Oh, my God!
So I see you've met Gus. Ripped By mstoll
Gus used to guard a Ming Dynasty imperial tomb.
- So he comes with the house? - Oh, yes.
You see, Pindar hates the place.
I hate it.
And no Jacuzzi?
Well, sorry. No spa. However...
...we do have...
...this.
Come on.
Hu Jintao lost this sanctuary to me in a mah-jongg tournament.
Oh, I could get used to this.
I think you'll find the monthly lease most agreeable.
My sinusitis inflammation has completely disappeared.
Perfect point break at end of the beach.
I could suffer here.
- We'll take it. - Splendid.
- So this guy was in Nam with your dad? - Yeah.
They were ambushed in LZ Albany back in '65.
They make it out alive?
Sorry we're late.
Hi. I'm Jordan. This is my Uncle Don.
Peter, you look just like your old man.
My dad has told me a lot about you, sir.
Have a seat. Have a seat. What can we do to help?
Well...
...you're looking at a dead man.
Because of a clerical error, the VFA has declared me deceased.
As a result, my credit, my benefit cheques all cut off.
I can't even get my mail.
Figured we could straighten this out on our own, but government agencies...
Once you're dead, it's like turning around a barge.
Shouldn't be too hard to clear up.
Except since Uncle Don wasn't getting paid, he lapsed on a loan...
...that he took out against his house when my aunt got sick.
The bank foreclosed on his home...
...and this public notice posted in yesterday's paper.
They're auctioning off my home this afternoon.
I got blindsided. Peter, I really need your help.
Don, unfortunately, we're under new management.
Very strict management.
What if we don't run this by the partners?
- What do you mean? - It's not a legal case.
We got the insurance money. We use that money to buy Don's house...
...and we sell it back to him once we unfreeze his assets.
Don't need the partners' permission to buy a house.
- What do you think about that, Don? - I'm not in any position to say no.
Damn right. You're a dead man.
Too soon?
Damien, Damien.
I would like to introduce you to Nataliya Filas.
Nataliya just recently arrived from the Ukraine...
...where she's here to pursue the American dream.
Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
And where exactly do you dance, Nataliya?
Damien, that was uncalled for.
Nataliya is attending Culver College...
...where she hopes one day to open an art house movie theatre.
A place to enjoy classics...
...like Jerry Maguire or 27 Dresses. - I love Jerry Maguire.
I was worried there was a reason I was in this conversation.
We met a few weeks ago when I was ordering chicken fingers from her...
...from the Jumbo Burger on campus.
And yesterday, she was fired without warning.
If I don't stay employed on campus, they will deport me...
...for violating the terms of my visa. - Awesome.
I'm sorry. Mind if we have a moment alone?
We're gonna have a Legally Blonde strategy session.
- Oh, okay. - Okay.
Thank you.
- Isn't she delightful? - Okay. Seriously.
- What the hell's going on? - What?
You're advising fast-food workers?
You're near giving away beach houses? People think you've lost your mind.
Maybe I've just found it.
It's not the Saturday crossword. What's going on? We're concerned.
Perhaps it's time you knew.
On my last trip to Zambia...
...I participated in the Wom-boss-ee Roar...
...an ancient ritual of the Wom-boss tribe.
After engaging...
...in a painful circumcision by village elders...
...I roamed the wild.
After wandering for days, I came upon the Victoria Falls...
...where I had a moment so karmically seismic...
...it triggered an epiphany.
- Oh, Damien. I witnessed a... - Yes?
A...
Oh, for God's sake, Damien...
...just get her her bloody job back, all right? Please.
Nataliya, would you care to join me in my office?
Okay.
I can't promise I will not get lost in the spirit of competition.
Don't. Don't go over 65. That's the balance of Don's loan.
- Is that a hard 65? - Yes, stay firm.
Parcel 139-M sold for 82,600.
Know if Fillmore house has gone up yet?
Up next. You're interested in parcel 143-B?
One-four... Absolutely. We have money to burn.
I might buy Vermont Avenue, Boardwalk...
...the thimble. Who knows? - One-forty-three-B. Opening bid.
If the opening bid is not met, property will remain in REO status.
Okay. This is us. Stay firm, 65.
I did not come here to fold.
Bidding starts at $45,000.
- One hundred thousand. - We're out.
- I thought the market was depressed. - You haven't seen depressed.
We gotta tell Don he's living on the street.
Some realtor bought it?
Yeah. You know how developers are. Descend on auctions like vultures.
Let me see the paper.
So ballet four times a week and then biking.
Training for a decathlon?
I was born with toddler obesity.
- Peter's also a survivor. - No joke.
Single dwelling in the valley on one acre.
Gonna knock it down, subdivide the property.
Bulldozers are set to roll on Thursday, hoping for an injunction to stop sale.
You wanna do this pro bono because he fought...
...in the Vietnam War with your dad?
You're on board of Yellow Ribbon Fund and visit Walter Reed twice a year.
And if anyone would be sympathetic to a war vet in need...
...it would be Rachel Rose King. - Rachel Rose King.
- Someone did homework. - I did.
- We read it. - Put in 20 hours, then move off it.
- Find the name of the developer. - Got it. Thanks.
Talk about unfair.
Don's supposed to be enjoying his golden years...
...and here he is sorting out his own debt.
I'd like to die first.
Who would do all the shopping? And you're the best cook.
No, it should be me.
I meant die before my wife.
So did I.
The realtor from the auction works for Groody Homes.
Your hearing is set for 10 a.m. Tomorrow.
- Good work. - Oh, look, bogey at 3 o'clock.
Look at her. My God.
She is unreal.
- Why don't you go light that candle? - Okay. Yeah.
Let's do it.
- Peter? - Yeah?
- What you doing? - Fluffing.
Get the hell out of here. Go, go, go.
Looks like you got a big one, like a halibut or something.
Really? You think I got a halibut?
You're from down under.
No, Minnesota.
Yeah.
Yeah, halibut are good eating, but those babies can run.
So I hope you have some heavy testage on there.
I got a 100-pound test with an anchor hook...
...so there's plenty of testage when I bring her into shore.
That's good. That's good. Yeah, you can never have too heavy. Stupid.
You sound very experienced.
Peter Bash.
Look, I'm having some people over tomorrow.
- I have plans tomorrow. - Oh, come on.
You answered before seeing my huge deck.
Deck size doesn't really impress me.
That's it? What about your fish?
It felt like a skate. Big, dumb, bit of a bottom-feeder.
Hey, can I ask when you cut the line on me?
When I saw you doing push-ups.
Because of this clerical error...
...Groody Homes positioned bulldozers to knock down Don French's house.
Have we mentioned that our client is a war veteran?
Eleven times.
So we are here to ask for a 60-day injunction...
...to stop the demolition of a war veteran's property...
...on 1120 Fillmore Road...
...until we...
I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, Your Honour.
Is something funny?
I finally drew a case with Franklin and Bash.
My colleagues cringe when they see your names in their calendars.
I look at it as a welcome break from monotony.
- That's... Thank you. - Big fans of yours too.
- Is this gonna be a conflict? - Excuse me?
Are you insinuating that my respect for fellow officers of the court...
...will somehow compromise my impartial judgement?
- It sounded like it. - No. No, Your Honour.
- I just... It... It bordered on fawning. - Fawning.
Insult me again and I'll hold you in contempt.
This never happens.
Can you prove that Donald French is alive, Mr. Bash?
Yes, Your Honour. We have a driver's licence, birth certificate...
And, Your Honour...
...still breathing.
- That's good. That's good. - Your Honour...
...my client had nothing to do with this alleged clerical error.
The plaintiff's request to hold off demolition is granted.
However, Mr. French...
...you've had enough time to resolve this matter...
...so I'm gonna impose an injunction of five days.
- Five days? Your Honour. - Five is less than 60.
Gentlemen, it's been great fun.
Can't wait to do it again.
- Is that bad? - It could've gone worse.
Yeah, we're lucky the judge likes us.
- He said I was funny. - Okay.
The VFA discovered this wasn't a keystroke error on their end.
It came from your agency.
- So we're kind of up against it. - Right, I can see that.
Credit cut, house about to be bulldozed.
I don't see you having problems getting your identity back.
I will mark this as priority...
...and our investigators will get right on it.
Great. How much time?
- Not longer than 30 days. - Thirty days?
- I don't have 30 days. - Okay.
What part of "house being bulldozed" do you not understand?
Look, I got an idea.
Why don't you go tell your bosses to make me alive in the next five minutes?
Don, there is protocol to follow.
I've been following rules for the last six months.
My grave keeps getting deeper and deeper.
You are not the first dead person to walk in here.
This agency sees 14,000 cases a year.
One of 10 is fraudulent. People trying to siphon the deceased's benefits.
These cases must be thoroughly vetted.
- But you guys made the mistake. - No.
I've got the death certificate right here from the coroner's office.
- What? - Yeah.
- The what? - I have got people behind you, okay?
If you will leave this stuff here, we will do the very best we can.
Have a great day.
Well, this is like turning around a barge.
Yeah.
If Don knocked over a liquor store...
...they'd have him in the system in 30 seconds.
Being alive at my age is rough enough.
Being dead is killing me.
We're being watched.
I've been doing research. Turns out Gus isn't Gus.
Gus is Zuul, gatekeeper of Gozer.
It's only a matter of time...
...before he comes to life and destroys us.
He still sleeps with a night light.
- Don't tell them. - Know what?
Burn the house down because that'll kill Zuul.
You know how, right?
Know what "spontaneous combustion" means?
- Latin for "Pindar did it." - Go inside. Get a beer, buddy.
- Promise, I will help move Zuul tonight. - Okay.
If you could get it before my bedtime, that would be great.
Cheers.
What a coincidence. I was about to play "Summer Lovin'."
Do you play it half as loud as your "Wanted Dead or Alive"?
Making requests, we don't even know your name.
I'm Charlie. I live next door.
Jared. What kind of fisherwoman are you?
The kinesiologist kind who has to rehab an ACL...
...on a Dodgers infielder at 6 a.m. In Pasadena.
So how late are you guys planning on partying?
Because a pennant may hang in the balance.
I'm sure the Dodger fans are holding their breath.
They should. I'm a Giants fan.
Nice.
We'll pull the plug around 10 since it's a school night.
Thank you. Thanks.
- Sure you don't want a drink? - No, I'll take a rain cheque. Thanks.
That's not a no.
Just like Grease, American dude falling for the Australian beach hottie.
That play had nothing to do with an Australian.
I'm talking about the movie Grease.
- Didn't see the movie. - You didn't?
- You didn't see the play. - Don't like musicals based on movies.
Is that me?
It's not me.
Hello?
Hey.
All right. Calm down.
We'll take care of it.
Don French was arrested for slashing the tyres...
...on a Groody truck that was parked on his street.
It's great to see the sun again.
Got you reduced to an infraction of disturbing the peace...
...but you do this again, this county's gonna be your new house.
I thought it would get my name in the system.
It did. The criminal system.
They listed you as John Doe because Don French is deceased...
...so now John Doe has a criminal record.
I'm sorry. It's just, I'm getting desperate.
Just let us handle this.
You've seen war.
You know, in fact, my dad told me a story about you guys...
...exchanging fire for about two days in la Drang, right?
When the evac chopper came...
...you told him to run for it first, he told me what you said.
You remember what you said? You said:
"I've got your back."
We've got yours.
You are your father's son.
Everything's gonna be all right, John Doe. Let's give you a ride.
No way Don French's death certificate originated at the coroner's office.
- What? - No. Without a coroner...
...somebody at Social Security had to forge the seal...
...in order to process this paperwork.
Hey.
- Hey, are you okay? - I just tweaked something in my back...
...helping Pindy move that stupid statue.
You want me to see if Dr. Charlie makes house calls?
- The perfect icebreaker. - No.
She helps injured professional athletes.
I hurt myself interior decorating.
Why would Social Security want Don dead?
Well, Groody Homes sold A.J. Connelly...
...a house in Tarzana at a huge discount...
...right before Don "died."
- A.J. I'm sorry. That's the dorky clerk? - Yeah.
You can't get a house like that on a government salary.
Well, maybe Groody Homes cut A.J. A sweetheart deal...
...in order to fabricate Don's death. - That's tough to prove.
I found out A.J. Split up with his wife, Jenny...
...before he moved into his house.
A scorned woman could be motivated to talk.
Push down on her. We gotta see how high this thing goes.
Groody clearly got greedy.
And killed Don French.
I regret to tell you, Nataliya...
...but Jumbo Burger will not change their mind.
I'll just make an appeal to INS.
- I'm not giving up. - Okay, yeah.
But your visa expires in seven days. Appeals take a lot longer than that.
If you're still in the country...
...you're gonna be banned from re-entering.
I can't quit now.
Just like my favourite movie, Rocky IV...
...Drago crushes Rocky over and over again...
...but Rocky, he stands up.
Rocky IV happens to be my favourite movie too.
Okay. Listen. We are throwing in the towel.
This is not Rocky or some rom-com...
...where you blow out candles on your cake...
...and wake up married to some prince.
Or is it?
- What? - Well, just for instance...
...if we got married, she could become a U.S. Citizen, huh?
You'd marry me?
Stanton, are you insane?
The INS is not in the business of blessing marriages.
They ask questions. Very personal and very specific questions.
All I know is, Damien...
...that I witnessed something incredible that fateful day at the falls.
I think it's time you tell him.
He's blood, family.
Tell me what?
I met this gentleman at the Victoria Falls.
He looked troubled.
So I recounted a story about Brazilian zombie ants.
Before I could finish, he told me to stop.
He looked me in the eye.
He had this strange, faraway look.
And then he shook my hand and hurled himself into the falls.
Wait, he just jumped? He didn't say anything?
No, how could he? I mean, I didn't give him a chance to speak.
Since then, I've decided just to let people talk...
...and I will just sit quietly and listen.
One of the reasons I brought Rachel in...
...was to give me more time to understand people like Nataliya.
And I'm very grateful.
I'm sure you are. It's touching.
It compromises the integrity of the firm...
...but touching nonetheless. It's...
- Will you, Nataliya, be my Adrian? - Is this really happening?
I wouldn't mind marrying you too much.
- Really? - No.
Open up the champagne.
Okay. Time's up. Next table.
You have another two minutes to meet your future fiancée.
- Hi. - Hi.
What do you do? I'm in banking, divorced, looking to change it.
- I'm straight. - For now.
Yeah, I'm that good. You're hot.
You get a lot of play. I'm gonna guess you dumped him.
- Actually, yeah, I did. - What did he do?
Works for the government, Social Security office.
- You? - Oh, we'll get to me in a sec.
You are more interesting. Was he cheating? I bet he was.
You are that good.
Moved into a new house in Tarzana.
- With her? - No.
A.J. Says he wasn't cheating. He says it was business.
- Deny, deny. - Right?
How else do you explain dinners, meeting in parking lots...
...and lying about where you were at night? I followed him.
Girl, you have to. GPS their asses. That's what I did with mine.
Okay, time's up. Next table. You have two minutes.
I think we're done, but I will take your phone number.
The other woman, what was her name?
- Why is it important? - Hey.
- Time's up. - Keep it moving, Table 5.
- You heard the lady. - Yeah.
She said to keep it moving, why don't you?
- Move. - I should just...
Come on. Just tell me the other woman's name.
Do you have proof that Groody bribed the Social Security clerk?
Circumstantial so far.
- You look like you're in pain. - I tweaked my back surfing yesterday.
Paper said the surf was like 1 foot yesterday.
- Can you even swim? - Continue.
We'd get more leverage if the media knew about it...
...a big builder exploiting a war veteran hanging on to his home.
- Since you're the media-savvy one... - That is so true.
Rachel bitch-slapping you on Piers Morgan has gone viral.
And yet it got 10,000 less hits than you dating Rosie Palm...
...and her five sisters there. - Girls, you're both pretty.
I received a call from Fritz Groody, CEO of Groody Homes.
He threatened to convince a handful of clients to walk away from the firm.
Bringing this case to court of public opinion...
...would be a bad idea. - So that's a no?
He wouldn't make threats unless you two were onto something.
Stay under the radar...
...if I get a whiff of a client seriously leaving...
...l'm pulling the plug.
That's all.
- Why isn't Stanton in this meeting? - I think it's colonic Tuesday today.
Burden of proof is lower in civil trial...
...so we slap Groody with a lawsuit alleging fraud.
Bet they get fraud claims all the time.
They'll stall on a court date, by then the house will be levelled.
We gotta get their attention.
- I think I got it. - Okay.
- It's big. - How big?
Your Honour, we'd like to file a wrongful-death complaint...
...against Groody Homes.
Is Mr. Franklin serious?
- Hold on. Are you serious? - Dead serious, Your Honour.
Groody Homes is responsible for the murder of our...
- What? - Oh, my bad.
The death of our client, Don French.
We can show compelling circumstantial evidence...
...that Groody Homes knowingly and willingly killed Don French.
- Your Honour, Mr. French is sitting... - I'm sorry? Oh, no, please.
Please finish. Who is sitting right here?
If the defence is recognising that Donald French is alive...
...we can just get out of here now. I'm buying.
We are not here to argue whether Don French is alive or dead...
...but whether we can build on the property we lawfully obtained.
Your Honour, this is theatre of the absurd.
Well, curtain's going up Wednesday, 8 a. M...
...a matinee.
See you there.
- This is a good thing, right? - That was a really good thing.
Am I the only one that's nervous? How come you guys are so relaxed?
You got a strong case, Don.
I'm on painkillers.
All rise.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey. What happened to the president of your fan club?
It's a new case. Either side can ding a judge before trial starts.
Groody Homes v. Donald B. French, deceased.
Since this is a wrongful-death suit...
...the deceased can't be called upon to testify. Is that clear?
- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.
- This is gonna suck. - Why?
We can't put our war vet on the stand...
...and everyone loves vets, especially juries.
What in the Sam Hill is that?
If I may, Your Honour, this is a legal visual aid.
It's speculative and prejudicial.
And inadmissible. Get rid of it.
Yes, Your Honour.
I mean, out of this courtroom. Now.
Got it. Could you guys get it on out?
Thank you.
You're in.
Okay.
You gonna go...
I got it.
And, Brenda, you are a sales rep...
...for Groody Properties, right?
- Yes. - Not just any salesperson.
You are Groody's Platinum Salesperson of the Year...
...two years running, right?
- I've won my share of steak knives. - Modest. She's being modest.
Do you know the gentleman in the front row, A.J. Connelly?
He looks a little like Matthew McConaughey.
Assumes facts not in evidence that he looks like McConaughey.
You see it, right?
- No, not at all. - Really?
- Well, you know him. - Yes.
And you've met with him five times between April and May.
If you say so.
It's not if I say so. It's the bartender at Anthony's on 3rd says so.
Remember Anthony's? Cool jazz place...
...small private booths, dark.
We met on business.
- Are you married, Ms. Griffin? - Happily.
As was Mr. Connelly until his wife found out about you two.
But, hey, just gotta keep on living, right?
L-l-V-l-N, all right?
- All right, all right. - Objection.
- What's the problem? - Imitation?
Sustained. Mr. Franklin, one more imitation out of you...
...you'll do your act in front of a captive audience.
Roger that. We were discussing your relationship with Mr. Connelly.
We weren't having an affair.
If you weren't cheating with Mr. Connelly...
...were you cheating French out of his home?
No.
Your Honour, plaintiff's Exhibit 2.
These are the final loan documents...
...for a new home in a subdivision in Tarzana...
...that the witness sold to Mr. Connelly.
Now, what was the price of that home?
Three hundred twenty-five thousand.
Now, the same house across the street sold for 425,000 one week ago.
Can you explain how you sold this house to this government clerk...
...for 25 percent below market value?
He drove a hard bargain.
Really? You're Groody Platinum...
...winner of two Mercedes...
...and that guy... No offence.
- Got the better of you?
It happens.
It doesn't happen. Here's what happened.
You gave A.J. Connelly a great deal in exchange for murdering Don French.
- Objection. - What did l...?
I said "murder" again. I'm... My bad.
What is wrong with me? What I meant was...
...didn't you kill Don French so Groody Homes...
...could build on his property? - No.
No further questions.
Okay. Let's do this.
No, no.
Get down. We're done. You did great.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
Hey, check out this new off-road truck on AutoTrader. Com.
Throw a surf rack on that thing, some monster tyres.
That thing looks like it could float, but I still want a boat.
Oh, thanks, Pindy.
- Sorry. - Wow, this sucks.
Thanks for making it through our first week...
...without burning the house.
- This is gonna go on for... - Ever.
Forever.
What is she doing here?
- I called her. - What?
Why would you do that?
- Hey. Hey, neighbour. - Hey, guys.
- Hi. - What's up, doc?
I'm Pindar.
Carmen tells me you hurt yourself training for a strongman competition.
Yeah, dead-lifting our car, right?
I'm fine.
For what it's worth, I'm glad she called.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
Been meaning to take you up on that wine...
...but you guys are working, so... - Chardonnay okay?
- I'll get it. - I got it.
- You sure? I can get it. - I got it.
Oh, you wanna get it? Okay. Go ahead and get it.
I should probably get it.
- Everything okay? - Never better.
Why don't you take a seat? Let's have a look.
All right.
So, what is it that you do?
I'm a lawyer.
You went to college?
Best decade of my life.
Yeah, we're currently saving an old war vet's house...
...from some developers.
We also do malpractice.
I'll give you one of my cards. Good God.
Yeah. Levator scapulae muscle strain.
That should do it.
I should actually get going.
What...? What about your drink?
I don't usually drink with clients.
So I'll get my office to invoice you.
- Thanks, guys. - See you.
I'm gonna find my levator scapulae and sever it later tonight.
- Hello. - Hello.
Before we get started, you should know this interview is standard practise.
- Oh, absolutely. - Merely a formality...
...to prove your marriage isn't one of convenience...
...for the sole purpose of obtaining citizenship.
Oh, well, I can assure you, officers...
...the first time we met, our hearts were joined as one.
- Weren't they, my love? - Yes, they were.
- Then you have nothing to fear. - Great.
Well, we're ready when you are.
What year was your fiancée born?
November 19th, 1981.
- City? - Horsforth, West Yorkshire, England.
Oh, by the way, it's her mother who rode the Napa motorcycle.
He fought with the Shining Path resistance in Machu Picchu.
Adores garlic toast. Adores.
Swimming with the Galàpagos turtles at age 11.
Between us, she calls it the Kiev power squat.
Yes, only one.
He lost it in a prison fight in Honduras.
Sent me a birthday card, two cows driving a car.
One turns to the other and says, "Moo-ve over."
Stephen Hawking calls him "Einstein."
So far, so good, Mr. Infeld.
- You both have gotten everything right. - Yeah!
So how many do we have to get right to pass?
All of them.
- What is your fiancé's...? - Favourite movie?
You are an out-of-work graphic artist.
- Is that correct? - Yes.
And were you and your uncle close?
Not really. I live in San Jose...
...but we're the only family we've got left.
When he said that the Veteran Affairs claimed he was dead, I flew down.
When Don French was declared dead, did that not activate death benefits...
...for his only surviving next of kin, which is you, correct?
Yes.
Your Honour, I'd like to enter a death-benefit cheque...
...issued to Jordan Allen French...
...dated April 30th...
...into evidence.
Mr. French, did you endorse this cheque?
He asked me to cash that so he could buy groceries.
Is that your signature, Mr. French?
Yes, it is.
If I may embrace the analogy of opposing counsel...
...by endorsing this cheque...
...you acknowledge that your uncle was deceased.
- No. - That your uncle died by your hand...
...and not my client's, correct? - Look, I don't know.
I was just trying to help.
Thank you. No further questions.
Maybe we blew it with the wrongful death.
If we went with fraud, we could've put Don on the witness stand.
- Yes. - What are you doing?
I'm looking for Don's infraction citation.
Bingo.
We can't put Don French on the stand.
- We can get someone better. - Boys.
Boys, I need your assistance on the Nataliya Filas case.
We have to get to court, it's time-sensitive.
Well, actually, it's Jared that I really need.
- Get started. - Meet you there.
Jared, when you were temporarily made a judge...
...for your contempt charge...
...were you aware that you retained limited powers?
- Besides mind control? - Yes.
Like performing a wedding ceremony.
So Stanton saw a man hurl himself into Victoria Falls...
...now he's a great listener...
...allowing him to marry an illegal alien so she can stay.
Damien, think I've put on a bit of weight?
This is my lucky wedding suit, and l...
No. That suit looks as good on you as it did the last four times.
Fifth time's a charm.
What do you say we get this started?
- John Doe? - Yes, Your Honour.
We'd like to call John Doe to the witness stand.
As you see from the paperwork by the California Record System...
...John Doe resides at 1120 Fillmore Road. That's him.
That's the deceased. A man can't be both dead and alive.
No, we acknowledge that Don French is dead.
That's why we wanna talk to John Doe.
It says here that a John Doe lives at this address.
Your Honour, John Doe is a placeholder name for somebody who...
Forget it. Swear him in.
- You guys are exhausting. - Thank you.
The marriage contract is a cherished contract...
...and we know that.
- What...? - All right.
If anyone can show just cause...
...why this man and this woman may not be lawfully joined together...
...let him speak now or hereafter remain silent.
Sorry. That was legitimate, not sarcastic.
It's very dry.
- Stanton Infeld, do you take Nata...? - Wait.
- What is it, my love? - I can't let you do this.
Oh, thank God.
- All right. Okay. - All right, well...
- Go ahead. Give us a minute. - Yes.
Nice meeting you. If this doesn't work out, my number's in the book.
You have a wonderful heart, Mr. Stanton.
And you deserve a fair shot to achieve your dream.
But not this way.
People get married for dodgier reasons than patriotism.
We can't let a legality get in the way of your destiny.
Maybe it's my destiny to help you forgive yourself...
...for what happened to that man who jumped into the falls...
...just like in Joe Versus the Volcano...
...when Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks sacrifice themselves...
...to save each other.
Do you understand?
Yes.
I understand clearly now.
I believe my journey's complete.
You are a fascinating man, Mr. Stanton.
They should make a movie about you.
Well, actually, there have been two.
One caused riots in Yemen...
...and the other should not be watched with children.
Goodbye, Mr. Stanton.
Goodbye.
And thank you.
Mr. Doe, did you know Donald French?
Yes, sir. We were very close.
- Go to his funeral? - There wasn't one.
No closure?
That's sad.
Can you tell us a little about Donald French?
Don French was born and raised in Van Nuys, California.
Played some unremarkable high-school football.
Drafted into the Army in November of '64.
Wounded in la Drang...
...honourably discharged in 1967.
Came home.
Worked as a machinist at Lockheed.
Objection. Relevance, Your Honour.
Well, Your Honour, Mr. Doe is a character witness.
An eyewitness in the death of Donald French.
How Mr. French lived is relevant in how he subsequently died.
I'll allow it.
Mr. Doe, did Don French marry?
Yes, sir.
The beautiful Miss Janet Kreedameyer of El Segundo...
...love of his life.
They had one son, Eric.
What happened to his wife and son?
Eric was killed in the first Gulf War.
His beloved Janet was taken from him in October of 2004.
So his nephew Jordan and Don's house on Fillmore Road...
...are all that's left of his legacy, correct?
Yes, sir.
Does it strike you as ironic that Donald French was wounded...
...in the bloodiest battle in the Vietnam War...
...and survived his wife and son, only to be killed...
...so a realtor could win a trip to Hawaii?
- Objection. - Sustained.
Wind it up, Mr. Bash.
Mr. Doe, were you with Donald French when he died?
Yes, sir.
One afternoon, he simply opened his mail.
Next thing I know, he was gone.
No further questions.
They lost the jury.
Never too early for a vodka martini.
First, vodka martini is an oxymoron.
A real martini is made with gin. I hope you like it dry.
Second, under my watch...
...any settlement over six figures must be ceremoniously commemorated.
Isn't the olive fattening?
It's dinner.
Wait. Settlement?
Groody caved.
That's wonderful.
Delivered to me personally by Fritz Groody.
- It's more than fair. - Nice.
Cheers.
How much?
- Thank you. - Thanks.
- Oh, look at that. Are you kidding me? - Unbelievable.
- Crazy. - Oh, Don?
Hey, Don.
- Donny. Don? - Hey, Don?
- Don? - Hey. What's he doing?
- Feel his pulse. Just feel... - No. No.
- He's your dad's friend. - Do it.
- Fine. - Oh, man.
- Shut up. - Oh, man.
- I'm not getting a pulse. - Try my erection.
- Oh, you son of a... - Jeez! Don!
- Don. - Don.
You got your house back.
And then some.
Check that out, huh?
- That's a lot of zeroes. - I'm alive.
- You're alive. You're alive. - I'm alive.
I'm alive. Hey.
- Watch out. My neck. My neck. - Sorry. Sorry about that.
- Hey, you. Come here. - Okay.
That's right.
People, let's bring this party inside. I need you to bring it inside, okay?
"People"? What are you doing?
Trying to be considerate for our neighbours.
Our neighbours, you mean Charlie.
- Come on. - Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, can you...? Library voices, library voices. Bring it inside.
- They're having fun. - Help me out.
Oh, it is good to be back among the living.
- Good to have you in here, Don. - Thanks for doing this.
Oh, my God.
- Good job. - Very good. Excellent.
- Hi. Hey. - Hi.
- Hey. - I'm sorry about the noise. I'm trying...
Yeah, you should apologise for throwing such a lame party.
How's your back?
You... You healed me, doc.
Great.
Make this less awkward.
- Hang on. - Where's the bar?
It's... Down there.
- Good. - Yeah.
- So, what's up with Chuckie? - She billed me.
- What? - Yeah.
That is a...
This is not a bill.
It's her number.
There we go.
- Hey. Yeah. Push it up. - Okay, yeah.
I'm gonna need to get you another drink.
I'm gonna need to see your ID. Gonna need to see you in 10 minutes...
...when this song is over and I'm done with this whole world.
I like what the beach has to offer.
- You got this? Okay. You stay here. - I got this.
- Don't follow me. - If I need you, I'm not going to call. Ripped By mstoll