1
00:00:04,079 --> 00:00:05,631
- Hey.
- Hey.
2
00:00:07,058 --> 00:00:08,642
You're still up.
What have you been doing?
3
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,611
Wow.
4
00:00:10,645 --> 00:00:12,913
You look like a foreign flag
to a country
5
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:15,649
no one wants to visit.
6
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,934
You're the one that made me go
7
00:00:16,968 --> 00:00:18,352
to an '80s party alone.
8
00:00:18,403 --> 00:00:19,881
Hey, you said
I didn't have to go.
9
00:00:20,001 --> 00:00:21,319
I know, but it would've been
so easy for you.
10
00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,473
All you gotta do is put on
a little less mascara.
11
00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,576
You could have went
as Pat Benatar.
12
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,477
Yeah, but you had fun, right?
13
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:28,579
Kind of.
14
00:00:28,613 --> 00:00:29,663
When you're not with me,
people think
15
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,664
that we're having problems.
16
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:31,999
That doesn't make any sense.
17
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,651
It's when we're together
that we have problems.
18
00:00:34,669 --> 00:00:36,420
Yeah, people think
it's weird, though,
19
00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:37,704
you know, when they see me
20
00:00:37,755 --> 00:00:38,872
at parties without you.
21
00:00:38,923 --> 00:00:40,156
People see us together
all the time.
22
00:00:40,175 --> 00:00:41,270
I went with you
to that thing last year.
23
00:00:41,281 --> 00:00:42,459
The funeral?
24
00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:46,269
I just don't like going out
on the weekends.
25
00:00:46,303 --> 00:00:48,254
You know, I feel like weekends
are for resting,
26
00:00:48,288 --> 00:00:49,889
not for getting more tired.
27
00:00:49,923 --> 00:00:50,890
I know.
It's just frustrating.
28
00:00:50,924 --> 00:00:51,891
I mean, there are some things
29
00:00:51,925 --> 00:00:53,259
I can't get you to do with me.
30
00:00:53,293 --> 00:00:54,727
Like what?
31
00:00:54,761 --> 00:00:57,963
Well...
32
00:00:57,981 --> 00:01:02,468
Okay. Besides that?
33
00:01:02,503 --> 00:01:04,270
We--you know, we never
went on a honeymoon.
34
00:01:04,304 --> 00:01:05,638
Okay,
but we were working on it,
35
00:01:05,656 --> 00:01:06,972
and we were deciding
where to go,
36
00:01:06,990 --> 00:01:08,975
but then we started
watching Breaking Bad,
37
00:01:09,009 --> 00:01:12,912
and all of a sudden,
nothing else mattered.
38
00:01:12,946 --> 00:01:14,080
Well, so let's do it.
39
00:01:14,114 --> 00:01:15,281
Let's go on a real honeymoon.
40
00:01:15,315 --> 00:01:16,582
Okay.
41
00:01:16,617 --> 00:01:17,816
Okay, um, I know.
42
00:01:17,835 --> 00:01:19,652
Why don't we stay in
all weekend
43
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:22,672
and watch the prequel
to Breaking Bad?
44
00:01:22,706 --> 00:01:25,324
- Malcolm in the Middle?
- Yes.
45
00:01:25,342 --> 00:01:26,542
Well, I don't know.
46
00:01:26,593 --> 00:01:28,628
Let's go someplace cool,
like Las Vegas.
47
00:01:28,662 --> 00:01:29,879
Vegas?
48
00:01:29,930 --> 00:01:33,482
Am I not spending your money
fast enough in Chicago?
49
00:01:33,517 --> 00:01:34,634
All right,
well, how about we go
50
00:01:34,668 --> 00:01:35,868
to my parents' lake house, huh?
51
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,520
It's cold and gloomy
and totally isolated
52
00:01:37,554 --> 00:01:38,671
this time of year.
53
00:01:38,689 --> 00:01:41,924
Hmm.
I'm listening.
54
00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,143
Come on, it'll be fun.
It'll be good luck too.
55
00:01:44,177 --> 00:01:45,511
My parents spent
their honeymoon there,
56
00:01:45,529 --> 00:01:46,512
and they're like...
57
00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:47,530
The perfect couple.
58
00:01:47,531 --> 00:01:49,615
Okay.
Let's do it.
59
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,950
We're going on a honeymoon.
60
00:01:50,984 --> 00:01:53,402
Yeah.
All right.
61
00:01:53,453 --> 00:01:54,904
Hey, we're gonna have
a lot of alone time,
62
00:01:54,955 --> 00:01:58,958
so you better bring
extra birth control pills.
63
00:01:58,992 --> 00:02:03,329
Okay, so you just have
no idea how that works.
64
00:02:03,363 --> 00:02:05,047
- Just none.
- I don't know.
65
00:02:05,082 --> 00:02:07,049
You got, like, 30 at a time.
66
00:02:07,084 --> 00:02:10,086
By the way, this outfit
is birth control.
67
00:02:12,723 --> 00:02:19,498
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
68
00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:22,331
Look at you,
going on a honeymoon.
69
00:02:22,366 --> 00:02:24,883
Man, you are living the dream.
70
00:02:24,902 --> 00:02:26,435
My dream.
71
00:02:27,554 --> 00:02:29,522
Yeah, and at a lake house.
72
00:02:29,556 --> 00:02:31,190
That sounds fun.
73
00:02:31,224 --> 00:02:33,826
Well, fun-adjacent.
74
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:37,613
Okay, Lily,
enjoy my place for the weekend.
75
00:02:37,664 --> 00:02:40,199
I'm sure it's gonna be a nice
change from Roxanne's couch.
76
00:02:40,233 --> 00:02:41,918
Yeah, it is gonna be nice
to sleep
77
00:02:41,952 --> 00:02:43,920
on something
that doesn't have buttons.
78
00:02:45,088 --> 00:02:46,589
- Oh. Perfect timing.
- Hey, Mark.
79
00:02:46,623 --> 00:02:47,790
- Hi.
- Hi.
80
00:02:47,841 --> 00:02:49,074
All right,
what do I need to fix?
81
00:02:49,092 --> 00:02:50,343
Here's everything,
but don't forget
82
00:02:50,377 --> 00:02:51,460
to fix the bedroom doorknob.
83
00:02:51,511 --> 00:02:54,013
What happened
to your bedroom doorknob?
84
00:02:54,047 --> 00:02:56,632
Alex fixed it.
85
00:02:56,683 --> 00:02:58,301
Every time Alex
tries to fix something,
86
00:02:58,352 --> 00:02:59,585
he makes it worse.
87
00:02:59,603 --> 00:03:03,806
So Whitney secretly has me
come over and refix it.
88
00:03:03,857 --> 00:03:06,626
Why don't you just tell Alex
he can't fix stuff
89
00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:08,194
and have a handyman come?
90
00:03:08,228 --> 00:03:11,263
And that is why you are alone.
91
00:03:12,382 --> 00:03:14,099
All right, I'm off.
92
00:03:14,117 --> 00:03:15,868
- I've got a honey to moon.
- Bye.
93
00:03:15,902 --> 00:03:17,370
Don't do anything
I wouldn't do.
94
00:03:17,404 --> 00:03:20,039
Too late. We already
did that this morning.
95
00:03:20,073 --> 00:03:22,107
Bye.
96
00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:24,827
What?
97
00:03:24,878 --> 00:03:27,663
They write their names
on their yogurts.
98
00:03:27,714 --> 00:03:30,299
It's a little weird.
99
00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:32,668
No, what's weird is
they don't eat Greek yogurt.
100
00:03:32,719 --> 00:03:34,420
Oh, I know.
I love Greek yogurt.
101
00:03:34,454 --> 00:03:36,505
Yeah.
102
00:03:39,359 --> 00:03:42,611
Mark, what are you doing?
103
00:03:42,646 --> 00:03:44,096
I don't know.
104
00:03:44,130 --> 00:03:48,517
We started connecting,
and my drill went off.
105
00:03:52,939 --> 00:03:54,690
Hey, honey,
I'm really looking forward
106
00:03:54,741 --> 00:03:56,475
to our awesome honeymoon.
107
00:03:56,493 --> 00:03:57,860
Why are you yelling?
108
00:03:57,911 --> 00:03:59,362
Because if they know
we're going on our honeymoon,
109
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:00,979
sometimes
they'll give us free things
110
00:04:00,998 --> 00:04:02,147
like chocolate or champagne,
111
00:04:02,165 --> 00:04:03,449
or they might even
upgrade us to first--
112
00:04:03,483 --> 00:04:05,418
We're on our honeymoon!
113
00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:07,036
Till death do us part!
114
00:04:07,087 --> 00:04:10,756
Here.
I'm here, you're there.
115
00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:14,427
- Oh. Excuse me.
- Hi.
116
00:04:14,461 --> 00:04:16,962
We are a couple,
and we accidentally booked
117
00:04:16,996 --> 00:04:18,047
two window seats.
118
00:04:18,098 --> 00:04:19,715
Would you mind
switching with us
119
00:04:19,766 --> 00:04:21,517
so that we can sit together?
120
00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:23,636
Oh, we're a couple too,
121
00:04:23,670 --> 00:04:25,638
and we don't want
to sit together.
122
00:04:27,307 --> 00:04:30,226
So sorry about that.
123
00:04:30,277 --> 00:04:33,279
Okay.
124
00:04:38,201 --> 00:04:40,653
We--we really are a couple.
We just--
125
00:04:40,687 --> 00:04:42,571
we both like aisle seats,
so--
126
00:04:42,622 --> 00:04:46,492
No, it's cool.
127
00:04:46,526 --> 00:04:48,694
Um, you know,
128
00:04:48,712 --> 00:04:50,646
neither of us like
to sit in the window seat,
129
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,698
so we just do this,
so we don't get resentful.
130
00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:55,033
It's just--it's only
a two-hour flight, so...
131
00:04:55,052 --> 00:04:58,203
Oh, totally get it.
132
00:05:04,811 --> 00:05:06,562
You guys may end up
sitting together anyway,
133
00:05:06,596 --> 00:05:08,046
'cause we're probably
gonna be upgraded
134
00:05:08,065 --> 00:05:09,047
'cause we're on our...
135
00:05:09,066 --> 00:05:12,217
- Honeymoon!
- Honeymoon!
136
00:05:12,235 --> 00:05:14,687
Oh, when did
you guys get married?
137
00:05:14,721 --> 00:05:16,856
Yes and no.
138
00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:18,056
We actually got
tattoos instead.
139
00:05:18,075 --> 00:05:19,191
You probably saw mine
140
00:05:19,225 --> 00:05:23,395
while I was getting searched
at security.
141
00:05:32,739 --> 00:05:33,839
Aah!
142
00:05:33,874 --> 00:05:35,708
- Are you okay?
- Dude, are you all right?
143
00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:38,243
Okay, he's fine,
and you know that.
144
00:05:38,261 --> 00:05:41,413
- What happened?
- My wife touched me.
145
00:05:43,216 --> 00:05:46,886
Wife.
See? Told you.
146
00:05:51,141 --> 00:05:53,926
So?
What do you think?
147
00:05:53,944 --> 00:05:57,363
Oh, my God, it's beautiful.
148
00:05:57,397 --> 00:06:00,366
Psst.
Let's do it.
149
00:06:02,402 --> 00:06:04,453
Wait.
Can people see us?
150
00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:06,038
Nope.
Nobody's around for miles.
151
00:06:06,072 --> 00:06:07,740
Oh.
152
00:06:07,774 --> 00:06:10,292
You mean--okay.
153
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:14,046
Wait, like, nobody at all?
154
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,915
It's kind of creeping me out.
155
00:06:15,949 --> 00:06:16,999
All right, okay.
156
00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:18,551
We'll--we'll kiss first.
157
00:06:18,585 --> 00:06:20,285
Okay.
Okay, no.
158
00:06:20,303 --> 00:06:22,388
But it's just this place
is kind of reminding me
159
00:06:22,422 --> 00:06:24,840
of the house in Lake Blood.
160
00:06:24,891 --> 00:06:25,975
I've never seen it.
161
00:06:26,009 --> 00:06:27,676
I watched it three times,
and to this day,
162
00:06:27,727 --> 00:06:30,763
I hate being murdered.
163
00:06:30,797 --> 00:06:31,964
Whit, it's okay.
164
00:06:31,982 --> 00:06:33,399
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to you.
165
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:37,603
That's exactly
what the lake said to the kid.
166
00:06:37,637 --> 00:06:39,271
What? What?
167
00:06:39,305 --> 00:06:41,223
Is the lake behind me?
168
00:06:41,258 --> 00:06:42,658
No.
169
00:06:42,692 --> 00:06:44,527
Somebody left the window open.
170
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,579
It's a great way
to let bats in.
171
00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,447
Bats?
172
00:06:48,481 --> 00:06:51,584
You mean baby vampires?
173
00:06:51,618 --> 00:06:53,452
Okay, between the bats
and the murderers,
174
00:06:53,486 --> 00:06:55,871
I'm gonna leave here
with no blood.
175
00:06:55,922 --> 00:06:57,706
Whit, relax.
Nobody wants your blood.
176
00:06:57,757 --> 00:07:00,176
It's full of splenda
and antidepressants.
177
00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:02,378
But you should be
extra careful, though,
178
00:07:02,429 --> 00:07:07,165
because in horror movies,
sluts always die first.
179
00:07:09,302 --> 00:07:10,269
Romantic.
That's really romantic.
180
00:07:10,303 --> 00:07:14,773
Yeah, yeah.
181
00:07:16,026 --> 00:07:17,793
Oh, my God, he's here!
182
00:07:17,827 --> 00:07:20,946
- Who?
- The lake.
183
00:07:20,981 --> 00:07:22,231
Where's the panic room?
184
00:07:22,282 --> 00:07:24,233
Wherever you are.
185
00:07:24,284 --> 00:07:25,234
Aah!
186
00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:28,020
Oh, my gosh, we're gonna die!
187
00:07:28,038 --> 00:07:30,439
Do you remember
my brief bisexual phase?
188
00:07:30,473 --> 00:07:34,076
It wasn't brief,
and it wasn't that bi.
189
00:07:34,110 --> 00:07:35,711
♪ That when it snows
190
00:07:35,745 --> 00:07:38,747
♪ my eyes become large
191
00:07:38,798 --> 00:07:42,084
♪ and the light
that you shine can be seen ♪
192
00:07:42,135 --> 00:07:44,386
- Dad?
- ♪ Baby
193
00:07:44,421 --> 00:07:47,640
♪ I compare you to a kiss
from a rose ♪
194
00:07:47,674 --> 00:07:48,841
- ♪ on the gray
- Dad!
195
00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:51,010
Aah!
196
00:07:51,044 --> 00:07:52,895
Thank God
I wasn't singing Sade.
