1 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,566 I come here to buy a boat, not become some goddamn pirate. 2 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:43,447 Please don't drop that. 3 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,482 Get out there. Shake hands. 4 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,567 These are very important people. 5 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:11,966 Go meet his wife. 6 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,886 I've been cooking all day. I smell like onions. 7 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,765 I have someone to make you acquaintance. 8 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,524 That's disgusting. 9 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,281 And unsanitary. 10 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:35,566 Keeps 'em warm all day long. 11 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:36,920 Thanks for this back board. 12 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,121 Pleasure doin' business with you. 13 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,929 5:00 a.m. Breakfast time. 14 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,002 So we need request forms for next spring's non-perishables. 15 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,605 Bring 'em tonight. 16 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,245 Tori's getting out in six weeks, 17 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,641 so we gotta train someone new on the feed slicer. 18 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:49,881 Look into little Sara. 19 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,644 Make sure she never stabbed people. 20 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,406 And Betty's been acting up again. The bitch is gonna fuck us. 21 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:55,846 A little patience. 22 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,366 She's been here a lot of years. I'll deal with her. 23 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,447 The blondie? 24 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:01,891 Yes. She's going nuts. 25 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,166 That one's a light touch. 26 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,765 Well, you did serve her a bloody tampon. 27 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,006 Yeah. 28 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,246 I'm proud of that one. 29 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,723 I have to go to another prison. 30 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,811 A different one. 31 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,928 You have to move me. 32 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,930 Like this is the Radisson and you don't like your room? 33 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,721 Why? 34 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,444 Why isn't this the Radisson? 35 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,409 Why do you need to be moved? 36 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,129 Did someone try to engage with you sexually? 37 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,763 Tell me what happened out there. 38 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,131 It's fine. 39 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,170 I just freaked out. 40 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,005 I'll be fine. 41 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:03,361 I'm sure you will. 42 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,166 You're gonna be late for orientation. 43 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,882 Attention, ladies. Remember the rules. 44 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,962 - Hey, sorry I'm late. - Sit down. 45 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,606 That one's broke. 46 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:34,721 Hi. 47 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:39,522 Welcome to the Federal Department of Corrections, where we strive 48 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:44,680 to maintain facilities that are secure, humane, and cost effective. 49 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,411 Night school classes are offered three nights a week. 50 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,280 There are a variety of recreational activities available 51 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,001 and clinical visits are offered at the inmates' request. 52 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:01,449 But enough about policy. Let's get to the important stuff. 53 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:08,365 This is a piece of copper pipe. And it was taken from the laundry room. 54 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,685 It's hard. 55 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,771 This was used to break two ribs. 56 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:16,320 Could also be used to crack your skull, 57 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,051 break your knee, muss up your make up. 58 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,530 Amongst other things. 59 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,083 Suicidal thoughts will come. Frequently. 60 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,642 Some days, it'll feel like there are no other thoughts. 61 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,888 "Do it," they'll say. 62 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:34,441 "End it." 63 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,761 "Come on." 64 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,447 You'll be assigned bunks soon. Uniform issue is next week. 65 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,407 State your correct size on the form. 66 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,530 No baggy hip-hop pants. 67 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,283 Yes, I'm lookin' at you. 68 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:57,642 Plastic toothbrush with a razor-blade melted right into it. 69 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:07,445 Yeah, probably shouldn't have showed you that one. 70 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,683 The women who made and used these items 71 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,923 are now in the SHU or down at the max facility 72 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,402 with added sentences. Their lives are basically over. 73 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,765 Hello, ladies. 74 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:21,885 I am Natalie Figueroa, 75 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,247 I am the Executive Assistant to the warden. 76 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,362 I try and visit often. 77 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,930 If you have any concerns, 78 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,207 specifically regarding your needs as women, 79 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:33,443 please come to me. I will handle them personally. 80 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,845 Yeah, she will. 81 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,809 I had a question, actually. 82 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,849 Today I'm only here as a formality. 83 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:49,086 Next. 84 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:52,646 Next. 85 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:56,887 Next. 86 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,291 No. Wait. 87 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:00,886 Next. 88 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,481 Seriously? 89 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,641 Next. 90 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,007 Come on. 91 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,482 Dorm D, Dorm D, laundry is ready for drop-off. 92 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,006 They're not letting me eat. 93 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,169 That sounds like a whole lot of your problem. 94 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,927 We don't leave lunch till lunch is over. 95 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,328 Come sit with us. Not with Crazy Eyes. 96 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,806 Rough morning? 97 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,081 Something like that. 98 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,725 We should've warned you about Red. 99 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:41,285 Well, I just didn't expect to be punished while I was getting punished. 100 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,043 You gotta fix that. Make it right. 101 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,167 How? 102 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:50,120 I find it best to confront things head-on. 103 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,246 Know what? I'm just gonna apologize. 104 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,324 I'm just gonna very sincerely apologize. 105 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:01,440 People make mistakes. People say stupid things all the time. 106 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,725 She's gotta understand that, right? 107 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,487 Who are you? 108 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,284 Her daughter. Who are you? 109 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,481 Her daughter. 110 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,001 What's the matter, you don't wanna hit me again? 111 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,646 From here on out, this place will hit you for me. 112 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,362 This orange thing, it's like, I glow in the dark. 113 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,363 The guard with the mustache keeps staring at me. 114 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,005 Since when do you hate that? 115 00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,971 You got any extra khakis? 116 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,282 No. Well, not in your size. 117 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,445 And don't be in such a rush to get out of that orange, sabes? 118 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,410 Once you're in these, you're old news. 119 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,085 White girl said somethin' nasty about Red's food, 120 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,561 then Red sent her a message 'cause white girl better recognize. 121 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:29,647 A message? 122 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,563 Egg McTampon. Rare. 123 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,927 So now nobody's givin' her nothin' to eat. 124 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,490 Not until Red say so. 125 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:37,491 That's... 126 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:39,681 Thanks. 127 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,728 This ain't gonna get Red in trouble, right? 128 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,006 'Cause I ain't no snitch. 129 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:46,363 No. Of course not. I mean, probably not. 130 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:48,766 I haven't decided yet. 131 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:50,681 Hold up. 132 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,166 Where my candy? 133 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,650 Get me another towel. 134 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,160 Is this a bad time? 135 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,241 Moment. 136 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,642 About what I said yesterday? 137 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:50,402 It was careless and it was rude. And I am really sorry. 138 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,166 I appreciate everything that you do here, 139 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,561 I can't imagine how much work it takes, 140 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,564 and since we're clearly gonna be spending some time together... 141 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,882 Don't forget the toes, Norma. 142 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:11,885 I can tell you take pride in what you do, and I so respect that. 143 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,204 If someone insulted my work... 144 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,328 What is it, "Your work?" 145 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,002 I make artisanal bath products. We got into Barneys. 146 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,130 Artisanal? 147 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,325 I'm just saying we're not that different, you and I. That's all. 148 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,529 And I understand how stupid I've been. 149 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,644 I really apologize. 150 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:38,881 I'm sorry. 151 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,325 You seem sweet. 152 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,164 You really do, honey. 153 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,571 But I can't do shit with "I'm sorry." 154 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:03,720 Not in here. 155 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,570 Might not look like it, 156 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,160 but there's rules in this place. 157 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,208 The most important of which is, 158 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,764 the second you're perceived as weak, 159 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,249 you already are. 160 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,685 What do you want me to do? 161 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,004 You're a smart girl. 162 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,290 Figure something out. 163 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,641 That girl got some nice legs. 164 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,201 What the fuck is this? 165 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,281 It's my treat I'm savin'. Just leave it. 166 00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,326 Leave it? 167 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,080 Fuck leave it. 168 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,447 You can't put your sticky ice cream shit in here. 169 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,643 It ain't just an ice cream. It's a King Cone. 170 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,046 Man! 171 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:10,161 Get off me, girl! 172 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:18,286 Get this bitch off of me! 173 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,683 B fucking took my hair out! 174 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,007 B Dorm, Itza Martinez... 175 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,321 Please tell me y'all ain't fighting over ice cream. 176 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:39,441 King Cone. 177 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,601 You okay, Chapman? 178 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:13,961 Yeah. 179 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:16,730 You know, I'd give you a pretzel 180 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,450 but the walls have eyes, and I'm not retarded. 181 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,884 When I first got here, I had troubles like you. 182 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,727 There was a disagreement. 183 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,644 Then we brawled. 184 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,521 That's how you settled things. 185 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,571 And if I'd have won, 186 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,689 I'd have been la jefa. 187 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,404 Instead of this. 188 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,651 Thank God I got cancer. 189 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,005 No one fucks with cancer. 190 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,005 Good talk. 191 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,200 Fuck! 192 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,602 So it's nothing but lemonade? 193 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,480 It's a cleanse. 194 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,530 No vegetable juice? Fiber? 195 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,080 We are going to deny ourselves sustenance 196 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,562 while there are people that starve in Kinshasa? 197 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,205 It's racist to just say "Africa." 198 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,765 You put cayenne pepper in this? 199 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:41,162 Yes! Yes. It flushes out toxins. 200 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,523 We don't smoke, we don't snort crack. 201 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,441 Honey, don't you think the little rocks would hurt your nose 202 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,090 if you tried to snort crack? 203 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:52,686 I think you mean coke. 204 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,125 You know what I mean. 205 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,210 You know, you don't let me buy food unless it's locally-grown, 206 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,328 grass-fed, conflict-free... 207 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,368 I'm perfectly fine doing this on my own. 208 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,608 No. No, no, no, no. Honey, that's not what I'm saying. 209 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,489 - You're making fun of it. - No. I'm just... 210 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,800 When you said cleanse, 211 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,968 I thought you meant we'd be eating more kale. 212 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,811 We can eat more kale when we're transitioning back to food. 213 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:12,921 Okay. 214 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,130 What about dinners out? 215 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,766 Weekend brunches? 216 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,081 I mean, isn't this gonna turn us into anti-social losers? 217 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,523 Well, it doesn't have to. 218 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:34,681 I'm not gonna be the guy that shows up with his lemonade cuppie. 219 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,727 Okay. Okay. 220 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,527 For me, this is it for the next seven days. 221 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,163 If you wanna back out, I'm not gonna love you any less. 222 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,769 We did say that we were gonna do it together. 223 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,009 But if you don't wanna be "that guy," 224 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,290 I'm perfectly happy doing it on my own. 225 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,485 Well, where's the fun in that? 226 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:09,687 See? 227 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,965 Oh, God. 228 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,803 Number four, on the left. Next! 229 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,885 Turn around. 230 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,004 Hold it right there. 231 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:38,761 Next! 232 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,569 Look, it's the fiancé. 233 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,486 Put your bag down, please. 234 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:43,647 I should be on the list. 235 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,526 And I should be on American Idol, but I can't sing for shit. 236 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,245 No Larry Bloom here. 237 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,526 What? 238 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,011 This is from last week. 239 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,205 Where's this week's? 240 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,089 In another office. 241 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,201 Have a seat. 242 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,483 When in the visitation room, you're allowed two hugs, 243 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,285 one on arrival, and one on departure. 244 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,721 Okay, try not to crowd around, ladies. Come on, now. 245 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,850 - Thank you. - Itza Martinez again... 246 00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,251 Thank you. 247 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:05,880 Can I have some gum? 248 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,607 Sorry. Can't do that. Inmates aren't allowed. 249 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,762 I get it. You can't give special treatment. 250 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,124 It'd look funny. Like I liked you. 251 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,441 Don't you? 252 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,370 Oh, my God, honey! 253 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,885 - Oh, baby. Hey! - Hi. 254 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,286 - Honey. - Hi. 255 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,601 That's enough. 256 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,642 - Sorry. I'm so sorry I'm late. - No. It's fine. 257 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:38,721 I swear I was here, 258 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,490 but I think they were, like, deliberately fucking with me. 259 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,648 No, whatever, it's fine. You're here. 260 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,881 You look great! 261 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,041 I mean, who knew you could rock orange? 262 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,202 - Please. Come on! - Seriously, 263 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,408 and your face is like all cheekboney. 264 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,848 Well, I haven't eaten since Wednesday. 265 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:53,921 What? 266 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,726 She's starving me out. 267 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:56,881 Who? 268 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,605 Oh, my God. 269 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,407 Do you have any change? 270 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,324 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. What do you want? 271 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,165 Literally anything. Go. 272 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,087 No. 273 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,201 I don't think they work, honey. 274 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,367 No. 275 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,246 No! No. 276 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,005 Inmate, step away from the machine. 277 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:32,721 He just called you "inmate." 278 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,683 - You too, sir. - Sorry. 279 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,091 This is her. She did this. 280 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,446 Who? Who are you talking about? 281 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,204 The woman who runs the kitchen. 282 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,924 What? Why are we whispering? 283 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,684 She's starving me out. I insulted the food. 284 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,091 Piper. 285 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,125 Your foot in mouth disease? 286 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,884 I'm an idiot. 287 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,088 She's issued a fucking fatwa against me. 288 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,045 I think I'm gonna have to fight her. 289 00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,161 What? 290 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,527 How am I supposed to prison-fight an old Russian lady 291 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,409 with back problems? 292 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,324 Hey, Piper, come on. You're not. That's ridiculous. 293 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,200 You don't have to fight anybody. Okay? Hey, hey, hey, stop. Stop. 294 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:11,441 No touching. 295 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:12,801 Jesus. 296 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,131 It's gonna be okay. 297 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,127 All right? 298 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:18,770 Your commissary money's coming, right? 299 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,571 I sent the check the minute I left here. 300 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:22,641 Express mail. 301 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,688 Even if you have to live off Snickers bars, 302 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,330 it's gonna be okay. 303 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,730 I hate that you're seeing me like this. 304 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:36,766 At least I get to see you. 305 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,244 Tell me that you're not watching Mad Men. 306 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,321 What? 307 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,971 Promise me you're not watching Mad Men without me, 308 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,408 that when I get out of here, we're gonna binge watch it, together, 309 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,687 in bed, with take-out from... 310 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,366 - Gertie's? - Yes. Yes. 311 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,403 Yes. Of course. 100%. 312 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,891 Visiting hours have come to a close. 313 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,566 Jesus. Really? That was like two minutes. 314 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,847 Visitors, please make your way to the exit. 315 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,167 We can hug again. 316 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,760 - What? - Once coming in, once going out. 317 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,286 Come here. 318 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,406 I love you, babe. 319 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,321 Sorry. 320 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,160 Red? 321 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:12,401 Red? 322 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,001 What is it? 323 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:20,966 Betty's dead. 324 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,169 She was a good girl. 325 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:30,725 No one heard her go. 326 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:32,931 Get over it. It's a freezer. 327 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,527 See, what happened here was a breach in the main coolant line. 328 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,125 Big, nasty breach. 329 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,124 Ugly breach. Bad, bad breach. 330 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,690 What's that smell? 331 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,366 That's the Freon. 332 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,804 Some people use it for huffing. 333 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,328 Makes for a super intense, but short-lived high. 334 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,927 Similar to crack but without the migraines. 335 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,365 Put those in ice water. Don't stack those, Gina. 336 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:00,806 Nice pussy. 337 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,047 Don't ask. 338 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:03,804 I don't intend to. 339 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,809 Thanksgiving's coming twice this year, ladies. 340 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,530 Spread the word. 341 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,204 Okay, I understand what you have to do. 342 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,560 What? 343 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,210 I'm not a fighter. 344 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:16,881 Go ahead. 345 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,411 I'm a little busy here. Pick up those rags. 346 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,687 - I'm not going to swing first. - Good. 347 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,565 - Just hit me and get it over with. - I said I'm a little busy. 348 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,051 I'm not leaving until you do it. 349 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,604 Wow. 350 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,325 You want me to hit you? 351 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,606 Yeah. 352 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,449 Okay, get ready. 353 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:40,090 You called my food disgusting. 354 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:48,609 You're not getting hazed, you're not getting harassed, 355 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,090 you're getting starved. 356 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:54,930 To death. 357 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,005 You'll leave Litchfield as a skeleton in a body bag. 358 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,168 Now, march your yuppie ass outta my kitchen. 359 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,203 Slowly, so you don't burn too many calories. 360 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,130 So the third time, same thing happens. 361 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,965 And the farmer looks at his wife, then back at the penguin, 362 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,964 and finally the penguin goes, 363 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,723 "He's not an eggplant, man. He's retarded." 364 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:36,411 You get it? 'Cause he... 365 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:37,521 We get it. 366 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,126 My brother was retarded. 367 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,005 So sorry to hear that. 368 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,044 You know, my husband's a little slow. 369 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,401 Says he was dropped on his head when he was born. Just my luck. 370 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,324 They couldn't have dropped him on his dick? 371 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,888 I think I slept wrong last night. 372 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,962 Should we call it a short walk today, ladies? 373 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,168 - Yes. - You barely broke a sweat. 374 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,487 Oh, my son has dentist appointment. 375 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:05,761 Okay. 376 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:07,080 We're close to your house, no? 377 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,321 Yeah. Right over there. 378 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,286 Same time tomorrow? 379 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,851 We'll let you know. 380 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:24,446 Oh, shit! 381 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,330 Did no one think to turn this off? 382 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,721 Where is his highness? 383 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:44,361 You're out of bounds. 384 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,209 - Healy? - Sir, I told her not to... 385 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:47,611 Jesus Christ! 386 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,651 I need a new freezer. 387 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,044 We can talk about this later, Red. 388 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:54,407 You have been saying that for three years. 389 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,202 We're dealing with a very serious budget situation here. 390 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,121 Should I subdue the inmate? 391 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,410 The warden has been very clear about spending this quarter. 392 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,370 You want me to walk? I'll walk, happily. 393 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,684 Remember the last time I gave back the keys to the kitchen? 394 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,000 I'll see what I can do. 395 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,611 Thank you. 396 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,289 Like a dying animal it smells in there. 397 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,091 A dying animal, or just a man who eats your food? 398 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,530 With you, too. 399 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:35,481 That smells fantastic. it's like fresh muffins. 400 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,011 Dried blueberries. 401 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,929 Twelve fuckin' pounds of 'em. 402 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,607 Funnest hobby ever. You seen my headphones? 403 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:43,681 Left drawer. 404 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:45,080 So you can put anything in there? 405 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,201 Just about. 406 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,682 Peppermint, basil, grapefruits, vanilla. 407 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:50,761 She won't do chocolate. 408 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,882 - It never works. - Or popcorn. 409 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,843 We're making soap, not Jelly Bellys. 410 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,121 Sweet. 411 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,804 You know, for Amy, I think you'd want something more along the lines 412 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:03,487 of sage, patchouli, maybe eucalyptus? 413 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,851 She's allergic to eucalyptus, or she hates it. I can't remember. 414 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:09,046 Really? Who hates eucalyptus? 415 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,885 Larry's mother. She thinks they're "dirty trees." 416 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,047 You're still with that guy? 417 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:14,841 Thought you wouldn't make it two months. 418 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,883 - Pete! - What? You said so, too. 419 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:19,926 They're moving in together. 420 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,721 Already? Shit. You are still a lesbian. 421 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,006 - I'm out, ladies. - Okay. 422 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,722 You could sell these, you know. 423 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,403 At farmers markets, little boutique stores. 424 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:39,891 I just kinda like making 'em. 425 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:42,566 I could be your partner. 426 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,241 What? 427 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,763 This could be something. 428 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,524 I mean, this could be a thing, Pol. 429 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,769 Market it right and package it right, this is money. 430 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,640 I mean, it smells so fucking good in here. 431 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,970 I can make this money. 432 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,369 I make lotions, too. 433 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,248 Yo, y'all got headphones for movie night? 434 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,044 Sold the last pair this morning. 435 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,568 That's some bullshit. I ain't tryin' to watch no silent movie. 436 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,205 Sold out. Next. 437 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,446 Spanish ladies are calling you La Llorona, the wailing lady. 438 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,125 Well, they would've screamed just as loud 439 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,089 if someone handed them a used tampon sandwich. 440 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:25,400 Oh, yeah. 441 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,526 Or if they suddenly saw an ex-girlfriend in prison. 442 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:29,726 Hey, what's her name? Alex? 443 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:33,046 What did she say to you? 444 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,970 Not a word. I just know dyke drama when I see it. 445 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,211 You gonna buy something or not? 446 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:45,890 Yes. Hi, I should have some credit here. My fiancé sent a check on Wednesday. 447 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,247 Take seven day to process. 448 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,243 You can use mine. It's not like you're going anywhere. 449 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,448 - For food? - Fuck no. 450 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:54,081 Okay. 451 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:55,401 Yo, Chang. 452 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,243 So, some rubber gloves. 453 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,925 Okay, so maybe some cocoa butter? 454 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,087 Cocoa butter? 455 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,567 Maybe like a sieve of some kind. A strainer? 456 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,684 Okay. All right. Yo, you got a strainer? 457 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,525 This is a cup. Knock yourself out. 458 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,843 You know how often I come by new weave? 459 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,570 You probably gonna look like this till Christmas. 460 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,689 I paid you seven bottles of Pantene for this shit. 461 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,650 Ain't my fault you went all UFC over a King Cone. 462 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,611 And if you call it "shit" one more time, you can take your ass down to Danita. 463 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,606 How much to fix it? 464 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,131 Excuse me? 465 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,964 Hi. I'm Chapman. 466 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,490 Yeah, that's me. 467 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,126 I heard you might have something that I need. 468 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,248 J. Crew is around the corner. 469 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:55,881 Yeah. 470 00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:02,684 Cocoa butter, or shea butter? Do you have either of those? 471 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:04,245 Maybe. 472 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,323 I would just need an ounce or two. 473 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:08,405 Ain't you the one they're starving out? 474 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:10,641 Yeah. 475 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,565 You got some fucked-up priorities. 476 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,325 We work on a barter system here. You know what that means, right? 477 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:17,401 Yes. 478 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,485 Three shower caps or a round brush. Whichever they got at commissary. 479 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,488 Gladly. I will get them to you the second that my money comes in. 480 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,160 Credit declined. 481 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:30,641 Please. 482 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,162 "Please" is for commissary hoes and Oliver Twist. 483 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,764 - Hold up. - Some of us tryin' to work here. 484 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:38,841 I got an idea. 485 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:41,771 But you ain't gonna like it. 486 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,288 Got that new toupée, Boo. 487 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,450 Chapman's going around asking for weird stuff, Red. 488 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:09,567 What stuff? 489 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:11,603 She's trying to get her hands on hot peppers. 490 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:12,886 You think she's gonna mace you? 491 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,809 I don't think so. 492 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,327 But if she does, worst case, I'll get off my feet for a week. 493 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:19,925 No, but it wouldn't hurt your feet. 494 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,008 - It's an expression. - Mace burns your eyes. 495 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,003 Jesus, God. 496 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,051 You okay, Chapman? 497 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:42,251 Tonight's movie will be the airplane edit of Good Luck Chuck, 498 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,881 which Roger Ebert gives one star. 8:00 p.m. 499 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:47,081 Are you the new girl? 500 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:52,407 Yes, I am. Piper. 501 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,324 And you are? 502 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:02,088 Sue. It's short for Susie, which is short for Suzanne. 503 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:03,921 You like spicy food? 504 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,287 Sometimes. 505 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,761 One of my girlfriends, she was Mexican, real-talk. 506 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,365 She gone now, 507 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,483 but she left these. 508 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:25,805 I have nothing to trade you for those. 509 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,724 People forget we was all new here once. 510 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,044 It's good to know you ain't alone. 511 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:49,650 This feels awesome! 512 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,201 My senses feel heightened, I'm like a fucking werewolf. 513 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:54,321 Larry? 514 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:58,610 My skin is clear, I'm lighter on my feet, and in the bathroom this morning... 515 00:34:58,680 --> 00:34:59,681 Oh, please. 516 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,843 Epic. Even better than yesterday. Lord of the Rings. 517 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:12,810 What if we only did this for five days? 518 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:17,251 You wanna cut it short? 519 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,962 Not cut it short. Just... 520 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:23,126 Yes. 521 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,329 This was your idea. 522 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,841 Can we not make it a thing? This doesn't have to be a thing. 523 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,206 It's not a competition. 524 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,044 I mean, you can't win the Master Cleanse. 525 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:34,640 Can't I? 526 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,929 Here, drink up, love. 527 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:40,725 All right? 528 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:42,167 You'll feel better. 529 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:51,521 What is that? 530 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,204 You are not a werewolf. 531 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:56,960 What are you doing? 532 00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,762 You, fucker. Seriously? 533 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:02,051 It was all that we had. 534 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,766 Mr. Fox's Honey Barbecue Pork Rinds? 535 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:05,887 They're baked. 536 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,122 Piper, we were in this together. 537 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,726 I know, I'm sorry. 538 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:13,884 Oh, God. 539 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,571 You smell so good. 540 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,211 Oh, my God. Come here. 541 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:34,920 I totally win. 542 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:44,124 Two, nine and seventeen, dinner is now available. 543 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,082 Don't be so sad. 544 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,128 Poor little baby. 545 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,206 Dinner's in five. I hear it's a big one. 546 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,403 Thank you, dead bitch. 547 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:42,848 Don't forget, ladies, your usual meal is 1,500 calories. 548 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,685 - Ain't nobody got this. It's that hotness. - Beware of overeating. 549 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,245 That new shit. 550 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,971 My hair is yellow as that corn right there, girl. 551 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,448 - No, no, no. Look, I love these things. - I want extra. 552 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,410 - Yeah, can I get some more corn? - No. 553 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,123 Navi. Amy. 554 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,563 Forgot I even had this. 555 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:43,961 No thanks, love, I'm too old for hooch. 556 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,448 Don't insult me. Single malt. 12 year. 557 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:55,171 Jesus Christ! 558 00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:58,847 And that was in '04. It's only gotten better. 559 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,844 - So have we. - Tell my ass. 560 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,011 Oh, no. 561 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,527 Red. 562 00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:10,281 And the penguin goes, "He's not an eggplant, he's retarded." 563 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,725 It's fucking funny. 564 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:13,851 It's just not. 565 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,404 On your head make me giggle though. 566 00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:18,481 You... 567 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:26,531 Oh, shit. 568 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:31,285 What the fuck were you thinking? After all Ganya's done for us. 569 00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:33,164 He loved those tits. 570 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,521 He'll get them back. There's plenty more of them at the tit store. 571 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,524 Did you count to 10? You're supposed to count to 10. 572 00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:40,688 I never even wanted to speak to those pizdy! 573 00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:41,886 You made me. 574 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:43,724 Why did you do such a thing? 575 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,521 Because they left me out! Because they made fun of me! 576 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:51,127 Because no matter how hard you try and how much we want it, 577 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,488 there's the people who serve the bread, and the people who eat the bread! 578 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:58,849 And for once, it would be nice if you would be on my side. 579 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:19,561 How bad? 580 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,127 They want $60,000. 581 00:42:25,240 --> 00:42:28,483 No boob job costs $60,000. 582 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:29,891 It's crazy. 583 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,291 This one does. 584 00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:36,926 I was... I was just... 585 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:40,450 They're so mean. 586 00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:42,968 So are the men they married. 587 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:45,285 They meaner. 588 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,129 I'm sorry, Dima. 589 00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,606 We'll figure out something. 590 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:00,486 We always do. 591 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:04,441 It's okay. 592 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:13,966 Red? 593 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:15,847 She's busy. 594 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:17,485 This'll only take a second. 595 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:24,450 For your back. 596 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,489 It's jalapeño rub. 597 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,006 I made it myself. 598 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:34,169 The capsaicin in the peppers creates heat which is good for sore muscles, 599 00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:37,011 and the cocoa butter is gentle on the skin. 600 00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:43,327 We have a similar product in our line and my dad swears by it. 601 00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:44,640 He's got sciatica. 602 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,728 These are wrong. They should say "March." 603 00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:50,201 You can go now. 604 00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:58,403 Count time starts now. Count time! 605 00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:13,406 Line it up. Stop the chatter. 606 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:20,851 Count time! 607 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:27,691 Dorm A, one through 20. 608 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:42,560 Get that garbage out of there. 609 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,562 All good. Thank you, ladies. 610 00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:58,721 All good. 611 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,604 Wilson into left field. Beautiful hit. 612 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,761 ...eludes one tackler. And he's brought down hard. 613 00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:31,689 "One imagines somewhere in an attic 614 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,331 "there's a painting of him that's rapidly aging." 615 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,283 For a guy from Ad Age, he can really write. 616 00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:38,124 He also says you're married. 617 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:42,291 Jesus. He never asked me that. Did he check any facts? 618 00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,967 You didn't give him any facts. He had to make some assumptions. 619 00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:50,045 My job is to write ads, not go around talking about who I am. 620 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,241 Who knows who you are? 621 00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,290 This was supposed to be an advertisement for the firm. 622 00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:56,886 - Why do you have so many copies? -I bought one to read. 623 00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:58,803 And I was going to buy one to frame in reception. 624 00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:01,922 That new freezer cost more than my car. 625 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,528 - Freon leak? - Most likely. 626 00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:09,491 You know, huffers, addicts. Anything to get high. 627 00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:15,971 Anyone in here huff that much Freon, we'd have a body to show for it. 628 00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:22,929 Even you gotta know when you're gettin' played. 629 00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,084 Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish and Muslim services 630 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,164 will begin tomorrow in the chapel at 9:00 AM. 631 00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,009 They said to give you this. 632 00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:53,525 Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it worked? 633 00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:55,762 It must've worked. 634 00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:57,763 - Your back cream? - Yeah. 635 00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,127 She said it burned, it made her smell like a Puerto Rican, 636 00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:01,281 but you're good now. 637 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:04,364 Everyone saw how hard you worked. "A" for Effort. 638 00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:12,045 It's not that good. 639 00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:19,569 - Next. - Thank you. 640 00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:31,286 Next. 641 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:34,081 What? 642 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:36,206 Next. 643 00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:51,601 Hello? 644 00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:07,321 Put that in. 645 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:17,647 It's fine. 646 00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:21,404 This will make things right for us. 647 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,250 This doesn't feel right. 648 00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,241 We're fine. We'll work it out. 649 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,165 Sorry. 650 00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:01,649 Have you considered the possibility 651 00:50:01,720 --> 00:50:03,404 the reason you haven't been laid in the last decade 652 00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,528 has something to do with your routine use of the word "Trim"? 653 00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:09,730 Yeah, seven days a week, 56 weeks a year, "Trim!" 654 00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:12,321 That's my bad. 655 00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:14,450 Where's your manners, shithead?