1 00:00:17,113 --> 00:00:19,613 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~ Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne 2 00:00:19,833 --> 00:00:22,183 3x05 Shame 3 00:00:28,990 --> 00:00:31,494 Listen, I hope you realize how much Drew and I appreciate 4 00:00:31,561 --> 00:00:32,863 you watching Wilfred all the time. 5 00:00:32,931 --> 00:00:35,268 So this is just a little thank-you. 6 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,406 Just ignore what Drew wrote. 7 00:00:37,474 --> 00:00:41,147 He said it was a pun, but then he, like, couldn't really explain it, so... 8 00:00:41,214 --> 00:00:44,916 Aw, Jenna, I-I can't accept this. It's a thousand dollars. 9 00:00:44,984 --> 00:00:46,684 Ryan, we owe you the money. 10 00:00:46,752 --> 00:00:48,722 You spend almost every day watching Wilfred. 11 00:00:48,789 --> 00:00:51,392 If we weren't paying you, we'd be paying another dog sitter. 12 00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:55,997 Dog sitter? Well, I-I watch Wilfred 'cause we're... 13 00:00:56,065 --> 00:00:58,367 'cause I-I like spending time with him. 14 00:00:58,435 --> 00:00:59,835 Oh, well, then why don't you just... 15 00:00:59,903 --> 00:01:01,804 why don't you just accept it as a gift? 16 00:01:01,871 --> 00:01:04,706 - Is this charity? - Okay, the truth is, 17 00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:06,542 the other day, we accidentally got some of your mail, 18 00:01:06,610 --> 00:01:07,743 and there was this bright orange envelope 19 00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:10,647 that said "Mortgage payment past due, final notice." 20 00:01:10,715 --> 00:01:12,016 Wh-What? N-No. 21 00:01:12,084 --> 00:01:14,752 No, I-I just missed a payment, that's all. 22 00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:18,323 It just slipped my mind. In fact, when I'd gotten that envelope, 23 00:01:18,391 --> 00:01:19,859 I'd already sent the check in the mail, so... 24 00:01:19,927 --> 00:01:21,294 My God, Ryan, I am so sorry. 25 00:01:21,362 --> 00:01:24,898 - I... I didn't mean to offend you. - Not at all. Not at all. 26 00:01:24,965 --> 00:01:27,734 I appreciate the gesture, but I-I'm good. 27 00:01:27,802 --> 00:01:30,570 Really. Uh, will you excuse me for a minute? 28 00:01:33,841 --> 00:01:35,175 Wilfred! 29 00:01:36,744 --> 00:01:38,979 What the hell is this? 30 00:01:39,047 --> 00:01:41,979 It's my bachelor pad. Pretty nauseating digs, right? 31 00:01:42,047 --> 00:01:43,545 This room is supposed to be for storage. 32 00:01:43,612 --> 00:01:46,612 - H-How long has it been like this? - A month or so. 33 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,481 I had to create this sanctuary of stinking detritus. 34 00:01:49,549 --> 00:01:52,282 You don't understand what it's like at home right now... no crumbs, 35 00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:54,844 not even a grease smudge, everything smells Cloroxy. 36 00:01:54,911 --> 00:01:57,344 I just wish Jenna would stop hanging out 37 00:01:57,412 --> 00:01:59,942 with that anal, OCD clean-freak, Juanita! 38 00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:01,243 You mean the cleaning lady? 39 00:02:01,311 --> 00:02:04,146 "The cleaning lady." Did you just come up with that? 40 00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:06,182 That is the perfect nickname for her. 41 00:02:06,249 --> 00:02:08,318 I'm gonna have to spend all day cleaning this up. 42 00:02:08,386 --> 00:02:10,253 Before you get hysterical, let me show you 43 00:02:10,321 --> 00:02:13,421 what I've done with the place. I think you're gonna like it. 44 00:02:13,489 --> 00:02:18,358 Over here, we've got a massive pile of Drew's used Q-tips. 45 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,394 Big, moldy cantaloupe. 46 00:02:23,896 --> 00:02:25,631 Maroon 5. 47 00:02:25,699 --> 00:02:29,101 Over there's a... rancid turkey carcass. 48 00:02:29,169 --> 00:02:32,738 And that's just a weird, like, thing. 49 00:02:32,806 --> 00:02:35,374 I have no idea what that is. 50 00:02:35,442 --> 00:02:39,144 You look like you could use a drink. Shall we move to the bar? 51 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:42,147 The bar? 52 00:02:43,716 --> 00:02:45,583 Jenna Ryan, are you okay? 53 00:02:45,651 --> 00:02:49,021 Uh, yeah! Just... looking for something! 54 00:02:49,088 --> 00:02:51,056 Be back in a sec! 55 00:02:51,124 --> 00:02:54,927 - Why not tell her to come up? - Ugh. No. 56 00:02:54,995 --> 00:02:58,031 I-I'm not giving Jenna another reason to think my life's pathetic. 57 00:02:58,099 --> 00:03:00,000 It's bad enough she saw my mortgage notice. 58 00:03:00,068 --> 00:03:02,269 - But you said you paid it. - I lied. 59 00:03:02,337 --> 00:03:05,273 The truth is, I owe the bank $12,000 that I don't have. 60 00:03:05,341 --> 00:03:07,376 Okay, I don't understand amounts, 61 00:03:07,443 --> 00:03:11,880 so I gather from your tone that that's, like, awesome? 62 00:03:11,948 --> 00:03:14,149 I'm basically a dog sitter. 63 00:03:14,217 --> 00:03:16,152 That's what Jenna called me, by the way. 64 00:03:16,219 --> 00:03:17,853 When I quit my Dad's firm, 65 00:03:17,921 --> 00:03:20,823 I-I didn't expect my life to turn out like this. 66 00:03:20,891 --> 00:03:24,326 I hang out and smoke weed with the neighbor's dog all day. 67 00:03:24,394 --> 00:03:27,196 Shame is like having a daughter with red hair and freckles; 68 00:03:27,264 --> 00:03:29,832 you cannot let it become part of your life. 69 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,802 Or maybe shame will motivate me to pay my bills like a normal adult. 70 00:03:32,870 --> 00:03:34,937 Look, I know what you're hinting at, 71 00:03:35,005 --> 00:03:37,673 and I don't mind paying a little rent. 72 00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:42,478 I'll give you, uh... that thing. What is that? 73 00:03:42,546 --> 00:03:44,613 Wait. That's a great idea. 74 00:03:44,681 --> 00:03:47,049 No. Actually, I can't give that up; it's my favorite thing. 75 00:03:47,117 --> 00:03:48,885 But I'll give you five pigeon dicks. 76 00:03:48,952 --> 00:03:51,688 No. I'm talking about renting this floor to a person. 77 00:03:51,755 --> 00:03:53,590 At least until I find a job. 78 00:03:53,657 --> 00:03:55,658 - What? - They wouldn't be involved in my life. 79 00:03:55,726 --> 00:03:57,661 I'll put a lock on the basement door. 80 00:03:57,729 --> 00:03:59,596 We'll just have to be a little bit more careful. 81 00:03:59,664 --> 00:04:04,168 Besides, all you really care about is losing your bachelor pad. 82 00:04:04,236 --> 00:04:06,938 You can't take this away from me, Ryan. 83 00:04:07,006 --> 00:04:09,174 This is who I am! 84 00:04:10,877 --> 00:04:13,312 What is this? 85 00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:16,515 As you can see, Chris, the room gets plenty of natural light. 86 00:04:16,583 --> 00:04:18,451 I have to say, I'm a bit of a clean-freak, 87 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,186 and this place looks spotless. 88 00:04:20,254 --> 00:04:22,422 There's nothing wrong with being a clean-freak. 89 00:04:22,489 --> 00:04:24,457 Oh, and I know that there's a towel bar missing. 90 00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,426 I'll put a new one in tonight. 91 00:04:26,493 --> 00:04:29,028 And there's also a closet here; it's got plenty of space. 92 00:04:29,096 --> 00:04:31,998 This is perfect. I'll take it. 93 00:04:32,066 --> 00:04:34,901 Great! Well, a-assuming the credit check goes well, 94 00:04:34,969 --> 00:04:37,036 I'll just plan on e-mailing you the lease tomorrow. 95 00:04:37,104 --> 00:04:38,671 Looking forward to living together. 96 00:04:41,675 --> 00:04:45,345 Ryan, I'm Jonesing here. I've barely smelt or tasted 97 00:04:45,413 --> 00:04:47,414 anything putrid in over 12 hours. 98 00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:49,516 I'm not gonna let you sabotage this, Wilfred. 99 00:04:49,584 --> 00:04:51,351 I'm getting a roommate... that roommate. 100 00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:53,955 Come on, Ryan, can't you at least... 101 00:04:54,022 --> 00:04:56,090 Loafers with no socks? 102 00:04:56,158 --> 00:04:58,793 I'll bet you got some moist, sweaty toes in there. 103 00:04:58,861 --> 00:05:01,696 C-Can I just have a little taste, Ryan? 104 00:05:01,763 --> 00:05:03,464 Come on, man! I'm freakin' out here! 105 00:05:03,532 --> 00:05:05,533 Just l-let me suck your little pinky toe! 106 00:05:05,601 --> 00:05:07,101 Wilfred, no! 107 00:05:07,169 --> 00:05:09,370 I'll suck your dick to suck your toes. 108 00:05:14,677 --> 00:05:16,678 Hey, I'm here about the apartment. 109 00:05:16,746 --> 00:05:19,881 Uh, right. You must be Anne. 110 00:05:19,949 --> 00:05:23,118 - Did you jog here or something? - No. 111 00:05:25,488 --> 00:05:29,358 Onion rings grease. Cheetos powder. 112 00:05:29,426 --> 00:05:33,429 Barbecue sauce. Well, hello, napkin pants. 113 00:05:33,497 --> 00:05:35,064 Listen, uh, thank you for stopping by, 114 00:05:35,132 --> 00:05:37,000 but the apartment's actually taken, so... 115 00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:41,173 What? Oh! That sucks! 116 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,310 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 117 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,946 Man, talk about a rough month. 118 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,817 First my boyfriend doesn't make parole. 119 00:05:49,885 --> 00:05:52,522 Then my grandma dies from diabetes, which is, like, 120 00:05:52,589 --> 00:05:55,093 a huge bummer, 'cause she's, like, my best friend. 121 00:05:55,161 --> 00:05:57,497 And then my grandpa kicks me out of the house, 122 00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:00,268 so I go back to pick up some shit I left behind, 123 00:06:00,335 --> 00:06:03,338 - and guess what? - What? 124 00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:06,774 He just blasts me in the leg with an air gun full of rock salt. 125 00:06:08,143 --> 00:06:10,512 Jesus. I'm... sorry. 126 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:14,083 Oh, it's not so bad. When I bend my leg like this, 127 00:06:14,151 --> 00:06:16,319 my knee looks like a mountaintop, you know, 128 00:06:16,386 --> 00:06:19,923 with all the little craters. Like in Hawaii. 129 00:06:19,991 --> 00:06:21,858 So that's pretty cool. 130 00:06:21,893 --> 00:06:23,560 You know, my tongue's always wanted to visit Hawaii. 131 00:06:23,628 --> 00:06:29,232 Anyways... here's my e-mail, in case that other guy flakes. 132 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:32,336 Oh. Oh, man, I'm sorry. 133 00:06:32,404 --> 00:06:34,338 It was nice meeting you. 134 00:06:41,145 --> 00:06:44,548 - So, when can she move in? - Are you kidding? 135 00:06:44,616 --> 00:06:46,283 Ryan, before you make a rash decision, 136 00:06:46,351 --> 00:06:48,952 there's something you need to know about that woman. 137 00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:52,589 She has a bag of two-day-old egg rolls in her backpack. 138 00:06:54,159 --> 00:06:55,792 I'm going with Chris. 139 00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:57,727 You're gonna have to get your gross fix somewhere else. 140 00:06:57,795 --> 00:07:01,264 Gross fix? I am an Epicurean! 141 00:07:09,506 --> 00:07:11,374 Oh, hey, roomie. 142 00:07:23,354 --> 00:07:27,423 Wilfred! Come here. 143 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:31,061 How the hell did this happen? 144 00:07:31,129 --> 00:07:32,295 It was pretty simple, actually. 145 00:07:32,363 --> 00:07:33,963 I sent a signed rental agreement to Anne 146 00:07:34,031 --> 00:07:35,665 from your Yahoo account while you were out. 147 00:07:35,733 --> 00:07:38,267 I also e-mailed all your friends and family 148 00:07:38,335 --> 00:07:40,503 about this great new penis-enlargement supplement. 149 00:07:40,571 --> 00:07:44,107 - I really believe in it. - I'm kicking her out. 150 00:07:44,175 --> 00:07:46,977 Then you'll be on the hook for $3,000, plus moving costs. 151 00:07:47,045 --> 00:07:49,212 - You put that in the lease? - It's pretty standard. 152 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,182 No. You're just trying to make it impossible for me to get rid of her. 153 00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,251 - This is a disaster! - Look, I realize 154 00:07:54,319 --> 00:07:56,854 Anne was only your second favorite roommate choice, 155 00:07:56,922 --> 00:08:01,292 but guess what, she's paying three months' rent up front. 156 00:08:01,359 --> 00:08:04,161 Give her a chance; get to know her. 157 00:08:04,229 --> 00:08:06,697 You might be surprised by what she has to offer. 158 00:08:09,601 --> 00:08:11,569 Come in. 159 00:08:12,905 --> 00:08:15,388 Good morning. Sleep well? 160 00:08:15,485 --> 00:08:18,076 No! I had the worst night sweats ever. 161 00:08:18,144 --> 00:08:20,379 Took off all my clothes, 162 00:08:20,447 --> 00:08:22,915 just slept on top of my covers naked. 163 00:08:22,982 --> 00:08:26,084 Had to let myself, like... air out. 164 00:08:26,152 --> 00:08:30,155 Uh, l-listen, I-I think we sort of rushed into this... 165 00:08:30,223 --> 00:08:31,823 roommate situation. 166 00:08:31,891 --> 00:08:33,225 You know, since we'll be living together, 167 00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:34,860 maybe we should get to know each other. 168 00:08:34,927 --> 00:08:37,662 - Totally. - Like, what do you do for a living? 169 00:08:37,730 --> 00:08:39,931 I run a small Internet business. 170 00:08:39,999 --> 00:08:42,033 - Really? - Yeah, started it myself. 171 00:08:42,101 --> 00:08:44,635 Attracted investors, built up a user base. 172 00:08:44,703 --> 00:08:48,172 Wow. Is it media-related or more social networking? 173 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,508 Oh, people pay to watch me eat. 174 00:08:50,575 --> 00:08:56,513 - So you're, like, a food critic? - No. I just eat food on my webcam. 175 00:08:56,581 --> 00:08:58,248 It's a great job, actually. 176 00:08:58,316 --> 00:09:00,317 I mean, I'm not naive. 177 00:09:00,385 --> 00:09:03,521 I realize that most of my clients are... 178 00:09:03,588 --> 00:09:06,156 you know... men, 179 00:09:06,224 --> 00:09:09,426 but... I love being my own boss. 180 00:09:09,494 --> 00:09:11,595 Basically, you get paid a shit-load of money 181 00:09:11,663 --> 00:09:13,530 to eat three meals a day. 182 00:09:13,598 --> 00:09:17,968 And the second I get a creepy vibe from someone, I ban them. 183 00:09:20,305 --> 00:09:24,374 - Wait, uh, are you working right now? - Yeah. 184 00:09:24,442 --> 00:09:29,880 Ooh, hold on. I got a private session request coming in. 185 00:09:29,948 --> 00:09:31,949 Oh, hey, Frank. 186 00:09:32,016 --> 00:09:34,351 Hey, Anne. Hey, that sandwich looks a little dry. 187 00:09:34,419 --> 00:09:36,653 I was thinking... maybe you could put 188 00:09:36,721 --> 00:09:38,422 some more of that dijonnaise on it? 189 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,491 You got it, Frank. 190 00:09:42,394 --> 00:09:44,595 Ooh... 191 00:09:44,663 --> 00:09:45,896 That's perfect. 192 00:09:45,964 --> 00:09:48,031 Oh, and where'd your lesbian friend go? 193 00:09:48,099 --> 00:09:50,934 I want to watch her eat some chicken nuggets. 194 00:10:00,813 --> 00:10:02,880 This is torture. 195 00:10:02,948 --> 00:10:06,885 Anne came down this morning wearing only her nightshirt, 196 00:10:06,952 --> 00:10:10,655 sat on the living room chair and basically Sharon Stone'd me. 197 00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:12,390 Ugh. 198 00:10:12,458 --> 00:10:15,493 It's only been two weeks, but it feels like two months. 199 00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:18,697 I don't think our situation's changed all that much. 200 00:10:18,765 --> 00:10:22,767 - Really? - Not in any way I can think of, no. 201 00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:30,842 - What are you doing? - Anne's bed sheet. 202 00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:35,413 Unlike you, she doesn't have iron-fisted rules about snacking in bed. 203 00:10:35,481 --> 00:10:36,947 Uh, yes, Bear, 204 00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:39,417 I am really going for my fifth Nilla Wafer crumb. 