1
00:00:02,453 --> 00:00:03,610
(Tessa) After someone dumps you
2
00:00:03,635 --> 00:00:07,063
and smashes your heart into
a million little pieces,
3
00:00:07,076 --> 00:00:09,372
sometimes you blame yourself.
4
00:00:09,925 --> 00:00:11,568
But not in this case.
5
00:00:11,755 --> 00:00:15,716
(Shivaree) * tacks on the
floor and the TV is on *
6
00:00:15,836 --> 00:00:18,769
Tessa, would it be okay
if we had a word with you?
7
00:00:18,970 --> 00:00:20,596
Sorry, I'm not really
in the mood right now.
8
00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:24,500
Um, sometimes we inflect up
at the end of our sentences?
9
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:26,809
But that doesn't mean
we're asking a question?
10
00:00:26,865 --> 00:00:28,904
You know, they do that. I've noticed.
11
00:00:29,324 --> 00:00:31,896
Wow. Okay. So what can I do for you ladies?
12
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:34,317
Ryan shared with us that having your locker
13
00:00:34,373 --> 00:00:35,769
so visible from his locker
14
00:00:35,812 --> 00:00:38,372
is both distracting and upsetting to him.
15
00:00:38,492 --> 00:00:42,163
Ryan was wondering if you could
move your locker into there.
16
00:00:42,820 --> 00:00:45,248
Ryan would really appreciate it.
17
00:00:46,086 --> 00:00:47,226
Really?
18
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:49,028
Ryan said that?
19
00:00:49,328 --> 00:00:50,897
Doesn't really sound like Ryan.
20
00:00:50,899 --> 00:00:53,501
It's mean, and it's
also kind of complicated.
21
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,323
Are you sure someone else
didn't come up with that idea?
22
00:00:56,386 --> 00:00:58,050
(Cell phone buttons clicking)
23
00:00:58,394 --> 00:00:59,139
(Beep)
24
00:00:59,170 --> 00:01:00,641
(Cell phones chime)
25
00:01:00,675 --> 00:01:02,979
(Together) No. It was totes Ryan.
26
00:01:05,670 --> 00:01:06,595
This isn't over.
27
00:01:06,602 --> 00:01:07,966
Oh. Okay.
28
00:01:08,022 --> 00:01:10,011
I know where you don't eat lunch!
29
00:01:10,131 --> 00:01:12,303
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
30
00:01:12,354 --> 00:01:17,476
(Alih Jey) * last night I
had a pleasant nightmare *
31
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,810
♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪
32
00:01:20,461 --> 00:01:23,420
So, how the big combo with Thessa go?
33
00:01:23,639 --> 00:01:25,403
Oh. Yeah.
34
00:01:25,933 --> 00:01:26,787
It didn't.
35
00:01:26,907 --> 00:01:28,235
But on the other hand...
36
00:01:28,269 --> 00:01:29,787
Coffee? I just brewed a pot.
37
00:01:29,821 --> 00:01:32,661
George, I will not be
distracted by your brewery.
38
00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:34,875
- Although I will take a cup.
- Yeah.
39
00:01:34,909 --> 00:01:36,196
Black, with six equals.
40
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,278
(Chuckles)
41
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,461
Look, I meant to talk
to Tessa this morning.
42
00:01:39,497 --> 00:01:40,888
I really did, but, you know,
43
00:01:41,107 --> 00:01:44,254
she's... she's just getting
over her breakup with Ryan.
44
00:01:44,266 --> 00:01:46,087
Plus she slept in.
45
00:01:46,788 --> 00:01:48,326
Then it looked rainy out.
46
00:01:48,364 --> 00:01:50,341
George McGovern Altman.
47
00:01:51,017 --> 00:01:52,912
That is not my middle name.
48
00:01:52,919 --> 00:01:54,308
Are you afraid of your own daughter?
49
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:55,365
Is that what's going on here?
50
00:01:55,485 --> 00:01:56,785
No. (Sighs)
51
00:01:56,829 --> 00:01:59,064
But telling her I
unexpectedly sold the house...
52
00:01:59,107 --> 00:02:00,608
Well, you got a cash offer.
53
00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:02,003
- They put a clock on you.
- (Rips packaging)
54
00:02:02,028 --> 00:02:04,021
They did. They put a clock to my head.
55
00:02:04,072 --> 00:02:05,239
It's a lot of pressure.
56
00:02:05,273 --> 00:02:06,214
I hear ya.
57
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,796
I hear ya, too.
58
00:02:07,916 --> 00:02:10,962
Whoa! Sheila, what are you doing here?
59
00:02:10,974 --> 00:02:12,000
I'm working.
60
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:13,852
Unlike you decadent bohemians,
61
00:02:13,890 --> 00:02:15,247
I don't have the luxury of sitting around
62
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:16,983
sipping coffee at 8:00 A.M.,
63
00:02:17,002 --> 00:02:17,687
pantyless.
64
00:02:17,743 --> 00:02:20,997
I am 100% wearing a flesh-colored panty.
65
00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:22,623
She was talking about me.
