1
00:00:03,335 --> 00:00:06,404
Oh, my neck is killing me.
2
00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:09,740
Who ever knew a tennis
match could be so strenuous?
3
00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:11,609
Agassi's tush. Sampras's tush.
4
00:00:11,677 --> 00:00:14,545
Agassi's tush. Sampras's tush.
5
00:00:14,613 --> 00:00:16,948
Fran, you've never been
to a tournament before?
6
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,752
Well, a Mah Jong tournament.
7
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,654
The only thing that
gets those tushes moving
8
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:25,158
is to rip the cellophane
off the deli platter.
9
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:27,160
You know, I came here to
see some famous athletes.
10
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,762
Where's Monica Seles, Shaq, Joe Montana?
11
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,564
Brighton, just because they own the place
12
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,901
doesn't mean they're actually
gonna be here bussing tables.
13
00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:37,002
Hi. I'm Monica Seles.
14
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,507
Welcome to the All Star Cafe.
15
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,912
Oh, my God, do you know who this is?
16
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:47,913
What am I, an idiot?
17
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:51,117
Honey, can I substitute slaw for beans?
18
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:52,952
Miss Fine, this woman has won
19
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:55,588
every single major tennis
tournament in the world.
20
00:00:55,655 --> 00:00:59,492
Well, actually, Dad, I don't
think she's won Wimbledon.
21
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,128
You know what? I'll take her beans.
22
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,597
Oh, Miss Seles, I am so embarrassed.
23
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:07,566
I mean, I never expected you to be serving.
24
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,769
Oh, serving!
25
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,708
I'll send your waiter right over.
26
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,278
You know, I have always wanted
to learn how to play tennis.
27
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:20,646
What happened?
28
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,448
Well, it's a very big time commitment,
29
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,084
and I was always very career-oriented.
30
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:26,686
What happened?
31
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:29,789
You know, Fran, if you wanted,
32
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,023
I could teach you how to play tennis.
33
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,125
Oh, well, thanks, B,
34
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,426
but I kind of have my eye on that
35
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,995
cute blond instructor
at the end of the bar.
36
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:38,198
Am I not cute? Am I not blond?
37
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,366
Shut up, Maggie!
38
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,868
Sweetie, let's put it this way,
39
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:46,038
if things don't work out between
me and gorgeous, I am all yours.
40
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:49,976
I'm all yours.
41
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,116
* She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens *
42
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:58,550
* 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out *
43
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,186
* in one of those crushing scenes *
44
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,155
* What was she to
do? Where was she to go? *
45
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:05,425
* She was out on her fanny *
46
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,994
* So over the bridge from
Flushing to the Sheffield's door *
47
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,563
* She was there to sell
makeup, but the father saw more *
48
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,831
* She had style! She
had flair! She was there! *
49
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:16,402
* That's how she became the nanny! *
50
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:19,238
* Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described *
51
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,674
* was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? *
52
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,042
* Now the father finds her beguiling *
53
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:24,410
* Watch out, C.C.! *
54
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,612
* And the kids are actually smiling *
55
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,146
* Such joie de vivre! *
56
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:32,818
* She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan *
57
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,754
* The flashy girl from Flushing *
58
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,789
* The nanny named Fran! *
59
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,990
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
60
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,068
Oh, dear God.
61
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:50,303
Niles, please tell me you've cut out
62
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,671
all the reviews of my new play
63
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:54,740
because they're so good
you're having them framed.
64
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,344
Okay.
65
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:02,214
Damn it! I was hoping
this show would be my Cats.
66
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:05,618
Oh, Niles, what's wrong with
me? I'm... I'm bloody pitiful.
67
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,486
With all due respect, sir,
there are so many people
68
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,722
in this world less fortunate than you.
69
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,625
Some are in this very room.
70
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,461
Oh, you mean because you're just a servant.
71
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,695
Well...
72
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,798
No family, no home of your own.
73
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,466
Mm-hmm.
74
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,602
No future.
75
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:27,473
Been doing the same thing
for the last 25 years
76
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:31,811
that you'll most likely be
doing till the day you die.
77
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,881
Right. How are you feeling now, sir?
78
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,822
You know... you know
what's really bothering me?
79
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,924
Carrying around that big fat
wallet giving you a hernia?
80
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,028
- What did you say?
- Tea?
81
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:54,967
Maxwell, did you read Vincent
Canby's review in the New York Times?
82
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,936
Oh, it was brutal.
83
00:03:57,004 --> 00:04:01,574
I just put it on the floor and let
Chester give him a little rebuttal.
84
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,776
C.C., you are amazing.
85
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,778
Thank you, Maxwell.
86
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,447
But don't you want to know why?
87
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:08,481
Why push?
88
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:13,419
Oh, hi. Hi, Chester.
89
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:16,289
Hi, sweetie. Hi.
90
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,758
Oh, gee,
91
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:22,461
Chester, if only you were Jewish
92
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,463
with a dog house in Great Neck.
93
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,867
C.C., we just put our heart and soul
94
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,069
into this new play, and it bombed.
95
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,503
Why aren't you more upset?
96
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:36,009
Because Broadway will be
dead in 50 years, but I won't.
97
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:40,646
Cryonic suspension.
98
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:43,683
Do you mean you're gonna have
your body frozen after you die?
99
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,686
Yep. I'm planning the ultimate revival.
100
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,753
Me.
101
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,589
Nobody wanted to see the original.
102
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:53,125
Who'd want to bring it back?
103
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:54,860
I wouldn't want to come back.
104
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,162
I mean, it would be so hard to adjust.
105
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,764
You'd feel like a freak of nature.
106
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,332
You'd have no friends.
107
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,503
Your last date would
have been 100 years ago.
108
00:05:03,505 --> 00:05:06,539
You know what? Go for it.
109
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:11,143
I'm even thinking of having Chester
frozen so we can come back together.
110
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,779
- Wouldn't that be nice?
- Oh.
111
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,451
Come on, you little hairball.
112
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,589
You know, I should freeze myself right now.
113
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,191
I mean, here I am, 42 years old,
114
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,593
and what have I really achieved, hmm?
115
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,763
Produced one mediocre play after another.
116
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,032
Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
117
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,501
There's a lot of people
much less fortunate than you
118
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,270
right here in this room.
119
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,938
Look at Niles.
120
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,342
Hey, Dad.
121
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,312
So, are you off to another disastrous
day of tennis with Miss Fine?
122
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,580
Well, I can't today, but you know what?
123
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,116
She's actually pretty good.
She even taught me a few things.
124
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,617
Like what?
125
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:55,220
How to return a serve when
you don't have the receipt?
126
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,190
- Oh, Brighton, come on, let's go play tennis.
- Oh, sorry, Fran.
127
00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,992
I gotta read To Kill a
Mockingbird by Friday.
128
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,227
Oh, Brighton, I have two words for you.
129
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,962
"Blockbuster Video."
130
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,234
Oh, to enhance the reading experience.
131
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,571
Perhaps you would like to go out
132
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,873
and play tennis with Miss Fine, sir.
133
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,407
Yeah.
134
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:18,311
Niles, the last thing I need right now
135
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,413
is a round of beginner's tennis.
136
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,947
Of course, sir,
137
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,383
you'd completely destroy and humiliate her,
138
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:27,253
making her feel like a
bigger loser than you are.
139
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,589
Get my racket.
140
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,859
So, Miss Fine, are you
ready to play with me?
141
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:37,129
You bet.
142
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:42,167
And when we're done, how
about a little tennis?
143
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,611
- Little big shot.
- So I won a tennis match...
144
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,413
- I had the sun in my eyes.
-... who cares?
145
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,515
It was no fair.
146
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:58,184
We weren't even keeping score.
147
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,719
I slaughtered him, six-four.
148
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,522
I creamed his little English tokhes.
149
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,626
Get out. You beat Dad at tennis?
150
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:09,696
Oh, I'll tell you, I
felt so bad for the guy.
151
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,230
It was really sad.
152
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,699
He had this look on his face,
153
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,433
like when I'm eating Haagen-Dazs
154
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,535
and my spoon hits the cardboard.
155
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,939
Oh, this is bad.
156
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,107
Perhaps he'd feel better
157
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:22,842
if I prepared his favorite soup.
158
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,610
Cream of English tokhes.
159
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,115
- Niles, have this restrung, would you?
- Absolutely, sir.
160
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,417
Is there anything else I can do for you?
161
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,885
Yes, you can make me some of that soup.
162
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,187
Oh, and you may use your own tokhes
163
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:38,724
because it's soon to be canned.
164
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:42,028
He's got no sense of humor.
That's why his comedy's a flop.
165
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:47,400
Niles, he is really going
over the deep end about this.
166
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,436
This must be some kind
of underlying problem.
167
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,638
And do you know what that is?
168
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:55,041
Daddy's inability to
cope with minor setbacks
169
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,977
indicating a larger and
deeper emotional problem?
170
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:04,016
Well, there's no point in me
saying it 'cause she already did.
171
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,353
Well, look, obviously
he needs some therapy.
172
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:10,155
You know, maybe Dad
should get some therapy.
173
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:13,559
- It really hurts me to see him in pain.
- Yeah.
174
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,361
Hey, we wouldn't have to
go as a family or anything,
175
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:19,532
'cause, you know, I've got dates and stuff.
176
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,234
You people are dreaming
if you think you're gonna
177
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,035
be able to get Dad into therapy.
178
00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:25,838
Oh, I'll get him there.
And do you know how?
179
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,739
Under false pretenses by telling him
180
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,708
Dr. Bort needs to talk to him about me
181
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,945
when in reality the session's for him?
182
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,983
Well, there's no point in me
saying it 'cause she already did.
183
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:47,326
You know, I always thought
that I'd make a good therapist.
184
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:49,161
Yes. Well, I guess you would...
185
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:51,863
Because I'm really a
good listener, you know,
186
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,766
and some people just can't
get a word in edgewise.
187
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,568
Yeah. That always seems to be...
188
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,771
I mean, it takes a very sensitive person
189
00:08:58,773 --> 00:09:01,139
to know when someone needs to talk.
190
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,278
You know, when the doctor comes in,
191
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,481
you could chime in once in a while.
192
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,484
I'm terribly sorry.
193
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,653
Dr. Bort has been called away,
but her associate can see you.
194
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,755
Oh, but when will she be back?
195
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,325
I don't want some second-rate associate.
196
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,993
(GASPS)
197
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,636
Dr. Joyce Brothers.
198
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,272
I'm filling in for Dr.
Bort. I hope you don't mind.
199
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:35,007
Oh, who cares about that loser?
200
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,376
Was she ever on Hollywood Squares?
201
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:43,249
Oh, Dr. Brothers, I have
read every one of your books.
202
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,584
The Language of Feeling.
203
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,619
That's David Viscott.
204
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,822
The Ten Stupid Things Women Do.
205
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,991
Laura Schlessinger.
206
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,826
You're Much Taller In Person.
207
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:55,328
Dr. Ruth.
208
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,630
Well, enough about you.
209
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,599
Tick-tock. Ka-ching. Ka-ching.
210
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:05,805
Now, the reason why I made this
appointment for Mr. Sheffield...
211
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,373
W... what? Wait a minute.
212
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,574
You mean you brought me
here under false pretenses?
213
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:13,045
You know, I told Gracie
that was a bad idea.
214
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,680
Oh, this is ridiculous.
215
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:17,383
- I don't need any bloody therapy.
- No, you don't.
216
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,395
Are you Maxwell Sheffield,
the Broadway producer?
217
00:10:20,396 --> 00:10:21,276
Yes, that's right.
218
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,822
Now, if you don't mind, I'm
a very busy man, so I'll...
219
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,557
I just loved your new show.
220
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,795
I thought the reviews were
completely off the mark.
221
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:33,065
Well, I suppose I could
stay for a little while.
222
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,936
Wow! You are good.
223
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,270
For your information,
224
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,840
I have written 10 bestsellers.
225
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,942
Let it go, Joyce.
226
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:51,250
Now, why are we here?
227
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,651
Well, the fact is, Dr. Brothers,
228
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,086
there's nothing wrong with me.
229
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:57,623
My... my last show failed, so I've just been
230
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,858
in a little bit of a bad
mood lately. That's all.
231
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,760
(SCOFFS) A bad mood?
232
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,663
You have been biting everyone's
head off, left and right.
233
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,065
Watch this.
234
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:12,271
I sat on some Junior Mints
on your new suede chair.
235
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,273
(YELLS) You what?
236
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,676
Can you believe what I have to live with?
237
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,946
Do you know what your problem is?
238
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,449
You don't know how it feels to fail
239
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,784
at something you put so much effort into.
240
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,219
Oh, yeah?
241
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:30,723
Well, you know that new suede
chair with the Junior Mint stain?
242
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,726
I tried to color in the
rest with brown Magic Marker.
243
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:39,365
A huge failure. Happy?
244
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,901
Look, I don't know why everyone wants
to make such an issue out of this.
245
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:45,537
The fact is I just have to come to grips
246
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:48,207
with the fact that I am 42 years old,
247
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:51,410
and despite having every
opportunity money can buy,
248
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,079
my life has amounted to zip.
249
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,648
Oh, Mr. Sheffield. Let him go.
250
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,384
He's just going through
a little midlife crisis.
251
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,053
It's very common among men his age.
252
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:04,790
Oh, you know, I've read about that.
253
00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:07,960
Next thing you know, he'll be
trying to prove his virility
254
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:12,064
in the arms of the next gorgeous
young thing to cross his path.
255
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,932
Out of my way, Joyce.
256
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,643
Oh, this book is fascinating.
257
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:27,946
- It chronicles the stages of your life by decades.
- Mmm-hmm.
258
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:31,550
Look at this. "Women in their
30s often lie about their age."
259
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,119
- Oh, I know so many women like that.
- Mmm.
260
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,490
Here's me, the 20s.
261
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,728
Oh, Niles, how did you
handle midlife crisis
262
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:44,964
back when you were in your 40s?
263
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,435
I think I killed someone who
lied about being in their 20s.
264
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,641
You two are not going to believe this.
265
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:59,211
- I got a message on my answering machine.
- Oh, my God.
266
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,112
Crack the champagne.
267
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,251
I am so happy for you, dear.
268
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,955
Very funny, Mrs. Doubtfire.
269
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,426
Maxwell is quitting the theater.
270
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:18,364
Oh, he is a classic textbook case.
271
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:23,135
If Maxwell leaves the
theater, what am I gonna do?
272
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:26,438
Oh, you were born rich. Retire.
273
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,774
Go spend time with all your friends,
274
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:31,643
and when you come back,
you can lick the spoon.
275
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:38,283
Oh, look, Dr. Brothers
said it'll probably pass.
276
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:42,621
I mean, at least it's not like when my
father went through his midlife crisis.
277
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:45,056
He wanted Ma to get into swinging.
278
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,892
What happened?
279
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,894
Well, the other swingers saw them.
280
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,464
Fran, Fran, you gotta hide me, quick.
281
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,733
- What? What's wrong?
- MAXWELL: Hey, Mags,
282
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:59,038
what do you say we hit Tower Records, hey?
283
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,206
Cruise the bins.
284
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:05,009
Fran, help me. Help me so much.
285
00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:08,146
(CLEARS THROAT) Mr. Sheffield,
286
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:10,782
Maggie cannot go to the record store
287
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,419
because I caught her smoking and drinking.
288
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,956
What? You are grounded for
three weeks, young lady.
289
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,692
Oh, thank you, Dad.
290
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,127
If he's not over this by then,
291
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,263
I'll tell him you're pregnant.
292
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:30,702
Maxwell, I'm only saying this
because I am thinking of you.
293
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,605
Why are you doing this to me?
294
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,107
C.C., life is short.
295
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:39,210
You should go back to doing
what you did when you were young.
296
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:43,114
Oh, sir, there's so little call
nowadays for Civil War nurses.
297
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:49,921
Miss Babcock, you're being so selfish.
298
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:55,594
I mean, this man is questioning
the very meaning of his life.
299
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:59,898
You died your gray streak?
300
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,334
What the hell is wrong with you?
301
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:08,740
I happen to like it. I
think it takes 10 years off.
302
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,542
Catch you later, babe.
303
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,211
That was my gray streak.
304
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,147
I caused it, and it was mine to remove.
305
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,316
Were those Brighton's jeans?
306
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:21,219
Oh, I'll tell you, it is so pathetic
307
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:23,455
seeing someone trying to desperately
308
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,924
recapture their youth by dyeing their hair
309
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:29,194
and wearing skin-tight clothes.
310
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,363
Oh, you know, I shouldn't
be so hard on him.
311
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,799
I mean, who knows? Someday, the
same thing could happen to me.
312
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,779
Oh, Ma, you're on a diet?
313
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,381
You can tell already?
314
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,585
Actually, your can gave it away.
315
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,787
Oh, thank you.
316
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,026
Have some, darling. It's delicious.
317
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:05,230
Mmm. What's in this?
318
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:09,935
You just add powder and some
non-fat milk and ice cream.
319
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:15,640
Ice cubes, Ma.
320
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,743
The ice cream gives you a little body.
321
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,514
No, it doesn't.
322
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,821
Ma, I need some advice.
323
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,224
Mr. Sheffield is going
through a midlife crisis,
324
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,493
and I don't know how to pull him out of it.
325
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,160
Marry him.
326
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,930
Well, how's that gonna help him?
327
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,400
Who cares? Better we should be happy.
328
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,773
Just be grateful that
he's not going through
329
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,809
what your father went through in the '70s.
330
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,678
Do you remember this?
331
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,586
That's Daddy's old Mod Squad toupee.
332
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,754
I can't believe you held onto it.
333
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,290
It's non-abrasive on Teflon.
334
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,528
Why's he going through
a midlife crisis, anyway?
335
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,065
I mean, just because he's over 40
336
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:16,534
and his play's a flop,
and I beat him at tennis.
337
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,669
What?
338
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,838
Have I taught you nothing?
339
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,877
You never beat a man at anything
340
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,711
until after you're married.
341
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:33,251
Is that how Daddy won that
pie-eating contest on your first date?
342
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:37,256
It wasn't easy. It was chocolate cream.
343
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,857
(FRAN EXCLAIMING)
344
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:44,096
Ma, what you did for love.
345
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,197
(CAR HORN HONKING)
346
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,765
MAXWELL: Miss Fine.
347
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,768
Oh, Mr. Sheffield?
348
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,303
Oh, my God. Ma, look at what he did.
349
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:54,139
He bought himself a Porsche.
350
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:57,209
Now, what does he think
that's gonna get him?
351
00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:01,279
Mrs. Feldman's daughter,
Mrs. Lieberman's daughter,
352
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,181
Mrs. Winetraub's daughter.
353
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,716
Hey, hey, hey.
354
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,485
Ma, lower the fire escape. I'm going in.
355
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:12,424
Hi. I'm Dotty.
356
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,126
You new here in the building?
357
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,494
- (CAR HORN HONKING)
- Oh, well, actually, I'm just...
358
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:18,564
I'm talking here, Vito.
359
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,301
My fiancé.
360
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,237
If you like me, I'll dump him.
361
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,775
Are you stalled? Do you need a jump?
362
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,677
FRAN: Hey! Hey! Hey!
363
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,380
If anybody's gonna jump
him, it's gonna be me.
364
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,281
Keep moving.
365
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,983
Come on, you gold diggers.
366
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,886
Dotty, you're engaged.
367
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:44,756
Haven't you ever seen a single,
gorgeous millionaire before?
368
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,891
(EXCLAIMING)
369
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:51,696
SYLVIA: Louder, Fran, they
didn't hear you in Jersey.
370
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,733
Mr. Sheffield, what
are you trying to prove?
371
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,135
I'm not trying to prove
anything, Miss Fine.
372
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,370
I'm just trying to enjoy
the rest of my life.
373
00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:02,140
So I'm not successful. So what?
374
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,342
Everyone has a flop every now and again.
375
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,544
Even Andrew Lloyd Webber had...
376
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,447
Well, let's just get in the car.
377
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:10,649
Oh, what are you talking about?
378
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,918
You're the most successful person I know.
379
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,853
Miss Fine, you don't understand.
380
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,955
I had a privileged upbringing.
381
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:19,258
I should have achieved
much more than I did.
382
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:23,328
I wasn't brought up like you just
to find a husband and get married.
383
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,397
Well, finding a husband isn't all I want.
384
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:28,633
(EXCLAIMING)
385
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,936
Oh, come on, can we just move?
386
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:35,473
Because she's got a frozen lasagna
up there that could wipe us both out.
387
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,743
Look, all I'm saying
is that you didn't have
388
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,545
the same advantages that I had.
389
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:44,049
I... I was sent to the best
schools money could buy.
390
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,426
Yeah. Well, meanwhile,
391
00:19:45,427 --> 00:19:48,276
your parents sent you away
when you were six years old.
392
00:19:48,278 --> 00:19:52,248
I mean, where were they when
you lost your first tooth?
393
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,616
Hi, how you doing?
394
00:19:53,684 --> 00:19:56,152
On safari in South Africa.
395
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,154
But they sent me a Kruggerand
396
00:19:58,222 --> 00:19:59,723
to my headmaster to put under my pillow.
397
00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:02,558
Uh-huh.
398
00:20:02,626 --> 00:20:05,128
You know, how many times did you get
399
00:20:05,196 --> 00:20:07,630
to run into your mother
and father's bedroom
400
00:20:07,698 --> 00:20:09,966
when it was thunder and lightning out?
401
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:11,534
Well, I tried once.
402
00:20:11,602 --> 00:20:14,604
But by the time I got
there, the storm had passed.
403
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,472
Very big house.
404
00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:18,174
Sounds like I was the one
405
00:20:18,242 --> 00:20:20,076
with the privileged upbringing.
406
00:20:20,144 --> 00:20:24,147
I mean, I come from a very
close and loving family.
407
00:20:24,949 --> 00:20:26,716
Am I bleeding?
408
00:20:27,718 --> 00:20:29,952
I think it's just raspberry filling.
409
00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:32,922
Hmm.
410
00:20:32,989 --> 00:20:34,757
You know, a lot of people
with your kind of money
411
00:20:34,824 --> 00:20:38,528
would have just sat back and
nightclubbed with the jet setters.
412
00:20:38,595 --> 00:20:40,463
That would have been my route.
413
00:20:41,798 --> 00:20:43,966
But you went to work, mister.
414
00:20:45,002 --> 00:20:46,936
You know, you're right.
415
00:20:47,004 --> 00:20:50,940
- I... I came to this country all by myself.
- Yes, you did.
416
00:20:51,008 --> 00:20:53,509
Started a very successful
business out of nothing.
417
00:20:53,577 --> 00:20:55,878
Plus you raised three terrific kids
418
00:20:55,946 --> 00:20:58,414
absolutely without any help from anyone.
419
00:20:58,482 --> 00:21:00,116
Wait a minute.
420
00:21:00,184 --> 00:21:01,851
It's true. It's true.
421
00:21:01,918 --> 00:21:04,753
You know, I really haven't
done that badly at all,
422
00:21:04,822 --> 00:21:07,890
considering I was bloody
handicapped emotionally.
423
00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:11,260
Please, you're completely dysfunctional.
424
00:21:12,863 --> 00:21:14,430
Feel better?
425
00:21:14,498 --> 00:21:19,068
(CHUCKLES) Yes. Yes, Miss
Fine, as a matter of fact, I do.
426
00:21:19,136 --> 00:21:21,203
I feel a lot better.
427
00:21:21,271 --> 00:21:23,072
Thank you very much.
428
00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:32,615
Now, um, while I'm still
feeling a little bit impulsive,
429
00:21:32,683 --> 00:21:35,451
what do you say, you and me,
430
00:21:35,519 --> 00:21:37,554
one last hurrah?
431
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:40,590
Mr. Sheffield.
432
00:21:44,327 --> 00:21:46,896
Isn't this thrilling, Miss Fine?
433
00:21:46,964 --> 00:21:48,431
(MUMBLING)
434
00:21:48,498 --> 00:21:52,234
What a machine! Just feel it vibrate.
435
00:21:53,337 --> 00:21:57,173
Yeah. But who can enjoy it?
436
00:21:57,307 --> 00:21:59,442
I'm not really used to driving
on this side of the road,
437
00:21:59,509 --> 00:22:02,611
so if I start drifting over,
just let me know. All right?
438
00:22:02,679 --> 00:22:05,148
Okay. Drifting over! Drifting over!
439
00:22:07,551 --> 00:22:11,354
All right. Let's really gun
it, huh? Hang on, Miss Fine.
440
00:22:11,422 --> 00:22:13,622
(TIRES SKIDDING)
441
00:22:14,524 --> 00:22:17,393
Oh, God! Oh, God!
442
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:20,629
Wait! Wait!
443
00:22:27,171 --> 00:22:30,072
I just had such a flashback
to my old boyfriend.
444
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:43,500
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