1
00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:03,770
My greatest pleasure is giving my
partner his greatest pleasure,
2
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,573
which is why I keep a bowl
of ice next to the bed.
3
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,274
Well, that's terrific.
4
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:11,311
Those are exactly the kind of
details we need for this study.
5
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,613
Thank you. That's good
stuff, really good stuff.
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,215
- As for me, my greatest pleasure is...
- That's great, Matt.
7
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:20,520
You were saying something
about how you use the ice...
8
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,687
Okay, I think we're done.
9
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,090
Well, thank you, Tracy.
10
00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:25,558
You were terrific. Thank you.
11
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,026
- And Matt.
- Yeah, him, too.
12
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,532
- What a nice couple.
- Oh, please.
13
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,601
The way you were slobbering
over that woman,
14
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,603
it was beyond obvious.
15
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:39,039
- What?
- Come on, just admit it. She was hot.
16
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,374
I know. Smoking hot, right?
17
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,810
What was she doing with that roast
beef sandwich sitting next to her?
18
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,678
Forget it, Charlie.
19
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,782
- You can't date her anyway. She's in the
study. - I know that.
20
00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:51,084
Besides, she's into
shallow, meaningless sex
21
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,585
and that's not you.
22
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,587
You want to find that special someone
23
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,623
and have a real relationship with her.
24
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,425
Oh, that is so not true.
25
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,126
That only applied to you.
26
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:02,261
For reasons now I can't seem to recall.
27
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:08,668
In fact, I used to be the west coast
distributor for shallow, meaningless sex.
28
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,570
Yes, Charlie, used to.
29
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,739
But then your supply line dried up.
30
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:16,776
All that's left
in the warehouse was love.
31
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,379
Hey, falling for you was a fluke.
32
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,481
The odds of any man
falling for you again
33
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:22,782
are astronomical.
34
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,751
Thank you.
35
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,253
No, wait.
36
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,254
Yeah. Thank you.
37
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:32,826
- No. Uh-uh.
- No?
38
00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:34,260
They weren't the best I've seen.
39
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,628
- Hey.
- Hi.
40
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,330
You guys just always look great.
41
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,665
Did you just get back from the symphony?
42
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,700
( Scoffs )
The symphony?
43
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,703
Symphony season doesn't start
for another two months.
44
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:44,871
( Both laugh )
45
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,574
Well, I'm glad you got my joke.
46
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:51,511
We just came back
from the opera La Bohème.
47
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,514
- It was so beautiful.
- Well, not the soprano who played Mimi.
48
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,117
A little hefty to have
tuberculosis, if you ask me.
49
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,851
Oh, bad.
( Laughing )
50
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,423
Okay. Uh...
51
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:04,724
You hens gonna have your usual?
52
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,559
- Yes, thank you.
- Mm.
53
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,262
I'm on it. Two Ketel One
martinis for Wayland and madame.
54
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:12,799
Hey, when you're done,
55
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,835
can I have a side of fries
and an ice cream sundae?
56
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,138
And a side of fries...
57
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:19,705
Oh, and some ice cream, please?
58
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,876
I recognize this.
59
00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:26,279
You're either stoned or pregnant.
60
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,515
Oh, my God. I hope it's stoned.
61
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,683
( Laughs )
Oh, hey, Patrick.
62
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:33,419
Carol, this is Nolan.
Nolan, this is good-bye.
63
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:37,756
- I'll meet you at that table right over...
- Good, all right.
64
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,693
I'm going to go out on a limb
65
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:44,631
and say that you enjoy the marijuana.
66
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:46,866
Well, you won't have to go out very far.
67
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,668
( Laughs )
68
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,670
I used to love to smoke.
69
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,773
Really opens you up
to the music of the universe.
70
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,743
- So you can hear that, too?
- Uh-uh.
71
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:59,379
It's kind of like a polka, right?
72
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,715
You smoke pot and you're cute.
73
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,784
Intriguing combination.
74
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,921
Kind of like French fries and ice cream.
75
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,622
Whoa!
76
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,324
That's just what I was gonna order.
77
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,693
Whoa!
78
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,428
It's insane!
79
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,596
You read my mind.
80
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:19,298
Well, it wasn't "War and Peace."
81
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:25,572
Say, if you'd ever
like to go to the opera,
82
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,440
I'd love to take you.
83
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,675
The opera?
84
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,376
I don't think I'd enjoy that very much.
85
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,946
Oh, you would if you were high.
86
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:34,681
Wow.
87
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,848
We just met and you know
so much about me.
88
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,553
I don't want to have a pool party
89
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,455
because then people will
see me in my bathing suit.
90
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,257
But I don't want to have a bowling party
91
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,693
because no one will see me
in my bathing suit.
92
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,795
Hey, I've got an idea for your party.
93
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,997
Your favorite birthday ever
was at Chuck E. Cheese.
94
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,665
She's 16, Charlie.
95
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,568
- She has a gynecologist.
- Mom!
96
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,504
Well, we can invite him, but he'll
have to buy his own tokens.
97
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:01,608
Yeah, I bet they'll be freezing cold.
98
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:06,645
Don't worry, we're not leaving here till
we figure this thing out, all right?
99
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:11,851
Oh, hey. Tracy, right?
100
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,620
Charlie, hi.
101
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,521
I was just gonna call you guys.
102
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,457
I'm really sorry we
can't be in your study.
103
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,425
Matt and I aren't sleeping
together anymore.
104
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,860
Oh, no, that's terrible.
105
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,629
I'm so sorry. Can you give me a minute?
106
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,664
$500. Anything you wanna do.
107
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,765
I'll see you at home. Happy Birthday.
108
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,669
Sorry about that.
109
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,272
So what happened with you guys?
110
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,574
Matt wanted to go beyond the
friends with benefits thing,
111
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,510
but I'm not looking for the
kids and the picket fence.
112
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,579
I just want really hot
sex with a good friend.
113
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,681
Oh, my God, me, too.
114
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,683
What a crazy coincidence.
115
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,953
- Tracy?
- Let me get that for you.
116
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,688
Here you go.
117
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:53,726
So you're not with anybody?
118
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,595
For some reason, I got the feeling that
119
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,463
you and that Kate woman
had something going on.
120
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,699
Kate? God, no.
121
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,534
We tried, but she was way too clingy.
122
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:06,005
You and I should get together.
Can I call you sometime?
123
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,507
Oh, yeah.
124
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,409
We'll grab dinner,
get to know each other,
125
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,344
and whatever happens happens.
126
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,645
I'll tell you what won't happen...
127
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,648
a relationship.
( Laughs )
128
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,584
- Here's to the people who don't understand
us. - Screw them.
129
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,488
We tried... didn't work out.
130
00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:25,489
Anger Management 2x24
- Charlie and his new friend with benefits -
Original air date June 13, 2013
131
00:05:25,489 --> 00:05:29,489
= synchronized by Hugo =-
Corrected by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com
132
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,432
Hey. Tracy, you look great.
133
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:36,736
"No shirt, no shoes, no
service," that includes pants.
134
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,505
Didn't you get my text?
135
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:43,109
Oh, my God. Was I not
supposed to wear pants?
136
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,678
No, I can't go out to dinner.
137
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,880
I'm supposed to be out of the
apartment by noon tomorrow,
138
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,782
but the movers cancelled
for the morning,
139
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,684
so now I am gonna be up all night
140
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,353
moving my stuff to my new place.
141
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,891
So...
142
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,827
Being your new friend, of course
143
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,795
I'm gonna volunteer
to help you, aren't I?
144
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,530
Oh, my God, would you?
145
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,432
I'd owe you big-time.
146
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:07,700
Well, as long as you've got a truck.
147
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,702
Don't need one.
I just wanted a better view,
148
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,604
so I got an apartment six flights up.
149
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,539
That's great. That's great.
150
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,776
Look at that. You got the
weight set and everything.
151
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,778
Are you sure this is okay? I feel bad.
152
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,547
We're starting with a lot
more friends than benefits.
153
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,783
I mean, what kind of friend
would I be if I said no?
154
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,086
I'm asking.
155
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,693
I can't believe you had the balls
156
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,528
to call me to help with this.
157
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,830
I can't believe you came.
158
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,967
You must really like this girl
159
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:43,436
to be moving her up six flights.
160
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,472
All I want is a friend with benefits.
161
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,775
And I don't wanna have
those benefits on the floor.
162
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,076
Keep pulling.
163
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,412
I don't get it.
164
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,847
You had friends with benefits
with Kate and you let that go.
165
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,516
No, no, no, no.
166
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,018
She's the one who let it go
because I had feelings for her.
167
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,521
Till she changes her mind and
decides she wants a relationship,
168
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,955
I'm just gonna have fun.
169
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,757
( Grunts )
Oh!
170
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,192
I'm glad you're having fun
171
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,162
because something
just popped in my groin.
172
00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:11,063
Oh, this is very heavy!
173
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,933
Sorry, sorry. Let's just set it
here on the rail for a second.
174
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,835
( Both groan )
There we go.
175
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:18,970
( Mattress banging )
176
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,044
You think we would've learned
that from the first time.
177
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,914
Oh, good, you didn't bring
up the mattress yet.
178
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,215
We still have to paint.
179
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,017
Way ahead of you.
180
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,520
( Both laughing )
181
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,563
- What are we laughing at?
- I don't...
182
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:49,469
I don't know, but it's funny.
183
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:52,772
Oh, oh, oh. Now, what did
you think of the opera?
184
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,073
I know I asked you before,
185
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,843
but I don't remember what you said.
186
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,912
I used to think cartoons
hit all the highs and lows
187
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,881
- of human emotions...
- Mm-hmm.
188
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,984
...but after seeing Rigoletto
stab his daughter,
189
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,986
this "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"
190
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,590
seems almost mundane.
191
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,225
I know, and I'm having
192
00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:14,894
such a good time with you.
193
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:19,765
And I had forgotten
how wonderful pot is.
194
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:22,835
- That's why I smoke so much.
- Oh.
195
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,538
So I'll never forget.
( Laughs )
196
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,875
Everything is better when you're high.
197
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,177
Cartoons are better when you're high.
198
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:35,147
Your husband's funeral
is better when you're high.
199
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:38,951
- You know what's not better when you're
high? - What?
200
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,586
Nothing.
201
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:42,655
Oh!
( Laughs )
202
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,992
Oh, you're cute. Mm.
203
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:49,528
Yeah, I'm cuter when you're high.
204
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,906
( Laughs )
205
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,612
Tracy: Thank you so much for helping me.
206
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:07,980
I know it was a lot of painting
207
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,749
and you had to move all that furniture,
208
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,817
but look at that view from up here.
209
00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:16,889
Yeah, look.
210
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,623
The freeway is so much smaller.
211
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,727
All the people down there look like...
212
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,628
slightly smaller people.
213
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,067
Come on. It was worth it, right?
214
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,802
Oh, yeah. Before I looked out the window,
215
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,939
I thought I'd compressed
three vertebrae for nothing.
216
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,974
Oh, no. You got paint on your shirt.
217
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,108
Maybe we should take it off.
218
00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:40,680
Whoops.
219
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,582
Paint on my pants.
220
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,617
Oh, that's too bad.
221
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:48,019
That's okay. They're just my
old painting and sex pants.
222
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,127
( Sighs )
Well-done, buddy.
223
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:58,063
Hey, I came to play, pal.
224
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,002
You know what the best part
of our friendship is?
225
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,238
That thing you do with the ice?
226
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:09,308
No, now I have someone to take me
to my cousin's wedding next week.
227
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,010
Since I broke it off with Matt,
228
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,945
I have no one to go with. Wanna come?
229
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,214
To a wedding? Isn't that
something couples do?
230
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,149
Oh, my God, Charlie.
231
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,619
I just wanna get drunk,
dance, and doink.
232
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,787
Are you coming with me or not?
233
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,356
Well, if it's a dance and doink
kind of wedding, I'm in.
234
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:28,761
Awesome. Do you have a tie
that goes with lavender?
235
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,963
Uh... not sure, why?
236
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,865
'Cause we have to match.
237
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,700
Right.
238
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:37,736
'Cause friends always have to match.
239
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:44,643
Hey, Patrick,
240
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,511
thanks for taking up three spots
241
00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:48,714
with your Nissan "Assfinder."
242
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,750
Mister, I am not in the mood.
243
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:53,385
( Chuckles )
244
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:56,053
I'll bet you can't remember
the last time you said that.
245
00:10:57,956 --> 00:11:00,592
Charlie just texted. He's running late.
246
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:03,395
So let's just start the
stupid session without him.
247
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,730
I can sound like a shrink,
so I'll run this.
248
00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:09,935
Okay, Patrick,
249
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:12,938
why are you on the man rag?
250
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,773
Well, under the category
251
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:17,709
of things that none of you
could possibly understand,
252
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:20,479
I can't figure out why, after six years,
253
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,980
my friend Carol has suddenly
254
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,515
stopped inviting me to the opera.
255
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,451
Maybe she got to know you.
256
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,853
This is fun. Okay, Nolan?
257
00:11:30,522 --> 00:11:32,691
Can't be that she doesn't like opera,
258
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,626
'cause she's been going with me.
259
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:38,796
You? What could you possibly
offer her that I can't?
260
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:42,501
Oh, my God, you're sleeping with her.
261
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,536
How did you know?
262
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,571
'Cause you're grinning
like the cat that ate
263
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:49,674
the very, very old canary.
264
00:11:49,675 --> 00:11:52,477
Well, I think it's great.
265
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,646
Older men sleep with
younger women all the time
266
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:57,416
and nobody says dick.
267
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:58,817
How old is she, Nolan?
268
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,786
73.
269
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,622
Oh, my God. I wanna vomit.
270
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,525
Son, what is wrong with you?
271
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,627
Having sex with an old woman
272
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,195
is like doing your taxes.
273
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:14,031
You put it off until you
absolutely have to.
274
00:12:14,032 --> 00:12:15,967
Forget the age thing.
275
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:17,836
Doesn't anybody here see that Nolan
276
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:20,539
stole one of my very best friends?
277
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,674
Hey, we have a good time together.
278
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,544
And if you're really her friend,
you'd be happy that she's happy.
279
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,547
You keep your stoner boner
away from her.
280
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,515
I will not. I like her.
281
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,017
And I'm gonna keep seeing her, Patrick.
282
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:34,719
Wow. A breakthrough.
283
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:38,190
I am so much better at this
than Charlie.
284
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,458
Muffin break.
285
00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:45,897
So, Wayne, why do you feel
like this other prisoner,
286
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,567
Ronnie "The Butcher,"
287
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:49,868
let you down?
288
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:52,637
'Cause I thought he was my friend.
289
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,573
But he went and escaped without me.
290
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,808
No call or nothing.
291
00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:59,177
But you said he was killed by the
guards trying to get over the fence.
292
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:01,480
That's not the point.
293
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,615
I don't even wanna escape.
294
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,685
It's just nice to be invited.
295
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,587
Well, sometimes, people have
different interpretations
296
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,622
of what a friendship is.
297
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:14,092
One person may see it
as a casual friendship
298
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:16,761
and another person may see it
as something more.
299
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,797
Has that ever happened to you, Charlie?
