1
00:00:04,227 --> 00:00:05,511
What you doing?
2
00:00:05,513 --> 00:00:06,645
You said clean up.
3
00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:08,847
I'm cleaning up.
4
00:00:10,016 --> 00:00:11,883
You can't just throw
everything in the closet.
5
00:00:11,885 --> 00:00:13,102
Hey, you can tell me
6
00:00:13,104 --> 00:00:15,821
what to do
or you can tell me how to do it,
7
00:00:15,823 --> 00:00:19,158
but you can't do both;
this isn't sex.
8
00:00:20,744 --> 00:00:22,745
What if someone looks in there?
9
00:00:22,747 --> 00:00:24,279
They're just coming
over for dinner.
10
00:00:24,281 --> 00:00:25,864
No one's gonna
look in the closet.
11
00:00:25,866 --> 00:00:26,999
Well, you don't know that.
12
00:00:27,001 --> 00:00:28,283
What if someone's
looking for the bathroom
13
00:00:28,285 --> 00:00:29,334
and they open that door?
14
00:00:29,336 --> 00:00:30,536
Could work out.
15
00:00:30,538 --> 00:00:31,770
For all we know,
16
00:00:31,772 --> 00:00:33,639
there's a toilet
in there somewhere.
17
00:00:33,641 --> 00:00:35,591
Fine. But after tonight,
18
00:00:35,593 --> 00:00:37,593
we need to get a handle
on this mess.
19
00:00:37,595 --> 00:00:38,711
You know what we should do?
20
00:00:38,713 --> 00:00:39,950
We should show the
closet to Sheldon.
21
00:00:39,975 --> 00:00:40,680
Why?
22
00:00:40,681 --> 00:00:41,880
(scoffs) Are you kidding?
23
00:00:41,882 --> 00:00:43,849
He's like a savant
at organizing.
24
00:00:43,851 --> 00:00:46,018
Everything in his apartment
has a label on it.
25
00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:48,053
Including his label maker,
which has a label
26
00:00:48,055 --> 00:00:49,555
that says "Label Maker."
27
00:00:51,274 --> 00:00:53,308
And if you look really close
at that label maker label,
28
00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:56,428
you'll see a label
that says "Label."
29
00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:58,597
He's our guest;
we can't just ask him
30
00:00:58,599 --> 00:00:59,948
to straighten our closet.
31
00:00:59,950 --> 00:01:02,100
No, we wouldn't ask him.
32
00:01:02,102 --> 00:01:04,620
We'd just show him the closet
33
00:01:04,622 --> 00:01:07,573
and let the goblins in his head
take it from there.
34
00:01:08,775 --> 00:01:10,576
Hey, guys, come on in.
35
00:01:10,578 --> 00:01:11,794
Hi.
Hi.
36
00:01:11,796 --> 00:01:14,296
Ooh, it smells good.
Thanks.
37
00:01:14,298 --> 00:01:16,665
And, Sheldon, I know tonight's
the night you eat Thai food,
38
00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:18,751
so I went to the Asian market,
got all the ingredients
39
00:01:18,753 --> 00:01:19,802
and made it from scratch.
40
00:01:19,804 --> 00:01:21,837
Oh, you shouldn't have.
41
00:01:21,839 --> 00:01:23,338
Oh, it's my pleasure.
42
00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:25,307
No, you really shouldn't have.
43
00:01:25,309 --> 00:01:27,726
I brought my own.
44
00:01:27,728 --> 00:01:30,312
You stopped
and got him takeout?
45
00:01:30,314 --> 00:01:31,313
I had no choice.
46
00:01:31,315 --> 00:01:33,799
He kept kicking
the back of my seat.
47
00:01:33,801 --> 00:01:36,018
Sheldon, I've been
cooking all day.
48
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,737
Well... now don't you
feel silly.
49
00:01:40,774 --> 00:01:42,808
Show him the closet.
50
00:01:43,860 --> 00:01:47,112
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
51
00:01:47,114 --> 00:01:51,116
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
52
00:01:51,118 --> 00:01:52,651
♪ The Earth began to cool
53
00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:55,170
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
54
00:01:55,172 --> 00:01:57,356
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
55
00:01:57,358 --> 00:02:00,092
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
56
00:02:00,094 --> 00:02:01,960
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
57
00:02:01,962 --> 00:02:03,862
♪ Bang! ♪
58
00:02:03,887 --> 00:02:07,887
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x19 ♪
The Closet Reconfiguration
Original Air Date on March 13, 2013
59
00:02:07,912 --> 00:02:12,912
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
60
00:02:13,288 --> 00:02:15,940
These spring rolls are amazing.
