1
00:00:03,303 --> 00:00:04,460
After someone dumps you
2
00:00:04,485 --> 00:00:07,913
and smashes your heart into
a million little pieces,
3
00:00:07,926 --> 00:00:10,222
sometimes you blame yourself.
4
00:00:10,775 --> 00:00:12,418
But not in this case.
5
00:00:12,605 --> 00:00:16,566
[ Shivaree ] ♪ tacks on the
floor and the TV is on ♪
6
00:00:16,686 --> 00:00:19,619
Tessa, would it be okay
if we had a word with you?
7
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,446
Sorry, I'm not really
in the mood right now.
8
00:00:21,566 --> 00:00:25,350
Um, sometimes we inflect up
at the end of our sentences?
9
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,659
But that doesn't mean
we're asking a question?
10
00:00:27,715 --> 00:00:29,754
You know, they do that.
I've noticed.
11
00:00:30,174 --> 00:00:32,746
Wow. Okay. So what can
I do for you ladies?
12
00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:35,167
Ryan shared with us
that having your locker
13
00:00:35,223 --> 00:00:36,619
so visible from his locker
14
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,222
is both distracting
and upsetting to him.
15
00:00:39,342 --> 00:00:43,013
Ryan was wondering if you could
move your locker into there.
16
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:46,098
Ryan would really appreciate it.
17
00:00:46,936 --> 00:00:48,076
Really?
18
00:00:48,270 --> 00:00:49,878
Ryan said that?
19
00:00:50,178 --> 00:00:51,747
Doesn't really sound like Ryan.
20
00:00:51,749 --> 00:00:54,351
It's mean, and it's
also kind of complicated.
21
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,173
Are you sure someone else
didn't come up with that idea?
22
00:01:01,525 --> 00:01:03,829
No. It was totes Ryan.
23
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,445
This isn't over.
24
00:01:07,452 --> 00:01:08,816
Oh. Okay.
25
00:01:08,872 --> 00:01:10,861
I know where you don't eat lunch!
26
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
- www.addic7ed.com -
27
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[Alih Jay] ♪ Last night I
had a pleasant nightmare ♪
28
00:01:17,604 --> 00:01:20,569
2x21
Apocalypse Meow
29
00:01:21,311 --> 00:01:24,270
So, how the big combo with Thessa go?
30
00:01:24,489 --> 00:01:26,253
Oh. Yeah.
31
00:01:26,783 --> 00:01:27,637
It didn't.
32
00:01:27,757 --> 00:01:29,085
But on the other hand...
33
00:01:29,119 --> 00:01:30,637
Coffee? I just brewed a pot.
34
00:01:30,671 --> 00:01:33,511
George, I will not be
distracted by your brewery.
35
00:01:34,058 --> 00:01:35,725
- Although I will take a cup.
- Yeah.
36
00:01:35,759 --> 00:01:37,046
Black, with six equals.
37
00:01:38,248 --> 00:01:40,311
Look, I meant to talk
to Tessa this morning.
38
00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:41,738
I really did, but, you know,
39
00:01:41,957 --> 00:01:45,104
she's... she's just getting
over her breakup with Ryan.
40
00:01:45,116 --> 00:01:46,937
Plus she slept in.
41
00:01:47,638 --> 00:01:49,176
Then it looked rainy out.
42
00:01:49,214 --> 00:01:51,191
George McGovern Altman.
43
00:01:51,867 --> 00:01:53,762
That is not my middle name.
44
00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:55,158
Are you afraid of your own daughter?
45
00:01:55,164 --> 00:01:56,215
Is that what's going on here?
46
00:01:56,335 --> 00:01:57,635
No.
47
00:01:57,679 --> 00:01:59,914
But telling her I
unexpectedly sold the house...
48
00:01:59,957 --> 00:02:01,458
Well, you got a cash offer.
49
00:02:01,502 --> 00:02:02,853
They put a clock on you.
50
00:02:02,878 --> 00:02:04,871
They did. They put a clock to my head.
51
00:02:04,922 --> 00:02:06,089
It's a lot of pressure.
52
00:02:06,123 --> 00:02:07,064
I hear ya.
53
00:02:07,184 --> 00:02:08,646
I hear ya, too.
54
00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:11,812
Whoa! Sheila, what are you doing here?
55
00:02:11,824 --> 00:02:12,850
I'm working.
56
00:02:12,894 --> 00:02:14,702
Unlike you decadent bohemians,
57
00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:16,097
I don't have the luxury
of sitting around
58
00:02:16,098 --> 00:02:17,833
sipping coffee at 8:00 A.M.,
59
00:02:17,852 --> 00:02:18,537
pantyless.
60
00:02:18,593 --> 00:02:21,847
I am 100% wearing a
flesh-colored panty.
61
00:02:21,853 --> 00:02:23,473
She was talking about me.
62
00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:25,420
Hey. I thought it was
your job to sell the house,
63
00:02:25,432 --> 00:02:26,677
not occupy it.
64
00:02:26,696 --> 00:02:29,336
If I don't get this
dump through inspection,
65
00:02:29,361 --> 00:02:30,469
I don't get my commission,
66
00:02:30,494 --> 00:02:32,615
and the Shays are living
on crackers and tuna.
67
00:02:32,646 --> 00:02:35,417
Now does this look
like mold to you or...
68
00:02:36,049 --> 00:02:37,618
coffee grounds. Mm.
69
00:02:37,738 --> 00:02:39,772
You're a blonde roast
boy. Should have known.
70
00:02:39,892 --> 00:02:42,568
Okay. Sheila, this is kind
of a private conversation.
71
00:02:42,599 --> 00:02:43,960
So if you don't mind...
72
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:45,194
Fine.
73
00:02:45,212 --> 00:02:48,223
I am going to check the
discharge on your sump pump.
74
00:02:49,206 --> 00:02:50,781
Look, I don't blame you
75
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:53,052
for being a little wary
of springing this on Tessa.
76
00:02:53,379 --> 00:02:56,839
Redheads in particular
can be skittish.
77
00:02:57,158 --> 00:03:00,066
But she and I have a rapport.
Maybe I can feel her out
78
00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:02,263
on the whole us living together thing.
79
00:03:02,519 --> 00:03:04,121
- Co-parenting.
- Yes.
80
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:06,254
Right. Right. Why not start now?
81
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,587
You can talk to her after school.
82
00:03:07,818 --> 00:03:09,370
Okay. And you can pick up Dalia.
83
00:03:14,732 --> 00:03:16,509
Backseat, huh? Okay.
84
00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:18,518
Could you kill the air back here?
85
00:03:18,549 --> 00:03:19,888
Uh, sure.
86
00:03:20,338 --> 00:03:21,715
Good day at school?
87
00:03:25,111 --> 00:03:28,190
You might wonder
why I'm picking you up today
88
00:03:28,221 --> 00:03:29,941
instead of your mom. No big reason.
89
00:03:30,267 --> 00:03:32,775
Just thought we'd mix it
up for once.
90
00:03:32,844 --> 00:03:34,884
And besides, I haven't gotten
to connect with you in a while.
91
00:03:35,335 --> 00:03:36,949
I'm not stupid, daddy Altman.
92
00:03:37,287 --> 00:03:38,444
I know what this is.
93
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:40,840
You and mommy are at the
stage in your relationship
94
00:03:40,858 --> 00:03:42,472
where you've decided
to move in together,
95
00:03:42,491 --> 00:03:44,112
only you're worried
Tessa won't react well,
96
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:45,469
so you sent mommy to deal with her
97
00:03:45,471 --> 00:03:48,591
while you pick me up in your
compact, fuel-efficient car.
98
00:03:49,742 --> 00:03:51,609
I'm sorry I had to break that to you.
99
00:03:51,729 --> 00:03:54,015
I know you and Tessa haven't
100
00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:55,673
always been the closest.
101
00:03:55,692 --> 00:03:58,182
Tessa and I are great. We're aces.
102
00:03:58,576 --> 00:04:00,195
Just this morning at school,
103
00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,537
I was helping her get through
her messy public breakup.
104
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:05,490
If we lived in the same house,
I could help her even harder.
105
00:04:05,733 --> 00:04:07,716
That... I'm happy to hear that.
106
00:04:08,029 --> 00:04:10,860
You can drop me off just
up here on the right.
107
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:12,759
- Oh. Okay.
- Keep the change.
108
00:04:13,048 --> 00:04:14,248
What's that?
109
00:04:15,334 --> 00:04:17,168
You don't have to...
110
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:20,486
Oh, man, I just
hope it's not the wrong move,
111
00:04:20,499 --> 00:04:23,296
letting Dallas broach
this thing with Tessa.
112
00:04:23,416 --> 00:04:24,685
Oh, no.
113
00:04:24,741 --> 00:04:25,667
What?
114
00:04:25,995 --> 00:04:27,607
Oh, no.
115
00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:30,264
Carmen and Bob. Ugh.
116
00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:32,562
Look at him lappin' at her sample
117
00:04:32,568 --> 00:04:35,008
like a sailor on shore leave.
118
00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:37,054
He is really getting in there.
119
00:04:37,073 --> 00:04:39,219
That so-called
"health care professional"
120
00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:40,832
learned the contents of my heart
121
00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:42,416
only to tear them asunder!
122
00:04:42,422 --> 00:04:43,792
Hey. Take... take it easy.
123
00:04:43,861 --> 00:04:46,670
For a therapist to go after
the love interest of a client
124
00:04:46,714 --> 00:04:48,397
is wrong in every way,
125
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,568
but remember, before she was into him,
126
00:04:51,112 --> 00:04:52,545
she wasn't into you.
127
00:04:52,983 --> 00:04:55,630
You need to move on, Noah.
128
00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:59,716
You're
right. I need to move on.
129
00:04:59,903 --> 00:05:02,237
No matter how painful...
130
00:05:02,794 --> 00:05:05,497
I need to learn to lick my own spoon.
131
00:05:09,663 --> 00:05:11,081
It was hard to concentrate
132
00:05:11,082 --> 00:05:13,486
on whatever crap I was
supposed to concentrate on
133
00:05:13,517 --> 00:05:16,695
when all I could do was think
about how to get back at Dalia.
134
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,066
I could tell
everyone her biggest secret...
135
00:05:19,304 --> 00:05:21,118
that she hooked up with Jenna.
136
00:05:21,294 --> 00:05:23,790
It would just be, like,
stooping to her level.
137
00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:27,638
Yeah. And knowing her, the
whole thing would backfire
138
00:05:27,644 --> 00:05:29,853
and become some cool trend.
139
00:05:29,973 --> 00:05:32,180
It kind of already is.
140
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,108
You wanna make out?
141
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:35,947
Eh, I have gum.
142
00:05:36,447 --> 00:05:38,706
What I really need to do is
143
00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:41,521
find Dalia's biggest weakness and
144
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,592
ruthlessly exploit it.
145
00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:45,543
There is another path...
146
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,696
I mean, if you're open
enough to explore it.
147
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:48,830
I said I had gum.
148
00:05:48,864 --> 00:05:50,916
Oh... it's not... not that.
149
00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:53,985
It's this.
150
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:58,790
"Meow mix"?
151
00:05:58,824 --> 00:06:00,291
It's exactly what
you think it is.
152
00:06:00,590 --> 00:06:02,529
A recording of yours truly
153
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,603
meowing some of the top hits
of the late '80s/early '90s.
154
00:06:06,647 --> 00:06:09,438
Just one listen to my
powerful rendition
155
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:11,365
of Bonnie Tyler's "Total
Eclipse of the Heart"
156
00:06:11,427 --> 00:06:13,242
and suddenly seeking revenge
157
00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:16,270
will seem like, I don't know,
"What a Fool Believes"...
158
00:06:17,039 --> 00:06:19,623
which I also happen to
meow on the B-side.
159
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,420
Hey. Do you mind?
160
00:06:23,421 --> 00:06:25,341
Your dad said it was
cool for us to come in?
161
00:06:25,461 --> 00:06:27,099
It was recently brought
to our attention
162
00:06:27,124 --> 00:06:29,277
that you still have
Ryan's letterman jacket?
163
00:06:29,397 --> 00:06:31,972
Gee, I wonder who brought
that to your attention.
164
00:06:31,973 --> 00:06:33,812
We'd rather be discreet and not say?
165
00:06:33,850 --> 00:06:36,246
Dalia. I saw her
texting with you guys.
166
00:06:36,290 --> 00:06:38,674
So I know it was Dalia.
167
00:06:40,326 --> 00:06:43,435
Would you guys be interested
in hearing someone meow
168
00:06:43,441 --> 00:06:45,919
Vanessa Williams' "Save
the Best for Last"?
169
00:06:47,321 --> 00:06:48,879
No? 'Kay.
170
00:06:52,452 --> 00:06:53,441
What happened?
171
00:06:53,666 --> 00:06:55,267
I customized it.
172
00:06:55,387 --> 00:06:56,919
You mutilated it.
173
00:06:57,194 --> 00:06:58,865
Ryan gave me that jacket.
174
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,654
And the only reason
you're taking it back
175
00:07:00,692 --> 00:07:02,762
is because Dalia told you to,
176
00:07:02,763 --> 00:07:04,696
'cause she knew it would hurt me!
177
00:07:04,746 --> 00:07:06,767
Which it did.
178
00:07:09,839 --> 00:07:12,429
- [ Lisa meowing Roxette's
♪ It Must Have Been Love ♪ ]
- Okay, here we go.
179
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,194
♪ Meow meow meow meow ♪
180
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,077
- Uh, I don't wanna sway to it.
- ♪ meow meow meow meow ♪
181
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,478
- Do we have to sway to it?
- Yes.
182
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,449
- ♪ Meow meow meow ♪
As Lisa tried to help me
183
00:07:19,462 --> 00:07:21,614
- find a healthy outlet for my feelings...
- ♪ meow meow meow ♪
184
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:24,079
Noah was busy pursuing an angle
185
00:07:24,085 --> 00:07:26,110
- that was slightly more sinister.
186
00:07:26,556 --> 00:07:31,200
And that's class. Namaste, my brothers.
187
00:07:35,961 --> 00:07:37,024
Hey!
188
00:07:37,794 --> 00:07:40,609
Namaste, Dr. Bob.
What?
189
00:07:40,621 --> 00:07:43,280
Fancy running into you
here at the Open Lotus.
190
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:47,331
I guess our celestial orbits
are fated to intersect.
191
00:07:47,729 --> 00:07:48,648
Perhaps.
192
00:07:49,074 --> 00:07:50,801
Or perhaps...
193
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:52,340
you're stalking me.
194
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:55,174
Perhaps.
195
00:07:55,205 --> 00:07:57,783
But look, if I were, it
would just be to thank you.
196
00:07:58,187 --> 00:07:58,865
To thank me?
197
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,600
Was I angry at first? Naturally.
198
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,534
I wanted to see you dead.
199
00:08:05,229 --> 00:08:09,133
But then I realized I was
clinging to a foolish dream,
200
00:08:09,165 --> 00:08:12,118
like a... like a little
child holding on to a balloon.
201
00:08:12,162 --> 00:08:13,735
And thanks to you,
202
00:08:13,770 --> 00:08:16,517
I was able to take that
beautiful round balloon...
203
00:08:17,573 --> 00:08:19,174
and let her go.
204
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,978
- I'm happy to hear that.
- Yeah.
205
00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:21,741
But, but, but...
206
00:08:21,804 --> 00:08:23,662
don't nama-go just yet.
207
00:08:23,713 --> 00:08:25,764
Nama-stay for a second.
208
00:08:25,977 --> 00:08:29,085
I want to thank you. I want
to show you my gratitude.
209
00:08:29,205 --> 00:08:31,132
- That's really not necessary, no.
- Hey.
210
00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:32,533
I got an idea.
211
00:08:32,653 --> 00:08:34,879
Why don't you come into
my office for a cleaning?
212
00:08:34,999 --> 00:08:37,582
Free. On the house.
213
00:08:38,683 --> 00:08:41,693
It has been a while since
I've been in for a cleaning.
214
00:08:42,174 --> 00:08:43,551
I... I shouldn't admit this,
215
00:08:43,588 --> 00:08:47,367
but I've always been a bit
terrified of the dentist, so...
216
00:08:47,487 --> 00:08:50,264
Bob, there is nothing to be afraid of.
217
00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:51,821
Nothing.
218
00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:53,911
As Noah's revenge scenario
219
00:08:53,923 --> 00:08:56,201
- was falling beautifully into place...
220
00:08:56,439 --> 00:08:58,741
mine was barely taking shape.
221
00:08:58,742 --> 00:08:59,918
Drowning.
222
00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:01,642
Pros...
223
00:09:01,677 --> 00:09:02,946
Lethal.
224
00:09:03,566 --> 00:09:05,146
Bloated corpse.
225
00:09:05,467 --> 00:09:07,257
Fish-eaten face.
226
00:09:08,383 --> 00:09:09,371
Cons...
227
00:09:09,491 --> 00:09:12,950
One might say I was avoiding
feeling bad about Ryan
228
00:09:12,971 --> 00:09:14,905
by focusing all my anger on Dalia,
229
00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:17,130
but one should mind
their own business.
230
00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:18,100
Hi, hon.
231
00:09:18,613 --> 00:09:21,040
Just wanted to see how you
were doing post-breakup.
232
00:09:21,109 --> 00:09:22,110
Oh, I'm doing great.
233
00:09:22,322 --> 00:09:23,811
Someone tell you I wasn't doing great?
234
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:26,358
T-Pain, you don't have
to pretend with me.
235
00:09:26,402 --> 00:09:27,666
I know you're hurtin'.
236
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:28,986
But there is a place
237
00:09:29,106 --> 00:09:31,308
where all your troubles will melt away
238
00:09:31,339 --> 00:09:33,307
like so much provolone.
239
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,789
So what you do is,
240
00:09:36,845 --> 00:09:39,698
you roll your noodles into a big ball,
241
00:09:39,723 --> 00:09:42,137
along with all the sauce and cheese
242
00:09:42,138 --> 00:09:45,016
and shame and anger and hurt,
243
00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:47,181
and then you just stuff it right down.
244
00:09:48,339 --> 00:09:49,069
Mmm.
245
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,198
Speaking of eating things,
246
00:09:51,318 --> 00:09:55,321
does Dalia have any
life-threatening food allergies
247
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,216
I should know about?
248
00:09:56,241 --> 00:09:57,830
I don't think so. Night terrors?
249
00:09:57,950 --> 00:10:01,847
What does she fear will
come for her when she sleeps?
250
00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:05,882
Tessa, is it my imagination,
or are you starting
251
00:10:05,883 --> 00:10:08,845
to take a sisterly
interest in my baby girl?
252
00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:12,133
Are you finally starting to
consider my little Dalia doodle
253
00:10:12,158 --> 00:10:14,448
as part of your family? Because...
254
00:10:14,472 --> 00:10:17,732
Let me be perfectly
clear about one thing...
255
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:20,191
there is nothing doodly about Dalia.
256
00:10:20,209 --> 00:10:23,287
And although you two may
share superficial similarities,
257
00:10:23,407 --> 00:10:24,507
you are a nice person,
258
00:10:24,551 --> 00:10:26,528
and she is, in fact, the devil.
259
00:10:31,908 --> 00:10:34,397
Well, that... that sounds
like it was a disaster.
260
00:10:34,441 --> 00:10:35,743
I don't know what to tell you, George.
261
00:10:35,774 --> 00:10:38,571
I had to abort mission and
take my tagliatelle to go.
262
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,336
Did... did you bring up
the offer on the house?
263
00:10:40,354 --> 00:10:41,849
I didn't get the chance to.
264
00:10:41,893 --> 00:10:44,577
That girl of yours has a
lot of anger in her heart,
265
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,110
and she seems to be
directing it all at Dalia.
266
00:10:47,341 --> 00:10:50,175
Maybe we should put this
whole move-in plan on hold.
267
00:10:50,212 --> 00:10:52,733
We can't. They're pushing to
close in the next two weeks.
268
00:10:52,745 --> 00:10:55,854
Well, then you need to get
up there and talk to her.
269
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:58,113
Right. Okay.
270
00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,078
I will do that.
271
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:02,149
It makes sense. That's
what needs to be done,
272
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,944
so that's what I'm gonna do...
273
00:11:04,395 --> 00:11:07,454
right after I take out
the trash.
274
00:11:07,574 --> 00:11:09,901
The longer you wait,
the harder it's gonna be.
275
00:11:10,777 --> 00:11:11,608
Right.
276
00:11:11,609 --> 00:11:14,538
Or maybe she'll...
she'll mellow, you know?
277
00:11:14,563 --> 00:11:16,048
Like a... like a fine wine.
278
00:11:16,528 --> 00:11:17,399
Yeah.
279
00:11:17,685 --> 00:11:19,318
Let's... let's let her breathe.
280
00:11:24,823 --> 00:11:27,407
When my direct approach
to getting intel on Dalia
281
00:11:27,426 --> 00:11:28,444
didn't pan out,
282
00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:30,880
I decided to go a little more covert.
283
00:11:30,914 --> 00:11:32,297
All right. Picture's up.
284
00:11:33,094 --> 00:11:35,841
Although, uh, you really
shouldn't be watching this.
285
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:37,674
It's true.
We don't have a warrant.
286
00:11:37,794 --> 00:11:40,921
No, I meant 'cause the
resolution's only 480p.
287
00:11:40,977 --> 00:11:44,250
Hello? 2008 called, they want
their component cables back...
288
00:11:44,275 --> 00:11:45,345
Shut up, Reggie.
289
00:11:45,563 --> 00:11:48,673
She's glossing. Can we
get tighter on this gloss?
290
00:11:48,723 --> 00:11:50,663
Okay, I'm not Wes Anderson?
291
00:11:50,682 --> 00:11:53,754
Now what is it that you're
hoping to gain from this?
292
00:11:53,804 --> 00:11:56,156
Information I can use to destroy her.
293
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,184
Okay. Well, if it's
destruction that you're after,
294
00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:00,916
I have a far better plan.
295
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,581
If this is at all cat related...
296
00:12:03,644 --> 00:12:04,607
Step one...
297
00:12:05,127 --> 00:12:07,273
We undergo training
to become certified
298
00:12:07,285 --> 00:12:10,307
as two of society's most
important professionals.
299
00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:12,903
Notary publics. Of course.
300
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:15,287
Then we spend 20, 25 years
301
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:18,071
building a reputation in
the Chatswin community.
302
00:12:18,191 --> 00:12:19,272
One day,
303
00:12:19,666 --> 00:12:20,993
who's to walk in our door
304
00:12:21,037 --> 00:12:24,384
needing a notarized signature
on a mortgage document?
305
00:12:24,784 --> 00:12:26,674
Is it time-sensitive?
306
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,263
You bet it is.
307
00:12:28,294 --> 00:12:29,939
She needs it by the end of the day.
308
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,684
What do we do?
309
00:12:32,579 --> 00:12:34,062
We deny her.
310
00:12:34,182 --> 00:12:35,908
Shh. Something's happening.
311
00:12:36,711 --> 00:12:37,979
Look at that little slut.
312
00:12:38,099 --> 00:12:39,618
She's all over Ryan.
313
00:12:40,632 --> 00:12:41,752
Did you see that?
314
00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:43,641
She knows.
315
00:12:43,761 --> 00:12:46,430
Hey, how much does a bed like this go for new?
316
00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:47,389
Get out, Reggie.
317
00:12:47,457 --> 00:12:49,339
Yeah, okay. That makes sense.
318
00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:51,718
I can't believe this.
319
00:12:52,444 --> 00:12:54,643
Outsmarted by Dalia?
320
00:12:55,059 --> 00:12:57,743
What has happened to me? It's like...
321
00:12:58,216 --> 00:13:00,250
I've lost my edge.
322
00:13:11,088 --> 00:13:13,072
Your lesbian boots.
323
00:13:13,441 --> 00:13:16,050
Sorry I let you down, friends.
324
00:13:17,176 --> 00:13:21,637
Sorry I started wearing
ballet flats and Chuck Taylors.
325
00:13:21,950 --> 00:13:25,122
I am sorry I forgot about us.
326
00:13:25,242 --> 00:13:27,744
Do you guys need a minute?
'Cause I can come back.
327
00:13:28,082 --> 00:13:30,046
I'm the one who's coming back, Lisa.
328
00:13:31,179 --> 00:13:33,500
I'm the one who's coming back.
329
00:13:35,352 --> 00:13:36,785
Yeah, you is.
330
00:13:40,007 --> 00:13:43,148
Is this procedure going
to be at all painful?
331
00:13:43,185 --> 00:13:46,608
I have a very low
threshold for discomfort.
332
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,629
I bet that's not true.
333
00:13:49,342 --> 00:13:50,474
So...
334
00:13:50,493 --> 00:13:52,833
you got any travel plans coming up?
335
00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:54,359
Funny you should ask.
336
00:13:54,409 --> 00:13:57,105
We were thinking about trying out
337
00:13:57,106 --> 00:14:00,122
this new eco-resort in Costa Rica.
338
00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:02,424
C... Costa Rica?
339
00:14:04,364 --> 00:14:05,377
Oh.
340
00:14:05,415 --> 00:14:07,317
I am so sorry.
341
00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:11,903
Let me just silence
this sext from Carmen.
342
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,044
[ ♪ Habanera ♪
from Bizet's "Carmen" playing ]
343
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:16,933
♪ si tu ne m'aimes pas ♪
344
00:14:16,952 --> 00:14:19,711
♪ si tu ne m'aimes pas, je t'aime ♪
345
00:14:19,736 --> 00:14:20,631
Open wide.
346
00:14:22,032 --> 00:14:23,991
♪ mais si je t'aime ♪
347
00:14:24,171 --> 00:14:25,755
♪ mais si je t'aime ♪
348
00:14:28,352 --> 00:14:31,342
Aah! You just cried down my throat!
349
00:14:32,681 --> 00:14:35,203
You stole my true love! Ugh!
350
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,294
I knew this was a mistake. I
never should have come here.
351
00:14:38,325 --> 00:14:39,633
Tell me, doctor. Tell me...
352
00:14:39,677 --> 00:14:42,824
wh... what magic arrow did
you use to pierce her heart?
353
00:14:42,868 --> 00:14:45,508
There is no magic, Noah.
354
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,216
There's no big secret.
355
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,429
I just listen to her.
356
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:53,404
Come again now?
357
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,230
In my experience,
358
00:14:55,350 --> 00:14:58,346
all women ever want is to feel heard.
359
00:14:58,466 --> 00:15:01,068
And I am a very good listener.
360
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,678
You listen?
361
00:15:07,481 --> 00:15:09,345
I don't think I can do that.
362
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,305
I'm not trying to blame-shift.
363
00:15:12,425 --> 00:15:14,188
But you are partly responsible.
364
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:15,883
I mean, the house wasn't
even on the market.
365
00:15:16,003 --> 00:15:18,680
If you are done whining
and crumbing up my carpet,
366
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,302
I'm ready to drop some science.
367
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:22,881
Please.
368
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:25,775
Every teenager loves
to scream and shout
369
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,840
and text and tweet
about how unfair it is
370
00:15:27,902 --> 00:15:28,988
that they're not in charge.
371
00:15:29,247 --> 00:15:31,587
And the fact is, being in charge
372
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,358
is the last thing that they want.
373
00:15:33,377 --> 00:15:34,995
And despite the fact that many of them
374
00:15:34,996 --> 00:15:36,073
dress as old French whores,
375
00:15:36,098 --> 00:15:38,951
they are still children,
and they're scared.
376
00:15:39,145 --> 00:15:41,053
I've got a stack of
parenting books right there
377
00:15:41,059 --> 00:15:42,617
that says the same exact thing...
378
00:15:42,737 --> 00:15:44,707
stop being her friend
379
00:15:44,713 --> 00:15:46,628
and start being in charge.
380
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:47,841
I'm in charge.
381
00:15:47,897 --> 00:15:49,011
Then prove it.
382
00:15:49,036 --> 00:15:50,381
Be the bigger animal.
383
00:15:50,613 --> 00:15:53,716
Tell her, "daddy bear is
here, and he is in control."
384
00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:55,236
Daddy bear.
385
00:15:56,294 --> 00:15:57,207
I like that.
386
00:15:57,327 --> 00:16:00,529
Yeah. In control. I can do that.
387
00:16:00,649 --> 00:16:02,249
Wow, all this talk about authority,
388
00:16:02,237 --> 00:16:03,989
it reminds me I have to
update Fred's chore chart.
389
00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:06,584
Finished hand-washing
your underwear, Sheila.
390
00:16:06,597 --> 00:16:08,687
Oh. Two more stars, you
get a pizza party.
391
00:16:08,939 --> 00:16:10,358
Brawr!
392
00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:12,458
Pepperoni will be in attendance!
393
00:16:12,753 --> 00:16:14,586
♪ Ditto for my best friend ♪
394
00:16:14,630 --> 00:16:15,659
♪ fruit punch ♪
395
00:16:15,779 --> 00:16:17,046
I love fruit punch.
396
00:16:21,832 --> 00:16:24,347
Once I discovered my
old New York boots,
397
00:16:24,348 --> 00:16:27,145
it was like I discovered
my old New York self.
398
00:16:27,162 --> 00:16:31,087
- Because before I softened into Ryan's girlfriend...
- [ To tune of ♪ Eye of The Tiger ♪ ] ♪ meow meow meow ♪
399
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,772
- ♪ meow meow meow ♪
I was kind of a badass.
400
00:16:32,773 --> 00:16:34,907
- ♪ Meow meow meow♪
- And I wasn't gonna let some vapid,
401
00:16:34,970 --> 00:16:37,781
- self-obsessed mall queen bully me.
402
00:16:37,901 --> 00:16:38,782
Aah!
403
00:16:38,902 --> 00:16:40,207
Ooh!
404
00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:42,709
Oops. Sorry.
405
00:16:43,091 --> 00:16:44,330
In that green jacket,
406
00:16:44,331 --> 00:16:46,282
I thought you were a garbage can.
407
00:16:47,696 --> 00:16:50,430
If you ever want to enter into
a legally binding agreement...
408
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,720
Lisa? I got this.
409
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:56,643
After endless hours of
considering endless ways
410
00:16:56,692 --> 00:16:58,112
to get back at Dalia,
411
00:16:58,175 --> 00:16:59,895
the answer was finally
crystal clear...
412
00:16:59,933 --> 00:17:01,372
Dalia was a punk,
413
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:04,869
and punks jump up to get beat down.
414
00:17:06,096 --> 00:17:07,729
Ohh!
415
00:17:13,172 --> 00:17:14,154
Ow. Unh!
416
00:17:14,204 --> 00:17:16,794
You know, for a small
man, you fight like a girl.
417
00:17:21,255 --> 00:17:22,844
Hi-yah!
418
00:17:23,157 --> 00:17:24,451
Ohh!
419
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,577
Unh!
420
00:17:25,809 --> 00:17:27,139
Aah!
421
00:17:27,157 --> 00:17:28,274
Ooh!
422
00:17:31,765 --> 00:17:33,613
Aah!
423
00:17:37,651 --> 00:17:39,036
Jenna says hi.
424
00:17:39,097 --> 00:17:40,386
Ryan says hi.
425
00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:41,643
Your dad says hi.
426
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,395
Your mom says hi.
427
00:17:43,515 --> 00:17:45,103
Aah! Uhh!
428
00:17:51,636 --> 00:17:52,918
Ooh!
429
00:17:55,152 --> 00:17:56,109
Where'd he go?
430
00:17:56,153 --> 00:17:57,548
Up here, bitch.
431
00:17:59,657 --> 00:18:02,503
- Uhh!
- Uhh!
432
00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:06,264
Girls!
433
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:09,260
That's it! I want to see
both of you in my office!
434
00:18:09,261 --> 00:18:10,683
Now!
435
00:18:11,795 --> 00:18:14,222
Let go of each other's hair.
436
00:18:14,471 --> 00:18:16,186
Fine. Keep pulling each other's hair.
437
00:18:16,205 --> 00:18:17,394
But follow me to my office.
438
00:18:17,808 --> 00:18:18,975
Aah! Uhh!
439
00:18:20,194 --> 00:18:21,561
Ooh.
440
00:18:21,595 --> 00:18:23,110
Not my eyelash extensions.
441
00:18:23,111 --> 00:18:25,031
Please! I just got them sewn in.
442
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,098
What happened to me?
443
00:18:28,218 --> 00:18:32,071
How did I become this
violent, blood-thirsty maniac?
444
00:18:32,191 --> 00:18:34,743
I'm gonna give
you one chance
445
00:18:34,761 --> 00:18:36,932
to apologize for being
an unrelenting bitch
446
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,590
since day one.
447
00:18:39,666 --> 00:18:41,447
Too little too late!
448
00:18:41,465 --> 00:18:43,800
Aah!
449
00:18:46,297 --> 00:18:48,566
Hmm.
450
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,975
And?
451
00:18:50,151 --> 00:18:51,638
Didn't hurt a bit.
452
00:18:51,758 --> 00:18:53,404
That's the topical.
It's a good topical.
453
00:18:53,405 --> 00:18:54,488
Always ask for some.
454
00:18:54,522 --> 00:18:56,131
Mm. I will.
455
00:18:58,308 --> 00:19:00,329
I wish you and Carmen...
456
00:19:00,861 --> 00:19:02,838
every happiness.
457
00:19:03,031 --> 00:19:05,148
You'll find your
happiness, too, someday.
458
00:19:05,384 --> 00:19:07,517
I just know it.
459
00:19:08,503 --> 00:19:10,421
I feel like I already have.
460
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,186
That's great.
461
00:19:13,417 --> 00:19:16,677
You're gonna... be numb for
the next couple of hours,
462
00:19:16,678 --> 00:19:18,147
but then after that...
463
00:19:18,997 --> 00:19:20,831
you'll feel everything.
464
00:19:25,668 --> 00:19:28,434
Daddy bear. Daddy bear.
465
00:19:29,808 --> 00:19:31,392
Just be the bear.
466
00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:37,418
Okay. Here we go.
467
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,198
Hey, Tess. Welcome home.
468
00:19:40,258 --> 00:19:41,402
Oh, I sold the house.
469
00:19:41,453 --> 00:19:41,941
What?
470
00:19:42,061 --> 00:19:43,912
Yeah. What...
471
00:19:44,572 --> 00:19:45,670
happened to your face?
472
00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:47,497
Never mind my face.
473
00:19:47,709 --> 00:19:49,155
What did you just say?
474
00:19:49,168 --> 00:19:50,851
You look like you've
been run over by a truck.
475
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,634
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. I fell.
476
00:19:52,664 --> 00:19:54,197
You sold the house?
477
00:19:54,911 --> 00:19:56,438
We're moving?
478
00:19:57,302 --> 00:19:58,384
Yes!
479
00:19:58,728 --> 00:20:00,048
Thank you, God!
480
00:20:00,092 --> 00:20:02,500
Okay. Okay. There's no...
no God involved.
481
00:20:02,507 --> 00:20:04,391
We're moving, but not out of Chatswin.
482
00:20:05,022 --> 00:20:09,513
Dallas is gonna put her
place on the market, too.
483
00:20:10,715 --> 00:20:11,997
So are you telling me
484
00:20:12,009 --> 00:20:15,382
I have to share a house... with Dalia?
485
00:20:15,687 --> 00:20:19,160
Okay. Okay. Now I know you and Dalia
486
00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:22,001
have had your ups and downs, but...
487
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,754
you know, I think living
with... with her and Dallas
488
00:20:24,779 --> 00:20:27,388
is gonna... round out our family.
489
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,426
It's gonna be good for us.
490
00:20:28,614 --> 00:20:31,273
"Good for us"?
Are you out of your mind?
491
00:20:31,329 --> 00:20:32,336
O... okay, Tessa...
492
00:20:32,337 --> 00:20:34,539
Do you wanna know what
happened to my face?
493
00:20:34,990 --> 00:20:36,173
Yeah.
494
00:20:36,207 --> 00:20:37,407
Dalia.
495
00:20:38,086 --> 00:20:39,119
- Is that true?
- Yeah.
496
00:20:39,144 --> 00:20:40,508
And I happened to hers.
497
00:20:40,533 --> 00:20:42,963
And let me tell you something,
she looks a lot worse than me.
498
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,652
That is her hair.
499
00:20:46,772 --> 00:20:48,672
And part of her scalp.
500
00:20:49,253 --> 00:20:50,405
P... part of her scalp?
501
00:20:50,438 --> 00:20:51,438
Yeah, George.
502
00:20:51,473 --> 00:20:52,832
And for that reason,
503
00:20:52,882 --> 00:20:55,354
Dalia and I will never
live under the same roof.
504
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:58,152
Never. Not ever.
505
00:20:58,659 --> 00:20:59,992
So...
506
00:21:01,068 --> 00:21:02,926
make your decision carefully.
507
00:21:04,522 --> 00:21:06,679
I've made my decision, Tessa.
508
00:21:06,705 --> 00:21:09,051
That's... that's not gonna change.
509
00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:11,165
Fine.
510
00:21:11,547 --> 00:21:13,937
Then... so have I.
511
00:21:14,345 --> 00:21:16,570
What's that supposed to mean?
512
00:21:17,015 --> 00:21:18,710
It means...
513
00:21:19,017 --> 00:21:20,868
I'm outta here.
514
00:21:28,122 --> 00:21:35,974
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