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Previously on In Treatment.
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We're lying face to face,
petting each other like high school kids.
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One thing seems perfectly plain to me,
you slept with my patient.
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He doesn't belong to you.
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He's a great guy.
A little insecure in bed, maybe,
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but I think I'll have a great affair with him.
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Are you saying that when I was fucking Alex,
I was fucking you?
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It seems more like, "Look what
you missed out on, Paul, you coward, you idiot."
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Paul, if there's one thing that I put right out there
without hinting or manipulation,
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it's that I've wanted you.
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There is more intimacy between us
than most couples in the world!
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Isn't that right?
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Laura, i don't deny that as a certain intimacy ...
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Is there intimacy here, or not?
Laura, i don't deny that as a certain intimacy ...
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Is there intimacy here, or not?
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Yes. There is.
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Season 1 - Episode 21
Laura Week Five
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Synced and corrected by:
GhostedNet
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Sorry.
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Laura, I think that, um...
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we need to discuss
in a little greater detail, uh...
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your ending therapy.
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We're... we're not stopping yet,
but in order to do it gradually,
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we have to create
what we call a timeline.
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No timeline. We're finishing today.
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(Sniffs)
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Yeah, today.
This is, uh, our last session.
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Good.
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Feels good.
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Resolved, I guess.
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I was a little nervous about telling you,
but now that that's over, I feel better, relieved.
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(Sighs) Maybe a little tired.
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And, uh...
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And sad. How about you?
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How do you feel?
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Oh oh, I'm sorry, is that not OK for me to ask?
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- No, it's perfectly OK.
- Oh, good, so, um...
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Tell me.
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Well, to be honest,
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it's... it's come as a bit of a shock.
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Shocked. Well, OK, what else?
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- Right.
- Yes, I do. You don't believe me?
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It just doesn't look that way. It looks like
you're holding back this huge sigh of relief,
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this huge gulp of air trapped in your lungs.
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See, I'm trained to see that stuff,
remember?
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Monitoring respiration,
that's anaesthesiology 101.
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Go ahead, let it go.
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Exhale.
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No?
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Well...
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Maybe I'm a lousy doctor.
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So how's your week been?
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Don't ask me about my week.
It was terrible.
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- How terrible?
- (Sighs)
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I was in surgery on Friday and, um...
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this 15-year-old girl,
she had this tumour on her cheek.
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It was nothing, benign, cosmetic.
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And everything's going great.
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Nothing wrong with the anaesthetic.
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And my attending gets
called away to consult on a procedure
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and the surgery ended
faster than normal.
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It was simple.
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And I'm left with her still anaesthetised.
So I called to ask what to do.
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I've never been before
with a patient who's never woken up.
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They told me to take her
into the recovery room.
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She was still intubated, and the attending
is supposed to remove the tube
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when she wakes up.
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She was a sweet girl, pretty.
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Michelle was her name.
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Before the op,
I, uh, was talking to her mom
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who told me that she'd been asking
for this operation since she was nine.
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They recommended
that she put it off for a while, and...
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But she wasn't afraid,
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just wanted this thing gone, this...
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fatty lump off her pretty face.
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(Sighs)
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And then suddenly, she wasn't breathing.
I don't know what happened Paul, I...
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I took her into recovery
and two minutes later she was blue, i mean ...
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Atcheson, he's the senior attending,
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he pounced on her with chest compressions.
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I had no idea what went wrong, Paul, i ...
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They extubated her and she was breathing.
Everything was fine. It was OK.
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Oh.
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How did you feel...
in those few minutes when the...
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Fantastic, never better.
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I fe... felt like shit.
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I only look competent, Paul, you know,
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white coat, stethoscope, pen in pocket.
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I'm like those, uh, doctors
from the pharmaceutical ads, you know? like ...
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Hand on hip,
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brow a little furrowed with concern.
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Nice smile. I have a pretty smile, right?
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Mm-hm.
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Do... you expect that nothing will ever
go wrong with a patient?
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I dropped the ball. I...
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But is... is that what the...
the attending concluded?
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I mean, couldn't it have
been something else, like a...
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A non allergic reaction, a drop in blood...
- It's always my responsibility, Paul.
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Tell me a little more about that, um...
about that girl.
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She had braces.
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And through her surgical cap,
you could see, um...
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What do they call it?
The barrette,
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little butterfly pinning back her bangs.
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They were old.
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Must have been her mother's
or from a thrift store or something.
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And she had these, um,
beautiful hands, gorgeous hands.
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I mean, she's just a girl
and she had these hands of a... of a woman.
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Hm.
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Very long fingers, pretty little nails.
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I mean, shit, when I was her age
I used to eat my nails.
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They were ugly and stubby and short and...
Nerves, I guess.
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Why were you nervous?
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Well, it was, you know, around the time
that my mother passed away, so...
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Mm.
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And whose responsibility were you then?
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What do you mean?
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Well, who was taking care of you?
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You mean who was watching my sleep?
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Yeah.
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I wasn't that girl on the operating table, Paul.
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It's just you told me
that when your mother died,
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that it was like...
a kind of a death for you too.
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Yeah, but you know what?
Shit happens.
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Life isn't fair.
What are you going to do, sue God?
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Well, who would you sue?
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(Laughs) You.
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No, suing you
wouldn't do me any good either.
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That's my problem with psychology, Paul.
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You dig and you uncover
all sorts of truths about yourself,
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and you touch on all sorts
of painful places.
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But what good does it do, Paul?
I'm serious. I'm not being cynical.
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What good does it do me today
to know how much I suffered then?
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I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself.
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(Sighs)
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I'm gonna hate feeling sorry for myself.
That's one of the things I hate.
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- What else do you hate?
- Ah, there's a long list.
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Well, for example?
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- Omelettes.
- Omelettes.
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Omelettes and all sorts of eggs,
but mostly omelettes.
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That was the thing
that my father and I ate
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the entire year
after my mother passed away.
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I still have flashbacks,
but from behind, you know, and ...
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I'm standing at the stove
and I'm breaking eggs into a frying pan and ...
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Everything's very quiet, no talking and...
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my dad's just sitting there
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reading the newspaper
or something and I'm just... shh, shh, shh...
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beating the eggs with a fork.
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Sometimes he wouldn't even be reading
the newspaper. He would just be...
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sitting there with a vacant look, in a daze.
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I used to...
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I'd fantasise that he'd disappear.
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It's such a terrible thing to say,
It's not that I wanted him to die,
I just didn't want to continue living like that.
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(Paul) Mm.
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Everything was so suffocating.
I just didn't want to be there.
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Mm.
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So then...
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Then you went to California.
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- Yeah.
- You stayed there for a while and ...
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How was it coming back home
after spending that time
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with David and Celia?
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Well, you know, you have plans,
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full of beans.
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I thought,
"Shit, I can make him feel better. I can."
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But I couldn't.
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That house was like a black hole
that just sucked me in.
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Anyway, I, um...
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I saw David again six months later.
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Oh?
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Yeah, he came to the DC area
to try some big case.
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He stayed for a while, a few months.
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Mm. I thought you said
you never saw him again.
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Well, I never saw them again,
but I... I ... I saw him.
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He used to have a room
at the Hay-Adams and...
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00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:31,930
But occasionally,
he'd, you know, stay over at our house.
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He didn't have a car,
so when it got late he'd stay.
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He always, you know,
offered to take a cab back into town, but ...
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My dad refused
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since he was...
so hospitable to me
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during the summer.
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I mean, he was Ionely.
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But he wasn't the same David, you know,
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with the Ray-Bans and the sun block
and the surfboard.
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He was this... this lawyer guy with a...
three-piece suit, an expensive haircut.
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00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,170
And a middle-aged pot belly.
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00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,550
Not that there's anything
wrong with a pot belly.
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Anyway, he, um...
he came to our house
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for... for dinner
the first night he was in town.
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00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:26,290
My brother Oliver
was away at college, and...
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00:12:27,060 --> 00:12:28,610
so it was just the three of us.
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One big happy family.
193
00:12:30,820 --> 00:12:33,200
My dad, David and I.
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00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,660
What was that like, sitting there with...
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00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,310
these extremes,
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00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,740
your father on one side and...
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00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,390
Nick Nolte with a pot belly
sitting on the other side?
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00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,820
- What was that like?
- At first, well...
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00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:50,050
self-conscious, I guess.
200
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,360
You know how you always
feel more like a kid
201
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,110
when your parents are around?
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00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,510
That happened.
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00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:03,250
I remember slurping up spaghetti,
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trying really hard not to let the noodles
drip down my chin.
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00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:12,290
Later, I guess I wasn't as self-conscious.
206
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,610
Oh, why?
207
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,170
(Sighs)
208
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,560
Later, after David and I made love.
209
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:31,290
I seduced him.
210
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:35,050
(Laura sighs)
211
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,330
- Have you read Lolita?
- Sure.
212
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,190
It's amazing because, uh,
213
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,670
pretty much the same thing happened to me.
214
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:54,360
That night when he came over for dinner,
my dad was still at work.
215
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,650
So we sat on the porch and...
216
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:01,850
you know, caught up.
217
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:05,570
I was painting my toenails.
218
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,550
And it became pretty clear that he and Celia
were having problems, i mean ...
219
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,720
He said just as much,
which is why she hadn't joined him on the trip.
220
00:14:16,780 --> 00:14:20,730
So we were just sitting
on the porch... swing.
221
00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:23,290
I was on one side.
He was on the other.
222
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:29,410
And I was resting my legs
on his to dry my nails.
223
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,830
And he was just asking about me,
224
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:39,610
what was going on with me, and I started
telling him about the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
225
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,570
God, I was so into them.
226
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:46,530
At that stage where you're writing down
the lyrics and analysing them and...
227
00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:48,810
and I started singing
at the top of my lungs.
228
00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:52,400
(Singing Under The Bridge)
229
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:54,570
And David joined in
and we were so bad.
230
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:57,000
I mean, we were screaming it.
231
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,350
And then I felt his hardness
232
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,390
under my foot.
233
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,230
And we're just rocking in the swing and...
234
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,660
the rhythm of it starts to take over.
235
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:17,050
And I'm just rubbing him with my foot,
236
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,350
although I've never done
that before in my life, never, never.
237
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,550
I had on this little skirt
with these little flowers.
238
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,390
And he pushed up my skirt
with his finger.
239
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:33,770
And his finger just started...
240
00:15:33,820 --> 00:15:37,570
climbing further
and further up my thigh.
241
00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:42,490
Then we see my father's Volvo
coming down the street,
242
00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:45,850
so we ran over to help him
with the groceries.
243
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,490
And I remember laughing so hard
244
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:51,530
because David was carrying
his bag of groceries in front of his hard-on.
245
00:15:51,580 --> 00:15:54,960
We were just cracking up like teenagers.
246
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:01,090
And he stayed over that night
in Oliver's room.
247
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,110
At around one o'clock in the morning,
I got up cos I couldn't sleep,
248
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,070
and I walked down the corridor
in the house.
249
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,150
Oliver's room was
at the back of the house and...
250
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,530
and I saw this light on.
251
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:16,850
And the door was open, and ...
252
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:18,930
He was waiting for me.
253
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:21,810
David.
254
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:25,890
And we made love.
It was... it was lovely.
255
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:31,060
And during the two months that he was in town,
we made love almost every day,
256
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:33,440
Mostly in the mornings when my dad went to work,
257
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:37,200
but occasionally if he didn't have
to be in court until the afternoon,
258
00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:40,170
I'd play hooky.
259
00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:42,490
Sometimes I'd go to his fancy hotel.
260
00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:46,450
I felt very important and grown-up...
261
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:50,850
walking through that lobby
in my mother's high heels.
262
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:56,930
(Sighs)
263
00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,330
(Paul) Um...
264
00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:04,810
Did you ever feel that this man,
265
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:08,210
that David was...
was taking advantage of you?
266
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:13,290
He wasn't taking advantage of me.
I'm telling you. I seduced him.
267
00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:19,330
Well, Lolita seduces Humbert Humbert
in the novel and she's only 12.
268
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,280
Well, you disapprove, obviously.
269
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,590
Yes, I do.
270
00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:27,320
What's the matter?
You're making a judgment on me.
271
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,270
You're allowing yourself
to stray from the rules.
272
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,990
Gosh it's too bad you weren't like this before,
273
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,990
- willing to say what's on your mind.
- Well, you never told me this before.
274
00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:45,530
It's our last session
so I thought it was only right to tell you.
275
00:17:46,740 --> 00:17:50,730
Remember I told you that the guy
from the debate society was my first?
276
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,310
Yes.
277
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,020
Well, David was my first.
278
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,710
And I'm sorry.
279
00:18:03,260 --> 00:18:05,010
And what are you sorry for?
280
00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:08,530
For lying to you.
281
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:17,340
I wasn't a victim, Paul.
Don't look at me like that. I wasn't a victim.
282
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,780
- Really?
- I got into his bed.
283
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,510
He was a 40-year-old man,
for Christ's sake.
284
00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:27,690
He had a responsibility
to send you away.
285
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:32,610
He was .. He was very gentle with me.
- Whether he was gentle or not is beside the point.
286
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:35,650
He was 40 years old.
He had a moral responsibility.
287
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,930
He should have known better.
288
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,350
Let me ask you something.
289
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,350
Do you feel...
290
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,740
Do you feel any anger
towards this man, towards David?
291
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,360
Look, Paul, it's not such a big deal.
292
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:53,690
He didn't hurt me. It didn't hurt at all.
293
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:57,970
- It wasn't rape.
- Where was your father during all this?
294
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:02,010
(Sighs)
He was asleep in the next room.
295
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:05,130
Yes, but during the two months
that David was...
296
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,150
visiting, your father had no idea
what was going on?
297
00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:12,610
He was depressed and grieving.
298
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:16,250
It hadn't even been a year
since my mother passed away.
299
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,660
He needed someone to protect him,
and guess who?
300
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:19,880
Yes I understand that,
301
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,430
but children aren't supposed
to take care of their parents.
302
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,910
It's a burden that no child deserves.
303
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:31,330
Do you feel any anger
towards your father...
304
00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,930
for not being there to protect you,
305
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,270
for not noticing?
306
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,270
No resentment?
307
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:49,450
OK, let's just say you could talk
to your father now.
308
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,890
What would you say to him?
309
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:53,730
I have nothing to say to him.
310
00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:56,610
But just imagine for a moment
if you were face to face...
311
00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:59,700
and you were...
312
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,290
talking about this incident.
313
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,090
What ... what do you think you might say to him?
314
00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:07,130
Have you ever spoken
to your father in that way?
315
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,580
I wish I could.
316
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:11,380
Oh, so because you can't talk to your father,
you're asking me to talk to mine?
317
00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:11,930
(Paul) "That's n ..., no that's not what I'm saying Laura"
Oh, so because you can't talk to your father,
you're asking me to talk to mine?
318
00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:14,200
(Paul) "That's n ..., no that's not what I'm saying Laura"
319
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,200
I think it's important
320
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:21,390
that you talk to your father about this
while it's still possible.
321
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,020
Not for his sake...
322
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:27,600
but for yours.
323
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,910
Yeah?
324
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,150
Can I have something to drink...
other than water?
325
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,710
- Sure.
- Do you have any soda?
326
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:48,340
So this is the famous
coffee machine, huh?
327
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:50,740
Alex's famous coffee machine, yeah.
328
00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:53,080
How do you use it?
329
00:20:53,130 --> 00:20:54,520
Um...
330
00:20:56,770 --> 00:20:58,960
(Whispers) Excuse me.
331
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,960
- He's such a coffee freak, Alex.
- Uh-huh.
332
00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:10,220
It's the best smell, don't you think?
333
00:21:20,450 --> 00:21:23,010
You know that this thing
with me and Alex is over.
334
00:21:24,090 --> 00:21:26,000
I ended it.
335
00:21:28,110 --> 00:21:30,700
- Are you relieved?
- (Sighs)
336
00:21:36,390 --> 00:21:39,020
Jesus, Paul, look at you.
337
00:21:39,570 --> 00:21:42,480
How can you... how can you live like this?
338
00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:46,200
Can't you just say
or... or do something on impulse?
339
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:51,800
(Sighs)
340
00:21:58,090 --> 00:22:01,200
You know that I connected that girl
to the wrong tube.
341
00:22:05,710 --> 00:22:08,620
I inflated her like a balloon.
342
00:22:08,670 --> 00:22:11,230
And I almost killed her,
and you know why?
343
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:17,880
Because I was thinking about you.
344
00:22:19,970 --> 00:22:23,590
And I realised what an insane effect
you're having on me and I...
345
00:22:25,070 --> 00:22:27,060
It has to stop.
346
00:22:34,790 --> 00:22:36,500
Laura.
347
00:22:36,850 --> 00:22:39,440
Laura we can continue
to talk about this if you want.
348
00:22:39,490 --> 00:22:43,000
All of a sudden you're very generous
with your time.
349
00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:52,660
You know, for months I spent the week thinking,
"It'll be this Monday.
350
00:22:52,710 --> 00:22:56,180
"I'll tell him that I love him
and he'll tell me that he loves me,
351
00:22:56,230 --> 00:22:59,260
"and the session won't be 50 minutes,
it'll go forever."
352
00:23:03,650 --> 00:23:07,840
But then Monday would come
and I wouldn't dare say anything.
353
00:23:07,890 --> 00:23:11,480
And the session would end
and I would just walk out of here thinking,
354
00:23:12,030 --> 00:23:14,020
"Fuck!
355
00:23:14,790 --> 00:23:17,170
"I didn't say anything again.
356
00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:22,900
"Now I have to wait a whole other week
for my life to begin."
357
00:23:27,650 --> 00:23:30,030
I can't continue, Paul.
358
00:23:31,790 --> 00:23:34,380
Every minute here is tearing me apart.
359
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:38,800
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