1 00:00:00,627 --> 00:00:01,569 Okay, everyone. 2 00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:04,873 Look in your folders. You will find information about founder's week. 3 00:00:04,885 --> 00:00:06,198 And before we start brainstorming, 4 00:00:06,210 --> 00:00:08,533 I just wanna thank Ron for lending us his cabin. 5 00:00:08,569 --> 00:00:09,431 Lending? 6 00:00:09,450 --> 00:00:11,400 Makes it sound like I had a choice in the matter. 7 00:00:11,425 --> 00:00:14,729 I never should've agreed to this or let you know that I have a cabin 8 00:00:14,822 --> 00:00:16,674 or gotten to know any of you. 9 00:00:16,692 --> 00:00:17,780 That's the spirit. 10 00:00:17,827 --> 00:00:20,960 Founder's week is a yearly celebration of all things Pawnee. 11 00:00:20,995 --> 00:00:22,695 We've got a pie-eating contest, 12 00:00:22,707 --> 00:00:23,951 a giant petting zoo, 13 00:00:23,976 --> 00:00:25,643 and the granddaddy of them all, 14 00:00:25,669 --> 00:00:27,269 the founder's week parade. 15 00:00:27,307 --> 00:00:28,588 I don't wanna over-hype it, 16 00:00:28,619 --> 00:00:31,152 but our parade makes the rose bowl parade 17 00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:33,221 look like a turds-on-wheels convention. 18 00:00:33,282 --> 00:00:34,388 Let's do an exercise. 19 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,839 April, what makes Pawnee the best city in the world? 20 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,386 Easy: Most murders per capita. 21 00:00:39,398 --> 00:00:41,388 The guillotine was invented here. 22 00:00:41,413 --> 00:00:43,632 City Hall is run by the walrus mafia. 23 00:00:43,656 --> 00:00:46,560 Donna, help me out. What makes Pawnee so great? 24 00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:47,695 Cost of living is cheap. 25 00:00:47,701 --> 00:00:49,414 In about three years, I will have saved enough 26 00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:51,452 to pay off my condo in Seattle. 27 00:00:51,478 --> 00:00:53,155 You have a condo in Seattle? 28 00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:55,199 Yes, I like the rain and the fish markets. 29 00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:56,498 Guys, we need to focus. 30 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:58,911 I want this to be the best founder's week ever, okay? 31 00:00:58,947 --> 00:01:02,966 - No more distractions. - I'm bored. 32 00:01:02,990 --> 00:01:04,615 Let's go have sex in a tree. 33 00:01:04,817 --> 00:01:06,124 He'll be back in eight minutes. 34 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,899 Why did you have to bring her here? 35 00:01:07,931 --> 00:01:09,579 I don't really have any power in this relationship. 36 00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:10,872 I'll think of ideas in the tree. 37 00:01:10,906 --> 00:01:13,197 Anyone's welcome to join us in the tree! 38 00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:26,816 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 39 00:01:34,185 --> 00:01:36,147 Really? 40 00:01:36,708 --> 00:01:38,767 Okay. Thank you. 41 00:01:39,102 --> 00:01:40,593 Bye. 42 00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:42,849 You okay? 43 00:01:43,346 --> 00:01:44,279 Yeah, I'm fine. 44 00:01:44,315 --> 00:01:45,612 Good morning, 45 00:01:45,631 --> 00:01:48,127 colleagues, co-workers, friends. 46 00:01:48,207 --> 00:01:50,143 Everyone feeling normal... 47 00:01:50,612 --> 00:01:51,443 today? 48 00:01:51,473 --> 00:01:52,359 Here's what happened. 49 00:01:52,397 --> 00:01:54,162 I left my sweat shirt at Ron's cabin. 50 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:57,901 When I went back to get it, I found this in the trash: 51 00:01:57,973 --> 00:01:59,842 Positive pregnancy test. 52 00:02:00,238 --> 00:02:02,250 Side note: I accidentally threw my sweat shirt away. 53 00:02:02,275 --> 00:02:03,936 That's why I was digging through the trash. 54 00:02:03,975 --> 00:02:05,594 Found that too. Pretty cool. 55 00:02:05,635 --> 00:02:07,434 So if my science is correct, 56 00:02:07,452 --> 00:02:10,701 one of the five women who were at the cabin-- 57 00:02:10,727 --> 00:02:15,240 Leslie, Donna, Ann, Mona-Lisa, or April-- 58 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,865 is pregnant! 59 00:02:16,934 --> 00:02:18,415 Can't be April. 60 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:19,643 She would've told me. 61 00:02:19,692 --> 00:02:22,052 That leaves four suspects. 62 00:02:22,712 --> 00:02:24,729 There's only one man for this job: 63 00:02:25,127 --> 00:02:27,952 Bert Macklin, FBI. 64 00:02:28,049 --> 00:02:29,550 They said I was retired. 65 00:02:29,568 --> 00:02:32,543 They said I was too dangerous for the Pawnee Police Department. 66 00:02:32,601 --> 00:02:34,315 Turns out they were right... 67 00:02:34,477 --> 00:02:35,765 and wrong. 68 00:02:35,786 --> 00:02:37,496 Macklin, 69 00:02:37,627 --> 00:02:39,627 you son of a bitch. 70 00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:41,987 Hello, fellow Pawneeans. 71 00:02:42,018 --> 00:02:44,085 As you know, the founder's week festivities 72 00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:45,160 kick off tomorrow. 73 00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:46,577 Um, one small announcement: 74 00:02:46,595 --> 00:02:48,385 Due to a tragic misunderstanding, 75 00:02:48,397 --> 00:02:50,516 the prettiest pig beauty pageant 76 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:54,307 has been replaced by a pork rib barbecue competition. 77 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:55,945 Oh, no. 78 00:02:55,982 --> 00:02:57,582 But on to less grisly news, 79 00:02:57,701 --> 00:03:01,321 thank you for participating in our special founder's week public forum 80 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,673 led by councilwoman Leslie Knope. 81 00:03:05,648 --> 00:03:08,793 Thanks to a lot of hard work and some very dedicated civil servants, 82 00:03:08,839 --> 00:03:11,654 this has been a banner year for our city. 83 00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:14,029 Obesity and diabetes are down. 84 00:03:14,216 --> 00:03:15,294 Test scores are up. 85 00:03:15,314 --> 00:03:17,428 Pawnee raccoon attacks have decreased. 86 00:03:17,452 --> 00:03:19,180 People can now suddenly feel safe 87 00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:21,126 in our parks, grocery stores, and hospitals. 88 00:03:21,163 --> 00:03:23,495 I am very proud of what we've accomplished. 89 00:03:23,646 --> 00:03:25,775 In fact, this forum... 90 00:03:26,186 --> 00:03:28,017 is kind of my victory lap. 91 00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:30,492 I am here today to ask you one question. 92 00:03:30,687 --> 00:03:34,762 Are you better off now than you were a year ago? 93 00:03:34,856 --> 00:03:36,544 Who'd like to start? Uh-oh. 94 00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:39,831 Kathryn Pinewood, Pawnee Restaurant Association. 95 00:03:40,041 --> 00:03:41,698 This town is not better off. 96 00:03:41,732 --> 00:03:43,747 This past year has been a disaster, 97 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,697 and this government is hell-bent 98 00:03:45,741 --> 00:03:49,580 on stripping away our most basic personal freedoms. 99 00:03:49,611 --> 00:03:51,017 Okay, counterpoint. 100 00:03:51,038 --> 00:03:54,101 Ms. Pinewood, I've never stripped away anyone's freedoms. 101 00:03:54,132 --> 00:03:55,838 I simply stopped a restaurant 102 00:03:55,857 --> 00:04:00,035 from serving an insane 500-ounce soda to its customers, 103 00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:01,593 which only made our citizens healthier. 104 00:04:01,611 --> 00:04:05,053 And frankly, I don't see any of those citizens standing up and complaining abo-- 105 00:04:07,569 --> 00:04:09,001 Okay. Now, I see them. 106 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,648 Whoa! Darren! Slow down! 107 00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,661 That sweat suit's not for sweatin' in, okay? 108 00:04:13,673 --> 00:04:14,719 This is crushed velvet. 109 00:04:14,725 --> 00:04:16,932 If you go at more than a brisk walk, it will fall apart. 110 00:04:16,950 --> 00:04:19,440 This looks dope. Let's pay for it. 111 00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:21,290 Business is booming. 112 00:04:21,315 --> 00:04:23,415 If it keeps up like this, I would leave the Parks Department 113 00:04:23,434 --> 00:04:26,282 and do Rent-A-Swag full-time, maybe even expand. 114 00:04:26,313 --> 00:04:27,926 I could add a baby section over there, 115 00:04:27,948 --> 00:04:29,055 call it "Li'l Swaggers." 116 00:04:29,066 --> 00:04:31,435 I could add some old people stuff, call it "Rent-A-Sag." 117 00:04:31,478 --> 00:04:33,832 Ugh, no. Old people are gross. 118 00:04:34,221 --> 00:04:35,740 Oh. Nice. 119 00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:38,208 Hey, dingdong! Can I go home? 120 00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:39,795 My tum-tum feels gross, 121 00:04:39,819 --> 00:04:42,469 and also, I hate working. 122 00:04:42,746 --> 00:04:44,871 I guess, but find someone to cover for you, okay? 123 00:04:44,890 --> 00:04:46,065 'Cause we're really busy right now. 124 00:04:47,269 --> 00:04:49,734 Also, a lawyer guy called you. 125 00:04:49,769 --> 00:04:52,169 He sounded really sexy on the phone, 126 00:04:52,181 --> 00:04:53,850 and I was very into that. 127 00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:56,581 Like, I was, like, very into that. 128 00:04:56,593 --> 00:04:57,989 All right, let's set up some boundaries 129 00:04:58,008 --> 00:04:59,648 on what's cool for you to say to me, okay? 130 00:04:59,673 --> 00:05:01,889 Okay. I frenched my cousin one time. 131 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:02,895 That's gross. 132 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,118 I might still be in love with him. 133 00:05:04,168 --> 00:05:06,347 - Please leave. - All right, bye. 134 00:05:08,507 --> 00:05:10,457 Tom Haverford, my name is Trevor Nelsson. 135 00:05:10,494 --> 00:05:13,428 I represent a client who would like to make you an offer. 136 00:05:13,475 --> 00:05:15,089 Babyface heard my demo? 137 00:05:15,121 --> 00:05:16,671 I will accept a record deal. 138 00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:18,746 No, you deeply misunderstand. 139 00:05:18,754 --> 00:05:21,190 My client has taken an interest in Rent-A-Swag. 140 00:05:21,213 --> 00:05:22,990 He'd like to know if you are looking 141 00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,057 to sell a controlling interest in the store. 142 00:05:25,069 --> 00:05:27,680 Whoa, Diddy wants to buy Rent-A-Swag? 143 00:05:27,692 --> 00:05:30,043 - Not what I said. - This is a lot to process. 144 00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:32,972 Will Diddy be coming to the meeting? 145 00:05:33,005 --> 00:05:35,049 I'm not at liberty to tell you who my client is. 146 00:05:35,062 --> 00:05:37,190 It would violate confidentiality. 147 00:05:37,426 --> 00:05:39,876 - I understand. - It's not Diddy. 148 00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:40,979 Got it. 149 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,492 - Oh. - Oh, hello... Ann. 150 00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:54,555 Oh, boy. What do you want, Macklin? 151 00:05:54,598 --> 00:05:55,800 Me? 152 00:05:55,911 --> 00:05:59,055 Just observing. A little something they taught us down at Quantico. 153 00:05:59,107 --> 00:06:00,766 Well, I guess I'll get out of your hair. 154 00:06:00,785 --> 00:06:03,814 Wait, there is just one more question. 155 00:06:03,937 --> 00:06:06,254 - Congratulations. - Is that a question? 156 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,516 It's an accusation, 'cause I know your secret. 157 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:11,955 - You're pregnant. - What? I'm not pregnant. 158 00:06:11,993 --> 00:06:14,008 You're not? Damn it. Who is? 159 00:06:14,033 --> 00:06:15,605 'Cause I found this at Ron Swanson's cabin. 160 00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:17,174 - It's a pregnancy test. - Oh, my God. 161 00:06:17,192 --> 00:06:18,478 Someone we know is pregnant? 162 00:06:18,491 --> 00:06:20,562 I'm trying to get pregnant. That's not fair. 163 00:06:20,618 --> 00:06:23,477 I mean, great, and happy for them, and congratulations, whatever, 164 00:06:23,489 --> 00:06:25,507 but ooh! No! Boo! 165 00:06:25,539 --> 00:06:26,783 We have to find out who this is. 166 00:06:26,810 --> 00:06:29,941 Whoa, I don't think so. Bert Macklin works alone. 167 00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:30,887 I will buy lunch. 168 00:06:30,905 --> 00:06:32,443 You can have as many burgers as you want. 169 00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:34,022 Welcome to the FBI. 170 00:06:35,408 --> 00:06:37,452 Ms. Pinewood, Leslie's public health initiative 171 00:06:37,470 --> 00:06:38,896 has been a huge success. 172 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,565 Pawnee is no longer the fourth most obese city in America. 173 00:06:41,583 --> 00:06:42,746 We're now ninth. 174 00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:47,057 Together, as a town, we lost an amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant manatees. 175 00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:49,569 A gym opened, and it stayed in business. 176 00:06:49,581 --> 00:06:51,260 And people checking into the E.R. 177 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:54,435 after ingesting a whole candy wrapper is down 40%. 178 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:55,998 But where will it end? 179 00:06:56,004 --> 00:06:58,018 Now, you wanna rob our children of fun 180 00:06:58,036 --> 00:07:00,701 by attacking the Sweetums school lunch program, 181 00:07:00,731 --> 00:07:02,931 literally taking candy from babies. 182 00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:05,162 Those school lunches are incredibly unhealthy. 183 00:07:05,182 --> 00:07:08,577 You somehow convinced the school board that napkins are a vegetable. 184 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,971 They're made from plants. 185 00:07:10,005 --> 00:07:12,771 Stop restricting our freedoms. 186 00:07:12,804 --> 00:07:14,941 Yeah! 187 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,210 My name is Dewey from Sanitation. 188 00:07:20,254 --> 00:07:22,085 Ever since you stripped us of our freedoms 189 00:07:22,104 --> 00:07:23,522 by making us hire women, 190 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,340 we've had to turn one of our bathrooms 191 00:07:25,366 --> 00:07:26,900 into a woman's bathroom. 192 00:07:26,942 --> 00:07:28,440 We only have one bathroom now. 193 00:07:28,465 --> 00:07:29,490 I'm so sorry, Dewey. 194 00:07:29,502 --> 00:07:31,220 That sounds like a horrible price to pay 195 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,728 for something as trivial as gender equality. 196 00:07:33,783 --> 00:07:35,146 So you agree. 197 00:07:35,194 --> 00:07:37,594 Bjorn Lerpiss of the Pawnee Lerpiss family. 198 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,659 There was supposed to be a Paunch Burger in this lot next to my house. 199 00:07:40,685 --> 00:07:43,029 And then, you stripped my freedom by putting a park there. 200 00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:46,176 Now, if I wanna start my day off with a triple-decker pancake breakfast pizza, 201 00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:47,623 I gotta go to the one that's 10 minutes away, 202 00:07:47,648 --> 00:07:49,791 and that makes me 20 minutes late to work every day. 203 00:07:49,923 --> 00:07:50,754 I work at home. 204 00:07:50,782 --> 00:07:52,651 Have you ever considered not eating that for breakfast? 205 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,590 I'll never consider that. 206 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,046 This feels strangely personal. 207 00:07:57,072 --> 00:07:58,416 Maybe it's because they're all standing up 208 00:07:58,424 --> 00:08:00,050 saying how much they hate me 209 00:08:00,075 --> 00:08:01,656 as a person. 210 00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:04,877 How many people am I talking to, Donna? 211 00:08:04,927 --> 00:08:07,134 One or 1 1/9? 212 00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,916 Are you asking me if I'm pregnant? 213 00:08:09,179 --> 00:08:11,457 Oh. Interesting. 214 00:08:11,494 --> 00:08:12,939 I don't remember saying anything 215 00:08:12,969 --> 00:08:14,963 about anyone being pregnant. 216 00:08:15,002 --> 00:08:17,371 Are you sure it's not you? 217 00:08:17,412 --> 00:08:19,455 I'm a grown woman with a good head on her shoulders. 218 00:08:19,487 --> 00:08:21,093 Don't worry about me. 219 00:08:21,146 --> 00:08:24,954 Whew. This case just got interesting. 220 00:08:25,015 --> 00:08:25,784 Well, not just. 221 00:08:25,807 --> 00:08:27,905 It was pretty interesting to begin with. 222 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:31,886 This case just remained interesting. 223 00:08:32,517 --> 00:08:34,452 Listen, my wife and I do not feel 224 00:08:34,477 --> 00:08:36,908 that we're better off than a year ago because a year ago, 225 00:08:36,927 --> 00:08:38,833 this town was not a horrifying sex den 226 00:08:38,839 --> 00:08:41,689 where people could put their body parts anywhere they want with impunity. 227 00:08:41,723 --> 00:08:42,956 And then, you were elected. 228 00:08:42,987 --> 00:08:45,433 And now, this town a horrifying sex den 229 00:08:45,452 --> 00:08:49,013 where people can put their body parts anywhere they want to with impunity. 230 00:08:49,031 --> 00:08:51,531 - Yeah. - If you are referring to my fight 231 00:08:51,556 --> 00:08:54,113 to teach comprehensive sex education, 232 00:08:54,156 --> 00:08:55,817 you need to at least acknowledge the fact 233 00:08:55,829 --> 00:08:58,087 that STDs are down 14% from last year. 234 00:08:58,106 --> 00:09:01,797 - And deviant behavior in Pawnee is up a billion percent! - No, it's-- 235 00:09:01,826 --> 00:09:03,433 - no, it's-- - This town is going to hell 236 00:09:03,452 --> 00:09:05,776 in a Gucci knock-off handbag, girl. 237 00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:07,739 See? See? 238 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,738 They agree. Come on. 239 00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:12,050 I am definitely better off than I was a year ago, 240 00:09:12,081 --> 00:09:13,817 and it's all thanks to Leslie Knope. 241 00:09:13,842 --> 00:09:16,451 This woman single-handedly saved my business. 242 00:09:16,483 --> 00:09:18,458 Thank you, Dennis. There you go, perfect example. 243 00:09:18,482 --> 00:09:19,995 No need for further questions on that one. 244 00:09:20,013 --> 00:09:22,710 Oh, I'm sorry. What is your business, sir? 245 00:09:22,722 --> 00:09:24,855 Oh, I run a pornographic DVD emporium. 246 00:09:24,882 --> 00:09:28,292 Well, it used to be a quaint, little movie rental place 247 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,003 with a lot of community value. 248 00:09:30,023 --> 00:09:31,642 - Oh, it's much better now. - Yeah! 249 00:09:34,343 --> 00:09:36,420 - Leslie is the best. - No, no, Brandi. 250 00:09:36,438 --> 00:09:37,932 - Gah, gah, gah, gah-- - Hello, everyone. 251 00:09:37,971 --> 00:09:40,459 - I'm Brandi Maxxxx... - Hi, Brandi. 252 00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:43,979 Star of such films as the incredible Burt Wonderbone, 253 00:09:44,004 --> 00:09:47,287 A Good Guy to Lay Hard, and Argo. 254 00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:49,156 I had a small part in Argo 255 00:09:49,283 --> 00:09:51,594 as well as the porn version Our Goo. 256 00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:53,259 I've seen the first 90 seconds. 257 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,128 It's thrilling. 258 00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:55,733 If it weren't for Leslie Knope, 259 00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:58,785 there would be far, far less pornography in this town. 260 00:09:58,816 --> 00:10:01,809 No, what happened was there was a misunderstanding, 261 00:10:01,827 --> 00:10:03,962 and I accidentally got the government involved 262 00:10:03,986 --> 00:10:07,239 in an unseemly business, but I cleared that up, and everything's fine. 263 00:10:07,272 --> 00:10:10,347 It's not like I'm some kind of sex-crazed maniac or something. 264 00:10:10,378 --> 00:10:11,858 Leslie, are you pregnant? 265 00:10:11,889 --> 00:10:13,077 Did you or did you not leave 266 00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:15,915 this positive pregnancy test in a dumpster in the woods? 267 00:10:17,428 --> 00:10:18,969 Hey, everybody. 268 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,754 - No. - Really? 269 00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,711 Okay. Well, I'll get out of your hair. 270 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,221 Sorry to interrupt. 271 00:10:26,271 --> 00:10:28,155 Was that Brandi Maxxxx? 272 00:10:29,119 --> 00:10:33,302 Investors, I have some very exciting news about Rent-A-Swag. 273 00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:35,526 Someone-- I'm not saying Diddy, 274 00:10:35,546 --> 00:10:37,485 but I'm not not saying Diddy-- 275 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:39,484 has offered to buy out Rent-A-Swag 276 00:10:39,532 --> 00:10:41,263 for a buttload of money. 277 00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:42,777 How big a buttload, son? 278 00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:46,360 We would all basically double our investments. 279 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:48,606 Are you kidding me? Sell, baby. 280 00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:51,352 Imagine the kind of treat-yourself day we could have with the profits. 281 00:10:51,386 --> 00:10:55,079 I'm talking pedicures on pedicures on pedicures. 282 00:10:55,116 --> 00:10:56,304 That is appealing. 283 00:10:56,335 --> 00:10:58,204 If someone is interested in buying you out, 284 00:10:58,229 --> 00:10:59,873 it means you're doing something right. 285 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,450 I say you continue to grow, 286 00:11:01,468 --> 00:11:03,619 accumulate power, find this investor, 287 00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:06,113 and buy his business to teach him a lesson. 288 00:11:06,322 --> 00:11:08,449 - April, what do you think? - I thought about this a lot. 289 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:11,269 I actually think that you should get a "Hello Kitty" tattoo. 290 00:11:11,306 --> 00:11:12,972 - No, with the store. - Oh. 291 00:11:12,999 --> 00:11:15,102 Uh, burn it for the insurance money. 292 00:11:15,123 --> 00:11:16,814 Tom, listen to me, if there's one thing I've learned-- 293 00:11:16,834 --> 00:11:18,545 - God, nobody cares, Gary. - Enough. 294 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:21,394 - Thank you. - I miss you guys. 295 00:11:22,463 --> 00:11:24,959 What a wonderful event. Everyone is having fun. 296 00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,322 This is great. 297 00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:28,025 Chris, could you just please... 298 00:11:28,069 --> 00:11:29,932 I'm sorry, I was just trying to cheer you up. 299 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,212 - Just hang in there. - Thanks. 300 00:11:31,242 --> 00:11:32,892 All right, if you'll excuse me, I found out 301 00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:34,517 this morning that I am playing 302 00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:36,902 a special role in this parade. 303 00:11:36,931 --> 00:11:38,209 No spoilers. 304 00:11:39,476 --> 00:11:41,095 Honey, I hate to state the obvious, 305 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:43,110 but you chose a life in politics. 306 00:11:43,129 --> 00:11:44,624 I mean, the more you actually accomplish, 307 00:11:44,651 --> 00:11:46,482 the more heat you're gonna draw. 308 00:11:46,526 --> 00:11:48,751 - Yeah, I know. - Let's go watch the parade. 309 00:11:48,757 --> 00:11:50,326 You know you can't resist a parade. 310 00:11:50,351 --> 00:11:51,390 That's true. 311 00:11:51,453 --> 00:11:52,926 Parades and your butt: 312 00:11:52,937 --> 00:11:54,013 - There you go. - My two vices. 313 00:11:54,031 --> 00:11:56,156 Whoa, what are you doing? 314 00:11:56,259 --> 00:11:58,299 My assistant has something she'd like to show you. 315 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,205 Partner. 316 00:12:00,668 --> 00:12:03,441 Oh, my assistant has something she'd like to show you, partner. 317 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:05,300 It's a positive pregnancy test, Tom. 318 00:12:05,369 --> 00:12:08,044 I found it outside of Ron's cabin after our brainstorming session. 319 00:12:08,072 --> 00:12:10,865 Is there any possibility Mona-Lisa could be pregnant? 320 00:12:11,546 --> 00:12:13,546 We always use protection... 321 00:12:14,013 --> 00:12:15,794 but I'm pretty positive she pokes holes in them. 322 00:12:15,806 --> 00:12:17,244 What brand pregnancy test is it? 323 00:12:17,295 --> 00:12:19,263 It's called "Womb There It Is." 324 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,127 That's her brand. 325 00:12:21,593 --> 00:12:23,250 I'm gonna be a dad? 326 00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:26,125 I'm gonna have a baby with Jean-Ralphio's sister? 327 00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,024 Oh, God. What have I done? 328 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,971 Like, to humanity? 329 00:12:36,133 --> 00:12:38,796 This is the perfect thing to take my mind off of yesterday. 330 00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:41,803 I am going to pretend that this is my victory parade 331 00:12:41,825 --> 00:12:44,099 and the town is celebrating my hard work and dedication. 332 00:12:44,117 --> 00:12:46,085 - There you go. - Leslie, Leslie. 333 00:12:46,104 --> 00:12:47,790 I'm so sorry. I need to talk to you. 334 00:12:47,816 --> 00:12:50,464 What are-- what? 335 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,052 I'm the Nipple King. 336 00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:53,765 Kernston's Rubber Nipple Company 337 00:12:53,778 --> 00:12:56,810 elects a nipple king and a nipple queen every year to ride on the float. 338 00:12:56,828 --> 00:12:58,927 - Congratulations, Chris. - Thank you. 339 00:12:58,943 --> 00:13:00,999 - It's such an amazing honor. - It's wonderful. 340 00:13:01,017 --> 00:13:03,736 But I do need to talk to you about a float that is in this parade, 341 00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:04,886 because I'm not sure that you're going to be-- 342 00:13:04,908 --> 00:13:07,137 - No fun for you! - Uh-oh. 343 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,032 No fun for you! 344 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:11,124 - Is that me? - Maybe it's not you. 345 00:13:11,154 --> 00:13:13,777 - Maybe it's Kate Upton. - Oh, thank you. 346 00:13:13,802 --> 00:13:16,408 - No, it's me, and damn them. - No fun for you! 347 00:13:16,450 --> 00:13:17,925 Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! 348 00:13:17,951 --> 00:13:19,481 Hey, stop, will you? 349 00:13:19,531 --> 00:13:20,942 Stop! Excuse me, Pawnee. 350 00:13:20,973 --> 00:13:23,964 I'm sorry, I don't mean to stop your parade or anything, 351 00:13:23,988 --> 00:13:26,052 but I just have to say something here, okay? 352 00:13:26,082 --> 00:13:27,634 I don't think this is very fair! 353 00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:29,571 Babe--babe, stop wagging your finger. 354 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,541 Certain people are lashing out at me 355 00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:33,423 because of things that I did this year. 356 00:13:33,442 --> 00:13:35,789 But I am not trying to stop you from having fun. 357 00:13:35,801 --> 00:13:37,586 I am an extremely fun person. 358 00:13:37,626 --> 00:13:40,070 This float represents a group 359 00:13:40,101 --> 00:13:43,903 of over 300 business owners, individuals, 360 00:13:43,918 --> 00:13:46,955 and community leaders who are protesting 361 00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:49,036 unfair government regulation. 362 00:13:49,074 --> 00:13:53,256 We are the committee to recall Leslie Knope. 363 00:13:53,856 --> 00:13:55,850 Let's kick her out of office. 364 00:13:55,911 --> 00:13:57,989 Recall Knope! 365 00:13:58,165 --> 00:14:00,128 Recall Knope! 366 00:14:00,165 --> 00:14:01,810 Recall Knope! 367 00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:05,282 - Recall Knope! - Legalize weed! 368 00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:07,284 Recall Knope! Recall Knope! 369 00:14:08,528 --> 00:14:10,441 So, I need to ask you something 370 00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:12,835 and I kinda wish Jean-Ralphio wasn't here. 371 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,278 Please tell me that you're dumping my sister, 372 00:14:15,303 --> 00:14:18,671 because I will laugh-- I will laugh so much. 373 00:14:18,798 --> 00:14:20,901 Actually, it may be the opposite. 374 00:14:21,176 --> 00:14:23,710 - Is this yours? - No, no. 375 00:14:26,235 --> 00:14:27,760 Yeah. 376 00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:29,502 It's mine. 377 00:14:29,878 --> 00:14:32,342 - I'm pregnant. - Lemony snicket. 378 00:14:32,373 --> 00:14:34,403 Oh, my God, are you serious? 379 00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:35,898 I'm gonna be an uncle? Is that a real thing? 380 00:14:35,923 --> 00:14:36,823 Is that gonna happen? 381 00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:38,940 No, no, that's too much-- too much responsibility for me. 382 00:14:38,966 --> 00:14:40,841 I gotta--I gotta find another way out of this. 383 00:14:40,883 --> 00:14:42,044 Well, I wish you told me. 384 00:14:42,062 --> 00:14:44,620 I mean, obviously, we need to talk about our future. 385 00:14:44,655 --> 00:14:46,753 Maybe I could sell the business, and we could use the profits 386 00:14:46,771 --> 00:14:48,770 to put a down payment on a house or something, or-- 387 00:14:48,795 --> 00:14:50,486 - Psych! - What? 388 00:14:52,219 --> 00:14:55,784 Ah, ha, ha. Look at your stupid face. 389 00:14:55,803 --> 00:14:58,400 - You had a dumdum face. - That was hilarious. 390 00:14:58,428 --> 00:15:01,282 Oh, that was... ♪ hilarious ♪ 391 00:15:01,308 --> 00:15:04,951 ♪ That's hilarious ♪ 392 00:15:05,108 --> 00:15:07,056 So you're not pregnant? This isn't yours? 393 00:15:07,088 --> 00:15:08,134 Fuck, no. 394 00:15:08,154 --> 00:15:11,770 Do you know how many different pills I take, 395 00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:13,890 birth control or otherwise? 396 00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,934 There is no way that I could be pregnant with a human baby. 397 00:15:16,962 --> 00:15:18,852 Thank God. Yes! 398 00:15:18,881 --> 00:15:20,697 Tommy has his life back! Let's go! 399 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,111 What the hell is wrong with you, man? That's my sister. 400 00:15:23,586 --> 00:15:25,117 Nah! I'm just kidding, man. 401 00:15:25,148 --> 00:15:28,182 She's the worst. You dodged a bullet, baby. 402 00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:29,440 - Congratulations. - Thanks. 403 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:30,754 Bad, bad, bad, bad. 404 00:15:30,779 --> 00:15:33,321 Well, Macklin, it's not Mona-Lisa. 405 00:15:33,352 --> 00:15:35,038 It's not me, it's not Donna, it's not Leslie. 406 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,094 There was only one other woman at that cabin. 407 00:15:37,119 --> 00:15:38,657 April? No, she would've told me. 408 00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:40,348 Besides, the math doesn't add up 409 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,957 because we only have sex every single day. 410 00:15:42,979 --> 00:15:46,085 And since she's the only one that we haven't talked to, 411 00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:48,418 it has to be hers. 412 00:15:48,662 --> 00:15:50,015 Oh, my God. 413 00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:56,091 I don't like seeing you like this. 414 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,734 I've never felt this way before. 415 00:15:57,768 --> 00:15:59,099 Maybe I should just quit. 416 00:15:59,116 --> 00:16:00,579 Maybe we should both quit, 417 00:16:00,607 --> 00:16:02,199 and we should move to the Bahamas, 418 00:16:02,249 --> 00:16:05,668 live on a beach, catch fish with homemade spears. 419 00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:08,089 Yeah, you'd last about 30 seconds with that work. 420 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,332 When we went to Hawaii, 421 00:16:09,358 --> 00:16:11,316 you woke me up at 3:00 A.M. to watch Meet the Press. 422 00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:13,085 Well, it was Elizabeth Warren. 423 00:16:13,134 --> 00:16:15,352 Like, I'm not going to watch that live? 424 00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:16,869 Look, you can hate your job sometimes. 425 00:16:16,887 --> 00:16:18,841 It's allowed. But let me ask you this: 426 00:16:18,903 --> 00:16:20,460 Do you think this town is better off 427 00:16:20,482 --> 00:16:22,456 - than it was a year ago? - Yes. 428 00:16:22,468 --> 00:16:24,298 Do you stand behind everything you've done? 429 00:16:24,328 --> 00:16:26,546 - Yes. - Then screw 'em. 430 00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:29,891 But even if I wanted to fight this recall, 431 00:16:29,918 --> 00:16:31,332 how would I do it? 432 00:16:32,509 --> 00:16:34,048 Thank you all for coming. 433 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,974 As most of you probably know, 434 00:16:35,998 --> 00:16:38,353 there is a large committee that has announced plans 435 00:16:38,371 --> 00:16:39,917 to recall me from office. 436 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,513 My response to them is this: 437 00:16:43,491 --> 00:16:44,805 Bring it on. 438 00:16:44,848 --> 00:16:47,359 Step up. Step Up 2: The Streets. 439 00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,217 I'm sorry, my adrenaline is pumping, 440 00:16:49,235 --> 00:16:51,462 so all I can think of is dance movie titles. 441 00:16:51,516 --> 00:16:53,223 Stomp the Yard. There's one. 442 00:16:53,255 --> 00:16:55,136 Look, I work very hard for this town, 443 00:16:55,165 --> 00:16:56,371 as hard as I can, 444 00:16:56,377 --> 00:16:58,549 and all that matters to me is whether or not 445 00:16:58,562 --> 00:17:01,062 everyone here thinks that they are better off now 446 00:17:01,068 --> 00:17:02,800 than they were a year ago. 447 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:03,991 I think you are. 448 00:17:04,012 --> 00:17:06,243 If you disagree with me, then go ahead and recall me. 449 00:17:06,264 --> 00:17:08,765 Go crazy. You Got Served. 450 00:17:08,883 --> 00:17:10,812 Silver Linings Playbook, kind of. 451 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,514 The committee says they plan to push 452 00:17:12,549 --> 00:17:14,016 for a recall vote within two months. 453 00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:15,508 - Do you have a comment on that? - Nope. 454 00:17:15,527 --> 00:17:18,833 Again, all I really care about is are you better off? 455 00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:20,597 I think I'm better off. 456 00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:21,871 I haven't had a date in a while, 457 00:17:21,889 --> 00:17:23,702 but I'm learning a lot about me. 458 00:17:23,740 --> 00:17:25,260 Well, I wasn't asking you specifically, 459 00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:26,559 but I'm happy to hear that, Shauna. 460 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:29,791 So, in conclusion, recall, shmecall. 461 00:17:30,638 --> 00:17:33,102 No, I can't end my big press conference 462 00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,327 by saying "Recall, shmecall." 463 00:17:34,362 --> 00:17:36,343 That's ridiculous. Ben, can you help me out here? 464 00:17:36,376 --> 00:17:38,494 That concludes councilwoman Knope's press conference. 465 00:17:38,513 --> 00:17:40,383 And if you have any further questions... 466 00:17:41,721 --> 00:17:43,227 hold on to them, 467 00:17:43,264 --> 00:17:44,707 because she has a lot of work to do. 468 00:17:44,736 --> 00:17:46,344 Thanks, honey. Honey. 469 00:17:46,494 --> 00:17:48,734 That's another dance movie with Jessica alba. 470 00:17:49,649 --> 00:17:50,868 Alright, people. 471 00:17:50,897 --> 00:17:52,804 The Pawnee river's not gonna clean itself. 472 00:17:52,841 --> 00:17:55,442 Volunteer weekend task force, mobilize. 473 00:17:55,461 --> 00:17:57,261 Oh, Leslie, this goes without saying, 474 00:17:57,291 --> 00:17:59,725 but if you need any speeches or testimonials 475 00:17:59,737 --> 00:18:02,538 or just general enthusiasm for your recall fight, 476 00:18:02,587 --> 00:18:03,345 I'm your man. 477 00:18:03,363 --> 00:18:04,592 - Thank you, Chris. - You're welcome. 478 00:18:04,604 --> 00:18:06,053 I'll see you at the river. Oh, oh, oh! 479 00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:08,884 Last one to pick up 100 rusty cans 480 00:18:08,903 --> 00:18:10,970 has still accomplished a great deal. 481 00:18:11,063 --> 00:18:13,744 Hey, maybe after, you wanna come meet me and Chris for a drink? 482 00:18:13,769 --> 00:18:15,760 Sure. Hey, how's it going with you guys? 483 00:18:15,796 --> 00:18:18,899 We're great, actually, and we're having a good time. 484 00:18:18,947 --> 00:18:20,510 - Sex is ridiculous. - Mm-hmm. 485 00:18:20,529 --> 00:18:22,817 Hopefully, that ridiculous sex will lead to a baby. 486 00:18:22,854 --> 00:18:24,304 I'm so happy for you. 487 00:18:24,323 --> 00:18:25,742 Just remember to use protection. 488 00:18:25,784 --> 00:18:27,459 Wait, no, don't. That would defeat the purpose. 489 00:18:27,477 --> 00:18:29,565 Okay, no. Do your thing. 490 00:18:31,460 --> 00:18:33,300 Yeah! 491 00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:36,833 - My wife is pregnant! - Okay, put me down. 492 00:18:36,851 --> 00:18:38,917 Hey, you can't keep it from me. I found the pregnancy test, honey. 493 00:18:38,935 --> 00:18:40,098 Honey, I'm not pregnant, okay? 494 00:18:40,117 --> 00:18:42,167 And if I were, you shouldn't lift me up. 495 00:18:42,284 --> 00:18:43,869 Wait, are you sure you're not? 496 00:18:43,897 --> 00:18:45,710 Yeah. We've talked about this. 497 00:18:45,744 --> 00:18:46,628 Remember? 498 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:47,939 I wanna wait until we're 50 499 00:18:47,964 --> 00:18:50,616 and then adopt a set of creepy adult twins from Romania. 500 00:18:50,635 --> 00:18:52,258 Oh, yeah. Of course. 501 00:18:52,285 --> 00:18:54,060 Actually, there is something I need to tell you. 502 00:18:54,873 --> 00:18:56,129 You're pregnant. 503 00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:57,464 - No. - No! 504 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,093 We just ruled that out. 505 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,113 - Ah, dang it. - Okay, a while ago, 506 00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,104 I applied to veterinary school in Bloomington, 507 00:19:03,129 --> 00:19:05,565 and I just found out that... 508 00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:08,008 - I got in. - You did? 509 00:19:08,135 --> 00:19:09,560 That's amazing! 510 00:19:09,572 --> 00:19:11,108 Wait, why did you wait to tell me? 511 00:19:11,131 --> 00:19:13,857 Because I don't even know if I wanna go, okay? 512 00:19:13,922 --> 00:19:16,155 I mean, yes, it's been my dream to work with animals 513 00:19:16,169 --> 00:19:17,986 since I was a kid and everything. 514 00:19:18,023 --> 00:19:19,656 But it would mean I would be spending 515 00:19:19,681 --> 00:19:21,231 a lot of time apart from you, and... 516 00:19:21,256 --> 00:19:23,394 Oh, we could get through that. 517 00:19:23,482 --> 00:19:24,936 I mean, look. It would suck for a while, 518 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,798 and I would miss you while you're gone. But... 519 00:19:28,351 --> 00:19:30,274 as I've known about you 520 00:19:30,307 --> 00:19:32,260 for the past 20 seconds, 521 00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:34,558 this is your dream. 522 00:19:35,877 --> 00:19:37,357 I'm really glad I married you. 523 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,250 Yeah, we made a good call on that one. 524 00:19:40,543 --> 00:19:42,030 So I just wanted to let you know 525 00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:44,095 I will not be selling Rent-A-Swag. 526 00:19:44,129 --> 00:19:46,817 And you can go tell your client he now has 527 00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:48,642 100 problems? 528 00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:50,421 - Is it Jay-Z? - No. 529 00:19:50,475 --> 00:19:52,815 But since you're not taking the deal, I should inform you that my client 530 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,526 will be moving on to plan B: Opening his own store 531 00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,040 directly across the street from yours. 532 00:19:57,061 --> 00:19:58,129 Across the street? 533 00:19:58,182 --> 00:19:59,257 What kind of store is it gonna be? 534 00:19:59,263 --> 00:20:00,788 He's calling it "Tommy's Closet." 535 00:20:00,819 --> 00:20:02,976 It's a high-end secondhand clothing store 536 00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:06,052 where parents can rent clothes for their teens, tweens, and pres, 537 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:09,125 as well as babies, toddlers, grown-ups, and olds. 538 00:20:09,158 --> 00:20:10,897 But that's my idea and my name. 539 00:20:10,928 --> 00:20:13,341 So I guess only Domino's is allowed to sell pizza now? 540 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,334 It's called capitalism, Mr. Haverford, 541 00:20:15,350 --> 00:20:17,613 and you are about to get a free lesson. 542 00:20:17,693 --> 00:20:20,921 Only this free lesson is going to cost you. 543 00:20:21,151 --> 00:20:23,301 So it's not free? 544 00:20:24,453 --> 00:20:26,623 You're right. That was confusing. 545 00:20:26,990 --> 00:20:28,983 This lesson will cost you. Good day. 546 00:20:29,147 --> 00:20:31,645 This sucks, but I have to admit: 547 00:20:31,845 --> 00:20:33,414 It's a pretty baller move. 548 00:20:33,914 --> 00:20:35,697 You sure this isn't Diddy? 549 00:20:38,368 --> 00:20:39,859 - It is Diddy. - I knew it! 550 00:20:39,877 --> 00:20:41,494 It's not Diddy. 551 00:20:43,726 --> 00:20:45,473 Are you sure everything will be all right 552 00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:46,874 if April goes to vet school? 553 00:20:46,905 --> 00:20:49,325 There are no sure things in life, son, 554 00:20:49,337 --> 00:20:51,767 but you two seem pretty solid to me. 555 00:20:51,825 --> 00:20:54,582 - Change is good, I guess. - Not to me. 556 00:20:54,728 --> 00:20:56,522 Leslie's going around asking everybody 557 00:20:56,541 --> 00:20:58,969 if they're better off than they were a year ago. 558 00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:01,239 All I care about is that I'm the same. 559 00:21:01,374 --> 00:21:04,043 If I'm the same as I was a year ago, I'm happy. 560 00:21:04,174 --> 00:21:05,506 Wait, I forgot. 561 00:21:05,628 --> 00:21:07,609 - Who the hell is pregnant? - What? 562 00:21:07,622 --> 00:21:09,210 I found a pregnancy test at your cabin, 563 00:21:09,222 --> 00:21:10,847 and I checked with all the girls over there. 564 00:21:10,876 --> 00:21:13,135 It wasn't any of them. 565 00:21:13,463 --> 00:21:15,519 Hello, darling. What a surprise. 566 00:21:15,537 --> 00:21:16,817 Hey. 567 00:21:16,867 --> 00:21:19,865 Can we talk? Maybe in private? 568 00:21:22,729 --> 00:21:28,729 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther