105 00:04:25,639 --> 00:04:27,175 that reminds me of him. 106 00:04:30,746 --> 00:04:32,568 Which is absolutely everything. 107 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,351 What about the microwave? 108 00:04:34,664 --> 00:04:35,892 What about the microwave? 109 00:04:36,012 --> 00:04:38,152 Doesn't the microwave remind you of Chef Alan? 110 00:04:38,184 --> 00:04:38,997 Not really. 111 00:04:39,036 --> 00:04:41,891 But the microwave cooks food, and so does Chef Alan. 112 00:04:42,011 --> 00:04:43,502 No, I see your point. 113 00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:45,105 You should throw out your microwave. 114 00:04:45,106 --> 00:04:47,334 Okay. I know. It's just... 115 00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:50,267 I use my microwave... 116 00:04:50,387 --> 00:04:51,689 a lot. 117 00:04:51,690 --> 00:04:53,294 Yeah. 118 00:04:53,802 --> 00:04:56,105 And besides, Mr. Wolfe, 119 00:04:56,156 --> 00:04:57,525 getting rid of all your stuff 120 00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:59,433 isn't gonna make you feel better anyway. 121 00:04:59,456 --> 00:05:02,647 It isn't? Well, what is? 122 00:05:02,767 --> 00:05:06,082 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne - - www.addic7ed.com - 123 00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:10,445 [Alih Jay] ♪ Last night I had a pleasant nightmare ♪ 124 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,835 2x16 How to Be a Baby 125 00:05:14,492 --> 00:05:16,275 (Crunches) 126 00:05:17,922 --> 00:05:18,845 - Mmm! - You like it? 127 00:05:18,846 --> 00:05:20,244 I love it! 128 00:05:20,364 --> 00:05:22,363 Almost as much as I love... 129 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,311 Don't say it. Come on. 130 00:05:24,327 --> 00:05:25,923 Don't... don't even say her name. 131 00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:27,972 You need to wipe every thought... 132 00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:29,747 She was good at wiping stuff. 133 00:05:29,958 --> 00:05:30,560 Noah... 134 00:05:30,568 --> 00:05:33,415 She was. She wiped everything. 135 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,996 My counters, my windows, 136 00:05:36,116 --> 00:05:38,804 and you should have seen the way she polished a knob. 137 00:05:38,924 --> 00:05:40,259 (Squeaking) 138 00:05:40,379 --> 00:05:41,315 Noah: She loved it. 139 00:05:41,316 --> 00:05:42,863 (Spits) It wasn't a chore. 140 00:05:42,983 --> 00:05:44,631 She was greedy for it. 141 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,125 Hmm. 142 00:05:46,437 --> 00:05:50,583 She was a sorceress. A playful sorceress. 143 00:05:50,703 --> 00:05:52,295 She invented this great game 144 00:05:52,296 --> 00:05:55,009 where she would disappear into thin air. 145 00:05:55,345 --> 00:05:58,458 And the moment that Opus and I began to get nervous, 146 00:05:58,578 --> 00:06:01,195 she would reappear! (Laughs) 147 00:06:01,315 --> 00:06:02,110 It was a miracle. 148 00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:03,314 It was peek-a-boo. 149 00:06:03,315 --> 00:06:04,863 It was pure magic. 150 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,185 I'm trying to help you here, Noah. 151 00:06:07,216 --> 00:06:09,023 You're a married man. 152 00:06:09,143 --> 00:06:10,954 My body may be married. 153 00:06:11,074 --> 00:06:13,747 But my soul... it runs free, 154 00:06:13,786 --> 00:06:16,202 Noah: through the night, into the thicket, 155 00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:20,316 where warm Carmen awaits, 156 00:06:21,004 --> 00:06:23,044 in the damp, salty night air. 157 00:06:23,045 --> 00:06:23,857 Hey! (Snaps fingers) 158 00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:26,291 You need to stop indulging this fantasy and move on. 159 00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:28,049 - Move on? - Yes. 160 00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:30,443 Ever since Carmen left, I haven't been able to sleep. 161 00:06:30,788 --> 00:06:32,548 (Crunches) I haven't been able to eat. 162 00:06:32,579 --> 00:06:33,783 Really? Seem... seems like 163 00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:35,543 you're doing just fine with the baklava. 164 00:06:35,817 --> 00:06:38,108 Yeah, well, this happens to be delicious. 165 00:06:38,718 --> 00:06:41,002 As you can see, I moved my desk in here, 166 00:06:41,010 --> 00:06:43,410 on the front lines. This allowed me 167 00:06:43,411 --> 00:06:46,798 to observe my subject in its natural habitat. (Cooing) 168 00:06:47,970 --> 00:06:49,753 (Giggling) (Laughs) 169 00:06:49,873 --> 00:06:51,756 - Tessa, I beg you. - Sorry. 170 00:06:51,876 --> 00:06:54,962 In any case, the more I studied the baby, 171 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:59,764 the more I realized he has no idea what he's doing. 172 00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,412 Babies are born into this world 173 00:07:01,413 --> 00:07:03,673 with their heads up their diapers. 174 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,840 They have no idea how to be a baby. 175 00:07:05,887 --> 00:07:07,694 Hence... 176 00:07:08,446 --> 00:07:09,829 my latest book. 177 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,192 "How to be a baby: You're out, now what?" 178 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,341 Wow. 179 00:07:14,202 --> 00:07:18,569 How brave of you to target a demographic that doesn't read. 180 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,497 You know what? 181 00:07:19,551 --> 00:07:21,658 They'll never learn if you coddle them, Tessa. 182 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:22,926 Never. 183 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,361 (Thuds, Opus coos) 184 00:07:24,481 --> 00:07:27,310 Now as my intern, your main duty 185 00:07:27,318 --> 00:07:29,938 is to nurture and support my creative process 186 00:07:30,218 --> 00:07:31,265 and to count out 187 00:07:31,266 --> 00:07:34,171 my daily nutritional allotment of almonds. 188 00:07:34,205 --> 00:07:35,588 Six almonds. 189 00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:38,575 No more, even if I beg. 190 00:07:38,609 --> 00:07:41,928 You are not to give me a single almond over six. 191 00:07:42,124 --> 00:07:43,179 Think I can handle that. 192 00:07:43,187 --> 00:07:45,048 That's only because you've never seen me beg. 193 00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:46,583 Six almonds. 194 00:07:46,617 --> 00:07:48,607 - What if I'm starving? - So what? 195 00:07:48,662 --> 00:07:49,647 Six almonds. 196 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,095 Bravissima. (Packaging rustles) 197 00:07:52,361 --> 00:07:53,612 Oh, wait a minute. 198 00:07:53,901 --> 00:07:57,217 It actually says here serving size is seven almonds. 199 00:07:57,337 --> 00:07:59,086 So let's make it seven almonds. 200 00:07:59,141 --> 00:08:01,769 "Seven almonds." 201 00:08:02,011 --> 00:08:02,699 Got it. 202 00:08:02,707 --> 00:08:05,053 Add one more almond to the pile, 203 00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:06,860 and we're all set. 204 00:08:07,415 --> 00:08:08,964 Coming right up. 205 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,052 (Packaging rustles) 206 00:08:12,443 --> 00:08:14,234 (Clink) 207 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,572 Thank you, Tessa. 208 00:08:16,692 --> 00:08:18,315 Aah! 209 00:08:18,349 --> 00:08:20,035 You imbecile. 210 00:08:20,155 --> 00:08:22,821 You gullible, malleable fool. 211 00:08:22,876 --> 00:08:25,566 I just tricked you into giving me another almond. 212 00:08:25,686 --> 00:08:27,686 I tricked you! 213 00:08:28,053 --> 00:08:29,883 You have to be ready. 214 00:08:30,157 --> 00:08:31,868 - But... - Butts are for people 215 00:08:31,869 --> 00:08:34,169 who eat more than six almonds in a sitting. 216 00:08:34,289 --> 00:08:36,788 And as you can see from my butt, 217 00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:38,337 that ain't me. 218 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,454 Pun intended. 219 00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:46,943 Dallas: So that's why he's been so upset over Carmen leaving? 220 00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:50,940 I had no idea Noah is in love with Carmen. 221 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,504 Okay, okay. Da... Dallas, 222 00:08:52,511 --> 00:08:54,287 not a... not a word to anyone. 223 00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:57,640 And you cannot say anything to Jill. 224 00:08:57,675 --> 00:08:59,722 (Sighs) I can't imagine how she'd feel. 225 00:08:59,753 --> 00:09:00,973 Or if she'd feel. 226 00:09:01,093 --> 00:09:02,514 Jill tends to resist feeling. 227 00:09:02,537 --> 00:09:03,828 For instance, she felt nothing 228 00:09:03,859 --> 00:09:06,166 when she stole your daughter from my employ. 229 00:09:06,189 --> 00:09:07,574 Okay, well, I think... I think Tessa 230 00:09:07,575 --> 00:09:09,235 thought that was a good opportunity. 231 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:12,786 Hey, as rewarding as the crystal field has been for you, 232 00:09:13,205 --> 00:09:15,856 it's probably not where she sees herself in five years. 233 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,451 No? I guess she sees herself residing 234 00:09:18,452 --> 00:09:21,806 in the frigid, flaky recesses of Jill Werner's tailpipe. 235 00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:24,083 Wow. You really paint a picture. 236 00:09:24,101 --> 00:09:25,960 But truthfully, that coldness, I think, 237 00:09:25,976 --> 00:09:26,844 is part of the problem. 238 00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:29,570 I mean, Carmen... she was warm with Noah. 239 00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:33,679 I know. She's the best. She's numero uno. 240 00:09:33,726 --> 00:09:34,844 Yeah, but the timing. 241 00:09:34,895 --> 00:09:37,714 I mean, they have a new baby. They have to stick together. 242 00:09:37,761 --> 00:09:38,957 Right, and it's not exactly 243 00:09:38,966 --> 00:09:41,467 like Carmen's expressed the same feelings towards him. 244 00:09:41,485 --> 00:09:42,977 Since she's been here, 245 00:09:43,031 --> 00:09:45,542 she has not mentioned Noah's name once. 246 00:09:45,596 --> 00:09:48,608 Noah? If I may ask, how is he? 247 00:09:48,728 --> 00:09:51,197 - Oh. Uh, he's... he's good. - He's good. 248 00:09:51,317 --> 00:09:52,969 - He's doing real good. - Real good. 249 00:09:53,089 --> 00:09:54,075 (Exhales) 250 00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:59,416 Please give this to him for me. 251 00:09:59,536 --> 00:10:03,030 He always forgets to wipe down the touch screen of his phone. 252 00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:04,962 It tends to get so greasy. 253 00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:09,365 I... I will... see that he gets this. 254 00:10:09,485 --> 00:10:11,750 Thank you. On a lighter note, 255 00:10:11,797 --> 00:10:14,894 I pulled three handfuls of yellow wig hair 256 00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:17,272 from the drain in the downstairs bath. 257 00:10:18,077 --> 00:10:20,604 I'll talk to Dalia. 258 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,410 He needs a new look, 259 00:10:22,418 --> 00:10:24,573 one that says, "you cheated on me, 260 00:10:24,577 --> 00:10:25,208 you're a cheater, 261 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:26,829 drop dead, you homosexual cheater." 262 00:10:26,853 --> 00:10:28,135 But without losing a lot of length. 263 00:10:28,255 --> 00:10:30,615 How about some daring magenta tips? 264 00:10:30,735 --> 00:10:31,733 Ooh, like that. 265 00:10:31,853 --> 00:10:33,556 But do daring magenta tips say, 266 00:10:33,585 --> 00:10:35,319 "I hope you stop breathing in your sleep"? 267 00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:36,645 Mm, no. But they do say, 268 00:10:36,672 --> 00:10:38,622 "I'm fun. You're not. I hope you get S.A.R.S." 269 00:10:38,657 --> 00:10:39,940 'Kay. 270 00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:41,533 This is exciting. 271 00:10:41,580 --> 00:10:43,711 No, Mr. Wolfe. 272 00:10:43,745 --> 00:10:46,047 This is war. 273 00:10:46,081 --> 00:10:48,572 Okay. I stuffed your face in all these envelopes, 274 00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:50,168 cubed your bedtime gouda, 275 00:10:50,169 --> 00:10:52,459 and ordered refill bags for the diaper genie. 276 00:10:52,579 --> 00:10:54,969 Is there anything else you'd like me to do 277 00:10:54,977 --> 00:10:55,877 before I head out? 278 00:10:55,997 --> 00:10:57,941 Tessa, why did you take this internship 279 00:10:57,959 --> 00:10:59,370 working for me? It's funny. 280 00:10:59,371 --> 00:11:01,474 I was actually just asking myself the same question. 281 00:11:01,475 --> 00:11:02,891 I think I know the answer. 282 00:11:03,011 --> 00:11:04,433 I think that there's a part of you 283 00:11:04,472 --> 00:11:07,133 that dreams of one day being a published author. 284 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,529 You know, maybe you're... 285 00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:10,654 Of course I'm right. 286 00:11:10,688 --> 00:11:13,292 Which is why I'd like to give you 287 00:11:13,293 --> 00:11:14,888 a little creative writing assignment. 288 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,226 Really? 289 00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:21,331 That's great. I mean, thank you. 290 00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:23,648 You are very welcome. 291 00:11:26,637 --> 00:11:28,421 So what's the assignment? 292 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,898 I'd like you to help Opus 293 00:11:30,914 --> 00:11:33,369 write a review for my new book. 294 00:11:34,073 --> 00:11:35,310 (Opus fusses) Wait, what? 295 00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:37,757 It'll take a little creativity on your part, 296 00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,377 and a willingness to try on his. 297 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,936 (Coos) 298 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,422 (Sighs) Don't think I understand. 299 00:11:45,456 --> 00:11:47,479 He will speak without words, 300 00:11:47,599 --> 00:11:49,778 and you will listen without ears. 301 00:11:49,832 --> 00:11:50,693 I have ears. 302 00:11:50,694 --> 00:11:53,750 Then you heard how... poetic that sounded. 303 00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:55,581 Let me get this straight... 304 00:11:56,018 --> 00:11:59,037 You want me to ask Opus what he thought of your book, 305 00:11:59,069 --> 00:12:02,447 and then transcribe his incoherent babbling... 306 00:12:02,463 --> 00:12:05,857 Into a review that you post on Amazon. 307 00:12:05,977 --> 00:12:07,156 If there's another printing, 308 00:12:07,179 --> 00:12:08,759 it may even wind up on the jacket. 309 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,730 I'll be your first published piece, 310 00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,598 and my first five-star review. 311 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,546 How do you know Opus is gonna give you five stars? 312 00:12:14,666 --> 00:12:17,643 He connects with the material. See for yourself. 313 00:12:17,763 --> 00:12:19,883 (Rips) 314 00:12:22,484 --> 00:12:24,955 And I just thought some fresh air 315 00:12:24,989 --> 00:12:27,407 and a new hobby, like tapping syrup, 316 00:12:27,441 --> 00:12:29,318 would help get your mind off of... 317 00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:30,523 Tapping Carmen? 318 00:12:30,578 --> 00:12:32,807 I get it. You're a good friend. 319 00:12:32,861 --> 00:12:34,809 Well, I'm just trying to look out for you, man. 320 00:12:34,929 --> 00:12:36,533 I can tell you from experience, 321 00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:38,266 the single parent thing is not easy. 322 00:12:38,289 --> 00:12:39,525 And neither is marriage, 323 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,172 but you can't just bolt when things get hard. 324 00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:44,765 - No. You're right. - Yeah. 325 00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:49,262 My place is in Jill Werner's bony, punishing arms. 326 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:51,639 Besides, if Carmen felt the same, 327 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:52,977 she would have reached out by now. 328 00:12:52,984 --> 00:12:56,081 Some small gesture, but she hasn't. 329 00:12:56,201 --> 00:12:57,770 Yeah. 330 00:12:58,039 --> 00:13:00,390 L... let's go home. 331 00:13:00,424 --> 00:13:02,425 - Yeah? - Let's take our sap, 332 00:13:02,443 --> 00:13:05,129 run it through the reverse osmosis filter, 333 00:13:05,137 --> 00:13:08,968 boil it, evaporate it, bottle it... 334 00:13:09,930 --> 00:13:10,931 and then go home. 335 00:13:10,978 --> 00:13:14,646 (Whirring, dryer turns off) 336 00:13:15,733 --> 00:13:19,690 [ Pink ] ♪ I don't know if I could yell any louder ♪ 337 00:13:20,965 --> 00:13:22,696 My only question is, 338 00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:24,531 is it gay enough? 339 00:13:24,582 --> 00:13:25,999 Absolutely. 340 00:13:26,447 --> 00:13:28,234 I think it's naughty. 341 00:13:28,269 --> 00:13:29,269 (Giggles) It is. 342 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,037 Thank you guys for the pick-me-up. 343 00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:32,839 I really needed it. 344 00:13:32,873 --> 00:13:34,330 (Whispers) Where do I pay? 345 00:13:34,338 --> 00:13:36,966 You don't pay. Chef Alan pays. 346 00:13:37,086 --> 00:13:39,187 Actually, he does pay. 347 00:13:39,711 --> 00:13:43,481 Fine. You pay, and then Chef Alan pays. 348 00:13:43,601 --> 00:13:45,475 This is only phase one, Mr. Wolfe. 349 00:13:45,514 --> 00:13:46,492 Phase one? 350 00:13:46,539 --> 00:13:48,900 You look better, but you don't feel better. 351 00:13:48,947 --> 00:13:50,347 And in order to feel better, 352 00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:52,250 you need to make Chef Alan feel worse. 353 00:13:52,370 --> 00:13:55,188 You need to find his sad button and his mad button, 354 00:13:55,196 --> 00:13:56,790 and push them both... 355 00:13:56,824 --> 00:13:59,276 like, 15 times in a row. 356 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:01,288 How do you know all this? 357 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,150 Dalia, did someone break your... 358 00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:04,831 (Droning noise) 359 00:14:04,866 --> 00:14:06,149 What's that noise? 360 00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:07,795 She's crying. 361 00:14:08,085 --> 00:14:09,419 (Continues droning) - Crying? 362 00:14:09,453 --> 00:14:12,363 Are you sure? There are no tears. 363 00:14:12,378 --> 00:14:15,459 Yeah. She taught herself to dry cry years ago 364 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:16,924 to avoid ruining her makeup. 365 00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:18,461 (Continues droning) It'll run its course. 366 00:14:18,495 --> 00:14:20,504 It often stops just as suddenly as... 367 00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:22,748 Do you guys wanna get Sushi? 368 00:14:25,435 --> 00:14:27,109 (Typing) "The only thing that stinks 369 00:14:27,148 --> 00:14:30,041 more than this book is my diaper. 370 00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,888 All the wipes in the world 371 00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:35,578 won't freshen up this turd. 372 00:14:35,698 --> 00:14:39,277 Signed, Opus Werner." 373 00:14:39,606 --> 00:14:41,599 Throwing Opus under the bus, aren't ya? 374 00:14:41,904 --> 00:14:44,227 Uh, I'd like to think Opus and I 375 00:14:44,243 --> 00:14:45,538 are of the same mind on this. 376 00:14:45,658 --> 00:14:49,702 Well, it sounds like somebody has mastered how to be a baby. 377 00:14:51,744 --> 00:14:53,863 It's not me. It's her. 378 00:14:53,879 --> 00:14:56,537 Jill Werner is the most vapid, self-obsessed narcissist 379 00:14:56,538 --> 00:14:57,601 I have ever met. 380 00:14:57,602 --> 00:14:59,447 Well, nobody's perfect. 381 00:14:59,791 --> 00:15:01,066 Why are we eating syrup? 382 00:15:01,186 --> 00:15:02,950 Well, I didn't get the Greens. You want some on your Greens? 383 00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:03,858 - The Greens? - Yeah. 384 00:15:03,889 --> 00:15:05,203 No, dad, I don't. 385 00:15:05,218 --> 00:15:06,767 We can choose to bask in the negativity 386 00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:08,730 because somebody had a bad day at the office, 387 00:15:08,850 --> 00:15:10,059 or we can happily guzzle 388 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:12,616 the sweet, Amber fluid of the lord. 389 00:15:12,952 --> 00:15:14,266 There. Now it's on your Greens. 390 00:15:14,305 --> 00:15:16,284 - George, the woman is a monster. - Okay. 391 00:15:16,323 --> 00:15:18,795 I honestly don't know how Noah stays married to her. 392 00:15:18,842 --> 00:15:21,932 Part of me wants to slip him a note that says 393 00:15:22,158 --> 00:15:24,254 "run. Run for your life." 394 00:15:24,277 --> 00:15:25,286 Please do not do that, 395 00:15:25,294 --> 00:15:26,796 because I have been working very hard 396 00:15:26,827 --> 00:15:27,781 to keep that from happening. 397 00:15:27,797 --> 00:15:30,948 Look, I'll admit that Jill is not like most of the moms in Chatswin. 398 00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:32,207 But she's a career woman. 399 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,349 I thought you of all people would appreciate that. 400 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,874 I thought you looked up to her. 401 00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:38,159 I did, until I got to know her. 402 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:41,617 Have you seen how she conducts herself around a plate of almonds? 403 00:15:41,623 --> 00:15:43,039 Well, she's got a lot going on. 404 00:15:43,085 --> 00:15:44,791 Have you ever written a body of work 405 00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,292 you were extremely proud of? 406 00:15:46,315 --> 00:15:47,877 I imagine it takes a lot out of you. 407 00:15:47,895 --> 00:15:51,727 Oh, my God. George, why are you defending her? 408 00:15:52,275 --> 00:15:53,611 And then I thought, 409 00:15:53,636 --> 00:15:55,833 my God, George, why are you defending her? 410 00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,706 And I realized 411 00:15:57,740 --> 00:16:00,595 that it's impossible for me to hear you talk about leaving 412 00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:05,366 without remembering what it felt like to be left. 413 00:16:06,821 --> 00:16:08,450 I'm Jill. 414 00:16:08,517 --> 00:16:12,521 I'm an unpublished Jill Werner, 17 years out. 415 00:16:12,873 --> 00:16:14,054 Grim. 416 00:16:14,070 --> 00:16:15,782 (Sighs) I wasn't being objective, 417 00:16:15,821 --> 00:16:17,589 or a good friend. 418 00:16:18,199 --> 00:16:20,373 I... I have no right telling you... 419 00:16:20,653 --> 00:16:23,221 Look, don't beat yourself up, buddy. 420 00:16:23,255 --> 00:16:24,729 Carmen and I weren't meant to be. 421 00:16:24,737 --> 00:16:26,802 Like I said, if she felt anything for me, 422 00:16:26,922 --> 00:16:29,210 she would have reached out by now. 423 00:16:29,244 --> 00:16:30,178 Yeah. 424 00:16:30,212 --> 00:16:33,418 Well, that's the thing. 425 00:16:36,132 --> 00:16:37,199 Where did you get this? 426 00:16:37,319 --> 00:16:39,337 From Carmen. She asked me to give it to you, 427 00:16:39,338 --> 00:16:40,696 and I didn't, because... 428 00:16:40,816 --> 00:16:42,380 I knew it. 429 00:16:42,658 --> 00:16:43,858 I knew it. 430 00:16:43,892 --> 00:16:45,960 She does care. 431 00:16:45,995 --> 00:16:48,563 I am leaving my wife... 432 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,046 for Carmen! 433 00:16:51,066 --> 00:16:53,601 (Laughs) 434 00:16:53,619 --> 00:16:56,137 - Whoo-hoo! - Noah? Darling? 435 00:16:56,192 --> 00:16:57,522 (Door opens) 436 00:16:58,303 --> 00:17:02,316 Well, today's pain is tomorrow's best-seller. 437 00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:03,692 Am I right? 438 00:17:09,301 --> 00:17:11,085 Sweets... 439 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:13,928 Tessa: When your strike reaches its intended target, 440 00:17:13,929 --> 00:17:16,776 there's something bittersweet about the moment. 441 00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:20,820 On the one hand, it's great to watch your tormentor fall. 442 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,877 On the other hand, 443 00:17:23,064 --> 00:17:26,020 watching them fall reminds you that they're human. 444 00:17:26,247 --> 00:17:27,352 Jill... 445 00:17:28,108 --> 00:17:30,322 I'm sorry about that. 446 00:17:30,369 --> 00:17:32,731 I can't understand what went wrong with us. 447 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,163 I know how painful this must be. 448 00:17:35,171 --> 00:17:36,923 Oh, I looked like a fool today. 449 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:40,067 Meaning I... I think maybe Noah has been... 450 00:17:40,121 --> 00:17:41,951 Noah? I'm talking about you. 451 00:17:41,966 --> 00:17:43,992 I asked you to do one thing for me. 452 00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:47,855 Craft a five-star ok review from my child's point of view. 453 00:17:47,887 --> 00:17:48,661 - And what you... - Hold on. 454 00:17:48,781 --> 00:17:49,802 Are you really telling me 455 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,164 that you're more upset about the book review I posted 456 00:17:52,165 --> 00:17:55,387 than you are about... the end of your marriage? 457 00:17:55,433 --> 00:17:58,061 Look, Noah leaving me for Carmen 458 00:17:58,069 --> 00:17:59,993 is a real crap sandwich. 459 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,400 But you know something? 460 00:18:01,424 --> 00:18:03,355 It came on ciabatta. 461 00:18:03,543 --> 00:18:05,883 [ Greg Laswell's "Girls just want to have fun" playing ] 462 00:18:05,934 --> 00:18:07,743 What's this? You already started a new book? 463 00:18:07,863 --> 00:18:10,488 A new chapter. 464 00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,687 Ahh. 465 00:18:13,914 --> 00:18:15,798 Mm. (Inhales deeply) 466 00:18:15,918 --> 00:18:18,027 Maybe this one will be worth a damn. 467 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,045 And then it occurred to me... 468 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,399 no matter what I thought of Jill Werner, 469 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:23,822 it would never be as bad 470 00:18:23,838 --> 00:18:25,894 as what Jill Werner thought of herself. 471 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,944 ♪ Those girls, they... ♪ 472 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,624 - ♪ ..wanna have fun ♪ - Hey, Dallas. 473 00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:32,274 Tessa. How are you doing? 474 00:18:32,292 --> 00:18:35,045 Have you climbed your way up the literary food chain 475 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,914 and secured the college credential of your dreams? 476 00:18:36,921 --> 00:18:38,674 Actually... 477 00:18:39,601 --> 00:18:42,603 I'd really like to come back and work for you, 478 00:18:42,637 --> 00:18:44,605 if you'll have me. 479 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,290 Well, I don't know, Tessa. 480 00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:48,457 No college admissions director 481 00:18:48,577 --> 00:18:50,044 - is gonna look twice... - I don't care. 482 00:18:50,078 --> 00:18:52,618 Working for Jill might look better on paper, 483 00:18:52,641 --> 00:18:57,618 but she can't teach me anything about being a good person. 484 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,134 And... who can, exactly? 485 00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:03,144 Okay, now you're just fishing. 486 00:19:03,264 --> 00:19:05,509 Well, go on, let me catch something. 487 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,228 You, Dallas. 488 00:19:07,262 --> 00:19:10,297 I can learn about being a better person from you. 489 00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,149 Who? (Laughs) 490 00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:15,019 I like the way you say that. (Laughs) 491 00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:18,962 Where is she? 492 00:19:19,082 --> 00:19:21,183 Carmen. 493 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,144 Carmen! 494 00:19:23,264 --> 00:19:25,633 (Carmen, voice echoes) In the bathroom! 495 00:19:27,628 --> 00:19:29,551 It better be number one, woman, 496 00:19:29,591 --> 00:19:30,951 'cause I'm coming in. 497 00:19:31,194 --> 00:19:33,321 This can't wait! Ahh! 498 00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:37,318 (Gasps) Mr. Werner! 499 00:19:37,721 --> 00:19:39,468 (Squeaks) (Romantic music playing) 500 00:19:39,922 --> 00:19:41,541 Don't move a muscle, Carmen. 501 00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:44,122 I want to remember you just like this. 502 00:19:44,242 --> 00:19:45,756 It's going to cause a flood. 503 00:19:45,757 --> 00:19:49,041 I don't care! Let it! 504 00:19:51,778 --> 00:19:54,204 Why didn't you contact me? 505 00:19:54,238 --> 00:19:56,556 I waited every day for you to contact me, 506 00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:57,644 and you never did! 507 00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,505 I wrote you 42 E-mails, 508 00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:01,921 one E-mail a day for 42 days. 509 00:20:01,922 --> 00:20:03,431 What address did you use? 510 00:20:03,551 --> 00:20:05,629 The A.O.L. one. 511 00:20:05,749 --> 00:20:08,515 I don't check that account. 512 00:20:10,055 --> 00:20:11,893 It's too late now. 513 00:20:12,013 --> 00:20:14,011 It's over. 514 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:15,944 It's not over. 515 00:20:16,064 --> 00:20:18,017 It's never over! 516 00:20:18,447 --> 00:20:22,949 (Music swells) 517 00:20:22,983 --> 00:20:25,235 (Music stops) (Grunts) What the hell?! 518 00:20:25,728 --> 00:20:28,488 (Squeaks) I thought you said you missed me. 519 00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:31,546 (Spits) I miss working for you. 520 00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:35,284 I'm sorry, but I only like you as a boss. 521 00:20:35,918 --> 00:20:37,795 What about the chamois? 522 00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:40,000 It was for wiping things. 523 00:20:40,051 --> 00:20:42,619 (Groans) 524 00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:44,254 No. No. I won't go. 525 00:20:44,374 --> 00:20:47,057 No, this is too easy, Carmen! 526 00:20:47,091 --> 00:20:48,993 I didn't fight for you last time. 527 00:20:49,266 --> 00:20:51,794 I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice. 528 00:20:52,786 --> 00:20:54,678 I have a lot of mopping to do. 529 00:20:54,798 --> 00:20:58,167 Well, then, I'm gonna stand right here beside you, 530 00:20:58,186 --> 00:20:59,558 and I'm gonna watch you mop. 531 00:20:59,678 --> 00:21:01,999 Well, I can't if you're in the middle of the floor. 532 00:21:02,014 --> 00:21:04,860 Well, I have to show you that I'm not giving up on this. 533 00:21:04,861 --> 00:21:06,261 Where do you want me to stand? 534 00:21:06,727 --> 00:21:08,162 I don't know. On the toilet? 535 00:21:08,217 --> 00:21:10,780 Fine. Just... 536 00:21:12,690 --> 00:21:14,851 (Grunts) 537 00:21:14,869 --> 00:21:17,854 (Shoes squeak) 538 00:21:20,424 --> 00:21:22,732 You're beautiful. 539 00:21:25,616 --> 00:21:31,600 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne - - www.addic7ed.com -