1 00:00:42,572 --> 00:00:46,572 ♪ The Simpsons 24x15 ♪ Black-Eyed, Please Original Air Date on March 10, 2013 2 00:00:48,117 --> 00:00:53,117 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 3 00:01:20,437 --> 00:01:21,625 D'oh! 4 00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:31,865 Hmm? 5 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,396 You little! 6 00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,368 Mm? 7 00:02:06,397 --> 00:02:07,375 Hmm? 8 00:02:07,432 --> 00:02:08,887 Mmm. 9 00:02:24,359 --> 00:02:26,007 Everybody out. 10 00:02:28,456 --> 00:02:30,194 Everybody in. 11 00:02:33,007 --> 00:02:35,617 - Bathroom break! - I spilled my pills! 12 00:02:35,629 --> 00:02:38,031 Music today has no melody! 13 00:02:39,173 --> 00:02:41,110 Everybody out! 14 00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:44,533 Children, you can stop writing letters of support 15 00:02:44,545 --> 00:02:46,639 to our troops; that was just busywork. 16 00:02:48,993 --> 00:02:51,445 Now, I want to explain Miss Hoover's absence. 17 00:02:51,473 --> 00:02:54,058 She is suffering from severe... 18 00:02:56,158 --> 00:02:57,932 ...depression. 19 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:01,720 Not to worry, 20 00:03:01,751 --> 00:03:03,911 she has been treated with heavy doses of... 21 00:03:03,987 --> 00:03:06,643 Lorazepam and other drugs from the... 22 00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,979 Benzodiazepine family. 23 00:03:12,187 --> 00:03:13,602 Now, until Miss Hoover returns, 24 00:03:13,608 --> 00:03:16,672 this class will be getting a permanent substitute. 25 00:03:18,293 --> 00:03:20,595 Please let it be someone smart, motivated, 26 00:03:20,619 --> 00:03:23,749 and who won't just teach us corporate-sponsored lessons. 27 00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:26,662 Lisa, without corporate sponsorship, 28 00:03:26,686 --> 00:03:28,236 we wouldn't be able to teach you the three R's: 29 00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:30,644 reading, refreshment and Raspberry Buzz Lite. 30 00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:32,156 Get your razz on! 31 00:03:36,928 --> 00:03:38,046 Confident, 32 00:03:38,072 --> 00:03:40,407 Vassar sticker on the windshield. 33 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:41,413 Could it be? 34 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,775 Do I detect enthusiasm? 35 00:03:44,984 --> 00:03:47,286 She's brought her own orrery! 36 00:03:47,341 --> 00:03:49,499 And it's got no Pluto! 37 00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:51,340 How cutting edge. 38 00:03:51,546 --> 00:03:53,299 Please be her, please be her. 39 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,750 Is this Ms. Hoover's class? 40 00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:55,873 Score! 41 00:03:55,917 --> 00:03:58,162 Meet your new teacher, Ms. Cantwell. 42 00:03:58,191 --> 00:04:01,122 Do not call her by the obvious dirty nickname. 43 00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:04,823 Now I must meet with the new art teacher, Mr. Testacleese. 44 00:04:06,765 --> 00:04:08,253 Lisa Simpson. Hi. 45 00:04:08,273 --> 00:04:10,513 As second grade student-faculty liaison, 46 00:04:10,531 --> 00:04:12,580 I'd like to welcome you... Get back in your seat. 47 00:04:12,611 --> 00:04:15,484 If I have any apples that need polishing, I'll let you know. 48 00:04:15,551 --> 00:04:18,086 I understand there are homework assignments. 49 00:04:18,118 --> 00:04:19,505 Mm. 50 00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,142 Well done, Ralpa. 51 00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:24,322 If I can't remember the right letter, 52 00:04:24,346 --> 00:04:25,810 I just put an "A." 53 00:04:25,844 --> 00:04:27,333 Well, here's another one. 54 00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:31,454 Well, while you're grading so generously, here's mine. 55 00:04:32,056 --> 00:04:32,737 "B." 56 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:35,440 As in, "because I say so." 57 00:04:39,832 --> 00:04:43,122 Nothing brings them around like old cafeteria meatballs. 58 00:04:43,212 --> 00:04:44,546 Meat?! 59 00:04:47,194 --> 00:04:49,103 I thought you might be cold, honey, 60 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,262 so I put this chinchilla coat on you. 61 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,287 Fur?! 62 00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:55,515 It's not really chinchilla. 63 00:04:55,544 --> 00:04:57,945 I just thought she needed more sleep. 64 00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:01,455 Hey, Flanders. 65 00:05:01,473 --> 00:05:03,331 - Can I borrow some sugar? - Sure. 66 00:05:03,362 --> 00:05:05,510 - Uh, a little cream? - Goes with the sugar. 67 00:05:05,543 --> 00:05:08,648 Now if you could make with some bacon and eggs, I'll be on my way. 68 00:05:09,752 --> 00:05:12,059 Why don't you come on in and have breakfast with us? 69 00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:13,515 Are your kids gonna be there? 70 00:05:13,528 --> 00:05:14,559 Eh, for a little bit. 71 00:05:15,764 --> 00:05:16,734 Okay. 72 00:05:16,779 --> 00:05:18,729 Homer, you know my parents, Capri and Nedward. 73 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,148 Hey, hey, Homer J. 74 00:05:20,184 --> 00:05:22,552 How many beers did you kill today? 75 00:05:24,008 --> 00:05:25,577 Dad, don't encourage him! 76 00:05:25,653 --> 00:05:28,576 Son, you are the Mayor of Dullsville. 77 00:05:28,606 --> 00:05:31,208 Now, you know we don't discuss politics at the table. 78 00:05:31,322 --> 00:05:32,506 Hello, police? 79 00:05:32,534 --> 00:05:35,169 I'd like to report a buzz-kill in progress. 80 00:05:35,192 --> 00:05:36,559 There's no emergency here. 81 00:05:36,581 --> 00:05:39,084 And please charge us for the false report. 82 00:05:40,346 --> 00:05:42,122 I'm going out for a power walk. 83 00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:45,375 Whoa, this room just got a whole lot cooler. 84 00:05:46,323 --> 00:05:47,423 Oh, man. 85 00:05:55,802 --> 00:05:58,490 Okay, children, ten minutes of free play. 86 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,946 I'm a fun factory. 87 00:06:04,016 --> 00:06:05,636 Lisa, free play. 88 00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:06,863 But I am playing. 89 00:06:06,881 --> 00:06:09,303 I'm hop-scotching from paragraph to paragraph, 90 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:12,006 climbing the monkey bars of plot and theme. 91 00:06:12,056 --> 00:06:13,200 Ugh, bull-pie. 92 00:06:13,218 --> 00:06:15,526 You're trying to get ahead of the other children. 93 00:06:15,851 --> 00:06:17,795 That's it, you're losing joeys. 94 00:06:20,693 --> 00:06:22,219 Please keep them together. 95 00:06:22,241 --> 00:06:24,350 If not for me, for the mother. 96 00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:30,849 Is it possible I've met a teacher who doesn't like me? 97 00:06:31,035 --> 00:06:33,563 The joeys go in feet first. 98 00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:36,056 Chauncey! 99 00:06:37,548 --> 00:06:39,892 Six miles, and I'm all smiles. 100 00:06:41,666 --> 00:06:42,954 Whew. 101 00:06:43,354 --> 00:06:44,443 Funyuns? 102 00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:46,034 Little Debbies? 103 00:06:46,046 --> 00:06:47,597 That's cross-legged music. 104 00:06:52,657 --> 00:06:54,776 Look at the size of that bird. 105 00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:58,048 I'd go Henry VIII on those drumsticks. 106 00:06:58,073 --> 00:07:01,529 Homer, I can't believe you're partaking with my parents. 107 00:07:01,615 --> 00:07:02,756 Yeah, it's medicinal. 108 00:07:02,799 --> 00:07:04,169 We had a pain in our neck. 109 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,355 I didn't know you were left-handed. 110 00:07:31,439 --> 00:07:34,059 Homer, you'll need to wear this eye patch for a couple weeks. 111 00:07:34,077 --> 00:07:37,387 And, uh, you may never see a film in 3-D again. 112 00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:43,436 But the storytelling is finally catching up to the technology. 113 00:07:43,442 --> 00:07:44,927 Ned Flanders. 114 00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:47,895 I can't believe you struck my husband. 115 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,800 Marge, I've been racked with guilt and pain. 116 00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:53,522 My mustache fell out; this is a clip-on. 117 00:07:54,081 --> 00:07:55,209 Sorry, Homer. 118 00:07:55,227 --> 00:07:57,070 Now, do you mind if I pray at your bedside? 119 00:07:57,082 --> 00:07:57,914 No, I don't. 120 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,292 If you pray to Superman. 121 00:08:01,079 --> 00:08:02,898 Not praying to a character in a comic book. 122 00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:04,830 What about Christian Archie comics? 123 00:08:04,856 --> 00:08:06,703 Neither canonical nor comical. 124 00:08:06,722 --> 00:08:08,178 Here, I'll get you started. 125 00:08:08,218 --> 00:08:10,862 Hail Superman, wearing tights, 126 00:08:10,931 --> 00:08:12,632 Clark Kent be thy name, 127 00:08:12,691 --> 00:08:14,824 one nation, under Zod... 128 00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,670 - Not praying to Superman. - Grouch. 129 00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:19,036 Ned, Homie's a little cranky right now. 130 00:08:19,085 --> 00:08:22,241 More than his eye, I think you hurt his feelings. 131 00:08:22,693 --> 00:08:24,577 Give him one of your famous murmurs, Marge. 132 00:08:24,596 --> 00:08:26,193 - My what? - Your famous murmur. 133 00:08:26,218 --> 00:08:28,313 You know. 134 00:08:28,393 --> 00:08:30,718 I never made that noise in my life! 135 00:08:31,927 --> 00:08:33,002 Thanks, Flanders. 136 00:08:33,008 --> 00:08:34,740 Punch my eye, destroy my marriage. 137 00:08:34,784 --> 00:08:36,923 Now just pull the plug and let me die! 138 00:08:36,948 --> 00:08:38,361 That's the plug for the light. 139 00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:52,236 Neddy, I know you feel guilty about coldcocking Homer. 140 00:08:52,262 --> 00:08:53,829 Please don't use that word in bed. 141 00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:56,500 You need to get some sleep. 142 00:08:57,646 --> 00:08:59,724 Dare I take another sleep aid? 143 00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:03,660 Better not take a full dose. 144 00:09:06,155 --> 00:09:08,881 Mmm. See you in eight hours. 145 00:09:22,235 --> 00:09:24,080 Was this always waiting for me, 146 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,487 or was it recently thrown together? 147 00:09:25,512 --> 00:09:27,046 That's what I want to know. 148 00:09:27,788 --> 00:09:29,787 ♪ Hey-diddly hell-diddly 149 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,170 ♪ Welcome neighborino 150 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,290 ♪ Hey-diddly hell-diddly 151 00:09:34,302 --> 00:09:36,255 ♪ Welcome neighborino 152 00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:41,262 Down here, we worship famous atheist Richard Dawkins, 153 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,783 author of The God Delusion! 154 00:09:46,355 --> 00:09:49,228 I'm making Catholic saint stew. 155 00:10:03,557 --> 00:10:05,693 No, not Surf 'n Murph. 156 00:10:09,607 --> 00:10:12,288 The answer to my woe must be in here. 157 00:10:12,319 --> 00:10:13,463 ♪ Whoo 158 00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:14,371 ♪ Let's get it on 159 00:10:14,383 --> 00:10:16,173 Nope, not that. 160 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:18,199 Not to my taste. 161 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,984 Flag that for later. 162 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,379 Finally. 163 00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:23,882 I know what I must do. 164 00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,152 - Ms. Cantwell? - Yes? 165 00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:31,794 Why are you so mean to me? 166 00:10:31,828 --> 00:10:32,862 You really want to know? 167 00:10:32,892 --> 00:10:35,443 More than I want unicorns to be real. 168 00:10:35,489 --> 00:10:37,479 Well, if you guess, I'll give you extra credit. 169 00:10:37,498 --> 00:10:39,917 - I remind you of you? - Now you've got a demerit. 170 00:10:39,935 --> 00:10:41,656 This class doesn't give demerits. 171 00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:43,645 Now it does, and you just got another one. 172 00:10:43,663 --> 00:10:44,996 What if I homeschool? 173 00:10:45,013 --> 00:10:47,022 You're bluffing; I've driven by your home. 174 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:50,870 - Principal Skinner... - Not now. 175 00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:52,747 I'm dealing with Mr. Testacleese. 176 00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:55,442 Look, kids can be cruel, Dick. 177 00:10:55,486 --> 00:10:56,514 Ha-ha! 178 00:10:56,533 --> 00:10:58,967 We don't know when we've gone too far! 179 00:11:05,258 --> 00:11:08,313 "Ann, Mark, Bill and Sally are on the Ferris wheel. 180 00:11:08,342 --> 00:11:09,876 "Ann is behind Sally. 181 00:11:09,885 --> 00:11:11,467 Mark is in front of Bill." 182 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,365 Look who's on the Ferris wheel. 183 00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,777 Your precious joeys! 184 00:11:24,706 --> 00:11:26,780 Better switch to social studies. 185 00:11:27,134 --> 00:11:30,467 "Eleanor Roosevelt became Franklin's eyes and ears and..." 186 00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:34,005 Here's the new deal: you fail! 187 00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:43,354 Oh! 188 00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:46,833 I wish you wouldn't wear sweaters that the senior ladies knit. 189 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,716 Well, putting my arms in sleeves is about all I got to offer a woman. 190 00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:51,954 Oh. 191 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,018 What's the matter, sweetie? 192 00:11:54,058 --> 00:11:56,560 Is a book character having difficulties? 193 00:11:56,613 --> 00:11:58,280 I have a bully at school. 194 00:11:58,309 --> 00:12:00,538 Oh. Did you tell the teacher? 195 00:12:00,556 --> 00:12:02,657 My bully is my teacher. 196 00:12:02,669 --> 00:12:04,941 A teacher can't be a bully. 197 00:12:04,986 --> 00:12:06,767 Oh, they sure can! 198 00:12:06,804 --> 00:12:10,445 When I was a boy, teachers would rap my knuckles with a yardstick. 199 00:12:10,462 --> 00:12:14,098 Now you've got the metric system. 200 00:12:14,194 --> 00:12:15,995 We don't have the metric system. 201 00:12:16,130 --> 00:12:18,274 What? This isn't Sweden? 202 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,034 And I'm not King Olaf? 203 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:23,859 Oh, I got some explaining to do down at the bank. 204 00:12:26,753 --> 00:12:28,300 Skinner! 205 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,625 Why am I here? 206 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,195 Did this fat boy injure his eye in shop class? 207 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,829 That place is a killing field. 208 00:12:33,867 --> 00:12:37,944 We're here because our daughter is being bullied by your teacher. 209 00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,595 Mrs. Simpson, this school does not hire bullies. 210 00:12:40,613 --> 00:12:42,488 - That's right. We... - Quiet, nerd! 211 00:12:42,569 --> 00:12:44,129 Well, she's just a substitute. 212 00:12:44,147 --> 00:12:47,370 Maybe you could transfer Ms. Cantwell to another school. 213 00:12:47,422 --> 00:12:49,802 Nix. She's already got two weeks tenure, 214 00:12:49,815 --> 00:12:52,047 so she's impossible to dislodge. 215 00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:53,380 I hate unions. 216 00:12:53,393 --> 00:12:56,639 There's this guy at my plant, caused three meltdowns, 217 00:12:56,683 --> 00:12:58,234 and he still keeps his job. 218 00:12:58,252 --> 00:12:59,724 Homer, that's you. 219 00:12:59,755 --> 00:13:00,662 Oh, yeah. 220 00:13:00,728 --> 00:13:02,796 I say, "Union," you say, "Power"! 221 00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:03,950 - Union! - Power. 222 00:13:03,973 --> 00:13:05,241 - Union! - Power. 223 00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:07,879 Marge, you're really dogging it on the "power." 224 00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:08,974 But don't worry. 225 00:13:08,992 --> 00:13:11,793 Because of the union, you're safe. 226 00:13:11,837 --> 00:13:14,138 So, just what are you gonna do for our daughter? 227 00:13:14,178 --> 00:13:16,567 We should talk about what we're going to promise to do, 228 00:13:16,586 --> 00:13:18,125 not what we'll actually do. 229 00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:20,264 We really appreciate that. 230 00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:25,518 Look at those eyes. 231 00:13:25,537 --> 00:13:28,252 There's an employee with a healthy case of the go-get-'ems. 232 00:13:29,825 --> 00:13:32,676 Hear that lion's roar of determination. 233 00:13:33,975 --> 00:13:35,477 Homer, Homer, I found the answer! 234 00:13:35,508 --> 00:13:36,702 Wha...? Huh? 235 00:13:36,717 --> 00:13:38,585 Flanders. How did you get in here? 236 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,775 This place is a highly-sensitive area. 237 00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:42,885 Who here wants to touch radiation? 238 00:13:43,462 --> 00:13:47,132 "Life shall go for life, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth." 239 00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:50,184 Hey, I don't go to where you work and read the Bible to you. 240 00:13:50,201 --> 00:13:52,169 I would embrace such a glad visit. 241 00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:53,431 Just what do you want? 242 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,651 I want you to punch me in the eye. 243 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:56,931 If you do, then we're even, 244 00:13:56,949 --> 00:13:59,537 according to Exodus, Leviticus and Matthew. 245 00:13:59,556 --> 00:14:01,669 You went and hired a law firm, eh? 246 00:14:01,687 --> 00:14:02,944 That's pretty aggressive. 247 00:14:03,519 --> 00:14:05,347 Jeepers creepers, pop my peeper! 248 00:14:05,373 --> 00:14:06,974 Come on, man. What's the catch? 249 00:14:06,987 --> 00:14:10,678 Homer, just call me a little bubble, 'cause I'm on the level. 250 00:14:10,757 --> 00:14:11,724 Punch me. 251 00:14:12,414 --> 00:14:14,058 Hmm. 252 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,429 Come on, Homer. I'm insisting on a fisting. 253 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,067 What's this about a fisting? 254 00:14:23,201 --> 00:14:24,830 I'm not punching you, Flanders. 255 00:14:24,929 --> 00:14:26,087 What? Why? 256 00:14:26,105 --> 00:14:28,417 Because if I hit you back, we'll be even. 257 00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:33,115 But if I don't hit you, that makes me the better man. 258 00:14:33,127 --> 00:14:35,415 And I'm liking the way that feels. 259 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:36,601 No, you can't. 260 00:14:36,613 --> 00:14:39,207 If I'm not as good as you, then I'm horrible! 261 00:14:39,231 --> 00:14:41,489 It's not for me to judge, Ned, because... 262 00:14:41,503 --> 00:14:43,126 I am the better man! 263 00:14:43,163 --> 00:14:45,332 Now, there's no need to... Better man, coming through! 264 00:14:45,357 --> 00:14:48,429 Way better-better-better! Way better-better-better! 265 00:14:48,496 --> 00:14:49,989 - Zing! - Enough. 266 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,504 You may be the sweater man, but Homer is the better man. 267 00:14:52,539 --> 00:14:53,838 Now you're rhyming?! 268 00:14:53,881 --> 00:14:55,257 Oh! 269 00:14:55,346 --> 00:14:57,752 I didn't know you were left-handed. 270 00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:06,687 Hello, Lisa. 271 00:15:06,721 --> 00:15:08,873 I was shocked to hear from Principal Skinner 272 00:15:08,898 --> 00:15:10,778 that you and I aren't getting along. 273 00:15:10,891 --> 00:15:12,895 You should never tell on a bully, Lisa. 274 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,420 Everyone knows that. 275 00:15:16,573 --> 00:15:18,105 Lisa Simpson?! 276 00:15:18,148 --> 00:15:19,197 In detention? 277 00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:21,794 Every rap sheet has a first line. 278 00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,079 What are you in for, murdering Chopin? 279 00:15:25,154 --> 00:15:26,577 Chopin. 280 00:15:26,895 --> 00:15:28,508 Can I ask you guys something? 281 00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:30,622 Why does someone become a bully? 282 00:15:30,647 --> 00:15:32,266 - Neglect. - Abuse. 283 00:15:32,303 --> 00:15:33,829 I'm a Cubs fan. 284 00:15:33,884 --> 00:15:36,319 But why would my teacher be a bully? 285 00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:37,480 - What? Huh? - I don't know. 286 00:15:37,499 --> 00:15:39,466 Your bully's a teacher? 287 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:42,560 That means all of us can be teachers. 288 00:15:42,603 --> 00:15:43,535 Boo-yah! 289 00:15:43,561 --> 00:15:46,081 I'm gonna buy me a Hyundai Elantra! 290 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,813 - Oh, cool! - Whoa! 291 00:15:47,849 --> 00:15:49,200 Oh. 292 00:15:52,324 --> 00:15:53,255 Do not cross. 293 00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:56,339 It is that monster that terrorizes the jolly fat man! 294 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:58,585 Come on, people. You're safe as Sunday with me. 295 00:15:58,628 --> 00:16:00,460 I wouldn't hurt a fly. 296 00:16:03,535 --> 00:16:05,193 I saw the whole thing! 297 00:16:05,217 --> 00:16:08,578 That innocent fly flew from that fresh pile 298 00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:11,859 of dog feces right into that monster's mouth! 299 00:16:13,121 --> 00:16:14,354 Fear not, people. 300 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,912 I will lead you safely across. 301 00:16:18,295 --> 00:16:19,012 Idiot! 302 00:16:19,024 --> 00:16:20,731 Help me, Flanders. 303 00:16:23,930 --> 00:16:25,505 Never get into Heaven. 304 00:16:25,524 --> 00:16:27,552 Took harp lessons for nothing. 305 00:16:27,578 --> 00:16:30,023 And here comes the tarp. 306 00:16:30,085 --> 00:16:32,862 The word "tarp," of course, is short for "tarpaulin," 307 00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:35,228 which Wikipedia defines as a strong, 308 00:16:35,246 --> 00:16:37,734 resilient, water-resistant material. 309 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:40,616 That definition is a hit with no errors! 310 00:16:41,056 --> 00:16:42,498 What's wrong, sweetie? 311 00:16:42,522 --> 00:16:44,225 My teacher's still bullying me. 312 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:45,959 Even after we came to school? 313 00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:48,562 That just made it worse. 314 00:16:48,601 --> 00:16:50,990 Oh, every time I try to fix things, 315 00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,940 it just makes things worse. 316 00:16:53,019 --> 00:16:55,077 But I'm gonna fix this. 317 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,047 Uh-huh. 318 00:16:57,066 --> 00:16:59,167 I think I have an idea. 319 00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:03,494 Now there's a baby duck paddling around on the tarp. 320 00:17:03,513 --> 00:17:07,280 You think they move those legs one at a time or both at once? 321 00:17:07,324 --> 00:17:09,208 Oh, I'd go with one at a time, Vic. 322 00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:11,631 You know, the great Mel Ott used to raise ducks 323 00:17:11,665 --> 00:17:13,474 in Louisiana during the off-season. 324 00:17:13,493 --> 00:17:17,441 And when a duck got sick, he would take it to bed with him till it got well. 325 00:17:17,512 --> 00:17:18,760 Mm-hmm. 326 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:24,200 Flanders, I've come to forgive you. 327 00:17:24,223 --> 00:17:26,435 Oh, my prayers have been answered! 328 00:17:26,465 --> 00:17:28,299 Well, actually, just this one. 329 00:17:28,323 --> 00:17:30,879 Uh, there is one condition. 330 00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:31,742 You want to hit me. 331 00:17:31,754 --> 00:17:35,134 Well, sir, here's a roll of quarters to put in your fist for extra punching power. 332 00:17:35,153 --> 00:17:37,222 Now, you can shatter my orbital bone. 333 00:17:37,234 --> 00:17:38,960 That'll knock the wax off my candle. 334 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,158 Don't want to hit you. 335 00:17:40,177 --> 00:17:41,897 I want your wife. 336 00:17:46,592 --> 00:17:50,722 To elaborate, I want your wife, the teacher, 337 00:17:50,741 --> 00:17:53,105 to help get rid of Lisa's substitute. 338 00:17:53,182 --> 00:17:55,377 Edna? You know how you said you could help me 339 00:17:55,390 --> 00:17:57,944 with any desire, and nothing was forbidden? 340 00:17:58,141 --> 00:18:01,394 Well, sir, I want you to rid of Lisa's bully teacher. 341 00:18:01,487 --> 00:18:02,432 Ooh. 342 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:05,101 Well, there's only one way: the nuclear option. 343 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,765 How much plutonium do you want? 344 00:18:06,783 --> 00:18:07,640 Got to warn you, 345 00:18:07,652 --> 00:18:10,535 it might take me 20 minutes to get it. 346 00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:17,572 - Ms. Cantwell? - Yes? 347 00:18:17,621 --> 00:18:20,075 I have a new student for your class. 348 00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:24,063 Yo. 349 00:18:24,081 --> 00:18:26,030 Yes, this is a very rare 350 00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:28,015 mid-year two-grade send-back. 351 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:30,133 Something's fishy. Are you dating this boy? 352 00:18:30,163 --> 00:18:31,001 Right. 353 00:18:31,019 --> 00:18:34,274 I can't be around him 'cause he's so delicious. 354 00:18:35,609 --> 00:18:39,012 Well, I can't see what harm one kid could do. 355 00:18:49,839 --> 00:18:53,325 When I come out of this, I'll be a butterfly. 356 00:18:56,446 --> 00:18:58,480 I just went to the bathroom for two minutes. 357 00:18:58,533 --> 00:19:00,634 I know. Posted a video online. 358 00:19:00,662 --> 00:19:04,025 Stupid Lisa, stupid Lisa, stupid Lisa. 359 00:19:04,287 --> 00:19:05,312 Okay, you've won. 360 00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:08,908 You've driven me out of this plum substitute teaching job. 361 00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,993 Ms. Cantwell, I can make this stop. 362 00:19:12,012 --> 00:19:14,401 All you have to do is like me. 363 00:19:14,496 --> 00:19:16,230 I... I can't. 364 00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:20,277 Wait, wait. 365 00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,453 There's no need to leave. 366 00:19:21,459 --> 00:19:23,798 You showed up before the students; that's all we asked. 367 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,225 You two are the worst-dressed gay men I've ever met. 368 00:19:27,678 --> 00:19:29,107 Ms. Cantwell, wait! 369 00:19:29,319 --> 00:19:31,236 I've got to know before you leave. 370 00:19:31,343 --> 00:19:32,780 Why don't you like me? 371 00:19:32,811 --> 00:19:35,184 Lisa, sometimes you just don't like a person. 372 00:19:35,230 --> 00:19:36,934 There's no logical explanation. 373 00:19:36,953 --> 00:19:38,348 It just is. 374 00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:40,473 That is so unsatisfying. 375 00:19:41,489 --> 00:19:42,357 Here we go. 376 00:19:42,375 --> 00:19:44,596 If you don't get what you want, you get all pouty. 377 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,664 All you pretty girls are the same. 378 00:19:46,733 --> 00:19:48,201 You think I'm pretty? 379 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:50,840 Right, like you don't get told that every day of your life, 380 00:19:50,852 --> 00:19:52,336 with your perfect blonde hair, 381 00:19:52,355 --> 00:19:55,355 that Kewpie doll voice that drives the boys crazy. 382 00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,668 And what eight-year-old wears pearls? 383 00:19:57,709 --> 00:20:00,921 Bookworms like me can't stand party girls like you. 384 00:20:00,946 --> 00:20:03,952 She hates me because I'm pretty! 385 00:20:05,768 --> 00:20:08,003 Not so pretty now, are you? 386 00:20:08,259 --> 00:20:10,194 Can you sign my yearbook? 387 00:20:11,103 --> 00:20:13,733 I'm glad the only beef between us is this burger. 388 00:20:13,758 --> 00:20:15,986 Mm, they sure are getting along. 389 00:20:17,058 --> 00:20:20,374 They don't know it, but I slipped a little 390 00:20:20,392 --> 00:20:23,106 into the brownies I gave them. 391 00:20:23,939 --> 00:20:26,287 How long has it been since we prayed together, neighbor? 392 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:27,750 This is praying? 393 00:20:27,774 --> 00:20:29,542 Let me out of here! 394 00:20:34,055 --> 00:20:35,686 Help me, God. 395 00:20:35,787 --> 00:20:40,787 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 396 00:21:19,192 --> 00:21:20,234 Shh!