1 00:00:08,017 --> 00:00:09,301 D'oh! 2 00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:21,951 ♪ The Simpsons 24x21 ♪ The Saga of Carl Carlson Original Air Date on May 19, 2013 3 00:00:21,976 --> 00:00:23,976 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:00:25,719 --> 00:00:28,035 It's been a brilliant night of women's tennis 5 00:00:28,186 --> 00:00:31,155 with Petrevkova narrowly edging Mashakova. 6 00:00:31,189 --> 00:00:32,973 We take you now to doubles action 7 00:00:33,007 --> 00:00:35,659 between Pavlyuchenkeka-Vilnikova 8 00:00:35,693 --> 00:00:38,995 and Strakova-Mishtnupetrateva. 9 00:00:39,013 --> 00:00:42,649 To me, it's legs versus boobs. 10 00:00:43,818 --> 00:00:45,335 What the...? 11 00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:46,603 Change the channel? 12 00:00:46,638 --> 00:00:48,889 But I'm watching soft-core tennis. 13 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,574 Ki-Ya Karate Monsters! 14 00:00:50,608 --> 00:00:52,392 What the hell is that? 15 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,660 It's our favorite show. 16 00:00:53,695 --> 00:00:55,245 Mom said we could watch it. 17 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:56,747 Did she really say that? 18 00:00:56,781 --> 00:00:58,749 Are you gonna walk upstairs and ask her? 19 00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,574 No. 20 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,326 From a Shaolin monastery 21 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,862 in darkest Transylvania come helpful hell-spawn. 22 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:16,500 With homicidal honor, they rampage for peace. 23 00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:17,835 Ki-Ya! 24 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:19,019 Ki-Ya! Ki-Ya! 25 00:01:19,053 --> 00:01:20,587 You like this now? 26 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,006 What about Planet Jackson and the Earth Brigade? 27 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,675 Dad, we don't watch that show anymore. 28 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:26,810 It's for babies. 29 00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:31,965 Planet power! 30 00:01:33,251 --> 00:01:35,619 Kung Fu Werewolf chop! Blob Jitsu kick! 31 00:01:35,653 --> 00:01:39,055 Stop it. No Karate Monsters at the dinner table. 32 00:01:39,073 --> 00:01:41,608 It's Ki-Ya Karate Monsters. 33 00:01:41,659 --> 00:01:43,861 Samurai shampoo blast! 34 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,579 Ninja throwing soap! 35 00:01:45,613 --> 00:01:48,248 No Karate Monsters in the bathtub. 36 00:01:48,283 --> 00:01:50,817 Ki-Ya Karate Monsters. 37 00:01:50,852 --> 00:01:52,986 - Happy birthday, Dad. - Happy birthday, Grampa. 38 00:01:54,923 --> 00:01:56,957 Did this really happen? 39 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:59,560 Pill attack! Actual sword attack! 40 00:01:59,594 --> 00:02:02,646 I've had it. No more Karate Monsters. 41 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,465 Ki-Ya... Ki-Ya... 42 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,251 That's it. Tomorrow, we're doing something educational. 43 00:02:08,269 --> 00:02:10,587 We're going to the science museum. 44 00:02:11,623 --> 00:02:13,257 Damn it. 45 00:02:29,123 --> 00:02:31,959 Finally, actual science. 46 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,664 You did it, baby. 47 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,234 You promised no fun, and you delivered. 48 00:02:45,773 --> 00:02:47,574 Ah, hello there. 49 00:02:47,609 --> 00:02:51,745 I am Blaise Pascal, inventor of the probability theory. 50 00:02:51,779 --> 00:02:55,265 What are the odds of meeting you here? 51 00:02:55,299 --> 00:02:57,651 Excellent, I would say. 52 00:02:58,686 --> 00:03:00,087 My friend Silly Squirrel 53 00:03:00,121 --> 00:03:02,489 is about to buy a lottery ticket. 54 00:03:02,523 --> 00:03:05,158 Silly Squirrel, do you know the probability 55 00:03:05,193 --> 00:03:06,994 of winning the lottery? 