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00:00:04,059 --> 00:00:05,893
Whoa!
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00:00:05,956 --> 00:00:09,456
♪ The Simpsons 24x22 ♪
Dangers on a Train
Original Air Date on May 19, 2013
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00:00:09,619 --> 00:00:11,487
(sneezes)
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00:00:11,517 --> 00:00:15,517
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
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00:00:18,207 --> 00:00:21,042
Our first anniversary.
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00:00:21,078 --> 00:00:23,222
And we're more
in love than ever.
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00:00:23,254 --> 00:00:26,223
In your face, people who said
it wouldn't last a year!
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00:00:26,248 --> 00:00:28,503
I stand by my wedding toast.
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00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,529
Let's just enjoy our
happiness, Homie.
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00:00:31,541 --> 00:00:35,104
Accidental motherhood is the greatest
thing that can happen to a woman.
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00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:38,836
And I think Bart's finally
outgrown his misbehavior.
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00:00:39,061 --> 00:00:40,361
(Homer shrieks)
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00:00:41,338 --> 00:00:42,154
(shrieks)
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00:00:42,315 --> 00:00:44,874
(grunting)
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00:00:44,926 --> 00:00:46,534
(pop)
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00:00:46,557 --> 00:00:48,817
Oops, better clean that off.
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00:00:48,847 --> 00:00:51,282
(humming)
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00:00:52,825 --> 00:00:55,026
You have a great day, ma'am.
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00:00:55,729 --> 00:00:56,486
(sighs)
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00:00:56,498 --> 00:00:59,126
Wish I could get a little
of that attention.
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00:01:02,415 --> 00:01:03,881
- D'oh!
- Hey, Simpsons.
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00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:07,581
Don't mean to be a pesto, but I'll be
happy to watch your scampi shrimp.
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00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,371
Aw, thanks, Flanders.
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Got to warn you,
he doesn't talk much.
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00:01:11,389 --> 00:01:12,918
- Daddy.
- (groans)
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- He's not your daddy.
- Nice daddy.
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Moustache daddy.
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- Good daddy no yell.
- (grunts)
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Fat daddy smell like beer.
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I'll teach you to speak
in complete sentences.
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But first, m'lady, let
me escort you to Heaven.
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The fancy Swiss chocolate
store on level three.
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Oh...
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00:01:32,385 --> 00:01:36,711
Oh, Homer, you're the
anchor store of my heart.
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00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:41,429
Just call me Borders Books,
'cause I'll always be here.
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(theme from Love Story playing)
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- Haw haw!
- His first word.
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Oh, Homie, what a
wonderful anniversary.
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Yep, we've got something
money can't buy.
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Love on a train.
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And I promise each anniversary
will be better and better.
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Oh.
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They have to get off
and get back on.
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Sometimes you have to
say to hell with rules.
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(grunting)
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But somehow our anniversaries didn't get
better than that first one on the train.
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Wait, you named
me after a train?
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Yeah, just like
we did with Bart.
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00:02:46,163 --> 00:02:50,019
Anyway, this year, I'm gonna re-create
our magical first anniversary,
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00:02:50,043 --> 00:02:53,235
ending with a romantic ride
on that... (gasps)
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00:02:54,180 --> 00:02:56,214
Why are you taking
away the train?
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I'm afraid no one rides it anymore,
despite millions in government subsidies.
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So we're replacing it
with something that makes money
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00:03:03,236 --> 00:03:05,377
and sends people
to the food court.
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00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:07,700
Step right up.
Medical marijuana.
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00:03:07,712 --> 00:03:11,131
You got nausea, my friend?
Everyone's got nausea.
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00:03:11,242 --> 00:03:13,749
And what is your malady, my son?
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Uh, I had one, but I forgot it.
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Memory loss!
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Could be a brain tumor.
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Take this and go see Fantasia.
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(Homer moaning sadly)
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Kids, I've only had
three great ideas--
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00:03:26,493 --> 00:03:29,159
marrying your mother,
using a hot dog as a straw
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and this romantic
train ride anniversary.
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Sir, I need this train.
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Eh, take it home. It's yours.
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00:03:35,862 --> 00:03:39,809
Are you sure Mom is really gonna
want a rusted-out kiddie train?
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She won't see it like this.
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I'll make this train look as beautiful
as it did when this mall was young.
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Aw, Dad, I just got
a little twinge in my heart.
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Try this.
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You stay away from my kids unless
you're driving them to school!
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So, I'm not babysitting
tomorrow night?
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00:03:55,411 --> 00:03:57,062
Oh, we're still on
for tomorrow night.
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00:04:00,377 --> 00:04:02,863
Dad, do we have
to ride like this?
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00:04:02,887 --> 00:04:07,184
Hey, what could be cooler than a
choo-choo with lollipops on it?
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00:04:07,354 --> 00:04:10,837
Hey, babies-- where you
going in your baby train?
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00:04:10,874 --> 00:04:12,300
Babytown?
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00:04:12,325 --> 00:04:15,046
Shake it off, kids--
they're just jealous.
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00:04:15,064 --> 00:04:17,921
Hey, lardo, where you
going in your lardo car?
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- Lardville?
- There's no such place!
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(laughing)
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MARGE: Okay. I've entered
my billing address,
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expiration date... and charged.
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We're back
from "Baby Beethovens."
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00:04:31,177 --> 00:04:33,878
(playing Mozart's
"Eine Kleine Nachtmusik")
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That's Mozart, dummy.
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Well, thanks
for watching Maggie.
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I just ordered Homer's
anniversary gift.
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Must be tough.
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Yeah, what size cuff links
do you get an elephant?
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00:04:45,737 --> 00:04:50,249
Well, in the first place, the elephant's
cuff links would be the same size.
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00:04:50,267 --> 00:04:51,963
It's the cuffs
that would be bigger.
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00:04:51,989 --> 00:04:56,605
As for Homer, I'm getting him a case of
his favorite snack cakes, Dolly Madison.
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Marge, this isn't
Dolly Madison.
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It's Sassy Madison.
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00:05:01,123 --> 00:05:04,092
Trust me, Homer doesn't care
where the cupcakes come from.
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00:05:04,119 --> 00:05:08,400
Sassy Madison is a dating
site for married people
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who are tired
of the same old dessert.
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(gasps)
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Check out their webvertisement.
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00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:24,084
♪ Kelly was at the
end of her wits ♪
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♪ Her husband
was truly the pits ♪
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♪ Her relationship spousal
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♪ Had zero arousal
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00:05:32,154 --> 00:05:34,233
♪ Then she watched
this commercial ♪
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♪ And found herself Herschel
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♪ Thanks to Sassy Madison.com.
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ANNOUNCER:
Sassy Madison.com.
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It's not cheating if you
don't know the person well.
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00:05:44,937 --> 00:05:48,465
I just put all my personal
information on their Web site.
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00:05:48,471 --> 00:05:51,729
So now you're gonna get hit
on by every loser in town.
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00:05:51,757 --> 00:05:56,394
And this town's got losers like
Mexico has headless corpses.
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So many unhappy men.
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How sad.
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00:06:01,582 --> 00:06:03,838
You've got a lot of fish
wriggling in that net.
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Maybe I should get married
so I can date these guys.
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00:06:06,728 --> 00:06:08,809
Selma, cheating is a sin.
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00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:12,154
As much a sin as not replying
to an instant message.
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00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:13,769
So, if you'll excuse me,
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I've got a lot of sleazy
gentlemen to let down gently.
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Are you watching
the commercial again?
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I'm a fan of animation.
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LOVEJOY:
Oh, Lord,
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may thy couplings
stay forever locked,
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00:06:26,583 --> 00:06:29,987
and may thy dead man
switch never be used.
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00:06:29,999 --> 00:06:31,243
ALL:
Amen.
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All right, guys, let's get this train
fixed up for Homer's anniversary.
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But first,
start your power tools.
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(laughs)
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MARGE (sighs):
One more to go, and I'm done.
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00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:49,979
"Dear Horny in Haverbrook:
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00:06:50,005 --> 00:06:53,645
"Sorry. I'm not interested " in
cheating on my wonderful husband,
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00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,309
"who is described in
the attached PDF.
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00:06:56,339 --> 00:06:58,690
"Say hello to my trash folder.
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00:06:58,707 --> 00:07:00,241
Marge Simpson."
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00:07:01,662 --> 00:07:03,235
Hi, Homie!
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00:07:03,254 --> 00:07:07,258
A crazy thing happened when I was
ordering your anniversary gift.
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HOMER:
Don't blow the surprise.
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00:07:08,883 --> 00:07:10,121
Pretend you forgot.
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Uh, anniversary? That coming up?
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00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:14,799
Yes, and it's a big one.
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00:07:14,836 --> 00:07:15,880
Remember?
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00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,870
Marge, I am focused
on this like a laser.
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00:07:18,910 --> 00:07:20,454
(laughs) "Laser."
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00:07:20,478 --> 00:07:21,828
That's a funny word.
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00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,537
It's just "loser" with an "A."
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00:07:23,556 --> 00:07:26,278
And speaking of losers,
I lost my train of thought.
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00:07:26,302 --> 00:07:29,106
Oh, and speaking of trains,
wait till you see...
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(shrieks)
152
00:07:30,555 --> 00:07:31,974
The surprise is safe.
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00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:35,079
The expression on her
face will be priceless.
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(groans)
155
00:07:35,897 --> 00:07:38,286
He forgot
our anniversary again?
156
00:07:38,298 --> 00:07:42,228
He remembers the exact number
of pork chops in the freezer.
157
00:07:42,251 --> 00:07:43,970
Currently-- zero.
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(humming happily)
159
00:07:45,621 --> 00:07:47,273
(computer chimes)
(groans)
160
00:07:47,304 --> 00:07:49,872
One of those cyber
smoochers wrote me back.
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00:07:49,906 --> 00:07:50,981
MAN:
Thanks for your note.
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00:07:51,006 --> 00:07:54,000
You seem way too nice for this site.
Why are you here?
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00:07:54,035 --> 00:07:55,329
Good question.
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"I thought I was
buying snack cakes."
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That's so cute.
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Really, really cute.
167
00:08:01,303 --> 00:08:03,254
You... you are over 18, right?
168
00:08:03,278 --> 00:08:07,525
"I am, and you seem more interested
in my day than my husband."
169
00:08:07,559 --> 00:08:09,653
I know what it's like
not to be listened to.
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00:08:09,671 --> 00:08:13,475
Please ignore every sensible instinct you
have and continue this conversation.
171
00:08:13,487 --> 00:08:16,247
And by the way,
this is my real voice.
172
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,681
(phone rings)
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00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:20,104
HOMER:
Don't worry, Moe.
174
00:08:20,122 --> 00:08:22,590
When Marge is asleep,
I'll sneak back.
175
00:08:22,624 --> 00:08:24,826
Oh, good, the
strippers are here.
176
00:08:24,841 --> 00:08:27,895
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!
That is all coming off.
177
00:08:27,923 --> 00:08:29,630
(groans)
178
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,511
"Tell me more."
179
00:08:36,084 --> 00:08:37,509
(groans)
180
00:08:37,612 --> 00:08:42,731
Homie, I bet you're wondering why I
stayed on the computer until 4:00 a.m.
181
00:08:42,787 --> 00:08:45,075
Hey, those Yelp reviews
don't write themselves.
182
00:08:45,099 --> 00:08:47,610
Did you know a well-placed
one star can destroy
183
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,662
a mom-and-pop hardware
in nothing flat?
184
00:08:49,681 --> 00:08:52,968
Listen, I want us to be
honest with each other.
185
00:08:53,197 --> 00:08:56,211
HOMER: Uh-oh. If you're honest, you'll
have to tell her about the train.
186
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:57,391
Huh? What train?
187
00:08:57,416 --> 00:08:59,335
How stupid are you?
188
00:08:59,362 --> 00:09:01,850
Hey, thinking is your
department, jerk.
189
00:09:01,868 --> 00:09:03,649
That's what I pay
you in beer for.
190
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,271
Just for that, I'm
not gonna help you.
191
00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:07,599
What? Where are you going,
you...? (grumbles)
192
00:09:07,612 --> 00:09:08,599
Oh!
193
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,168
Um, Marge, I have to go.
194
00:09:10,198 --> 00:09:12,566
What? Now? Why?
195
00:09:14,591 --> 00:09:15,674
(shrieks)
196
00:09:15,785 --> 00:09:16,851
(door slams)
197
00:09:17,191 --> 00:09:18,678
(phone dings)
198
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:23,945
He's writing me again.
199
00:09:23,973 --> 00:09:26,076
Better put a stop to this.
200
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,348
(phone dings nearby)
201
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,808
Is that him getting the text?
202
00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:32,208
(phone dings nearby)
203
00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:36,422
He's in the market. We might
have squeezed the same tomatoes.
204
00:09:36,881 --> 00:09:38,166
Are you Marge?
205
00:09:38,204 --> 00:09:40,541
Ooh, I'm going to hell.
206
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,580
I'm sorry. I didn't even
know you were here.
207
00:09:42,592 --> 00:09:45,061
What a crazy coincidence
that you buy food, too.
208
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,005
Gee, I thought you'd
be some kind of creep.
209
00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:50,986
But you're actually a
perfectly normal-looking...
210
00:09:51,318 --> 00:09:52,305
Whoa!
211
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,989
"A" is for "apple," right?
212
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,029
Okay.
213
00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:58,297
- I'll-I'll just be going.
- Wait, wait, wait!
214
00:09:58,325 --> 00:09:59,863
Let me get the stain out.
215
00:09:59,905 --> 00:10:01,306
But not here.
216
00:10:02,661 --> 00:10:05,964
I know a place where no
one in town will see us.
217
00:10:06,570 --> 00:10:08,571
(wind whistling)
218
00:10:09,704 --> 00:10:10,544
(grunts)
219
00:10:10,563 --> 00:10:12,588
There you go. Good as new.
220
00:10:12,606 --> 00:10:14,390
Now, let me at least
buy you a coffee,
221
00:10:14,402 --> 00:10:16,745
or dare I say a Danish?
222
00:10:16,781 --> 00:10:18,032
No Danishes!
223
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:20,430
Sorry. I go to pastry
way too fast.
224
00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:22,086
I want to be very clear.
225
00:10:22,106 --> 00:10:24,044
I'm a happily married woman.
226
00:10:24,065 --> 00:10:25,685
Going on ten years.
227
00:10:25,717 --> 00:10:27,648
The aluminum anniversary.
228
00:10:27,673 --> 00:10:31,834
Nothing turns leftovers
into swans like aluminum.
229
00:10:31,934 --> 00:10:34,222
MARGE:
What the heck am I saying?
230
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:37,497
Homer's probably at that bar
right now, getting hammered.
231
00:10:37,524 --> 00:10:38,572
(yells)
232
00:10:38,584 --> 00:10:40,108
All worth it for Marge.
233
00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:41,866
Marge, you are terrific.
234
00:10:41,884 --> 00:10:45,824
I am so glad I reset my distance
filter from 15 to 25 miles.
235
00:10:45,855 --> 00:10:46,789
Mmm...
236
00:10:46,821 --> 00:10:49,334
Your Homer is
the luckiest man on earth.
237
00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:53,039
Well, he keeps falling down a cliff
and living, so I guess that's true.
238
00:10:53,057 --> 00:10:56,050
The only time my wife and I talk
is when I apologize.
239
00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:58,483
(posh English accent):
"Life's an infernal muddle,"
240
00:10:58,489 --> 00:11:00,706
as Mr. Drake says
on Upton Rectory.
241
00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:03,740
Ooh, I love that show.
242
00:11:03,816 --> 00:11:04,842
Isn't it great?
243
00:11:04,848 --> 00:11:07,297
Finally, a reason
to watch TV on Sundays.
244
00:11:07,308 --> 00:11:09,408
Such great characters,
245
00:11:09,421 --> 00:11:11,775
like Buxton, the
scheming larder-keep.
246
00:11:11,794 --> 00:11:15,953
Why can't Lady Cavendish see
he's pilfering the aspic?
247
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,249
(shudders)
248
00:11:17,311 --> 00:11:19,105
Uh, does...
does Homer watch?
249
00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:22,099
He says shows set during
World War I are too sad.
250
00:11:22,134 --> 00:11:25,009
Particularly how everyone's
always climbing stairs.
251
00:11:25,079 --> 00:11:27,216
You are watching the season
finale this week, right?
252
00:11:27,235 --> 00:11:29,716
Yeah. Alone, I'm sure.
253
00:11:29,734 --> 00:11:31,547
Well, we could, uh...
254
00:11:31,588 --> 00:11:32,904
live blog it.
255
00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:35,085
Save that sugar for
your coffee, bub.
256
00:11:38,222 --> 00:11:41,340
♪ I've been working
on the railroad... ♪
257
00:11:41,378 --> 00:11:42,672
Why are you singing that?
258
00:11:42,690 --> 00:11:45,290
Because it's in the public domain.
(phone rings)
259
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:46,546
Hello!
260
00:11:46,565 --> 00:11:48,726
It's Moe from Moe's Tavern.
261
00:11:48,756 --> 00:11:50,945
Oh, uh, I'd better take this.
262
00:11:50,981 --> 00:11:54,998
You see, Moe's been depressed and
needs to hear a friendly voice.
263
00:11:55,036 --> 00:11:56,208
(chuckles)
264
00:11:56,252 --> 00:11:58,874
Why the hell are you calling
me at home, you moron?!
265
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:02,007
Lovejoy went to get a hamburger,
and the whole thing fell apart!
266
00:12:02,038 --> 00:12:03,895
I'm getting cooked
like a cabbage.
267
00:12:03,908 --> 00:12:05,495
Then keep quiet like a cabbage!
268
00:12:05,532 --> 00:12:07,928
All right, all right,
I'll be right there.
269
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:11,272
(humming "I've Been Working
on the Railroad")
270
00:12:12,782 --> 00:12:14,450
(groans)
271
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,884
Is it me, or did this
house just get classy?
272
00:12:24,937 --> 00:12:26,955
(laughing and grunting)
273
00:12:28,685 --> 00:12:30,834
Mom, Lisa made me break a lamp.
274
00:12:30,853 --> 00:12:34,765
Mom, Bart's twisting facts
in an Orwellian fashion.
275
00:12:34,778 --> 00:12:38,737
Can I have one hour of grown-up time where
you two aren't tattling on each other
276
00:12:38,755 --> 00:12:40,871
or using obscure references?
277
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,641
Orwell, obscure?
278
00:12:42,659 --> 00:12:44,429
The author of Animal Farm?
279
00:12:44,454 --> 00:12:47,598
- Grampa says he was a Commie.
- No tattling!
280
00:12:54,702 --> 00:12:57,618
ANNOUNCER: Upton Rectory is made possible
by a sizeable endowment
281
00:12:57,642 --> 00:12:59,362
from Hooters Restaurants,
282
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:02,573
and a generous grant from a man
named Generous Grant.
283
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:05,630
(phone rings)
284
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,044
Are you watching it?
285
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,424
No, I can't.
286
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:15,253
My wife's watching a reality show about
a man who repossesses zoo animals.
287
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,307
Come on, Taser that flamingo!
288
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:18,963
(electrical buzzing,
flamingo shrieking)
289
00:13:18,989 --> 00:13:21,429
Can't believe I'm
missing the finale.
290
00:13:21,453 --> 00:13:23,946
Hmm... Maybe I can help.
291
00:13:23,998 --> 00:13:25,931
Bless it all, Polly, I love you!
292
00:13:25,943 --> 00:13:30,133
And we shall be wed by Boxing
Day Eve, aka Christmas.
293
00:13:30,170 --> 00:13:32,534
But Lord Upton has forbidden
it, on the grounds
294
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:36,397
that he once saw me exchange pleasantries
with the Egyptian riding master.
295
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,929
Can you follow everything okay?
296
00:13:39,225 --> 00:13:41,895
I guess sometimes
you just don't end up
297
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,573
with the person
you're supposed to.
298
00:13:43,592 --> 00:13:46,107
Marge, can I use your free
Amazon shipping?
299
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,481
Not a good time!
300
00:13:47,499 --> 00:13:49,033
I know your password!
301
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:52,736
Drake, Polly, perhaps
I was too hasty.
302
00:13:52,745 --> 00:13:54,346
(gasping)
303
00:13:54,573 --> 00:13:56,167
Love should flower,
304
00:13:56,184 --> 00:14:00,136
even an ill-advised alliance
between a coarse Irish maid
305
00:14:00,155 --> 00:14:03,392
and a man who once served me
soup from the wrong side.
306
00:14:03,434 --> 00:14:06,595
He hasn't been the same
since the war, Lord Upton.
307
00:14:06,631 --> 00:14:07,581
Hush, Polly.
308
00:14:07,612 --> 00:14:09,979
Who you marry is none
of your concern.
309
00:14:09,998 --> 00:14:12,620
I have something to say.
310
00:14:12,657 --> 00:14:15,025
The dowager grandmum!
311
00:14:15,057 --> 00:14:17,595
I'm afraid you cannot marry...
312
00:14:17,818 --> 00:14:20,049
without a proper ring.
313
00:14:20,239 --> 00:14:23,275
Take mine--
the Star of Bombay.
314
00:14:23,555 --> 00:14:27,859
Once again, India is denuded of her
treasure by the imperialist devils.
315
00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:31,212
- Why do we watch this show?
- Because I like the costumes!
316
00:14:31,247 --> 00:14:33,648
(elegant classical music plays)
317
00:14:34,702 --> 00:14:36,208
(both sigh)
318
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:40,020
I've never felt so flushed after
watching public television.
319
00:14:40,044 --> 00:14:42,731
Maybe sometime we could...
watch it in the same room.
320
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,743
- Chat room?
- Room room.
321
00:14:44,755 --> 00:14:45,981
Show's over!
322
00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:47,006
(sighs)
323
00:14:47,031 --> 00:14:49,096
That turned
ultra-steamy in a jiff.
324
00:14:49,109 --> 00:14:51,198
- I can still hear you.
- (screams)
325
00:14:51,914 --> 00:14:54,082
I can still hear you.
326
00:14:54,883 --> 00:14:56,216
(screams)
327
00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:02,628
(grunts)
(door opens)
328
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:02,812
- Happy anniversary, Mom!
- Happy anniversary, Mom!
329
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,610
Our gift is us!
330
00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:07,410
Three kids with no money,
but plenty of love!
331
00:15:07,422 --> 00:15:08,873
(noisemaker blares)
(gasps)
332
00:15:08,898 --> 00:15:10,465
That's great.
333
00:15:10,483 --> 00:15:12,987
I wonder what surprise
your father has in store.
334
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:16,667
(Homer yelling and groaning)
335
00:15:16,718 --> 00:15:18,448
HOMER:
Boy, oh, boy!
336
00:15:18,540 --> 00:15:21,547
Oh, Marge, I threw my back out!
337
00:15:21,578 --> 00:15:24,886
Can you please refill this
prescription right away?
338
00:15:24,910 --> 00:15:25,849
(sighs)
339
00:15:25,874 --> 00:15:27,112
Where's it from?
340
00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:30,059
It's in Drugtown...
not the nice part.
341
00:15:30,077 --> 00:15:33,365
That'll take hours!
On our anniversary!
342
00:15:33,412 --> 00:15:36,731
And what better way to
spend it than commemorating
343
00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:39,785
the glorious words you
spoke ten years ago:
344
00:15:39,810 --> 00:15:41,160
"for worse." Oh!
345
00:15:41,199 --> 00:15:42,666
- Oh!
- Ow!
346
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:43,881
(groans)
347
00:15:44,003 --> 00:15:45,247
Ooh!
348
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,647
(groans)
349
00:15:46,694 --> 00:15:47,928
(moaning)
350
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,244
- (groans)
- (chuckles)
351
00:15:50,845 --> 00:15:51,645
Hmm.
352
00:15:51,699 --> 00:15:53,496
(chuckling)
353
00:15:53,533 --> 00:15:54,750
It's working.
354
00:15:56,018 --> 00:15:59,126
She's gone. All right,
everyone, magically appear.
355
00:16:05,169 --> 00:16:07,857
Wow, Moe, great shrub costume.
356
00:16:07,882 --> 00:16:11,230
Yeah. I sell 'em on the Internet
for like-minded people.
357
00:16:11,248 --> 00:16:14,692
- Now, let's lay some track.
- You guys are the best.
358
00:16:14,722 --> 00:16:18,371
I just want you to know when I'm
holding Marge in my arms tonight,
359
00:16:18,383 --> 00:16:21,123
I'll be thinking of all of you.
360
00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:23,313
(all cheer, then groan)
361
00:16:24,465 --> 00:16:26,416
(dog howling)
362
00:16:26,451 --> 00:16:27,440
When does it get better?
363
00:16:27,452 --> 00:16:31,184
When he's 800 pounds and has to be cut
out of the house to go to a movie?
364
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,934
I lost my cleaning stick
in my belly fat.
365
00:16:35,977 --> 00:16:37,310
But I found a kitten.
366
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:38,532
(meows)
367
00:16:38,538 --> 00:16:40,595
That is so sweet.
368
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:42,868
There I go again, settling.
369
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,404
Marge, run off with me.
Bring your kid.
370
00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:46,949
I have three kids.
371
00:16:46,955 --> 00:16:49,537
Whoa, you really went all in
with this guy, didn't you?
372
00:16:49,555 --> 00:16:51,437
Get out of my head.
373
00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:53,824
I guess this
is good-bye, then.
374
00:16:56,497 --> 00:16:59,317
♪ Someday
375
00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:03,039
♪ When I'm awfully low
376
00:17:03,225 --> 00:17:06,166
♪ When the world is cold...
377
00:17:06,204 --> 00:17:07,492
I said no!
378
00:17:07,505 --> 00:17:08,888
Fine. Sorry.
379
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:15,044
♪ Just thinking of you, Marge
380
00:17:15,276 --> 00:17:18,845
♪ And the way you look tonight. ♪
381
00:17:18,929 --> 00:17:21,792
The Nelson Riddle Orchestra!
382
00:17:21,826 --> 00:17:23,845
Leave me alone!
383
00:17:23,982 --> 00:17:24,813
Fine.
384
00:17:24,848 --> 00:17:27,667
Sorry, guys, you're dead again.
385
00:17:31,298 --> 00:17:34,663
I'm gonna do what I've done
at every key point of my life:
386
00:17:34,689 --> 00:17:36,924
suck it in and smile.
387
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,631
(grunts)
388
00:17:39,073 --> 00:17:41,793
There goes a woman who's
unhappy with her partner.
389
00:17:41,817 --> 00:17:45,036
- Yeah, I know how she feels.
- Yeah. What was that?
390
00:17:45,084 --> 00:17:46,401
(chuckles)
391
00:17:52,787 --> 00:17:54,421
(train whistle blows)
392
00:17:54,872 --> 00:17:58,070
- What the...?
- Happy anniversary!
393
00:17:58,092 --> 00:17:58,966
(gasps)
394
00:17:58,984 --> 00:18:02,280
Oh, my God.
Our train.
395
00:18:02,302 --> 00:18:04,452
Homie, you do care.
396
00:18:04,478 --> 00:18:05,765
You care a lot.
397
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:08,888
What a wonderful anniversary.
398
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,273
Do you think we'll
last 25 years?
399
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:12,663
Nothing should.
400
00:18:15,032 --> 00:18:18,344
Trains...
they can fix every marriage.
401
00:18:18,413 --> 00:18:19,315
(phone dings)
402
00:18:20,698 --> 00:18:21,613
What the...?
403
00:18:21,638 --> 00:18:25,519
Ugh. Happy moment derailed
by the Bipolar Express.
404
00:18:25,675 --> 00:18:27,222
(chuckles)
None of you heard that.
405
00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:30,021
ALL:
Happy anniversary!
406
00:18:30,982 --> 00:18:33,845
Where is she? Where the
hell is Marge Simpson?
407
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:36,852
Ramona, please! When you asked me
who she was and where she lived,
408
00:18:36,864 --> 00:18:38,552
I never dreamed you'd
go confront her!
409
00:18:38,583 --> 00:18:41,105
Mmm, I'm Marge Simpson.
410
00:18:41,123 --> 00:18:43,920
So... you're
the kind of man-eater
411
00:18:43,945 --> 00:18:45,961
Hall and Oates
warned us all about.
412
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:47,920
Hall and Oates?
What's going on here?
413
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:51,978
Your wife and my husband have been
watching British TV together!
414
00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:54,322
Costume drama
or naughty comedy?
415
00:18:54,348 --> 00:18:55,870
Drama! Drama!
416
00:18:55,883 --> 00:18:59,317
You just dodged a
bullet, Mr. Sugarpants.
417
00:18:59,342 --> 00:19:01,951
Ben, Ramona, I want
to tell you something
418
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:04,309
I've learned over
ten years of marriage.
419
00:19:04,332 --> 00:19:07,701
The secret is: no secrets,
420
00:19:07,781 --> 00:19:10,149
except good secrets
like this train.
421
00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:11,715
(indistinct chatter)
422
00:19:11,749 --> 00:19:13,280
My only secrets are:
423
00:19:13,305 --> 00:19:16,749
My marathon time isn't
4:26; it's never,
424
00:19:16,761 --> 00:19:20,925
I often go online to see how Lindsay
Wagner's looking now-- fabulous--
425
00:19:20,949 --> 00:19:24,897
and I once pushed a kid off a swing
and he broke his wrist or something.
426
00:19:24,957 --> 00:19:28,589
But it's no secret how
much I love my Margie.
427
00:19:28,614 --> 00:19:30,939
- Mmm...
- Mmm...
428
00:19:31,165 --> 00:19:33,937
Look at them, coochie-cooing
like that time
429
00:19:33,954 --> 00:19:36,423
our connecting flight was
delayed and we got drunk
430
00:19:36,457 --> 00:19:38,358
and friendly
in the Admiral's Club.
431
00:19:38,392 --> 00:19:41,275
That was you? I mean,
it-it was wonderful.
432
00:19:41,307 --> 00:19:43,051
And you're fighting for me.
433
00:19:43,075 --> 00:19:45,389
Maybe that means
you still care.
434
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:46,679
Of course I do.
435
00:19:46,691 --> 00:19:48,995
Now, let's go home
and spend a romantic night
436
00:19:49,014 --> 00:19:51,590
looking through your
computer's browsing history.
437
00:19:51,630 --> 00:19:54,032
That exists?
Oh, boy.
438
00:19:54,104 --> 00:19:57,643
Honey, just what was going
on with you and that guy?
439
00:19:57,659 --> 00:19:58,740
Well... (clears throat)
440
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,616
I was trying to buy
you snack cakes...
441
00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:02,850
Oh, baby, that's all
I needed to hear.
442
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:03,952
(moaning)
443
00:20:03,987 --> 00:20:06,805
(classical music playing)
444
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:20,507
How did we get here?
445
00:20:27,738 --> 00:20:31,533
WOMAN: ♪ Marge was feeling
lonely and bored ♪
446
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:35,034
♪ Every night she was ignored
447
00:20:35,099 --> 00:20:37,218
HOMER:
♪ But when Marge went boo-hoo
448
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,293
♪ I was building a choo-choo
449
00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:42,117
HOMER and MARGE:
♪ And love conquered all
450
00:20:42,142 --> 00:20:44,910
♪ With a train from the mall
451
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,745
(train whistle blows)
452
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:52,049
WOMAN:
♪ So that very same night
453
00:20:52,253 --> 00:20:55,706
♪ Ben went back on the site
454
00:20:55,734 --> 00:20:59,773
♪ And he lined up a date
with SelmaóBó88 ♪
455
00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:01,875
♪ She said that she's smokin'
456
00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:03,980
♪ And I wasn't jokin'
457
00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:05,723
(screams)
458
00:21:05,735 --> 00:21:07,432
♪ Find love on the net ♪
459
00:21:07,448 --> 00:21:09,887
♪ You deserve what you get ♪
460
00:21:10,165 --> 00:21:13,291
♪ Three awesome kids
and a life of regret ♪
461
00:21:13,310 --> 00:21:14,697
(groans)
462
00:21:14,709 --> 00:21:17,217
And now it's time
for Grampa's song!
463
00:21:17,286 --> 00:21:19,341
♪ Down by the old
464
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,993
Not the new, but the old...
♪ Mill stream
465
00:21:23,005 --> 00:21:24,963
Not the river, but the stream.
466
00:21:24,981 --> 00:21:27,875
♪ Where I first...
Not the second or the...
467
00:21:27,893 --> 00:21:29,172
Shh!
468
00:21:29,258 --> 00:21:34,258
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther