1
00:00:01,607 --> 00:00:03,266
Dwight, where's that truck?

2
00:00:03,386 --> 00:00:05,881
You were supposed to have those
ostriches here two days ago,

3
00:00:05,892 --> 00:00:07,224
you cud-chewing hayseed.

4
00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:10,300
Don't make him mad, he's got our money.

5
00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:11,112
Relax!

6
00:00:11,232 --> 00:00:13,410
I'm the Godfather 2's oldest girl.

7
00:00:13,863 --> 00:00:15,919
Listen, you inbred halfwit.

8
00:00:17,146 --> 00:00:19,065
Get those birds to Chicago

9
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,449
and quit bumping ugly with
every truckstop troll that

10
00:00:21,569 --> 00:00:23,022
flashes her tooth at you.

11
00:00:24,904 --> 00:00:26,822
I got a bad feeling about this.

12
00:00:26,832 --> 00:00:28,365
Alright, if I don't see
you in a day and a half,

13
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,572
I'm gonna hunt you down, you shoeless rube.

14
00:00:30,692 --> 00:00:32,476
God bless, drive safe.

15
00:00:33,845 --> 00:00:36,071
So, what did he say?
Are the ostriches okay?

16
00:00:36,092 --> 00:00:37,289
They're a little homesick.

17
00:00:37,336 --> 00:00:40,449
It's a big move for them,
changing schools and all.

18
00:00:40,894 --> 00:00:42,591
What, are you kidding
me, they're dumb animals,

19
00:00:42,599 --> 00:00:43,717
you dumb animal.

20
00:00:44,483 --> 00:00:45,664
You're right, I'm an idiot.

21
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,814
I don't know what I was thinking,
going into business with you.

22
00:00:48,012 --> 00:00:50,785
I don't know, honestly I was
a little surprised myself.

23
00:00:51,168 --> 00:00:53,052
- Morning.
- Hey,

24
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,330
- how do?
- Hey.

25
00:00:54,450 --> 00:00:56,283
Okay.

26
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:58,658
A little weird in here. You
guys weren't kissing, were you?

27
00:00:59,734 --> 00:01:01,815
No, we weren't kissing.

28
00:01:01,830 --> 00:01:03,856
We're not doing anything
together. Nothing at all.

29
00:01:03,910 --> 00:01:05,083
Yeah, I was kidding.

30
00:01:06,741 --> 00:01:08,955
Oh lady, you are a hoot.

31
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,563
Not that I haven't been
tempted a couple of times.

32
00:01:12,683 --> 00:01:14,721
You bagged a real looker here.

33
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,669
Like a portly Paul Newman.

34
00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:20,857
Seriously, I saw the
bottle of salad dressing

35
00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:21,856
in the fridge the other day.

36
00:01:21,976 --> 00:01:24,658
I thought it was you,
hiding behind the mustard.

37
00:01:25,081 --> 00:01:27,677
- It's the blue eyes.
- It's the blue eyes.

38
00:01:36,076 --> 00:01:37,458
What's the matter with you?

39
00:01:37,578 --> 00:01:39,843
I was trying to defuse the situation.

40
00:01:39,846 --> 00:01:41,728
You just stood there like an idiot.

41
00:01:41,754 --> 00:01:44,075
What did you want me to
do, actually kiss you?

42
00:01:44,195 --> 00:01:47,167
I don't think I'd let you,
with that tone of voice.

43
00:01:47,287 --> 00:02:04,008
Script by err0001, sync by honeybunny
Corrections by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com

44
00:02:12,287 --> 00:02:14,976
- Captain, you wanted to see me?
- Come in, Biggs.

45
00:02:15,096 --> 00:02:17,187
A little dark in here, isn't it sir?

46
00:02:17,307 --> 00:02:20,020
Not as dark as the black
hole your mother left,

47
00:02:20,036 --> 00:02:21,999
when she ripped out my heart.

48
00:02:22,202 --> 00:02:23,414
Oh boy.

49
00:02:25,037 --> 00:02:28,506
Is my favorite couple going
through a bit of a rough patch?

50
00:02:28,829 --> 00:02:31,369
She handed me my walking papers last night.

51
00:02:31,489 --> 00:02:33,823
No ifs, ands or whys.

52
00:02:33,943 --> 00:02:36,191
Just take your mustache wax and go.

53
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,780
She does that, sir.

54
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:40,832
I can't tell you how many
times she's gotten mad

55
00:02:40,871 --> 00:02:42,637
disowned me or told me I was adopted.

56
00:02:42,665 --> 00:02:44,741
After a while, you just stop hearing it.

57
00:02:45,062 --> 00:02:46,644
I just don't get it.

58
00:02:47,109 --> 00:02:49,763
We were having a lovely
evening. I cooked dinner,

59
00:02:50,151 --> 00:02:52,100
loaded the dishwasher,

60
00:02:52,686 --> 00:02:54,464
I pumiced her bunion while we watched

61
00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:57,772
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

62
00:02:58,593 --> 00:03:00,169
She does love the Duke.

63
00:03:01,510 --> 00:03:03,681
One of the many things we had in common.

64
00:03:04,086 --> 00:03:07,045
That, country line dancing.

65
00:03:07,363 --> 00:03:09,354
Soft pretzels.

66
00:03:10,013 --> 00:03:12,681
I was sugar and cinnamon and she was...

67
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:16,148
jalapeno and extra salt.

68
00:03:17,062 --> 00:03:18,444
Thank you.

69
00:03:18,721 --> 00:03:20,913
I'm sure everything will be fine.

70
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,718
Just give it some time.
It will work itself out.

71
00:03:22,731 --> 00:03:24,270
Has she mentioned anything

72
00:03:24,281 --> 00:03:26,374
to you about being unhappy
with our relationship?

73
00:03:26,494 --> 00:03:28,843
Oh no, Mom doesn't ask about my feelings

74
00:03:28,899 --> 00:03:29,939
and I don't ask about hers.

75
00:03:29,952 --> 00:03:31,890
Kind of a deal we made when I was five.

76
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:37,070
I guess I'm just going to
have to walk through the fire,

77
00:03:37,466 --> 00:03:39,756
strap on my six-guns and

78
00:03:39,876 --> 00:03:41,744
put one boot in front of the other.

79
00:03:41,864 --> 00:03:43,284
That's the cowboy spirit

80
00:03:43,326 --> 00:03:45,287
the Duke would be proud
of. Happy trails, sir.

81
00:03:45,407 --> 00:03:46,706
Biggs!

82
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,277
You'll let me know if your mother tells you

83
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:52,056
why she tossed me out the
window like an old beer can.

84
00:03:52,176 --> 00:03:54,963
Does she still do that?
I got her a recycling bin.

85
00:03:57,252 --> 00:04:00,313
- Promise me.
- Of course, sir.

86
00:04:00,314 --> 00:04:02,768
And I'm assuming you being
on the outs with my mother

87
00:04:02,769 --> 00:04:05,000
won't affect our working relationship.

88
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:07,068
- I'd like to think it won't.
- Great.

89
00:04:07,188 --> 00:04:10,588
Unfortunately, I am a
spiteful and vengeful man.

90
00:04:12,284 --> 00:04:14,904
And this bucket of hurt

91
00:04:15,024 --> 00:04:17,230
has to drop on somebody's head.

92
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:21,382
Somebody... meaning me?

93
00:04:21,502 --> 00:04:25,703
Just serving it to you straight,
Biggs. I'm as honest as I am vengeful.

94
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:30,673
- You're not going to fire me, are you?
- No.

95
00:04:31,267 --> 00:04:35,588
I can't fire you, that would
be completely unethical.

96
00:04:36,147 --> 00:04:39,754
What I can do is go medieval on your ass.

97
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:50,067
Oh, I thought the whole medieval
thing was just an expression.

98
00:04:51,785 --> 00:04:53,669
I signed up to protect and serve,

99
00:04:53,789 --> 00:04:55,915
not guard crappers at a Renaissance Faire.

100
00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:57,935
Remember, the head of the festival

101
00:04:57,948 --> 00:05:00,372
says we are supposed to refer
to them as Ye Olde Privies.

102
00:05:00,492 --> 00:05:02,964
I'm not living in that time.
I'll call them whatever I want.

103
00:05:03,258 --> 00:05:04,917
A bunch of bell-wearing dorks.

104
00:05:05,228 --> 00:05:06,991
Greeting constables.

105
00:05:07,111 --> 00:05:09,149
After gorging on mutton and mead

106
00:05:09,162 --> 00:05:11,207
I find myself in dire need of a privy.

107
00:05:11,451 --> 00:05:13,154
Follow your nose, Friar Tuck.

108
00:05:13,274 --> 00:05:15,686
Ah, t'ward a viper, t'ward a biffy.

109
00:05:15,806 --> 00:05:17,456
I bid you anon.

110
00:05:20,966 --> 00:05:22,958
Hope he pees all over his curly shoes.

111
00:05:23,078 --> 00:05:24,906
Hey, you got to talk to your mom, man.

112
00:05:24,937 --> 00:05:26,822
I can't take three days of this freak show.

113
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:29,288
Look, just suck it up
'til this thing blows over.

114
00:05:29,408 --> 00:05:31,036
What, that could take until the 1500s

115
00:05:31,049 --> 00:05:32,958
and we may be dead from the plague by then.

116
00:05:33,078 --> 00:05:35,571
Well, I'm not getting involved
in my mom's personal life,

117
00:05:35,584 --> 00:05:37,165
so you'll just have to
find the bright side.

118
00:05:37,285 --> 00:05:39,653
Look, the bright side will be
sitting on that homemade catapult,

119
00:05:39,666 --> 00:05:41,901
cutting the rope and
flying the hell out of here.

120
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,575
Hazaa, noble peace keepers!

121
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:46,142
I give ye

122
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,606
six guesses to these riddles three.

123
00:05:48,726 --> 00:05:50,982
I'm gonna give ye two seconds to walk away

124
00:05:50,995 --> 00:05:53,745
or I'm gonna handcuff your jingly
ass to one of those poop barns.

125
00:05:53,865 --> 00:05:56,207
Sorry officer, have a super day.

126
00:05:58,735 --> 00:06:00,257
The real riddle is how
I'm gonna go three days

127
00:06:00,258 --> 00:06:03,010
without shooting one of these
silly-ass knights of the nerd table.

128
00:06:03,954 --> 00:06:07,864
'Tis true what they say
about mead. One only rents it.

129
00:06:08,475 --> 00:06:11,645
You might want to check your
fly, Sir Don't-Get-Laid-a-Lot.

130
00:06:15,232 --> 00:06:16,329
Whatever the hell that thing is,

131
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,475
I ain't scooping up after it.

132
00:06:21,808 --> 00:06:25,561
Oh, hey Peggy, good job
on the pizza boats today.

133
00:06:25,681 --> 00:06:27,286
You had my whole ***, ***.

134
00:06:27,749 --> 00:06:30,557
Hey, I know they're delicious
or I wouldn't serve them.

135
00:06:30,677 --> 00:06:31,718
Alright.

136
00:06:32,447 --> 00:06:34,688
Give this to the boy to give to Paddy.

137
00:06:34,808 --> 00:06:35,704
What is it?

138
00:06:35,824 --> 00:06:37,781
Deodorant stick, nose hair trimmer,

139
00:06:37,782 --> 00:06:40,478
a Bob Cousy biography and
a diamond engagement ring.

140
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:42,832
- You finally had enough, huh?
- How's that?

141
00:06:42,952 --> 00:06:44,992
I said, oh my God, what happened?

142
00:06:46,384 --> 00:06:48,804
It's over. I'll miss his company, though.

143
00:06:48,924 --> 00:06:51,475
He doted on me like I
was the Queen of Sheba.

144
00:06:51,595 --> 00:06:54,119
I never had to pull out a
chair or open a car door.

145
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,318
Why am I holding a bag
with a deodorant stick

146
00:06:56,355 --> 00:06:57,702
and your engagement ring in it?

147
00:06:57,822 --> 00:07:01,454
Boy, you love digging to the
bottom of the litter box, don'tcha?

148
00:07:01,574 --> 00:07:02,770
Fine, you want the dirt?

149
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,166
- I'll give you the dirt.
- No no no no, I trust you.

150
00:07:05,179 --> 00:07:06,032
What's done is done.

151
00:07:06,045 --> 00:07:07,755
I am a sexual being!

152
00:07:07,763 --> 00:07:10,205
Oh God, here comes that pizza burp.

153
00:07:10,489 --> 00:07:14,197
I tried to fan the embers of
passion, lord knows I tried.

154
00:07:14,249 --> 00:07:16,252
But you can't start a fire with wet wood.

155
00:07:16,372 --> 00:07:17,667
I am so swamped.

156
00:07:17,668 --> 00:07:20,438
I mean, Mikey's dad and
I hated each other's guts,

157
00:07:20,558 --> 00:07:23,655
but we knew how to work out
the ugly on the bed springs.

158
00:07:23,668 --> 00:07:25,916
Oh, you know what, I left
my good red pen at home,

159
00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:29,182
- so I'm just probably gonna...
- It's not like he couldn't perform,

160
00:07:29,197 --> 00:07:33,033
but a gal doesn't always want to
be treated like a delicate flower.

161
00:07:33,034 --> 00:07:33,960
None of my business!

162
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,663
Sometimes you want to be pulled
up by the root like a nasty weed.

163
00:07:37,783 --> 00:07:40,156
Well, just hit the lights on the way out.

164
00:07:40,276 --> 00:07:42,762
I thought by this age, my carnal desires

165
00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:45,798
would have cooled, but instead
they're bubbling over like an

166
00:07:45,811 --> 00:07:48,885
untended oatmeal I'm leaving,
lock it, don't lock it,

167
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,083
burn it down, I don't care.

168
00:07:52,634 --> 00:07:57,518
Dwight, how long does it take to drive a
truckload of ostriches across four states?

169
00:07:57,835 --> 00:07:59,931
I could've ridden them here by now.

170
00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:03,216
You know what, put one
of the birds on the phone.

171
00:08:03,229 --> 00:08:06,097
I'll have him get you here.

172
00:08:06,728 --> 00:08:09,731
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, he's running late.

173
00:08:09,851 --> 00:08:13,053
He stumbled across a Truck Stop Shower
that didn't need quarters.

174
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:17,157
Finding free hot water is like
striking oil to a hillbilly.

175
00:08:17,986 --> 00:08:20,167
Vince, this thing really needs to work out.

176
00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:22,056
I'm on really shaky ground at work.

177
00:08:22,176 --> 00:08:25,028
Hey, everywhere you are,
the ground is kinda shaky.

178
00:08:25,676 --> 00:08:28,463
I am not in a joking mood, Moranto.

179
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:32,696
I've been dealing with crap all
day. Human, horse and hobbit.

180
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:35,024
What's going on? Ooh,
are you gonna hit him?

181
00:08:35,435 --> 00:08:36,704
No,

182
00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:38,862
oh no, I just like this shirt.

183
00:08:38,873 --> 00:08:41,646
Ha ha ha, I wanted to feel the
material. What is that, silk?

184
00:08:41,766 --> 00:08:43,264
It's a poly rayon blend.

185
00:08:43,384 --> 00:08:45,656
Comes out of the washer dry.

186
00:08:47,941 --> 00:08:50,827
Just let me know when that shipment
of shirts comes in.

187
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,335
Good luck finding one in your size.

188
00:08:53,455 --> 00:08:54,994
I'm a Korean XL.

189
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:01,783
- Alright, what is going on with you
and Vince? - Nothing.

190
00:09:02,231 --> 00:09:03,999
What's going on with you
and all your questions?

191
00:09:04,119 --> 00:09:05,728
Maybe you should be asking
yourself that, huh?

192
00:09:05,848 --> 00:09:07,304
Fine.
I hope you and

193
00:09:07,424 --> 00:09:11,356
Ding Dong enjoy playing grab-ass,
'cause I got a bag full of misery, for ya.

194
00:09:12,564 --> 00:09:13,460
What is it?

195
00:09:13,580 --> 00:09:15,607
Your mom wants you to
give that to the captain.

196
00:09:15,969 --> 00:09:19,576
Aww, she's giving him back the engagement ring?
Did she say why?

197
00:09:19,696 --> 00:09:23,443
She said why and how and with what.

198
00:09:26,595 --> 00:09:28,884
Had to stop and buy Tums on the way home.

199
00:09:30,807 --> 00:09:32,081
Do I want to hear this?

200
00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:34,911
I can tell you or I can show you on the Dell.
Take your pick.

201
00:09:40,522 --> 00:09:41,318
Captain?

202
00:09:47,089 --> 00:09:50,086
What's in the bag, Biggs?

203
00:09:50,707 --> 00:09:54,028
I know it's not leftovers.

204
00:09:54,757 --> 00:09:59,672
- Didn't see you there, sir.
- Been here all night. Can't go home.

205
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,152
Can't go anywhere without being

206
00:10:02,272 --> 00:10:05,042
haunted by the
memories of my darling Margaret.

207
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:09,362
You know, you're still a very vibrant man.
You'll bounce back from this.

208
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:11,209
When I love, I love deep.

209
00:10:11,329 --> 00:10:13,759
I can't just shake it off like a bad cold.

210
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:17,162
Oh sweet lord, there's no halfway
with that woman, is there?

211
00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:20,894
No, the piledriver's pretty
much her only move, sir.

212
00:10:21,951 --> 00:10:25,346
I don't know what went wrong.
If I did, maybe I could fix it.

213
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:27,559
But you'll make yourself nuts
trying to figure that out.

214
00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:29,272
Just try to move on

215
00:10:29,392 --> 00:10:32,296
and remember that I had absolutely
nothing to do with this.

216
00:10:33,373 --> 00:10:36,515
She didn't say anything about why?

217
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:41,381
May have been a little bit of lady gab between
her and my wife, but nothing to me, sir.

218
00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:43,461
Biggs, if you're withholding
information from me,

219
00:10:43,505 --> 00:10:45,943
I will put you on a detail so ugly,

220
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:49,506
the Ren Faire crappers
will be your happy place.

221
00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:57,565
Listen, I warned you from the beginning it
wasn't a good idea for you to date my mother.

222
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,226
- Sit!
- Ah.

223
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,441
Alright, this isn't coming from me.

224
00:11:13,561 --> 00:11:16,441
This is possibly one of the worst things
I've ever had to say in my life.

225
00:11:16,621 --> 00:11:19,100
I'm a grown man, Biggs.
Give it to me straight.

226
00:11:19,585 --> 00:11:22,745
Sir, my mother is very difficult to please.

227
00:11:23,126 --> 00:11:25,880
She heckled the priest
at her mother's funeral.

228
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,040
- In Latin!
- Just tell me what I did wrong.

229
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,633
I only ever tried to be a perfect gentleman
to your mother.

230
00:11:31,753 --> 00:11:34,187
Yeah, well apparently she
doesn't like that all the time.

231
00:11:35,188 --> 00:11:37,773
- Not following you. -That's wise
'cause I don't know where I'm going.

232
00:11:37,893 --> 00:11:41,900
Biggs, for the love of God, quit
tap dancing and spill the beans.

233
00:11:43,542 --> 00:11:44,924
What do you want from me?

234
00:11:45,357 --> 00:11:47,495
Pull her hair!
Spank her!

235
00:11:47,864 --> 00:11:50,573
Swing her around the room like a rag doll!
My mother's an animal.

236
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:53,252
A dirty, filthy animal!
I gotta go.

237
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:10,814
And the National Weather Service has just issued
a tornado watch for the following counties:

238
00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:15,729
Cook, DuPage, Will, Kankakee and Iroquois.

239
00:12:15,849 --> 00:12:19,157
Be advised to take shelter
should these conditions worsen.

240
00:12:19,277 --> 00:12:21,780
Hope this blows through
before tomorrow night.

241
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,084
It's the jousting finals
at the Renaissance Faire

242
00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:26,485
and my grand chamberlain's hat
does not have a chin strap.

243
00:12:27,861 --> 00:12:31,074
Should probably take some candles
down to the basement. We might lose power.

244
00:12:31,194 --> 00:12:33,802
You want to avoid candles
in case of a gas leak.

245
00:12:33,922 --> 00:12:37,302
I've got flashlights in the trunk of
my car plus a case of canned stew

246
00:12:37,422 --> 00:12:39,116
and 25 gallons of distilled water.

247
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:43,113
- You really prepared for this storm, huh?
- No, I just came from Costco.

248
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:45,628
It's my stew for the month.

249
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,992
Son of a...

250
00:12:54,637 --> 00:12:58,434
...fine, have a nice life.

251
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,933
It's pretty bad out there.

252
00:13:04,986 --> 00:13:07,254
We might want to head to the basement.

253
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:09,210
Well, technically it's
just a tornado watch.

254
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,972
It goes advisory, alert,
watch, warning, tornado.

255
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:15,168
Okay, I'm gonna be in the basement.
You go look for my umbrella.

256
00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:18,171
Hear ye, hear ye,

257
00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:23,917
please proceed to the basement of
King Arthur's Castle in an orderly fashion.

258
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,128
Tell them it's a dragon attack.

259
00:13:26,248 --> 00:13:28,094
That'll get their medieval asses moving.

260
00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:30,038
Do not tarry.

261
00:13:30,158 --> 00:13:31,744
Do not get in your cars.

262
00:13:32,090 --> 00:13:33,991
Don't try to be a hero.

263
00:13:34,725 --> 00:13:37,490
You're not really Knights
of The Round Table.

264
00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:40,490
You probably work at
Best Buy or Jamba Juice.

265
00:13:44,966 --> 00:13:46,884
Now that's funny.

266
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,377
I should call Molly, make sure she's okay.

267
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:54,057
I tried to call my grandma a few
minutes ago, but I can't get a signal.

268
00:13:54,177 --> 00:13:56,192
My guess is the cell towers are down.

269
00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:57,759
No bars.

270
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:01,095
I'm sure she's fine though,
inside like you're supposed to be,

271
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,740
and not waiting for the
four o'clock puppet show.

272
00:14:07,392 --> 00:14:10,876
- We don't have to chase after that, do we?
- No no, we just guard them.

273
00:14:10,996 --> 00:14:14,807
Once they start blowing around that's
Fire Department or maybe Parks and Rec.

274
00:14:16,614 --> 00:14:19,707
I hope Mike's okay.
A funnel cloud touched down in Whiting.

275
00:14:20,098 --> 00:14:23,338
Figures. Tornadoes always use
trailer parks as appetizers.

276
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:27,116
Remember, avoid this area
because of the windows.

277
00:14:27,236 --> 00:14:29,289
The change of pressure
could blow this glass

278
00:14:29,409 --> 00:14:31,404
and
rip off your face like an angry chimp.

279
00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:34,382
What's he doing here, anyway?

280
00:14:34,598 --> 00:14:36,394
Isn't there a ditch he can go lie down in?

281
00:14:36,514 --> 00:14:39,661
Harry, just knock it off.
You're making everybody nervous.

282
00:14:39,781 --> 00:14:40,771
You should be nervous.

283
00:14:40,891 --> 00:14:42,223
Tornadoes are killers.

284
00:14:42,343 --> 00:14:44,885
Statistically speaking, only
three of us will survive.

285
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,909
I'm chaining myself to you,
you're not going anywhere.

286
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:53,997
We're going to be fine. Worst case scenario,
the house blows away and lands on Mike's mom.

287
00:14:55,517 --> 00:14:56,609
Oh, this is it.

288
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,738
Everything is fine.
Do not panic.

289
00:15:01,182 --> 00:15:03,221
(siren wails)
Okay, panic.

290
00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:07,957
I can't get through.

291
00:15:08,077 --> 00:15:10,570
Man, we need to pull over.
This is bad.

292
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,465
Just got passed by a tree.

293
00:15:12,585 --> 00:15:15,964
Just keep driving. I've got to get
home to Molly. I feel horrible.

294
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:18,474
I can't believe I lied to her
about the thing with Vince.

295
00:15:18,594 --> 00:15:21,636
You're right.
That was the time for truth.

296
00:15:21,756 --> 00:15:24,003
So I just want to say
you are the best friend

297
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,483
and partner I've ever had.

298
00:15:25,603 --> 00:15:26,675
Thanks, buddy.

299
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:29,795
You're not an easy man to get along with,
you're pigheaded, set in your ways

300
00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:31,441
and never
admit when you're wrong.

301
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:34,206
I still say Marisa Tormé
is Mel Tormé's daughter.

302
00:15:34,326 --> 00:15:37,573
That's Melissa Tomei, they
have different last names.

303
00:15:37,693 --> 00:15:40,701
But maybe she changed it so she wouldn't
have to live under his legendary shadow.

304
00:15:40,821 --> 00:15:43,293
You know, I'm starting to hope
these are your last words.

305
00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:45,240
But all that aside,

306
00:15:45,603 --> 00:15:48,151
you've always been like a brother to me.
I love you very much.

307
00:15:48,271 --> 00:15:49,415
Same here.

308
00:15:50,195 --> 00:15:51,474
That's it?

309
00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:54,360
I pour my heart out and all
you can say is "same here"?

310
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,332
You know if a twister
sucks me out of this car

311
00:15:56,452 --> 00:15:58,178
and you live, you're gonna regret
not telling me you love me.

312
00:15:58,465 --> 00:16:01,206
- Fine, I love you.
- Thank you.

313
00:16:01,326 --> 00:16:03,032
Now's not the time to hold back.

314
00:16:05,116 --> 00:16:07,445
When I was 14, I showed
my cousin my privates.

315
00:16:09,765 --> 00:16:11,732
You can stop right there, Carl.

316
00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:13,849
Same thing he said.

317
00:16:16,489 --> 00:16:21,984
Listen, Jim, if I get killed by flying
debris, promise me you'll eat me toes-first.

318
00:16:22,104 --> 00:16:25,009
That way I can still have an open casket.

319
00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:26,894
(door bell rings)

320
00:16:27,014 --> 00:16:30,996
What kind of mouthbreathing moron is
traipsing around in this weather?

321
00:16:31,445 --> 00:16:34,568
Probably that hoarder neighbour
wanting to squat in my basement.

322
00:16:34,688 --> 00:16:37,037
Shoulda thought about this
when you started saving

323
00:16:37,157 --> 00:16:40,227
all those National Geographics
and jars of urine.

324
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:45,796
- Open the door, Margaret.
- Paddy?

325
00:16:51,630 --> 00:16:55,005
What are you doing here?
We're done.

326
00:16:55,976 --> 00:17:01,206
Shut your yap, woman.
We're done when I say we're done.

327
00:17:06,090 --> 00:17:08,855
I wish Mike would get home.
I can't believe he's out in this.

328
00:17:08,975 --> 00:17:10,668
I can't believe you lit all these candles.

329
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:13,326
One gas leak and the house
goes up like a bottle rocket.

330
00:17:13,446 --> 00:17:15,879
We're worried about your
gas leak, stew butt.

331
00:17:17,097 --> 00:17:19,149
I'm not going to apologize again.

332
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:21,568
I'm nervous and it was an accident.

333
00:17:21,688 --> 00:17:23,793
- Molly?
- Mike?

334
00:17:23,913 --> 00:17:26,302
Oh God, you guys are okay.

335
00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:29,430
Oh my God, I couldn't get through
and I was thinking the worst.

336
00:17:29,738 --> 00:17:31,660
I'm so glad you're home, I
have something to tell you.

337
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:34,421
- I have something to tell you, too.
- Not the cousin thing, right?

338
00:17:37,587 --> 00:17:41,313
I was trying to make some extra money in
case we have to do the whole in vitro deal,

339
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:43,328
- so I went into business with Vince.
- What?

340
00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:45,001
I was as shocked as you are.

341
00:17:45,121 --> 00:17:46,782
And ostriches no less.

342
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,037
What?
What is he talking about?

343
00:17:49,157 --> 00:17:50,442
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it.

344
00:17:50,562 --> 00:17:52,489
I just want us to have a baby so bad.

345
00:17:52,784 --> 00:17:54,344
So you bought a bunch of ostriches?

346
00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:56,725
Well, it sounds stupid
when you say it like that.

347
00:17:56,845 --> 00:18:00,058
But then he, the dumb hillbilly
really talked a good game.

348
00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:03,998
Well, you're gonna have to be a little bit
more responsible once the baby is born.

349
00:18:04,118 --> 00:18:06,556
Yeah.
Whenever that is.

350
00:18:06,899 --> 00:18:09,491
Should be about nine months from now.

351
00:18:10,285 --> 00:18:11,824
What?

352
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:13,957
I'm gonna be a dad!

353
00:18:14,077 --> 00:18:16,441
- I'm gonna be a dad!
- I'm gonna be an uncle.

354
00:18:23,015 --> 00:18:25,737
- I love you Molly Flynn.
- I love you Mike Biggs.

355
00:18:26,493 --> 00:18:28,930
I hope that's not the tree
my Vespa was chained to.

356
00:18:28,978 --> 00:18:30,425
If it is, I'm probably
gonna need a ride home.

357
00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:32,889
Shut up, Harry!

358
00:18:39,007 --> 00:18:42,045
You sure you're okay, Mom?
You sound out of breath.

359
00:18:42,165 --> 00:18:46,348
What?
Oh God, why'd you even pick up the phone?

360
00:18:46,468 --> 00:18:49,597
Call me when you're done.
I've got some news for you.

361
00:18:50,146 --> 00:18:53,501
See, once you get it in your
head it doesn't go away.

362
00:18:54,227 --> 00:18:55,955
Wow, we didn't get the worst of it.

363
00:18:56,075 --> 00:18:58,155
Look at all those jack-knifed
trucks on the freeway.

364
00:18:58,235 --> 00:19:00,604
They probably swerved to
miss all those ostriches.

365
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:03,218
- What?
- Not so fast.

366
00:19:03,338 --> 00:19:05,153
We don't know those are ours.

367
00:19:06,757 --> 00:19:09,943
That twister tossed me
around like a lotto ball.

368
00:19:10,063 --> 00:19:12,673
Flipped my truck over and
those birds went everywhere.

369
00:19:12,969 --> 00:19:15,052
I just thank God I'm still alive.

370
00:19:15,438 --> 00:19:17,097
And single, ladies.

371
00:19:18,929 --> 00:19:22,212
Get a net and chase them
down, you stupid cracker.

372
00:19:23,831 --> 00:19:25,473
So?

373
00:19:25,926 --> 00:19:27,738
What are you thinking about for names?

374
00:19:28,014 --> 00:19:29,175
Oh, I don't know.

375
00:19:29,295 --> 00:19:31,241
Jackass comes to mind.

376
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,203
Aw, after his daddy.

377
00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:45,931
Script by err0001, sync by honeybunny
Corrections by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com