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Whoa!
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00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:25,556
♪ The Simpsons 24x22 ♪
Dangers on a Train
Original Air Date on May 19, 2013
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00:00:25,719 --> 00:00:27,587
(sneezes)
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
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Our first anniversary.
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00:00:37,178 --> 00:00:39,322
And we're more
in love than ever.
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In your face, people who said
it wouldn't last a year!
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00:00:42,348 --> 00:00:44,603
I stand by my wedding toast.
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00:00:44,662 --> 00:00:47,629
Let's just enjoy our
happiness, Homie.
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00:00:47,641 --> 00:00:51,204
Accidental motherhood is the greatest
thing that can happen to a woman.
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00:00:51,236 --> 00:00:54,936
And I think Bart's finally
outgrown his misbehavior.
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00:00:55,161 --> 00:00:56,461
(Homer shrieks)
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00:00:57,438 --> 00:00:58,254
(shrieks)
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(grunting)
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00:01:01,026 --> 00:01:02,634
(pop)
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00:01:02,657 --> 00:01:04,917
Oops, better clean that off.
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00:01:04,947 --> 00:01:07,382
(humming)
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You have a great day, ma'am.
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00:01:11,829 --> 00:01:12,586
(sighs)
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Wish I could get a little
of that attention.
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- D'oh!
- Hey, Simpsons.
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Don't mean to be a pesto, but I'll be
happy to watch your scampi shrimp.
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Aw, thanks, Flanders.
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Got to warn you,
he doesn't talk much.
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- Daddy.
- (groans)
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- He's not your daddy.
- Nice daddy.
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Moustache daddy.
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- Good daddy no yell.
- (grunts)
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Fat daddy smell like beer.
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I'll teach you to speak
in complete sentences.
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But first, m'lady, let
me escort you to Heaven.
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The fancy Swiss chocolate
store on level three.
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Oh...
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Oh, Homer, you're the
anchor store of my heart.
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Just call me Borders Books,
'cause I'll always be here.
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(theme from Love Story playing)
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- Haw haw!
- His first word.
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Oh, Homie, what a
wonderful anniversary.
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Yep, we've got something
money can't buy.
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Love on a train.
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And I promise each anniversary
will be better and better.
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Oh.
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They have to get off
and get back on.
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Sometimes you have to
say to hell with rules.
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(grunting)
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But somehow our anniversaries didn't get
better than that first one on the train.
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Wait, you named
me after a train?
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Yeah, just like
we did with Bart.
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00:03:02,263 --> 00:03:06,119
Anyway, this year, I'm gonna re-create
our magical first anniversary,
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00:03:06,143 --> 00:03:09,335
ending with a romantic ride
on that... (gasps)
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Why are you taking
away the train?
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I'm afraid no one rides it anymore,
despite millions in government subsidies.
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So we're replacing it
with something that makes money
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and sends people
to the food court.
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Step right up.
Medical marijuana.
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00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:27,231
You got nausea, my friend?
Everyone's got nausea.
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00:03:27,342 --> 00:03:29,849
And what is your malady, my son?
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Uh, I had one, but I forgot it.
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Memory loss!
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Could be a brain tumor.
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Take this and go see Fantasia.
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(Homer moaning sadly)
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Kids, I've only had
three great ideas--
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marrying your mother,
using a hot dog as a straw
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and this romantic
train ride anniversary.
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Sir, I need this train.
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Eh, take it home. It's yours.
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Are you sure Mom is really gonna
want a rusted-out kiddie train?
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She won't see it like this.
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I'll make this train look as beautiful
as it did when this mall was young.
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Aw, Dad, I just got
a little twinge in my heart.
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Try this.
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You stay away from my kids unless
you're driving them to school!
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So, I'm not babysitting
tomorrow night?
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Oh, we're still on
for tomorrow night.
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00:04:16,477 --> 00:04:18,963
Dad, do we have
to ride like this?
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Hey, what could be cooler than a
choo-choo with lollipops on it?
