1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,991 Previously on In Treatment. 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:13,109 You said that ending the therapy was the best good solution. 3 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,799 I said it might be necessary for her sake. 4 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,432 When you say good solution, 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,914 I think you mean a solution to your problems. 6 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,713 Alex, the fighter pilot, met Laura. 7 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:26,958 He comes back the next afternoon, tells me that they met, and now... 8 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,757 and now they're dating. 9 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,359 You want me to talk about Laura? 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,188 What do you want me to say? That I sit opposite her and say, "What if..."? 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,193 Well, I do. 12 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,798 (Knock on window) 13 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,637 (Dog barks in distance) 14 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,830 - Hi. - Hi. Sorry I'm late. 15 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:56,874 I was, er, I was at the market. Listen, would you mind putting these in the fridge? 16 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,229 - Sure, sure. - Fish heads. 17 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,317 - They're fish heads? - Mm. 18 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,231 Yeah, I'm making some chowder. 19 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:10,149 - Oh. Oh, yeah. Fish heads for... Yeah. - Thanks. 20 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,958 (Sighs) OK. 21 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,070 I really like your dress. 22 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,710 - Thank you. - Mm. 23 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,194 And your, er, your hair looks different. 24 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,997 Mm. You look great, Gina. 25 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,233 It's good of you to say that. 26 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,716 Makes you look, I don't know, softer somehow. 27 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,557 Special occasion? 28 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:56,116 Softer? That's interesting. I'm going out with friends. 29 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,799 Let me guess, bunch of shrinks? 30 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:03,709 (Laughs) Yes and I'm gonna tell them that you brought me two bags of fish heads. 31 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,638 - (Laughs) - Yes, most of them are shrinks. 32 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:11,872 And the non-shrinks will think you're analysing them, which, of course, you will be. 33 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,717 Mm. 34 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,429 Do you know who's been on my mind lately? 35 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,070 - Doris. - From the institute? 36 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,351 - Are you in touch? - Sort of. She's just gotten divorced... 37 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,436 again. 38 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,392 She, er, left this dentist who was a chronic cheat 39 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:35,274 and now she's with this whiny, sourpuss doctor. 40 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:40,030 Such an obvious reaction. You'd think as a shrink, you'd be able to avoid that kind of thing. 41 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:45,108 - Easier to see patterns when they're not ours. - Or we see them but we can't avoid them. 42 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,957 That's worse. 43 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:52,355 You know, Doris had a... 44 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,834 she had a bit of a thing for me back in the day. 45 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,472 - Did she? - Yeah. 46 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,080 She used to say she was crazy about me. 47 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:03,636 But I never slept with her. I always had this feeling that if I did, she'd somehow, 48 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:09,117 I don't know, use it against me or say I was using her or something. 49 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,355 She was like that. Extremes. 50 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,518 - But hot. - Not such useful qualities for a therapist. 51 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,993 You don't think anybody's a good therapist. 52 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,918 I'm no good either, remember? 53 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,235 Isn't that how we left off? 54 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,714 Shall we talk about our last session? 55 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,512 Should we? I don't know. 56 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,633 I will say that it's not the first time I've left here disappointed or angry. 57 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,671 If I was you, I'd look into that. 58 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,709 Of course, I'm angry at everything these days. 59 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:44,117 More or less all the time. This week was particularly... 60 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,554 - What? - The girl gymnast... 61 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:53,398 took a bunch of pills and, er, collapsed in my office. 62 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,034 - Pills to get high? - No, sleeping pills. 63 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,548 Tried to do herself in. Attempted suicide. 64 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,797 - Oh, God, Paul. - Well, sort of. 65 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,229 Choosing my office... 66 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:08,876 There are more efficient places to kill yourself but she was acting out and... 67 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,835 - Got to say, it rattled me. - She took the pills before the session? 68 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:18,431 I had them... Really stupidly I... I never have pills in my bathroom 69 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,109 but I was sleeping on the couch so I brought some stuff down. 70 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,594 She managed to get down most of the bottle. 71 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,274 - Is she OK? - Mm. She is. 72 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,278 I called the, erm, psychiatrist who's a friend of mine 73 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:36,393 and I asked him not to have her committed. 74 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,949 - You feel pretty sure she's safe? - Mm. 75 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:45,033 I think she would've been crushed if she thought that I'd abandoned her. 76 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:48,675 You know, the parental figure passing her on to somebody else. 77 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:55,592 I've a feeling that's why she took the pills, to kind of test my commitment to her. 78 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:01,996 - Are you feeling guilty? - No, but I do regret those pills. 79 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,791 - Well, there's always a way to kill yourself. - True. No, I don't feel responsible. 80 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,952 The strange thing is we had been making a lot of progress lately. 81 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,719 She told me that she'd had sex with this boy 82 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:20,311 and he told her that she fucked like somebody who'd been abused. 83 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,319 Amazingly insensitive, dumb kid trying to cover his own insecurity, 84 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,510 but, Christ, it made me so angry. 85 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,274 Normally, I never say anything. 86 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,914 - But you did? - I did. I called him an idiot. 87 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,748 - How did she react? - Mm. If she heard, she didn't acknowledge it. 88 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,393 But a moment later she had this... major breakthrough. 89 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,512 She started to remember details of the accident. 90 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,472 I mean, it was a crucial therapeutic breakthrough. 91 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,875 I felt we were really getting somewhere 92 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,629 then she just, she just upped and went to the bathroom. 93 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,277 You think you're more effective when you're involved, 94 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,834 when you show a patient your feelings? 95 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,555 Maybe, I don't know, but that's not what I'm really saying here, Gina. 96 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,397 No? 97 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,159 Would you stop drawing conclusions, Gina? I'm just telling you about my week. 98 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,556 Let's see, er, in other news, er... 99 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,631 Kate took her affair to Rome this week. 100 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,029 When Sophie collapsed in my office I, er... I yelled out for Kate, 101 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,595 then realised I was alone in the house, I was the only one there. 102 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,473 Did you and Kate discuss anything? 103 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,715 She didn't try to get me to stop her. 104 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:49,113 She just made a call to work and, er, packed her bag and off she went. 105 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,195 - You weren't surprised? - Not really. 106 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,834 That's the way Kate has always been. 107 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,957 I mean, that was one of the things I fell in love with... 108 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:05,154 the fact that she just made up her mind and just did whatever she... 109 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,395 she was determined to do. 110 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,118 So unlike... 111 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,878 my mother, you know? 112 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,276 I think one of the reasons I married Kate was to get back at my mother 113 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:19,598 because it was some kind of strike against that whole notion of... 114 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,200 I don't know, victimhood. 115 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,994 One thing you can say about Kate is she never played the victim. 116 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,157 She makes up her mind to go to Rome, she goes to Rome. 117 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:37,475 It's been 18 years since I've been alone in that house. 118 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,432 Rosie's away for the weekend and... 119 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,516 Max is with Kate's mom. 120 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,600 Mm. I got the whole house to myself. 121 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,389 - How is that? - Weird. 122 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,596 Anyway, I'm hoping with, er, 123 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,076 with my fish chowder and a bottle of good wine, I'll get lucky. 124 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,392 - Right. - You think I'm joking 125 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,954 - but I do make a mean chowder, I have to say. - (Laughs) 126 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,951 I start with the broth then the vegetables and the fillets. 127 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:13,198 I steam the leeks and the carrots, few other things. 128 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,471 Mix them all together, leave it for about 20 minutes. 129 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,238 Delicious. 130 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,840 The smell always made Kate sick. 131 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,519 She could never stand it. 132 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,790 I have to say I love it. 133 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,115 - Do you like chowder? - I do. 134 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:33,039 Well, maybe I'll have a little party, invite a couple of people over. 135 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,594 I could invite, er, I could invite Doris. 136 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,958 How long is it since, er, since you've seen her? 137 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,877 Oh. Oh... 138 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:46,391 Ah, the carefree days of the institute. The good old days. 139 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,353 - Would you invite her husband? - Are you kidding? 140 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,029 It'll say in the invite, "No sourpusses, please." 141 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,550 - Just Doris, Messler and you. - And you. 142 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,592 - I'm invited? - Mm-hm. You can wear that dress if you want. 143 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,269 Oh, well, thank you, but I think I'd just be in the way. 144 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,790 No, you wouldn't. You're my cover. That's the whole point. 145 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,798 I'll say you're coming, how great it would be if she came too. 146 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,957 It would be like an institute reunion. 147 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,430 And then I leave and you're alone with her. 148 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,392 Perfect. It's a perfect plan. Can't fail. 149 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,908 You're in a chipper mood, considering. 150 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,430 Guess I am. 151 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,675 - It's nice for a change. - Mm. 152 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:35,078 - I miss this side of you. - I guess it's cos this shitty week is finally over. 153 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,829 - You're also showing me something. - What am I showing you? 154 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,398 How it feels to be with Laura. 155 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:49,116 How a therapist feels when a patient is flirting. 156 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,910 - You think I'm flirting with you? - Well, no. 157 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,555 That's the wrong word. It's not flirting, it's... 158 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,229 I... I'm your cover but... 159 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,751 you're inviting me to a party and you're telling me which dress to wear 160 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:10,828 and you're inviting me into your life and it maybe is a taste of... 161 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,519 of what it's like with Laura. 162 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,391 You know, she draws you in. 163 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,557 It must be flattering. 164 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,954 Yeah. Yeah, it is. 165 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,639 I gotta tell you, she's one hell of a storyteller. 166 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,515 Man, can she weave a tale. (Laughs) 167 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,991 Hm. 168 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:38,477 She goes into explicit, vivid detail, that... 169 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,717 She spent about a half an hour telling me about the, erm... 170 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,990 about the sex that she had with Alex. 171 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,435 What she liked, what she didn't like. 172 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,948 What he liked, what she did, 173 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,991 what he did, et cetera, et cetera. 174 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,597 Pretty vivid. 175 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,030 A man would have to be made of rock not to react, 176 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,191 not to feel a little... 177 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,351 - A little what? - Jealous. 178 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,357 Yeah. 179 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,390 - Of course, that's what she wanted. - Was it? 180 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:22,674 I know you think it's a problem that I have this jealousy over Laura's affair with Alex. 181 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:26,269 - No, not necessarily. - Jealousy is not on your list 182 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:30,632 of reactions a therapist should have. Or is it a list of no-no feelings? 183 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,875 Is that what you want from me, a list? 184 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,957 - Would that make it easier? - I doubt it. 185 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,877 Oh, you keep putting words in my mouth. 186 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:41,959 Maybe you want me to be unreasonable so you have something to push against. 187 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:47,233 (Sighs) This topic, this topic always brings us back onto shaky ground, doesn't it? 188 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,636 - What topic? - Boundaries between therapist and patient. 189 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,717 Teachers marry students. There's no big deal about it. 190 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,069 I mean, is it really wrong? 191 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,588 It's different, Paul. 192 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,315 I remember Charlie, 193 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,318 your... your patient. 194 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,033 He used to call me after sessions and he'd say, 195 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:12,312 "This no-sex- with-the-therapist thing, it's driving me crazy. Is it for real? 196 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:16,956 "There's got to be a loophole. Am I never going to get to sleep with Gina?" 197 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,429 OK, let's say I stop Laura's therapy. 198 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,438 Let's say I send her to somebody else, as you want me to do. 199 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,597 Surely, in six months time I can call her up and say... 200 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,358 No. No, you can't. 201 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,837 - A year, 18 months, when it's cooled off. - No. There's no cooling-off period. 202 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,394 It's not about cooling off. 203 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,908 It doesn't change the dynamic. 204 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,396 In six months or ten years, she'll still be a patient. 205 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,273 That's just some bullshit some lawyer came up with. 206 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,630 No, it's not a law. It's beyond a code of ethics. 207 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,432 It's essential. 208 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,472 It's something you carry inside you. 209 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,511 Can't you see that? 210 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:59,832 So what you're saying is that there is no conceivable set of circumstances... 211 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,236 - None. - Christ, you're so fucking fundamentalist. 212 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,033 (Sighs) A lot of people would disagree with this. 213 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,071 Then go to them. 214 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,115 She's 30 years old. 215 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,232 She's seductive, dependent, hysterical. 216 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:26,437 She idolises you. It's classic, right? It's textbook. 217 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:30,598 - Here's a girl with damaged self-esteem... - How do you know she's damaged? 218 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,599 You've told me about her affair with your other patient, 219 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,394 her trying to make you jealous, her describing the sex. 220 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,749 How she's tried to enter your house. 221 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,189 How she's played all of these games 222 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,754 to try to get an Oedipal reaction from you. 223 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,870 If you fall for these advances, she won't be grateful. 224 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,911 She'll be shocked, rightly so. 225 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,551 And she'll leave you. 226 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:04,279 All of which you know but you're ignoring it. 227 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,799 You want to be desired. 228 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,718 (Sighs) We all do. 229 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,876 But you need to remember why Laura came to you in the first place. 230 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,469 So you're telling me now what's wrong with my patient? 231 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,239 Another dissertation on what a lousy therapist I am? 232 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,670 - I have never, ever said anything like that. - You haven't? 233 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,473 - Never. - What about that famous letter you wrote? 234 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,671 - Oh, Paul. - I carried that letter in my pocket for months. 235 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:38,072 I have to say that everything I've accomplished as a therapist, I owe to that letter, 236 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,236 so thank you. 237 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,748 You know, we're getting away from Laura again. 238 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:46,998 I can quote it. "The patients were consistently... 239 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,476 "positive about, er, their sessions with Paul. 240 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,795 "However, it became clear that Paul was playing to their expectations. 241 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,956 "His approach to therapy is compromised". 242 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:03,519 No, actually, what you wrote was, "seriously compromised by his desire to please." 243 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:07,439 That translates to me as, "He's a shitty therapist." 244 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,040 I also said you were one of the most brilliant... 245 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:14,710 I know. You said all kinds of things. You said I was your favourite, the heir apparent. 246 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,035 Why didn't you tell me I wasn't good enough? 247 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,878 Because that's not the way I felt. Why would I say that? 248 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,390 Then I could've got on with my work instead of dragging out eight years 249 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:27,592 of promises of drum roll leading to the worst humiliation of my life. 250 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,598 You know Walker, even Jeffries, 251 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:34,474 they said that I was guaranteed to be the head of the institute. 252 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:38,832 Across the board, everybody agreed with it. Except you. 253 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,519 - I didn't believe you were ready. - Clearly, you didn't. 254 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,632 The way you took critique, it made you furious. 255 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,592 You know, it was one professional assessment. 256 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,312 And you took it personally. 257 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:53,831 So personally, I had to wonder if it wasn't an echo of an earlier rejection. 258 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:58,271 Oh, please, Gina. Not this again. I know exactly where you're going with this. 259 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,993 A son who feels he's disappointed his father, 260 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:05,238 a son who feels he hasn't lived up to his father's expectations. 261 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,236 It's something you'd want to address. 262 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,748 Please don't minimise what you said to me, Gina. 263 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,793 I wasn't reacting to something in my past in relation to my father. 264 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,832 One review drove you out of the institute. 265 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,759 That letter pissed on eight years of my work. 266 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,033 Despite it, though, I became an excellent therapist. 267 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,514 And some people might say that, er... 268 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,596 I became a better therapist than you. 269 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:39,671 Maybe you feel that. Maybe that's what this is really about, Gina. 270 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,956 So, let me ask you again, 271 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,276 why did you come to me specifically? 272 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:54,356 (Sighs) I suppose because I needed to... 273 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,868 I don't know, test myself. 274 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:01,311 I already knew, before I came here, what you were gonna say about me and Laura and Kate. 275 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:06,514 But I thought to myself, you know, if I can withstand your corrosive attacks, 276 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:11,680 - your particular brand of analytical castration... - That sounds horrible. 277 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,790 Why put yourself through that? 278 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,311 So that I can... 279 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,276 trust myself, I suppose. 280 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,039 Trust yourself? With what? 281 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,916 You know, you said that you were writing a novel. 282 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,791 You know, 283 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:41,437 I found that kind of amusing, to tell you the truth, because a novel is about complexity. 284 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,836 It's about contradictions, foibles, human folly. 285 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,711 Not absolutes. 286 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,990 For you, complexity is a problem, 287 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,077 some kind of pathology that needs to be treated. 288 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:55,032 And you know what I find fucking offensive, Gina? 289 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:59,596 That you think I'm blind to a situation as obvious as erotic transference. 290 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:09,357 Let me just tell you that I treat Laura with the same integrity, the same concern, 291 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,631 the same rigour as I treat all my patients. 292 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,872 I happen to like my patients. That's the difference between you and me. 293 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,309 I worry about them. I identify with them. 294 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,113 I put myself out for them. You analyse them. 295 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,075 I analyse, too, but I empathise. 296 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,868 Let me ask you something. I'm just curious about this. 297 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,554 Do you miss having patients? 298 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:48,318 - Why? - I was never really 100% convinced, 299 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:54,117 to be honest, that you actually like this process, the sitting down with a patient. 300 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,159 That's because, in your opinion, I have no empathy 301 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,839 and so how could I get any satisfaction from it? 302 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,793 I'm not saying you don't get satisfaction, in the way that a sail-maker 303 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:09,516 or... or... or a chemist gets when they practise their craft. 304 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,314 But that thing that I'm talking about between a doctor and a patient, 305 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,352 that connection, that buzz... 306 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,949 See, I can't help but connect with the person. 307 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,398 That's who I am as a therapist. That's my... 308 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,954 That's my reward. 309 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,317 A while ago, before, erm, before I started coming here... 310 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,271 (Sighs)... there was... 311 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,035 there was a session that... 312 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,716 (Sighs) Laura... Laura cried. 313 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,396 She'd never actually done that before and, erm... 314 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:06,029 That's a kind of a victory, right, a kind of milestone for a therapist 315 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:10,153 when you get the patient to that point where they... where they cry? 316 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,070 It was different with her. There was something so... 317 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,550 so moving about seeing her just break down like that. 318 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,635 In that moment, I swear, 319 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,910 I could've said, "Fuck it all. 320 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,679 "I just want to be with her." 321 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,790 But I didn't. 322 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,638 I came to you instead. I came specially to you. 323 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,875 I chose you because I thought to myself, 324 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:48,597 "If Gina can't convince me to stay away, then how am I gonna convince myself?" 325 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,990 It's really tough when I'm alone with her, you know? 326 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:03,034 And she's asking me, "Please, just be honest. Please, tell me how you feel." 327 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,191 And I can't. 328 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,955 I guess the reason I'm here is because... (Clears throat) 329 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,833 ...I really wanna look at this. I want to examine it. 330 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,394 I wanna be absolutely clear about this... 331 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,798 100%, that it's not... 332 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,997 (Sighs)... that I'm not... 333 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,996 That you're not what? 334 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,789 Paul, you need to say it. 335 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,389 You need to finish the thought. 336 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,271 That what I want... 337 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,472 isn't, in some way, immoral... 338 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,553 or unethical. 339 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:59,037 And that it's not abuse... An abuse of my power as a doctor with a patient. 340 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,791 I'm not pushing you out. 341 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,718 I'm not running away, no matter what you tell me. 342 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,751 At the institute... 343 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:30,319 Maybe that was hubris on my part. I don't know, it might have been. 344 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:34,272 But I won't do that now. I won't reject you. 345 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:38,996 That doesn't mean I'll let you do something that you'll regret the rest of your life, 346 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,634 not without fighting you every step. 347 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,353 If it's safety you need, 348 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,391 this is it. 349 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,352 We've already crossed lines of conduct in this room. 350 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,393 I'm saying that because I want you to know how far I'm willing to go. 351 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,829 Whatever you tell me, 352 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,677 I'm here for you. 353 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:05,069 I won't abandon you, no matter what. 354 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,351 I'm here. 355 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,191 I love her. 356 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,916 I love Laura. 357 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,794 Every word out of her mouth, every move she makes, I just... 358 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,752 I love talking to her, you know? Just listening to her. 359 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:38,997 I know it's a joke, cliché. 50-year-old married man in love with a 30-year-old. 360 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,868 But I want to be with her and I don't care what it means. 361 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,911 And I don't care what it costs. 362 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,551 I don't care. 363 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,117 (Sighs) 364 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,711 I love her. 365 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,389 English SDH