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(THEME SONG PLAYING)
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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(GATE BANGS)
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(GATE CLOSING)
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(SIRENS WAILING)
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(FEMALE DISPATCHER
TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
7
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PATRICK: Yo, Burset.
8
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We're clearing out, man.
9
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What the fuck you doing?
10
00:02:00,259 --> 00:02:02,054
Cap wanted me to document the damage.
11
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You gotta check out this life-sized fucking
panda bear they got in their living room,
12
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half burnt.
13
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It's got one melted plastic eye.
14
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Come on, I'll show you.
15
00:02:16,985 --> 00:02:20,113
So I say to her, "You're the third
pregnant girl I've rescued this month."
16
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She goes, "But, I'm not pregnant!"
And I go, "You're not rescued yet!"
17
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(ALL LAUGHING)
18
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Hey, Burset, where the fuck you going?
19
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Gotta drain the hose.
20
00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:30,916
Anyway, you know the fucking
crying guy with the cat? Remember him?
21
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I kept telling him
the cat wasn't in the house.
22
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He kept screaming that I gotta go back in.
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(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
24
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WOMAN OVER PA:
Laundry is now available for pick-up.
25
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(SNORTING)
26
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You sick fuck, do that in the bathroom.
27
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I got cancer.
28
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Is he allowed to watch us like that?
29
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Pornstache?
30
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(GRUNTS)
31
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He does whatever he wants.
32
00:04:26,323 --> 00:04:28,574
One of these days, you're gonna have
to change your panties, Chapman.
33
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,869
That shit's gotta be getting ripe.
34
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Look at this.
35
00:04:32,662 --> 00:04:36,082
I asked Sophia to do my roots,
she says there's a two-week waiting list.
36
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(CHUCKLES) I wouldn't let that he-she
touch my hair with a 10-foot pole.
37
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Well, hey, maybe you'll get lucky and go
bald everywhere but in the tits like Rosa.
38
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And Sophia's pole is a hole now.
39
00:04:47,426 --> 00:04:49,637
MAN OVER PA: Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz,
40
00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:52,015
report to your counselor
for your bunk assignments.
41
00:04:52,224 --> 00:04:54,100
Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz.
42
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Finally.
43
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Wait, you got assigned?
44
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This is bullshit.
45
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,315
You know, I did my time in SHU.
46
00:05:00,398 --> 00:05:03,235
How much longer are they gonna keep me
in here with Darth Vader and Mr. Clean?
47
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Fuck you.
48
00:05:05,362 --> 00:05:07,030
Why didn't I get assigned?
49
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:10,408
They're probably sending her
to Spanish Harlem.
50
00:05:10,533 --> 00:05:12,744
They're gonna put you in The Suburbs
with the other white people.
51
00:05:12,911 --> 00:05:14,954
So how do they choose your roommate?
52
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,581
Why?
53
00:05:16,706 --> 00:05:19,584
You afraid you're gonna end up
with your rocka-lezzie girlfriend?
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(ANITA LAUGHING)
55
00:05:32,097 --> 00:05:35,016
WOMAN OVER PA: "Goals are the fuel
in the furnace of achievement."
56
00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:39,104
Oh, I'm sorry.
57
00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:43,108
Bitch, don't be cutting!
There's a line here.
58
00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:45,985
Um, for the toilet? I just need to pee.
59
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Can I pee?
60
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Go pee, kid.
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This better be hot.
62
00:05:51,324 --> 00:05:54,660
If I find another clump of hair in
the drain, there's gonna be trouble.
63
00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:57,789
Oh! Gee! I'm sorry.
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00:05:57,914 --> 00:05:59,665
It's okay, honey, you can look.
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I spent a lot of money for it.
66
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(FLUSHING)
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Go ahead, it's all yours.
68
00:06:06,214 --> 00:06:08,758
That's okay, I think I'll just wait.
69
00:06:09,175 --> 00:06:10,843
You gonna be waiting a long time, now.
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(WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
71
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She's talking to the devil.
72
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Yeah, I got that part.
73
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That's Satan's stall.
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At least Satan gets a door.
75
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Give it a week.
76
00:06:24,690 --> 00:06:27,402
You'll be pissing and farting
with the rest of us.
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(SCOFFS) Your commissary ain't come in yet?
78
00:06:31,114 --> 00:06:32,865
(STAMMERS) Oh, I think so.
79
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My ID number doesn't shop until tomorrow.
80
00:06:36,161 --> 00:06:37,829
You better hope they got what you need.
81
00:06:37,954 --> 00:06:40,457
Ain't had powder foundation in dark
for three months.
82
00:06:40,539 --> 00:06:42,667
I can't be walking around here
with white face on.
83
00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:47,130
But those sad pair of shower shoes
are not gonna save you.
84
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:48,589
You need some of these.
85
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I made my own.
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Couture.
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Commissary don't carry a size 13.
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Is that duct tape?
89
00:06:57,098 --> 00:06:59,184
Metallics are very in this season.
90
00:07:00,852 --> 00:07:04,272
Don't hold your big bathroom too long.
Prison food stops you right up.
91
00:07:04,356 --> 00:07:05,857
You gotta get it out while you can.
92
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:10,653
If you wanna skip that shower line,
do the 5:00 a.m. or the 5:00 p.m.
93
00:07:10,736 --> 00:07:12,030
That's my secret.
94
00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:14,491
Why are you telling me all of this?
95
00:07:14,573 --> 00:07:16,201
'Cause I fucked up your hair.
96
00:07:16,326 --> 00:07:18,203
That shit looks broke.
97
00:07:18,328 --> 00:07:21,373
When your commissary comes in,
swing by the salon.
98
00:07:21,456 --> 00:07:23,875
I'll fix it right up for you.
99
00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:26,503
Okay. Thank you.
100
00:07:27,586 --> 00:07:31,049
There's no point in playing shy, baby.
You're home.
101
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:43,228
(SIGHING)
102
00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:04,082
MAN OVER PA: Medical
staff to the iso ward...
103
00:08:04,165 --> 00:08:06,000
Now, that's a fucking waste right there.
104
00:08:06,084 --> 00:08:08,086
Black girl with a white girl booty.
105
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,380
I mean, what's the point?
106
00:08:10,755 --> 00:08:13,466
Ooh, watch out for this one, man.
107
00:08:13,591 --> 00:08:15,260
She looks real good,
and then she opens her mouth.
108
00:08:15,385 --> 00:08:19,389
She's got those snaggly
fucking Gargamel teeth. (GROWLS)
109
00:08:19,472 --> 00:08:22,100
Fucking meth heads, man. (CHUCKLES)
110
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Now, that right there?
111
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:31,484
That's a whole different
species, my friend.
112
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Hey, Burset.
113
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Come over here.
114
00:08:37,574 --> 00:08:39,974
MAN OVER PA: Prisoner maintenance detail
for the shower room.
115
00:08:43,996 --> 00:08:46,791
Mmm. Smell that.
116
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:48,626
That smell good to you?
117
00:08:48,751 --> 00:08:50,044
Mickey D's?
118
00:08:51,045 --> 00:08:53,506
How long's it been since
you had one of these?
119
00:08:55,216 --> 00:08:57,302
- Long time.
- Mmm-hmm.
120
00:08:57,469 --> 00:08:58,844
Do you want some?
121
00:08:59,637 --> 00:09:01,306
You offering me a taste?
122
00:09:02,348 --> 00:09:04,642
You can suck it out of my dick.
123
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:08,354
I don't do sausage
in my breakfast sandwich.
124
00:09:12,024 --> 00:09:14,486
What the fuck are you doing
inside the CO bubble?
125
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:21,326
Your foot's over the line, Burset. You
better get back before I give you a shot.
126
00:09:24,412 --> 00:09:26,122
Shit is wild, right? (CHUCKLES)
127
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Freaky.
128
00:09:27,999 --> 00:09:30,001
Freaky-deaky. Freaktown.
129
00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:33,338
Cyborg pussy.
130
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:36,674
I bet it's fucking perfect.
131
00:09:37,675 --> 00:09:39,276
Don't tell me you'd hit that? (CHUCKLES)
132
00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:40,970
I live in the present, not in the past.
133
00:09:41,053 --> 00:09:43,181
Besides, she used to have a dick,
134
00:09:43,306 --> 00:09:45,350
and so she knows what it likes.
135
00:09:45,475 --> 00:09:46,518
(CHUCKLES)
136
00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:54,733
What'd you guys do about pussy
in Iraq anyway?
137
00:09:55,527 --> 00:09:56,986
Did you fuck camels?
138
00:09:57,111 --> 00:09:58,571
I was in Afghanistan.
139
00:09:58,696 --> 00:10:00,376
And you don't go anywhere near the camels,
140
00:10:00,406 --> 00:10:02,200
'cause sometimes they strap them up
with explosives
141
00:10:02,325 --> 00:10:04,743
and run them into camp and...
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
142
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:06,745
And if you try to have sex
with the girls there,
143
00:10:06,871 --> 00:10:08,498
their village throws rocks
at 'em till they die,
144
00:10:08,581 --> 00:10:10,542
so there's not a lot going on.
145
00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:12,710
Plus, they're all dressed like beekeepers.
146
00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:14,962
Occasionally, a Russian hooker
comes through,
147
00:10:15,046 --> 00:10:18,049
but those girls are nasty
and they cry a lot.
148
00:10:18,257 --> 00:10:20,552
WOMAN OVER PA: Transporting one to I-S 12.
149
00:10:20,718 --> 00:10:22,928
All these offenders want
a piece of me, Bennett.
150
00:10:23,596 --> 00:10:25,264
You know why?
151
00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:27,600
It's the fucking pheromones, man.
152
00:10:27,725 --> 00:10:31,229
You get 'em all locked up like this
for a long time,
153
00:10:31,354 --> 00:10:35,066
and they get this prehistoric yearning
for man-stink.
154
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:39,654
They fucking hate my guts, you know?
155
00:10:39,737 --> 00:10:42,114
But they can't help themselves.
156
00:10:43,199 --> 00:10:45,284
I'm musty and they love it. (SIGHS)
157
00:10:46,578 --> 00:10:48,287
You don't really...
158
00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:50,415
What? Fuck 'em?
159
00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:52,375
(SCOFFS)
160
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:55,086
Hell, no! That's against the rules.
161
00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:57,338
WOMAN OVER PA:
Ladies in the house programs,
162
00:10:57,422 --> 00:10:58,464
we will begin in one hour.
163
00:10:58,590 --> 00:11:00,758
- But I tell you what, grasshopper.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
164
00:11:01,759 --> 00:11:05,513
Some of these bitches would suck it
for half a cigarette.
165
00:11:06,347 --> 00:11:08,140
Swallow. Lift your tongue.
166
00:11:08,849 --> 00:11:10,101
Okay. Move on.
167
00:11:10,518 --> 00:11:11,603
MALE NURSE: Black!
168
00:11:11,852 --> 00:11:14,105
Take these with food. No check.
169
00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:15,856
Ooh, you got me on the yellow ones.
I like the yellow ones.
170
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:19,110
Lost 10 pounds on the yellow ones.
But gave me that horrible rash on my...
171
00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:20,528
Not my problem.
172
00:11:20,945 --> 00:11:21,987
Burset.
173
00:11:25,157 --> 00:11:26,451
What are those? Those aren't my pills.
174
00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:29,120
They are now.
Whole prison is going generic.
175
00:11:29,245 --> 00:11:30,829
What's the dose?
176
00:11:30,996 --> 00:11:32,498
.5 milligrams.
177
00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:34,166
Then that ain't enough.
I need four of those.
178
00:11:34,292 --> 00:11:35,792
I do what the chart says.
179
00:11:36,586 --> 00:11:37,794
You can't just change my dose.
180
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,631
Talk to your counselor, okay?
181
00:11:40,797 --> 00:11:41,924
Fatovich!
182
00:11:44,761 --> 00:11:47,138
MISS CLAUDETTE: You got a name, girl?
183
00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:49,974
That's your bed, those two are your hooks.
184
00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:52,518
This ain't like the projects in here,
I got rules.
185
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:54,811
No sleeping all day 'cause it's depressing.
186
00:11:54,937 --> 00:11:56,314
Clean up after yourself.
187
00:11:56,397 --> 00:12:00,610
If I find a mess on this floor, my floor,
you're gonna hear about it.
188
00:12:00,693 --> 00:12:02,320
And keep your food sealed,
189
00:12:02,403 --> 00:12:04,656
because I don't need chipmunks
or roaches in here
190
00:12:04,739 --> 00:12:06,449
trying to get their Cup O' Noodles on,
191
00:12:06,532 --> 00:12:08,409
plus that poor excuse for food stinks
to high heaven...
192
00:12:08,493 --> 00:12:11,496
I sleep whenever I want, old lady.
193
00:12:13,665 --> 00:12:16,875
And I don't know what busted-ass country
you come from,
194
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,753
but this is America,
195
00:12:18,877 --> 00:12:22,465
and if I want noodles, I'll eat noodles.
196
00:12:22,548 --> 00:12:27,219
Now, back off across your floor before
I make you that mess you hate so much.
197
00:12:31,557 --> 00:12:32,767
NICKY: Time to peel that orange, Chapman.
198
00:12:32,849 --> 00:12:34,101
You're one of us now.
199
00:12:34,185 --> 00:12:36,937
One of us. One of us.
200
00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:39,398
Gooble gobble. Gooble gobble.
201
00:12:40,232 --> 00:12:44,861
MAN OVER PA: Inmate Martinez, report for
an assignment at the laundry detail.
202
00:12:45,029 --> 00:12:47,114
Nine and a half, right?
203
00:12:50,284 --> 00:12:51,369
Ten.
204
00:12:53,371 --> 00:12:55,540
Did your feet swell
when you went back to boys?
205
00:12:56,374 --> 00:12:57,709
Fuck you.
206
00:12:59,752 --> 00:13:01,472
HEALY: You can't just change people's meds!
207
00:13:01,546 --> 00:13:04,507
I got a line of golden girls complaining
about blood pressure pills.
208
00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:06,300
Half this prison's on antidepressants.
209
00:13:06,384 --> 00:13:08,704
You take away their Zoloft,
they're gonna go off the rails.
210
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,180
Monumentally bad.
Monumental pain in my ass.
211
00:13:11,263 --> 00:13:13,558
Your ass? I'm juggling vendor changes,
staff reductions.
212
00:13:13,683 --> 00:13:15,560
Look at me, I'm paying
for my own coffee here.
213
00:13:15,685 --> 00:13:19,522
I got a tranny camped out in my hallway
yelling about her hormones!
214
00:13:19,605 --> 00:13:22,233
He can suck it up. She. Jesus.
215
00:13:22,316 --> 00:13:24,068
She could be a major headache for us.
216
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:25,944
We are only required
to give her enough to maintain.
217
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,613
It is a federal system.
218
00:13:27,739 --> 00:13:30,449
If he wanted to keep his girlish figure,
he should've stayed out of jail.
219
00:13:30,575 --> 00:13:32,993
Why would anyone ever
give up being a man?
220
00:13:33,077 --> 00:13:36,455
It's like winning the lottery
and giving the ticket back.
221
00:13:45,256 --> 00:13:46,923
(PANTING)
222
00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:56,726
Hello, baby.
223
00:13:59,144 --> 00:14:01,439
Look at you getting your sweat on.
224
00:14:01,522 --> 00:14:03,107
You look all shiny.
225
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,610
I bet you don't even smell funky.
226
00:14:05,693 --> 00:14:07,111
(SNIFFS AND CHUCKLES)
227
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:08,987
I knew you wouldn't.
228
00:14:09,447 --> 00:14:12,450
You a real woman, Chapman.
A real grown woman.
229
00:14:12,533 --> 00:14:14,410
And not like all these
other girls around here.
230
00:14:14,493 --> 00:14:16,913
I can't waste my time
with these silly bitches.
231
00:14:16,995 --> 00:14:19,123
I need a real woman.
232
00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:21,793
I'm sure that you'll find one.
233
00:14:21,918 --> 00:14:23,586
- I wrote a poem, you wanna hear?
- You know, that's fine...
234
00:14:23,669 --> 00:14:28,466
"Before I met you
the sun was like a yellow grape
235
00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:32,929
"But now, it look like fire in the sky
236
00:14:33,011 --> 00:14:39,977
"Why? Because you light a fire inside me"
237
00:14:44,106 --> 00:14:45,483
Wow.
238
00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:51,196
I wrote it for you.
239
00:14:53,866 --> 00:14:55,827
You know, my fiancé is a writer.
240
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,707
I'm gonna call you Dandelion.
241
00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:05,294
'Cause they're pretty,
and yellow, just like you.
242
00:15:06,629 --> 00:15:07,880
GUARD: Everybody out! Let's go!
243
00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:09,674
Oh! Thank you.
