1 00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:06,136 Oh, oh. She's doing it again. 2 00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:09,072 Phyllis has gotten into audiobooks. 3 00:00:09,107 --> 00:00:11,658 And lately she's been listening to 50 Shades Of Grey, 4 00:00:11,676 --> 00:00:14,111 which, if you don't know what it is, 5 00:00:14,145 --> 00:00:16,980 - it's a book about, uh, um-- - It's porn. 6 00:00:17,015 --> 00:00:18,849 Yeah. 7 00:00:18,883 --> 00:00:20,317 [Chair squeaking] 8 00:00:20,351 --> 00:00:22,969 Seriously? 9 00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:24,554 This is unacceptable. 10 00:00:24,605 --> 00:00:26,573 It's officially a hostile work environment. 11 00:00:26,607 --> 00:00:27,824 Why? 12 00:00:27,859 --> 00:00:29,109 Somebody just needs to get her attention, 13 00:00:29,143 --> 00:00:30,761 tell her it's not okay to do this in public. 14 00:00:30,795 --> 00:00:32,429 Be careful. I pulled my mom's dog 15 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,047 off the pillow once, and I got bit. 16 00:00:34,082 --> 00:00:36,299 Just ignore her. Sooner or later, she'll finish. 17 00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,268 [All groaning] Meredith! Good lord. 18 00:00:38,302 --> 00:00:40,704 - What? - Phyllis is masturbating 19 00:00:40,755 --> 00:00:42,922 in the office right now as we speak. 20 00:00:42,940 --> 00:00:45,409 Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy 21 00:00:45,443 --> 00:00:47,026 go out there and fire her? 22 00:00:47,045 --> 00:00:48,495 He can't do that. 23 00:00:48,529 --> 00:00:50,347 Turns out she's allowed to have feelings 24 00:00:50,381 --> 00:00:51,998 of sexual arousal. 25 00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:53,767 Doesn't become a violation 26 00:00:53,801 --> 00:00:55,335 till she physically acts on it. 27 00:00:55,353 --> 00:00:57,270 [All exclaim] 28 00:00:57,305 --> 00:00:59,740 W-w-wait, wait. Why is Phyllis so aroused? 29 00:00:59,774 --> 00:01:02,409 She's listening to50 Shades Of Grey. 30 00:01:02,443 --> 00:01:05,011 Well, there you go. That'smuy caliente. 31 00:01:05,046 --> 00:01:07,531 Okay, you are useless. I'll take care of this. 32 00:01:11,269 --> 00:01:13,003 [Sputters] What the hell? 33 00:01:13,037 --> 00:01:15,172 It's okay, guys. She's no longer horny. 34 00:01:15,223 --> 00:01:17,224 Excuse me, dirty birdie. 35 00:01:17,258 --> 00:01:18,658 What? 36 00:01:18,693 --> 00:01:21,328 You can have this back at the end of the day. 37 00:01:21,362 --> 00:01:23,296 Okay. 38 00:01:24,982 --> 00:01:25,965 [Yelps] 39 00:01:25,983 --> 00:01:28,568 [Cheerful music] 40 00:01:32,724 --> 00:01:34,734 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:35,126 --> 00:01:37,043 Clark, I need your advice. 42 00:01:37,061 --> 00:01:38,612 I'm having some lady troubles. 43 00:01:38,646 --> 00:01:41,181 - What's her name? - Esther Bruegger. 44 00:01:41,215 --> 00:01:43,550 - Sweet. - Lives on the neighboring farm. 45 00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:45,018 - 85 acres. - Oh, yeah. 46 00:01:45,036 --> 00:01:46,453 Keep talking. 47 00:01:46,487 --> 00:01:47,804 Well, we've been out three times. 48 00:01:47,839 --> 00:01:49,573 There has been physicality. 49 00:01:49,607 --> 00:01:51,491 The thing is, we were hanging out with her father 50 00:01:51,525 --> 00:01:52,926 the other night, looking at a farm catalogue, 51 00:01:52,961 --> 00:01:55,529 next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me. 52 00:01:55,563 --> 00:01:57,064 [Groans] 53 00:01:57,098 --> 00:01:58,815 [Laughs] 54 00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:00,584 What do you think? 55 00:02:00,618 --> 00:02:02,569 The same thing that you think. 56 00:02:02,587 --> 00:02:05,656 Long-term tractor leases can put pressure on a relationship. 57 00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:06,773 God, a lot of my buddies are going 58 00:02:06,808 --> 00:02:08,075 through the same thing right now. 59 00:02:08,109 --> 00:02:09,409 Something in the air. 60 00:02:09,443 --> 00:02:10,627 Here you go. 61 00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:12,262 And good for you, Dwight. 62 00:02:12,297 --> 00:02:13,981 I'm so glad you found someone. 63 00:02:14,015 --> 00:02:16,650 I bet she's got kind eyes. 64 00:02:16,684 --> 00:02:18,852 Dwight is dating a Brussels sprout farmer 65 00:02:18,886 --> 00:02:20,103 named Esther. 66 00:02:20,154 --> 00:02:22,356 She's coming here this afternoon with her father. 67 00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:23,557 Who knows? 68 00:02:23,591 --> 00:02:25,292 Maybe she'll be pulling the horse cart. 69 00:02:25,326 --> 00:02:27,227 [Chuckling] 70 00:02:27,245 --> 00:02:30,080 [Amused sigh] 71 00:02:30,114 --> 00:02:32,432 Cece has been calling me Pamela. 72 00:02:32,467 --> 00:02:33,951 Like, four times this week. 73 00:02:33,985 --> 00:02:35,168 Oh, man. 74 00:02:35,202 --> 00:02:36,503 [Chuckles] 75 00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:38,021 I wonder if she'll start calling you Jim. 76 00:02:38,072 --> 00:02:39,906 Oh, boy. Please don't. 77 00:02:39,941 --> 00:02:42,693 - I know. - Let's not let that happen. 78 00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:45,779 [Chuckles] Um... 79 00:02:45,813 --> 00:02:48,949 Oh, what was I gonna-- what was I gonna say? 80 00:02:48,983 --> 00:02:50,267 Well, you know, your assistant told me 81 00:02:50,301 --> 00:02:52,619 that you have a big pitch meeting today. 82 00:02:52,653 --> 00:02:55,389 With Ryan Howard. How did that happen? 83 00:02:55,423 --> 00:02:57,190 Not that Ryan Howard. 84 00:02:57,224 --> 00:02:59,526 - The Phillies first baseman. - Oh! Oh, okay. 85 00:02:59,544 --> 00:03:01,178 Yeah, yeah. Exactly. 86 00:03:01,212 --> 00:03:03,630 [Sighs] 87 00:03:03,665 --> 00:03:05,499 Um, okay. 88 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:06,833 - Well... - Yeah. 89 00:03:06,868 --> 00:03:08,969 So I'll talk to you later? 90 00:03:09,003 --> 00:03:10,120 Yeah, sounds good. Okay. 91 00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:11,088 - Okay, great. - Yup. 92 00:03:11,122 --> 00:03:12,454 - Bye. - Bye. 93 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:18,011 [Laughter] 94 00:03:18,029 --> 00:03:19,296 What's going on? 95 00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:22,165 Ooh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song? 96 00:03:22,216 --> 00:03:23,600 There's a promo for the documentary 97 00:03:23,634 --> 00:03:25,485 on the web. 98 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,455 Play it again. 99 00:03:28,489 --> 00:03:31,258 [Upbeat guitar music] 100 00:03:31,292 --> 00:03:33,877 The boss. [All murmur] 101 00:03:33,911 --> 00:03:36,363 - There's Michael. - The workers. 102 00:03:40,585 --> 00:03:45,105 The lives. 103 00:03:45,139 --> 00:03:47,941 The loves. 104 00:03:49,644 --> 00:03:51,611 The people. 105 00:03:56,017 --> 00:03:58,518 The paper. 106 00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:08,011 The Office, An American Workplace. 107 00:04:08,062 --> 00:04:10,764 Coming soon on WVIA. 108 00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:12,332 Whoa. 109 00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:14,885 You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes, 110 00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,587 and everything changes. 111 00:04:17,638 --> 00:04:19,639 This is a documentary? 112 00:04:19,674 --> 00:04:21,341 Ohh. 113 00:04:21,375 --> 00:04:23,727 I always thought we were, like, specimens 114 00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:26,146 in a human zoo. 115 00:04:31,219 --> 00:04:33,387 [Typing on keyboard] 116 00:04:33,421 --> 00:04:35,606 Did you see this? 117 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,091 [Clatter] 118 00:04:37,125 --> 00:04:38,776 Your screen is all black. 119 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:42,579 You just unplugged your computer. 120 00:04:46,751 --> 00:04:48,769 Oh, my God. Is that you and Jim? 121 00:04:48,803 --> 00:04:51,488 - Uh-huh. - Jeez. 122 00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:52,790 You fell in love with that hair? 123 00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:54,591 Really? [Chuckles] 124 00:04:54,625 --> 00:04:57,094 Yikes. 125 00:04:57,128 --> 00:05:00,730 That is awful. 126 00:05:00,749 --> 00:05:02,883 It wasn't so bad. 127 00:05:02,917 --> 00:05:04,301 Guys, are you reading the online comments? 128 00:05:04,319 --> 00:05:07,004 Somebody commented on my banjo playing. 129 00:05:07,038 --> 00:05:08,822 "Banjo at 0:19 is a'ight." 130 00:05:08,857 --> 00:05:11,875 Internet, calm down! [Chuckles] 131 00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:14,077 I must have really connected with this guy. 132 00:05:14,111 --> 00:05:15,362 I mean, that's a guy's name, right? 133 00:05:15,396 --> 00:05:17,347 Chobblegobbler? 134 00:05:20,335 --> 00:05:21,919 [Elevator dings] 135 00:05:24,322 --> 00:05:25,606 Hey, man, how you doing? Jim Halpert. 136 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:26,924 Nice to meet you. Eat fresh. 137 00:05:26,958 --> 00:05:28,776 - Hey, man. Darryl. - Hey, man. Ryan. 138 00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,527 Nice to meet you. Eat fresh. 139 00:05:30,561 --> 00:05:32,179 Eat fresh. [Clicks tongue] 140 00:05:32,213 --> 00:05:35,632 Let's go to the conference room. 141 00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:41,405 Esther's on her way up. I wonder if she wants a snack. 142 00:05:41,439 --> 00:05:42,573 Let me see. 143 00:05:42,607 --> 00:05:45,292 I know she likes apples and carrots. 144 00:05:45,326 --> 00:05:46,560 I bet she does. 145 00:05:46,594 --> 00:05:48,695 I bet she'll eat 'em right out of your hand 146 00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:50,497 with those big, strong teeth. 147 00:05:50,532 --> 00:05:52,616 Did I tell you about her teeth? 148 00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:54,518 Hey, Dwight, you have some guests. 149 00:05:54,552 --> 00:05:57,287 I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper. 150 00:05:59,407 --> 00:06:01,291 [Silently] Yes. 151 00:06:01,309 --> 00:06:03,811 Ah, the Bruegger family. Welcome. 152 00:06:03,845 --> 00:06:05,312 Fine office you have here. 153 00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:06,396 Sturdy walls. 154 00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:08,565 Yes. Esther. 155 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:13,020 - You look radiant as always. - Thank you. 156 00:06:13,054 --> 00:06:16,340 I guess men find Esther attractive. 157 00:06:16,374 --> 00:06:18,075 I mean, if there are chubby chasers, 158 00:06:18,109 --> 00:06:22,796 then there are men that like that thing. 159 00:06:22,831 --> 00:06:25,532 Weird to see how we used to look in those promos. 160 00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:28,101 Some of us have changed so much. 161 00:06:28,136 --> 00:06:30,737 We've all changed. 162 00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:35,976 With our firm, you'll be building equity 163 00:06:36,027 --> 00:06:37,778 for long after they retire your number. 164 00:06:37,812 --> 00:06:40,380 And we all know baseball does not last forever. 165 00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:41,815 I look at these actors on TV, 166 00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:44,201 and I think, "come on. I can do that." 167 00:06:44,235 --> 00:06:46,370 Right? [Chuckles] 168 00:06:46,404 --> 00:06:47,921 Watch this. 169 00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:49,406 Eat fresh. 170 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,858 Now what does that make you think of? 171 00:06:50,892 --> 00:06:52,910 - Subway sandwiches. - Yeah. 172 00:06:52,944 --> 00:06:55,262 How? I didn't say "Subway sandwiches" 173 00:06:55,296 --> 00:06:56,830 it's called playing the subtext. 174 00:06:56,865 --> 00:06:59,483 - Wow. - I actually wrote a screenplay. 175 00:06:59,517 --> 00:07:01,335 It's called The Big Piece. 176 00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:03,387 Based on his nickname. I like it already. 177 00:07:03,421 --> 00:07:05,055 Let me guess. It's autobiographical. 178 00:07:05,089 --> 00:07:07,791 Half-biopic, half-superhero movie. 179 00:07:07,825 --> 00:07:10,477 The mild-mannered professional baseball player Ryan Howard 180 00:07:10,511 --> 00:07:11,828 - hits a home run... - Okay. 181 00:07:11,846 --> 00:07:13,296 ...into outer space. 182 00:07:13,314 --> 00:07:14,815 Ball comes back with space dust on it, 183 00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:17,734 which transforms him into the Big Piece. 184 00:07:17,752 --> 00:07:19,002 Big Piece. 185 00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,888 - The space dust does it. - Space dust. 186 00:07:20,922 --> 00:07:22,222 - Okay. - I actually brought 187 00:07:22,273 --> 00:07:23,690 some copies of my script 188 00:07:23,725 --> 00:07:25,292 if you guys want to read it together. 189 00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:27,160 Sure, yeah. [Chuckles] 190 00:07:27,211 --> 00:07:29,846 ♪ Hollywood ♪ 191 00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:31,098 All right. 192 00:07:31,149 --> 00:07:33,083 - Yeah, we're gonna read it. - Okay, great. 193 00:07:33,117 --> 00:07:36,553 Andy, are there documentary groupies? 194 00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:37,921 Of course there are. 195 00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:39,339 Of course. 196 00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:40,474 A little ironic 197 00:07:40,508 --> 00:07:42,092 that I'm gonna be kind of a TV star, 198 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:44,544 because my last Chad Flenderman novel 199 00:07:44,579 --> 00:07:48,498 was based on a murdered TV star. 200 00:07:48,532 --> 00:07:50,784 - The Small Scream. - Oh, I don't care. 201 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:53,169 Hey, guys, I just found another promo. 202 00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:55,606 - It's in Danish. - Danish? 203 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:56,840 I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark. 204 00:07:56,858 --> 00:07:58,241 Oh, my God. 205 00:07:58,276 --> 00:08:01,461 [Man speaking Danish] 206 00:08:09,771 --> 00:08:12,239 What was that word they said when they showed me? 207 00:08:12,273 --> 00:08:15,108 Skrald mand? What's that mean in Danish? 208 00:08:15,159 --> 00:08:17,244 "Cool guy?" 209 00:08:17,278 --> 00:08:18,946 "Dumpster man." 210 00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:21,398 Cool. Superhero. 211 00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:22,866 What about me? 212 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,118 - Cloken tre pige. - Tre pige. 213 00:08:25,169 --> 00:08:27,254 "3:00 PM girl." 214 00:08:27,288 --> 00:08:28,905 What? 215 00:08:28,923 --> 00:08:30,540 Why would they-- w-- wait a second. 216 00:08:30,574 --> 00:08:31,708 Wait a second. What was that? 217 00:08:31,742 --> 00:08:34,244 [Typing on keyboard] [Gasps] 218 00:08:34,262 --> 00:08:36,246 I didn't know they were filming then. 219 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,182 It looks like the cameraman was hiding behind the shelves. 220 00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:41,385 Wait, so they were filming all the time, 221 00:08:41,419 --> 00:08:43,053 even when we didn't know it? 222 00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,688 Oh, my God. 223 00:08:49,081 --> 00:08:51,981 There is much more secret filming than I expected. 224 00:08:51,982 --> 00:08:53,232 But I am fine with it, I mean it. 225 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:54,850 - I am. - Are you kidding me? 226 00:08:54,885 --> 00:08:56,102 It's like half the show is secret footage. 227 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,570 I am a very private person. 228 00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:59,722 I show 'em when I want to show 'em. 229 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,924 Who wants a taste? Boob sauce! 230 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,509 - Meredith! - Come on! 231 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,177 Oh, my God. Do they film us at night 232 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,113 - when we're sleeping? - Yes, Erin. 233 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,197 They film us at night when we're sleeping 234 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,248 'cause that makes great TV. 235 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,700 - Hey. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 236 00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:12,134 - Oscar. - I'm sorry, sweetie. 237 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,353 This whole thing is just freaking me out. 238 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,255 I have been very honest with you guys 239 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,507 in a way that could seriously impact the political career 240 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,443 of a very good friend of mine. 241 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,062 You're not gonna use any of that, are you? 242 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,514 People, relax. 243 00:09:25,549 --> 00:09:27,433 We are killing it online. 244 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:28,667 Have you guys checked the comments? 245 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,202 Smokethatskinwagon says, 246 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,555 "you guys are killing it." I mean... 247 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:35,574 we're internet sensations, guys. 248 00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:37,293 I think we need to figure out what's going on. 249 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,895 I might just take a little walk. 250 00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:44,150 Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea. 251 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,102 Okay. 252 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:52,291 [Indistinct whispering] 253 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,759 Okay, everyone, turn off your mics. 254 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,902 We need to know more. Did those shots have sound? 255 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,787 What exactly did they get on tape? 256 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,022 I sneezed into my hands without using purell 257 00:10:07,057 --> 00:10:08,274 and then dipped into the candy jar. 258 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,909 - Did they film that? - My first week here, 259 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,544 I sneezed directly into the candy jar 260 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:12,878 because I thought I'd get more-- 261 00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,680 I thought I'd get more screen time as a villain. 262 00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,665 Okay, Pam, why don't you visit your buddy, 263 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,717 the crew guy that got fired, find out what they got? 264 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,352 Brian? 265 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,421 - Yeah. - Yeah, I guess I could. 266 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,240 Hurry, Pam. I need to know how much hellfire 267 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,824 is gonna rain down on me. 268 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,443 I thought Teri knew about Cynthia. 269 00:10:27,477 --> 00:10:29,578 She does, but neither of them know about Lydia. 270 00:10:29,613 --> 00:10:31,964 - Ooh. - Wow. 271 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:35,651 Whoa! [Laughter] 272 00:10:35,685 --> 00:10:37,203 Okay, so what's this lever do? 273 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:40,539 That manipulates the secondary shaft. 274 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,207 Oh, the secondary shaft. 275 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,926 [Shudders] Ah-ooga! 276 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,277 [Laughter] 277 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,196 The lift capacity's up to 2,000 pounds. 278 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,330 That's a lot of beets. 279 00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:50,115 Let's talk terms. 280 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:53,119 If you agree to a 40-60 split on this tractor, 281 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,104 I'll store it in one of my barns. 282 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,723 Mr. Bruegger, are you trying to take advantage of me 283 00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:59,141 because I'm interested in your daughter? 284 00:10:59,176 --> 00:11:01,644 50-50 split, or no deal. 285 00:11:01,678 --> 00:11:05,197 Esther, get in the truck. 286 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,816 No, wait-- okay, wait. 287 00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:10,436 You win. 288 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:13,272 [Chuckles] Let's get the paperwork started. 289 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,178 We should buy an Auger together. 290 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,447 Oh. Yeah. 291 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,648 Yeah, we should do that. 292 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,949 You would be a great one 293 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:26,502 to buy an Auger with. 294 00:11:28,705 --> 00:11:32,308 Hello, honey, I just spoke to the TV repairman, 295 00:11:32,342 --> 00:11:34,593 and he says we need to keep our TVs turned off 296 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:35,861 for a couple of months. 297 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,830 Something about the wiring. 298 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,698 Oh! Seven new comments. 299 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,468 "The guy at 0:19 is hawt." 300 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:43,819 "Hi, bongripper, 301 00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:45,754 it's me, Andy, the guy from 0:19. 302 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,257 I'm glad that you enjoyed my work in that promo. 303 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,342 I really enjoyed your comment. 304 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,194 Going to read some more comments now. 305 00:11:52,229 --> 00:11:55,681 Have a great day!" 306 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,851 "He's not hawt. He's gay." 307 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,275 "Dear jasonjasonjason, 308 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,576 it's me, Andy. 309 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:08,994 Nice name. Not! 310 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,296 Guess what? I'm not gay. 311 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,565 So you're an idiot. And I am hawt, 312 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:15,734 according to people on this site who have a brain. 313 00:12:15,752 --> 00:12:18,871 Never comment on this page ever again." 314 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,172 "He is hawt." 315 00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:24,176 See? Thank you. That's more like it. 316 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,912 "He is butt." 317 00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:29,732 Agh! Damn it! 318 00:12:29,766 --> 00:12:32,418 I'm about to lose my freaking mind! 319 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:37,056 Screw you, texaspoontappa. 320 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,423 Ugh. 321 00:12:38,441 --> 00:12:40,509 Security deposit. That's been-- 322 00:12:40,544 --> 00:12:42,344 - Standard. - Right. Standard. 323 00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:43,996 Hey, can I talk to you for one second? 324 00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:45,598 Not now. No. No. 325 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:46,799 - Just one second. - No. 326 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,284 - One second. - I'm closing a deal 327 00:12:48,318 --> 00:12:51,070 on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate. 328 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,537 - Don't do it. - What? 329 00:12:52,556 --> 00:12:53,589 Don't you cap that pen. 330 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,807 Do not cap that pen! 331 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,725 Do-- no! You capped it! 332 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,860 Wow. You are serious. 333 00:12:57,894 --> 00:12:58,961 Okay, you've got two minutes. 334 00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:00,129 Then the cap comes off. 335 00:13:00,163 --> 00:13:03,315 Dude, we're being conned. 336 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,883 Go on. 337 00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:07,136 These chicks are way too hot to be into us. 338 00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:09,555 Esther's just pretending to like you 339 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,540 so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor. 340 00:13:11,575 --> 00:13:14,260 No. 341 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,494 Yeah, the sister's trying to seduce me 342 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:16,812 into buying an Auger with her. 343 00:13:16,846 --> 00:13:18,397 What? Has the guarantee expired 344 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:19,565 on the Auger you have now? 345 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:23,085 I don't even know what an Auger is. 346 00:13:23,119 --> 00:13:24,970 No woman would ever want a man 347 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,222 who doesn't know what an Auger is. 348 00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:30,309 Hey. You ready to sign? 349 00:13:30,327 --> 00:13:32,911 I just need a moment to consider your offer. 350 00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:36,915 Excuse me. 351 00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:45,557 [Knock at door] 352 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,009 Oh, hey. 353 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,944 - Hey. - Hi. 354 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,396 Hi. I'm sorry. 355 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,380 Do you have a minute? Is this a bad time? 356 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:52,348 No, no. Please, yeah. 357 00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:56,518 Come on in. 358 00:13:56,553 --> 00:13:58,120 Good to see you. Um, sorry. 359 00:13:58,154 --> 00:14:00,422 My place is usually not this-- 360 00:14:00,457 --> 00:14:01,707 Oh, my gosh, please, don't. 361 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,276 Yeah, no, I-- actually, it's always like this. 362 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,095 [Laughter] You want to go outside? 363 00:14:06,129 --> 00:14:07,279 It's a little less cluttered out there. 364 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,413 - Sure. Yeah. - Yeah? 365 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,848 Yeah. 366 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,685 [Sighs] 367 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:16,355 - Let me grab a couple drinks. - Okay. 368 00:14:16,373 --> 00:14:18,140 Oh, wow, you have a nice view. 369 00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:19,791 All right. 370 00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:22,177 - That's for you. - Oh, thank you. 371 00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,663 - Cheers. - Cheers. 372 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,548 [Radio plays loudly] All right. 373 00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:28,334 How much have you revealed on camera 374 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,019 about your relationship with the Senator? 375 00:14:30,053 --> 00:14:32,121 They caught us kissing on Halloween. 376 00:14:32,155 --> 00:14:34,406 [Gasps] He was dressed like Ronald Reagan! 377 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,158 - Oww! - God. 378 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,410 Angela! Well, he kissed like Jack Kennedy. 379 00:14:38,428 --> 00:14:40,078 - Oh! - Stop it. 380 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,196 Stop kissing him. 381 00:14:41,231 --> 00:14:42,598 Someone needs to call and warn him. 382 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,049 This could ruin his career. 383 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,268 I don't like giving him bad news. 384 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,553 - Call him! - You call him! 385 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,271 - Call him! Call him! - Stop hitting me! No! 386 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:52,191 - So... - So... 387 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,859 What brings you by? 388 00:14:53,877 --> 00:14:56,512 Well, the promo for the documentary aired today. 389 00:14:56,546 --> 00:14:57,963 - Oh, yeah, that's right. - Yeah. 390 00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,648 - It's kind of crazy. - It is. 391 00:14:59,683 --> 00:15:01,550 See all this, like, old stuff. 392 00:15:01,584 --> 00:15:04,720 - I know. - Like, there's that shot 393 00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:07,289 - of Jim and I up on the roof. - Oh, yeah, that was-- 394 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,491 - that was a good moment. - Yeah, wasn't that neat? 395 00:15:09,526 --> 00:15:11,977 - Yeah, that was cool. - Yeah. 396 00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,263 And there's this one when we were listening 397 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,448 to music, and it's like-- 398 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,633 it's like we were in love, 399 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:18,834 we didn't even know we were in love. 400 00:15:18,868 --> 00:15:21,670 And it's-- 401 00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:24,356 but... 402 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,775 do you think Jim's changed? 403 00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,277 - Um... - I'm sorry. 404 00:15:28,311 --> 00:15:29,661 Did that-- but that was out of the blue. 405 00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:30,996 I just mean, because you know us, 406 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,798 and you've, like, observed us 407 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:36,668 for ten years, and I feel like he's-- 408 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:40,439 I just feel like he's so into his work right now, 409 00:15:40,457 --> 00:15:42,991 and... 410 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,761 I don't know. Am I crazy? 411 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,547 No, you're not crazy. 412 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:54,953 Well, I wish that made me feel better. 413 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:58,607 Listen, so everybody saw the promos, 414 00:15:58,641 --> 00:15:59,925 and they're kind of freaking out. 415 00:15:59,943 --> 00:16:01,477 - [Chuckles] - 'Cause it seems 416 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,946 like you got a lot of private stuff on camera. 417 00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,881 - Yeah. - You know, stuff people 418 00:16:05,915 --> 00:16:07,866 didn't intend for everyone to see, 419 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,985 and they kind of want to know how much. 420 00:16:10,019 --> 00:16:11,720 They want to know how much what? 421 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,422 How much stuff you got. 422 00:16:13,456 --> 00:16:15,190 Pretty much everything. 423 00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:17,876 Well, yeah, but what if we turn off our mic packs? 424 00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,244 They've got parabolic mics. 425 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,612 They can pick you up 100 yards away. 426 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:24,016 So, no, if you were around there, they got you. 427 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:27,252 So we basically had no privacy for ten years. 428 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,338 That's not really true. I mean... 429 00:16:29,372 --> 00:16:32,991 - that's-- - Um... 430 00:16:33,009 --> 00:16:34,593 yeah, I gotta go. 431 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:35,627 Oh, no, hang on a second. 432 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,212 Pam, I'm sorry. I-- I-- 433 00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:38,630 I can explain this so much better. 434 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,832 No, I think you explained it. 435 00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:43,936 Look, if you give me a chance, I can-- Pam. 436 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:47,839 "We will win this baseball game 437 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,808 against the Evil Space Yankees. 438 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,209 Eat fresh." 439 00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:52,544 That'll pay for the exploding helicopter. 440 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,513 - Smart. - Mm-hmm. 441 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,266 "Suddenly, the Evil Thugs break into the stadium. 442 00:16:57,300 --> 00:17:00,302 The Big Piece hits baseball at the Evil Thugs." 443 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,354 "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks." 444 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:04,373 Come on, man. Sell it. 445 00:17:04,407 --> 00:17:07,426 Yeah, Jim. 446 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,611 [Forceful] "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!" 447 00:17:09,646 --> 00:17:10,946 Yeah, that's better. 448 00:17:10,980 --> 00:17:12,864 "A bunch of hot women go, 449 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,149 'oh, yeah.'" 450 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,451 "Megan, I was too shy to tell you this 451 00:17:16,486 --> 00:17:18,654 when I was just a normal professional baseball player, 452 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,106 but I love you." 453 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,408 "They kiss. It is super emotional. 454 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,128 - Like in Toy Story." - Wow. 455 00:17:26,162 --> 00:17:27,379 I tell you what. It's really strong. 456 00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,131 Can't wait to read the rest of it later, 457 00:17:29,165 --> 00:17:30,999 - see how it ends. - It's so strong. 458 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,335 Keep reading then. 459 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,837 "Gotta go. Darth Vader's launching a huge attack." 460 00:17:35,872 --> 00:17:38,006 Um, another thing. 461 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,891 I'm gonna need you to get me the rights 462 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:42,945 to Darth Vader. 463 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,263 I don't know how we'd go about doing that, but... 464 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:47,232 - We can look into it. - We'll look into it. 465 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:48,700 We need Darth. 466 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,302 - We gotta get him. - Go after Darth then. 467 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:51,970 - We're gonna go get him. - That's what we're gonna do. 468 00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:53,739 We're gonna go get him. 469 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,774 Maybe you're right. 470 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,025 Esther's a ten, 471 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,777 and the best I've ever done is Angela, 472 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,696 who's a nine, and she rejected me. 473 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,448 A Scranton nine, but, yeah, point taken. 474 00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:05,584 Hey, let's go out tonight 475 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,836 and just score a couple fours, huh? 476 00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:10,088 I mean, there are no games with fours. 477 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,673 Who needs a new tractor anyway? 478 00:18:11,708 --> 00:18:13,175 Maybe we're the kind of guys 479 00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:15,377 who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard 480 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,712 and put away muddy. 481 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,796 Screw new tractors. 482 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,432 Guys like us, we got to plant our seed 483 00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,267 - a different way. - By hand. 484 00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,469 [Door opens] Dwight. 485 00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:26,138 We need to talk. 486 00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:28,023 I don't know that there's anything left 487 00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:30,359 for us to talk about, Esther. 488 00:18:30,393 --> 00:18:32,110 Look, we're gonna have the tractor for the same amount 489 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,279 of work days, but my dad is planning on leasing it 490 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:35,814 to the Vanderkirk brothers on the weekends. 491 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,366 No. 492 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,117 So you're gonna be paying more, but he's putting on 493 00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:40,952 ten times the miles, and he's pocketing a profit 494 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:43,155 - behind your back. - That snake! 495 00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,990 You need to tell him you want a deal based on miles, 496 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,191 or he can just stick that tractor 497 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,859 where the sun don't shine. 498 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,694 That shady grove out by Willard's pond. 499 00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,196 Mm-hmm. 500 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:54,750 So... you're fine with me not leasing the tractor? 501 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,469 I mean, our courtship can proceed? 502 00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:59,087 Of course. 503 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,974 You didn't think I was just tractor bait, did you? 504 00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:05,210 N-no. [Laughs] 505 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:06,728 - That-- - Yeah. 506 00:19:06,763 --> 00:19:09,347 Hey, Dwight. What's an Auger used for? 507 00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:11,066 Post hole digging. 508 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:14,385 [Laughter] 509 00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:15,737 [Telephone ringing] 510 00:19:15,772 --> 00:19:17,739 You've reached Senator Robert Lipton. 511 00:19:17,774 --> 00:19:20,025 Please leave a message. [Telephone beeps] 512 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,326 - Hi, honey! - Hey, honey. 513 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,360 - No, you go. - Go. No, go ahead. 514 00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,395 - Hi, honey. - Hey, hey, Robert. 515 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,331 - It's Angela and Oscar. - Hey. 516 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:27,582 Just a few quick things. 517 00:19:27,617 --> 00:19:30,535 Um, the documentary's going to be airing soon, 518 00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,737 and-- and you look great in the promos. 519 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,706 - Oh, you look so handsome. - Oh. 520 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,508 Very presidential. 521 00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:38,593 - Very much so. Absolutely. - Yeah. 522 00:19:38,628 --> 00:19:40,762 Hey, I get the sense you're gonna be outed as gay. 523 00:19:40,797 --> 00:19:43,882 Yes, and I cheated on you with Dwight. 524 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,467 It looks like they got it on film. 525 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,853 I didn't tell you about it. 526 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,754 - I think that's it. - I think we're good. 527 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:52,107 - Done. Okay. - Bye. Love you. 528 00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:54,276 [Whimpers] 529 00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:59,197 Hey, texaspoontappa and jasonjasonjason 530 00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:00,699 and all the rest of you haters out there, 531 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,200 check this out. 532 00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:05,203 [Plays an upbeat melody] 533 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,975 ♪ 534 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,833 _ 535 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,638 Good night, Andy. 536 00:20:23,673 --> 00:20:25,090 Huh? Yeah. 537 00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,424 See ya. 538 00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:29,961 Oh! What? 539 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,563 [Grumbles] 540 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,599 [Moans] 541 00:20:38,187 --> 00:20:41,156 [Speaking Danish] 542 00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:42,908 Elskere. 543 00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:45,810 I hope you got sound on everything. 544 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:49,047 I'd love a DVD of that. 545 00:20:49,995 --> 00:20:51,755 _ 546 00:20:51,756 --> 00:20:54,015 _ 547 00:20:56,706 --> 00:20:59,708 [Car horns honking] 548 00:21:07,951 --> 00:21:12,740 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com