1
00:00:04,176 --> 00:00:05,460
What you doing?
2
00:00:05,493 --> 00:00:06,574
You said clean up.
3
00:00:06,586 --> 00:00:08,333
I'm cleaning up.
4
00:00:10,422 --> 00:00:12,457
You can't just throw
everything in the closet.
5
00:00:12,475 --> 00:00:15,553
Hey, you can tell me what to do
or you can tell me how to do it,
6
00:00:15,565 --> 00:00:18,419
but you can't do both;
this isn't sex.
7
00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,479
What if someone looks in there?
8
00:00:22,492 --> 00:00:24,232
They're just coming
over for dinner.
9
00:00:24,261 --> 00:00:26,056
No one's gonna
look in the closet.
10
00:00:26,074 --> 00:00:26,970
Well, you don't know that.
11
00:00:26,989 --> 00:00:29,249
What if someone's looking for the
bathroom and they open that door?
12
00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:30,377
Could work out.
13
00:00:30,402 --> 00:00:33,143
For all we know, there's a toilet
in there somewhere.
14
00:00:34,884 --> 00:00:37,497
Fine. But after tonight, we need
to get a handle on this mess.
15
00:00:37,564 --> 00:00:39,837
You know what we should do?
We should show the closet to Sheldon.
16
00:00:39,849 --> 00:00:41,157
Why?
17
00:00:41,229 --> 00:00:43,760
Are you kidding?
He's like a savant at organizing.
18
00:00:44,022 --> 00:00:46,242
Everything in his apartment
has a label on it.
19
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:49,712
Including his label maker,
which has a label that says "Label Maker."
20
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:53,265
And if you look really close
at that label maker label,
21
00:00:53,283 --> 00:00:55,638
you'll see a label
that says "Label."
22
00:00:56,804 --> 00:00:58,421
He's our guest;
we can't just ask him
23
00:00:58,439 --> 00:00:59,788
to straighten our closet.
24
00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:01,780
No, we wouldn't ask him.
25
00:01:01,836 --> 00:01:04,552
We'd just show him the closet
26
00:01:04,570 --> 00:01:07,246
and let the goblins in his head
take it from there.
27
00:01:09,274 --> 00:01:10,427
Hey, guys, come on in.
28
00:01:10,439 --> 00:01:11,526
- Hi.
- Hi.
29
00:01:11,557 --> 00:01:14,253
- Ooh, it smells good.
- Thanks.
30
00:01:14,297 --> 00:01:16,607
And, Sheldon, I know tonight's
the night you eat Thai food,
31
00:01:16,626 --> 00:01:18,871
so I went to the Asian market,
got all the ingredients
32
00:01:18,883 --> 00:01:19,902
and made it from scratch.
33
00:01:19,934 --> 00:01:21,916
Oh, you shouldn't have.
34
00:01:21,934 --> 00:01:23,134
Oh, it's my pleasure.
35
00:01:23,147 --> 00:01:24,916
No, you really shouldn't have.
36
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,636
I brought my own.
37
00:01:28,502 --> 00:01:30,206
You stopped
and got him takeout?
38
00:01:30,218 --> 00:01:31,155
I had no choice.
39
00:01:31,179 --> 00:01:33,492
He kept kicking
the back of my seat.
40
00:01:34,051 --> 00:01:36,021
Sheldon, I've been
cooking all day.
41
00:01:36,051 --> 00:01:39,045
Well... now don't you
feel silly.
42
00:01:41,329 --> 00:01:42,983
Show him the closet.
43
00:01:43,878 --> 00:01:47,258
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
44
00:01:47,282 --> 00:01:51,284
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:52,477
♪ The Earth began to cool
46
00:01:52,489 --> 00:01:55,410
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:01:55,435 --> 00:01:57,444
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:01:57,463 --> 00:02:00,193
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:02:00,217 --> 00:02:02,281
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:02,298 --> 00:02:03,521
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:03,552 --> 00:02:06,052
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x19 ♪
The Closet Reconfiguration
Original Air Date on March 13, 2013
52
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,592
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
53
00:02:09,411 --> 00:02:11,538
These spring rolls are amazing.
54
00:02:11,556 --> 00:02:13,001
Good job, Bernadette.
55
00:02:13,228 --> 00:02:15,841
That's the takeout
that Sheldon brought.
56
00:02:17,912 --> 00:02:20,647
Oh, well, I'm sure
they wouldn't have tasted
57
00:02:20,659 --> 00:02:23,309
nearly as good if I hadn't tried
your food first.
58
00:02:27,345 --> 00:02:30,268
Howard, did you want
your clothes arranged
59
00:02:30,286 --> 00:02:32,069
seasonally or by color?
60
00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:33,057
Color's fine.
61
00:02:33,075 --> 00:02:35,261
Wrong, they'll be
arranged seasonally.
62
00:02:36,409 --> 00:02:38,567
Sheldon, aren't you gonna spend
a little time with Amy?
63
00:02:38,585 --> 00:02:40,357
Oh, it's okay, I'm used to it.
64
00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:42,456
The other day at Whole Foods,
he spent an hour
65
00:02:42,475 --> 00:02:44,595
optimizing the cheese aisle.
66
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,158
Yeah, and some thanks I got.
67
00:02:46,189 --> 00:02:49,855
The assistant manager chased
me out with an artisanal salami.
68
00:02:51,815 --> 00:02:54,725
His quirks
just make you love him more.
69
00:02:56,416 --> 00:02:58,400
Someone please agree with me.
70
00:03:04,032 --> 00:03:04,920
Sheldon, come on.
71
00:03:04,938 --> 00:03:06,014
It's getting late.
Time to go.
72
00:03:06,026 --> 00:03:08,527
Oh, five more minutes.
73
00:03:09,826 --> 00:03:11,795
That's what you said
five minutes ago.
74
00:03:11,826 --> 00:03:13,854
Amy and Penny are already in
the car. Let's move it.
75
00:03:13,866 --> 00:03:16,865
How come I never get to do
anything I want to do?
76
00:03:17,528 --> 00:03:19,443
You know, if he really wants
to stay and finish,
77
00:03:19,461 --> 00:03:20,758
I can give him a ride home.
78
00:03:20,994 --> 00:03:23,474
Please, Leonard!
He said it's okay!
79
00:03:24,534 --> 00:03:25,584
Sheldon, it's--
80
00:03:25,603 --> 00:03:27,804
Wait, I can go home
without you? Bye!
81
00:03:29,232 --> 00:03:31,814
Howard, I have a few questions.
82
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,554
I found three bowling pins.
83
00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:38,700
Now, do you juggle these,
or are you missing seven?
84
00:03:39,808 --> 00:03:40,846
Juggle.
85
00:03:40,884 --> 00:03:42,834
You health nuts kill me.
86
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:49,299
Oh, my God, it's beautiful!
87
00:03:49,317 --> 00:03:51,912
Look, he found the
juggling pins I hid.
88
00:03:52,445 --> 00:03:54,290
Uh, just a couple more items.
89
00:03:54,315 --> 00:03:57,327
Howard, I found this letter
from your dad in a box.
90
00:03:57,346 --> 00:03:59,737
Now, based on the content,
it could either be filed...
91
00:03:59,749 --> 00:04:01,311
Whoa, you opened this?
92
00:04:01,355 --> 00:04:03,645
Well, I had to find out if
it was personal correspondence
93
00:04:03,663 --> 00:04:05,270
or memorabilia.
Now, as I was saying,
94
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,765
based on the content...
- I couldn't be less interested.
95
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:11,723
Now, come on,
I'll take you home.
96
00:04:11,755 --> 00:04:13,346
Howard, don't you want to
know what's in the letter?
97
00:04:13,371 --> 00:04:15,735
If I wanted to know,
I would've opened it years ago.
98
00:04:17,379 --> 00:04:18,865
The closet looks great.
99
00:04:18,878 --> 00:04:20,038
Let's get out of here.
100
00:04:20,144 --> 00:04:21,544
Wait, can I bring this box
101
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,027
of extra shirt buttons
to sort on the ride?
102
00:04:25,892 --> 00:04:27,442
Do whatever you want.
103
00:04:27,454 --> 00:04:28,903
Thanks.
104
00:04:29,406 --> 00:04:30,474
Oh.
105
00:04:30,889 --> 00:04:32,439
Great party.
106
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,986
You know, when I
first met Howard,
107
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,741
he would pull his scrotum
out of his shorts
108
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,132
and say, "Oh,
I sat in gum."
109
00:04:47,613 --> 00:04:48,856
What is your point?
110
00:04:48,887 --> 00:04:51,306
Well, it's just kind of weird
how grown up he is now.
111
00:04:51,331 --> 00:04:53,723
Happily married guy
throwing dinner parties.
112
00:04:53,802 --> 00:04:55,323
Really? You couldn't
just say that?
113
00:04:55,335 --> 00:04:57,535
You had to tell
the scrotum story?
114
00:04:59,411 --> 00:05:01,209
Trying to paint a picture.
115
00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:05,141
Yeah, it was
a nice change of pace
116
00:05:05,159 --> 00:05:07,142
not eating takeout
around a coffee table.
117
00:05:07,171 --> 00:05:10,047
Mm, you know, we could
throw a dinner party, too.
118
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:12,074
Maybe even ask everyone
to get dressed up.
119
00:05:12,161 --> 00:05:13,109
Sure.
120
00:05:13,135 --> 00:05:15,426
Just, when you say "dressed up,"
you mean nice clothes, right?
121
00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:17,641
Not, like, capes
and tights and crap?
122
00:05:20,628 --> 00:05:21,878
Yeah.
123
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,628
- Although...
- No!
124
00:05:30,703 --> 00:05:31,968
Howie, you okay?
125
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,845
Yeah, I just...
couldn't sleep.
126
00:05:34,924 --> 00:05:37,522
Told you you shouldn't
have espresso after dinner.
127
00:05:37,891 --> 00:05:39,614
I know the little cups
make you feel big,
128
00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:41,714
but it's not worth it.
129
00:05:44,195 --> 00:05:46,037
It's this stupid letter.
130
00:05:46,134 --> 00:05:47,430
Did you read it?
131
00:05:47,454 --> 00:05:48,811
No.
132
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,791
- You must be curious.
- Of course I'm curious.
133
00:05:51,898 --> 00:05:54,080
I haven't seen the man since,
134
00:05:54,099 --> 00:05:56,535
oh, I was a little kid.
135
00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:59,608
And a letter shows up
on my 18th birthday?
136
00:05:59,841 --> 00:06:01,461
What's that about?
137
00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:02,809
Why don't you read it?
138
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,452
Maybe he apologizes or
explains why he left.
139
00:06:05,464 --> 00:06:07,841
He abandoned me and my mother.
140
00:06:08,252 --> 00:06:12,455
Why does he deserve
a chance to explain anything?
141
00:06:12,825 --> 00:06:14,959
I get that.
142
00:06:15,148 --> 00:06:17,532
So, what do you
want to do with it?
143
00:06:18,515 --> 00:06:21,106
Something I should've done
a long time ago.
144
00:06:23,231 --> 00:06:24,931
Really? Are you sure?
145
00:06:25,171 --> 00:06:26,868
Yep.
146
00:06:34,375 --> 00:06:35,708
Feel better?
147
00:06:35,835 --> 00:06:37,634
I do.
148
00:06:41,239 --> 00:06:42,389
Great.
149
00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:45,696
Neither one of us is
tall enough to reach that.
150
00:06:52,236 --> 00:06:54,440
I can't believe
he set it on fire.
151
00:06:54,458 --> 00:06:57,292
Yeah, just seeing that letter
really freaked him out.
152
00:06:57,389 --> 00:06:58,967
And he was already
having a tough day
153
00:06:58,979 --> 00:07:01,592
'cause he accidentally wore
my pants to work.
154
00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:08,271
I don't know why he was upset.
155
00:07:08,296 --> 00:07:10,415
They were bigger on him than me.
156
00:07:12,712 --> 00:07:14,802
Boy, I'm really curious
what's in that letter.
157
00:07:14,821 --> 00:07:17,100
Me, too, but I guess
now we'll never know.
158
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:18,529
Well, you said Sheldon read it.
159
00:07:18,547 --> 00:07:19,743
Why not ask him?
160
00:07:19,761 --> 00:07:20,645
I can't do that.
161
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:23,826
What kind of wife would I be if I didn't
respect my husband's privacy?
162
00:07:24,222 --> 00:07:26,360
What if I ask Sheldon,
you just happen to be in the room?
163
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,262
- That works.
- Okay.
164
00:07:49,254 --> 00:07:50,871
Blech.
165
00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:56,302
Like cleaning out the entire
building's belly button.
166
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,574
Hey, Sheldon.
167
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:02,512
Oh, hello.
What can I do for you ladies?
168
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,331
You have something we want.
169
00:08:04,368 --> 00:08:06,109
Oh, dear.
170
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,492
My mother warned me this is what
happens to pretty boys in the big city.
171
00:08:12,355 --> 00:08:14,567
No, we just want information.
172
00:08:14,598 --> 00:08:15,480
Oh.
173
00:08:15,498 --> 00:08:16,919
Oh, I've got that in spades.
174
00:08:16,938 --> 00:08:18,438
Ravage me.
175
00:08:19,948 --> 00:08:22,187
We heard you read the letter
from Howard's father.
176
00:08:22,212 --> 00:08:23,245
I did.
177
00:08:23,265 --> 00:08:24,682
- What did it say?
- Yeah...
178
00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:26,648
I can't tell you that.
179
00:08:26,699 --> 00:08:31,158
I'm bound by closet organizer/
organizee confidentiality.
180
00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:34,151
Sheldon, that's
not a real thing.
181
00:08:34,169 --> 00:08:35,831
Well, neither is the rule
that you have to
182
00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:37,636
hold your girlfriend's hand
at the movies.
183
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:38,517
You know.
184
00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:40,207
That doesn't stop you
from pawing at me
185
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,966
like you're a bear and I'm
a trash can full of sweets.
186
00:08:46,363 --> 00:08:47,688
Why do you even care?
187
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:48,913
Just tell us what it says.
188
00:08:48,957 --> 00:08:51,499
Control over the information
contained in that letter
189
00:08:51,523 --> 00:08:52,599
belongs to Howard.
190
00:08:52,624 --> 00:08:54,787
By happenstance,
I came to know it.
191
00:08:54,818 --> 00:08:57,521
That doesn't give me the right
to disseminate it freely.
192
00:08:57,546 --> 00:09:00,084
Come on. Look, the letter was
found in Bernadette's closet.
193
00:09:00,096 --> 00:09:01,733
Doesn't that count
for something?
194
00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:06,768
Are you pointing out that California
is a community property state,
195
00:09:06,786 --> 00:09:09,007
and since Howard and Bernadette
are married,
196
00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:11,205
the intellectual property
contained in that letter
197
00:09:11,211 --> 00:09:13,477
is jointly owned
by the two spouses?
198
00:09:19,178 --> 00:09:20,956
Yeah, obviously.
199
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:24,437
Well played.
200
00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:28,495
Sometimes I don't give you
enough credit, Penny.
201
00:09:30,856 --> 00:09:34,029
Dude, you made the right choice
coming to me for help with this party.
202
00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:36,557
Actually, all I did
was invite you.
203
00:09:37,782 --> 00:09:39,849
Well, put your mind at ease.
204
00:09:39,873 --> 00:09:41,827
I'm here to make sure
your dinner party
205
00:09:41,851 --> 00:09:43,634
kicks Howard's
dinner party's ass.
206
00:09:43,678 --> 00:09:45,211
Now, the first thing
207
00:09:45,229 --> 00:09:46,578
we need is a theme.
208
00:09:46,602 --> 00:09:48,259
I'm thinking...
209
00:09:48,284 --> 00:09:50,940
ah, turn-of-the-century
Moulin Rouge.
210
00:09:53,734 --> 00:09:56,828
I'm thinking you need
a testosterone patch.
211
00:09:58,368 --> 00:10:00,508
Penny and I just want to do
something low-key.
212
00:10:00,527 --> 00:10:01,753
You know, cocktails,
213
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:03,531
light jazz music,
hors d'oeuvres.
214
00:10:03,556 --> 00:10:06,729
So your theme is
"I saw a rerun of Mad Men
215
00:10:06,754 --> 00:10:09,742
and bought some crab puffs
from Trader Joe's"?
216
00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:13,484
Hate to miss that.
217
00:10:15,202 --> 00:10:17,070
Hey, where have you been?
218
00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:19,165
Oh, Leonard.
219
00:10:19,204 --> 00:10:21,237
If I was prone to sarcasm,
220
00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:23,529
I'd say I was pulling off
a major heist
221
00:10:23,553 --> 00:10:25,834
at the museum
of laundry baskets.
222
00:10:27,498 --> 00:10:29,482
One, two, three, four, five,
223
00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:31,730
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
224
00:10:32,814 --> 00:10:35,517
I meant, "Golly, Sheldon,
you've been gone a long time."
225
00:10:36,194 --> 00:10:40,290
Oh. Yeah, well, I was waylaid
by Penny, Bernadette and Amy.
226
00:10:40,332 --> 00:10:42,606
They made me reveal
confidential information
227
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:43,931
about Howard's father.
228
00:10:43,956 --> 00:10:44,987
What information?
229
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,756
I can't tell you that.
230
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:51,135
I am bound by closet organizer/
organizee confidentiality.
231
00:10:51,762 --> 00:10:53,421
Well, come on,
we won't tell anyone.
232
00:10:53,433 --> 00:10:55,318
Sorry, badgering me won't work.
233
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:58,186
What you should have said is,
"It's pointless to keep this a secret
234
00:10:58,204 --> 00:10:59,224
because Penny will tell us."
235
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,550
- Fine, then that.
- All right, I'll tell you.
236
00:11:03,366 --> 00:11:06,397
My goodness,
everyone's on their game today.
237
00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:11,870
This is really fun.
238
00:11:11,895 --> 00:11:13,924
Yeah, it's nice to get
dressed up once in a while.
239
00:11:13,955 --> 00:11:15,819
Yeah, and hors d'oeuvres
are delightful.
240
00:11:15,844 --> 00:11:17,809
- As is the company.
- Aw.
241
00:11:17,973 --> 00:11:20,556
My shirt is itchy
and I wish I were dead.
242
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,234
Hey, uh, listen, everybody.
243
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,106
Before Howard gets here,
let's all just agree
244
00:11:27,118 --> 00:11:28,687
to not bring up the letter
from his father.
245
00:11:28,709 --> 00:11:30,347
- Of course.
- Sure. - Absolutely.
246
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:34,116
If I say yes, can we turn off
that Latin orgy music?
247
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:38,720
Ridiculous that we still have to walk
up all these flights of stairs.
248
00:11:38,988 --> 00:11:41,418
Yeah, try doing it in heels.
249
00:11:41,863 --> 00:11:43,745
I am.
250
00:11:46,012 --> 00:11:47,125
Wait.
251
00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:48,876
There's something
I have to tell you.
252
00:11:49,010 --> 00:11:50,109
What?
253
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,519
I know what was
in your dad's letter.
254
00:11:56,662 --> 00:11:59,047
Sheldon, I swear to God,
I'm gonna kill you!
255
00:11:59,143 --> 00:12:00,517
Hey!
256
00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:04,015
I made him tell us.
257
00:12:04,035 --> 00:12:05,129
What? "Us"?
258
00:12:05,148 --> 00:12:06,588
Who else knows?
259
00:12:06,622 --> 00:12:07,921
- I know.
- Me, too.
260
00:12:07,947 --> 00:12:08,925
Same here.
261
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,669
Shame on all of you.
262
00:12:12,246 --> 00:12:13,534
You know, too.
263
00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:15,926
Couldn't leave him
with one friend, could you?
264
00:12:16,918 --> 00:12:19,859
So everybody knows what's in
that letter except for me?
265
00:12:19,877 --> 00:12:21,275
Yes, it's six against one.
266
00:12:21,287 --> 00:12:22,947
Stand down, sir.
267
00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:26,244
How could you do this?
268
00:12:26,381 --> 00:12:27,500
I'm sorry.
269
00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:30,537
- If you want, we could tell you.
- No, I don't want to know!
270
00:12:31,327 --> 00:12:32,770
I mean,
271
00:12:33,064 --> 00:12:34,614
I do, but...
272
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:36,959
I got to go.
273
00:12:40,633 --> 00:12:42,665
Used me as a human shield?
274
00:12:44,819 --> 00:12:46,133
I panicked.
275
00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:48,347
He looked taller than usual.
276
00:12:52,962 --> 00:12:54,281
Howard?
277
00:12:54,343 --> 00:12:55,922
In here.
278
00:12:58,039 --> 00:12:59,406
I'm sorry.
279
00:12:59,426 --> 00:13:01,202
I should have left it alone.
280
00:13:01,277 --> 00:13:02,894
It's okay.
281
00:13:03,163 --> 00:13:05,079
Sorry I ran off like that.
282
00:13:06,155 --> 00:13:07,385
What are you looking at?
283
00:13:07,404 --> 00:13:10,072
Uh, pictures of my dad and me
when I was a kid.
284
00:13:10,179 --> 00:13:11,935
- That's nice.
- I got to tell you,
285
00:13:11,947 --> 00:13:15,036
as angry as I am
at Sheldon for blabbing,
286
00:13:15,064 --> 00:13:18,557
he did a hell of a job
organizing this closet.
287
00:13:19,826 --> 00:13:21,080
Look at this.
288
00:13:21,119 --> 00:13:25,121
"Photos of Wolowitz family
before father left forever."
289
00:13:27,918 --> 00:13:31,296
Check out nine-year-old Howie
with cornrows.
290
00:13:33,916 --> 00:13:36,843
Neither race was happy
to see me with those.
291
00:13:40,556 --> 00:13:41,973
Think you could take a break?
292
00:13:42,011 --> 00:13:42,751
Why?
293
00:13:42,776 --> 00:13:44,345
Got a little surprise for you.
294
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,528
Come on.
295
00:13:45,966 --> 00:13:48,334
Oh, honey...
296
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:51,477
I am in no mood
to have sex tonight.
297
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,570
I mean, I'll lay there
if you absolutely
298
00:13:55,594 --> 00:13:58,110
have to have it, but... Oh.
299
00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:01,725
What are you guys doing here?
300
00:14:01,737 --> 00:14:03,479
When you left,
you weren't sure whether or not
301
00:14:03,498 --> 00:14:05,309
you wanted to know
what was in your dad's letter,
302
00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:08,254
so we came up with
kind of a cool solution.
303
00:14:08,541 --> 00:14:09,785
Oh, yeah, what's that?
304
00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:11,291
It's simple, really.
305
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,507
It occurred to me
that knowing and not knowing
306
00:14:14,531 --> 00:14:18,033
can be achieved by creating
a macroscopic example
307
00:14:18,049 --> 00:14:19,573
of quantum superposition.
308
00:14:19,598 --> 00:14:22,390
The-the principle
that a physical system
309
00:14:22,402 --> 00:14:25,918
exists partially in all
its possible states at once.
310
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,994
We were all thinking it, really.
311
00:14:30,277 --> 00:14:33,017
It was kind of the elephant
in the room, so...
312
00:14:34,868 --> 00:14:37,084
Anyway, um, I realize
313
00:14:37,102 --> 00:14:40,006
if we each present you
with an account
314
00:14:40,018 --> 00:14:41,619
of what your father wrote
to you,
315
00:14:41,642 --> 00:14:44,516
only one of which is true,
and then we don't tell you
316
00:14:44,534 --> 00:14:47,382
which one it is,
you will forever be
317
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,918
in a state
of epistemic ambivalence.
318
00:14:49,984 --> 00:14:50,593
Yeah.
319
00:14:50,618 --> 00:14:52,120
And I said
if it wasn't epistemic,
320
00:14:52,151 --> 00:14:54,095
we might as well not do it.
321
00:14:57,078 --> 00:14:58,695
Sit down, honey.
322
00:14:59,587 --> 00:15:00,692
Raj, you're up.
323
00:15:00,717 --> 00:15:02,283
Okay, um...
324
00:15:03,346 --> 00:15:05,869
It was a card
for your 18th birthday.
325
00:15:05,898 --> 00:15:07,347
Inside it said,
326
00:15:07,368 --> 00:15:09,034
"Happy birthday, Howard.
327
00:15:09,093 --> 00:15:11,210
I love you. Dad."
328
00:15:11,879 --> 00:15:12,870
Oh, and it was
329
00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:14,962
a Far Side card,
the one where the frog
330
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,971
has its tongue stuck
to the underside of an airplane.
331
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,151
Thinks it's a fly.
332
00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:23,258
Silly frog.
333
00:15:23,277 --> 00:15:25,000
So funny.
334
00:15:26,712 --> 00:15:27,706
Sheldon.
335
00:15:29,315 --> 00:15:33,044
It was a map leading
to the lost treasure
336
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,699
of famous pirate One-Eyed Willy.
337
00:15:38,296 --> 00:15:39,246
Nice try.
338
00:15:39,252 --> 00:15:41,169
That's the plot for Goonies.
339
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:43,727
- Told you.
- Don't.
340
00:15:45,096 --> 00:15:46,345
Amy.
341
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,308
You didn't know it,
342
00:15:50,559 --> 00:15:52,431
but your father was
in the auditorium
343
00:15:52,455 --> 00:15:54,339
at your high school graduation.
344
00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:57,374
And he cried
because he was so proud of you.
345
00:15:58,294 --> 00:15:59,138
Really?
346
00:15:59,163 --> 00:16:01,055
Or that's complete poppycock
which Amy made up.
347
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,786
It still could be the map.
348
00:16:05,981 --> 00:16:07,319
Penny.
349
00:16:07,553 --> 00:16:09,484
It was a letter explaining
350
00:16:09,515 --> 00:16:11,489
that your dad wasn't
who he said he was.
351
00:16:11,574 --> 00:16:13,519
Eventually, his other life
caught up to him,
352
00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:16,444
and the only way to keep you
and your mom safe was to leave.
353
00:16:16,617 --> 00:16:18,884
I would like to change mine.
354
00:16:21,287 --> 00:16:25,526
The pirate's name
was Peg-Leg Antoine.
355
00:16:27,102 --> 00:16:29,886
Now it's completely different
from Goonies.
356
00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:33,436
- No, it's not.
- Don't.
357
00:16:34,972 --> 00:16:36,421
Okay, my turn.
358
00:16:36,773 --> 00:16:40,151
Your dad wrote about how family
is the most important thing,
359
00:16:40,187 --> 00:16:42,931
and that you should never
throw it away like he did.
360
00:16:44,008 --> 00:16:45,321
Hmm.
361
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,714
Bernadette.
362
00:16:48,862 --> 00:16:50,675
Inside the envelope
was a picture
363
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:53,134
of your dad holding you
the day you were born.
364
00:16:53,419 --> 00:16:55,038
On the back he wrote,
365
00:16:55,063 --> 00:16:58,255
"Howard, my son,
my greatest gift."
366
00:17:07,639 --> 00:17:08,815
You okay?
367
00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:10,359
Yeah.
368
00:17:11,713 --> 00:17:13,963
I'm terrific.
369
00:17:14,564 --> 00:17:16,765
So...?
370
00:17:19,262 --> 00:17:21,503
Which one do you think it is...
371
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,899
matey?
372
00:17:26,907 --> 00:17:29,041
Actually, I don't want to know.
373
00:17:29,268 --> 00:17:30,311
I...
374
00:17:30,367 --> 00:17:32,901
want all of them to be true.
375
00:17:33,158 --> 00:17:34,540
Well, one of them is.
376
00:17:34,609 --> 00:17:36,585
That's pretty cool.
377
00:17:37,026 --> 00:17:38,659
Thank you, guys.
378
00:17:39,461 --> 00:17:40,744
Hey, it's still early.
379
00:17:40,763 --> 00:17:42,296
Why don't we go back
and have that party?
380
00:17:42,323 --> 00:17:44,235
- Yeah, cool.
- Okay? Good.
381
00:17:46,313 --> 00:17:47,703
You know, surprisingly,
382
00:17:47,721 --> 00:17:50,187
uh, the letter from your father
wasn't the most interesting thing
383
00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:51,318
I read in the closet.
384
00:17:51,343 --> 00:17:54,177
Bernadette's diary
has some saucy passages.
385
00:17:55,386 --> 00:17:56,879
Sheldon, don't you dare!
386
00:17:56,891 --> 00:17:58,702
Th-There's nothing
to worry about.
387
00:17:58,726 --> 00:18:00,527
Your secret's safe with me.
388
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,646
That's more like it.
389
00:18:03,546 --> 00:18:06,112
Although copyright law
would allow me to quote snippets
390
00:18:06,130 --> 00:18:08,380
in the context of a review.
391
00:18:20,364 --> 00:18:21,803
Glad you're feeling better.
392
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:23,140
Me, too.
393
00:18:23,159 --> 00:18:24,853
If I'd known
we were gonna be dancing,
394
00:18:24,866 --> 00:18:27,417
would have worn my flats.
395
00:18:28,494 --> 00:18:30,292
This turned out
pretty well, huh?
396
00:18:30,305 --> 00:18:31,748
Yeah, I think so.
397
00:18:31,754 --> 00:18:33,188
I agree.
398
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:36,254
That is, if you've never been to
or heard of a party before.
399
00:18:38,308 --> 00:18:40,616
If you'd let me pierce your
brain with a hot needle
400
00:18:40,628 --> 00:18:43,604
in the right place, you'd
be happy all the time.
401
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:47,778
Uh, Penny,
402
00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:51,416
I-I have a couple of questions
about your closet.
403
00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:55,320
Is there any reason you're
keeping this dead goldfish?
404
00:18:56,341 --> 00:18:59,005
Damn, I forgot to feed him.
405
00:19:00,044 --> 00:19:01,956
And that I had him.
406
00:19:03,052 --> 00:19:05,654
Well, now, did you also
have a dog?
407
00:19:05,679 --> 00:19:09,924
Because I found what appears to
be a battery-operated chew toy.
408
00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:12,201
Party's over!
Party's over!
409
00:19:13,799 --> 00:19:18,799
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther