1
00:00:07,898 --> 00:00:09,415
D'oh!
2
00:00:09,450 --> 00:00:10,700
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:10,734 --> 00:00:12,351
(grunts)
4
00:00:18,042 --> 00:00:19,375
(grunts)
5
00:00:23,297 --> 00:00:25,281
HOMER:
Oh, boy.
6
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,262
(electronic clicking)
7
00:00:26,263 --> 00:00:29,531
Hmm, is that the radon detector?
8
00:00:29,565 --> 00:00:30,732
(electronic clicking)
9
00:00:30,766 --> 00:00:33,201
Mom's deleting old
TV shows off the DVR.
10
00:00:33,235 --> 00:00:34,619
What the...?!
11
00:00:34,653 --> 00:00:35,720
(gasps)
12
00:00:35,755 --> 00:00:37,088
Marge!
13
00:00:37,123 --> 00:00:40,125
You're deleting
the 2009 Oscar Red Carpet!
14
00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:42,577
There were some awesome dresses!
15
00:00:42,611 --> 00:00:46,030
And quite a few...
(singsong): disasters!
16
00:00:46,065 --> 00:00:48,016
Fine. What would
you get rid of?
17
00:00:48,050 --> 00:00:50,518
Well, I can't part with
a single one of my Hoarders,
18
00:00:50,553 --> 00:00:52,771
hands off my episodes
of Episodes,
19
00:00:52,805 --> 00:00:54,773
and if you delete Revenge...
20
00:00:54,807 --> 00:00:56,191
(groans angrily)
21
00:00:56,225 --> 00:00:58,760
Oh, fine. I'll just get rid of
these Itchy and Mitchys.
22
00:00:59,945 --> 00:01:02,147
For every one of my
cartoons that you erase,
23
00:01:02,181 --> 00:01:03,965
I rip up a family
vacation photo.
24
00:01:03,999 --> 00:01:07,285
And just so you know I mean
business, here's an ear!
25
00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:08,319
(gasps softly)
26
00:01:08,354 --> 00:01:09,404
(sighs)
27
00:01:09,438 --> 00:01:10,805
All right.
28
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,374
At least I can delete
these Westminster Dog Shows.
29
00:01:13,409 --> 00:01:14,559
(growls)
30
00:01:14,593 --> 00:01:15,994
Fine. I'm getting rid of
31
00:01:16,028 --> 00:01:18,029
this American Masters
"Kitty Carlisle."
32
00:01:18,063 --> 00:01:19,197
(yowls)
33
00:01:19,231 --> 00:01:20,582
It's not what you think!
34
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:22,500
So I stayed up
35
00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:26,504
for the last 87 hours
watching all my show
36
00:01:26,538 --> 00:01:27,489
(chuckles)
37
00:01:27,523 --> 00:01:30,425
Nothing's gonna delete these.
38
00:01:30,476 --> 00:01:31,843
(goofy chuckle)
39
00:01:34,029 --> 00:01:36,231
Guys, there's something
I want to tell you.
40
00:01:36,265 --> 00:01:37,515
Something important.
41
00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,851
So who do you like,
the Padres or the Tigers?
42
00:01:39,885 --> 00:01:41,653
I'm not talking about baseball.
43
00:01:41,687 --> 00:01:44,906
I'm asking if a priest can beat
a big cat in a death match
44
00:01:44,940 --> 00:01:46,441
in some kind of polygon.
45
00:01:46,492 --> 00:01:47,792
Hexa or octa?
46
00:01:47,827 --> 00:01:51,763
Only one way to decide:
arm wrestling.
47
00:01:51,797 --> 00:01:52,997
Eh, who am I kidding?
48
00:01:53,032 --> 00:01:54,499
They don't care about me.
49
00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:55,700
(sighs)
50
00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:00,205
Suicide. Finally.
51
00:02:00,239 --> 00:02:01,206
I'm really doing it.
52
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,975
No more cries for
(shouts): help!
53
00:02:04,009 --> 00:02:05,376
'Cause this time,
54
00:02:05,411 --> 00:02:07,812
there's no one that's gonna
(shouts): save me!
55
00:02:07,847 --> 00:02:09,214
I mean, it's not like
56
00:02:09,248 --> 00:02:10,615
(shouts):
I'm begging you, please,
57
00:02:10,649 --> 00:02:12,801
please show me some love!
58
00:02:12,835 --> 00:02:15,203
(sighs) Yeah, it's
nothing like that.
59
00:02:15,228 --> 00:02:19,228
♪ The Simpsons 24x19 ♪
Whiskey Business
Original Air Date on May 5, 2013
60
00:02:19,253 --> 00:02:24,253
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
61
00:02:24,513 --> 00:02:26,347
Eh, maybe I should call.
62
00:02:26,382 --> 00:02:29,734
Give one of the new kids
a chance to talk to the legend.
63
00:02:29,768 --> 00:02:31,653
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Hello, you have reached
64
00:02:31,687 --> 00:02:34,372
the Buzz Cola Suicide Hotline.
65
00:02:34,406 --> 00:02:37,642
Our options have changed,
so please listen carefully.
66
00:02:37,676 --> 00:02:40,245
State the reason
you are committing suicide.
67
00:02:40,279 --> 00:02:41,930
Nothing to live for.
68
00:02:41,964 --> 00:02:44,899
You said, "Business problems."
Is that correct?
69
00:02:44,934 --> 00:02:47,368
No! I got nothing and no one!
70
00:02:47,403 --> 00:02:50,405
You said, "Face sucked off
by vacuum cleaner."
71
00:02:50,439 --> 00:02:51,840
Is that correct?
72
00:02:51,874 --> 00:02:54,576
(sobbing):
No! No! Help me! Help!
73
00:02:54,610 --> 00:02:58,246
If your face is in the vacuum
cleaner bag, press "one."
74
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,381
I just want to talk
to a human being!
75
00:03:00,416 --> 00:03:04,102
Please hold for our next
available life-extension agent.
76
00:03:04,136 --> 00:03:07,605
♪ Suicide is painless
77
00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:11,776
♪ It brings on many changes ♪
78
00:03:11,810 --> 00:03:13,244
♪ And I can...
79
00:03:13,279 --> 00:03:15,079
Oh, that tears it!
No more delays!
80
00:03:15,114 --> 00:03:16,414
(phone ringing)
81
00:03:16,448 --> 00:03:17,582
Hello?
82
00:03:17,616 --> 00:03:19,517
BART:
Hi, I'm looking for a Mr. Ron,
83
00:03:19,552 --> 00:03:20,852
first name Moe.
84
00:03:20,886 --> 00:03:22,186
Moe Ron?
85
00:03:22,221 --> 00:03:23,354
(sighs)
86
00:03:23,389 --> 00:03:24,589
Moron.
87
00:03:24,623 --> 00:03:26,691
It's you, you little puke.
88
00:03:26,725 --> 00:03:29,744
I am gonna tie a rope
around your neck and hang...
89
00:03:29,778 --> 00:03:31,012
(choking)
90
00:03:31,046 --> 00:03:34,432
I'll show you who's a... moron.
91
00:03:34,466 --> 00:03:37,185
And that's why libraries
use newspaper rods.
92
00:03:37,219 --> 00:03:39,203
(thud)
93
00:03:39,238 --> 00:03:40,672
(gasps)
94
00:03:40,706 --> 00:03:42,106
Whoa!
(gasps)
95
00:03:42,141 --> 00:03:44,559
I know CPR!
96
00:03:44,593 --> 00:03:46,761
I took a class where you do
chest compressions
97
00:03:46,795 --> 00:03:48,229
to a Bee Gees song.
98
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:52,517
♪ How deep is your love?
How deep is your love? ♪
99
00:03:52,551 --> 00:03:54,452
Are you sure it wasn't
"Staying Alive?"
100
00:03:54,486 --> 00:03:56,037
Too on the nose.
101
00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:58,273
♪ I really need to learn
102
00:03:58,307 --> 00:04:01,809
♪ 'Cause we're living
in a world of fools ♪
103
00:04:01,844 --> 00:04:03,778
♪ Breaking us down
104
00:04:03,812 --> 00:04:07,382
♪ When they all should
let us be ♪
105
00:04:07,416 --> 00:04:10,635
♪ We belong to you and me
106
00:04:10,669 --> 00:04:12,971
♪ I believe in yous.
107
00:04:13,005 --> 00:04:15,607
You-you guys,
you saved me!
108
00:04:15,641 --> 00:04:17,408
You do care!
109
00:04:17,443 --> 00:04:19,811
Now, wait a minute.
Got to make sure you're okay.
110
00:04:19,845 --> 00:04:21,112
Who's the president now?
111
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:22,447
Some jerk.
112
00:04:22,481 --> 00:04:23,581
He's back!
113
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,302
I really want
to thank you all.
114
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,137
You gave me a new lease on life,
115
00:04:31,172 --> 00:04:34,474
and I'm gonna take
this opportunity to...
116
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,449
(coughs)
117
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,517
(sighs)
What's the point?
118
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,386
Same old stinking world.
119
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:51,057
Ah, this post-suicide afterglow
gets shorter every time.
120
00:04:51,092 --> 00:04:52,509
Homer Simpson!
121
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:54,060
(shrieks)
The woman I love!
122
00:04:54,095 --> 00:04:56,179
I sent you to the store
to get applesauce
123
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,214
for Maggie
two hours ago!
124
00:04:58,249 --> 00:05:01,551
Well, uh, I was
just leaving, but Moe...
125
00:05:01,585 --> 00:05:02,953
had an accident!
126
00:05:02,987 --> 00:05:04,471
What kind
of accident?
127
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:07,507
I, uh, may have
tried to end it all.
128
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,342
I wasn't even good at that.
129
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,378
(sighs)
Excuse me, will you?
130
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,579
(sobbing)
131
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,915
That poor man.
132
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:18,385
We've got to do something
to change his life.
133
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,687
We could write on his face
when he passes out.
134
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,639
(chuckles) Yeah, that's
always good for a laugh.
135
00:05:22,673 --> 00:05:24,991
No, no, it has to
be something big
136
00:05:25,026 --> 00:05:27,761
that'll change
his whole outlook.
137
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:28,928
(snaps fingers)
138
00:05:28,963 --> 00:05:31,314
Why don't we take Moe
on a road trip?
139
00:05:31,349 --> 00:05:33,383
Aw, that, hey,
that's really sweet.
140
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:35,018
Hey, can Noosey come, too?
141
00:05:35,052 --> 00:05:38,855
Moe, this trip is about
turning your life around.
142
00:05:38,889 --> 00:05:42,092
With the three desperate
balies that you see every day.
143
00:05:42,126 --> 00:05:44,361
Maybe I should come, too.
144
00:05:44,395 --> 00:05:46,062
Four guys, a chick
and a noose.
145
00:05:46,097 --> 00:05:48,164
Just like the movies
I like to watch.
146
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:50,967
Grampa's in charge
of you kids
147
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,435
while we go to
Capital City.
148
00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:55,972
Ooh, you're a good
eater today, Maggie.
149
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,959
Bart, you're in
charge of Grampa.
150
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:03,763
(jazz music playing)
151
00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:07,684
♪ There's a swinging town
I know called ♪
152
00:06:07,718 --> 00:06:10,002
♪ Capital City
153
00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:14,307
Come on, Moe, stick your head
out the sunroof.
154
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,810
You'll look like
the richest dog in the world!
155
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:22,782
Eh.
156
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:25,068
Lighten up, man.
The big city!
157
00:06:25,102 --> 00:06:27,404
Wow, look at all them
countdown clocks.
158
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:30,790
Acres of rainforest left,
deaths by lung cancer.
159
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,125
It's magical.
160
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,128
All I see is two million people
happier than me.
161
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:38,048
Moe, I know things
haven't been easy for you,
162
00:06:38,082 --> 00:06:40,300
but you're with
people who love you
163
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:43,470
in the most exciting
of the twin cities.
164
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,055
Capital City has a twin?
165
00:06:45,089 --> 00:06:47,273
Moved to California
to be a star,
166
00:06:47,308 --> 00:06:49,225
but it just turned
into Glendale.
167
00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:50,894
So what do
you say, Moe?
168
00:06:50,928 --> 00:06:52,479
Will you give
me a smile?
169
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,230
Well, I'll try.
170
00:06:54,265 --> 00:06:56,683
(grunting)
171
00:06:56,717 --> 00:07:00,070
Maybe if I just tilt my head
back here.
172
00:07:00,104 --> 00:07:01,488
That a boy!
173
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:03,656
♪ And you'll feel better
174
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:20,507
♪ You'll feel better,
you'll feel better ♪
175
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,610
♪ Better than before
176
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:27,630
♪ You'll feel better,
much better ♪
177
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,183
♪ No, you won't
get down anymore... ♪
178
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:33,186
Okay, Moe,
one more surprise.
179
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,537
Gentlemen's Whorehouse?
180
00:07:34,572 --> 00:07:35,955
Whoa, ho, ho!
181
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:37,991
No, no,
it's a Wearhouse.
182
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,577
We're all gonna chip in
and get you a new suit.
183
00:07:40,611 --> 00:07:42,946
A new suit?!
Oh, ho, ho!
184
00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:45,281
I'll be the best-dressed
john in the whorehouse!
185
00:07:45,316 --> 00:07:48,368
But, listen, are you guys
sure you want to spring
186
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:49,736
for something that expensive?
187
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,955
Yes, 'cause every
time you wear it,
188
00:07:51,989 --> 00:07:54,190
you'll know how
much we love you.
189
00:07:54,225 --> 00:07:58,244
Like the one pair of blue pants
I bought Homer 20 years ago.
190
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,130
They're like
a wedding ring;
191
00:08:00,164 --> 00:08:02,215
I can't take
them off anymore.
192
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,650
(sighs)
193
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,803
Oh, Moe, this suit
really brings out
194
00:08:06,837 --> 00:08:09,339
the herringbone
in your eyes.
195
00:08:09,373 --> 00:08:11,224
Hmm.
196
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:14,227
Nah, it's a 44 long.
I wear a 38 hunched.
197
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,346
Got anything
for a man my size?
198
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:17,580
Absolutely not.
199
00:08:17,615 --> 00:08:19,482
Tent City is
across the street.
200
00:08:19,517 --> 00:08:20,900
Tent, eh?
201
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,936
(humming)
202
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,040
Hmm.
203
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,359
No husband of mine
is wearing a tent.
204
00:08:29,393 --> 00:08:31,761
No tents, no barrels,
no kiddie pools.
205
00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:34,097
Thank you,
fashion police!
206
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,283
Hey, not bad, not bad.
207
00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:39,452
And look over
there, Moe.
208
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:40,920
That's me?
209
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:43,156
Hey, thank you, guys.
Thanks.
210
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,225
It's a brand-new
day! (chuckles)
211
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:49,229
Okay, final checklist.
212
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:50,597
Checklist ready?
Check.
213
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:52,899
Mom and Dad still gone?
214
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,467
Uh, check.
215
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,135
What about that
snoopy girl reporter
216
00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,604
that's always hanging around?
217
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,805
You mean my sister?
218
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,306
She's your sister?
219
00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:02,075
The plot thickens.
220
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,410
Clueless little Lisa
doesn't suspect a thing.
221
00:09:04,445 --> 00:09:06,246
(upbeat jazz music playing)
222
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,282
Whatever Bart's doing,
it's got to be pretty bad
223
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:12,268
for him to get me tickets
to this amazing jam session.
224
00:09:17,091 --> 00:09:18,892
All the greats
are here:
225
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,444
Jellyroll Jones,
Boston Cream Basie,
226
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:24,264
Birthmark Billy Jackson,
Grabass Walker,
227
00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:27,467
the Fatneck Sisters and...
(gasps)
228
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,335
Bleeding Gums Murphy?
229
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:33,606
♪ I got this bratty brother
230
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,959
♪ He bugs me every day
231
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:37,427
No, that impossible.
232
00:09:37,461 --> 00:09:38,595
He's dead.
233
00:09:38,629 --> 00:09:41,664
I lay a saxophone reed
at his grave every year.
234
00:09:41,699 --> 00:09:43,132
Lights and magic, Lisa.
235
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:44,667
You don't need
anything else.
236
00:09:44,702 --> 00:09:46,619
But I took a bunch
of stuff anyway.
237
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:54,127
Well, maybe if
it's in good taste.
238
00:09:58,282 --> 00:10:00,116
Aw, come on.
239
00:10:00,150 --> 00:10:01,718
Five seconds to slip-off.
240
00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:02,852
And four, three...
241
00:10:02,886 --> 00:10:05,421
Boy, what are you
doing up here?!
242
00:10:05,456 --> 00:10:07,790
Also, what am I doing up here?
243
00:10:07,825 --> 00:10:10,793
Bart, you said your grandfather
wouldn't bother us.
244
00:10:10,828 --> 00:10:12,228
I gave him a caramel.
245
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,047
He should have been chewing
for hours.
246
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,348
I couldn't unwrap it!
247
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,349
(yells)
248
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,767
I got you, Grampa!
249
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:20,386
Hold, bolo, hold!
250
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,771
I don't want to die!
251
00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:23,856
I want to still be a burden!
252
00:10:25,142 --> 00:10:27,193
(yelling)
253
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:27,944
(all gasp)
254
00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:35,418
Please be okay.
255
00:10:35,452 --> 00:10:40,323
♪ How deep is your love?
How deep is your love? ♪
256
00:10:40,357 --> 00:10:41,391
Boy?
257
00:10:41,425 --> 00:10:42,625
Yes, Grampa?!
258
00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:44,594
Kiss my forehead.
259
00:10:44,628 --> 00:10:46,396
(groans)
260
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,483
Man, I must real love him.
261
00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,342
I'm not gonna die today.
262
00:10:59,376 --> 00:11:01,127
Aw, that's so sweet.
263
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,628
Let's get all
our grandfathers
264
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,130
and chuck them
down this thing.
265
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,732
All right!
All right!
266
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,020
Why am I in the basement?
267
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:13,688
Shouldn't I see a medico?
268
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:15,523
If the Wilsons' calf
is birthed,
269
00:11:15,557 --> 00:11:17,475
Doc Miller
should be available.
270
00:11:17,493 --> 00:11:19,877
Thank God your mental powers
haven't deteriorated.
271
00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:21,763
Well, why the hell
am I down here?!
272
00:11:21,797 --> 00:11:23,798
I was supposed to be
in charge of you.
273
00:11:23,832 --> 00:11:25,983
I can't let Mom and
Dad know what I did.
274
00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:27,585
But I promise I'll
take good care of you
275
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:28,953
until you're well again.
276
00:11:28,987 --> 00:11:30,738
No deal!
I'm getting out of here.
277
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:31,756
(groans)
278
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:33,207
Ooh, wow.
279
00:11:33,242 --> 00:11:35,109
My tailbone!
280
00:11:35,144 --> 00:11:37,478
And it was my last good bone.
281
00:11:37,513 --> 00:11:38,947
(groans)
282
00:11:38,981 --> 00:11:40,949
There, there,
you'll be fine.
283
00:11:40,983 --> 00:11:42,817
I'll take care of
everything you need.
284
00:11:42,851 --> 00:11:44,585
I want a foot rub.
285
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,421
Yes, but do
you need one?
286
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:47,922
Nobody needs one!
287
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,090
Now start rubbing!
288
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:50,174
(groans)
289
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,609
Rub harder!
290
00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:54,696
(humming)
291
00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:58,850
(grunts)
Sorry, pal.
292
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,451
"Sorry, pal"?
293
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:01,869
Hey, that's common courtesy.
294
00:12:01,904 --> 00:12:03,705
The kind I've only seen
in movies.
295
00:12:03,739 --> 00:12:05,740
This suit is amazing!
296
00:12:07,743 --> 00:12:09,527
Eh, this dump is too filthy
297
00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:11,913
for a man
with a positive worldview.
298
00:12:11,947 --> 00:12:14,599
I'm gonna start cleaning.
299
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:15,917
Dirt.
300
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:16,918
Carpet.
301
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:18,136
Another layer of dirt.
302
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:19,170
Congoleum.
303
00:12:19,204 --> 00:12:20,138
(gasps)
304
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:21,339
Hardwood!
305
00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:24,475
The perfect floor
for doing a happy jig.
306
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:27,161
(upbeat music playing)
307
00:12:33,902 --> 00:12:36,504
And now to light up the sign
and let the world know
308
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:39,173
that the new, improved Moe's
is open for business.
309
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:45,513
Hmm.
310
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:47,048
Wow, non-losers?
311
00:12:47,082 --> 00:12:49,000
Huh, I never thought
I'd see the day.
312
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:50,985
Gentlemen,
what can I get you?
313
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,321
We'll take anything you've got
aged 15 years or more.
314
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,573
Hmm.
315
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:57,959
Hmm.
316
00:12:58,677 --> 00:13:00,344
(squeaking)
317
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:04,165
Well, actually, I do have this
bourbon that I brewed myself.
318
00:13:04,199 --> 00:13:06,234
It'll either be
the best thing you ever had
319
00:13:06,268 --> 00:13:08,236
or the last thing
you'll ever have.
320
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:09,170
Mmm.
Huh.
321
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,644
Wow! Hey, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
322
00:13:16,678 --> 00:13:17,979
Moe, we're venture
capitalists.
323
00:13:18,013 --> 00:13:20,248
We turn dreams into money
that mostly goes to us,
324
00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:21,499
but you get a little.
325
00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:22,483
Tell me more!
326
00:13:22,518 --> 00:13:23,785
How many
bottles of this
327
00:13:23,819 --> 00:13:25,236
Kentucky Kool-Aid
do you have?
328
00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:26,888
Just the one,
but I could whip up
329
00:13:26,922 --> 00:13:28,689
two or 300,000 more.
330
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,725
Moe, you got a great product,
a fantastic suit,
331
00:13:30,759 --> 00:13:32,593
and we're gonna give you
everything you need.
332
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:34,912
Startup money,
branding specialists.
333
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,748
Corporate jets,
private drivers.
334
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:39,016
If your feet touch the ground,
we've failed.
335
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,818
This is all so sudden.
336
00:13:43,021 --> 00:13:45,189
Now it's not.
I'm in!
337
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,191
Only one more thing
we need to do.
338
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,060
Check this out with
our focus group.
339
00:13:58,987 --> 00:13:59,954
So, what do we think?
340
00:13:59,988 --> 00:14:00,955
Be honest, now.
341
00:14:00,989 --> 00:14:02,256
I love it!
342
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:03,658
I've made a lot of mistakes,
343
00:14:03,692 --> 00:14:05,426
but liking this
ain't one of them.
344
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,813
(groans)
345
00:14:08,831 --> 00:14:11,482
Every time I call
Grampa's phone, I get no answer.
346
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:15,069
Uh, he told me he was gonna
nap most of the week.
347
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,637
Oh! Oh, good.
348
00:14:16,672 --> 00:14:19,123
Well, he needs his sleep.
349
00:14:22,277 --> 00:14:23,978
Time for your meds!
350
00:14:25,347 --> 00:14:26,147
Come on, blue!
Come on, pink!
351
00:14:26,181 --> 00:14:27,498
Come on, come
on, come on!
352
00:14:27,516 --> 00:14:29,417
Take it, take it,
there you go, yes!
353
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:33,571
After a pulse-pounding race,
hypertension pills win again.
354
00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:36,040
Call me crazy, but I can't stop
betting on dementia.
355
00:14:36,074 --> 00:14:37,141
(chuckles)
356
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:40,077
Now, what say we turn
the hot water on and off
357
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:42,063
while your father's
taking a shower?
358
00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:43,764
HOMER:
(gasps) Oh!
359
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:44,765
(gasping)
360
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,667
Hot, oh!
Cold, oh!
361
00:14:46,702 --> 00:14:47,835
(screams)
362
00:14:47,870 --> 00:14:49,504
Thank God I'm not
in the shower!
363
00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:51,973
(both laughing)
364
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,145
Hmm.
365
00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:59,680
Grampa, we've been spending
so much time together,
366
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:02,416
I almost feel like you're
part of the family.
367
00:15:02,451 --> 00:15:03,851
Aw.
368
00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:04,952
And I've been wondering.
369
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,787
Not like I miss
having my afternoons free
370
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:10,691
or anything, but...
are you starting to feel better?
371
00:15:10,726 --> 00:15:12,160
Absolutely not!
372
00:15:12,194 --> 00:15:15,163
My crotch is crotchety,
sitting down makes me uppity,
373
00:15:15,197 --> 00:15:17,498
and you call
these cups pleated?!
374
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:19,133
Okay, okay, just checking.
375
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,168
(sighs)
376
00:15:20,202 --> 00:15:22,653
"Dear She-Done-Left-Me Records,
377
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:26,874
"Once again, I write protesting
your holographic exploitation
378
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,443
"of blues icon
Bleeding Gums Murphy.
379
00:15:29,478 --> 00:15:32,013
"I call for a boycott
and girl-cott
380
00:15:32,047 --> 00:15:33,998
of your entire catalogue
until you..."
381
00:15:34,032 --> 00:15:35,466
(jazz music playing)
382
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,134
Sonny Rollins?
383
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:38,569
That's right, Lisa.
384
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:42,406
And I'm here to beg you to
stop writing those letters.
385
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,976
You're siding
with record companies?
386
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,677
This isn't about
money, Lisa.
387
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:49,814
From Tupac Shakur to
Dwight Eisenhower,
388
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:53,150
holograms have introduced some
of our leading dead people
389
00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,887
to a new audience of
people with money.
390
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:58,206
Resetting, resetting.
391
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,475
From Tupac Shakur to
Dwight Eisenhower...
392
00:16:01,510 --> 00:16:02,910
You're a hologram, aren't you?
393
00:16:02,945 --> 00:16:03,945
No.
394
00:16:03,979 --> 00:16:05,763
Resetting, resetting.
395
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:07,915
(groans)
396
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:09,667
Have you no shame?!
397
00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,102
Does this answer your question?
398
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,136
(man beatboxing)
399
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,437
(rapping):
♪ My name is Princess Di
400
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:14,872
♪ And I'm here to say
401
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:17,491
♪ When I watch a DVD,
it's got to be Blu-ray. ♪
402
00:16:17,542 --> 00:16:18,509
Take it, Gandhi!
403
00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:20,611
First Bank of Springfield--
404
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:24,281
say "Mumbai"
to high checking fees!
405
00:16:24,299 --> 00:16:25,783
(hisses)
406
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:30,421
MOE:
Hey, thanks, guys.
407
00:16:30,455 --> 00:16:33,658
I ain't never been to
no fancy rooftop party before.
408
00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:34,825
No beer?
409
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,028
That's a pretty big screwup.
410
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:38,629
Moe, we got
a special surprise.
411
00:16:38,647 --> 00:16:40,097
You like chicks
with nose clips?
412
00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:41,232
Then you're really
gonna be happy.
413
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,267
Bring it, girls.
414
00:16:46,154 --> 00:16:49,023
Hey, that is the most accurate
picture of my face
415
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:51,025
made of girl-parts
that I have ever seen.
416
00:16:51,059 --> 00:16:53,377
And it's not decadent 'cause you
can ask interns to do anything.
417
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:54,973
Thanks. Thank you so much,
Ken and Glen.
418
00:16:54,997 --> 00:16:56,280
Ah, you're welcome.
419
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,282
Anything to celebrate
your I.P.O. tomorrow.
420
00:16:58,316 --> 00:16:59,617
You know what
that is, right?
421
00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:00,851
Um...
422
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:01,869
Moe, we love your whiskey,
423
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,004
we love your backstory,
424
00:17:03,038 --> 00:17:04,956
and we love that suit
that hangs off you
425
00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:06,290
like silk on
a skeleton.
426
00:17:06,324 --> 00:17:08,376
So, starting tomorrow,
we're gonna sell shares
427
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:09,827
in your company
to the public.
428
00:17:09,845 --> 00:17:12,096
All you do is show up
at the stock exchange,
429
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:14,665
ring the bell, and
you'll leave a rich man.
430
00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:16,651
(elevator bell dings)
We'll see you tomorrow.
431
00:17:16,685 --> 00:17:18,970
Enjoy your last night
as a Democrat.
432
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,356
Dang it, my suit's
stuck in the door.
433
00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:25,726
No, no, no!
434
00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:27,895
This building's got 98 floors!
435
00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:29,797
And I'm going down to P-6!
436
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:31,365
P-6!
437
00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:38,806
(knocking)
438
00:17:42,076 --> 00:17:42,811
Moe?
439
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,212
What are you doing?
440
00:17:44,246 --> 00:17:46,781
Midge, uh, the suit
got a little mussed up.
441
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,617
I-I got to ask you,
is it noticeable?
442
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,553
Thank God
the kids aren't here.
443
00:17:51,587 --> 00:17:52,754
LISA:
I was.
444
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,858
Aw, without my magic suit,
I'm nothing.
445
00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:58,943
The suit wasn't magic, Moe.
446
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,529
Don't you know the story
of Dumbo the elephant?
447
00:18:01,564 --> 00:18:03,565
I didn't go
to movies as a kid.
448
00:18:03,599 --> 00:18:05,900
Spent all my time
at the pierogi factory.
449
00:18:05,935 --> 00:18:08,069
Dab the potato,
fold the dough.
450
00:18:08,103 --> 00:18:10,038
That was my Star Wars.
451
00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:12,991
Well, Dumbo had
a magic feather.
452
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,059
He thought he
needed it to fly,
453
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,245
but it turned out
the magic was
454
00:18:17,279 --> 00:18:19,314
in him the
whole time.
455
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,649
So you're saying
Moe is Dumbo,
456
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,551
his bourbon is
the giant ears,
457
00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:26,254
and we're that flock
of racist crows?
458
00:18:26,288 --> 00:18:29,858
The crows weren't racist,
the people who drew them were.
459
00:18:29,892 --> 00:18:31,376
Okay, I get it,
I get it.
460
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:34,012
It wasn't the suit that made
the bourbon, it was me.
461
00:18:34,063 --> 00:18:35,597
And I can do anything.
462
00:18:35,631 --> 00:18:36,564
Don't stand up!
463
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:37,699
Except stand up.
464
00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:38,966
BART:
Grampa,
465
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:40,435
I made your favorite dinner:
466
00:18:40,469 --> 00:18:42,637
teething biscuits
soaked in buttermilk.
467
00:18:44,306 --> 00:18:47,425
(singing
"The Blue Danube" waltz)
468
00:18:48,444 --> 00:18:50,862
Oh! Oh! The pain!
469
00:18:50,913 --> 00:18:53,281
(grunting)
470
00:18:53,315 --> 00:18:54,449
You're completely fine!
471
00:18:54,483 --> 00:18:56,050
I've been taking care of you,
472
00:18:56,085 --> 00:18:58,419
giving you love and
attention for nothing!
473
00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:00,421
All right, boy, I admit it.
474
00:19:00,456 --> 00:19:03,992
I've been faking being hurt,
just like I fake
475
00:19:04,026 --> 00:19:07,629
liking those terrible homemade
Christmas gifts you give.
476
00:19:07,663 --> 00:19:09,764
But Mom said it was
a gift made with love.
477
00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,032
Did she?
478
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,033
No.
479
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,568
Even she thought it was crap.
480
00:19:13,602 --> 00:19:15,770
But what you did
wasn't for nothing.
481
00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:18,072
It was the best two weeks
482
00:19:18,107 --> 00:19:20,875
of this final horrible
part of my life.
483
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:24,412
Well, you are the first thing
I took care of that didn't die.
484
00:19:24,446 --> 00:19:27,415
(chuckles):
Oh, I hear that a lot.
485
00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:30,251
Hey-ya, guys.
486
00:19:30,286 --> 00:19:32,737
Security, there's
a homeless monster up here!
487
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,656
Hey-hey-hey, I'm
your partner, Moe.
488
00:19:35,858 --> 00:19:37,742
N-Now, let's go make
us a fortune, huh?
489
00:19:37,793 --> 00:19:38,760
(bell tolling)
490
00:19:38,794 --> 00:19:40,762
(all gasp)
Look!
491
00:19:40,796 --> 00:19:44,365
It's Quasimodo
without the pathos!
492
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,500
People, please, please.
493
00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:46,884
My name is Moe Szyslak
494
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:50,288
of Makers Moe Bourbon,
ticker symbol: M-O-E.
495
00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:53,458
I'm the CEO, and I promise
that I will hand-brew
496
00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:56,494
every bottle
with these very hands, huh?
497
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:58,963
I-I'll supervise production,
I'll manage marketing.
498
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:01,683
My face is gonna be
on every bottle!
499
00:20:01,717 --> 00:20:04,118
And we will only use
the finest ingredients
500
00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:05,753
made in America.
501
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,188
(booing, clamoring)
502
00:20:09,992 --> 00:20:11,592
Glad you're back, Moe.
503
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,629
At least I don't have to
train the new bartender
504
00:20:14,663 --> 00:20:17,849
to make what I like--
beer to the top.
505
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,518
(humming)
506
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,120
(sighs)
507
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,039
Not today, old friend.
508
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,441
But don't worry, holidays are
just around the corner.
509
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:48,476
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
510
00:21:32,298 --> 00:21:33,602
Shh!