197
00:07:52,929 --> 00:07:55,014
That would have been
embarrassing.
198
00:07:58,419 --> 00:08:00,345
It's good to see you, guys.
199
00:08:00,465 --> 00:08:02,926
So good to see you, Wayne.
200
00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:06,091
- Call me "Dad."
- It's just so negative.
201
00:08:07,308 --> 00:08:08,629
What are you guys
doing up here?
202
00:08:08,726 --> 00:08:10,009
Oh, well, we never had
an official honeymoon,
203
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:11,928
so we decided to come up here
for a few days.
204
00:08:11,962 --> 00:08:13,062
Your honeymoon?
205
00:08:13,097 --> 00:08:14,697
Oh, my goodness.
Let me get out of your hair.
206
00:08:14,732 --> 00:08:17,183
I'll just get my catfish
out of the tub.
207
00:08:17,234 --> 00:08:19,178
- No.
- No, no. It's okay, dad.
208
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:20,520
Where's--where's mom?
209
00:08:20,571 --> 00:08:22,471
Oh, she--she stayed home,
yeah.
210
00:08:22,489 --> 00:08:24,332
She had a thing.
211
00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:26,142
But we haven't been up
for a while, so I just drove up
212
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,911
for the night
to keep things working,
213
00:08:27,945 --> 00:08:29,162
turn some stuff on, you know.
214
00:08:29,196 --> 00:08:30,996
A house is like a living thing.
215
00:08:34,451 --> 00:08:36,703
This house is alive?
216
00:08:36,754 --> 00:08:38,955
Dad, what are you wearing?
217
00:08:38,989 --> 00:08:41,007
It's my new thing.
It's called under armour.
218
00:08:41,041 --> 00:08:46,495
It wicks away sweat,
so you never have to wash it.
219
00:08:46,513 --> 00:08:48,715
See what happens to him
when mom is not around?
220
00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:50,550
Ah, come on.
Don't listen to him.
221
00:08:50,601 --> 00:08:52,685
I wear the pants in the family,
222
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,887
which, by the way,
also become shorts.
223
00:08:56,673 --> 00:08:59,309
Um, why don't you guys
make yourself comfortable?
224
00:08:59,343 --> 00:09:00,610
Are you hungry?
225
00:09:00,644 --> 00:09:02,528
I can unwrap some cheese
and nuke up some bread.
226
00:09:02,563 --> 00:09:04,013
Come on, sit down.
227
00:09:04,031 --> 00:09:06,399
Uh, you know, don't worry
about it, dad. Just relax.
228
00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:10,820
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
229
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:14,407
You almost sat on my nest.
230
00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:16,559
Where'd you get that?
231
00:09:16,593 --> 00:09:18,211
Well,
there are these two Robins
232
00:09:18,245 --> 00:09:20,330
that lived out in that pine
by the tool shed.
233
00:09:20,364 --> 00:09:22,465
And, I don't know, one day
234
00:09:22,499 --> 00:09:25,184
the singing
turned into pecking.
235
00:09:25,219 --> 00:09:27,553
Pecking, pecking, pecking.
236
00:09:27,588 --> 00:09:30,523
Until today,
I just found this nest
237
00:09:30,557 --> 00:09:32,175
on the ground...
238
00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:35,061
abandoned.
239
00:09:35,095 --> 00:09:37,397
You guys want some tea?
240
00:09:37,431 --> 00:09:40,733
Um, honey, do you want
to go get the luggage?
241
00:09:40,768 --> 00:09:43,069
Aw, I thought
we were gonna have some tea.
242
00:09:43,103 --> 00:09:46,789
Um, you know, our honeymoon
tools are in there.
243
00:09:46,824 --> 00:09:50,276
Uh, be right back.
244
00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:57,283
Wayne, are you okay?
245
00:09:57,334 --> 00:09:58,785
I'm fine. Why?
246
00:09:58,836 --> 00:10:01,504
Um--oh.
247
00:10:01,538 --> 00:10:05,208
That's a lot of beer
for just one night.
248
00:10:05,242 --> 00:10:07,460
I always bring
a little extra beer.
249
00:10:07,511 --> 00:10:09,429
For the ducks.
250
00:10:12,749 --> 00:10:16,185
All right, I gotta
be honest with you.
251
00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:18,805
The beer's not for the ducks.
252
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,062
I've been up here a week
by myself.
253
00:10:26,096 --> 00:10:27,780
Madeline doesn't have a thing.
254
00:10:27,815 --> 00:10:29,866
It's just that she's like--
255
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,484
Ah, it's your honeymoon.
256
00:10:31,535 --> 00:10:32,768
I don't want to bother you
about this.
257
00:10:32,786 --> 00:10:33,786
No, no, no.
You can talk to me about this.
258
00:10:33,821 --> 00:10:35,154
Okay, just tell me
what happened.
259
00:10:35,189 --> 00:10:36,956
Did she find out
you have a secret family?
260
00:10:36,990 --> 00:10:39,659
Did she cheat with a realtor?