56 00:03:07,028 --> 00:03:08,161 I don't know. 57 00:03:08,196 --> 00:03:09,863 Why, you are more likely 58 00:03:09,897 --> 00:03:12,516 to be run over by a car. 59 00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:15,869 Or be hit by lightning. 60 00:03:15,903 --> 00:03:19,273 Or murdered by an acquaintance. 61 00:03:19,307 --> 00:03:21,875 If you understood probability, 62 00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:24,878 you would never play the lottery. 63 00:03:28,383 --> 00:03:30,350 Guys, this science exhibit 64 00:03:30,385 --> 00:03:32,636 told me how stupid it is to play the lottery. 65 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,888 Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you didn't buy our weekly ticket? 66 00:03:34,922 --> 00:03:37,691 Are you nuts? You can't win if you don't play. 67 00:03:37,725 --> 00:03:40,343 Hey, it's time. Turn it on, turn it on! 68 00:03:40,361 --> 00:03:43,413 Four lucky numbers for four best friends. 69 00:03:43,448 --> 00:03:44,665 Yeah, I always go with three, 70 00:03:44,699 --> 00:03:46,550 the number of brothers and sisters 71 00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:48,802 I, uh, Hunger Games-ed in the womb. 72 00:03:48,836 --> 00:03:52,222 19 for me. Uh, for the best year of my life, 1996. 73 00:03:52,256 --> 00:03:53,740 My number's 22. 74 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,426 No reason. Just... 22. 75 00:03:56,461 --> 00:03:57,995 And I'm 69. 76 00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,981 Because people always laugh when you say "69." 77 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,850 No one knows why. 78 00:04:03,885 --> 00:04:05,485 And the winning numbers are... 79 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,487 three, 19, 80 00:04:07,522 --> 00:04:09,656 22 and 69. 81 00:04:11,092 --> 00:04:12,859 Oh, my gosh. We won. 82 00:04:12,894 --> 00:04:14,594 We won the Springfield Lottery. 83 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,781 That's 200 grand. That's 50,000 bucks each! 84 00:04:20,401 --> 00:04:22,936 Guys, guys, we got to celebrate, throw a raging party! 85 00:04:22,987 --> 00:04:25,539 I'll cash the ticket. Homer, Homer, you get the food. 86 00:04:25,573 --> 00:04:28,859 I'll get mini Dumpsters of wings from Garbage Wings. 87 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,060 And, Lenny, you get the drinks. 88 00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:31,695 But we're already at a bar. 89 00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:34,931 Oh, no. That's just gasoline and hot dog water. 90 00:04:34,966 --> 00:04:36,867 Who cares? We got the money. 91 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,969 I'm so happy. 92 00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:40,971 I'm so happy. 93 00:04:41,005 --> 00:04:43,607 To the best feeling in the world... 94 00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:44,641 money. 95 00:04:47,512 --> 00:04:49,946 Guys, I got big plans for these winnings. 96 00:04:49,981 --> 00:04:53,583 I'm going to build... a swimming pool. 97 00:04:53,618 --> 00:04:54,751 In-ground? 98 00:04:54,786 --> 00:04:56,953 So freaking far in the ground, baby. 99 00:04:56,988 --> 00:04:58,622 What about you, Carl? 100 00:04:58,656 --> 00:05:00,656 What are you gonna do with your share of the money? 101 00:05:03,411 --> 00:05:06,780 Oh, uh, I guess Carl ain't back yet from cashing in the ticket. 102 00:05:06,814 --> 00:05:08,915 I'm sure he just got held up in traffic. 103 00:05:08,950 --> 00:05:11,485 Yeah, that's probably what happened. 104 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,487 I wonder what's keeping Carl. 105 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,589 I hope our friend wasn't in an accident. 106 00:05:15,623 --> 00:05:17,257 I'm glad we're the kind of people 107 00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:18,892 who are worried about Carl's safety 108 00:05:18,926 --> 00:05:20,994 instead of thinking that he ripped us off. 109 00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:23,430 I wasn't thinking that. 110 00:05:23,464 --> 00:05:26,333 Carl's our good friend. Our good friend. 111 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,901 Yeah, good old Carl. 112 00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:32,639 Good old Carl's phone went straight to voice mail. 113 00:05:32,673 --> 00:05:33,840 Again. 114 00:05:36,227 --> 00:05:39,179 The power of friendship is so amazing, 115 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,815 I don't feel at all suspicious of Carl. 116 00:05:41,849 --> 00:05:44,467 Drive faster because of the power of friendship. 117 00:05:48,489 --> 00:05:50,123 Carl's gone. 118 00:05:50,158 --> 00:05:51,691 Our money's gone. 119 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:52,926 We've been betrayed. 120 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,594 By good old Carl! 121 00:05:54,629 --> 00:05:56,963 Guys, I think we might need a new song. 122 00:05:56,998 --> 00:05:58,965 ♪ Four best friends 123 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,868 ♪ Who never quarrel 124 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:06,306 ♪ Homer Simpson, Lenny, Moe and... ♪ 125 00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,141 ♪ And... 126 00:06:08,176 --> 00:06:10,177 And no one. 127 00:06:12,774 --> 00:06:14,551 All our lottery money, gone! 128 00:06:14,552 --> 00:06:16,152 If I ever see that Carl again, 129 00:06:16,187 --> 00:06:18,521 I'm gonna freeze him, chop him up into ice cubes 130 00:06:18,556 --> 00:06:20,256 and scoop him into the urinal trough 131 00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:22,192 at the Gathering of the Juggalos! 132 00:06:22,226 --> 00:06:25,195 Guys, give Carl a chance. I'm sure he's gonna come back. 133 00:06:25,229 --> 00:06:26,663 I don't think so. 134 00:06:26,697 --> 00:06:29,416 His travel neck pillow's gone from its pedestal. 135 00:06:29,450 --> 00:06:30,650 Fellas, 136 00:06:30,684 --> 00:06:32,952 he ain't coming back. You don't know that. 137 00:06:32,987 --> 00:06:35,605 I'm gonna keep looking till we figure out what really happened. 138 00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:38,241 See, I bet he flew to Quebec to bring us back 139 00:06:38,275 --> 00:06:40,243 authentic French-Canadian sugar pie. 140 00:06:40,277 --> 00:06:42,245 I can taste it already. 141 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,747 Mmm. Thanks for the sugar pie, Carl. 142 00:06:46,584 --> 00:06:48,284 Hey, what's this? 143 00:06:48,319 --> 00:06:50,053 "I've gone home. 144 00:06:50,087 --> 00:06:53,523 Good-bye forever, Carl Carlson." 145 00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:57,026 Where'd you go, Carl? 146 00:06:58,429 --> 00:07:00,463 Had plans for that money, too. 147 00:07:00,498 --> 00:07:02,165 I was gonna be one of those guys 148 00:07:02,199 --> 00:07:04,100 who's really into hot sauce, you know? 149 00:07:04,135 --> 00:07:06,503 Hot sauce suspenders, hot sauce pajamas. 150 00:07:06,537 --> 00:07:09,806 Bolo tie with a little chili pepper on it. 151 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,809 I still can't believe it was Carl who took your winnings. 152 00:07:12,843 --> 00:07:14,611 I thought it would've been you. 153 00:07:14,645 --> 00:07:16,346 Or you. Or you. 154 00:07:16,380 --> 00:07:17,981 I know. Me, too. 155 00:07:18,015 --> 00:07:19,916 It's the ultimate screw-over. 156 00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:21,317 Maybe he had a good reason 157 00:07:21,352 --> 00:07:23,520 to give you the ultimate screw-over. 158 00:07:23,554 --> 00:07:26,356 He said he went home, and his passport is gone. 159 00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:28,424 What country is he from? 160 00:07:28,459 --> 00:07:30,109 Uh... Uh... I don't know. 161 00:07:30,144 --> 00:07:33,012 You don't know where Carl is from? 162 00:07:33,047 --> 00:07:35,215 Come on, you know how dudes are. 163 00:07:35,249 --> 00:07:37,183 We don't go digging into the past. 164 00:07:37,218 --> 00:07:38,852 We talk about guy stuff. 165 00:07:38,886 --> 00:07:40,620 Like baseball and trucks 166 00:07:40,654 --> 00:07:42,121 and when guys lift too much weight 167 00:07:42,156 --> 00:07:43,456 and their bungus drops out. 168 00:07:43,491 --> 00:07:45,124 You know, guy stuff. 169 00:07:45,159 --> 00:07:47,527 Maybe if you'd talked less about guy stuff, 170 00:07:47,561 --> 00:07:50,196 you'd know more about your so-called friend. 171 00:07:50,231 --> 00:07:51,498 Well, it don't matter no more, Midge. 172 00:07:51,532 --> 00:07:53,066 Carl is gone, 173 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,780 and we're already auditioning replacements. 174 00:07:58,005 --> 00:08:00,406 This could not be more offensive. 175 00:08:00,441 --> 00:08:01,674 Man! 176 00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:03,843 Oh, of course. 177 00:08:03,878 --> 00:08:05,545 Ugh! Hmm. 178 00:08:06,981 --> 00:08:08,515 Hey, hey, get that out of here! 179 00:08:08,549 --> 00:08:09,983 I don't ever want to see 180 00:08:10,017 --> 00:08:11,618 that moolah-stealing jackpot thief again! 181 00:08:11,652 --> 00:08:13,386 Wait a minute. 182 00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:17,390 Something's reflected in the lenses of Carl's sunglasses. 183 00:08:17,424 --> 00:08:19,726 I just need to get closer. 184 00:08:22,029 --> 00:08:25,832 He's looking at a geyser. 185 00:08:25,866 --> 00:08:27,500 And there's a sign in front of it! 186 00:08:27,535 --> 00:08:30,236 Oh... It's too small to read. 187 00:08:32,473 --> 00:08:34,307 Oh, it's backwards. 188 00:08:34,341 --> 00:08:35,675 Try this. 189 00:08:35,709 --> 00:08:38,745 "Strokkur Geysir." 190 00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,713 Hmm. 191 00:08:40,748 --> 00:08:42,448 The geyser is one of the most famous 192 00:08:42,483 --> 00:08:45,018 natural wonders in Iceland. 193 00:08:45,052 --> 00:08:46,953 I guess that's where Carl's from. 194 00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:48,221 Ice-land? 195 00:08:48,255 --> 00:08:49,689 Is that even a real place? 196 00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:51,891 I thought it was Superman's Superman cave. 197 00:08:51,926 --> 00:08:53,576 Iceland keeps the most detailed family records 198 00:08:53,611 --> 00:08:56,512 of any country in the world. 199 00:08:56,547 --> 00:08:58,414 There! Carl was adopted... 200 00:09:01,068 --> 00:09:03,703 ...by a couple who lives outside Reykjavik. 201 00:09:03,737 --> 00:09:04,938 Well, if that's Carl's home, 202 00:09:04,972 --> 00:09:06,539 then that's where our money is! 203 00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:08,334 And that's where we're going. We got to pack. 204 00:09:16,634 --> 00:09:19,235 50 bucks per bag? 205 00:09:19,270 --> 00:09:22,572 I guess I'm only bringing one guitar on this revenge trip. 206 00:09:24,591 --> 00:09:26,576 You're going so far away. 207 00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:27,810 I'll miss you. 208 00:09:27,845 --> 00:09:29,412 Baby, I'm going for us. 209 00:09:29,446 --> 00:09:31,814 That money is going to dig us a swimming pool 210 00:09:31,849 --> 00:09:34,484 that'll take our broken family and make it whole. 211 00:09:34,518 --> 00:09:35,918 We're not broken. 212 00:09:35,953 --> 00:09:37,487 We're broken. We're pretty broken. 213 00:09:38,806 --> 00:09:40,139 How am I going to sleep 214 00:09:40,174 --> 00:09:41,574 if someone isn't pushing me 215 00:09:41,609 --> 00:09:43,810 all the way to the very edge of the bed? 216 00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:46,346 I've already taken care of that. 217 00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:50,333 Oh... 218 00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:51,884 Oh, that's perfect. 219 00:09:57,491 --> 00:09:59,926 I can't wait to see the smile on Carl's face 220 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,160 when we surprise him. 221 00:10:01,195 --> 00:10:02,362 I call first hug. 222 00:10:02,396 --> 00:10:04,097 Hey, Lenny, when are you gonna wise up? 223 00:10:04,131 --> 00:10:06,432 Carl never wants to see us again. 224 00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:08,134 I'm done talking to you! 225 00:10:10,537 --> 00:10:12,005 This is funny. 226 00:10:12,039 --> 00:10:16,643 It says here Iceland is green, and Greenland is icy. 227 00:10:16,677 --> 00:10:19,946 The Vikings switched the names to trick everybody. 228 00:10:21,348 --> 00:10:22,548 It's funny. That's pretty good. 229 00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:24,117 Great gag! 230 00:10:24,151 --> 00:10:27,437 Hey, Vikings, it's still pretty damn cold! 231 00:10:27,488 --> 00:10:30,239 I only packed shorts. 232 00:10:36,547 --> 00:10:37,947 Excuse me, uh, 233 00:10:37,981 --> 00:10:39,215 we're looking for our friend. 234 00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:41,617 He's, uh... he's about so tall, 235 00:10:41,652 --> 00:10:43,386 uh, wears a jacket, 236 00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:46,022 he's, um, got no visible tattoos... 237 00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:47,957 Just say he's black, Moe. 238 00:10:47,991 --> 00:10:49,192 You say he's black! 239 00:10:49,226 --> 00:10:51,527 His name is Carl Carlson. 240 00:10:51,562 --> 00:10:52,995 Carl Carlson! 241 00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,698 His family has been hated for 1,000 years. 242 00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:57,800 How do you know about Carl's family? 243 00:10:57,835 --> 00:10:59,802 Our country is very small, 244 00:10:59,837 --> 00:11:02,138 very judgmental and very nosy. 245 00:11:02,189 --> 00:11:05,158 Ingimar Ogmundsson, how progresses your gonorrhea? 246 00:11:05,192 --> 00:11:08,494 It heals, but slowly. 247 00:11:08,529 --> 00:11:10,463 Why does everybody hate Carl's family? 248 00:11:10,497 --> 00:11:13,099 Here's why. 249 00:11:13,117 --> 00:11:15,368 This saga tells of how Carl Carlson's family 250 00:11:15,402 --> 00:11:17,153 were the watchmen of the coast, 251 00:11:17,204 --> 00:11:19,906 always keeping an eye out for invading hordes. 252 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:22,575 Iceland's safety depended on their vigilance. 253 00:11:23,711 --> 00:11:25,928 But the Carlsons failed in their duty. 254 00:11:25,963 --> 00:11:27,330 The enemy invaded, 255 00:11:27,364 --> 00:11:29,365 laying waste to our lava fields, 256 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,950 burning our sweaters 257 00:11:30,984 --> 00:11:33,786 and feasting upon our tiny horses. 258 00:11:33,821 --> 00:11:35,955 Apparently, screwing over your friends 259 00:11:35,989 --> 00:11:38,808 is in Carl's blood-- his adopted blood. 260 00:11:44,932 --> 00:11:47,734 All right, this is it, Carl's family home. 261 00:11:47,768 --> 00:11:49,268 Twenty-two... 262 00:11:49,303 --> 00:11:52,371 Ooh, phew, oh, that's a lot of letters. 263 00:11:52,406 --> 00:11:54,307 22 Hjorleifsstrati. 264 00:11:54,341 --> 00:11:57,443 So that's why 22 was Carl's lottery number. 265 00:11:57,478 --> 00:12:00,646 Yeah, and that's why his sweatpants say "Hjorleifsstrati" 266 00:12:00,681 --> 00:12:01,914 across the butt. 267 00:12:01,949 --> 00:12:04,283 The gates are locked. 268 00:12:04,318 --> 00:12:06,786 Well, then we'll just have to wait for him to come out. 269 00:12:08,088 --> 00:12:10,323 Oh, man, stakeouts are so boring. 270 00:12:10,357 --> 00:12:12,125 I wish I had something to look at. 271 00:12:12,159 --> 00:12:16,329 Well, I guess I'll just read the car rental contract again. 272 00:12:16,363 --> 00:12:18,097 Damage waiver, check. 273 00:12:18,115 --> 00:12:20,283 Return with full tank of gas, check. 274 00:12:20,317 --> 00:12:23,453 All drivers must be over the age of 25... 275 00:12:23,487 --> 00:12:25,104 and check. 