1
00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:18,891
Do you remember that,
2
00:00:19,011 --> 00:00:20,563
when I used to help you paint?
3
00:00:20,614 --> 00:00:21,948
What the hell is going on?
4
00:00:22,015 --> 00:00:24,450
I would like to ask you
the same question.
5
00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:26,185
Just a drawing I did
6
00:00:26,253 --> 00:00:27,186
when I was a kid.
7
00:00:27,254 --> 00:00:28,921
Who's the dog?
8
00:00:28,989 --> 00:00:30,322
Sneakers.
9
00:00:30,390 --> 00:00:32,959
Not that dog.
10
00:00:33,026 --> 00:00:34,426
This dog.
11
00:00:34,494 --> 00:00:36,128
I-I-I don't know.
12
00:00:36,195 --> 00:00:37,563
Ryan, I'm only seven years old.
13
00:00:37,631 --> 00:00:38,797
This picture's at least 20.
14
00:00:38,865 --> 00:00:40,232
What aren't you telling me?
15
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:41,700
You're no crazier
than anybody else.
16
00:00:41,768 --> 00:00:43,068
Said the dog to the man.
17
00:00:43,136 --> 00:00:45,203
If I really drew that picture
when I was a kid
18
00:00:45,272 --> 00:00:47,339
and you don't know
what it means,
19
00:00:47,407 --> 00:00:48,647
we're on a plane with no pilot.
20
00:00:48,675 --> 00:00:50,107
I drew the picture, Ryan.
21
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,577
I was just messing with your
head like I usually do.
22
00:01:07,089 --> 00:01:10,089
3x01
Uncertainty
23
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:14,100
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:42,791
Bear, look.
25
00:01:42,858 --> 00:01:46,394
There's a fresh can
of Febreze down there.
26
00:01:46,462 --> 00:01:49,230
What?! No, of course
I'm not gonna shove you
27
00:01:49,298 --> 00:01:50,465
down the stairs, Bear.
28
00:01:50,533 --> 00:01:52,600
I promised I wouldn't
do that again.
29
00:01:54,302 --> 00:01:55,736
Hey, Ryan, since Jenna and Drew
30
00:01:55,804 --> 00:01:57,037
are still on their honeymoon
31
00:01:57,104 --> 00:01:58,706
and Bear has a
fractured vertebra,
32
00:01:58,773 --> 00:02:00,140
I was thinking
"boys night out"?
33
00:02:00,208 --> 00:02:03,143
What say we head over
to Mr. Meyerson's
34
00:02:03,211 --> 00:02:06,847
and get all Clockwork Orange
on his rose bushes?
35
00:02:06,914 --> 00:02:09,716
Hey, what's going on down here?
36
00:02:19,292 --> 00:02:22,328
So you know about the drawing.
37
00:02:22,396 --> 00:02:24,464
For a couple weeks now.
38
00:02:24,531 --> 00:02:25,898
I'm sorry, mate.
39
00:02:25,966 --> 00:02:28,800
I shouldn't have lied to you
about drawing it.
40
00:02:28,869 --> 00:02:31,536
But you just seemed
so hopeless.
41
00:02:31,604 --> 00:02:33,339
It's okay, Wilfred.
42
00:02:33,406 --> 00:02:35,741
Because I think I've
figured it out.
43
00:02:35,808 --> 00:02:38,978
You see, at first, I couldn't
understand how you could be
44
00:02:39,045 --> 00:02:41,113
in that drawing
but still exist today.
45
00:02:41,181 --> 00:02:44,615
So I thought
maybe you've been reincarnated
46
00:02:44,683 --> 00:02:47,451
or maybe I had a premonition
when I was a kid
47
00:02:47,519 --> 00:02:49,354
that we'd meet someday.
48
00:02:49,421 --> 00:02:51,622
Then, hell, why not time travel?
49
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:53,157
I was just grasping
50
00:02:53,225 --> 00:02:55,626
at these ridiculous theories
when I realized
51
00:02:55,694 --> 00:02:57,228
that the most logical
explanation
52
00:02:57,296 --> 00:03:00,163
has been right in front
of my eyes this whole time.
53
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,967
Mental illness.
54
00:03:04,035 --> 00:03:05,535
Look...
55
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,737
at-at certain points
in my life,
56
00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:10,207
I experienced emotional trauma:
57
00:03:10,275 --> 00:03:12,542
watching my parents fight,
58
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:16,279
quitting my dad's law firm,
attempting suicide.
59
00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:18,180
And the way I dealt
with that trauma
60
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,448
was by having these
61
00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:21,484
sort of psychological breaks
from reality.
62
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:24,020
You think
I'm only in your head.
63
00:03:24,088 --> 00:03:26,155
Well, Jenna's dog is real.
64
00:03:26,223 --> 00:03:29,225
But... yes, I think
the part of you
65
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,227
that no one else can
see is in my head.
66
00:03:32,294 --> 00:03:34,362
And you're happy about this?
67
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:35,831
Well, yes.
68
00:03:35,898 --> 00:03:38,233
I mean, the first step
to me getting better
69
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,401
is finally understanding
that-that this
70
00:03:40,469 --> 00:03:42,104
isn't actually happening.
71
00:03:42,171 --> 00:03:43,204
Look, Ryan,
72
00:03:43,272 --> 00:03:44,873
I wasn't gonna bring this up,
73
00:03:44,941 --> 00:03:48,909
but I've actually been doing
some thinking of my own.
74
00:03:48,977 --> 00:03:52,079
Wait, when did you...?
75
00:03:52,147 --> 00:03:54,882
See, I know for a fact
that I exist
76
00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:56,651
because I am, well, me.
77
00:03:56,718 --> 00:04:00,220
So I can't possibly
be just in your head.
78
00:04:00,288 --> 00:04:03,456
Therefore, the only
logical explanation
79
00:04:03,524 --> 00:04:06,893
is that I am a magical being.
80
00:04:06,961 --> 00:04:07,727
What?
81
00:04:07,795 --> 00:04:09,228
A wonderful magical being.
82
00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:10,530
I've been around forever,
83
00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:12,899
and I will always
be around forever.
84
00:04:12,967 --> 00:04:15,969
Okay, well, then how come when
you first found the drawing,
85
00:04:16,037 --> 00:04:17,970
you didn't remember meeting me
as a kid?
86
00:04:18,038 --> 00:04:21,140
Well, I don't remember
not remembering that, so...
87
00:04:21,207 --> 00:04:22,574
Well, you didn't.
88
00:04:22,642 --> 00:04:25,077
You said it right here
in this basement two weeks ago.
89
00:04:25,145 --> 00:04:27,846
Ryan, there's a lot of things
I don't remember. How can I...?
90
00:04:27,914 --> 00:04:29,548
Wait-- that's it!
91
00:04:29,615 --> 00:04:31,784
Dogs have terrible memories!
It makes perfect sense
92
00:04:31,851 --> 00:04:33,818
that I wouldn't remember
meeting you as a kid.
93
00:04:33,886 --> 00:04:35,953
Hell, there's probably
lots of people
94
00:04:36,021 --> 00:04:37,388
I don't remember meeting.
95
00:04:37,455 --> 00:04:39,991
The Ottomans,
ancient Greeks, troglodytes.
96
00:04:40,059 --> 00:04:43,061
Actually, no, I vaguely remember
the troglodytes.
97
00:04:43,128 --> 00:04:44,729
Overall a pretty nice bunch.
98
00:04:44,797 --> 00:04:46,731
I mean, sure,
some of them were dicks.
99
00:04:46,799 --> 00:04:49,100
Wilfred, you're not immortal.
That's completely illogical.
100
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:51,001
If you finally figured out
101
00:04:51,069 --> 00:04:54,404
that I'm only in your head,
why am I still here?
102
00:04:54,471 --> 00:04:56,573
That's a good question.
103
00:04:58,242 --> 00:05:00,143
What are you doing?
104
00:05:00,211 --> 00:05:02,278
- Wilfred isn't real.
- Ryan, stop it.
105
00:05:02,346 --> 00:05:04,581
- Wilfred is only in my head.
- Don't say that.
106
00:05:04,648 --> 00:05:06,116
Wilfred is only in my head.
107
00:05:06,184 --> 00:05:07,149
Ryan, stop.
108
00:05:07,218 --> 00:05:08,418
Wilfred is only in my head.
109
00:05:08,485 --> 00:05:10,019
Please!
110
00:05:10,087 --> 00:05:13,055
Wilfred is only in my head.
Wilfred is only in...
111
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,301
Ha ha!
112
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,303
Oh, man, you should
see your face!
113
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:29,338
You look like
114
00:05:29,405 --> 00:05:30,972
such a little bitch right now.
115
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,800
You were all, like,
"Oh. He's only in my mind."
116
00:05:34,810 --> 00:05:36,211
You're an asshole.
117
00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:38,312
Look, maybe I'm magical,
maybe you're crazy.
118
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,681
The answers will come
in good time.
119
00:05:40,749 --> 00:05:43,784
For now, you're just gonna
have to learn to live
120
00:05:43,852 --> 00:05:45,186
with a little uncertainty.
121
00:05:45,254 --> 00:05:46,687
I know what I'm doing.
122
00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:49,023
If you want to give up
so easily, be my guest.
123
00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:52,393
Okay. In that case,
124
00:05:52,661 --> 00:05:56,129
why don't we put
my little theory to a test?
125
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:58,898
What's that?
126
00:05:58,966 --> 00:06:03,470
A little cocktail
I call antifreeze-tini.
127
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,739
If I'm an immortal,
magical being,
128
00:06:05,806 --> 00:06:07,507
then this can't
possibly kill me.
129
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,542
Bottoms up.
130
00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:12,378
Oops, almost forgot the olive.
131
00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:19,018
Wilfred, no!
132
00:06:21,488 --> 00:06:23,756
Well, I'm still here.
133
00:06:23,823 --> 00:06:25,958
I drank antifreeze
and didn't die
134
00:06:26,026 --> 00:06:28,426
on account of me
being magical and all.
135
00:06:28,494 --> 00:06:30,428
No, you got your
stomach pumped.
136
00:06:30,496 --> 00:06:31,629
I don't remember that.
137
00:06:31,697 --> 00:06:33,464
You don't remember screaming,
138
00:06:33,532 --> 00:06:35,267
"Okay, I'm not magical,
I'm not magical,"
139
00:06:35,334 --> 00:06:37,602
while the vet shoved a tube
down your throat?
140
00:06:37,669 --> 00:06:40,872
I do remember...
certain things from my past.
141
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:42,407
Yes.
142
00:06:42,474 --> 00:06:44,275
It's coming back to me now.
143
00:06:44,342 --> 00:06:45,776
1945.
144
00:06:45,843 --> 00:06:49,013
My owner was
a little girl-- Anne.
145
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,447
Anne Frank.
146
00:06:50,515 --> 00:06:51,481
Seriously, don't.
147
00:06:51,549 --> 00:06:52,749
Anne and her rules:
148
00:06:52,817 --> 00:06:55,585
no walks,
no trips to the groomer's.
149
00:06:55,653 --> 00:06:57,187
In the end, I just snapped.
150
00:06:57,255 --> 00:06:59,655
I screamed at her,
"Anne, I'm dying here!
151
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,724
It's like we never leave
the house!"
152
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:04,260
And thank God,
these well-dressed German men
153
00:07:04,328 --> 00:07:07,297
heard my barking
and-and broke into the attic.
154
00:07:07,364 --> 00:07:09,698
Those brave heroes rescued me.
155
00:07:11,402 --> 00:07:13,303
Well, it looks like
156
00:07:13,370 --> 00:07:15,437
Wilfred's blood ethylene
glycol levels have dropped.
157
00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:17,439
And by the way,
his microchip still lists
158
00:07:17,506 --> 00:07:18,473
an address up in Sacramento.
159
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,809
Sacramento?
The state capital?
160
00:07:20,876 --> 00:07:22,978
Might want to update
his information.
161
00:07:25,481 --> 00:07:26,614
Whoever lives in Sacramento
162
00:07:26,682 --> 00:07:28,116
probably owned you as a puppy.
163
00:07:28,184 --> 00:07:30,218
Which means we can prove
you were actually born.
164
00:07:30,286 --> 00:07:31,419
Therefore, I'm crazy.
165
00:07:31,486 --> 00:07:32,586
If you really think
you're crazy,
166
00:07:32,654 --> 00:07:34,221
why the need to prove it to me?
167
00:07:34,289 --> 00:07:36,723
Maybe you're the part
of my brain that's so crazy
168
00:07:36,791 --> 00:07:38,540
it won't allow me to
accept that I'm crazy.
169
00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:40,294
God, you're so crazy.
170
00:07:40,362 --> 00:07:42,430
You remind me
of my old owner Vincent.
171
00:07:42,497 --> 00:07:43,464
Vincent?
172
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:44,698
Fancied himself an artist.
173
00:07:44,766 --> 00:07:46,467
One day, he was at his easel,
174
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,014
and he'd gotten
some paint on his ear.
175
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,435
And I mistook it
for banana pudding,
176
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,171
and so, obviously, I...
177
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:54,007
Wilfred, you can't sit
on my lap right now.
178
00:07:54,075 --> 00:07:55,174
I'm driving.
179
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:57,042
Which, to me, seems
like the perfect time
180
00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:00,312
to have your lap sat on.
I mean, am I crazy?
181
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,885
And what happens
if my old owner
182
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,753
wants me back?
I'd want me back.
183
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,154
I mean, look at this shit.
184
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,156
The statute of limitations
on lost pets is three years.
185
00:08:12,224 --> 00:08:14,025
Wait.
186
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,427
I-I remember this.
187
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,497
Right.
Like Anne Frank?
188
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:19,731
This was my home.
189
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,634
And this yard.
190
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:25,403
I used to run around
this yard all day.
191
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:26,904
God, I was so free here.
192
00:08:26,972 --> 00:08:28,839
And my toy.
My favorite toy.
193
00:08:28,907 --> 00:08:30,374
Good Green Hippo.
194
00:08:30,441 --> 00:08:34,011
He was little and green with
pink spots, and he was a hippo.
195
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:36,881
And I bit off one of his legs.
He was fine with it.
196
00:08:36,948 --> 00:08:40,083
The last time I saw him,
I buried him...
197
00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:41,351
there.
198
00:08:48,592 --> 00:08:49,826
He's not here.
199
00:08:49,894 --> 00:08:51,828
Obviously.
You can't know something
200
00:08:51,896 --> 00:08:54,797
I don't already know
if you're only up here.
201
00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,577
See? How could I know that?
202
00:09:08,645 --> 00:09:11,647
Everybody knows that.
203
00:09:11,714 --> 00:09:13,448
Hi.
204
00:09:13,516 --> 00:09:14,916
My name's Ryan Newman.
205
00:09:14,983 --> 00:09:17,117
This is gonna sound crazy,
206
00:09:17,185 --> 00:09:19,419
but I think you maybe
used to own my dog.
207
00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:21,317
His name is Wilfred now, but...
208
00:09:25,126 --> 00:09:28,362
Who the hell's that fat,
ugly piece of shit?
209
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,091
- A clone?
- I know.
210
00:09:37,211 --> 00:09:38,565
When I first heard
about pet cloning,
211
00:09:38,633 --> 00:09:40,933
I was like, "Am I in
a science fiction movie?"
212
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:43,302
My name is
Lord Charles Beevwelt II
213
00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:44,336
of Shropshire.
214
00:09:44,405 --> 00:09:45,505
Welcome to my home.
215
00:09:45,572 --> 00:09:47,540
Look around.
Do you like what you see?
216
00:09:47,608 --> 00:09:48,508
Actually, cloning isn't
217
00:09:48,575 --> 00:09:50,142
that uncommon anymore.
218
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:53,513
Back in 2006, Stinky here
cost almost half a million.
219
00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:54,714
Stinky, huh?
220
00:09:54,782 --> 00:09:56,314
Just an affectionate nickname.
221
00:09:56,382 --> 00:09:58,483
Okay, there's no way
this guy is my clone.
222
00:09:58,551 --> 00:09:59,984
He looks nothing like me.
223
00:10:00,052 --> 00:10:01,887
Ooh, I love it.
224
00:10:01,954 --> 00:10:02,954
Such a jester.
225
00:10:03,022 --> 00:10:04,389
Can we keep him?
226
00:10:05,558 --> 00:10:06,825
Itch.
227
00:10:06,893 --> 00:10:08,527
So, you paid someone to do this?
228
00:10:08,594 --> 00:10:09,728
Oh, no, not me.
229
00:10:09,796 --> 00:10:11,029
I'm just Stinky's caretaker.
230
00:10:11,096 --> 00:10:12,530
I'm Heather Williger,
by the way.
231
00:10:12,597 --> 00:10:15,533
Hi. So you knew Wilfred
when he was a puppy?
232
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:16,801
Oh, no.
233
00:10:16,868 --> 00:10:18,569
I only started
working here last year.
234
00:10:18,637 --> 00:10:19,503
Miss Covington
235
00:10:19,571 --> 00:10:21,572
was vacationing in Wisconsin
236
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,840
when the first Stinky...
237
00:10:22,908 --> 00:10:23,974
um, uh, Wilfred...
238
00:10:24,042 --> 00:10:25,208
ran away.
239
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:26,376
She decided she would do
240
00:10:26,445 --> 00:10:27,911
whatever it took
to bring him back.
241
00:10:27,978 --> 00:10:29,579
All right, that's enough.
242
00:10:29,647 --> 00:10:31,247
I said that's enough!
243
00:10:31,315 --> 00:10:34,551
Uh, would it be possible to
speak with Miss Covington?
244
00:10:34,618 --> 00:10:37,119
I'm sort of here for
a specific reason.
245
00:10:37,187 --> 00:10:39,288
I'm sorry,
she passed away last year.
246
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:41,190
Oh.
She left everything
247
00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:42,425
in her will to the dog.
248
00:10:42,493 --> 00:10:44,760
I just get paid to live here,
249
00:10:44,828 --> 00:10:46,294
and, you know, make sure Stinky
250
00:10:46,362 --> 00:10:49,130
"maintains the lifestyle
he's grown accustomed to."
251
00:10:49,198 --> 00:10:51,767
What? He owns everything?
252
00:10:51,835 --> 00:10:53,234
That's right, Wilfred--
it's all mine.
253
00:10:53,302 --> 00:10:55,337
And I can do whatever
I please with it.
254
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:58,807
It's like my life is one long
dalliance with pleasure.
255
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,775
Dalliance?
That's not even a word.
256
00:11:00,843 --> 00:11:02,076
Is!
257
00:11:02,143 --> 00:11:03,310
Say, Wilfred,
258
00:11:03,378 --> 00:11:05,646
do you see this charming
little vase over here?
259
00:11:05,714 --> 00:11:07,281
Oh, Stinky, be careful.
260
00:11:07,349 --> 00:11:09,584
Its craftsmanship
is without equal.
261
00:11:09,651 --> 00:11:11,452
But how would I know that?
262
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,354
I'm just a dog.
263
00:11:18,926 --> 00:11:20,326
Oh, Miss Williger?
264
00:11:20,394 --> 00:11:22,462
It seems there's a little
something left over
265
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:23,997
from this morning's
bowel movement.
266
00:11:24,064 --> 00:11:25,932
Come and get it...
267
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,567
if you can!
268
00:11:28,769 --> 00:11:30,737
I hate it when this happens.
269
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:39,945
Damn, this guy really
lives the high life.
270
00:11:40,013 --> 00:11:41,013
Okay.
Oh!
271
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,615
Sorry about that.
272
00:11:42,682 --> 00:11:45,017
So you were saying you're
here for a specific reason?
273
00:11:45,084 --> 00:11:47,285
I've owned Wilfred
for six years now.
274
00:11:47,353 --> 00:11:49,787
And I never got to see him
as a cute, little puppy.
275
00:11:49,855 --> 00:11:52,123
So I-I was just wondering
if maybe there's some photos
276
00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:53,558
lying around?
Oh, oh, shoot.
277
00:11:53,626 --> 00:11:55,026
Can you hold that thought?
278
00:11:55,093 --> 00:11:57,028
It's time for Stinky's
midday snack.
279
00:11:58,330 --> 00:12:00,464
Stinky is such a finicky eater.
280
00:12:00,533 --> 00:12:03,401
So I usually mix
chicken broth in.
281
00:12:03,468 --> 00:12:04,635
More broth.
282
00:12:04,702 --> 00:12:05,969
No, less broth.
283
00:12:06,037 --> 00:12:08,071
No, more broth!
You're doing it all wrong!
284
00:12:08,139 --> 00:12:09,706
This is bullshit.
285
00:12:09,774 --> 00:12:11,408
That clone stole my life.
286
00:12:11,475 --> 00:12:12,709
You're the one who ran away.
287
00:12:12,777 --> 00:12:14,177
I don't remember that.
288
00:12:14,245 --> 00:12:16,179
You know, your memory
seems pretty selective.
289
00:12:16,247 --> 00:12:18,749
Hopefully a puppy picture
will help refresh it.
290
00:12:18,816 --> 00:12:21,283
You won't find one, Ryan,
because I was never a puppy.
291
00:12:21,351 --> 00:12:22,952
Because I was never born.
292
00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:25,521
I have been eternally
dalliancing...
293
00:12:25,589 --> 00:12:27,322
That's not how
you use the word.
294
00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:28,257
Wilfred?
295
00:12:28,324 --> 00:12:29,825
Are you smelling this?
296
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:31,360
It's a symphony of flavors--
297
00:12:31,428 --> 00:12:33,863
peas, carrots,
pork parts, bone meal
298
00:12:33,931 --> 00:12:36,130
and a delectable
sawdust filler.
299
00:12:36,198 --> 00:12:38,499
It's an old Covington
family recipe we call
300
00:12:38,568 --> 00:12:40,802
"Healthy Dog Chow Pro
with wet stuff on top."
301
00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:42,103
It's all I'll eat.
302
00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:44,072
That wet stuff on top
303
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,273
should belong to me!
304
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:47,175
All of this should belong to me!
305
00:12:47,242 --> 00:12:50,645
Hell, I bet that asshole's
got my Good Green Hippo, too.
306
00:12:50,713 --> 00:12:52,780
No, because it doesn't exist.
307
00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:54,147
Just like you and the clone.
308
00:12:54,215 --> 00:12:55,449
For the last time, Ryan,
309
00:12:55,516 --> 00:12:57,551
not only do I exist,
I am a magical being.
310
00:12:57,619 --> 00:12:59,486
And if I'd gotten
my rightful inheritance,
311
00:12:59,554 --> 00:13:02,056
I could've lived like a king
till the end of time.
312
00:13:02,123 --> 00:13:04,357
I'd be the dalliancer
of the world.
313
00:13:04,425 --> 00:13:06,927
Again, you're misusing
the word.
314
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,394
Jesus!
315
00:13:08,462 --> 00:13:09,528
That's it.
316
00:13:09,597 --> 00:13:12,264
This Stinky character
has got to go.
317
00:13:15,636 --> 00:13:17,403
- What's up, bitch? You want to do this?
- How dare you enter my chambers
318
00:13:17,471 --> 00:13:19,371
- without an invitation!
- Let's do this! Come on, get some,
319
00:13:19,439 --> 00:13:20,506
- you shit mound!
- This skullduggery will not be tolerated!
320
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:22,141
This is how we do it
in the hood!
321
00:13:22,209 --> 00:13:23,509
- Wilfred, calm down.
- Stinky, no.
322
00:13:23,577 --> 00:13:24,810
Wait.
323
00:13:24,877 --> 00:13:27,278
You like to scream hateful shit
at cuckoo birds, too?
324
00:13:27,346 --> 00:13:29,147
Of course. They burst
out of their homes
325
00:13:29,215 --> 00:13:30,348
and run off their mouths.
326
00:13:30,416 --> 00:13:32,217
And then when shit's
about to get real,
327
00:13:32,284 --> 00:13:34,753
they run back inside like
the little pussies they are.
328
00:13:34,821 --> 00:13:36,922
You like licking windows?
329
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,456
Unsmeared windows bore me.
330
00:13:38,524 --> 00:13:41,425
I wonder, Wilfred,
do you enjoy doing this?
331
00:13:43,028 --> 00:13:45,362
It's cool. It's cool.
332
00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:47,898
We're not so different
after all, are we, Wilfred?
333
00:13:47,966 --> 00:13:49,333
Come.
334
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,235
Swim with me in the seas
of opulence.
335
00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:55,372
Anyway, you wanted to see some
336
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,140
old photos of Wilfred, right?
337
00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:58,808
- Right.
- Okay.
338
00:14:00,044 --> 00:14:02,178
What's mine is yours.
339
00:14:05,916 --> 00:14:08,551
I used to walk Stinky
when Miss Covington was alive,
340
00:14:08,619 --> 00:14:10,419
so I took some
of the later photos.
341
00:14:10,487 --> 00:14:13,088
Photography is kind of
a hobby of mine.
342
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:15,223
When you watch a dog
all day, you just have
343
00:14:15,291 --> 00:14:17,893
to have some other outlets
for happiness, right?
344
00:14:19,929 --> 00:14:21,864
Right this way.
345
00:15:03,559 --> 00:15:04,527
Do you see this?
346
00:15:04,647 --> 00:15:05,548
Excuse me?
347
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:06,827
Do you see this toy?
348
00:15:06,894 --> 00:15:08,262
I-I mean, describe it to me.
349
00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:10,063
What-what exactly do you see?
350
00:15:10,131 --> 00:15:12,031
Uh, I see a green hippopotamus.
351
00:15:12,099 --> 00:15:14,367
It has pink polka dots
and one leg
352
00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,068
that's been chewed off
or something.
353
00:15:16,136 --> 00:15:17,370
Where did you find it?
354
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,105
W-Was it buried
in the yard or...?
355
00:15:19,172 --> 00:15:20,240
Is it real?
356
00:15:20,307 --> 00:15:21,974
Hold it.
Uh, n-no.
357
00:15:22,042 --> 00:15:23,109
I... uh, okay, you know what?
358
00:15:23,176 --> 00:15:24,544
I think you should leave now.
359
00:15:24,612 --> 00:15:26,445
You should get your dog and go.
360
00:15:32,318 --> 00:15:34,286
Oh, dear me.
361
00:15:34,354 --> 00:15:36,255
That is pure
as the driven snow.
362
00:15:36,322 --> 00:15:37,756
Wilfred, come.
We're leaving.
363
00:15:37,823 --> 00:15:41,126
Uh, I'm sort of in the middle
of something here, mate.
364
00:15:41,193 --> 00:15:42,293
I said come. Now.
365
00:15:42,361 --> 00:15:44,428
Dude, you are such a buzzkill.
366
00:15:44,496 --> 00:15:46,564
It's been such a delight.
367
00:15:46,632 --> 00:15:49,667
Come visit us again
sometime, won't you?
368
00:15:54,172 --> 00:15:56,206
I mean, you were
in that drawing.
369
00:15:56,275 --> 00:15:59,576
And the fact that
that hippo toy exists.
370
00:15:59,644 --> 00:16:02,512
Hell, maybe you are
a magical being.
371
00:16:02,580 --> 00:16:04,247
Look.
372
00:16:04,315 --> 00:16:05,615
Sorry to keep going over this.
373
00:16:05,683 --> 00:16:07,784
I just want to be
certain about it.
374
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:21,530
Ryan, look, I found something
back at Stinky's house.
375
00:16:21,598 --> 00:16:23,399
I-I didn't want to show you,
376
00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:26,302
but I think it's too important
for you not to see.
377
00:16:27,604 --> 00:16:28,804
It's me.
378
00:16:28,871 --> 00:16:30,172
Right after I was born.
379
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,740
Well, the real dog at least.
380
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:34,342
Me, on the other hand,
who's talking to you,
381
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,278
maybe I am just some kind
of manifestation
382
00:16:37,346 --> 00:16:38,946
of your madness.
383
00:16:39,014 --> 00:16:40,315
It doesn't make any sense.
384
00:16:40,382 --> 00:16:42,483
I found the hippo.
That means you're real.
385
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,353
That's got to be
the clone, right?
386
00:16:46,421 --> 00:16:48,855
Or maybe you bought the hippo
on your way to Sacramento
387
00:16:48,923 --> 00:16:51,458
and tricked yourself
into thinking you uncovered it.
388
00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:55,228
Oh, God, I can't
take this anymore!
389
00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:57,063
What if you never
find any answers?
390
00:16:57,131 --> 00:16:58,298
Wouldn't it be best to avoid
391
00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:01,201
the anxiety
of uncertainty, and...
392
00:17:01,268 --> 00:17:03,803
simply skip to the end?
393
00:17:05,271 --> 00:17:07,139
What are you talking
about, Wilfred?
394
00:17:07,207 --> 00:17:10,609
I've thought this through, Ryan.
This is the only clear path.
395
00:17:10,677 --> 00:17:11,944
Think about it.
396
00:17:12,011 --> 00:17:14,413
The day we met was the day
of your failed suicide.
397
00:17:14,481 --> 00:17:17,182
Maybe I came
into your life for a reason.
398
00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:18,850
To show you that life
399
00:17:18,917 --> 00:17:21,853
is just a long,
torturous wrestling match
400
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,955
with unanswerable questions.
401
00:17:24,022 --> 00:17:26,725
Maybe this is why I've existed
to you this whole time,
402
00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:31,062
to lead you back
to this final, fateful moment.
403
00:17:31,129 --> 00:17:32,364
There's no other way.
404
00:17:32,431 --> 00:17:34,832
Why are you doing
this, Wilfred?
405
00:17:34,899 --> 00:17:36,500
Ryan, drink up.
406
00:17:36,568 --> 00:17:40,070
Come on, one final dalliance
with death.
407
00:17:40,137 --> 00:17:42,606
Dalliance?
408
00:17:42,674 --> 00:17:44,808
Oh, my God--
you're Stinky.
409
00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:46,243
Oh, please don't harm me.
410
00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:47,510
What the hell is going on here?
411
00:17:47,545 --> 00:17:48,746
All right, all right.
412
00:17:48,813 --> 00:17:49,693
Uh, back at the house,
413
00:17:49,714 --> 00:17:52,281
Wilfred and I switched places.
414
00:17:52,349 --> 00:17:54,116
Why? Why would you
want to leave?
415
00:17:54,184 --> 00:17:55,718
You have no idea
what it's like back there.
416
00:17:55,786 --> 00:17:58,120
Miss Williger does sick,
humiliating things to me
417
00:17:58,188 --> 00:17:59,269
when no one else is around.
418
00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:00,623
I baited Wilfred
into the switch
419
00:18:00,691 --> 00:18:02,658
by making my life
seem like paradise.
420
00:18:02,726 --> 00:18:05,294
He told you about
my suicide attempt.
421
00:18:05,362 --> 00:18:06,928
We were doing cocaine, Ryan.
422
00:18:06,996 --> 00:18:10,265
A lot of personal stories were
shared in a rapid-fire manner.
423
00:18:10,332 --> 00:18:12,634
Why would you want
me to kill myself?
424
00:18:12,702 --> 00:18:14,269
Honestly, you were just
sitting there yammering
425
00:18:14,336 --> 00:18:16,104
on and on about
your inane problems.
426
00:18:16,171 --> 00:18:17,439
It was so boring.
427
00:18:17,507 --> 00:18:21,276
So much so that the idea
of watching you die seemed...
428
00:18:21,343 --> 00:18:23,043
I don't know... orgasmic?
429
00:18:23,111 --> 00:18:24,678
Wait a second.
430
00:18:24,746 --> 00:18:27,548
If Miss Williger abused you
when no one else was around...
431
00:18:32,186 --> 00:18:33,821
Wilfred!
432
00:18:33,889 --> 00:18:35,322
Oh, please, no.
433
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,090
I don't like this.
434
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,758
Wilfred!
435
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,360
That's good. That's really good.
436
00:18:42,763 --> 00:18:45,865
I love that. Come on.
Move your little feet around.
437
00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:48,067
What the hell
are you doing here?
438
00:18:48,135 --> 00:18:50,737
Ryan, you came back for me.
439
00:18:52,406 --> 00:18:55,045
Oh. I-I'm sorry.
Th-There's been a mix-up.
440
00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:57,585
I accidentally took Stinky
with me instead of Wilfred.
441
00:18:57,705 --> 00:18:59,478
You. You tricked me.
442
00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:01,079
Was I tricking you
when you were snout-deep
443
00:19:01,147 --> 00:19:04,316
in giraffe vagina with a gram
of cocaine up your rectum?
444
00:19:04,383 --> 00:19:06,384
There's only one way
to settle this.
445
00:19:06,453 --> 00:19:09,187
- Rape fight.
- Rape fight.
446
00:19:09,255 --> 00:19:11,456
I'll be in the car.
447
00:19:16,829 --> 00:19:18,930
So, who won the rape fight?
448
00:19:19,050 --> 00:19:22,613
Just drive, please.
449
00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:48,384
Wilfred!
450
00:19:52,856 --> 00:19:55,391
The answers will come
in good time.
451
00:20:28,489 --> 00:20:29,989
What the hell?!
452
00:20:30,057 --> 00:20:32,092
Oh, I thought that's what
we were doing now.
453
00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:35,262
Jesus.
454
00:20:47,241 --> 00:20:58,073
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