1
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Previously on In Treatment.

2
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:11,234
I ruined their family.

3
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Darlene told me before she left for Wisconsin

4
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that she was only going because she knew
I would be there to take care of Dana.

5
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She didn't trust Cy but she trusted me.

6
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She trusted me and I ruined it.

7
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One night...

8
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it happened.

9
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We almost had sex again
but he said that we had to stop.

10
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He said it would ruin
both of our careers if this got out.

11
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Just say it! She tried to kill herself or not.

12
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There's a difference between not being careful

13
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and wanting to commit suicide.

14
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Hello.

15
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Charmed, I'm sure.

16
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It's the middle of the night for me.

17
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I'm utterly exhausted.

18
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I was at this amazing party last night.

19
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It went on and on.

20
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I stayed awake all night
and then I walked here.

21
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No food, no sleep,

22
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I'm running on empty.

23
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I've never had so much to drink
in my whole life.

24
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There was this guy, this new guy...

25
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total eye candy.

26
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He kept walking around with tequila shots.
He kept making me drink them.

27
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I must've had...

28
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(Laughs) I don't know.
I've never been so wrecked in my whole life.

29
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I have to take them off. Do you mind?

30
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Sure. You've grown hands.

31
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It's crazy how quickly a person
gets used to things.

32
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When I had the casts, it was like
they'd always been a part of me, you know?

33
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Like I'd been born a monster.

34
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Now, two days after they're gone,
it's like, "Casts? What casts?"

35
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Oh... Can't believe I bought them.

36
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I buy shoes basically never and, when I do...

37
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They make you want to vomit, don't they?

38
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- It's your fault I bought them, you know.
- Why?

39
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My mom took me shopping last week.

40
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Thought she was trying to be,
like, maternal or something.

41
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Turns out we were only there because
you told her I was gonna off myself.

42
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That's not what I said, Sophie.

43
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- Yeah, whatever.
- No, Sophie, honestly, I never said that.

44
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I said whatever.

45
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OK.

46
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Anyway, I picked out this jacket,

47
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this army thing that she, of course, hated.

48
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Then, as punishment, she said
that I had to buy something feminine.

49
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She picked out those Barbie shoes while
I pretended to retch on the make-up counter.

50
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If I had known you'd called her,
I never would've gone shopping.

51
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And then she wonders why I run
off to the gym to be with her.

52
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I mean, to be without her,

53
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to get the hell away from her.

54
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For my last birthday she gave me a bra.

55
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A bra for my birthday?

56
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It's like getting coal.

57
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It's worse than getting coal.
At least you can burn coal.

58
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(Chuckles)

59
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It was one of those pushy-uppy wonder things
with the clicky wheel. You know...

60
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Half bra, half machine.

61
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She wants me to be some
sort of a fucking cheerleader.

62
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- Know why she hates that I'm a gymnast?
- Why?

63
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- Because of my boobs.
- Oh.

64
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She thinks it will stunt my development.

65
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"Your boobs won't grow. You'll hate your body.

66
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"You'll be deformed." It's all she cares about.

67
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Whether or not I grow a rack.

68
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So I won't have big boobs,
who gives a flying fuck?

69
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Must be pretty hard for you,
trying to avoid your mom all the time.

70
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Just the opposite. I enjoy it.

71
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Oh, really? Why?

72
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A few minutes ago you said you had to run off
to the gym in order to be with her.

73
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How extraordinary, Dr Freud.
Whatever do you think I meant?

74
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Maybe it means that...

75
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no matter what I do, I can't get rid of her.

76
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Mm.

77
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Maybe it means that, erm,

78
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in order to keep her interested in you,

79
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you feel you have to run away.

80
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That doesn't even make sense.

81
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You sound like a fortune cookie.

82
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- Have you ever worn shoes like that before?
- Oh, yeah, all the time. I mean, don't you?

83
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This type of heel raises your butt
and shapes your calf. And that's essential.

84
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I highly recommend you pick up a pair, Paul.

85
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Must remember to do that.

86
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So why did you wear them last night?

87
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I don't know.

88
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Really? No idea?

89
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No?

90
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Mm.

91
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They remind me of Dorothy's shoes.

92
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- Who's Dorothy?
- From The Wizard Of Oz.

93
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Oh, you said Dorothy
like she was a friend of yours.

94
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They're nothing like Dorothy's shoes.

95
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Dorothy was cool. Her shoes were retro.

96
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Mm.

97
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,510
- Oh, no.
- What?

98
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Please don't say, "There's no place like home."

99
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Cos if you do, I might have
to puke all over your sofa.

100
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What I was going to say was that Dorothy
discovers that she can go home

101
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any time she wants, with or without her shoes.

102
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Why are you infantilising me?

103
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I...

104
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I apologise if...

105
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if that's how it sounded, Sophie.

106
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I really didn't intend that.

107
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So, have you taken your SATs yet?

108
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Not yet.

109
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I have a feeling
that you're going to do really well.

110
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I expect to.

111
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So, your mother bought you these shoes,

112
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you hate them and you still wore them.

113
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Why?

114
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I'm at a total loss.

115
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But, hey, why don't you call up my mother
and say, "Hi, Sophie's mom,

116
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"Sophie wore those Barbie shoes
that you bought her,

117
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"went to a bar, screwed half
the US Olympic gymnastic team

118
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"and now she's gonna kill herself"?

119
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Why'd you do it anyway? Why'd you call her?

120
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Because I was worried about you.

121
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Suddenly everyone's so worried about me.

122
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Did you call Cy, too?

123
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He's turned into my grandmother.
He won't let me train.

124
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He's making me do classes
with the ten-year-olds. It's ridiculous.

125
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Oh, now I remember
what I wanted to tell you.

126
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The most amazing thing happened
at the gym the other day.

127
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Even though I haven't been training,
I've been absorbing stuff just by watching.

128
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Because I have this chronic problem

129
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with my toes going off the edge of the beam
when I land a hard element.

130
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It's because I'm naturally knock-kneed.
My knees, they face inwards.

131
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So, in order to get them facing straight
my feet have to point out,

132
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which is good for ballet
but bad for gymnastics.

133
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Just a toe in the wrong position
can lose you the event.

134
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I'm talking about medals here.

135
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So, anyway, I'm on the beam, right?

136
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And I've been training at night time,

137
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even though my body doesn't want to yet.

138
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It was like...

139
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when I was little and I used to starve myself

140
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and there would be this period,
usually in the morning,

141
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where I was really, really hungry.

142
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You know, so hungry that I thought that my
stomach might just start eating the rest of me.

143
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And then it would go away,

144
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suddenly, like turning off a light switch.

145
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And I felt like I was floating on clouds.

146
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It was the same with the pain this time.

147
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I pushed through it until it just let up,
all of a sudden.

148
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And then I felt like I didn't have a body at all,

149
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like I was just a pair of somersaulting eyes.

150
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,919
So yesterday I marched into the gym

151
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and I got up on the beam.

152
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Everyone was in shock
and I felt this silence all around me.

153
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,033
- Sophie, be careful, please.
- Then something inside me,

154
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some little voice said, "Prove it."

155
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So I started the first element.

156
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- Here, I'll show you.
- No, Sophie, please be careful.

157
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- This is dangerous.
- Don't have a cow, Paul. I'm fine.

158
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So anyway, I begin the first element.

159
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And when I looked back at my feet,
they were right on the beam.

160
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It's nothing major but I took it as a sort of sign.

161
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Afterwards, everyone told me
Cy was so shocked he couldn't breathe.

162
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,435
- Well, I bet he was.
- I did a back flip.

163
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- I landed perfectly.
- That was incredible.

164
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I just walked back to the bench
like it was no big deal.

165
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I could feel everybody's eyes on my back
and I wanted to turn around and just...

166
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,910
- And what?
- Nothing.

167
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No, come on, tell me.

168
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I wanted to flip them the bird with both hands,

169
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like, "Fuck all of you
and the fish you swam in on."

170
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(Laughs)

171
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I thought it was the, erm...
the horse that you rode in on.

172
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Not in my book.

173
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In my book it's a fish.

174
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,472
What is it, Sophie?

175
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,958
- What's wrong?
- I don't feel well.

176
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,517
Need some water?

177
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,397
Do you feel a pain?

178
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Wait a second.

179
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Just wait, it'll go away.

180
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,511
Stop it, Sophie.

181
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,796
- Stop it.
- No, what is it?

182
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Sophie, look at me.

183
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,277
Please.

184
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,717
What is it?

185
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,356
(Quietly) What goes on in there?

186
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,272
Tell me.

187
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:09,034
- Around two am, he took me to his room.
- Who did?

188
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,753
The new guy with the tequila.

189
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,997
He's from Minnesota
or Michigan or somewhere, and...

190
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,429
he's a brilliant gymnast.

191
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,669
He wanted to have sex

192
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,472
but he couldn't get it up.

193
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,511
He was pretty wasted, too.

194
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,836
And then he did and then we had sex

195
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,269
and I didn't feel anything.

196
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,032
As usual.

197
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,992
Absolutely nothing.

198
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:44,957
Afterwards he said that I fucked
like someone who's been sexually abused.

199
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,791
Prick.

200
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,198
I'm sorry, go on.

201
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:59,438
We went to the girls' house,
to the room that I sometimes stay in.

202
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,632
I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't
stop thinking about what he'd said.

203
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:08,958
I was afraid that if I fell asleep
I wouldn't get up in time to come here, so...

204
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,552
And when I closed my eyes
I saw these horrible images.

205
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:16,912
- What?
- Like... everything around me was falling apart,

206
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,555
you know, disintegrating,
turning into ash right in front of me.

207
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,072
And I forced myself to think
of something pretty and nice,

208
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,989
like a pasture in the sunlight
and to hold it there, that image.

