1 00:00:07,371 --> 00:00:08,932 [Buzzer] 2 00:00:11,341 --> 00:00:15,702 "The tea in Nepal is very hot." 3 00:00:16,324 --> 00:00:21,341 "But the coffee in Peru is much hotter." 4 00:00:22,204 --> 00:00:23,588 [Buzzer] 5 00:00:24,186 --> 00:00:28,376 Last week, I finally became permanent Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton! 6 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,934 My first project: Increase security. 7 00:00:30,946 --> 00:00:34,175 I got these doors from a jewelry store that had recently gone out of business. 8 00:00:34,228 --> 00:00:37,767 Now they're protecting America's real treasure-- Paper! 9 00:00:38,049 --> 00:00:41,085 Every morning, I email the day's security codes. 10 00:00:41,136 --> 00:00:44,974 Something that's been really missing from my life has been writing secret codes. 11 00:00:45,008 --> 00:00:46,819 It's not the KGB, but 12 00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:48,367 it's a start. 13 00:00:48,933 --> 00:00:50,554 [Buzzer] 14 00:00:50,721 --> 00:00:52,920 "The tea in Nepal is very hot." 15 00:00:52,938 --> 00:00:55,206 "But the coffee in Peru is far hotter." 16 00:00:55,239 --> 00:00:56,893 Close. 17 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,647 This is Tuesday, right? The-- 18 00:00:59,808 --> 00:01:02,189 The coffee in Paraguay is far hotter? 19 00:01:02,226 --> 00:01:03,464 Colder. 20 00:01:03,486 --> 00:01:06,811 - "The coffee in Paraguay is colder?" - No, I meant you were getting colder. 21 00:01:06,842 --> 00:01:08,479 The correct response is; 22 00:01:08,497 --> 00:01:11,201 "The coffee in Peru is much hotter." 23 00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,364 - Oh, much. Okay. - But that's three wrong, 24 00:01:13,389 --> 00:01:14,825 so I gotta give you the steam. 25 00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:17,532 - No. - Unless you want me to break protocol. 26 00:01:22,731 --> 00:01:24,032 No, 27 00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:26,117 no. Give me the steam. 28 00:01:26,517 --> 00:01:28,048 [Hangs up phone receiver] 29 00:01:28,817 --> 00:01:30,977 [Steam whooshes] 30 00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:33,718 It's just harmless steam to panic intruders. 31 00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:37,386 I'd like to get harmful steam, but the prices are absurd! 32 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:42,586 Break protocol! Break protocol! Break protocol! 33 00:01:42,653 --> 00:01:45,141 Oh, I'm saving a fortune on dry-cleaning. 34 00:01:45,441 --> 00:01:48,393 [Cheerful music] 35 00:01:48,539 --> 00:01:56,539 ♪ 36 00:02:12,524 --> 00:02:17,524 Sync and corrections by Norther www.addic7ed.com 37 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:19,096 Mama. 38 00:02:19,114 --> 00:02:21,128 Angela, someone wants you. 39 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,928 Okay. Coming. 40 00:02:22,969 --> 00:02:25,813 [Baby crying] 41 00:02:26,051 --> 00:02:27,226 Hi, baby. 42 00:02:27,245 --> 00:02:29,294 Angela's divorce from the senator 43 00:02:29,321 --> 00:02:31,273 has been very difficult for her. 44 00:02:31,304 --> 00:02:33,567 When she got kicked out of her apartment, 45 00:02:33,634 --> 00:02:35,714 I invited her to move in with me. 46 00:02:35,854 --> 00:02:39,217 Ironic that now it's Angela who's living in the closet. 47 00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:41,240 Hey-o. 48 00:02:41,734 --> 00:02:44,359 Saddle shoes with denim? [Laughs] 49 00:02:44,442 --> 00:02:47,628 I will literally call child protective services. 50 00:02:54,638 --> 00:02:55,938 Go get 'em, honey. 51 00:02:55,963 --> 00:02:58,124 Oh, don't worry. They'll get got. 52 00:02:58,162 --> 00:02:59,086 [Laughs] 53 00:02:59,098 --> 00:03:00,791 Manager of Dunder Mifflin. Check! 54 00:03:00,815 --> 00:03:03,380 Owner of a 1,600-acre beet farm. Check! 55 00:03:03,399 --> 00:03:06,444 Engaged to be married to an actual milkmaid. 56 00:03:06,462 --> 00:03:07,636 Check... 57 00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:10,392 on that later today. 58 00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:13,742 This is my grandmother's ring. 59 00:03:14,488 --> 00:03:16,871 It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. 60 00:03:16,872 --> 00:03:19,502 She was a moonshiner shot by Adolph Coors. 61 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,726 This is my grandmother's buttock bullet ring. 62 00:03:22,956 --> 00:03:24,523 [Background chatter] 63 00:03:24,541 --> 00:03:25,862 Hi. Good morning. 64 00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:28,121 Name is Andrew Bernard. 65 00:03:28,186 --> 00:03:32,117 You might know me from a TV documentary that's premiering tonight. 66 00:03:32,523 --> 00:03:34,756 Also killed it in local theater, 67 00:03:34,865 --> 00:03:38,325 and I am fresh off of a hot industrial flick. 68 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:39,970 Okay. Thanks. 69 00:03:40,006 --> 00:03:42,934 - Go ahead and get in the back of the line. - Yes! 70 00:03:43,562 --> 00:03:48,917 [Overlapping chatter] 71 00:03:49,181 --> 00:03:51,476 Well, I burned all my bridges at Dunder Mifflin, 72 00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:54,061 and time to become the next American idol 73 00:03:54,086 --> 00:03:57,542 by winning America's Next A Cappella Sensation 74 00:03:57,688 --> 00:03:59,856 on channel TBD. 75 00:04:00,088 --> 00:04:01,911 It's a really cool show. It's like a total reinvention 76 00:04:01,917 --> 00:04:05,822 of the whole American Idol/Voice/Sing-Off phenomenon. 77 00:04:05,866 --> 00:04:09,007 On this show, all three judges are mean. 78 00:04:09,563 --> 00:04:11,358 [Overlapping chatter] 79 00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:13,215 Sales form for you to sign. 80 00:04:13,342 --> 00:04:14,934 You know what to do. 81 00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:28,219 Okay. 82 00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:31,667 Behind every great regional manager is a great assistant to the regional manager, 83 00:04:31,685 --> 00:04:33,086 and I have chosen one of the best. 84 00:04:33,104 --> 00:04:34,592 Aw, thanks, man. 85 00:04:34,604 --> 00:04:37,935 Once upon a time, we were natural enemies, but we've overcome our differences, 86 00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:40,979 - much like Germany and Italy in World War... - No. 87 00:04:41,444 --> 00:04:42,539 Good call. 88 00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:44,816 Together, we run a no-nonsense office. 89 00:04:44,859 --> 00:04:48,548 _ 90 00:04:56,026 --> 00:04:58,276 Preconference room meeting with Dwight went really well. 91 00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,320 Oh. Bodes well for the post-conference room meeting. 92 00:05:00,338 --> 00:05:03,463 All depends on the conference room meeting itself. [Musical ringtone] 93 00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:06,511 Uh, okay. 94 00:05:06,749 --> 00:05:08,752 - Is that them again? - Yeah. 95 00:05:08,855 --> 00:05:10,868 Maybe you should call back. 96 00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:12,748 I will. 97 00:05:13,015 --> 00:05:15,208 I will. 98 00:05:16,163 --> 00:05:18,038 The guys at Athlead are still bugging me 99 00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:19,969 about this three-month road show thing. 100 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:23,003 Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. 101 00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:25,312 Yeah, it sounds exciting. But... 102 00:05:25,369 --> 00:05:27,536 I said no, and that's final. 103 00:05:27,886 --> 00:05:29,899 I almost lost Pam over this business. 104 00:05:29,924 --> 00:05:32,352 I'm not risking that again. 105 00:05:32,692 --> 00:05:36,380 When Jim decided to come back to Scranton full-time, I was relieved, 106 00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:39,536 but I also feel a little guilty. 107 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:43,376 I mean, he's giving up this big thing for me. 108 00:05:43,474 --> 00:05:45,005 But he seems happy. 109 00:05:45,023 --> 00:05:47,571 I mean, he's certainly been goofing around a lot. 110 00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:49,732 I love goofy Jim. 111 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:50,765 Welcome. 112 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:51,921 He welcomes you. 113 00:05:51,945 --> 00:05:53,296 Please take an agenda item. 114 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,183 - Your agenda-taking pleases him. - Have a seat, Phyllis. 115 00:05:56,386 --> 00:05:57,401 There we go. 116 00:05:57,413 --> 00:06:00,609 As you know, I like to begin each day with an inspirational quote. 117 00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:04,841 "Some say the only failure there is is the failure to try." 118 00:06:04,971 --> 00:06:05,810 [Imitates buzzer] 119 00:06:05,835 --> 00:06:06,835 "That is wrong. 120 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,419 Failure of any kind is failure." 121 00:06:09,431 --> 00:06:11,549 - Jim, over to you. - Let's not get crazy 122 00:06:11,561 --> 00:06:14,213 and ruin our no-nonsense streak, all right? 123 00:06:14,232 --> 00:06:16,482 So, for instance, if you're expecting a fax today, 124 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,701 please don't yell out, 125 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,446 "Michael J. Fax from fax to the future!" 126 00:06:20,498 --> 00:06:22,168 Okay? That's nonsense. 127 00:06:22,242 --> 00:06:24,675 - Question. - Yes, beautiful girl in the front. 128 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,781 We are expecting a water delivery today at 10 a.m. 129 00:06:27,811 --> 00:06:29,965 What if, as they're delivering the water jugs, 130 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,160 someone screams out, "nice jugs!" 131 00:06:32,204 --> 00:06:34,183 That's obviously nonsense. 132 00:06:34,208 --> 00:06:35,190 Nonsense. 133 00:06:35,203 --> 00:06:38,609 And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office? 134 00:06:38,622 --> 00:06:40,614 - Zero. - No nonsense. 135 00:06:40,632 --> 00:06:43,470 - No. Can't have nonsense. - What is going on? 136 00:06:43,482 --> 00:06:45,199 Daycare won't take Phillip anymore. 137 00:06:45,212 --> 00:06:46,562 - Why? - [Sighs] 138 00:06:46,584 --> 00:06:50,790 Apparently my station in life has descended to a depth even they won't forgive. 139 00:06:50,859 --> 00:06:52,634 So, hi. 140 00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:54,187 Hi, buddy. 141 00:06:54,212 --> 00:06:55,912 Okay. Um, 142 00:06:56,077 --> 00:06:57,400 new agenda item. 143 00:06:57,412 --> 00:06:59,582 Phillip will be joining us at the office today. 144 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,038 Gotta write that down. 145 00:07:01,101 --> 00:07:02,679 Okay, big day today. 146 00:07:02,704 --> 00:07:05,520 Airing of the documentary. Who's excited? 147 00:07:05,963 --> 00:07:08,064 I'd better come out of this smelling like a rose. 148 00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:10,852 I've been on my best behavior for nine years. 149 00:07:10,975 --> 00:07:14,363 If it wasn't for the cameras, I would've done some truly vulgar crap. 150 00:07:14,394 --> 00:07:17,485 Over the course of this documentary, I've had three affairs. 151 00:07:17,510 --> 00:07:19,514 If you find my body in a ditch, 152 00:07:19,532 --> 00:07:21,377 let me save the police some trouble. 153 00:07:21,394 --> 00:07:23,074 My wife did it. 154 00:07:23,164 --> 00:07:25,295 I'm letting you all off half an hour early 155 00:07:25,307 --> 00:07:27,609 to view the documentary, so you can make it up to me 156 00:07:27,627 --> 00:07:29,840 by working an extra half an hour tomorrow 157 00:07:29,852 --> 00:07:31,878 or a minute extra for the rest of the month. 158 00:07:31,902 --> 00:07:33,041 Ooh! Announcement. 159 00:07:33,079 --> 00:07:35,268 Some of us whose televisions got broken 160 00:07:35,279 --> 00:07:37,543 during an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial 161 00:07:37,571 --> 00:07:39,875 will be watching tonight at Poor Richard's. 162 00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:43,825 But note, all are welcome, not just those 163 00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:46,076 who saw an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial 164 00:07:46,103 --> 00:07:48,304 and charged their televisions. 165 00:07:48,498 --> 00:07:51,374 I can't believe the doc is finally going to air. 166 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:53,099 When this thing started, 167 00:07:53,112 --> 00:07:55,334 I was still having sex with women. 168 00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,566 As was Kevin, I believe. 169 00:07:57,732 --> 00:07:59,606 This airs tonight? 170 00:07:59,818 --> 00:08:01,606 Oh, my God. 171 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,695 If my parents see this, 172 00:08:03,719 --> 00:08:05,460 I am toast. 173 00:08:08,551 --> 00:08:10,222 This is really huge. 174 00:08:10,246 --> 00:08:12,696 This is like the march on Washington, but for a singing show. 175 00:08:12,712 --> 00:08:13,525 Whoohoo! 176 00:08:13,537 --> 00:08:15,399 Can you imagine if Martin Luther King were here 177 00:08:15,422 --> 00:08:17,557 and sang I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis? 178 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,153 With that baritone? That would be historic. 179 00:08:20,169 --> 00:08:22,857 Whoohoo! Casey Dean! Cincinnati, Ohio! 180 00:08:22,888 --> 00:08:25,176 - Whoa. - ♪ Doctor, doctor, gimme the news ♪ 181 00:08:25,188 --> 00:08:27,950 ♪ I got a great Casey Dean for you ♪ 182 00:08:27,972 --> 00:08:30,680 - No. No, this is my time! - America wants it! 183 00:08:30,698 --> 00:08:31,971 You don't belt on my time! 184 00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:35,297 - I belt on my time! - ♪ Casey Deeeeee-eeean 185 00:08:35,319 --> 00:08:42,227 ♪ Casey De-ee-ee-ee-ee-ean ♪ 186 00:08:42,378 --> 00:08:44,499 - Man, those are some nice pipes! - Yeah. 187 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,112 What's your name? 188 00:08:46,536 --> 00:08:47,970 Andy. 189 00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:49,611 What's yours? 190 00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:54,406 - Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? - Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? 191 00:08:54,431 --> 00:08:56,772 - Guys. - Because whenever I pack the bag, 192 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:58,078 you say I do it wrong. 193 00:08:58,090 --> 00:08:59,282 - Guys. - Why don't you pack it? 194 00:08:59,304 --> 00:09:00,873 - Guys. - Kevin, what? - Kevin, what is it? 195 00:09:00,885 --> 00:09:05,249 Do you want to see a video of a weatherman who says "bold front" 196 00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:06,799 instead of "cold front"? 197 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:07,858 It's insane. 198 00:09:07,876 --> 00:09:10,688 Not now, Kevin. Can't you see we're busy? 199 00:09:10,757 --> 00:09:12,575 Phillip needs his apple snacks. 200 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:13,902 Seriously, Kevin. 201 00:09:13,908 --> 00:09:16,402 - I'm just gonna have to go to the store. - Okay, you go to the store. 202 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,545 Phillip, Phillip, Phillip. 203 00:09:18,573 --> 00:09:20,766 It's all about Phillip. 204 00:09:20,834 --> 00:09:23,578 I hate Phillip. 205 00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:26,239 [Door opens] 206 00:09:26,251 --> 00:09:27,430 Not now! Private time! 207 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:30,667 I love Star Wars as much as the next guy... - Hey, hey. 208 00:09:30,711 --> 00:09:32,711 Seriously? 209 00:09:34,487 --> 00:09:36,705 My God, I'm so sorry. 210 00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:39,438 Well, this might make up for it. 211 00:09:39,457 --> 00:09:42,154 I think I have found an enormous source 212 00:09:42,201 --> 00:09:43,921 of overlooked PFN. 213 00:09:44,178 --> 00:09:45,735 Which is, of course...? 214 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,934 - Potential future nonsense. - Yes. 215 00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:50,061 Good abbreviating, Jim. That saved some time. 216 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,169 Now, hurry up. Shut the door. 217 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:53,449 [Sighs] 218 00:09:53,474 --> 00:09:54,583 Break it down for me. 219 00:09:54,607 --> 00:09:57,382 I'm gonna need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. 220 00:09:57,667 --> 00:10:00,249 - You've got a regional manager. - The power source. 221 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,246 Obviously, the assistant to the regional manager. 222 00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:03,927 A loyal but bungling apostle. 223 00:10:03,946 --> 00:10:08,002 But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager? 224 00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:15,230 Someone to whisper in the ear of the consigliore. 225 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,573 Exactly. 226 00:10:16,597 --> 00:10:19,088 I'd have to get some more wire and string, 227 00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:20,679 but it's doable. 228 00:10:20,719 --> 00:10:23,050 Do you think any of them out there are capable? 229 00:10:23,175 --> 00:10:24,288 Yeah, right. 230 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,401 I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests. 231 00:10:26,422 --> 00:10:28,247 I like the sound of that. 232 00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:30,909 - Who did you have in mind? - Well, I know this sounds crazy, 233 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,865 but how would King Arthur choose the next knight of his round table? 234 00:10:35,414 --> 00:10:37,521 That doesn't sound crazy, Jim. 235 00:10:37,627 --> 00:10:40,494 That's the sanest thing I've ever heard. 236 00:10:41,919 --> 00:10:45,245 - What are you listening to? - Hmm? Um, uh, locking in my starting note. 237 00:10:45,257 --> 00:10:47,495 ♪ A 440 238 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,506 - Oh, sweet. - A cappella is all about pitch, 239 00:10:49,512 --> 00:10:53,144 and I am nothing if not a total pitch bitch. 240 00:10:53,331 --> 00:10:54,506 What's up, everybody? 241 00:10:54,531 --> 00:10:58,364 And welcome to America's Next A Cappella Sensation! 242 00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,457 [Cheers and applause] 243 00:11:00,673 --> 00:11:02,986 Oh, my God! You're gorgeous! 244 00:11:03,011 --> 00:11:04,386 Thank you. Thank you so much. 245 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,661 And thank you for your patience. And we hope to see you guys 246 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:08,599 within the next five to seven hours. 247 00:11:08,632 --> 00:11:11,327 Now, just to give you a couple parameters of the show, 248 00:11:11,351 --> 00:11:14,161 each of you will sing a song for 30 seconds, 249 00:11:14,236 --> 00:11:16,042 after which our judges will decide 250 00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:18,596 if they want you in their a cappella group. 251 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,945 Now, each group will start with 90 singers 252 00:11:20,963 --> 00:11:24,651 which will compete in a series of singing and physical challenges. 253 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,678 Oh, and look out for that pesky mole! 254 00:11:27,692 --> 00:11:28,451 [Crowd murmuring] 255 00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:29,745 There's a mole? 256 00:11:29,783 --> 00:11:30,853 Oops. 257 00:11:30,878 --> 00:11:32,447 I'm not supposed to-- 258 00:11:32,504 --> 00:11:34,329 not supposed to say that. All right. No mole. 259 00:11:34,341 --> 00:11:35,604 Forget I said it, all right? 260 00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:38,279 What mole? What are you talking about? I already forgot about it. 261 00:11:38,317 --> 00:11:39,586 Good man right there. 262 00:11:39,605 --> 00:11:41,980 I'll see you guys inside. Good luck, all right? 263 00:11:41,999 --> 00:11:43,402 Yeah! 264 00:11:43,432 --> 00:11:45,228 Pour some Sugar Ray on me! 265 00:11:45,354 --> 00:11:46,589 What? 266 00:11:46,631 --> 00:11:48,235 - On a roll much? - I don't know where it came from. 267 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,507 - That was amazing, man! - Yeah. Yeah, it felt good. It felt funny. 268 00:11:50,531 --> 00:11:52,300 Yeah, you made a personal connection with him. 269 00:11:52,322 --> 00:11:54,125 - I did. I felt it. - Big time. 270 00:11:55,421 --> 00:11:57,010 What are you so excited about? 271 00:11:57,041 --> 00:12:00,138 - Nothing. - What are you up to? 272 00:12:00,341 --> 00:12:01,741 [Laughs] 273 00:12:03,078 --> 00:12:05,390 Members of the office, hear ye. 274 00:12:05,403 --> 00:12:07,292 That means ye, Plop. 275 00:12:07,339 --> 00:12:09,170 "Plop"? Still? 276 00:12:09,194 --> 00:12:11,188 We owe Andy that much. 277 00:12:11,283 --> 00:12:14,434 - Absolutely, we do. - Am I right, people? 278 00:12:15,064 --> 00:12:17,903 - Fine. - Today, we will be testing candidates 279 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,451 for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager. 280 00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:23,215 - Aw, heck, yeah. - Nice. 281 00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:26,822 You'll always have the upper hand when you've got a good 282 00:12:26,877 --> 00:12:28,333 "aarm." 283 00:12:28,357 --> 00:12:31,628 - Trademark pending. - This is not an excuse to blow off work 284 00:12:31,641 --> 00:12:33,247 doing carnival-like activities. 285 00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:35,776 Sure, every participant will be getting a corn dog, 286 00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:37,491 but that's for fueling only. 287 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,495 - No savoring. - Wow. What an honor. 288 00:12:39,507 --> 00:12:42,242 - God, I envy them. - He envies you. 289 00:12:42,277 --> 00:12:43,703 You don't need to repeat right now... 290 00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:44,820 - All right. - What I'm saying. 291 00:12:44,838 --> 00:12:47,007 By 2:00, Dwight will choose himself 292 00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:49,445 to be assistant to his own assistant, 293 00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:50,570 me. 294 00:12:56,935 --> 00:12:57,917 What's up? 295 00:12:57,942 --> 00:12:59,761 What's going on? How was the "delivery"? 296 00:12:59,797 --> 00:13:01,447 Delivered all my furniture to Philly. 297 00:13:01,463 --> 00:13:02,826 Hey, keep it down, though. 298 00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,482 Nobody knows I'm here. 299 00:13:04,636 --> 00:13:07,331 I hate good-byes, so last week, 300 00:13:07,343 --> 00:13:08,964 when I left Dunder Mifflin for good, 301 00:13:08,995 --> 00:13:10,658 I pulled the old "Irish Exit." 302 00:13:10,676 --> 00:13:12,741 Just slipped out with making a big deal. 303 00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:14,339 No hard feelings. 304 00:13:14,395 --> 00:13:16,221 No feelings at all. 305 00:13:16,331 --> 00:13:17,702 [Sighs] 306 00:13:17,896 --> 00:13:21,444 A good assistant knows what their superior is thinking 307 00:13:21,463 --> 00:13:22,702 before they even think it. 308 00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:24,715 Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now? 309 00:13:24,752 --> 00:13:26,841 Uh, two. 310 00:13:26,895 --> 00:13:29,364 985,000,000,000,017. 311 00:13:29,412 --> 00:13:31,019 [Scoffs] Not even close, Meredith. 312 00:13:31,037 --> 00:13:32,511 - Come on! - Okay. Pam. 313 00:13:32,533 --> 00:13:34,533 What song is running through my head right now? 314 00:13:34,621 --> 00:13:36,423 The theme song from Saved by the Bell. 315 00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,698 Oh, my God! It was the theme song to Boy Meets World. 316 00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:40,042 Wait. No, no, no, stop. 317 00:13:40,078 --> 00:13:43,349 Spouses can read each other's minds. You're trying to give your wife this job. 318 00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:45,653 That's exactly what I was doing. 319 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:48,028 Plop, what animal am I picturing? 320 00:13:48,105 --> 00:13:48,843 A horse. 321 00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:50,749 Ew, the exact opposite, actually. 322 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,268 What's the opposite of a horse? 323 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,374 - Come on. It's sea horse. - A sea horse. 324 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:56,644 Whoa, 325 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,938 how did you know that I was gonna... 326 00:13:58,955 --> 00:14:00,891 Both: Say that? 327 00:14:01,684 --> 00:14:03,414 Both: Uncanny. 328 00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:06,289 Challenge number two, protocol. 329 00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:07,438 - Clark! - Yeah. 330 00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:09,180 Do you want a corn dog? 331 00:14:09,213 --> 00:14:11,201 - I would love a corn dog. - We'll see. 332 00:14:11,239 --> 00:14:13,839 You are an assistant who's just gotten a phone message. 333 00:14:13,868 --> 00:14:17,287 I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert Dunder, and his niece. 334 00:14:17,322 --> 00:14:19,014 Uh-oh, look who came to join us. 335 00:14:19,043 --> 00:14:21,149 The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, 336 00:14:21,182 --> 00:14:24,664 Yuri Slovak, who, by the way, is extremely embarrassed about the size of his nose. 337 00:14:24,736 --> 00:14:26,635 Go ahead and read that phone message. 338 00:14:27,028 --> 00:14:29,110 "Mr. Halpert, your wife called to find out 339 00:14:29,139 --> 00:14:30,986 how your meeting with Yuri big nose went." 340 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,149 No, no, no, no! 341 00:14:32,173 --> 00:14:34,534 You don't read it aloud like that! 342 00:14:34,668 --> 00:14:37,203 God! Besides, the whole thing is a trick question. 343 00:14:37,228 --> 00:14:39,336 There's no Turkish ambassador to Armenia. 344 00:14:39,375 --> 00:14:42,417 The two countries don't have diplomatic relations. 345 00:14:44,157 --> 00:14:45,848 Uncanny. 346 00:14:46,445 --> 00:14:49,183 I just hope that if my buddies who are still in Afghanistan 347 00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:52,036 see me win, they'll feel like anything is possible. 348 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,916 Great. More screen time for the war vet. 349 00:14:53,953 --> 00:14:55,191 [Scoffs] 350 00:14:55,259 --> 00:14:58,445 All you gotta do is risk your life for this country and everyone goes Gaga for you. 351 00:14:58,470 --> 00:14:59,760 Oh, over at the porta-potties, 352 00:14:59,781 --> 00:15:02,710 they were interviewing a homeless, single mother with three kids. 353 00:15:02,805 --> 00:15:04,923 - What? - Yeah. 354 00:15:04,974 --> 00:15:09,422 Is this a show about the resiliency of the human spirit 355 00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,435 or is it a show about singing? 356 00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:13,435 I don't know, but I'm getting really worried here. 357 00:15:13,464 --> 00:15:15,083 Me too. 358 00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,802 - Hold my place in line. - Where are you going? 359 00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:22,025 They want feel-good stories? 360 00:15:22,484 --> 00:15:24,952 Wait till they get a good feel of me. 361 00:15:25,957 --> 00:15:27,839 - Thanks, man. - Thank you. 362 00:15:27,871 --> 00:15:29,461 Yep. Take care. 363 00:15:29,839 --> 00:15:32,043 - Darryl, hey. - Hey. 364 00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:33,938 Cool. Are you coming back to say hi? 365 00:15:33,951 --> 00:15:36,480 No, no. I'm not here, actually. 366 00:15:36,599 --> 00:15:38,052 These doughnuts are part of my escape 367 00:15:38,076 --> 00:15:40,201 from the guys at the warehouse I didn't say good-bye to. 368 00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:41,472 Aha! 369 00:15:41,496 --> 00:15:43,413 - How's Athlead? - We livin' like rock stars. 370 00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:46,380 I'm about to eat free steak with my sports heroes 371 00:15:46,398 --> 00:15:47,673 in 32 different cities. 372 00:15:47,712 --> 00:15:49,700 - Wow. - Jim really doesn't want to come? 373 00:15:49,737 --> 00:15:52,567 - He says he doesn't want to. - Wow. Man. 374 00:15:52,645 --> 00:15:54,279 I hope he doesn't regret it. 375 00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:56,896 Well, he seems really happy being back here at Dunder Mifflin. 376 00:15:56,908 --> 00:15:58,177 [Laughs] 377 00:15:58,233 --> 00:16:00,756 Jim is happy here, selling paper at Dunder Mifflin? 378 00:16:00,856 --> 00:16:02,559 That's what he says. 379 00:16:02,802 --> 00:16:04,221 If you say so. 380 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,358 Hey, good seeing you. 381 00:16:05,388 --> 00:16:07,501 Remember, I was never here. 382 00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:08,586 All right, then. 383 00:16:08,616 --> 00:16:09,866 [Door opens] 384 00:16:10,068 --> 00:16:13,404 An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity, 385 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,465 but an assistant to the assistant 386 00:16:15,490 --> 00:16:16,940 has a thousand times more to prove, 387 00:16:16,955 --> 00:16:18,540 - am I right? - A thousand times more. 388 00:16:18,579 --> 00:16:20,222 - I'll try this one. - Phyllis. 389 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,442 Grab both these coffees, double fist it, 390 00:16:22,479 --> 00:16:25,358 - and head through this obstacle course. - Okay. Ooh, it's hot. 391 00:16:25,395 --> 00:16:27,118 Yeah. It's real. 392 00:16:27,816 --> 00:16:29,727 It's the only way you'll learn. Okay. 393 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:31,685 And go ahead. 394 00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:35,191 Oh, God, nice. 395 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,724 She's through the green, everybody. 396 00:16:36,737 --> 00:16:38,308 - Here comes yellow. - No, no, no, no. 397 00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:39,346 - A real doozy. - Oh, boy. 398 00:16:39,368 --> 00:16:41,235 Phyllis, seriously? 399 00:16:41,463 --> 00:16:43,419 - Look at that form. - Oh, my God, that's just pathetic! 400 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,330 The boss needs his coffee! [Gasps] 401 00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:46,930 - Wow. - [Grunts] 402 00:16:46,949 --> 00:16:48,124 [Gasps] 403 00:16:48,151 --> 00:16:49,682 [Grunts] 404 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:51,892 [Gasps] 405 00:16:51,942 --> 00:16:53,918 Here you are, sir! Here's your coffee! 406 00:16:54,048 --> 00:16:55,905 Ow! My skin! Ow! Ow! 407 00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:57,704 Aah! It burns! Aah! 408 00:16:57,743 --> 00:16:59,727 Aah! Aah! [Bell dings] 409 00:17:00,264 --> 00:17:01,570 Uncanny. 410 00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:04,824 [Applause] 411 00:17:04,972 --> 00:17:07,037 Darryl? Darryl! 412 00:17:07,731 --> 00:17:09,831 - Oh! - Oh, hey! 413 00:17:09,876 --> 00:17:11,883 Hey, what's up, y'all? 414 00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:13,988 You left us without saying good-bye! 415 00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:15,095 Oh. 416 00:17:15,138 --> 00:17:16,201 My bad. 417 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,425 Good-bye, everybody. 418 00:17:17,443 --> 00:17:19,208 - No, that is totally uncool! - Hey, no way! 419 00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:21,100 Are you kidding? 420 00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:22,782 You broke our hearts. 421 00:17:22,805 --> 00:17:24,543 - Get upstairs. - I don't think I should-- 422 00:17:24,561 --> 00:17:26,143 Get upstairs, mister! 423 00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:28,201 - Yeah! - Right now! 424 00:17:28,219 --> 00:17:29,740 So, I'm going upstairs. 425 00:17:29,847 --> 00:17:32,766 You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thing, 426 00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,192 none of these people are good enough. 427 00:17:34,216 --> 00:17:35,161 I know. 428 00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:39,063 What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, and yet 429 00:17:39,088 --> 00:17:41,016 it might be the most logical thing I've ever said. 430 00:17:41,037 --> 00:17:42,713 Jim, this is gonna come as no surprise, 431 00:17:42,719 --> 00:17:44,901 but I know exactly what you were gonna say. 432 00:17:44,922 --> 00:17:47,831 The only possible assistant to my assistant... 433 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:49,524 Is... 434 00:17:49,698 --> 00:17:50,665 Me. 435 00:17:50,693 --> 00:17:51,398 [Clicks tongue] 436 00:17:51,428 --> 00:17:53,503 The new assistant 437 00:17:53,528 --> 00:17:55,228 to the assistant 438 00:17:55,244 --> 00:17:57,732 to the regional manager is... 439 00:17:58,269 --> 00:17:59,962 - Dwight K. Schrute. - Yes! 440 00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:01,617 [Halfhearted applause] 441 00:18:01,854 --> 00:18:02,874 Thank you. 442 00:18:02,886 --> 00:18:05,444 I think you might want to kneel for this. 443 00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:08,969 And yet, the manager for Dunder Mifflin kneels for no man. 444 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:13,192 Wait. 445 00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:14,593 - That's it. - Okay. 446 00:18:14,628 --> 00:18:16,162 You look really, really good. 447 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:19,198 [Applause] 448 00:18:26,428 --> 00:18:27,945 Okay, from now on, 449 00:18:27,964 --> 00:18:29,840 anyone who needs to speak to me 450 00:18:29,862 --> 00:18:33,305 has got to go through me first, all right? 451 00:18:34,149 --> 00:18:36,117 [Exhales] 452 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,160 Hey. 453 00:18:40,516 --> 00:18:43,406 - Hey. - You all right? 454 00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:46,554 What's going on? 455 00:18:47,235 --> 00:18:48,527 Are you happy? 456 00:18:48,546 --> 00:18:50,324 Yes, I'm happy. 457 00:18:50,347 --> 00:18:52,347 No, I know that you're, like, 458 00:18:52,384 --> 00:18:54,172 happy, and, like, you had fun today. 459 00:18:54,197 --> 00:18:55,735 - Yeah. - And that was fun. But 460 00:18:55,754 --> 00:18:57,622 what about a year from now? 461 00:18:57,653 --> 00:18:59,582 - What? - What about five years from now? 462 00:18:59,594 --> 00:19:01,669 - Pam. - Because I'm so glad you're back, baby, 463 00:19:01,699 --> 00:19:04,544 but I'm just--I was talking to Darryl, 464 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,728 and he was talking about the trip, 465 00:19:06,752 --> 00:19:09,447 and I just feel like you're giving up so much. 466 00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:12,153 This was my decision, not yours. 467 00:19:12,177 --> 00:19:14,226 - Okay. I kind of forced you to do it. - You didn't force me. 468 00:19:14,257 --> 00:19:16,413 - You did not force me to do this. - Yes, I did. 469 00:19:16,438 --> 00:19:18,694 - I don't know how else to tell you. - I'm afraid you're gonna resent me, 470 00:19:18,715 --> 00:19:20,005 - and I'm afraid that... - Resent you? 471 00:19:20,017 --> 00:19:23,303 This is not enough for you, and I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you. 472 00:19:24,094 --> 00:19:26,545 Is that really what you think? 473 00:19:28,705 --> 00:19:30,667 Not enough? 474 00:19:30,991 --> 00:19:33,979 I don't know how else to explain it to her, so... 475 00:19:34,535 --> 00:19:36,854 you know what? I know it's against the rules, but 476 00:19:36,983 --> 00:19:39,015 I'm gonna need a favor from you guys. 477 00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:41,102 Okay. You got it, man. 478 00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,984 I didn't realize we were this close. 479 00:19:48,009 --> 00:19:50,838 We're all a little hormonal with the doc airing. 480 00:19:51,151 --> 00:19:53,512 Are you gonna come to poor Richard's and watch with us tonight? 481 00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:56,268 Uh... yeah. 482 00:19:56,478 --> 00:19:57,695 Depending on traffic. 483 00:19:57,744 --> 00:20:00,517 - He ain't coming. - Oh, God! 484 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:04,562 These dudes are definitely in a weird mood. 485 00:20:04,846 --> 00:20:07,356 Picked the wrong day to return a truck. 486 00:20:07,381 --> 00:20:09,956 - Well, it's been great. - 11 years. 487 00:20:09,986 --> 00:20:11,935 A guy is in your life for 11 years, 488 00:20:11,953 --> 00:20:13,955 and then he's gone for who knows how long. 489 00:20:13,984 --> 00:20:15,834 Maybe forever. Anyhow-- 490 00:20:15,846 --> 00:20:18,496 Did we ever have lunch together, just-- 491 00:20:18,838 --> 00:20:20,188 just the two of us? 492 00:20:20,213 --> 00:20:22,977 You know what, I'm gonna make reservations right now 493 00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:25,232 - at Cugino's. - Question for Darryl. 494 00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,823 Did we ever get loaded and listen to zeppelin in my van? 495 00:20:27,857 --> 00:20:29,698 Oh, oh, I'm sure we did. 496 00:20:29,716 --> 00:20:32,779 Nah, I call one hour van time with Darryl. 497 00:20:32,797 --> 00:20:35,714 Darryl, you know, I would love to just record some of your stories, 498 00:20:35,748 --> 00:20:38,609 just let the tape roll for six or eight or ten hours, 499 00:20:38,622 --> 00:20:40,207 and just see what we get. 500 00:20:40,219 --> 00:20:42,137 Listen, guys, we can do it all. 501 00:20:42,162 --> 00:20:45,737 We just have to divide Darryl's next 12 hours into 90-minute segments. 502 00:20:45,856 --> 00:20:48,355 I will go watch an eHow video on how to use excel, 503 00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:51,605 - and then we'll get this started. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. 504 00:20:52,057 --> 00:20:54,877 Okay, I made the mistake of sneaking out of here, 505 00:20:54,938 --> 00:20:56,155 and that's on me. 506 00:20:56,181 --> 00:20:59,425 But I'm not gonna spend the rest of the day here 507 00:20:59,449 --> 00:21:02,172 doing stuff with you 'cause you're feeling sentimental. 508 00:21:02,211 --> 00:21:03,977 - You have to! - Come on! 509 00:21:03,990 --> 00:21:07,493 Hey, hey, hey. I'll do one thing with y'all. 510 00:21:07,512 --> 00:21:08,743 Which thing? 511 00:21:08,755 --> 00:21:10,307 I don't care. Choose amongst yourselves. 512 00:21:10,329 --> 00:21:12,742 Not the van though. 513 00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:16,968 [Rhythmic tapping] 514 00:21:17,404 --> 00:21:18,822 Kevin, Kevin. 515 00:21:18,848 --> 00:21:20,815 Oh, you know my name. 516 00:21:20,875 --> 00:21:23,379 Well, that is shocking. 517 00:21:23,455 --> 00:21:25,516 Kevin, could you not do that? 518 00:21:25,548 --> 00:21:26,341 What? 519 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:29,927 I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work. 520 00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:32,986 - Here, use my pen. - Don't tell me what to do! 521 00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:35,118 - Both: Shh! - No, I don't need this. 522 00:21:35,153 --> 00:21:37,622 And you obviously don't need me. 523 00:21:37,644 --> 00:21:39,953 - Kevin, where are you going? - Away. 524 00:21:39,978 --> 00:21:44,741 Tell Phillip that his stupid little baby wish came true. 525 00:21:47,887 --> 00:21:49,312 He just won't go down. 526 00:21:49,338 --> 00:21:51,738 It's as if he's excited by all this paper. 527 00:21:51,775 --> 00:21:53,992 I know, earlier today he tried to eat 528 00:21:54,027 --> 00:21:56,412 some of the 24-weight letter bond. 529 00:21:56,433 --> 00:21:57,983 Smart baby. 530 00:21:58,012 --> 00:22:00,834 That's the most flavorful bond. 531 00:22:07,322 --> 00:22:09,039 Hey, what's going on over here, 532 00:22:09,045 --> 00:22:11,752 some sort of singing competition for the young'uns? 533 00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:12,915 You're back. 534 00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:15,253 - No, it's me, Andy. - No, I know. 535 00:22:15,259 --> 00:22:17,188 No, no, no, I'm wearing makeup. 536 00:22:17,217 --> 00:22:18,917 You did a really great job. 537 00:22:18,935 --> 00:22:21,307 - You even look shorter. - Oh, I took out my lifts. 538 00:22:21,319 --> 00:22:23,043 - Oh. - Yeah, unlike Andy Bernard, 539 00:22:23,055 --> 00:22:24,785 this character is my real height. 540 00:22:24,839 --> 00:22:26,082 Oh. 541 00:22:26,088 --> 00:22:29,520 All day long, it's moo the cows and cluck the hens. 542 00:22:29,545 --> 00:22:31,371 - Mm-hmm. - Get the sheep baa-ed. 543 00:22:31,389 --> 00:22:32,949 Oink the pigs. 544 00:22:32,974 --> 00:22:35,318 Oink the pigs, that is very important. 545 00:22:35,363 --> 00:22:37,651 Dwight, I'm telling you about all the things 546 00:22:37,688 --> 00:22:40,120 that ma said after the horse kicked her in the head. 547 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,310 Where are you? 548 00:22:42,721 --> 00:22:44,134 Dwight? 549 00:22:44,189 --> 00:22:46,142 The way that boy looks at the Galactica 550 00:22:46,171 --> 00:22:49,206 is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. 551 00:22:49,382 --> 00:22:52,554 And he eats the same kind of paper I do. 552 00:22:52,944 --> 00:22:54,711 Hmm. 553 00:23:01,736 --> 00:23:04,289 - Thank you, Esther. - Bye. 554 00:23:14,699 --> 00:23:16,790 You threw the summoning bag at me, sir? 555 00:23:16,813 --> 00:23:18,473 I need you to perform a test. 556 00:23:18,492 --> 00:23:21,350 - Perform a test. - On an innocent baby. 557 00:23:21,379 --> 00:23:23,654 Ooh, I like where this is going. 558 00:23:23,679 --> 00:23:25,449 Unfortunately, I have a lot on my plate today, 559 00:23:25,465 --> 00:23:27,641 so I'm gonna have to hand this off to my number two. 560 00:23:27,659 --> 00:23:29,572 But don't worry, 561 00:23:29,597 --> 00:23:31,347 he's the best in the biz. 562 00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,723 - Damn straight. - Unless you think he can't handle it. 563 00:23:33,741 --> 00:23:36,531 - Hey, he can handle it. - All right. 564 00:23:39,896 --> 00:23:42,847 Listen, listen. Shh, buddy. 565 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,255 Stanley's sleeping. You don't want to wake up the grumpy old walrus, do you? 566 00:23:46,305 --> 00:23:48,255 I heard that. 567 00:23:48,286 --> 00:23:49,749 Mama. 568 00:23:49,953 --> 00:23:52,047 Hey, you want me to take the little diaper blaster? 569 00:23:52,066 --> 00:23:55,937 Pam can attest, there's no one better at getting brats to shut their yaps. 570 00:23:56,550 --> 00:23:58,034 He does have a gift. 571 00:23:58,061 --> 00:23:59,676 Well, he's calling for his mom, 572 00:23:59,694 --> 00:24:01,642 but, okay, here, here you go. 573 00:24:01,667 --> 00:24:03,218 - Careful, he bites. - Mama. 574 00:24:03,252 --> 00:24:05,025 Okay. 575 00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:09,939 You ever been in a manager's office before? 576 00:24:10,466 --> 00:24:12,415 Phillip, you wanna play a little game? 577 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,590 It's called "Schrute or Consequences." 578 00:24:14,608 --> 00:24:16,899 You're gonna choose one of these two things, 579 00:24:16,907 --> 00:24:19,976 a check for a million dollars 580 00:24:20,310 --> 00:24:23,850 or this dirty old beet. 581 00:24:24,169 --> 00:24:26,389 Yuck, pew! 582 00:24:26,482 --> 00:24:28,572 Which will it be? 583 00:24:29,246 --> 00:24:31,985 Money or the beet? 584 00:24:33,245 --> 00:24:34,739 Beet. 585 00:24:35,020 --> 00:24:36,128 Yeah. 586 00:24:36,144 --> 00:24:37,438 [Babbles] 587 00:24:37,464 --> 00:24:39,246 Any ordinary child would have taken the money, 588 00:24:39,258 --> 00:24:41,106 but you're no ordinary child, are you? 589 00:24:41,128 --> 00:24:42,509 No. 590 00:24:42,617 --> 00:24:45,037 I can tell by your gorgeous, 591 00:24:45,093 --> 00:24:47,466 widely-set eyes. 592 00:24:50,383 --> 00:24:52,570 Sorry, folks, the judges are totally swamped. 593 00:24:52,583 --> 00:24:54,156 We are all done taking auditions. 594 00:24:54,175 --> 00:24:55,375 - Oh, come on. - Hey! 595 00:24:55,406 --> 00:24:57,081 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? 596 00:24:57,100 --> 00:24:58,904 But thanks for coming out and please be sure 597 00:24:58,922 --> 00:25:01,066 to watch America's Next A Cappella Sensa-- 598 00:25:01,085 --> 00:25:02,668 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't do that. 599 00:25:02,683 --> 00:25:03,725 - Yeah-- - You can't do that. 600 00:25:03,756 --> 00:25:04,958 We've all been waiting! Okay. 601 00:25:04,989 --> 00:25:06,706 I am going in there. Don't-- 602 00:25:06,741 --> 00:25:08,141 - No, you're not, sir. - Don't--don't-- 603 00:25:08,171 --> 00:25:09,254 - Please don't. - Don't touch me. 604 00:25:09,283 --> 00:25:11,501 I'm not touching you. Okay. 605 00:25:11,529 --> 00:25:12,373 No! 606 00:25:12,410 --> 00:25:14,348 - Run, old man! Run! - Ow. 607 00:25:14,373 --> 00:25:17,025 Run! Run for your life! 608 00:25:17,143 --> 00:25:19,398 Get off. Don't you dare. Don't get--I could see it. 609 00:25:19,411 --> 00:25:20,876 You were gonna get handsy with me. 610 00:25:20,904 --> 00:25:22,154 Not interested. 611 00:25:22,181 --> 00:25:23,733 I'm Casey Dean! 612 00:25:23,833 --> 00:25:25,450 You'll be seeing the last of me! 613 00:25:25,487 --> 00:25:29,341 Or--I meant you won't be seeing the last of me! 614 00:25:31,034 --> 00:25:32,516 Hey. 615 00:25:32,562 --> 00:25:34,638 Did you manage to feed him? I don't know what it is. 616 00:25:34,650 --> 00:25:36,476 He just keeps spitting out the nipple. 617 00:25:36,488 --> 00:25:38,875 That's because this baby is of superior intelligence. 618 00:25:38,906 --> 00:25:41,031 He can tell when he's being tricked out of the experience 619 00:25:41,056 --> 00:25:44,026 - of a real human breast. - Come on. 620 00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:45,583 He's not that smart. 621 00:25:45,698 --> 00:25:48,918 He doesn't know where I hid his duck. 622 00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:56,450 ♪ I am beautiful 623 00:25:56,472 --> 00:25:59,984 ♪ no matter what they say ♪ 624 00:26:00,014 --> 00:26:04,344 ♪ Yes, words can't bring me down ♪ 625 00:26:04,377 --> 00:26:05,335 [Thudding] 626 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,422 - ♪ Whoa-oh-no - Hi. 627 00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:10,447 - You're still here. Oh, thank God. - ♪ I am beautiful 628 00:26:10,478 --> 00:26:12,461 Clay Aiken, Santigold, Aaron Rodgers. 629 00:26:12,474 --> 00:26:14,650 You're, like, my three favorite people ever. 630 00:26:14,688 --> 00:26:17,783 - Excuse me, what is this? - Sweetheart, you're amazing, okay? 631 00:26:17,802 --> 00:26:19,718 You're obviously gonna be on the show. 632 00:26:19,743 --> 00:26:21,398 So it's someone else's turn now. 633 00:26:21,422 --> 00:26:23,861 Yeah. Go ahead, all right? 634 00:26:24,348 --> 00:26:25,804 Um... [Clears throat] 635 00:26:25,928 --> 00:26:28,263 [Old man voice] My name is Ezra Cornell 636 00:26:28,285 --> 00:26:32,166 and I'm just a kindly old fellow with a song in my heart. 637 00:26:32,199 --> 00:26:35,835 No, you're a middle-aged man with a lot of makeup on. 638 00:26:36,157 --> 00:26:37,660 Busted. 639 00:26:37,723 --> 00:26:39,392 Got it. Yes, all right. 640 00:26:39,404 --> 00:26:41,915 Tried to get your attention with tricks, but 641 00:26:42,039 --> 00:26:43,715 you just want to hear me sing. I respect that. 642 00:26:43,733 --> 00:26:46,531 [Laughs] We do not want to hear you sing. 643 00:26:46,570 --> 00:26:48,471 Gabriella was our last audition. 644 00:26:48,491 --> 00:26:51,285 - Thank you. Good-bye. - Nope! Can't end like this. 645 00:26:51,790 --> 00:26:53,400 Slept in my car last night. 646 00:26:53,412 --> 00:26:55,606 Quit my job, burned all my bridges. 647 00:26:55,693 --> 00:26:57,511 I went to the bathroom on my boss's car. 648 00:26:57,522 --> 00:26:59,977 And I did unspeakable things with Carla Fern. 649 00:27:00,008 --> 00:27:03,222 - Ugh, flag on the play. - That's--that's what--Yeah. 650 00:27:03,253 --> 00:27:04,768 Okay, all right, well, here's the song. 651 00:27:04,772 --> 00:27:05,636 [Clears throat] 652 00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:09,807 ♪ Far above Cayuga's waters 653 00:27:09,843 --> 00:27:13,749 ♪ with her waves so blue 654 00:27:13,773 --> 00:27:17,721 ♪ stands our noble Alma Mater ♪ 655 00:27:17,746 --> 00:27:19,584 What is this song? 656 00:27:19,609 --> 00:27:22,441 Are you insane? It's the Cornell fight song. 657 00:27:22,605 --> 00:27:25,488 Listen, all right, thank you very much. We're not interested. 658 00:27:25,507 --> 00:27:27,255 You didn't let me finish. That's not fair. 659 00:27:27,274 --> 00:27:29,339 Look, man, you're not terrible but we've heard a lot 660 00:27:29,351 --> 00:27:32,226 of really good singers today, and you're just not good enough. 661 00:27:32,336 --> 00:27:34,156 Wow, you guys are really mean. 662 00:27:34,168 --> 00:27:34,919 [Chuckles] 663 00:27:34,956 --> 00:27:36,352 I guess that's the show. 664 00:27:36,377 --> 00:27:38,740 - Let me try a different song, okay? - Can he do this? 665 00:27:38,764 --> 00:27:42,632 ♪ Hey, hobo man, hey, Dapper Dan ♪ 666 00:27:42,643 --> 00:27:44,311 ♪ You both got your style 667 00:27:44,336 --> 00:27:47,499 ♪ but, brother, you're never fully dressed ♪ 668 00:27:47,612 --> 00:27:51,248 ♪ Without a smile 669 00:27:51,296 --> 00:27:52,512 Yeah. [Sniffles] 670 00:27:52,540 --> 00:27:56,336 ♪ Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly ♪ 671 00:27:56,405 --> 00:27:58,145 Look, you gotta go. 672 00:27:58,170 --> 00:28:00,529 [Sobbing] 673 00:28:03,241 --> 00:28:04,992 You can't just sit here and cry. 674 00:28:05,020 --> 00:28:08,489 Oh, I can so just sit here and cry! 675 00:28:08,691 --> 00:28:10,110 [Sobbing] 676 00:28:20,118 --> 00:28:22,118 Thank you. 677 00:28:24,107 --> 00:28:26,100 Hey, Kev, how you doing, buddy? 678 00:28:26,127 --> 00:28:27,633 Can't hear you. 679 00:28:27,772 --> 00:28:30,757 I'm giving you the silence treatment. 680 00:28:31,086 --> 00:28:33,688 How does it feel being ignored? 681 00:28:34,696 --> 00:28:37,738 Okay, I guess, it's just that Phillip got you something. 682 00:28:37,844 --> 00:28:40,460 Yeah, a $25 gift card. 683 00:28:40,485 --> 00:28:43,597 - iTunes. - I think there's, like, $7 left. 684 00:28:43,678 --> 00:28:44,959 It's just his way of saying; 685 00:28:44,977 --> 00:28:47,925 "Thanks for letting me hang out in accounting." 686 00:28:47,955 --> 00:28:51,028 - Phillip got this for me? - Sure. 687 00:28:51,877 --> 00:28:54,045 That was a really cool move. 688 00:28:54,215 --> 00:28:56,690 Would you like to hold Phillip? 689 00:28:57,897 --> 00:28:59,210 Yeah. 690 00:28:59,221 --> 00:29:01,354 That's Kevin. 691 00:29:01,387 --> 00:29:03,191 - Whoa. - Easy. 692 00:29:03,210 --> 00:29:05,993 What a chubbers. [Chuckles] 693 00:29:06,555 --> 00:29:07,893 - Whoa. - Okay. Okay. 694 00:29:07,910 --> 00:29:10,816 - I'm losing my balance. Whoa. - Now, Kevin--No. - Hey, no. 695 00:29:10,829 --> 00:29:12,135 - No horseplay. - Stop it. 696 00:29:12,154 --> 00:29:13,627 You want to play with the cactus? 697 00:29:13,651 --> 00:29:15,090 - No. - No, no. 698 00:29:15,101 --> 00:29:17,674 So, me and Phillip were just talking 699 00:29:17,698 --> 00:29:21,971 and we decided we're gonna be best friends. 700 00:29:22,246 --> 00:29:24,517 He's a little standoffish at first. 701 00:29:24,558 --> 00:29:26,609 But once he starts buying you things, 702 00:29:26,681 --> 00:29:29,683 man, you can tell he likes you. 703 00:29:33,523 --> 00:29:35,655 We have our decision. 704 00:29:36,038 --> 00:29:37,869 You chose one thing. 705 00:29:38,348 --> 00:29:40,470 We want to dance with you. 706 00:29:40,867 --> 00:29:44,800 - You want to dance? - One dance. All of us together. 707 00:29:46,237 --> 00:29:47,575 This is what you want? 708 00:29:47,607 --> 00:29:49,224 - Yeah. - Absolutely. 709 00:29:51,122 --> 00:29:53,713 Better get some decent speakers up here then, 710 00:29:53,942 --> 00:29:55,248 'cause we're gonna do this right. 711 00:29:55,263 --> 00:29:56,741 - Yes! - [Laughs] 712 00:29:56,777 --> 00:29:58,632 Yeah! 713 00:29:59,430 --> 00:30:01,297 - Whoo! - Whoo-hoo! 714 00:30:01,498 --> 00:30:03,379 Hey. You wanted to see me? 715 00:30:03,430 --> 00:30:05,481 Door. Chair. 716 00:30:07,684 --> 00:30:10,128 - It's about Phillip. - I'm sorry he's here today. 717 00:30:10,140 --> 00:30:11,665 - But I had-- - I believe 718 00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:14,740 that that boy may be a Schrute. 719 00:30:15,052 --> 00:30:16,565 And if he is, 720 00:30:16,583 --> 00:30:19,542 that child needs to be accorded what is his. 721 00:30:19,554 --> 00:30:22,501 An enormous farm, an inheritance, 722 00:30:22,524 --> 00:30:26,541 and the right to be raised under rigorous Schrute traditions. 723 00:30:27,013 --> 00:30:28,719 You will, of course, 724 00:30:28,742 --> 00:30:31,902 be compensated with a marriage proposal. 725 00:30:33,965 --> 00:30:35,540 How thoughtful. 726 00:30:35,564 --> 00:30:39,080 Then the two of you would move to my 1,600-acre estate, which, let's face it, 727 00:30:39,098 --> 00:30:42,073 is a big step up from living in a gay man's closet. 728 00:30:42,769 --> 00:30:45,675 If he is your son, 729 00:30:46,593 --> 00:30:48,764 that's a great plan. 730 00:30:49,447 --> 00:30:51,414 But he's not. 731 00:30:51,537 --> 00:30:53,806 He's not your son. 732 00:30:55,272 --> 00:30:57,224 Very well. 733 00:30:57,738 --> 00:31:00,787 - Can I go back to my desk now? - Yes. 734 00:31:12,656 --> 00:31:14,090 What's this? 735 00:31:14,105 --> 00:31:17,211 Well, I've been trying to tell you how I feel, and 736 00:31:17,408 --> 00:31:20,395 you wouldn't believe me, so... 737 00:31:21,264 --> 00:31:23,308 I needed a little help. 738 00:31:23,478 --> 00:31:26,347 Jim, I need my assistant to the regional manager, code red. 739 00:31:26,359 --> 00:31:29,615 Okay, I don't have my pocket code chart on me right now, so... 740 00:31:29,656 --> 00:31:31,831 Now. 741 00:31:32,486 --> 00:31:35,055 I have an assistant now who can help you with whatever you need. 742 00:31:35,079 --> 00:31:36,705 He is lazy, so crack the whip. 743 00:31:36,751 --> 00:31:38,807 Jim, I'm not kidding. 744 00:31:38,856 --> 00:31:40,856 I need you. 745 00:31:44,115 --> 00:31:45,583 Go ahead. 746 00:31:45,706 --> 00:31:47,612 Okay, um, 747 00:31:47,974 --> 00:31:49,721 this is-- 748 00:31:49,739 --> 00:31:52,205 I'll be right back. 749 00:31:55,951 --> 00:31:57,208 What do we got? 750 00:31:57,220 --> 00:31:59,858 I was thinking of proposing to Esther today. 751 00:31:59,924 --> 00:32:02,938 Wow! Congratulations. That's a really big step, man. 752 00:32:02,956 --> 00:32:04,708 She's got a ton of great qualities. 753 00:32:04,726 --> 00:32:08,914 She's young, she's beautiful. Genes so pure you could lick them. 754 00:32:09,296 --> 00:32:12,172 Her family admires me. My family tolerates hers. 755 00:32:12,202 --> 00:32:14,605 A lot of them are the same people because we're third cousins, 756 00:32:14,623 --> 00:32:17,677 which is great for bloodlines, and isn't technically incest. 757 00:32:17,714 --> 00:32:20,064 Right in the sweet spot. I think you're gonna be really happy. 758 00:32:20,076 --> 00:32:23,036 Plus her dowry contains a walk-in freezer 759 00:32:23,054 --> 00:32:26,042 - full of frozen, premium cattle sperm. - [Whistles] 760 00:32:26,060 --> 00:32:28,603 - That's a lot of pros. - And did I mention that she weaves? 761 00:32:28,615 --> 00:32:31,681 Colorful, durable blankets and rugs. It all adds up. 762 00:32:31,705 --> 00:32:33,756 So what is the problem? 763 00:32:37,631 --> 00:32:39,683 [Whispers] Angela. 764 00:33:04,793 --> 00:33:08,395 I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. 765 00:33:09,278 --> 00:33:11,400 All I know is that 766 00:33:11,549 --> 00:33:14,750 every time I've been faced with a tough decision, 767 00:33:15,538 --> 00:33:20,209 there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. 768 00:33:20,304 --> 00:33:24,667 One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew. 769 00:33:25,291 --> 00:33:27,664 Every instinct, 770 00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:30,697 every rational calculation. 771 00:33:30,984 --> 00:33:32,901 Some sort of virus? 772 00:33:33,264 --> 00:33:35,052 Love. 773 00:33:35,439 --> 00:33:37,283 Oh. 774 00:33:38,568 --> 00:33:40,568 _ 775 00:33:41,569 --> 00:33:45,148 _ 776 00:33:45,191 --> 00:33:47,484 _ 777 00:33:47,559 --> 00:33:50,527 [Snow patrol's open your eyes] 778 00:33:50,562 --> 00:33:52,798 ♪ 779 00:33:56,029 --> 00:34:00,973 ♪ The anger swells in my guts ♪ 780 00:34:00,992 --> 00:34:07,230 ♪ And I won't feel these slices and cuts ♪ 781 00:34:07,307 --> 00:34:09,510 ♪ 782 00:34:09,786 --> 00:34:15,758 ♪ I want so much to open your eyes ♪ 783 00:34:15,783 --> 00:34:17,855 ♪ 'Cause I need you 784 00:34:17,873 --> 00:34:21,671 ♪ to look into mine 785 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:24,960 ♪ 786 00:34:25,154 --> 00:34:30,681 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 787 00:34:30,766 --> 00:34:32,484 ♪ 788 00:34:32,498 --> 00:34:36,566 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 789 00:34:36,577 --> 00:34:38,643 I'm in love with you. 790 00:34:38,664 --> 00:34:39,841 What? 791 00:34:39,865 --> 00:34:45,389 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 792 00:34:45,423 --> 00:34:47,072 ♪ 793 00:34:47,126 --> 00:34:52,220 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 794 00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:53,776 ♪ 795 00:34:53,807 --> 00:34:55,170 ♪ Get up, get out 796 00:34:55,201 --> 00:34:58,906 Dwight, listen, no matter what happens, 797 00:34:59,635 --> 00:35:02,079 you got to forget about all the other stuff. 798 00:35:02,097 --> 00:35:04,415 You gotta forget about logic 799 00:35:04,552 --> 00:35:07,104 and fear and doubt. 800 00:35:07,264 --> 00:35:10,466 You just gotta do everything you can 801 00:35:10,580 --> 00:35:14,100 to get to the one woman who's gonna make all this worth it. 802 00:35:14,314 --> 00:35:16,674 At the end of the day, 803 00:35:17,211 --> 00:35:19,709 you gotta jump. 804 00:35:22,559 --> 00:35:25,374 You love Angela, Dwight. 805 00:35:26,868 --> 00:35:29,503 I think you always have. 806 00:35:32,909 --> 00:35:35,160 You're a good assistant, Jim. 807 00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:37,560 Not as good as you. 808 00:35:38,380 --> 00:35:40,709 That's very true. 809 00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:44,343 - Get the hell out of here. - You got it. 810 00:35:44,923 --> 00:35:49,009 I was just, um, checking out my present. 811 00:35:49,138 --> 00:35:52,925 This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. 812 00:35:53,667 --> 00:35:55,845 Look inside. 813 00:35:59,895 --> 00:36:02,552 Oh, my God! 814 00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:04,971 - The yearbook picture! - Yes. 815 00:36:05,002 --> 00:36:07,370 That's incredible. Is this the boggle timer? 816 00:36:07,382 --> 00:36:08,855 I didn't think you were gonna get that one. 817 00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,409 - I really didn't. - Oh, no! 818 00:36:10,422 --> 00:36:13,703 This is, like, the best present ever. Okay, wait. 819 00:36:13,902 --> 00:36:15,147 What is this? 820 00:36:15,184 --> 00:36:17,442 A mini golf pencil that you threw at me. 821 00:36:17,537 --> 00:36:20,710 Like, three years ago. You saved this? 822 00:36:20,740 --> 00:36:26,330 - Yes, I did. - Oh, my God. ♪ And I won't waste a minute without you ♪ 823 00:36:29,821 --> 00:36:30,740 [Sniffles] 824 00:36:30,764 --> 00:36:32,435 You watched it. 825 00:36:32,771 --> 00:36:34,259 Yeah. 826 00:36:34,278 --> 00:36:37,413 Well, then I guess you're ready for this. 827 00:36:38,676 --> 00:36:41,848 - What's that? - It's from the teapot. 828 00:36:43,325 --> 00:36:45,892 Everything you'll ever need to know 829 00:36:46,062 --> 00:36:48,146 is in that note. 830 00:37:03,131 --> 00:37:05,198 Not "enough" for me? 831 00:37:05,304 --> 00:37:06,817 You are 832 00:37:06,835 --> 00:37:08,835 everything. 833 00:37:14,441 --> 00:37:16,361 Thank you. 834 00:37:18,609 --> 00:37:22,261 - Okay. Ready everybody? - Hit it, red! 835 00:37:23,235 --> 00:37:26,187 [Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire] 836 00:37:26,238 --> 00:37:34,238 ♪ 837 00:37:39,896 --> 00:37:41,988 ♪ Dance 838 00:37:42,767 --> 00:37:45,895 ♪ boogie wonderland 839 00:37:47,411 --> 00:37:50,125 ♪ Dance 840 00:37:50,172 --> 00:37:54,634 ♪ boogie wonderland 841 00:37:54,671 --> 00:37:57,305 ♪ midnight creeps so slowly ♪ 842 00:37:57,327 --> 00:37:58,659 ♪ Into hearts 843 00:37:58,677 --> 00:38:02,101 ♪ of men who need more than they get ♪ 844 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,659 ♪ Daylight deals a bad hand ♪ 845 00:38:04,677 --> 00:38:06,440 ♪ To a woman 846 00:38:06,470 --> 00:38:09,377 ♪ who has made too many bets ♪ 847 00:38:09,633 --> 00:38:13,253 ♪ The mirror stares you in the face ♪ 848 00:38:13,277 --> 00:38:16,902 ♪ And says, baby, uh-uh, it don't work ♪ 849 00:38:16,914 --> 00:38:18,757 ♪ You say your prayers 850 00:38:18,763 --> 00:38:20,531 ♪ though you don't care 851 00:38:20,543 --> 00:38:23,915 ♪ You dance and shake the hurt ♪ 852 00:38:23,964 --> 00:38:26,206 ♪ Dance 853 00:38:26,594 --> 00:38:30,347 ♪ boogie wonderland 854 00:38:31,255 --> 00:38:32,945 ♪ Dance 855 00:38:32,982 --> 00:38:34,026 ♪ Dance 856 00:38:34,049 --> 00:38:38,733 ♪ boogie wonderland 857 00:38:39,215 --> 00:38:42,113 I wanted to leave quietly. It seemed dignified. 858 00:38:42,473 --> 00:38:44,283 But having Kevin grind up on my front 859 00:38:44,301 --> 00:38:46,836 while Erin pretends to hump me from behind 860 00:38:46,883 --> 00:38:49,418 is a more accurate tribute to my years here. 861 00:38:49,923 --> 00:38:51,023 [Exhales] 862 00:38:51,059 --> 00:38:53,111 I'm gonna miss these guys. 863 00:38:53,309 --> 00:38:54,709 Okay, I've got my-- 864 00:38:54,731 --> 00:38:57,412 - See you guys at Poor Richard's, all right? - All right, Meredith. - Okay, bye. 865 00:38:57,424 --> 00:38:58,968 - See you there. Listen, I-- - Bye, Phillip. 866 00:38:58,987 --> 00:39:00,656 High five. 867 00:39:01,417 --> 00:39:03,150 Yay! 868 00:39:03,287 --> 00:39:05,238 I am gonna drop Phillip off at my mother's, 869 00:39:05,250 --> 00:39:07,044 and I'll meet you at poor Richard's in an hour. 870 00:39:07,057 --> 00:39:08,933 Are you sure you don't want me to drop him off? 871 00:39:08,952 --> 00:39:10,739 She doesn't know I'm living with a straight woman. 872 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,177 I don't want to get her hopes up. 873 00:39:12,211 --> 00:39:15,424 All right. Bye, buddy. Bye, bye, bye. 874 00:39:15,584 --> 00:39:16,918 Oh, my goodness. 875 00:39:17,159 --> 00:39:18,502 [Sighs] 876 00:39:24,089 --> 00:39:25,759 Pull over! 877 00:39:25,783 --> 00:39:27,034 Dwight? 878 00:39:27,098 --> 00:39:29,190 Move to the side of the road! 879 00:39:29,221 --> 00:39:31,763 - Why? - Pull over! 880 00:39:32,056 --> 00:39:34,206 What do you--Dwight! [Tires squeal] 881 00:39:34,223 --> 00:39:35,891 [Brakes screech] 882 00:39:37,085 --> 00:39:39,948 Dwight, what the fuck is your problem? 883 00:39:39,954 --> 00:39:41,328 - Shut up, woman! - Who drives like that? 884 00:39:41,341 --> 00:39:43,419 Listen to me! I love you! 885 00:39:43,513 --> 00:39:45,704 And I don't care that Phillip's not my son! 886 00:39:45,734 --> 00:39:49,267 I will raise 100 children with 100 of your lovers 887 00:39:49,279 --> 00:39:51,501 if it means I can be with you! 888 00:39:52,725 --> 00:39:54,229 Can you put that down? 889 00:39:54,241 --> 00:39:57,656 This expresses how loudly I love you! 890 00:39:57,688 --> 00:39:59,472 [Whispers] It's too loud. 891 00:40:04,980 --> 00:40:06,731 This is a ring 892 00:40:06,928 --> 00:40:09,383 taken from the buttocks of my grandmother, 893 00:40:09,471 --> 00:40:13,190 put there by the Gangster Patriarch of the Coors Dynasty, 894 00:40:13,451 --> 00:40:16,058 melted in a foundry run by mennonites. 895 00:40:16,083 --> 00:40:19,519 Okay. Yes. Yes, I will! 896 00:40:22,041 --> 00:40:22,979 [Gasps] 897 00:40:23,010 --> 00:40:25,654 - I love you. - I love you! 898 00:40:25,679 --> 00:40:27,202 [Panting] 899 00:40:27,377 --> 00:40:29,774 - And I lied to you. - What? 900 00:40:30,339 --> 00:40:31,851 Phillip's your son. 901 00:40:31,863 --> 00:40:33,150 What? Why would you say that-- 902 00:40:33,169 --> 00:40:35,808 I just needed you to want to marry me 903 00:40:35,858 --> 00:40:38,843 because you wanted to marry me. 904 00:40:39,811 --> 00:40:41,776 Get out! 905 00:40:41,941 --> 00:40:43,855 I'm a dad! You're a dad! 906 00:40:43,940 --> 00:40:46,191 [Laughs] 907 00:40:48,941 --> 00:40:50,775 [Overlapping chatter] 908 00:40:51,222 --> 00:40:52,660 Hey, grab a seat. 909 00:40:52,678 --> 00:40:54,380 We have that table and that table, 910 00:40:54,401 --> 00:40:57,403 but not that table or that table or that table. 911 00:40:57,461 --> 00:41:00,819 Floor's up for grabs. Meredith has been hogging the can. 912 00:41:02,217 --> 00:41:04,307 [Kiss] Oh! 913 00:41:06,041 --> 00:41:07,540 You have to change the channel to PBS. 914 00:41:07,546 --> 00:41:09,190 - Yeah. - College baseball is on. 915 00:41:09,221 --> 00:41:11,810 But there's a documentary coming up. Everyone in the bar will love it. 916 00:41:11,816 --> 00:41:13,403 - What's it about? - A paper company. 917 00:41:13,430 --> 00:41:14,810 [Laughs] 918 00:41:15,438 --> 00:41:16,944 How many people want the game? 919 00:41:16,969 --> 00:41:19,070 - Yeah! - Yes! 920 00:41:19,255 --> 00:41:20,420 Who wants PBS? 921 00:41:20,441 --> 00:41:22,776 - Whoo! - Yes! 922 00:41:22,956 --> 00:41:25,356 Sorry. A tie means I do nothing. 923 00:41:25,361 --> 00:41:26,808 Sir, please. 924 00:41:26,843 --> 00:41:28,787 This show is about me 925 00:41:28,809 --> 00:41:33,215 and my attempts to find love in all the wrong places. 926 00:41:33,910 --> 00:41:35,611 - One more for the doc. - Hey! 927 00:41:35,623 --> 00:41:37,004 [Applause] 928 00:41:37,047 --> 00:41:38,518 [Overlapping chatter] 929 00:41:38,543 --> 00:41:40,127 - Yay, Andy! - - All right. 930 00:41:40,146 --> 00:41:41,847 Yes! 931 00:41:42,324 --> 00:41:43,814 Hey, how was the singing show audition? 932 00:41:43,841 --> 00:41:46,485 Oh. Eh, whatever. 933 00:41:46,534 --> 00:41:48,414 No big deal. 934 00:41:48,576 --> 00:41:52,088 Okay. 30 seconds to show time. 935 00:41:53,195 --> 00:41:54,721 I feel scared a little. 936 00:41:54,733 --> 00:41:56,210 Yeah, I'm not ready for this. 937 00:41:56,229 --> 00:41:58,598 No one is ready for this. You can't be ready for this. 938 00:41:58,610 --> 00:42:00,154 We don't even know what this is. 939 00:42:00,199 --> 00:42:03,498 One thing we do know. Nothing will ever be the same. 940 00:42:04,137 --> 00:42:05,786 Here we go. 941 00:42:05,834 --> 00:42:07,584 [Upbeat music] 942 00:42:08,663 --> 00:42:11,616 All right, Jim, your quarterlies look very good. 943 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,229 How are things going at the library? 944 00:42:13,256 --> 00:42:15,241 Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it, so-- 945 00:42:15,265 --> 00:42:18,648 So, you've come to the master for guidance? 946 00:42:18,886 --> 00:42:20,567 Is this what you're saying, grasshopper? 947 00:42:20,592 --> 00:42:22,862 Uh, actually, you called me in here. 948 00:42:22,910 --> 00:42:25,768 All right. Well, let me show you how it's done. 949 00:42:25,921 --> 00:42:30,921 Sync and corrections by Norther www.addic7ed.com