1 00:00:00,530 --> 00:00:02,480 Previously, on In Treatment... 2 00:00:03,230 --> 00:00:06,680 You said that ending the therapy was the best good solution. 3 00:00:06,950 --> 00:00:09,480 I said it might be necessary for her sake. 4 00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:13,750 When you say "good solution," I think you mean a solution to your problems. 5 00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,580 Alex, the fighter pilot, met Laura. 6 00:00:16,740 --> 00:00:20,740 So he comes back the next afternoon, tells me that they met and now... 7 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,890 And now they're dating. 8 00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:26,750 You want me to talk about Laura? 9 00:00:27,010 --> 00:00:30,210 What do you want me to say? That I sit opposite her and say, "What if?" 10 00:00:31,870 --> 00:00:32,840 Well, I do. 11 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:46,600 Hi Hi 12 00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:48,320 Sorry I'm late. I was... 13 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,620 I was at the market. 14 00:00:50,780 --> 00:00:54,050 Listen, would you mind putting these in the fridge for me, please? "Sure, sure" 15 00:00:54,210 --> 00:00:55,350 Fish heads. 16 00:00:56,450 --> 00:00:57,900 They're fish heads? 17 00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:01,100 Yeah, I'm making some chowder. 18 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,690 Oh, oh yeah ...- Fish heads for... yeah. - Thanks. 19 00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,520 Season 1, Episode 20. 20 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,820 Synced and corrected by GhostedNet 21 00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:31,200 I really like your dress. 22 00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:33,820 Thank you. 23 00:01:35,230 --> 00:01:37,580 And your hair looks different. 24 00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:42,620 - You look great, Gina. - That's good of you to say that. 25 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,330 Makes you look, I don't know, softer somehow. 26 00:01:47,470 --> 00:01:48,820 Special occasion? 27 00:01:49,670 --> 00:01:51,520 Softer? That's interesting. 28 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:55,690 - I'm going out with friends. - Let me guess, 29 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,460 bunch of shrinks? 30 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,010 Yes and I'm gonna tell them that you brought me two bags of fish heads. 31 00:02:03,370 --> 00:02:05,400 Yes, most of them are shrinks. 32 00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:08,640 And the non-shrinks will think 33 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,950 you're analyzing them, which, of course, you will be. 34 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:17,180 Do you know who's been on my mind lately? 35 00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:19,610 Doris. 36 00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:21,740 From the institute? 37 00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:24,160 - Are you in touch? - Well, sort of. 38 00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:26,570 She's just gotten divorced again. 39 00:02:28,030 --> 00:02:31,070 She left this dentist who was a chronic cheat 40 00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:34,570 and now she's with this whiny, sourpuss doctor. 41 00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:37,540 Such an obvious reaction. You'd think as a shrink, 44 00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:44,880 Or we see them but we can't avoid them. 45 00:02:45,390 --> 00:02:46,590 That's worse. 46 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,360 You know... 47 00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:52,530 Doris had a... 48 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,310 She had a bit of a thing for me back in the day. 49 00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:56,670 Did she? 50 00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:59,370 She used to say she was crazy about me. 51 00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:02,570 But I never slept with her. I always had this feeling 52 00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:04,630 that if I did, she'd somehow, 53 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:08,780 I don't know, use it against me or... 54 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,540 - say I was using her or something. - She was like that. Extremes. 55 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:13,660 But hot. 56 00:03:13,930 --> 00:03:17,050 Not such useful qualities for a therapist. 57 00:03:17,850 --> 00:03:20,510 You don't think anybody's a good therapist. 58 00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:22,620 I'm no good either, remember? 59 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:25,770 Isn't that how we left off? 60 00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:31,470 - Should we talk about our last session? - Should we? I don't know. 61 00:03:31,730 --> 00:03:35,770 I will say that it's not the first time I've left here disappointed or angry. 62 00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:38,130 If I was you, I'd look into that. 63 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,110 Of course, I'm angry at everything these days. 64 00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:45,740 More or less all the time. This week was particularly... 65 00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:50,280 - What? - The girl gymnast... 66 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,910 Took a bunch of pills and collapsed in my office. 67 00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:59,130 - Pills to get high? - No, sleeping pills. 68 00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:01,750 Tried to do herself in. Attempted suicide. 69 00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:04,180 - God, Paul. - Well, sort of. 70 00:04:05,390 --> 00:04:06,940 Choosing my office... 71 00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:10,830 There are more efficient places to kill yourself, I must say. 72 00:04:10,990 --> 00:04:12,940 But she was acting out and... 73 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,640 Got to say it rattled me. 74 00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:20,150 - She took the pills before the session? - I had them, really stupidly... 75 00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,760 I never have pills in my bathroom. 76 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,470 But I'm sleeping on the couch so I'd brought some stuff down. 77 00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:29,950 She managed to get down most of the bottle. 78 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,050 - Is she okay? - She is. 79 00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:37,010 I called the psychiatrist who's a friend of mine 80 00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:38,490 and I asked him 81 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,900 not to have her committed. 82 00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:44,860 Do you feel pretty sure she's safe? 83 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,000 I think she would've been crushed 84 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,510 if she thought that I'd abandoned her... 85 00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:54,140 You know, the parental figure passing her on to somebody else. 86 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:57,000 I have a feeling that's why she took the pills in the first place, 87 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,400 to kind of test my... 88 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,980 My commitment to her. 89 00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,390 - Are you feeling guilty? - No, 90 00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:08,340 but I do regret those pills. 91 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,640 Well, there's always a way to kill yourself. 92 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,090 True. No I don't feel responsible. 93 00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:16,500 The strange thing is 94 00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:19,340 we had been making a lot of progress lately. 95 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,820 She told me that she'd had sex with this boy 96 00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:25,630 and he told her that she fucked like somebody who'd been abused. 97 00:05:27,650 --> 00:05:30,320 Amazingly insensitive dumb kid 98 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,710 trying to cover his own insecurity, but Christ, it made me so angry. 99 00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:37,280 Normally, I never say anything. 100 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,140 - But you did? - I did. I called him an idiot. 101 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,650 How did she react? 102 00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,620 If she heard, she didn't acknowledge it. 103 00:05:46,990 --> 00:05:49,140 But a moment later she had this... 104 00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:50,820 major breakthrough. 105 00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:54,320 She started to remember details of the accident. 106 00:05:54,590 --> 00:05:57,510 I mean, it was a crucial therapeutic breakthrough. 107 00:05:57,670 --> 00:06:00,070 I felt we were really getting somewhere. 108 00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:02,980 Then she just upped and went to the bathroom. 109 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:11,950 You think you're more effective when you're involved? 110 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,470 When you show a patient your feelings? 111 00:06:14,860 --> 00:06:17,010 Maybe, I don't know. But that's not what I'm... 112 00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,320 - really saying here, Gina. - No? 113 00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:22,390 Would you stop drawing conclusions? 114 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,500 I'm just telling you about my week. 115 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,510 Let's see... 116 00:06:28,330 --> 00:06:30,140 In other news... 117 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:34,070 Kate took her affair to Rome this week. 118 00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:40,900 When Sophie collapsed in my office, I yelled out for Kate, 119 00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:45,720 then realized I was alone in the house. I was the only one there. 120 00:06:47,970 --> 00:06:50,120 Did you and Kate discuss anything? 121 00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:53,200 She didn't try to get me to stop her. 122 00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:57,580 She just made a call to work, 123 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,390 and packed her bag and off she went. 124 00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:03,420 - You weren't surprised? - Not really. 125 00:07:04,110 --> 00:07:06,360 That's the way Kate has always been. 126 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,940 I mean that was one of the things I fell in love with... 127 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:14,650 The fact that she just made up her mind and just did whatever 128 00:07:16,630 --> 00:07:18,380 she was determined to do. 129 00:07:20,030 --> 00:07:22,680 So unlike my mother, you know? 130 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,940 I think one of the reasons I married her was to get back at my mother, 131 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:30,790 because it was some kind of strike against that whole notion of... 132 00:07:31,630 --> 00:07:33,290 I don't know, victimhood. 133 00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:38,080 One thing you can say about Kate is she never played the victim. 134 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,470 She makes up her mind to go to Rome, she goes to Rome. 135 00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:49,600 It's been 18 years since I've been alone in that house. 136 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,070 Rosie's away for the weekend 137 00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:55,500 and Max is with Kate's mom. 138 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,420 I've got the whole house to myself. 139 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,410 - How is that? - Weird. 140 00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,800 Anyway, I'm hoping with... 141 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:12,960 With my fish chowder and a bottle of good wine, I'll get lucky. 142 00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:19,040 You think I'm joking but I do make a mean chowder, I have to say. 143 00:08:19,970 --> 00:08:23,070 I start with the broth then the vegetables and the fillets. 144 00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:25,180 I steam the leeks and the carrots, 145 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,520 a few other things. Mix them all together, leave it for about 20 min. 146 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:32,900 Delicious. 147 00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:35,320 The smell always made Kate sick. 148 00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,390 She could never stand it. 149 00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,000 I have to say I love it. 150 00:08:41,660 --> 00:08:43,710 - Do you like chowder? - I do. 151 00:08:44,230 --> 00:08:47,960 Well, maybe I'll have a little party, invite a couple of people over. 152 00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:50,980 I could invite... I could invite Doris. 153 00:08:52,350 --> 00:08:54,700 How long is it since you've seen her? 154 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,310 The carefree days of the institute. The good old days. 155 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,270 - Would you invite her husband? - Are you kidding? 156 00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:09,390 It'll say in the invite, "No sourpusses, please." 157 00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:12,190 - Just Doris Messler and you. - And you. 158 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:14,900 I'm invited? 159 00:09:15,270 --> 00:09:17,630 You can wear that dress if you want. 160 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:20,530 Oh, well, thank you, but I think I'd just be in the way. 161 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,350 No, you wouldn't. You're my cover. That's the whole point. 162 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,610 I'll tell her you're coming, how great it would be if she came too. 163 00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:30,440 It would be like an institute reunion. 164 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,500 And then I leave and you're alone with her. 165 00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:37,210 Perfect. It's a perfect plan. Can't fail. 166 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,010 You're in a chipper mood, considering. 167 00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:43,410 Guess I am. 168 00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:46,310 It's nice for a change. 169 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,680 I miss this side of you. 170 00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:52,370 I guess it's 'cause this shitty week is finally over. 171 00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:54,940 You're also showing me something. 172 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,570 What am I showing you? 173 00:09:58,470 --> 00:10:00,910 How it feels to be with Laura. 174 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:05,010 How a therapist feels when... 175 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,290 a patient is flirting. 176 00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:10,630 You think I'm flirting with you? 177 00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:12,100 Well, no. 178 00:10:12,550 --> 00:10:16,320 That's the wrong word. It's not flirting, it's... 179 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,840 I'm your cover but... 180 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,240 You're inviting me to a party 181 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,690 and you're telling me which dress to wear 182 00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:27,200 and you're inviting me into your life. 183 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,430 And it maybe is a taste of... 184 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:31,990 Of what it's like with Laura. 185 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,690 You know, she draws you in. 186 00:10:37,410 --> 00:10:38,960 It must be flattering. 187 00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:43,700 Yeah it is. 188 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,870 I gotta tell you, she's one hell of a storyteller. 189 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,140 Man, can she weave a tale. 190 00:10:54,290 --> 00:10:57,210 She goes into explicit, vivid detail. 191 00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:02,130 She spent about a half an hour telling me about the... 192 00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,590 About the sex that she had with Alex... 193 00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:10,190 What she liked, what she didn't like, 194 00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:14,150 what he liked, what she did, what he did. 195 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,250 Pretty vivid. 196 00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:22,620 A man would have to be made of rock not to react, 197 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,250 not to feel a little... 198 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:29,890 - A little what? - Jealous. 199 00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:35,410 Of course, that's what she wanted. 200 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:37,480 Was it? 201 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,250 I know you think it's a problem 202 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:44,840 that I have this jealousy over Laura's affair with Alex. 203 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:48,600 - No, not necessarily. - Jealousy is not on your list 204 00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:53,070 of reactions a therapist should have. Or is it a list of no-no feelings? 205 00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:55,600 Is that what you want from me, a list? 206 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,290 Would that make it easier? 207 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,440 I doubt it. 208 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,690 You keep putting words in my mouth. 209 00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:04,910 Maybe you want me to be unreasonable so you have something to push against. 210 00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:06,590 This topic... 211 00:12:06,850 --> 00:12:10,500 This topic always brings us back onto shaky ground, doesn't it? 212 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:11,580 What topic? 213 00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:13,990 The boundaries between therapist and patient. 214 00:12:14,410 --> 00:12:17,300 Teachers marry students. There's no big deal about it. 215 00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:19,550 What's the... I mean, is it really wrong? 216 00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:21,480 It's different, Paul. 217 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,960 I remember Charlie, your... 218 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,480 Your patient. 219 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,380 He used to call me after sessions and he'd say, 220 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:35,690 "This no-sex-with-the-therapist thing, it's driving me crazy. 221 00:12:35,850 --> 00:12:38,390 "Is it for real? There's got to be a loophole. 222 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,400 "Am I never going to get to sleep with Gina?" 223 00:12:42,610 --> 00:12:45,130 Okay. Let's stay I stop Laura's therapy. 224 00:12:45,290 --> 00:12:48,190 Let's say I send her to somebody else as you want me to do. 225 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:51,690 Surely, in six months time I can call her up and say... 226 00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:53,480 No, no you can't. 227 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,040 Then a year, 18 months, when it's cooled off. 228 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,000 There's no cooling-off period. 229 00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:00,640 It's not about cooling off. 230 00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:02,880 It doesn't change the dynamic. 231 00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:07,060 In six months or 10 years, she'll still be a patient. 232 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,930 But that's just some bullshit some lawyer came up with. 233 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,740 No, it's not a law. 234 00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:14,390 It's beyond a code of ethics. It's essential. 235 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,730 It's something you carry inside you. 236 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,160 Can't you see that? 237 00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:24,810 So what you're saying is that there is no conceivable 238 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,440 - set of circumstances in which... - None. 239 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,700 Christ, you're so fucking fundamentalist. 240 00:13:30,590 --> 00:13:32,940 There's a lot of people who would disagree with this. 241 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:34,350 Then go to them. 242 00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:44,360 She's 30 years old. 243 00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:48,470 She's seductive, dependent, hysterical. 244 00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:52,740 She idolizes you. It's classic, right? It's textbook. 245 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,310 Here's a girl with damaged self-esteem... 246 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,680 Excuse me, how do you know she's damaged? 247 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:02,190 You've told me about her affair with your other patient, 248 00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:04,370 her trying to make you jealous, 249 00:14:04,530 --> 00:14:06,410 her describing the sex, 250 00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:10,660 how she's tried to enter your house, 251 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,370 how she's played all of these games 252 00:14:13,530 --> 00:14:16,590 to try to get an oedipal reaction from you. 253 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,490 If you fall for these advances, she won't be grateful. 254 00:14:20,650 --> 00:14:22,540 She'll be shocked, rightly so. 255 00:14:25,510 --> 00:14:27,030 And she'll leave you. 256 00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:33,030 All of which you know, but you're ignoring it. 257 00:14:35,350 --> 00:14:36,680 You want to be desired. 258 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:39,930 We all do. 259 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:45,440 But you need to remember why Laura came to you in the first place. 260 00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:48,880 So you're telling me now what's wrong with my patient? 261 00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:52,070 Another dissertation on what a lousy therapist I am? 262 00:14:52,330 --> 00:14:55,130 I have never, ever said anything like that. 263 00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,410 Excuse me? 264 00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:59,570 What about that famous letter you wrote? 265 00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,480 I carried that letter in my pocket for months. 266 00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:07,440 But I do have to say that everything I've accomplished as a therapist, 267 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,590 I owe to that letter. So, thank you. 268 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,510 You know, we're getting away from Laura again. 269 00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:14,690 I can quote it. 270 00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:18,940 "The patients were consistently positive 271 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:22,030 "about their sessions with Paul. 272 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,880 "However, it became clear that Paul was playing to their expectations. 273 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,270 "His approach to therapy is compromised..." 274 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:30,380 No, actually what you wrote was 275 00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:34,350 "Seriously compromised by his desire to please." 276 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,890 That translates to me as, "He's a shitty therapist." 277 00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:41,610 I also said that you were one of the most brilliant... 278 00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:43,910 I know. You said all kinds of things. 279 00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:46,900 You said that I was your favorite, that I was the heir apparent. 280 00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:49,210 Why didn't you tell me that I wasn't good enough? 281 00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:52,070 Because that's not the way I felt. Why would I say that? 282 00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:54,100 Then I could've gotten on with my work, 283 00:15:54,260 --> 00:15:57,690 instead of dragging out 8 years of promises, of drumroll 284 00:15:57,850 --> 00:16:00,220 leading to the worst humiliation of my life. 285 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,980 You know Walker, even Jeffries, 286 00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:07,480 they said that I was guaranteed to be the head of the institute. 287 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,250 Across the board, everybody agreed with it. 288 00:16:10,910 --> 00:16:12,000 Except you. 289 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,800 - I didn't believe you were ready. - Clearly, you didn't. 290 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,830 The way you took critique, it made you furious. 291 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,080 You know, it was one professional assessment. 292 00:16:21,660 --> 00:16:25,140 And you took it personally. So personally, I had to wonder 293 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,820 if it wasn't an echo of an earlier rejection. 294 00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:30,060 Please, Gina. Not this again. 295 00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,630 I know exactly where you're going with this. 296 00:16:32,790 --> 00:16:35,050 A son who feels he's disappointed his father; 297 00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:39,000 a son who feels he hasn't lived up to his father's expectations. 298 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,880 It's something you would want to address. 299 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,180 Please don't minimize what you said to me. 300 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:48,330 I wasn't reacting to something in my past in relation to my father. 301 00:16:48,660 --> 00:16:51,210 One review drove you out of the institute. 302 00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:54,120 That letter pissed on eight years 303 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,490 of my work. 304 00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:03,590 Despite it, though, I became an excellent therapist. 305 00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:06,560 And some people might say that... 306 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:09,040 I became a better therapist than you. 307 00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:12,210 Maybe you feel that. 308 00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:15,220 Maybe that's what this is really about. 309 00:17:17,850 --> 00:17:19,900 So let me ask you again. 310 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:23,850 Why did you come to me specifically? 311 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,870 I suppose because I needed to... 312 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,670 I don't know, test myself. 313 00:17:33,580 --> 00:17:35,440 I mean, I already knew before I came here 314 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,880 what you were gonna say about me and Laura and Kate. 315 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,930 But I thought to myself, you know, if I can withstand your... 316 00:17:42,430 --> 00:17:45,700 corrosive attacks, your particular brand... 317 00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:48,960 - of analytical castration... - That sounds horrible. 318 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,150 Why put yourself through that? 319 00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:54,160 So that I can... 320 00:17:57,850 --> 00:17:59,440 Trust myself, I suppose. 321 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,290 Trust yourself? 322 00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,230 With what? 323 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,600 You know... 324 00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:13,590 You said that you were writing a novel. You know, 325 00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:16,440 I found that kind of amusing, to tell you the truth, 326 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,870 because a novel is about complexity. 327 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,890 It's about contradictions, foibles, human folly. 328 00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:24,730 Not absolutes. 329 00:18:25,910 --> 00:18:27,690 For you, complexity is a problem, 330 00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:30,700 some kind of pathology that needs to be treated. 331 00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:34,070 And you know what I find fucking offensive, to tell you the truth? 332 00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:37,230 That you think I'm blind to a situation as obvious 333 00:18:37,390 --> 00:18:39,460 as erotic transference. 334 00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:47,690 Let me just tell you that I treat Laura with the same integrity, 335 00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:50,540 the same concern, the same rigor 336 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,610 as I treat all my patients. 337 00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,490 I happen to like my patients. 338 00:18:57,020 --> 00:18:58,970 That's the difference between you and me. 339 00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:01,690 I worry about them. I identify with them. 340 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,280 I put myself out for them. You analyze them. 341 00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:09,500 I analyze too, but I empathize. 342 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:17,200 Let me ask you something. I'm just curious about this. 343 00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:22,090 Do you miss 344 00:19:22,690 --> 00:19:23,990 having patients? 345 00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:26,260 Why? 346 00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:29,310 I was never really 100% convinced, 347 00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:32,270 to be honest, that you actually like this process, 348 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,880 the sitting down with a patient. 349 00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:40,820 That's because in your opinion, I have no empathy, and so, 350 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,010 how could I get any satisfaction from it? 351 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:45,880 I'm not saying you don't get satisfaction from it in the same way 352 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,700 that a sail-maker or... 353 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,370 or a chemist gets, 354 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,340 when they practice their craft. But that thing I'm talking about 355 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,710 that exists between a doctor and a patient... 356 00:19:55,870 --> 00:19:58,220 That connection, that buzz... 357 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,490 See, I can't help but connect... 358 00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:05,550 with the person. 359 00:20:06,350 --> 00:20:08,690 That's who I am as a therapist. 360 00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,090 That's my... 361 00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:12,270 reward. 362 00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:26,450 A while ago, before... 363 00:20:26,710 --> 00:20:28,750 Before I started coming here... 364 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:31,720 There was... 365 00:20:32,850 --> 00:20:34,700 There was a session that... 366 00:20:37,350 --> 00:20:38,800 Laura cried. 367 00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:42,900 She'd never actually... 368 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,670 done that before. 369 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,260 That's a kind of a victory, right? It's kind of a milestone for a therapist 370 00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:53,180 when you get the patient to that point where they... 371 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:54,850 Where they cry... 372 00:21:01,850 --> 00:21:04,900 It was different with her. There was something so... 373 00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:09,690 So moving about seeing her just break down like that. 374 00:21:13,910 --> 00:21:15,650 In that moment, I swear, 375 00:21:16,470 --> 00:21:18,440 I could've said, "Fuck it all. 376 00:21:18,850 --> 00:21:20,830 "I just want to be with her." 377 00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:22,900 But I didn't. 378 00:21:23,940 --> 00:21:26,630 I came to you instead. I came especially to you. 379 00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:28,970 I chose you 'cause I thought to myself: 380 00:21:29,230 --> 00:21:31,370 "If Gina can't convince me to... 381 00:21:31,890 --> 00:21:34,930 "to stay away, then how am I gonna convince myself?" 382 00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:44,470 It's really tough when I'm alone with her, you know? 383 00:21:44,910 --> 00:21:47,660 And she's asking me: "Please, just be honest. 384 00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:50,660 "Please, tell me how you feel." 385 00:21:52,460 --> 00:21:53,510 And I can't. 386 00:21:55,790 --> 00:21:58,140 I guess the reason I'm here is because 387 00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,320 I really want to look at this. I want to examine it. 388 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,030 I want to be absolutely clear about this... 389 00:22:06,830 --> 00:22:09,080 One hundred percent, that it's not... 390 00:22:12,730 --> 00:22:13,880 That I'm not... 391 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,650 That you're not what? 392 00:22:24,230 --> 00:22:25,680 You need to say it. 393 00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:28,230 You need to finish the thought. 394 00:22:29,970 --> 00:22:31,420 That what I want... 395 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,070 Isn't, in some way, immoral... 396 00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:39,130 Or... 397 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,160 unethical. 398 00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:44,190 And that it's not abuse, 399 00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:47,170 an abuse of my power as a doctor 400 00:22:47,790 --> 00:22:49,040 with a patient. 401 00:23:07,100 --> 00:23:08,750 I'm not pushing you out. 402 00:23:10,230 --> 00:23:13,070 I'm not running away, no matter what you tell me. 403 00:23:13,230 --> 00:23:16,280 At the institute, 404 00:23:17,070 --> 00:23:20,970 maybe that was hubris on my part. I don't know, it might have been. 405 00:23:22,230 --> 00:23:24,880 But I won't do that now. I won't reject you. 406 00:23:25,380 --> 00:23:27,690 That doesn't mean I'm gonna let you do something 407 00:23:27,850 --> 00:23:30,130 that you'll regret the rest of your life, 408 00:23:30,290 --> 00:23:32,540 not without fighting you every step. 409 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,120 If it's safety you need, 410 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:36,980 this is it. 411 00:23:40,110 --> 00:23:42,880 We've already crossed lines of conduct in this room. 412 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,310 I'm saying that because I want you to know 413 00:23:45,470 --> 00:23:47,310 how far I'm willing to go. 414 00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:50,030 Whatever you tell me, 415 00:23:50,980 --> 00:23:52,360 I'm here for you. 416 00:23:53,740 --> 00:23:55,200 I won't abandon you. 417 00:23:56,570 --> 00:23:57,840 No matter what, 418 00:23:59,890 --> 00:24:00,860 I'm here. 419 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,110 I love her. 420 00:24:12,850 --> 00:24:14,000 I love Laura. 421 00:24:15,060 --> 00:24:18,510 Every word out of her mouth, every move she makes, I just... 422 00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:22,970 I love talking to her, you know? Just listening to her. 423 00:24:26,820 --> 00:24:29,220 I know it's a joke, cliché... 424 00:24:29,790 --> 00:24:32,840 50-year-old married man in love with a 30-year-old. 425 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,790 But I want to be with her 426 00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:37,820 and I don't care what it means. 427 00:24:37,980 --> 00:24:40,030 And I don't care what it costs. 428 00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:41,880 I don't care. 429 00:24:54,350 --> 00:24:55,350 I love her.