209
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:35,869
But as soon as I started to fall asleep
the pasture would turn to rot. It was terrible.

210
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,474
And that reminded me of the accident,
for some reason. I don't know why.

211
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,436
I was scared that, if I slept,
I'd dream about the accident, so...

212
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:53,112
I got up and I walked
to the bus stop very slowly,

213
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:56,118
backwards, actually, just to slow myself down.

214
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,991
The buses weren't running yet,
so I sat on the bench.

215
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,031
Yeah? And what?

216
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,797
What were you thinking about
when you sat on the bench?

217
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,069
I was thinking about Dana.

218
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,280
I couldn't breathe.

219
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,518
The night of the accident, when I left
Darlene's house and got on the bike,

220
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,438
all of a sudden I couldn't breathe.

221
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,869
My throat closed up.

222
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,958
There's a blind turn
at the end of their hill. When I...

223
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,913
I went around it, a white car,
it almost hit me and...

224
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,599
- I don't remember.
- Go on, Sophie.

225
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,279
- What happened with the white car?
- I don't remember.

226
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,551
- Please. It's important.
- I don't remember anything else.

227
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:52,195
- You don't have to do this alone.
- I don't want to!

228
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,871
Go on.

229
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,115
The seat was hurting me.

230
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,875
It was Cy's bike, a man's bike,
so it had a narrow seat.

231
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,717
That's why it was hurting me.

232
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:27,675
When I reached the blind turn,
a white car came around and almost hit me.

233
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,915
It had the brights on so it blinded me.

234
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,509
It swerved away from me
and then honked and... it was so weird.

235
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,029
The road just sort of started coming at me,

236
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:43,757
sort of attacking me really fast, like I was falling
from somewhere very high and...

237
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,156
I wanted it.

238
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,110
I wanted to hear a huge boom
and then I wanted to hear nothing.

239
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,916
I'm trying to kill myself.

240
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,711
I'm a fucking freak.

241
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,111
You're not a freak.

242
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,231
(Quietly) What happened then?

243
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,994
It was as if it had already happened.

244
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:55,195
As soon as the white car passed,
I knew I was going to have an accident

245
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,231
and I just felt calm.

246
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,594
I turned the handlebars
just the smallest little bit to the left.

247
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:07,236
I remember thinking,
"Just this tiny little movement is enough."

248
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,071
Then I rode into the street.

249
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:17,112
It was impossible for another car not to hit me.
And I felt just free.

250
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,351
Free and strong.

251
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:24,715
I had this adrenaline rush,
like nothing could touch me.

252
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,753
- What is that about?
- Maybe you felt like you were in control.

253
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,394
- Yes.
- Yeah?

254
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,791
And then I was in the middle of the road
and there was this terrible screeching sound

255
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:50,594
and then a boom and I remember
I said to myself, "Oh."

256
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,116
Just "Oh."

257
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,594
And I flew into the air.

258
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:01,236
I could suddenly breathe again.
I had all this air in my lungs and...

259
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,875
And then you were on the ground and...

260
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,753
you were lying there, do you remember what...

261
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,870
what was going through your head?

262
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,309
That I finally killed her.

263
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,391
Killed who, Sophie?

264
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,352
That's what I thought when I landed.

265
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,356
Who...

266
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,358
- Who did you kill, Sophie?
- I don't know.

267
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,951
(Door opens and shuts)

268
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,237
(Coughing)

269
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,317
(Flushes)

270
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,357
Sophie?

271
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,437
Sophie, are you OK?

272
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,471
Uh-huh. I'll be right out.

273
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,197
You feel better?

274
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,356
I think I'll go home.

275
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,595
We have a little time left.

276
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,277
Yeah, but I'm really tired.

277
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,515
You can stay for a little bit longer, if you like.

278
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,710
I think I'll go home. (Clears throat)

279
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,353
But wait, I have the magic slippers...

280
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:13,950
that I can click three times and suddenly
everybody I love will be right by my side.

281
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,600
And you're like the Wizard of Oz.

282
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,235
You think you know everything
but you don't know shit.

283
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,548
- Plus you're always behind that curtain.
- What curtain?

284
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,670
Let's see you do some magic.

285
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,670
What am I thinking right now?

286
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:37,908
I don't know, Sophie, I can't...
I can't read your mind.

287
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,596
Try.

288
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,430
Please try, Mr Magic Man.

289
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:51,149
Are you angry that I made you
remember the accident? Is that it?

290
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,475
That's not what I was thinking. You lose.

291
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,039
- Are you OK?
- You must have someone else coming?

292
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,833
- No, I don't.
- I don't feel like seeing anybody.

293
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,077
I'm a little worried about you, please...
Sophie, please.

294
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:07,954
- I thought the shooting times were fixed.
- What are you talking about?

295
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,719
- I thought they always came at the same...
- Who?

296
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,115
The models.

297
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,754
(Quietly) Sophie. Oh, God.

298
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,589
English SDH