1
00:00:01,111 --> 00:00:03,164
Like any expecting father,

2
00:00:03,172 --> 00:00:04,334
Noah was nervous.

3
00:00:04,355 --> 00:00:05,650
Sure, he happened to be expecting

4
00:00:05,681 --> 00:00:07,608
his college-age daughter
and not a newborn,

5
00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:09,629
but that didn't make it any easier.

6
00:00:09,673 --> 00:00:12,506
You know, Opus and I
like the same TV shows.

7
00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,721
We're on the same nap schedule.

8
00:00:14,777 --> 00:00:16,980
You know, we're not embarrassed
to fart around each other.

9
00:00:16,993 --> 00:00:19,183
Look, man, don't... don't overthink it.

10
00:00:19,208 --> 00:00:21,048
She's your daughter. It'll be fine.

11
00:00:21,060 --> 00:00:22,042
That's easy for you to say.

12
00:00:22,061 --> 00:00:23,150
Look at you and Tessa, with your...

13
00:00:23,194 --> 00:00:25,815
your friendship and your... your repartee.

14
00:00:25,828 --> 00:00:27,148
It's disgusting.

15
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,120
You'd be surprised at how many
people think it is disgusting.

16
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,066
Jenna is a cool girl.

17
00:00:32,186 --> 00:00:33,968
You really don't have
anything to worry about.

18
00:00:34,018 --> 00:00:37,190
Yeah? Well, what if she just
appears cool in group settings?

19
00:00:37,447 --> 00:00:39,562
Who knows what she's
like one-on-one?

20
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,032
No one! No one knows!

21
00:00:41,069 --> 00:00:43,685
I know. We've become
pretty close, actually.

22
00:00:43,722 --> 00:00:45,649
Perfect, because someone needs to tell her

23
00:00:45,668 --> 00:00:47,939
that Jill and I are separated. 

24
00:00:48,059 --> 00:00:49,408
W... you haven't told her?

25
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,426
Look, we can't all be
the great George Altman

26
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,701
with our sage advice
and our acoustic guitars

27
00:00:53,695 --> 00:00:55,766
and our telling people of things.

28
00:00:56,297 --> 00:00:59,163
I'm gonna go hit the showe-showe.

29
00:01:04,843 --> 00:01:05,757
Hey.

30
00:01:06,070 --> 00:01:08,009
Um, whose apartment is this?

31
00:01:09,181 --> 00:01:11,394
She took the news surprisingly well.

32
00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,883
Well, Jenna's a great girl.

33
00:01:12,927 --> 00:01:14,848
Or should I say, she appears to be

34
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,000
from what I've gleaned in group situations.

35
00:01:17,069 --> 00:01:19,271
Now what she's like
one-on-one, I have no...

36
00:01:19,265 --> 00:01:20,316
Excuse me, Mr. Altman.

37
00:01:20,353 --> 00:01:21,936
Would you be interested in participating

38
00:01:21,961 --> 00:01:24,232
in this year's "Dads of Chatswin" calendar?

39
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:27,604
- It's for charity, and...
- Javier, I think you know damn well

40
00:01:27,623 --> 00:01:29,701
George Altman is not the type to engage

41
00:01:29,738 --> 00:01:32,535
in a fun, playful, lighthearted activity

42
00:01:32,547 --> 00:01:33,867
like the one you're about to describe.

43
00:01:33,918 --> 00:01:35,888
What? Why... why would you say that?

44
00:01:35,913 --> 00:01:37,284
Have you met George Altman?

45
00:01:37,605 --> 00:01:38,619
I'm George Altman

46
00:01:38,616 --> 00:01:40,656
and I take myself real seriously.

47
00:01:40,776 --> 00:01:43,909
I read the news. I listen
to the news. I love news.

48
00:01:43,928 --> 00:01:45,161
You know what? I resent that.

49
00:01:45,196 --> 00:01:47,250
I'm George Altman. I resent things.

50
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:50,303
Javier, please ignore her and
finish what you were saying.

51
00:01:50,347 --> 00:01:53,500
Okay, well, as I said, it's
a fun calendar for charity

52
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:56,059
where Chatswin dads
pose in beefcake photos.

53
00:01:56,059 --> 00:01:57,442
See? Look at his face!

54
00:01:57,448 --> 00:01:58,186
What?

55
00:01:58,230 --> 00:01:59,995
See, you lost him on "beefcake."

56
00:02:00,115 --> 00:02:03,678
Honestly, can you imagine
George dressed up in hot pants

57
00:02:03,717 --> 00:02:05,682
and holding an axe?

58
00:02:06,746 --> 00:02:09,711
I mean, you just put the image
in my head, so, yes, I can.

59
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,124
You know what?

60
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,658
I can imagine it, too.

61
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,880
I'm signing up. Thank you, Javier.

62
00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:19,014
You know, just because you
haven't seen me be fun and silly

63
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:21,481
does not mean I don't
love to be fun and silly.

64
00:02:21,601 --> 00:02:24,517
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

65
00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:34,249
Having Jenna around

66
00:02:34,262 --> 00:02:37,465
meant a chance to finally have
an intelligent conversation.

67
00:02:37,585 --> 00:02:39,448
I'm telling you, after you read this book,

68
00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:40,837
you'll realize that all relationships

69
00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:42,401
are fundamentally transactional.

70
00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:43,828
Even the people you think you love

71
00:02:43,865 --> 00:02:46,324
are just meeting certain
base biological needs.

72
00:02:46,381 --> 00:02:48,308
Wow. Why love?

73
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,060
That's my point. You don't.

74
00:02:50,341 --> 00:02:52,774
Hey, Jenna. I'm Lisa Shay.

75
00:02:52,799 --> 00:02:54,889
We met once when your dad
accidentally invited me

76
00:02:54,889 --> 00:02:56,341
to your 9th birthday party,

77
00:02:56,341 --> 00:02:58,473
and I threw up in your
yard, and your dog ate it.

78
00:02:58,486 --> 00:03:00,219
Oh. Right. Hi.

79
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:01,646
Hey, lesbians.

80
00:03:01,822 --> 00:03:04,354
You guys should save some
room for your vagtables.

81
00:03:04,379 --> 00:03:07,050
Dalia. Haven't you died of syphilis yet?

82
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,115
Are you calling me a slut?

83
00:03:09,359 --> 00:03:11,355
I'm actually impressed
she got the inference.

84
00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:12,650
I didn't,

85
00:03:12,994 --> 00:03:16,119
but greasy losers usually
call girls like me sluts.

86
00:03:22,041 --> 00:03:23,593
Hey! George!

87
00:03:23,627 --> 00:03:26,052
We heard you signed up for the
"Dads of Chatswin" calendar.

88
00:03:26,049 --> 00:03:27,653
You're making a big mistake.

89
00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:30,967
These dads, they... they think
they're coming off as sexy,

90
00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:32,583
but they look like fools.

91
00:03:32,614 --> 00:03:35,054
Yeah. The kind ya laugh at. 

92
00:03:35,379 --> 00:03:37,169
The weird thing is,

93
00:03:37,819 --> 00:03:41,611
I was looking through
last year's calendar...

94
00:03:42,193 --> 00:03:43,446
and both of you are in it.

95
00:03:43,566 --> 00:03:45,865
Huh. That is weird.

96
00:03:47,604 --> 00:03:50,469
You don't look embarrassed
to be tiptoeing through the...

97
00:03:50,488 --> 00:03:51,621
Daffodils!

98
00:03:51,827 --> 00:03:53,660
Don't you dare call them otherwise.

99
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:55,375
And you.

100
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:57,777
Seems oddly unseasonable for January.

101
00:03:58,134 --> 00:04:00,024
Well, originally, they shot me for July,

102
00:04:00,144 --> 00:04:02,880
and then decided to move me
to a less prominent month.

103
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,922
It's very competitive, George.

104
00:04:04,969 --> 00:04:05,635
Come on, guys.

105
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:08,007
There's no reason we have
to take this so seriously.

106
00:04:08,051 --> 00:04:09,521
Yeah, it's all fun and games

107
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:12,199
until you're looking down the
barrel of a back page group shot.

108
00:04:12,226 --> 00:04:13,760
We'll see who's smiling then.

109
00:04:13,794 --> 00:04:14,961
Come on, Fred.

110
00:04:19,350 --> 00:04:21,209
See ya later.

111
00:04:33,493 --> 00:04:35,205
Morning, Tessa.

112
00:04:35,955 --> 00:04:36,913
Why?

113
00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:40,028
Tessa, Dalia came over this
morning to take you to school.

114
00:04:41,092 --> 00:04:43,435
That dress is so cute, Tessa.

115
00:04:43,469 --> 00:04:44,663
Sure it is.

116
00:04:44,783 --> 00:04:46,847
It is. I swear.

117
00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:49,080
Dalia, you want some scrambled eggs?

118
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,901
No, thanks, daddy Altman.

119
00:04:50,894 --> 00:04:53,034
I don't eat unborn chicken fetuses.

120
00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:55,631
That's... that's not what eggs are.

121
00:04:56,126 --> 00:04:56,995
Really.

122
00:04:57,115 --> 00:04:58,166
What are they?

123
00:04:58,678 --> 00:05:01,926
Uh... well, these aren't fertilized,

124
00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:05,549
so they're just a... a... a
normal part of a hen's menstrual...

125
00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:08,714
- How about some cereal?
- 'Kay.

126
00:05:09,103 --> 00:05:11,192
We may have figured out what eggs were,

127
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,731
but I still had no idea

128
00:05:12,744 --> 00:05:15,071
why Dalia was looking at me like that.

129
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,542
You can change this station

130
00:05:17,573 --> 00:05:20,051
if you don't like Wiz Khalif A, Tessa.

131
00:05:21,164 --> 00:05:22,484
Morning.

132
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,031
You're getting really popular, Tessa.

133
00:05:28,115 --> 00:05:30,762
That salad looks really good, Tessa.

134
00:05:33,527 --> 00:05:35,466
♪ Bop-zee-bop, shoo-bop, bop-bop-day ♪

135
00:05:35,478 --> 00:05:36,774
♪ twiggity-zee ♪

136
00:05:36,824 --> 00:05:38,938
♪ iggity-ee, zibbity-bow, shoo-bi-Dee-bop ♪

137
00:05:38,951 --> 00:05:41,103
♪ zigity-oh ♪

138
00:05:41,866 --> 00:05:43,543
A capella scatting is

139
00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:46,728
pretty much the rawest form
of human expression there is.

140
00:05:46,765 --> 00:05:47,985
I know.

141
00:05:48,811 --> 00:05:51,815
And I really liked the way
you clapped after it, Tessa.

142
00:05:53,054 --> 00:05:56,871
Um, Dalia, would you mind if
Tessa and I had a word alone?

143
00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:59,779
Can I wait out in the hallway
for you guys until you're done?

144
00:06:00,511 --> 00:06:02,013
I don't see why not.

145
00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:03,108
'Kay.

146
00:06:04,885 --> 00:06:07,000
Bye, Tessa.

147
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:11,091
What the hell is going on with you two?

148
00:06:11,148 --> 00:06:13,349
I have no idea. It is super weird.

149
00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:15,401
I've been eyeing her suspiciously all day

150
00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:17,591
but I haven't picked up
on any ulterior motives.

151
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,869
She's just...

152
00:06:20,645 --> 00:06:21,865
Being nice.

153
00:06:21,985 --> 00:06:23,936
Dalia Royce is not nice.

154
00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:26,382
She's a warped, broken sociopath.

155
00:06:27,748 --> 00:06:29,792
Do you think she liked my song?

156
00:06:30,768 --> 00:06:33,721
Dalia wasn't the only one
acting out of character.

157
00:06:33,765 --> 00:06:35,623
Hi. How you ladies doing?

158
00:06:35,972 --> 00:06:36,968
Have a seat.

159
00:06:37,774 --> 00:06:39,471
My dad was about to embark

160
00:06:39,464 --> 00:06:41,304
on a midlife modeling career.

161
00:06:42,105 --> 00:06:43,763
Have you done any modeling before?

162
00:06:43,883 --> 00:06:46,390
Uh, well, no, not professionally.

163
00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:48,192
Well, you're clearly a natural.

164
00:06:48,838 --> 00:06:50,421
- Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.

165
00:06:50,446 --> 00:06:52,673
You've got a great quality.
Potential December material,

166
00:06:52,735 --> 00:06:53,837
if you ask me.

167
00:06:54,725 --> 00:06:56,077
Oh. And... and that's good?

168
00:06:56,102 --> 00:06:57,842
Ohh. I love his innocence. 

169
00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:01,220
The Decemberfold is only the
most sought after position

170
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:02,115
of the year.

171
00:07:02,102 --> 00:07:03,266
Oh, the Decemberfold.

172
00:07:03,303 --> 00:07:04,648
D-did you say... that's what you said?

173
00:07:04,673 --> 00:07:07,570
Yeah, I... I... of course.
Of course. Come on, George.

174
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,466
Could you take your top off, please?

175
00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:12,482
What... what now?

176
00:07:12,751 --> 00:07:14,568
Could you remove your shirt?

177
00:07:14,688 --> 00:07:17,318
My sh... uh, the... um...

178
00:07:18,169 --> 00:07:19,670
are you kidding?

179
00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:22,186
Suddenly, this guy's
acting like a real amateur.

180
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,076
Oh.

181
00:07:25,783 --> 00:07:27,804
Oh. Well... well... well, okay.

182
00:07:27,816 --> 00:07:29,618
Yeah. I should... I think...

183
00:07:32,296 --> 00:07:34,411
That's it. That's the stuff.

184
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,640
Très joli.

185
00:07:37,396 --> 00:07:39,705
Mmm. He's hunky.

186
00:07:39,825 --> 00:07:42,033
Yes, but not a ton of definition,

187
00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:44,129
so the Decemberfold's probably out.

188
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,924
Maybe we could do something with hugging

189
00:07:46,187 --> 00:07:47,683
in March.

190
00:07:47,803 --> 00:07:49,290
In March? Wait.

191
00:07:49,328 --> 00:07:52,131
No. March? No. No.

192
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,346
Nobody gives a rat's ass about March.

193
00:07:55,003 --> 00:07:56,503
Decemberfold.

194
00:07:57,307 --> 00:07:58,440
Totally.

195
00:08:25,753 --> 00:08:27,161
So you are ignoring my texts.

196
00:08:27,186 --> 00:08:28,362
Lisa!

197
00:08:28,482 --> 00:08:30,377
What... the... hell?

198
00:08:30,446 --> 00:08:32,423
Tessa, I needed to get in
touch with you. It's urgent.

199
00:08:32,442 --> 00:08:35,043
Uh, well, I'm sorry. I'm
running late to meet Jenna.

200
00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:36,359
- Can this wait?
- No.

201
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:38,198
Well, can you make it fast?

202
00:08:39,073 --> 00:08:40,638
No.

203
00:08:43,254 --> 00:08:45,793
We all know freshman year I was blocked

204
00:08:45,811 --> 00:08:47,601
from Dalia's Facebook and Twitter accounts

205
00:08:47,642 --> 00:08:50,090
after being falsely
accused of stalking her.

206
00:08:50,103 --> 00:08:51,148
I didn't know that.

207
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:52,843
Well, that was before you moved to Chatswin

208
00:08:52,862 --> 00:08:54,251
and I started having human friends.

209
00:08:54,314 --> 00:08:55,777
But that's just preamble.

210
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,234
Can we get to the amble?

211
00:08:57,454 --> 00:09:00,001
The point is, it takes one to know one.

212
00:09:00,051 --> 00:09:01,734
And when Dalia started stalking you,

213
00:09:01,759 --> 00:09:04,631
I felt the need to re-stalk
her to find out why.

214
00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:07,090
But without access to her online life,

215
00:09:07,121 --> 00:09:08,678
the question was, how?

216
00:09:09,017 --> 00:09:10,597
To determine?

217
00:09:11,038 --> 00:09:13,222
Why she was doing it?

218
00:09:13,584 --> 00:09:15,437
There were three questions.

219
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,034
Lisa...

220
00:09:16,031 --> 00:09:18,396
But then I realized I simply had to create

221
00:09:18,408 --> 00:09:22,350
an online fake boy
identity named Lars Lissol.

222
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:24,477
You had to name him Lars Lissol?

223
00:09:24,514 --> 00:09:25,947
Well.. no.

224
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:27,912
That was the fun part.

225
00:09:28,032 --> 00:09:30,940
The disturbing part is
what Mr. Lissol uncovered.

226
00:09:31,008 --> 00:09:33,961
Just this evening, Dalia
accepted his friend request.

227
00:09:34,081 --> 00:09:36,251
Look at her feed over the past two days.

228
00:09:36,371 --> 00:09:39,061
"Watched Tessa eat an
unborn chicken. L.O.L."

229
00:09:39,181 --> 00:09:42,439
"Watched Tessa eat her
salad like a boss. L.O.L."

230
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,774
She's broadcasting every
single thing she does with you.

231
00:09:46,207 --> 00:09:47,524
But why?

232
00:09:47,558 --> 00:09:48,942
Don't know.

233
00:09:48,976 --> 00:09:50,935
I can tell you who intends to find out.

234
00:09:50,978 --> 00:09:52,211
- Lars Lissol.
- Yeah.

235
00:09:52,274 --> 00:09:54,276
Thanks, Lisa, but I don't
think that we need...

236
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:56,203
to drag an imaginary person into this.

237
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,073
I'll just ask Dalia what's up.

238
00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:00,476
It's not like she's hiding
it. It's on the Internet.

239
00:10:00,783 --> 00:10:02,272
I'll let you know what she says. Okay?

240
00:10:02,334 --> 00:10:03,917
Okay, so I guess I'll just tell Lars

241
00:10:03,967 --> 00:10:05,647
that his services will no longer be needed.

242
00:10:05,682 --> 00:10:07,076
Although I can tell you right now,

243
00:10:07,076 --> 00:10:08,910
he would've appreciated a thank you.

244
00:10:14,022 --> 00:10:15,540
Lookin' good, daddy.

245
00:10:15,558 --> 00:10:16,875
Ugh.

246
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:18,871
Everything looks so heavy.

247
00:10:18,991 --> 00:10:20,090
Uh, excuse me.

248
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:22,962
Sir, uh, do you have a-a printout

249
00:10:22,962 --> 00:10:24,589
of the calorie count for these entrees?

250
00:10:24,709 --> 00:10:26,168
We most certainly do not.

251
00:10:26,753 --> 00:10:27,992
Oh. Okay. 

252
00:10:28,023 --> 00:10:29,500
Well, can you at least ask the kitchen

253
00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:32,009
how much butter they intend to
put in this pan-seared salmon?

254
00:10:32,092 --> 00:10:33,317
You think you're ordering
something healthy...

255
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,825
'cause it's a fish, and then by the time

256
00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:36,784
they sneak all that butter
in there, you've got this...

257
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:39,648
I'll go check on the
undercover butter agenda.

258
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:43,466
George.

259
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:44,837
- Yeah?
- What's up?

260
00:10:45,218 --> 00:10:46,839
You just seem a little...

261
00:10:47,264 --> 00:10:48,415
annoying.

262
00:10:48,471 --> 00:10:50,204
Well, yeah, I'm just trying
to shred up, you know?

263
00:10:50,226 --> 00:10:53,143
I've got my... my big photo
shoot in a couple of days, so...

264
00:10:53,464 --> 00:10:56,131
Photo shoot? Is this
about that silly calendar?

265
00:10:56,251 --> 00:10:58,538
Y... yes, it's about that "silly calendar."

266
00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:02,180
Per your suggestion, I am
having a silly good time.

267
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:05,441
Well, you seem to be taking
the silliness pretty seriously.

268
00:11:05,492 --> 00:11:08,850
Well, th-that's because I
happen to be in the running

269
00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:09,913
for December.

270
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:11,229
You seem fidgety.

271
00:11:11,784 --> 00:11:13,217
Yeah, that's 'cause I'm fidgeting.

272
00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:14,499
It's a great way to burn calories.

273
00:11:14,481 --> 00:11:15,557
I've been fidgeting for days,

274
00:11:15,582 --> 00:11:17,859
and it's like, hello, cheekbones!

275
00:11:28,526 --> 00:11:30,434
Hey. Carmen let me in.

276
00:11:30,434 --> 00:11:31,617
I figured you wouldn't mind

277
00:11:31,911 --> 00:11:34,113
since we're such good friends these days.

278
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:35,239
L.O.L.

279
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,165
I'm tweeting that.

280
00:11:36,184 --> 00:11:37,416
Dalia,

281
00:11:37,817 --> 00:11:39,593
what is going on?

282
00:11:39,619 --> 00:11:40,732
I knew it was weird

283
00:11:40,852 --> 00:11:43,198
when you started being
nice to me all of a sudden,

284
00:11:43,216 --> 00:11:46,859
but I have no idea why you
are tweeting and posting

285
00:11:46,927 --> 00:11:50,218
every stupid interaction we
have for the whole world to see.

286
00:11:50,437 --> 00:11:52,314
So I guess you want the true-true,

287
00:11:52,326 --> 00:11:55,154
as they say in my favorite
movie "Cloud Atlas,"

288
00:11:55,186 --> 00:11:58,125
featuring Tom Hanks playing
like 17 different roles.

289
00:11:58,158 --> 00:11:59,962
Yes. Give me the true-true.

290
00:11:59,996 --> 00:12:01,098
'Kay.

291
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:04,721
Jenna Werner and I used
to be really good friends.

292
00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:07,224
I said true-true.

293
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,506
Seriously, Tessa.

294
00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:09,995
Her and I were mad tight,

295
00:12:10,452 --> 00:12:13,399
and then she, like, turned on a dollar

296
00:12:13,912 --> 00:12:14,957
and ditched me.

297
00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:18,822
I think her Brown friends
thought she was too good for me.

298
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,375
And when I saw you guys hanging out,

299
00:12:21,387 --> 00:12:22,169
I...

300
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,434
You got jealous.

301
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,336
And I wanted her to think

302
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,188
that I was good friends with you, too.

303
00:12:28,308 --> 00:12:30,013
Look, Dalia,

304
00:12:30,133 --> 00:12:32,080
if you wanna be friends with me,

305
00:12:32,093 --> 00:12:35,290
you don't have to be
weird about it or force it.

306
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,789
I mean...

307
00:12:37,142 --> 00:12:38,958
I can...

308
00:12:39,188 --> 00:12:40,843
imagine...

309
00:12:41,309 --> 00:12:43,879
one day us being...

310
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,848
friend-like.

311
00:12:46,857 --> 00:12:48,816
Thanks, Tessa.

312
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:51,787
That means a lot to me.

313
00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:59,176
Since you and I are so close now,

314
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:00,934
will you do me a favor?

315
00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:02,364
Sure.

316
00:13:03,237 --> 00:13:05,533
Will you not be friends with Jenna anymore?

317
00:13:06,803 --> 00:13:09,518
I can't believe the movie's sold out.

318
00:13:09,499 --> 00:13:10,982
What else should we see?

319
00:13:11,102 --> 00:13:12,088
You know what?

320
00:13:12,277 --> 00:13:15,831
I'm rethinking the whole
movie idea in general.

321
00:13:15,951 --> 00:13:17,802
I can't stop picturing my metabolism

322
00:13:17,802 --> 00:13:19,260
just plummeting in there.

323
00:13:19,316 --> 00:13:20,893
Can't we just go for a jog?

324
00:13:21,244 --> 00:13:23,296
You could sit on my
back while I do push-ups.

325
00:13:23,301 --> 00:13:25,486
I'm tired of sittin' on
your damn back, George!

326
00:13:25,673 --> 00:13:27,225
You know, all this body conscious stuff

327
00:13:27,219 --> 00:13:28,570
is super unappealing.

328
00:13:28,601 --> 00:13:30,027
And ever since it started,

329
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,267
I can't help wishing
you'd get hit by a car.

330
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,451
Really? Hit by a car?

331
00:13:34,571 --> 00:13:36,809
Well, I'm not proud of it,
George, but that's how I feel.

332
00:13:38,482 --> 00:13:39,356
You know what?

333
00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:43,741
I think you're just mad because
the ladies are checking me out.

334
00:13:43,861 --> 00:13:45,437
The ladies are checking you out

335
00:13:45,443 --> 00:13:47,239
because you're wearing a garbage bag.

336
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:50,067
Hey, you have nothing
to be jealous of, sugar.

337
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,658
Should probably come up
with a different nickname

338
00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:54,272
'cause I'm flushing my intake.

339
00:13:54,810 --> 00:13:57,394
Bye. Be careful crossin'.

340
00:13:57,413 --> 00:13:58,733
Or don't.

341
00:14:01,943 --> 00:14:03,757
So how's the groove been
now that Jenna's back?

342
00:14:03,788 --> 00:14:04,876
Her and Opus getting along?

343
00:14:04,864 --> 00:14:07,623
Opus lights up whenever she... hey.

344
00:14:07,644 --> 00:14:09,056
Are you trying to
distract me with chitchat?

345
00:14:09,063 --> 00:14:11,359
I'm in my zone right now. I
will not be thrown from it!

346
00:14:11,398 --> 00:14:13,349
All right, that's fine, man,
'cause I'm in the zone, too.

347
00:14:13,384 --> 00:14:15,451
All right? I'm in the exact same zone.

348
00:14:15,502 --> 00:14:16,902
Frederick.

349
00:14:17,703 --> 00:14:19,505
So when do they tell us what month we get?

350
00:14:19,536 --> 00:14:21,841
Oh! First, they make us work for it.

351
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:30,517
Let me see you work that sausage, George.

352
00:14:30,551 --> 00:14:32,583
It's there for a reason.

353
00:14:32,703 --> 00:14:33,936
Use it!

354
00:14:35,355 --> 00:14:38,173
Surf's up, Noah. Surf's all the way up.

355
00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:39,844
Oh, yeah!

356
00:14:41,109 --> 00:14:43,416
That is romance, Fred.

357
00:14:43,478 --> 00:14:47,164
Oh, my heavens. You are not shy.

358
00:14:48,765 --> 00:14:49,873
All right, boys.

359
00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:53,420
Now I just want you to
have fun, okay? Get silly.

360
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,965
All right! Now come on.

361
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:56,651
Why don't you give me
a little butt-to-butt?

362
00:14:57,843 --> 00:14:59,404
Come on. Don't be shy.

363
00:14:59,444 --> 00:15:00,907
Just a little butt-to-butt.

364
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:04,125
Don't worry. These are just for me. Yeah!

365
00:15:04,150 --> 00:15:05,702
Oh, that's fun.

366
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,566
Part of me is excited to get back,

367
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,068
but part of me feels bad

368
00:15:09,118 --> 00:15:11,264
leaving Opus in the middle
of all this divorce drama.

369
00:15:11,514 --> 00:15:12,772
But what am I gonna do, right?

370
00:15:12,797 --> 00:15:14,755
I mean, the kid's gonna have issues.

371
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,056
Yeah.

372
00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:19,054
I guess nobody gets out unscathed, right?

373
00:15:19,694 --> 00:15:21,261
Speaking of which,

374
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:24,390
can I talk to you about Dalia Royce?

375
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:27,318
I know this is gonna be hard to
believe because of how she acts,

376
00:15:27,369 --> 00:15:30,691
but I think she still wants
to be friends with you.

377
00:15:31,592 --> 00:15:33,795
Yeah, but that never works.

378
00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:36,272
It's always awkward trying
to be friends with an ex.

379
00:15:37,629 --> 00:15:38,524
What?

380
00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:41,648
Dalia and I used to hook up.

381
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:43,911
What?!

382
00:15:44,661 --> 00:15:46,676
Two thanksgivings ago was the first time.

383
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:50,109
It was more of a hate hook-up.

384
00:15:51,705 --> 00:15:54,177
Say it. Say it.

385
00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:55,873
You go to Brown.

386
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,252
It happened a couple more
times before I broke things off.

387
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:04,018
She's been a total head case ever since,

388
00:16:04,068 --> 00:16:06,714
sending me pictures of
her weird little boyfriend.

389
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:09,762
Did you know she got his
face tattooed on her crack?

390
00:16:10,561 --> 00:16:12,475
Above her crack, actually.

391
00:16:12,482 --> 00:16:14,027
I was there.

392
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:14,928
Figures.

393
00:16:14,972 --> 00:16:16,455
I knew when she saw me
hanging out with you,

394
00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:17,720
she'd try to use you next.

395
00:16:18,125 --> 00:16:20,427
She's the most vindictive person I know.

396
00:16:20,602 --> 00:16:23,280
All she cares about is hurting
the people who hurt her.

397
00:16:23,537 --> 00:16:25,595
So just be careful around her.

398
00:16:37,069 --> 00:16:38,983
Dalia and Jenna used to hook up?

399
00:16:39,271 --> 00:16:42,224
It was crazy, but also weirdly made sense.

400
00:16:42,344 --> 00:16:44,740
Suddenly I understood Dalia's lesbian jokes

401
00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:46,815
for what they were... a deflection.

402
00:16:46,842 --> 00:16:49,103
Are you guys talking about me?

403
00:16:50,314 --> 00:16:51,553
Jenna...

404
00:16:52,066 --> 00:16:53,136
told me.

405
00:16:53,492 --> 00:16:54,744
Everything.

406
00:16:54,864 --> 00:16:57,070
And I... I just want you
to know that there is...

407
00:16:57,496 --> 00:16:58,553
no judgment.

408
00:16:59,135 --> 00:17:02,113
Thanks, Tessa. You're a true friend.

409
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:04,669
I'm really glad you feel that way.

410
00:17:04,703 --> 00:17:06,925
And look, I've had some bad breakups, too.

411
00:17:06,955 --> 00:17:08,852
I mean, who hasn't?

412
00:17:09,024 --> 00:17:11,654
But sometimes I think
it's best to just move on.

413
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,531
I think you'll feel better...

414
00:17:13,556 --> 00:17:15,577
Thanks, Tessa. I know.

415
00:17:16,052 --> 00:17:18,856
You really helped clear things up for me.

416
00:17:19,718 --> 00:17:22,735
I really, really owe you one.

417
00:17:25,625 --> 00:17:26,882
Yeah. 

418
00:17:26,895 --> 00:17:28,834
If I were you, I'd move.

419
00:17:35,098 --> 00:17:36,268
So...

420
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,464
This is it.

421
00:17:39,988 --> 00:17:41,110
This is it.

422
00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:42,355
Moments from now,

423
00:17:42,386 --> 00:17:44,607
I'll know whether or not
I'm too sexy for my shirt...

424
00:17:44,727 --> 00:17:46,346
which I suspect I am not.

425
00:17:46,712 --> 00:17:47,972
Well, you know,

426
00:17:48,092 --> 00:17:49,949
it's only 'cause it's a pretty sexy shirt.

427
00:17:49,998 --> 00:17:51,466
Yeah. Well, thank you.

428
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,420
It's rayon.

429
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,361
I'd like to thank all
the dads for their help.

430
00:17:56,481 --> 00:17:58,219
Because of you, we expect to have

431
00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,222
a record-breaking year for our charity,

432
00:18:00,342 --> 00:18:04,369
mothers against the defamation
of undiluted apple juice.

433
00:18:04,813 --> 00:18:06,465
What... what... that's the charity?

434
00:18:06,478 --> 00:18:07,241
Yeah.

435
00:18:07,272 --> 00:18:07,817
Apple juice?

436
00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:09,468
This year's Decemberfold represents

437
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,665
everything we look for at "Maduap"...

438
00:18:11,721 --> 00:18:13,799
Sexiness, hunkability,

439
00:18:13,805 --> 00:18:17,033
and a belief in unrestrained fructose.

440
00:18:17,153 --> 00:18:19,599
Get on with it! Let's see the man meat!

441
00:18:19,828 --> 00:18:20,881
Ladies and gentlemen,

442
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:24,273
let's hear it for the guy
we wanna see two pages of...

443
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,312
George Altman!

444
00:18:27,586 --> 00:18:29,597
Hey!

445
00:18:29,829 --> 00:18:30,917
Aha!

446
00:18:31,037 --> 00:18:32,554
Well, thank you.

447
00:18:32,674 --> 00:18:33,721
Yes!

448
00:18:33,777 --> 00:18:35,793
Thank you! Thanks!

449
00:18:35,827 --> 00:18:37,893
Oh, that... look at that. That's nice.

450
00:18:37,906 --> 00:18:39,511
- Well done.
- Really great photo.

451
00:18:39,631 --> 00:18:40,578
You did it, buddy.

452
00:18:40,698 --> 00:18:43,098
Every man in Chatswin wants to be you.

453
00:18:43,099 --> 00:18:46,234
Every woman in Chatswin
wants to be with you.

454
00:18:46,972 --> 00:18:48,092
Yeah.

455
00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:50,926
Every woman except one.

456
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:56,328
Economists and business leaders
from across the spectrum...

457
00:18:56,363 --> 00:18:57,808
have said that our economy... 

458
00:18:57,833 --> 00:18:59,629
- Dallas?
- Hey.

459
00:18:59,629 --> 00:19:00,918
In 2013.

460
00:19:00,953 --> 00:19:02,857
Uh, are you watching the news?

461
00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:05,788
Are you aware that we
have a black president?

462
00:19:05,803 --> 00:19:08,394
I mean, I'm for it, but... wow.

463
00:19:09,044 --> 00:19:11,353
O... okay. Tell me you're kidding.

464
00:19:11,713 --> 00:19:13,092
I'm kiddin'.

465
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:14,882
I'm not for it.

466
00:19:15,439 --> 00:19:17,329
Kiddin'! 

467
00:19:17,673 --> 00:19:20,307
Did you hear the other news?

468
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,639
I heard it. 

469
00:19:22,307 --> 00:19:23,389
Decemberfold.

470
00:19:23,366 --> 00:19:24,673
Congrats, George.

471
00:19:24,793 --> 00:19:27,643
Shouldn't you be out celebratin'
and baskin' in the limelight,

472
00:19:27,645 --> 00:19:28,502
sexy pants?

473
00:19:28,496 --> 00:19:29,985
You know what? I should.

474
00:19:30,105 --> 00:19:32,438
But the problem is,

475
00:19:32,651 --> 00:19:35,429
the light I wanted to bask
in wasn't at the country club.

476
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:39,145
Look...

477
00:19:39,564 --> 00:19:42,004
what is the point of looking great...

478
00:19:42,736 --> 00:19:46,065
and I do look great. I wasn't
fishing. It's been confirmed.

479
00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:48,130
But what's it all mean

480
00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:50,051
if it doesn't get you the attention

481
00:19:50,735 --> 00:19:52,736
of the woman who matters the most?

482
00:19:53,097 --> 00:19:56,340
You can be really sweet when
you set your damn mind to it.

483
00:19:56,375 --> 00:19:59,235
Hey, I'm sorry I said I
wanted you to get hit by a car.

484
00:19:59,292 --> 00:20:02,545
- I fully take that all the way back.
- Thanks. 

485
00:20:02,589 --> 00:20:04,378
Oh! Hey!

486
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,855
You brought my favorite pie!

487
00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:08,063
Uh, actually, no. This is for me.

488
00:20:08,183 --> 00:20:09,821
I'm freaking starving.

489
00:20:13,657 --> 00:20:15,643
That is good.

490
00:20:15,694 --> 00:20:17,254
Are you gonna eat that
whole thing by yourself?

491
00:20:17,273 --> 00:20:18,830
I was kinda planning on it, yeah.

492
00:20:25,169 --> 00:20:26,421
Hello?

493
00:20:27,421 --> 00:20:29,229
Is anyone in here?

494
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,500
Dalia and Mr. Altman.

495
00:21:00,099 --> 00:21:02,658
I know you think you saw something,

496
00:21:02,883 --> 00:21:04,825
but you didn't see anything.

497
00:21:06,044 --> 00:21:07,695
I didn't see anything.

498
00:21:08,081 --> 00:21:08,980
'Kay.

499
00:21:22,894 --> 00:21:24,911
You should probably go now.

500
00:21:25,162 --> 00:21:27,289
You should probably have somewhere to be.

501
00:21:27,749 --> 00:21:28,799
Yeah.

502
00:21:39,852 --> 00:21:49,983
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