66
00:02:22,657 --> 00:02:24,570
Hey. I thought it was
your job to sell the house,
67
00:02:24,582 --> 00:02:25,827
not occupy it.
68
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,486
If I don't get this
dump through inspection,
69
00:02:28,511 --> 00:02:29,619
I don't get my commission,
70
00:02:29,644 --> 00:02:31,765
and the Shays are living
on crackers and tuna.
71
00:02:31,796 --> 00:02:34,567
Now does this look like mold to you or...
72
00:02:35,199 --> 00:02:36,768
coffee grounds. Mm.
73
00:02:36,888 --> 00:02:38,922
You're a blonde roast
boy. Should have known.
74
00:02:39,042 --> 00:02:41,718
Okay. Sheila, this is kind
of a private conversation.
75
00:02:41,749 --> 00:02:43,110
So if you don't mind...
76
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:44,344
Fine.
77
00:02:44,362 --> 00:02:47,373
I am going to check the
discharge on your sump pump.
78
00:02:48,356 --> 00:02:49,931
Look, I don't blame you
79
00:02:49,945 --> 00:02:52,202
for being a little wary
of springing this on Tessa.
80
00:02:52,529 --> 00:02:55,989
Redheads in particular can be skittish.
81
00:02:56,308 --> 00:02:59,217
But she and I have a rapport.
Maybe I can feel her out
82
00:02:59,217 --> 00:03:01,413
on the whole us living together thing.
83
00:03:01,669 --> 00:03:03,271
- Co-parenting.
- Yes.
84
00:03:03,290 --> 00:03:05,404
Right. Right. Why not start now?
85
00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:06,737
You can talk to her after school.
86
00:03:06,968 --> 00:03:08,520
Okay. And you can pick up Dalia.
87
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,504
(Horn honks)
88
00:03:13,882 --> 00:03:15,659
Backseat, huh? Okay.
89
00:03:16,116 --> 00:03:17,668
Could you kill the air back here?
90
00:03:17,699 --> 00:03:19,038
Uh, sure.
91
00:03:19,488 --> 00:03:20,865
Good day at school?
92
00:03:24,261 --> 00:03:27,340
(Clicks teeth) You might wonder
why I'm picking you up today
93
00:03:27,371 --> 00:03:29,091
instead of your mom. No big reason.
94
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,925
Just thought we'd mix it
up for once. (Clears throat)
95
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,034
And besides, I haven't gotten
to connect with you in a while.
96
00:03:34,485 --> 00:03:36,099
I'm not stupid, daddy Altman.
97
00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:37,594
I know what this is.
98
00:03:37,619 --> 00:03:39,990
You and mommy are at the
stage in your relationship
99
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:41,622
where you've decided to move in together,
100
00:03:41,641 --> 00:03:43,262
only you're worried Tessa won't react well,
101
00:03:43,286 --> 00:03:44,619
so you sent mommy to deal with her
102
00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:47,741
while you pick me up in your
compact, fuel-efficient car.
103
00:03:48,892 --> 00:03:50,759
I'm sorry I had to break that to you.
104
00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:53,165
I know you and Tessa haven't
105
00:03:53,416 --> 00:03:54,823
always been the closest.
106
00:03:54,842 --> 00:03:57,332
Tessa and I are great. We're aces.
107
00:03:57,726 --> 00:03:59,353
Just this morning at school,
108
00:03:59,346 --> 00:04:01,687
I was helping her get through
her messy public breakup.
109
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:04,640
If we lived in the same house,
I could help her even harder.
110
00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,866
That... I'm happy to hear that.
111
00:04:07,179 --> 00:04:10,010
You can drop me off just
up here on the right.
112
00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:11,909
- Oh. Okay.
- Keep the change.
113
00:04:12,198 --> 00:04:13,398
What's that?
114
00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:14,466
(Door opens)
115
00:04:14,484 --> 00:04:16,318
- You don't have to...
- (Door closes)
116
00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:19,636
(Sighs) Oh, man, I just
hope it's not the wrong move,
117
00:04:19,649 --> 00:04:22,446
letting Dallas broach
this thing with Tessa.
118
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:23,835
Oh, no.
119
00:04:23,891 --> 00:04:24,817
What?
120
00:04:25,145 --> 00:04:26,757
(Gasps) Oh, no.
121
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,414
Carmen and Bob. Ugh.
122
00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:31,712
Look at him lappin' at her sample
123
00:04:31,718 --> 00:04:34,158
like a sailor on shore leave.
124
00:04:34,683 --> 00:04:36,204
He is really getting in there.
125
00:04:36,223 --> 00:04:38,369
(Voice breaks) That so-called
"health care professional"
126
00:04:38,369 --> 00:04:40,002
learned the contents of my heart
127
00:04:39,983 --> 00:04:41,566
only to tear them asunder!
128
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:42,942
Hey. Take... take it easy.
129
00:04:43,011 --> 00:04:45,820
For a therapist to go after
the love interest of a client
130
00:04:45,864 --> 00:04:47,547
is wrong in every way,
131
00:04:47,572 --> 00:04:49,718
but remember, before she was into him,
132
00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:51,695
she wasn't into you.
