1
00:00:05,379 --> 00:00:06,931
- Hey.
- Hey.
2
00:00:08,358 --> 00:00:09,942
You're still up.
What have you been doing?
3
00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:11,911
Wow.
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,213
You look like a foreign flag
to a country
5
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:16,949
no one wants to visit.
6
00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:18,234
You're the one that made me go
7
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:19,652
to an '80s party alone.
8
00:00:19,703 --> 00:00:21,181
Hey, you said
I didn't have to go.
9
00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:22,619
I know, but it would've been
so easy for you.
10
00:00:22,739 --> 00:00:24,773
All you gotta do is put on
a little less mascara.
11
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:26,876
You could have went
as Pat Benatar.
12
00:00:26,910 --> 00:00:28,777
Yeah, but you had fun, right?
13
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:29,879
Kind of.
14
00:00:29,913 --> 00:00:30,963
When you're not with me,
people think
15
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:31,964
that we're having problems.
16
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:33,299
That doesn't make any sense.
17
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,951
It's when we're together
that we have problems.
18
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,720
Yeah, people think
it's weird, though,
19
00:00:37,754 --> 00:00:39,004
you know, when they see me
20
00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,172
at parties without you.
21
00:00:40,223 --> 00:00:41,456
People see us together
all the time.
22
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:42,570
I went with you
to that thing last year.
23
00:00:42,581 --> 00:00:43,759
The funeral?
24
00:00:45,518 --> 00:00:47,569
I just don't like going out
on the weekends.
25
00:00:47,603 --> 00:00:49,554
You know, I feel like weekends
are for resting,
26
00:00:49,588 --> 00:00:51,189
not for getting more tired.
27
00:00:51,223 --> 00:00:52,190
I know.
It's just frustrating.
28
00:00:52,224 --> 00:00:53,191
I mean, there are some things
29
00:00:53,225 --> 00:00:54,559
I can't get you to do with me.
30
00:00:54,593 --> 00:00:56,027
Like what?
31
00:00:56,061 --> 00:00:59,263
Well...
32
00:00:59,281 --> 00:01:03,768
Okay. Besides that?
33
00:01:03,803 --> 00:01:05,570
We--you know, we never
went on a honeymoon.
34
00:01:05,604 --> 00:01:06,938
Okay,
but we were working on it,
35
00:01:06,956 --> 00:01:08,272
and we were deciding
where to go,
36
00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:10,275
but then we started
watching Breaking Bad,
37
00:01:10,309 --> 00:01:14,212
and all of a sudden,
nothing else mattered.
38
00:01:14,246 --> 00:01:15,380
Well, so let's do it.
39
00:01:15,414 --> 00:01:16,581
Let's go on a real honeymoon.
40
00:01:16,615 --> 00:01:17,882
Okay.
41
00:01:17,917 --> 00:01:19,116
Okay, um, I know.
42
00:01:19,135 --> 00:01:20,952
Why don't we stay in
all weekend
43
00:01:20,970 --> 00:01:23,972
and watch the prequel
to Breaking Bad?
44
00:01:24,006 --> 00:01:26,624
- Malcolm in the Middle?
- Yes.
45
00:01:26,642 --> 00:01:27,842
Well, I don't know.
46
00:01:27,893 --> 00:01:29,928
Let's go someplace cool,
like Las Vegas.
47
00:01:29,962 --> 00:01:31,179
Vegas?
48
00:01:31,230 --> 00:01:34,782
Am I not spending your money
fast enough in Chicago?
49
00:01:34,817 --> 00:01:35,934
All right,
well, how about we go
50
00:01:35,968 --> 00:01:37,168
to my parents' lake house, huh?
51
00:01:37,186 --> 00:01:38,820
It's cold and gloomy
and totally isolated
52
00:01:38,854 --> 00:01:39,971
this time of year.
53
00:01:39,989 --> 00:01:43,224
Hmm.
I'm listening.
54
00:01:43,259 --> 00:01:45,443
Come on, it'll be fun.
It'll be good luck too.
55
00:01:45,477 --> 00:01:46,811
My parents spent
their honeymoon there,
56
00:01:46,829 --> 00:01:47,812
and they're like...
57
00:01:47,830 --> 00:01:48,830
The perfect couple.
58
00:01:48,831 --> 00:01:50,915
Okay.
Let's do it.
59
00:01:50,950 --> 00:01:52,250
We're going on a honeymoon.
60
00:01:52,284 --> 00:01:54,702
Yeah.
All right.
61
00:01:54,753 --> 00:01:56,204
Hey, we're gonna have
a lot of alone time,
62
00:01:56,255 --> 00:02:00,258
so you better bring
extra birth control pills.
63
00:02:00,292 --> 00:02:04,629
Okay, so you just have
no idea how that works.
64
00:02:04,663 --> 00:02:06,347
- Just none.
- I don't know.
65
00:02:06,382 --> 00:02:08,349
You got, like, 30 at a time.
66
00:02:08,384 --> 00:02:11,386
By the way, this outfit
is birth control.
67
00:02:14,023 --> 00:02:20,798
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
68
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:23,631
Look at you,
going on a honeymoon.
69
00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:26,183
Man, you are living the dream.
70
00:02:26,202 --> 00:02:27,735
My dream.
71
00:02:28,854 --> 00:02:30,822
Yeah, and at a lake house.
72
00:02:30,856 --> 00:02:32,490
That sounds fun.
73
00:02:32,524 --> 00:02:35,126
Well, fun-adjacent.
74
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,913
Okay, Lily,
enjoy my place for the weekend.
75
00:02:38,964 --> 00:02:41,499
I'm sure it's gonna be a nice
change from Roxanne's couch.
76
00:02:41,533 --> 00:02:43,218
Yeah, it is gonna be nice
to sleep
77
00:02:43,252 --> 00:02:45,220
on something
that doesn't have buttons.
78
00:02:46,388 --> 00:02:47,889
- Oh. Perfect timing.
- Hey, Mark.
79
00:02:47,923 --> 00:02:49,090
- Hi.
- Hi.
80
00:02:49,141 --> 00:02:50,374
All right,
what do I need to fix?
81
00:02:50,392 --> 00:02:51,643
Here's everything,
but don't forget
82
00:02:51,677 --> 00:02:52,760
to fix the bedroom doorknob.
83
00:02:52,811 --> 00:02:55,313
What happened
to your bedroom doorknob?
84
00:02:55,347 --> 00:02:57,932
Alex fixed it.
85
00:02:57,983 --> 00:02:59,601
Every time Alex
tries to fix something,
86
00:02:59,652 --> 00:03:00,885
he makes it worse.
87
00:03:00,903 --> 00:03:05,106
So Whitney secretly has me
come over and refix it.
88
00:03:05,157 --> 00:03:07,926
Why don't you just tell Alex
he can't fix stuff
89
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,494
and have a handyman come?
90
00:03:09,528 --> 00:03:12,563
And that is why you are alone.
91
00:03:13,682 --> 00:03:15,399
All right, I'm off.
92
00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:17,168
- I've got a honey to moon.
- Bye.
93
00:03:17,202 --> 00:03:18,670
Don't do anything
I wouldn't do.
94
00:03:18,704 --> 00:03:21,339
Too late. We already
did that this morning.
95
00:03:21,373 --> 00:03:23,407
Bye.
96
00:03:23,425 --> 00:03:26,127
What?
97
00:03:26,178 --> 00:03:28,963
They write their names
on their yogurts.
98
00:03:29,014 --> 00:03:31,599
It's a little weird.
99
00:03:31,634 --> 00:03:33,968
No, what's weird is
they don't eat Greek yogurt.
100
00:03:34,019 --> 00:03:35,720
Oh, I know.
I love Greek yogurt.
101
00:03:35,754 --> 00:03:37,805
Yeah.
102
00:03:40,659 --> 00:03:43,911
Mark, what are you doing?
103
00:03:43,946 --> 00:03:45,396
I don't know.
104
00:03:45,430 --> 00:03:49,817
We started connecting,
and my drill went off.
105
00:03:54,239 --> 00:03:55,990
Hey, honey,
I'm really looking forward
106
00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:57,775
to our awesome honeymoon.
107
00:03:57,793 --> 00:03:59,160
Why are you yelling?
108
00:03:59,211 --> 00:04:00,662
Because if they know
we're going on our honeymoon,
109
00:04:00,713 --> 00:04:02,279
sometimes
they'll give us free things
110
00:04:02,298 --> 00:04:03,447
like chocolate or champagne,
111
00:04:03,465 --> 00:04:04,749
or they might even
upgrade us to first--
112
00:04:04,783 --> 00:04:06,718
We're on our honeymoon!
113
00:04:06,752 --> 00:04:08,336
Till death do us part!
114
00:04:08,387 --> 00:04:12,056
Here.
I'm here, you're there.
115
00:04:12,091 --> 00:04:15,727
- Oh. Excuse me.
- Hi.
116
00:04:15,761 --> 00:04:18,262
We are a couple,
and we accidentally booked
117
00:04:18,296 --> 00:04:19,347
two window seats.
118
00:04:19,398 --> 00:04:21,015
Would you mind
switching with us
119
00:04:21,066 --> 00:04:22,817
so that we can sit together?
120
00:04:22,851 --> 00:04:24,936
Oh, we're a couple too,
121
00:04:24,970 --> 00:04:26,938
and we don't want
to sit together.
122
00:04:28,607 --> 00:04:31,526
So sorry about that.
123
00:04:31,577 --> 00:04:34,579
Okay.
124
00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:41,953
We--we really are a couple.
We just--
125
00:04:41,987 --> 00:04:43,871
we both like aisle seats,
so--
126
00:04:43,922 --> 00:04:47,792
No, it's cool.
127
00:04:47,826 --> 00:04:49,994
Um, you know,
128
00:04:50,012 --> 00:04:51,946
neither of us like
to sit in the window seat,
129
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:53,998
so we just do this,
so we don't get resentful.
130
00:04:54,016 --> 00:04:56,333
It's just--it's only
a two-hour flight, so...
131
00:04:56,352 --> 00:04:59,503
Oh, totally get it.
