1 00:00:07,177 --> 00:00:08,738 [Buzzer] 2 00:00:11,147 --> 00:00:15,508 "The tea in Nepal is very hot." 3 00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:21,147 "But the coffee in Peru is much hotter." 4 00:00:22,010 --> 00:00:23,394 [Buzzer] 5 00:00:23,992 --> 00:00:28,182 Last week, I finally became permanent Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton! 6 00:00:28,206 --> 00:00:30,740 My first project: Increase security. 7 00:00:30,752 --> 00:00:33,981 I got these doors from a jewelry store that had recently gone out of business. 8 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,573 Now they're protecting America's real treasure-- Paper! 9 00:00:37,855 --> 00:00:40,891 Every morning, I email the day's security codes. 10 00:00:40,942 --> 00:00:44,780 Something that's been really missing from my life has been writing secret codes. 11 00:00:44,814 --> 00:00:46,625 It's not the KGB, but 12 00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:48,173 it's a start. 13 00:00:48,739 --> 00:00:50,360 [Buzzer] 14 00:00:50,527 --> 00:00:52,726 "The tea in Nepal is very hot." 15 00:00:52,744 --> 00:00:55,012 "But the coffee in Peru is far hotter." 16 00:00:55,045 --> 00:00:56,699 Close. 17 00:00:57,497 --> 00:00:59,453 This is Tuesday, right? The-- 18 00:00:59,614 --> 00:01:01,995 The coffee in Paraguay is far hotter? 19 00:01:02,032 --> 00:01:03,270 Colder. 20 00:01:03,292 --> 00:01:06,617 - "The coffee in Paraguay is colder?" - No, I meant you were getting colder. 21 00:01:06,648 --> 00:01:08,285 The correct response is; 22 00:01:08,303 --> 00:01:11,007 "The coffee in Peru is much hotter." 23 00:01:11,085 --> 00:01:13,170 - Oh, much. Okay. - But that's three wrong, 24 00:01:13,195 --> 00:01:14,631 so I gotta give you the steam. 25 00:01:14,663 --> 00:01:17,338 - No. - Unless you want me to break protocol. 26 00:01:22,537 --> 00:01:23,838 No, 27 00:01:23,856 --> 00:01:25,923 no. Give me the steam. 28 00:01:26,323 --> 00:01:27,854 [Hangs up phone receiver] 29 00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:30,783 [Steam whooshes] 30 00:01:30,922 --> 00:01:33,524 It's just harmless steam to panic intruders. 31 00:01:33,556 --> 00:01:37,192 I'd like to get harmful steam, but the prices are absurd! 32 00:01:37,446 --> 00:01:42,392 Break protocol! Break protocol! Break protocol! 33 00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:44,947 Oh, I'm saving a fortune on dry-cleaning. 34 00:01:45,247 --> 00:01:48,199 [Cheerful music] 35 00:01:48,345 --> 00:01:56,345 ♪ 36 00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:17,330 Sync and corrections by Norther www.addic7ed.com 37 00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:18,902 Mama. 38 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,934 Angela, someone wants you. 39 00:02:21,072 --> 00:02:22,734 Okay. Coming. 40 00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,619 [Baby crying] 41 00:02:25,857 --> 00:02:27,032 Hi, baby. 42 00:02:27,051 --> 00:02:29,100 Angela's divorce from the senator 43 00:02:29,127 --> 00:02:31,079 has been very difficult for her. 44 00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:33,373 When she got kicked out of her apartment, 45 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,520 I invited her to move in with me. 46 00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:39,023 Ironic that now it's Angela who's living in the closet. 47 00:02:39,233 --> 00:02:41,046 Hey-o. 48 00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:44,165 Saddle shoes with denim? [Laughs] 49 00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:47,434 I will literally call child protective services. 50 00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:55,744 Go get 'em, honey. 51 00:02:55,769 --> 00:02:57,930 Oh, don't worry. They'll get got. 52 00:02:57,968 --> 00:02:58,892 [Laughs] 53 00:02:58,904 --> 00:03:00,597 Manager of Dunder Mifflin. Check! 54 00:03:00,621 --> 00:03:03,186 Owner of a 1,600-acre beet farm. Check! 55 00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:06,250 Engaged to be married to an actual milkmaid. 56 00:03:06,268 --> 00:03:07,442 Check... 57 00:03:07,466 --> 00:03:10,198 on that later today. 58 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:13,548 This is my grandmother's ring. 59 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,677 It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. 60 00:03:16,678 --> 00:03:19,308 She was a moonshiner shot by Adolph Coors. 61 00:03:19,539 --> 00:03:22,532 This is my grandmother's buttock bullet ring. 62 00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:24,329 [Background chatter] 63 00:03:24,347 --> 00:03:25,668 Hi. Good morning. 64 00:03:25,695 --> 00:03:27,927 Name is Andrew Bernard. 65 00:03:27,992 --> 00:03:31,923 You might know me from a TV documentary that's premiering tonight. 66 00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:34,562 Also killed it in local theater, 67 00:03:34,671 --> 00:03:38,131 and I am fresh off of a hot industrial flick. 68 00:03:38,399 --> 00:03:39,776 Okay. Thanks. 69 00:03:39,812 --> 00:03:42,740 - Go ahead and get in the back of the line. - Yes! 70 00:03:43,368 --> 00:03:48,723 [Overlapping chatter] 71 00:03:48,987 --> 00:03:51,282 Well, I burned all my bridges at Dunder Mifflin, 72 00:03:51,307 --> 00:03:53,867 and time to become the next American idol 73 00:03:53,892 --> 00:03:57,348 by winning America's Next A Cappella Sensation 74 00:03:57,494 --> 00:03:59,662 on channel TBD. 75 00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:01,717 It's a really cool show. It's like a total reinvention 76 00:04:01,723 --> 00:04:05,628 of the whole American Idol/Voice/Sing-Off phenomenon. 77 00:04:05,672 --> 00:04:08,813 On this show, all three judges are mean. 78 00:04:09,369 --> 00:04:11,164 [Overlapping chatter] 79 00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,021 Sales form for you to sign. 80 00:04:13,148 --> 00:04:14,740 You know what to do. 81 00:04:27,036 --> 00:04:28,025 Okay. 82 00:04:28,056 --> 00:04:31,473 Behind every great regional manager is a great assistant to the regional manager, 83 00:04:31,491 --> 00:04:32,892 and I have chosen one of the best. 84 00:04:32,910 --> 00:04:34,398 Aw, thanks, man. 85 00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:37,741 Once upon a time, we were natural enemies, but we've overcome our differences, 86 00:04:37,768 --> 00:04:40,785 - much like Germany and Italy in World War... - No. 87 00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:42,345 Good call. 88 00:04:42,381 --> 00:04:44,622 Together, we run a no-nonsense office. 89 00:04:44,665 --> 00:04:48,354 _ 90 00:04:55,832 --> 00:04:58,082 Preconference room meeting with Dwight went really well. 91 00:04:58,106 --> 00:05:00,126 Oh. Bodes well for the post-conference room meeting. 92 00:05:00,144 --> 00:05:03,269 All depends on the conference room meeting itself. [Musical ringtone] 93 00:05:04,265 --> 00:05:06,317 Uh, okay. 94 00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:08,558 - Is that them again? - Yeah. 95 00:05:08,661 --> 00:05:10,674 Maybe you should call back. 96 00:05:11,116 --> 00:05:12,554 I will. 97 00:05:12,821 --> 00:05:15,014 I will. 98 00:05:15,969 --> 00:05:17,844 The guys at Athlead are still bugging me 99 00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:19,775 about this three-month road show thing. 100 00:05:19,793 --> 00:05:22,809 Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. 101 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,118 Yeah, it sounds exciting. But... 102 00:05:25,175 --> 00:05:27,342 I said no, and that's final. 103 00:05:27,692 --> 00:05:29,705 I almost lost Pam over this business. 104 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:32,158 I'm not risking that again. 105 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:36,186 When Jim decided to come back to Scranton full-time, I was relieved, 106 00:05:36,217 --> 00:05:39,342 but I also feel a little guilty. 107 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:43,182 I mean, he's giving up this big thing for me. 108 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:44,811 But he seems happy. 109 00:05:44,829 --> 00:05:47,377 I mean, he's certainly been goofing around a lot. 110 00:05:47,571 --> 00:05:49,538 I love goofy Jim. 111 00:05:49,589 --> 00:05:50,571 Welcome. 112 00:05:50,589 --> 00:05:51,727 He welcomes you. 113 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,102 Please take an agenda item. 114 00:05:53,126 --> 00:05:55,989 - Your agenda-taking pleases him. - Have a seat, Phyllis. 115 00:05:56,192 --> 00:05:57,207 There we go. 116 00:05:57,219 --> 00:06:00,415 As you know, I like to begin each day with an inspirational quote. 117 00:06:00,470 --> 00:06:04,647 "Some say the only failure there is is the failure to try." 118 00:06:04,777 --> 00:06:05,616 [Imitates buzzer] 119 00:06:05,641 --> 00:06:06,641 "That is wrong. 120 00:06:06,672 --> 00:06:09,225 Failure of any kind is failure." 121 00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:11,355 - Jim, over to you. - Let's not get crazy 122 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:14,019 and ruin our no-nonsense streak, all right? 123 00:06:14,038 --> 00:06:16,288 So, for instance, if you're expecting a fax today, 124 00:06:16,306 --> 00:06:17,507 please don't yell out, 125 00:06:17,526 --> 00:06:20,252 "Michael J. Fax from fax to the future!" 126 00:06:20,304 --> 00:06:21,974 Okay? That's nonsense. 127 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,481 - Question. - Yes, beautiful girl in the front. 128 00:06:24,646 --> 00:06:27,587 We are expecting a water delivery today at 10 a.m. 129 00:06:27,617 --> 00:06:29,771 What if, as they're delivering the water jugs, 130 00:06:29,796 --> 00:06:31,966 someone screams out, "nice jugs!" 131 00:06:32,010 --> 00:06:33,989 That's obviously nonsense. 132 00:06:34,014 --> 00:06:34,996 Nonsense. 133 00:06:35,009 --> 00:06:38,415 And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office? 134 00:06:38,428 --> 00:06:40,420 - Zero. - No nonsense. 135 00:06:40,438 --> 00:06:43,276 - No. Can't have nonsense. - What is going on? 136 00:06:43,288 --> 00:06:45,005 Daycare won't take Phillip anymore. 137 00:06:45,018 --> 00:06:46,368 - Why? - [Sighs] 138 00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:50,596 Apparently my station in life has descended to a depth even they won't forgive. 139 00:06:50,665 --> 00:06:52,440 So, hi. 140 00:06:52,887 --> 00:06:53,993 Hi, buddy. 141 00:06:54,018 --> 00:06:55,718 Okay. Um, 142 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,206 new agenda item. 143 00:06:57,218 --> 00:06:59,388 Phillip will be joining us at the office today. 144 00:06:59,406 --> 00:07:00,844 Gotta write that down. 145 00:07:00,907 --> 00:07:02,485 Okay, big day today. 146 00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:05,326 Airing of the documentary. Who's excited? 147 00:07:05,769 --> 00:07:07,870 I'd better come out of this smelling like a rose. 148 00:07:07,889 --> 00:07:10,658 I've been on my best behavior for nine years. 149 00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:14,169 If it wasn't for the cameras, I would've done some truly vulgar crap. 150 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,291 Over the course of this documentary, I've had three affairs. 151 00:07:17,316 --> 00:07:19,320 If you find my body in a ditch, 152 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,183 let me save the police some trouble. 153 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,880 My wife did it. 154 00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:25,101 I'm letting you all off half an hour early 155 00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:27,415 to view the documentary, so you can make it up to me 156 00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:29,646 by working an extra half an hour tomorrow 157 00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,684 or a minute extra for the rest of the month. 158 00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:32,847 Ooh! Announcement. 159 00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,074 Some of us whose televisions got broken 160 00:07:35,085 --> 00:07:37,349 during an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial 161 00:07:37,377 --> 00:07:39,681 will be watching tonight at Poor Richard's. 162 00:07:39,731 --> 00:07:43,631 But note, all are welcome, not just those 163 00:07:43,681 --> 00:07:45,882 who saw an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial 164 00:07:45,909 --> 00:07:48,110 and charged their televisions. 165 00:07:48,304 --> 00:07:51,180 I can't believe the doc is finally going to air. 166 00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:52,905 When this thing started, 167 00:07:52,918 --> 00:07:55,140 I was still having sex with women. 168 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,372 As was Kevin, I believe. 169 00:07:57,538 --> 00:07:59,412 This airs tonight? 170 00:07:59,624 --> 00:08:01,412 Oh, my God. 171 00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:03,501 If my parents see this, 172 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,266 I am toast. 173 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,117 This is really huge. 174 00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:12,591 This is like the march on Washington, but for a singing show. 175 00:08:12,607 --> 00:08:13,420 Whoohoo! 176 00:08:13,432 --> 00:08:15,294 Can you imagine if Martin Luther King were here 177 00:08:15,317 --> 00:08:17,452 and sang I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis? 178 00:08:17,479 --> 00:08:20,048 With that baritone? That would be historic. 179 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,752 Whoohoo! Casey Dean! Cincinnati, Ohio! 180 00:08:22,783 --> 00:08:25,071 - Whoa. - ♪ Doctor, doctor, gimme the news ♪ 181 00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:27,845 ♪ I got a great Casey Dean for you ♪ 182 00:08:27,867 --> 00:08:30,575 - No. No, this is my time! - America wants it! 183 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,866 You don't belt on my time! 184 00:08:31,889 --> 00:08:35,192 - I belt on my time! - ♪ Casey Deeeeee-eeean 185 00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:42,122 ♪ Casey De-ee-ee-ee-ee-ean ♪ 186 00:08:42,273 --> 00:08:44,394 - Man, those are some nice pipes! - Yeah. 187 00:08:44,419 --> 00:08:46,007 What's your name? 188 00:08:46,431 --> 00:08:47,865 Andy. 189 00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:49,506 What's yours? 190 00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:54,301 - Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? - Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? 191 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,667 - Guys. - Because whenever I pack the bag, 192 00:08:56,685 --> 00:08:57,973 you say I do it wrong. 193 00:08:57,985 --> 00:08:59,177 - Guys. - Why don't you pack it? 194 00:08:59,199 --> 00:09:00,768 - Guys. - Kevin, what? - Kevin, what is it? 195 00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:05,144 Do you want to see a video of a weatherman who says "bold front" 196 00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:06,694 instead of "cold front"? 197 00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:07,753 It's insane. 198 00:09:07,771 --> 00:09:10,583 Not now, Kevin. Can't you see we're busy? 199 00:09:10,652 --> 00:09:12,470 Phillip needs his apple snacks. 200 00:09:12,488 --> 00:09:13,797 Seriously, Kevin. 201 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,297 - I'm just gonna have to go to the store. - Okay, you go to the store. 202 00:09:16,326 --> 00:09:18,440 Phillip, Phillip, Phillip. 203 00:09:18,468 --> 00:09:20,661 It's all about Phillip. 204 00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:23,473 I hate Phillip. 205 00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:26,134 [Door opens] 206 00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:27,325 Not now! Private time! 207 00:09:27,337 --> 00:09:30,562 I love Star Wars as much as the next guy... - Hey, hey. 208 00:09:30,606 --> 00:09:32,606 Seriously? 209 00:09:34,382 --> 00:09:36,600 My God, I'm so sorry. 210 00:09:37,914 --> 00:09:39,333 Well, this might make up for it. 211 00:09:39,352 --> 00:09:42,049 I think I have found an enormous source 212 00:09:42,096 --> 00:09:43,816 of overlooked PFN. 213 00:09:44,073 --> 00:09:45,630 Which is, of course...? 214 00:09:45,654 --> 00:09:47,829 - Potential future nonsense. - Yes. 215 00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:49,956 Good abbreviating, Jim. That saved some time. 216 00:09:49,975 --> 00:09:52,064 Now, hurry up. Shut the door. 217 00:09:52,488 --> 00:09:53,344 [Sighs] 218 00:09:53,369 --> 00:09:54,478 Break it down for me. 219 00:09:54,502 --> 00:09:57,277 I'm gonna need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. 220 00:09:57,562 --> 00:10:00,144 - You've got a regional manager. - The power source. 221 00:10:00,161 --> 00:10:02,141 Obviously, the assistant to the regional manager. 222 00:10:02,165 --> 00:10:03,822 A loyal but bungling apostle. 223 00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:07,897 But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager? 224 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,125 Someone to whisper in the ear of the consigliore. 225 00:10:15,143 --> 00:10:16,468 Exactly. 226 00:10:16,492 --> 00:10:18,983 I'd have to get some more wire and string, 227 00:10:19,436 --> 00:10:20,574 but it's doable. 228 00:10:20,614 --> 00:10:22,945 Do you think any of them out there are capable? 229 00:10:23,070 --> 00:10:24,183 Yeah, right. 230 00:10:24,214 --> 00:10:26,296 I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests. 231 00:10:26,317 --> 00:10:28,142 I like the sound of that. 232 00:10:28,235 --> 00:10:30,804 - Who did you have in mind? - Well, I know this sounds crazy, 233 00:10:30,816 --> 00:10:34,760 but how would King Arthur choose the next knight of his round table? 234 00:10:35,309 --> 00:10:37,416 That doesn't sound crazy, Jim. 235 00:10:37,522 --> 00:10:40,389 That's the sanest thing I've ever heard. 236 00:10:41,814 --> 00:10:45,140 - What are you listening to? - Hmm? Um, uh, locking in my starting note. 237 00:10:45,152 --> 00:10:47,390 ♪ A 440 238 00:10:47,409 --> 00:10:49,401 - Oh, sweet. - A cappella is all about pitch, 239 00:10:49,407 --> 00:10:53,039 and I am nothing if not a total pitch bitch. 240 00:10:53,226 --> 00:10:54,401 What's up, everybody? 241 00:10:54,426 --> 00:10:58,259 And welcome to America's Next A Cappella Sensation! 242 00:10:58,285 --> 00:11:00,352 [Cheers and applause] 243 00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:02,881 Oh, my God! You're gorgeous! 244 00:11:02,906 --> 00:11:04,281 Thank you. Thank you so much. 245 00:11:04,292 --> 00:11:06,556 And thank you for your patience. And we hope to see you guys 246 00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:08,494 within the next five to seven hours. 247 00:11:08,527 --> 00:11:11,222 Now, just to give you a couple parameters of the show, 248 00:11:11,246 --> 00:11:14,056 each of you will sing a song for 30 seconds, 249 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,937 after which our judges will decide 250 00:11:15,955 --> 00:11:18,491 if they want you in their a cappella group. 251 00:11:18,529 --> 00:11:20,840 Now, each group will start with 90 singers 252 00:11:20,858 --> 00:11:24,546 which will compete in a series of singing and physical challenges. 253 00:11:24,621 --> 00:11:27,573 Oh, and look out for that pesky mole! 254 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:28,346 [Crowd murmuring] 255 00:11:28,365 --> 00:11:29,640 There's a mole? 256 00:11:29,678 --> 00:11:30,748 Oops. 257 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,342 I'm not supposed to-- 258 00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:34,224 not supposed to say that. All right. No mole. 259 00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,499 Forget I said it, all right? 260 00:11:35,524 --> 00:11:38,174 What mole? What are you talking about? I already forgot about it. 261 00:11:38,212 --> 00:11:39,481 Good man right there. 262 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,875 I'll see you guys inside. Good luck, all right? 263 00:11:41,894 --> 00:11:43,297 Yeah! 264 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,123 Pour some Sugar Ray on me! 265 00:11:45,249 --> 00:11:46,484 What? 266 00:11:46,526 --> 00:11:48,130 - On a roll much? - I don't know where it came from. 267 00:11:48,136 --> 00:11:50,402 - That was amazing, man! - Yeah. Yeah, it felt good. It felt funny. 268 00:11:50,426 --> 00:11:52,195 Yeah, you made a personal connection with him. 269 00:11:52,217 --> 00:11:54,020 - I did. I felt it. - Big time. 270 00:11:55,316 --> 00:11:56,905 What are you so excited about? 271 00:11:56,936 --> 00:12:00,033 - Nothing. - What are you up to? 272 00:12:00,236 --> 00:12:01,636 [Laughs] 273 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,285 Members of the office, hear ye. 274 00:12:05,298 --> 00:12:07,187 That means ye, Plop. 275 00:12:07,234 --> 00:12:09,065 "Plop"? Still? 276 00:12:09,089 --> 00:12:11,083 We owe Andy that much. 277 00:12:11,178 --> 00:12:14,329 - Absolutely, we do. - Am I right, people? 278 00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:17,798 - Fine. - Today, we will be testing candidates 279 00:12:17,841 --> 00:12:21,346 for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager. 280 00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:23,110 - Aw, heck, yeah. - Nice. 281 00:12:23,129 --> 00:12:26,717 You'll always have the upper hand when you've got a good 282 00:12:26,772 --> 00:12:28,228 "aarm." 283 00:12:28,252 --> 00:12:31,523 - Trademark pending. - This is not an excuse to blow off work 284 00:12:31,536 --> 00:12:33,142 doing carnival-like activities. 285 00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:35,671 Sure, every participant will be getting a corn dog, 286 00:12:35,683 --> 00:12:37,386 but that's for fueling only. 287 00:12:37,415 --> 00:12:39,390 - No savoring. - Wow. What an honor. 288 00:12:39,402 --> 00:12:42,137 - God, I envy them. - He envies you. 289 00:12:42,172 --> 00:12:43,598 You don't need to repeat right now... 290 00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:44,715 - All right. - What I'm saying. 291 00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:46,902 By 2:00, Dwight will choose himself 292 00:12:46,929 --> 00:12:49,340 to be assistant to his own assistant, 293 00:12:49,365 --> 00:12:50,465 me. 294 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:57,942 What's up? 295 00:12:57,967 --> 00:12:59,786 What's going on? How was the "delivery"? 296 00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,472 Delivered all my furniture to Philly. 297 00:13:01,488 --> 00:13:02,851 Hey, keep it down, though. 298 00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:04,507 Nobody knows I'm here. 299 00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:07,356 I hate good-byes, so last week, 300 00:13:07,368 --> 00:13:08,989 when I left Dunder Mifflin for good, 301 00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:10,683 I pulled the old "Irish Exit." 302 00:13:10,701 --> 00:13:12,766 Just slipped out with making a big deal. 303 00:13:12,832 --> 00:13:14,364 No hard feelings. 304 00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,246 No feelings at all. 305 00:13:16,356 --> 00:13:17,727 [Sighs] 306 00:13:17,921 --> 00:13:21,469 A good assistant knows what their superior is thinking 307 00:13:21,488 --> 00:13:22,727 before they even think it. 308 00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:24,740 Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now? 309 00:13:24,777 --> 00:13:26,866 Uh, two. 310 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,389 985,000,000,000,017. 311 00:13:29,437 --> 00:13:31,044 [Scoffs] Not even close, Meredith. 312 00:13:31,062 --> 00:13:32,536 - Come on! - Okay. Pam. 313 00:13:32,558 --> 00:13:34,558 What song is running through my head right now? 314 00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:36,448 The theme song from Saved by the Bell. 315 00:13:36,473 --> 00:13:38,723 Oh, my God! It was the theme song to Boy Meets World. 316 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,067 Wait. No, no, no, stop. 317 00:13:40,103 --> 00:13:43,374 Spouses can read each other's minds. You're trying to give your wife this job. 318 00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:45,678 That's exactly what I was doing. 319 00:13:45,715 --> 00:13:48,053 Plop, what animal am I picturing? 320 00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:48,868 A horse. 321 00:13:48,892 --> 00:13:50,774 Ew, the exact opposite, actually. 322 00:13:50,822 --> 00:13:52,293 What's the opposite of a horse? 323 00:13:52,305 --> 00:13:54,399 - Come on. It's sea horse. - A sea horse. 324 00:13:55,305 --> 00:13:56,669 Whoa, 325 00:13:56,694 --> 00:13:58,963 how did you know that I was gonna... 326 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:00,916 Both: Say that? 327 00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,439 Both: Uncanny. 328 00:14:04,651 --> 00:14:06,314 Challenge number two, protocol. 329 00:14:06,338 --> 00:14:07,463 - Clark! - Yeah. 330 00:14:07,495 --> 00:14:09,205 Do you want a corn dog? 331 00:14:09,238 --> 00:14:11,226 - I would love a corn dog. - We'll see. 332 00:14:11,264 --> 00:14:13,864 You are an assistant who's just gotten a phone message. 333 00:14:13,893 --> 00:14:17,312 I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert Dunder, and his niece. 334 00:14:17,347 --> 00:14:19,039 Uh-oh, look who came to join us. 335 00:14:19,068 --> 00:14:21,174 The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, 336 00:14:21,207 --> 00:14:24,689 Yuri Slovak, who, by the way, is extremely embarrassed about the size of his nose. 337 00:14:24,761 --> 00:14:26,660 Go ahead and read that phone message. 338 00:14:27,053 --> 00:14:29,135 "Mr. Halpert, your wife called to find out 339 00:14:29,164 --> 00:14:31,011 how your meeting with Yuri big nose went." 340 00:14:31,029 --> 00:14:32,174 No, no, no, no! 341 00:14:32,198 --> 00:14:34,559 You don't read it aloud like that! 342 00:14:34,693 --> 00:14:37,228 God! Besides, the whole thing is a trick question. 343 00:14:37,253 --> 00:14:39,361 There's no Turkish ambassador to Armenia. 344 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,442 The two countries don't have diplomatic relations. 345 00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:45,873 Uncanny. 346 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:49,208 I just hope that if my buddies who are still in Afghanistan 347 00:14:49,227 --> 00:14:52,061 see me win, they'll feel like anything is possible. 348 00:14:52,185 --> 00:14:53,941 Great. More screen time for the war vet. 349 00:14:53,978 --> 00:14:55,216 [Scoffs] 350 00:14:55,284 --> 00:14:58,470 All you gotta do is risk your life for this country and everyone goes Gaga for you. 351 00:14:58,495 --> 00:14:59,785 Oh, over at the porta-potties, 352 00:14:59,806 --> 00:15:02,735 they were interviewing a homeless, single mother with three kids. 353 00:15:02,830 --> 00:15:04,948 - What? - Yeah. 354 00:15:04,999 --> 00:15:09,447 Is this a show about the resiliency of the human spirit 355 00:15:09,466 --> 00:15:11,460 or is it a show about singing? 356 00:15:11,472 --> 00:15:13,460 I don't know, but I'm getting really worried here. 357 00:15:13,489 --> 00:15:15,108 Me too. 358 00:15:15,925 --> 00:15:18,827 - Hold my place in line. - Where are you going? 359 00:15:19,548 --> 00:15:22,050 They want feel-good stories? 360 00:15:22,509 --> 00:15:24,977 Wait till they get a good feel of me. 361 00:15:25,982 --> 00:15:27,864 - Thanks, man. - Thank you. 362 00:15:27,896 --> 00:15:29,486 Yep. Take care. 363 00:15:29,864 --> 00:15:32,068 - Darryl, hey. - Hey. 364 00:15:32,304 --> 00:15:33,963 Cool. Are you coming back to say hi? 365 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,505 No, no. I'm not here, actually. 366 00:15:36,624 --> 00:15:38,077 These doughnuts are part of my escape 367 00:15:38,101 --> 00:15:40,226 from the guys at the warehouse I didn't say good-bye to. 368 00:15:40,258 --> 00:15:41,497 Aha! 369 00:15:41,521 --> 00:15:43,438 - How's Athlead? - We livin' like rock stars. 370 00:15:43,456 --> 00:15:46,405 I'm about to eat free steak with my sports heroes 371 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:47,698 in 32 different cities. 372 00:15:47,737 --> 00:15:49,725 - Wow. - Jim really doesn't want to come? 373 00:15:49,762 --> 00:15:52,592 - He says he doesn't want to. - Wow. Man. 374 00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:54,304 I hope he doesn't regret it. 375 00:15:54,483 --> 00:15:56,921 Well, he seems really happy being back here at Dunder Mifflin. 376 00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:58,202 [Laughs] 377 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,781 Jim is happy here, selling paper at Dunder Mifflin? 378 00:16:00,881 --> 00:16:02,584 That's what he says. 379 00:16:02,827 --> 00:16:04,246 If you say so. 380 00:16:04,265 --> 00:16:05,383 Hey, good seeing you. 381 00:16:05,413 --> 00:16:07,526 Remember, I was never here. 382 00:16:07,611 --> 00:16:08,611 All right, then. 383 00:16:08,641 --> 00:16:09,891 [Door opens] 384 00:16:10,093 --> 00:16:13,429 An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity, 385 00:16:13,456 --> 00:16:15,490 but an assistant to the assistant 386 00:16:15,515 --> 00:16:16,965 has a thousand times more to prove, 387 00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,565 - am I right? - A thousand times more. 388 00:16:18,604 --> 00:16:20,247 - I'll try this one. - Phyllis. 389 00:16:20,265 --> 00:16:22,467 Grab both these coffees, double fist it, 390 00:16:22,504 --> 00:16:25,383 - and head through this obstacle course. - Okay. Ooh, it's hot. 391 00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:27,143 Yeah. It's real. 392 00:16:27,841 --> 00:16:29,752 It's the only way you'll learn. Okay. 393 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,710 And go ahead. 394 00:16:33,405 --> 00:16:35,216 Oh, God, nice. 395 00:16:35,436 --> 00:16:36,749 She's through the green, everybody. 396 00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,333 - Here comes yellow. - No, no, no, no. 397 00:16:38,354 --> 00:16:39,371 - A real doozy. - Oh, boy. 398 00:16:39,393 --> 00:16:41,260 Phyllis, seriously? 399 00:16:41,488 --> 00:16:43,444 - Look at that form. - Oh, my God, that's just pathetic! 400 00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:45,355 The boss needs his coffee! [Gasps] 401 00:16:45,490 --> 00:16:46,955 - Wow. - [Grunts] 402 00:16:46,974 --> 00:16:48,149 [Gasps] 403 00:16:48,176 --> 00:16:49,707 [Grunts] 404 00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:51,917 [Gasps] 405 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,943 Here you are, sir! Here's your coffee! 406 00:16:54,073 --> 00:16:55,930 Ow! My skin! Ow! Ow! 407 00:16:55,965 --> 00:16:57,729 Aah! It burns! Aah! 408 00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,752 Aah! Aah! [Bell dings] 409 00:17:00,289 --> 00:17:01,595 Uncanny. 410 00:17:01,644 --> 00:17:04,849 [Applause] 411 00:17:04,997 --> 00:17:07,062 Darryl? Darryl! 412 00:17:07,756 --> 00:17:09,856 - Oh! - Oh, hey! 413 00:17:09,901 --> 00:17:11,908 Hey, what's up, y'all? 414 00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:14,013 You left us without saying good-bye! 415 00:17:14,085 --> 00:17:15,120 Oh. 416 00:17:15,163 --> 00:17:16,226 My bad. 417 00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:17,450 Good-bye, everybody. 418 00:17:17,468 --> 00:17:19,233 - No, that is totally uncool! - Hey, no way! 419 00:17:19,245 --> 00:17:21,125 Are you kidding? 420 00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:22,807 You broke our hearts. 421 00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:24,568 - Get upstairs. - I don't think I should-- 422 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,168 Get upstairs, mister! 423 00:17:26,193 --> 00:17:28,226 - Yeah! - Right now! 424 00:17:28,244 --> 00:17:29,765 So, I'm going upstairs. 425 00:17:29,872 --> 00:17:32,791 You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thing, 426 00:17:32,815 --> 00:17:34,217 none of these people are good enough. 427 00:17:34,241 --> 00:17:35,186 I know. 428 00:17:35,211 --> 00:17:39,088 What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, and yet 429 00:17:39,113 --> 00:17:41,041 it might be the most logical thing I've ever said. 430 00:17:41,062 --> 00:17:42,738 Jim, this is gonna come as no surprise, 431 00:17:42,744 --> 00:17:44,926 but I know exactly what you were gonna say. 432 00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:47,856 The only possible assistant to my assistant... 433 00:17:47,884 --> 00:17:49,549 Is... 434 00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:50,690 Me. 435 00:17:50,718 --> 00:17:51,423 [Clicks tongue] 436 00:17:51,453 --> 00:17:53,528 The new assistant 437 00:17:53,553 --> 00:17:55,253 to the assistant 438 00:17:55,269 --> 00:17:57,757 to the regional manager is... 439 00:17:58,294 --> 00:17:59,987 - Dwight K. Schrute. - Yes! 440 00:17:59,993 --> 00:18:01,642 [Halfhearted applause] 441 00:18:01,879 --> 00:18:02,899 Thank you. 442 00:18:02,911 --> 00:18:05,469 I think you might want to kneel for this. 443 00:18:05,492 --> 00:18:08,994 And yet, the manager for Dunder Mifflin kneels for no man. 444 00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,217 Wait. 445 00:18:13,235 --> 00:18:14,618 - That's it. - Okay. 446 00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:16,187 You look really, really good. 447 00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:19,223 [Applause] 448 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:27,970 Okay, from now on, 449 00:18:27,989 --> 00:18:29,865 anyone who needs to speak to me 450 00:18:29,887 --> 00:18:33,330 has got to go through me first, all right? 451 00:18:34,174 --> 00:18:36,142 [Exhales] 452 00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:40,185 Hey. 453 00:18:40,541 --> 00:18:43,431 - Hey. - You all right? 454 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:46,579 What's going on? 455 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,552 Are you happy? 456 00:18:48,571 --> 00:18:50,349 Yes, I'm happy. 457 00:18:50,372 --> 00:18:52,372 No, I know that you're, like, 458 00:18:52,409 --> 00:18:54,197 happy, and, like, you had fun today. 459 00:18:54,222 --> 00:18:55,760 - Yeah. - And that was fun. But 460 00:18:55,779 --> 00:18:57,647 what about a year from now? 461 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,607 - What? - What about five years from now? 462 00:18:59,619 --> 00:19:01,694 - Pam. - Because I'm so glad you're back, baby, 463 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:04,569 but I'm just--I was talking to Darryl, 464 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,753 and he was talking about the trip, 465 00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:09,472 and I just feel like you're giving up so much. 466 00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:12,178 This was my decision, not yours. 467 00:19:12,202 --> 00:19:14,251 - Okay. I kind of forced you to do it. - You didn't force me. 468 00:19:14,282 --> 00:19:16,438 - You did not force me to do this. - Yes, I did. 469 00:19:16,463 --> 00:19:18,719 - I don't know how else to tell you. - I'm afraid you're gonna resent me, 470 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,030 - and I'm afraid that... - Resent you? 471 00:19:20,042 --> 00:19:23,328 This is not enough for you, and I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you. 472 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,570 Is that really what you think? 473 00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:30,692 Not enough? 474 00:19:31,016 --> 00:19:34,004 I don't know how else to explain it to her, so... 475 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,879 you know what? I know it's against the rules, but 476 00:19:37,008 --> 00:19:39,040 I'm gonna need a favor from you guys. 477 00:19:39,329 --> 00:19:41,127 Okay. You got it, man. 478 00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:48,640 I didn't realize we were this close. 479 00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:51,494 We're all a little hormonal with the doc airing. 480 00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:54,168 Are you gonna come to poor Richard's and watch with us tonight? 481 00:19:54,206 --> 00:19:56,924 Uh... yeah. 482 00:19:57,134 --> 00:19:58,351 Depending on traffic. 483 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,173 - He ain't coming. - Oh, God! 484 00:20:02,424 --> 00:20:05,218 These dudes are definitely in a weird mood. 485 00:20:05,502 --> 00:20:08,012 Picked the wrong day to return a truck. 486 00:20:08,037 --> 00:20:10,612 - Well, it's been great. - 11 years. 487 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,591 A guy is in your life for 11 years, 488 00:20:12,609 --> 00:20:14,611 and then he's gone for who knows how long. 489 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,490 Maybe forever. Anyhow-- 490 00:20:16,502 --> 00:20:19,152 Did we ever have lunch together, just-- 491 00:20:19,494 --> 00:20:20,844 just the two of us? 492 00:20:20,869 --> 00:20:23,633 You know what, I'm gonna make reservations right now 493 00:20:23,828 --> 00:20:25,888 - at Cugino's. - Question for Darryl. 494 00:20:25,913 --> 00:20:28,479 Did we ever get loaded and listen to zeppelin in my van? 495 00:20:28,513 --> 00:20:30,354 Oh, oh, I'm sure we did. 496 00:20:30,372 --> 00:20:33,435 Nah, I call one hour van time with Darryl. 497 00:20:33,453 --> 00:20:36,370 Darryl, you know, I would love to just record some of your stories, 498 00:20:36,404 --> 00:20:39,265 just let the tape roll for six or eight or ten hours, 499 00:20:39,278 --> 00:20:40,863 and just see what we get. 500 00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,793 Listen, guys, we can do it all. 501 00:20:42,818 --> 00:20:46,393 We just have to divide Darryl's next 12 hours into 90-minute segments. 502 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:49,011 I will go watch an eHow video on how to use excel, 503 00:20:49,035 --> 00:20:52,261 - and then we'll get this started. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. 504 00:20:52,713 --> 00:20:55,533 Okay, I made the mistake of sneaking out of here, 505 00:20:55,594 --> 00:20:56,811 and that's on me. 506 00:20:56,837 --> 00:21:00,081 But I'm not gonna spend the rest of the day here 507 00:21:00,105 --> 00:21:02,828 doing stuff with you 'cause you're feeling sentimental. 508 00:21:02,867 --> 00:21:04,633 - You have to! - Come on! 509 00:21:04,646 --> 00:21:08,149 Hey, hey, hey. I'll do one thing with y'all. 510 00:21:08,168 --> 00:21:09,399 Which thing? 511 00:21:09,411 --> 00:21:10,963 I don't care. Choose amongst yourselves. 512 00:21:10,985 --> 00:21:13,398 Not the van though. 513 00:21:15,195 --> 00:21:17,624 [Rhythmic tapping] 514 00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:19,478 Kevin, Kevin. 515 00:21:19,504 --> 00:21:21,471 Oh, you know my name. 516 00:21:21,531 --> 00:21:24,035 Well, that is shocking. 517 00:21:24,111 --> 00:21:26,172 Kevin, could you not do that? 518 00:21:26,204 --> 00:21:26,997 What? 519 00:21:27,016 --> 00:21:30,583 I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work. 520 00:21:31,079 --> 00:21:33,642 - Here, use my pen. - Don't tell me what to do! 521 00:21:33,686 --> 00:21:35,774 - Both: Shh! - No, I don't need this. 522 00:21:35,809 --> 00:21:38,278 And you obviously don't need me. 523 00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:40,609 - Kevin, where are you going? - Away. 524 00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:45,397 Tell Phillip that his stupid little baby wish came true. 525 00:21:48,543 --> 00:21:49,968 He just won't go down. 526 00:21:49,994 --> 00:21:52,394 It's as if he's excited by all this paper. 527 00:21:52,431 --> 00:21:54,648 I know, earlier today he tried to eat 528 00:21:54,683 --> 00:21:57,068 some of the 24-weight letter bond. 529 00:21:57,089 --> 00:21:58,639 Smart baby. 530 00:21:58,668 --> 00:22:01,490 That's the most flavorful bond. 531 00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:09,695 Hey, what's going on over here, 532 00:22:09,701 --> 00:22:12,408 some sort of singing competition for the young'uns? 533 00:22:12,420 --> 00:22:13,571 You're back. 534 00:22:13,587 --> 00:22:15,909 - No, it's me, Andy. - No, I know. 535 00:22:15,915 --> 00:22:17,844 No, no, no, I'm wearing makeup. 536 00:22:17,873 --> 00:22:19,573 You did a really great job. 537 00:22:19,591 --> 00:22:21,963 - You even look shorter. - Oh, I took out my lifts. 538 00:22:21,975 --> 00:22:23,699 - Oh. - Yeah, unlike Andy Bernard, 539 00:22:23,711 --> 00:22:25,441 this character is my real height. 540 00:22:25,495 --> 00:22:26,738 Oh. 541 00:22:26,744 --> 00:22:30,176 All day long, it's moo the cows and cluck the hens. 542 00:22:30,201 --> 00:22:32,027 - Mm-hmm. - Get the sheep baa-ed. 543 00:22:32,045 --> 00:22:33,605 Oink the pigs. 544 00:22:33,630 --> 00:22:35,974 Oink the pigs, that is very important. 545 00:22:36,019 --> 00:22:38,307 Dwight, I'm telling you about all the things 546 00:22:38,344 --> 00:22:40,776 that ma said after the horse kicked her in the head. 547 00:22:40,896 --> 00:22:42,966 Where are you? 548 00:22:43,377 --> 00:22:44,790 Dwight? 549 00:22:44,845 --> 00:22:46,798 The way that boy looks at the Galactica 550 00:22:46,827 --> 00:22:49,862 is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. 551 00:22:50,038 --> 00:22:53,210 And he eats the same kind of paper I do. 552 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,367 Hmm. 553 00:23:02,392 --> 00:23:04,945 - Thank you, Esther. - Bye. 554 00:23:15,355 --> 00:23:17,446 You threw the summoning bag at me, sir? 555 00:23:17,469 --> 00:23:19,129 I need you to perform a test. 556 00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:22,006 - Perform a test. - On an innocent baby. 557 00:23:22,035 --> 00:23:24,310 Ooh, I like where this is going. 558 00:23:24,335 --> 00:23:26,105 Unfortunately, I have a lot on my plate today, 559 00:23:26,121 --> 00:23:28,297 so I'm gonna have to hand this off to my number two. 560 00:23:28,315 --> 00:23:30,228 But don't worry, 561 00:23:30,253 --> 00:23:32,003 he's the best in the biz. 562 00:23:32,196 --> 00:23:34,379 - Damn straight. - Unless you think he can't handle it. 563 00:23:34,397 --> 00:23:37,187 - Hey, he can handle it. - All right. 564 00:23:41,733 --> 00:23:44,684 Listen, listen. Shh, buddy. 565 00:23:44,717 --> 00:23:48,092 Stanley's sleeping. You don't want to wake up the grumpy old walrus, do you? 566 00:23:48,142 --> 00:23:50,092 I heard that. 567 00:23:50,123 --> 00:23:51,586 Mama. 568 00:23:51,790 --> 00:23:53,884 Hey, you want me to take the little diaper blaster? 569 00:23:53,903 --> 00:23:57,774 Pam can attest, there's no one better at getting brats to shut their yaps. 570 00:23:58,387 --> 00:23:59,871 He does have a gift. 571 00:23:59,898 --> 00:24:01,513 Well, he's calling for his mom, 572 00:24:01,531 --> 00:24:03,479 but, okay, here, here you go. 573 00:24:03,504 --> 00:24:05,055 - Careful, he bites. - Mama. 574 00:24:05,089 --> 00:24:06,862 Okay. 575 00:24:09,050 --> 00:24:11,776 You ever been in a manager's office before? 576 00:24:12,303 --> 00:24:14,252 Phillip, you wanna play a little game? 577 00:24:14,277 --> 00:24:16,427 It's called "Schrute or Consequences." 578 00:24:16,445 --> 00:24:18,736 You're gonna choose one of these two things, 579 00:24:18,744 --> 00:24:21,813 a check for a million dollars 580 00:24:22,147 --> 00:24:25,687 or this dirty old beet. 581 00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:28,226 Yuck, pew! 582 00:24:28,319 --> 00:24:30,409 Which will it be? 583 00:24:31,083 --> 00:24:33,822 Money or the beet? 584 00:24:35,082 --> 00:24:36,576 Beet. 585 00:24:36,857 --> 00:24:37,965 Yeah. 586 00:24:37,981 --> 00:24:39,275 [Babbles] 587 00:24:39,301 --> 00:24:41,083 Any ordinary child would have taken the money, 588 00:24:41,095 --> 00:24:42,943 but you're no ordinary child, are you? 589 00:24:42,965 --> 00:24:44,346 No. 590 00:24:44,454 --> 00:24:46,874 I can tell by your gorgeous, 591 00:24:46,930 --> 00:24:49,303 widely-set eyes. 592 00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:54,407 Sorry, folks, the judges are totally swamped. 593 00:24:54,420 --> 00:24:55,993 We are all done taking auditions. 594 00:24:56,012 --> 00:24:57,212 - Oh, come on. - Hey! 595 00:24:57,243 --> 00:24:58,918 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? 596 00:24:58,937 --> 00:25:00,741 But thanks for coming out and please be sure 597 00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:02,903 to watch America's Next A Cappella Sensa-- 598 00:25:02,922 --> 00:25:04,505 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't do that. 599 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:05,562 - Yeah-- - You can't do that. 600 00:25:05,593 --> 00:25:06,795 We've all been waiting! Okay. 601 00:25:06,826 --> 00:25:08,543 I am going in there. Don't-- 602 00:25:08,578 --> 00:25:09,978 - No, you're not, sir. - Don't--don't-- 603 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:11,091 - Please don't. - Don't touch me. 604 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,338 I'm not touching you. Okay. 605 00:25:13,366 --> 00:25:14,210 No! 606 00:25:14,247 --> 00:25:16,185 - Run, old man! Run! - Ow. 607 00:25:16,210 --> 00:25:18,862 Run! Run for your life! 608 00:25:18,980 --> 00:25:21,235 Get off. Don't you dare. Don't get--I could see it. 609 00:25:21,248 --> 00:25:22,713 You were gonna get handsy with me. 610 00:25:22,741 --> 00:25:23,991 Not interested. 611 00:25:24,018 --> 00:25:25,570 I'm Casey Dean! 612 00:25:25,670 --> 00:25:27,287 You'll be seeing the last of me! 613 00:25:27,324 --> 00:25:31,178 Or--I meant you won't be seeing the last of me! 614 00:25:32,871 --> 00:25:34,353 Hey. 615 00:25:34,399 --> 00:25:36,475 Did you manage to feed him? I don't know what it is. 616 00:25:36,487 --> 00:25:38,313 He just keeps spitting out the nipple. 617 00:25:38,325 --> 00:25:40,712 That's because this baby is of superior intelligence. 618 00:25:40,743 --> 00:25:42,868 He can tell when he's being tricked out of the experience 619 00:25:42,893 --> 00:25:45,863 - of a real human breast. - Come on. 620 00:25:45,887 --> 00:25:47,420 He's not that smart. 621 00:25:47,535 --> 00:25:50,755 He doesn't know where I hid his duck. 622 00:25:55,599 --> 00:25:58,287 ♪ I am beautiful 623 00:25:58,309 --> 00:26:01,821 ♪ no matter what they say ♪ 624 00:26:01,851 --> 00:26:06,181 ♪ Yes, words can't bring me down ♪ 625 00:26:06,214 --> 00:26:07,172 [Thudding] 626 00:26:07,196 --> 00:26:09,259 - ♪ Whoa-oh-no - Hi. 627 00:26:09,278 --> 00:26:12,284 - You're still here. Oh, thank God. - ♪ I am beautiful 628 00:26:12,315 --> 00:26:14,298 Clay Aiken, Santigold, Aaron Rodgers. 629 00:26:14,311 --> 00:26:16,487 You're, like, my three favorite people ever. 630 00:26:16,525 --> 00:26:19,620 - Excuse me, what is this? - Sweetheart, you're amazing, okay? 631 00:26:19,639 --> 00:26:21,555 You're obviously gonna be on the show. 632 00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,235 So it's someone else's turn now. 633 00:26:23,259 --> 00:26:25,698 Yeah. Go ahead, all right? 634 00:26:26,185 --> 00:26:27,641 Um... [Clears throat] 635 00:26:27,765 --> 00:26:30,100 [Old man voice] My name is Ezra Cornell 636 00:26:30,122 --> 00:26:34,003 and I'm just a kindly old fellow with a song in my heart. 637 00:26:34,036 --> 00:26:37,672 No, you're a middle-aged man with a lot of makeup on. 638 00:26:37,994 --> 00:26:39,497 Busted. 639 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,229 Got it. Yes, all right. 640 00:26:41,241 --> 00:26:43,752 Tried to get your attention with tricks, but 641 00:26:43,876 --> 00:26:45,552 you just want to hear me sing. I respect that. 642 00:26:45,570 --> 00:26:48,368 [Laughs] We do not want to hear you sing. 643 00:26:48,407 --> 00:26:50,308 Gabriella was our last audition. 644 00:26:50,328 --> 00:26:53,122 - Thank you. Good-bye. - Nope! Can't end like this. 645 00:26:53,627 --> 00:26:55,237 Slept in my car last night. 646 00:26:55,249 --> 00:26:57,443 Quit my job, burned all my bridges. 647 00:26:57,530 --> 00:26:59,348 I went to the bathroom on my boss's car. 648 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,814 And I did unspeakable things with Carla Fern. 649 00:27:01,845 --> 00:27:05,059 - Ugh, flag on the play. - That's--that's what--Yeah. 650 00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:06,605 Okay, all right, well, here's the song. 651 00:27:06,609 --> 00:27:07,473 [Clears throat] 652 00:27:07,504 --> 00:27:11,644 ♪ Far above Cayuga's waters 653 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,586 ♪ with her waves so blue 654 00:27:15,610 --> 00:27:19,558 ♪ stands our noble Alma Mater ♪ 655 00:27:19,583 --> 00:27:21,421 What is this song? 656 00:27:21,446 --> 00:27:24,278 Are you insane? It's the Cornell fight song. 657 00:27:24,442 --> 00:27:27,325 Listen, all right, thank you very much. We're not interested. 658 00:27:27,344 --> 00:27:29,092 You didn't let me finish. That's not fair. 659 00:27:29,111 --> 00:27:31,176 Look, man, you're not terrible but we've heard a lot 660 00:27:31,188 --> 00:27:34,063 of really good singers today, and you're just not good enough. 661 00:27:34,173 --> 00:27:35,993 Wow, you guys are really mean. 662 00:27:36,005 --> 00:27:36,756 [Chuckles] 663 00:27:36,793 --> 00:27:38,189 I guess that's the show. 664 00:27:38,214 --> 00:27:40,577 - Let me try a different song, okay? - Can he do this? 665 00:27:40,601 --> 00:27:44,469 ♪ Hey, hobo man, hey, Dapper Dan ♪ 666 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,148 ♪ You both got your style 667 00:27:46,173 --> 00:27:49,336 ♪ but, brother, you're never fully dressed ♪ 668 00:27:49,449 --> 00:27:53,085 ♪ Without a smile 669 00:27:53,133 --> 00:27:54,349 Yeah. [Sniffles] 670 00:27:54,377 --> 00:27:58,173 ♪ Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly ♪ 671 00:27:58,242 --> 00:27:59,982 Look, you gotta go. 672 00:28:00,007 --> 00:28:02,366 [Sobbing] 673 00:28:05,078 --> 00:28:06,829 You can't just sit here and cry. 674 00:28:06,857 --> 00:28:10,326 Oh, I can so just sit here and cry! 675 00:28:10,528 --> 00:28:11,947 [Sobbing] 676 00:28:22,711 --> 00:28:24,711 Thank you. 677 00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:28,693 Hey, Kev, how you doing, buddy? 678 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,226 Can't hear you. 679 00:28:30,365 --> 00:28:33,350 I'm giving you the silence treatment. 680 00:28:33,679 --> 00:28:36,281 How does it feel being ignored? 681 00:28:37,289 --> 00:28:40,331 Okay, I guess, it's just that Phillip got you something. 682 00:28:40,437 --> 00:28:43,053 Yeah, a $25 gift card. 683 00:28:43,078 --> 00:28:46,190 - iTunes. - I think there's, like, $7 left. 684 00:28:46,271 --> 00:28:47,552 It's just his way of saying; 685 00:28:47,570 --> 00:28:50,518 "Thanks for letting me hang out in accounting." 686 00:28:50,548 --> 00:28:53,621 - Phillip got this for me? - Sure. 687 00:28:54,470 --> 00:28:56,638 That was a really cool move. 688 00:28:56,808 --> 00:28:59,283 Would you like to hold Phillip? 689 00:29:00,490 --> 00:29:01,803 Yeah. 690 00:29:01,814 --> 00:29:03,947 That's Kevin. 691 00:29:03,980 --> 00:29:05,784 - Whoa. - Easy. 692 00:29:05,803 --> 00:29:08,586 What a chubbers. [Chuckles] 693 00:29:09,148 --> 00:29:10,486 - Whoa. - Okay. Okay. 694 00:29:10,503 --> 00:29:13,409 - I'm losing my balance. Whoa. - Now, Kevin--No. - Hey, no. 695 00:29:13,422 --> 00:29:14,728 - No horseplay. - Stop it. 696 00:29:14,747 --> 00:29:16,220 You want to play with the cactus? 697 00:29:16,244 --> 00:29:17,683 - No. - No, no. 698 00:29:17,694 --> 00:29:20,267 So, me and Phillip were just talking 699 00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:24,564 and we decided we're gonna be best friends. 700 00:29:24,839 --> 00:29:27,110 He's a little standoffish at first. 701 00:29:27,151 --> 00:29:29,202 But once he starts buying you things, 702 00:29:29,274 --> 00:29:32,276 man, you can tell he likes you. 703 00:29:36,116 --> 00:29:38,248 We have our decision. 704 00:29:38,631 --> 00:29:40,462 You chose one thing. 705 00:29:40,941 --> 00:29:43,063 We want to dance with you. 706 00:29:43,460 --> 00:29:47,393 - You want to dance? - One dance. All of us together. 707 00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:50,168 This is what you want? 708 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,817 - Yeah. - Absolutely. 709 00:29:53,715 --> 00:29:56,306 Better get some decent speakers up here then, 710 00:29:56,535 --> 00:29:57,841 'cause we're gonna do this right. 711 00:29:57,856 --> 00:29:59,334 - Yes! - [Laughs] 712 00:29:59,370 --> 00:30:01,225 Yeah! 713 00:30:02,023 --> 00:30:03,890 - Whoo! - Whoo-hoo! 714 00:30:04,091 --> 00:30:05,972 Hey. You wanted to see me? 715 00:30:06,023 --> 00:30:08,074 Door. Chair. 716 00:30:10,277 --> 00:30:12,721 - It's about Phillip. - I'm sorry he's here today. 717 00:30:12,733 --> 00:30:14,258 - But I had-- - I believe 718 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,333 that that boy may be a Schrute. 719 00:30:17,645 --> 00:30:19,158 And if he is, 720 00:30:19,176 --> 00:30:22,135 that child needs to be accorded what is his. 721 00:30:22,147 --> 00:30:25,094 An enormous farm, an inheritance, 722 00:30:25,117 --> 00:30:29,134 and the right to be raised under rigorous Schrute traditions. 723 00:30:29,606 --> 00:30:31,312 You will, of course, 724 00:30:31,335 --> 00:30:34,495 be compensated with a marriage proposal. 725 00:30:36,558 --> 00:30:38,133 How thoughtful. 726 00:30:38,157 --> 00:30:41,673 Then the two of you would move to my 1,600-acre estate, which, let's face it, 727 00:30:41,691 --> 00:30:44,666 is a big step up from living in a gay man's closet. 728 00:30:45,362 --> 00:30:48,268 If he is your son, 729 00:30:49,186 --> 00:30:51,357 that's a great plan. 730 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,007 But he's not. 731 00:30:54,130 --> 00:30:56,399 He's not your son. 732 00:30:57,865 --> 00:30:59,817 Very well. 733 00:31:00,331 --> 00:31:03,380 - Can I go back to my desk now? - Yes. 734 00:31:15,249 --> 00:31:16,683 What's this? 735 00:31:16,698 --> 00:31:19,804 Well, I've been trying to tell you how I feel, and 736 00:31:20,001 --> 00:31:22,988 you wouldn't believe me, so... 737 00:31:23,857 --> 00:31:25,901 I needed a little help. 738 00:31:26,071 --> 00:31:28,940 Jim, I need my assistant to the regional manager, code red. 739 00:31:28,952 --> 00:31:32,208 Okay, I don't have my pocket code chart on me right now, so... 740 00:31:32,249 --> 00:31:34,424 Now. 741 00:31:35,079 --> 00:31:37,648 I have an assistant now who can help you with whatever you need. 742 00:31:37,672 --> 00:31:39,298 He is lazy, so crack the whip. 743 00:31:39,344 --> 00:31:41,400 Jim, I'm not kidding. 744 00:31:41,449 --> 00:31:43,449 I need you. 745 00:31:46,708 --> 00:31:48,176 Go ahead. 746 00:31:48,299 --> 00:31:50,205 Okay, um, 747 00:31:50,567 --> 00:31:52,314 this is-- 748 00:31:52,332 --> 00:31:54,798 I'll be right back. 749 00:31:58,544 --> 00:31:59,801 What do we got? 750 00:31:59,813 --> 00:32:02,451 I was thinking of proposing to Esther today. 751 00:32:02,517 --> 00:32:05,531 Wow! Congratulations. That's a really big step, man. 752 00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:07,301 She's got a ton of great qualities. 753 00:32:07,319 --> 00:32:11,507 She's young, she's beautiful. Genes so pure you could lick them. 754 00:32:11,889 --> 00:32:14,765 Her family admires me. My family tolerates hers. 755 00:32:14,795 --> 00:32:17,198 A lot of them are the same people because we're third cousins, 756 00:32:17,216 --> 00:32:20,270 which is great for bloodlines, and isn't technically incest. 757 00:32:20,307 --> 00:32:22,657 Right in the sweet spot. I think you're gonna be really happy. 758 00:32:22,669 --> 00:32:25,629 Plus her dowry contains a walk-in freezer 759 00:32:25,647 --> 00:32:28,635 - full of frozen, premium cattle sperm. - [Whistles] 760 00:32:28,653 --> 00:32:31,196 - That's a lot of pros. - And did I mention that she weaves? 761 00:32:31,208 --> 00:32:34,274 Colorful, durable blankets and rugs. It all adds up. 762 00:32:34,298 --> 00:32:36,349 So what is the problem? 763 00:32:40,224 --> 00:32:42,276 [Whispers] Angela. 764 00:33:07,386 --> 00:33:10,988 I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. 765 00:33:11,871 --> 00:33:13,993 All I know is that 766 00:33:14,142 --> 00:33:17,343 every time I've been faced with a tough decision, 767 00:33:18,131 --> 00:33:22,802 there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. 768 00:33:22,897 --> 00:33:27,260 One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew. 769 00:33:27,884 --> 00:33:30,257 Every instinct, 770 00:33:30,557 --> 00:33:33,290 every rational calculation. 771 00:33:33,577 --> 00:33:35,494 Some sort of virus? 772 00:33:35,857 --> 00:33:37,645 Love. 773 00:33:38,032 --> 00:33:39,876 Oh. 774 00:33:41,161 --> 00:33:43,161 _ 775 00:33:44,162 --> 00:33:47,741 _ 776 00:33:47,784 --> 00:33:50,077 _ 777 00:33:50,152 --> 00:33:53,120 [Snow patrol's open your eyes] 778 00:33:53,155 --> 00:33:55,391 ♪ 779 00:33:58,622 --> 00:34:03,566 ♪ The anger swells in my guts ♪ 780 00:34:03,585 --> 00:34:09,823 ♪ And I won't feel these slices and cuts ♪ 781 00:34:09,900 --> 00:34:12,103 ♪ 782 00:34:12,379 --> 00:34:18,351 ♪ I want so much to open your eyes ♪ 783 00:34:18,376 --> 00:34:20,448 ♪ 'Cause I need you 784 00:34:20,466 --> 00:34:24,264 ♪ to look into mine 785 00:34:24,486 --> 00:34:27,553 ♪ 786 00:34:27,747 --> 00:34:33,274 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 787 00:34:33,359 --> 00:34:35,077 ♪ 788 00:34:35,091 --> 00:34:39,159 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 789 00:34:39,170 --> 00:34:41,236 I'm in love with you. 790 00:34:41,257 --> 00:34:42,434 What? 791 00:34:42,458 --> 00:34:47,982 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 792 00:34:48,016 --> 00:34:49,665 ♪ 793 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:54,813 ♪ Tell me that you'll open your eyes ♪ 794 00:34:54,850 --> 00:34:56,369 ♪ 795 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:57,763 ♪ Get up, get out 796 00:34:57,794 --> 00:35:01,499 Dwight, listen, no matter what happens, 797 00:35:02,228 --> 00:35:04,672 you got to forget about all the other stuff. 798 00:35:04,690 --> 00:35:07,008 You gotta forget about logic 799 00:35:07,145 --> 00:35:09,697 and fear and doubt. 800 00:35:09,857 --> 00:35:13,059 You just gotta do everything you can 801 00:35:13,173 --> 00:35:16,693 to get to the one woman who's gonna make all this worth it. 802 00:35:16,907 --> 00:35:19,267 At the end of the day, 803 00:35:19,804 --> 00:35:22,302 you gotta jump. 804 00:35:25,152 --> 00:35:27,967 You love Angela, Dwight. 805 00:35:29,461 --> 00:35:32,096 I think you always have. 806 00:35:35,502 --> 00:35:37,753 You're a good assistant, Jim. 807 00:35:37,976 --> 00:35:40,153 Not as good as you. 808 00:35:40,973 --> 00:35:43,302 That's very true. 809 00:35:44,533 --> 00:35:46,936 - Get the hell out of here. - You got it. 810 00:35:47,516 --> 00:35:51,602 I was just, um, checking out my present. 811 00:35:51,731 --> 00:35:55,518 This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. 812 00:35:56,260 --> 00:35:58,438 Look inside. 813 00:36:02,488 --> 00:36:05,145 Oh, my God! 814 00:36:05,488 --> 00:36:07,564 - The yearbook picture! - Yes. 815 00:36:07,595 --> 00:36:09,963 That's incredible. Is this the boggle timer? 816 00:36:09,975 --> 00:36:11,448 I didn't think you were gonna get that one. 817 00:36:11,468 --> 00:36:13,002 - I really didn't. - Oh, no! 818 00:36:13,015 --> 00:36:16,296 This is, like, the best present ever. Okay, wait. 819 00:36:16,495 --> 00:36:17,740 What is this? 820 00:36:17,777 --> 00:36:20,035 A mini golf pencil that you threw at me. 821 00:36:20,130 --> 00:36:23,303 Like, three years ago. You saved this? 822 00:36:23,333 --> 00:36:28,923 - Yes, I did. - Oh, my God. ♪ And I won't waste a minute without you ♪ 823 00:36:32,414 --> 00:36:33,333 [Sniffles] 824 00:36:33,357 --> 00:36:35,028 You watched it. 825 00:36:35,364 --> 00:36:36,852 Yeah. 826 00:36:36,871 --> 00:36:40,006 Well, then I guess you're ready for this. 827 00:36:41,269 --> 00:36:44,441 - What's that? - It's from the teapot. 828 00:36:45,918 --> 00:36:48,485 Everything you'll ever need to know 829 00:36:48,655 --> 00:36:50,739 is in that note. 830 00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:07,791 Not "enough" for me? 831 00:37:07,897 --> 00:37:09,410 You are 832 00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:11,428 everything. 833 00:37:17,034 --> 00:37:18,954 Thank you. 834 00:37:21,596 --> 00:37:25,248 - Okay. Ready everybody? - Hit it, red! 835 00:37:26,222 --> 00:37:29,174 [Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire] 836 00:37:29,225 --> 00:37:37,225 ♪ 837 00:37:42,883 --> 00:37:44,975 ♪ Dance 838 00:37:45,754 --> 00:37:48,882 ♪ boogie wonderland 839 00:37:50,398 --> 00:37:53,112 ♪ Dance 840 00:37:53,159 --> 00:37:57,621 ♪ boogie wonderland 841 00:37:57,658 --> 00:38:00,292 ♪ midnight creeps so slowly ♪ 842 00:38:00,314 --> 00:38:01,646 ♪ Into hearts 843 00:38:01,664 --> 00:38:05,088 ♪ of men who need more than they get ♪ 844 00:38:05,107 --> 00:38:07,646 ♪ Daylight deals a bad hand ♪ 845 00:38:07,664 --> 00:38:09,427 ♪ To a woman 846 00:38:09,457 --> 00:38:12,364 ♪ who has made too many bets ♪ 847 00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:16,240 ♪ The mirror stares you in the face ♪ 848 00:38:16,264 --> 00:38:19,889 ♪ And says, baby, uh-uh, it don't work ♪ 849 00:38:19,901 --> 00:38:21,744 ♪ You say your prayers 850 00:38:21,750 --> 00:38:23,518 ♪ though you don't care 851 00:38:23,530 --> 00:38:26,902 ♪ You dance and shake the hurt ♪ 852 00:38:26,951 --> 00:38:29,193 ♪ Dance 853 00:38:29,581 --> 00:38:33,334 ♪ boogie wonderland 854 00:38:34,242 --> 00:38:35,932 ♪ Dance 855 00:38:35,969 --> 00:38:37,013 ♪ Dance 856 00:38:37,036 --> 00:38:41,720 ♪ boogie wonderland 857 00:38:42,202 --> 00:38:45,100 I wanted to leave quietly. It seemed dignified. 858 00:38:45,460 --> 00:38:47,270 But having Kevin grind up on my front 859 00:38:47,288 --> 00:38:49,823 while Erin pretends to hump me from behind 860 00:38:49,870 --> 00:38:52,405 is a more accurate tribute to my years here. 861 00:38:52,910 --> 00:38:54,010 [Exhales] 862 00:38:54,046 --> 00:38:56,098 I'm gonna miss these guys. 863 00:38:56,296 --> 00:38:57,696 Okay, I've got my-- 864 00:38:57,718 --> 00:39:00,399 - See you guys at Poor Richard's, all right? - All right, Meredith. - Okay, bye. 865 00:39:00,411 --> 00:39:01,955 - See you there. Listen, I-- - Bye, Phillip. 866 00:39:01,974 --> 00:39:03,643 High five. 867 00:39:04,404 --> 00:39:06,137 Yay! 868 00:39:06,274 --> 00:39:08,225 I am gonna drop Phillip off at my mother's, 869 00:39:08,237 --> 00:39:10,031 and I'll meet you at poor Richard's in an hour. 870 00:39:10,044 --> 00:39:11,920 Are you sure you don't want me to drop him off? 871 00:39:11,939 --> 00:39:13,726 She doesn't know I'm living with a straight woman. 872 00:39:13,747 --> 00:39:15,164 I don't want to get her hopes up. 873 00:39:15,198 --> 00:39:18,411 All right. Bye, buddy. Bye, bye, bye. 874 00:39:18,571 --> 00:39:19,905 Oh, my goodness. 875 00:39:20,146 --> 00:39:21,489 [Sighs] 876 00:39:27,076 --> 00:39:28,746 Pull over! 877 00:39:28,770 --> 00:39:30,021 Dwight? 878 00:39:30,085 --> 00:39:32,177 Move to the side of the road! 879 00:39:32,208 --> 00:39:34,750 - Why? - Pull over! 880 00:39:35,043 --> 00:39:37,193 What do you--Dwight! [Tires squeal] 881 00:39:37,210 --> 00:39:38,878 [Brakes screech] 882 00:39:40,072 --> 00:39:42,935 Dwight, what the fuck is your problem? 883 00:39:42,941 --> 00:39:44,315 - Shut up, woman! - Who drives like that? 884 00:39:44,328 --> 00:39:46,406 Listen to me! I love you! 885 00:39:46,500 --> 00:39:48,691 And I don't care that Phillip's not my son! 886 00:39:48,721 --> 00:39:52,254 I will raise 100 children with 100 of your lovers 887 00:39:52,266 --> 00:39:54,488 if it means I can be with you! 888 00:39:55,712 --> 00:39:57,216 Can you put that down? 889 00:39:57,228 --> 00:40:00,643 This expresses how loudly I love you! 890 00:40:00,675 --> 00:40:02,459 [Whispers] It's too loud. 891 00:40:07,967 --> 00:40:09,718 This is a ring 892 00:40:09,915 --> 00:40:12,370 taken from the buttocks of my grandmother, 893 00:40:12,458 --> 00:40:16,177 put there by the Gangster Patriarch of the Coors Dynasty, 894 00:40:16,438 --> 00:40:19,045 melted in a foundry run by mennonites. 895 00:40:19,070 --> 00:40:22,506 Okay. Yes. Yes, I will! 896 00:40:25,028 --> 00:40:25,966 [Gasps] 897 00:40:25,997 --> 00:40:28,641 - I love you. - I love you! 898 00:40:28,666 --> 00:40:30,189 [Panting] 899 00:40:30,364 --> 00:40:32,761 - And I lied to you. - What? 900 00:40:33,326 --> 00:40:34,838 Phillip's your son. 901 00:40:34,850 --> 00:40:36,137 What? Why would you say that-- 902 00:40:36,156 --> 00:40:38,795 I just needed you to want to marry me 903 00:40:38,845 --> 00:40:41,830 because you wanted to marry me. 904 00:40:42,798 --> 00:40:44,763 Get out! 905 00:40:44,928 --> 00:40:46,842 I'm a dad! You're a dad! 906 00:40:46,927 --> 00:40:49,178 [Laughs] 907 00:40:51,928 --> 00:40:53,762 [Overlapping chatter] 908 00:40:54,209 --> 00:40:55,647 Hey, grab a seat. 909 00:40:55,665 --> 00:40:57,367 We have that table and that table, 910 00:40:57,388 --> 00:41:00,390 but not that table or that table or that table. 911 00:41:00,448 --> 00:41:03,806 Floor's up for grabs. Meredith has been hogging the can. 912 00:41:05,204 --> 00:41:07,294 [Kiss] Oh! 913 00:41:09,028 --> 00:41:10,527 You have to change the channel to PBS. 914 00:41:10,533 --> 00:41:12,177 - Yeah. - College baseball is on. 915 00:41:12,208 --> 00:41:14,797 But there's a documentary coming up. Everyone in the bar will love it. 916 00:41:14,803 --> 00:41:16,390 - What's it about? - A paper company. 917 00:41:16,417 --> 00:41:17,797 [Laughs] 918 00:41:18,425 --> 00:41:19,931 How many people want the game? 919 00:41:19,956 --> 00:41:22,057 - Yeah! - Yes! 920 00:41:22,242 --> 00:41:23,407 Who wants PBS? 921 00:41:23,428 --> 00:41:25,763 - Whoo! - Yes! 922 00:41:25,943 --> 00:41:28,343 Sorry. A tie means I do nothing. 923 00:41:28,348 --> 00:41:29,795 Sir, please. 924 00:41:29,830 --> 00:41:31,774 This show is about me 925 00:41:31,796 --> 00:41:36,202 and my attempts to find love in all the wrong places. 926 00:41:36,897 --> 00:41:38,598 - One more for the doc. - Hey! 927 00:41:38,610 --> 00:41:39,991 [Applause] 928 00:41:40,034 --> 00:41:41,505 [Overlapping chatter] 929 00:41:41,530 --> 00:41:43,114 - Yay, Andy! - - All right. 930 00:41:43,133 --> 00:41:44,834 Yes! 931 00:41:45,311 --> 00:41:46,801 Hey, how was the singing show audition? 932 00:41:46,828 --> 00:41:49,472 Oh. Eh, whatever. 933 00:41:49,521 --> 00:41:51,401 No big deal. 934 00:41:51,563 --> 00:41:55,075 Okay. 30 seconds to show time. 935 00:41:56,182 --> 00:41:57,708 I feel scared a little. 936 00:41:57,720 --> 00:41:59,197 Yeah, I'm not ready for this. 937 00:41:59,216 --> 00:42:01,585 No one is ready for this. You can't be ready for this. 938 00:42:01,597 --> 00:42:03,141 We don't even know what this is. 939 00:42:03,186 --> 00:42:06,485 One thing we do know. Nothing will ever be the same. 940 00:42:07,124 --> 00:42:08,773 Here we go. 941 00:42:08,821 --> 00:42:10,571 [Upbeat music] 942 00:42:11,650 --> 00:42:14,603 All right, Jim, your quarterlies look very good. 943 00:42:14,627 --> 00:42:16,216 How are things going at the library? 944 00:42:16,243 --> 00:42:18,228 Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it, so-- 945 00:42:18,252 --> 00:42:21,635 So, you've come to the master for guidance? 946 00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:23,554 Is this what you're saying, grasshopper? 947 00:42:23,579 --> 00:42:25,849 Uh, actually, you called me in here. 948 00:42:25,897 --> 00:42:28,755 All right. Well, let me show you how it's done. 949 00:42:28,908 --> 00:42:33,908 Sync and corrections by Norther www.addic7ed.com