300
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,665
Well, actually, I'm in a
relationship right now
301
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:22,601
where there are certain ambiguities,
302
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,736
but we don't have time
to get into all that.
303
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,805
Charlie, we're not going anywhere.
304
00:13:29,674 --> 00:13:32,177
I'm supposed to be in a
friends-with-benefits relationship
305
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,746
where there's no emotional
investment and it's purely sexual.
306
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,215
Oh, yeah. We got that in prison, too.
307
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:40,584
It's called "enemies with benefits."
308
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,122
The point is that's all
I want right now,
309
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,857
but I'm starting to think
that this woman feels
310
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,559
that it's something more than that.
311
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,160
What's that supposed to mean, Charlie?
312
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,729
She invited me to her cousin's wedding
313
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,531
and she wants to coordinate our outfits.
314
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,766
Ooh! I have a test
to determine your status.
315
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,568
You mean, kill her
and then see if the cops
316
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,637
call it a crime of passion?
317
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,005
No.
318
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,673
When you walk into the wedding,
319
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,608
if she takes your hand, you're a couple.
320
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,545
If she puts her hand on
your shoulder, you're not.
321
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:10,681
And if she puts her hand in
your wallet, she robbing you.
322
00:14:10,682 --> 00:14:12,050
You kids.
323
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,618
In my day, your best gal
just wore your ring.
324
00:14:16,888 --> 00:14:20,859
Boy, you sure know a lot
of different positions.
325
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,227
( Giggles )
326
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:25,830
Have you ever heard of the "Kama Sutra"?
327
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,732
No.
328
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,635
Is that one of those expressions
from your generation?
329
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:34,072
Like the "cat's pajamas"
or "grease is the word"?
330
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,240
No.
331
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,642
It's an ancient book
332
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,278
with a lot of sexual positions.
333
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,747
Well, don't tell me how it ends.
334
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,615
Ooh.
335
00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:49,721
Did you like this evening's opera?
336
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,256
I guess.
337
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:54,326
Isn't there one where
somebody doesn't die?
338
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:57,696
Hmm. Most of them are tragedies.
339
00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,632
No, I mean, in the audience.
340
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,300
( Laughs )
341
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:05,870
Well, opera's not very
popular with young people,
342
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:07,806
but Patrick seems to like it.
343
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,842
I've been taking him
since his mom passed.
344
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,345
- Oh, I didn't know that.
- Mm.
345
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,780
So you guys are pretty close?
346
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,716
Yes.
347
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,986
Matter of fact,
I think I owe him a call.
348
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:23,154
It's been a couple of days.
349
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:26,791
Or three weeks. I can't remember.
350
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,394
Oh, you're cute.
351
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:31,963
( Laughs )
352
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:33,898
What are you thinking?
353
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:36,067
Nothing, uh...
354
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:38,036
Tell me more about the '70s.
355
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:39,838
Oh! Well,
356
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,374
huge amounts of drugs,
357
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,809
sexual experimentation,
358
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,979
and a lot of going around braless.
359
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,049
I was talking about being in your 70s.
360
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,751
Well, so was I.
361
00:15:59,057 --> 00:16:02,193
- Well, that was a beautiful ceremony.
- Yeah.
362
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,963
- So do you want to get a drink?
- Sure.
363
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,998
Let me escort you to the bar.
364
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,066
Hold any place you'd like.
365
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:14,706
Oh, the elbow. That's ambiguous.
366
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:17,876
Oh, my God! It's Charlie!
367
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,844
You brought Charlie.
368
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,979
So glad you can make it, Charlie.
369
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,183
How does she know my name?
370
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:28,186
I just posted some pictures
of us on Facebook.
371
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:29,454
We took pictures?
372
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:31,456
No, I photoshopped some stuff together.
373
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,358
I do that with all my friends.
374
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,827
Oh, well, that's... fun.
375
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,962
Daddy, over here.
376
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:41,066
Hi, sweetheart.
377
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,168
And you must be Charlie.
378
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,437
We've heard so much about you.
379
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,238
Well, thank you very much, Mr...
380
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:49,174
I don't know your last name.
381
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,810
Now I know you just started
dating my little girl,
382
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,312
but she seems to think
you're something special.
383
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,047
Dad, you're embarrassing me.
384
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,949
We're just friends
and we're having some fun.
385
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,484
It's not like we're getting married.
386
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,719
( Gasps )
Oh, my God, they're throwing the bouquet!
387
00:17:03,121 --> 00:17:05,457
( Women screaming, applauding )
388
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,459
How 'bout that? She dove for it.
389
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,683
- What do you think, Charlie?
- Oh!
390
00:17:16,939 --> 00:17:18,577
Scary, right?
391
00:17:18,578 --> 00:17:20,521
I borrowed it from the bride.
392
00:17:20,522 --> 00:17:22,890
You may kiss the bride.
393
00:17:22,891 --> 00:17:25,593
Kidding. You may kiss
the friend in a veil.
394
00:17:25,594 --> 00:17:28,262
Actually, I'd rather talk right now.
395
00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:29,897
Tracy, I'm afraid you might be in denial
396
00:17:29,898 --> 00:17:31,666
about what you really want.
397
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:33,734
Oh, so serious.
398
00:17:33,735 --> 00:17:36,703
I think somebody needs to
doink in the coatroom.
399
00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:39,740
Let's put that in our back pocket
400
00:17:39,741 --> 00:17:41,509
and see how you feel
after I tell you about
401
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:43,611
the crazy stuff I think's
going on in your head.
402
00:17:43,612 --> 00:17:45,545
What are you talking about?
403
00:17:49,951 --> 00:17:53,254
What you call friends with benefits,
404
00:17:53,255 --> 00:17:55,923
most people would call a relationship.
405
00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:58,759
A committed, long-term,
406
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,361
high-maintenance,
407
00:18:00,362 --> 00:18:02,430
color-coordinated relationship.
408
00:18:02,431 --> 00:18:04,665
You sound just like Matt.
409
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:07,501
Every time we would go to the
maternity ward to look at babies,
410
00:18:07,502 --> 00:18:10,271
he'd think I wanted a relationship.
411
00:18:10,272 --> 00:18:12,440
Well, maybe he was right.
412
00:18:12,441 --> 00:18:13,941
What are you trying to say?
413
00:18:13,942 --> 00:18:16,410
That I was in love with Matt?
414
00:18:16,411 --> 00:18:18,412
Yes, actually.
415
00:18:18,413 --> 00:18:20,348
And you probably still are.
416
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,650
I'm just a substitute Matt.
417
00:18:22,651 --> 00:18:24,852
If Matt was chocolate, I'd be carob.
418
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,587
If Matt was milk, I'd be soy.
419
00:18:26,588 --> 00:18:28,689
- If Matt was butter, I'd be...
- I get it.
420
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,791
..."I can't believe it's not Matt."
421
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:34,462
Sorry, that was my big finish.
422
00:18:34,463 --> 00:18:36,297
Hmm, maybe you're right.
423
00:18:36,298 --> 00:18:38,532
That must be why I've had to
fake all my orgasms with you.
424
00:18:38,533 --> 00:18:40,735
Exactly. I mean, what?
425
00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:42,670
I mean, yes. That's right.
426
00:18:42,671 --> 00:18:44,372
There can be no other explanation.
427
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,674
- Wow.
- You're in love with Matt.
428
00:18:46,675 --> 00:18:48,508
Nobody else in the world
can satisfy you.
429
00:18:50,611 --> 00:18:53,814
- Not one?
- No.
430
00:18:53,815 --> 00:18:56,650
All right, then, me, neither.
431
00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:02,389
( Cell phone chimes )
432
00:19:03,658 --> 00:19:05,025
Oh, wow.
433
00:19:07,328 --> 00:19:09,897
I'd like some ice cream
and French fries, please.
434
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:12,967
We're all out, smokey.
435
00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:15,803
How 'bout some ice cream
and French fries?
436
00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:18,672
Oh, my God. That sounds great.
437
00:19:20,374 --> 00:19:21,742
Hey, Nolan.
438
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,778
Oh, hey, Patrick.
439
00:19:23,779 --> 00:19:25,846
I was gonna call you.
440
00:19:25,847 --> 00:19:29,483
I got some sad news. Carol dumped me.
441
00:19:29,484 --> 00:19:32,086
Now she'll have plenty of time
to go to the opera with you.
442
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,522
Really, she dumped you, huh?
443
00:19:34,523 --> 00:19:35,589
Why?
444
00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:37,391
Why?
445
00:19:37,392 --> 00:19:40,628
Oh, she wanted to do some stuff
I wasn't comfortable with.
446
00:19:40,629 --> 00:19:41,762
Like what?
447
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:42,963
I'm a gentleman.
448
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:44,998
I don't spank and tell.
449
00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:48,336
Thank you for being so discreet.
450
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:51,806
And thank you for breaking up with her.
451
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:54,040
Where'd you get that idea?
452
00:19:55,810 --> 00:19:57,111
Ah, dang!
453
00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,714
I never should have
taught her how to text.
454
00:19:59,715 --> 00:20:01,682
Although she did teach me how to turn
455
00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:03,917
a blood pressure machine
into a vaporizer.
456
00:20:07,086 --> 00:20:08,688
Hey, I forgot to tell you.
457
00:20:08,689 --> 00:20:11,057
I got an e-mail from Tracy and Matt
458
00:20:11,058 --> 00:20:14,027
and they got back together and they
still want to be in the study.
459
00:20:14,028 --> 00:20:16,729
I don't think that's a good idea.
460
00:20:16,730 --> 00:20:18,565
Why?
461
00:20:18,566 --> 00:20:19,899
Is it a conflict of interest?
462
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:22,035
A little bit.
463
00:20:22,036 --> 00:20:25,170
Oh, no. Charlie, did you
have sex with Matt?
464
00:20:26,973 --> 00:20:29,843
No, but I had a wonderful
time with Tracy.
465
00:20:29,844 --> 00:20:31,744
But, unfortunately, I had to end it.
466
00:20:31,745 --> 00:20:33,246
Why?
467
00:20:33,247 --> 00:20:35,248
Did you realize you were getting
all gushy and lovey-dovey
468
00:20:35,249 --> 00:20:37,183
and it freaked you out?
469
00:20:37,184 --> 00:20:38,918
Yes, Kate, that's exactly what happened
470
00:20:38,919 --> 00:20:41,754
on planet other-way-around.
471
00:20:41,755 --> 00:20:44,624
Oh, you mean opposite world.
472
00:20:44,625 --> 00:20:46,759
Yeah, if you're five.
473
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,128
Granted, it was only three days,
474
00:20:49,129 --> 00:20:51,764
but it was a very successful
friends-with-benefits relationship.
475
00:20:51,765 --> 00:20:53,900
Oh, was it?
476
00:20:53,901 --> 00:20:58,605
I managed to move her into
her new apartment, paint it,
477
00:20:58,606 --> 00:21:01,574
go to a wedding in matching
outfits where I met her parents
478
00:21:01,575 --> 00:21:03,810
and watched her catch the bouquet.
479
00:21:03,811 --> 00:21:05,745
You're not very good at this.
480
00:21:05,746 --> 00:21:07,780
Have you ever played chess before?
481
00:21:07,781 --> 00:21:09,916
Not once.
482
00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:11,951
Was the sex any good?
483
00:21:11,952 --> 00:21:13,986
Just for me.
484
00:21:14,487 --> 00:21:24,487
Synchronized by Hugo.
Corrected by atrn97g for www.addic7ed.com