132
00:05:06,111 --> 00:05:07,862
You guys may end up
sitting together anyway,
133
00:05:07,896 --> 00:05:09,346
'cause we're probably
gonna be upgraded
134
00:05:09,365 --> 00:05:10,347
'cause we're on our...
135
00:05:10,366 --> 00:05:13,517
- Honeymoon!
- Honeymoon!
136
00:05:13,535 --> 00:05:15,987
Oh, when did
you guys get married?
137
00:05:16,021 --> 00:05:18,156
Yes and no.
138
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,356
We actually got
tattoos instead.
139
00:05:19,375 --> 00:05:20,491
You probably saw mine
140
00:05:20,525 --> 00:05:24,695
while I was getting searched
at security.
141
00:05:34,039 --> 00:05:35,139
Aah!
142
00:05:35,174 --> 00:05:37,008
- Are you okay?
- Dude, are you all right?
143
00:05:37,042 --> 00:05:39,543
Okay, he's fine,
and you know that.
144
00:05:39,561 --> 00:05:42,713
- What happened?
- My wife touched me.
145
00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:48,186
Wife.
See? Told you.
146
00:05:52,441 --> 00:05:55,226
So?
What do you think?
147
00:05:55,244 --> 00:05:58,663
Oh, my God, it's beautiful.
148
00:05:58,697 --> 00:06:01,666
Psst.
Let's do it.
149
00:06:03,702 --> 00:06:05,753
Wait.
Can people see us?
150
00:06:05,788 --> 00:06:07,338
Nope.
Nobody's around for miles.
151
00:06:07,372 --> 00:06:09,040
Oh.
152
00:06:09,074 --> 00:06:11,592
You mean--okay.
153
00:06:11,627 --> 00:06:15,346
Wait, like, nobody at all?
154
00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:17,215
It's kind of creeping me out.
155
00:06:17,249 --> 00:06:18,299
All right, okay.
156
00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:19,851
We'll--we'll kiss first.
157
00:06:19,885 --> 00:06:21,585
Okay.
Okay, no.
158
00:06:21,603 --> 00:06:23,688
But it's just this place
is kind of reminding me
159
00:06:23,722 --> 00:06:26,140
of the house in Lake Blood.
160
00:06:26,191 --> 00:06:27,275
I've never seen it.
161
00:06:27,309 --> 00:06:28,976
I watched it three times,
and to this day,
162
00:06:29,027 --> 00:06:32,063
I hate being murdered.
163
00:06:32,097 --> 00:06:33,264
Whit, it's okay.
164
00:06:33,282 --> 00:06:34,699
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to you.
165
00:06:34,733 --> 00:06:38,903
That's exactly
what the lake said to the kid.
166
00:06:38,937 --> 00:06:40,571
What? What?
167
00:06:40,605 --> 00:06:42,523
Is the lake behind me?
168
00:06:42,558 --> 00:06:43,958
No.
169
00:06:43,992 --> 00:06:45,827
Somebody left the window open.
170
00:06:45,878 --> 00:06:47,879
It's a great way
to let bats in.
171
00:06:47,913 --> 00:06:49,747
Bats?
172
00:06:49,781 --> 00:06:52,884
You mean baby vampires?
173
00:06:52,918 --> 00:06:54,752
Okay, between the bats
and the murderers,
174
00:06:54,786 --> 00:06:57,171
I'm gonna leave here
with no blood.
175
00:06:57,222 --> 00:06:59,006
Whit, relax.
Nobody wants your blood.
176
00:06:59,057 --> 00:07:01,476
It's full of splenda
and antidepressants.
177
00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:03,678
But you should be
extra careful, though,
178
00:07:03,729 --> 00:07:08,465
because in horror movies,
sluts always die first.
179
00:07:10,602 --> 00:07:11,569
Romantic.
That's really romantic.
180
00:07:11,603 --> 00:07:16,073
Yeah, yeah.
181
00:07:17,326 --> 00:07:19,093
Oh, my God, he's here!
182
00:07:19,127 --> 00:07:22,246
- Who?
- The lake.
183
00:07:22,281 --> 00:07:23,531
Where's the panic room?
184
00:07:23,582 --> 00:07:25,533
Wherever you are.
185
00:07:25,584 --> 00:07:26,534
Aah!
186
00:07:26,585 --> 00:07:29,320
Oh, my gosh, we're gonna die!
187
00:07:29,338 --> 00:07:31,739
Do you remember
my brief bisexual phase?
188
00:07:31,773 --> 00:07:35,376
It wasn't brief,
and it wasn't that bi.
189
00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:37,011
♪ That when it snows
190
00:07:37,045 --> 00:07:40,047
♪ my eyes become large
191
00:07:40,098 --> 00:07:43,384
♪ and the light
that you shine can be seen ♪
192
00:07:43,435 --> 00:07:45,686
- Dad?
- ♪ Baby
193
00:07:45,721 --> 00:07:48,940
♪ I compare you to a kiss
from a rose ♪
194
00:07:48,974 --> 00:07:50,141
- ♪ on the gray
- Dad!
195
00:07:50,175 --> 00:07:52,310
Aah!
196
00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:54,195
Thank God
I wasn't singing Sade.
197
00:07:54,229 --> 00:07:56,314
That would have been
embarrassing.
198
00:07:59,719 --> 00:08:01,645
It's good to see you, guys.
199
00:08:01,765 --> 00:08:04,226
So good to see you, Wayne.
200
00:08:04,346 --> 00:08:07,391
- Call me "Dad."
- It's just so negative.
201
00:08:08,608 --> 00:08:09,929
What are you guys
doing up here?
202
00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:11,309
Oh, well, we never had
an official honeymoon,
203
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,228
so we decided to come up here
for a few days.
204
00:08:13,262 --> 00:08:14,362
Your honeymoon?
205
00:08:14,397 --> 00:08:15,997
Oh, my goodness.
Let me get out of your hair.
206
00:08:16,032 --> 00:08:18,483
I'll just get my catfish
out of the tub.
207
00:08:18,534 --> 00:08:20,478
- No.
- No, no. It's okay, dad.
208
00:08:20,598 --> 00:08:21,820
Where's--where's mom?
209
00:08:21,871 --> 00:08:23,771
Oh, she--she stayed home,
yeah.
210
00:08:23,789 --> 00:08:25,632
She had a thing.
211
00:08:25,752 --> 00:08:27,442
But we haven't been up
for a while, so I just drove up
212
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:29,211
for the night
to keep things working,
213
00:08:29,245 --> 00:08:30,462
turn some stuff on, you know.
214
00:08:30,496 --> 00:08:32,296
A house is like a living thing.
215
00:08:35,751 --> 00:08:38,003
This house is alive?
216
00:08:38,054 --> 00:08:40,255
Dad, what are you wearing?
217
00:08:40,289 --> 00:08:42,307
It's my new thing.
It's called under armour.
218
00:08:42,341 --> 00:08:47,795
It wicks away sweat,
so you never have to wash it.
219
00:08:47,813 --> 00:08:50,015
See what happens to him
when mom is not around?
220
00:08:50,066 --> 00:08:51,850
Ah, come on.
Don't listen to him.
221
00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:53,985
I wear the pants in the family,
222
00:08:54,020 --> 00:08:56,187
which, by the way,
also become shorts.
223
00:08:57,973 --> 00:09:00,609
Um, why don't you guys
make yourself comfortable?
224
00:09:00,643 --> 00:09:01,910
Are you hungry?
225
00:09:01,944 --> 00:09:03,828
I can unwrap some cheese
and nuke up some bread.
226
00:09:03,863 --> 00:09:05,313
Come on, sit down.
227
00:09:05,331 --> 00:09:07,699
Uh, you know, don't worry
about it, dad. Just relax.
228
00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:12,120
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
229
00:09:12,154 --> 00:09:15,707
You almost sat on my nest.
230
00:09:15,758 --> 00:09:17,859
Where'd you get that?
231
00:09:17,893 --> 00:09:19,511
Well,
there are these two Robins
232
00:09:19,545 --> 00:09:21,630
that lived out in that pine
by the tool shed.
233
00:09:21,664 --> 00:09:23,765
And, I don't know, one day
234
00:09:23,799 --> 00:09:26,484
the singing
turned into pecking.
235
00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:28,853
Pecking, pecking, pecking.
236
00:09:28,888 --> 00:09:31,823
Until today,
I just found this nest
237
00:09:31,857 --> 00:09:33,475
on the ground...
238
00:09:33,509 --> 00:09:36,361
abandoned.
239
00:09:36,395 --> 00:09:38,697
You guys want some tea?
240
00:09:38,731 --> 00:09:42,033
Um, honey, do you want
to go get the luggage?
241
00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:44,369
Aw, I thought
we were gonna have some tea.
242
00:09:44,403 --> 00:09:48,089
Um, you know, our honeymoon
tools are in there.
243
00:09:48,124 --> 00:09:51,576
Uh, be right back.
244
00:09:57,166 --> 00:09:58,583
Wayne, are you okay?
245
00:09:58,634 --> 00:10:00,085
I'm fine. Why?
246
00:10:00,136 --> 00:10:02,804
Um--oh.
247
00:10:02,838 --> 00:10:06,508
That's a lot of beer
for just one night.
248
00:10:06,542 --> 00:10:08,760
I always bring
a little extra beer.
249
00:10:08,811 --> 00:10:10,729
For the ducks.
250
00:10:14,049 --> 00:10:17,485
All right, I gotta
be honest with you.
251
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,105
The beer's not for the ducks.
252
00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:27,362
I've been up here a week
by myself.
253
00:10:27,396 --> 00:10:29,080
Madeline doesn't have a thing.
254
00:10:29,115 --> 00:10:31,166
It's just that she's like--
255
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,784
Ah, it's your honeymoon.
256
00:10:32,835 --> 00:10:34,068
I don't want to bother you
about this.
257
00:10:34,086 --> 00:10:35,086
No, no, no.
You can talk to me about this.
258
00:10:35,121 --> 00:10:36,454
Okay, just tell me
what happened.
259
00:10:36,489 --> 00:10:38,256
Did she find out
you have a secret family?
260
00:10:38,290 --> 00:10:40,959
Did she cheat with a realtor?
261
00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:42,577
Because if you're not careful,
262
00:10:42,595 --> 00:10:45,930
this kind of stuff can lead
to some serious problems.
263
00:10:45,965 --> 00:10:48,466
Oh, that's right.
You're a mess.
264
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:49,718
You understand.
265
00:10:53,723 --> 00:10:55,256
Oh, my God, you guys.
266
00:10:55,274 --> 00:10:58,193
They share an underwear drawer.
267
00:10:58,227 --> 00:10:59,427
That's not that weird.
268
00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:01,029
Uh, no, no, no.
269
00:11:01,063 --> 00:11:03,898
There is a drawer next
to the underwear drawer
270
00:11:03,932 --> 00:11:05,984
that's empty.
271
00:11:06,035 --> 00:11:07,986
Yeah. Yeah,
that underwear drawer thing,
272
00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:09,404
it's not the weirdest part.
273
00:11:09,438 --> 00:11:12,424
The weirdest part is the knob
on the empty one
274
00:11:12,458 --> 00:11:14,959
keeps breaking.
275
00:11:14,994 --> 00:11:16,995
What does it mean?
276
00:11:17,046 --> 00:11:19,130
I mean, I just cannot
figure them out.
277
00:11:19,165 --> 00:11:21,332
Relationship-wise,
they've completely gone rogue.
278
00:11:21,384 --> 00:11:23,385
I mean,
they lie about fixing things,
279
00:11:23,419 --> 00:11:24,952
they label their yogurts,
280
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:27,338
and the worst part is
they're happy.
281
00:11:27,390 --> 00:11:28,456
And I'm single.
282
00:11:28,474 --> 00:11:31,109
And who puts pillows
on the floor?
283
00:11:31,143 --> 00:11:33,144
Psychos.
284
00:11:33,179 --> 00:11:34,729
You think that's weird?
285
00:11:34,764 --> 00:11:37,432
Alex keeps his porn
on Whitney's computer.
286
00:11:37,466 --> 00:11:40,802
What?
287
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:43,354
- I still like magazines.
- Oh, me too.
288
00:11:43,406 --> 00:11:45,106
- Yeah, me too.
- No, no.
289
00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:49,244
I'm not touching that hand.
290
00:11:49,278 --> 00:11:50,412
Madeline and I--
I don't know.
291
00:11:50,446 --> 00:11:51,946
It's just that I--
You know?
292
00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:54,449
Sometimes,
I don't want to sleep
293
00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:55,983
with a hundred tiny pillows
in a room
294
00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:58,653
that's 78 degrees, you know?
295
00:11:58,671 --> 00:12:00,455
Plus, her breathing
296
00:12:00,489 --> 00:12:05,376
in and out and in and out.
297
00:12:05,428 --> 00:12:06,494
Okay.
298
00:12:06,512 --> 00:12:07,595
Well, you know, it's okay
299
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:08,963
to need some space sometimes.
300
00:12:08,997 --> 00:12:09,964
Yeah, I mean, you know,
301
00:12:09,998 --> 00:12:11,132
I got things to do too,
you know.
302
00:12:11,166 --> 00:12:12,467
I mean I gave up everything
303
00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:13,468
when we got married--
304
00:12:13,502 --> 00:12:17,889
cigars, scotch, Judaism.
305
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,674
Well,
just 'cause you're married
306
00:12:19,692 --> 00:12:21,342
doesn't mean you have
to give up who you are.
307
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:26,197
That's what I just said
to the nest.
308
00:12:26,232 --> 00:12:28,349
I don't know.
We'll work things out.
309
00:12:28,384 --> 00:12:29,951
You know, I mean,
we can't sell the house.
310
00:12:29,985 --> 00:12:32,954
Not in this market.
311
00:12:32,988 --> 00:12:36,491
Well, you know,
for what it's worth,
312
00:12:36,525 --> 00:12:39,794
you and Madeline are like
the best couple I've ever seen.
313
00:12:39,829 --> 00:12:42,831
Oh, thanks.
314
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:44,132
Kind of nice
that we can have this,
315
00:12:44,166 --> 00:12:47,502
you know,
open and honest relationship.
316
00:12:47,536 --> 00:12:49,304
Just don't tell Alex
about this, okay?
317
00:12:49,338 --> 00:12:52,373
Oh...
we don't talk much.
318
00:12:52,391 --> 00:12:54,509
Come on.
You're gonna be fine.
319
00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:55,927
Aw, thanks, kid.
320
00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:57,378
Oh, uh, you know,
321
00:12:57,396 --> 00:12:59,380
just 'cause you don't have
to wash that shirt,
322
00:12:59,398 --> 00:13:01,149
doesn't mean you shouldn't.
323
00:13:06,956 --> 00:13:09,046
Whitney, come on.
It's our honeymoon.
324
00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:13,005
I want to break off a piece
of my beautiful corpse bride.
325
00:13:14,651 --> 00:13:17,977
I can't believe you blew up
the bathroom.
326
00:13:18,011 --> 00:13:19,032
On our honeymoon.
327
00:13:19,152 --> 00:13:20,830
Well, whatever.
It's our first night together.
328
00:13:20,864 --> 00:13:23,633
I was nervous.
329
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,468
Come on.
330
00:13:25,502 --> 00:13:27,637
- Be romantic.
- Oh.
331
00:13:27,671 --> 00:13:28,805
- Okay. All right.
- Okay.
332
00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:29,498
Yeah.
333
00:13:29,618 --> 00:13:30,776
What happened
to your edible underwear?
334
00:13:30,896 --> 00:13:32,842
Oh, I ate them on the plane.
335
00:13:32,876 --> 00:13:34,360
Come on, get in here.
336
00:13:34,395 --> 00:13:37,264
But the piña colada
has gone way downhill.
337
00:13:37,339 --> 00:13:39,924
Yeah, okay. You're gonna
have to stop talking.
338
00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:41,192
Oh, so your dad
doesn't hear us?
339
00:13:41,226 --> 00:13:42,977
No, just in general.
340
00:13:43,011 --> 00:13:47,498
♪ My power, my pleasure,
my pain ♪
341
00:13:47,533 --> 00:13:48,883
♪ baby
342
00:13:48,901 --> 00:13:50,268
Why isn't he in bed?
343
00:13:50,319 --> 00:13:51,385
I don't know.
344
00:13:51,403 --> 00:13:53,020
This is kind of weird
with him here.
345
00:13:53,054 --> 00:13:54,355
Should we just wait
till we get home?
346
00:13:54,389 --> 00:13:55,389
No, no, no.
Just be quiet.
347
00:13:55,407 --> 00:13:56,574
And then,
when the moment comes,
348
00:13:56,608 --> 00:13:59,110
I'll jam a pillow
in your mouth.
349
00:13:59,161 --> 00:14:02,113
I am so sick of that.
350
00:14:02,164 --> 00:14:04,231
I'll be quiet.
I promise.
351
00:14:04,249 --> 00:14:05,249
Okay.
352
00:14:07,369 --> 00:14:09,570
- Oh, God!
- You kids okay in there?
353
00:14:09,588 --> 00:14:10,838
- Coming in.
- No, no, no!
354
00:14:10,873 --> 00:14:13,124
Obviously, obviously,
don't come in here, dad.
355
00:14:13,175 --> 00:14:14,942
Oh, right, right, right.
356
00:14:14,977 --> 00:14:17,678
I'm pushing for a girl.
Night, guys.
357
00:14:17,713 --> 00:14:19,714
Ah.
358
00:14:22,417 --> 00:14:24,752
- You know--
- Me neither.
359
00:14:24,770 --> 00:14:26,086
Yeah, this--
360
00:14:26,105 --> 00:14:28,589
this just kind of feels
like a family weekend.
361
00:14:28,607 --> 00:14:31,592
Uh, I'm gonna call my mom,
and I'll invite her up.
362
00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:34,145
Take me.
363
00:14:34,196 --> 00:14:36,731
Tear off a piece.
364
00:14:36,765 --> 00:14:40,768
Tap that.
365
00:14:40,803 --> 00:14:45,456
Okay. I'm gonna walk away
from the door now.
366
00:14:45,491 --> 00:14:46,824
All right, Whit.
Come on, here.
367
00:14:46,875 --> 00:14:47,909
Just give me the phone.
I'll call my mom.
368
00:14:47,943 --> 00:14:48,910
It'll be fun.
369
00:14:48,944 --> 00:14:51,078
Please don't.
370
00:14:51,112 --> 00:14:52,413
What, you don't want
my mom up here?
371
00:14:52,447 --> 00:14:54,549
Are you afraid she's gonna
make you eat carbs?
372
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:56,968
No, I just--
I kind of got the vibe
373
00:14:57,002 --> 00:14:59,003
that your parents would be cool
374
00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:01,756
not seeing each other
this weekend.
375
00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:03,424
Ooh.
376
00:15:03,458 --> 00:15:05,643
Wow.
You know, of course.
377
00:15:05,677 --> 00:15:06,978
Of course you're gonna do this.
378
00:15:07,012 --> 00:15:08,563
- What?
- This.
379
00:15:08,597 --> 00:15:10,314
You always spin everything
into a dark place.
380
00:15:10,349 --> 00:15:11,682
My parents are fine.
381
00:15:11,733 --> 00:15:13,351
You just don't know what
a healthy family looks like.
382
00:15:13,402 --> 00:15:16,521
Yes, I do.
I watch commercials.
383
00:15:16,555 --> 00:15:17,638
Whit, seriously.
384
00:15:17,656 --> 00:15:19,473
Do not project
your damage onto us.
385
00:15:19,491 --> 00:15:20,525
My parents are happy.
386
00:15:20,576 --> 00:15:22,944
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
387
00:15:22,978 --> 00:15:25,246
- Okay, so just stop.
- I've stopped.
388
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,032
- I've stopped.
- All right.
389
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:29,984
Come on, don't go to bed.
390
00:15:30,002 --> 00:15:32,620
It's our honeymoon.
You know what?
391
00:15:32,654 --> 00:15:33,821
I'm gonna go downstairs.
392
00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:35,322
I'm gonna get some
of that champagne.
393
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:37,675
Okay?
You just stay right here.
394
00:15:37,709 --> 00:15:40,211
Ahh.
I'll be right back.
395
00:15:40,262 --> 00:15:43,014
Lover.
396
00:15:49,471 --> 00:15:50,438
You guys,
397
00:15:50,472 --> 00:15:52,023
all of the prescription bottles
398
00:15:52,057 --> 00:15:53,391
in their medicine cabinet
are made out
399
00:15:53,442 --> 00:15:55,393
to a Gloria Lecroix.
400
00:15:55,444 --> 00:15:56,644
Who's that?
401
00:15:56,678 --> 00:15:57,812
I don't know,
402
00:15:57,846 --> 00:15:59,530
but I'm really worried
about her.
403
00:15:59,565 --> 00:16:01,032
She's clinically depressed,
404
00:16:01,066 --> 00:16:04,035
she has A.D.D.,
and a thyroid problem.
405
00:16:04,069 --> 00:16:07,021
And they have her pills.
406
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:08,206
Well, don't look at me.
407
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,640
I don't know
how to help people.
408
00:16:09,675 --> 00:16:11,209
Besides, I'm still trying
to figure out
409
00:16:11,243 --> 00:16:15,796
why they TiVo
the weather channel.
410
00:16:15,831 --> 00:16:18,532
Well, this doorknob is fixed.
411
00:16:18,550 --> 00:16:21,969
You on the other hand,
are gonna take a little longer.
412
00:16:24,556 --> 00:16:26,540
- Mark.
- I'm sorry.
413
00:16:26,558 --> 00:16:30,428
You look like Claire Danes
right now.
414
00:16:30,479 --> 00:16:31,545
All right.
415
00:16:31,563 --> 00:16:32,847
I know what I need to do.
416
00:16:32,881 --> 00:16:34,148
I'm gonna go in there,
417
00:16:34,182 --> 00:16:35,433
and I'm gonna get
those prescription bottles,
418
00:16:35,484 --> 00:16:38,603
and then I am gonna put
the pills in my mouth.
419
00:16:38,654 --> 00:16:39,720
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
420
00:16:39,738 --> 00:16:40,988
Please don't overdose.
421
00:16:41,023 --> 00:16:43,507
If you're not famous,
it's just sad.
422
00:16:50,165 --> 00:16:52,033
- Hey.
- Hey.
423
00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:53,150
How was your honeymoon?
424
00:16:53,185 --> 00:16:55,786
Well, we hung out with his dad,
425
00:16:55,837 --> 00:16:58,005
we got in a fight,
and we didn't have sex.
426
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,791
So we are
officially married. Ha.
427
00:17:00,842 --> 00:17:02,877
- Right.
- How was your weekend?
428
00:17:02,911 --> 00:17:03,961
It was great.
429
00:17:04,012 --> 00:17:05,513
Realized
I'm clearly not qualified
430
00:17:05,547 --> 00:17:07,048
to be in a healthy
relationship.
431
00:17:07,082 --> 00:17:09,350
Too normal.
432
00:17:09,384 --> 00:17:10,935
So you went through our stuff?
433
00:17:10,969 --> 00:17:13,804
- Love you.
- Hey.
434
00:17:13,855 --> 00:17:14,972
Oh, hey.
What'd your mom say?
435
00:17:15,023 --> 00:17:16,824
Uh, she said the same thing
that my dad did.
436
00:17:16,858 --> 00:17:18,943
That she stayed home because
she had an appointment.
437
00:17:18,977 --> 00:17:20,778
So...told you.
438
00:17:20,812 --> 00:17:22,262
Nothing's wrong.
439
00:17:22,281 --> 00:17:24,949
Cool.
440
00:17:24,983 --> 00:17:27,652
God, I'm good.
441
00:17:36,044 --> 00:17:38,612
It's your
save-the-date photo.
442
00:17:48,824 --> 00:17:50,641
Alex?
443
00:17:57,683 --> 00:18:01,319
What are you doing?
444
00:18:01,353 --> 00:18:03,738
Nothing.
445
00:18:03,772 --> 00:18:08,192
Was I grinding your teeth?
446
00:18:08,226 --> 00:18:12,413
Everything's not okay
with my parents, is it?
447
00:18:12,447 --> 00:18:15,616
Uh, seems like they're fine.
448
00:18:15,650 --> 00:18:17,752
I mean, you know,
449
00:18:17,786 --> 00:18:20,338
my mom sounded weird.
450
00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:24,859
And my dad was
basically wearing a wetsuit.
451
00:18:24,893 --> 00:18:26,827
And that can't be good.
452
00:18:26,845 --> 00:18:28,713
Just--
453
00:18:28,747 --> 00:18:30,747
I always thought they were
like the perfect couple.
454
00:18:30,766 --> 00:18:32,967
You know, what's going on?
455
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,353
I don't know.
456
00:18:35,387 --> 00:18:37,104
But, Whit, help me.
457
00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:38,723
I mean, you know,
you've been through this.
458
00:18:38,774 --> 00:18:40,157
I just--
Are they gonna get divorced?
459
00:18:40,192 --> 00:18:41,726
I mean, this is bad, right?
460
00:18:41,777 --> 00:18:44,395
No. This is not bad.
Okay?
461
00:18:44,446 --> 00:18:48,366
I have seen bad,
and this is not it.
462
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,619
I know it sucks,
but just--
463
00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:55,423
I think the best thing to do
is just stay out of it.
464
00:18:55,457 --> 00:18:57,691
And the worst thing to do
is to kidnap yourself
465
00:18:57,709 --> 00:18:58,743
and to find out how much
466
00:18:58,794 --> 00:19:02,713
your parents
think you're worth.
467
00:19:02,748 --> 00:19:04,765
What if my parents
can't work it out?
468
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,183
They're gonna work it out,
okay?
469
00:19:06,218 --> 00:19:07,918
That's what they're doing.
470
00:19:07,969 --> 00:19:09,036
They're working it out.
471
00:19:09,054 --> 00:19:10,171
I don't know.
472
00:19:10,205 --> 00:19:11,505
What if my dad goes
to the grocery store
473
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:14,892
and meets Diane Lane
and leaves my mom?
474
00:19:14,926 --> 00:19:17,762
You always think Robin Wright
Penn is Diane Lane.
475
00:19:17,813 --> 00:19:19,013
All right, which one
is John Travolta's wife?
476
00:19:19,047 --> 00:19:21,232
You know, it doesn't matter.
477
00:19:21,266 --> 00:19:24,185
I just--I want them
to be okay again, you know.
478
00:19:24,219 --> 00:19:25,486
I know.
I know.
479
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,438
So weird when you realize
480
00:19:27,472 --> 00:19:30,858
that your parents are human.
481
00:19:30,892 --> 00:19:32,359
Well, look.
482
00:19:32,393 --> 00:19:36,163
I'm--I'm sorry that
I always compare us to them.
483
00:19:36,198 --> 00:19:38,749
That's not cool, and...
484
00:19:38,784 --> 00:19:40,217
I mean, I don't want
their relationship.
485
00:19:40,252 --> 00:19:42,286
I want ours.
486
00:19:42,337 --> 00:19:44,955
For some reason.
487
00:19:45,006 --> 00:19:46,540
Okay.
488
00:19:46,574 --> 00:19:48,259
Well, let's just--
489
00:19:48,293 --> 00:19:49,960
let's just keep doing
our own thing
490
00:19:50,011 --> 00:19:52,513
no matter how insane
people think we are.
491
00:19:52,547 --> 00:19:55,132
Well, I mean, people think
you're insane.
492
00:19:55,183 --> 00:19:57,518
Okay.
493
00:19:57,552 --> 00:19:59,720
You know, I mean,
it wouldn't be so bad
494
00:19:59,754 --> 00:20:02,890
to look to your parents
for inspiration
495
00:20:02,924 --> 00:20:04,391
- every now and then.
- Yeah.
496
00:20:04,425 --> 00:20:07,094
I mean, I would kill
to be taking a break
497
00:20:07,112 --> 00:20:09,063
from you in 30 years.
498
00:20:09,097 --> 00:20:10,364
Aw.
499
00:20:10,398 --> 00:20:12,599
And I would kill
to have our kids
500
00:20:12,617 --> 00:20:14,735
worried that we might get
a divorce.
501
00:20:14,769 --> 00:20:16,153
Oh, they will be.
502
00:20:18,206 --> 00:20:21,208
- Hey, thanks.
- For what?
503
00:20:21,243 --> 00:20:23,494
You know, for walking me
through this.
504
00:20:23,545 --> 00:20:25,463
This is the first time
ever, really,
505
00:20:25,497 --> 00:20:29,216
that your terrible childhood
has benefited me at all.
506
00:20:29,251 --> 00:20:31,836
Oh, that and
your low self-esteem in bed.
507
00:20:31,887 --> 00:20:32,953
Okay.
508
00:20:32,971 --> 00:20:35,089
That's really fun.
509
00:20:40,855 --> 00:20:41,900
Mark!
510
00:20:43,504 --> 00:20:46,372
What are you doing?
511
00:20:46,406 --> 00:20:49,042
Uh...I was just, uh,
512
00:20:49,076 --> 00:20:50,576
looking
at your garbage disposal.
513
00:20:50,594 --> 00:20:52,648
Why?
Alex already fixed it.
514
00:20:52,768 --> 00:20:55,431
Well, I--I was having trouble
with mine,
515
00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:59,385
and I wanted to see
how you fixed yours.
516
00:20:59,419 --> 00:21:03,906
Oh, well, why don't I just
come down and fix yours?
517
00:21:03,941 --> 00:21:06,609
Perfect.
518
00:21:06,643 --> 00:21:07,643
Uh, great.
519
00:21:07,695 --> 00:21:08,811
Well, let me get
out of these clothes,
520
00:21:08,862 --> 00:21:11,030
change, and, uh...
521
00:21:11,065 --> 00:21:13,099
be down in a minute.
522
00:21:19,039 --> 00:21:21,791
And now I have to go downstairs
523
00:21:21,825 --> 00:21:24,048
and break my garbage disposal.
524
00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:31,307
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com