1
00:00:26,596 --> 00:00:28,430
(exclaiming)
2
00:00:33,212 --> 00:00:35,196
(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:37,432 --> 00:00:38,533
(Barney belches)
4
00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:43,646
(playing the blues)
5
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,663
(playing the blues)
6
00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:48,728
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:51,496
D'oh!
8
00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:52,847
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:52,881 --> 00:00:53,881
(grunts)
10
00:00:54,660 --> 00:00:56,661
(Homer moaning)
11
00:00:59,538 --> 00:01:01,249
What the...!
(screams)
12
00:01:01,745 --> 00:01:03,179
Hmm? (sniffs)
13
00:01:03,239 --> 00:01:05,888
Ew, cheap PVC smell.
14
00:01:05,928 --> 00:01:08,322
Oh, no. I'm an action figure!
15
00:01:08,343 --> 00:01:09,668
And I hate action.
16
00:01:09,685 --> 00:01:12,307
Hiddiley-ho,
articulated neighborino.
17
00:01:12,357 --> 00:01:13,428
Beautiful day, isn't it?
18
00:01:13,447 --> 00:01:15,814
Why, it's practically
mint on card.
19
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,257
Shut up, Flanders!
20
00:01:17,504 --> 00:01:19,538
(screams)
21
00:01:22,436 --> 00:01:23,442
(laughs)
22
00:01:23,473 --> 00:01:25,370
This reality ain't all bad.
23
00:01:25,423 --> 00:01:26,137
(blows)
24
00:01:26,162 --> 00:01:28,329
Pastry power, activate.
25
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:29,831
(laughs)
26
00:01:29,896 --> 00:01:31,001
(groans)
27
00:01:31,043 --> 00:01:32,858
- Whoa!
- (whimpers)
28
00:01:32,882 --> 00:01:35,235
Beep, beep, beep.
29
00:01:36,494 --> 00:01:38,361
(belching)
30
00:01:41,048 --> 00:01:43,185
Homer, give me a yank.
31
00:01:43,387 --> 00:01:45,556
I'm lonely. Typical.
32
00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:47,510
Homer, this isn't
the way to the mall.
33
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:51,023
The mall?
I thought you said Badass City!
34
00:01:51,043 --> 00:01:53,044
(kids screaming)
35
00:01:53,542 --> 00:01:54,655
(horn honks)
36
00:01:54,667 --> 00:01:56,206
Tokyo drift.
37
00:01:56,228 --> 00:01:57,879
(engine revs, tires squeal)
38
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,880
♪ The Simpsons 24x20 ♪
Fabulous Faker Boy
Original Air Date on May 12, 2013
39
00:02:00,899 --> 00:02:03,899
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
40
00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:04,710
(laughs)
41
00:02:04,741 --> 00:02:06,990
I'm fatality.
42
00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:10,940
- (whoops)
- All right, Dad!
43
00:02:10,953 --> 00:02:12,139
(tires screeching)
44
00:02:12,179 --> 00:02:14,046
(grunting)
45
00:02:14,062 --> 00:02:16,047
(sinister music plays)
46
00:02:19,436 --> 00:02:22,438
HOMER: Hey, put the
chicken one back on.
47
00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:31,684
Urgent message
from Nelson Muntz.
48
00:02:31,706 --> 00:02:34,245
- Go on.
- Haw. Haw.
49
00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:35,853
(groans)
50
00:02:39,232 --> 00:02:42,617
Well, I am going to write
a note back to Mr. Muntz.
51
00:02:44,857 --> 00:02:47,776
Sorry about that. So, Mrs. Simpson,
the reason you're here...
52
00:02:47,794 --> 00:02:51,094
Let me guess. You need
a field trip mom.
53
00:02:51,114 --> 00:02:52,963
A library volunteer?
54
00:02:52,981 --> 00:02:55,487
Someone to Purell the CPR dummy?
55
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:58,627
Resusci-Kate is just
fine, thank you.
56
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,715
We're here to talk about Bart.
57
00:03:01,736 --> 00:03:02,559
(sighs)
58
00:03:02,584 --> 00:03:04,009
What did he do now?
59
00:03:04,031 --> 00:03:06,144
Oh, today, I'm not here to
talk about what he did.
60
00:03:06,156 --> 00:03:07,677
I'm here to talk
about the future.
61
00:03:07,699 --> 00:03:08,532
(sighs)
62
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,438
What did he do in the future?
63
00:03:10,464 --> 00:03:14,173
I'm not sure what he's planning, although
there is a lot of Internet chatter.
64
00:03:14,206 --> 00:03:15,820
I want to change his character:
65
00:03:15,857 --> 00:03:18,476
less Dennis the Menace,
more Casper the Ghost,
66
00:03:18,510 --> 00:03:20,266
if he were still alive.
67
00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:22,415
What if Bart took music lessons?
68
00:03:22,434 --> 00:03:27,318
Music classes could channel his destructive
impulses into artistic expression.
69
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:30,103
I myself have been taking
flamenco lessons.
70
00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:32,644
(strums)
71
00:03:32,691 --> 00:03:34,825
(plays flamenco music)
72
00:03:34,984 --> 00:03:37,419
Got it, music lessons.
73
00:03:37,459 --> 00:03:38,459
(grunts)
74
00:03:40,878 --> 00:03:42,895
(playing)
75
00:03:49,007 --> 00:03:50,846
SKINNER (distantly):
Mother!
76
00:03:51,475 --> 00:03:52,900
(muffled):
Right. Right.
77
00:03:52,918 --> 00:03:54,530
Inside.
78
00:03:56,001 --> 00:03:58,455
Oh, stupid clog.
79
00:04:01,453 --> 00:04:02,322
(gasps)
80
00:04:02,347 --> 00:04:04,347
My head hairs!
81
00:04:04,389 --> 00:04:06,270
I'm bald!
82
00:04:06,301 --> 00:04:08,745
Get... get... get in there.
83
00:04:08,764 --> 00:04:09,964
(whoops)
84
00:04:11,698 --> 00:04:12,743
D'oh!
85
00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:15,756
(grunts)
86
00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:17,218
Aw, damn it!
87
00:04:18,619 --> 00:04:19,886
MAN (over TV): Welcome back...
(audience applauds)
88
00:04:19,915 --> 00:04:21,978
to America's Most Tattooed Baby.
89
00:04:22,008 --> 00:04:25,646
Now, if the Lindblads can fit just
one more tattoo on baby Jennifer--
90
00:04:25,671 --> 00:04:27,771
and she's getting pretty
full, I can tell you that--
91
00:04:27,783 --> 00:04:31,429
they win the grand prize
of $100.
92
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:32,555
So what'll it be?
93
00:04:32,584 --> 00:04:33,884
Walk away! Walk away!
94
00:04:33,919 --> 00:04:34,987
(shouting indistinctly)
95
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,806
TV's gotten so lousy.
96
00:04:36,830 --> 00:04:39,284
Did you ever wonder
if hippopotamuses
97
00:04:39,307 --> 00:04:41,615
think that rhinos are unicorns?
98
00:04:41,825 --> 00:04:43,688
TV's not so bad.
99
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,719
Sweetie... did you ever
think of doing something
100
00:04:47,743 --> 00:04:49,758
a little more creative
with your time?
101
00:04:49,792 --> 00:04:52,769
If you're worried about your Mother's
Day present, it's in the works.
102
00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:59,738
I was thinking something
more artistic.
103
00:04:59,761 --> 00:05:01,401
Something musical.
104
00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:06,063
You could take advantage of a
fantastic musician living right here.
105
00:05:06,101 --> 00:05:08,102
(playing the blues)
106
00:05:12,348 --> 00:05:16,132
That's the kind of riff you can
aim for after years of practice.
107
00:05:16,144 --> 00:05:19,365
We start off with the
fun stuff: music theory.
108
00:05:19,390 --> 00:05:20,778
(giggles)
109
00:05:20,799 --> 00:05:24,479
Don't worry, music theory's just
a fancy word for music math.
110
00:05:24,510 --> 00:05:25,435
(chuckles)
111
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:29,675
MEL: My dear boy, you undoubtedly
think of the slide whistle
112
00:05:29,699 --> 00:05:32,033
as merely a whistle
that slides.
113
00:05:32,062 --> 00:05:35,537
Let me disabuse you
of that misperception.
114
00:05:35,664 --> 00:05:37,665
(playing complex classical tune)
115
00:05:40,168 --> 00:05:43,170
- Pass.
- Do you have any idea how difficult...
116
00:05:43,186 --> 00:05:45,224
Bye, now.
(whistle sliding down)
117
00:05:45,249 --> 00:05:48,200
(playing complex classical tune)
118
00:05:48,303 --> 00:05:49,314
COMIC BOOK GUY:
Behold!
119
00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:52,098
From the pages of Dune
and Dune Messiah,
120
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,198
Gurney Halleck's beloved zither:
121
00:05:54,231 --> 00:05:55,275
the baliset.
122
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:57,812
(plays twanging, alien music)
123
00:05:58,078 --> 00:05:59,247
Pass.
124
00:05:59,266 --> 00:05:59,868
(clears throat)
125
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:04,715
When I die, you will carry on the
tradition of... the Frink-e-min.
126
00:06:04,761 --> 00:06:07,763
(plays electronic tones
that sound like Frink's voice)
127
00:06:09,785 --> 00:06:10,751
Pass.
128
00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:12,092
(dog howling)
129
00:06:12,569 --> 00:06:13,664
Ah, Mr. Homer.
130
00:06:13,682 --> 00:06:16,455
I see you are wearing
the bald man's beret.
131
00:06:16,489 --> 00:06:19,184
- Is it that obvious?
- Oh, yes.
132
00:06:19,203 --> 00:06:24,233
The only thing that screams "I am
hiding hairlessness" more is a goatee.
133
00:06:24,474 --> 00:06:26,908
I'm as smooth as jazz.
134
00:06:26,934 --> 00:06:28,935
(scatting)
135
00:06:30,731 --> 00:06:33,432
Oh... my wife has never seen
my head naked.
136
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,163
Maybe I should wear
a cowboy hat.
137
00:06:35,175 --> 00:06:39,318
A cowboy hat means "I'm
ashamed of my small penis."
138
00:06:39,349 --> 00:06:41,613
Don't even ask me
what this means!
139
00:06:41,637 --> 00:06:42,322
(gunshots)
140
00:06:42,347 --> 00:06:43,599
Yee-haw!
141
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,499
I'm a-compensatin'!
142
00:06:45,523 --> 00:06:46,774
(gunshots)
143
00:06:46,816 --> 00:06:48,183
(beautiful piano music playing)
144
00:06:52,557 --> 00:06:54,634
(buzzer sounds)
145
00:06:54,971 --> 00:06:56,720
(Russian accent): New student.
Sit at piano.
146
00:06:56,738 --> 00:06:59,148
My daughter teach you.
You, mother!
147
00:06:59,176 --> 00:07:01,908
Come to kitchen and see
picture of my dead wife.
148
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:05,079
- That's okay. I...
- (laughs) No, no, no, no.
149
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,901
She is not dead in picture.
150
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,848
Uh... she is dying.
151
00:07:08,944 --> 00:07:11,112
Let's go, Bart.
152
00:07:11,152 --> 00:07:13,153
(piano playing continues)
153
00:07:22,614 --> 00:07:24,974
(Russian accent):
So, you want lesson?
154
00:07:25,193 --> 00:07:28,530
- Yes. I want lesson.
- I accept your whip.
155
00:07:30,288 --> 00:07:31,852
BART:
A girl who likes candy?
156
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,315
Wow.
157
00:07:36,636 --> 00:07:38,637
(playing beautifully)
158
00:07:42,365 --> 00:07:44,166
So, how much are lessons?
159
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,894
I give you something you want...
160
00:07:45,913 --> 00:07:48,896
(voice deepens):
you give me something I want.
161
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,172
I'm sorry, did my
voice go all evil? (chuckles)
162
00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:53,997
It is common
with Russian accent.
163
00:07:53,999 --> 00:07:56,657
You'd better be asking
for something PC:
164
00:07:56,705 --> 00:07:58,018
pie or cake.
165
00:07:58,030 --> 00:08:00,313
Here's my offer:
my daughter give lessons,
166
00:08:00,339 --> 00:08:02,043
you teach me to drive car.
167
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,296
There might be
some nagging involved.
168
00:08:04,332 --> 00:08:07,189
Deal! Now we toast with vodka.
169
00:08:07,223 --> 00:08:08,156
(glass shatters)
170
00:08:08,191 --> 00:08:09,472
(gulps)
171
00:08:09,628 --> 00:08:11,216
Ah. (grunts)
(glass shatters)
172
00:08:11,242 --> 00:08:13,825
- Now we drive!
- Huh?
173
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:19,827
Homer, I recommend getting drunk
on my most expensive beer:
174
00:08:20,031 --> 00:08:21,409
Duff Platinum.
175
00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:22,315
Hey, what the...?
176
00:08:22,328 --> 00:08:24,636
But I used the best label paste.
177
00:08:26,834 --> 00:08:30,778
Those two hairs were what
was left of my youth, Moe.
178
00:08:30,798 --> 00:08:34,634
Hey, come on, there's
sexy bald, like, um...
179
00:08:34,699 --> 00:08:36,667
Babar, king of the elephants.
180
00:08:36,701 --> 00:08:38,640
I read his books as a kid.
181
00:08:38,658 --> 00:08:40,609
He married his cousin, Celeste.
182
00:08:40,635 --> 00:08:42,140
That was my takeaway.
183
00:08:42,178 --> 00:08:45,497
Those royal elephants have
trainers to keep them in shape.
184
00:08:45,545 --> 00:08:47,993
Average schmoe like me,
forget it.
185
00:08:48,023 --> 00:08:50,090
Well, let me see
how bald you are.
186
00:08:50,116 --> 00:08:52,951
Whoa... whoa!
Dear Lord.
187
00:08:52,985 --> 00:08:55,660
Here. Oh. You need
this more than I do.
188
00:08:55,717 --> 00:08:57,284
(grunts)
189
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,583
(whimpers)
190
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,452
Just... just what exactly
is this good for?
191
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,603
(groaning)
192
00:09:06,634 --> 00:09:11,920
It's nice when something you plan in
your head for so long comes to fruition.
193
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,752
Where you going, Bart?
194
00:09:14,785 --> 00:09:15,869
Piano lesson.
195
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,321
Ooh, piano lesson.
196
00:09:18,355 --> 00:09:21,911
We put two of those guys up there
just for using a big word.
197
00:09:21,949 --> 00:09:24,009
"Caché" is not a big word.
198
00:09:24,048 --> 00:09:27,818
Clickety clack!
(yelling, groaning)
199
00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:30,277
Wait, wait. I'm not
learning anything.
200
00:09:30,301 --> 00:09:32,144
I'm just going
'cause the teacher's pretty.
201
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,107
Okay. But you'd better steal
bananas for all of us.
202
00:09:35,182 --> 00:09:36,560
I will!
203
00:09:36,601 --> 00:09:37,451
Let me go.
204
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:40,322
I have a swim lesson
with a gorgeous lifeguard.
205
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,239
- What gender?
- You're not allowed to ask.
206
00:09:43,723 --> 00:09:45,981
Okay. Check your mirrors.
207
00:09:47,443 --> 00:09:49,223
Hands at 10:00 and 2:00.
208
00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:51,985
Slowly back out
of the driveway.
209
00:09:52,003 --> 00:09:52,979
(tires squeal, metal crunches)
210
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,323
Aah!
211
00:09:55,309 --> 00:09:56,536
Mmm...
212
00:09:58,049 --> 00:10:00,947
Daddy said I was a accident.
213
00:10:01,759 --> 00:10:04,007
Okay, let's try again.
214
00:10:06,003 --> 00:10:07,771
(engine revs, tires squeal)
215
00:10:07,805 --> 00:10:10,123
(playing scales)
216
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:12,577
That is so beautiful.
Did you write it?
217
00:10:12,586 --> 00:10:14,154
These are scales.
218
00:10:14,173 --> 00:10:18,984
Now, memorize:
Every good Boris deserves farm.
219
00:10:19,011 --> 00:10:20,077
Let me try.
220
00:10:20,207 --> 00:10:23,448
Every good booger
deserves flicking.
221
00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:25,184
Your tongue is nimble,
222
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,200
unlike sausage fingers.
223
00:10:27,676 --> 00:10:29,464
Sausage fingers!
224
00:10:29,478 --> 00:10:31,296
Do what I do.
225
00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:32,730
(moans softly)
226
00:10:32,772 --> 00:10:34,206
(playing scales)
227
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:38,935
♪ Druguyu nevestu
228
00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:41,875
♪ Drugoi iyunya
229
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,843
♪ Drugoi solnechni
230
00:10:44,865 --> 00:10:48,234
♪ Medovyi mesyats...
231
00:10:48,252 --> 00:10:49,855
(knocking)
232
00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:53,814
♪ Yeshche odim sezon
233
00:10:53,838 --> 00:10:56,893
♪ Yeshche odna prichina
234
00:10:56,918 --> 00:11:00,415
♪ Dlya vupi makin'...
235
00:11:01,137 --> 00:11:02,137
Ah...
236
00:11:02,165 --> 00:11:04,166
♪ Dlya makin'...
237
00:11:04,207 --> 00:11:05,370
♪ Whoopee...
238
00:11:05,391 --> 00:11:06,560
Scales!
239
00:11:08,872 --> 00:11:09,944
Lesson over.
240
00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:11,300
(tires screech, glass crunches)
241
00:11:11,319 --> 00:11:13,455
Lesson over.
242
00:11:13,676 --> 00:11:15,176
(Marge groans)
243
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:17,911
(tires squeal)
244
00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:19,920
(gears grind)
Aah!
245
00:11:19,944 --> 00:11:21,385
What are you doing?
246
00:11:21,412 --> 00:11:24,699
I want to go backwards. Like
Russian economy, under Putin.
247
00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:26,259
(tires screech)
248
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:28,847
Stop making Putin jokes.
249
00:11:28,865 --> 00:11:31,384
You sound like police... under Putin.
(siren whoops)
250
00:11:31,421 --> 00:11:33,942
Ugh. Speaking of police...
251
00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:37,077
I'm sorry, Officer. I believe
my license is, uh...
252
00:11:37,098 --> 00:11:40,398
...somewhere in these pairs
of easy-fit blue jeans.
253
00:11:40,445 --> 00:11:42,079
Eh? Eh?
254
00:11:42,107 --> 00:11:45,659
That's not the way
American police do things.
255
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:46,609
Finally.
256
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,131
Someone who knows what a traffic
stop is really all about.
257
00:11:50,201 --> 00:11:53,081
Uh, Chief, don't you think
those jeans are a little tight?
258
00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:57,711
We're all not high-waisted
like you, Lou, okay?
259
00:11:57,729 --> 00:12:00,825
I'm just gonna lie down
in the backseat here.
260
00:12:01,022 --> 00:12:03,258
(grunts, chuckles)
261
00:12:03,345 --> 00:12:04,696
Okay.
262
00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:08,014
All right, the blue knight
is ready for action!
263
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:09,369
(grunting)
264
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:15,367
(sighs)
265
00:12:15,392 --> 00:12:17,473
- What's wrong?
- Every note you play
266
00:12:17,497 --> 00:12:20,364
sounds like dying animal
writhing on keys.
267
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,781
Awesome!
268
00:12:21,806 --> 00:12:23,856
I just want to get more students
269
00:12:23,878 --> 00:12:26,380
and help my father
with his dream.
270
00:12:27,661 --> 00:12:29,130
Buying a limo.
271
00:12:29,161 --> 00:12:31,329
He could tell big shots
in the back that,
272
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:33,524
no, they cannot smoke.
273
00:12:33,555 --> 00:12:36,002
Seriously,
I'm gonna make you proud.
274
00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:37,870
I have hidden talents.
275
00:12:37,915 --> 00:12:42,855
Oh, Bort, if only you make
such a miracle happen...
276
00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:46,415
I would love your
hands forever.
277
00:12:46,598 --> 00:12:49,173
(slowly playing notes)
278
00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:52,024
(intense classical music plays)
(horn honking)
279
00:13:05,338 --> 00:13:07,890
Wait a minute. You can't hear.
280
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,471
(playing continues)
281
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:14,018
I am so proud.
282
00:13:14,037 --> 00:13:17,529
I would've been happy if
Bart was just a piano mover.
283
00:13:17,632 --> 00:13:20,600
(audience applauds)
284
00:13:20,854 --> 00:13:23,760
Thank you. I owe
it all to Zhenya.
285
00:13:24,026 --> 00:13:25,405
Can you teach my boys?
286
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,340
But no tickling the ivories.
You treat them with respect.
287
00:13:28,357 --> 00:13:30,669
Can you teach my monkey?
(grunting)
288
00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:34,885
Then I can deal with the Musician's
Union instead of the Humane Society.
289
00:13:34,907 --> 00:13:36,260
Much easier to muscle.
290
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:38,950
Zhenya, I couldn't have
done it without you.
291
00:13:39,094 --> 00:13:40,431
(whispers):
And you.
292
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,412
MARGE:
Bart!
293
00:13:44,655 --> 00:13:47,462
Bart, I've never been
so proud of you.
294
00:13:47,506 --> 00:13:50,374
Never, never, never!
295
00:13:50,395 --> 00:13:53,698
And now I'll always be
at home in a saloon.
296
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:55,552
Something smells fishy.
297
00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:57,184
Yar, that would be me.
298
00:13:57,218 --> 00:14:00,353
But I agree. There's
something funny here.
299
00:14:00,387 --> 00:14:01,893
- Is it me?
- No!
300
00:14:01,918 --> 00:14:03,193
Oh...
301
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:12,268
Hey, your baseball cap's one
plastic bump tighter than usual.
302
00:14:12,303 --> 00:14:13,198
What gives?
303
00:14:13,229 --> 00:14:15,282
Okay, guys, here's the deal.
304
00:14:15,311 --> 00:14:16,959
I've gone bald.
305
00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:18,101
- (gasps)
- (gasps)
306
00:14:18,126 --> 00:14:19,534
Then again, who cares?
307
00:14:19,544 --> 00:14:21,194
Yeah, you already
landed a hot wife.
308
00:14:21,219 --> 00:14:23,111
That's the only reason
men evolved hair.
309
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,292
What are you talking about?
310
00:14:24,303 --> 00:14:27,700
You lured Marge in with your hair.
You trapped her with marriage.
311
00:14:27,718 --> 00:14:30,119
You skinned and field-gutted
her by having kids.
312
00:14:30,138 --> 00:14:32,175
Now she's mounted on
your wall for good,
313
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,380
with fake glass eyes
and a rubber tongue.
314
00:14:34,392 --> 00:14:38,192
The way you put it, it sounds
so perfect, but it's not.
315
00:14:38,224 --> 00:14:40,105
You sound seriously depressed.
316
00:14:40,139 --> 00:14:41,845
Why don't we talk
about it over at Moe's?
317
00:14:41,895 --> 00:14:43,033
It's not even noon.
318
00:14:43,051 --> 00:14:45,165
Yeah, I've got
a watch, egghead.
319
00:14:45,903 --> 00:14:48,387
I couldn't help overhearing
your predicament.
320
00:14:48,415 --> 00:14:50,986
Mainly because
my hearing is so great.
321
00:14:51,025 --> 00:14:53,994
- Who are you?
- The answer to your prayers.
322
00:14:54,028 --> 00:14:55,772
Are you my guardian angel?
323
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:58,722
If so, can you turn a
pumpkin into a chariot?
324
00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:00,925
Even a used Camry would be okay.
325
00:15:00,979 --> 00:15:04,342
No, just a regular
hairless Joe like you.
326
00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:06,571
Been bald since I was 23.
327
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,219
With the money I've saved,
I bought a yacht.
328
00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:11,656
Whoa... You're cool with it?
329
00:15:11,675 --> 00:15:13,559
I haven't even told my wife.
330
00:15:13,577 --> 00:15:17,334
You wait for the right moment,
you show her that glorious dome,
331
00:15:17,352 --> 00:15:20,111
and then you rest it
sweetly on her bosom
332
00:15:20,129 --> 00:15:22,758
and let the kisses
flow like rain.
333
00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:25,389
Wow, is that what
your wife did?
334
00:15:25,414 --> 00:15:29,127
No wife. I just slept with
thousands of bald women.
335
00:15:29,152 --> 00:15:31,699
(laughing)
336
00:15:34,251 --> 00:15:35,552
(Marge humming)
337
00:15:35,617 --> 00:15:37,372
Caught your recital, Bart.
338
00:15:37,391 --> 00:15:40,989
Lisa, isn't it great to have a
musical genius in the family?
339
00:15:41,002 --> 00:15:42,333
Helen Lovejoy,
340
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,766
you always have to stir the pot.
341
00:15:44,808 --> 00:15:47,443
Unlike you, when you make
your lumpy clam chowder.
342
00:15:47,471 --> 00:15:49,673
I guess Bart must be
a musical genius,
343
00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:52,604
because frauds are
always found out.
344
00:15:52,677 --> 00:15:54,378
Always.
345
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:05,050
My work is done.
346
00:16:05,062 --> 00:16:08,258
Now to reward myself
with a case of wine.
347
00:16:08,623 --> 00:16:09,791
(doorbell buzzes)
348
00:16:10,915 --> 00:16:12,696
Hi, Zhenya.
I'm here for my lesson.
349
00:16:12,714 --> 00:16:14,790
Good to see you, my love.
350
00:16:14,823 --> 00:16:15,956
Sit on porch.
351
00:16:15,981 --> 00:16:19,358
- Are there other people in here?
- Because of your performance,
352
00:16:19,376 --> 00:16:21,482
I win many new students.
353
00:16:21,529 --> 00:16:22,946
♪
354
00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:26,050
Come on. I got to learn my mom's
stripper music by midnight.
355
00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:29,103
But if I got you all these students,
shouldn't you be grateful?
356
00:16:29,134 --> 00:16:31,416
Oh, of course I'm grateful.
357
00:16:31,437 --> 00:16:33,888
Here is cushion for porch chair.
358
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,056
Go to "bata boom."
359
00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:40,332
(humming)
360
00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:42,037
(grumbles)
361
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,571
Mopped myself into a corner.
362
00:16:48,904 --> 00:16:50,023
Oh...
363
00:16:50,061 --> 00:16:53,697
Mom, you'd still be proud of me if
I couldn't play the piano, right?
364
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,360
Of course.
365
00:16:55,384 --> 00:16:58,250
But very, very, very angry
366
00:16:58,262 --> 00:17:00,006
at all the time I wasted.
367
00:17:00,066 --> 00:17:00,799
(gulps)
368
00:17:00,828 --> 00:17:02,356
Gulp? Was that a gulp?
369
00:17:02,374 --> 00:17:03,925
Are you getting a sore throat?
370
00:17:03,962 --> 00:17:05,869
Let me give you
some castor oil.
371
00:17:05,922 --> 00:17:06,966
Hmm...
372
00:17:06,998 --> 00:17:08,999
(gulping)
373
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:13,745
You'll need your voice
to say, "Thanks, Mom,"
374
00:17:13,757 --> 00:17:15,326
after your next recital.
375
00:17:15,351 --> 00:17:16,581
My wha...?
376
00:17:16,605 --> 00:17:20,828
I signed you up for the 10-And-Below
Talent Show next week. Huh?
377
00:17:20,878 --> 00:17:24,041
You know, I'm almost 11.
It's not really fair.
378
00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:26,005
Bart, when you were
on that stage,
379
00:17:26,017 --> 00:17:29,861
it felt like you were pouring
those notes right into my heart.
380
00:17:29,946 --> 00:17:33,472
Hey, one of those notes could
go to your brain and kill you.
381
00:17:33,503 --> 00:17:35,713
Are you sure you want
to take that chance?
382
00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:38,756
A proud mother always does.
383
00:17:38,816 --> 00:17:39,882
(whimpers)
384
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,755
First of all,
you're over ten years old.
385
00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:45,751
Second, you're clearly
Justin Bieber.
386
00:17:45,782 --> 00:17:48,097
That's another 25 bucks
we'll never see.
387
00:17:48,145 --> 00:17:49,479
Gosh!
388
00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:55,262
♪ Who can make the sun rise?
389
00:17:55,327 --> 00:17:57,490
Why won't anybody tell me?
390
00:17:57,539 --> 00:18:00,618
(crying)
(audience applauds)
391
00:18:04,192 --> 00:18:09,122
(heart beating loudly)
392
00:18:12,864 --> 00:18:13,831
Oh...
393
00:18:13,865 --> 00:18:14,998
I'm sorry.
394
00:18:15,033 --> 00:18:16,308
I was faking it.
395
00:18:16,339 --> 00:18:17,482
(gasps, murmurs)
396
00:18:20,056 --> 00:18:22,458
I lied so I could see Zhenya.
397
00:18:22,489 --> 00:18:25,239
Zhenya. Oh, Zhenya.
Everyone knows Zhenya.
398
00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:26,558
(murmuring)
399
00:18:26,618 --> 00:18:30,075
But there's really only one girl
whose opinion matters to me.
400
00:18:30,147 --> 00:18:32,065
My mom.
401
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,124
I'd like to go home now.
402
00:18:34,142 --> 00:18:37,308
And to think you'd do this
on Mother's Day.
403
00:18:37,714 --> 00:18:40,352
Is it too late to make you
(door shuts) breakfast in bed?
404
00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:45,790
(growling in frustration)
405
00:18:47,261 --> 00:18:48,824
Uh, Mom?
406
00:18:48,842 --> 00:18:51,410
I'm sorry I pretended
to be good at piano.
407
00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:53,618
And I'm really ashamed
that I lied.
408
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,240
(doorbell rings)
409
00:18:55,258 --> 00:18:57,027
Excuse me.
410
00:18:58,664 --> 00:19:01,251
Mrs. Marge, I took
my driver's test.
411
00:19:01,281 --> 00:19:03,844
- Did you pass?
- More or less.
412
00:19:04,238 --> 00:19:07,907
If I eat an orange wedge,
the whole thing's gonna blow.
413
00:19:07,985 --> 00:19:10,435
Well, I'm glad your side
of the deal worked out.
414
00:19:10,465 --> 00:19:13,190
What are you talking about?
Your boy is genius!
415
00:19:13,226 --> 00:19:15,335
No, he cheated.
416
00:19:15,347 --> 00:19:19,074
Marge, in Russia, everyone
succeeds by cheating.
417
00:19:19,115 --> 00:19:21,832
Even Russian dressing
is just Thousand Island.
418
00:19:21,851 --> 00:19:23,007
(gasps)
419
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:25,289
But your son is a good boy.
420
00:19:25,326 --> 00:19:29,113
He cheated for love,
and he cheated for you.
421
00:19:32,433 --> 00:19:33,967
Thank you!
422
00:19:35,996 --> 00:19:38,773
All right. A chance
to make a new friend.
423
00:19:42,601 --> 00:19:43,896
Listen, sweetie...
424
00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:46,941
it was wrong of me to
force my dreams on you.
425
00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:50,254
Yeah, your generation won't have
any dreams come true.
426
00:19:50,295 --> 00:19:53,731
Sweetie, you're just
gonna be who you are.
427
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:54,988
Well, who am I?
428
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:58,122
You are unique,
you are special,
429
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:01,706
and at some point, that's gonna
come together and work for you.
430
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:03,919
- I know it.
- Thanks, Mom.
431
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,570
And that means
no punishment, right?
432
00:20:05,593 --> 00:20:06,423
Wrong.
433
00:20:06,442 --> 00:20:08,971
You have to walk
all the way over to Grampa
434
00:20:08,989 --> 00:20:11,140
to take a plate
of cookies I baked.
435
00:20:12,485 --> 00:20:14,453
Here's your new plate, Grampa.
436
00:20:14,475 --> 00:20:15,571
Oh, boy!
437
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,382
There's crumbs on it!
438
00:20:21,107 --> 00:20:22,248
Marge...
439
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:23,508
(sighs)
440
00:20:23,527 --> 00:20:25,446
I have something to show you.
441
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:28,144
Is it your impression
of Mr. Burns eating soup?
442
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:29,924
Because I'm not in the mood.
443
00:20:29,953 --> 00:20:32,068
No, it's something else.
444
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,857
So?
445
00:20:36,399 --> 00:20:40,798
I've always wondered what you were
hiding under your curly locks,
446
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:44,395
my beautiful yellow melon.
447
00:20:45,347 --> 00:20:46,513
Hair, no hair...
448
00:20:46,539 --> 00:20:48,656
I don't really think
about it. (laughs)
449
00:20:48,675 --> 00:20:51,471
Confidence is so
attractive in a man.
450
00:20:51,507 --> 00:20:52,598
Tell me about it.
451
00:20:52,623 --> 00:20:55,788
Oh, Marge, when you
hold me like that...
452
00:20:58,248 --> 00:21:00,117
Thank you, God.
453
00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:10,490
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
454
00:21:49,284 --> 00:21:51,285
Shh!