61
00:02:15,942 --> 00:02:17,158
Good job, Bernadette.
62
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:20,294
That's the takeout
that Sheldon brought.
63
00:02:22,364 --> 00:02:25,166
Oh, well, I'm sure
they wouldn't have tasted
64
00:02:25,168 --> 00:02:27,818
nearly as good if I hadn't tried
your food first.
65
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:34,542
Howard, did you want
your clothes arranged
66
00:02:34,544 --> 00:02:36,327
seasonally or by color?
67
00:02:36,329 --> 00:02:37,462
Color's fine.
68
00:02:37,464 --> 00:02:39,430
Wrong, they'll be
arranged seasonally.
69
00:02:41,016 --> 00:02:43,217
Sheldon, aren't you gonna spend
a little time with Amy?
70
00:02:43,219 --> 00:02:44,685
Oh, it's okay, I'm used to it.
71
00:02:44,687 --> 00:02:46,837
The other day at Whole Foods,
he spent an hour
72
00:02:46,839 --> 00:02:49,307
optimizing the cheese aisle.
73
00:02:49,309 --> 00:02:50,525
Yeah, and some thanks I got.
74
00:02:50,527 --> 00:02:52,343
The assistant manager
chased me out
75
00:02:52,345 --> 00:02:54,345
with an artisanal salami.
76
00:02:55,647 --> 00:02:58,849
His quirks
just make you love him more.
77
00:03:00,536 --> 00:03:02,520
Someone please agree with me.
78
00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:09,127
Sheldon, come on.
79
00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:10,461
It's getting late.
Time to go.
80
00:03:10,463 --> 00:03:13,381
Oh, five more minutes.
81
00:03:13,383 --> 00:03:15,416
That's what you said
five minutes ago.
82
00:03:15,418 --> 00:03:17,135
Amy and Penny
are already in the car.
83
00:03:17,137 --> 00:03:18,252
Let's move it.
84
00:03:18,254 --> 00:03:21,672
How come I never get to do
anything I want to do?
85
00:03:21,674 --> 00:03:23,641
You know, if he really wants
to stay and finish,
86
00:03:23,643 --> 00:03:25,042
I can give him
a ride home.
87
00:03:25,044 --> 00:03:28,095
Please, Leonard!
He said it's okay!
88
00:03:28,097 --> 00:03:29,147
Sheldon, it's--
89
00:03:29,149 --> 00:03:31,549
Wait, I can go home
without you? Bye!
90
00:03:33,602 --> 00:03:36,270
Howard, I have
a few questions.
91
00:03:36,272 --> 00:03:38,906
I found three
bowling pins.
92
00:03:38,908 --> 00:03:43,394
Now, do you juggle these,
or are you missing seven?
93
00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:44,745
Juggle.
94
00:03:44,747 --> 00:03:46,697
You health nuts kill me.
95
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:50,901
(gasps)
96
00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:53,621
Oh, my God,
it's beautiful!
97
00:03:53,623 --> 00:03:56,457
Look, he found the
juggling pins I hid.
98
00:03:56,459 --> 00:03:58,593
Uh, just a couple
more items.
99
00:03:58,595 --> 00:04:01,012
Howard, I found this letter
from your dad in a box.
100
00:04:01,014 --> 00:04:02,296
Now, based on
the content,
101
00:04:02,298 --> 00:04:04,248
it could either be filed...
102
00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:05,766
Whoa, you opened this?
103
00:04:05,768 --> 00:04:07,718
Well, I had to find out if
it was personal correspondence
104
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,587
or memorabilia.
Now, as I was saying,
105
00:04:09,589 --> 00:04:11,922
based on the content...
I couldn't be less interested.
106
00:04:13,826 --> 00:04:16,360
Now, come on,
I'll take you home.
107
00:04:16,362 --> 00:04:18,029
Howard, don't you want to
know what's in the letter?
108
00:04:18,031 --> 00:04:20,231
If I wanted to know,
I would've opened it years ago.
109
00:04:21,099 --> 00:04:22,984
The closet looks great.
110
00:04:22,986 --> 00:04:24,318
Let's get out of here.
111
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,953
Wait, can I
bring this box
112
00:04:25,955 --> 00:04:28,573
of extra shirt buttons
to sort on the ride?
113
00:04:28,575 --> 00:04:31,492
Do whatever you want.
114
00:04:31,494 --> 00:04:32,943
Thanks.
115
00:04:33,745 --> 00:04:34,745
Oh.
116
00:04:34,747 --> 00:04:36,297
Great party.
117
00:04:40,719 --> 00:04:42,169
You know, when I
first met Howard,
118
00:04:42,171 --> 00:04:44,171
he would pull his scrotum
out of his shorts
119
00:04:44,173 --> 00:04:46,457
and say, "Oh,
I sat in gum."
120
00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:53,548
What is your point?
121
00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:55,850
Well, it's just kind of weird
how grown up he is now.
122
00:04:55,852 --> 00:04:58,069
Happily married guy
throwing dinner parties.
123
00:04:58,071 --> 00:04:59,654
Really? You couldn't
just say that?
124
00:04:59,656 --> 00:05:01,856
You had to tell
the scrotum story?
125
00:05:03,775 --> 00:05:06,277
Trying to paint a picture.
126
00:05:07,112 --> 00:05:09,497
Yeah, it was
a nice change of pace
127
00:05:09,499 --> 00:05:11,482
not eating takeout
around a coffee table.
128
00:05:11,484 --> 00:05:14,151
Mm, you know, we could
throw a dinner party, too.
129
00:05:14,153 --> 00:05:16,254
Maybe even ask everyone
to get dressed up.
130
00:05:16,256 --> 00:05:17,204
Sure.
131
00:05:17,206 --> 00:05:18,706
Just, when you say
"dressed up,"
132
00:05:18,708 --> 00:05:19,990
you mean
nice clothes, right?
133
00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:21,876
Not, like, capes
and tights and crap?
134
00:05:23,679 --> 00:05:25,596
Yeah.
135
00:05:25,598 --> 00:05:26,764
Although...
136
00:05:26,766 --> 00:05:28,299
No!
137
00:05:34,673 --> 00:05:36,173
Howie, you okay?
138
00:05:36,175 --> 00:05:39,393
Yeah, I just...
couldn't sleep.
139
00:05:39,395 --> 00:05:41,646
Told you you shouldn't
have espresso after dinner.
140
00:05:41,648 --> 00:05:44,098
I know the little cups
make you feel big,
141
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,651
but it's not worth it.
142
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:50,071
It's this stupid letter.
143
00:05:50,073 --> 00:05:51,489
Did you read it?
144
00:05:51,491 --> 00:05:53,040
No.
145
00:05:53,042 --> 00:05:54,792
You must be curious.
146
00:05:54,794 --> 00:05:56,210
Of course I'm curious.
147
00:05:56,212 --> 00:05:58,663
I haven't seen
the man since,
148
00:05:58,665 --> 00:06:00,748
oh, I was a little kid.
149
00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:03,584
And a letter shows up
on my 18th birthday?
150
00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:05,386
What's that about?
151
00:06:05,388 --> 00:06:06,870
Why don't you read it?
152
00:06:06,872 --> 00:06:10,057
Maybe he apologizes or
explains why he left.
153
00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:12,009
He abandoned
me and my mother.
154
00:06:12,011 --> 00:06:16,880
Why does he deserve
a chance to explain anything?
155
00:06:16,882 --> 00:06:19,016
I get that.
(sighs)
156
00:06:19,018 --> 00:06:21,402
So, what do you
want to do with it?
157
00:06:21,404 --> 00:06:24,772
Something I should've done
a long time ago.
158
00:06:27,576 --> 00:06:29,276
Really? Are you sure?
159
00:06:29,278 --> 00:06:31,495
Yep.
160
00:06:32,831 --> 00:06:34,498
(sighs)
161
00:06:37,669 --> 00:06:38,786
(sighs)
162
00:06:38,788 --> 00:06:40,121
Feel better?
163
00:06:40,123 --> 00:06:41,922
I do.
164
00:06:41,924 --> 00:06:44,342
(smoke detector beeping)
165
00:06:45,777 --> 00:06:46,927
Great.
166
00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:50,247
Neither one of us is
tall enough to reach that.
167
00:06:55,887 --> 00:06:58,639
I can't believe
he set it on fire.
168
00:06:58,641 --> 00:07:01,475
Yeah, just seeing that letter
really freaked him out.
169
00:07:01,477 --> 00:07:03,527
And he was already
having a tough day
170
00:07:03,529 --> 00:07:06,697
'cause he accidentally wore
my pants to work.
171
00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:12,870
I don't know why he was upset.
172
00:07:12,872 --> 00:07:15,272
They were bigger on him than me.
173
00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:19,193
Boy, I'm really curious
what's in that letter.
174
00:07:19,195 --> 00:07:21,579
Me, too, but I guess
now we'll never know.
175
00:07:21,581 --> 00:07:22,913
Well, you said Sheldon read it.
176
00:07:22,915 --> 00:07:24,048
Why not ask him?
177
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,082
I can't do that.
178
00:07:25,084 --> 00:07:26,550
What kind of wife would I be
179
00:07:26,552 --> 00:07:28,252
if I didn't respect
my husband's privacy?
180
00:07:28,254 --> 00:07:29,286
What if I ask Sheldon,
181
00:07:29,288 --> 00:07:30,755
you just happen to be
in the room?
182
00:07:30,757 --> 00:07:32,640
That works.
Okay.
183
00:07:39,848 --> 00:07:41,465
(sighs)
184
00:07:53,612 --> 00:07:55,229
Blech.
185
00:07:57,315 --> 00:08:00,484
Like cleaning out the entire
building's belly button.
186
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,505
Hey, Sheldon.
187
00:08:04,507 --> 00:08:06,624
Oh, hello.
What can I do for you ladies?
188
00:08:06,626 --> 00:08:08,793
You have
something we want.
189
00:08:08,795 --> 00:08:10,994
Oh, dear.
190
00:08:10,996 --> 00:08:12,346
My mother warned me
191
00:08:12,348 --> 00:08:15,766
this is what happens
to pretty boys in the big city.
192
00:08:15,768 --> 00:08:18,853
No, we just
want information.
193
00:08:18,855 --> 00:08:19,904
Oh.
194
00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:21,355
Oh, I've got that in spades.
195
00:08:21,357 --> 00:08:22,857
Ravage me.
196
00:08:24,142 --> 00:08:26,610
We heard you read the letter
from Howard's father.
197
00:08:26,612 --> 00:08:27,645
I did.
198
00:08:27,647 --> 00:08:28,579
What did it say?
199
00:08:28,581 --> 00:08:29,563
Yeah...
200
00:08:29,565 --> 00:08:31,148
I can't tell you that.
201
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:35,185
I'm bound by closet organizer/
organizee confidentiality.
202
00:08:36,621 --> 00:08:38,522
Sheldon, that's
not a real thing.
203
00:08:38,524 --> 00:08:40,374
Well, neither is the rule
that you have to
204
00:08:40,376 --> 00:08:41,909
hold your girlfriend's hand
at the movies.
205
00:08:41,911 --> 00:08:43,360
You know.
206
00:08:43,362 --> 00:08:45,246
That doesn't stop you
from pawing at me
207
00:08:45,248 --> 00:08:48,165
like you're a bear and I'm
a trash can full of sweets.
208
00:08:50,201 --> 00:08:52,035
Why do you even care?
209
00:08:52,037 --> 00:08:53,337
Just tell us what it says.
210
00:08:53,339 --> 00:08:55,806
Control over the information
contained in that letter
211
00:08:55,808 --> 00:08:56,841
belongs to Howard.
212
00:08:56,843 --> 00:08:58,275
By happenstance,
213
00:08:58,277 --> 00:08:59,760
I came to know it.
214
00:08:59,762 --> 00:09:02,212
That doesn't give me the right
to disseminate it freely.
215
00:09:02,214 --> 00:09:04,398
Come on. Look, the letter was
found in Bernadette's closet.
216
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,850
Doesn't that count
for something?
217
00:09:07,602 --> 00:09:09,687
Are you pointing out
that California
218
00:09:09,689 --> 00:09:11,155
is a community property state,
219
00:09:11,157 --> 00:09:13,440
and since Howard and Bernadette
are married,
220
00:09:13,442 --> 00:09:15,659
the intellectual property
contained in that letter
221
00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:17,695
is jointly owned
by the two spouses?
222
00:09:23,535 --> 00:09:26,036
Yeah, obviously.
223
00:09:26,038 --> 00:09:28,706
Well played.
224
00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:33,594
Sometimes I don't give you
enough credit, Penny.
225
00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:36,630
Dude, you made
the right choice
226
00:09:36,632 --> 00:09:38,499
coming to me for help
with this party.
227
00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:41,418
Actually, all I did
was invite you.
228
00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:44,388
Well, put your mind at ease.
229
00:09:44,390 --> 00:09:46,273
I'm here to make sure
your dinner party
230
00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:48,058
kicks Howard's
dinner party's ass.
231
00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:49,259
Now, the first thing
232
00:09:49,261 --> 00:09:51,228
we need is a theme.
233
00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:52,730
I'm thinking...
234
00:09:52,732 --> 00:09:55,232
ah, turn-of-the-century
Moulin Rouge.
235
00:09:56,985 --> 00:10:01,455
I'm thinking you need
a testosterone patch.
236
00:10:01,457 --> 00:10:03,090
Penny and I
237
00:10:03,092 --> 00:10:04,658
just want to do
something low-key.
238
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,126
You know, cocktails,
239
00:10:06,128 --> 00:10:07,711
light jazz music,
hors d'oeuvres.
240
00:10:07,713 --> 00:10:11,031
So your theme is
"I saw a rerun of Mad Men
241
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:14,401
and bought some crab puffs
from Trader Joe's"?
242
00:10:15,804 --> 00:10:17,638
Hate to miss that.
243
00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:20,758
Hey, where have you been?
244
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,510
Oh, Leonard.
245
00:10:23,512 --> 00:10:25,596
If I was prone to sarcasm,
246
00:10:25,598 --> 00:10:27,765
I'd say I was pulling off
a major heist
247
00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:30,768
at the museum
of laundry baskets.
248
00:10:30,770 --> 00:10:33,520
One, two, three, four, five,
249
00:10:33,522 --> 00:10:35,739
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
250
00:10:35,741 --> 00:10:37,157
(exhales)
251
00:10:37,159 --> 00:10:40,244
I meant, "Golly, Sheldon,
you've been gone a long time."
252
00:10:40,246 --> 00:10:44,481
Oh. Yeah, well, I was waylaid
by Penny, Bernadette and Amy.
253
00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,617
They made me reveal
confidential information
254
00:10:46,619 --> 00:10:48,151
about Howard's father.
255
00:10:48,153 --> 00:10:49,319
What information?
256
00:10:49,321 --> 00:10:51,205
I can't tell you that.
257
00:10:51,207 --> 00:10:55,542
I am bound by closet organizer/
organizee confidentiality.
258
00:10:55,544 --> 00:10:57,878
Well, come on,
we won't tell anyone.
259
00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,329
Sorry, badgering me won't work.
260
00:10:59,331 --> 00:11:00,831
What you should have said is,
261
00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,299
"It's pointless
to keep this a secret
262
00:11:02,301 --> 00:11:03,517
because Penny will tell us."
263
00:11:03,519 --> 00:11:07,021
Fine, then that.
All right, I'll tell you.
264
00:11:07,023 --> 00:11:10,524
My goodness,
everyone's on their game today.
265
00:11:18,389 --> 00:11:20,440
(Latin jazz music playing)
This is really fun.
266
00:11:20,442 --> 00:11:22,892
Yeah, it's nice to get
dressed up once in a while.
267
00:11:22,894 --> 00:11:24,578
Yeah, and hors d'oeuvres
are delightful.
268
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:26,780
As is the company.
Aw.
269
00:11:26,782 --> 00:11:29,616
My shirt is itchy
and I wish I were dead.
270
00:11:31,969 --> 00:11:34,004
Hey, uh, listen,
everybody.
271
00:11:34,006 --> 00:11:35,622
Before Howard gets here,
let's all just agree
272
00:11:35,624 --> 00:11:37,457
to not bring up the letter
from his father.
273
00:11:37,459 --> 00:11:38,675
Of course.
Sure. Absolutely.
274
00:11:38,677 --> 00:11:40,126
If I say yes,
275
00:11:40,128 --> 00:11:42,879
can we turn off
that Latin orgy music?
276
00:11:43,764 --> 00:11:45,632
Ridiculous that we
still have to walk
277
00:11:45,634 --> 00:11:47,551
up all these
flights of stairs.
278
00:11:47,553 --> 00:11:50,187
Yeah, try doing it
in heels.
279
00:11:50,189 --> 00:11:52,889
I am.
(chuckles)
280
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:55,809
Wait.
281
00:11:55,811 --> 00:11:57,427
There's something
I have to tell you.
282
00:11:57,429 --> 00:11:58,528
What?
283
00:11:58,530 --> 00:12:01,281
I know what was
in your dad's letter.
284
00:12:05,269 --> 00:12:07,654
Sheldon, I swear to God,
I'm gonna kill you!
285
00:12:07,656 --> 00:12:09,523
Hey!
286
00:12:11,242 --> 00:12:12,659
I made him tell us.
287
00:12:12,661 --> 00:12:13,910
What? "Us"?
288
00:12:13,912 --> 00:12:15,245
Who else knows?
289
00:12:15,247 --> 00:12:16,546
I know.
Me, too.
290
00:12:16,548 --> 00:12:17,747
Same here.
291
00:12:17,749 --> 00:12:20,083
Shame on all of you.
292
00:12:20,085 --> 00:12:22,135
You know, too.
293
00:12:22,137 --> 00:12:25,088
Couldn't leave him
with one friend, could you?
294
00:12:25,806 --> 00:12:27,057
So everybody knows
295
00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:28,758
what's in that letter
except for me?
296
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,010
Yes, it's six
against one.
297
00:12:30,012 --> 00:12:32,062
Stand down, sir.
298
00:12:32,064 --> 00:12:34,564
How could you do this?
299
00:12:34,566 --> 00:12:36,016
I'm sorry.
300
00:12:36,018 --> 00:12:37,967
If you want, we
could tell you.
301
00:12:37,969 --> 00:12:40,020
No, I don't
want to know!
302
00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:41,688
I mean,
303
00:12:41,690 --> 00:12:43,240
I do, but...
304
00:12:43,242 --> 00:12:44,941
I got to go.
305
00:12:49,146 --> 00:12:52,749
Used me as a human shield?
306
00:12:52,751 --> 00:12:54,584
I panicked.
307
00:12:54,586 --> 00:12:56,786
He looked taller than usual.
308
00:13:00,775 --> 00:13:02,492
BERNADETTE:
Howard?
309
00:13:02,494 --> 00:13:04,661
In here.
310
00:13:06,514 --> 00:13:07,881
I'm sorry.
311
00:13:07,883 --> 00:13:09,849
I should have left it alone.
312
00:13:09,851 --> 00:13:11,468
It's okay.
313
00:13:11,470 --> 00:13:13,386
Sorry I ran off like that.
314
00:13:13,388 --> 00:13:16,539
What are you looking at?
315
00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:19,109
Uh, pictures of my dad and me
when I was a kid.
316
00:13:19,111 --> 00:13:20,527
That's nice.
I got to tell you,
317
00:13:20,529 --> 00:13:23,563
as angry as I am
at Sheldon for blabbing,
318
00:13:23,565 --> 00:13:26,983
he did a hell of a job
organizing this closet.
319
00:13:26,985 --> 00:13:29,536
Look at this.
320
00:13:29,538 --> 00:13:33,540
"Photos of Wolowitz family
before father left forever."
321
00:13:36,544 --> 00:13:40,547
Check out nine-year-old Howie
with cornrows.
322
00:13:42,416 --> 00:13:46,820
Neither race was happy
to see me with those.
323
00:13:49,056 --> 00:13:50,473
Think you could take a break?
324
00:13:50,475 --> 00:13:51,474
Why?
325
00:13:51,476 --> 00:13:52,976
Got a little surprise for you.
326
00:13:52,978 --> 00:13:54,544
Come on.
327
00:13:54,546 --> 00:13:57,480
Oh, honey...
328
00:13:57,482 --> 00:14:00,049
I am in no mood
to have sex tonight.
329
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:04,337
I'll lay there
if you absolutely
330
00:14:04,339 --> 00:14:07,023
have to have it, but... Oh.
331
00:14:07,842 --> 00:14:10,360
What are you guys doing here?
332
00:14:10,362 --> 00:14:12,195
When you left,
you weren't sure whether or not
333
00:14:12,197 --> 00:14:14,080
you wanted to know
what was in your dad's letter,
334
00:14:14,082 --> 00:14:16,833
so we came up with
kind of a cool solution.
335
00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:18,618
Oh, yeah, what's that?
336
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:19,902
It's simple, really.
337
00:14:19,904 --> 00:14:23,206
It occurred to me
that knowing and not knowing
338
00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:26,710
can be achieved by creating
a macroscopic example
339
00:14:26,712 --> 00:14:28,461
of quantum superposition.
340
00:14:28,463 --> 00:14:29,629
The-the principle
341
00:14:29,631 --> 00:14:31,047
that a physical system
342
00:14:31,049 --> 00:14:35,018
exists partially in all
its possible states at once.
343
00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:36,803
We were all thinking it, really.
344
00:14:37,921 --> 00:14:41,725
It was kind of the elephant
in the room, so...
345
00:14:42,693 --> 00:14:45,895
Anyway, um, I realize
346
00:14:45,897 --> 00:14:48,481
if we each present you
with an account
347
00:14:48,483 --> 00:14:50,483
of what your father wrote
to you,
348
00:14:50,485 --> 00:14:52,068
only one of which is true,
349
00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:53,486
and then we don't tell you
350
00:14:53,488 --> 00:14:55,938
which one it is,
you will forever be
351
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:58,458
in a state
of epistemic ambivalence.
352
00:14:58,460 --> 00:14:59,542
Yeah.
353
00:14:59,544 --> 00:15:01,161
And I said
if it wasn't epistemic,
354
00:15:01,163 --> 00:15:03,546
we might as well not do it.
355
00:15:05,216 --> 00:15:06,833
Sit down, honey.
356
00:15:08,219 --> 00:15:09,402
Raj, you're up.
357
00:15:09,404 --> 00:15:10,970
Okay, um...
(clears throat)
358
00:15:10,972 --> 00:15:14,391
It was a card
for your 18th birthday.
359
00:15:14,393 --> 00:15:15,842
Inside it said,
360
00:15:15,844 --> 00:15:17,510
"Happy birthday, Howard.
361
00:15:17,512 --> 00:15:19,629
I love you. Dad."
362
00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:21,481
Oh, and it was
363
00:15:21,483 --> 00:15:23,800
a Far Side card,
the one where the frog
364
00:15:23,802 --> 00:15:27,437
has its tongue stuck
to the underside of an airplane.
365
00:15:27,439 --> 00:15:28,938
Thinks it's a fly.
366
00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:31,641
Silly frog.
367
00:15:31,643 --> 00:15:33,777
So funny.
368
00:15:34,812 --> 00:15:36,446
Sheldon.
369
00:15:36,448 --> 00:15:37,864
(clears throat)
370
00:15:37,866 --> 00:15:41,701
It was a map leading
to the lost treasure
371
00:15:41,703 --> 00:15:45,038
of famous pirate One-Eyed Willy.
372
00:15:46,590 --> 00:15:47,841
Nice try.
373
00:15:47,843 --> 00:15:49,926
That's the plot for Goonies.
374
00:15:49,928 --> 00:15:51,327
Told you.
375
00:15:51,329 --> 00:15:53,513
Don't.
376
00:15:53,515 --> 00:15:54,764
Amy.
377
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,601
You didn't know it,
378
00:15:58,603 --> 00:16:00,970
but your father was
in the auditorium
379
00:16:00,972 --> 00:16:02,856
at your high school graduation.
380
00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:05,892
And he cried
because he was so proud of you.
381
00:16:05,894 --> 00:16:08,311
Really?
382
00:16:08,313 --> 00:16:10,113
Or that's complete poppycock
which Amy made up.
383
00:16:10,115 --> 00:16:11,815
It still could be the map.
384
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,202
Penny.
385
00:16:16,204 --> 00:16:18,288
It was a letter explaining
386
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:20,073
that your dad wasn't
who he said he was.
387
00:16:20,075 --> 00:16:22,158
Eventually, his other life
caught up to him,
388
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,528
and the only way to keep you
and your mom safe was to leave.
389
00:16:25,530 --> 00:16:27,797
I would like
to change mine.
390
00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:34,087
The pirate's name
was Peg-Leg Antoine.
391
00:16:35,890 --> 00:16:38,975
Now it's completely different
from Goonies.
392
00:16:38,977 --> 00:16:40,844
No, it's not.
393
00:16:40,846 --> 00:16:43,096
Don't.
394
00:16:43,098 --> 00:16:44,547
Okay, my turn.
395
00:16:44,549 --> 00:16:48,485
Your dad wrote about how family
is the most important thing,
396
00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:51,688
and that you should never
throw it away like he did.
397
00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:53,773
Hmm.
398
00:16:53,775 --> 00:16:56,442
Bernadette.
399
00:16:56,444 --> 00:16:59,329
Inside the envelope
was a picture
400
00:16:59,331 --> 00:17:01,581
of your dad holding you
the day you were born.
401
00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:03,867
On the back he wrote,
402
00:17:03,869 --> 00:17:07,670
"Howard, my son,
my greatest gift."
403
00:17:11,842 --> 00:17:14,043
(sighs)
404
00:17:15,796 --> 00:17:17,514
You okay?
405
00:17:17,516 --> 00:17:19,799
Yeah.
406
00:17:19,801 --> 00:17:22,051
I'm terrific.
407
00:17:23,053 --> 00:17:25,254
So...?
408
00:17:27,257 --> 00:17:30,927
Which one
do you think it is...
409
00:17:30,929 --> 00:17:33,813
matey?
410
00:17:35,733 --> 00:17:37,867
Actually, I don't want to know.
411
00:17:37,869 --> 00:17:39,202
I...
412
00:17:39,204 --> 00:17:41,738
want all of them to be true.
413
00:17:41,740 --> 00:17:43,122
Well, one of them is.
414
00:17:43,124 --> 00:17:45,825
That's pretty cool.
415
00:17:45,827 --> 00:17:47,460
Thank you, guys.
416
00:17:47,462 --> 00:17:49,412
Hey, it's still early.
417
00:17:49,414 --> 00:17:50,947
Why don't we go back
and have that party?
418
00:17:50,949 --> 00:17:52,715
Yeah, cool.
Okay? Good.
419
00:17:53,751 --> 00:17:55,919
SHELDON:
You know, surprisingly,
420
00:17:55,921 --> 00:17:57,720
uh, the letter
from your father
421
00:17:57,722 --> 00:17:58,955
wasn't the most
interesting thing
422
00:17:58,957 --> 00:18:00,256
I read in the closet.
423
00:18:00,258 --> 00:18:03,560
Bernadette's diary
has some saucy passages.
424
00:18:03,562 --> 00:18:05,929
Sheldon, don't you dare!
425
00:18:05,931 --> 00:18:07,263
Th-There's nothing
to worry about.
426
00:18:07,265 --> 00:18:09,182
Your secret's safe with me.
427
00:18:09,184 --> 00:18:11,284
That's more like it.
428
00:18:12,736 --> 00:18:14,771
Although copyright law
would allow me to quote snippets
429
00:18:14,773 --> 00:18:17,023
in the context of a review.
430
00:18:27,053 --> 00:18:29,254
(Latin jazz music playing)
431
00:18:33,043 --> 00:18:34,482
Glad you're
feeling better.
432
00:18:34,483 --> 00:18:35,916
Me, too.
433
00:18:35,918 --> 00:18:37,751
If I'd known
we were gonna be dancing,
434
00:18:37,753 --> 00:18:40,304
would have worn my flats.
435
00:18:40,306 --> 00:18:42,756
This turned out
pretty well, huh?
436
00:18:42,758 --> 00:18:44,624
Yeah, I think so.
(chuckles)
437
00:18:44,626 --> 00:18:46,060
I agree.
438
00:18:46,062 --> 00:18:49,096
That is, if you've never been to
or heard of a party before.
439
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:53,167
If you'd let me pierce your
brain with a hot needle
440
00:18:53,169 --> 00:18:56,704
in the right place, you'd
be happy all the time.
441
00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:00,441
Uh, Penny,
442
00:19:00,443 --> 00:19:03,694
I-I have a couple of questions
about your closet.
443
00:19:03,696 --> 00:19:05,479
Is there any reason
444
00:19:05,481 --> 00:19:07,814
you're keeping
this dead goldfish?
445
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:12,709
Damn, I forgot to feed him.
446
00:19:12,711 --> 00:19:14,961
And that I had him.
447
00:19:14,963 --> 00:19:18,346
Well, now, did you also
have a dog?
448
00:19:18,446 --> 00:19:22,602
Because I found what appears to
be a battery-operated chew toy.
449
00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:24,618
Party's over!
Party's over!
450
00:19:24,917 --> 00:19:29,917
== sync, corrected by elderman ==