205 00:10:39,484 --> 00:10:41,252 I didn't realize there was a limit 206 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,588 to how many Nilla Wafer crumbs I could eat! 207 00:10:43,656 --> 00:10:45,824 What did you call me? 208 00:10:45,891 --> 00:10:49,060 Well, if you're referring to the fact that I enjoy blues 209 00:10:49,128 --> 00:10:52,998 and like to travel, then yes, I guess I am a blues traveler. 210 00:10:53,065 --> 00:10:55,334 Wilfred, have you looked in the mirror lately? 211 00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:57,402 Oh, yeah. 212 00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:00,138 There's some new fat dog hanging out in there. 213 00:11:00,206 --> 00:11:03,041 I made fun of him yesterday for, like, three hours. 214 00:11:03,109 --> 00:11:06,945 That dog is you. You keep eating all the food Anne drops. 215 00:11:07,013 --> 00:11:08,680 Me, fat? 216 00:11:08,748 --> 00:11:13,203 Is that why that dog in the mirror keeps saying such hurtful things? 217 00:11:13,238 --> 00:11:14,686 Yes! 218 00:11:14,754 --> 00:11:16,588 Thank God. 219 00:11:16,656 --> 00:11:19,491 I got a job interview at Silverstein and Goldblatt. 220 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:21,893 - Interview? - The faster I get a job, 221 00:11:21,961 --> 00:11:24,362 the faster I can afford to break Anne's lease. 222 00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:27,398 As a lawyer? But you hated working at your dad's firm. 223 00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:30,067 You said you used to sit in your car in the parking lot every 224 00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:32,669 morning, dreading the idea of setting foot in that place. 225 00:11:32,737 --> 00:11:34,171 It wasn't about being a lawyer. 226 00:11:34,239 --> 00:11:37,007 I hated working for my dad. 227 00:11:37,475 --> 00:11:39,075 You just don't want me to get a job 228 00:11:39,143 --> 00:11:40,443 because of your parasitic relationship with Anne. 229 00:11:40,511 --> 00:11:44,647 Anne is a friend to me, nothing more! 230 00:11:44,715 --> 00:11:47,083 So I didn't spend last night watching you wring out 231 00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:49,585 the armpits of her sweaty T-shirts into a Cologne bottle? 232 00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:55,124 Oh...! Oh, that is horrid. 233 00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,894 Hey! Looking good. 234 00:11:58,962 --> 00:12:01,263 Yeah. I'm just heading off to an interview. 235 00:12:01,331 --> 00:12:05,234 With a law firm, actually. A pretty big one, so... 236 00:12:05,302 --> 00:12:07,870 Oh, that's exciting. Good luck. 237 00:12:07,938 --> 00:12:11,207 By the way, are you renting out a room in your house? 238 00:12:11,275 --> 00:12:13,776 Uh... because the other morning, I saw this woman... 239 00:12:13,844 --> 00:12:16,146 and I'm not accusing her of anything... 240 00:12:16,214 --> 00:12:19,115 but I saw her take my newspaper and walk into your house. 241 00:12:19,183 --> 00:12:20,883 Uh, she's just... 242 00:12:20,951 --> 00:12:25,122 a-a family friend who needed a place to stay for a few weeks. 243 00:12:25,189 --> 00:12:26,923 She should be gone soon. 244 00:12:26,991 --> 00:12:29,493 I'll-I'll talk to her about the paper. 245 00:12:29,561 --> 00:12:31,828 Good luck. 246 00:12:31,896 --> 00:12:34,698 Do you have any mass tort experience. 247 00:12:34,766 --> 00:12:37,067 Technically, no, but I published a series of articles 248 00:12:37,135 --> 00:12:40,004 about the Fen-Phen case in the Stanford Law Review in 2005. 249 00:12:40,071 --> 00:12:42,306 - Mm. - It was very well received. 250 00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,909 I actually brought a copy with me today. 251 00:12:44,977 --> 00:12:46,511 What is that? 252 00:12:48,848 --> 00:12:52,251 It's just a... thing. 253 00:12:54,855 --> 00:12:57,790 What? Oh, I'm just punching an extra hole in my collar. 254 00:12:57,858 --> 00:13:01,060 I think it shrunk because Jenna put it in the dryer or something. 255 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,962 I don't give a shit about your collar. 256 00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:05,331 I know what you did. That thing? 257 00:13:05,399 --> 00:13:09,535 Uh, thing? You got to be a little bit more specific. 258 00:13:09,603 --> 00:13:12,538 You sabotaged my job interview! 259 00:13:12,606 --> 00:13:17,010 You're damn right I did! I will not stand idly... 260 00:13:17,078 --> 00:13:19,646 I will not stand... 261 00:13:19,714 --> 00:13:24,051 I will not sit idly by and let you kick Anne out. 262 00:13:24,118 --> 00:13:26,253 Oh, good, you're home. 263 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,707 So, I kind of caused a plumbing issue upstairs, and I'd plunge 264 00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:35,095 it myself, but my gout is back this week with a vengeance. 265 00:13:35,163 --> 00:13:36,597 I can barely... 266 00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:42,402 I can't take this anymore! You are impossible to live with. 267 00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:45,238 You're sloppy and unhygienic; 268 00:13:45,306 --> 00:13:48,408 you blurt out weird, random shit that no one cares about; 269 00:13:48,476 --> 00:13:50,477 you stole my neighbor's newspaper; and your job, 270 00:13:50,545 --> 00:13:53,580 it's basically a creepy type of fetish porn. 271 00:13:53,648 --> 00:13:55,682 Your life is a mess! 272 00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:58,518 And the worst part about it is you have no idea. 273 00:13:58,586 --> 00:14:00,354 Or maybe you just don't care. 274 00:14:00,421 --> 00:14:02,923 If I could afford it, I would have kicked you out 275 00:14:02,991 --> 00:14:04,357 the second you moved in. 276 00:14:06,761 --> 00:14:09,463 Anne? Anne, I appreciate you. 277 00:14:09,531 --> 00:14:11,865 Thanks to you, I've become a better individual! 278 00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:13,433 I need... 279 00:14:15,936 --> 00:14:17,704 Ryan... 280 00:14:29,455 --> 00:14:33,759 Anne... I'm sorry. 281 00:14:33,826 --> 00:14:36,461 You know, you might find this hard to believe, Ryan, 282 00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:39,865 but you're not the first person to criticize me and my lifestyle. 283 00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:41,400 Don't worry, Anne! 284 00:14:41,468 --> 00:14:44,002 I'm coming up to defend you from his harsh words! 285 00:14:44,070 --> 00:14:46,437 Look, I-I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. 286 00:14:46,505 --> 00:14:48,874 I-I didn't mean for it to come out that way. 287 00:14:48,941 --> 00:14:50,876 That was wrong of me. 288 00:14:50,944 --> 00:14:54,413 You... you really think my life is a mess? 289 00:14:54,481 --> 00:14:58,751 For what it's worth, it's not like I've got my life together right now. 290 00:14:58,818 --> 00:15:02,587 I... I was a lawyer, and now I'm unemployed. 291 00:15:02,655 --> 00:15:04,756 Almost there. 292 00:15:04,824 --> 00:15:08,093 I'm just saying, maybe we're both in a rut right now. 293 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,395 Maybe-maybe we could help each other out. 294 00:15:10,463 --> 00:15:13,899 I-I'd just hate to see you leave like this. 295 00:15:13,967 --> 00:15:17,269 God, did you add, like, a hundred stairs here? 296 00:15:17,336 --> 00:15:21,273 Well, I have to admit, my grandpa's said some pretty 297 00:15:21,274 --> 00:15:25,210 mean shit to me over the years, and it always hurt. 298 00:15:25,278 --> 00:15:27,713 But I never knew what to do about it. 299 00:15:27,781 --> 00:15:30,416 You're, like, the first person to offer to help. 300 00:15:30,484 --> 00:15:33,920 I want to help. I really do. 301 00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:53,173 - Hey. Looking good. - Aw, thanks. 302 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,341 - You still excited about the job? - Well, the first day 303 00:15:55,409 --> 00:15:58,578 was pretty cool, so I assume day two will be fun. 304 00:15:58,645 --> 00:16:01,848 I mean, the temp agency only has me doing paperwork and stuff, 305 00:16:01,916 --> 00:16:05,919 but the insurance business is... actually interesting. 306 00:16:05,987 --> 00:16:09,089 That's great. Oh. Um, bagel for the road? 307 00:16:09,157 --> 00:16:11,993 Uh, no. Just coffee, thanks. 308 00:16:13,996 --> 00:16:17,065 I know you were against it, but you have to admit, 309 00:16:17,132 --> 00:16:19,601 Anne's really turned a corner. 310 00:16:19,669 --> 00:16:22,704 - What's that? - Nothing. 311 00:16:22,772 --> 00:16:26,575 It's just that... lately I've been having some trouble 312 00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:30,045 reaching certain areas of my body that require cleaning. 313 00:16:30,113 --> 00:16:32,081 It's probably just something to do with flexibility. 314 00:16:32,148 --> 00:16:35,417 I just need to stretch a little more is all. 315 00:16:35,485 --> 00:16:38,020 But, uh, for now, I've been getting by 316 00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:41,089 with the help of a, uh, tongue on a stick. 317 00:16:45,695 --> 00:16:47,830 Wilfred, your weight has gotten out of control. 318 00:16:47,897 --> 00:16:49,765 You're gonna give yourself a heart attack. 319 00:16:49,833 --> 00:16:51,934 For the last time, I am not fat. 320 00:16:52,001 --> 00:16:54,102 I'm just a little on the husky side. 321 00:16:54,170 --> 00:16:56,238 Come on, we're going for a walk. 322 00:16:56,306 --> 00:17:00,676 - Pick up the pace, big guy. - "Big guy"? 323 00:17:00,743 --> 00:17:03,311 Do you not see this Hawaiian shirt I'm wearing? 324 00:17:03,379 --> 00:17:05,947 I reckon it makes me look like one of the Strokes. 325 00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:08,416 Ah. Is that why you wore a giant white T-shirt 326 00:17:08,484 --> 00:17:10,352 when you went swimming in the ocean yesterday? 327 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,387 Uh, sunburn? 328 00:17:14,623 --> 00:17:17,459 Aw, forget it! 329 00:17:17,526 --> 00:17:20,328 I'm not gonna let you ruin me the way you ruined Anne. 330 00:17:20,396 --> 00:17:21,763 I didn't ruin anyone. 331 00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:24,132 What, you think Anne was better off before? 332 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,435 Sure, she wasn't clean or refined, 333 00:17:26,502 --> 00:17:29,804 she didn't not use your computer power cord as a belt, 334 00:17:29,872 --> 00:17:34,676 but she loved her life, openly, freely, unashamed. 335 00:17:34,743 --> 00:17:37,145 You ripped the horn off the unicorn, Ryan, 336 00:17:37,213 --> 00:17:39,414 because you wanted to make it a normal horse, 337 00:17:39,482 --> 00:17:41,282 but it'll never be a normal horse, 338 00:17:41,350 --> 00:17:44,986 because now there's that circular scab in its forehead. 339 00:17:45,054 --> 00:17:47,054 - I'm helping her, Wilfred. - What you're doing to her 340 00:17:47,122 --> 00:17:51,592 is exactly what your father did to you your entire adult life. 341 00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:53,060 That's not true. 342 00:17:53,128 --> 00:17:55,529 Anne is happier now than she's ever been. 343 00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:57,163 Are you sure about that? 344 00:17:59,299 --> 00:18:00,533 Is that Anne? 345 00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:05,772 Sitting alone in her parked car before work. Sound familiar? 346 00:18:14,281 --> 00:18:15,748 Ryan, hey. 347 00:18:15,816 --> 00:18:17,450 I-I thought you were going to work today. 348 00:18:17,518 --> 00:18:20,670 I, uh, I-I was. I meant to, but once I 349 00:18:20,671 --> 00:18:23,822 started driving there, I just had to pull over. 350 00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:25,824 You said the first day was cool. 351 00:18:25,892 --> 00:18:29,828 It was awful. They put me in a cubicle 352 00:18:29,896 --> 00:18:32,964 and had me enter data into a spreadsheet. 353 00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:35,867 And then at lunch, I just sat there in silence 354 00:18:35,935 --> 00:18:39,537 while my coworkers talked about a sale on drapery runners. 355 00:18:39,605 --> 00:18:42,440 I didn't want to open my mouth, 'cause I knew 356 00:18:42,507 --> 00:18:45,943 I'd say something weird or talk about my back fat. 357 00:18:46,011 --> 00:18:49,880 And then I was afraid I'd spill stuff on my clothes, you know. 358 00:18:49,948 --> 00:18:51,816 And the blouse I was wearing was so tight. 359 00:18:51,884 --> 00:18:54,552 This one's so tight, it's just, like, suffocating me. 360 00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:57,488 And this bun is, like, giving me a migraine. 361 00:18:57,556 --> 00:18:59,524 I can't even think! 362 00:19:00,859 --> 00:19:05,363 I'm sorry, Ryan. I know a lot of people hate their jobs, and they just 363 00:19:05,364 --> 00:19:09,867 got to make it through their day... you know, you've got to be strong. 364 00:19:09,935 --> 00:19:13,504 Anne, no. Th-this isn't right. This isn't you. 365 00:19:13,572 --> 00:19:16,107 Honestly, I-I'm the one who should be sorry. 366 00:19:16,175 --> 00:19:17,541 For what? 367 00:19:21,046 --> 00:19:23,714 For ripping the horn off the unicorn. 368 00:19:26,317 --> 00:19:29,853 That actually sounded kind of cheesy when you said it. 369 00:19:32,723 --> 00:19:38,896 Look at her. She's so... comfortable with herself. 370 00:19:38,963 --> 00:19:42,699 - Why was I so threatened by her? - Maybe you were jealous? 371 00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:46,170 That's true. I could never live like her. 372 00:19:46,237 --> 00:19:47,671 - Why not? - Come on. 373 00:19:47,739 --> 00:19:51,241 You know what my life is like. It's pathetic. I'm always just... 374 00:19:51,309 --> 00:19:53,676 Hanging out and smoking weed with your neighbor's dog? 375 00:19:53,744 --> 00:19:55,211 - Exactly. - Talking about 376 00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:59,349 deep shit, laughing our asses off, going on crazy adventures, 377 00:19:59,416 --> 00:20:02,285 having a truly unique and remarkable friendship? 378 00:20:02,353 --> 00:20:03,853 I mean, sure, you don't know exactly 379 00:20:03,921 --> 00:20:05,923 what you want to do with your life yet, 380 00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:08,192 but at least you know what you don't want to do. 381 00:20:08,259 --> 00:20:11,929 Doesn't sound so bad when you say it like that. 382 00:20:11,997 --> 00:20:14,832 No, it doesn't, mate. 383 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:19,003 And when you say "smoking weed," what you mean to say is, 384 00:20:19,071 --> 00:20:22,233 "smoking that dank-ass O.G. kush mixed with White Widow." 385 00:20:23,042 --> 00:20:26,010 What are you looking at, fat boy?! 386 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:31,216 I told you, Wilfred, that's you. 387 00:20:31,283 --> 00:20:35,287 No. That's Alec Baldwin from It's Complicated. 388 00:20:35,354 --> 00:20:40,658 Holy shit, that is me. I'm fat, dude. 389 00:20:46,501 --> 00:20:49,435 So, I finally introduced Jenna to Anne. 390 00:20:49,503 --> 00:20:51,337 I came clean about her being my roommate 391 00:20:51,405 --> 00:20:53,073 and me needing the money and all. 392 00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:56,142 I actually didn't feel as embarrassed as I thought I would. 393 00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:58,111 'Cause you have no reason to be, mate. 394 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,650 Of course it's me, Bear. Who else would it be? 395 00:21:03,718 --> 00:21:08,455 Oh, what, you think I can't talk and satisfy you at the same time? 396 00:21:10,925 --> 00:21:12,726 I've got to take a piss. 397 00:21:12,794 --> 00:21:15,395 Finish Bear off for me? 398 00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,543 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~ Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne