1
00:00:09,915 --> 00:00:11,749
(exclaiming)
2
00:00:16,138 --> 00:00:18,122
(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:21,927
(Barney belches)
4
00:00:24,463 --> 00:00:26,965
(playing the blues)
5
00:00:28,634 --> 00:00:30,452
(playing the blues)
6
00:00:30,453 --> 00:00:32,454
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:33,573 --> 00:00:34,923
D'oh!
8
00:00:34,957 --> 00:00:36,274
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:36,308 --> 00:00:37,308
(grunts)
10
00:00:37,343 --> 00:00:39,344
(Homer moaning)
11
00:00:42,715 --> 00:00:43,982
What the...!
(screams)
12
00:00:45,317 --> 00:00:46,751
Hmm? (sniffs)
13
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:49,320
Ew, cheap PVC smell.
14
00:00:49,355 --> 00:00:50,421
Oh, no.
15
00:00:50,456 --> 00:00:51,623
I'm an action figure!
16
00:00:51,657 --> 00:00:53,391
And I hate action.
17
00:00:53,425 --> 00:00:55,293
Hiddiley-ho,
articulated neighborino.
18
00:00:55,327 --> 00:00:56,628
Beautiful day, isn't it?
19
00:00:56,662 --> 00:00:59,264
Why, it's practically
mint on card.
20
00:00:59,298 --> 00:01:00,915
Shut up, Flanders!
21
00:01:00,950 --> 00:01:02,984
(screams)
22
00:01:06,138 --> 00:01:07,105
(laughs)
23
00:01:07,139 --> 00:01:08,473
This reality ain't all bad.
24
00:01:08,507 --> 00:01:09,640
(blows)
25
00:01:09,658 --> 00:01:11,392
Pastry power, activate.
26
00:01:11,427 --> 00:01:12,860
(laughs)
27
00:01:12,912 --> 00:01:14,195
(groans)
28
00:01:14,246 --> 00:01:15,196
Whoa!
29
00:01:15,247 --> 00:01:16,197
(whimpers)
30
00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:18,233
Beep, beep, beep.
31
00:01:19,802 --> 00:01:21,669
(belching)
32
00:01:24,506 --> 00:01:26,824
Homer, give me a yank.
33
00:01:26,859 --> 00:01:27,959
I'm lonely.
34
00:01:27,993 --> 00:01:28,993
Typical.
35
00:01:29,011 --> 00:01:31,029
Homer, this isn't
the way to the mall.
36
00:01:31,063 --> 00:01:33,881
The mall?
I thought you said Badass City!
37
00:01:33,933 --> 00:01:35,934
(kids screaming)
38
00:01:36,969 --> 00:01:38,186
(horn honks)
39
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:39,621
Tokyo drift.
40
00:01:39,655 --> 00:01:41,306
(engine revs, tires squeal)
41
00:01:41,307 --> 00:01:44,307
♪ The Simpsons 24x20 ♪
Fabulous Faker Boy
Original Air Date on May 12, 2013
42
00:01:44,308 --> 00:01:47,308
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
43
00:01:47,713 --> 00:01:49,914
(laughs) I'm fatality.
44
00:01:52,668 --> 00:01:54,202
(whoops)
All right, Dad!
45
00:01:54,236 --> 00:01:55,553
(tires screeching)
46
00:01:55,588 --> 00:01:57,455
(grunting)
47
00:01:57,489 --> 00:01:59,474
(sinister music plays)
48
00:02:03,195 --> 00:02:05,563
HOMER: Hey, put the
chicken one back on.
49
00:02:13,055 --> 00:02:15,056
Urgent message
from Nelson Muntz.
50
00:02:15,090 --> 00:02:16,124
Go on.
51
00:02:16,158 --> 00:02:17,492
Haw. Haw.
52
00:02:18,294 --> 00:02:19,594
(groans)
53
00:02:22,615 --> 00:02:26,000
Well, I am going to write
a note back to Mr. Muntz.
54
00:02:28,153 --> 00:02:29,404
Sorry about that.
55
00:02:29,438 --> 00:02:31,205
So, Mrs. Simpson,
the reason you're here...
56
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,206
Let me guess.
57
00:02:32,241 --> 00:02:34,575
You need a field trip mom.
58
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:36,260
A library volunteer?
59
00:02:36,295 --> 00:02:38,896
Someone to Purell the CPR dummy?
60
00:02:38,931 --> 00:02:41,616
Resusci-Kate is just fine,
thank you.
61
00:02:43,385 --> 00:02:45,086
We're here to talk about Bart.
62
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,355
(sighs) What did he do now?
63
00:02:47,389 --> 00:02:49,657
Oh, today, I'm not here to talk
about what he did.
64
00:02:49,692 --> 00:02:51,092
I'm here to talk
about the future.
65
00:02:51,126 --> 00:02:53,795
(sighs)
What did he do in the future?
66
00:02:53,829 --> 00:02:55,663
I'm not sure
what he's planning,
67
00:02:55,698 --> 00:02:57,498
although there is a lot
of Internet chatter.
68
00:02:57,533 --> 00:02:59,250
I want to change
his character:
69
00:02:59,284 --> 00:03:00,601
less Dennis the Menace,
70
00:03:00,636 --> 00:03:01,903
more Casper the Ghost,
71
00:03:01,937 --> 00:03:03,271
if he were still alive.
72
00:03:03,305 --> 00:03:05,640
What if Bart took music lessons?
73
00:03:05,674 --> 00:03:08,743
Music classes could channel
his destructive impulses
74
00:03:08,777 --> 00:03:10,745
into artistic expression.
75
00:03:10,796 --> 00:03:13,247
I myself have been taking
flamenco lessons.
76
00:03:14,116 --> 00:03:16,084
(strums)
77
00:03:16,118 --> 00:03:18,252
(plays flamenco music)
78
00:03:18,287 --> 00:03:20,722
Got it, music lessons.
79
00:03:20,756 --> 00:03:21,756
(grunts)
80
00:03:24,193 --> 00:03:26,210
(playing)
81
00:03:31,934 --> 00:03:33,735
SKINNER (distantly):
Mother!
82
00:03:35,471 --> 00:03:36,571
(muffled):
Right. Right.
83
00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:37,939
Inside.
84
00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:41,526
Oh, stupid clog.
85
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,782
(gasps) My head hairs!
86
00:03:47,816 --> 00:03:49,617
I'm bald!
87
00:03:49,651 --> 00:03:50,802
Get... get...
88
00:03:50,836 --> 00:03:52,170
get in there.
89
00:03:52,204 --> 00:03:53,404
(whoops)
90
00:03:55,057 --> 00:03:55,790
D'oh!
91
00:03:58,077 --> 00:03:59,243
(grunts)
92
00:03:59,278 --> 00:04:00,411
Aw, damn it!
93
00:04:01,897 --> 00:04:03,164
MAN (over TV): Welcome back...
(audience applauds)
94
00:04:03,198 --> 00:04:05,700
to America's Most Tattooed Baby.
95
00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:08,202
Now, if the Lindblads can fit
just one more tattoo
96
00:04:08,237 --> 00:04:10,304
on baby Jennifer--
and she's getting pretty full,
97
00:04:10,339 --> 00:04:11,472
I can tell you that--
98
00:04:11,507 --> 00:04:14,542
they win the grand prize
of $100.
99
00:04:14,576 --> 00:04:15,977
So what'll it be?
100
00:04:16,011 --> 00:04:17,311
Walk away! Walk away!
101
00:04:17,346 --> 00:04:18,312
(shouting indistinctly)
102
00:04:18,347 --> 00:04:20,648
TV's gotten so lousy.
103
00:04:20,682 --> 00:04:22,750
Did you ever wonder
if hippopotamuses
104
00:04:22,785 --> 00:04:24,719
think that rhinos
are unicorns?
105
00:04:24,753 --> 00:04:26,821
TV's not so bad.
106
00:04:27,823 --> 00:04:29,574
Sweetie...
107
00:04:29,608 --> 00:04:31,242
did you ever think
of doing something
108
00:04:31,276 --> 00:04:33,161
a little more creative
with your time?
109
00:04:33,195 --> 00:04:34,796
If you're worried about
your Mother's Day present,
110
00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:35,830
it's in the works.
111
00:04:40,302 --> 00:04:43,204
I was thinking something
more artistic.
112
00:04:43,238 --> 00:04:44,839
Something musical.
113
00:04:44,873 --> 00:04:46,307
You could take advantage
114
00:04:46,341 --> 00:04:49,544
of a fantastic musician
living right here.
115
00:04:49,578 --> 00:04:51,579
(playing the blues)
116
00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:57,785
That's the kind of riff
you can aim for
117
00:04:57,820 --> 00:04:59,654
after years of practice.
118
00:04:59,688 --> 00:05:02,390
We start off with the
fun stuff: music theory.
119
00:05:02,424 --> 00:05:03,991
(giggles)
120
00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:05,660
Don't worry,
music theory's
121
00:05:05,694 --> 00:05:07,261
just a fancy word
for music math.
122
00:05:07,296 --> 00:05:08,312
(chuckles)
123
00:05:09,615 --> 00:05:10,798
MEL:
My dear boy,
124
00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:12,967
you undoubtedly think
of the slide whistle
125
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:15,436
as merely a whistle
that slides.
126
00:05:15,471 --> 00:05:18,756
Let me disabuse you
of that misperception.
127
00:05:18,791 --> 00:05:20,792
(playing complex classical tune)
128
00:05:23,595 --> 00:05:24,579
Pass.
129
00:05:24,613 --> 00:05:26,597
Do you have any idea
how difficult...
130
00:05:26,632 --> 00:05:28,766
Bye, now.
(whistle sliding down)
131
00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:31,602
(playing complex classical tune)
132
00:05:31,637 --> 00:05:33,004
COMIC BOOK GUY:
Behold!
133
00:05:33,038 --> 00:05:35,506
From the pages of Dune
and Dune Messiah,
134
00:05:35,541 --> 00:05:37,375
Gurney Halleck's beloved zither:
135
00:05:37,409 --> 00:05:38,960
the baliset.
136
00:05:38,994 --> 00:05:41,496
(plays twanging, alien music)
137
00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:42,697
Pass.
138
00:05:42,731 --> 00:05:44,432
(clears throat)
When I die,
139
00:05:44,466 --> 00:05:47,885
you will carry on the tradition
of... the Frink-e-min.
140
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,922
(plays electronic tones
that sound like Frink's voice)
141
00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:54,091
Pass.
142
00:05:54,126 --> 00:05:55,426
(dog howling)
143
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:57,161
Ah, Mr. Homer.
144
00:05:57,196 --> 00:05:59,864
I see you are wearing
the bald man's beret.
145
00:05:59,898 --> 00:06:01,365
Is it that obvious?
146
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,567
Oh, yes.
147
00:06:02,601 --> 00:06:04,101
The only thing that screams
148
00:06:04,136 --> 00:06:07,104
"I am hiding hairlessness" more
is a goatee.
149
00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:10,408
I'm as smooth as jazz.
150
00:06:10,442 --> 00:06:12,443
(scatting)
151
00:06:14,046 --> 00:06:16,747
Oh... my wife has never seen
my head naked.
152
00:06:16,782 --> 00:06:18,749
Maybe I should wear
a cowboy hat.
153
00:06:18,784 --> 00:06:20,184
A cowboy hat means
154
00:06:20,219 --> 00:06:22,653
"I'm ashamed of my small penis."
155
00:06:22,688 --> 00:06:25,106
Don't even ask me
what this means!
156
00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:26,874
(gunshots)
Yee-haw!
157
00:06:26,909 --> 00:06:29,010
I'm a-compensatin'!
158
00:06:29,044 --> 00:06:30,177
(gunshots)
159
00:06:30,212 --> 00:06:31,579
(beautiful piano music playing)
160
00:06:35,984 --> 00:06:38,052
(buzzer sounds)
161
00:06:38,086 --> 00:06:39,453
(Russian accent):
New student.
162
00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:40,454
Sit at piano.
163
00:06:40,489 --> 00:06:42,557
My daughter teach you.
You, mother!
164
00:06:42,591 --> 00:06:45,126
Come to kitchen and see
picture of my dead wife.
165
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,827
That's okay. I...
166
00:06:46,862 --> 00:06:48,346
(laughs)
No, no, no, no.
167
00:06:48,380 --> 00:06:50,381
She is not dead in picture.
168
00:06:50,415 --> 00:06:52,250
Uh... she is dying.
169
00:06:52,284 --> 00:06:54,452
Let's go, Bart.
170
00:06:54,486 --> 00:06:56,487
(piano playing continues)
171
00:07:05,998 --> 00:07:08,099
(Russian accent):
So, you want lesson?
172
00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:10,101
Yes. I want lesson.
173
00:07:10,135 --> 00:07:11,535
I accept your whip.
174
00:07:12,771 --> 00:07:15,106
BART:
A girl who likes candy?
175
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:16,724
Wow.
176
00:07:19,119 --> 00:07:21,120
(playing beautifully)
177
00:07:23,523 --> 00:07:25,257
So, how much are lessons?
178
00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:27,359
I give you something you want...
179
00:07:27,393 --> 00:07:29,795
(voice deepens):
you give me something I want.
180
00:07:30,814 --> 00:07:32,998
I'm sorry,
did my voice go all evil?
181
00:07:33,032 --> 00:07:35,067
(chuckles) It is common
with Russian accent.
182
00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:37,636
You'd better be asking
for something PC:
183
00:07:37,670 --> 00:07:39,104
pie or cake.
184
00:07:39,139 --> 00:07:41,507
Here's my offer:
my daughter give lessons,
185
00:07:41,541 --> 00:07:43,108
you teach me to drive car.
186
00:07:43,143 --> 00:07:45,344
There might be
some nagging involved.
187
00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:46,345
Deal!
188
00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:48,347
Now we toast with vodka.
189
00:07:48,381 --> 00:07:49,314
(glass shatters)
190
00:07:49,349 --> 00:07:51,150
(gulps) Ah.
191
00:07:51,184 --> 00:07:52,417
(grunts)
(glass shatters)
192
00:07:52,452 --> 00:07:53,719
Now we drive!
193
00:07:53,753 --> 00:07:55,604
Huh?
194
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:58,807
Homer, I recommend
getting drunk
195
00:07:58,842 --> 00:08:00,742
on my most
expensive beer:
196
00:08:00,777 --> 00:08:02,611
Duff Platinum.
197
00:08:02,645 --> 00:08:03,662
Hey, what the...?
198
00:08:03,696 --> 00:08:05,464
But I used the best label paste.
199
00:08:07,767 --> 00:08:11,904
Those two hairs were what
was left of my youth, Moe.
200
00:08:11,938 --> 00:08:15,774
Hey, come on, there's
sexy bald, like, um...
201
00:08:15,808 --> 00:08:17,776
Babar, king of the elephants.
202
00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:19,778
I read his books as a kid.
203
00:08:19,812 --> 00:08:21,647
He married his cousin, Celeste.
204
00:08:21,681 --> 00:08:23,115
That was my takeaway.
205
00:08:23,149 --> 00:08:26,652
Those royal elephants have
trainers to keep them in shape.
206
00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:28,954
Average schmoe like me,
forget it.
207
00:08:28,988 --> 00:08:31,240
Well, let me see
how bald you are.
208
00:08:31,274 --> 00:08:34,109
Whoa... whoa!
Dear Lord.
209
00:08:34,143 --> 00:08:35,110
Here. Oh.
210
00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:36,578
You need this more than I do.
211
00:08:36,613 --> 00:08:38,180
(grunts)
212
00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:41,583
(whimpers)
213
00:08:41,618 --> 00:08:44,586
Just... just what exactly
is this good for?
214
00:08:45,955 --> 00:08:47,656
(groaning)
215
00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:50,292
It's nice when something
you plan in your head
216
00:08:50,326 --> 00:08:53,078
for so long
comes to fruition.
217
00:08:54,097 --> 00:08:55,797
Where you going, Bart?
218
00:08:55,848 --> 00:08:56,932
Piano lesson.
219
00:08:56,966 --> 00:08:59,384
Ooh, piano lesson.
220
00:08:59,418 --> 00:09:01,036
We put two of
those guys up there
221
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:03,038
just for using
a big word.
222
00:09:03,072 --> 00:09:04,990
"Caché" is not a big word.
223
00:09:05,024 --> 00:09:08,794
Clickety clack!
(yelling, groaning)
224
00:09:08,828 --> 00:09:10,145
Wait, wait.
225
00:09:10,196 --> 00:09:11,563
I'm not learning anything.
226
00:09:11,598 --> 00:09:13,165
I'm just going
'cause the teacher's pretty.
227
00:09:13,199 --> 00:09:14,433
Okay.
228
00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:16,268
But you'd better steal bananas
for all of us.
229
00:09:16,302 --> 00:09:17,436
I will!
230
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:18,670
Let me go.
231
00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:21,440
I have a swim lesson
with a gorgeous lifeguard.
232
00:09:21,474 --> 00:09:22,441
What gender?
233
00:09:22,475 --> 00:09:24,109
You're not allowed to ask.
234
00:09:24,143 --> 00:09:25,444
Okay.
235
00:09:25,478 --> 00:09:26,812
Check your mirrors.
236
00:09:28,314 --> 00:09:30,682
Hands at 10:00 and 2:00.
237
00:09:30,717 --> 00:09:33,385
Slowly back out
of the driveway.
238
00:09:33,419 --> 00:09:35,437
(tires squeal, metal crunches)
Aah!
239
00:09:36,472 --> 00:09:37,472
Mmm...
240
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,760
Daddy said I was
a accident.
241
00:09:43,029 --> 00:09:44,863
Okay, let's try again.
242
00:09:47,066 --> 00:09:48,834
(engine revs, tires squeal)
243
00:09:48,868 --> 00:09:51,186
(playing scales)
244
00:09:51,237 --> 00:09:52,821
That is so beautiful.
245
00:09:52,855 --> 00:09:53,822
Did you write it?
246
00:09:53,856 --> 00:09:55,324
These are scales.
247
00:09:55,358 --> 00:10:00,028
Now, memorize:
Every good Boris deserves farm.
248
00:10:00,063 --> 00:10:01,129
Let me try.
249
00:10:01,164 --> 00:10:04,566
Every good booger
deserves flicking.
250
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,268
Your tongue is nimble,
251
00:10:06,302 --> 00:10:08,136
unlike sausage fingers.
252
00:10:08,171 --> 00:10:10,589
Sausage fingers!
253
00:10:10,623 --> 00:10:11,890
Do what I do.
254
00:10:11,924 --> 00:10:13,925
(moans softly)
255
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,394
(playing scales)
256
00:10:17,163 --> 00:10:19,998
♪ Druguyu nevestu
257
00:10:20,033 --> 00:10:23,001
♪ Drugoi iyunya
258
00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:25,988
♪ Drugoi solnechni
259
00:10:26,022 --> 00:10:29,558
♪ Medovyi mesyats...