133
00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:54,780
You need to move on, Noah.
134
00:04:54,824 --> 00:04:56,200
(Noah sighs deeply)
135
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,866
(Voice breaks) You're
right. I need to move on.
136
00:04:59,053 --> 00:05:01,387
No matter how painful...
137
00:05:01,944 --> 00:05:04,647
I need to learn to lick my own spoon.
138
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,533
It was hard to concentrate
139
00:05:14,527 --> 00:05:16,936
on whatever crap I was
supposed to concentrate on
140
00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:20,145
when all I could do was think
about how to get back at Dalia.
141
00:05:20,183 --> 00:05:22,516
(Chewing) I could tell
everyone her biggest secret...
142
00:05:22,754 --> 00:05:24,568
that she hooked up with Jenna.
143
00:05:24,744 --> 00:05:27,240
It would just be, like,
stooping to her level.
144
00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:31,088
Yeah. And knowing her, the
whole thing would backfire
145
00:05:31,094 --> 00:05:33,303
and become some cool trend.
146
00:05:33,423 --> 00:05:35,630
It kind of already is.
147
00:05:36,657 --> 00:05:37,558
You wanna make out?
148
00:05:37,983 --> 00:05:39,397
Eh, I have gum.
149
00:05:39,897 --> 00:05:42,156
What I really need to do is
150
00:05:42,755 --> 00:05:44,971
find Dalia's biggest weakness and
151
00:05:45,091 --> 00:05:47,042
ruthlessly exploit it.
152
00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:48,993
There is another path...
153
00:05:49,028 --> 00:05:51,146
I mean, if you're open
enough to explore it.
154
00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:52,280
I said I had gum.
155
00:05:52,314 --> 00:05:54,366
Oh... it's not... not that.
156
00:05:55,951 --> 00:05:57,435
It's this.
157
00:06:00,773 --> 00:06:02,240
"Meow mix"?
158
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,741
It's exactly what you think it is.
159
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,980
A recording of yours truly
160
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:10,053
meowing some of the top hits
of the late '80s/early '90s.
161
00:06:10,097 --> 00:06:12,888
Just one listen to my powerful rendition
162
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:14,815
of Bonnie Tyler's "Total
Eclipse of the Heart"
163
00:06:14,877 --> 00:06:16,692
and suddenly seeking revenge
164
00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:19,720
will seem like, I don't know,
"What a Fool Believes"...
165
00:06:20,489 --> 00:06:23,073
which I also happen to meow on the B-side.
166
00:06:25,231 --> 00:06:26,877
Hey. Do you mind?
167
00:06:26,871 --> 00:06:28,791
Your dad said it was
cool for us to come in?
168
00:06:28,911 --> 00:06:30,549
It was recently brought to our attention
169
00:06:30,574 --> 00:06:32,727
that you still have
Ryan's letterman jacket?
170
00:06:32,847 --> 00:06:35,436
Gee, I wonder who brought
that to your attention.
171
00:06:35,423 --> 00:06:37,262
We'd rather be discreet and not say?
172
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,696
Dalia. I saw her texting with you guys.
173
00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:42,124
So I know it was Dalia.
174
00:06:43,776 --> 00:06:46,885
Would you guys be interested
in hearing someone meow
175
00:06:46,891 --> 00:06:49,369
Vanessa Williams' "Save the Best for Last"?
176
00:06:50,771 --> 00:06:52,329
No? 'Kay.
177
00:06:55,902 --> 00:06:56,891
What happened?
178
00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:58,717
I customized it.
179
00:06:58,837 --> 00:07:00,369
You mutilated it.
180
00:07:00,644 --> 00:07:02,315
Ryan gave me that jacket.
181
00:07:02,346 --> 00:07:04,104
And the only reason you're taking it back
182
00:07:04,142 --> 00:07:06,213
is because Dalia told you to,
183
00:07:06,213 --> 00:07:08,146
'cause she knew it would hurt me!
184
00:07:08,196 --> 00:07:10,217
Which it did.
185
00:07:11,368 --> 00:07:12,628
(Click)
186
00:07:13,289 --> 00:07:15,879
- (Lisa meowing Roxette's "It Must Have Been Love")
- Okay, here we go.
187
00:07:15,948 --> 00:07:17,644
* Meow meow meow meow *
188
00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:19,527
- Uh, I don't wanna sway to it.
- * meow meow meow meow *
189
00:07:19,586 --> 00:07:20,928
- Do we have to sway to it?
- Yes.
190
00:07:21,288 --> 00:07:22,899
- * Meow meow meow *
- (Tessa) As Lisa tried to help me
191
00:07:22,912 --> 00:07:25,064
- find a healthy outlet for my feelings...
- * meow meow meow *
192
00:07:25,409 --> 00:07:27,529
Noah was busy pursuing an angle
193
00:07:27,535 --> 00:07:29,560
- that was slightly more sinister.
- (Sitar playing)
194
00:07:30,006 --> 00:07:34,650
- (Man) And that's class. Namaste, my brothers.
- (Snaps fingers)
195
00:07:34,685 --> 00:07:36,486
(Grunts)
196
00:07:38,072 --> 00:07:39,291
(Grunts)
197
00:07:39,411 --> 00:07:40,474
Hey!
198
00:07:41,244 --> 00:07:44,059
Namaste, Dr. Bob. (Laughs) What?
199
00:07:44,071 --> 00:07:46,730
Fancy running into you
here at the Open Lotus.
200
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:50,781
I guess our celestial orbits
are fated to intersect.
201
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,098
Perhaps.
202
00:07:52,524 --> 00:07:54,251
Or perhaps...
203
00:07:54,463 --> 00:07:55,790
you're stalking me.
204
00:07:55,802 --> 00:07:57,180
(Laughs)
205
00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:58,624
Perhaps.
206
00:07:58,655 --> 00:08:01,233
But look, if I were, it
would just be to thank you.
207
00:08:01,637 --> 00:08:02,315
To thank me?
208
00:08:02,359 --> 00:08:05,050
Was I angry at first? Naturally.
209
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:06,984
I wanted to see you dead.
210
00:08:07,015 --> 00:08:08,204
(Laughs)
211
00:08:08,679 --> 00:08:12,583
But then I realized I was
clinging to a foolish dream,
212
00:08:12,615 --> 00:08:15,568
like a... like a little
child holding on to a balloon.
213
00:08:15,612 --> 00:08:17,185
And thanks to you,
214
00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:19,967
I was able to take that
beautiful round balloon...
215
00:08:21,023 --> 00:08:22,624
and let her go.
216
00:08:22,658 --> 00:08:24,428
- I'm happy to hear that.
- Yeah.
217
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:25,191
But, but, but...
218
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,112
don't nama-go just yet.
219
00:08:27,163 --> 00:08:29,214
Nama-stay for a second.
220
00:08:29,427 --> 00:08:32,535
I want to thank you. I want
to show you my gratitude.
221
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:34,582
- That's really not necessary, no.
- Hey.
222
00:08:34,587 --> 00:08:35,983
I got an idea.
223
00:08:36,103 --> 00:08:38,329
Why don't you come into
my office for a cleaning?
224
00:08:38,449 --> 00:08:41,032
Free. On the house. (Laughs)
225
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:45,143
It has been a while since
I've been in for a cleaning.
226
00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,001
I... I shouldn't admit this,
227
00:08:47,038 --> 00:08:50,817
but I've always been a bit
terrified of the dentist, so...
228
00:08:50,937 --> 00:08:53,714
Bob, there is nothing to be afraid of.
229
00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:55,271
(Whispers) Nothing.
230
00:08:55,465 --> 00:08:57,361
As Noah's revenge scenario
231
00:08:57,373 --> 00:08:59,651
- was falling beautifully into place...
- (Chuckles)
232
00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:02,211
mine was barely taking shape.
233
00:09:02,192 --> 00:09:03,368
(Typing) Drowning.
234
00:09:03,992 --> 00:09:05,092
Pros...
235
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,396
Lethal.
236
00:09:07,016 --> 00:09:08,596
Bloated corpse.
237
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:10,707
Fish-eaten face.
238
00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:12,821
Cons...
239
00:09:12,941 --> 00:09:16,400
One might say I was avoiding
feeling bad about Ryan
240
00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:18,355
by focusing all my anger on Dalia,
241
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,580
but one should mind their own business.
242
00:09:20,624 --> 00:09:21,550
Hi, hon.
243
00:09:22,063 --> 00:09:24,490
Just wanted to see how you
were doing post-breakup.
244
00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:25,560
Oh, I'm doing great.
245
00:09:25,772 --> 00:09:27,261
Someone tell you I wasn't doing great?
246
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,808
T-Pain, you don't have to pretend with me.
247
00:09:29,852 --> 00:09:31,116
I know you're hurtin'.
248
00:09:31,184 --> 00:09:32,436
But there is a place
249
00:09:32,556 --> 00:09:34,758
where all your troubles will melt away
250
00:09:34,789 --> 00:09:36,757
like so much provolone.
251
00:09:39,025 --> 00:09:40,239
So what you do is,
252
00:09:40,295 --> 00:09:43,148
you roll your noodles into a big ball,
253
00:09:43,173 --> 00:09:45,588
along with all the sauce and cheese
254
00:09:45,588 --> 00:09:48,466
and shame and anger and hurt,
255
00:09:48,717 --> 00:09:50,631
and then you just stuff it right down.
256
00:09:51,789 --> 00:09:52,519
Mmm.
257
00:09:52,639 --> 00:09:54,648
(Mouth full) Speaking of eating things,
258
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:58,771
does Dalia have any
life-threatening food allergies
259
00:09:58,783 --> 00:09:59,666
I should know about?
260
00:09:59,691 --> 00:10:01,280
I don't think so. Night terrors?
261
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,297
What does she fear will
come for her when she sleeps?
262
00:10:05,653 --> 00:10:09,339
Tessa, is it my imagination,
or are you starting
263
00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:12,295
to take a sisterly
interest in my baby girl?
264
00:10:12,329 --> 00:10:15,583
Are you finally starting to
consider my little Dalia doodle
265
00:10:15,608 --> 00:10:17,898
as part of your family? Because...
266
00:10:17,922 --> 00:10:21,182
Let me be perfectly
clear about one thing...
267
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,641
there is nothing doodly about Dalia.
268
00:10:23,659 --> 00:10:26,737
And although you two may
share superficial similarities,
269
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:27,957
you are a nice person,
270
00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,978
and she is, in fact, the devil.
271
00:10:39,908 --> 00:10:42,397
Well, that... that sounds
like it was a disaster.
272
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:43,743
I don't know what to tell you, George.
273
00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:46,571
I had to abort mission and
take my tagliatelle to go.
274
00:10:46,596 --> 00:10:48,336
Did... did you bring up
the offer on the house?
275
00:10:48,354 --> 00:10:49,849
I didn't get the chance to.
276
00:10:49,893 --> 00:10:52,577
That girl of yours has a
lot of anger in her heart,
277
00:10:52,602 --> 00:10:55,110
and she seems to be
directing it all at Dalia.
278
00:10:55,341 --> 00:10:58,175
Maybe we should put this
whole move-in plan on hold.
279
00:10:58,212 --> 00:11:00,733
We can't. They're pushing to
close in the next two weeks.
280
00:11:00,745 --> 00:11:03,854
Well, then you need to get
up there and talk to her.
281
00:11:04,073 --> 00:11:06,113
Right. Okay.
282
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,078
I will do that.
283
00:11:08,340 --> 00:11:10,149
It makes sense. That's
what needs to be done,
284
00:11:10,161 --> 00:11:11,944
so that's what I'm gonna do...
285
00:11:12,395 --> 00:11:15,454
right after I take out
the trash. (Clears throat)
286
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:17,901
The longer you wait,
the harder it's gonna be.
287
00:11:18,777 --> 00:11:19,609
Right.
288
00:11:19,609 --> 00:11:22,538
Or maybe she'll... she'll mellow, you know?
289
00:11:22,563 --> 00:11:24,048
Like a... like a fine wine.
290
00:11:24,528 --> 00:11:25,399
Yeah.
291
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,318
Let's... let's let her breathe.
292
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:35,407
When my direct approach
to getting intel on Dalia
293
00:11:35,426 --> 00:11:36,444
didn't pan out,
294
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:38,880
I decided to go a little more covert.
295
00:11:38,914 --> 00:11:40,297
All right. Picture's up.
296
00:11:41,094 --> 00:11:43,841
Although, uh, you really
shouldn't be watching this.
297
00:11:43,961 --> 00:11:45,674
(Lisa) It's true. We don't have a warrant.
298
00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:48,921
No, I meant 'cause the
resolution's only 480p.
299
00:11:48,977 --> 00:11:52,250
Hello? 2008 called, they want
their component cables back...
300
00:11:52,275 --> 00:11:53,345
Shut up, Reggie.
301
00:11:53,563 --> 00:11:56,673
She's glossing. Can we
get tighter on this gloss?
302
00:11:56,723 --> 00:11:58,663
Okay, I'm not Wes Anderson?
303
00:11:58,682 --> 00:12:01,754
Now what is it that you're
hoping to gain from this?
304
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,156
Information I can use to destroy her.
305
00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:07,184
Okay. Well, if it's
destruction that you're after,
306
00:12:07,208 --> 00:12:08,916
I have a far better plan.
307
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,581
If this is at all cat related...
308
00:12:11,644 --> 00:12:12,607
Step one...
309
00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:15,273
We undergo training to become certified
310
00:12:15,285 --> 00:12:18,307
as two of society's most
important professionals.
311
00:12:19,089 --> 00:12:20,903
Notary publics. Of course.
312
00:12:21,023 --> 00:12:23,287
Then we spend 20, 25 years
313
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:26,071
building a reputation in
the Chatswin community.
314
00:12:26,191 --> 00:12:27,272
One day,
315
00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:28,993
who's to walk in our door
316
00:12:29,037 --> 00:12:32,384
needing a notarized signature
on a mortgage document?
317
00:12:32,784 --> 00:12:34,674
Is it time-sensitive?
318
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,263
You bet it is.
319
00:12:36,294 --> 00:12:37,939
She needs it by the end of the day.
320
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,684
What do we do?
321
00:12:40,579 --> 00:12:42,062
We deny her.
322
00:12:42,182 --> 00:12:43,908
Shh. Something's happening.
323
00:12:44,711 --> 00:12:45,979
Look at that little slut.
324
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,618
She's all over Ryan.
325
00:12:48,632 --> 00:12:49,752
Did you see that?
326
00:12:50,467 --> 00:12:51,641
She knows.
327
00:12:51,761 --> 00:12:54,444
- Hey, how much does a bed like this go for new?
- (Bed squeaking)
328
00:12:54,431 --> 00:12:55,389
Get out, Reggie.
329
00:12:55,457 --> 00:12:57,339
Yeah, okay. That makes sense.
330
00:12:58,367 --> 00:12:59,718
I can't believe this.
331
00:13:00,444 --> 00:13:02,643
Outsmarted by Dalia?
332
00:13:03,059 --> 00:13:05,743
What has happened to me? It's like...
333
00:13:06,216 --> 00:13:08,250
I've lost my edge.
334
00:13:19,088 --> 00:13:21,072
Your lesbian boots.
335
00:13:21,441 --> 00:13:24,050
Sorry I let you down, friends.
336
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:29,637
Sorry I started wearing
ballet flats and Chuck Taylors.
337
00:13:29,950 --> 00:13:33,122
I am sorry I forgot about us.
338
00:13:33,242 --> 00:13:35,744
Do you guys need a minute?
'Cause I can come back.
339
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,046
I'm the one who's coming back, Lisa.
340
00:13:39,179 --> 00:13:41,500
I'm the one who's coming back.
341
00:13:43,352 --> 00:13:44,785
Yeah, you is.
342
00:13:48,007 --> 00:13:51,148
Is this procedure going
to be at all painful?
343
00:13:51,185 --> 00:13:54,608
I have a very low threshold for discomfort.
344
00:13:54,827 --> 00:13:56,629
I bet that's not true.
345
00:13:57,342 --> 00:13:58,474
(Chair whirring) So...
346
00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:00,833
you got any travel plans coming up?
347
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,359
Funny you should ask.
348
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,113
We were thinking about trying out
349
00:14:05,106 --> 00:14:08,122
this new eco-resort in Costa Rica.
350
00:14:08,153 --> 00:14:10,424
(Laughs) C... Costa Rica?
351
00:14:10,794 --> 00:14:12,158
(Clack)
352
00:14:12,364 --> 00:14:13,377
- (Cell phone plays opera ringtone)
- Oh.
353
00:14:13,415 --> 00:14:15,317
I am so sorry.
354
00:14:15,323 --> 00:14:19,903
Let me just silence this sext from Carmen.
355
00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:23,044
("Habanera" from Bizet's "Carmen" playing)
356
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:24,933
(Woman) * si tu ne m'aimes pas *
357
00:14:24,952 --> 00:14:27,711
* si tu ne m'aimes pas, je t'aime *
358
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:28,631
Open wide.
359
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:29,989
♪
360
00:14:30,032 --> 00:14:31,991
* mais si je t'aime *
361
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:33,755
* mais si je t'aime *
362
00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:34,963
(Sobs)
363
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,102
(Gags)
364
00:14:36,352 --> 00:14:39,342
Aah! You just cried down my throat!
365
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,663
(Gags)
366
00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:43,203
You stole my true love! Ugh!
367
00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:46,294
I knew this was a mistake. I
never should have come here.
368
00:14:46,325 --> 00:14:47,633
Tell me, doctor. Tell me...
369
00:14:47,677 --> 00:14:50,824
wh... what magic arrow did
you use to pierce her heart?
370
00:14:50,868 --> 00:14:53,508
There is no magic, Noah.
371
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,216
There's no big secret.
372
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,429
I just listen to her.
373
00:15:00,021 --> 00:15:01,404
Come again now?
374
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:03,230
In my experience,
375
00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:06,346
all women ever want is to feel heard.
376
00:15:06,466 --> 00:15:09,068
And I am a very good listener.
377
00:15:09,506 --> 00:15:10,559
(Sighs)
378
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:12,678
You listen?
379
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,345
I don't think I can do that.
380
00:15:18,534 --> 00:15:20,305
I'm not trying to blame-shift.
381
00:15:20,425 --> 00:15:22,188
But you are partly responsible.
382
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:23,883
I mean, the house wasn't
even on the market.
383
00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:26,680
If you are done whining
and crumbing up my carpet,
384
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,302
- I'm ready to drop some science.
- (Dish clatters)
385
00:15:29,583 --> 00:15:30,881
Please.
386
00:15:30,899 --> 00:15:33,775
Every teenager loves to scream and shout
387
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,840
and text and tweet about how unfair it is
388
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:36,988
that they're not in charge.
389
00:15:37,247 --> 00:15:39,587
And the fact is, being in charge
390
00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:41,358
is the last thing that they want.
391
00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:42,997
And despite the fact that many of them
392
00:15:42,991 --> 00:15:44,073
dress as old French whores,
393
00:15:44,098 --> 00:15:46,951
they are still children,
and they're scared.
394
00:15:47,145 --> 00:15:49,053
I've got a stack of
parenting books right there
395
00:15:49,059 --> 00:15:50,617
that says the same exact thing...
396
00:15:50,737 --> 00:15:52,707
stop being her friend
397
00:15:52,713 --> 00:15:54,628
and start being in charge.
398
00:15:54,646 --> 00:15:55,841
I'm in charge.
399
00:15:55,897 --> 00:15:57,011
Then prove it.
400
00:15:57,036 --> 00:15:58,381
Be the bigger animal.
401
00:15:58,613 --> 00:16:01,716
Tell her, "daddy bear is
here, and he is in control."
402
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,236
Daddy bear.
403
00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:05,207
I like that.
404
00:16:05,327 --> 00:16:08,529
Yeah. In control. I can do that.
405
00:16:08,649 --> 00:16:10,249
Wow, all this talk about authority,
406
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,989
it reminds me I have to
update Fred's chore chart.
407
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:14,584
Finished hand-washing
your underwear, Sheila.
408
00:16:14,597 --> 00:16:16,687
Oh. Two more stars, you get a pizza party.
409
00:16:16,939 --> 00:16:18,358
Brawr!
410
00:16:18,390 --> 00:16:20,458
Pepperoni will be in attendance!
411
00:16:20,753 --> 00:16:22,586
♪ Ditto for my best friend ♪
412
00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:23,659
♪ fruit punch ♪
413
00:16:23,779 --> 00:16:25,046
I love fruit punch.
414
00:16:25,081 --> 00:16:27,192
(Laughs)
415
00:16:27,783 --> 00:16:29,100
(Sighs)
416
00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:32,447
Once I discovered my old New York boots,
417
00:16:32,490 --> 00:16:35,387
it was like I discovered
my old New York self.
418
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,947
- Because before I softened into Ryan's girlfriend...
- (To tune of "Eye of The Tiger") * meow meow meow *
419
00:16:38,991 --> 00:16:40,774
- * meow meow meow *
- I was kind of a badass.
420
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,907
- * Meow meow meow*
- And I wasn't gonna let some vapid,
421
00:16:42,970 --> 00:16:45,781
- self-obsessed mall queen bully me.
- (Clank)
422
00:16:45,901 --> 00:16:46,782
Aah!
423
00:16:46,902 --> 00:16:48,207
(Students) Ooh! (Can clatters)
424
00:16:48,432 --> 00:16:50,709
Oops. Sorry.
425
00:16:51,091 --> 00:16:52,330
In that green jacket,
426
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:54,282
I thought you were a garbage can.
427
00:16:54,344 --> 00:16:55,652
(Laughter)
428
00:16:55,696 --> 00:16:58,430
If you ever want to enter into
a legally binding agreement...
429
00:16:58,468 --> 00:17:00,720
Lisa? I got this.
430
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:04,643
After endless hours of
considering endless ways
431
00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:06,112
to get back at Dalia,
432
00:17:06,175 --> 00:17:07,895
the answer was finally crystal clear...
433
00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:09,372
Dalia was a punk,
434
00:17:09,647 --> 00:17:12,869
and punks jump up to get beat down.
435
00:17:14,096 --> 00:17:15,729
(Students) Ohh!
436
00:17:15,979 --> 00:17:19,577
(Both grunting)
437
00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:22,154
Ow. Unh!
438
00:17:22,204 --> 00:17:24,794
You know, for a small
man, you fight like a girl.
439
00:17:25,989 --> 00:17:28,335
(Grunting)
440
00:17:29,255 --> 00:17:30,844
Hi-yah!
441
00:17:31,157 --> 00:17:32,451
(Students) Ohh!
442
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,577
Unh!
443
00:17:33,809 --> 00:17:35,139
Aah!
444
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:36,274
(Crash) Ooh!
445
00:17:36,308 --> 00:17:37,959
(Clatter)
446
00:17:39,765 --> 00:17:41,613
Aah!
447
00:17:45,651 --> 00:17:47,036
Jenna says hi.
448
00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:48,386
Ryan says hi.
449
00:17:48,436 --> 00:17:49,643
Your dad says hi.
450
00:17:49,637 --> 00:17:51,395
Your mom says hi.
451
00:17:51,515 --> 00:17:53,103
Aah! Uhh!
452
00:17:53,885 --> 00:17:55,587
(Whooshes)
453
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,071
(Both grunting)
454
00:17:58,346 --> 00:17:59,592
(Clacks)
455
00:17:59,636 --> 00:18:00,918
(Students) Ooh!
456
00:18:03,152 --> 00:18:04,109
Where'd he go?
457
00:18:04,153 --> 00:18:05,548
Up here, bitch.
458
00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:10,503
- Uhh!
- Uhh!
459
00:18:13,562 --> 00:18:14,264
Girls!
460
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:17,261
That's it! I want to see
both of you in my office!
461
00:18:17,261 --> 00:18:18,683
Now!
462
00:18:19,795 --> 00:18:22,222
Let go of each other's hair.
463
00:18:22,471 --> 00:18:24,186
Fine. Keep pulling each other's hair.
464
00:18:24,205 --> 00:18:25,394
But follow me to my office.
465
00:18:25,808 --> 00:18:26,975
Aah! Uhh!
466
00:18:27,026 --> 00:18:28,143
(Thud)
467
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,561
(Students) Ooh.
468
00:18:29,595 --> 00:18:31,110
Not my eyelash extensions.
469
00:18:31,075 --> 00:18:33,031
Please! I just got them sewn in.
470
00:18:34,472 --> 00:18:36,098
What happened to me?
471
00:18:36,218 --> 00:18:40,071
How did I become this
violent, blood-thirsty maniac?
472
00:18:40,191 --> 00:18:42,743
(Exhales) I'm gonna give you one chance
473
00:18:42,761 --> 00:18:44,932
to apologize for being an unrelenting bitch
474
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,590
since day one.
475
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,447
Too little too late!
476
00:18:49,465 --> 00:18:51,800
Aah!
477
00:18:58,697 --> 00:19:00,966
(Chair whirring) Hmm.
478
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,375
And?
479
00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,038
Didn't hurt a bit.
480
00:19:04,158 --> 00:19:05,822
That's the topical. It's a good topical.
481
00:19:05,805 --> 00:19:06,888
Always ask for some.
482
00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:08,531
Mm. I will.
483
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:12,729
I wish you and Carmen...
484
00:19:13,261 --> 00:19:15,238
every happiness.
485
00:19:15,431 --> 00:19:17,548
You'll find your happiness, too, someday.
486
00:19:17,784 --> 00:19:19,917
I just know it.
487
00:19:20,903 --> 00:19:22,821
I feel like I already have.
488
00:19:22,855 --> 00:19:24,097
(Laughing)
489
00:19:24,134 --> 00:19:25,586
That's great.
490
00:19:25,817 --> 00:19:29,127
You're gonna... be numb for
the next couple of hours,
491
00:19:29,078 --> 00:19:30,547
but then after that...
492
00:19:31,397 --> 00:19:33,231
you'll feel everything.
493
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,252
(Laughs)
494
00:19:38,068 --> 00:19:40,834
Daddy bear. Daddy bear.
495
00:19:42,208 --> 00:19:43,811
(Clears throat) Just be the bear.
496
00:19:43,793 --> 00:19:45,593
(Growls)
497
00:19:45,628 --> 00:19:47,084
(Door opens)
498
00:19:47,784 --> 00:19:49,818
Okay. Here we go.
499
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:52,598
Hey, Tess. Welcome home.
500
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:53,802
Oh, I sold the house.
501
00:19:53,853 --> 00:19:54,341
What?
502
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,312
Yeah. What...
503
00:19:56,972 --> 00:19:58,070
happened to your face?
504
00:19:58,108 --> 00:19:59,897
Never mind my face.
505
00:20:00,109 --> 00:20:01,555
What did you just say?
506
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,251
You look like you've
been run over by a truck.
507
00:20:03,257 --> 00:20:05,034
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. I fell.
508
00:20:05,064 --> 00:20:06,597
You sold the house?
509
00:20:07,311 --> 00:20:08,838
We're moving?
510
00:20:09,702 --> 00:20:10,784
Yes!
511
00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:12,448
Thank you, God!
512
00:20:12,492 --> 00:20:14,900
Okay. Okay. There's no... no God involved.
513
00:20:14,907 --> 00:20:16,791
We're moving, but not out of Chatswin.
514
00:20:17,422 --> 00:20:21,913
Dallas is gonna put her
place on the market, too.
515
00:20:23,115 --> 00:20:24,397
So are you telling me
516
00:20:24,409 --> 00:20:27,782
I have to share a house... with Dalia?
517
00:20:28,087 --> 00:20:31,560
Okay. Okay. Now I know you and Dalia
518
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:34,401
have had your ups and downs, but...
519
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,154
you know, I think living
with... with her and Dallas
520
00:20:37,179 --> 00:20:39,788
is gonna... round out our family.
521
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:40,826
It's gonna be good for us.
522
00:20:41,014 --> 00:20:43,673
"Good for us"? Are you out of your mind?
523
00:20:43,729 --> 00:20:44,736
O... okay, Tessa...
524
00:20:44,724 --> 00:20:46,939
Do you wanna know what happened to my face?
525
00:20:47,390 --> 00:20:48,573
Yeah.
526
00:20:48,607 --> 00:20:49,807
Dalia.
527
00:20:50,486 --> 00:20:51,519
- Is that true?
- Yeah.
528
00:20:51,544 --> 00:20:52,908
And I happened to hers.
529
00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:55,363
And let me tell you something,
she looks a lot worse than me.
530
00:20:57,443 --> 00:20:59,052
That is her hair.
531
00:20:59,172 --> 00:21:01,072
And part of her scalp.
532
00:21:01,653 --> 00:21:02,805
P... part of her scalp?
533
00:21:02,838 --> 00:21:03,838
Yeah, George.
534
00:21:03,873 --> 00:21:05,232
And for that reason,
535
00:21:05,282 --> 00:21:07,754
Dalia and I will never
live under the same roof.
536
00:21:07,779 --> 00:21:10,552
Never. Not ever.
537
00:21:11,059 --> 00:21:12,392
So...
538
00:21:13,468 --> 00:21:15,326
make your decision carefully.
539
00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:19,079
I've made my decision, Tessa.
540
00:21:19,105 --> 00:21:21,451
That's... that's not gonna change.
541
00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:23,565
Fine.
542
00:21:23,947 --> 00:21:26,337
Then... so have I.
543
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,970
(Scoffs) What's that supposed to mean?
544
00:21:29,415 --> 00:21:31,110
It means...
545
00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:33,268
I'm outta here.
546
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:45,282
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