276 00:12:26,457 --> 00:12:27,774 Love you, Mom. 277 00:12:27,808 --> 00:12:29,509 See you, Dad. 278 00:12:36,049 --> 00:12:37,483 It's Carl! 279 00:12:37,518 --> 00:12:38,551 Wake up, wake up! 280 00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:39,752 Huh? Huh? 281 00:12:57,905 --> 00:12:59,638 Ah, damn it, we lost him! 282 00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:03,242 There he is. And he's got our money! 283 00:13:19,993 --> 00:13:21,627 It's no use. 284 00:13:21,662 --> 00:13:23,662 We're perfectly matched. 285 00:13:27,651 --> 00:13:28,985 We did it! 286 00:13:31,855 --> 00:13:33,973 Give us some answers, or you'll get a mouthful 287 00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:36,342 of rotten shark fermented in its own urine. 288 00:13:36,376 --> 00:13:38,678 No, no, anything but the inedible, 289 00:13:38,712 --> 00:13:40,746 repulsive food of my native land. 290 00:13:40,781 --> 00:13:43,249 Yeah, Carl, tell them the good reason you had 291 00:13:43,283 --> 00:13:44,517 for borrowing the money. 292 00:13:44,551 --> 00:13:45,751 Look, I admit it. 293 00:13:45,786 --> 00:13:47,687 I gave you the ultimate screw-over. 294 00:13:47,721 --> 00:13:50,022 But I did it to clear my family's name. 295 00:13:50,057 --> 00:13:52,291 Everyone blames the barbarian invasion 296 00:13:52,326 --> 00:13:53,759 on my ancestors. 297 00:13:53,794 --> 00:13:56,996 But that saga had a missing page. 298 00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:59,532 Oh, yeah... a page was torn out. 299 00:13:59,566 --> 00:14:01,100 My family's always believed 300 00:14:01,134 --> 00:14:03,202 that we fought bravely against the invaders, 301 00:14:03,237 --> 00:14:05,371 and the missing page will prove it. 302 00:14:05,405 --> 00:14:07,840 I took the lottery money to buy that page 303 00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:09,542 and restore my family's honor. 304 00:14:09,576 --> 00:14:10,776 Why didn't you just tell us? 305 00:14:10,811 --> 00:14:12,111 We're your friends. 306 00:14:12,145 --> 00:14:14,046 I didn't tell you because... 307 00:14:14,081 --> 00:14:15,281 we're not friends. 308 00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:18,200 Friends share their feelings, 309 00:14:18,235 --> 00:14:19,735 their hopes, their dreams. 310 00:14:19,770 --> 00:14:21,771 Friends know their friends are from Iceland! 311 00:14:21,805 --> 00:14:24,574 We are just guys who sit next to each other at a bar 312 00:14:24,608 --> 00:14:28,110 and talk about... ugh... guy stuff. 313 00:14:28,145 --> 00:14:31,213 So all those years of hanging out meant nothing? 314 00:14:31,248 --> 00:14:33,115 Not to me. Sorry, Lenny. 315 00:14:33,150 --> 00:14:34,917 That's all right. Now we know. 316 00:14:34,952 --> 00:14:36,519 It's all out in the open. 317 00:14:36,553 --> 00:14:39,755 I guess it kind of makes it easier now for me to... 318 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,123 to kill Carl! 319 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,862 When the nice ones snap, 320 00:14:46,897 --> 00:14:49,031 it's always a good show. 321 00:14:56,189 --> 00:14:57,489 Ow, my eye! My eye! 322 00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:59,041 My eye! My eye! 323 00:14:59,075 --> 00:15:01,043 Hey, hey, hey, Lenny, forget him, forget him! 324 00:15:01,077 --> 00:15:02,778 Look, we still got the money. 325 00:15:02,812 --> 00:15:04,780 - What the...? - Wha...? 326 00:15:04,814 --> 00:15:06,148 What the hell is this? 327 00:15:06,182 --> 00:15:07,716 That's the missing page from the saga. 328 00:15:07,751 --> 00:15:09,785 That's what I spent our lottery money on. 329 00:15:09,819 --> 00:15:11,737 Then this belongs to us. 330 00:15:11,771 --> 00:15:13,005 Please, give it back! Please! 331 00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:14,773 It'll restore my family's honor! 332 00:15:14,808 --> 00:15:17,009 Maybe we'd give it back to our friend, 333 00:15:17,043 --> 00:15:18,811 but we're not friends, remember? 334 00:15:18,845 --> 00:15:20,229 Sorry, Carl. 335 00:15:20,263 --> 00:15:21,997 It's World War II all over again. 336 00:15:22,032 --> 00:15:24,433 America kicks Iceland's ass. 337 00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:25,768 No! 338 00:15:25,802 --> 00:15:28,904 Guys, do you think Carl was right? 339 00:15:28,938 --> 00:15:31,240 What if we're not real friends? 340 00:15:31,274 --> 00:15:33,692 Maybe we are just lonely guys who do... 341 00:15:33,726 --> 00:15:35,461 guy stuff. 342 00:16:00,103 --> 00:16:01,370 Hi, Homie! 343 00:16:01,404 --> 00:16:02,838 Did you get the money? 344 00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:05,491 The kids have been stocking up on pool noodles. 345 00:16:05,525 --> 00:16:07,426 Put the noodles in the shed. 346 00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:09,528 There isn't gonna be a swimming pool. 347 00:16:09,562 --> 00:16:11,597 Hmm? Carl spent all our money 348 00:16:11,631 --> 00:16:14,400 on this stupid page from a stupid saga. 349 00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:16,735 I say we make it into saga soup 350 00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:18,370 and have ourselves a soup sip. 351 00:16:20,140 --> 00:16:23,208 That'll show Carl for de-friending us in real life! 352 00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:25,077 I know Carl did you wrong, 353 00:16:25,111 --> 00:16:28,280 but is destroying something he cares that much about 354 00:16:28,314 --> 00:16:30,582 really going to make you feel good? 355 00:16:30,617 --> 00:16:32,785 Well, we won't know that till after. 356 00:16:32,819 --> 00:16:36,121 Just read the saga and see what it says. 357 00:16:36,156 --> 00:16:39,425 But how can we learn to read ancient Icelandic? 358 00:16:39,459 --> 00:16:40,726 With these. 359 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,194 Yeah, my doctor says 360 00:16:42,228 --> 00:16:44,379 it's better for me not to sleep. 361 00:16:44,414 --> 00:16:45,747 Thorn? 362 00:16:45,782 --> 00:16:47,015 Yes! 363 00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:48,417 Forvitinn. 364 00:16:48,451 --> 00:16:50,752 I can't do this, I can't do this! 365 00:16:50,787 --> 00:16:52,121 You can't not do it! 366 00:16:52,155 --> 00:16:55,457 Okay, let's see what this thing says. 367 00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:57,376 "When the barbarian invaders came, 368 00:16:57,410 --> 00:17:00,045 the Carlsons met them with their weapons ready..." 369 00:17:00,079 --> 00:17:02,131 Wow, Carl's family really was brave. 370 00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:03,532 "...weapons which they immediately 371 00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:05,134 "threw down in surrender. 372 00:17:05,168 --> 00:17:08,103 "The Carlsons then let the barbarians in the back gate 373 00:17:08,138 --> 00:17:10,589 "and joined in the sacking, the looting 374 00:17:10,607 --> 00:17:13,308 "and the volcano-ing of the village elders. 375 00:17:13,343 --> 00:17:15,878 "The Carlsons then wrote down this saga 376 00:17:15,912 --> 00:17:19,781 so no one would ever forget their treachery and cowardice." 377 00:17:19,816 --> 00:17:23,552 Carl's family was even worse than people thought. 378 00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:25,654 They were the original ultimate scumbags. 379 00:17:25,688 --> 00:17:28,490 Carl betrayed his friends, blew the lottery money... 380 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,559 all for nothing. Hey, guys... 381 00:17:30,593 --> 00:17:32,628 I think I feel bad for Carl. 382 00:17:37,834 --> 00:17:39,935 Attention, everyone in Iceland. 383 00:17:39,969 --> 00:17:41,737 We have an important announcement. 384 00:17:41,771 --> 00:17:44,173 Take a break from your dreary lives 385 00:17:44,207 --> 00:17:45,741 to hear Americans lecture you. 386 00:17:45,775 --> 00:17:47,276 Ah! Ah! Eh! 387 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,610 Is this everyone? 388 00:17:48,645 --> 00:17:49,845 No. 389 00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:51,530 Yes. 390 00:17:51,564 --> 00:17:53,999 I've learned something about the people of Iceland. 391 00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:56,168 You have endured barbarian invasions, 392 00:17:56,202 --> 00:17:57,703 total financial collapse 393 00:17:57,737 --> 00:17:59,771 and a lesbian prime minister. 394 00:17:59,806 --> 00:18:02,807 You've managed to survive on a craphole island 395 00:18:02,825 --> 00:18:05,944 that looks like the moon and smells like rotten eggs. 396 00:18:05,979 --> 00:18:09,214 And to do that, you have to be stubborn. 397 00:18:09,249 --> 00:18:11,650 But I ask you to put aside your stubbornness 398 00:18:11,684 --> 00:18:14,553 while I tell you about Carl Carlson. 399 00:18:14,587 --> 00:18:16,338 Shame on Carl's family! 400 00:18:16,372 --> 00:18:20,209 The blood of 1,000 tiny horses is on their hands. 401 00:18:20,243 --> 00:18:22,811 Doesn't matter what happened 1,000 years ago, 402 00:18:22,845 --> 00:18:25,547 for Carl Carlson's honor has been redeemed 403 00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,783 by the deeds of Carl Carlson. 404 00:18:27,817 --> 00:18:30,168 Carl Carlson who helped me move, 405 00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:32,271 even though I moved the week before. 406 00:18:33,289 --> 00:18:34,623 Yeah, and when we were 407 00:18:34,657 --> 00:18:36,391 painting my house, Carl Carlson brought 408 00:18:36,426 --> 00:18:38,176 that blue tape, you know, 409 00:18:38,211 --> 00:18:40,012 that makes you really look like you know what you're doing. 410 00:18:40,046 --> 00:18:41,313 You peel it off, 411 00:18:41,347 --> 00:18:42,781 and you got that super straight line there. 412 00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:46,184 And when he brings a six-pack to my house, 413 00:18:46,219 --> 00:18:48,186 he doesn't take the extras home with him. 414 00:18:48,221 --> 00:18:50,672 Carl Carlson leaves them in the fridge. 415 00:18:51,741 --> 00:18:53,141 Carl Carlson is our friend, 416 00:18:53,176 --> 00:18:54,793 even if he doesn't believe it. 417 00:18:56,629 --> 00:18:57,863 If we can forgive Carl 418 00:18:57,897 --> 00:18:59,598 for stealing our lottery winnings, 419 00:18:59,632 --> 00:19:01,199 maybe youse can find it 420 00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:04,036 in youse's hearts to forgive his ancestors. 421 00:19:04,070 --> 00:19:07,539 The many small kindnesses of Carl Carlson 422 00:19:07,574 --> 00:19:10,375 have redeemed his family forever. 423 00:19:12,211 --> 00:19:16,098 Mom, Dad, our family can show our face in public 424 00:19:16,149 --> 00:19:18,367 for the first time in 1,000 years. 425 00:19:21,754 --> 00:19:23,822 Ai. Ai. 426 00:19:25,875 --> 00:19:30,045 How can you say these men are not your true friends? 427 00:19:30,079 --> 00:19:32,364 I... I can't! 428 00:19:32,398 --> 00:19:36,218 I can't! 429 00:19:36,252 --> 00:19:38,453 Ai. 430 00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:46,295 Guys, thanks for teaching me 431 00:19:46,329 --> 00:19:48,463 the true meaning of male friendship. 432 00:19:48,498 --> 00:19:49,965 The stuff that comes from in here... 433 00:19:49,999 --> 00:19:51,933 that is guy stuff. 434 00:19:51,968 --> 00:19:54,236 We don't get together to share our emotions. 435 00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:56,238 We get together to escape them. 436 00:19:56,272 --> 00:19:58,807 Yeah, I'd tell you guys I love you, but, uh, 437 00:19:58,841 --> 00:20:00,075 I don't want to say it, 438 00:20:00,109 --> 00:20:01,610 and you don't want to hear it. 439 00:20:01,644 --> 00:20:03,278 To nothing! 440 00:20:13,809 --> 00:20:16,811 Okay, everyone, get ready to see your brand-new... 441 00:20:16,846 --> 00:20:18,830 Oh, oh! What is it, what is it, what is it? 442 00:20:18,864 --> 00:20:19,931 ...keg-pools! 443 00:20:19,965 --> 00:20:20,982 Yay! Yay! 444 00:20:25,454 --> 00:20:27,188 Hey! Aah! 445 00:20:32,044 --> 00:20:33,294 Fine. 446 00:20:33,329 --> 00:20:35,096 I'm going home. 447 00:20:35,131 --> 00:20:40,131 == sync, corrected by elderman == 448 00:21:26,395 --> 00:21:27,448 Shh!