1
00:00:06,171 --> 00:00:08,005
(EXCLAIMING)
2
00:00:10,842 --> 00:00:13,478
(EXCLAIMING)
3
00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:15,580
- Hi.
- Hi.
4
00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:17,815
Say, are those flowers for your girlfriend?
5
00:00:17,883 --> 00:00:19,684
Actually, they're for my fiancée.
6
00:00:19,752 --> 00:00:22,220
She is so wonderful. We're getting
married in a couple of weeks,
7
00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:23,721
over at the...
8
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:31,763
Is there something I can do for you?
9
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:35,733
Yes. But we hardly know each other.
10
00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:38,803
Actually, I wanted to
order two-dozen white tulips
11
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:42,306
to be delivered to my
son, Maxwell Sheffield.
12
00:00:42,374 --> 00:00:44,909
Sorry. That woman has
the last of the tulips.
13
00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:46,010
Who?
14
00:00:46,078 --> 00:00:47,178
That girl.
15
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:56,188
I had my eye on those.
16
00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:58,956
Well, I had my eye on Antonio Banderas,
17
00:00:59,024 --> 00:01:02,394
but I ain't taking him home neither.
18
00:01:02,461 --> 00:01:05,630
Darling, what if I bought
you some plastic flowers
19
00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:09,133
to go with that petroleum
product you're wearing?
20
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:14,239
Well, as if the Brits are so stylish?
21
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:18,776
News flash, the royal wedding
pictures looked like Mama's Family.
22
00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:23,715
These New Yorkers are so pushy.
23
00:01:23,782 --> 00:01:25,550
Give me the damn tulips.
24
00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:28,786
Hey, my boss sent me out to
buy tulips for his mother,
25
00:01:28,854 --> 00:01:31,189
and I want the old bat to like me.
26
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,490
Give me that. Give me...
27
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,893
Oh, what are we fighting
about? You keep it.
28
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,227
There's a whole fresh batch
29
00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:39,464
right there in the refrigerator.
30
00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:41,566
In that case, you keep the wilted ones.
31
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,134
Fine.
32
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,512
* She was working in a
bridal shop in Flushing, Queens
33
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:55,947
* 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
34
00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:57,649
* in one of those crushing scenes
35
00:01:57,716 --> 00:01:59,417
* What was she to
do? Where was she to go?
36
00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:02,721
* She was out on her fanny
37
00:02:02,788 --> 00:02:05,390
* So over the bridge from
Flushing to the Sheffield's door
38
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,026
* She was there to sell
makeup, but the father saw more
39
00:02:08,093 --> 00:02:10,194
* She had style! She
had flair! She was there!
40
00:02:10,262 --> 00:02:13,631
* That's how she became the nanny!
41
00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:16,568
* Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
42
00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:19,103
* was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?
43
00:02:19,171 --> 00:02:20,171
* Now the father finds her beguiling
44
00:02:20,239 --> 00:02:21,505
* Watch out, C.C.!
45
00:02:21,573 --> 00:02:23,207
* And the kids are actually smiling
46
00:02:23,275 --> 00:02:24,676
* Such joie de vivre!
47
00:02:24,743 --> 00:02:29,814
* She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan
48
00:02:29,882 --> 00:02:31,849
* The flashy girl from Flushing
49
00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:33,651
* The nanny named Fran!
50
00:02:33,652 --> 00:02:36,952
- provided by icephoenix / corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:41,826
Niles, when I meet Mr. Sheffield's
mother, do I gotta curtsy?
52
00:02:41,894 --> 00:02:45,162
Because if I do, this
skirt turns into a tube top.
53
00:02:46,832 --> 00:02:49,234
Oh, I'm sure you're exaggerating,
54
00:02:49,301 --> 00:02:50,868
but go ahead, try.
55
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,238
Bad butler.
56
00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:56,507
Anyway, I think it's gorgeous.
57
00:02:56,575 --> 00:02:58,576
If she doesn't like it,
tough. I'm not changing again.
58
00:02:58,643 --> 00:03:00,644
Oh, Miss Fine, is that what you're wearing?
59
00:03:00,712 --> 00:03:02,180
Hell, no.
60
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:03,647
Thank you.
61
00:03:03,715 --> 00:03:05,016
My mother derives sustenance
62
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,085
from criticizing everything in my life.
63
00:03:07,152 --> 00:03:09,053
Yeah? So? Oh, I keep forgetting.
64
00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:10,522
You're not Jewish.
65
00:03:12,691 --> 00:03:14,459
Maxwell, your adversarial relationship
66
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,194
with your mother is your own fault.
67
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,696
I find I catch more flies with honey.
68
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:21,365
I always thought your tongue darted out.
69
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:23,802
(DOORBELL RINGS)
70
00:03:28,273 --> 00:03:29,540
Hello, Mother.
71
00:03:29,608 --> 00:03:30,841
Hello, darling.
72
00:03:32,010 --> 00:03:33,478
Oh, look at you.
73
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,780
The spitting image of your father.
74
00:03:35,847 --> 00:03:38,683
Same eyes, same smile.
75
00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:41,952
All that's missing is the
naked secretary in your bed,
76
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:44,922
wearing my pearls.
77
00:03:47,326 --> 00:03:49,293
It's so wonderful to see you again, madam.
78
00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:50,695
Liar.
79
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,898
Niles, where are your tails?
80
00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:56,534
He had them cropped when they did his ears.
81
00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:02,139
Oh, C.C., you're a stitch. I missed you.
82
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,411
Maxwell, you should have
her write a comedy for you.
83
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:09,513
God knows you need a hit.
84
00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:14,419
Shall I poison them at supper, sir?
85
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,455
Niles!
86
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,024
It's two hours away.
87
00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:23,027
Oh, Elizabeth, I can't wait to tell you
88
00:04:23,095 --> 00:04:25,863
all the exciting things
that are going on in my life.
89
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:28,099
Right after I visit the powder room, dear.
90
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,868
Oh, please, she'll be
done before you get there.
91
00:04:35,107 --> 00:04:36,474
Is this any better?
92
00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:38,543
This skirt's a designer label.
93
00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:41,179
The label's lovely. Where's the rest of it?
94
00:04:42,347 --> 00:04:43,914
Oh, I got your mother a little present.
95
00:04:43,982 --> 00:04:46,817
And lucky for you, I
think I left it upstairs.
96
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:52,257
Oh, I forgot my handbag.
97
00:04:52,324 --> 00:04:56,127
Oh, you know, on second thought,
I think it's in the kitchen.
98
00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:01,833
(CAR HORN HONKING)
99
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:05,636
Oh, I brought my chauffeur over with me.
100
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:07,505
I'll just tell him to go.
101
00:05:07,572 --> 00:05:09,540
When did you hire a new driver?
102
00:05:09,608 --> 00:05:12,409
When your father hired a new secretary.
103
00:05:14,546 --> 00:05:16,180
Jean Luc.
104
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:21,553
I had Grandma Yetta make your
mother her famous prune Danish.
105
00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:23,388
I figured, you know, with all the flying,
106
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,990
the change in water, she could use it.
107
00:05:26,058 --> 00:05:28,025
That's a lovely thought, Miss Fine.
108
00:05:28,093 --> 00:05:31,062
But my mother's not really
the prune Danish type.
109
00:05:31,129 --> 00:05:34,566
Oh, well, she will be after
she eats Ma's stuffed derma.
110
00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:35,667
(DOORBELL RINGS)
111
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,301
Oh, I'll get it.
112
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,040
You? You?
113
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,775
What are you, nuts?
114
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,543
You followed me home?
115
00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:47,478
What kind of a psycho case are you?
116
00:05:47,546 --> 00:05:49,914
Would you get a life, you fruit cake?
117
00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:58,957
Do you know who that weirdo was?
118
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:02,393
That's my mother.
119
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:07,631
Do you think she liked me?
120
00:06:13,438 --> 00:06:15,807
Turn around. Let's see how you look.
121
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:22,179
Isn't it wonderful? We could be twins.
122
00:06:23,749 --> 00:06:26,116
Margaret, do take that off. You look 50.
123
00:06:29,554 --> 00:06:33,557
Grandma, Fran and I sort
of have a shopping routine.
124
00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:36,961
You see, I buy outfits I actually like,
125
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:40,064
and she looks for a husband
in the men's department.
126
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:46,004
Darling, I know you prefer
a more plunging neckline,
127
00:06:46,071 --> 00:06:47,772
but don't you think we should wait
128
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,574
until you have something
more to plunge into?
129
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:53,912
Oh, God!
130
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,482
You're so good with her.
131
00:07:00,552 --> 00:07:01,986
C.C., I'm really worried
132
00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:05,022
about this... this nanny
that Maxwell's hired.
133
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:09,327
So am I, but I don't want to say anything,
134
00:07:09,361 --> 00:07:11,963
except she's a low-life gold digger
135
00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,531
who's trying to move in on the family.
136
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,566
Did I tell you she has designs on Maxwell?
137
00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:17,868
Oh, please, C.C.
138
00:07:17,936 --> 00:07:20,338
Maxwell would never fall
for a trollop like that.
139
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:22,607
If he's anything like his father...
140
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:27,245
Oh, God.
141
00:07:27,312 --> 00:07:31,315
Well, let's just pray that she'll
take good care of the children.
142
00:07:32,551 --> 00:07:34,852
All right, honey. Just
ho... hold up your nose.
143
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,287
You're leaving a trail of blood
144
00:07:36,354 --> 00:07:38,489
even the O.J. jury couldn't ignore.
145
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,758
Lord, what happened?
146
00:07:40,826 --> 00:07:41,959
We won.
147
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,194
C.C., call the doctor.
148
00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:47,098
Oh, no. It's okay. The
coach said he's fine.
149
00:07:47,165 --> 00:07:48,899
Just to watch out if he vomits
150
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:50,768
or falls for no reason.
151
00:07:50,836 --> 00:07:53,337
Okay, sweetie, go upstairs
and get cleaned up.
152
00:07:53,404 --> 00:07:56,674
But scream if your shoulder
blade pops out again.
153
00:07:58,510 --> 00:08:00,011
You know, just forget what I said.
154
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:03,214
If you had Maxwell fire
her, I'd just hate myself.
155
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,282
(POPPING)
156
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,152
Miss Fine.
157
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,253
Yes?
158
00:08:09,321 --> 00:08:12,223
Where were you when the boy was brutalized?
159
00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:15,193
I was schmearing eggs
on the other team's bus.
160
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,263
Oh, look, when did you two get so thick?
161
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:22,066
Oh, well, for me, it
happened around the 14th,
162
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:25,202
but she must have had
salty nuts on the plane.
163
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:30,741
Maxwell, do do up your... your shirt.
164
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:33,277
I can't distinguish you from the servants.
165
00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:36,214
Oh, that's easy. I'm the
one who's actually working.
166
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:41,719
Oh, that's a good one.
167
00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:43,020
I can't wait to tell Niles
168
00:08:43,088 --> 00:08:45,990
when he comes back from the track.
169
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:49,660
Mother, do you mind? It's hot in my office.
170
00:08:49,728 --> 00:08:53,330
Oh, I don't remember coming in there.
171
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,400
You know, sometimes Miss Fine
172
00:08:56,468 --> 00:08:59,971
sits on the edge of my
desk in one of her outfits.
173
00:09:04,576 --> 00:09:07,011
Yes, well, carry on.
174
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:10,248
Oh, is he adorable or what?
175
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,682
Boy, when he was a little baby,
176
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,452
how did you keep from biting his tushy?
177
00:09:17,622 --> 00:09:20,291
I guess that prune
Danish didn't kick in yet.
178
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:23,428
Bad news, sir.
179
00:09:23,495 --> 00:09:25,330
I'm afraid there's been an emergency.
180
00:09:25,397 --> 00:09:29,133
Your mother's been called back to
London and is packing as we speak.
181
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,267
Really?
182
00:09:35,407 --> 00:09:37,341
Early April Fool's, sir.
183
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:44,782
Not funny, Niles.
184
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,785
This is not a good day to tease me.
185
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:50,421
Miss Babcock never made it to the theater.
186
00:09:50,488 --> 00:09:52,991
- I'm afraid she's missing.
- Really?
187
00:09:54,325 --> 00:09:56,761
April Fool's to the second power.
188
00:10:00,832 --> 00:10:05,369
Mine was funny, sir.
That's just plain cruel.
189
00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:07,705
Maxwell, I have something
to discuss with you.
190
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,975
Oh, Mother, much as I'd
love to stay and chat,
191
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:14,045
I'm afraid I have a meeting with...
192
00:10:14,746 --> 00:10:15,947
Ethel Merman.
193
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:18,015
Yes.
194
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:21,552
And I may be a while because she's dead.
195
00:10:25,523 --> 00:10:27,791
Then I'd better go cancel, sir.
196
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:33,230
Maxwell, I'd like to dismiss your nanny.
197
00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:35,265
Don't you mean discuss, mother?
198
00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:37,067
No.
199
00:10:37,135 --> 00:10:41,205
Mother, why this sudden
interest in my life, hmm?
200
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:43,140
Did your poodle die?
201
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:47,612
Well, about this nanny,
202
00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,615
I think she has far too much
influence over the children.
203
00:10:50,682 --> 00:10:53,651
I can assure you, Mother,
I don't know what you mean.
204
00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:04,262
Daddy, look at me. Who am I?
205
00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:06,330
(IMITATING FRAN LAUGHING)
206
00:11:10,802 --> 00:11:13,638
That's very nice,
sweetheart. Now go change.
207
00:11:13,705 --> 00:11:15,672
I can't. I'm playing doctor.
208
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:16,941
(EXCLAIMING)
209
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,609
Are you married?
210
00:11:27,051 --> 00:11:29,887
Maxwell, let me make myself quite clear.
211
00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:31,789
I know that there's something going on
212
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,591
between you and this nanny person,
213
00:11:33,658 --> 00:11:35,292
and I will not allow it.
214
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,128
Mother, there is nothing
going on between...
215
00:11:38,196 --> 00:11:39,396
Wait a minute.
216
00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:41,031
What do you mean you won't allow it?
217
00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:43,300
You are a Sheffield, dear.
218
00:11:43,368 --> 00:11:45,836
This woman's not of our class.
219
00:11:45,904 --> 00:11:48,472
Oh, that is preposterous.
220
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:51,208
Knock, knock. Oh, you've gotta see this.
221
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:54,612
Hello, Dolly! spelled out in Spaghettios.
222
00:11:57,715 --> 00:12:01,919
I swear, it poured right out of the can.
223
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:04,688
I mean, is that freaky or what?
224
00:12:07,091 --> 00:12:10,694
Maxwell, if you pursue this...
225
00:12:10,762 --> 00:12:12,630
that... that,
226
00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:15,832
I will have no choice
but to disinherit you.
227
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:18,836
Well, I don't need your money,
Mother, or your approval.
228
00:12:18,903 --> 00:12:20,804
And I'll do whatever
the bloody hell I like.
229
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:23,474
Oh, don't talk to your mother like that.
230
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:27,745
Miss Fine, will you marry me?
231
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:29,013
What?
232
00:12:32,684 --> 00:12:33,918
Are you out of your...
233
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:38,055
Oh, let him get a word in edgewise, lady.
234
00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:41,124
Maxwell, stop making a
spectacle of yourself.
235
00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:43,828
Oh... oh, did you think
that was a spectacle?
236
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,063
Oh, no, Mother.
237
00:12:46,131 --> 00:12:47,498
This is.
238
00:13:00,178 --> 00:13:03,948
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, marry you?
239
00:13:04,015 --> 00:13:05,816
Oh, this is all so sudden.
240
00:13:05,884 --> 00:13:09,019
I mean, I'm really gonna
have to think about... okay.
241
00:13:21,499 --> 00:13:22,667
Oh, God, Niles,
242
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:25,102
I've really done it this time.
243
00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:27,171
You're not gonna believe what I just did.
244
00:13:27,238 --> 00:13:29,906
You mean your attempt to get back at
your mother for missing you in Hamlet
245
00:13:29,974 --> 00:13:31,609
by asking Miss Fine to
marry you in front of her,
246
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:34,345
resulting in Miss Fine
skipping from the room
247
00:13:36,548 --> 00:13:39,183
singing, "Sadie, Sadie, married lady"?
248
00:13:42,654 --> 00:13:46,423
Cleaning the intercom with that big,
fat nosey ear of yours again, Niles?
249
00:13:46,491 --> 00:13:48,626
No, sir. I just guessed.
250
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:53,463
You mean I'm right?
251
00:13:53,531 --> 00:13:56,333
I don't know what came over
me. I mean, what am I gonna do?
252
00:13:56,401 --> 00:13:59,269
Well, I'm afraid you've got no choice,
sir. You have to marry Miss Fine.
253
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:01,238
You'll honeymoon in Provence.
254
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,876
I'll make the reservation.
255
00:14:05,944 --> 00:14:08,378
Whatever my mother says,
I have to do the opposite.
256
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:10,781
You see, I'm not happy unless I defy her.
257
00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:12,917
Well, she deserves it, sir. Punish her.
258
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:14,151
Rub her nose in it.
259
00:14:14,218 --> 00:14:16,153
Oh, bonjour.
260
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:18,356
Hang up, man. I'm not
going through with it.
261
00:14:18,423 --> 00:14:20,724
Oh, you stupid fool.
262
00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:23,461
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
263
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:27,097
The French, sir.
264
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,334
What a rotten thing to do,
265
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:33,738
dragging Miss Fine into
the middle of all this.
266
00:14:33,805 --> 00:14:35,773
Poor thing has a crush on me as it is.
267
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,941
Oh, she does, does she?
268
00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:40,778
Oh, come on, man, wouldn't you?
269
00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:48,052
Yes, well, you've always been
the sunshine of my life, sir.
270
00:14:49,921 --> 00:14:51,422
Oh, I don't know, Niles.
271
00:14:51,489 --> 00:14:53,223
Maybe I'm making too much of all this.
272
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:54,591
I mean, surely she must realize
273
00:14:54,659 --> 00:14:57,494
I just blurted it out in
the heat of the moment.
274
00:14:57,562 --> 00:15:00,831
Yes, she couldn't possibly
have taken me seriously.
275
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:09,006
Now, Ma, I want the
wedding to be really classy.
276
00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:12,042
So don't invite anyone from our side.
277
00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:15,146
Oh, Fran, these invitations are gorgeous.
278
00:15:15,213 --> 00:15:16,247
Invitations?
279
00:15:16,314 --> 00:15:18,048
Ma, I called you two hours ago
280
00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:20,351
and said I was getting married.
281
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:23,453
Sweetheart, I have been
preparing for this moment
282
00:15:23,521 --> 00:15:26,824
since before your embryo had a yolk sac.
283
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:32,963
Let's go over the wedding
list that we made out together.
284
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:34,498
Okay.
285
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,968
(ALL COUGHING)
286
00:15:40,271 --> 00:15:42,072
Dead. Dead.
287
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:46,243
Dead. Any minute now.
288
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:49,647
Oh, Ma, gee, this affair might end up
289
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:51,215
being cheaper than we thought.
290
00:15:51,282 --> 00:15:54,652
Maybe you could spring for
the double-stuffed potato.
291
00:15:56,688 --> 00:15:57,988
Do you still want to dance
292
00:15:58,056 --> 00:16:00,658
your first dance to Sexual Healing?
293
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:02,827
Oh, no, no.
294
00:16:02,894 --> 00:16:05,562
I filled that out, like, 20 years ago.
295
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:08,165
Let's go with Play That
Funky Music White Boy.
296
00:16:13,471 --> 00:16:17,041
Meanwhile, my gown looks gorgeous on you.
297
00:16:17,108 --> 00:16:21,645
Can you believe that I was
that size when I was your age?
298
00:16:21,712 --> 00:16:24,014
Yeah, well, let's not tell Mr. Sheffield.
299
00:16:24,082 --> 00:16:26,283
No reason to give him a crystal ball.