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Hey, babies-- where you
going in your baby train?
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Babytown?
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Shake it off, kids--
they're just jealous.
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Hey, lardo, where you
going in your lardo car?
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- Lardville?
- There's no such place!
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(laughing)
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MARGE: Okay. I've entered
my billing address,
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expiration date... and charged.
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We're back
from "Baby Beethovens."
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(playing Mozart's
"Eine Kleine Nachtmusik")
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That's Mozart, dummy.
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Well, thanks
for watching Maggie.
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I just ordered Homer's
anniversary gift.
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Must be tough.
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Yeah, what size cuff links
do you get an elephant?
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00:05:01,837 --> 00:05:06,349
Well, in the first place, the elephant's
cuff links would be the same size.
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00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:08,063
It's the cuffs
that would be bigger.
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00:05:08,089 --> 00:05:12,705
As for Homer, I'm getting him a case of
his favorite snack cakes, Dolly Madison.
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Marge, this isn't
Dolly Madison.
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It's Sassy Madison.
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Trust me, Homer doesn't care
where the cupcakes come from.
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Sassy Madison is a dating
site for married people
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who are tired
of the same old dessert.
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(gasps)
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Check out their webvertisement.
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♪ Kelly was at the
end of her wits ♪
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♪ Her husband
was truly the pits ♪
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♪ Her relationship spousal
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♪ Had zero arousal
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♪ Then she watched
this commercial ♪
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♪ And found herself Herschel
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♪ Thanks to Sassy Madison.com.
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ANNOUNCER:
Sassy Madison.com.
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It's not cheating if you
don't know the person well.
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I just put all my personal
information on their Web site.
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So now you're gonna get hit
on by every loser in town.
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00:06:07,857 --> 00:06:12,494
And this town's got losers like
Mexico has headless corpses.
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So many unhappy men.
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How sad.
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You've got a lot of fish
wriggling in that net.
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Maybe I should get married
so I can date these guys.
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Selma, cheating is a sin.
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As much a sin as not replying
to an instant message.
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So, if you'll excuse me,
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I've got a lot of sleazy
gentlemen to let down gently.
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Are you watching
the commercial again?
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I'm a fan of animation.
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LOVEJOY:
Oh, Lord,
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may thy couplings
stay forever locked,
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and may thy dead man
switch never be used.
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ALL:
Amen.
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All right, guys, let's get this train
fixed up for Homer's anniversary.
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But first,
start your power tools.
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(laughs)
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MARGE (sighs):
One more to go, and I'm done.
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"Dear Horny in Haverbrook:
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"Sorry. I'm not interested " in
cheating on my wonderful husband,
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00:07:09,764 --> 00:07:12,409
"who is described in
the attached PDF.
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00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:14,790
"Say hello to my trash folder.
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00:07:14,807 --> 00:07:16,341
Marge Simpson."
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00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:19,335
Hi, Homie!
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A crazy thing happened when I was
ordering your anniversary gift.
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HOMER:
Don't blow the surprise.
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Pretend you forgot.
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Uh, anniversary? That coming up?
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Yes, and it's a big one.
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Remember?
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Marge, I am focused
on this like a laser.
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(laughs) "Laser."
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00:07:36,578 --> 00:07:37,928
That's a funny word.
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00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,637
It's just "loser" with an "A."
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00:07:39,656 --> 00:07:42,378
And speaking of losers,
I lost my train of thought.
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00:07:42,402 --> 00:07:45,206
Oh, and speaking of trains,
wait till you see...
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(shrieks)
152
00:07:46,655 --> 00:07:48,074
The surprise is safe.
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00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:51,179
The expression on her
face will be priceless.
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(groans)
155
00:07:51,997 --> 00:07:54,386
He forgot
our anniversary again?
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00:07:54,398 --> 00:07:58,328
He remembers the exact number
of pork chops in the freezer.
157
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Currently-- zero.
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(humming happily)
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00:08:01,721 --> 00:08:03,373
(computer chimes)
(groans)
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00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:05,972
One of those cyber
smoochers wrote me back.
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00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:07,081
MAN:
Thanks for your note.
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00:08:07,106 --> 00:08:10,100
You seem way too nice for this site.
Why are you here?
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00:08:10,135 --> 00:08:11,429
Good question.
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"I thought I was
buying snack cakes."
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That's so cute.
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Really, really cute.
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00:08:17,403 --> 00:08:19,354
You... you are over 18, right?
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"I am, and you seem more interested
in my day than my husband."
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00:08:23,659 --> 00:08:25,753
I know what it's like
not to be listened to.
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00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:29,575
Please ignore every sensible instinct you
have and continue this conversation.
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00:08:29,587 --> 00:08:32,347
And by the way,
this is my real voice.
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00:08:32,864 --> 00:08:34,781
(phone rings)
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00:08:34,797 --> 00:08:36,204
HOMER:
Don't worry, Moe.
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00:08:36,222 --> 00:08:38,690
When Marge is asleep,
I'll sneak back.
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00:08:38,724 --> 00:08:40,926
Oh, good, the
strippers are here.
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00:08:40,941 --> 00:08:43,995
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!
That is all coming off.
177
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,730
(groans)
178
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,611
"Tell me more."
179
00:08:54,684 --> 00:08:56,109
(groans)
180
00:08:56,212 --> 00:09:01,331
Homie, I bet you're wondering why I
stayed on the computer until 4:00 a.m.
181
00:09:01,387 --> 00:09:03,675
Hey, those Yelp reviews
don't write themselves.
182
00:09:03,699 --> 00:09:06,210
Did you know a well-placed
one star can destroy
183
00:09:06,228 --> 00:09:08,262
a mom-and-pop hardware
in nothing flat?
184
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,568
Listen, I want us to be
honest with each other.
185
00:09:11,797 --> 00:09:14,811
HOMER: Uh-oh. If you're honest, you'll
have to tell her about the train.
186
00:09:14,830 --> 00:09:15,991
Huh? What train?
187
00:09:16,016 --> 00:09:17,935
How stupid are you?
188
00:09:17,962 --> 00:09:20,450
Hey, thinking is your
department, jerk.
189
00:09:20,468 --> 00:09:22,249
That's what I pay
you in beer for.
190
00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:23,871
Just for that, I'm
not gonna help you.
191
00:09:23,889 --> 00:09:26,199
What? Where are you going,
you...? (grumbles)
192
00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:27,199
Oh!
193
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:28,768
Um, Marge, I have to go.
194
00:09:28,798 --> 00:09:31,166
What? Now? Why?
195
00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:34,274
(shrieks)
196
00:09:34,385 --> 00:09:35,451
(door slams)
197
00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:37,278
(phone dings)
198
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:42,545
He's writing me again.
199
00:09:42,573 --> 00:09:44,676
Better put a stop to this.
200
00:09:44,798 --> 00:09:45,948
(phone dings nearby)
201
00:09:45,958 --> 00:09:48,408
Is that him getting the text?
202
00:09:49,841 --> 00:09:50,808
(phone dings nearby)
203
00:09:50,860 --> 00:09:55,022
He's in the market. We might
have squeezed the same tomatoes.
204
00:09:55,481 --> 00:09:56,766
Are you Marge?
205
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:59,141
Ooh, I'm going to hell.
206
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,180
I'm sorry. I didn't even
know you were here.
207
00:10:01,192 --> 00:10:03,661
What a crazy coincidence
that you buy food, too.
208
00:10:03,685 --> 00:10:06,605
Gee, I thought you'd
be some kind of creep.
209
00:10:06,617 --> 00:10:09,586
But you're actually a
perfectly normal-looking...
210
00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:10,905
Whoa!
211
00:10:10,942 --> 00:10:12,589
"A" is for "apple," right?
212
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,629
Okay.
213
00:10:14,641 --> 00:10:16,897
- I'll-I'll just be going.
- Wait, wait, wait!
214
00:10:16,925 --> 00:10:18,463
Let me get the stain out.
215
00:10:18,505 --> 00:10:19,906
But not here.
216
00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:24,564
I know a place where no
one in town will see us.
217
00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:27,171
(wind whistling)
218
00:10:28,304 --> 00:10:29,144
(grunts)
219
00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:31,188
There you go. Good as new.
220
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:32,990
Now, let me at least
buy you a coffee,
221
00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:35,345
or dare I say a Danish?
222
00:10:35,381 --> 00:10:36,632
No Danishes!
223
00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:39,030
Sorry. I go to pastry
way too fast.
224
00:10:39,036 --> 00:10:40,686
I want to be very clear.
225
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,644
I'm a happily married woman.
226
00:10:42,665 --> 00:10:44,285
Going on ten years.
227
00:10:44,317 --> 00:10:46,248
The aluminum anniversary.
228
00:10:46,273 --> 00:10:50,434
Nothing turns leftovers
into swans like aluminum.
229
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,822
MARGE:
What the heck am I saying?
230
00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:56,097
Homer's probably at that bar
right now, getting hammered.
231
00:10:56,124 --> 00:10:57,172
(yells)
232
00:10:57,184 --> 00:10:58,708
All worth it for Marge.
233
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,466
Marge, you are terrific.
234
00:11:00,484 --> 00:11:04,424
I am so glad I reset my distance
filter from 15 to 25 miles.
235
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,389
Mmm...
236
00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,934
Your Homer is
the luckiest man on earth.
237
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:11,639
Well, he keeps falling down a cliff
and living, so I guess that's true.
238
00:11:11,657 --> 00:11:14,650
The only time my wife and I talk
is when I apologize.
239
00:11:15,101 --> 00:11:17,083
(posh English accent):
"Life's an infernal muddle,"
240
00:11:17,089 --> 00:11:19,306
as Mr. Drake says
on Upton Rectory.
241
00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:22,340
Ooh, I love that show.
242
00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:23,442
Isn't it great?
243
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:25,897
Finally, a reason
to watch TV on Sundays.
244
00:11:25,908 --> 00:11:28,008
Such great characters,
245
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,375
like Buxton, the
scheming larder-keep.
246
00:11:30,394 --> 00:11:34,553
Why can't Lady Cavendish see
he's pilfering the aspic?
247
00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:35,849
(shudders)
248
00:11:35,911 --> 00:11:37,705
Uh, does...
does Homer watch?
249
00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:40,699
He says shows set during
World War I are too sad.
250
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,609
Particularly how everyone's
always climbing stairs.
251
00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,816
You are watching the season
finale this week, right?
252
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,316
Yeah. Alone, I'm sure.
253
00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:50,147
Well, we could, uh...
254
00:11:50,188 --> 00:11:51,504
live blog it.
255
00:11:51,523 --> 00:11:53,685
Save that sugar for
your coffee, bub.
256
00:11:56,822 --> 00:11:59,940
♪ I've been working
on the railroad... ♪
257
00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:01,272
Why are you singing that?
258
00:12:01,290 --> 00:12:03,890
Because it's in the public domain.
(phone rings)
259
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,146
Hello!
260
00:12:05,165 --> 00:12:07,326
It's Moe from Moe's Tavern.
261
00:12:07,356 --> 00:12:09,545
Oh, uh, I'd better take this.
262
00:12:09,581 --> 00:12:13,598
You see, Moe's been depressed and
needs to hear a friendly voice.
263
00:12:13,636 --> 00:12:14,808
(chuckles)
264
00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:17,474
Why the hell are you calling
me at home, you moron?!
265
00:12:17,492 --> 00:12:20,607
Lovejoy went to get a hamburger,
and the whole thing fell apart!
266
00:12:20,638 --> 00:12:22,495
I'm getting cooked
like a cabbage.
267
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,095
Then keep quiet like a cabbage!
268
00:12:24,132 --> 00:12:26,528
All right, all right,
I'll be right there.
269
00:12:26,601 --> 00:12:29,872
(humming "I've Been Working
on the Railroad")
270
00:12:31,382 --> 00:12:33,050
(groans)
271
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:43,484
Is it me, or did this
house just get classy?
272
00:12:43,537 --> 00:12:45,555
(laughing and grunting)
273
00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:49,434
Mom, Lisa made me break a lamp.
274
00:12:49,453 --> 00:12:53,365
Mom, Bart's twisting facts
in an Orwellian fashion.
275
00:12:53,378 --> 00:12:57,337
Can I have one hour of grown-up time where
you two aren't tattling on each other
276
00:12:57,355 --> 00:12:59,471
or using obscure references?
277
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:01,241
Orwell, obscure?
278
00:13:01,259 --> 00:13:03,029
The author of Animal Farm?
279
00:13:03,054 --> 00:13:06,198
- Grampa says he was a Commie.
- No tattling!
280
00:13:13,302 --> 00:13:16,218
ANNOUNCER: Upton Rectory is made possible
by a sizeable endowment
281
00:13:16,242 --> 00:13:17,962
from Hooters Restaurants,
282
00:13:17,987 --> 00:13:21,173
and a generous grant from a man
named Generous Grant.
283
00:13:21,210 --> 00:13:24,230
(phone rings)
284
00:13:27,513 --> 00:13:28,644
Are you watching it?
285
00:13:28,656 --> 00:13:30,024
No, I can't.
286
00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:33,853
My wife's watching a reality show about
a man who repossesses zoo animals.
287
00:13:33,872 --> 00:13:35,907
Come on, Taser that flamingo!
288
00:13:35,929 --> 00:13:37,563
(electrical buzzing,
flamingo shrieking)
289
00:13:37,589 --> 00:13:40,029
Can't believe I'm
missing the finale.
290
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,546
Hmm... Maybe I can help.
291
00:13:42,598 --> 00:13:44,531
Bless it all, Polly, I love you!
292
00:13:44,543 --> 00:13:48,733
And we shall be wed by Boxing
Day Eve, aka Christmas.
293
00:13:48,770 --> 00:13:51,134
But Lord Upton has forbidden
it, on the grounds
294
00:13:51,146 --> 00:13:54,997
that he once saw me exchange pleasantries
with the Egyptian riding master.
295
00:13:55,016 --> 00:13:57,529
Can you follow everything okay?
296
00:13:57,825 --> 00:14:00,495
I guess sometimes
you just don't end up
297
00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:02,173
with the person
you're supposed to.
298
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,707
Marge, can I use your free
Amazon shipping?
299
00:14:04,725 --> 00:14:06,081
Not a good time!
300
00:14:06,099 --> 00:14:07,633
I know your password!
301
00:14:07,683 --> 00:14:11,336
Drake, Polly, perhaps
I was too hasty.
302
00:14:11,345 --> 00:14:12,946
(gasping)
303
00:14:13,173 --> 00:14:14,767
Love should flower,
304
00:14:14,784 --> 00:14:18,736
even an ill-advised alliance
between a coarse Irish maid
305
00:14:18,755 --> 00:14:21,992
and a man who once served me
soup from the wrong side.
306
00:14:22,034 --> 00:14:25,195
He hasn't been the same
since the war, Lord Upton.
307
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:26,181
Hush, Polly.
308
00:14:26,212 --> 00:14:28,579
Who you marry is none
of your concern.
309
00:14:28,598 --> 00:14:31,220
I have something to say.
310
00:14:31,257 --> 00:14:33,625
The dowager grandmum!
311
00:14:33,657 --> 00:14:36,195
I'm afraid you cannot marry...
312
00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:38,649
without a proper ring.
313
00:14:38,839 --> 00:14:41,875
Take mine--
the Star of Bombay.
314
00:14:42,155 --> 00:14:46,459
Once again, India is denuded of her
treasure by the imperialist devils.
315
00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:49,812
- Why do we watch this show?
- Because I like the costumes!
316
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,248
(elegant classical music plays)
317
00:14:53,302 --> 00:14:54,808
(both sigh)
318
00:14:54,876 --> 00:14:58,620
I've never felt so flushed after
watching public television.
319
00:14:58,644 --> 00:15:01,331
Maybe sometime we could...
watch it in the same room.
320
00:15:01,348 --> 00:15:03,343
- Chat room?
- Room room.
321
00:15:03,355 --> 00:15:04,581
Show's over!
322
00:15:04,605 --> 00:15:05,606
(sighs)
323
00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:07,696
That turned
ultra-steamy in a jiff.
324
00:15:07,709 --> 00:15:09,798
- I can still hear you.
- (screams)
325
00:15:10,514 --> 00:15:12,682
I can still hear you.
326
00:15:13,483 --> 00:15:14,816
(screams)
327
00:15:19,243 --> 00:15:21,228
(grunts)
(door opens)
328
00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:24,012
- Happy anniversary, Mom!
- Happy anniversary, Mom!
329
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,810
Our gift is us!
330
00:15:25,835 --> 00:15:28,610
Three kids with no money,
but plenty of love!
331
00:15:28,622 --> 00:15:30,073
(noisemaker blares)
(gasps)
332
00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:31,665
That's great.
333
00:15:31,683 --> 00:15:34,187
I wonder what surprise
your father has in store.
334
00:15:34,212 --> 00:15:37,867
(Homer yelling and groaning)
335
00:15:37,918 --> 00:15:39,648
HOMER:
Boy, oh, boy!
336
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:42,747
Oh, Marge, I threw my back out!
337
00:15:42,778 --> 00:15:46,086
Can you please refill this
prescription right away?
338
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,049
(sighs)
339
00:15:47,074 --> 00:15:48,312
Where's it from?
340
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:51,259
It's in Drugtown...
not the nice part.
341
00:15:51,277 --> 00:15:54,565
That'll take hours!
On our anniversary!
342
00:15:54,612 --> 00:15:57,931
And what better way to
spend it than commemorating
343
00:15:57,943 --> 00:16:00,985
the glorious words you
spoke ten years ago:
344
00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:02,360
"for worse." Oh!
345
00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:03,866
- Oh!
- Ow!
346
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,081
(groans)
347
00:16:05,203 --> 00:16:06,447
Ooh!
348
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:07,847
(groans)
349
00:16:07,894 --> 00:16:09,128
(moaning)
350
00:16:09,356 --> 00:16:11,444
- (groans)
- (chuckles)
351
00:16:12,045 --> 00:16:12,845
Hmm.
352
00:16:12,899 --> 00:16:14,696
(chuckling)
353
00:16:14,733 --> 00:16:15,950
It's working.
354
00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:20,326
She's gone. All right,
everyone, magically appear.
355
00:16:26,369 --> 00:16:29,057
Wow, Moe, great shrub costume.
356
00:16:29,082 --> 00:16:32,430
Yeah. I sell 'em on the Internet
for like-minded people.
357
00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:35,892
- Now, let's lay some track.
- You guys are the best.
358
00:16:35,922 --> 00:16:39,571
I just want you to know when I'm
holding Marge in my arms tonight,
359
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,323
I'll be thinking of all of you.
360
00:16:42,345 --> 00:16:44,513
(all cheer, then groan)
361
00:16:45,665 --> 00:16:47,616
(dog howling)
362
00:16:47,651 --> 00:16:48,640
When does it get better?
363
00:16:48,652 --> 00:16:52,384
When he's 800 pounds and has to be cut
out of the house to go to a movie?
364
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,134
I lost my cleaning stick
in my belly fat.
365
00:16:57,177 --> 00:16:58,510
But I found a kitten.
366
00:16:58,544 --> 00:16:59,732
(meows)
367
00:16:59,738 --> 00:17:01,795
That is so sweet.
368
00:17:01,826 --> 00:17:04,068
There I go again, settling.
369
00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:06,604
Marge, run off with me.
Bring your kid.
370
00:17:06,630 --> 00:17:08,149
I have three kids.
371
00:17:08,155 --> 00:17:10,737
Whoa, you really went all in
with this guy, didn't you?
372
00:17:10,755 --> 00:17:12,637
Get out of my head.
373
00:17:12,655 --> 00:17:15,024
I guess this
is good-bye, then.
374
00:17:17,697 --> 00:17:20,517
♪ Someday
375
00:17:20,733 --> 00:17:24,239
♪ When I'm awfully low
376
00:17:24,425 --> 00:17:27,366
♪ When the world is cold...
377
00:17:27,404 --> 00:17:28,692
I said no!
378
00:17:28,705 --> 00:17:30,088
Fine. Sorry.
379
00:17:31,815 --> 00:17:36,244
♪ Just thinking of you, Marge
380
00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:40,045
♪ And the way you look tonight. ♪
381
00:17:40,129 --> 00:17:42,992
The Nelson Riddle Orchestra!
382
00:17:43,026 --> 00:17:45,045
Leave me alone!
383
00:17:45,182 --> 00:17:46,013
Fine.
384
00:17:46,048 --> 00:17:48,867
Sorry, guys, you're dead again.
385
00:17:52,498 --> 00:17:55,863
I'm gonna do what I've done
at every key point of my life:
386
00:17:55,889 --> 00:17:58,124
suck it in and smile.
387
00:17:58,214 --> 00:17:59,831
(grunts)
388
00:18:00,273 --> 00:18:02,993
There goes a woman who's
unhappy with her partner.
389
00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:06,236
- Yeah, I know how she feels.
- Yeah. What was that?
390
00:18:06,284 --> 00:18:07,601
(chuckles)
391
00:18:13,987 --> 00:18:15,621
(train whistle blows)
392
00:18:16,072 --> 00:18:19,270
- What the...?
- Happy anniversary!
393
00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,166
(gasps)
394
00:18:20,184 --> 00:18:23,480
Oh, my God.
Our train.
395
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:25,652
Homie, you do care.
396
00:18:25,678 --> 00:18:26,965
You care a lot.
397
00:18:26,984 --> 00:18:30,088
What a wonderful anniversary.
398
00:18:30,122 --> 00:18:32,473
Do you think we'll
last 25 years?
399
00:18:32,507 --> 00:18:33,863
Nothing should.
400
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:39,544
Trains...
they can fix every marriage.
401
00:18:39,613 --> 00:18:40,515
(phone dings)
402
00:18:41,898 --> 00:18:42,813
What the...?
403
00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:46,719
Ugh. Happy moment derailed
by the Bipolar Express.
404
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,422
(chuckles)
None of you heard that.
405
00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:51,221
ALL:
Happy anniversary!
406
00:18:52,182 --> 00:18:55,045
Where is she? Where the
hell is Marge Simpson?
407
00:18:55,063 --> 00:18:58,052
Ramona, please! When you asked me
who she was and where she lived,
408
00:18:58,064 --> 00:18:59,752
I never dreamed you'd
go confront her!
409
00:18:59,783 --> 00:19:02,305
Mmm, I'm Marge Simpson.
410
00:19:02,323 --> 00:19:05,120
So... you're
the kind of man-eater
411
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,161
Hall and Oates
warned us all about.
412
00:19:07,173 --> 00:19:09,120
Hall and Oates?
What's going on here?
413
00:19:09,157 --> 00:19:13,178
Your wife and my husband have been
watching British TV together!
414
00:19:13,203 --> 00:19:15,522
Costume drama
or naughty comedy?
415
00:19:15,548 --> 00:19:17,070
Drama! Drama!
416
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:20,517
You just dodged a
bullet, Mr. Sugarpants.
417
00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:23,151
Ben, Ramona, I want
to tell you something
418
00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,509
I've learned over
ten years of marriage.
419
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,901
The secret is: no secrets,
420
00:19:28,981 --> 00:19:31,349
except good secrets
like this train.
421
00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:32,915
(indistinct chatter)
422
00:19:32,949 --> 00:19:34,480
My only secrets are:
423
00:19:34,505 --> 00:19:37,949
My marathon time isn't
4:26; it's never,
424
00:19:37,961 --> 00:19:42,125
I often go online to see how Lindsay
Wagner's looking now-- fabulous--
425
00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:46,097
and I once pushed a kid off a swing
and he broke his wrist or something.
426
00:19:46,157 --> 00:19:49,789
But it's no secret how
much I love my Margie.
427
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,139
- Mmm...
- Mmm...
428
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:55,137
Look at them, coochie-cooing
like that time
429
00:19:55,154 --> 00:19:57,623
our connecting flight was
delayed and we got drunk
430
00:19:57,657 --> 00:19:59,558
and friendly
in the Admiral's Club.
431
00:19:59,592 --> 00:20:02,475
That was you? I mean,
it-it was wonderful.
432
00:20:02,507 --> 00:20:04,251
And you're fighting for me.
433
00:20:04,275 --> 00:20:06,589
Maybe that means
you still care.
434
00:20:06,617 --> 00:20:07,879
Of course I do.
435
00:20:07,891 --> 00:20:10,195
Now, let's go home
and spend a romantic night
436
00:20:10,214 --> 00:20:12,790
looking through your
computer's browsing history.
437
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:15,232
That exists?
Oh, boy.
438
00:20:15,304 --> 00:20:18,843
Honey, just what was going
on with you and that guy?
439
00:20:18,859 --> 00:20:19,940
Well... (clears throat)
440
00:20:19,965 --> 00:20:21,816
I was trying to buy
you snack cakes...
441
00:20:21,841 --> 00:20:24,050
Oh, baby, that's all
I needed to hear.
442
00:20:24,069 --> 00:20:25,152
(moaning)
443
00:20:25,187 --> 00:20:28,005
(classical music playing)
444
00:20:40,002 --> 00:20:41,707
How did we get here?
445
00:20:48,938 --> 00:20:52,733
WOMAN: ♪ Marge was feeling
lonely and bored ♪
446
00:20:52,888 --> 00:20:56,234
♪ Every night she was ignored
447
00:20:56,299 --> 00:20:58,418
HOMER:
♪ But when Marge went boo-hoo
448
00:20:58,436 --> 00:21:01,493
♪ I was building a choo-choo
449
00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:03,317
HOMER and MARGE:
♪ And love conquered all
450
00:21:03,342 --> 00:21:06,110
♪ With a train from the mall
451
00:21:06,144 --> 00:21:07,945
(train whistle blows)
452
00:21:09,413 --> 00:21:13,249
WOMAN:
♪ So that very same night
453
00:21:13,453 --> 00:21:16,906
♪ Ben went back on the site
454
00:21:16,934 --> 00:21:20,973
♪ And he lined up a date
with SelmaóBó88 ♪
455
00:21:21,004 --> 00:21:23,075
♪ She said that she's smokin'
456
00:21:23,095 --> 00:21:25,180
♪ And I wasn't jokin'
457
00:21:25,208 --> 00:21:26,923
(screams)
458
00:21:26,935 --> 00:21:28,632
♪ Find love on the net ♪
459
00:21:28,648 --> 00:21:31,087
♪ You deserve what you get ♪
460
00:21:31,365 --> 00:21:34,491
♪ Three awesome kids
and a life of regret ♪
461
00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:35,897
(groans)
462
00:21:35,909 --> 00:21:38,417
And now it's time
for Grampa's song!
463
00:21:38,486 --> 00:21:40,541
♪ Down by the old
464
00:21:40,559 --> 00:21:44,193
Not the new, but the old...
♪ Mill stream
465
00:21:44,205 --> 00:21:46,163
Not the river, but the stream.
466
00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:49,075
♪ Where I first...
Not the second or the...
467
00:21:49,093 --> 00:21:50,372
Shh!
468
00:21:50,458 --> 00:21:55,458
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther