1
00:00:03,043 --> 00:00:05,845
I was reading about this
jellyfish that never dies.
2
00:00:05,846 --> 00:00:07,714
Instead, it reverts
to its asexual state
3
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,265
and then grows up again.
4
00:00:09,267 --> 00:00:11,134
We thought my 90-year-old
grandfather had reverted
5
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,885
to an asexual state,
but the lawsuit
6
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:16,255
from his Jamaican caregiver
proved us all wrong.
7
00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:18,524
My point is, immortality is not
8
00:00:18,526 --> 00:00:20,259
only a possibility, it is real.
9
00:00:20,261 --> 00:00:22,562
Only if you're this
jellyfish which periodically
10
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,732
reverts to a mass of
undifferentiated protoplasm.
11
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,316
If I could keep
my Gmail account,
12
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,369
I'd be okay with that.
13
00:00:30,454 --> 00:00:32,372
- Hello, fellas.
- Hey.
14
00:00:32,374 --> 00:00:34,824
Remember when we were trying
to figure out what that smell
15
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,609
coming from Professor
Tupperman's office was?
16
00:00:36,611 --> 00:00:37,610
Yeah?
17
00:00:37,612 --> 00:00:39,996
Turns out it was Tupperman.
18
00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:43,049
Dead at his desk for two weeks.
19
00:00:43,950 --> 00:00:45,168
Oh, my God.
That's terrible.
20
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,119
In lieu of flowers,
the department chair
21
00:00:47,121 --> 00:00:51,140
is asking that everyone donate
a bottle of Febreze.
22
00:00:52,292 --> 00:00:54,310
If we're going to change
the topic from jellyfish,
23
00:00:54,312 --> 00:00:55,845
I'd be okay with brine shrimp
24
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,097
or the history of the unicycle.
25
00:00:58,932 --> 00:01:01,601
Show a little compassion--
a man died.
26
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:03,469
And turned into a puddle of goo.
27
00:01:03,471 --> 00:01:04,904
Now, we can either
28
00:01:04,906 --> 00:01:08,408
sit around and cry
over spilt professor, or...
29
00:01:08,410 --> 00:01:10,243
we can rejoice in the knowledge
30
00:01:10,245 --> 00:01:12,945
that a tenured position
has just opened up.
31
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:13,996
I choose to do
32
00:01:13,998 --> 00:01:16,032
the latter.
33
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:19,318
Excuse me, the whole tenure
system is ridiculous.
34
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,670
A guaranteed job for life
35
00:01:20,672 --> 00:01:23,256
only encourages the faculty
to become complacent.
36
00:01:23,258 --> 00:01:24,590
If we really
want science
37
00:01:24,592 --> 00:01:26,509
to advance, people should have
38
00:01:26,511 --> 00:01:28,628
chips implanted in their skulls
39
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,964
that explode when they say
something stupid.
40
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,501
Well, I believe people
do their best work
41
00:01:35,503 --> 00:01:37,520
when they feel
safe and secure.
42
00:01:42,226 --> 00:01:44,527
If you need my nose,
you'll find it firmly lodged
43
00:01:44,529 --> 00:01:47,513
up the rectum of the
tenure committee.
44
00:01:48,565 --> 00:01:51,284
You Ph.D's gonna go
suck up like Kripke?
45
00:01:51,286 --> 00:01:52,318
No.
46
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,486
I mean, I'll apply,
47
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,822
but I'm not gonna stoop
to playing politics.
48
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,824
Yeah, me neither.
It should be about the work.
49
00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:58,958
And if I can't get tenure,
50
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,043
I'd like to see you
or Sheldon get it.
51
00:02:01,045 --> 00:02:02,995
Raj, don't dangle
false hope
52
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:05,465
in front of Leonard like that.
53
00:02:05,467 --> 00:02:07,199
Excuse me, but I think I'm
54
00:02:07,201 --> 00:02:09,135
just as qualified as you are.
55
00:02:13,140 --> 00:02:16,726
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
56
00:02:16,728 --> 00:02:20,062
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
57
00:02:20,064 --> 00:02:21,714
♪ The Earth began to cool
58
00:02:21,716 --> 00:02:24,233
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
59
00:02:24,235 --> 00:02:26,919
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
60
00:02:26,921 --> 00:02:29,589
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
61
00:02:29,591 --> 00:02:31,491
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
62
00:02:31,493 --> 00:02:31,966
♪ Bang! ♪
63
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:35,967
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x20 ♪
The Tenure Turbulence
Original Air Date on April 4, 2013
64
00:02:35,968 --> 00:02:37,968
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
65
00:02:38,051 --> 00:02:40,521
So "tenured" means
a job for life?
66
00:02:40,522 --> 00:02:42,138
Yup.
And you can't get fired
67
00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:43,140
even if you're bad at it?
68
00:02:43,141 --> 00:02:44,608
Mm, not really.
69
00:02:44,610 --> 00:02:47,027
Wow, sounds a lot like being
a pretty waitress
70
00:02:47,029 --> 00:02:48,812
at the Cheesecake Factory.
71
00:02:50,097 --> 00:02:52,983
While I disagree
with the premise of tenure,
72
00:02:52,985 --> 00:02:54,267
if they gave it to me,
73
00:02:54,269 --> 00:02:55,902
it wouldn't diminish my output.
74
00:02:55,904 --> 00:02:57,871
You know, I'm like the sun.
75
00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:00,073
Can't turn this off.
76
00:03:01,208 --> 00:03:04,794
Are Rajesh and Leonard
competing for it as well?
77
00:03:04,796 --> 00:03:05,945
Mm-hmm.
78
00:03:05,947 --> 00:03:07,631
Do they know they
don't stand a chance
79
00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:09,099
'cause you're so great?
80
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:11,201
Well put.
81
00:03:12,136 --> 00:03:14,220
You know, I must say
I go back and forth
82
00:03:14,222 --> 00:03:16,006
on this boyfriend-girlfriend
thing, but those moments
83
00:03:16,008 --> 00:03:18,842
when you worship me
really keep you in the running.
84
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,397
It would be nice to have
the increased income.
85
00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:25,899
Stop taking money
from my parents.
86
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,818
Money from family does come
with strings attached.
87
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,770
You have no idea.
88
00:03:30,772 --> 00:03:33,440
They buy me a new BMW
for my birthday
89
00:03:33,442 --> 00:03:35,158
but can I get seat warmers?
90
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,860
No.
91
00:03:37,678 --> 00:03:38,995
"Rajesh, if you
want a warm butt,
92
00:03:38,997 --> 00:03:40,313
you're gonna have
to pay for it yourself."
93
00:03:40,315 --> 00:03:42,248
Well, maybe I will, old man!
94
00:03:45,369 --> 00:03:49,539
I think that's
enough wine for now.
95
00:03:49,541 --> 00:03:51,424
I just keep thinking
about how cool it would be
96
00:03:51,426 --> 00:03:53,059
if I called my mom and told her
97
00:03:53,061 --> 00:03:55,211
that I got tenure at Caltech.
98
00:03:55,213 --> 00:03:56,429
She'd be proud, huh?
99
00:03:56,431 --> 00:03:57,497
Oh, very.
100
00:03:57,499 --> 00:03:59,999
Assuming she takes my call.
101
00:04:01,268 --> 00:04:04,371
My primary concern
with being granted tenure
102
00:04:04,373 --> 00:04:07,574
is living with an insanely
jealous roommate after the fact.
103
00:04:07,576 --> 00:04:10,310
I might need to sleep
with a gun under my pillow.
104
00:04:10,312 --> 00:04:12,862
Or a chainsaw.
105
00:04:12,864 --> 00:04:16,282
Or you take advantage of your
newfound economic stability
106
00:04:16,284 --> 00:04:17,534
and move out...
107
00:04:17,536 --> 00:04:19,352
buy a house...
108
00:04:19,354 --> 00:04:21,020
get married...
109
00:04:21,022 --> 00:04:23,523
start a family.
110
00:04:24,358 --> 00:04:25,825
Yeah, or...
111
00:04:25,827 --> 00:04:27,961
the chainsaw.
112
00:04:30,081 --> 00:04:32,916
And I will return
to New Delhi in triumph
113
00:04:32,918 --> 00:04:36,002
atop a bejeweled white elephant!
114
00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:38,388
And you know
what will be
115
00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:39,422
on that elephant's back?
116
00:04:39,424 --> 00:04:41,541
A seat warmer.
117
00:04:42,793 --> 00:04:46,730
"No, Father, you may not
have a ride!"
118
00:04:47,881 --> 00:04:49,516
I'm gonna make some coffee.
119
00:04:51,635 --> 00:04:53,970
So, who do you have to schmooze
to get this deal?
120
00:04:53,972 --> 00:04:55,605
I'm not gonna schmooze anybody.
121
00:04:55,607 --> 00:04:57,524
I'm gonna let my work
speak for itself.
122
00:04:57,526 --> 00:04:58,692
That's great.
123
00:04:58,694 --> 00:05:00,160
That shows a lot of integrity.
124
00:05:00,162 --> 00:05:02,195
Thank you.
125
00:05:02,197 --> 00:05:04,614
I'm a naive idiot, right?
126
00:05:04,616 --> 00:05:06,866
Oh, good, you heard me.
127
00:05:07,868 --> 00:05:09,285
You know, if you
really want tenure,
128
00:05:09,287 --> 00:05:11,671
maybe you should cozy up to
the people making the decision.
129
00:05:11,673 --> 00:05:14,791
Sheldon Cooper
does not do "cozy."
130
00:05:14,793 --> 00:05:18,378
You don't say.
131
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:20,096
But I suppose
it wouldn't hurt
132
00:05:20,098 --> 00:05:21,715
to know who's
on the committee.
133
00:05:21,717 --> 00:05:23,249
Let's see...
134
00:05:23,251 --> 00:05:25,084
Oh, Janine Davis.
135
00:05:25,086 --> 00:05:26,252
Oh, dear.
136
00:05:26,254 --> 00:05:27,887
Is that a problem?
137
00:05:27,889 --> 00:05:30,223
Well...
138
00:05:30,225 --> 00:05:31,307
Yeah, even you.
139
00:05:31,309 --> 00:05:32,942
You're a slave.
140
00:05:36,564 --> 00:05:38,932
I'm a what?
141
00:05:40,501 --> 00:05:43,536
I'm not sure;
it could go either way.
142
00:05:53,113 --> 00:05:55,782
Hey. Mrs. Davis.
143
00:05:55,784 --> 00:05:56,716
Hey.
Hey.
144
00:05:56,718 --> 00:05:59,252
Dr. Hofstadter.
Yeah.
145
00:05:59,254 --> 00:06:01,171
Just thought I'd come down
and start getting ready
146
00:06:01,173 --> 00:06:02,338
for swimsuit season.
147
00:06:04,092 --> 00:06:05,792
Good for you.
Eh.
148
00:06:05,794 --> 00:06:06,843
Not that you need it.
149
00:06:06,845 --> 00:06:08,561
I bet you look great
in a swimsuit.
150
00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:12,131
Thank you.
151
00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:14,467
I've got what my father used
to call "furniture disease."
152
00:06:14,469 --> 00:06:16,102
My chest is falling
into my drawers.
153
00:06:22,827 --> 00:06:25,078
I'm not, uh, familiar
with this model.
154
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,746
How do I make it start?
155
00:06:26,748 --> 00:06:29,115
You push start.
156
00:06:29,117 --> 00:06:31,367
Right.
157
00:06:38,759 --> 00:06:40,593
This one might be broken.
158
00:06:40,595 --> 00:06:42,378
You have to move.
159
00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:44,931
Got it.
160
00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,499
Oh.
161
00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:48,885
There.
162
00:06:54,058 --> 00:06:55,508
Oh, yeah!
163
00:06:56,343 --> 00:06:59,145
Yeah, now I'm feeling it.
164
00:07:00,314 --> 00:07:01,865
Oh, this is great.
165
00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:04,484
I could do this
for the rest of my life.
166
00:07:04,486 --> 00:07:05,902
Hey, speaking...
167
00:07:05,904 --> 00:07:08,888
speaking of things you do
for the rest of your life...
168
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:12,358
uh, did I read that you're
on that-that tenure committee?
169
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,693
Yep.
170
00:07:13,695 --> 00:07:15,862
I got to get a home gym.
171
00:07:17,581 --> 00:07:20,800
Well, I'm sure you have
a lot of good applicants, I just
172
00:07:20,802 --> 00:07:23,803
wanted to say hi and...
173
00:07:23,805 --> 00:07:25,672
let you know that I'll be...
174
00:07:25,674 --> 00:07:27,206
throwing my hat in the...
175
00:07:29,544 --> 00:07:31,761
...ring.
176
00:07:31,763 --> 00:07:33,615
All right, I'll keep
an eye out for that.
177
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,231
Yeah.
178
00:07:34,232 --> 00:07:37,133
Hey, Hofstadter.
179
00:07:37,135 --> 00:07:39,152
Funny seeing you here
for the first time in...
180
00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:41,571
ever.
181
00:07:41,573 --> 00:07:44,741
Go... away.
182
00:07:45,609 --> 00:07:47,110
Janine the Machine,
let's do this!
183
00:07:47,112 --> 00:07:48,394
Hey, Barry.
184
00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:51,080
Well, look at that.
185
00:07:51,082 --> 00:07:53,583
Burned a whole calorie.
186
00:07:53,585 --> 00:07:55,118
I guess you got here
187
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,121
early to burn off that
banana bread I baked you.
188
00:07:58,123 --> 00:07:59,739
Yeah, it was delicious.
Thank you.
189
00:07:59,741 --> 00:08:00,757
No, my pleasure.
190
00:08:00,759 --> 00:08:02,742
Oh, if you... if you
like banana bread...
191
00:08:02,744 --> 00:08:05,011
I've got a-a great recipe.
192
00:08:05,013 --> 00:08:07,513
The trick
is in... in fresh ground...
193
00:08:07,515 --> 00:08:10,633
I'll e-mail it to you.
194
00:08:10,635 --> 00:08:11,684
All right, I'm warm.
195
00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:13,353
Ready to kick it up a notch?
196
00:08:13,355 --> 00:08:15,755
Let's go.
197
00:08:15,757 --> 00:08:17,357
That's enough cardio for me.
198
00:08:17,359 --> 00:08:20,610
I'm just... gonna stretch out
before I hit the weights.
199
00:08:24,732 --> 00:08:26,866
You okay?
200
00:08:27,735 --> 00:08:30,269
Call someone!
201
00:08:34,742 --> 00:08:37,594
Good day, Mrs. Davis.
202
00:08:37,596 --> 00:08:38,995
This is Dr. Rajesh
Koothrappali
203
00:08:38,997 --> 00:08:41,464
from the astrophysics
department.
204
00:08:41,466 --> 00:08:42,949
Don't be alarmed,
205
00:08:42,951 --> 00:08:45,618
I'm not really in space.
206
00:08:48,305 --> 00:08:51,307
Anyhoo...
207
00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:52,792
I'd like to take
this opportunity
208
00:08:52,794 --> 00:08:54,293
to tell you about myself,
209
00:08:54,295 --> 00:08:56,729
so sit back, relax and enjoy
210
00:08:56,731 --> 00:08:59,399
the following 90-minute video.
211
00:08:59,401 --> 00:09:01,451
Oh, come on.
212
00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:04,520
Born in New Delhi,
213
00:09:04,522 --> 00:09:07,323
the third son
of an itinerant gynecologist,
214
00:09:07,325 --> 00:09:10,560
I showed early
signs of genius.
215
00:09:10,562 --> 00:09:13,930
At the age of five,
I discovered a celestial object
216
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:17,367
which later turned out
to be the moon.
217
00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:21,988
Mrs. Davis?
Mrs. Davis? Mrs. Davis?
218
00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:24,207
Mrs. Davis?
219
00:09:24,209 --> 00:09:26,709
God, they're everywhere.
220
00:09:26,711 --> 00:09:28,761
Come in.
221
00:09:30,097 --> 00:09:31,965
Dr. Cooper,
how can I help you?
222
00:09:31,967 --> 00:09:34,133
Yes, hello. I'm fine. Um...
223
00:09:35,970 --> 00:09:38,638
I understand you may have
a bad impression of me,
224
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,807
so I bought you a gift.
225
00:09:40,809 --> 00:09:42,842
Uh, Dr. Cooper,
that's not necessary.
226
00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:44,010
It's too late.
227
00:09:45,112 --> 00:09:46,612
Get ready to like me.
228
00:09:48,482 --> 00:09:51,334
Roots?
229
00:09:52,736 --> 00:09:57,573
The tragic history
of slavery in America.
230
00:09:57,575 --> 00:10:00,076
Fun for the whole family.
231
00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:04,714
Why would you think
this is an appropriate gift?
232
00:10:04,716 --> 00:10:07,050
Um...
233
00:10:07,052 --> 00:10:09,335
Well...
234
00:10:11,972 --> 00:10:14,173
You are black, right?
235
00:10:16,176 --> 00:10:18,578
This meeting has come to an end.
236
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,880
Because you want to start
watching it right now.
237
00:10:20,882 --> 00:10:22,432
Copy that.
238
00:10:23,283 --> 00:10:25,651
Let's see.
239
00:10:25,653 --> 00:10:29,105
Up next
on the tenure committee is...
240
00:10:29,107 --> 00:10:31,207
Professor Wu.
241
00:10:31,209 --> 00:10:34,827
Well, get ready for the complete
works of Jackie Chan.
242
00:10:40,118 --> 00:10:42,119
Gentlemen.
243
00:10:42,121 --> 00:10:43,139
Where have
you been?
244
00:10:43,139 --> 00:10:45,273
Nurse's office.
245
00:10:46,031 --> 00:10:46,981
Asthma attack?
246
00:10:46,983 --> 00:10:48,899
Asthma, heart--
some kind of attack.
247
00:10:48,901 --> 00:10:50,535
I'm fine, though.
248
00:10:51,537 --> 00:10:52,736
You guys going
249
00:10:52,738 --> 00:10:53,904
to Professor Tupperman's
memorial?
250
00:10:53,906 --> 00:10:54,922
I don't know.
Probably not.
251
00:10:54,924 --> 00:10:56,007
Barely knew him.
252
00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:57,291
Yeah, you wouldn't want to look
253
00:10:57,293 --> 00:10:59,410
like you guys are brown-nosing
the tenure committee,
254
00:10:59,412 --> 00:11:00,911
who will all be there.
255
00:11:02,965 --> 00:11:06,100
Oh, yeah, that's what
I was hoping for-- meerkats.
256
00:11:12,608 --> 00:11:16,143
I won't be able to make our
date night this Thursday, so...
257
00:11:16,145 --> 00:11:18,095
bad news for you.
258
00:11:18,981 --> 00:11:20,982
You better have a
good excuse this time,
259
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:23,150
because "trimming Q-tips
to fit your ears right"
260
00:11:23,152 --> 00:11:24,935
is obvious nonsense.
261
00:11:25,787 --> 00:11:27,188
First of all,
262
00:11:27,190 --> 00:11:29,657
when you say things like that,
people think you're crazy.
263
00:11:29,659 --> 00:11:33,277
Second, the reason
I'm cancelling is because
264
00:11:33,279 --> 00:11:36,280
I have to attend a memorial
service for Professor Tupperman.
265
00:11:36,282 --> 00:11:38,616
It sounds like a long
and tedious evening.
266
00:11:38,618 --> 00:11:40,117
Eh, it will be.
267
00:11:40,119 --> 00:11:42,670
Honestly, if I must endure
a long and tedious evening,
268
00:11:42,672 --> 00:11:45,139
I'd rather it be
with you on date night.
269
00:11:45,141 --> 00:11:47,225
But I have no choice.
270
00:11:47,227 --> 00:11:49,727
The tenure committee's
going to be there.
271
00:11:49,729 --> 00:11:52,630
Oh! Well, in that case,
perhaps I should come along.
272
00:11:52,632 --> 00:11:55,466
Well, now that I think about it,
that would be most helpful.
273
00:11:55,468 --> 00:11:56,601
Of course it would.
274
00:11:56,603 --> 00:11:58,636
I'm well-versed in
academic politics,
275
00:11:58,638 --> 00:12:00,238
and as a respected scientist,
276
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,657
I can only raise your
stock as a candidate.
277
00:12:02,659 --> 00:12:05,660
Actually, I meant
you could drive me.
278
00:12:07,779 --> 00:12:11,148
But if it makes you happy,
that other stuff, too.
279
00:12:13,619 --> 00:12:15,920
Do anything
interesting today?
280
00:12:15,922 --> 00:12:17,922
Oh, not really.
281
00:12:17,924 --> 00:12:19,340
I was out shopping with Amy.
282
00:12:19,342 --> 00:12:21,392
She wanted me
to help her find something
283
00:12:21,394 --> 00:12:22,493
for this memorial thing.
284
00:12:22,495 --> 00:12:23,961
Wait--
Sheldon's going to be there?
285
00:12:23,963 --> 00:12:25,996
We all promised
we weren't going to go.
286
00:12:25,998 --> 00:12:27,498
Oh, what a jerk.
287
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,616
I know.
288
00:12:28,618 --> 00:12:30,718
I was hoping to go
without anyone finding out.
289
00:12:32,271 --> 00:12:34,021
Well, since Amy's going,
do you want me there?
290
00:12:34,023 --> 00:12:35,189
You know, to support you?
291
00:12:35,191 --> 00:12:36,474
Oh...
292
00:12:36,476 --> 00:12:38,025
that's nice,
but it-it's just gonna be
293
00:12:38,027 --> 00:12:39,677
a room full of boring old men
294
00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:41,479
and I'm not sure
how much help you'd be.
295
00:12:41,481 --> 00:12:43,013
Okay.
296
00:12:43,015 --> 00:12:45,316
I'm just gonna tie my shoe
while you think about that.
297
00:12:52,791 --> 00:12:54,286
Oh, yeah. No.
Thanks, that would
298
00:12:54,287 --> 00:12:56,286
be great help.
299
00:12:57,371 --> 00:12:58,738
You realize
you might kill some of them.
300
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,208
Oh, then you all can get tenure.
301
00:13:03,995 --> 00:13:05,445
Come on, Daddy.
302
00:13:05,447 --> 00:13:09,616
All the other scientists
have seat warmers.
303
00:13:09,618 --> 00:13:11,635
This is so humiliating.
304
00:13:11,637 --> 00:13:14,421
I've got to get tenure.
305
00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:16,122
Okay, l-let's meet halfway.
306
00:13:16,124 --> 00:13:19,292
How about I cut my cleaning
lady down to twice a week?
307
00:13:20,353 --> 00:13:24,355
Looks like we're both going
to be living like animals.
308
00:13:26,858 --> 00:13:29,311
Let's go over our emotional
responses one last time.
309
00:13:29,312 --> 00:13:30,744
Okay.
310
00:13:30,746 --> 00:13:34,314
Professor Tupperman is dead,
and that makes us...?
311
00:13:34,316 --> 00:13:36,783
Sad.
312
00:13:36,785 --> 00:13:38,869
The fact that there
are so many people
313
00:13:38,871 --> 00:13:40,036
here tonight doesn't make us
314
00:13:40,038 --> 00:13:41,505
cranky and claustrophobic.
315
00:13:41,507 --> 00:13:42,489
It makes us...?
316
00:13:42,491 --> 00:13:44,841
Glad.
317
00:13:44,843 --> 00:13:48,261
Giving Mrs. Davis the box set
of Roots was...?
318
00:13:48,263 --> 00:13:50,497
Bad.
319
00:13:50,499 --> 00:13:52,499
However...
No.
320
00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:54,101
Fine. Bad.
321
00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:57,304
Unbelievable.
322
00:13:57,306 --> 00:13:59,055
You have some nerve
showing up here
323
00:13:59,057 --> 00:14:00,891
just to schmooze
with the tenure committee.
324
00:14:00,893 --> 00:14:01,975
You're here.
325
00:14:01,977 --> 00:14:03,393
Excuse me.
326
00:14:03,395 --> 00:14:05,562
I'm here to pay my respects
to Professor... Tupperware,
327
00:14:05,564 --> 00:14:06,897
or whatever his name is.
328
00:14:06,899 --> 00:14:08,115
So am I.
329
00:14:08,117 --> 00:14:10,951
His passing makes
me feel... bad.
330
00:14:14,238 --> 00:14:17,457
Well, well, well, Sheldon,
fancy meeting you here.
331
00:14:17,459 --> 00:14:19,326
I guess the train store
in Glendale
332
00:14:19,328 --> 00:14:21,411
wasn't having a cotillion
after all.
333
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:25,115
And you-- you said
you weren't coming here, either.
334
00:14:25,117 --> 00:14:28,885
I have a thick accent.
You don't know what I said.
335
00:14:28,887 --> 00:14:30,921
I'd like to know
why Penny's here.
336
00:14:30,923 --> 00:14:33,706
I'm here to support
my man, just like you.
337
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:35,258
What are you going to do?
338
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:37,978
Take people's drink orders
and get them wrong?
339
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:41,014
Do it.
340
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:57,397
What? Did she do it yet?
341
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,619
She plans on flirting with
members of the tenure committee
342
00:15:02,621 --> 00:15:04,671
to further
Leonard's cause.
343
00:15:04,673 --> 00:15:07,090
Well, that's a fine
how-do-you-do.
344
00:15:07,092 --> 00:15:09,459
Don't just stand there.
Take your breasts out.
345
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:15,549
Ooh, meerkat fight!
346
00:15:16,768 --> 00:15:18,518
You're all
wasting your time.
347
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,720
Sheldon is the most
qualified for the job,
348
00:15:20,722 --> 00:15:24,474
and no amount of gravity-defying
bosom's going to change that.
349
00:15:25,776 --> 00:15:27,093
Seriously, is that tape?
350
00:15:27,095 --> 00:15:29,229
Like, how are they
staying up like that?
351
00:15:29,231 --> 00:15:31,231
Way to hit 'em
with both barrels.
352
00:15:34,402 --> 00:15:36,736
You two should be
ashamed of yourselves.
353
00:15:36,738 --> 00:15:39,289
Using women to advance
your cause with sexuality,
354
00:15:39,291 --> 00:15:41,458
and whatever Amy plans on doing.
355
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:43,851
Are you implying
356
00:15:43,852 --> 00:15:46,386
that my girlfriend has
no sexuality to exploit?
357
00:15:46,434 --> 00:15:47,188
Yes!
358
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,916
Okay, because
that was not clear.
359
00:15:48,917 --> 00:15:50,083
Sheldon!
360
00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:54,170
What?
361
00:15:54,172 --> 00:15:55,639
That was ambiguous.
362
00:15:55,641 --> 00:15:58,341
Well, now it's biguous.
What are you gonna do about it?
363
00:15:58,343 --> 00:15:59,426
Um...
364
00:15:59,428 --> 00:16:00,727
You could talk some smack
about his mother.
365
00:16:00,729 --> 00:16:02,646
Well, yes, of course,
he wouldn't like that at all.
366
00:16:02,648 --> 00:16:04,931
Last night,
367
00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:07,100
I was feeling in need
of sexual release
368
00:16:07,102 --> 00:16:09,636
when I happened
to come across your mother.
369
00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:13,323
Okay, okay.
370
00:16:13,325 --> 00:16:14,824
Guys, what are we doing here?
371
00:16:14,826 --> 00:16:15,992
I don't know what you're doing,
372
00:16:15,994 --> 00:16:17,444
but I was about to insinuate
373
00:16:17,446 --> 00:16:20,914
that I had coitus
with Raj's mother for a dollar.
374
00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,750
Oh, you do
what you want,
375
00:16:23,752 --> 00:16:26,169
but I don't want to lose
my friends over tenure.
376
00:16:26,171 --> 00:16:27,287
Friends are forever.
377
00:16:27,289 --> 00:16:28,455
So is tenure.
378
00:16:28,457 --> 00:16:30,056
Walk!
379
00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:35,011
I'm just gonna go home and
let my work speak for itself.
380
00:16:35,013 --> 00:16:37,264
You're right.
This is beneath me.
381
00:16:37,266 --> 00:16:40,300
Like your mother was last night.
382
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,470
How about it, Sheldon?
383
00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:47,006
What do you think
I should do?
384
00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:50,110
Well, you'll always be
an academic success,
385
00:16:50,112 --> 00:16:51,511
but...
386
00:16:51,513 --> 00:16:52,812
I seriously question
387
00:16:52,814 --> 00:16:55,014
whether you'll make
any more friends.
388
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,619
I don't want any more,
but let's go.
389
00:17:01,072 --> 00:17:03,707
Are you kidding? I would
"wove" to baby-sit for you.
390
00:17:03,709 --> 00:17:05,959
I could not ask
you to do that.
391
00:17:05,961 --> 00:17:07,360
Nonsense.
Children "wove" me.
392
00:17:07,362 --> 00:17:10,463
Something about me just makes
them "waugh" and "waugh."
393
00:17:17,672 --> 00:17:20,307
No. We cannot lose
to that jerk.
394
00:17:20,309 --> 00:17:22,342
Yeah, screw it.
395
00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:23,560
I'm going in.
396
00:17:23,562 --> 00:17:25,044
You... Wait. Hold on.
397
00:17:25,046 --> 00:17:26,980
I believe "Screw it,
I'm going in" is what
398
00:17:26,982 --> 00:17:28,765
I said to your
mother last night.
399
00:17:30,985 --> 00:17:33,737
Don't worry, I didn't
really say that.
400
00:17:33,739 --> 00:17:35,488
I-I find the concept
401
00:17:35,490 --> 00:17:37,774
of coitus ridiculous
and off-putting.
402
00:17:39,977 --> 00:17:42,612
Should have taken my breasts out
while I had the chance.
403
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,839
Mrs. Davis?
404
00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:52,423
Mrs. Davis?
405
00:17:52,477 --> 00:17:54,560
Mrs. Davis?
406
00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:56,428
I know you're in there.
407
00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:59,415
I saw your car
in the parking lot.
408
00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:01,600
What?
409
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:04,436
I just found out
that you recommended myself,
410
00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:06,572
Dr. Hofstadter
and Dr. Koothrappali
411
00:18:06,574 --> 00:18:08,774
to be on the short list
for tenure.
412
00:18:08,776 --> 00:18:09,975
Well, despite your quirks,
413
00:18:09,977 --> 00:18:12,611
the three of you
are very accomplished
414
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,263
in your respective fields.
415
00:18:14,265 --> 00:18:17,950
I don't know what you mean
by "quirks," but, um...
416
00:18:19,085 --> 00:18:20,466
...I do want
to express my gratitude.
417
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,683
You didn't bring
another gift, did you?
418
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:23,708
No, no.
419
00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:25,457
No, I learned my lesson.
420
00:18:25,459 --> 00:18:27,159
I understand
that was inappropriate.
421
00:18:27,161 --> 00:18:28,377
Good.
422
00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:30,713
Anyway, thank you.
423
00:18:30,715 --> 00:18:33,132
You're welcome.
424
00:18:39,723 --> 00:18:42,608
I'm gonna pretend
that didn't happen.
425
00:18:43,563 --> 00:18:45,062
Yeah, right on, sister.
426
00:18:45,064 --> 00:18:50,064
== sync, corrected by elderman ==