1
00:00:00,161 --> 00:00:01,691
Do you remember that,
2
00:00:01,811 --> 00:00:03,363
when I used to help you paint?
3
00:00:03,414 --> 00:00:04,748
What the hell is going on?
4
00:00:04,815 --> 00:00:07,250
I would like to ask you
the same question.
5
00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:08,985
Just a drawing I did
6
00:00:09,053 --> 00:00:09,986
when I was a kid.
7
00:00:10,054 --> 00:00:11,721
Who's the dog?
8
00:00:11,789 --> 00:00:13,122
Sneakers.
9
00:00:13,190 --> 00:00:15,759
Not that dog.
10
00:00:15,826 --> 00:00:17,226
This dog.
11
00:00:17,294 --> 00:00:18,928
I-I-I don't know.
12
00:00:18,995 --> 00:00:20,363
Ryan, I'm only seven years old.
13
00:00:20,431 --> 00:00:21,597
This picture's at least 20.
14
00:00:21,665 --> 00:00:23,032
What aren't you telling me?
15
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,500
You're no crazier
than anybody else.
16
00:00:24,568 --> 00:00:25,868
Said the dog to the man.
17
00:00:25,936 --> 00:00:28,003
If I really drew that picture
when I was a kid
18
00:00:28,072 --> 00:00:30,139
and you don't know
what it means,
19
00:00:30,207 --> 00:00:31,447
we're on a plane with no pilot.
20
00:00:31,475 --> 00:00:32,907
I drew the picture, Ryan.
21
00:00:32,975 --> 00:00:35,377
I was just messing with your
head like I usually do.
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00:00:49,559 --> 00:01:00,100
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:02,204 --> 00:01:04,370
♪ ♪
24
00:01:24,090 --> 00:01:25,591
WILFRED:
Bear, look.
25
00:01:25,658 --> 00:01:29,194
There's a fresh can
of Febreze down there.
26
00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:32,030
What?! No, of course
I'm not gonna shove you
27
00:01:32,098 --> 00:01:33,265
down the stairs, Bear.
28
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:35,400
I promised I wouldn't
do that again.
29
00:01:37,102 --> 00:01:38,536
Hey, Ryan, since Jenna and Drew
30
00:01:38,604 --> 00:01:39,837
are still on their honeymoon
31
00:01:39,904 --> 00:01:41,506
and Bear has a
fractured vertebra,
32
00:01:41,573 --> 00:01:42,940
I was thinking
"boys night out"?
33
00:01:43,008 --> 00:01:45,943
What say we head over
to Mr. Meyerson's
34
00:01:46,011 --> 00:01:49,647
and get all Clockwork Orange
on his rose bushes?
35
00:01:49,714 --> 00:01:52,516
Hey, what's going on down here?
36
00:02:02,092 --> 00:02:05,128
So you know about the drawing.
37
00:02:05,196 --> 00:02:07,264
For a couple weeks now.
38
00:02:07,331 --> 00:02:08,698
I'm sorry, mate.
39
00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:11,600
I shouldn't have lied to you
about drawing it.
40
00:02:11,669 --> 00:02:14,336
But you just seemed
so hopeless.
41
00:02:14,404 --> 00:02:16,139
It's okay, Wilfred.
42
00:02:16,206 --> 00:02:18,541
Because I think I've
figured it out.
43
00:02:18,608 --> 00:02:21,778
You see, at first, I couldn't
understand how you could be
44
00:02:21,845 --> 00:02:23,913
in that drawing
but still exist today.
45
00:02:23,981 --> 00:02:27,415
So I thought
maybe you've been reincarnated
46
00:02:27,483 --> 00:02:30,251
or maybe I had a premonition
when I was a kid
47
00:02:30,319 --> 00:02:32,154
that we'd meet someday.
48
00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:34,422
Then, hell, why not time travel?
49
00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:35,957
I was just grasping
50
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,426
at these ridiculous theories
when I realized
51
00:02:38,494 --> 00:02:40,028
that the most logical
explanation
52
00:02:40,096 --> 00:02:42,963
has been right in front
of my eyes this whole time.
53
00:02:43,031 --> 00:02:44,732
(sighs)
54
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,867
Mental illness.
55
00:02:46,935 --> 00:02:48,435
Look...
56
00:02:48,503 --> 00:02:50,637
at-at certain points
in my life,
57
00:02:50,706 --> 00:02:53,107
I experienced emotional trauma:
58
00:02:53,175 --> 00:02:55,442
watching my parents fight,
59
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:59,179
quitting my dad's law firm,
attempting suicide.
60
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:01,280
And the way I dealt
with that trauma
61
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,548
was by having these
62
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,584
sort of psychological breaks
from reality.
63
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,120
You think
I'm only in your head.
64
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,255
Well, Jenna's dog is real.
65
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,325
But... yes, I think
the part of you
66
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:15,327
that no one else can
see is in my head.
67
00:03:15,394 --> 00:03:17,462
And you're happy about this?
68
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:18,931
Well, yes.
69
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:21,333
I mean, the first step
to me getting better
70
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,501
is finally understanding
that-that this
71
00:03:23,569 --> 00:03:25,204
isn't actually happening.
72
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:26,304
Look, Ryan,
73
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,973
I wasn't gonna bring this up,
74
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:32,009
but I've actually been doing
some thinking of my own.
75
00:03:32,077 --> 00:03:35,179
Wait, when did you...?
76
00:03:35,247 --> 00:03:37,982
See, I know for a fact
that I exist
77
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:39,751
because I am, well, me.
78
00:03:39,818 --> 00:03:43,320
So I can't possibly
be just in your head.
79
00:03:43,388 --> 00:03:46,556
Therefore, the only
logical explanation
80
00:03:46,624 --> 00:03:49,993
is that I am a magical being.
81
00:03:50,061 --> 00:03:50,827
What?
82
00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:52,328
A wonderful magical being.
83
00:03:52,396 --> 00:03:53,630
I've been around forever,
84
00:03:53,697 --> 00:03:55,999
and I will always
be around forever.
85
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:59,069
Okay, well, then how come when
you first found the drawing,
86
00:03:59,137 --> 00:04:01,070
you didn't remember meeting me
as a kid?
87
00:04:01,138 --> 00:04:04,240
Well, I don't remember
not remembering that, so...
88
00:04:04,307 --> 00:04:05,674
Well, you didn't.
89
00:04:05,742 --> 00:04:08,177
You said it right here
in this basement two weeks ago.
90
00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,946
Ryan, there's a lot of things
I don't remember. How can I...?
91
00:04:11,014 --> 00:04:12,648
Wait-- that's it!
92
00:04:12,715 --> 00:04:14,884
Dogs have terrible memories!
It makes perfect sense
93
00:04:14,951 --> 00:04:16,918
that I wouldn't remember
meeting you as a kid.
94
00:04:16,986 --> 00:04:19,053
Hell, there's probably
lots of people
95
00:04:19,121 --> 00:04:20,488
I don't remember meeting.
96
00:04:20,555 --> 00:04:23,091
The Ottomans,
ancient Greeks, troglodytes.
97
00:04:23,159 --> 00:04:26,161
Actually, no, I vaguely remember
the troglodytes.
98
00:04:26,228 --> 00:04:27,829
Overall a pretty nice bunch.
99
00:04:27,897 --> 00:04:29,831
I mean, sure,
some of them were dicks.
100
00:04:29,899 --> 00:04:32,200
Wilfred, you're not immortal.
That's completely illogical.
101
00:04:32,268 --> 00:04:34,101
If you finally figured out
102
00:04:34,169 --> 00:04:37,504
that I'm only in your head,
why am I still here?
103
00:04:37,571 --> 00:04:39,673
That's a good question.
104
00:04:41,342 --> 00:04:43,243
What are you doing?
105
00:04:43,311 --> 00:04:45,378
Wilfred isn't real.
Ryan, stop it.
106
00:04:45,446 --> 00:04:47,681
Wilfred is only in my head.
Don't say that.
107
00:04:47,748 --> 00:04:49,216
Wilfred is only in my head.
108
00:04:49,284 --> 00:04:50,249
(echoing):
Ryan, stop.
109
00:04:50,318 --> 00:04:51,518
Wilfred is only in my head.
110
00:04:51,585 --> 00:04:53,119
(faintly):
Please!
111
00:04:53,187 --> 00:04:56,155
Wilfred is only in my head.
Wilfred is only in...
112
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,401
Ha ha! (laughs)
113
00:05:09,469 --> 00:05:11,403
Oh, man, you should
see your face!
114
00:05:11,471 --> 00:05:12,438
You look like
115
00:05:12,505 --> 00:05:14,072
such a little bitch right now.
116
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:18,043
You were all, like,
"Oh. He's only in my mind."
117
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:19,511
You're an asshole.
118
00:05:19,579 --> 00:05:21,612
Look, maybe I'm magical,
maybe you're crazy.
119
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,981
The answers will come
in good time.
120
00:05:24,049 --> 00:05:27,084
For now, you're just gonna
have to learn to live
121
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,486
with a little uncertainty.
122
00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:29,987
I know what I'm doing.
123
00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:32,323
If you want to give up
so easily, be my guest.
124
00:05:32,391 --> 00:05:35,693
Okay. In that case,
125
00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:39,229
why don't we put
my little theory to a test?
126
00:05:40,331 --> 00:05:41,998
What's that?
127
00:05:42,066 --> 00:05:46,570
A little cocktail
I call antifreeze-tini.
128
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,839
If I'm an immortal,
magical being,
129
00:05:48,906 --> 00:05:50,607
then this can't
possibly kill me.
130
00:05:50,675 --> 00:05:52,642
Bottoms up.
131
00:05:52,710 --> 00:05:55,478
Oops, almost forgot the olive.
132
00:06:00,684 --> 00:06:02,118
Wilfred, no!
133
00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:06,756
Well, I'm still here.
134
00:06:06,823 --> 00:06:08,958
I drank antifreeze
and didn't die
135
00:06:09,026 --> 00:06:11,426
on account of me
being magical and all.
136
00:06:11,494 --> 00:06:13,428
No, you got your
stomach pumped.
137
00:06:13,496 --> 00:06:14,629
I don't remember that.
138
00:06:14,697 --> 00:06:16,464
You don't remember screaming,
139
00:06:16,532 --> 00:06:18,267
"Okay, I'm not magical,
I'm not magical,"
140
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,602
while the vet shoved a tube
down your throat?
141
00:06:20,669 --> 00:06:23,872
I do remember...
certain things from my past.
142
00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:25,407
Yes.
143
00:06:25,474 --> 00:06:27,275
It's coming back to me now.
144
00:06:27,342 --> 00:06:28,776
1945.
145
00:06:28,843 --> 00:06:32,013
My owner was
a little girl-- Anne.
146
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,447
Anne Frank.
147
00:06:33,515 --> 00:06:34,481
Seriously, don't.
148
00:06:34,549 --> 00:06:35,749
Anne and her rules:
149
00:06:35,817 --> 00:06:38,585
no walks,
no trips to the groomer's.
150
00:06:38,653 --> 00:06:40,187
In the end, I just snapped.
151
00:06:40,255 --> 00:06:42,655
I screamed at her,
"Anne, I'm dying here!
152
00:06:42,723 --> 00:06:44,724
It's like we never leave
the house!"
153
00:06:44,792 --> 00:06:47,260
And thank God,
these well-dressed German men
154
00:06:47,328 --> 00:06:50,297
heard my barking
and-and broke into the attic.
155
00:06:50,364 --> 00:06:52,698
Those brave heroes rescued me.
156
00:06:54,402 --> 00:06:56,303
Well, it looks like
157
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:58,437
Wilfred's blood ethylene
glycol levels have dropped.
158
00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:00,439
And by the way,
his microchip still lists
159
00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:01,473
an address up in Sacramento.
160
00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:03,809
Sacramento?
The state capital?
161
00:07:03,876 --> 00:07:05,978
Might want to update
his information.
162
00:07:08,481 --> 00:07:09,614
Whoever lives in Sacramento
163
00:07:09,682 --> 00:07:11,116
probably owned you as a puppy.
164
00:07:11,184 --> 00:07:13,218
Which means we can prove
you were actually born.
165
00:07:13,286 --> 00:07:14,419
Therefore, I'm crazy.
166
00:07:14,486 --> 00:07:15,586
If you really think
you're crazy,
167
00:07:15,654 --> 00:07:17,221
why the need to prove it to me?
168
00:07:17,289 --> 00:07:19,723
Maybe you're the part
of my brain that's so crazy
169
00:07:19,791 --> 00:07:21,540
it won't allow me to
accept that I'm crazy.
170
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,294
God, you're so crazy.
171
00:07:23,362 --> 00:07:25,430
You remind me
of my old owner Vincent.
172
00:07:25,497 --> 00:07:26,464
Vincent?
173
00:07:26,531 --> 00:07:27,698
Fancied himself an artist.
174
00:07:27,766 --> 00:07:29,467
One day, he was at his easel,
175
00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:31,014
and he'd gotten
some paint on his ear.
176
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:32,435
And I mistook it
for banana pudding,
177
00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:34,171
and so, obviously, I...
178
00:07:34,238 --> 00:07:37,007
RYAN: Wilfred, you can't sit
on my lap right now.
179
00:07:37,075 --> 00:07:38,174
I'm driving.
180
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:40,042
Which, to me, seems
like the perfect time
181
00:07:40,110 --> 00:07:43,312
to have your lap sat on.
I mean, am I crazy?
182
00:07:47,351 --> 00:07:48,885
And what happens
if my old owner
183
00:07:48,953 --> 00:07:50,753
wants me back?
I'd want me back.
184
00:07:50,821 --> 00:07:52,154
I mean, look at this shit.
185
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,156
The statute of limitations
on lost pets is three years.
186
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,025
Wait.
187
00:07:57,093 --> 00:07:59,427
I-I remember this.
188
00:07:59,496 --> 00:08:01,497
Right.
Like Anne Frank?
189
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:02,731
This was my home.
190
00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:05,634
And this yard.
191
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:08,403
I used to run around
this yard all day.
192
00:08:08,471 --> 00:08:09,904
God, I was so free here.
193
00:08:09,972 --> 00:08:11,839
And my toy.
My favorite toy.
194
00:08:11,907 --> 00:08:13,374
Good Green Hippo.
195
00:08:13,441 --> 00:08:17,011
He was little and green with
pink spots, and he was a hippo.
196
00:08:17,078 --> 00:08:19,881
And I bit off one of his legs.
He was fine with it.
197
00:08:19,948 --> 00:08:23,083
The last time I saw him,
I buried him...
198
00:08:23,151 --> 00:08:24,351
there.
199
00:08:31,592 --> 00:08:32,826
He's not here.
200
00:08:32,894 --> 00:08:34,828
Obviously.
You can't know something
201
00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,797
I don't already know
if you're only up here.
202
00:08:43,803 --> 00:08:46,271
(doorbell plays simple melody)
203
00:08:46,339 --> 00:08:49,608
(hums along
with doorbell melody)
204
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:51,577
See? How could I know that?
205
00:08:51,645 --> 00:08:54,647
Everybody knows that.
206
00:08:54,714 --> 00:08:56,448
Hi.
207
00:08:56,516 --> 00:08:57,916
My name's Ryan Newman.
208
00:08:57,983 --> 00:09:00,117
This is gonna sound crazy,
209
00:09:00,185 --> 00:09:02,419
but I think you maybe
used to own my dog.
210
00:09:02,539 --> 00:09:04,317
His name is Wilfred now, but...
211
00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:11,362
Who the hell's that fat,
ugly piece of shit?
212
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:18,270
A clone?
213
00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:19,191
I know.
214
00:09:19,311 --> 00:09:20,665
When I first heard
about pet cloning,
215
00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:23,033
I was like, "Am I in
a science fiction movie?"
216
00:09:23,101 --> 00:09:25,402
My name is
Lord Charles Beevwelt II
217
00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:26,436
of Shropshire.
218
00:09:26,505 --> 00:09:27,605
Welcome to my home.
219
00:09:27,672 --> 00:09:29,640
Look around.
Do you like what you see?
220
00:09:29,708 --> 00:09:30,608
WOMAN:
Actually, cloning isn't
221
00:09:30,675 --> 00:09:32,242
that uncommon anymore.
222
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:35,613
Back in 2006, Stinky here
cost almost half a million.
223
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:36,814
Stinky, huh?
224
00:09:36,882 --> 00:09:38,414
Just an affectionate nickname.
225
00:09:38,482 --> 00:09:40,583
Okay, there's no way
this guy is my clone.
226
00:09:40,651 --> 00:09:42,084
He looks nothing like me.
227
00:09:42,152 --> 00:09:43,987
(laughs) Ooh, I love it.
228
00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:45,054
Such a jester.
229
00:09:45,122 --> 00:09:46,489
Can we keep him?
230
00:09:47,658 --> 00:09:48,925
Itch.
231
00:09:48,993 --> 00:09:50,627
So, you paid someone to do this?
232
00:09:50,694 --> 00:09:51,828
Oh, no, not me.
233
00:09:51,896 --> 00:09:53,129
I'm just Stinky's caretaker.
234
00:09:53,196 --> 00:09:54,630
I'm Heather Williger,
by the way.
235
00:09:54,697 --> 00:09:57,633
Hi. So you knew Wilfred
when he was a puppy?
236
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:58,901
Oh, no.
237
00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:00,669
I only started
working here last year.
238
00:10:00,737 --> 00:10:01,603
Miss Covington
239
00:10:01,671 --> 00:10:03,672
was vacationing in Wisconsin
240
00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:04,940
when the first Stinky...
241
00:10:05,008 --> 00:10:06,074
um, uh, Wilfred...
242
00:10:06,142 --> 00:10:07,308
ran away.
243
00:10:07,376 --> 00:10:08,476
She decided she would do
244
00:10:08,545 --> 00:10:10,011
whatever it took
to bring him back.
245
00:10:10,078 --> 00:10:11,679
All right, that's enough.
246
00:10:11,747 --> 00:10:13,347
I said that's enough!
247
00:10:13,415 --> 00:10:16,651
Uh, would it be possible to
speak with Miss Covington?
248
00:10:16,718 --> 00:10:19,219
I'm sort of here for
a specific reason.
249
00:10:19,287 --> 00:10:21,388
I'm sorry,
she passed away last year.
250
00:10:21,456 --> 00:10:23,290
Oh.
She left everything
251
00:10:23,358 --> 00:10:24,525
in her will to the dog.
252
00:10:24,593 --> 00:10:26,860
I just get paid to live here,
253
00:10:26,928 --> 00:10:28,394
and, you know, make sure Stinky
254
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:31,230
"maintains the lifestyle
he's grown accustomed to."
255
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,867
What? He owns everything?
256
00:10:33,935 --> 00:10:35,334
That's right, Wilfred--
it's all mine.
257
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,437
And I can do whatever
I please with it.
258
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,907
It's like my life is one long
dalliance with pleasure.
259
00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:42,875
Dalliance?
That's not even a word.
260
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,176
Is!
261
00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:45,410
Say, Wilfred,
262
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,746
do you see this charming
little vase over here?
263
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,381
Oh, Stinky, be careful.
264
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,684
Its craftsmanship
is without equal.
265
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:53,552
But how would I know that?
266
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,454
I'm just a dog.
267
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,356
(giggling)
268
00:11:01,026 --> 00:11:02,426
STINKY:
Oh, Miss Williger?
269
00:11:02,494 --> 00:11:04,562
It seems there's a little
something left over
270
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:06,097
from this morning's
bowel movement.
271
00:11:06,164 --> 00:11:08,032
Come and get it...
272
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,667
if you can!
273
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:10,802
(giggling)
274
00:11:10,869 --> 00:11:12,837
I hate it when this happens.
275
00:11:19,410 --> 00:11:22,045
Damn, this guy really
lives the high life.
276
00:11:22,113 --> 00:11:23,113
Okay.
Oh!
277
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:24,715
Sorry about that.
278
00:11:24,782 --> 00:11:27,117
So you were saying you're
here for a specific reason?
279
00:11:27,184 --> 00:11:29,385
I've owned Wilfred
for six years now.
280
00:11:29,453 --> 00:11:31,887
And I never got to see him
as a cute, little puppy.
281
00:11:31,955 --> 00:11:34,223
So I-I was just wondering
if maybe there's some photos
282
00:11:34,290 --> 00:11:35,658
lying around?
Oh, oh, shoot.
283
00:11:35,726 --> 00:11:37,126
Can you hold that thought?
284
00:11:37,193 --> 00:11:39,128
It's time for Stinky's
midday snack.
285
00:11:40,430 --> 00:11:42,564
Stinky is such a finicky eater.
286
00:11:42,633 --> 00:11:45,501
So I usually mix
chicken broth in.
287
00:11:45,568 --> 00:11:46,735
More broth.
288
00:11:46,802 --> 00:11:48,069
No, less broth.
289
00:11:48,137 --> 00:11:50,171
No, more broth!
You're doing it all wrong!
290
00:11:50,239 --> 00:11:51,806
This is bullshit.
291
00:11:51,874 --> 00:11:53,508
That clone stole my life.
292
00:11:53,575 --> 00:11:54,809
You're the one who ran away.
293
00:11:54,877 --> 00:11:56,277
I don't remember that.
294
00:11:56,345 --> 00:11:58,279
You know, your memory
seems pretty selective.
295
00:11:58,347 --> 00:12:00,849
Hopefully a puppy picture
will help refresh it.
296
00:12:00,916 --> 00:12:03,383
You won't find one, Ryan,
because I was never a puppy.
297
00:12:03,451 --> 00:12:05,052
Because I was never born.
298
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,621
I have been eternally
dalliancing...
299
00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:09,422
That's not how
you use the word.
300
00:12:09,490 --> 00:12:10,357
Wilfred?
301
00:12:10,424 --> 00:12:11,925
Are you smelling this?
302
00:12:11,993 --> 00:12:13,460
It's a symphony of flavors--
303
00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:15,963
peas, carrots,
pork parts, bone meal
304
00:12:16,031 --> 00:12:18,230
and a delectable
sawdust filler.
305
00:12:18,298 --> 00:12:20,599
It's an old Covington
family recipe we call
306
00:12:20,668 --> 00:12:22,902
"Healthy Dog Chow Pro
with wet stuff on top."
307
00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:24,203
It's all I'll eat.
308
00:12:25,072 --> 00:12:26,172
That wet stuff on top
309
00:12:26,239 --> 00:12:27,373
should belong to me!
310
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,275
All of this should belong to me!
311
00:12:29,342 --> 00:12:32,745
Hell, I bet that asshole's
got my Good Green Hippo, too.
312
00:12:32,813 --> 00:12:34,880
No, because it doesn't exist.
313
00:12:34,947 --> 00:12:36,247
Just like you and the clone.
314
00:12:36,315 --> 00:12:37,549
For the last time, Ryan,
315
00:12:37,616 --> 00:12:39,651
not only do I exist,
I am a magical being.
316
00:12:39,719 --> 00:12:41,586
And if I'd gotten
my rightful inheritance,
317
00:12:41,654 --> 00:12:44,156
I could've lived like a king
till the end of time.
318
00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:46,457
I'd be the dalliancer
of the world.
319
00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:49,027
Again, you're misusing
the word.
320
00:12:49,095 --> 00:12:50,494
Jesus!
321
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:51,628
That's it.
322
00:12:51,697 --> 00:12:54,364
This Stinky character
has got to go.
323
00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:57,668
(cuckoo clock ringing)
324
00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,503
What's up, bitch? You want to do this?
How dare you enter my chambers
325
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,471
without an invitation!
Let's do this! Come on, get some,
326
00:13:01,539 --> 00:13:02,606
you shit mound!
This skullduggery will not be tolerated!
327
00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:04,241
This is how we do it
in the hood!
328
00:13:04,309 --> 00:13:05,609
Wilfred, calm down.
Stinky, no.
329
00:13:05,677 --> 00:13:06,910
Wait.
330
00:13:06,977 --> 00:13:09,378
You like to scream hateful shit
at cuckoo birds, too?
331
00:13:09,446 --> 00:13:11,247
Of course. They burst
out of their homes
332
00:13:11,315 --> 00:13:12,448
and run off their mouths.
333
00:13:12,516 --> 00:13:14,317
And then when shit's
about to get real,
334
00:13:14,384 --> 00:13:16,853
they run back inside like
the little pussies they are.
335
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,022
You like licking windows?
336
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,556
Unsmeared windows bore me.
337
00:13:20,624 --> 00:13:23,525
I wonder, Wilfred,
do you enjoy doing this?
338
00:13:25,128 --> 00:13:27,462
It's cool. It's cool.
339
00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:29,998
We're not so different
after all, are we, Wilfred?
340
00:13:30,066 --> 00:13:31,433
Come.
341
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,335
Swim with me in the seas
of opulence.
342
00:13:34,570 --> 00:13:37,472
Anyway, you wanted to see some
343
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,240
old photos of Wilfred, right?
344
00:13:39,307 --> 00:13:40,908
Right.
Okay.
345
00:13:42,144 --> 00:13:44,278
What's mine is yours.
346
00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:50,651
I used to walk Stinky
when Miss Covington was alive,
347
00:13:50,719 --> 00:13:52,519
so I took some
of the later photos.
348
00:13:52,587 --> 00:13:55,188
Photography is kind of
a hobby of mine.
349
00:13:55,256 --> 00:13:57,323
When you watch a dog
all day, you just have
350
00:13:57,391 --> 00:13:59,993
to have some other outlets
for happiness, right?
351
00:14:02,029 --> 00:14:03,964
Right this way.
352
00:14:19,012 --> 00:14:20,880
(sighs)
353
00:14:45,659 --> 00:14:46,627
Do you see this?
354
00:14:46,747 --> 00:14:47,648
Excuse me?
355
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:48,927
Do you see this toy?
356
00:14:48,994 --> 00:14:50,362
I-I mean, describe it to me.
357
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:52,163
What-what exactly do you see?
358
00:14:52,231 --> 00:14:54,131
Uh, I see a green hippopotamus.
359
00:14:54,199 --> 00:14:56,467
It has pink polka dots
and one leg
360
00:14:56,535 --> 00:14:58,168
that's been chewed off
or something.
361
00:14:58,236 --> 00:14:59,470
Where did you find it?
362
00:14:59,538 --> 00:15:01,205
W-Was it buried
in the yard or...?
363
00:15:01,272 --> 00:15:02,340
Is it real?
364
00:15:02,407 --> 00:15:04,074
Hold it.
Uh, n-no.
365
00:15:04,142 --> 00:15:05,209
I... uh, okay, you know what?
366
00:15:05,276 --> 00:15:06,644
I think you should leave now.
367
00:15:06,712 --> 00:15:08,545
You should get your dog and go.
368
00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:16,386
Oh, dear me.
369
00:15:16,454 --> 00:15:18,355
That is pure
as the driven snow.
370
00:15:18,422 --> 00:15:19,856
Wilfred, come.
We're leaving.
371
00:15:19,923 --> 00:15:23,226
Uh, I'm sort of in the middle
of something here, mate.
372
00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:24,393
I said come. Now.
373
00:15:24,461 --> 00:15:26,528
Dude, you are such a buzzkill.
374
00:15:26,596 --> 00:15:28,664
It's been such a delight.
375
00:15:28,732 --> 00:15:31,767
Come visit us again
sometime, won't you?
376
00:15:34,804 --> 00:15:36,204
(urinating)
377
00:15:36,272 --> 00:15:38,306
I mean, you were
in that drawing.
378
00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:41,676
And the fact that
that hippo toy exists.
379
00:15:41,744 --> 00:15:44,612
Hell, maybe you are
a magical being.
380
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,347
Look.
381
00:15:46,415 --> 00:15:47,715
Sorry to keep going over this.
382
00:15:47,783 --> 00:15:49,884
I just want to be
certain about it.
383
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:03,630
Ryan, look, I found something
back at Stinky's house.
384
00:16:03,698 --> 00:16:05,499
I-I didn't want to show you,
385
00:16:05,566 --> 00:16:08,402
but I think it's too important
for you not to see.
386
00:16:09,704 --> 00:16:10,904
It's me.
387
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,272
Right after I was born.
388
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,840
Well, the real dog at least.
389
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:16,442
Me, on the other hand,
who's talking to you,
390
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:19,378
maybe I am just some kind
of manifestation
391
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,046
of your madness.
392
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,415
It doesn't make any sense.
393
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,583
I found the hippo.
That means you're real.
394
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,453
That's got to be
the clone, right?
395
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:30,955
Or maybe you bought the hippo
on your way to Sacramento
396
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:33,558
and tricked yourself
into thinking you uncovered it.
397
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,328
Oh, God, I can't
take this anymore!
398
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:39,163
What if you never
find any answers?
399
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:40,398
Wouldn't it be best to avoid
400
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,301
the anxiety
of uncertainty, and...
401
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:45,903
simply skip to the end?
402
00:16:47,371 --> 00:16:49,239
What are you talking
about, Wilfred?
403
00:16:49,307 --> 00:16:52,709
I've thought this through, Ryan.
This is the only clear path.
404
00:16:52,777 --> 00:16:54,044
Think about it.
405
00:16:54,111 --> 00:16:56,513
The day we met was the day
of your failed suicide.
406
00:16:56,581 --> 00:16:59,282
Maybe I came
into your life for a reason.
407
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:00,950
To show you that life
408
00:17:01,017 --> 00:17:03,953
is just a long,
torturous wrestling match
409
00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:06,055
with unanswerable questions.
410
00:17:06,122 --> 00:17:08,825
Maybe this is why I've existed
to you this whole time,
411
00:17:08,892 --> 00:17:13,162
to lead you back
to this final, fateful moment.
412
00:17:13,229 --> 00:17:14,464
There's no other way.
413
00:17:14,531 --> 00:17:16,932
Why are you doing
this, Wilfred?
414
00:17:16,999 --> 00:17:18,600
Ryan, drink up.
415
00:17:18,668 --> 00:17:22,170
Come on, one final dalliance
with death.
416
00:17:22,237 --> 00:17:24,706
Dalliance?
417
00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:26,908
Oh, my God--
you're Stinky.
418
00:17:26,976 --> 00:17:28,343
Oh, please don't harm me.
419
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:29,610
What the hell is going on here?
420
00:17:29,645 --> 00:17:30,846
All right, all right.
421
00:17:30,913 --> 00:17:31,793
Uh, back at the house,
422
00:17:31,814 --> 00:17:34,381
Wilfred and I switched places.
423
00:17:34,449 --> 00:17:36,216
Why? Why would you
want to leave?
424
00:17:36,284 --> 00:17:37,818
You have no idea
what it's like back there.
425
00:17:37,886 --> 00:17:40,220
Miss Williger does sick,
humiliating things to me
426
00:17:40,288 --> 00:17:41,369
when no one else is around.
427
00:17:41,422 --> 00:17:42,723
I baited Wilfred
into the switch
428
00:17:42,791 --> 00:17:44,758
by making my life
seem like paradise.
429
00:17:44,826 --> 00:17:47,394
He told you about
my suicide attempt.
430
00:17:47,462 --> 00:17:49,028
We were doing cocaine, Ryan.
431
00:17:49,096 --> 00:17:52,365
A lot of personal stories were
shared in a rapid-fire manner.
432
00:17:52,432 --> 00:17:54,734
Why would you want
me to kill myself?
433
00:17:54,802 --> 00:17:56,369
Honestly, you were just
sitting there yammering
434
00:17:56,436 --> 00:17:58,204
on and on about
your inane problems.
435
00:17:58,271 --> 00:17:59,539
It was so boring.
436
00:17:59,607 --> 00:18:03,376
So much so that the idea
of watching you die seemed...
437
00:18:03,443 --> 00:18:05,143
I don't know... orgasmic?
438
00:18:05,211 --> 00:18:06,778
Wait a second.
439
00:18:06,846 --> 00:18:09,648
If Miss Williger abused you
when no one else was around...
440
00:18:14,286 --> 00:18:15,921
Wilfred!
441
00:18:15,989 --> 00:18:17,422
WILFRED (crying):
Oh, please, no.
442
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:19,190
I don't like this.
(Heather grunting)
443
00:18:19,258 --> 00:18:20,858
Wilfred!
444
00:18:20,926 --> 00:18:23,460
HEATHER:
That's good. That's really good.
445
00:18:24,863 --> 00:18:27,965
I love that. Come on.
Move your little feet around.
446
00:18:28,033 --> 00:18:30,167
What the hell
are you doing here?
447
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,837
Ryan, you came back for me.
448
00:18:34,506 --> 00:18:37,145
Oh. I-I'm sorry.
Th-There's been a mix-up.
449
00:18:37,265 --> 00:18:39,685
I accidentally took Stinky
with me instead of Wilfred.
450
00:18:39,805 --> 00:18:41,578
You. You tricked me.
451
00:18:41,646 --> 00:18:43,179
Was I tricking you
when you were snout-deep
452
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:46,416
in giraffe vagina with a gram
of cocaine up your rectum?
453
00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:48,484
There's only one way
to settle this.
454
00:18:48,553 --> 00:18:51,287
Rape fight.
Rape fight.
455
00:18:51,355 --> 00:18:53,556
I'll be in the car.
456
00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,759
(birds chirping)
457
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,030
So, who won the rape fight?
458
00:19:01,150 --> 00:19:04,713
Just drive, please.
(starts engine)
459
00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:30,484
Wilfred!
460
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,491
The answers will come
in good time.
461
00:19:56,443 --> 00:19:58,210
(sighs)
462
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,521
(sighs)
463
00:20:10,589 --> 00:20:12,089
What the hell?!
464
00:20:12,157 --> 00:20:14,192
Oh, I thought that's what
we were doing now.
465
00:20:15,118 --> 00:20:17,362
Jesus.
466
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:30,963
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com