300
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:35,425
Oh, by the way, Ma, you know,
301
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:36,894
Daddy's gotta give me away.
302
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:39,063
So you better get his good
hair out of the fur vault.
303
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,430
All right.
304
00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:45,068
Oh, Morty,
305
00:16:45,136 --> 00:16:48,905
could you stop sucking the
chocolate off the Raisinets?
306
00:16:52,844 --> 00:16:55,045
Remember?
307
00:16:55,113 --> 00:16:57,781
Oh, Fran, you and Mr. Sheffield.
308
00:16:57,849 --> 00:16:59,449
This is like a fairy tale.
309
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:01,518
I know. Isn't it great?
310
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:02,953
And it's so sudden.
311
00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:04,988
You don't even call each
other by your first names.
312
00:17:05,056 --> 00:17:07,658
And boom! He pops the question.
313
00:17:07,725 --> 00:17:09,593
I know. Isn't it great?
314
00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:13,597
And what's amazing is that he
asked you in front of his mother.
315
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:14,999
You said they didn't get along
316
00:17:15,066 --> 00:17:17,101
and that he would do anything to spite her.
317
00:17:17,168 --> 00:17:20,537
My God, Val, Mr. Sheffield proposed to me
318
00:17:20,605 --> 00:17:22,506
just to get even with his mother.
319
00:17:22,573 --> 00:17:24,542
Oh, wow!
320
00:17:25,543 --> 00:17:27,477
Good thing she showed up, huh?
321
00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:33,917
Val, I can't marry someone
under false pretenses.
322
00:17:33,984 --> 00:17:35,385
You can't?
323
00:17:35,453 --> 00:17:38,355
Gee, you think you know a person.
324
00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:39,889
So what are you gonna do?
325
00:17:39,957 --> 00:17:42,626
What any woman in my position would do.
326
00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:44,994
I'm gonna screw with his head so bad
327
00:17:45,062 --> 00:17:47,331
he's gonna look like Mister Softee.
328
00:17:56,908 --> 00:17:58,742
- Hello, darling.
- I just...
329
00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:03,647
Miss Fine, I mean, Fran. I mean...
330
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,782
Oh, what difference does
it make what you call me?
331
00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:08,819
After the honeymoon night,
it's just gonna be...
332
00:18:08,886 --> 00:18:10,421
(GROWLING)
333
00:18:11,789 --> 00:18:14,224
Oh, I'm so glad you got my message.
334
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,327
I really wanted to see you.
335
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:17,661
Uh, Miss Fine...
336
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:19,997
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
337
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:23,166
you want to play that game. Okay.
338
00:18:23,234 --> 00:18:26,003
You're the boss, and I'm the nanny.
339
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:30,540
You give me a raise, and I'll give you one.
340
00:18:31,609 --> 00:18:33,010
Stop it!
341
00:18:34,846 --> 00:18:37,280
Stop it, Miss Fine. We're
in your mother's house.
342
00:18:37,348 --> 00:18:39,583
So? The couch has protection.
343
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,921
Miss Fine, there's
something I have to tell you.
344
00:18:44,989 --> 00:18:47,591
Oh, I knew it. I knew it.
345
00:18:47,658 --> 00:18:49,192
Are you very upset with me?
346
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:52,196
No. I want my parents
to move in with us, too.
347
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:54,498
Oh, Morty. Did you hear that?
348
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:57,401
We're moving on up to the east side.
349
00:19:00,071 --> 00:19:01,638
No, no, no, Sylvia.
350
00:19:01,706 --> 00:19:03,973
Uh, I... I was just trying
to explain to Miss Fine...
351
00:19:04,041 --> 00:19:07,611
Sylvia? Why so formal? Call me Ma.
352
00:19:07,678 --> 00:19:09,012
We're family.
353
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,681
(SPEAKING YIDDISH)
354
00:19:12,783 --> 00:19:16,419
Oh, sweetheart, I'm
gonna make you so happy.
355
00:19:16,487 --> 00:19:18,188
The first thing you hear in the morning
356
00:19:18,256 --> 00:19:22,326
and the last thing you hear
at night is gonna be my voice.
357
00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:24,828
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
358
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:28,632
Oh, look who's here.
359
00:19:32,937 --> 00:19:34,838
Wait, I schmeared you.
360
00:19:38,042 --> 00:19:39,909
Mother, what are you doing here?
361
00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:42,446
Well, I invited her, honey.
362
00:19:42,513 --> 00:19:45,215
Come on in. We gotta get
to know each other better.
363
00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:46,683
Sit down, Ma.
364
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,118
And if you stick to the plastic,
365
00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:51,021
don't get up quick
unless you need a waxing.
366
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,659
Would you like to take
off your shoes, honey?
367
00:19:56,727 --> 00:20:00,397
I got a bunch of slippers from TWA.
368
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:02,432
No, no, no. Thank you so much.
369
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:06,336
I've got something far more
comforting from the Concorde.
370
00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:13,843
Maxwell,
371
00:20:13,911 --> 00:20:16,880
I only came here because
I know what you're up to.
372
00:20:16,947 --> 00:20:19,282
A mother doesn't raise
a son for the four years
373
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:22,886
before boarding school
and come away with nothing.
374
00:20:22,954 --> 00:20:25,555
Oh, that was you for those four years?
375
00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:30,059
I thought it was Niles
disguised as Kim Novak.
376
00:20:30,127 --> 00:20:34,064
Maxwell, just admit that you're
marrying this girl to spite me.
377
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:38,068
Oh, hey, now, wait a minute there, Ma.
378
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,203
I've lived with this man for three years,
379
00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:44,208
and there's no way that he
would ever use me like that
380
00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:48,645
or play with my feelings
or hurt me so deeply
381
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:53,616
that only a Caribbean
cruise could make up for it.
382
00:20:56,587 --> 00:20:59,723
Well, you obviously don't know
how much my son detests me.
383
00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:02,659
Go on, Maxwell, tell her.
384
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:05,595
Oh, I don't detest you, Mother.
385
00:21:05,663 --> 00:21:08,465
I don't know you well enough.
386
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,834
All I do know is you made me angry enough
387
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:13,670
to hurt someone I care very deeply about.
388
00:21:15,105 --> 00:21:17,975
Oh, you're so right, Maxwell.
389
00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:21,912
We've never been close. We don't talk.
390
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,880
Perhaps we could work on that.
391
00:21:23,948 --> 00:21:25,381
(CAR HORN HONKING)
392
00:21:25,449 --> 00:21:27,518
But not now, darling.
393
00:21:27,585 --> 00:21:29,520
Jean Luc is waiting for me.
394
00:21:31,989 --> 00:21:35,426
So all this was just to torture me?
395
00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:36,760
Yeah.
396
00:21:38,028 --> 00:21:40,497
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
397
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:47,371
Miss Fine, I'm... I'm sorry
to have done this to you.
398
00:21:47,438 --> 00:21:50,841
But believe me, if I was going
to marry anyone in the world
399
00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:54,077
to make my mother
miserable, it would be you.
400
00:21:54,545 --> 00:21:57,614
Oh, how sweet.
401
00:21:57,681 --> 00:21:59,883
There must be something I
can do to make it up to you.
402
00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:02,119
- No, there's really not.
- No, please, I insist. Anything.
403
00:22:02,186 --> 00:22:04,254
- Come on, you're insulting me.
- Are you sure?
404
00:22:04,322 --> 00:22:06,023
Well, maybe three things.
405
00:22:06,090 --> 00:22:08,091
Don't tell Miss Babcock for 48 hours.
406
00:22:08,159 --> 00:22:10,394
I promised Niles.
407
00:22:10,461 --> 00:22:14,797
Oh, and someone's gonna have to tell Ma.
408
00:22:14,865 --> 00:22:17,534
I figured you'd wanna do that personally.
409
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:21,271
And then the third thing is,
well, you can return this.
410
00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:24,474
It's what I was gonna wear
on our honeymoon night.
411
00:22:24,542 --> 00:22:26,943
There's nothing in here but lip gloss.
412
00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:32,249
Suffer.
413
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:46,250
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