1
00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:05,356
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:07,707
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,843
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:12,778
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,797 --> 00:00:14,781
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,000
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,419
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:20,904
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,173
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,608
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:25,643 --> 00:00:27,677
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,746
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,815
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
(chuckles)
14
00:00:31,816 --> 00:00:34,416
♪ The Cleveland Show 4x13 ♪
A Rodent Like This
Original Air Date on March 10, 2013
15
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,569
You've got three seconds
to tell me
16
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,571
where the dirty bomb
is gonna go off.
17
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:41,758
Or your knick-knacks
get paddy-wacked.
18
00:00:45,930 --> 00:00:47,180
(screams)
19
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,482
No!
20
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:53,937
Miss Donna, Rallo's hitting
Larry in his leopard nards.
21
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,271
Hi!
22
00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:57,891
Rallo, I let you watch
one weekend-long
23
00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,059
Spike TV James Bond
marathon and...
24
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,495
Is that my .45
taped to your back?
25
00:01:05,583 --> 00:01:07,483
Put this back under
my side of the bed
26
00:01:07,518 --> 00:01:09,302
and leave
Cleveland's son alone.
27
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:12,472
He is a guest in our house.
Thank you.
28
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,974
And, Cleveland, I need you
to get these boys dressed,
29
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put the leaf in the
table, set the table
30
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,004
and make some dinner
to put on the table
31
00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:20,013
because I need well over
an hour to get ready.
32
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,080
My mother's coming over.
33
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,148
Again?
34
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,516
But I just got
the boys dressed,
35
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:24,918
put the leaf
in the table,
36
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,619
set the table
and made some dinner
37
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,521
to put on the
table yesterday.
38
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,524
My mother was gone
for 42 years, Cleveland.
39
00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:34,310
And I'd appreciate you
taking on a little extra work
40
00:01:34,345 --> 00:01:36,696
so she and I
can continue to bond.
41
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,165
James Bond.
42
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,167
My human nards!
43
00:01:43,721 --> 00:01:46,139
(laughs) I gave
that baby up, too.
44
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,490
(laughing)
45
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,143
Oh, Mama, you're hilarious.
46
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,878
Now, is there a history
of clinical depression
47
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,179
in our family?
48
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,798
'Cause lately I...
Uh, decaf.
49
00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:58,601
Sure, Donna, I'll...
just get you a new cup.
50
00:01:58,636 --> 00:01:59,869
(cup breaks)
51
00:01:59,904 --> 00:02:01,938
Oh, Cleveland,
could you clean that up?
52
00:02:01,972 --> 00:02:03,957
Come on, Mama, you and I
can go in the basement.
53
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,192
I want to show you the coats
I wear when it's cold.
54
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,494
And I brought this
Lego Martin Scorsese
55
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,363
for us to put together.
56
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,465
16,000 pieces!
57
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,484
That'll take all night.
58
00:02:14,518 --> 00:02:17,070
Oh, and, Cleveland,
do everything.
59
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,188
You can't leave me up here
with all the work.
60
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,957
You're not even good at Legos.
61
00:02:20,991 --> 00:02:22,325
You force them!
62
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,661
♪ Da na-na-na
na-na na-na na-na ♪
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00:02:24,695 --> 00:02:26,195
♪ Watch our for the spy
64
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,964
♪ Da na-na-na
na-na na na-na ♪
65
00:02:27,998 --> 00:02:29,732
♪ He's watching you
66
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,734
♪ Secret stuff going on
67
00:02:31,769 --> 00:02:34,687
♪ Da na-na-na na-na-na
na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na... ♪
68
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,522
I wish I was I
was Sean Connery
69
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,591
and you were a woman
so I could hit you.
70
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,059
(laughing)
71
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,699
(whistling)
72
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,369
Mm-hmm. I get it.
73
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,004
You're a secret
agent, too.
74
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,272
Very funny.
75
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,540
So what's in
the briefcase?
76
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,542
Come on,
Spy Who Loved Pizza.
77
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:57,844
What's in it?
78
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,912
A squirt gun,
X-ray specs, extra fat?
79
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:03,016
You got your spy business;
I got mine.
80
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Pshh. Whatevs.
81
00:03:04,635 --> 00:03:07,537
I don't care.
82
00:03:07,571 --> 00:03:11,007
So, Roberta,
you know any new dances?
83
00:03:11,041 --> 00:03:12,659
Yeah, the
Hucklebuck.
84
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,993
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
85
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,861
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
86
00:03:15,879 --> 00:03:17,180
Huck, huck,
huck, huck.
87
00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:19,882
Just tell me what's in it!
88
00:03:19,917 --> 00:03:21,701
(yelling)
89
00:03:23,087 --> 00:03:26,039
(Donna screaming)
90
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,775
Is it believable
that I didn't hear her?
91
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,927
Nah, I better go.
Pretty loud.
92
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,245
(both whimpering)
93
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,279
What?
94
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,481
Oh, my God,
Mr. Scorsese.
95
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,150
Oh, I'm your
biggest fan.
96
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,585
Shark Tale
changed my life.
97
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,888
Cleveland, we saw a
rat the size of an
98
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,574
all-wheel-drive,
wagon-style minivan.
99
00:03:44,608 --> 00:03:46,242
Weirdly specific.
No payoff.
100
00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:47,493
Where?
101
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,961
Behind the heating unit.
102
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,897
I hate rats, Cleveland.
103
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:54,467
I hate their chilly little,
third-trimester fetus hands.
104
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,002
Needlessly controversial.
105
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,904
Could have just said
little hands.
106
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,405
Just kill that
red-ass mouse!
107
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,640
(rat squeaking, scurrying)
108
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,958
(bang)
109
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,092
(screaming)
110
00:04:03,127 --> 00:04:05,945
(sighs)
111
00:04:07,598 --> 00:04:08,765
Filthy...
112
00:04:08,799 --> 00:04:09,932
stupid...
113
00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:12,635
awful...
lice-ridden... varmint.
114
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,687
(yells)
115
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,006
Please don't let this
be toilet water!
116
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:18,274
(all whimpering)
117
00:04:18,308 --> 00:04:19,742
Did you kill it?
Nope.
118
00:04:19,777 --> 00:04:21,277
All right, that's
all I need to hear.
119
00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:22,578
I saw Contagion.
120
00:04:22,613 --> 00:04:24,580
You all are sleeping
at my house tonight.
121
00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:27,016
Oh, Mama,
thank you.
122
00:04:27,051 --> 00:04:28,851
Kids, in the
car now!
123
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:31,187
Empty the cheese out of
your pockets, everybody.
124
00:04:32,823 --> 00:04:34,123
All of it.
125
00:04:37,828 --> 00:04:39,145
Bonjour.
126
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,184
Uh-uh, you got to
kill that rat.
127
00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:47,053
I don't care if you
trap it, stab it
128
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,338
or put it in a hoodie
and sent it to Florida.
129
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,124
Just call me
when you got a corpse.
130
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:54,694
Until then, we'll be
staying at my mom's house.
131
00:04:56,814 --> 00:04:58,331
Cheese?
132
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,882
Get out of my house.
133
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:09,492
(squeaking)
134
00:05:15,165 --> 00:05:19,001
I bash your skull in,
and I get my family back.
135
00:05:19,036 --> 00:05:22,705
My loud kids,
my wife and mother-in-law.
136
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,541
Wait on them hand and foot,
lose my privacy,
137
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:28,911
having to go to the bathroom
while my son's taking a shower
138
00:05:28,946 --> 00:05:30,646
asking me a bunch
of weird questions
139
00:05:30,681 --> 00:05:32,715
about his weird puberty body.
140
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,551
All just as soon as I...
141
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,920
kill... you!
142
00:05:37,955 --> 00:05:41,224
Yeah, Donna, I ain't
seen hide nor hair of him.
143
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,893
But I know you and the kids
won't come back
144
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,161
until he's gone.
145
00:05:45,195 --> 00:05:46,562
I'm on it.
146
00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:48,064
I'm not on it.
147
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,833
I'm keeping you alive,
but don't tell Donna.
148
00:05:50,868 --> 00:05:53,102
And watch out
for that rat poison.
149
00:05:53,137 --> 00:05:55,171
Oh, I guess you'd
just call it poison.
150
00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:56,339
(chuckles)
151
00:05:56,373 --> 00:05:57,573
Do you do
stand-up comedy?
152
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,442
'Cause if you do,
that joke is mine.
153
00:05:59,476 --> 00:06:00,743
I mean it!
154
00:06:06,202 --> 00:06:09,037
And I put out rat poison
for him, and I'm like,
155
00:06:09,071 --> 00:06:12,908
he probably just
calls it poison.
156
00:06:12,942 --> 00:06:15,160
Too smart
for the room.
157
00:06:15,194 --> 00:06:17,529
Well, Dee Dee,
I have to tell you,
158
00:06:17,563 --> 00:06:20,499
that meat loaf
was okay.
159
00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:23,201
But now that I've got
a belly full of garbage,
160
00:06:23,236 --> 00:06:25,370
I'm going to get home
and kill that rat.
161
00:06:25,404 --> 00:06:27,672
The kids and I have
been here for two days.
162
00:06:27,707 --> 00:06:29,674
Just call an exterminator.
163
00:06:29,709 --> 00:06:30,926
In this economy?!
164
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,627
No.
165
00:06:32,662 --> 00:06:35,597
Besides, if you Google "reasons
not to call exterminator,"
166
00:06:35,631 --> 00:06:38,200
it may say they use
harmful chemicals,
167
00:06:38,234 --> 00:06:40,735
and Junior's already developed
an armpit hand
168
00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:42,270
from his antiperspirant.
169
00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:47,893
♪ Cleveland Brown
is getting drunk ♪
170
00:06:47,927 --> 00:06:51,062
♪ Getting drunk, getting drunk
171
00:06:51,097 --> 00:06:54,249
♪ Family's gone,
I'm getting drunk ♪
172
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:57,702
♪ With no pants on.
173
00:06:57,737 --> 00:06:59,137
Ah, keys.
174
00:07:01,257 --> 00:07:03,642
What? He's...
175
00:07:03,676 --> 00:07:06,745
he's waiting for me,
like a dog.
176
00:07:06,779 --> 00:07:08,380
Rock Hudson never waits for me.
177
00:07:08,414 --> 00:07:09,881
He's Rallo's dog.
178
00:07:09,916 --> 00:07:12,150
Rallo's my stepson, Donna's son.
179
00:07:12,184 --> 00:07:13,618
Donna's my wife.
180
00:07:13,653 --> 00:07:16,838
Anyway, I was never
allowed to have a pet.
181
00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:20,725
Dad, I found a dog.
Can I keep him?
182
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,495
You know the rule:
if you can beat him in a fight.
183
00:07:23,529 --> 00:07:25,313
(barking ferociously)
184
00:07:25,347 --> 00:07:27,582
(screaming)
185
00:07:27,617 --> 00:07:31,152
Maybe you could be
the pet I never had.
186
00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:33,688
I'm going to name you
after that Today Show guy.
187
00:07:33,723 --> 00:07:35,857
Rat Lauer.
188
00:07:35,892 --> 00:07:38,660
Because you've got a pointy
face, spiky little hair,
189
00:07:38,694 --> 00:07:41,029
and word has it
you're a real cheese hound.
190
00:07:41,047 --> 00:07:42,364
(chuckles)
191
00:07:42,398 --> 00:07:43,698
Bristly.
192
00:07:49,138 --> 00:07:51,640
Roberta's in on it, too.
193
00:07:51,674 --> 00:07:53,892
I need to get a closer look.
194
00:08:02,318 --> 00:08:04,519
Aha!
195
00:08:04,553 --> 00:08:07,322
Hey, look at me--
I'm Frederick Douglass.
196
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:10,659
There is nothing good,
great or desirable
197
00:08:10,693 --> 00:08:14,162
that does not come
by some kind of labor.
198
00:08:14,196 --> 00:08:15,997
Look it up, ignorant kids.
199
00:08:16,032 --> 00:08:17,282
Bah!
200
00:08:17,316 --> 00:08:19,150
So, he told you?
201
00:08:19,185 --> 00:08:20,185
What's in the briefcase?
202
00:08:20,219 --> 00:08:21,469
Rallo, listen up.
203
00:08:21,504 --> 00:08:23,538
I'm only gonna
shriek this once.
204
00:08:23,572 --> 00:08:27,008
What's in that briefcase is not
a five-year-old's concern.
205
00:08:27,043 --> 00:08:28,376
Drop it now.
206
00:08:28,411 --> 00:08:30,512
I'm gonna go
practice my Hucklebuck.
207
00:08:30,546 --> 00:08:33,798
Huck, huck,
huck, huck...
208
00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:37,252
I will find out what's in that
briefcase if it kills me.
209
00:08:37,286 --> 00:08:38,720
Or Junior.
210
00:08:40,439 --> 00:08:42,674
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
211
00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:45,327
Oh! Oh, please, forgive me.
212
00:08:45,361 --> 00:08:47,295
Please forgive me.
213
00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:52,701
Oh, walking a dog?
214
00:08:52,735 --> 00:08:56,321
Where'd you get that idea?
From everybody?
215
00:08:56,372 --> 00:08:57,939
(gasps)
216
00:08:57,957 --> 00:08:59,824
What, you've never
seen a black man
217
00:08:59,875 --> 00:09:01,860
in a pink robe walking a rat?
218
00:09:01,894 --> 00:09:03,912
♪
219
00:09:12,288 --> 00:09:13,555
(squeaking)
220
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:17,258
(chuckling)
221
00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:18,777
(sighs)
222
00:09:26,252 --> 00:09:28,453
Morning, Mama.
Look what I rented.
223
00:09:28,487 --> 00:09:30,855
Let's go make people wonder
if we're shooting a commercial.
224
00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:32,357
Hey, honey.
225
00:09:32,391 --> 00:09:34,426
Was that this morning
we were going riding?
226
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:37,579
Oh, because I just booked
two weeks
227
00:09:37,613 --> 00:09:39,881
singing at a supper club
in St. Louis,
228
00:09:39,915 --> 00:09:41,583
and I've got to leave
in five minutes,
229
00:09:41,617 --> 00:09:43,885
so you all have got to get
out of my house.
230
00:09:43,919 --> 00:09:45,820
But you said we
could stay as long...
231
00:09:45,855 --> 00:09:47,422
Not without me here.
232
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,457
It's like my niece
Ernestine used to say:
233
00:09:49,492 --> 00:09:51,559
"Let a hitchhiker take
a bath in your tub?
234
00:09:51,594 --> 00:09:52,627
I don't think so."
235
00:09:52,661 --> 00:09:54,729
You're leaving me again.
236
00:09:54,764 --> 00:09:58,333
This is exactly what you
did to me when I was a baby.
237
00:09:58,367 --> 00:09:59,834
I don't see it.
238
00:09:59,869 --> 00:10:02,570
You are choosing
the road over... (sighs)
239
00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:03,972
Forget it.
240
00:10:04,006 --> 00:10:06,274
Kids, we're going home.
241
00:10:09,628 --> 00:10:10,829
Get on.
242
00:10:10,863 --> 00:10:12,597
(Cleveland Jr. giggles)
243
00:10:12,631 --> 00:10:14,149
(bell jingles)
244
00:10:14,183 --> 00:10:15,483
MAN: Look, they
must be shooting
245
00:10:15,518 --> 00:10:17,552
a commercial
for black gum.
246
00:10:20,122 --> 00:10:24,626
♪ Round and round,
love will hmm, hmm, hmm ♪
247
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:26,327
♪ Just hmm, hmm, hmm
248
00:10:26,362 --> 00:10:27,695
DONNA: Cleveland.
Hmm?
249
00:10:27,730 --> 00:10:29,030
Ooh, what reeks?
250
00:10:29,065 --> 00:10:32,100
Donna! You're home
unannounced.
251
00:10:32,134 --> 00:10:34,936
Well, time to leave,
announced.
252
00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:36,537
Donna leaving!
253
00:10:36,555 --> 00:10:39,174
Cleveland, is someone
in the bedroom?
254
00:10:39,208 --> 00:10:40,442
What? No, that's...
255
00:10:40,476 --> 00:10:41,743
You think I'd...
256
00:10:42,812 --> 00:10:44,112
Oh...
257
00:10:44,146 --> 00:10:46,281
Donna I can't keep
living a lie.
258
00:10:46,315 --> 00:10:47,849
There is someone in there.
259
00:10:47,883 --> 00:10:50,385
Someone I care about very much.
260
00:10:50,419 --> 00:10:54,773
Oh, man. Oh, God.
Oh, man. Oh, God.
261
00:10:54,824 --> 00:10:56,975
But when you
two meet,
262
00:10:57,009 --> 00:10:58,810
I think you'll
love him, too.
263
00:10:58,844 --> 00:11:00,128
Him?!
264
00:11:00,162 --> 00:11:01,479
I knew it.
265
00:11:01,514 --> 00:11:03,364
Everyone knew it.
266
00:11:03,399 --> 00:11:06,301
Starting at tailback,
wearing number fur,
267
00:11:06,335 --> 00:11:09,220
from Mississqueaky
State-- trust me,
268
00:11:09,255 --> 00:11:11,022
you'll get these
when you see him--
269
00:11:11,056 --> 00:11:12,857
cheese welcome...
270
00:11:12,892 --> 00:11:15,093
Rat Lauer!
271
00:11:16,245 --> 00:11:17,362
(screams)
272
00:11:17,396 --> 00:11:18,880
The rat's on my pillow?
273
00:11:18,914 --> 00:11:21,683
Get that disgusting thing
out of this house.
274
00:11:21,717 --> 00:11:24,018
(gasps) I married
a "ratsist."
275
00:11:24,053 --> 00:11:25,303
(screams)
276
00:11:25,337 --> 00:11:27,305
Like the anchor
of the same name,
277
00:11:27,339 --> 00:11:29,073
he's gonna poop
on your shoulder!
278
00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:36,881
Cleveland, call 911.
279
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,252
Operator,
my pet rat's been assaulted.
280
00:11:41,287 --> 00:11:43,154
Yes, I do know.
281
00:11:43,189 --> 00:11:45,190
It was Donna Tubbs.
282
00:11:45,224 --> 00:11:47,358
And she's got
pot upstairs.
283
00:11:52,769 --> 00:11:55,104
That monster
broke the skin.
284
00:11:55,138 --> 00:11:57,590
Now, Donna-- and I am in no way
285
00:11:57,641 --> 00:12:00,109
defending Mr. Lauer's
deplorable actions here,
286
00:12:00,143 --> 00:12:04,513
but you were coming at him with
an extremely negative energy.
287
00:12:04,547 --> 00:12:06,398
I was coming at...
288
00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:07,683
(yells)
289
00:12:07,717 --> 00:12:09,518
Now, you listen here.
290
00:12:09,553 --> 00:12:11,053
You done stepped
in it, now.
291
00:12:11,087 --> 00:12:13,522
You been lying
to Donna Tubbs.
292
00:12:13,556 --> 00:12:14,840
I'm sorry!
293
00:12:14,875 --> 00:12:16,125
Now, drive me
to the hospital
294
00:12:16,159 --> 00:12:17,476
before I drop
dead of rabies.
295
00:12:19,412 --> 00:12:20,713
(whistles)
296
00:12:20,747 --> 00:12:22,231
Rat Lauer,
want to go for a ride?
297
00:12:23,783 --> 00:12:26,452
Maybe we'll find
a loose-skinned frog
298
00:12:26,486 --> 00:12:28,854
and call him Al Croaker.
299
00:12:28,889 --> 00:12:32,308
And, as for the rabies,
we'll find a Katie Cure-ic.
300
00:12:32,342 --> 00:12:34,093
(laughs, sighs)
301
00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:36,328
Don't nobody want to get
their news from a woman.
302
00:12:39,466 --> 00:12:40,766
(quietly):
Nice ones.
303
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,284
I know!
304
00:12:42,319 --> 00:12:44,069
Well, Donna,
the good news is
305
00:12:44,104 --> 00:12:46,639
it's extremely uncommon
for rats to carry rabies.
306
00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,607
Oh, thank the Lord.
307
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:49,975
Let me finish.
308
00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:51,260
But not that
uncommon.
309
00:12:51,278 --> 00:12:53,279
You ready,
big fella?
310
00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:55,314
Once I cut off his head
and remove his brain,
311
00:12:55,365 --> 00:12:58,284
we'll send it to the lab
and have results within a week.
312
00:12:58,318 --> 00:12:59,935
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
The hell!
313
00:12:59,970 --> 00:13:01,553
Nobody said nothing
about cutting heads.
314
00:13:01,588 --> 00:13:03,422
(chuckles)
315
00:13:03,456 --> 00:13:06,292
Cleveland,
that's the only way to find out.
316
00:13:06,326 --> 00:13:08,594
Dr. Fist, may I rip
the rat's head off
317
00:13:08,628 --> 00:13:10,462
with my bare hands and
scoop his brains out
318
00:13:10,497 --> 00:13:12,364
with a press-on nail
while my husband watches?
319
00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:13,716
Sure. Why not?
320
00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:15,484
He is a living being.
321
00:13:15,518 --> 00:13:17,853
Donna, how bad
could the month-long series
322
00:13:17,887 --> 00:13:20,656
of extremely painful
stomach injections be?
323
00:13:20,690 --> 00:13:22,358
I can think
of something else
324
00:13:22,392 --> 00:13:24,360
you thought
would be "too painful"
325
00:13:24,394 --> 00:13:27,096
that I talked you into,
which we immediately stopped
326
00:13:27,130 --> 00:13:28,430
because it
was too painful.
327
00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:30,432
Or, if you drill a
hole in his head,
328
00:13:30,467 --> 00:13:32,668
I'll suck his brains
out with a straw.
329
00:13:32,702 --> 00:13:34,353
Okay, okay, okay.
330
00:13:34,387 --> 00:13:36,422
If we took our chances
331
00:13:36,456 --> 00:13:38,524
and Donna did not
get vaccinated,
332
00:13:38,558 --> 00:13:40,276
but she did have rabies...
333
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,627
Certain death
within days.
334
00:13:41,661 --> 00:13:43,362
(inhales through teeth)
335
00:13:43,396 --> 00:13:46,198
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
336
00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:47,766
Like to chew on...
337
00:13:47,801 --> 00:13:49,802
Doctor,
I thank you for your time.
338
00:13:49,836 --> 00:13:53,372
My wife and I want to consider
all options before...
339
00:13:53,423 --> 00:13:55,324
I'll do it.
I'll kill him.
340
00:13:55,342 --> 00:13:57,376
But let me take him
into the woods
341
00:13:57,410 --> 00:14:00,646
so his last breath
isn't this putrid hospital air.
342
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,681
Please, Donna,
I couldn't have a pet
343
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:04,800
as a child,
and that justifies
344
00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:07,002
(crying):
everything...
345
00:14:09,406 --> 00:14:11,673
Mmm, mmm.
346
00:14:11,691 --> 00:14:13,575
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
347
00:14:15,912 --> 00:14:18,113
(gulps)
Hop in, Rat Lauer.
348
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:21,183
I don't want you to see
where we're going.
349
00:14:21,217 --> 00:14:23,335
It's a surprise.
350
00:14:23,386 --> 00:14:26,955
A terrible, terrible surprise.
351
00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:28,657
(weeping)
352
00:14:31,144 --> 00:14:32,745
(Cleveland Jr. humming)
353
00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:35,014
Hmm, that's new.
354
00:14:35,065 --> 00:14:36,582
Hey, Dad?
355
00:14:36,616 --> 00:14:38,017
Oh, well.
356
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,752
(humming)
357
00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:50,245
Where could he...? No.
358
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:54,616
(both screaming)
359
00:14:54,650 --> 00:14:57,119
What's in the briefcase?
Rallo, stop.
360
00:14:57,153 --> 00:14:58,522
What's in the briefcase?
361
00:14:58,547 --> 00:14:59,755
At least let me put
some clothes on.
362
00:14:59,756 --> 00:15:01,373
What's in the briefcase?!
Don't "Borat" me, bro!
363
00:15:01,424 --> 00:15:03,625
(both groaning)
364
00:15:05,245 --> 00:15:07,379
Oh, my God.
365
00:15:07,414 --> 00:15:08,764
The briefcase.
366
00:15:10,016 --> 00:15:11,400
Rallo, no!
367
00:15:11,434 --> 00:15:14,436
Two-for-one
corned beef sandwiches
368
00:15:14,471 --> 00:15:17,106
at the Stubby Pickle Deli?
369
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:18,774
That's what all
this was about?
370
00:15:18,808 --> 00:15:20,175
Well, I guess
you know now.
371
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,577
So give that back.
372
00:15:21,611 --> 00:15:24,079
Nah-uh. Gonna go get
my corned beef on.
373
00:15:24,114 --> 00:15:25,831
What is corned beef?
374
00:15:25,865 --> 00:15:27,533
Guess I'm gonna find out.
375
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,071
All right, pull over,
376
00:15:32,122 --> 00:15:34,373
and let's whack
this mole, damn it.
377
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:51,106
Rat Lauer,
I awakened every morning
378
00:15:51,141 --> 00:15:55,144
to your incessant squeaking
on mostly girl issues,
379
00:15:55,178 --> 00:15:59,281
(sobbing): and no one but me
ever took you seriously.
380
00:15:59,315 --> 00:16:01,433
You know I just got
to look this little guy
381
00:16:01,468 --> 00:16:03,852
in the eyes one last time
before I do...
382
00:16:03,886 --> 00:16:05,654
(screaming)
383
00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:08,107
Aah, rabbis!
He's got the rabbis!
384
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,675
Kill the son of a bitch!
385
00:16:09,709 --> 00:16:11,443
(screams)
Ow!
386
00:16:11,478 --> 00:16:12,728
Why would
you do that?
387
00:16:12,762 --> 00:16:14,163
I'm not
thinking clearly.
388
00:16:14,197 --> 00:16:15,864
I have rabies.
389
00:16:20,403 --> 00:16:21,670
(screaming)
390
00:16:21,704 --> 00:16:23,205
Get in the car.
391
00:16:23,239 --> 00:16:24,840
(rat screeching)
392
00:16:30,697 --> 00:16:32,698
(panting and whimpering)
393
00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:38,821
Donna, get my keys.
No.
394
00:16:38,855 --> 00:16:40,622
Well, I've tried
everything.
395
00:16:43,359 --> 00:16:46,028
I would like
to redeem this coupon.
396
00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:49,731
And, what is the most soup
you can give a person?
397
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:55,120
(loud buzzing)
398
00:17:00,109 --> 00:17:02,161
Welcome back,
Number 14.
399
00:17:02,212 --> 00:17:04,246
Thank you, Number 53.
400
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,365
You see, Rallo,
I'm an operative
401
00:17:06,399 --> 00:17:08,417
for a faction
of ex-CIA officials
402
00:17:08,451 --> 00:17:11,687
deemed too extreme
by the Agency.
403
00:17:11,721 --> 00:17:13,255
Four years ago,
I was recruited
404
00:17:13,289 --> 00:17:14,523
and trained
for operations.
405
00:17:14,557 --> 00:17:16,158
Thank you, Morgana.
406
00:17:17,477 --> 00:17:20,095
A local idiot
named Cleveland Brown
407
00:17:20,129 --> 00:17:22,898
was selected to unwittingly
play the role of my father.
408
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,901
Of course, his actual son,
409
00:17:25,935 --> 00:17:29,388
the real Cleveland Jr.,
had to be eliminated.
410
00:17:29,422 --> 00:17:32,157
I'm Tiger Woods.
I'm Tiger Woods.
411
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:35,310
Why? What is
this all about?
412
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:36,929
There's a group
of people, Rallo,
413
00:17:36,963 --> 00:17:39,581
who want to see the
American way of life toppled.
414
00:17:39,616 --> 00:17:41,266
They're based
in Stoolbend because of
415
00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:43,702
proximity to Washington
and good schools.
416
00:17:43,736 --> 00:17:45,604
It's just a great place to live.
417
00:17:45,638 --> 00:17:49,608
And I've been taking them down
one by one.
418
00:17:49,642 --> 00:17:51,426
This is my next target.
419
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:52,661
Tim the Bear?
420
00:17:52,695 --> 00:17:54,263
That's not
his real name.
421
00:17:54,297 --> 00:17:56,265
His real name
is Tim the Terrorist.
422
00:17:56,299 --> 00:17:58,267
He's a killing machine.
423
00:17:58,301 --> 00:17:59,835
And you're going to kill him?
424
00:17:59,869 --> 00:18:02,504
No, Rallo, you are.
425
00:18:02,522 --> 00:18:04,990
This contains
a subdermic explosive
426
00:18:05,024 --> 00:18:07,342
capable of blowing you
to smithereens.
427
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:11,313
Which I can detonate
by this cell phone at any time.
428
00:18:11,347 --> 00:18:14,449
No, no! Mama!
429
00:18:15,952 --> 00:18:18,520
If I can ever get
any damn reception.
430
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,359
BOTH:
One, two, three, shoot.
431
00:18:24,377 --> 00:18:26,745
Ah, should've used
stronger scissors.
432
00:18:26,779 --> 00:18:28,680
All right.
433
00:18:28,715 --> 00:18:30,148
(sighs)
434
00:18:32,168 --> 00:18:34,002
Scary! Rat! No bite!
435
00:18:34,036 --> 00:18:36,338
(whimpering)
436
00:18:37,473 --> 00:18:38,873
(sighs)
437
00:18:38,891 --> 00:18:41,927
Ha-ha! No sign
of Mighty Mouse.
438
00:18:41,961 --> 00:18:44,296
(laughs)
You should've seen yourself.
439
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:45,681
You were all...
440
00:18:45,715 --> 00:18:48,383
(mock whimpering)
441
00:18:48,401 --> 00:18:49,685
(laughing)
442
00:18:49,719 --> 00:18:52,887
(screaming)
443
00:18:52,905 --> 00:18:54,723
He's chewing through the tires.
444
00:19:02,582 --> 00:19:04,666
Donna, this is
all my fault.
445
00:19:04,701 --> 00:19:06,034
I'm a terrible
husband.
446
00:19:06,069 --> 00:19:07,402
Forgive me.
447
00:19:07,420 --> 00:19:09,554
You mean
for giving me rabies?
448
00:19:09,589 --> 00:19:11,740
I didn't bite you.
449
00:19:15,778 --> 00:19:17,045
Is he gone?
450
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,647
I think so.
451
00:19:18,681 --> 00:19:22,517
Then again, we thought so
a number of times now.
452
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:25,988
(rattling)
453
00:19:26,022 --> 00:19:27,923
He's crawling through
the exhaust pipe.
454
00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:29,308
He's in the car!
455
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:30,359
(screeches)
456
00:19:30,393 --> 00:19:32,427
(screaming)
457
00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:36,565
(screaming)
458
00:19:42,071 --> 00:19:43,989
(gunshot)
459
00:19:44,023 --> 00:19:45,807
(gasping)
460
00:19:47,210 --> 00:19:49,411
Hell got a rat problem now.
461
00:19:49,445 --> 00:19:52,881
Mama, you didn't leave.
462
00:19:52,915 --> 00:19:54,333
I couldn't.
463
00:19:54,384 --> 00:19:55,600
Not after
getting to know you.
464
00:19:55,635 --> 00:19:56,935
So I went by the house,
465
00:19:56,969 --> 00:19:58,437
and Roberta told me
where you were
466
00:19:58,471 --> 00:20:00,272
and where you
keep your gun.
467
00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:02,107
That's why I
let them know.
468
00:20:02,141 --> 00:20:04,743
Donna, I was tempted,
but I swear,
469
00:20:04,777 --> 00:20:07,512
I'll never choose
the road over you again.
470
00:20:07,547 --> 00:20:10,298
Especially now that I
ain't got to do jack,
471
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:12,367
with my ol' whipped
son-in-law around.
472
00:20:12,402 --> 00:20:15,771
Where in the world is Rat Lauer?
He dead.
473
00:20:15,805 --> 00:20:17,689
(laughing)
474
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:19,941
Yep, she infected.
475
00:20:19,975 --> 00:20:22,194
(all laughing)
476
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:23,929
Please tell me we
got it that time,
477
00:20:23,963 --> 00:20:25,280
Lego Martin
Scorsese.
478
00:20:26,482 --> 00:20:28,483
Dang, back to one.
479
00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:36,041
(gasps, sighs)
480
00:20:36,075 --> 00:20:38,043
♪ Oh, Junior splat corn
and I don't care ♪
481
00:20:38,094 --> 00:20:40,278
♪ Junior splat corn
and I don't care... ♪
482
00:20:40,313 --> 00:20:44,082
All that crazy stuff
was just a dream, right?
483
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:45,384
It had to be.
484
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:48,770
Nope.
485
00:20:48,805 --> 00:20:50,622
(explosion)
486
00:20:50,656 --> 00:20:55,656
== sync, corrected by elderman ==