1 00:00:03,479 --> 00:00:04,570 (muttering) 2 00:00:09,692 --> 00:00:11,526 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,899 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,636 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,638 (whistle blows) 6 00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:25,674 (yells) 7 00:00:29,846 --> 00:00:31,113 (beeping) 8 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,421 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:43,159 (playing the blues) 10 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,396 D'oh! 11 00:00:47,431 --> 00:00:48,431 (tires screeching) 12 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,099 (grunts) 13 00:00:54,404 --> 00:00:55,571 Mm? 14 00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:59,072 ♪ The Simpsons 24x16 ♪ Dark Knight Court Original Air Date on March 17, 2013 15 00:00:59,073 --> 00:01:02,273 == sync, corrected by elderman == 16 00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:05,181 A plague is sweeping through Springfield. 17 00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:06,549 A blue bonnet plague. 18 00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:07,950 (chuckles) 19 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,119 Springfield's ladies are wearing colorful Easter hats 20 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:13,022 to celebrate the resurrection of... 21 00:01:13,056 --> 00:01:14,457 Jesus Christ. 22 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:18,361 ♪ I could write a sonnet 23 00:01:18,395 --> 00:01:22,565 ♪ About your Easter bonnet 24 00:01:22,599 --> 00:01:26,068 ♪ And of the girl I'm taking 25 00:01:26,103 --> 00:01:27,303 ♪ To the Easter parade. 26 00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:28,371 Whoa. 27 00:01:28,405 --> 00:01:30,306 We'd better get this concert started. 28 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,708 The giant chocolate bunny's melting. 29 00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:34,043 Hollow? 30 00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:35,311 We paid for solid! 31 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,580 Chief, the company's named Bunny Hollow. 32 00:01:37,614 --> 00:01:39,382 I thought that was where they lived. 33 00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,751 Look at those delightful children, Smithers. 34 00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:44,754 All those healthy organs, ripe for the harvesting. 35 00:01:44,788 --> 00:01:46,555 (strumming glockenspiel) 36 00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:49,926 (chuckles) Not here, sir. 37 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:50,927 Not now. 38 00:01:50,961 --> 00:01:53,529 Mm. Hmm. 39 00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:59,435 Uh, not sure what I'm expecting to happen here. 40 00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:04,073 ♪ Here comes flute and piccolos ♪ 41 00:02:04,107 --> 00:02:07,443 ♪ What comes next, the horns, horns, horns ♪ 42 00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:10,046 (sputtering) 43 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:11,047 (sighs) 44 00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:13,282 ♪ The horns, horns, horns 45 00:02:13,317 --> 00:02:14,216 (sputtering) 46 00:02:14,251 --> 00:02:16,052 Blow, you little disappointments! 47 00:02:16,086 --> 00:02:17,887 (horns honking) 48 00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:24,093 (crowd screaming) 49 00:02:25,295 --> 00:02:27,430 (screaming) 50 00:02:28,832 --> 00:02:30,232 Ah. 51 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:34,770 (panting) 52 00:02:34,805 --> 00:02:38,074 (choking) 53 00:02:40,510 --> 00:02:43,079 Who could've shoved eggs up our brass? 54 00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:46,215 (laughing) 55 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,919 His amusement is tantamount to culpability! 56 00:02:49,953 --> 00:02:51,354 (crowd clamoring) 57 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:52,488 Easy, easy. 58 00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:53,389 Let's not jump to conclus... 59 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,525 Too late. Already jumped. 60 00:02:55,559 --> 00:02:57,260 (whimpers) Egg don't belong 61 00:02:57,294 --> 00:02:58,528 in a chicken's eye. 62 00:02:58,562 --> 00:03:01,364 It belongs in her pee-poo-birth-hole. 63 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,432 Kill that boy! 64 00:03:02,466 --> 00:03:04,267 (panting) 65 00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:07,170 It's Easter; 66 00:03:07,204 --> 00:03:09,005 why aren't these people at work? 67 00:03:09,039 --> 00:03:11,040 (doorbells jingle) 68 00:03:14,011 --> 00:03:15,111 Good Lord. 69 00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:17,714 Look at all these comical booklets. 70 00:03:17,748 --> 00:03:19,182 Yes, yes. 71 00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:21,317 Just don't exhale your death breath directly on them. 72 00:03:21,352 --> 00:03:22,552 Thank you. 73 00:03:22,586 --> 00:03:24,654 You know, I used to collect these 74 00:03:24,688 --> 00:03:26,289 bestapled fables. 75 00:03:30,661 --> 00:03:31,895 What are you reading? 76 00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:33,429 The adventures of The Good Shepherd 77 00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:35,665 and his sidekick, The Fleecy Kid. 78 00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:37,700 Bah! That's his battle cry. 79 00:03:37,735 --> 00:03:38,768 Baa! 80 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,137 The sound which terrifies sheep rustlers 81 00:03:41,171 --> 00:03:43,072 the length and breadth of Michigan's 82 00:03:43,107 --> 00:03:44,574 untamed upper peninsula. 83 00:03:44,608 --> 00:03:47,744 You should be out in the fresh air, kicking dogs. 84 00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:50,146 I'm gonna buy this publishing company 85 00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,081 and burn it to the ground. 86 00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:54,584 Why did you have to lock us in? 87 00:03:54,618 --> 00:03:56,152 Teach my son a lesson! 88 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,925 How much for your entire collection? 89 00:04:01,959 --> 00:04:05,428 Um, the speed of light, expressed in dollars. 90 00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:08,064 Just give him Faraday's Constant. 91 00:04:11,268 --> 00:04:13,269 (humming) 92 00:04:15,773 --> 00:04:17,607 Nice going, Bart. 93 00:04:17,641 --> 00:04:19,676 You've ruined Halloween, Thanksgiving, 94 00:04:19,710 --> 00:04:20,877 Christmas and Easter. 95 00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:23,079 The legendary grand slam. 96 00:04:23,113 --> 00:04:25,181 You guys, I swear I didn't do it. 97 00:04:27,985 --> 00:04:29,986 (funeral march playing) 98 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,961 Oh, I don't like the sound of that funeral march. 99 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,865 Okay, I'll pay for your damn band candy! 100 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:44,968 What was it, $1,700? 101 00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:46,169 Forget the candy! 102 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,137 We're here to turn this... 103 00:04:48,172 --> 00:04:50,640 into this. 104 00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:53,376 Now do me wearing a sombrero. 105 00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:56,379 (chuckles) 106 00:04:56,413 --> 00:04:58,815 Now have me sleeping under a cactus. 107 00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:00,850 D'oh! 108 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,118 Hand over your son, 109 00:05:02,152 --> 00:05:04,787 so we can administer "Band Justice." 110 00:05:04,822 --> 00:05:08,057 (plays dramatic music) 111 00:05:08,092 --> 00:05:09,492 I know this looks bad. 112 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,527 And I admit, I would totally lie in a second 113 00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,696 to Lisa or Mom or Dad, 114 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,732 but I would never lie to Maggie. 115 00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:18,301 I did not do that prank. 116 00:05:23,273 --> 00:05:26,376 Wow, he passed the Maggie test. 117 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,778 And remember how Maggie solved Cookiegate? 118 00:05:28,812 --> 00:05:30,747 All too well. 119 00:05:30,781 --> 00:05:35,551 To prove my brother's innocence, I demand a youth court. 120 00:05:36,787 --> 00:05:37,820 That's right! 121 00:05:37,855 --> 00:05:39,856 Bart must not be judged by these kids, 122 00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:42,291 but by a jury, of kids. 123 00:05:42,326 --> 00:05:43,559 Mostly these kids. 124 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,094 There's only so many kids. 125 00:05:45,129 --> 00:05:46,429 (sighs) 126 00:05:46,463 --> 00:05:48,798 I'm afraid once a youth court has been demanded, 127 00:05:48,832 --> 00:05:52,101 we are legally obligated to shut down mob rule, 128 00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:54,604 as decided in the case of Rubber v. Glue 129 00:05:54,638 --> 00:05:57,774 and reaffirmed by I Know You Are v. What Am I. 130 00:05:57,808 --> 00:06:00,376 Son, if there's one thing I've learned 131 00:06:00,411 --> 00:06:05,048 as a defendant and a juror, it's stay out of the courtroom. 132 00:06:05,082 --> 00:06:06,916 It's so frickin' boring. 133 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:07,917 Run, boy! 134 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,719 I'll create a distraction. 135 00:06:11,055 --> 00:06:13,723 (playing "Stars and Stripes Forever") 136 00:06:21,498 --> 00:06:24,067 (tempo increases) 137 00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:25,068 (music stops) 138 00:06:25,102 --> 00:06:27,103 (music resumes) 139 00:06:35,846 --> 00:06:37,814 (fireworks whistling, popping) 140 00:06:37,848 --> 00:06:39,148 (music ends) 141 00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,553 Anyone can conduct Sousa. 142 00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:46,804 Good news, bad news: 143 00:06:46,838 --> 00:06:48,439 we're allowed to select the judge, 144 00:06:48,473 --> 00:06:51,742 but it's impossible to find one who doesn't hate you. 145 00:06:51,776 --> 00:06:54,345 I know someone who would make a great judge. 146 00:06:54,379 --> 00:06:56,246 Would you kids believe your Grampa 147 00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:58,349 once argued in front of the Supreme Court? 148 00:06:58,383 --> 00:06:59,450 No. Sorry. 149 00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:00,484 Not a chance. 150 00:07:00,518 --> 00:07:01,985 I mean, it's true. 151 00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:04,488 It was back in 1998. 152 00:07:04,522 --> 00:07:07,191 I say individual rights. 153 00:07:07,225 --> 00:07:09,026 I say the common good. 154 00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:11,862 WOMAN: Gentlemen, our system balances both. 155 00:07:11,896 --> 00:07:14,031 Oh, yeah, and how would you know? 156 00:07:14,065 --> 00:07:16,100 Attorney General Janet Reno? 157 00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:17,201 That's right. 158 00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:19,470 And that better not be your gum on the ground. 159 00:07:19,504 --> 00:07:21,638 Uh, it's not, but I'll take care of it. 160 00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:25,542 Stop doing that. 161 00:07:25,577 --> 00:07:27,077 (chuckles) 162 00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:30,514 This is better than being a real attorney or a real general. 163 00:07:30,548 --> 00:07:33,617 The attorney general and I have been playing chess 164 00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:35,386 through the mail ever since. 165 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:37,554 I find that a little hard to believe. 166 00:07:37,589 --> 00:07:39,857 Yeah, why would you play chess through the mail 167 00:07:39,891 --> 00:07:41,558 when you can play chess through the Internet? 168 00:07:41,593 --> 00:07:43,660 Or preferably, not play chess at all? 169 00:07:43,695 --> 00:07:45,429 See here, sass mouth, 170 00:07:45,463 --> 00:07:47,865 you're not too big for me to tan your hide. 171 00:07:47,899 --> 00:07:50,401 It's not a threat if I don't know what it means. 172 00:07:50,435 --> 00:07:52,169 I'll fix your wagon! 173 00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:53,437 Thanks. I'd like that. 174 00:07:53,471 --> 00:07:55,305 (muttering) 175 00:07:58,676 --> 00:08:00,711 (scoffs) I get a whiff of the immigrant 176 00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:02,813 from these newfangled superheroes. 177 00:08:08,186 --> 00:08:09,520 Hmm. 178 00:08:09,554 --> 00:08:13,524 Reclusive millionaire, stately mansion, damaged psyche. 179 00:08:13,558 --> 00:08:14,525 (chuckles) 180 00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:16,260 He's just like me. 181 00:08:16,294 --> 00:08:19,763 Smithers, I, too, shall become a crime-fighting bat. 182 00:08:19,798 --> 00:08:20,798 Hmm. 183 00:08:20,832 --> 00:08:22,733 But I won't become just any bat. 184 00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:25,869 I shall be the terrifying bat who swoops from the sky 185 00:08:25,904 --> 00:08:28,539 and sucks the vital essence of his prey. 186 00:08:28,573 --> 00:08:31,275 I shall be Fruit Bat Man! 187 00:08:31,309 --> 00:08:32,743 Great, great. 188 00:08:32,777 --> 00:08:34,912 I-I don't suppose you'll be forgetting about this tomorrow? 189 00:08:34,946 --> 00:08:36,880 No sooner than I'd forget my own mother. 190 00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,615 That's not your mother, that's your bear. 191 00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:40,751 Well, then, where's my stuffed mother? 192 00:08:45,223 --> 00:08:48,525 All right, you soft-skulled nitwits, sit up straight, 193 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,328 because we finally have someone in this school 194 00:08:51,362 --> 00:08:53,063 who deserves your respect: 195 00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:55,499 former Attorney General Janet Reno. 196 00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:57,468 (sparse applause) Thank you, Gary. 197 00:08:57,502 --> 00:08:58,469 (gasps) 198 00:08:58,503 --> 00:09:00,103 Grampa's story was true? 199 00:09:00,138 --> 00:09:03,774 First, I would like to say, rook to E-8. Checkmate. 200 00:09:03,808 --> 00:09:04,842 Dagnabbit! 201 00:09:04,876 --> 00:09:06,143 (laughs) 202 00:09:06,177 --> 00:09:08,412 Youth court is now in session. 203 00:09:08,446 --> 00:09:10,080 God, I love gaveling. 204 00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:11,381 Mr. Prosecutor? 205 00:09:11,416 --> 00:09:13,116 Over the next few days, 206 00:09:13,151 --> 00:09:14,184 you're going to hear 207 00:09:14,219 --> 00:09:16,119 how the defendant, Bartholomew Simpson, 208 00:09:16,154 --> 00:09:19,056 aka the Springfield Egger... 209 00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:20,624 Objection! Prejudicial! 210 00:09:20,658 --> 00:09:21,525 Sustained. 211 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:22,559 (giggles) 212 00:09:22,594 --> 00:09:23,894 She sustained me. 213 00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:26,430 How Bartholomew Simpson wantonly 214 00:09:26,464 --> 00:09:28,866 egged this town with Milhouse aforethought. 215 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,033 Now, hold on. 216 00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:32,436 Principal Skinner, are you wearing hard-soled shoes 217 00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:33,770 on this gym floor? 218 00:09:33,805 --> 00:09:35,606 No, ma'am. Sneakers. 219 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,308 You're wearing sneakers to a trial? 220 00:09:38,343 --> 00:09:40,978 Oh, God, the press is gonna have a field day with this. 221 00:09:41,012 --> 00:09:42,279 Yay, field day! 222 00:09:42,313 --> 00:09:44,815 I can go cuckoo and no one can stop me! 223 00:09:44,849 --> 00:09:47,184 That's exactly what George W. Bush said 224 00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:48,619 when he was inaugurated. 225 00:09:48,653 --> 00:09:49,786 People don't remember that. 226 00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:50,954 This case is going great. 227 00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:52,556 Although as usual, I look nothing like 228 00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:53,924 the courtroom artist's drawing. 229 00:09:54,926 --> 00:09:57,094 BART: Nice try, Pop. 230 00:10:00,465 --> 00:10:02,165 Very dramatic, sir. 231 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,468 A little more brooding, and... 232 00:10:04,502 --> 00:10:05,702 there's my superhero. 233 00:10:05,737 --> 00:10:07,271 Now let's get you to bed and... 234 00:10:07,305 --> 00:10:08,705 Hist. Look there. 235 00:10:09,841 --> 00:10:12,643 This looks like a job for Fruit Bat Man. 236 00:10:12,677 --> 00:10:14,611 (screeches) 237 00:10:14,646 --> 00:10:16,513 Perhaps we should, uh, just call the police. 238 00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:17,748 The police? Bah! 239 00:10:17,782 --> 00:10:19,983 Every last man on the take. 240 00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:22,085 And I should know, because I'm on the give. 241 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,987 I've never felt more alive! 242 00:10:26,391 --> 00:10:29,626 Look, I'll give you each $1,000 if you pretend to let 243 00:10:29,661 --> 00:10:31,528 that old man out there stop this crime. 244 00:10:31,563 --> 00:10:32,496 Mm. 245 00:10:33,798 --> 00:10:35,265 Mm. 246 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,834 Feel the crumbling fist of justice! 247 00:10:37,869 --> 00:10:39,303 (grunts) Ouchers. 248 00:10:39,337 --> 00:10:40,938 Oh, dear. 249 00:10:40,972 --> 00:10:44,141 Who are you, mysterious octogenarian of the night? 250 00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:46,376 I am the squeak in the rafters, 251 00:10:46,411 --> 00:10:47,878 the flutter in the chimney, 252 00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:50,147 the tiny teeth marks in the peach. 253 00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:52,316 I am Fruit Bat Man. 254 00:10:52,350 --> 00:10:56,119 Now back to my natural realm, the inky night. 255 00:10:58,456 --> 00:11:01,124 D'oh! 256 00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:04,661 I'll just take one of these key chain penlights. 257 00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:06,597 You have to keep squeezing this thing? 258 00:11:06,631 --> 00:11:08,131 Who has the strength for that? 259 00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:12,669 So when I came in, the Monday after Easter, 260 00:11:12,704 --> 00:11:14,705 I noticed three dozen eggs missing. 261 00:11:14,739 --> 00:11:17,207 And do you think this boy took those eggs? 262 00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:20,077 Him? All he takes are sodas and desserts. 263 00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:21,912 Objection! Unhealthy! 264 00:11:21,946 --> 00:11:23,714 But could Bart have gotten those eggs? 265 00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:24,982 No way. 266 00:11:25,016 --> 00:11:26,717 They were under lock and key. 267 00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:28,085 (gallery gasps) 268 00:11:28,119 --> 00:11:29,920 No one could have touched those eggs 269 00:11:29,954 --> 00:11:32,522 except me and the seagulls that laid them. 270 00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:34,057 No further questions. 271 00:11:35,593 --> 00:11:37,928 Ah, to be young and on trial. 272 00:11:37,962 --> 00:11:39,863 ♪ 273 00:11:57,215 --> 00:12:00,217 ♪ 274 00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:09,893 (yells gibberish) 275 00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:18,035 A toast to our enigmatic new protector, 276 00:12:18,069 --> 00:12:20,103 who certainly isn't me. 277 00:12:20,138 --> 00:12:21,805 Smithers, wink my eye. 278 00:12:23,608 --> 00:12:25,409 Want to hit the hot tub, Burnsie? 279 00:12:25,443 --> 00:12:27,411 Well, I hate to get all pruney, 280 00:12:27,445 --> 00:12:30,480 but heated tubbery is what we playboys do. 281 00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:32,549 Great work, everyone. That's a wrap. 282 00:12:34,786 --> 00:12:37,354 It's nice to make an old man feel good about himself. 283 00:12:37,388 --> 00:12:38,722 You said it. 284 00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:43,160 So Bart couldn't have taken the eggs. 285 00:12:43,194 --> 00:12:44,961 I was with him the whole weekend. 286 00:12:44,996 --> 00:12:46,329 You'd make up any lie 287 00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,198 for that Simpson boy, wouldn't you? 288 00:12:48,232 --> 00:12:51,001 Yeah, but I'd pee my pants. 289 00:12:51,035 --> 00:12:52,602 Nelson. 290 00:12:52,637 --> 00:12:54,504 Dry as a bone. 291 00:12:54,539 --> 00:12:55,505 (sighs) 292 00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:57,708 Now, that's what I call 293 00:12:57,742 --> 00:13:00,043 "legal briefs." 294 00:13:00,078 --> 00:13:02,279 I thought of the joke and rushed over. 295 00:13:02,814 --> 00:13:03,914 Your Honor, 296 00:13:03,948 --> 00:13:05,282 I think we've seen enough. 297 00:13:05,316 --> 00:13:07,451 I have demolished the prosecution's claims 298 00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:10,687 and made the prosecutor sweat through two shirts. 299 00:13:10,722 --> 00:13:12,322 I move that you dismiss this case 300 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,958 and release this sweet, lovable boy. 301 00:13:14,992 --> 00:13:16,693 Motion denied. 302 00:13:16,728 --> 00:13:17,461 (gasps) 303 00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:18,729 Miss Simpson, 304 00:13:18,763 --> 00:13:21,198 your grandstanding summation contained a grievous error. 305 00:13:21,232 --> 00:13:23,166 By calling your brother sweet and lovable, 306 00:13:23,201 --> 00:13:25,168 you opened the door to testimony 307 00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:27,804 from anyone who doesn't think he's sweet and lovable. 308 00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:30,874 The prosecution calls everyone in the world! 309 00:13:30,908 --> 00:13:32,909 (gallery gasps) 310 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,163 Mr. Szyslak, 311 00:13:42,164 --> 00:13:44,532 what name did the defendant ask for 312 00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:46,501 when he called you at your bar? 313 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:47,836 He asked for, um... 314 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,137 (clears throat) 315 00:13:49,171 --> 00:13:50,605 ...Mike Rotch. 316 00:13:50,639 --> 00:13:52,473 And then what did you say? 317 00:13:52,508 --> 00:13:54,475 Well, I said, um... 318 00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:56,277 I said, "Mike Rotch." 319 00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:59,180 Um, "Mike Rotch." 320 00:13:59,215 --> 00:14:00,548 And then I... 321 00:14:00,583 --> 00:14:02,317 (sobbing): I'm sorry. 322 00:14:02,351 --> 00:14:03,818 Take all the time you need. 323 00:14:03,853 --> 00:14:06,988 I, uh, I, uh, I yelled out, 324 00:14:07,022 --> 00:14:10,091 "Has anybody seen Mike Rotch?" 325 00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:11,292 (gallery murmuring) 326 00:14:11,327 --> 00:14:13,094 See, they... (sobs) 327 00:14:13,128 --> 00:14:16,431 See, they thought I was asking if anybody wanted to see... 328 00:14:16,465 --> 00:14:18,233 my-my... 329 00:14:18,267 --> 00:14:21,402 Oh, man, this is so painful. 330 00:14:21,437 --> 00:14:24,806 (sobbing): My crotch. 331 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,074 (gallery gasps) 332 00:14:28,777 --> 00:14:30,745 Thank you for your bravery today. 333 00:14:30,779 --> 00:14:31,946 I just had to make sure 334 00:14:31,981 --> 00:14:33,701 that he never did this to another bartender. 335 00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:38,353 Pass the gravy, Gloria All-Wrong. 336 00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:41,990 The trial's not over, and gravy is dead animal juice. 337 00:14:42,024 --> 00:14:44,492 Hmm? 338 00:14:44,526 --> 00:14:45,894 Hmm. 339 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:49,664 Just remember this: a Simpson never gives up. 340 00:14:49,698 --> 00:14:51,366 (laughter) 341 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:52,834 You got to be kidding! 342 00:14:56,872 --> 00:14:58,106 (knocking) 343 00:14:59,675 --> 00:15:01,175 (tires screech) 344 00:15:02,044 --> 00:15:03,444 (gasps) A civilian. 345 00:15:03,479 --> 00:15:04,879 She mustn't know I'm a hero. 346 00:15:04,914 --> 00:15:06,114 Gouge her eyes out. 347 00:15:07,216 --> 00:15:08,750 Mr. Burns, 348 00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:10,251 I came here because my brother 349 00:15:10,286 --> 00:15:12,186 is about to be wrongfully convicted, 350 00:15:12,221 --> 00:15:13,788 and the man I'm looking for 351 00:15:13,822 --> 00:15:15,290 would help me find the truth. 352 00:15:15,324 --> 00:15:16,391 Don't you get it? 353 00:15:16,425 --> 00:15:18,293 I don't care who you are or what you want. 354 00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:19,294 (groans) 355 00:15:19,328 --> 00:15:20,962 Now get lost. 356 00:15:20,996 --> 00:15:22,196 (groans) 357 00:15:23,232 --> 00:15:25,300 I think you just sent away the first person 358 00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,302 you could have actually helped. 359 00:15:27,336 --> 00:15:29,070 What do you mean, "actually"? 360 00:15:29,104 --> 00:15:30,905 I've punched out four Homer Simpson shaped burglars 361 00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:32,373 tonight alone. 362 00:15:32,408 --> 00:15:34,809 All those crooks were fakes, set up by me. 363 00:15:34,843 --> 00:15:35,810 (gasps) 364 00:15:35,844 --> 00:15:37,378 Even the Abominable Dr. Lenny? 365 00:15:37,413 --> 00:15:38,913 No, he was a happy accident. 366 00:15:38,948 --> 00:15:41,049 But the rest were fakes, just like you, 367 00:15:41,083 --> 00:15:43,351 a man who claims to be a hero but is nothing more 368 00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:45,720 than a fraud with a cute little bod. 369 00:15:48,257 --> 00:15:52,060 They're calling for you, sir, but who's gonna answer? 370 00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:55,730 MAN: Ah! 371 00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:57,765 What the hell is that?! 372 00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:05,763 And so I've learned that the only true Batmen 373 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:08,000 are Christian Bale and Adam West. 374 00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:11,003 Why are you washing Bumblebee Man's pants? 375 00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,105 I volunteered to wash the egg stains 376 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,406 off everyone's clothes. 377 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,175 It's one of those things you say 378 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,510 and hope nobody takes you up on it. 379 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,046 That's odd. What's odd? 380 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,448 This skirt has a small splatter. 381 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,049 Splatter? Splatter as if the egg 382 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,617 had been crushed against it by hand. 383 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,618 I don't follow. 384 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:27,853 Like someone faked being hit, 385 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,188 so they wouldn't be a suspect. 386 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,056 Interesting, except you missed one thing. 387 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,624 What's that? It's not a skirt. 388 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,059 It's a kilt! 389 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,099 Oh, the wood chipper. 390 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,834 Is there any sweeter music? 391 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,302 MARGE: Why'd you do it, Willy? 392 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,737 (screams) 393 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,573 Because the world is better off with four fewer Welshmen! 394 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,408 Wait, what are we talking about? 395 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,543 This kilt says you framed my brother. 396 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:52,745 Why? 397 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,646 Because I hate Easter. 398 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,916 You see, ladies, I'm not just a Presbyterian, 399 00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,753 I'm a Scottish Old Believer Presbyterian! 400 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,423 Old Believers don't recognize holidays 401 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,792 not celebrated by the original apostles, 402 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,328 especially one named after 403 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,997 the pagan god, Eostre! 404 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,999 But how did you get the key? 405 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,468 I made sweet love to Lunchlady Dora, 406 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,137 then copied the key as she slept. 407 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:20,005 (snoring, metal grinding) 408 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,573 Hmm. Mm-hmm. 409 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:24,209 Now, as for your evidence... 410 00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,579 (cackles) 411 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:31,150 Behold, the pointed ears of justice. 412 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,487 Ah! A human fruit bat! 413 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:38,824 (engine starts) 414 00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:43,529 (gasping) 415 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,632 You're so light. It's like fighting a silk scarf! 416 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,200 Or a kimono sash! 417 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,670 Yes, feel the weightless tickle of justice. 418 00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:52,738 (gasps) 419 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:53,872 (screams) 420 00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:57,776 (engine chugging) 421 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:04,983 Which side won? 422 00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:06,151 Good or evil? 423 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,386 Good. 424 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,854 And which side was I on? 425 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,055 Also good. 426 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,790 (chuckles): Well, there's two surprises. 427 00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:15,627 Will the defendant please rise? 428 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:19,798 It's amazing how much exercise I've gotten from those words. 429 00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:21,533 MR. BURNS: Pause the inquisition! 430 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,634 (gallery gasps) 431 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,903 Behold the real egg-flinging fiend. 432 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,939 Aye, 'tis true. 433 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:30,475 I pulled the prank, for some daft Scottish reason. 434 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:34,112 I'd fire that man if he weren't so damned good at what he does. 435 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,181 We have a school full of professionals, sir. 436 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,116 Really? Where is that school? 437 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,551 Inside your head? 438 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,955 Another mystery solved by Attorney General Janet Reno. 439 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,656 Case dismissed. 440 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,325 (cheering) 441 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,860 You saved me, Lis. 442 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:51,930 For the rest of my life, you'll always be my one phone call. 443 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:55,334 Aw, but I do hope you'll try to be good from now on. 444 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,035 Don't need to; I got you. 445 00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,036 (gavel bangs) 446 00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,738 Children, let me be clear. 447 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,473 Despite what happened here, 448 00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:03,642 last minute confessions, shackled Scotsman 449 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,346 and meddling billionaires are not how the legal system works. 450 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,081 Well, the last one is. 451 00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:11,250 Today, you were truly a hero. 452 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,184 Thank you. 453 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,352 Excellent. 454 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,354 You know, if you're gonna be a hero, 455 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,856 you might not want to tent your fingers like that. 456 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,191 Is this better? 457 00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:21,693 Maybe you should wrap your hands behind your head. 458 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:24,096 Maybe I should wrap them around your gabby little throat. 459 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,099 Ah! Tenting, tenting! Back to the tenting! 460 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,767 (phone ringing) 461 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,304 Acquitted? 462 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,206 Then my nightmare isn't over! 463 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,707 (sobbing) 464 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,910 (phone ringing, sobbing continues) 465 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:42,944 == sync, corrected by elderman == 466 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:54,159 Well, Fruit Bat Man, it seems you're no match for me, 467 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,428 the Abominable Dr. Lenny! 468 00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,963 (laughs maniacally) 469 00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,871 Gentlemen, this threat is too great 470 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,572 for just one elderly hero. 471 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,708 We have no choice but to activate 472 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,444 The Octogenarian Initiative. 473 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,346 The Rambler... 474 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:18,016 And then there was the time I taught a dog to make oatmeal. 475 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,017 (snoring) 476 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:22,354 ...Early Bird, 477 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:25,857 Hot Flash, 478 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,794 Iron Lung. 479 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,796 It is time to pull up... 480 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,831 The Dependables. 481 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,704 I open one, no trump. 482 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,938 Double. 483 00:20:39,973 --> 00:20:42,708 You've just made a powerful enemy. 484 00:21:26,045 --> 00:21:27,257 Shh!