260
00:10:29,609 --> 00:10:31,526
(knocking)
261
00:10:31,561 --> 00:10:34,997
♪ Yeshche odim sezon
262
00:10:35,031 --> 00:10:37,616
♪ Yeshche odna prichina
263
00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:41,453
♪ Dlya vupi makin'...
264
00:10:42,288 --> 00:10:43,288
Ah...
265
00:10:43,323 --> 00:10:45,324
♪ Dlya makin'...
266
00:10:45,358 --> 00:10:46,458
♪ Whoopee...
267
00:10:46,492 --> 00:10:47,492
Scales!
268
00:10:50,029 --> 00:10:50,996
Lesson over.
269
00:10:51,030 --> 00:10:52,497
(tires screech, glass crunches)
270
00:10:52,532 --> 00:10:54,499
Lesson over.
271
00:10:54,534 --> 00:10:56,034
(Marge groans)
272
00:10:57,536 --> 00:10:58,887
(tires squeal)
273
00:10:59,939 --> 00:11:01,039
(gears grind)
Aah!
274
00:11:01,057 --> 00:11:02,424
What are you doing?
275
00:11:02,475 --> 00:11:03,925
I want to go backwards.
276
00:11:03,976 --> 00:11:05,644
Like Russian economy,
under Putin.
277
00:11:05,678 --> 00:11:07,679
(tires screech)
278
00:11:07,714 --> 00:11:09,881
Stop making Putin jokes.
279
00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:11,316
You sound like police...
280
00:11:11,351 --> 00:11:12,751
under Putin.
(siren whoops)
281
00:11:12,785 --> 00:11:14,803
Ugh. Speaking of police...
282
00:11:14,837 --> 00:11:16,438
I'm sorry, Officer.
283
00:11:16,472 --> 00:11:18,190
I believe my license is, uh...
284
00:11:18,224 --> 00:11:21,443
...somewhere in these pairs
of easy-fit blue jeans.
285
00:11:21,477 --> 00:11:23,111
Eh? Eh?
286
00:11:23,146 --> 00:11:26,698
That's not the way
American police do things.
287
00:11:26,732 --> 00:11:27,849
Finally.
288
00:11:27,884 --> 00:11:29,584
Someone who knows
what a traffic stop
289
00:11:29,619 --> 00:11:31,136
is really all about.
290
00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:34,139
Uh, Chief, don't you think
those jeans are a little tight?
291
00:11:34,173 --> 00:11:38,794
We're all not high-waisted
like you, Lou, okay?
292
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,763
I'm just gonna lie down
in the backseat here.
293
00:11:41,798 --> 00:11:44,232
(grunts, chuckles)
294
00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:45,667
Okay.
295
00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:49,104
All right, the blue knight
is ready for action!
296
00:11:49,138 --> 00:11:50,138
(grunting)
297
00:11:55,711 --> 00:11:57,345
(sighs)
What's wrong?
298
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:58,680
Every note you play
299
00:11:58,714 --> 00:12:01,483
sounds like dying animal
writhing on keys.
300
00:12:01,517 --> 00:12:02,617
Awesome!
301
00:12:02,652 --> 00:12:04,920
I just want to get more students
302
00:12:04,954 --> 00:12:07,456
and help my father
with his dream.
303
00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:10,358
Buying a limo.
304
00:12:10,393 --> 00:12:12,561
He could tell big shots
in the back that,
305
00:12:12,595 --> 00:12:14,596
no, they cannot smoke.
306
00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:16,898
Seriously,
I'm gonna make you proud.
307
00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:19,000
I have hidden talents.
308
00:12:19,035 --> 00:12:23,939
Oh, Bort, if only you make
such a miracle happen...
309
00:12:23,973 --> 00:12:27,509
I would love your
hands forever.
310
00:12:27,543 --> 00:12:30,979
(slowly playing notes)
311
00:12:31,013 --> 00:12:33,031
(intense classical music plays)
(horn honking)
312
00:12:46,245 --> 00:12:47,395
Wait a minute.
313
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:48,797
You can't hear.
314
00:12:50,199 --> 00:12:52,534
(playing continues)
315
00:12:52,568 --> 00:12:55,203
I am so proud.
316
00:12:55,238 --> 00:12:58,573
I would've been happy
if Bart was just a piano mover.
317
00:12:58,608 --> 00:13:01,576
(audience applauds)
318
00:13:01,611 --> 00:13:02,911
Thank you.
319
00:13:02,945 --> 00:13:04,513
I owe it all to Zhenya.
320
00:13:04,547 --> 00:13:06,481
Can you teach my boys?
321
00:13:06,516 --> 00:13:08,150
But no tickling
the ivories.
322
00:13:08,184 --> 00:13:09,568
You treat them
with respect.
323
00:13:09,602 --> 00:13:11,603
Can you teach my monkey?
(grunting)
324
00:13:11,637 --> 00:13:13,972
Then I can deal
with the Musician's Union
325
00:13:14,006 --> 00:13:15,974
instead of the Humane Society.
326
00:13:16,008 --> 00:13:17,209
Much easier to muscle.
327
00:13:17,243 --> 00:13:19,711
Zhenya, I couldn't have
done it without you.
328
00:13:19,745 --> 00:13:20,946
(whispers):
And you.
329
00:13:23,483 --> 00:13:24,466
MARGE:
Bart!
330
00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:28,503
Bart, I've never been
so proud of you.
331
00:13:28,538 --> 00:13:31,406
Never, never, never!
332
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,743
And now I'll always be
at home in a saloon.
333
00:13:34,777 --> 00:13:36,611
Something smells fishy.
334
00:13:36,646 --> 00:13:38,180
Yar, that would be me.
335
00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:39,414
But I agree.
336
00:13:39,448 --> 00:13:41,416
There's something
funny here.
337
00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:42,551
Is it me?
338
00:13:42,585 --> 00:13:44,069
No!
Oh...
339
00:13:47,588 --> 00:13:50,924
Hey, your baseball cap's one
plastic bump tighter than usual.
340
00:13:50,958 --> 00:13:51,925
What gives?
341
00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:54,027
Okay, guys, here's the deal.
342
00:13:54,061 --> 00:13:55,762
I've gone bald.
343
00:13:55,796 --> 00:13:56,996
(gasps)
(gasps)
344
00:13:57,031 --> 00:13:58,164
Then again,
who cares?
345
00:13:58,199 --> 00:14:00,066
Yeah, you already
landed a hot wife.
346
00:14:00,101 --> 00:14:01,935
That's the only reason
men evolved hair.
347
00:14:01,969 --> 00:14:03,069
What are you talking about?
348
00:14:03,104 --> 00:14:05,138
You lured Marge in
with your hair.
349
00:14:05,172 --> 00:14:06,673
You trapped her
with marriage.
350
00:14:06,707 --> 00:14:08,975
You skinned and field-gutted
her by having kids.
351
00:14:09,009 --> 00:14:10,877
Now she's mounted on
your wall for good,
352
00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:13,146
with fake glass eyes
and a rubber tongue.
353
00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:15,615
The way you put it,
it sounds so perfect,
354
00:14:15,649 --> 00:14:16,933
but it's not.
355
00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:18,635
You sound seriously depressed.
356
00:14:18,669 --> 00:14:20,503
Why don't we talk
about it over at Moe's?
357
00:14:20,538 --> 00:14:21,905
It's not even noon.
358
00:14:21,939 --> 00:14:23,590
Yeah, I've got
a watch, egghead.
359
00:14:24,909 --> 00:14:27,143
I couldn't help overhearing
your predicament.
360
00:14:27,178 --> 00:14:29,646
Mainly because
my hearing is so great.
361
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:30,647
Who are you?
362
00:14:30,681 --> 00:14:32,649
The answer to your prayers.
363
00:14:32,683 --> 00:14:34,551
Are you my guardian angel?
364
00:14:34,585 --> 00:14:37,454
If so, can you turn a
pumpkin into a chariot?
365
00:14:37,488 --> 00:14:39,656
Even a used Camry would be okay.
366
00:14:39,690 --> 00:14:42,992
No, just a regular
hairless Joe like you.
367
00:14:43,027 --> 00:14:45,328
Been bald since I was 23.
368
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,864
With the money I've saved,
I bought a yacht.
369
00:14:47,898 --> 00:14:49,199
Whoa...
370
00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:50,383
You're cool with it?
371
00:14:50,418 --> 00:14:52,318
I haven't even told my wife.
372
00:14:52,353 --> 00:14:53,920
You wait for
the right moment,
373
00:14:53,954 --> 00:14:56,156
you show her
that glorious dome,
374
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:58,958
and then you rest it sweetly
on her bosom
375
00:14:58,993 --> 00:15:01,561
and let the kisses
flow like rain.
376
00:15:01,595 --> 00:15:04,063
Wow, is that what
your wife did?
377
00:15:04,098 --> 00:15:05,365
No wife.
378
00:15:05,399 --> 00:15:08,134
I just slept with
thousands of bald women.
379
00:15:08,169 --> 00:15:10,736
(laughing)
380
00:15:12,606 --> 00:15:13,907
(Marge humming)
381
00:15:13,941 --> 00:15:16,109
Caught your recital, Bart.
382
00:15:16,143 --> 00:15:17,777
Lisa, isn't it great
383
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:19,679
to have a musical genius
in the family?
384
00:15:19,713 --> 00:15:21,214
Helen Lovejoy,
385
00:15:21,248 --> 00:15:23,516
you always have to stir the pot.
386
00:15:23,551 --> 00:15:26,186
Unlike you, when you make
your lumpy clam chowder.
387
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:28,521
I guess Bart must be
a musical genius,
388
00:15:28,556 --> 00:15:31,024
because frauds are
always found out.
389
00:15:31,058 --> 00:15:32,759
Always.
390
00:15:42,236 --> 00:15:43,853
My work is done.
391
00:15:43,888 --> 00:15:47,207
Now to reward myself
with a case of wine.
392
00:15:47,241 --> 00:15:48,708
(doorbell buzzes)
393
00:15:49,877 --> 00:15:51,544
Hi, Zhenya.
I'm here for my lesson.
394
00:15:51,579 --> 00:15:53,513
Good to see you, my love.
395
00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:54,881
Sit on porch.
396
00:15:54,915 --> 00:15:56,182
Are there other
people in here?
397
00:15:56,217 --> 00:15:58,117
Because of your performance,
398
00:15:58,152 --> 00:16:00,119
I win many new students.
399
00:16:00,154 --> 00:16:01,621
♪
400
00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:04,724
me on. I got to learn my mom's
stripper music by midnight.
401
00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:06,693
But if I got you
all these students,
402
00:16:06,727 --> 00:16:07,894
shouldn't you be grateful?
403
00:16:07,928 --> 00:16:10,096
Oh, of course I'm grateful.
404
00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:12,398
Here is cushion for porch chair.
405
00:16:14,602 --> 00:16:17,303
Go to "bata boom."
406
00:16:17,338 --> 00:16:19,138
(humming)
407
00:16:19,173 --> 00:16:20,607
(grumbles)
408
00:16:20,641 --> 00:16:23,476
Mopped myself into a corner.
409
00:16:27,715 --> 00:16:29,365
Oh...
Mom,
410
00:16:29,416 --> 00:16:30,700
you'd still be proud of me
411
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:32,485
if I couldn't
play the piano, right?
412
00:16:32,503 --> 00:16:33,870
Of course.
413
00:16:33,904 --> 00:16:37,106
But very, very, very angry
414
00:16:37,141 --> 00:16:38,825
at all the time I wasted.
415
00:16:38,859 --> 00:16:39,592
(gulps)
416
00:16:39,627 --> 00:16:40,910
Gulp? Was that a gulp?
417
00:16:40,945 --> 00:16:42,595
Are you getting
a sore throat?
418
00:16:42,630 --> 00:16:44,280
Let me give you
some castor oil.
419
00:16:44,315 --> 00:16:45,682
Hmm...
420
00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:47,717
(gulping)
421
00:16:49,954 --> 00:16:52,488
You'll need your voice
to say, "Thanks, Mom,"
422
00:16:52,523 --> 00:16:54,224
after your next recital.
423
00:16:54,258 --> 00:16:55,325
My wha...?
424
00:16:55,359 --> 00:16:56,492
I signed you up for
425
00:16:56,527 --> 00:16:59,712
the 10-And-Below Talent Show
next week. Huh?
426
00:16:59,747 --> 00:17:02,715
You know, I'm almost 11.
It's not really fair.
427
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:04,817
Bart, when you were
on that stage,
428
00:17:04,852 --> 00:17:06,986
it felt like you were
pouring those notes
429
00:17:07,021 --> 00:17:08,655
right into my heart.
430
00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:10,523
Hey, one of those notes
431
00:17:10,558 --> 00:17:12,325
could go to your brain
and kill you.
432
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,394
Are you sure you want
to take that chance?
433
00:17:14,428 --> 00:17:17,630
A proud mother
always does.
434
00:17:17,665 --> 00:17:18,731
(whimpers)
435
00:17:21,085 --> 00:17:22,819
First of all,
you're over ten years old.
436
00:17:22,853 --> 00:17:24,487
Second, you're clearly
Justin Bieber.
437
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:27,123
That's another 25 bucks
we'll never see.
438
00:17:27,157 --> 00:17:28,491
Gosh!
439
00:17:31,028 --> 00:17:34,030
♪ Who can make the sun rise?
440
00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:36,399
Why won't anybody tell me?
441
00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:37,400
(crying)
442
00:17:37,434 --> 00:17:39,736
(audience applauds)
443
00:17:42,873 --> 00:17:46,175
(heart beating loudly)
444
00:17:51,682 --> 00:17:52,649
Oh...
445
00:17:52,683 --> 00:17:53,816
I'm sorry.
446
00:17:53,851 --> 00:17:55,018
I was faking it.
447
00:17:55,052 --> 00:17:56,269
(gasps, murmurs)
448
00:17:58,956 --> 00:18:01,190
I lied so I could see Zhenya.
449
00:18:01,225 --> 00:18:03,626
Zhenya. Oh, Zhenya.
Everyone knows Zhenya.
450
00:18:03,661 --> 00:18:05,428
(murmuring)
451
00:18:05,462 --> 00:18:09,032
But there's really only one girl
whose opinion matters to me.
452
00:18:09,066 --> 00:18:10,984
My mom.
453
00:18:11,018 --> 00:18:12,952
I'd like to go home now.
454
00:18:12,987 --> 00:18:16,422
And to think you'd do this
on Mother's Day.
455
00:18:16,457 --> 00:18:18,698
Is it too late to make you
(door shuts) breakfast in bed?
456
00:18:20,381 --> 00:18:22,365
(growling in frustration)
457
00:18:23,985 --> 00:18:25,185
Uh, Mom?
458
00:18:25,219 --> 00:18:27,821
I'm sorry I pretended
to be good at piano.
459
00:18:27,855 --> 00:18:30,023
And I'm really ashamed
that I lied.
460
00:18:30,057 --> 00:18:31,458
(doorbell rings)
461
00:18:31,492 --> 00:18:33,009
Excuse me.
462
00:18:34,328 --> 00:18:37,797
Mrs. Marge, I took
my driver's test.
463
00:18:37,832 --> 00:18:38,865
Did you pass?
464
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,833
More or less.
465
00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:44,521
If I eat an orange wedge,
the whole thing's gonna blow.
466
00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:46,957
Well, I'm glad your side
of the deal worked out.
467
00:18:46,991 --> 00:18:48,124
What are you talking about?
468
00:18:48,159 --> 00:18:49,793
Your boy is genius!
469
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:51,795
No, he cheated.
470
00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:55,432
Marge, in Russia,
everyone succeeds by cheating.
471
00:18:55,466 --> 00:18:58,301
Even Russian dressing
is just Thousand Island.
472
00:18:58,336 --> 00:18:59,469
(gasps)
473
00:18:59,503 --> 00:19:01,705
But your son is a good boy.
474
00:19:01,739 --> 00:19:05,308
He cheated for love,
and he cheated for you.
475
00:19:08,346 --> 00:19:09,880
Thank you!
476
00:19:11,866 --> 00:19:13,366
All right.
477
00:19:13,401 --> 00:19:15,168
A chance to make a new friend.
478
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,507
Listen, sweetie...
479
00:19:20,541 --> 00:19:23,510
it was wrong of me
to force my dreams on you.
480
00:19:23,544 --> 00:19:26,780
Yeah, your generation won't have
any dreams come true.
481
00:19:26,814 --> 00:19:30,250
Sweetie, you're just
gonna be who you are.
482
00:19:30,284 --> 00:19:31,368
Well, who am I?
483
00:19:31,402 --> 00:19:34,504
You are unique,
you are special,
484
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:37,040
and at some point,
that's gonna come together
485
00:19:37,074 --> 00:19:38,341
and work for you.
486
00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:40,410
I know it.
Thanks, Mom.
487
00:19:40,444 --> 00:19:42,078
And that means
no punishment, right?
488
00:19:42,113 --> 00:19:43,280
Wrong.
489
00:19:43,314 --> 00:19:45,482
You have to walk
all the way over to Grampa
490
00:19:45,516 --> 00:19:47,517
to take a plate
of cookies I baked.
491
00:19:48,886 --> 00:19:50,854
Here's your
new plate, Grampa.
492
00:19:50,888 --> 00:19:52,055
Oh, boy!
493
00:19:52,089 --> 00:19:53,590
There's crumbs on it!
494
00:19:57,295 --> 00:19:58,261
Marge...
495
00:19:58,296 --> 00:20:00,063
(sighs)
496
00:20:00,097 --> 00:20:01,881
I have something to show you.
497
00:20:01,915 --> 00:20:04,601
Is it your impression
of Mr. Burns eating soup?
498
00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:06,369
Because I'm not in the mood.
499
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:08,271
No, it's something else.
500
00:20:10,441 --> 00:20:11,608
So?
501
00:20:12,944 --> 00:20:15,578
I've always wondered
what you were hiding
502
00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:17,047
under your curly locks,
503
00:20:17,081 --> 00:20:20,350
my beautiful yellow melon.
504
00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:23,119
Hair, no hair...
505
00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:25,355
I don't really think
about it. (laughs)
506
00:20:25,389 --> 00:20:27,724
Confidence is so
attractive in a man.
507
00:20:27,758 --> 00:20:29,359
Tell me about it.
508
00:20:29,393 --> 00:20:31,995
Oh, Marge, when you
hold me like that...
509
00:20:34,849 --> 00:20:36,416
Thank you, God.
510
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:41,450
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
511
00:21:25,697 --> 00:21:27,698
Shh!