1
00:00:08,386 --> 00:00:09,486
Mm.
2
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:11,688
Oh, this soup is really hot.
3
00:00:11,689 --> 00:00:13,223
Hey, shh.
4
00:00:13,224 --> 00:00:14,424
[Whispers] That couple's
having a fight over there.
5
00:00:14,425 --> 00:00:16,526
It's a really good one. He's pissed.
6
00:00:16,527 --> 00:00:17,761
All I know is that
7
00:00:17,762 --> 00:00:19,262
I would never look through your email
8
00:00:19,263 --> 00:00:21,264
because I respect your privacy.
9
00:00:21,265 --> 00:00:23,667
Oh. She checked his email.
10
00:00:23,668 --> 00:00:25,669
That is never okay.
11
00:00:25,670 --> 00:00:28,471
Mm-kay, well, why are you defending him
12
00:00:28,472 --> 00:00:30,540
if you have nothing to hide?
13
00:00:30,541 --> 00:00:32,575
Have you ever checked my emails?
14
00:00:32,576 --> 00:00:34,911
Not anymore. They're so boring.
15
00:00:34,912 --> 00:00:37,647
I mean, it's all like
fantasy football updates,
16
00:00:37,648 --> 00:00:40,650
and what is your obsession
with pottery barn?
17
00:00:40,651 --> 00:00:42,552
I bought one frame four years ago.
18
00:00:42,553 --> 00:00:45,455
They're obsessed with me.
19
00:00:45,456 --> 00:00:48,191
Emailing with a girl is
absolutely cheating.
20
00:00:48,192 --> 00:00:49,325
How could I cheat on you?
21
00:00:49,326 --> 00:00:51,628
You know the password to my cell phone.
22
00:00:51,629 --> 00:00:55,131
Okay, well, that woman is crazy.
23
00:01:02,173 --> 00:01:04,507
You know I don't love that word.
24
00:01:04,508 --> 00:01:05,608
Right.
25
00:01:05,609 --> 00:01:07,577
I don't understand why anytime
26
00:01:07,578 --> 00:01:09,612
a woman stands up for herself, she's crazy.
27
00:01:09,613 --> 00:01:11,414
I mean, for a guy to be called crazy,
28
00:01:11,415 --> 00:01:13,550
he's got to be a homeless crackhead
29
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:14,718
talking to pigeons.
30
00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:17,373
For a woman to be called crazy,
31
00:01:17,374 --> 00:01:19,042
she just has to talk.
32
00:01:19,043 --> 00:01:21,878
Sorry. I-I didn't mean
to call that woman crazy.
33
00:01:21,879 --> 00:01:24,080
She's not crazy. She's just...
34
00:01:24,081 --> 00:01:28,081
Irrational, paranoid, and psychotic.
35
00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:29,888
Thank you.
36
00:01:30,008 --> 00:01:36,292
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:40,489
- Okay, that's not what I said.
- I'm just saying.
38
00:01:40,490 --> 00:01:42,224
Nobody should have a
password on their phone
39
00:01:42,225 --> 00:01:45,294
because nobody should be
trying to get into it anyway.
40
00:01:45,295 --> 00:01:46,662
Okay, but if you weren't
doing something shady,
41
00:01:46,663 --> 00:01:48,363
you wouldn't need a password
in the first place.
42
00:01:48,364 --> 00:01:49,565
Okay. Hey.
43
00:01:49,566 --> 00:01:51,934
Can you guys take your
fight somewhere else?
44
00:01:51,935 --> 00:01:54,069
It's making me jealous.
45
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:56,705
Look out. Nailed it.
46
00:01:56,706 --> 00:01:58,607
- Who's next.
- I am, I am.
47
00:01:58,608 --> 00:02:00,242
Alex, give them some money.
48
00:02:00,243 --> 00:02:02,244
What am I doing?
49
00:02:02,245 --> 00:02:03,345
No, we're playing a game to see
50
00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:04,947
who can take the funniest photo.
51
00:02:04,948 --> 00:02:06,181
And the winner gets their pick
52
00:02:06,182 --> 00:02:07,516
of one item from the lost and found.
53
00:02:07,517 --> 00:02:09,017
Oh, man. I want those dentures.
54
00:02:09,018 --> 00:02:13,155
- For what?
- You'll see.
55
00:02:13,156 --> 00:02:15,591
She's going for those dumb teeth?
She's crazy.
56
00:02:15,592 --> 00:02:17,426
There's an iPod nano right in the front.
57
00:02:17,427 --> 00:02:18,527
Whoa, whoa, whoa, R.J.
58
00:02:18,528 --> 00:02:20,596
Don't say the "C" word around Whitney.
59
00:02:20,597 --> 00:02:24,333
No, no. I said "front."
60
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:26,301
No, no, no. She hates the word "crazy."
61
00:02:26,302 --> 00:02:27,402
It triggers something weird in her,
62
00:02:27,403 --> 00:02:29,004
and it takes her a long time to explain
63
00:02:29,005 --> 00:02:30,472
why it's your fault.
64
00:02:30,473 --> 00:02:33,408
Oh. I'm like that with the word "flakey."
65
00:02:33,409 --> 00:02:34,676
If I cancel hanging out with you,
66
00:02:34,677 --> 00:02:36,278
it's not because I'm flakey.
67
00:02:36,279 --> 00:02:39,448
It's because I don't want
to hang out with you.
68
00:02:39,449 --> 00:02:41,016
Mine is "bitch."
69
00:02:41,017 --> 00:02:43,352
It's not my fault if
your jokes aren't funny.
70
00:02:43,353 --> 00:02:45,454
Mark.
71
00:02:45,455 --> 00:02:48,323
Mine is "wuss." Even how it sounds.
72
00:02:48,324 --> 00:02:52,160
Especially how it looks
scratched into your locker.
73
00:02:52,161 --> 00:02:55,364
All right, what's your
third rail word, R.J.?
74
00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:57,099
I don't have one.
75
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,468
What? Come on. Everybody's
got a hot button.
76
00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:01,470
What about, like, "wimp"?
77
00:03:01,471 --> 00:03:03,071
- Nope.
- "African prince"?
78
00:03:03,072 --> 00:03:05,507
Careful.
79
00:03:05,508 --> 00:03:07,376
All right.
80
00:03:07,377 --> 00:03:11,113
- Your turn.
- All right.
81
00:03:11,114 --> 00:03:13,315
Don't look.
82
00:03:17,353 --> 00:03:20,188
Got it.
83
00:03:20,189 --> 00:03:22,224
Okay. All the photos are in.
84
00:03:22,225 --> 00:03:23,425
Here we go.
[Giggles]
85
00:03:23,426 --> 00:03:25,394
Our first contestant...
86
00:03:25,395 --> 00:03:29,698
[Muffled laugh]
87
00:03:29,699 --> 00:03:31,333
Come on!
88
00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:35,334
It's a picture of non-alcoholic beer.
89
00:03:36,572 --> 00:03:39,941
It's so ridiculous.
90
00:03:39,942 --> 00:03:41,710
Okay. Next.
91
00:03:41,711 --> 00:03:43,111
Oh, that's mine.
92
00:03:43,112 --> 00:03:44,279
What is it?
93
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:45,380
My paycheck.
94
00:03:45,381 --> 00:03:47,382
It's the biggest joke around here.
95
00:03:47,383 --> 00:03:48,517
[Laughter]
96
00:03:48,518 --> 00:03:51,687
Oh, okay. You think that's funny?
97
00:03:51,688 --> 00:03:55,688
Guys, the beer has zero alcohol in it.
98
00:03:56,225 --> 00:03:58,560
[Laughs]
99
00:03:58,561 --> 00:04:00,595
Okay. Next.
100
00:04:00,596 --> 00:04:03,632
[Laughter]
101
00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,934
Do it! Do it. I love that face.
102
00:04:05,935 --> 00:04:09,071
There you go.
103
00:04:09,072 --> 00:04:13,141
Okay. Next.
104
00:04:13,142 --> 00:04:15,310
That one's mine.
105
00:04:15,311 --> 00:04:17,646
Is that your butt?
106
00:04:17,647 --> 00:04:19,147
Yeah.
107
00:04:19,148 --> 00:04:20,315
Will you forward me that?
108
00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:22,684
Okay, you know what? Game over.
109
00:04:22,685 --> 00:04:24,653
What? Oh, I won. Landslide.
110
00:04:24,654 --> 00:04:26,488
We're obviously gonna
be calling it a night.
111
00:04:26,489 --> 00:04:29,558
I'm going to call it the
night I saw Whitney's butt.
112
00:04:29,559 --> 00:04:30,625
Wait, I want to get my teeth.
113
00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:32,194
Come on, leave the teeth.
114
00:04:32,195 --> 00:04:33,395
You've got enough.
115
00:04:39,454 --> 00:04:41,755
Why are you so freaked out about this?
116
00:04:41,756 --> 00:04:43,824
It's not a big deal. It was just my butt.
117
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,659
It looked like a peach.
118
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,128
Yeah, that's my peach.
119
00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:50,564
Okay, it was our friends.
They don't care.
120
00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:51,765
They thought it was funny.
121
00:04:51,766 --> 00:04:53,567
No. Nobody thought it was funny.
122
00:04:53,568 --> 00:04:56,703
Did they think it was sexy?
123
00:04:56,704 --> 00:04:58,472
No, it was a bummer.
124
00:04:58,473 --> 00:05:01,608
God. How long are you
gonna be mad about this?
125
00:05:01,609 --> 00:05:03,343
I don't know. That was a big deal.
126
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:06,380
Excuse me?
127
00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:08,916
No. I mean, showing all of our friends
128
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,117
your fanny, all right?
129
00:05:10,118 --> 00:05:11,885
It was supposed to be a
funny photo contest,
130
00:05:11,886 --> 00:05:14,621
not a mole check.
131
00:05:14,622 --> 00:05:16,490
Look, I only have another couple years
132
00:05:16,491 --> 00:05:18,725
to take pictures like that before my peach
133
00:05:18,726 --> 00:05:22,129
turns into a prune.
134
00:05:22,130 --> 00:05:24,131
That's not how fruit works.
135
00:05:24,132 --> 00:05:27,000
Look, the reason why I'm
so pissed off about this
136
00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:29,102
is because I'm your husband,
and I'm the only guy
137
00:05:29,103 --> 00:05:30,470
that gets to see you like that.
138
00:05:30,471 --> 00:05:32,406
[Scoffs] Alex, I was just trying
139
00:05:32,407 --> 00:05:35,475
to win us some teeth.
140
00:05:35,476 --> 00:05:37,978
You missed out on a really weird threesome.
141
00:05:37,979 --> 00:05:39,446
[Clacking her teeth]
142
00:05:39,447 --> 00:05:43,383
Uh, I don't even know-- know
what that means.
143
00:05:46,988 --> 00:05:49,756
Come on, R.J. You have
to have a third rail word.
144
00:05:49,757 --> 00:05:51,024
Just tell me what it is.
145
00:05:51,025 --> 00:05:53,093
"Weirdo beardo."
146
00:05:53,094 --> 00:05:54,995
Nope.
147
00:05:54,996 --> 00:05:56,129
Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
148
00:05:56,130 --> 00:05:58,799
Your beard's a work of art.
149
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,802
What about "King Dork"?
That one always stings.
150
00:06:01,803 --> 00:06:05,803
Or "virgin" or "Skid Mark."
151
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,775
I do not have any hot button words
152
00:06:08,776 --> 00:06:11,678
because I'm an adult.
153
00:06:11,679 --> 00:06:12,779
Yeah.
154
00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:13,880
But something must have happened to you
155
00:06:13,881 --> 00:06:15,582
when you were a kid that messed you up
156
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:16,817
and left a scar.
157
00:06:16,818 --> 00:06:18,752
I mean, not on your perfect face
158
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,354
but somewhere.
159
00:06:20,355 --> 00:06:22,456
Maybe, but I don't sit
around and whine about things
160
00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:23,991
because I'm not a child.
161
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,393
Neither am I.
162
00:06:26,394 --> 00:06:27,527
Oh.
163
00:06:27,528 --> 00:06:30,731
Michelle's baby shower was last weekend.
164
00:06:30,732 --> 00:06:32,633
So you missed it?
165
00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:36,370
Well, if it was important,
I would've remembered.
166
00:06:36,371 --> 00:06:38,839
I don't know that baby.
167
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,475
I'll show up when it has a memory.
168
00:06:41,476 --> 00:06:45,412
And you wonder why
people call you flakey.
169
00:06:45,413 --> 00:06:47,481
And it doesn't make me a bitch to say that.
170
00:06:47,482 --> 00:06:49,483
Saying that makes me honest.
171
00:06:49,484 --> 00:06:52,519
I am not flakey.
172
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:53,820
Okay.
173
00:06:53,821 --> 00:06:56,823
Okay, well, I don't think I'm flakey,
174
00:06:56,824 --> 00:06:57,991
and you obviously do.
175
00:06:57,992 --> 00:06:59,793
So Whitney will be the tie breaker.
176
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,061
You know what?
177
00:07:01,062 --> 00:07:02,663
Let's go over there right
now and settle this.
178
00:07:02,664 --> 00:07:06,967
You forgot your purse.
179
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,835
[Clears throat] I know.
180
00:07:08,836 --> 00:07:11,371
I was coming back to get it.
181
00:07:11,372 --> 00:07:13,340
Bitch.
182
00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:18,345
Phone.
183
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:26,653
Make sure Lily deleted that picture.
184
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,589
It might be in the cloud.
185
00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:31,858
"The cloud"?
186
00:07:31,859 --> 00:07:33,660
Your peach is in the cloud?
187
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,762
It's not that big of a deal.
188
00:07:35,763 --> 00:07:37,931
I mean, everybody watches porn.
189
00:07:37,932 --> 00:07:39,566
No, you're not a porn star.
190
00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:41,535
Hey! I could be.
191
00:07:41,536 --> 00:07:45,005
Ask my therapist.
192
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,707
Why are you being so uptight?
193
00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:48,975
Okay, I'm not uptight.
194
00:07:48,976 --> 00:07:49,976
Yes, you are.
195
00:07:49,977 --> 00:07:51,478
I don't know when it happened,
196
00:07:51,479 --> 00:07:53,046
but it happened.
197
00:07:53,047 --> 00:07:56,083
For example...
198
00:08:03,391 --> 00:08:04,825
That doesn't make me uptight.
199
00:08:04,826 --> 00:08:07,427
That makes me normal.
200
00:08:07,428 --> 00:08:09,629
Please close it.
201
00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:11,064
Uptight.
202
00:08:11,065 --> 00:08:13,500
- I am not.
- Mm-hmm.
203
00:08:13,501 --> 00:08:16,503
I just don't want these eggs to hatch.
204
00:08:16,504 --> 00:08:18,338
What happened to the guy
205
00:08:18,339 --> 00:08:20,640
who used to go to Starbucks in his boxers,
206
00:08:20,641 --> 00:08:22,909
who would sing Christina Aguilera
207
00:08:22,910 --> 00:08:24,344
in a crowded elevator?
208
00:08:24,345 --> 00:08:26,780
[Spanish accent] Aguilera.
209
00:08:26,781 --> 00:08:29,683
Okay, you're the one that
used to send me dirty pictures.
210
00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:31,651
What happened to that guy?
211
00:08:31,652 --> 00:08:33,053
That guy grew up.
212
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,355
That guy grew uptight.
213
00:08:35,356 --> 00:08:36,857
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
214
00:08:46,768 --> 00:08:47,934
How about that?
215
00:08:47,935 --> 00:08:50,003
Right in the middle of the living room.
216
00:08:50,004 --> 00:08:54,004
Lights on, blinds open. Whatever.
217
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:57,444
It's okay, baby. Everybody gets old.
218
00:08:57,445 --> 00:08:58,845
"Old"?
219
00:08:58,846 --> 00:09:00,113
I'm gonna go change.
220
00:09:00,114 --> 00:09:01,848
You probably want to get back to your NCIS.
221
00:09:01,849 --> 00:09:04,751
It's the number one show in the world.
222
00:09:07,488 --> 00:09:10,490
NCIS.
223
00:09:20,401 --> 00:09:22,369
[Belt buckle clinking]
224
00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:31,111
[Clears throat]
225
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,346
Uptight, huh?
226
00:09:33,347 --> 00:09:34,514
I'll show you uptight.
227
00:09:34,515 --> 00:09:38,552
Uptight and up close.
228
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:40,787
- Whoa!
- Aah!
229
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:41,788
Aah!
230
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:43,790
Aah!
231
00:09:47,428 --> 00:09:49,696
Whitney!
232
00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:53,066
Do you think I'm flakey?
233
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:56,819
What are you doing here?
234
00:09:56,820 --> 00:09:59,315
Wha--no--
What were you doing there?
235
00:09:59,435 --> 00:10:01,237
Okay, it's not what you think.
236
00:10:01,357 --> 00:10:02,524
I was proving a point.
237
00:10:02,525 --> 00:10:04,426
Oh, okay, well, you
proved a point with me.
238
00:10:04,427 --> 00:10:06,970
- It was very impressive.
- Very. Very.
239
00:10:07,017 --> 00:10:09,665
I thought we were gonna have to fight it.
240
00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:11,700
What is going on?
241
00:10:11,701 --> 00:10:14,470
Uh, we came over to ask you a question,
242
00:10:14,471 --> 00:10:16,738
but then we saw Alex's penis.
243
00:10:16,739 --> 00:10:20,739
And now I see it everywhere.
244
00:10:21,289 --> 00:10:23,579
So we're gonna go.
245
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,215
God, what is it with Wednesdays
246
00:10:26,216 --> 00:10:28,217
and me walking in on naked people?
247
00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:32,020
[Chuckles] I mean...
248
00:10:32,021 --> 00:10:33,589
[Door closes]
Look, I can explain.
249
00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:35,124
What are you do--
250
00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:37,192
Were you taking a dirty picture?
251
00:10:39,996 --> 00:10:41,396
Yeah.
252
00:10:41,397 --> 00:10:42,731
Aww.
253
00:10:42,732 --> 00:10:46,368
Alex. Wait, for who?
254
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:50,005
For Anderson Cooper. For you!
255
00:10:50,006 --> 00:10:51,974
Oh, I can't believe your
friends just walked in here
256
00:10:51,975 --> 00:10:54,443
and saw my...everything.
257
00:10:54,444 --> 00:10:55,711
And I'm just--they're gonna make fun of me.
258
00:10:55,712 --> 00:10:59,348
Okay, they are not gonna
make fun of you, okay?
259
00:10:59,349 --> 00:11:00,549
If they're gonna say something,
260
00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:02,251
they would have, like, texted me by now.
261
00:11:02,252 --> 00:11:06,252
[Phone vibrating]
262
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:09,525
That could be anyone.
263
00:11:09,526 --> 00:11:10,726
[Phone vibrating]
264
00:11:10,727 --> 00:11:13,328
Look. [Clears throat]
265
00:11:13,329 --> 00:11:14,363
[Snickers]
266
00:11:14,364 --> 00:11:15,697
I knew it.
267
00:11:15,698 --> 00:11:18,100
It's okay. Calm down.
268
00:11:18,101 --> 00:11:19,735
It is not that big of a deal.
269
00:11:19,736 --> 00:11:23,736
What do you mean by "not that big"?
270
00:11:25,375 --> 00:11:26,441
Hey, R.J., can you go downstairs
271
00:11:26,442 --> 00:11:28,277
and get me a jar of olives?
272
00:11:28,278 --> 00:11:30,078
I'm stuck on a super important call.
273
00:11:30,079 --> 00:11:31,713
Sure. Tell your mom I said hi.
274
00:11:31,714 --> 00:11:35,517
I'm not talking to my mom.
275
00:11:37,387 --> 00:11:39,588
What was that, Nana?
276
00:11:39,589 --> 00:11:42,157
No, that's just the guy I
work with and wanna be.
277
00:11:42,158 --> 00:11:43,292
What?
278
00:11:48,298 --> 00:11:50,232
Where's the olives?
279
00:11:53,603 --> 00:11:56,505
Are you okay?
280
00:11:58,608 --> 00:12:02,608
Um, I gotta go, beer delivery guy.
281
00:12:03,413 --> 00:12:06,415
Yeah, love you too.
282
00:12:07,984 --> 00:12:09,318
What's the matter with you?
283
00:12:09,319 --> 00:12:12,421
I saw something.
284
00:12:12,422 --> 00:12:15,290
Was it the drunk rat?
285
00:12:15,291 --> 00:12:18,527
No, I saw...a spider.
286
00:12:18,528 --> 00:12:21,096
I knew there had to be
something that set you off.
287
00:12:21,097 --> 00:12:23,265
You're afraid of spiders.
288
00:12:23,266 --> 00:12:26,468
You mean murderers with 50 eyes?
289
00:12:26,469 --> 00:12:30,405
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
290
00:12:30,406 --> 00:12:32,140
There's nothing funny about it.
291
00:12:32,141 --> 00:12:35,677
Okay, now let down your drawbridge.
292
00:12:37,247 --> 00:12:38,981
Look, when my dad left,
293
00:12:38,982 --> 00:12:41,016
I had to be the man around the house.
294
00:12:41,017 --> 00:12:43,552
Our new place had all these spiders.
295
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:45,420
My mom and my sister were scared of 'em,
296
00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:47,422
so I had to be the one that killed them.
297
00:12:47,423 --> 00:12:49,458
One night, one of the survivors...
298
00:12:52,528 --> 00:12:56,565
got his revenge...
299
00:12:56,566 --> 00:13:00,435
and bit me on the face.
300
00:13:00,436 --> 00:13:04,406
I can still feel the...
301
00:13:04,407 --> 00:13:06,642
Little hairy legs all ov--
302
00:13:08,444 --> 00:13:10,345
It was big, black--
303
00:13:10,346 --> 00:13:12,648
Careful...
304
00:13:15,351 --> 00:13:17,286
[Giggling] Yeah, that's good.
305
00:13:20,490 --> 00:13:22,324
Oh, really.
306
00:13:22,325 --> 00:13:24,593
Good obituaries today?
307
00:13:24,594 --> 00:13:26,495
[Laughs]
308
00:13:26,496 --> 00:13:28,363
Are you still emailing
with Roxanne and Lily?
309
00:13:28,364 --> 00:13:29,364
They're-- you're still at it?
310
00:13:29,365 --> 00:13:32,401
Oh, we're just joking.
311
00:13:32,402 --> 00:13:33,402
"Joking"?
312
00:13:33,403 --> 00:13:35,037
What? It was funny.
313
00:13:35,038 --> 00:13:36,338
We're just laughing about it.
314
00:13:36,339 --> 00:13:39,708
"It"? "Laughing"?
315
00:13:39,709 --> 00:13:42,210
- No, it's nothing.
- Come on, let me see.
316
00:13:42,211 --> 00:13:44,279
- I want to see. Can I see it?
- No.
317
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,015
All right. But look, it doesn't matter.
318
00:13:47,016 --> 00:13:48,283
You know, I don't care
about what they think.
319
00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:51,053
I know what I've got.
320
00:13:51,054 --> 00:13:52,988
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
321
00:13:52,989 --> 00:13:56,958
I've never gotten any complaints.
322
00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:59,361
We make it work.
323
00:13:59,362 --> 00:14:02,331
Hilarious. [Door closes]
324
00:14:10,606 --> 00:14:14,606
[Shower running]
325
00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:19,548
Whitney, you're taking a shower?
326
00:14:19,549 --> 00:14:23,385
No, it just started raining in here.
327
00:14:23,386 --> 00:14:25,387
Okay.
328
00:14:31,427 --> 00:14:34,062
Here we go.
329
00:14:34,063 --> 00:14:37,632
"Boots. Boots.
330
00:14:37,633 --> 00:14:40,535
Boots."
331
00:14:40,536 --> 00:14:43,372
There it is.
332
00:14:43,373 --> 00:14:45,006
[Laughs]
333
00:14:45,007 --> 00:14:46,375
Ah.
334
00:14:46,376 --> 00:14:48,143
That's not that bad.
335
00:14:48,144 --> 00:14:49,344
Alex, do you know where I put the--
336
00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:52,381
Yes? What? No, I didn't.
337
00:14:52,382 --> 00:14:54,349
Were you going through my emails?
338
00:14:54,350 --> 00:14:55,450
Well, I thought you were showering.
339
00:14:55,451 --> 00:14:57,319
I can't believe you.
340
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,453
Oh, me? What about you?
341
00:14:58,454 --> 00:14:59,955
You're the one who's deliberately
342
00:14:59,956 --> 00:15:02,424
wasting hot water.
343
00:15:02,425 --> 00:15:06,425
Don't even try to do--
you know I take ice-cold showers.
344
00:15:07,196 --> 00:15:08,697
Did you find what you were looking for?
345
00:15:08,698 --> 00:15:09,731
Okay, fine. You know what? Yeah.
346
00:15:09,732 --> 00:15:11,199
I was looking through your emails.
347
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,535
But I have a right to know
if you and your friends
348
00:15:13,536 --> 00:15:16,171
are making fun of my dong.
349
00:15:16,172 --> 00:15:17,506
That's my right.
350
00:15:17,507 --> 00:15:19,241
Okay, but you are the one that said
351
00:15:19,242 --> 00:15:21,076
that it is never okay to go
through someone else's emails.
352
00:15:21,077 --> 00:15:23,612
Now she's listening to me.
353
00:15:23,613 --> 00:15:25,514
Okay, you completely violated my privacy.
354
00:15:25,515 --> 00:15:27,716
Priv--since when do you care about privacy?
355
00:15:27,717 --> 00:15:29,484
You just took a photo of yourself
356
00:15:29,485 --> 00:15:32,154
that would make Robert Mapplethorpe blush.
357
00:15:32,155 --> 00:15:34,456
Okay, okay. First of
all, great reference.
358
00:15:34,457 --> 00:15:36,391
I appreciate your knowledge of photography
359
00:15:36,392 --> 00:15:38,026
since that is my profession.
360
00:15:38,027 --> 00:15:40,629
Second of all, I can't-- that--just admit
361
00:15:40,630 --> 00:15:42,164
that it was not cool that you did that.
362
00:15:42,165 --> 00:15:44,065
You're so stupid.
363
00:15:44,066 --> 00:15:45,233
So I'm stupid?
364
00:15:45,234 --> 00:15:47,969
Yeah. That's what I said.
365
00:15:47,970 --> 00:15:51,006
Well, you know what? You're crazy.
366
00:15:58,281 --> 00:16:00,048
Excuse me?
367
00:16:00,049 --> 00:16:01,450
Yeah, you heard me. I said you're crazy.
368
00:16:01,451 --> 00:16:04,486
Your eyes are crazy,
your clothes are crazy,
369
00:16:04,487 --> 00:16:08,089
your open-toed boots are crazy.
370
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:12,093
Your hair's crazy, your
long-ass arms are crazy,
371
00:16:12,094 --> 00:16:13,328
your eyes are crazy.
372
00:16:13,329 --> 00:16:16,465
Everything's crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
373
00:16:16,466 --> 00:16:19,401
Crazy!
374
00:16:20,736 --> 00:16:22,971
You already said my eyes are crazy.
375
00:16:22,972 --> 00:16:25,407
Yeah? Well, you got two of 'em.
376
00:16:25,408 --> 00:16:29,311
And they're both crazy.
377
00:16:29,312 --> 00:16:31,713
I'll pack an overnight bag.
378
00:16:37,576 --> 00:16:39,511
Mark?
379
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,516
Mark?
380
00:16:42,815 --> 00:16:44,516
Mark!
381
00:16:44,925 --> 00:16:47,393
You are such a wimp.
382
00:16:47,394 --> 00:16:48,928
There are no spiders down there.
383
00:16:48,929 --> 00:16:52,565
Is that what he told you to say?
384
00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:58,137
Yaaah!
385
00:16:59,272 --> 00:17:02,007
What is wrong with you?
386
00:17:04,644 --> 00:17:07,213
You look completely ridiculous.
387
00:17:09,282 --> 00:17:10,916
Spiders are more afraid of people
388
00:17:10,917 --> 00:17:13,619
than people are of spiders.
389
00:17:18,358 --> 00:17:20,192
[Shrieks]
390
00:17:20,193 --> 00:17:22,061
[Shrieking]
391
00:17:22,062 --> 00:17:24,363
[Both shrieking and whooping]
392
00:17:24,364 --> 00:17:27,399
Uhh! Uhh! No, no, no. No, no.
393
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,303
Y-you're not helping.
You're just making a mess.
394
00:17:33,273 --> 00:17:34,940
Both: Aah!
395
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,977
He's making eye contact with me.
396
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:40,412
I mean, "eyes" contact.
397
00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:43,082
- Get the gun.
- We have a gun?
398
00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,450
I thought you had a gun.
399
00:17:44,451 --> 00:17:47,987
- Don't be racist right now.
- Is that racist?
400
00:17:47,988 --> 00:17:51,323
Well, if you have to ask, it probably is.
401
00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,093
Hey.
402
00:17:54,094 --> 00:17:56,362
Wow, what's the matter?
403
00:17:56,363 --> 00:17:59,298
Oh, look. A spider.
404
00:17:59,299 --> 00:18:02,401
[Baby voice] He's a big boy.
405
00:18:02,402 --> 00:18:04,103
You ladies don't move.
406
00:18:04,104 --> 00:18:05,437
I got this.
407
00:18:05,438 --> 00:18:07,306
I'm just gonna yelp "exterminators."
408
00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:10,309
Wait, I'm a member of Angie's list.
409
00:18:11,978 --> 00:18:16,682
I'm gonna go set it free.
410
00:18:16,683 --> 00:18:20,683
Hi, buddy. What's your name?
411
00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:23,422
It's so tickly.
[Gasps]
412
00:18:23,423 --> 00:18:27,326
[Baby voice] Who's a good little spider?
413
00:18:27,327 --> 00:18:28,928
How can you do that?
414
00:18:28,929 --> 00:18:31,130
It's so big and scary.
415
00:18:31,131 --> 00:18:32,698
Oh, we're not afraid of anything.
416
00:18:32,699 --> 00:18:36,699
Yeah. We saw Alex's penis.
417
00:18:37,404 --> 00:18:39,138
Ah.
418
00:18:41,408 --> 00:18:43,576
- Hey.
- Hey.
419
00:18:43,577 --> 00:18:46,645
- I'm going to bed.
- Good night.
420
00:18:46,646 --> 00:18:47,913
Night.
421
00:18:47,914 --> 00:18:51,116
It's 4:30.
422
00:18:51,117 --> 00:18:53,385
I'll take Tylenol pm.
423
00:18:53,386 --> 00:18:56,522
We're all out of Tylenol pm.
424
00:18:56,523 --> 00:18:59,358
I'll eat some turkey.
425
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:01,527
We both agreed no eating in the bedroom
426
00:19:01,528 --> 00:19:05,698
unless we're filming.
427
00:19:10,370 --> 00:19:12,972
Look, Whit, I shouldn't
have called you crazy.
428
00:19:12,973 --> 00:19:14,173
No, you shouldn't have.
429
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:17,042
I know crazy. I come from crazy, okay?
430
00:19:17,043 --> 00:19:20,379
And I am not that. I'm not that for you.
431
00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:23,949
So for you of all people to
call me that really sucks.
432
00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:25,351
It invalidates how hard I have worked
433
00:19:25,352 --> 00:19:28,287
to not be crazy, so that
I wouldn't ruin this.
434
00:19:28,288 --> 00:19:30,289
All right, well, you didn't
have to call me stupid.
435
00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:32,024
I never called you stupid.
436
00:19:32,025 --> 00:19:34,026
Yeah, you did. You called
me stupid with the emails.
437
00:19:34,027 --> 00:19:36,395
- I did?
- Yeah.
438
00:19:36,853 --> 00:19:39,888
And last year when we went to Seattle,
439
00:19:39,889 --> 00:19:44,359
you called me stupid 'cause
I wanted to rent an S.U.V.
440
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,095
And then a couple months ago,
we were both in the kitchen,
441
00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:48,764
you called me stupid with the stove.
442
00:19:48,765 --> 00:19:50,999
I'm pretty sure in the
kitchen, I called you a moron.
443
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,069
No, that I'm fine with.
444
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:56,138
Then why aren't you fine with stupid?
445
00:19:59,843 --> 00:20:01,844
Look, when I was a kid,
446
00:20:01,845 --> 00:20:03,779
I had a lot of trouble in school.
447
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:06,115
And my brother was in all
the advanced classes
448
00:20:06,116 --> 00:20:08,050
and always got straight as.
449
00:20:08,051 --> 00:20:10,919
And my mom had to tutor me
every night before dinner.
450
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,723
And my brother would just
constantly call me stupid.
451
00:20:14,724 --> 00:20:17,726
And my dad would laugh.
452
00:20:20,096 --> 00:20:21,964
I didn't know that.
453
00:20:21,965 --> 00:20:24,766
Yeah, so it just bothers me.
454
00:20:28,538 --> 00:20:30,939
I promise not to call you stupid anymore.
455
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:33,675
From now on,
456
00:20:33,676 --> 00:20:36,845
I'll only think it.
457
00:20:36,846 --> 00:20:38,847
You know, it's pretty cool
458
00:20:38,848 --> 00:20:40,682
we can make fun of each other like this.
459
00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:41,850
You know what I mean?
460
00:20:41,851 --> 00:20:43,519
I don't think most couples can do that.
461
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,920
Yeah, but we should probably stay away
462
00:20:44,921 --> 00:20:48,056
from those particular words, you know.
463
00:20:48,057 --> 00:20:50,626
So how about instead of "stupid,"
464
00:20:50,627 --> 00:20:52,861
from now on I'll call you...
465
00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:54,730
"Genius."
466
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:59,134
And instead of "crazy," I'll call you...
467
00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:01,003
Sofia Vergara.
468
00:21:01,004 --> 00:21:03,572
[Spanish accent] Vergara.
469
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:07,876
You know, I'm really
glad we have each other.
470
00:21:07,877 --> 00:21:09,011
Me too.
471
00:21:09,012 --> 00:21:13,148
'Cause no one else would hang out with us.
472
00:21:13,149 --> 00:21:14,583
Why not?
473
00:21:14,584 --> 00:21:18,584
Because I'm crazy and you're...
474
00:21:19,422 --> 00:21:21,124
a genius.
475
00:21:21,803 --> 00:21:32,217
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com