244
00:15:12,176 --> 00:15:13,177
PIPER: What's going on?
245
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:14,261
Locking up the track.
246
00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:15,972
- Why?
- Budget cuts.
247
00:15:16,054 --> 00:15:17,682
No staff to cover it.
248
00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:20,017
But I have to run.
249
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:22,436
This is the only thing
that makes me feel normal.
250
00:15:22,561 --> 00:15:25,022
Ya'll gonna have to do your swirl
someplace else.
251
00:15:25,982 --> 00:15:27,316
Swirl?
252
00:15:27,733 --> 00:15:30,277
(SING-SONGY) Chocolate and vanilla.
253
00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:36,534
Swir-irl. Swir-irl.
254
00:15:37,242 --> 00:15:42,498
The bottom line is that the prison can
no longer provide high-end hormones.
255
00:15:42,581 --> 00:15:46,335
If I don't get my medication,
I'm going through withdrawal.
256
00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:50,840
Hot flashes, night sweats. My face will
sag, my body hair will start to grow back.
257
00:15:51,007 --> 00:15:52,216
Okay, we don't need to get into...
258
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,218
Let me explain this for you.
259
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:57,346
When my penis was split in half
and inverted,
260
00:15:57,429 --> 00:15:59,515
my testes were removed,
261
00:15:59,598 --> 00:16:01,893
so I don't have any testosterone left
262
00:16:01,976 --> 00:16:05,354
to replace the estrogen
that you taking away from me!
263
00:16:05,437 --> 00:16:08,065
Okay, okay! What do you want from me?
264
00:16:10,275 --> 00:16:11,736
I wanna see a doctor.
265
00:16:11,861 --> 00:16:13,901
You can't go to the clinic
unless it's an emergency.
266
00:16:13,988 --> 00:16:15,447
This is an emergency.
267
00:16:15,573 --> 00:16:17,241
Yeah, well, we don't see it that way.
268
00:16:22,371 --> 00:16:23,414
Was there something else?
269
00:16:24,498 --> 00:16:25,583
Yes.
270
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:33,298
(GULPS)
271
00:16:35,885 --> 00:16:38,220
I'd like to report an emergency.
272
00:16:40,848 --> 00:16:43,559
Man, new bunkie's trying
to lay down all these rules and shit.
273
00:16:43,642 --> 00:16:47,479
"Dis go here. Dat go there.
Dis how you be wipin' your bunghole."
274
00:16:47,646 --> 00:16:49,565
Wait, you got assigned?
What dorm are you in?
275
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,945
Yo, girl, be careful messing with
Miss Claudette. That woman is no joke.
276
00:16:54,236 --> 00:16:56,989
What, is she gonna put
a voodoo curse on me?
277
00:16:57,073 --> 00:16:59,742
- Island bitch got control issues.
- (SCOFFS)
278
00:16:59,825 --> 00:17:02,453
Word is she killed someone.
That's why she doin' so much time.
279
00:17:02,536 --> 00:17:03,704
Yeah, I believe it, too.
280
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:05,748
You look in her eyes
and know she seen some shit.
281
00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:06,832
I'm not scared of her.
282
00:17:06,958 --> 00:17:08,042
You should be.
283
00:17:08,125 --> 00:17:11,879
I hear when she was down the hill she threw a
pot of boiling water in her bunkie's face.
284
00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:15,716
Burned her eyelids off.
She be looking like Beetlejuice and shit.
285
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:16,968
So?
286
00:17:17,134 --> 00:17:18,552
Let her come at me.
287
00:17:18,636 --> 00:17:20,262
POUSSEY: Yo, come on, now.
288
00:17:20,429 --> 00:17:21,869
She'll see what she be messing with.
289
00:17:21,889 --> 00:17:24,475
POUSSEY: Yo, the lady ain't taken a visitor
in 10 years
290
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,268
'cause she won't do strip search.
291
00:17:26,351 --> 00:17:28,479
And she ain't dookied
292
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:30,230
- the whole time she been locked up.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, come on.
293
00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:31,356
No, I'm serious.
294
00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:33,317
- That's crazy.
- TAYSTEE: Nah, for reals.
295
00:17:33,442 --> 00:17:37,154
No one's ever seen her use the stalls!
That's the truth. She don't poop.
296
00:17:37,237 --> 00:17:40,658
She probably got a voodoo spell
stopping up her butt.
297
00:17:40,825 --> 00:17:42,326
That's some steel right there.
298
00:17:42,451 --> 00:17:44,120
(LAUGHING)
299
00:17:51,251 --> 00:17:54,880
WOMAN OVER PA: Maxi pads with wings
are back in the commissary.
300
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:03,139
MAN OVER PA: Swing shift guard detail.
P.m. cell check commences at 2130 hours.
301
00:18:12,982 --> 00:18:16,652
I had to rub Red's feet for this.
45 minutes.
302
00:18:16,777 --> 00:18:18,362
You can't sit there.
303
00:18:19,237 --> 00:18:21,157
How long are you gonna do this?
304
00:18:21,699 --> 00:18:23,784
We both live here.
We have to deal with each other.
305
00:18:23,868 --> 00:18:25,202
No, we don't.
306
00:18:25,327 --> 00:18:27,788
I plan on spending my entire sentence
avoiding you.
307
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:28,914
Get over it.
308
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,625
We did some illegal shit
and we both got caught.
309
00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:33,878
You stole my life.
310
00:18:35,838 --> 00:18:38,883
You stole my good life
that I made after you.
311
00:18:40,384 --> 00:18:42,302
Stay the fuck away from me.
312
00:18:44,805 --> 00:18:47,892
WOMAN OVER PA: Ladies, in-house programs
will begin in one hour.
313
00:18:47,975 --> 00:18:49,852
Is there a problem here?
314
00:18:50,686 --> 00:18:52,063
No.
315
00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:55,066
You bothering my friend here?
316
00:18:56,108 --> 00:18:59,236
Dandelion, she bothering you?
317
00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:01,488
No, we were just talking.
318
00:19:01,906 --> 00:19:05,743
Yeah, she is bothering me.
319
00:19:07,161 --> 00:19:09,922
Then you need to be on your way.
'Cause she don't like talking to you.
320
00:19:10,039 --> 00:19:12,750
Not one bit.
321
00:19:14,251 --> 00:19:15,293
Are you kidding me?
322
00:19:15,419 --> 00:19:17,254
Move, bitch.
323
00:19:17,337 --> 00:19:19,097
This is my wife here,
so you need to step...
324
00:19:19,173 --> 00:19:20,716
Well, no, I'm not actually your...
325
00:19:20,799 --> 00:19:24,595
(YELLING) I will cut you!
I will cut you, bitch!
326
00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:26,555
Don't make me cut you!
327
00:19:26,638 --> 00:19:31,060
You know where the fuck you at, bitch?
You don't know me!
328
00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:33,270
OFFICER: Take it easy, take it easy.
329
00:19:36,023 --> 00:19:37,733
(LAUGHS)
330
00:19:37,816 --> 00:19:41,153
It's all right. We all good.
331
00:19:42,404 --> 00:19:43,655
Mmm-hmm.
332
00:19:48,452 --> 00:19:49,828
(CHUCKLING)
333
00:19:56,127 --> 00:19:57,461
I'm not your wife.
334
00:19:58,462 --> 00:20:00,714
I threw my pie for you.
335
00:20:06,637 --> 00:20:09,848
The head should pass through your body
in three to five days.
336
00:20:09,974 --> 00:20:11,976
Unless you start vomiting
or have severe cramping,
337
00:20:12,059 --> 00:20:15,104
it's best just to let the body
eliminate this on its own.
338
00:20:15,229 --> 00:20:16,814
I'm gonna have to shit it out.
339
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:20,692
If it made it down your esophagus,
it should travel the rest of the way.
340
00:20:20,818 --> 00:20:23,070
If it doesn't pass in a week,
we'll consider surgery.
341
00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:24,863
Pay close attention to your stool.
342
00:20:24,989 --> 00:20:26,490
I don't think I could miss it.
343
00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:29,160
I'm going to have to put you
on suicide watch.
344
00:20:29,827 --> 00:20:32,037
What? (SCOFFS) Why?
345
00:20:32,163 --> 00:20:34,498
We take swallowers very seriously.
346
00:20:34,665 --> 00:20:37,876
You really think I would've eaten
a bobble-head if I wanted to kill myself?
347
00:20:38,836 --> 00:20:40,629
Listen, Doc, I need my dosage.
348
00:20:41,338 --> 00:20:46,302
I've given five years, $80,000
and my freedom for this.
349
00:20:46,384 --> 00:20:49,763
I'm finally who I'm supposed to be.
Do you understand?
350
00:20:49,847 --> 00:20:51,556
I can't go back.
351
00:20:52,516 --> 00:20:53,684
Look,
352
00:20:54,643 --> 00:20:56,478
I'd like to help you.
353
00:20:57,354 --> 00:21:00,316
Unfortunately, you have elevated levels
of AST and ALT,
354
00:21:00,398 --> 00:21:01,900
which could mean liver damage...
355
00:21:02,026 --> 00:21:04,486
That's bullshit. That could mean anything.
356
00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:08,073
We're gonna take you
off your hormones entirely...
357
00:21:08,199 --> 00:21:09,616
- What?
- ...until we can schedule an ultrasound.
358
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:10,993
- Get a clean read.
- (SCOFFS)
359
00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:12,870
But that could take months.
360
00:21:13,037 --> 00:21:15,580
I can offer you an antidepressant.
361
00:21:16,874 --> 00:21:17,958
CRYSTAL: I can't take it!
362
00:21:18,709 --> 00:21:19,710
Can I open 'em?
363
00:21:21,545 --> 00:21:23,547
All righty. Open 'em.
364
00:21:26,884 --> 00:21:28,344
Oh, my God.
365
00:21:28,426 --> 00:21:30,221
- Good or bad?
- Not good.
366
00:21:30,346 --> 00:21:34,892
You look like Hannah Montana.
That skirt is...
367
00:21:35,059 --> 00:21:37,061
I thought it was so cute.
368
00:21:37,936 --> 00:21:40,064
That's what happens when I shop for myself.
369
00:21:40,981 --> 00:21:42,900
It's 'cause I never got
to be a teenage girl.
370
00:21:42,983 --> 00:21:44,568
And you never will be.
371
00:21:44,693 --> 00:21:47,487
You should be dressing like a classy
grown-up lady.
372
00:21:48,197 --> 00:21:49,573
You think I'm classy?
373
00:21:49,781 --> 00:21:53,410
I can't have my husband walking 'round
like a $2 hooker.
374
00:21:53,952 --> 00:21:55,329
Let's see.
375
00:21:57,915 --> 00:21:59,208
Ah.
376
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:02,253
Yeah, this color looks good on you.
377
00:22:02,878 --> 00:22:04,255
Come here.
378
00:22:30,281 --> 00:22:32,490
Can't believe I'm doing this.
379
00:22:33,491 --> 00:22:34,826
You don't have to.
380
00:22:35,953 --> 00:22:37,288
Hmm.
381
00:22:37,913 --> 00:22:39,373
Okay.
382
00:22:39,831 --> 00:22:41,625
That is much better.
383
00:22:42,667 --> 00:22:47,131
I can't zip it, but you get the idea.
384
00:22:51,218 --> 00:22:54,930
Holy shit. I look hot.
385
00:23:03,230 --> 00:23:04,940
Please keep it.
386
00:23:05,816 --> 00:23:07,151
(SIGHS) Crystal...
387
00:23:07,234 --> 00:23:10,112
I'm fine with the rest of it.
The hair and the makeup.
388
00:23:10,195 --> 00:23:12,823
I'll teach you all of it. You'll be a pro.
389
00:23:16,410 --> 00:23:18,370
Just please keep your penis.
390
00:23:20,747 --> 00:23:22,624
- You know I can't.
- For me.
391
00:23:27,879 --> 00:23:29,256
You don't have to stay.
392
00:23:33,844 --> 00:23:35,012
No?
393
00:23:35,553 --> 00:23:38,849
Where would I go? I mean,
this is my family.
394
00:23:46,731 --> 00:23:50,652
I got this for you.
You can try it on if you want.
395
00:23:50,735 --> 00:23:52,112
I'm 10 pounds up.
396
00:23:52,237 --> 00:23:55,324
Besides, your tits are better than mine.
397
00:23:57,159 --> 00:23:58,702
You're perfect.
398
00:23:58,827 --> 00:24:00,204
Come here.
399
00:24:01,830 --> 00:24:03,332
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
400
00:24:13,133 --> 00:24:14,510
(DOOR SLAMS)
401
00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:20,640
- You can't leave me alone with my mother.
- (SOBBING) I know, I know.
402
00:24:20,724 --> 00:24:23,559
I promised your brother I'd help him fix
the roof of his trailer.
403
00:24:23,685 --> 00:24:25,270
I need a buffer!
404
00:24:25,396 --> 00:24:27,231
Why can't you just come and visit me
405
00:24:27,314 --> 00:24:29,066
every single waking moment
that you're allowed to
406
00:24:29,191 --> 00:24:31,193
and make your life all about me?
407
00:24:31,402 --> 00:24:35,280
Piper, we talked about this, okay? Visits
every other week, so I can have a life.
408
00:24:35,406 --> 00:24:37,241
You said that. These are your words.
409
00:24:37,324 --> 00:24:38,742
(WHISPERS) But I'm an idiot.
410
00:24:38,909 --> 00:24:41,370
Okay, here's the game,
411
00:24:41,453 --> 00:24:43,663
you remember every rude thing she says,
all right?
412
00:24:43,747 --> 00:24:44,789
And then next week,
413
00:24:44,915 --> 00:24:48,502
we will rank them in
order from kind of crazy
414
00:24:48,584 --> 00:24:51,088
to truly bat-shit bananas.
415
00:24:51,213 --> 00:24:53,465
It'll be fun! Come on, Piper.
416
00:24:54,258 --> 00:24:56,510
I can't cancel. He's living under a tarp.
417
00:24:56,676 --> 00:24:58,053
Jesus.
418
00:24:58,678 --> 00:25:01,390
- When is he gonna get his shit together?
- (LARRY CHUCKLES)
419
00:25:01,515 --> 00:25:04,435
I'm not sure that Cal gets
the "family fuck-up" title anymore.
420
00:25:07,812 --> 00:25:10,065
(SIGHS) You okay, Pipes?
421
00:25:10,315 --> 00:25:12,859
MAN OVER PA:
In-house programs start in one hour.
422
00:25:12,984 --> 00:25:14,570
Are those groceries?
423
00:25:14,778 --> 00:25:17,281
Yes. But...
424
00:25:17,406 --> 00:25:19,116
You forgot to bring the bags.
425
00:25:20,451 --> 00:25:25,539
Uh, I did, but I'm gonna eat the bag later,
so don't worry. Planet is safe.
426
00:25:25,747 --> 00:25:28,292
Did you go to Whole Foods?
What did you get?
427
00:25:28,417 --> 00:25:29,918
A bunch of stuff.
428
00:25:30,085 --> 00:25:35,799
No, no, no. Be specific. Tell me everything.
In detail. Just take me away.
429
00:25:36,716 --> 00:25:40,304
Okay, um, I got some crispy snap peas,
430
00:25:40,429 --> 00:25:43,181
I got some cherry juice for my smoothies.
431
00:25:43,307 --> 00:25:45,225
Oh, God, smoothies.
432
00:25:46,143 --> 00:25:49,480
Then some purple kale,
Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies.
433
00:25:49,563 --> 00:25:52,232
I can feel them in my mouth.
434
00:25:54,276 --> 00:25:58,322
Then I got, um, you know,
those bulk roasted almonds.
435
00:25:58,405 --> 00:26:02,367
You know, with the sugar coating
on the top?
436
00:26:02,493 --> 00:26:03,693
Yeah, yeah, the crack almonds.
437
00:26:03,785 --> 00:26:05,245
The crack almonds.
438
00:26:06,913 --> 00:26:10,708
And, uh, well, then I got some
heirloom tomatoes.
439
00:26:11,751 --> 00:26:14,171
Last of the season, you know?
440
00:26:14,296 --> 00:26:19,009
Super plump and ripe. Engorged almost.
441
00:26:19,092 --> 00:26:23,054
With some wet, juicy buffalo mozzarella.
442
00:26:23,180 --> 00:26:26,141
And some sweet, sweet-ass
organic blueberries.
443
00:26:26,266 --> 00:26:27,851
Mmm.
444
00:26:27,976 --> 00:26:30,521
My cock is hard.
And I'm rubbing it against your ass.
445
00:26:30,604 --> 00:26:31,729
What? What?
446
00:26:31,855 --> 00:26:34,274
- What?
- Are you trying to have phone sex with me?
447
00:26:34,358 --> 00:26:38,529
I thought that's what we...
(STUTTERS) I'm confused.
448
00:26:39,112 --> 00:26:42,032
There are guards listening.
They sit in a bubble and they listen.
449
00:26:42,115 --> 00:26:43,699
I'm sure people do it all the time.
450
00:26:44,618 --> 00:26:46,620
And there's a woman weeping next to me.
451
00:26:48,205 --> 00:26:53,418
Okay. Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then.
For the 500th time today.
452
00:26:53,835 --> 00:26:56,046
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
453
00:26:56,213 --> 00:26:59,216
No, it's okay. I'm, uh...
454
00:26:59,341 --> 00:27:02,010
I'm reliving my youth. I'm 14 again.
455
00:27:02,177 --> 00:27:04,429
WOMAN: (SOBBING) I know. I don't wanna...
456
00:27:04,555 --> 00:27:05,721
I love you.
457
00:27:06,848 --> 00:27:08,225
(SIGHS)
458
00:27:08,350 --> 00:27:09,934
I love your little boobs.
459
00:27:10,310 --> 00:27:12,728
WOMAN: (SOBBING) Oh, my God!
460
00:27:13,729 --> 00:27:14,856
No!
461
00:27:21,863 --> 00:27:24,700
You're not allowed to
put stuff on the walls.
462
00:27:24,866 --> 00:27:27,077
Everyone has stuff on their walls.
463
00:27:28,412 --> 00:27:29,580
Officer!
464
00:27:31,289 --> 00:27:32,666
What's going on?
465
00:27:32,748 --> 00:27:34,918
Tell her she gotta take
that ugly shit down.
466
00:27:39,423 --> 00:27:40,591
Your kid draw that?
467
00:27:42,259 --> 00:27:43,301
I did.
468
00:27:43,468 --> 00:27:44,760
(SCOFFS)
469
00:27:44,886 --> 00:27:46,722
- Sorry, I didn't mean...
- No, it's okay.
470
00:27:46,804 --> 00:27:50,141
I kind of messed it up.
My eyes are too small.
471
00:27:51,226 --> 00:27:52,728
No, it's nice.
472
00:27:53,645 --> 00:27:55,855
I mean, it's cool that
you can draw, you know?
473
00:27:55,939 --> 00:27:57,190
It's art.
474
00:27:58,442 --> 00:28:00,860
Oh, so you gonna allow that shit?
475
00:28:04,114 --> 00:28:05,907
She can leave it up.
476
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,161
Fine.
477
00:28:10,287 --> 00:28:13,206
Then I'm gonna
put my pictures up of Kanye.
478
00:28:13,789 --> 00:28:18,253
- What did you do to your hair?
- I had to give it to a transsexual.
479
00:28:18,336 --> 00:28:19,879
For a weave.
480
00:28:19,963 --> 00:28:20,964
(CHUCKLES)
481
00:28:21,089 --> 00:28:22,966
Interesting.
482
00:28:23,091 --> 00:28:26,678
Your dad sends his love.
He wanted to come, but...
483
00:28:26,802 --> 00:28:28,722
No, I get it.
He doesn't wanna see me like this.
484
00:28:28,804 --> 00:28:29,973
Here.
485
00:28:30,098 --> 00:28:32,142
They didn't frisk me at the door.
486
00:28:32,267 --> 00:28:34,728
I mean, this could totally be
a fake belly full of drugs.
487
00:28:34,811 --> 00:28:36,313
How would they ever know?
488
00:28:36,438 --> 00:28:39,899
I get strip searched on the way out.
Squat and cough.
489
00:28:40,150 --> 00:28:41,943
Oh, Piper, please.
490
00:28:42,026 --> 00:28:45,071
You didn't touch anything
in that bathroom, did you?
491
00:28:45,155 --> 00:28:48,032
Everything around here is so sticky.
492
00:28:48,158 --> 00:28:51,787
But the people are much cleaner
than I thought they'd be.
493
00:28:53,538 --> 00:28:55,206
How are you feeling, Pol?
494
00:28:55,957 --> 00:28:58,335
Large. Hostile. Nothing new.
495
00:28:58,460 --> 00:29:02,088
I am so excited for you. For all of us.
496
00:29:02,172 --> 00:29:04,466
It is so smart to do this now.
497
00:29:04,549 --> 00:29:08,261
I told Piper, it's much harder to conceive
when you're in your late 30s.
498
00:29:08,970 --> 00:29:10,013
Thanks, Mom.
499
00:29:10,138 --> 00:29:11,556
Oh, but it's true.
500
00:29:11,682 --> 00:29:14,225
You just don't have a lot of time to waste.
501
00:29:14,351 --> 00:29:18,730
That's exactly what I need right now.
A reminder of my ebbing fertility.
502
00:29:22,651 --> 00:29:24,611
I'll go get some snacks.
503
00:29:28,699 --> 00:29:32,118
The whole way up she hummed
Édith Piaf songs and ate pistachios.
504
00:29:32,869 --> 00:29:36,164
You owe me. I wanted alone time with you.
505
00:29:36,832 --> 00:29:38,041
I have a wife!
506
00:29:38,208 --> 00:29:40,210
- What?
- A prison wife.
507
00:29:40,293 --> 00:29:42,713
Her name is Crazy Eyes
and she follows me everywhere.
508
00:29:42,879 --> 00:29:44,339
That really happens?
509
00:29:44,881 --> 00:29:46,174
Jeez.
510
00:29:46,257 --> 00:29:49,886
Are her eyes, like, bulgy or crossed,
or is one lid kind of droopy?
511
00:29:50,053 --> 00:29:51,388
- What kind of crazy?
- They're just crazy.
512
00:29:51,471 --> 00:29:53,849
They're just full of crazy.
It's terrifying.
513
00:29:53,931 --> 00:29:56,476
I'm afraid to tell Larry
because I don't want him to worry.
514
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,354
But she's extremely persistent.
515
00:29:59,437 --> 00:30:01,523
She follows me everywhere.
516
00:30:01,898 --> 00:30:03,400
She threw pie for me.
517
00:30:03,567 --> 00:30:05,068
Did she rape you?
518
00:30:05,193 --> 00:30:07,904
- No, she didn't rape me.
- Oh.
519
00:30:07,987 --> 00:30:09,989
But she held my hand.
520
00:30:10,365 --> 00:30:12,158
Aw! That's kind of sweet.
521
00:30:12,242 --> 00:30:15,370
I wish Pete would hold my hand.
But he says it makes his palms sweat.
522
00:30:15,453 --> 00:30:17,213
And he won't stop laughing
in birthing class.
523
00:30:17,247 --> 00:30:18,874
He's like a seventh grader.
524
00:30:18,998 --> 00:30:21,251
I just told you that I have a wife.
525
00:30:21,376 --> 00:30:22,616
I heard you. That really sucks.
526
00:30:22,711 --> 00:30:25,338
But you were supposed
to be my wife, Piper, remember?
527
00:30:25,422 --> 00:30:28,592
I'm kind of freaking out that
you're not gonna be there.
528
00:30:29,426 --> 00:30:30,761
I know.
529
00:30:30,886 --> 00:30:32,554
I'm sorry.
530
00:30:33,221 --> 00:30:36,850
We just got this crib pad that sets
off an alarm if the baby stops breathing.
531
00:30:36,933 --> 00:30:38,476
Which could totally happen.
532
00:30:38,602 --> 00:30:39,770
I mean, that's a thing.
533
00:30:39,853 --> 00:30:42,063
And there's a skinny bitch
in my pre-natal yoga,
534
00:30:42,188 --> 00:30:43,940
she's a stick who swallowed a grapefruit.
535
00:30:44,023 --> 00:30:46,359
The other day she asked me
if I was having twins.
536
00:30:46,443 --> 00:30:48,445
Ugh, thank God. I'm starving.
537
00:30:48,528 --> 00:30:49,696
Skittles.
538
00:30:49,780 --> 00:30:54,158
Did you know that inmates are not allowed
to touch money in this place?
539
00:30:54,284 --> 00:30:57,036
The guard just told me. Fascinating.
540
00:30:58,705 --> 00:31:01,249
So what about the Barney's order?
Did you find a warehouse?
541
00:31:01,332 --> 00:31:03,960
Oh, I got a couple of sketchy bids.
I haven't had time to go look.
542
00:31:04,085 --> 00:31:05,503
Well, that's why we hired Mariana.
543
00:31:05,629 --> 00:31:07,297
I fired her.
544
00:31:07,380 --> 00:31:08,965
She doesn't know how
to make a Word document.
545
00:31:09,090 --> 00:31:10,550
And she doesn't shave her pits.
546
00:31:10,634 --> 00:31:12,803
Wait, but why didn't you ask me first?
547
00:31:12,886 --> 00:31:14,095
That's not fair.
548
00:31:15,639 --> 00:31:18,642
Oh, honey, it's not as if we can pick up
a phone and call you.
549
00:31:18,725 --> 00:31:20,477
I know it's hard,
550
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,939
but the rest of us have
to keep living our lives.
551
00:31:33,657 --> 00:31:34,908
How you doing, Red?
552
00:31:34,991 --> 00:31:36,493
I'm missing half my zucchini.
553
00:31:36,576 --> 00:31:39,579
These girls don't realize I'm here
to provide food, not dildos.
554
00:31:40,413 --> 00:31:43,959
I'm all out of cucumbers, carrots, beets.
555
00:31:44,041 --> 00:31:46,503
God knows what they're doing with those.
556
00:31:46,628 --> 00:31:49,130
Can't hang on to anything cock-shaped.
557
00:31:52,759 --> 00:31:54,678
Sorry. Too soon?
558
00:31:55,303 --> 00:31:56,387
A little.
559
00:31:56,513 --> 00:31:58,682
You, I don't understand you.
560
00:31:59,474 --> 00:32:01,142
I got three sons, and let me tell you,
561
00:32:01,225 --> 00:32:03,269
if they tried to do what you did,
562
00:32:03,353 --> 00:32:07,482
I'd chop off their hands before
I'd let them get rid of their baby makers.
563
00:32:08,316 --> 00:32:10,527
I already made my baby.
564
00:32:10,652 --> 00:32:13,655
Listen, I need you to get something in.
565
00:32:14,238 --> 00:32:17,033
Talk to Gina. She takes my orders,
you know how this goes.
566
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,537
It's something that's hard to get.
Estrogen pills or patches.
567
00:32:20,662 --> 00:32:22,706
- I don't do drugs.
- It's medication.
568
00:32:22,873 --> 00:32:26,292
I got rules. No drugs.
Nothing like that comes through my kitchen.
569
00:32:26,376 --> 00:32:30,755
Besides, even if I wanted to help you,
I don't have connections like that.
570
00:32:32,841 --> 00:32:35,468
Here, have a yam.
571
00:32:35,552 --> 00:32:37,971
My mamochka ate those
during her menopause.
572
00:32:38,054 --> 00:32:41,558
And I'll get you some soy,
but that's the best I can do.
573
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,520
What if I have my own connections?
574
00:32:45,645 --> 00:32:49,399
Do you not hear me, huh?
It's not gonna happen.
575
00:32:50,525 --> 00:32:53,737
Listen, sweetheart, there's other channels.
576
00:32:56,948 --> 00:33:00,702
But I really don't think you wanna
go down that road.
577
00:33:02,746 --> 00:33:05,289
You wanna go down that road?
I say Jordans.
578
00:33:05,415 --> 00:33:07,751
- Those are cool.
- Those are gay.
579
00:33:07,918 --> 00:33:08,919
I like the Lebrons.
580
00:33:09,044 --> 00:33:10,670
You want the highs or the lows?
581
00:33:10,795 --> 00:33:11,796
Both.
582
00:33:11,922 --> 00:33:12,964
No. Pick one, baby.
583
00:33:13,089 --> 00:33:16,217
If it were up to me, my
man, I'd say the lows.
584
00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:17,552
Those Dunkmans are tight.
585
00:33:17,635 --> 00:33:19,429
They're the hottest pair of kicks
to drop this year.
586
00:33:19,512 --> 00:33:20,597
How much?
587
00:33:20,722 --> 00:33:22,098
$300.
588
00:33:23,266 --> 00:33:24,768
We'll take 'em, right?
589
00:33:34,318 --> 00:33:37,614
SALES CLERK: Stand up. Check 'em out.
You're gonna love those shoes.
590
00:33:37,739 --> 00:33:39,074
Excuse me, do you have...
591
00:33:39,198 --> 00:33:40,951
Hey, Michael, what are you doing here?
592
00:33:43,703 --> 00:33:45,204
Oh, shit!
593
00:33:45,413 --> 00:33:46,456
Hi, Pat.
594
00:33:46,706 --> 00:33:48,207
Shit... Uh...
595
00:33:49,042 --> 00:33:50,293
Yeah.
596
00:33:50,460 --> 00:33:51,878
I, uh...
597
00:33:51,962 --> 00:33:53,797
Deborah's doing some shopping,
so I just thought I'd...
598
00:33:53,922 --> 00:33:56,800
Did you get my letter?
I was hoping to hear from you.
599
00:33:56,883 --> 00:33:58,927
Yeah, I was, uh...
600
00:34:00,011 --> 00:34:02,639
I'm sorry. I gotta go.
601
00:34:04,515 --> 00:34:06,309
Take care, Michael.
602
00:34:08,311 --> 00:34:09,687
Nice kicks.
603
00:34:12,816 --> 00:34:14,943
Sometimes it's hard for people.
604
00:34:15,026 --> 00:34:16,319
Michael.
605
00:34:16,987 --> 00:34:18,529
Michael! No!
606
00:34:18,696 --> 00:34:21,449
Sir. Ma'am. You need to pay for those.
607
00:34:24,368 --> 00:34:25,648
MAN OVER PA: Attention, inmates,
608
00:34:25,662 --> 00:34:29,499
the pharmacy window
will be closing at 1530 hours.
609
00:34:31,334 --> 00:34:33,837
Hey. You wanted to see me?
610
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:35,005
Yes, Chapman.
611
00:34:35,088 --> 00:34:37,757
MAN OVER PA:
Bravo dorms, assemble for visitation hall.
612
00:34:37,841 --> 00:34:41,177
We do not choose roommates around here.
613
00:34:41,302 --> 00:34:45,264
This type of hanky-panky
is against prison regulations.
614
00:34:45,348 --> 00:34:47,684
I warned you about this
when you first came in.
615
00:34:47,851 --> 00:34:50,728
I... I don't know what
you're talking about.
616
00:34:53,857 --> 00:34:58,695
Warren just informed me that you'd like
to be bunked together.
617
00:34:59,696 --> 00:35:01,114
Warren? Who is that?
618
00:35:04,492 --> 00:35:05,535
Crazy Eyes?
619
00:35:05,660 --> 00:35:08,913
This is not gonna fly around here.
Not on my watch.
620
00:35:09,455 --> 00:35:12,042
Lesbian request denied.
621
00:35:12,625 --> 00:35:14,711
Okay, wait! I had nothing to do with that!
622
00:35:14,836 --> 00:35:17,421
Believe me, the last thing I want
is to be anywhere near her.
623
00:35:17,547 --> 00:35:19,382
I've been trying to shake her for days.
624
00:35:19,549 --> 00:35:21,051
This didn't come from you?
625
00:35:21,217 --> 00:35:23,386
No! Absolutely not.
626
00:35:23,469 --> 00:35:26,097
Please don't put me with her. Please.
627
00:35:26,222 --> 00:35:29,934
I would like to stay
as far away from that as possible.
628
00:35:30,143 --> 00:35:32,520
I was hoping that that was the case.
629
00:35:34,064 --> 00:35:36,273
She is completely nuts.
630
00:35:36,399 --> 00:35:39,569
No, I know. I've had
trouble with her before.
631
00:35:39,694 --> 00:35:42,655
She's what we call a "stud,"
632
00:35:42,739 --> 00:35:45,241
which is very confusing
for a nice girl like you,
633
00:35:45,408 --> 00:35:48,578
because, let's be honest,
she looks like a man.
634
00:35:49,412 --> 00:35:52,082
If it were up to me,
I'd take all the butch ones
635
00:35:52,165 --> 00:35:54,000
and I'd put them in a "little boy's wing,"
636
00:35:54,084 --> 00:35:56,753
and I'd separate them from
the general community.
637
00:35:57,128 --> 00:36:01,424
Ran that up the ladder a couple of times,
got no traction at all.
638
00:36:03,093 --> 00:36:04,385
My advice?
639
00:36:06,429 --> 00:36:08,472
Let her down easy.
640
00:36:09,265 --> 00:36:13,644
She's volatile, that one.
She was removed from the puppy program.
641
00:36:16,147 --> 00:36:20,151
Lesbians can be very dangerous.
642
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,362
It's the testosterone.
643
00:36:25,281 --> 00:36:29,202
ALEX: They took my moisturizer, guys.
I had to walk through the airport barefoot.
644
00:36:29,493 --> 00:36:32,872
I mean, if Bush fucking wins again,
we're all moving to Berlin!
645
00:36:37,585 --> 00:36:40,671
Hey, you, Laura Ingalls Wilder.
646
00:36:41,756 --> 00:36:44,634
We're escaping America before
the apocalypse. Wanna come?
647
00:36:45,176 --> 00:36:46,469
Sorry?
648
00:36:46,636 --> 00:36:48,138
What can I get for you?
649
00:36:48,512 --> 00:36:50,265
Oh, hi, I was wondering if you're hiring?
650
00:36:51,474 --> 00:36:52,725
No, I'm sorry.
651
00:36:52,809 --> 00:36:54,144
Well, can I leave this with you?
652
00:36:54,269 --> 00:36:57,855
Honestly, it's just gonna end up
in a drawer somewhere, so...
653
00:36:58,940 --> 00:37:00,191
Okay.
654
00:37:00,566 --> 00:37:01,651
Well,
655
00:37:05,989 --> 00:37:07,490
can I have a margarita then?
656
00:37:08,241 --> 00:37:09,408
That I can do for you.
657
00:37:17,458 --> 00:37:20,336
It's a little cold out for a margarita,
don't you think?
658
00:37:22,839 --> 00:37:24,715
Let's see this.
659
00:37:25,716 --> 00:37:29,220
Steve's Greek Cuisine? Le Grand Fromage?
660
00:37:29,345 --> 00:37:30,805
Bullshit, bullshit.
661
00:37:30,888 --> 00:37:32,682
You need a lesson in fudging a resume.
662
00:37:32,765 --> 00:37:33,850
Do you work here?
663
00:37:33,975 --> 00:37:35,518
Are you fucking kidding me?
664
00:37:37,103 --> 00:37:38,980
Manager, Polly Harper.
665
00:37:40,273 --> 00:37:41,816
No one named Polly Harper
gets put in charge.
666
00:37:41,899 --> 00:37:42,942
Who is that really?
667
00:37:43,026 --> 00:37:44,694
- It's my friend.
- (LAUGHS)
668
00:37:46,529 --> 00:37:49,032
You've never waited a fucking table
in your life, have you?
669
00:37:51,159 --> 00:37:52,368
No.
670
00:37:54,537 --> 00:37:56,873
So, Piper Chapman,
671
00:37:58,208 --> 00:38:03,213
"A Smith grad with excellent listening skills,
passionate about making diners feel good."
672
00:38:03,338 --> 00:38:05,381
Mmm. That sounds kind of dirty.
673
00:38:05,464 --> 00:38:07,217
You can put that on my tab.
674
00:38:07,550 --> 00:38:10,303
"Safe, clean, and careful
when handling food and drink."
675
00:38:10,386 --> 00:38:11,387
(LAUGHS)
676
00:38:11,595 --> 00:38:13,097
Oh, gosh.
677
00:38:13,223 --> 00:38:15,099
I like that in a woman.
678
00:38:17,434 --> 00:38:18,954
What else do I need to know about you?
679
00:38:20,897 --> 00:38:22,398
Who are you?
680
00:38:23,482 --> 00:38:25,068
My name is Alex.
681
00:38:27,362 --> 00:38:29,364
And what do you do, Alex?
682
00:38:30,406 --> 00:38:33,117
Besides make fun of strangers in bars?
683
00:38:33,243 --> 00:38:36,037
I work for an international drug cartel.
684
00:38:37,788 --> 00:38:39,249
(LAUGHS)
685
00:38:39,916 --> 00:38:42,543
Oh, come on. You telling me
you don't get lonely out here
686
00:38:43,086 --> 00:38:45,046
in the middle of nowhere?
687
00:38:45,129 --> 00:38:48,883
No, I'm not into people.
I'm more into beans.
688
00:38:48,966 --> 00:38:52,595
Did you see my long beans?
They're going off.
689
00:38:52,678 --> 00:38:54,513
And my banjo.
690
00:38:54,597 --> 00:38:58,059
Those are my friends,
my beans and my banjo.
691
00:38:58,268 --> 00:39:00,728
And I'm banging this underwater welder.
692
00:39:00,978 --> 00:39:02,146
Wow.
693
00:39:02,272 --> 00:39:03,940
You gotta have hobbies.
694
00:39:04,857 --> 00:39:05,900
What about you?
695
00:39:05,983 --> 00:39:08,444
What's happening with the writing?
No gigs?
696
00:39:08,527 --> 00:39:12,823
Been a little distracted.
Maybe you heard, my fiancée's in prison.
697
00:39:13,324 --> 00:39:16,535
(CHUCKLES) Hey, when you visit,
do you get to, uh...
698
00:39:19,455 --> 00:39:21,749
No, they don't allow conjugals in federal.
699
00:39:22,292 --> 00:39:25,169
- It's a lot of me, myself and I.
- Bummer.
700
00:39:25,461 --> 00:39:26,462
Oh.
701
00:39:26,796 --> 00:39:28,131
You gotta try edging, man.
702
00:39:28,298 --> 00:39:29,506
What is that?
703
00:39:29,757 --> 00:39:33,636
It's where you jerk off, okay?
704
00:39:33,761 --> 00:39:36,097
Right to the point of orgasm
705
00:39:37,932 --> 00:39:39,267
and then stop.
706
00:39:40,393 --> 00:39:41,685
And you do this because...
707
00:39:41,811 --> 00:39:45,315
Because your jizz is your power, man.
It's spiritual, it keeps your Chi inside.
708
00:39:45,398 --> 00:39:47,317
Especially if you got writer's block.
709
00:39:47,442 --> 00:39:52,155
You gotta walk right up to that line, bro,
and not cross it.
710
00:39:52,488 --> 00:39:53,739
And this is something you do?
711
00:39:53,864 --> 00:39:54,824
Yeah. Welder chick taught me.
712
00:39:54,949 --> 00:39:59,412
See, you gotta, um... You gotta grab
right underneath your balls,
713
00:39:59,495 --> 00:40:01,705
like, right here, you really gotta
get up right up in there.
714
00:40:01,831 --> 00:40:02,873
Okay, yeah.
715
00:40:02,999 --> 00:40:04,708
And it creates, like, a whole body thing.
716
00:40:04,834 --> 00:40:06,461
Kind of like a female orgasm.
717
00:40:06,543 --> 00:40:08,379
You know, most dudes,
they don't know what women got,
718
00:40:08,504 --> 00:40:09,546
but trust me, bro,
719
00:40:09,797 --> 00:40:13,009
(CHUCKLES) it is way, way better.
720
00:40:14,010 --> 00:40:15,719
A lot of creative people do it.
721
00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:19,849
In fact, they say
that John Lennon wrote Imagine
722
00:40:19,974 --> 00:40:21,684
(CLICKS TONGUE) right at that sweet spot.
723
00:40:29,192 --> 00:40:30,734
Fifteen months.
724
00:40:31,694 --> 00:40:35,281
Whoa. It's a long time to wait.
Even if it is for my sister.
725
00:40:35,365 --> 00:40:37,700
How about we don't talk about
sex with your sister?
726
00:40:37,825 --> 00:40:39,202
Good point.
727
00:40:42,538 --> 00:40:43,706
Did you see this coming?
728
00:40:43,831 --> 00:40:46,000
With Piper?
729
00:40:46,083 --> 00:40:50,380
No, no, not jail, but something, yeah.
730
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:56,260
She wants to feel like she's different.
731
00:40:56,969 --> 00:40:59,763
Likes the whole "I'm risky" thing.
732
00:41:01,307 --> 00:41:03,184
My sister's a complicated cat.
733
00:41:04,894 --> 00:41:06,479
So I'm learning.
734
00:41:07,897 --> 00:41:10,066
Not like my parents ever saw it.
735
00:41:10,191 --> 00:41:12,609
Between "Perfect Piper"
and "Doctor Danny,"
736
00:41:12,735 --> 00:41:15,238
they met their quality parenting quota.
737
00:41:15,321 --> 00:41:19,200
But, like, I was free to smoke a bowl
and fuck off for the rest of my life
738
00:41:19,283 --> 00:41:21,411
with nobody ever bothering me.
739
00:41:21,494 --> 00:41:25,081
Now, my mom's talking about
coming up here to visit,
740
00:41:25,206 --> 00:41:27,124
putting me in the Christmas letter.
