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Previously on "In Treatment"...
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We're lying there face to face, petting
each other like high school kids.
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One thing seems perfectly plain to me:
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you slept with my patient.
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He doesn't belong to you.
He's a great guy.
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A little insecure in bed maybe, but
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I think I'm gonna have a tremendous
affair with him.
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Are you saying that when I was fucking
Alex, I was actually fucking you?
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It seems more like,
"look what you missed out on, Paul, you
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coward, you idiot."
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Paul, if there's one thing I've
put right out there without hinting
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or manipulation
it's that I've wanted you.
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There's more intimacy between
us than most couples in the world.
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Isn't that right?
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I don't deny that there's
a certain intimacy.
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Is there intimacy here
or not?
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Yes,
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there is.
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Season 1 - Episode 21
Laura Week Five
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- Synchro : ¤AkaZab¤, Kasius
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I'm sorry.
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Laura, I think that
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we need to discuss
in a little greater detail
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your ending therapy.
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We're not stopping
yet, but in order to do it gradually,
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we have to
create what we call
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a timeline.
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No timeline.
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We're
finishing today.
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Yeah, today.
This is our last session.
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Good.
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Feels good.
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Resolved, I guess.
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I was a little nervous about telling you
but now that that's over, I feel better,
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relieved,
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maybe a little tired.
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And...
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and sad.
How about you?
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How do you feel?
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I'm sorry,
is that not okay for me to ask?
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- No, it's perfectly okay.
- Good, so...
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tell me.
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Well,
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to be honest,
it's come as a bit of a shock.
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Shock.
Well, okay, what else?
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Well,
I feel sad, too.
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Right.
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Yes, I do.
You don't believe me?
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- It just doesn't look that way.
It looks like you're
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holding back this huge sigh of relief,
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this
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huge gulp of air trapped in your lungs.
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See, I'm trained to see that stuff,
remember?
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Monitoring respiration,
that's anesthesiology 101.
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Go ahead,
let it go.
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Exhale.
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No?
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Well...
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maybe I'm a lousy Doctor.
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So how's your week been?
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Don't ask me about my week.
It was terrible.
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How terrible?
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I was in surgery on friday and
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this 15-year-old girl, she
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she had this tumor
on her cheek.
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It was nothing, benign,
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cosmetic.
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And everything's going great,
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right?
Nothing wrong with the anesthetic.
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And my attending gets called
away to consult on a procedure
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and the surgery ended
faster than normal.
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It was simple.
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And I'm left with her
still anesthetized.
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So I called to ask what to do.
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I'd never been in that situation before
with a patient who's never woken up.
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And they told me to
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take her into the recovery room.
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She was still intubated,
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and the attending was supposed
to remove the tube
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when she wakes up.
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She was a sweet girl, Pretty.
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Michelle was her name.
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Before the op, I was talking to her
mom who told me that she'd Been
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asking for this operation
since she was 9,
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they recommended that
she put it off for a while,
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and how she wasn't afraid,
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just wanted this thing gone,
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this Fatty Lump off her Pretty face.
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And then suddenly, she wasn't breathing.
I don't know what happened, Paul.
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I took her into recovery and two
minutes later she was blue. I mean,
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Atcheson, he's the
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senior attending,
he pushed me aside and pounced on her
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with chest compressions.
I had no idea what went wrong, Paul.
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They extubated her, and she was
breathing. Everything was fine.
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It was okay.
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How did you feel
during those
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few minutes when the...
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fantastic,
never better.
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I felt
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like shit.
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I only look competent, Paul, you know.
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White coat, stethoscope, pen in pocket.
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I'm like those Doctors from
the pharmaceutical ads. You know, like,
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hand on hip,
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brow a little furrowed with concern,
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nice smile.
I have a pretty smile, right?
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Do...
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Do you expect that nothing
will ever go wrong with a patient?
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I dropped the ball.
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But is that what the
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attending concluded?
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I mean, couldn't it have been
something else, like,
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I don't know an allergic reaction,
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- a drop in blood.
- It's always my responsibility. Paul.
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Tell me a little bit more about that,
about that girl.
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She had braces.
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And through her surgical cap,
you could see.
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What do they call it?
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The barrettes, little butterflies
pinning back her bangs.
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They were old.
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Must have her mother's or
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from a thrift store or something.
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And she had these
beautiful hands,
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gorgeous hands.
I mean, she's just a girl,
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and she had these hands of a woman,
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very long fingers, Pretty little nails.
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Shit, when I was her
age I used to eat my nails.
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I mean, they were ugly
and stubby and short.
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- Nerves, I guess.
- Why were you nervous?
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Well, it was,
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you know, around the time
that my mother passed away, so...
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And whose responsibility were you then?
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What do you mean?
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Well, who was
taking care of you?
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You mean who was watching my sleep?
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Yeah.
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I wasn't that girl on
the operating table, Paul.
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No, it's just that you told me that when
your mother died, that it was like
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a kind of a death for you too.
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Yeah, but you know what?
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Shit happens.
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Life isn't fair.
What are you going to do, sue god?
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Well, who would you sue?
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You.
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No, suing you wouldn't
do me any good, either.
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That's my problem with psychology, Paul.
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You dig and you dig and you uncover
all sorts of truths about yourself,
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and you touch on all sorts of painful
places, but what good does it do, Paul?
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I'm serious. I'm not being cynical.
What good does it do me today
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to know how much I suffered then?
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I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself.
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I fucking hate feeling sorry for myself.
That's one of the things I hate.
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What else do you hate?
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There's a long list.
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Well, for example.
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- Omelets.
- Omelets.
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Omelets and all sort of eggs,
but mostly omelets.
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That's was the thing my father and I ate
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the entire year after
my mother passed away.
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I still have flashbacks,
but from behind, you know?
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I'm standing at the stove and I'm
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I'm breaking eggs into a frying pan.
Everything's very quiet, no talking.
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My dad's just sitting there
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reading the news paper
or something and I'm just...
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beating the eggs with a fork.
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Sometimes he wouldn't even be reading
the newspaper. He would just be
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sitting there with a vacant look,
in a daze.
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I used to.
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I'd fantasize that he'd disappear.
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Such a terrible thing to say.
It's not that I wanted him to die.
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I just didn't want to
continue living like that.
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Everything was so bleak, so suffocating.
I just didn't want to be there.
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So then...
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Then you went to California.
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- Yeah.
- So you stayed there for a while.
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How was it coming back home after
spending that
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time with David and Celia?
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Well, you know, you have plans,
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full of beans.
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I thought, "shit,
I can make him feel better. I can."
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But I couldn't.
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That house was like a black hole
that just
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sucked me in.
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Anyway, I
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I saw David again six months later.
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He came to the DC area
to try some big case.
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He was stayed for a while,
a few months.
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I thought you said
you never saw him again.
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I never saw them again,
but I saw him.
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He used to have a room
at the Hay-Adams,
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but occasionally,
he'd stay over at our house.
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He didn't have a car,
so when it got late he'd stay.
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He always offered to take a cab
back into town,
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but my dad refused
since he was...
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so hospitable to me
during the summer.
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I mean, he was lonely.
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But he wasn't the same David,
you know,
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with the Ray-Bans and the sunblock
and the surfboard.
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00:11:52,708 --> 00:11:55,296
He was this lawyer guy with...
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a three-piece suit,
an expensive haircut
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and a middle-aged pot belly,
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not that there's anything wrong
with a pot belly.
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00:12:12,818 --> 00:12:15,555
Anyway, he came to our house
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for dinner the first night
he was in town.
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00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,610
My brother Oliver was away at college,
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00:12:21,535 --> 00:12:24,602
so it was just the three of us,
one big happy family,
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00:12:25,509 --> 00:12:27,227
my dad, David and I.
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00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:32,045
What was that like,
sitting there with...
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00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:35,723
these extremes,
your father on one side and...
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00:12:37,113 --> 00:12:40,168
Nick Nolte with a pot belly
sitting on the other side?
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00:12:40,288 --> 00:12:42,294
- What was that like?
- At first,
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00:12:42,815 --> 00:12:44,416
self-conscious, I guess.
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00:12:46,508 --> 00:12:48,978
You know how you always feel
more like a kid
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00:12:49,098 --> 00:12:51,848
when your parents are around?
That happened.
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00:12:54,637 --> 00:12:57,443
I remember slurping up spaghetti,
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00:12:57,563 --> 00:13:01,113
trying really hard not to let
the noodles drip down my chin.
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00:13:03,438 --> 00:13:06,834
Later, I guess,
I wasn't as self-conscious.
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00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:09,595
Why?
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00:13:15,437 --> 00:13:17,554
Later, after David and I made love.
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00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:25,446
I seduced him.
221
00:13:29,649 --> 00:13:31,084
Have you read Lolita?
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00:13:31,505 --> 00:13:32,508
Sure.
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00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:37,299
It's amazing, because pretty much
the same thing happened to me.
224
00:13:44,764 --> 00:13:48,372
That night when he came over for dinner,
my dad was still at work.
225
00:13:50,825 --> 00:13:52,421
So we sat on the porch...
226
00:13:54,317 --> 00:13:55,494
and caught up.
227
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,021
I was painting my toenails.
228
00:14:01,281 --> 00:14:05,131
And it became pretty clear
that he and Celia were having problems,
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00:14:05,390 --> 00:14:09,340
He said just as much, which is
why she hadn't joined him on the trip.
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00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:14,221
So we were just sitting
on the porch swing.
231
00:14:15,174 --> 00:14:17,624
I was on one side.
He was on the other.
232
00:14:19,253 --> 00:14:20,903
And I was resting my...
233
00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:24,451
legs on his to dry my nails.
234
00:14:26,222 --> 00:14:28,623
And he was just asking about me,
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00:14:29,796 --> 00:14:32,109
what was going on with me,
I started telling him about
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00:14:32,229 --> 00:14:33,584
the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
237
00:14:34,698 --> 00:14:36,348
God, I was so into them.
238
00:14:36,947 --> 00:14:39,202
When you're writing down the lyrics
239
00:14:39,322 --> 00:14:40,772
and analyzing them,
240
00:14:41,038 --> 00:14:43,788
and I started singing
at the top of my lungs.
241
00:14:47,328 --> 00:14:49,450
And David joined in,
we were so bad.
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00:14:49,593 --> 00:14:51,528
I mean, we were screaming it.
243
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,278
And then I felt his hardness...
244
00:14:58,181 --> 00:14:59,331
under my foot.
245
00:15:02,823 --> 00:15:04,981
And we we're just rocking in the swing,
246
00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:07,451
the rhythm of it starts to take over.
247
00:15:08,804 --> 00:15:11,154
And I'm just rubbing him with my foot,
248
00:15:11,881 --> 00:15:14,333
although I've never done that
before in my life. Never.
249
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,830
I had on this little skirt
with these little flowers.
250
00:15:20,425 --> 00:15:23,075
And he pushed up
my skirt with his finger.
251
00:15:25,311 --> 00:15:27,261
And his finger just started...
252
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:31,217
climbing further and further
up my thigh.
253
00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:36,800
Then we see my father's Volvo
coming down the street,
254
00:15:37,292 --> 00:15:39,042
so we ran over to help him
255
00:15:40,051 --> 00:15:42,356
with the groceries.
And I remember laughing so hard
256
00:15:42,476 --> 00:15:45,963
because David was carrying his bag
of groceries in front of his hard-on.
257
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:48,996
We were just cracking up like teenagers.
258
00:15:52,466 --> 00:15:55,116
He stayed over that night
in Oliver's room.
259
00:15:57,293 --> 00:15:59,992
Around 1:00 in the morning,
I got up 'cause I couldn't sleep,
260
00:16:00,112 --> 00:16:01,313
I walked down...
261
00:16:01,797 --> 00:16:05,050
the corridor in the house. Oliver's room
was at the back of the house.
262
00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:08,321
And I saw his light on.
263
00:16:08,871 --> 00:16:12,324
The door was open,
and he was waiting for me.
264
00:16:17,757 --> 00:16:19,879
And we made love.
It was lovely.
265
00:16:21,874 --> 00:16:23,723
During the two months
he was in town,
266
00:16:23,843 --> 00:16:26,248
we made love almost every day,
mostly in the mornings
267
00:16:26,368 --> 00:16:28,784
when my dad went to work,
but occasionally,
268
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:32,054
if he didn't have to be in court
until the afternoon,
269
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,103
I'd play hooky.
270
00:16:34,603 --> 00:16:36,707
Sometimes I'd go to his fancy hotel.
271
00:16:38,861 --> 00:16:40,836
I felt very important and grown-up
272
00:16:42,074 --> 00:16:45,224
walking through that lobby
in my mother's high heels.
273
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,170
Did you ever feel that this man...
274
00:16:59,236 --> 00:17:02,323
That David was taking advantage of you?
275
00:17:04,450 --> 00:17:07,154
He wasn't taking advantage of me.
I'm telling you. I seduced him.
276
00:17:08,846 --> 00:17:12,531
Lolita seduces Humbert
in the novel and she's only 12.
277
00:17:14,981 --> 00:17:16,497
You disapprove, obviously.
278
00:17:17,648 --> 00:17:18,671
Yes, I do.
279
00:17:19,658 --> 00:17:21,812
What's the matter?
You're making a judgment on me.
280
00:17:21,932 --> 00:17:24,882
You're allowing yourself
to stray from the rules.
281
00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:29,592
Gosh, it's too bad
you weren't like this before,
282
00:17:29,712 --> 00:17:33,639
- willing to say what's on your mind.
- You never told me this before.
283
00:17:36,076 --> 00:17:39,783
It's our last session so I thought
it was only right you to tell you.
284
00:17:41,346 --> 00:17:44,927
Remember I told you that the guy
from debate society was my first?
285
00:17:49,116 --> 00:17:50,447
David was my first.
286
00:17:53,857 --> 00:17:55,131
And I'm sorry.
287
00:17:57,814 --> 00:17:59,122
What are you sorry for?
288
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:02,012
For lying to you.
289
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,606
I wasn't a victim.
Don't look at me like that.
290
00:18:10,726 --> 00:18:12,229
- I wasn't a victim.
- Really?
291
00:18:12,349 --> 00:18:13,799
I got into his bed.
292
00:18:14,339 --> 00:18:16,827
He was a 40-year-old man,
for Christ's sake.
293
00:18:19,023 --> 00:18:21,589
He had a responsibility
to send you away.
294
00:18:23,708 --> 00:18:25,202
He was very gentle.
295
00:18:25,322 --> 00:18:28,402
Gentle or not, it is beside the point.
He was 40 years.
296
00:18:28,522 --> 00:18:31,972
He had a moral responsibility.
He should have known better.
297
00:18:33,131 --> 00:18:34,881
Let me ask you something.
298
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,675
Do you feel...
299
00:18:38,494 --> 00:18:41,137
Do you feel any anger towards this man?
300
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,789
It's not such a big deal.
301
00:18:45,229 --> 00:18:47,779
He didn't hurt me.
It didn't hurt at all.
302
00:18:48,138 --> 00:18:50,215
- It wasn't rape.
- Where was your father
303
00:18:50,779 --> 00:18:52,130
during all this?
304
00:18:55,087 --> 00:18:56,598
He was asleep in the next room.
305
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:59,235
But during the two months
that David was...
306
00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:03,298
visiting, your father
had no idea what was going on?
307
00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:06,502
He was depressed and grieving.
308
00:19:08,512 --> 00:19:10,881
It hadn't even been a year
since my mother passed away.
309
00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:13,133
He needed someone to protect him,
and guess who?
310
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,592
I understand that,
311
00:19:14,712 --> 00:19:17,618
but children aren't supposed
to take care of their parents.
312
00:19:17,738 --> 00:19:21,018
It's a burden that no child deserves.
313
00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:25,330
Do you feel any anger
towards your father
314
00:19:27,352 --> 00:19:29,976
for not being there to protect you,
315
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:31,954
for not noticing?
316
00:19:34,915 --> 00:19:36,148
No resentment?
317
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:43,602
Let's just say you could talk
to your father now.
318
00:19:43,851 --> 00:19:45,601
What would you say to him?
319
00:19:46,758 --> 00:19:48,204
I have nothing to say to him.
320
00:19:48,324 --> 00:19:51,109
But just imagine for a moment
if you were face to face
321
00:19:51,718 --> 00:19:52,933
and you were...
322
00:19:53,889 --> 00:19:56,657
talking about this incident.
323
00:19:57,355 --> 00:19:59,326
What do you think you might say to him?
324
00:19:59,593 --> 00:20:01,741
Have you ever spoken
to your father in that way?
325
00:20:01,861 --> 00:20:02,913
I wish I could.
326
00:20:03,155 --> 00:20:06,458
Because you can't talk to your father,
you're asking me to talk to mine?
327
00:20:06,730 --> 00:20:08,126
That's not what I'm saying.
328
00:20:08,825 --> 00:20:10,128
I think it's important
329
00:20:10,517 --> 00:20:13,662
that you talk to your father about this
330
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:17,402
while it's still possible,
not for his sake,
331
00:20:19,588 --> 00:20:20,738
but for yours.
332
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,476
Can I have something
to drink other than water?
333
00:20:31,466 --> 00:20:33,016
Do you have any soda?
334
00:20:40,171 --> 00:20:42,814
So this is the famous
coffee machine, huh?
335
00:20:42,998 --> 00:20:45,521
Alex's famous coffee machine, yeah.
336
00:20:45,641 --> 00:20:46,991
How do you use it?
337
00:20:51,266 --> 00:20:52,266
Excuse me.
338
00:20:57,660 --> 00:20:59,647
He's such a coffee freak...
339
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,430
It's the best smell, don't you think?
340
00:21:14,908 --> 00:21:17,279
You know that this thing
with me and Alex is over.
341
00:21:18,618 --> 00:21:19,621
I ended it.
342
00:21:22,341 --> 00:21:23,691
Are you relieved?
343
00:21:31,002 --> 00:21:32,528
Jesus, look at you.
344
00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:36,279
How can you live like this?
345
00:21:36,857 --> 00:21:39,828
Can't you just say
or do something on impulse?
346
00:21:52,498 --> 00:21:55,066
You know that I connected
that girl to the wrong tube.
347
00:22:00,115 --> 00:22:02,065
I inflated her like a balloon.
348
00:22:03,128 --> 00:22:05,622
And I almost killed her,
and you know why?
349
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,750
Because I was thinking about you.
350
00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:17,644
And I realized what an insane effect
you're having on me.
351
00:22:19,211 --> 00:22:20,386
It has to stop.
352
00:22:31,649 --> 00:22:33,754
We can continue
to talk about this if you want.
353
00:22:33,874 --> 00:22:36,399
All of a sudden you're very generous
with your time.
354
00:22:42,112 --> 00:22:44,128
For months
I spent the week thinking
355
00:22:44,248 --> 00:22:45,972
"It'll be this Monday.
356
00:22:47,146 --> 00:22:49,871
"I'll tell him that I love him,
he'll tell me he loves me,
357
00:22:50,853 --> 00:22:54,203
"and the session won't be 50 minutes.
It'll go forever."
358
00:22:58,055 --> 00:23:01,293
But then Monday would come
and I wouldn't dare say anything.
359
00:23:02,511 --> 00:23:06,180
And the session would end,
I would just walk out of here thinking
360
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:07,516
"Fuck!
361
00:23:09,276 --> 00:23:11,226
"I didn't say anything again.
362
00:23:12,832 --> 00:23:16,246
"Now I have to wait a whole
other week for my life to begin."
363
00:23:22,072 --> 00:23:23,635
I can't continue.
364
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,430
Every minute here is tearing me apart.