261
00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:41,277
Because if you're not careful,
262
00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:44,630
this kind of stuff can lead
to some serious problems.
263
00:10:44,665 --> 00:10:47,166
Oh, that's right.
You're a mess.
264
00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:48,418
You understand.
265
00:10:52,423 --> 00:10:53,956
Oh, my God, you guys.
266
00:10:53,974 --> 00:10:56,893
They share an underwear drawer.
267
00:10:56,927 --> 00:10:58,127
That's not that weird.
268
00:10:58,145 --> 00:10:59,729
Uh, no, no, no.
269
00:10:59,763 --> 00:11:02,598
There is a drawer next
to the underwear drawer
270
00:11:02,632 --> 00:11:04,684
that's empty.
271
00:11:04,735 --> 00:11:06,686
Yeah. Yeah,
that underwear drawer thing,
272
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,104
it's not the weirdest part.
273
00:11:08,138 --> 00:11:11,124
The weirdest part is the knob
on the empty one
274
00:11:11,158 --> 00:11:13,659
keeps breaking.
275
00:11:13,694 --> 00:11:15,695
What does it mean?
276
00:11:15,746 --> 00:11:17,830
I mean, I just cannot
figure them out.
277
00:11:17,865 --> 00:11:20,032
Relationship-wise,
they've completely gone rogue.
278
00:11:20,084 --> 00:11:22,085
I mean,
they lie about fixing things,
279
00:11:22,119 --> 00:11:23,652
they label their yogurts,
280
00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:26,038
and the worst part is
they're happy.
281
00:11:26,090 --> 00:11:27,156
And I'm single.
282
00:11:27,174 --> 00:11:29,809
And who puts pillows
on the floor?
283
00:11:29,843 --> 00:11:31,844
Psychos.
284
00:11:31,879 --> 00:11:33,429
You think that's weird?
285
00:11:33,464 --> 00:11:36,132
Alex keeps his porn
on Whitney's computer.
286
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:39,502
What?
287
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,054
- I still like magazines.
- Oh, me too.
288
00:11:42,106 --> 00:11:43,806
- Yeah, me too.
- No, no.
289
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,944
I'm not touching that hand.
290
00:11:47,978 --> 00:11:49,112
Madeline and I--
I don't know.
291
00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:50,646
It's just that I--
You know?
292
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,149
Sometimes,
I don't want to sleep
293
00:11:53,183 --> 00:11:54,683
with a hundred tiny pillows
in a room
294
00:11:54,701 --> 00:11:57,353
that's 78 degrees, you know?
295
00:11:57,371 --> 00:11:59,155
Plus, her breathing
296
00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:04,076
in and out and in and out.
297
00:12:04,128 --> 00:12:05,194
Okay.
298
00:12:05,212 --> 00:12:06,295
Well, you know, it's okay
299
00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:07,663
to need some space sometimes.
300
00:12:07,697 --> 00:12:08,664
Yeah, I mean, you know,
301
00:12:08,698 --> 00:12:09,832
I got things to do too,
you know.
302
00:12:09,866 --> 00:12:11,167
I mean I gave up everything
303
00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:12,168
when we got married--
304
00:12:12,202 --> 00:12:16,589
cigars, scotch, Judaism.
305
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,374
Well,
just 'cause you're married
306
00:12:18,392 --> 00:12:20,042
doesn't mean you have
to give up who you are.
307
00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:24,897
That's what I just said
to the nest.
308
00:12:24,932 --> 00:12:27,049
I don't know.
We'll work things out.
309
00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:28,651
You know, I mean,
we can't sell the house.
310
00:12:28,685 --> 00:12:31,654
Not in this market.
311
00:12:31,688 --> 00:12:35,191
Well, you know,
for what it's worth,
312
00:12:35,225 --> 00:12:38,494
you and Madeline are like
the best couple I've ever seen.
313
00:12:38,529 --> 00:12:41,531
Oh, thanks.
314
00:12:41,565 --> 00:12:42,832
Kind of nice
that we can have this,
315
00:12:42,866 --> 00:12:46,202
you know,
open and honest relationship.
316
00:12:46,236 --> 00:12:48,004
Just don't tell Alex
about this, okay?
317
00:12:48,038 --> 00:12:51,073
Oh...
we don't talk much.
318
00:12:51,091 --> 00:12:53,209
Come on.
You're gonna be fine.
319
00:12:53,243 --> 00:12:54,627
Aw, thanks, kid.
320
00:12:54,678 --> 00:12:56,078
Oh, uh, you know,
321
00:12:56,096 --> 00:12:58,080
just 'cause you don't have
to wash that shirt,
322
00:12:58,098 --> 00:12:59,849
doesn't mean you shouldn't.
323
00:13:05,656 --> 00:13:07,746
Whitney, come on.
It's our honeymoon.
324
00:13:07,986 --> 00:13:11,705
I want to break off a piece
of my beautiful corpse bride.
325
00:13:13,351 --> 00:13:16,677
I can't believe you blew up
the bathroom.
326
00:13:16,711 --> 00:13:17,732
On our honeymoon.
327
00:13:17,852 --> 00:13:19,530
Well, whatever.
It's our first night together.
328
00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:22,333
I was nervous.
329
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,168
Come on.
330
00:13:24,202 --> 00:13:26,337
- Be romantic.
- Oh.
331
00:13:26,371 --> 00:13:27,505
- Okay. All right.
- Okay.
332
00:13:27,539 --> 00:13:28,198
Yeah.
333
00:13:28,318 --> 00:13:29,476
What happened
to your edible underwear?
334
00:13:29,596 --> 00:13:31,542
Oh, I ate them on the plane.
335
00:13:31,576 --> 00:13:33,060
Come on, get in here.
336
00:13:33,095 --> 00:13:35,964
But the piña colada
has gone way downhill.
337
00:13:36,039 --> 00:13:38,624
Yeah, okay. You're gonna
have to stop talking.
338
00:13:38,658 --> 00:13:39,892
Oh, so your dad
doesn't hear us?
339
00:13:39,926 --> 00:13:41,677
No, just in general.
340
00:13:41,711 --> 00:13:46,198
♪ My power, my pleasure,
my pain ♪
341
00:13:46,233 --> 00:13:47,583
♪ baby
342
00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:48,968
Why isn't he in bed?
343
00:13:49,019 --> 00:13:50,085
I don't know.
344
00:13:50,103 --> 00:13:51,720
This is kind of weird
with him here.
345
00:13:51,754 --> 00:13:53,055
Should we just wait
till we get home?
346
00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:54,089
No, no, no.
Just be quiet.
347
00:13:54,107 --> 00:13:55,274
And then,
when the moment comes,
348
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:57,810
I'll jam a pillow
in your mouth.
349
00:13:57,861 --> 00:14:00,813
I am so sick of that.
350
00:14:00,864 --> 00:14:02,931
I'll be quiet.
I promise.
351
00:14:02,949 --> 00:14:03,949
Okay.
352
00:14:06,069 --> 00:14:08,270
- Oh, God!
- You kids okay in there?
353
00:14:08,288 --> 00:14:09,538
- Coming in.
- No, no, no!
354
00:14:09,573 --> 00:14:11,824
Obviously, obviously,
don't come in here, dad.
355
00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:13,642
Oh, right, right, right.
356
00:14:13,677 --> 00:14:16,378
I'm pushing for a girl.
Night, guys.
357
00:14:16,413 --> 00:14:18,414
Ah.
358
00:14:21,117 --> 00:14:23,452
- You know--
- Me neither.
359
00:14:23,470 --> 00:14:24,786
Yeah, this--
360
00:14:24,805 --> 00:14:27,289
this just kind of feels
like a family weekend.
361
00:14:27,307 --> 00:14:30,292
Uh, I'm gonna call my mom,
and I'll invite her up.
362
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:32,845
Take me.
363
00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:35,431
Tear off a piece.
364
00:14:35,465 --> 00:14:39,468
Tap that.
365
00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:44,156
Okay. I'm gonna walk away
from the door now.
366
00:14:44,191 --> 00:14:45,524
All right, Whit.
Come on, here.
367
00:14:45,575 --> 00:14:46,609
Just give me the phone.
I'll call my mom.
368
00:14:46,643 --> 00:14:47,610
It'll be fun.
369
00:14:47,644 --> 00:14:49,778
Please don't.
370
00:14:49,812 --> 00:14:51,113
What, you don't want
my mom up here?
371
00:14:51,147 --> 00:14:53,249
Are you afraid she's gonna
make you eat carbs?
372
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,668
No, I just--
I kind of got the vibe
373
00:14:55,702 --> 00:14:57,703
that your parents would be cool
374
00:14:57,737 --> 00:15:00,456
not seeing each other
this weekend.
375
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,124
Ooh.
376
00:15:02,158 --> 00:15:04,343
Wow.
You know, of course.
377
00:15:04,377 --> 00:15:05,678
Of course you're gonna do this.
378
00:15:05,712 --> 00:15:07,263
- What?
- This.
379
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,014
You always spin everything
into a dark place.
380
00:15:09,049 --> 00:15:10,382
My parents are fine.
381
00:15:10,433 --> 00:15:12,051
You just don't know what
a healthy family looks like.
382
00:15:12,102 --> 00:15:15,221
Yes, I do.
I watch commercials.
383
00:15:15,255 --> 00:15:16,338
Whit, seriously.
384
00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:18,173
Do not project
your damage onto us.
385
00:15:18,191 --> 00:15:19,225
My parents are happy.
386
00:15:19,276 --> 00:15:21,644
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
387
00:15:21,678 --> 00:15:23,946
- Okay, so just stop.
- I've stopped.
388
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:26,732
- I've stopped.
- All right.
389
00:15:26,783 --> 00:15:28,684
Come on, don't go to bed.
390
00:15:28,702 --> 00:15:31,320
It's our honeymoon.
You know what?
391
00:15:31,354 --> 00:15:32,521
I'm gonna go downstairs.
392
00:15:32,539 --> 00:15:34,022
I'm gonna get some
of that champagne.
393
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,375
Okay?
You just stay right here.
394
00:15:36,409 --> 00:15:38,911
Ahh.
I'll be right back.
395
00:15:38,962 --> 00:15:41,714
Lover.
396
00:15:48,171 --> 00:15:49,138
You guys,
397
00:15:49,172 --> 00:15:50,723
all of the prescription bottles
398
00:15:50,757 --> 00:15:52,091
in their medicine cabinet
are made out
399
00:15:52,142 --> 00:15:54,093
to a Gloria Lecroix.
400
00:15:54,144 --> 00:15:55,344
Who's that?
401
00:15:55,378 --> 00:15:56,512
I don't know,
402
00:15:56,546 --> 00:15:58,230
but I'm really worried
about her.
403
00:15:58,265 --> 00:15:59,732
She's clinically depressed,
404
00:15:59,766 --> 00:16:02,735
she has A.D.D.,
and a thyroid problem.
405
00:16:02,769 --> 00:16:05,721
And they have her pills.
406
00:16:05,739 --> 00:16:06,906
Well, don't look at me.
407
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:08,340
I don't know
how to help people.
408
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:09,909
Besides, I'm still trying
to figure out
409
00:16:09,943 --> 00:16:14,496
why they TiVo
the weather channel.
410
00:16:14,531 --> 00:16:17,232
Well, this doorknob is fixed.
411
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:20,669
You on the other hand,
are gonna take a little longer.
412
00:16:23,256 --> 00:16:25,240
- Mark.
- I'm sorry.
413
00:16:25,258 --> 00:16:29,128
You look like Claire Danes
right now.
414
00:16:29,179 --> 00:16:30,245
All right.
415
00:16:30,263 --> 00:16:31,547
I know what I need to do.
416
00:16:31,581 --> 00:16:32,848
I'm gonna go in there,
417
00:16:32,882 --> 00:16:34,133
and I'm gonna get
those prescription bottles,
418
00:16:34,184 --> 00:16:37,303
and then I am gonna put
the pills in my mouth.
419
00:16:37,354 --> 00:16:38,420
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
420
00:16:38,438 --> 00:16:39,688
Please don't overdose.
421
00:16:39,723 --> 00:16:42,207
If you're not famous,
it's just sad.
422
00:16:48,865 --> 00:16:50,733
- Hey.
- Hey.
423
00:16:50,767 --> 00:16:51,850
How was your honeymoon?
424
00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:54,486
Well, we hung out with his dad,
425
00:16:54,537 --> 00:16:56,705
we got in a fight,
and we didn't have sex.
426
00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:59,491
So we are
officially married. Ha.
427
00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:01,577
- Right.
- How was your weekend?
428
00:17:01,611 --> 00:17:02,661
It was great.
429
00:17:02,712 --> 00:17:04,213
Realized
I'm clearly not qualified
430
00:17:04,247 --> 00:17:05,748
to be in a healthy
relationship.
431
00:17:05,782 --> 00:17:08,050
Too normal.
432
00:17:08,084 --> 00:17:09,635
So you went through our stuff?
433
00:17:09,669 --> 00:17:12,504
- Love you.
- Hey.
434
00:17:12,555 --> 00:17:13,672
Oh, hey.
What'd your mom say?
435
00:17:13,723 --> 00:17:15,524
Uh, she said the same thing
that my dad did.
436
00:17:15,558 --> 00:17:17,643
That she stayed home because
she had an appointment.
437
00:17:17,677 --> 00:17:19,478
So...told you.
438
00:17:19,512 --> 00:17:20,962
Nothing's wrong.
439
00:17:20,981 --> 00:17:23,649
Cool.
440
00:17:23,683 --> 00:17:26,352
God, I'm good.
441
00:17:34,744 --> 00:17:37,312
It's your
save-the-date photo.
442
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,341
Alex?
443
00:17:56,383 --> 00:18:00,019
What are you doing?
444
00:18:00,053 --> 00:18:02,438
Nothing.
445
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:06,892
Was I grinding your teeth?
446
00:18:06,926 --> 00:18:11,113
Everything's not okay
with my parents, is it?
447
00:18:11,147 --> 00:18:14,316
Uh, seems like they're fine.
448
00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:16,452
I mean, you know,
449
00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:19,038
my mom sounded weird.
450
00:18:19,072 --> 00:18:23,559
And my dad was
basically wearing a wetsuit.
451
00:18:23,593 --> 00:18:25,527
And that can't be good.
452
00:18:25,545 --> 00:18:27,413
Just--
453
00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:29,447
I always thought they were
like the perfect couple.
454
00:18:29,466 --> 00:18:31,667
You know, what's going on?
455
00:18:31,701 --> 00:18:34,053
I don't know.
456
00:18:34,087 --> 00:18:35,804
But, Whit, help me.
457
00:18:35,839 --> 00:18:37,423
I mean, you know,
you've been through this.
458
00:18:37,474 --> 00:18:38,857
I just--
Are they gonna get divorced?
459
00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:40,426
I mean, this is bad, right?
460
00:18:40,477 --> 00:18:43,095
No. This is not bad.
Okay?
461
00:18:43,146 --> 00:18:47,066
I have seen bad,
and this is not it.
462
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:50,319
I know it sucks,
but just--
463
00:18:50,353 --> 00:18:54,123
I think the best thing to do
is just stay out of it.
464
00:18:54,157 --> 00:18:56,391
And the worst thing to do
is to kidnap yourself
465
00:18:56,409 --> 00:18:57,443
and to find out how much
466
00:18:57,494 --> 00:19:01,413
your parents
think you're worth.
467
00:19:01,448 --> 00:19:03,465
What if my parents
can't work it out?
468
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:04,883
They're gonna work it out,
okay?
469
00:19:04,918 --> 00:19:06,618
That's what they're doing.
470
00:19:06,669 --> 00:19:07,736
They're working it out.
471
00:19:07,754 --> 00:19:08,871
I don't know.
472
00:19:08,905 --> 00:19:10,205
What if my dad goes
to the grocery store
473
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,592
and meets Diane Lane
and leaves my mom?
474
00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:16,462
You always think Robin Wright
Penn is Diane Lane.
475
00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:17,713
All right, which one
is John Travolta's wife?
476
00:19:17,747 --> 00:19:19,932
You know, it doesn't matter.
477
00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:22,885
I just--I want them
to be okay again, you know.
478
00:19:22,919 --> 00:19:24,186
I know.
I know.
479
00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:26,138
So weird when you realize
480
00:19:26,172 --> 00:19:29,558
that your parents are human.
481
00:19:29,592 --> 00:19:31,059
Well, look.
482
00:19:31,093 --> 00:19:34,863
I'm--I'm sorry that
I always compare us to them.
483
00:19:34,898 --> 00:19:37,449
That's not cool, and...
484
00:19:37,484 --> 00:19:38,917
I mean, I don't want
their relationship.
485
00:19:38,952 --> 00:19:40,986
I want ours.
486
00:19:41,037 --> 00:19:43,655
For some reason.
487
00:19:43,706 --> 00:19:45,240
Okay.
488
00:19:45,274 --> 00:19:46,959
Well, let's just--
489
00:19:46,993 --> 00:19:48,660
let's just keep doing
our own thing
490
00:19:48,711 --> 00:19:51,213
no matter how insane
people think we are.
491
00:19:51,247 --> 00:19:53,832
Well, I mean, people think
you're insane.
492
00:19:53,883 --> 00:19:56,218
Okay.
493
00:19:56,252 --> 00:19:58,420
You know, I mean,
it wouldn't be so bad
494
00:19:58,454 --> 00:20:01,590
to look to your parents
for inspiration
495
00:20:01,624 --> 00:20:03,091
- every now and then.
- Yeah.
496
00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:05,794
I mean, I would kill
to be taking a break
497
00:20:05,812 --> 00:20:07,763
from you in 30 years.
498
00:20:07,797 --> 00:20:09,064
Aw.
499
00:20:09,098 --> 00:20:11,299
And I would kill
to have our kids
500
00:20:11,317 --> 00:20:13,435
worried that we might get
a divorce.
501
00:20:13,469 --> 00:20:14,853
Oh, they will be.
502
00:20:16,906 --> 00:20:19,908
- Hey, thanks.
- For what?
503
00:20:19,943 --> 00:20:22,194
You know, for walking me
through this.
504
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:24,163
This is the first time
ever, really,
505
00:20:24,197 --> 00:20:27,916
that your terrible childhood
has benefited me at all.
506
00:20:27,951 --> 00:20:30,536
Oh, that and
your low self-esteem in bed.
507
00:20:30,587 --> 00:20:31,653
Okay.
508
00:20:31,671 --> 00:20:33,789
That's really fun.
509
00:20:39,555 --> 00:20:40,600
Mark!
510
00:20:42,204 --> 00:20:45,072
What are you doing?
511
00:20:45,106 --> 00:20:47,742
Uh...I was just, uh,
512
00:20:47,776 --> 00:20:49,276
looking
at your garbage disposal.
513
00:20:49,294 --> 00:20:51,348
Why?
Alex already fixed it.
514
00:20:51,468 --> 00:20:54,131
Well, I--I was having trouble
with mine,
515
00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:58,085
and I wanted to see
how you fixed yours.
516
00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:02,606
Oh, well, why don't I just
come down and fix yours?
517
00:21:02,641 --> 00:21:05,309
Perfect.
518
00:21:05,343 --> 00:21:06,343
Uh, great.
519
00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:07,511
Well, let me get
out of these clothes,
520
00:21:07,562 --> 00:21:09,730
change, and, uh...
521
00:21:09,765 --> 00:21:11,799
be down in a minute.
522
00:21:17,739 --> 00:21:20,491
And now I have to go downstairs
523
00:21:20,525 --> 00:21:22,748
and break my garbage disposal.
524
00:21:23,485 --> 00:21:30,007
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
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