1
00:00:06,386 --> 00:00:07,486
Mm.
2
00:00:07,487 --> 00:00:09,688
Oh, this soup is really hot.
3
00:00:09,689 --> 00:00:11,223
Hey, shh.
4
00:00:11,224 --> 00:00:12,424
That couple's
having a fight over there.
5
00:00:12,425 --> 00:00:14,526
It's a really good one. He's pissed.
6
00:00:14,527 --> 00:00:15,761
All I know is that
7
00:00:15,762 --> 00:00:17,262
I would never look through your email
8
00:00:17,263 --> 00:00:19,264
because I respect your privacy.
9
00:00:19,265 --> 00:00:21,667
Oh. She checked his email.
10
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:23,669
That is never okay.
11
00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:26,471
Mm-kay, well, why are you defending him
12
00:00:26,472 --> 00:00:28,540
if you have nothing to hide?
13
00:00:28,541 --> 00:00:30,575
Have you ever checked my emails?
14
00:00:30,576 --> 00:00:32,911
Not anymore. They're so boring.
15
00:00:32,912 --> 00:00:35,647
I mean, it's all like
fantasy football updates,
16
00:00:35,648 --> 00:00:38,650
and what is your obsession
with pottery barn?
17
00:00:38,651 --> 00:00:40,552
I bought one frame four years ago.
18
00:00:40,553 --> 00:00:43,455
They're obsessed with me.
19
00:00:43,456 --> 00:00:46,191
Emailing with a girl is
absolutely cheating.
20
00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:47,325
How could I cheat on you?
21
00:00:47,326 --> 00:00:49,628
You know the password to my cell phone.
22
00:00:49,629 --> 00:00:53,131
Okay, well, that woman is crazy.
23
00:01:00,173 --> 00:01:02,507
You know I don't love that word.
24
00:01:02,508 --> 00:01:03,608
Right.
25
00:01:03,609 --> 00:01:05,577
I don't understand why anytime
26
00:01:05,578 --> 00:01:07,612
a woman stands up for herself, she's crazy.
27
00:01:07,613 --> 00:01:09,414
I mean, for a guy to be called crazy,
28
00:01:09,415 --> 00:01:11,550
he's got to be a homeless crackhead
29
00:01:11,551 --> 00:01:12,718
talking to pigeons.
30
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,373
For a woman to be called crazy,
31
00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,042
she just has to talk.
32
00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,878
Sorry. I-I didn't mean
to call that woman crazy.
33
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:22,080
She's not crazy. She's just...
34
00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:26,081
Irrational, paranoid, and psychotic.
35
00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:27,888
Thank you.
36
00:01:28,008 --> 00:01:34,292
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:36,421 --> 00:01:38,489
- Okay, that's not what I said.
- I'm just saying.
38
00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:40,224
Nobody should have a
password on their phone
39
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,294
because nobody should be
trying to get into it anyway.
40
00:01:43,295 --> 00:01:44,662
Okay, but if you weren't
doing something shady,
41
00:01:44,663 --> 00:01:46,363
you wouldn't need a password
in the first place.
42
00:01:46,364 --> 00:01:47,565
Okay. Hey.
43
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,934
Can you guys take your
fight somewhere else?
44
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,069
It's making me jealous.
45
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,705
Look out. Nailed it.
46
00:01:54,706 --> 00:01:56,607
- Who's next.
- I am, I am.
47
00:01:56,608 --> 00:01:58,242
Alex, give them some money.
48
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,244
What am I doing?
49
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,345
No, we're playing a game to see
50
00:02:01,346 --> 00:02:02,947
who can take the funniest photo.
51
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,181
And the winner gets their pick
52
00:02:04,182 --> 00:02:05,516
of one item from the lost and found.
53
00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:07,017
Oh, man. I want those dentures.
54
00:02:07,018 --> 00:02:11,155
- For what?
- You'll see.
55
00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:13,591
She's going for those dumb teeth?
She's crazy.
56
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,426
There's an iPod nano right in the front.
57
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,527
Whoa, whoa, whoa, R.J.
58
00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:18,596
Don't say the "C" word around Whitney.
59
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,333
No, no. I said "front."
60
00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:24,301
No, no, no. She hates the word "crazy."
61
00:02:24,302 --> 00:02:25,402
It triggers something weird in her,
62
00:02:25,403 --> 00:02:27,004
and it takes her a long time to explain
63
00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:28,472
why it's your fault.
64
00:02:28,473 --> 00:02:31,408
Oh. I'm like that with the word "flakey."
65
00:02:31,409 --> 00:02:32,676
If I cancel hanging out with you,
66
00:02:32,677 --> 00:02:34,278
it's not because I'm flakey.
67
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:37,448
It's because I don't want
to hang out with you.
68
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,016
Mine is "bitch."
69
00:02:39,017 --> 00:02:41,352
It's not my fault if
your jokes aren't funny.
70
00:02:41,353 --> 00:02:43,454
Mark.
71
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:46,323
Mine is "wuss." Even how it sounds.
72
00:02:46,324 --> 00:02:50,160
Especially how it looks
scratched into your locker.
73
00:02:50,161 --> 00:02:53,364
All right, what's your
third rail word, R.J.?
74
00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:55,099
I don't have one.
75
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:57,468
What? Come on. Everybody's
got a hot button.
76
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,470
What about, like, "wimp"?
77
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,071
- Nope.
- "African prince"?
78
00:03:01,072 --> 00:03:03,507
Careful.
79
00:03:03,508 --> 00:03:05,376
All right.
80
00:03:05,377 --> 00:03:09,113
- Your turn.
- All right.
81
00:03:09,114 --> 00:03:11,315
Don't look.
82
00:03:15,353 --> 00:03:18,188
Got it.
83
00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:20,224
Okay. All the photos are in.
84
00:03:20,225 --> 00:03:21,425
Here we go.
85
00:03:21,426 --> 00:03:23,394
Our first contestant...
86
00:03:27,699 --> 00:03:29,333
Come on!
87
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:33,334
It's a picture of non-alcoholic beer.
88
00:03:34,572 --> 00:03:37,941
It's so ridiculous.
89
00:03:37,942 --> 00:03:39,710
Okay. Next.
90
00:03:39,711 --> 00:03:41,111
Oh, that's mine.
91
00:03:41,112 --> 00:03:42,279
What is it?
92
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,380
My paycheck.
93
00:03:43,381 --> 00:03:45,382
It's the biggest joke around here.
94
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,687
Oh, okay. You think that's funny?
95
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,688
Guys, the beer has zero alcohol in it.
96
00:03:56,561 --> 00:03:58,595
Okay. Next.
97
00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:03,934
Do it! Do it. I love that face.
98
00:04:03,935 --> 00:04:07,071
There you go.
99
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:11,141
Okay. Next.
100
00:04:11,142 --> 00:04:13,310
That one's mine.
101
00:04:13,311 --> 00:04:15,646
Is that your butt?
102
00:04:15,647 --> 00:04:17,147
Yeah.
103
00:04:17,148 --> 00:04:18,315
Will you forward me that?
104
00:04:18,316 --> 00:04:20,684
Okay, you know what? Game over.
105
00:04:20,685 --> 00:04:22,653
What? Oh, I won. Landslide.
106
00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:24,488
We're obviously gonna
be calling it a night.
107
00:04:24,489 --> 00:04:27,558
I'm going to call it the
night I saw Whitney's butt.
108
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,625
Wait, I want to get my teeth.
109
00:04:28,626 --> 00:04:30,194
Come on, leave the teeth.
110
00:04:30,195 --> 00:04:31,395
You've got enough.
111
00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:39,755
Why are you so freaked out about this?
112
00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:41,824
It's not a big deal. It was just my butt.
113
00:04:41,825 --> 00:04:43,659
It looked like a peach.
114
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:46,128
Yeah, that's my peach.
115
00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:48,564
Okay, it was our friends.
They don't care.
116
00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:49,765
They thought it was funny.
117
00:04:49,766 --> 00:04:51,567
No. Nobody thought it was funny.
118
00:04:51,568 --> 00:04:54,703
Did they think it was sexy?
119
00:04:54,704 --> 00:04:56,472
No, it was a bummer.
120
00:04:56,473 --> 00:04:59,608
God. How long are you
gonna be mad about this?
121
00:04:59,609 --> 00:05:01,343
I don't know. That was a big deal.
122
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:04,380
Excuse me?
123
00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:06,916
No. I mean, showing all of our friends
124
00:05:06,917 --> 00:05:08,117
your fanny, all right?
125
00:05:08,118 --> 00:05:09,885
It was supposed to be a
funny photo contest,
126
00:05:09,886 --> 00:05:12,621
not a mole check.
127
00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:14,490
Look, I only have another couple years
128
00:05:14,491 --> 00:05:16,725
to take pictures like that before my peach
129
00:05:16,726 --> 00:05:20,129
turns into a prune.
130
00:05:20,130 --> 00:05:22,131
That's not how fruit works.
131
00:05:22,132 --> 00:05:25,000
Look, the reason why I'm
so pissed off about this
132
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:27,102
is because I'm your husband,
and I'm the only guy
133
00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:28,470
that gets to see you like that.
134
00:05:28,471 --> 00:05:30,406
Alex, I was just trying
135
00:05:30,407 --> 00:05:33,475
to win us some teeth.
136
00:05:33,476 --> 00:05:35,978
You missed out on a really weird threesome.
137
00:05:37,447 --> 00:05:41,383
Uh, I don't even know-- know
what that means.
138
00:05:44,988 --> 00:05:47,756
Come on, R.J. You have
to have a third rail word.
139
00:05:47,757 --> 00:05:49,024
Just tell me what it is.
140
00:05:49,025 --> 00:05:51,093
"Weirdo beardo."
141
00:05:51,094 --> 00:05:52,995
Nope.
142
00:05:52,996 --> 00:05:54,129
Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
143
00:05:54,130 --> 00:05:56,799
Your beard's a work of art.
144
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,802
What about "King Dork"?
That one always stings.
145
00:05:59,803 --> 00:06:03,803
Or "virgin" or "Skid Mark."
146
00:06:04,975 --> 00:06:06,775
I do not have any hot button words
147
00:06:06,776 --> 00:06:09,678
because I'm an adult.
148
00:06:09,679 --> 00:06:10,779
Yeah.
149
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:11,880
But something must have happened to you
150
00:06:11,881 --> 00:06:13,582
when you were a kid that messed you up
151
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:14,817
and left a scar.
152
00:06:14,818 --> 00:06:16,752
I mean, not on your perfect face
153
00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:18,354
but somewhere.
154
00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:20,456
Maybe, but I don't sit
around and whine about things
155
00:06:20,457 --> 00:06:21,991
because I'm not a child.
156
00:06:21,992 --> 00:06:24,393
Neither am I.
157
00:06:24,394 --> 00:06:25,527
Oh.
158
00:06:25,528 --> 00:06:28,731
Michelle's baby shower was last weekend.
159
00:06:28,732 --> 00:06:30,633
So you missed it?
160
00:06:30,634 --> 00:06:34,370
Well, if it was important,
I would've remembered.
161
00:06:34,371 --> 00:06:36,839
I don't know that baby.
162
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,475
I'll show up when it has a memory.
163
00:06:39,476 --> 00:06:43,412
And you wonder why
people call you flakey.
164
00:06:43,413 --> 00:06:45,481
And it doesn't make me a bitch to say that.
165
00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:47,483
Saying that makes me honest.
166
00:06:47,484 --> 00:06:50,519
I am not flakey.
167
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:51,820
Okay.
168
00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:54,823
Okay, well, I don't think I'm flakey,
169
00:06:54,824 --> 00:06:55,991
and you obviously do.
170
00:06:55,992 --> 00:06:57,793
So Whitney will be the tie breaker.
171
00:06:57,794 --> 00:06:59,061
You know what?
172
00:06:59,062 --> 00:07:00,663
Let's go over there right
now and settle this.
173
00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:04,967
You forgot your purse.
174
00:07:04,968 --> 00:07:06,835
I know.
175
00:07:06,836 --> 00:07:09,371
I was coming back to get it.
176
00:07:09,372 --> 00:07:11,340
Bitch.
177
00:07:13,410 --> 00:07:16,345
Phone.
178
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:24,653
Make sure Lily deleted that picture.
179
00:07:24,654 --> 00:07:27,589
It might be in the cloud.
180
00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:29,858
"The cloud"?
181
00:07:29,859 --> 00:07:31,660
Your peach is in the cloud?
182
00:07:31,661 --> 00:07:33,762
It's not that big of a deal.
183
00:07:33,763 --> 00:07:35,931
I mean, everybody watches porn.
184
00:07:35,932 --> 00:07:37,566
No, you're not a porn star.
185
00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:39,535
Hey! I could be.
186
00:07:39,536 --> 00:07:43,005
Ask my therapist.
187
00:07:43,006 --> 00:07:44,707
Why are you being so uptight?
188
00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,975
Okay, I'm not uptight.
189
00:07:46,976 --> 00:07:47,976
Yes, you are.
190
00:07:47,977 --> 00:07:49,478
I don't know when it happened,
191
00:07:49,479 --> 00:07:51,046
but it happened.
192
00:07:51,047 --> 00:07:54,083
For example...
193
00:08:01,391 --> 00:08:02,825
That doesn't make me uptight.
194
00:08:02,826 --> 00:08:05,427
That makes me normal.
195
00:08:05,428 --> 00:08:07,629
Please close it.
196
00:08:07,630 --> 00:08:09,064
Uptight.
197
00:08:09,065 --> 00:08:11,500
- I am not.
- Mm-hmm.
198
00:08:11,501 --> 00:08:14,503
I just don't want these eggs to hatch.
199
00:08:14,504 --> 00:08:16,338
What happened to the guy
200
00:08:16,339 --> 00:08:18,640
who used to go to Starbucks in his boxers,
201
00:08:18,641 --> 00:08:20,909
who would sing Christina Aguilera
202
00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:22,344
in a crowded elevator?
203
00:08:22,345 --> 00:08:24,780
Aguilera.
204
00:08:24,781 --> 00:08:27,683
Okay, you're the one that
used to send me dirty pictures.
205
00:08:27,684 --> 00:08:29,651
What happened to that guy?
206
00:08:29,652 --> 00:08:31,053
That guy grew up.
207
00:08:31,054 --> 00:08:33,355
That guy grew uptight.
208
00:08:33,356 --> 00:08:34,857
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
209
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:45,934
How about that?
210
00:08:45,935 --> 00:08:48,003
Right in the middle of the living room.
211
00:08:48,004 --> 00:08:52,004
Lights on, blinds open. Whatever.
212
00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:55,444
It's okay, baby. Everybody gets old.
213
00:08:55,445 --> 00:08:56,845
"Old"?
214
00:08:56,846 --> 00:08:58,113
I'm gonna go change.
215
00:08:58,114 --> 00:08:59,848
You probably want to get back to your NCIS.
216
00:08:59,849 --> 00:09:02,751
It's the number one show in the world.
217
00:09:05,488 --> 00:09:08,490
NCIS.
218
00:09:29,112 --> 00:09:31,346
Uptight, huh?
219
00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:32,514
I'll show you uptight.
220
00:09:32,515 --> 00:09:36,552
Uptight and up close.
221
00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:38,787
- Whoa!
- Aah!
222
00:09:38,788 --> 00:09:39,788
Aah!
223
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:41,790
Aah!
224
00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,696
Whitney!
225
00:09:47,697 --> 00:09:51,066
Do you think I'm flakey?
226
00:09:52,119 --> 00:09:54,019
What are you doing here?
227
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,515
Wha--no--
What were you doing there?
228
00:09:56,635 --> 00:09:58,437
Okay, it's not what you think.
229
00:09:58,557 --> 00:09:59,724
I was proving a point.
230
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,626
Oh, okay, well, you
proved a point with me.
231
00:10:01,627 --> 00:10:04,170
- It was very impressive.
- Very. Very.
232
00:10:04,217 --> 00:10:06,865
I thought we were gonna have to fight it.
233
00:10:06,866 --> 00:10:08,900
What is going on?
234
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:11,670
Uh, we came over to ask you a question,
235
00:10:11,671 --> 00:10:13,938
but then we saw Alex's penis.
236
00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:17,939
And now I see it everywhere.
237
00:10:18,489 --> 00:10:20,779
So we're gonna go.
238
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:23,415
God, what is it with Wednesdays
239
00:10:23,416 --> 00:10:25,417
and me walking in on naked people?
240
00:10:25,418 --> 00:10:29,220
I mean...
241
00:10:29,221 --> 00:10:30,789
Look, I can explain.
242
00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:32,324
What are you do--
243
00:10:32,325 --> 00:10:34,392
Were you taking a dirty picture?
244
00:10:37,196 --> 00:10:38,596
Yeah.
245
00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:39,931
Aww.
246
00:10:39,932 --> 00:10:43,568
Alex. Wait, for who?
247
00:10:43,569 --> 00:10:47,205
For Anderson Cooper. For you!
248
00:10:47,206 --> 00:10:49,174
Oh, I can't believe your
friends just walked in here
249
00:10:49,175 --> 00:10:51,643
and saw my...everything.
250
00:10:51,644 --> 00:10:52,911
And I'm just--they're gonna make fun of me.
251
00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:56,548
Okay, they are not gonna
make fun of you, okay?
252
00:10:56,549 --> 00:10:57,749
If they're gonna say something,
253
00:10:57,750 --> 00:10:59,451
they would have, like, texted me by now.
254
00:11:05,658 --> 00:11:06,725
That could be anyone.
255
00:11:07,927 --> 00:11:10,528
Look.
256
00:11:11,564 --> 00:11:12,897
I knew it.
257
00:11:12,898 --> 00:11:15,300
It's okay. Calm down.
258
00:11:15,301 --> 00:11:16,935
It is not that big of a deal.
259
00:11:16,936 --> 00:11:20,936
What do you mean by "not that big"?
260
00:11:22,575 --> 00:11:23,641
Hey, R.J., can you go downstairs
261
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,477
and get me a jar of olives?
262
00:11:25,478 --> 00:11:27,278
I'm stuck on a super important call.
263
00:11:27,279 --> 00:11:28,913
Sure. Tell your mom I said hi.
264
00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:32,717
I'm not talking to my mom.
265
00:11:34,587 --> 00:11:36,788
What was that, Nana?
266
00:11:36,789 --> 00:11:39,357
No, that's just the guy I
work with and wanna be.
267
00:11:39,358 --> 00:11:40,492
What?
268
00:11:45,498 --> 00:11:47,432
Where's the olives?
269
00:11:50,803 --> 00:11:53,705
Are you okay?
270
00:11:55,808 --> 00:11:59,808
Um, I gotta go, beer delivery guy.
271
00:12:00,613 --> 00:12:03,615
Yeah, love you too.
272
00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:06,518
What's the matter with you?
273
00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:09,621
I saw something.
274
00:12:09,622 --> 00:12:12,490
Was it the drunk rat?
275
00:12:12,491 --> 00:12:15,727
No, I saw...a spider.
276
00:12:15,728 --> 00:12:18,296
I knew there had to be
something that set you off.
277
00:12:18,297 --> 00:12:20,465
You're afraid of spiders.
278
00:12:20,466 --> 00:12:23,668
You mean murderers with 50 eyes?
279
00:12:23,669 --> 00:12:27,605
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
280
00:12:27,606 --> 00:12:29,340
There's nothing funny about it.
281
00:12:29,341 --> 00:12:32,877
Okay, now let down your drawbridge.
282
00:12:34,447 --> 00:12:36,181
Look, when my dad left,
283
00:12:36,182 --> 00:12:38,216
I had to be the man around the house.
284
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,752
Our new place had all these spiders.
285
00:12:40,753 --> 00:12:42,620
My mom and my sister were scared of 'em,
286
00:12:42,621 --> 00:12:44,622
so I had to be the one that killed them.
287
00:12:44,623 --> 00:12:46,658
One night, one of the survivors...
288
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:53,765
got his revenge...
289
00:12:53,766 --> 00:12:57,635
and bit me on the face.
290
00:12:57,636 --> 00:13:01,606
I can still feel the...
291
00:13:01,607 --> 00:13:03,842
Little hairy legs all ov--
292
00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:07,545
It was big, black--
293
00:13:07,546 --> 00:13:09,848
Careful...
294
00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:14,486
Yeah, that's good.
295
00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:19,524
Oh, really.
296
00:13:19,525 --> 00:13:21,793
Good obituaries today?
297
00:13:23,696 --> 00:13:25,563
Are you still emailing
with Roxanne and Lily?
298
00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:26,564
They're-- you're still at it?
299
00:13:26,565 --> 00:13:29,601
Oh, we're just joking.
300
00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:30,602
"Joking"?
301
00:13:30,603 --> 00:13:32,237
What? It was funny.
302
00:13:32,238 --> 00:13:33,538
We're just laughing about it.
303
00:13:33,539 --> 00:13:36,908
"It"? "Laughing"?
304
00:13:36,909 --> 00:13:39,410
- No, it's nothing.
- Come on, let me see.
305
00:13:39,411 --> 00:13:41,479
- I want to see. Can I see it?
- No.
306
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,215
All right. But look, it doesn't matter.
307
00:13:44,216 --> 00:13:45,483
You know, I don't care
about what they think.
308
00:13:45,484 --> 00:13:48,253
I know what I've got.
309
00:13:48,254 --> 00:13:50,188
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
310
00:13:50,189 --> 00:13:54,158
I've never gotten any complaints.
311
00:13:54,159 --> 00:13:56,561
We make it work.
312
00:13:56,562 --> 00:13:59,531
Hilarious.
313
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:16,748
Whitney, you're taking a shower?
314
00:14:16,749 --> 00:14:20,585
No, it just started raining in here.
315
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:22,587
Okay.
316
00:14:28,627 --> 00:14:31,262
Here we go.
317
00:14:31,263 --> 00:14:34,832
"Boots. Boots.
318
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:37,735
Boots."
319
00:14:37,736 --> 00:14:40,572
There it is.
320
00:14:42,207 --> 00:14:43,575
Ah.
321
00:14:43,576 --> 00:14:45,343
That's not that bad.
322
00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:46,544
Alex, do you know where I put the--
323
00:14:46,545 --> 00:14:49,581
Yes? What? No, I didn't.
324
00:14:49,582 --> 00:14:51,549
Were you going through my emails?
325
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:52,650
Well, I thought you were showering.
326
00:14:52,651 --> 00:14:54,519
I can't believe you.
327
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:55,653
Oh, me? What about you?
328
00:14:55,654 --> 00:14:57,155
You're the one who's deliberately
329
00:14:57,156 --> 00:14:59,624
wasting hot water.
330
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:03,625
Don't even try to do--
you know I take ice-cold showers.
331
00:15:04,396 --> 00:15:05,897
Did you find what you were looking for?
332
00:15:05,898 --> 00:15:06,931
Okay, fine. You know what? Yeah.
333
00:15:06,932 --> 00:15:08,399
I was looking through your emails.
334
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,735
But I have a right to know
if you and your friends
335
00:15:10,736 --> 00:15:13,371
are making fun of my dong.
336
00:15:13,372 --> 00:15:14,706
That's my right.
337
00:15:14,707 --> 00:15:16,441
Okay, but you are the one that said
338
00:15:16,442 --> 00:15:18,276
that it is never okay to go
through someone else's emails.
339
00:15:18,277 --> 00:15:20,812
Now she's listening to me.
340
00:15:20,813 --> 00:15:22,714
Okay, you completely violated my privacy.
341
00:15:22,715 --> 00:15:24,916
Priv--since when do you care about privacy?
342
00:15:24,917 --> 00:15:26,684
You just took a photo of yourself
343
00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:29,354
that would make Robert Mapplethorpe blush.
344
00:15:29,355 --> 00:15:31,656
Okay, okay. First of
all, great reference.
345
00:15:31,657 --> 00:15:33,591
I appreciate your knowledge of photography
346
00:15:33,592 --> 00:15:35,226
since that is my profession.
347
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:37,829
Second of all, I can't-- that--just admit
348
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:39,364
that it was not cool that you did that.
349
00:15:39,365 --> 00:15:41,265
You're so stupid.
350
00:15:41,266 --> 00:15:42,433
So I'm stupid?
351
00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:45,169
Yeah. That's what I said.
352
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:48,206
Well, you know what? You're crazy.
353
00:15:55,481 --> 00:15:57,248
Excuse me?
354
00:15:57,249 --> 00:15:58,650
Yeah, you heard me. I said you're crazy.
355
00:15:58,651 --> 00:16:01,686
Your eyes are crazy,
your clothes are crazy,
356
00:16:01,687 --> 00:16:05,289
your open-toed boots are crazy.
357
00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:09,293
Your hair's crazy, your
long-ass arms are crazy,
358
00:16:09,294 --> 00:16:10,528
your eyes are crazy.
359
00:16:10,529 --> 00:16:13,665
Everything's crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
360
00:16:13,666 --> 00:16:16,601
Crazy!
361
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,171
You already said my eyes are crazy.
362
00:16:20,172 --> 00:16:22,607
Yeah? Well, you got two of 'em.
363
00:16:22,608 --> 00:16:26,511
And they're both crazy.
364
00:16:26,512 --> 00:16:28,913
I'll pack an overnight bag.
365
00:16:33,676 --> 00:16:35,611
Mark?
366
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,616
Mark?
367
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,616
Mark!
368
00:16:41,025 --> 00:16:43,493
You are such a wimp.
369
00:16:43,494 --> 00:16:45,028
There are no spiders down there.
370
00:16:45,029 --> 00:16:48,665
Is that what he told you to say?
371
00:16:51,101 --> 00:16:54,237
Yaaah!
372
00:16:55,372 --> 00:16:58,107
What is wrong with you?
373
00:17:00,744 --> 00:17:03,313
You look completely ridiculous.
374
00:17:05,382 --> 00:17:07,016
Spiders are more afraid of people
375
00:17:07,017 --> 00:17:09,719
than people are of spiders.
376
00:17:20,464 --> 00:17:23,499
Uhh! Uhh! No, no, no. No, no.
377
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:27,403
Y-you're not helping.
You're just making a mess.
378
00:17:29,373 --> 00:17:31,040
Aah!
379
00:17:32,242 --> 00:17:34,077
He's making eye contact with me.
380
00:17:34,078 --> 00:17:36,512
I mean, "eyes" contact.
381
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,182
- Get the gun.
- We have a gun?
382
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,550
I thought you had a gun.
383
00:17:41,651 --> 00:17:45,187
- Don't be racist right now.
- Is that racist?
384
00:17:45,188 --> 00:17:48,523
Well, if you have to ask, it probably is.
385
00:17:49,559 --> 00:17:51,293
Hey.
386
00:17:51,294 --> 00:17:53,562
Wow, what's the matter?
387
00:17:53,563 --> 00:17:56,498
Oh, look. A spider.
388
00:17:56,499 --> 00:17:59,601
He's a big boy.
389
00:17:59,602 --> 00:18:01,303
You ladies don't move.
390
00:18:01,304 --> 00:18:02,637
I got this.
391
00:18:02,638 --> 00:18:04,506
I'm just gonna yelp "exterminators."
392
00:18:04,507 --> 00:18:07,509
Wait, I'm a member of Angie's list.
393
00:18:09,178 --> 00:18:13,882
I'm gonna go set it free.
394
00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:17,883
Hi, buddy. What's your name?
395
00:18:18,821 --> 00:18:20,622
It's so tickly.
396
00:18:20,623 --> 00:18:24,526
Who's a good little spider?
397
00:18:24,527 --> 00:18:26,128
How can you do that?
398
00:18:26,129 --> 00:18:28,330
It's so big and scary.
399
00:18:28,331 --> 00:18:29,898
Oh, we're not afraid of anything.
400
00:18:29,899 --> 00:18:33,899
Yeah. We saw Alex's penis.
401
00:18:34,604 --> 00:18:36,338
Ah.
402
00:18:38,608 --> 00:18:40,776
- Hey.
- Hey.
403
00:18:40,777 --> 00:18:43,845
- I'm going to bed.
- Good night.
404
00:18:43,846 --> 00:18:45,113
Night.
405
00:18:45,114 --> 00:18:48,316
It's 4:30.
406
00:18:48,317 --> 00:18:50,585
I'll take Tylenol pm.
407
00:18:50,586 --> 00:18:53,722
We're all out of Tylenol pm.
408
00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:56,558
I'll eat some turkey.
409
00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:58,727
We both agreed no eating in the bedroom
410
00:18:58,728 --> 00:19:02,898
unless we're filming.
411
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:10,172
Look, Whit, I shouldn't
have called you crazy.
412
00:19:10,173 --> 00:19:11,373
No, you shouldn't have.
413
00:19:11,374 --> 00:19:14,242
I know crazy. I come from crazy, okay?
414
00:19:14,243 --> 00:19:17,579
And I am not that. I'm not that for you.
415
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:21,149
So for you of all people to
call me that really sucks.
416
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:22,551
It invalidates how hard I have worked
417
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:25,487
to not be crazy, so that
I wouldn't ruin this.
418
00:19:25,488 --> 00:19:27,489
All right, well, you didn't
have to call me stupid.
419
00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:29,224
I never called you stupid.
420
00:19:29,225 --> 00:19:31,226
Yeah, you did. You called
me stupid with the emails.
421
00:19:31,227 --> 00:19:33,595
- I did?
- Yeah.
422
00:19:34,053 --> 00:19:37,088
And last year when we went to Seattle,
423
00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:41,559
you called me stupid 'cause
I wanted to rent an S.U.V.
424
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,295
And then a couple months ago,
we were both in the kitchen,
425
00:19:43,296 --> 00:19:45,964
you called me stupid with the stove.
426
00:19:45,965 --> 00:19:48,199
I'm pretty sure in the
kitchen, I called you a moron.
427
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,269
No, that I'm fine with.
428
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:53,338
Then why aren't you fine with stupid?
429
00:19:57,043 --> 00:19:59,044
Look, when I was a kid,
430
00:19:59,045 --> 00:20:00,979
I had a lot of trouble in school.
431
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:03,315
And my brother was in all
the advanced classes
432
00:20:03,316 --> 00:20:05,250
and always got straight as.
433
00:20:05,251 --> 00:20:08,119
And my mom had to tutor me
every night before dinner.
434
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,923
And my brother would just
constantly call me stupid.
435
00:20:11,924 --> 00:20:14,926
And my dad would laugh.
436
00:20:17,296 --> 00:20:19,164
I didn't know that.
437
00:20:19,165 --> 00:20:21,966
Yeah, so it just bothers me.
438
00:20:25,738 --> 00:20:28,139
I promise not to call you stupid anymore.
439
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:30,875
From now on,
440
00:20:30,876 --> 00:20:34,045
I'll only think it.
441
00:20:34,046 --> 00:20:36,047
You know, it's pretty cool
442
00:20:36,048 --> 00:20:37,882
we can make fun of each other like this.
443
00:20:37,883 --> 00:20:39,050
You know what I mean?
444
00:20:39,051 --> 00:20:40,719
I don't think most couples can do that.
445
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,120
Yeah, but we should probably stay away
446
00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:45,256
from those particular words, you know.
447
00:20:45,257 --> 00:20:47,826
So how about instead of "stupid,"
448
00:20:47,827 --> 00:20:50,061
from now on I'll call you...
449
00:20:50,062 --> 00:20:51,930
"Genius."
450
00:20:51,931 --> 00:20:56,334
And instead of "crazy," I'll call you...
451
00:20:56,335 --> 00:20:58,203
Sofia Vergara.
452
00:20:58,204 --> 00:21:00,772
Vergara.
453
00:21:03,075 --> 00:21:05,076
You know, I'm really
glad we have each other.
454
00:21:05,077 --> 00:21:06,211
Me too.
455
00:21:06,212 --> 00:21:10,348
'Cause no one else would hang out with us.
456
00:21:10,349 --> 00:21:11,783
Why not?
457
00:21:11,784 --> 00:21:15,784
Because I'm crazy and you're...
458
00:21:16,622 --> 00:21:18,324
a genius.
459
00:21:19,003 --> 00:21:29,417
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com