1 00:00:20,336 --> 00:00:23,336 3x02 Comfort 2 00:00:23,340 --> 00:00:27,340 Sync & corrections by honeybunny Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne www.addic7ed.com 3 00:00:29,036 --> 00:00:31,304 Here's us playing roulette in the casino. 4 00:00:31,372 --> 00:00:33,539 And here's us doing karaoke. 5 00:00:33,607 --> 00:00:35,820 And here's us... Oh, gross, Drew. 6 00:00:35,940 --> 00:00:37,207 Oh, I'm sorry. 7 00:00:37,274 --> 00:00:39,209 He must have taken that when he was drunk. 8 00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:41,744 Okay, here's some dolphins off the ship. 9 00:00:41,812 --> 00:00:43,245 Looks like a fun cruise. 10 00:00:43,313 --> 00:00:45,481 Yeah, Mexico was a blast. 11 00:00:45,548 --> 00:00:46,915 Thanks again for watching Wilfred. 12 00:00:46,983 --> 00:00:47,883 Yeah. 13 00:00:47,951 --> 00:00:48,911 By the way, how are you? 14 00:00:48,976 --> 00:00:51,587 I feel like we haven't really talked since the wedding. 15 00:00:51,655 --> 00:00:52,688 I'm good. 16 00:00:52,756 --> 00:00:53,822 We heard about the whole Amanda thing. 17 00:00:53,890 --> 00:00:54,957 Are you okay? 18 00:00:55,025 --> 00:00:56,525 Yeah, I'm fine. 19 00:00:56,593 --> 00:00:58,361 I want you to know that I'm always here for you. 20 00:00:58,428 --> 00:01:00,463 I appreciate that. 21 00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:02,298 And here's me 22 00:01:02,365 --> 00:01:04,133 looking out the window at absolutely nothing. 23 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,534 I did that for, like, four or five hours. 24 00:01:06,602 --> 00:01:07,902 And here's me right after 25 00:01:07,970 --> 00:01:09,738 I startled myself awake with my own fart. 26 00:01:09,805 --> 00:01:12,688 And here's me... Oh, gross, Wilfred. 27 00:01:12,937 --> 00:01:15,505 Sorry, I must've taken that when I was drunk. 28 00:01:15,573 --> 00:01:17,540 Wilfred sure is excited to see us. 29 00:01:17,608 --> 00:01:20,911 I think that this is the longest we've ever been away from him. 30 00:01:21,179 --> 00:01:22,946 Hey, you should come over Friday night. 31 00:01:23,014 --> 00:01:24,882 Drew took a cooking class on the ship, 32 00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:26,917 - and he's cooking up some recipes he learned. - Oh, yeah! 33 00:01:26,985 --> 00:01:28,585 And then you can meet Ron and Peggy, 34 00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:30,254 one of the other couples from the cruise. 35 00:01:30,322 --> 00:01:31,722 - They're super nice. - They're super fat. 36 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:32,957 All right. Yeah. 37 00:01:33,025 --> 00:01:34,925 Sickness, Ry. Well... 38 00:01:34,993 --> 00:01:36,861 what do you say we loosen up these OJs 39 00:01:36,929 --> 00:01:38,563 with a few bubbles? 40 00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:40,131 Drew, it's 10:00 in the morning. 41 00:01:40,199 --> 00:01:42,266 Ah, just a little "hair of the dog." 42 00:01:42,334 --> 00:01:43,601 Ooh! Ah... 43 00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:48,240 Oh, looks like the cork scared Wilfy a little. 44 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:53,112 Jesus offers you a fresh start, 45 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,581 - a clean slate... - Hey! 46 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,683 Can you turn that religious bullshit off? 47 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,584 I'm trying to enjoy a blumpkin in here! 48 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,452 And in return, he asks for nothing 49 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,222 but your unquestioning faith and commitment. 50 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,891 If you receive this pardon from God, 51 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,926 you can stand before anyone 52 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,495 - with peace and calm in your heart. - What is wrong with you? 53 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,863 Nothing. 54 00:02:09,931 --> 00:02:11,171 Because if you're ready to die, 55 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,299 you're ready to live. 56 00:02:14,069 --> 00:02:15,836 Thinking about Amanda again? 57 00:02:15,904 --> 00:02:18,338 God, I wish everyone would stop asking about Amanda. 58 00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:20,040 I'm totally fine, okay? 59 00:02:20,108 --> 00:02:23,310 Ryan, every dog has this one itchy spot 60 00:02:23,378 --> 00:02:24,878 on his back, just above the tail. 61 00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:26,313 And try as he may, 62 00:02:26,381 --> 00:02:28,149 he can never scratch it himself. 63 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:31,719 I mean, sure, he can try to rub it up against a tree 64 00:02:31,786 --> 00:02:34,388 or up against the underside of a couch, 65 00:02:34,456 --> 00:02:35,756 but it's never as comforting 66 00:02:35,824 --> 00:02:38,125 as the fingernails of a good friend. 67 00:02:38,193 --> 00:02:39,259 What, do you want me to cry on your shoulder? 68 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:40,794 Hell, no! 69 00:02:40,862 --> 00:02:42,363 I'm not talking about coming to me for comfort. 70 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:43,931 Why would I comfort you? 71 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,839 I mean, you've hardly been there for me lately. 72 00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:47,268 What are you talking about? 73 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,370 Right. 74 00:02:49,438 --> 00:02:50,571 I'm serious. What's wrong? 75 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:52,573 Ryan... 76 00:02:52,641 --> 00:02:54,375 Jenna and Drew died. 77 00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,343 Wait, what? 78 00:02:56,411 --> 00:02:59,513 Yeah, they died for, like, 17 days. 79 00:02:59,581 --> 00:03:01,649 I'm glad they finally came back, though. 80 00:03:01,717 --> 00:03:03,851 Wilfred, they were just on their honeymoon. 81 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:05,419 Just 'cause you don't see someone for a while 82 00:03:05,487 --> 00:03:06,787 doesn't mean they're dead. 83 00:03:06,855 --> 00:03:08,556 Ah... I'm pretty sure they're dead. 84 00:03:08,624 --> 00:03:09,991 I looked everywhere for them. 85 00:03:10,058 --> 00:03:13,061 You think that death is like a vacation? 86 00:03:13,128 --> 00:03:14,496 That's not how it works. 87 00:03:14,563 --> 00:03:15,963 Do you remember Shep, the Great Dane 88 00:03:15,965 --> 00:03:17,332 you used to see at the park? 89 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,334 Yeah, old Shep with the gray face 90 00:03:19,402 --> 00:03:21,770 and the funny cancers he was always joking about. 91 00:03:21,838 --> 00:03:23,305 Yeah, he's been dead quite a while. 92 00:03:23,373 --> 00:03:25,107 Should be back any day now. 93 00:03:25,175 --> 00:03:28,345 Wilfred, when people die-- really die-- 94 00:03:28,412 --> 00:03:29,646 then they're dead. 95 00:03:29,714 --> 00:03:31,081 That's it. 96 00:03:31,149 --> 00:03:32,282 They-they don't get to come back. 97 00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:33,951 Wait. 98 00:03:34,019 --> 00:03:36,387 So, my grandmother, my-my parents... 99 00:03:36,455 --> 00:03:39,056 they're not coming back? 100 00:03:39,124 --> 00:03:41,359 Holy shit. 101 00:03:41,427 --> 00:03:44,796 Marley and Me is a really sad movie. 102 00:03:44,864 --> 00:03:46,398 God, why was I laughing the whole time? 103 00:03:49,469 --> 00:03:50,736 What is it? 104 00:03:50,804 --> 00:03:51,970 My nemesis. 105 00:03:52,038 --> 00:03:53,505 The bane of all dogs. 106 00:03:53,573 --> 00:03:55,274 The mailman? Exactly. 107 00:03:55,341 --> 00:03:56,675 Wait... 108 00:03:56,743 --> 00:03:58,410 It all makes sense now. 109 00:03:58,478 --> 00:04:00,345 He just goes away for a while, 110 00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:01,747 and then comes back. 111 00:04:01,815 --> 00:04:03,082 God, I feel like such an idiot! 112 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:05,084 He was never actually dead. 113 00:04:05,152 --> 00:04:08,221 Until now. 114 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,490 The United States Postal Service is a lie! 115 00:04:10,558 --> 00:04:13,760 - Wilfred, stop it! - Yeah, they act all kind and benevolent. 116 00:04:13,828 --> 00:04:15,428 Sorry, just one sec! But then they come to your house 117 00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:17,163 and drop off your mail! 118 00:04:18,499 --> 00:04:21,168 Hey, I'm, uh, Bill. 119 00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:22,703 Your mailman. Obviously. 120 00:04:22,771 --> 00:04:23,870 Here's your mail. 121 00:04:28,109 --> 00:04:29,843 - Did you need a signature or...? - Uh... 122 00:04:29,911 --> 00:04:31,678 No, uh... it's kind of embarrassing, 123 00:04:31,746 --> 00:04:33,513 but do you mind if I use your bathroom? 124 00:04:33,581 --> 00:04:34,915 It's sort of an emergency. 125 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,344 Don't invite him in, Ryan! 126 00:04:36,384 --> 00:04:38,786 He can't come in if you don't invite him! 127 00:04:38,853 --> 00:04:40,120 Yeah, sure. 128 00:04:40,188 --> 00:04:42,523 You can totally use my bathroom, 129 00:04:42,591 --> 00:04:44,392 Mailman Bill. 130 00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:45,760 You're letting him shit in the house?! 131 00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,462 I don't even get to shit in the house! 132 00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:50,331 Oh, uh... I don't mean to be such a princess, 133 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:52,719 but there's no way the dog can get through that door, right? 134 00:04:52,735 --> 00:04:55,370 - A buddy of mine had sort of an incident. - Oh. 135 00:04:55,437 --> 00:04:57,205 - Don't worry, you're fine. - Okay. 136 00:04:57,272 --> 00:04:58,806 - Just, uh... - I'll kill you! I'll kill you! 137 00:04:58,874 --> 00:05:00,742 - Thank you. - I'll kill you! 138 00:05:00,810 --> 00:05:02,477 I'll kill you... I'll kill you... 139 00:05:02,545 --> 00:05:04,379 - I'll kill you... - Ooh, thank you. 140 00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:07,415 - I'll kill you... - Really enjoyed your toilet reading, by the way. 141 00:05:07,483 --> 00:05:09,451 Alan Moore? Miracleman? Classic. 142 00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:11,886 Yeah, I've got every issue except number 15. 143 00:05:11,954 --> 00:05:13,488 Oh. It's too bad it's out of print. 144 00:05:13,556 --> 00:05:15,023 Yeah. You like Alan Moore? 145 00:05:15,091 --> 00:05:17,392 Uh, yeah. 146 00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:18,927 Rorschach? Awesome. 147 00:05:18,995 --> 00:05:20,429 Yeah. 148 00:05:20,496 --> 00:05:21,730 Whoa, is that a pentagram? 149 00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:23,298 Oh. Yeah. 150 00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,667 My ex-girlfriend and I met at a Slayer concert. 151 00:05:25,735 --> 00:05:27,969 So, me being the romantic that I am, 152 00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,405 I decided to get a tattoo to celebrate our anniversary. 153 00:05:30,473 --> 00:05:32,207 - Nice. - Yeah... only, a week later, 154 00:05:32,274 --> 00:05:33,642 she goes nuts and dumps me 155 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,244 for a guy she met at Chipotle. 156 00:05:35,311 --> 00:05:37,546 Ah! No point in dredging up old bullshit like that. 157 00:05:37,614 --> 00:05:38,747 Right. 158 00:05:38,815 --> 00:05:40,249 Well, I'd better get on my way 159 00:05:40,316 --> 00:05:42,151 if I'm gonna finish my route by happy hour. 160 00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:44,920 Tell you what, you should meet me in Hinano's in an hour, 161 00:05:44,988 --> 00:05:47,522 and I'll bring by a copy of Miracleman number 15. 162 00:05:47,590 --> 00:05:48,756 Oh, cool. 163 00:05:48,824 --> 00:05:49,958 Yeah, maybe I'll see you there. 164 00:05:50,025 --> 00:05:51,192 Well, great. 165 00:05:56,998 --> 00:05:59,099 Wilfred! What are you doing here? 166 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:00,467 Sorry, I just have so many questions 167 00:06:00,535 --> 00:06:02,035 about this death thing. 168 00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:03,637 I'm meeting Bill right now. Please. 169 00:06:03,704 --> 00:06:04,971 Just one question. 170 00:06:05,039 --> 00:06:07,073 You said earlier that when someone dies, 171 00:06:07,141 --> 00:06:08,308 they don't come back. 172 00:06:08,375 --> 00:06:09,576 Where do they go? 173 00:06:11,779 --> 00:06:13,246 Well... 174 00:06:13,313 --> 00:06:15,949 some people believe that nothing happens. 175 00:06:16,016 --> 00:06:17,817 That you just "turn off," like a light switch. 176 00:06:17,851 --> 00:06:19,452 But if you're religious, 177 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:20,853 like if you're Christian, for instance, 178 00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:21,854 then you believe in a place called Heaven. 179 00:06:21,922 --> 00:06:22,988 Heaven? 180 00:06:23,056 --> 00:06:24,557 Eternal paradise, 181 00:06:24,624 --> 00:06:26,425 where you and God and Jesus all live together... 182 00:06:26,493 --> 00:06:27,994 Look, I-I don't know what happens, Wilfred. 183 00:06:28,061 --> 00:06:29,228 I have to go. 184 00:06:29,296 --> 00:06:30,830 Well, wait. 185 00:06:30,897 --> 00:06:32,264 How can you leave me at a time like this? 186 00:06:32,332 --> 00:06:34,233 I'm having a crisis here! 187 00:06:43,610 --> 00:06:44,677 Are you sure that's okay? 188 00:06:44,745 --> 00:06:45,945 Oh, yeah. 189 00:06:46,013 --> 00:06:47,480 This is an "undeliverable." 190 00:06:47,547 --> 00:06:49,615 You see, the rain washed out the address, 191 00:06:49,683 --> 00:06:51,251 and look, there's not even a zip code. 192 00:06:51,318 --> 00:06:53,253 So this thing's headed straight for the garbage. 193 00:06:53,321 --> 00:06:54,955 Let's see what we got, here. 194 00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:56,556 "Dear Steven, 195 00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:59,092 I've been thinking of you more and more these days." 196 00:06:59,159 --> 00:07:00,593 Whoa. 197 00:07:00,661 --> 00:07:03,596 "I remember the nights we spent together last fall. 198 00:07:03,664 --> 00:07:06,366 We did some things that I both cherish and regret." 199 00:07:06,434 --> 00:07:08,935 - Oh! - Well, this girl's a pretty good writer. 200 00:07:09,003 --> 00:07:10,236 "I still have memories 201 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,472 of your massiveness in my mouth"? 202 00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:13,673 Oh! Whoa! 203 00:07:13,741 --> 00:07:15,008 Holy shit! 204 00:07:15,076 --> 00:07:16,843 Okay, this girl is a freak. 205 00:07:16,911 --> 00:07:18,277 Still, pretty good writing, though. 206 00:07:18,345 --> 00:07:21,747 "But I just got the results back from my HIV test, 207 00:07:21,815 --> 00:07:24,616 "and I'm heartbroken to say that they came back positive. 208 00:07:24,684 --> 00:07:27,252 "I know that you just returned from Afghanistan 209 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,088 and are struggling with your own PTSD issues..." 210 00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:42,700 Shit! 211 00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:44,068 Are you kidding me, man? 212 00:07:44,135 --> 00:07:46,303 That was crazy. Oh... 213 00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:48,471 I remember one time my buddy Barry 214 00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:50,340 had this undeliverable, and it was, like... 215 00:07:52,577 --> 00:07:54,210 Oh, man, Barry... 216 00:07:54,278 --> 00:07:56,045 Who's Barry? 217 00:07:56,113 --> 00:07:58,047 Ah, just a guy that... We used to work together. 218 00:07:58,115 --> 00:07:59,349 He's, uh... 219 00:07:59,417 --> 00:08:01,184 Hello! Here we go. 220 00:08:01,252 --> 00:08:02,752 This is what I'm talking about. These are great. 221 00:08:02,820 --> 00:08:04,220 As long as you don't mind 222 00:08:04,288 --> 00:08:06,389 putting this massiveness in your mouth. 223 00:08:06,457 --> 00:08:08,525 Oh... 224 00:08:14,132 --> 00:08:15,933 It's okay, Ryan. 225 00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:17,334 Wilfred! 226 00:08:17,402 --> 00:08:18,969 What the hell did you do? 227 00:08:19,037 --> 00:08:21,405 As you know, I was locked inside a small car 228 00:08:21,473 --> 00:08:22,973 with black leather interior 229 00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:24,875 for hours as it baked in the hot sun. 230 00:08:24,943 --> 00:08:26,644 And as I sat there contemplating death, 231 00:08:26,712 --> 00:08:29,780 real death came upon me. 232 00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:31,382 I began overheating. 233 00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:33,184 I couldn't pant fast enough. 234 00:08:33,252 --> 00:08:35,953 I started to make these little, squeaky whimpering noises 235 00:08:36,021 --> 00:08:37,181 that conveyed my desperation. 236 00:08:37,189 --> 00:08:38,723 And then suddenly, 237 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:40,191 a thin, pale man 238 00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:41,525 with long hair and a beard 239 00:08:41,593 --> 00:08:42,960 appeared outside my window. 240 00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:44,862 He broke the glass 241 00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:47,264 and freed me from death's clutches. 242 00:08:47,332 --> 00:08:48,966 It was Jesus! 243 00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:51,635 And Jesus stole my radio? 244 00:08:51,703 --> 00:08:53,537 The Lord works in mysterious ways. 245 00:08:53,605 --> 00:08:55,506 You see, I'm no longer frightened 246 00:08:55,573 --> 00:08:57,941 of the concept of death. 247 00:08:58,009 --> 00:08:59,877 The Lord is my shepherd. 248 00:08:59,945 --> 00:09:03,214 With his rod and his staff, he comforts me. 249 00:09:05,751 --> 00:09:08,019 I've been saved. 250 00:09:08,086 --> 00:09:12,039 I have been saved, Ryan! 251 00:09:18,983 --> 00:09:20,223 Brought you a little something. 252 00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:21,518 Rosary beads? 253 00:09:21,585 --> 00:09:24,287 They're meant to aid you in prayer. 254 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,990 Before I was saved, I used to use them 255 00:09:27,058 --> 00:09:29,116 for sinful, carnal purposes. 256 00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:33,864 Wow, you're really taking this religious shit seriously. 257 00:09:33,932 --> 00:09:37,602 I once was lost but now I'm found. 258 00:09:37,670 --> 00:09:38,903 Oh, Bear! 259 00:09:38,971 --> 00:09:40,905 Put away those wicked breasts! 260 00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:42,474 We're not even married! 261 00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:43,963 And unspread that! 262 00:09:45,311 --> 00:09:46,591 Why are you wearing my underwear? 263 00:09:46,645 --> 00:09:47,945 To cover my nakedness. 264 00:09:48,013 --> 00:09:49,380 That looks painful. 265 00:09:49,448 --> 00:09:51,415 How are you gonna wag your tail? 266 00:09:51,483 --> 00:09:52,750 When one walks with the Lord, Ryan, 267 00:09:52,817 --> 00:09:54,551 one's tail is always wagging. 268 00:09:54,619 --> 00:09:56,920 Whatever. I'm going to Hinano's to meet Bill. 269 00:09:56,988 --> 00:09:58,488 That Satanist? 270 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,456 I've seen his pentagram tattoo. 271 00:10:00,524 --> 00:10:01,925 Mark of the devil. 272 00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,960 It's just an old Slayer tattoo. 273 00:10:04,027 --> 00:10:05,561 Wait. 274 00:10:05,629 --> 00:10:07,230 This whole religious thing is just an act 275 00:10:07,298 --> 00:10:08,765 because you hate the fact 276 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:10,100 that I'm hanging out with the mailman. 277 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:11,868 I don't hate mailmen. 278 00:10:11,936 --> 00:10:14,571 I love all God's creatures, even certain Jews. 279 00:10:14,639 --> 00:10:16,539 What would your God-fearing Christian friends, 280 00:10:16,607 --> 00:10:18,041 Jenna and Drew, 281 00:10:18,109 --> 00:10:20,277 think about you fraternizing with a Satanist? 282 00:10:20,344 --> 00:10:22,279 They're not even that religious. Not religious? 283 00:10:22,346 --> 00:10:24,047 Does Jenna not cry out to God late at night 284 00:10:24,115 --> 00:10:25,615 when she layeth with Drew? 285 00:10:25,683 --> 00:10:27,817 Does Drew not call out the name of Jesus 286 00:10:27,885 --> 00:10:30,420 when someone lands on "Bankrupt" on Wheel of Fortune? 287 00:10:30,487 --> 00:10:32,488 I'll pray for you, Brother Newman. 288 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,293 It's not like one of those office jobs 289 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,040 where you got to get to know your coworkers 290 00:10:39,095 --> 00:10:40,729 and hear all about their dreams and relationships. 291 00:10:40,797 --> 00:10:42,197 Where do I sign up? 292 00:10:42,265 --> 00:10:43,565 Right? 293 00:10:43,632 --> 00:10:45,800 Man, I mean, every day is a cake walk, man. 294 00:10:45,868 --> 00:10:47,168 I mean, I'm strolling around the neighborhood, 295 00:10:47,236 --> 00:10:48,837 dropping off the mail, 296 00:10:48,905 --> 00:10:51,240 sometimes I smoke a joint in the truck... 297 00:10:51,307 --> 00:10:53,375 ...and then I take a shit in somebody's really nice bathroom. 298 00:10:53,443 --> 00:10:55,978 By the way, Mrs. Phillips, across the street from you? 299 00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:57,713 She's got a bidet. 300 00:10:57,781 --> 00:10:59,515 Water pressure? 301 00:10:59,583 --> 00:11:01,417 - Strong. - Oh... 302 00:11:01,485 --> 00:11:02,952 Ryan. 303 00:11:04,988 --> 00:11:06,789 Oh. Hey. 304 00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:08,056 What are you guys doing here? 305 00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,158 I got your text. 306 00:11:10,226 --> 00:11:11,960 You said to meet you here for lunch. 307 00:11:12,028 --> 00:11:13,596 Looks like you guys started without us. 308 00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:15,431 Oh. Right. 309 00:11:15,499 --> 00:11:16,966 Although I wasn't really sure what you meant 310 00:11:17,034 --> 00:11:19,602 when you said I should conceal my dirty pillows. 311 00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:21,471 Am I missing some joke? 312 00:11:21,539 --> 00:11:24,174 Oh, I-I meant to text that to my... 313 00:11:24,242 --> 00:11:25,108 sister. 314 00:11:26,211 --> 00:11:28,345 It's an inside joke. 315 00:11:28,412 --> 00:11:30,680 Bill, these are my neighbors, Jenna and Drew. 316 00:11:30,748 --> 00:11:31,614 Oh, yeah! 317 00:11:31,682 --> 00:11:33,082 You're the mail guy. 318 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,351 We live at, uh, 2304 Webster Avenue. 319 00:11:35,419 --> 00:11:36,385 Yeah, sure. 320 00:11:36,453 --> 00:11:37,987 Right on. 321 00:11:38,054 --> 00:11:40,455 Hey, thanks for the Christmas gift last year. 322 00:11:40,523 --> 00:11:43,992 Five dollar Starbucks gift card-- very thoughtful. 323 00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:45,594 Well, you do a good job, and I figured 324 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:46,995 you could use the caffeine. 325 00:11:47,063 --> 00:11:49,432 Hey... so you're still joining us 326 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,700 for dinner tonight, right? 327 00:11:50,768 --> 00:11:52,035 Um, yeah, yeah. 328 00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:53,703 Looking forward to it. 329 00:11:53,771 --> 00:11:56,606 I was thinking-- maybe I'll tell Ron and Peggy 330 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:57,874 to come a different night. 331 00:11:57,941 --> 00:11:59,776 It might be better if it's just us. 332 00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:03,346 You know, so we can talk. 333 00:12:03,414 --> 00:12:05,081 You don't have to do that. 334 00:12:05,149 --> 00:12:07,650 Okay, who ordered the Knockers Shot? 335 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,754 No, no, no, no, no, no. 336 00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:12,689 Right there, Ginny. 337 00:12:13,724 --> 00:12:14,991 Oh. 338 00:12:15,059 --> 00:12:16,059 Oh, yeah. 339 00:12:23,301 --> 00:12:25,603 It's good. 340 00:12:27,606 --> 00:12:30,174 Nice try, sending your "missionaries" to save me. 341 00:12:30,242 --> 00:12:32,576 But it's not gonna work. 342 00:12:32,644 --> 00:12:33,544 I do. 343 00:12:46,357 --> 00:12:47,790 Congratulations. 344 00:12:47,858 --> 00:12:49,138 I hope you two will be very happy 345 00:12:49,193 --> 00:12:50,993 now that you can finally have sex. 346 00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,528 Thank you all for coming. 347 00:12:52,596 --> 00:12:54,663 As planned, a reception will follow 348 00:12:54,731 --> 00:12:57,499 at the sour milk puddle behind Baskin Robbins. 349 00:12:57,567 --> 00:13:00,135 Sorry, Ryan, we're just trying to keep the numbers down. 350 00:13:00,203 --> 00:13:02,304 It's really just family and close friends. 351 00:13:02,372 --> 00:13:04,206 And a few people Bear's dad used to work with. 352 00:13:04,274 --> 00:13:06,775 Besides, I knew you had Jenna's thing tonight, so... 353 00:13:06,843 --> 00:13:08,811 I'm not going to Jenna's. 354 00:13:08,878 --> 00:13:10,512 Thanks to your little stunt, 355 00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,449 she's turning the dinner into a therapy session. 356 00:13:13,517 --> 00:13:15,017 Where's my weed? 357 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,452 Your drugs? 358 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,454 I flushed them down the toilet. 359 00:13:18,521 --> 00:13:20,089 Well, I placed them in the toilet. 360 00:13:20,157 --> 00:13:22,325 I have no idea how to operate the flush handle. 361 00:13:28,699 --> 00:13:31,200 Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior? 362 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,569 Do you promise to live every day with him in your heart? 363 00:13:33,637 --> 00:13:34,737 Wilfred, stop! 364 00:13:34,805 --> 00:13:38,474 I hereby baptize you, Ryan Newman, 365 00:13:38,542 --> 00:13:41,143 in the name of the Father and the Son 366 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,379 and the Holy Spirit! 367 00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:51,321 Goddamn it, Wilfred! 368 00:13:51,389 --> 00:13:53,257 Name in vain, dude. 369 00:13:53,324 --> 00:13:54,364 You're insane. Well, I hope 370 00:13:54,392 --> 00:13:55,592 I've helped you change your mind 371 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:56,727 about going to Jenna's tonight. 372 00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,229 I'm going to Bill's. 373 00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:00,065 To hang out with his Satanist friends. 374 00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,833 Because unlike Jenna, Bill doesn't dwell 375 00:14:01,901 --> 00:14:03,501 on bullshit from the past. 376 00:14:03,569 --> 00:14:06,804 But like you, Ryan, Bill can only stem the tides 377 00:14:06,872 --> 00:14:09,740 of his grief for so long before he snaps! 378 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,709 Snaps? Bill's not the snapping type. 379 00:14:11,776 --> 00:14:13,210 And when it happens, 380 00:14:13,278 --> 00:14:14,912 I only hope he has good friends around 381 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,814 to pick up the pieces. 382 00:14:19,451 --> 00:14:22,153 ♪ What a friend ♪ 383 00:14:22,221 --> 00:14:24,022 ♪ We have ♪ 384 00:14:24,089 --> 00:14:27,625 ♪ In Jesus. ♪ 385 00:14:31,984 --> 00:14:34,252 - Hey, Ryan--come on in, man. - Hey. 386 00:14:34,319 --> 00:14:35,720 Guys, this is Ryan. 387 00:14:35,788 --> 00:14:37,822 Ryan, these are a few work friends here. 388 00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,357 We got Todd, Darren, 389 00:14:39,425 --> 00:14:41,759 and the lovely Joanne. 390 00:14:41,827 --> 00:14:42,961 Oh, hey, man. 391 00:14:43,028 --> 00:14:43,962 You didn't need to bring that. 392 00:14:44,029 --> 00:14:45,396 We got it covered tonight. 393 00:14:45,464 --> 00:14:47,032 Thanks to Joanne-- she brought over 394 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:50,235 a box of "confiscationables." 395 00:14:50,303 --> 00:14:52,303 Yeah, you see, certain items are illegal 396 00:14:52,371 --> 00:14:53,871 to send through the mail. 397 00:14:53,939 --> 00:14:55,840 The postal service confiscates these things, 398 00:14:55,908 --> 00:14:58,476 but there's no real system in place to dispose of it all. 399 00:14:58,544 --> 00:15:00,911 So it just kind of sits around in a big room somewhere. 400 00:15:00,979 --> 00:15:02,513 So, why let it go to waste-- right, guys? 401 00:15:03,648 --> 00:15:05,349 Sounds fun. Yeah, man. 402 00:15:05,416 --> 00:15:06,816 Aw, check it out! 403 00:15:06,884 --> 00:15:09,185 Absinthe-- like, real absinthe 404 00:15:09,253 --> 00:15:10,987 from the Czech Republic. 405 00:15:11,054 --> 00:15:11,954 Willkommen. 406 00:15:13,090 --> 00:15:14,757 Fireworks! 407 00:15:14,825 --> 00:15:16,459 Oh, do you guys remember that 408 00:15:16,527 --> 00:15:17,894 Fourth of July? I think it was in the Marina. 409 00:15:17,962 --> 00:15:19,029 Barry had, um... 410 00:15:20,698 --> 00:15:22,366 ...those, um... 411 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:27,071 Hey, we got some 412 00:15:27,139 --> 00:15:29,374 Crate and Barrel silverware here. 413 00:15:29,441 --> 00:15:32,610 Actually, I don't think these are confiscationables. 414 00:15:32,678 --> 00:15:33,678 Oh! What's that smell? 415 00:15:33,746 --> 00:15:36,447 Ew-- who farted? 416 00:15:39,618 --> 00:15:41,553 Excuse me. 417 00:15:44,156 --> 00:15:45,357 Wilfred, what are you doing here? 418 00:15:45,424 --> 00:15:47,125 I came here because I was visited again. 419 00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:49,895 This time by God himself. 420 00:15:49,962 --> 00:15:51,797 Go home, Wilfred. Ryan, listen to me. 421 00:15:51,865 --> 00:15:53,899 I was in the basement, consummating my marriage, 422 00:15:53,967 --> 00:15:57,670 when I embarrassingly quick-came and then heard a crash upstairs. 423 00:15:57,738 --> 00:16:00,673 I ran up, and there he was. 424 00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:04,598 He was beautiful, Ryan. 425 00:16:04,666 --> 00:16:06,467 Immaculate skin. 426 00:16:06,535 --> 00:16:07,969 Otherworldly 427 00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:10,037 gold teeth, cornrows. 428 00:16:10,105 --> 00:16:11,239 All cracked out. 429 00:16:11,306 --> 00:16:12,940 Wilfred, that was a burglar. 430 00:16:13,008 --> 00:16:15,009 It was God, Ryan. 431 00:16:15,076 --> 00:16:17,745 And as God was carrying your flat-screen TV 432 00:16:17,812 --> 00:16:20,748 out the back door, he looked at me as if to say, "Go, my son. 433 00:16:20,815 --> 00:16:23,250 "Smite these sinners. 434 00:16:23,318 --> 00:16:25,619 "Wipe this present-day Sodom and Gomorrah 435 00:16:25,687 --> 00:16:27,721 off the face of the earth." Bullshit. 436 00:16:27,788 --> 00:16:29,689 You don't like mailmen-- that's what this is all about. 437 00:16:29,757 --> 00:16:31,992 I hate sinners, Ryan. 438 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:35,596 And we are in the midst of sinners. 439 00:16:35,664 --> 00:16:37,198 Satanist... 440 00:16:37,266 --> 00:16:39,100 adulterer, glutton. 441 00:16:39,168 --> 00:16:43,205 Lead-singer-of-Smash-Mouth- hand-job-giver. 442 00:16:43,273 --> 00:16:47,376 As God is my witness, this all ends tonight! 443 00:16:47,444 --> 00:16:49,713 I say hear me now, all ye sinners 444 00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:52,682 in the hands of an angry God! 445 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,852 Fire and brimstone shall rain down upon you! 446 00:16:55,919 --> 00:16:57,387 Get that thing out of here! 447 00:16:57,454 --> 00:16:58,888 Ooh! 448 00:16:58,956 --> 00:17:01,524 Is this a candle sitting on a low table? 449 00:17:01,592 --> 00:17:02,658 No, no, no! 450 00:17:02,726 --> 00:17:05,127 Lord, use my recklessly wagging tail 451 00:17:05,195 --> 00:17:07,730 as a vessel to do your bidding! 452 00:17:07,798 --> 00:17:09,865 Shit, the fireworks! 453 00:17:11,501 --> 00:17:14,770 Praise be to God! 454 00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:20,375 Oh, must've been a box of duds. 455 00:17:20,443 --> 00:17:22,144 Oh, thank God. 456 00:17:22,211 --> 00:17:24,346 But how is this possible? 457 00:17:24,413 --> 00:17:26,848 Why have you forsaken me, God? 458 00:17:26,916 --> 00:17:28,817 I give my life 459 00:17:28,885 --> 00:17:30,552 in service of you... 460 00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:33,656 and you totally dick me over. 461 00:17:33,723 --> 00:17:35,658 Hey, man, it's cool. 462 00:17:35,726 --> 00:17:37,193 The fireworks are outside. 463 00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:38,527 Yeah, just... 464 00:17:38,595 --> 00:17:40,596 something about the dog freaking out... 465 00:17:40,664 --> 00:17:43,432 it reminded me of Barry. 466 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,668 It's over now. 467 00:17:45,735 --> 00:17:47,803 Now, why bring the mood down 468 00:17:47,871 --> 00:17:50,540 by talking about Barry? 469 00:17:50,608 --> 00:17:52,042 Hey, I got a great idea. 470 00:17:52,109 --> 00:17:53,677 Let's break out that box 471 00:17:53,744 --> 00:17:56,079 - of endangered tree frogs and get crazy... - No! 472 00:17:56,147 --> 00:17:59,149 It's about damn time we talked about Barry. 473 00:17:59,217 --> 00:18:01,118 Barry was our friend. 474 00:18:01,185 --> 00:18:03,120 And I miss the shit out of him. 475 00:18:03,187 --> 00:18:06,356 It's not like talking about Barry's gonna bring him back. 476 00:18:06,424 --> 00:18:07,691 Does it suck? 477 00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:09,559 Yeah, it sucks. 478 00:18:09,627 --> 00:18:12,129 One minute he's walking around delivering mail, 479 00:18:12,197 --> 00:18:14,831 and the next he's having his carotid artery ripped open 480 00:18:14,899 --> 00:18:17,668 by a 120-pound pit bull! 481 00:18:17,735 --> 00:18:19,670 It's sad, man! 482 00:18:19,738 --> 00:18:21,171 It's sad as shit! 483 00:18:21,239 --> 00:18:23,440 You think I don't think about that? 484 00:18:23,508 --> 00:18:26,610 I think about that every goddamn day! 485 00:18:26,678 --> 00:18:28,212 Every day! 486 00:18:30,181 --> 00:18:33,050 Bill could only stem the tides of his grief for so long. 487 00:18:33,118 --> 00:18:35,186 He certainly can't turn 488 00:18:35,253 --> 00:18:37,254 to God for comfort. 489 00:18:37,322 --> 00:18:38,889 You were right, Ryan. 490 00:18:38,957 --> 00:18:40,558 God is a fake-ass, little bitch. 491 00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:41,992 I never said that. I'm just saying, 492 00:18:42,060 --> 00:18:44,428 fire and brimstone never rained down the way 493 00:18:44,496 --> 00:18:46,531 God said it would, so he's obviously... 494 00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:57,710 Ryan? 495 00:19:01,794 --> 00:19:03,790 Well, we missed you last night at dinner. 496 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,545 I'm sorry I didn't make it. 497 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,281 I didn't come 'cause I... 498 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:15,253 You know, I had this amazing boyfriend in high school. 499 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:19,690 He-he was handsome and funny and smart and... 500 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,692 But after a while I started to feel like 501 00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:23,427 he was hiding something from me. 502 00:19:23,494 --> 00:19:26,195 It turns out that he... 503 00:19:26,263 --> 00:19:29,198 he had a bad addiction. 504 00:19:29,265 --> 00:19:30,932 I broke up with him, but... 505 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,561 then I felt like I was a terrible person 506 00:19:32,601 --> 00:19:34,568 for not sticking around to help him get better. 507 00:19:34,636 --> 00:19:38,171 Was it my fault for missing the warning signs? 508 00:19:38,239 --> 00:19:40,339 I mean, looking back, it was no one's fault. 509 00:19:40,407 --> 00:19:43,108 We can't help who we fall in love with. 510 00:19:43,176 --> 00:19:45,977 And we can't help everyone we fall in love with. 511 00:19:48,246 --> 00:19:51,282 So was it, like, a drug addiction? 512 00:19:51,349 --> 00:19:54,451 Actually, he had a, um, shopping addiction. 513 00:19:54,519 --> 00:19:57,454 Which eventually became a shoplifting addiction. 514 00:19:57,521 --> 00:20:00,223 Basically, he had this obsession with shoes. 515 00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:02,358 Oh, so he was gay? 516 00:20:02,426 --> 00:20:04,493 No, I-I told you-- he was my boyfriend. 517 00:20:06,662 --> 00:20:10,398 Oh, my God... 518 00:20:10,466 --> 00:20:12,800 Oh, my God-- he was totally gay. 519 00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:14,368 Oh, no. 520 00:20:14,436 --> 00:20:17,204 He used to always drag me to the swim meets. 521 00:20:17,272 --> 00:20:18,906 And I thought he was just, like, a really big fan of swimming. 522 00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,378 Oh, my God. 523 00:20:25,445 --> 00:20:27,913 Well... 524 00:20:27,981 --> 00:20:30,916 So, dinner next weekend, okay? 525 00:20:30,984 --> 00:20:32,151 No excuses. 526 00:20:32,218 --> 00:20:33,118 You got it. 527 00:20:36,689 --> 00:20:38,624 They don't make 'em like that anymore. 528 00:20:38,692 --> 00:20:40,163 They sure don't. 529 00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:42,406 We're both talking 530 00:20:42,473 --> 00:20:43,643 about her sneakers, right? 531 00:20:43,711 --> 00:20:44,777 What? 532 00:20:44,845 --> 00:20:46,512 Vintage Tretorn tennis sneakers. 533 00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,281 They don't make 'em like that anymore. 534 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,816 Yeah, totally. 535 00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:03,594 Wow. 536 00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:05,228 You can actually hear that? 537 00:21:05,296 --> 00:21:07,530 Yes, Ryan, I can. 538 00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:14,402 Oh, wow, so you can actually hear that? 539 00:21:14,663 --> 00:21:16,586 Jesus, Wilfred, you could damage my... 540 00:21:18,006 --> 00:21:28,799 Sync & corrections by honeybunny Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne www.addic7ed.com