1 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:21,791 (muttering) 2 00:00:27,419 --> 00:00:29,253 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,927 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:38,256 --> 00:00:39,289 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:40,437 --> 00:00:42,404 (whistle blows) (yells) 6 00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:48,934 (beeping) 7 00:00:53,672 --> 00:00:55,773 (playing the blues) 8 00:00:57,259 --> 00:01:00,370 (playing the blues) 9 00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:04,829 D'oh! 10 00:01:05,089 --> 00:01:06,089 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:06,323 --> 00:01:07,957 (grunts) 12 00:01:12,036 --> 00:01:12,932 Mm? 13 00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:16,485 ♪ The Simpsons 24x16 ♪ Dark Knight Court Original Air Date on March 17, 2013 14 00:01:16,505 --> 00:01:19,717 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 15 00:01:20,024 --> 00:01:22,469 A plague is sweeping through Springfield. 16 00:01:22,497 --> 00:01:24,530 A blue bonnet plague. 17 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:25,505 (chuckles) 18 00:01:25,517 --> 00:01:27,813 Springfield's ladies are wearing colorful Easter hats 19 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,376 to celebrate the resurrection of... 20 00:01:30,576 --> 00:01:31,977 Jesus Christ. 21 00:01:32,205 --> 00:01:35,592 ♪ I could write a sonnet 22 00:01:36,246 --> 00:01:39,732 ♪ About your Easter bonnet 23 00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:43,218 ♪ And of the girl I'm taking 24 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:45,131 ♪ To the Easter parade. 25 00:01:45,155 --> 00:01:46,112 Whoa. 26 00:01:46,124 --> 00:01:47,821 We'd better get this concert started. 27 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:50,516 The giant chocolate bunny's melting. 28 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:51,610 Hollow? 29 00:01:51,635 --> 00:01:52,869 We paid for solid! 30 00:01:52,921 --> 00:01:55,073 Chief, the company's named Bunny Hollow. 31 00:01:55,134 --> 00:01:56,902 I thought that was where they lived. 32 00:01:57,036 --> 00:01:59,371 Look at those delightful children, Smithers. 33 00:01:59,393 --> 00:02:02,508 All those healthy organs, ripe for the harvesting. 34 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,500 (strumming glockenspiel) 35 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,552 (chuckles) Not here, sir. 36 00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:08,547 Not now. 37 00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:11,486 Mm. Hmm. 38 00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,936 Uh, not sure what I'm expecting to happen here. 39 00:02:18,232 --> 00:02:21,563 ♪ Here comes flute and piccolos ♪ 40 00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:24,938 ♪ What comes next, the horns, horns, horns ♪ 41 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,425 (sputtering) 42 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,567 (sighs) 43 00:02:28,601 --> 00:02:30,802 ♪ The horns, horns, horns 44 00:02:30,837 --> 00:02:31,736 (sputtering) 45 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,641 Blow, you little disappointments! 46 00:02:33,713 --> 00:02:35,514 (horns honking) 47 00:02:38,235 --> 00:02:41,738 (crowd screaming) 48 00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:44,906 (screaming) 49 00:02:46,358 --> 00:02:47,752 Ah. 50 00:02:50,884 --> 00:02:52,028 (panting) 51 00:02:52,151 --> 00:02:55,420 (choking) 52 00:02:57,943 --> 00:03:00,512 Who could've shoved eggs up our brass? 53 00:03:00,546 --> 00:03:02,998 (laughing) 54 00:03:03,172 --> 00:03:07,006 His amusement is tantamount to culpability! 55 00:03:07,030 --> 00:03:08,270 (crowd clamoring) 56 00:03:08,295 --> 00:03:09,695 Easy, easy. 57 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:10,900 Let's not jump to conclus... 58 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:12,963 Too late. Already jumped. 59 00:03:12,979 --> 00:03:13,663 (whimpers) 60 00:03:13,688 --> 00:03:15,899 Egg don't belong in a chicken's eye. 61 00:03:15,932 --> 00:03:18,778 It belongs in her pee-poo-birth-hole. 62 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:19,865 Kill that boy! 63 00:03:19,911 --> 00:03:21,712 (panting) 64 00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:26,010 It's Easter; why aren't these people at work? 65 00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:28,042 (doorbells jingle) 66 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:32,652 Good Lord. 67 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,240 Look at all these comical booklets. 68 00:03:35,268 --> 00:03:35,877 Yes, yes. 69 00:03:35,895 --> 00:03:38,994 Just don't exhale your death breath directly on them. 70 00:03:39,025 --> 00:03:39,957 Thank you. 71 00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,087 You know, I used to collect these 72 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,936 bestapled fables. 73 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,282 What are you reading? 74 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:53,120 The adventures of The Good Shepherd and his sidekick, The Fleecy Kid. 75 00:03:53,163 --> 00:03:55,164 - Bah! - That's his battle cry. 76 00:03:55,186 --> 00:03:56,219 Baa! 77 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:58,570 The sound which terrifies sheep rustlers 78 00:03:58,604 --> 00:04:01,923 the length and breadth of Michigan's untamed upper peninsula. 79 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:05,177 You should be out in the fresh air, kicking dogs. 80 00:04:05,342 --> 00:04:09,380 I'm gonna buy this publishing company and burn it to the ground. 81 00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:12,042 Why did you have to lock us in? 82 00:04:12,082 --> 00:04:13,726 Teach my son a lesson! 83 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:19,395 How much for your entire collection? 84 00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:22,773 Um, the speed of light, expressed in dollars. 85 00:04:22,801 --> 00:04:25,403 Just give him Faraday's Constant. 86 00:04:28,313 --> 00:04:30,314 (humming) 87 00:04:33,668 --> 00:04:35,033 Nice going, Bart. 88 00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:37,053 You've ruined Halloween, Thanksgiving, 89 00:04:37,065 --> 00:04:38,259 Christmas and Easter. 90 00:04:38,288 --> 00:04:40,537 The legendary grand slam. 91 00:04:40,564 --> 00:04:42,726 You guys, I swear I didn't do it. 92 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,419 (funeral march playing) 93 00:04:52,606 --> 00:04:55,614 Oh, I don't like the sound of that funeral march. 94 00:04:57,026 --> 00:05:00,283 Okay, I'll pay for your damn band candy! 95 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,455 What was it, $1,700? 96 00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:03,578 Forget the candy! 97 00:05:03,609 --> 00:05:05,551 We're here to turn this... 98 00:05:05,717 --> 00:05:07,467 into this. 99 00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:11,126 Now do me wearing a sombrero. 100 00:05:12,540 --> 00:05:13,791 (chuckles) 101 00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:16,490 Now have me sleeping under a cactus. 102 00:05:17,845 --> 00:05:18,401 D'oh! 103 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,857 Hand over your son, 104 00:05:19,879 --> 00:05:22,514 so we can administer "Band Justice." 105 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:25,349 (plays dramatic music) 106 00:05:25,581 --> 00:05:26,840 I know this looks bad. 107 00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,954 And I admit, I would totally lie in a second 108 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,038 to Lisa or Mom or Dad, 109 00:05:31,062 --> 00:05:33,546 but I would never lie to Maggie. 110 00:05:33,652 --> 00:05:36,187 I did not do that prank. 111 00:05:40,805 --> 00:05:43,529 Wow, he passed the Maggie test. 112 00:05:43,605 --> 00:05:46,215 And remember how Maggie solved Cookiegate? 113 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:48,180 All too well. 114 00:05:49,019 --> 00:05:53,092 To prove my brother's innocence, I demand a youth court. 115 00:05:54,207 --> 00:05:54,950 That's right! 116 00:05:54,962 --> 00:05:57,370 Bart must not be judged by these kids, 117 00:05:57,439 --> 00:05:59,732 but by a jury, of kids. 118 00:05:59,764 --> 00:06:00,997 Mostly these kids. 119 00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:02,520 There's only so many kids. 120 00:06:02,568 --> 00:06:03,659 (sighs) 121 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:06,244 I'm afraid once a youth court has been demanded, 122 00:06:06,262 --> 00:06:09,627 we are legally obligated to shut down mob rule, 123 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:12,137 as decided in the case of Rubber v. Glue 124 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:15,423 and reaffirmed by I Know You Are v. What Am I. 125 00:06:15,753 --> 00:06:17,675 Son, if there's one thing I've learned 126 00:06:17,693 --> 00:06:22,381 as a defendant and a juror, it's stay out of the courtroom. 127 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,445 It's so frickin' boring. 128 00:06:24,469 --> 00:06:25,436 Run, boy! 129 00:06:25,478 --> 00:06:27,246 I'll create a distraction. 130 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:31,156 (playing "Stars and Stripes Forever") 131 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,500 (tempo increases) 132 00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:42,501 (music stops) 133 00:06:42,654 --> 00:06:44,655 (music resumes) 134 00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:55,178 (fireworks whistling, popping) 135 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:56,581 (music ends) 136 00:06:58,726 --> 00:07:00,961 Anyone can conduct Sousa. 137 00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:06,940 Good news, bad news: 138 00:07:06,955 --> 00:07:08,528 we're allowed to select the judge, 139 00:07:08,546 --> 00:07:11,570 but it's impossible to find one who doesn't hate you. 140 00:07:11,674 --> 00:07:14,431 I know someone who would make a great judge. 141 00:07:14,461 --> 00:07:16,322 Would you kids believe your Grampa 142 00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:18,450 once argued in front of the Supreme Court? 143 00:07:18,475 --> 00:07:19,578 - No. - Sorry. 144 00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:20,553 Not a chance. 145 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,032 I mean, it's true. 146 00:07:22,055 --> 00:07:24,523 It was back in 1998. 147 00:07:25,251 --> 00:07:27,314 I say individual rights. 148 00:07:27,338 --> 00:07:29,003 I say the common good. 149 00:07:29,064 --> 00:07:32,066 WOMAN: Gentlemen, our system balances both. 150 00:07:32,113 --> 00:07:33,865 Oh, yeah, and how would you know? 151 00:07:33,982 --> 00:07:36,233 Attorney General Janet Reno? 152 00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:37,008 That's right. 153 00:07:37,026 --> 00:07:39,097 And that better not be your gum on the ground. 154 00:07:39,145 --> 00:07:41,780 Uh, it's not, but I'll take care of it. 155 00:07:44,383 --> 00:07:45,671 Stop doing that. 156 00:07:45,713 --> 00:07:47,107 (chuckles) 157 00:07:47,131 --> 00:07:50,533 This is better than being a real attorney or a real general. 158 00:07:51,234 --> 00:07:53,709 The attorney general and I have been playing chess 159 00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:55,515 through the mail ever since. 160 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,600 I find that a little hard to believe. 161 00:07:57,625 --> 00:07:59,887 Yeah, why would you play chess through the mail 162 00:07:59,906 --> 00:08:01,632 when you can play chess through the Internet? 163 00:08:01,654 --> 00:08:03,721 Or preferably, not play chess at all? 164 00:08:03,844 --> 00:08:05,429 See here, sass mouth, 165 00:08:05,466 --> 00:08:08,107 you're not too big for me to tan your hide. 166 00:08:08,159 --> 00:08:10,548 It's not a threat if I don't know what it means. 167 00:08:10,571 --> 00:08:12,168 I'll fix your wagon! 168 00:08:12,188 --> 00:08:13,555 Thanks. I'd like that. 169 00:08:13,579 --> 00:08:15,413 (muttering) 170 00:08:18,661 --> 00:08:19,470 (scoffs) 171 00:08:19,495 --> 00:08:22,843 I get a whiff of the immigrant from these newfangled superheroes. 172 00:08:28,559 --> 00:08:29,447 Hmm. 173 00:08:29,477 --> 00:08:33,645 Reclusive millionaire, stately mansion, damaged psyche. 174 00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:34,406 (chuckles) 175 00:08:34,425 --> 00:08:36,126 He's just like me. 176 00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:39,936 Smithers, I, too, shall become a crime-fighting bat. 177 00:08:40,058 --> 00:08:40,911 Hmm. 178 00:08:40,936 --> 00:08:42,820 But I won't become just any bat. 179 00:08:42,839 --> 00:08:46,244 I shall be the terrifying bat who swoops from the sky 180 00:08:46,262 --> 00:08:48,646 and sucks the vital essence of his prey. 181 00:08:48,684 --> 00:08:51,386 I shall be Fruit Bat Man! 182 00:08:51,426 --> 00:08:52,336 Great, great. 183 00:08:52,349 --> 00:08:55,031 I-I don't suppose you'll be forgetting about this tomorrow? 184 00:08:55,082 --> 00:08:57,016 No sooner than I'd forget my own mother. 185 00:08:57,051 --> 00:08:58,751 That's not your mother, that's your bear. 186 00:08:58,779 --> 00:09:00,880 Well, then, where's my stuffed mother? 187 00:09:05,115 --> 00:09:08,750 All right, you soft-skulled nitwits, sit up straight, 188 00:09:08,769 --> 00:09:11,325 because we finally have someone in this school 189 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,128 who deserves your respect: 190 00:09:13,145 --> 00:09:15,627 former Attorney General Janet Reno. 191 00:09:15,633 --> 00:09:16,646 (sparse applause) 192 00:09:16,671 --> 00:09:17,637 Thank you, Gary. 193 00:09:17,662 --> 00:09:18,406 (gasps) 194 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,342 Grampa's story was true? 195 00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:24,103 First, I would like to say, rook to E-8. Checkmate. 196 00:09:24,119 --> 00:09:25,034 Dagnabbit! 197 00:09:25,052 --> 00:09:26,165 (laughs) 198 00:09:26,188 --> 00:09:28,248 Youth court is now in session. 199 00:09:28,659 --> 00:09:30,193 God, I love gaveling. 200 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,669 Mr. Prosecutor? 201 00:09:31,868 --> 00:09:34,076 Over the next few days, you're going to hear 202 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,260 how the defendant, Bartholomew Simpson, 203 00:09:36,290 --> 00:09:39,064 aka the Springfield Egger... 204 00:09:39,082 --> 00:09:40,752 Objection! Prejudicial! 205 00:09:40,794 --> 00:09:41,661 Sustained. 206 00:09:41,695 --> 00:09:42,450 (giggles) 207 00:09:42,475 --> 00:09:44,025 She sustained me. 208 00:09:44,064 --> 00:09:46,475 How Bartholomew Simpson wantonly 209 00:09:46,493 --> 00:09:48,895 egged this town with Milhouse aforethought. 210 00:09:48,929 --> 00:09:50,278 Now, hold on. 211 00:09:50,296 --> 00:09:53,043 Principal Skinner, are you wearing hard-soled shoes 212 00:09:53,061 --> 00:09:54,003 on this gym floor? 213 00:09:54,015 --> 00:09:55,726 No, ma'am. Sneakers. 214 00:09:55,776 --> 00:09:58,398 You're wearing sneakers to a trial? 215 00:09:58,417 --> 00:10:01,052 Oh, God, the press is gonna have a field day with this. 216 00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:02,579 Yay, field day! 217 00:10:02,597 --> 00:10:05,231 I can go cuckoo and no one can stop me! 218 00:10:05,266 --> 00:10:08,729 That's exactly what George W. Bush said when he was inaugurated. 219 00:10:08,763 --> 00:10:10,018 People don't remember that. 220 00:10:10,049 --> 00:10:11,262 This case is going great. 221 00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:14,564 Although as usual, I look nothing like the courtroom artist's drawing. 222 00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,050 BART: Nice try, Pop. 223 00:10:20,601 --> 00:10:22,178 Very dramatic, sir. 224 00:10:22,198 --> 00:10:24,371 A little more brooding, and... 225 00:10:24,602 --> 00:10:26,124 there's my superhero. 226 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,476 Now let's get you to bed and... 227 00:10:27,495 --> 00:10:29,010 Hist. Look there. 228 00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:32,828 This looks like a job for Fruit Bat Man. 229 00:10:32,857 --> 00:10:34,791 (screeches) 230 00:10:34,831 --> 00:10:36,698 Perhaps we should, uh, just call the police. 231 00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:37,940 The police? Bah! 232 00:10:37,962 --> 00:10:40,062 Every last man on the take. 233 00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:42,205 And I should know, because I'm on the give. 234 00:10:42,256 --> 00:10:44,316 I've never felt more alive! 235 00:10:46,752 --> 00:10:49,935 Look, I'll give you each $1,000 if you pretend to let 236 00:10:49,947 --> 00:10:51,986 that old man out there stop this crime. 237 00:10:52,111 --> 00:10:53,044 Mm. 238 00:10:54,271 --> 00:10:55,315 Mm. 239 00:10:55,436 --> 00:10:57,836 Feel the crumbling fist of justice! 240 00:10:57,867 --> 00:10:58,449 (grunts) 241 00:10:58,474 --> 00:10:59,374 Ouchers. 242 00:10:59,398 --> 00:11:00,876 Oh, dear. 243 00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:04,193 Who are you, mysterious octogenarian of the night? 244 00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:06,511 I am the squeak in the rafters, 245 00:11:06,547 --> 00:11:08,014 the flutter in the chimney, 246 00:11:08,048 --> 00:11:10,283 the tiny teeth marks in the peach. 247 00:11:10,317 --> 00:11:12,304 I am Fruit Bat Man. 248 00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:16,245 Now back to my natural realm, the inky night. 249 00:11:18,629 --> 00:11:20,011 D'oh! 250 00:11:21,526 --> 00:11:24,592 I'll just take one of these key chain penlights. 251 00:11:25,181 --> 00:11:26,750 You have to keep squeezing this thing? 252 00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:28,436 Who has the strength for that? 253 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,687 So when I came in, the Monday after Easter, 254 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,834 I noticed three dozen eggs missing. 255 00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:37,374 And do you think this boy took those eggs? 256 00:11:37,407 --> 00:11:40,243 Him? All he takes are sodas and desserts. 257 00:11:40,353 --> 00:11:42,051 Objection! Unhealthy! 258 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,054 But could Bart have gotten those eggs? 259 00:11:44,096 --> 00:11:45,028 No way. 260 00:11:45,059 --> 00:11:46,617 They were under lock and key. 261 00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:47,964 (gallery gasps) 262 00:11:48,235 --> 00:11:50,192 No one could have touched those eggs 263 00:11:50,217 --> 00:11:52,614 except me and the seagulls that laid them. 264 00:11:52,643 --> 00:11:54,143 No further questions. 265 00:11:55,729 --> 00:11:57,949 Ah, to be young and on trial. 266 00:11:57,998 --> 00:11:59,899 ♪ 267 00:12:17,351 --> 00:12:20,353 ♪ 268 00:12:28,597 --> 00:12:30,198 (yells gibberish) 269 00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:38,271 A toast to our enigmatic new protector, 270 00:12:38,292 --> 00:12:40,210 who certainly isn't me. 271 00:12:40,235 --> 00:12:41,902 Smithers, wink my eye. 272 00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,934 Want to hit the hot tub, Burnsie? 273 00:12:45,957 --> 00:12:47,431 Well, I hate to get all pruney, 274 00:12:47,449 --> 00:12:50,320 but heated tubbery is what we playboys do. 275 00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:52,977 Great work, everyone. That's a wrap. 276 00:12:54,922 --> 00:12:57,599 It's nice to make an old man feel good about himself. 277 00:12:57,661 --> 00:12:58,995 You said it. 278 00:13:00,665 --> 00:13:03,307 So Bart couldn't have taken the eggs. 279 00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:05,364 I was with him the whole weekend. 280 00:13:05,457 --> 00:13:08,336 You'd make up any lie for that Simpson boy, wouldn't you? 281 00:13:08,368 --> 00:13:11,137 Yeah, but I'd pee my pants. 282 00:13:11,171 --> 00:13:12,290 Nelson. 283 00:13:13,046 --> 00:13:14,595 Dry as a bone. 284 00:13:14,618 --> 00:13:15,584 (sighs) 285 00:13:16,438 --> 00:13:18,064 Now, that's what I call 286 00:13:18,082 --> 00:13:19,635 "legal briefs." 287 00:13:19,671 --> 00:13:20,785 Why are you here? 288 00:13:20,815 --> 00:13:23,016 I thought of the joke and rushed over. 289 00:13:23,599 --> 00:13:25,848 Your Honor, I think we've seen enough. 290 00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:28,067 I have demolished the prosecution's claims 291 00:13:28,085 --> 00:13:31,111 and made the prosecutor sweat through two shirts. 292 00:13:31,276 --> 00:13:33,045 I move that you dismiss this case 293 00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:35,479 and release this sweet, lovable boy. 294 00:13:35,534 --> 00:13:37,295 Motion denied. 295 00:13:37,307 --> 00:13:38,040 (gasps) 296 00:13:38,143 --> 00:13:38,976 Miss Simpson, 297 00:13:38,994 --> 00:13:41,812 your grandstanding summation contained a grievous error. 298 00:13:41,837 --> 00:13:43,899 By calling your brother sweet and lovable, 299 00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:45,704 you opened the door to testimony 300 00:13:45,716 --> 00:13:48,449 from anyone who doesn't think he's sweet and lovable. 301 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,334 The prosecution calls everyone in the world! 302 00:13:51,346 --> 00:13:53,347 (gallery gasps) 303 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:03,902 Mr. Szyslak, 304 00:14:03,922 --> 00:14:06,805 what name did the defendant ask for 305 00:14:06,817 --> 00:14:08,341 when he called you at your bar? 306 00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:09,828 He asked for, um... 307 00:14:09,903 --> 00:14:10,768 (clears throat) 308 00:14:10,818 --> 00:14:12,301 ...Mike Rotch. 309 00:14:12,365 --> 00:14:14,374 And then what did you say? 310 00:14:14,393 --> 00:14:16,360 Well, I said, um... 311 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,407 I said, "Mike Rotch." Um, 312 00:14:19,282 --> 00:14:21,104 "Mike Rotch." 313 00:14:21,198 --> 00:14:22,531 And then I... 314 00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:24,072 (sobbing): I'm sorry. 315 00:14:24,090 --> 00:14:25,777 Take all the time you need. 316 00:14:25,797 --> 00:14:28,711 I, uh, I, uh, I yelled out, 317 00:14:28,761 --> 00:14:31,830 "Has anybody seen Mike Rotch?" 318 00:14:31,883 --> 00:14:33,050 (gallery murmuring) 319 00:14:33,085 --> 00:14:34,852 See, they... (sobs) 320 00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:38,612 See, they thought I was asking if anybody wanted to see... 321 00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:40,300 my-my... 322 00:14:40,418 --> 00:14:43,553 Oh, man, this is so painful. 323 00:14:44,001 --> 00:14:46,442 (sobbing): My crotch. 324 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,714 (gallery gasps) 325 00:14:50,597 --> 00:14:52,458 Thank you for your bravery today. 326 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,357 I just had to make sure that he never did this to another bartender. 327 00:14:57,539 --> 00:14:59,988 Pass the gravy, Gloria All-Wrong. 328 00:15:00,012 --> 00:15:03,615 The trial's not over, and gravy is dead animal juice. 329 00:15:03,825 --> 00:15:05,245 Hmm? 330 00:15:06,501 --> 00:15:07,653 Hmm. 331 00:15:07,835 --> 00:15:11,122 Just remember this: a Simpson never gives up. 332 00:15:11,657 --> 00:15:13,736 (laughter) 333 00:15:13,826 --> 00:15:15,315 You got to be kidding! 334 00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:20,001 (knocking) 335 00:15:21,345 --> 00:15:22,845 (tires screech) 336 00:15:23,719 --> 00:15:24,531 (gasps) 337 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:25,370 A civilian. 338 00:15:25,387 --> 00:15:26,699 She mustn't know I'm a hero. 339 00:15:26,716 --> 00:15:28,010 Gouge her eyes out. 340 00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:30,436 Mr. Burns, 341 00:15:30,454 --> 00:15:33,893 I came here because my brother is about to be wrongfully convicted, 342 00:15:33,947 --> 00:15:35,514 and the man I'm looking for 343 00:15:35,542 --> 00:15:37,010 would help me find the truth. 344 00:15:37,038 --> 00:15:37,907 Don't you get it? 345 00:15:37,932 --> 00:15:39,918 I don't care who you are or what you want. 346 00:15:39,947 --> 00:15:40,914 (groans) 347 00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:42,801 Now get lost. 348 00:15:42,972 --> 00:15:44,172 (groans) 349 00:15:45,102 --> 00:15:47,170 I think you just sent away the first person 350 00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:49,160 you could have actually helped. 351 00:15:49,187 --> 00:15:50,792 What do you mean, "actually"? 352 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:54,089 I've punched out four Homer Simpson shaped burglars tonight alone. 353 00:15:54,165 --> 00:15:56,566 All those crooks were fakes, set up by me. 354 00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:57,382 (gasps) 355 00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:59,152 Even the Abominable Dr. Lenny? 356 00:15:59,171 --> 00:16:00,861 No, he was a happy accident. 357 00:16:00,906 --> 00:16:02,767 But the rest were fakes, just like you, 358 00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:04,738 a man who claims to be a hero but is nothing more 359 00:16:04,757 --> 00:16:07,297 than a fraud with a cute little bod. 360 00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:14,112 They're calling for you, sir, but who's gonna answer? 361 00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:17,613 MAN: Ah! 362 00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:19,634 What the hell is that?! 363 00:16:26,967 --> 00:16:29,908 And so I've learned that the only true Batmen 364 00:16:29,926 --> 00:16:32,162 are Christian Bale and Adam West. 365 00:16:32,564 --> 00:16:35,102 Why are you washing Bumblebee Man's pants? 366 00:16:35,126 --> 00:16:38,779 I volunteered to wash the egg stains off everyone's clothes. 367 00:16:38,828 --> 00:16:42,542 It's one of those things you say and hope nobody takes you up on it. 368 00:16:43,986 --> 00:16:45,161 - That's odd. - What's odd? 369 00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:46,442 This skirt has a small splatter. 370 00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:48,126 - Splatter? - Splatter as if the egg 371 00:16:48,144 --> 00:16:49,879 had been crushed against it by hand. 372 00:16:49,904 --> 00:16:51,981 - I don't follow. - Like someone faked being hit, 373 00:16:51,993 --> 00:16:53,209 so they wouldn't be a suspect. 374 00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:55,176 Interesting, except you missed one thing. 375 00:16:55,194 --> 00:16:56,689 What's that? It's not a skirt. 376 00:16:56,707 --> 00:16:58,281 It's a kilt! 377 00:17:03,126 --> 00:17:06,150 Oh, the wood chipper. Is there any sweeter music? 378 00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:07,976 MARGE: Why'd you do it, Willy? 379 00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:08,695 (screams) 380 00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,943 Because the world is better off with four fewer Welshmen! 381 00:17:12,188 --> 00:17:13,533 Wait, what are we talking about? 382 00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:15,978 This kilt says you framed my brother. 383 00:17:16,064 --> 00:17:16,940 Why? 384 00:17:16,958 --> 00:17:18,825 Because I hate Easter. 385 00:17:18,936 --> 00:17:21,940 You see, ladies, I'm not just a Presbyterian, 386 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,992 I'm a Scottish Old Believer Presbyterian! 387 00:17:26,325 --> 00:17:30,895 Old Believers don't recognize holidays not celebrated by the original apostles, 388 00:17:30,944 --> 00:17:33,376 especially one named after 389 00:17:33,395 --> 00:17:36,030 the pagan god, Eostre! 390 00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:38,055 But how did you get the key? 391 00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:40,351 I made sweet love to Lunchlady Dora, 392 00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:42,276 then copied the key as she slept. 393 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,129 (snoring, metal grinding) 394 00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:45,613 Hmm. Mm-hmm. 395 00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:48,403 Now, as for your evidence... 396 00:17:49,891 --> 00:17:51,926 (cackles) 397 00:17:52,176 --> 00:17:55,225 Behold, the pointed ears of justice. 398 00:17:57,181 --> 00:17:59,549 Ah! A human fruit bat! 399 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:02,880 (engine starts) 400 00:18:06,809 --> 00:18:07,750 (gasping) 401 00:18:07,768 --> 00:18:10,639 You're so light. It's like fighting a silk scarf! 402 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,343 Or a kimono sash! 403 00:18:12,389 --> 00:18:15,825 Yes, feel the weightless tickle of justice. 404 00:18:15,866 --> 00:18:16,900 (gasps) 405 00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:18,034 (screams) 406 00:18:20,549 --> 00:18:21,782 (engine chugging) 407 00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:29,150 Which side won? 408 00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:30,269 Good or evil? 409 00:18:30,285 --> 00:18:31,013 Good. 410 00:18:31,025 --> 00:18:32,921 And which side was I on? 411 00:18:32,956 --> 00:18:33,929 Also good. 412 00:18:33,953 --> 00:18:36,026 (chuckles): Well, there's two surprises. 413 00:18:36,931 --> 00:18:39,732 Will the defendant please rise? 414 00:18:40,255 --> 00:18:44,182 It's amazing how much exercise I've gotten from those words. 415 00:18:44,258 --> 00:18:45,527 MR. BURNS: Pause the inquisition! 416 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:46,624 (gallery gasps) 417 00:18:46,737 --> 00:18:49,637 Behold the real egg-flinging fiend. 418 00:18:49,667 --> 00:18:51,007 Aye, 'tis true. 419 00:18:51,053 --> 00:18:54,555 I pulled the prank, for some daft Scottish reason. 420 00:18:54,603 --> 00:18:58,523 I'd fire that man if he weren't so damned good at what he does. 421 00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:00,492 We have a school full of professionals, sir. 422 00:19:00,558 --> 00:19:02,257 Really? Where is that school? 423 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,626 Inside your head? 424 00:19:03,647 --> 00:19:07,150 Another mystery solved by Attorney General Janet Reno. 425 00:19:07,201 --> 00:19:08,355 Case dismissed. 426 00:19:08,436 --> 00:19:10,070 (cheering) 427 00:19:10,546 --> 00:19:12,047 You saved me, Lis. 428 00:19:12,081 --> 00:19:15,910 For the rest of my life, you'll always be my one phone call. 429 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:19,834 Aw, but I do hope you'll try to be good from now on. 430 00:19:19,865 --> 00:19:21,532 Don't need to; I got you. 431 00:19:21,569 --> 00:19:22,626 (gavel bangs) 432 00:19:22,664 --> 00:19:23,981 Children, let me be clear. 433 00:19:24,012 --> 00:19:25,492 Despite what happened here, 434 00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,854 last minute confessions, shackled Scotsman 435 00:19:27,873 --> 00:19:31,543 and meddling billionaires are not how the legal system works. 436 00:19:31,698 --> 00:19:33,277 Well, the last one is. 437 00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:35,243 Today, you were truly a hero. 438 00:19:35,290 --> 00:19:37,406 - Thank you. - Excellent. 439 00:19:37,454 --> 00:19:39,535 You know, if you're gonna be a hero, 440 00:19:39,566 --> 00:19:42,034 you might not want to tent your fingers like that. 441 00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:43,315 Is this better? 442 00:19:43,337 --> 00:19:45,805 Maybe you should wrap your hands behind your head. 443 00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:48,202 Maybe I should wrap them around your gabby little throat. 444 00:19:48,215 --> 00:19:51,184 Ah! Tenting, tenting! Back to the tenting! 445 00:19:51,713 --> 00:19:53,347 (phone ringing) 446 00:19:55,618 --> 00:19:56,585 Acquitted? 447 00:19:56,619 --> 00:19:58,302 Then my nightmare isn't over! 448 00:19:58,738 --> 00:19:59,763 (sobbing) 449 00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:01,965 (phone ringing, sobbing continues) 450 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:08,800 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 451 00:20:14,389 --> 00:20:18,294 Well, Fruit Bat Man, it seems you're no match for me, 452 00:20:18,324 --> 00:20:20,653 the Abominable Dr. Lenny! 453 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,188 (laughs maniacally) 454 00:20:28,277 --> 00:20:30,182 Gentlemen, this threat is too great 455 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,791 for just one elderly hero. 456 00:20:31,825 --> 00:20:33,926 We have no choice but to activate 457 00:20:33,948 --> 00:20:36,271 The Octogenarian Initiative. 458 00:20:36,671 --> 00:20:38,373 The Rambler... 459 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:41,864 And then there was the time I taught a dog to make oatmeal. 460 00:20:41,887 --> 00:20:42,853 (snoring) 461 00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:44,987 ...Early Bird, 462 00:20:46,493 --> 00:20:48,586 Hot Flash, 463 00:20:50,023 --> 00:20:52,135 Iron Lung. 464 00:20:53,021 --> 00:20:54,836 It is time to pull up... 465 00:20:54,898 --> 00:20:56,899 The Dependables. 466 00:21:01,285 --> 00:21:03,193 I open one, no trump. 467 00:21:03,211 --> 00:21:04,124 Double. 468 00:21:04,142 --> 00:21:07,099 You've just made a powerful enemy. 469 00:21:50,082 --> 00:21:51,294 Shh!