1
00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:05,670
Miss Fine, some mail came for you.
2
00:00:05,737 --> 00:00:07,405
A male? Well, who is he?
3
00:00:07,473 --> 00:00:09,507
What does he look like?
Did you let him get away?
4
00:00:09,575 --> 00:00:11,676
Miss Fine, this kind of mail.
5
00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,545
Oh, well, I know him.
6
00:00:13,612 --> 00:00:14,612
Bill.
7
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,983
Look at this, something from Danny.
8
00:00:19,051 --> 00:00:21,786
Oh, my ex-fiance's baby was born.
9
00:00:21,853 --> 00:00:26,157
Oh. Look at that head of hair.
10
00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:28,360
Oh, my God, it's not his head.
11
00:00:29,895 --> 00:00:33,097
Well, at least Danny can be sure it's his.
12
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,000
Oh, Niles, you ever think
about having a kid of your own,
13
00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:37,802
someone that you could take care of,
14
00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:39,537
put to bed at night,
15
00:00:39,605 --> 00:00:42,073
rub Vicks on his little
chest when he's sick?
16
00:00:42,141 --> 00:00:43,808
I already have one.
17
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,012
Isn't he adorable?
18
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:49,915
(SIGHING)
19
00:00:49,982 --> 00:00:51,950
- Miss Fine, are you all right?
- Oh, yeah.
20
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,919
I just thought that by this
age I'd have a child of my own.
21
00:00:54,986 --> 00:00:56,421
And maybe if I hadn't dumped Danny,
22
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:59,290
this little Chia Pet could have been mine.
23
00:00:59,358 --> 00:01:02,227
Miss Fine, you still have
plenty of time to have children.
24
00:01:02,294 --> 00:01:03,928
Meanwhile, there's an expiration date
25
00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:05,496
stamped on my eggs,
26
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,499
"Best if used before you start
looking like your mother."
27
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:11,269
You know, he's really not so bad.
28
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,438
A lot of women like hairy men.
29
00:01:13,505 --> 00:01:15,140
What's his name?
30
00:01:15,207 --> 00:01:16,608
Let me see.
31
00:01:16,675 --> 00:01:18,209
Uh-oh. Judy.
32
00:01:23,549 --> 00:01:26,384
* She was working in a
bridal shop in Flushing, Queens
33
00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:27,885
* 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
34
00:01:27,953 --> 00:01:29,354
* in one of those crushing scenes
35
00:01:29,421 --> 00:01:31,356
* What was she to
do? Where was she to go?
36
00:01:31,423 --> 00:01:34,658
* She was out on her fanny
37
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:37,228
* So over the bridge from
Flushing to the Sheffield's door
38
00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:39,798
* She was there to sell
makeup, but the father saw more
39
00:01:39,865 --> 00:01:41,900
* She had style! She
had flair! She was there!
40
00:01:41,967 --> 00:01:45,637
* That's how she became the nanny!
41
00:01:45,704 --> 00:01:48,339
* Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
42
00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:50,909
* was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?
43
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,076
* Now the father finds her beguiling
44
00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:53,444
* Watch out, C.C.!
45
00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:54,879
* And the kids are actually smiling
46
00:01:54,947 --> 00:01:56,381
* Such joie de vivre!
47
00:01:56,448 --> 00:02:01,720
* She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan
48
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:03,788
* The flashy girl from Flushing
49
00:02:03,856 --> 00:02:06,090
* The nanny named Fran!
50
00:02:06,091 --> 00:02:08,533
- provided by icephoenix / corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:11,029
Oh, Niles, look at this little grooming set
52
00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,531
that I put together for Danny's baby.
53
00:02:13,598 --> 00:02:17,268
It's got a little comb and a
little brush and an Epilady junior.
54
00:02:20,138 --> 00:02:23,374
Oh, I'm just so jealous.
55
00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:24,709
You know, Miss Fine, I can't see why
56
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:27,445
this picture makes you yearn for a child.
57
00:02:27,513 --> 00:02:30,348
I could see a Lhasa apso.
58
00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:34,085
Oh, stop, stop. It's not nice.
59
00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:37,321
Miss Fine, I don't think
I tell you often enough
60
00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:40,191
what a wonderful job you're doing.
61
00:02:40,259 --> 00:02:43,628
So, I've got a little gift
certificate here from Saks.
62
00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:47,132
I want you to take the afternoon
off and have a shopping spree.
63
00:02:47,199 --> 00:02:50,335
- Somebody famous coming over this afternoon?
- Uh-huh.
64
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:53,605
- Trying to get rid of me?
- Desperately.
65
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:58,009
Oh, are you still upset about
that Charlton Heston thing?
66
00:02:58,077 --> 00:02:59,844
I mean, so I went for a lock of his hair.
67
00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:02,580
How was I to know the
whole thing would come off?
68
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,651
Please, Miss Fine.
69
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,120
It doesn't matter. I'm very busy today.
70
00:03:09,154 --> 00:03:11,456
I have to go buy my
mother a birthday present,
71
00:03:11,523 --> 00:03:14,693
take Brighton to the orthodontist,
get tights for Gracie,
72
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,429
- visit Grandma Yetta at the home.
- Good.
73
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,131
(DOORBELL RINGS)
74
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:24,002
All of which I can do after
I meet the famous person.
75
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,247
Oh, my God!
76
00:03:36,314 --> 00:03:38,416
It's Monica Baker, the movie star.
77
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,418
I just love you.
78
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:43,788
Well, then we have a lot in common.
79
00:03:46,925 --> 00:03:49,326
I have followed your entire career.
80
00:03:49,394 --> 00:03:51,328
Your affair with the Baldwin brothers,
81
00:03:51,396 --> 00:03:52,563
the Bridges,
82
00:03:52,631 --> 00:03:55,133
and oh, I almost left
out the Sheen brothers.
83
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,336
I wish I had.
84
00:03:58,403 --> 00:04:01,139
Fran, I'm asking Alison to
the Thanksgiving Day parade.
85
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:03,341
Does "Eat dirt and die" mean no?
86
00:04:03,408 --> 00:04:05,777
Oh, give me the phone.
87
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:07,412
Hi, Alison. Yeah.
88
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:10,081
I hear you're going to
the parade with Brad Pitt.
89
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:11,216
No?
90
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:13,517
Well, how about Johnny Depp? No?
91
00:04:13,585 --> 00:04:17,021
Well, honey, aren't you just
being a little too cocky?
92
00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,058
Uh-huh.
93
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,893
She's desperate. She'll go out with anyone.
94
00:04:23,562 --> 00:04:25,863
- I love you.
- I love you more.
95
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:31,769
Did I mention that I'm a famous movie star
96
00:04:31,837 --> 00:04:33,537
just standing here like a lump?
97
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:37,775
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Come this way.
98
00:04:37,843 --> 00:04:38,943
Cute son.
99
00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:41,379
Oh, he's not my kid. I'm the nanny.
100
00:04:41,446 --> 00:04:43,147
If he were my son, he'd have big hair
101
00:04:43,215 --> 00:04:45,483
and be a lifetime member
of Weight Watchers.
102
00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:50,488
I just left my baby, Zack, with his nanny.
103
00:04:50,555 --> 00:04:54,025
Oh, everybody has a baby.
104
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:57,695
Look, my ex-boyfriend Danny
and his wife just had one.
105
00:04:57,763 --> 00:04:59,097
She's not breastfeeding, though.
106
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,599
The kid's on a low silicone diet.
107
00:05:03,468 --> 00:05:07,204
Oh, isn't it dangerous to have
that puppy right on top of the baby?
108
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:12,009
I know. As much as I wanna have a kid,
109
00:05:12,077 --> 00:05:13,277
something tells me I was better off
110
00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:15,880
not dipping into that gene pool.
111
00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:18,750
- I went to a sperm bank.
- Wow!
112
00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:21,786
Husbands just get in the
way of dating, big time.
113
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:24,823
Oh. No.
114
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:26,891
I don't feel that way.
115
00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:30,094
I want to marry a guy, get pregnant,
116
00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:31,963
and have someone to blame for making me
117
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,132
swell and vomit for nine months.
118
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,600
Well, I thought so, too,
119
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,002
but I decided that I wanted to have a baby
120
00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:40,038
before I started looking like my mother.
121
00:05:42,073 --> 00:05:44,742
Uh, about this sperm bank,
do they have an express line?
122
00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:47,178
Well, it's really quite simple.
123
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:50,414
For a donor, I chose a rugged outdoorsman
124
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:54,051
with a passion for dirt
biking and fixing cars.
125
00:05:54,119 --> 00:05:56,520
Oh, do they have any Jewish guys?
126
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:06,230
Fran, are you sure this is
how the pilgrims dressed?
127
00:06:06,298 --> 00:06:07,799
Oh, honey,
128
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:15,740
I didn't get enough material.
129
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:18,342
So, they'll call her the mayflower madam.
130
00:06:19,778 --> 00:06:21,846
Look at you, sewing kids' costumes.
131
00:06:21,913 --> 00:06:24,549
Oh, you're gonna make such a good mother.
132
00:06:24,616 --> 00:06:26,451
Oh, thank you.
133
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:28,786
What do you think, baby?
Am I gonna be a good mommy?
134
00:06:28,854 --> 00:06:30,755
Sure. It's easy.
135
00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:33,725
"Darling, my happiness isn't important,
136
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,293
but would it kill you to give me
137
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,662
one grandchild before I die?
138
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:43,034
Morty, put the seat
down! I almost fell in!"
139
00:06:46,872 --> 00:06:48,273
Oh, my God.
140
00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:52,710
That's the last time I
let Ma baby-sit for her.
141
00:06:54,446 --> 00:06:56,247
Fran, you know that I will support
142
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:57,715
whatever you decide,
143
00:06:57,782 --> 00:06:59,850
but don't you think people
would be a little shocked
144
00:06:59,918 --> 00:07:01,385
if you just showed up pregnant?
145
00:07:01,453 --> 00:07:04,488
Yeah. They'd think I had a date.
146
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,824
You know, Val, to tell you the truth,
147
00:07:05,891 --> 00:07:07,859
I don't really care what
people think any more.
148
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,861
I mean, I know that I want to have a kid,
149
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,263
and I don't know if I'm
ever gonna meet Mr. Right.
150
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,798
Yeah, but artificial insemination?
151
00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:18,368
Well, that's how I got here, 'cause
I know my parents have never...
152
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:23,207
Look, I can't tell you what to do.
153
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:24,843
Your body's your own.
154
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:27,278
You got that right. 'Cause
if anybody else was using it,
155
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:30,114
I wouldn't have to order take-out.
156
00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:31,816
- What do you think, Niles?
- Hmm?
157
00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:33,618
Should I have a baby?
158
00:07:33,685 --> 00:07:35,453
Miss Fine, pregnant.
159
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,022
I'm not sure the world is
ready for you in a muumuu.
160
00:07:38,089 --> 00:07:40,758
Oh, hey, this mama ain't wearing no muumuu.
161
00:07:40,826 --> 00:07:42,827
When that kid is born,
you're gonna be able to read
162
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:46,664
"Donna Karan Control Top"
across his little forehead.
163
00:07:46,731 --> 00:07:48,866
You know, Fran, this isn't gonna be easy.
164
00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:52,636
There's gonna be a lot of pain and
suffering and possible embarrassment.
165
00:07:52,704 --> 00:07:54,905
Oh, you guys going to another singles bar?
166
00:07:54,973 --> 00:07:56,240
No! No!
167
00:07:58,243 --> 00:07:59,810
I'm talking about the delivery.
168
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:01,479
I mean, how do they manage to yank
169
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,581
a whole little human being out of you?
170
00:08:03,648 --> 00:08:05,249
(GRUNTING)
171
00:08:14,226 --> 00:08:16,127
Well, it doesn't have to be so bad.
172
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:19,597
I mean, if you get somebody
that's gentle and sensitive. Yeah.
173
00:08:19,664 --> 00:08:21,899
Oh, come on, get out of there. Just get...
174
00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:39,083
This is such a weird
location for a sperm bank,
175
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:40,951
right in the middle of a shopping mall?
176
00:08:41,019 --> 00:08:45,389
Oh, well, it used to be a, uh,
Siemen's Furniture Showroom.
177
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:49,894
So they only had to change half the sign.
178
00:08:51,863 --> 00:08:53,163
If you'd like to see profiles
179
00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:54,832
of the gentlemen who've contributed,
180
00:08:54,899 --> 00:08:56,300
here's our donor menu.
181
00:08:57,736 --> 00:09:00,304
(GASPING) Oh, look at the selection.
182
00:09:00,372 --> 00:09:01,939
Wow!
183
00:09:02,007 --> 00:09:03,941
Boy, is everyone in the menu,
184
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:05,810
or do you have, like, a catch of the day?
185
00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:11,082
Look at Number 64.
186
00:09:11,149 --> 00:09:12,616
But he's got a weight problem,
187
00:09:12,684 --> 00:09:14,785
gastrointestinal abnormalities,
188
00:09:14,853 --> 00:09:17,455
and a mother who's certifiably insane.
189
00:09:17,522 --> 00:09:20,124
Right. Well, I want him
to fit in the family.
190
00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:23,560
Do you see anything you like?
191
00:09:23,628 --> 00:09:26,430
Hmm. Number 41 looks okay.
192
00:09:26,498 --> 00:09:28,299
But, you know, I really
need another second.
193
00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:29,867
I mean, it takes me a half an hour
194
00:09:29,935 --> 00:09:32,436
just to order from the Der Wienerschnitzel.
195
00:09:33,138 --> 00:09:35,706
No pun intended!
196
00:09:40,145 --> 00:09:41,779
Maybe you'd like to take this home?
197
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,147
Oh, you know, you're right.
198
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:44,648
It's a big decision.
199
00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:46,417
Come on, Val. We'll go to Hickory Farms
200
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,652
next door and fill up on samples.
201
00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:55,792
Oh, I'm so sorry.
202
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:59,763
Oh, Val, are you as
embarrassed as I... Val?
203
00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:07,505
I just can't understand
204
00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:10,475
why we're not as productive
as we were last year.
205
00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:13,144
Profits are down, ticket sales are down.
206
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,413
But some figures are increasing.
207
00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:22,186
Listen, Hazel...
208
00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:30,628
Oh, don't you have something to dust off?
209
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:33,664
How about the left side of your bed?
210
00:10:42,073 --> 00:10:44,609
I'll tell you why we're not as productive.
211
00:10:44,676 --> 00:10:48,212
Because the two of you never shut up.
212
00:10:48,346 --> 00:10:51,515
- You don't have to get nasty about it.
- Well, excuse me for living.
213
00:10:51,582 --> 00:10:52,884
Hi.
214
00:10:52,951 --> 00:10:55,286
Knock. Knock. Mr. Sheffield,
can I talk to you a minute?
215
00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:56,486
Actually, I don't have the time.
216
00:10:56,554 --> 00:10:58,022
You know, I've always thought of you
217
00:10:58,089 --> 00:10:59,590
as more than just an employer...
218
00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:00,958
Miss Fine, I'm working.
219
00:11:01,026 --> 00:11:02,960
- You know, we're kind of like friends.
- Very busy.
220
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:05,096
Oh, why don't I just cut to the chase?
221
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:06,430
What would you say if I told you
222
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:08,466
I wanted to have a baby?
223
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:13,738
Niles, hold my calls.
224
00:11:16,141 --> 00:11:17,508
NILES: Why?
225
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:21,111
Mind your own bloody
business. It's private.
226
00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:22,580
Sorry, sir.
227
00:11:23,415 --> 00:11:24,915
So, go on, Miss Fine.
228
00:11:24,983 --> 00:11:27,852
Now, we can hear them,
but they can't hear us.
229
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:33,123
Oh, maybe it's this one.
230
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:36,060
C.C.: No, no, no. It's
that one, you jackass.
231
00:11:37,495 --> 00:11:39,163
It's the red one.
232
00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:43,000
All right. So, why do you suddenly
233
00:11:43,068 --> 00:11:44,235
want to have a baby?
234
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:45,937
I mean, where did this come from?
235
00:11:46,004 --> 00:11:48,239
Oh, I've been thinking
about this ever since
236
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:50,641
Samantha had Tabitha on Bewitched.
237
00:11:52,911 --> 00:11:55,847
You know, I don't know why Darrin
never let her use her powers.
238
00:11:55,914 --> 00:12:00,517
What? It was better sucking
up to Larry Tate for a raise?
239
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:03,054
I was always with Endora on that one.
240
00:12:03,121 --> 00:12:07,391
Miss Fine, how are you gonna
have a baby without a man?
241
00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:09,059
Mr. Sheffield, it's the '90s.
242
00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:13,597
If they can grow a human ear on the
back of a mouse, I can have a baby.
243
00:12:16,801 --> 00:12:18,569
All I need is a donor.
244
00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:19,970
A... a donor?
245
00:12:20,038 --> 00:12:22,873
You mean, someone that's
just gonna give you...
246
00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:24,741
The fruit of his looms.
247
00:12:27,846 --> 00:12:30,180
Well, who exactly do you have in mind?
248
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:33,217
Oh, I've picked the perfect guy,
249
00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:37,121
41. Tall, dark, handsome, creative,
250
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,457
with a big head of hair.
251
00:12:39,524 --> 00:12:41,425
So, what do you think?
252
00:12:44,796 --> 00:12:47,931
Oh, well, uh, this is...
253
00:12:47,999 --> 00:12:49,500
this is a big decision.
254
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:53,203
I'm, uh, gonna have to
give this some thought.
255
00:12:53,271 --> 00:12:55,840
Well, I'm glad that
you're taking it seriously
256
00:12:55,907 --> 00:12:57,007
because, you know,
257
00:12:57,075 --> 00:12:59,844
I really value your input.
258
00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:09,921
Oh, my God! What am I gonna do?
259
00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:14,425
What do you think, Niles?
260
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:25,369
Couldn't hear you, sir. Leaf blowing.
261
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:29,140
Perhaps it'd work better
if you switched it on.
262
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:31,609
(WHIRRING)
263
00:13:43,288 --> 00:13:44,521
MAXWELL: Niles.
264
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,101
Help me.
265
00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:02,739
Oh, darn it, man, just get in here.
266
00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:06,377
Don't do that, sir.
267
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:09,380
Don't we have enough scary things
roaming around in the corridors?
268
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:14,184
Look, it seems Miss Fine is determined
269
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,153
to go through with this baby thing.
270
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:19,991
I'm afraid she's gonna
ask me to, uh, assist.
271
00:14:20,058 --> 00:14:22,126
Well, what makes you so sure she wants you?
272
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:24,828
Oh, come on, man, she
practically spelled it out.
273
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:28,065
She wants someone tall, handsome, creative.
274
00:14:28,132 --> 00:14:30,034
Did she also mention cocky, vain,
275
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:33,904
couldn't get the laundry in the
hamper if his life depended on it?
276
00:14:33,972 --> 00:14:36,607
- No.
- Then what are you worried about?
277
00:14:38,309 --> 00:14:40,344
I'm telling you, she wants me.
278
00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:43,981
She wants me real bad.
279
00:14:45,817 --> 00:14:48,152
Niles, I'm gonna need your help in this.
280
00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:50,687
All right. But there better
be a damn big Christmas bonus
281
00:14:50,755 --> 00:14:52,656
in my stocking.
282
00:14:53,624 --> 00:14:55,759
All right. Now, let's not panic.
283
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:57,861
All she needs is someone to sit her down
284
00:14:57,929 --> 00:15:00,263
and talk to her calmly and rationally.
285
00:15:01,232 --> 00:15:02,700
I'll kill her.
286
00:15:05,036 --> 00:15:07,538
How could my own daughter not tell me
287
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:11,542
that I am gonna be an
illegitimate grandmother?
288
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,744
(SOBBING)
289
00:15:14,646 --> 00:15:17,248
I know. I know.
290
00:15:17,315 --> 00:15:19,015
Can I get you anything?
291
00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:20,751
No. Nothing. Nothing.
292
00:15:21,953 --> 00:15:23,553
Maybe lunch.
293
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:29,627
No fish!
294
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:34,231
Sylvia, I... I didn't mean to alarm you.
295
00:15:34,298 --> 00:15:36,500
I just thought you should know.
296
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,703
The girl is a nut. She's
totally lost her mind.
297
00:15:39,771 --> 00:15:42,506
Who did she pick to father this kid?
298
00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:44,575
I believe it's me.
299
00:15:44,642 --> 00:15:46,109
You could do a lot worse.
300
00:15:49,981 --> 00:15:52,750
Ma? What are you doing here?
301
00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:56,186
Oh, I was just in the neighborhood
catching up on the news,
302
00:15:56,254 --> 00:15:59,656
like my unmarried
daughter's gonna have a baby.
303
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:01,826
Ma, I can't plan my life around a husband.
304
00:16:01,893 --> 00:16:03,727
It may never happen.
305
00:16:03,795 --> 00:16:06,129
Well, I'm dead now. Do what you want.
306
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,600
Sylvia.
307
00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:13,804
Do you know what it's like for a
child to grow up without a father?
308
00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:15,339
Yeah, Ma. I haven't seen Daddy
309
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,608
since Flushing got wired for cable.
310
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,844
He loves the Spice Channel.
311
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:24,414
And I'll tell you, he
has learnt a few things.
312
00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:27,317
- Sylvia.
- Ma.
313
00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:29,553
Oh, fine, have a baby.
314
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:32,490
Do you know how long it
takes to get your figure back?
315
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:37,227
I don't know, Ma. 32 years?
316
00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:40,030
(DOORBELL RINGS)
317
00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:44,000
Darling, you don't know what it's
like to take care of a little one.
318
00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:46,103
You are used to three grown kids
319
00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:48,639
who don't even need you any more.
320
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,541
Ma, lay off. Get it?
321
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:53,477
As in lay off the unneeded nanny.
322
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:57,648
They would be lost without her.
323
00:16:59,617 --> 00:17:04,354
(GASPS) Oh, my God. It's Monica Baker.
324
00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:07,625
I can't tell you how many
people meet me on the street
325
00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:10,460
and swear that I am you.
326
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:16,333
Ma, that's Tammy Faye Bakker.
327
00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:19,870
Sit down. Sit down.
328
00:17:27,578 --> 00:17:30,981
Monica, we're having
brunch with the Schuberts.
329
00:17:31,048 --> 00:17:32,683
Why do you have your child with you?
330
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:34,084
My nanny is sick.
331
00:17:34,152 --> 00:17:36,386
And I couldn't just leave him.
332
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:38,155
My poor little baby.
333
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:41,391
- Well, if you want, I'd be happy to...
- Okay.
334
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,261
Hi.
335
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:45,963
Mommy loves you.
336
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:48,098
But the public loves Mommy.
337
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:51,535
So she has to go.
338
00:17:53,438 --> 00:17:55,305
Hi, sweetie.
339
00:17:55,373 --> 00:17:58,775
Oh, are we gonna have a ball.
340
00:17:58,777 --> 00:17:59,909
Of course, some people here
341
00:17:59,977 --> 00:18:02,579
don't think that I can
take care of a little kid.
342
00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:03,981
You like Spaghettios?
343
00:18:11,856 --> 00:18:14,024
You know what? I'm full.
344
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:23,600
Here you go. Don't drink and drive, honey.
345
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:27,304
(TV PLAYING)
346
00:18:27,371 --> 00:18:28,571
(SIGHING)
348
00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:10,146
- (SCREAMING)
- * Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop
349
00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:16,085
♪ When the wind blows
the cradle will rock
350
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:29,466
♪ When the bough breaks
the cradle will fall
351
00:19:34,905 --> 00:19:39,142
♪ And down will come
baby cradle and all ♪
352
00:19:41,545 --> 00:19:45,215
Oh, I guess you just want to sleep, huh?
353
00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:47,784
All right. Good night, little fellow.
354
00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:49,719
(EXCLAIMING)
355
00:19:49,787 --> 00:19:51,588
You don't want me to go?
356
00:19:51,655 --> 00:19:55,025
Well, I can sit here and cuddle with you.
357
00:19:55,092 --> 00:19:56,026
Okay.
358
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:57,994
(SHUSHING)
359
00:19:58,062 --> 00:19:59,730
Let's go to sleep.
360
00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:02,733
♪ Lullaby
361
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:04,167
(SCREAMING)
362
00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:06,236
Sorry.
363
00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:12,042
- Here you go.
- Thanks again, Fran.
364
00:20:12,109 --> 00:20:14,177
I hope he wasn't too much trouble.
365
00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:17,347
Oh, no, not at all.
366
00:20:17,415 --> 00:20:19,550
- Bye, Zacky.
- Bye.
367
00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:21,819
Bye-bye.
368
00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:24,087
Oh, isn't he cute?
369
00:20:24,155 --> 00:20:25,822
You should have seen him driving around
370
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:28,091
in his little car all over the house.
371
00:20:28,159 --> 00:20:29,960
Oh, by the way, you know that ceramic vase
372
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,228
that's in the hallway?
373
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:32,696
Oh, you mean the Picasso.
374
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:36,166
Oh, isn't he cute?
375
00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:40,270
You know, you look good
with a baby, Miss Fine.
376
00:20:40,338 --> 00:20:41,472
Oh, thanks.
377
00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:43,707
Well, you should hire me as your nanny.
378
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:46,877
Pay me 500 bucks a week,
and I'll quit my old job.
379
00:20:46,944 --> 00:20:49,546
I'll tell you, this was
the greatest day of my life.
380
00:20:49,614 --> 00:20:51,915
Do you know that I taught him a new word?
381
00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:55,719
Entenmann's.
382
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:59,790
So I suppose your mind is
made up about having a child?
383
00:20:59,857 --> 00:21:01,792
Absolutely.
384
00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:04,928
Yeah, I'm definitely not
gonna have one right now.
385
00:21:04,996 --> 00:21:06,596
What?
386
00:21:06,664 --> 00:21:09,299
Yeah. You know, when I
put little Zacky to sleep,
387
00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:13,871
and he was lying there looking so precious,
388
00:21:13,938 --> 00:21:18,642
I looked around, and there
was no one to share it with.
389
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:20,611
I know what you mean, Miss Fine.
390
00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:25,849
Well, I'll tell you, I admire
women that do it on their own.
391
00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:30,120
But at the end of the day,
I want his daddy to come home
392
00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:33,190
so I can put the baby in his arms and say,
393
00:21:33,257 --> 00:21:35,692
"Here, your turn. I'm playing Mah Jongg."
394
00:21:37,295 --> 00:21:39,629
Well, I must say I am relieved.
395
00:21:39,698 --> 00:21:41,598
Why? What have you got to do with it?
396
00:21:41,666 --> 00:21:43,533
Well, I, uh, you know...
397
00:21:43,601 --> 00:21:45,435
you were gonna ask me to...
398
00:21:46,570 --> 00:21:48,772
Wait a minute.
399
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,343
Do you think that I was gonna
ask you to be the father?
400
00:21:55,246 --> 00:21:57,981
I most certainly did not.
401
00:21:59,050 --> 00:22:01,318
And you could do worse.
402
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:04,187
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
403
00:22:04,255 --> 00:22:07,658
are your feelings hurt
that I wasn't gonna ask you?
404
00:22:08,259 --> 00:22:09,426
No.
405
00:22:11,529 --> 00:22:14,598
Come on, you're my boss. I'm your nanny.
406
00:22:14,665 --> 00:22:17,267
What were you gonna do? Pay
me to take care of our kid?
407
00:22:17,335 --> 00:22:19,136
Wait a minute. This could work out.
408
00:22:21,505 --> 00:22:23,673
No, no. It would be too weird.
409
00:22:23,741 --> 00:22:26,309
You know, if you want to have a
baby with me, Maxwell Sheffield,
410
00:22:26,377 --> 00:22:28,912
you're just gonna have to
do it the old-fashioned way.
411
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:30,147
Marry you?
412
00:22:30,214 --> 00:22:31,582
Yeah, that, too.
413
00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:48,583
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