741
00:41:27,250 --> 00:41:29,752
Suddenly I'm "Creative Cal."
742
00:41:30,461 --> 00:41:31,837
It's fucked up.
743
00:41:36,008 --> 00:41:39,887
Piper going to jail might be, like, the
worst thing that has ever happened to me.
744
00:41:49,439 --> 00:41:51,566
Oh. Sophia!
745
00:41:51,648 --> 00:41:53,609
I got you a present.
746
00:41:53,734 --> 00:41:56,028
- It's powder foundation in medium dark.
- (CHUCKLES)
747
00:41:56,153 --> 00:41:58,114
I had to guess. I hope it's all right.
748
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:01,367
Honey, it's perfect.
That's real sweet of you.
749
00:42:01,451 --> 00:42:02,785
Thank you.
750
00:42:02,952 --> 00:42:04,495
You're welcome.
751
00:42:07,790 --> 00:42:08,832
(CHUCKLES)
752
00:42:08,958 --> 00:42:10,667
I got commissary.
753
00:42:10,793 --> 00:42:12,336
Look whose ship finally came in!
754
00:42:12,962 --> 00:42:14,130
Here.
755
00:42:14,255 --> 00:42:16,466
This is payback for all
the stuff you gave me.
756
00:42:17,550 --> 00:42:21,804
And, Nicky, here's your cup.
757
00:42:21,887 --> 00:42:22,972
Hmm.
758
00:42:23,389 --> 00:42:26,642
And, um, Nivea. That's interest.
759
00:42:26,767 --> 00:42:28,811
What else you got, kid?
I'll take that face wash.
760
00:42:28,936 --> 00:42:30,980
Don't be a commissary ho, DeMarco.
761
00:42:31,063 --> 00:42:34,484
And these... It's like Christmas!
762
00:42:35,818 --> 00:42:37,945
Yo, P, heads up. You got a visitor.
763
00:42:39,738 --> 00:42:41,324
Hello, baby.
764
00:42:43,075 --> 00:42:44,368
Can I talk to you?
765
00:42:45,495 --> 00:42:47,538
MAN OVER PA: Inmate Peterson,
please return to the prison chapel.
766
00:42:47,663 --> 00:42:48,872
(SNICKERS)
767
00:42:51,083 --> 00:42:52,084
(SIGHS)
768
00:42:52,168 --> 00:42:54,670
Listen, Suzanne.
769
00:42:55,671 --> 00:42:56,922
I, um...
770
00:42:57,714 --> 00:42:59,216
I know that you like me...
771
00:42:59,342 --> 00:43:01,802
I don't just like you, Piper.
772
00:43:01,885 --> 00:43:03,471
I got feelings.
773
00:43:04,430 --> 00:43:07,099
Love feelings.
774
00:43:07,808 --> 00:43:09,685
Yeah, I got that. Um...
775
00:43:11,562 --> 00:43:13,856
You know, maybe I was unclear,
776
00:43:13,981 --> 00:43:17,485
and I'm sorry if I gave you
the wrong impression,
777
00:43:20,279 --> 00:43:25,159
but I cannot be your wife.
778
00:43:25,242 --> 00:43:28,704
I've already promised
to be someone else's wife. Larry.
779
00:43:28,787 --> 00:43:31,207
Whom I love very much.
780
00:43:31,290 --> 00:43:34,335
And I'm just not interested
in anybody else.
781
00:43:34,418 --> 00:43:36,962
This is nothing personal.
782
00:43:37,046 --> 00:43:39,215
But you and I?
783
00:43:40,883 --> 00:43:42,385
Not gonna happen.
784
00:43:46,556 --> 00:43:47,890
I feel you.
785
00:43:55,356 --> 00:43:57,066
Where is he?
786
00:43:57,149 --> 00:43:59,569
CRYSTAL: He won't come. I tried.
787
00:44:00,403 --> 00:44:02,738
They let him pitch Friday.
788
00:44:02,863 --> 00:44:05,866
This big game against Castle Hill.
They won.
789
00:44:06,033 --> 00:44:07,868
That's great.
790
00:44:09,786 --> 00:44:11,330
You look like shit. What's wrong?
791
00:44:13,416 --> 00:44:14,917
They took me off my hormones.
792
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,419
What, why?
793
00:44:16,544 --> 00:44:17,865
They're saying it's liver damage.
794
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,673
It's bullshit. They just
don't wanna be liable.
795
00:44:20,797 --> 00:44:23,008
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
796
00:44:23,217 --> 00:44:24,385
I'm losing my shit, Crystal.
797
00:44:24,468 --> 00:44:29,181
I didn't wanna have to ask you,
but I don't know what else to do.
798
00:44:33,686 --> 00:44:35,771
(WHISPERS) I need you to sneak 'em in.
799
00:44:39,942 --> 00:44:41,277
How?
800
00:44:42,903 --> 00:44:44,238
I don't know.
801
00:44:44,363 --> 00:44:46,115
You want me to shove 'em up my ass?
802
00:44:46,198 --> 00:44:47,950
Take 'em out in the bathroom? Then what?
803
00:44:48,033 --> 00:44:52,121
Put 'em in my mouth so I can kiss you?
Have you lost your fucking mind?
804
00:44:52,288 --> 00:44:53,872
It's crazy, I know.
805
00:44:53,997 --> 00:44:55,958
You want me to get locked up, too?
Oh, that's perfect.
806
00:44:56,041 --> 00:45:00,713
Yeah, Michael can go live with my mother,
who won't speak to me anymore at all.
807
00:45:00,795 --> 00:45:02,465
But you?
808
00:45:02,548 --> 00:45:06,927
Well, you'll have your smooth skin and your
lady curves, so it'll all be worth it.
809
00:45:07,136 --> 00:45:09,930
I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry.
810
00:45:11,181 --> 00:45:15,394
I'm working two jobs,
I'm trying to raise our son.
811
00:45:15,478 --> 00:45:17,079
You know they trying to seize the house?
812
00:45:17,146 --> 00:45:18,939
They can't do that.
813
00:45:19,022 --> 00:45:22,485
I never paid any of our bills
with those stolen credit cards.
814
00:45:22,610 --> 00:45:25,154
I can't even show my face
in church anymore.
815
00:45:25,237 --> 00:45:26,656
I'm sorry.
816
00:45:26,821 --> 00:45:30,159
How fucking selfish can you be?
817
00:45:30,326 --> 00:45:33,078
Crystal, if they take this away from me,
818
00:45:34,037 --> 00:45:36,206
this will all have been for nothing.
819
00:45:42,588 --> 00:45:44,881
I married a man named Marcus.
820
00:45:47,259 --> 00:45:49,720
I cry for him all the time.
821
00:45:51,681 --> 00:45:54,684
But I stayed and I supported you
822
00:45:54,809 --> 00:45:57,478
because I could see
how much pain you were in.
823
00:45:58,853 --> 00:46:00,606
I know it was saving your life.
824
00:46:00,731 --> 00:46:02,149
It was.
825
00:46:02,274 --> 00:46:05,695
I figured better my kid had two moms
than a dead dad, right?
826
00:46:05,820 --> 00:46:11,158
At least he'd be around,
which is more than my father was.
827
00:46:13,076 --> 00:46:17,206
At least he'd be at his baseball games,
even if it was in a dress.
828
00:46:20,334 --> 00:46:21,876
So I put up with you becoming a woman,
829
00:46:22,002 --> 00:46:24,755
but I never signed on
for a life with a criminal.
830
00:46:26,674 --> 00:46:32,929
I'm gonna get my shit together. I promise.
I'm gonna make it up to you.
831
00:46:33,055 --> 00:46:34,515
Oh, you wanna make it up to me?
832
00:46:34,598 --> 00:46:36,767
Do your time.
833
00:46:37,768 --> 00:46:41,480
Get the fuck out of here,
so you can be a father to your son.
834
00:46:44,567 --> 00:46:46,068
Man up.
835
00:46:53,033 --> 00:46:54,243
What the fuck is this?
836
00:46:54,326 --> 00:46:56,245
We're reassigning you. Get your things.
837
00:46:56,370 --> 00:46:59,081
(SCOFFS) You fucking kidding me?
838
00:47:00,207 --> 00:47:01,458
You had me moved?
839
00:47:04,127 --> 00:47:05,588
Who's running this place?
840
00:47:05,671 --> 00:47:06,839
Not you.
841
00:47:06,921 --> 00:47:08,965
Shut your mouth and get your things.
842
00:47:10,551 --> 00:47:12,428
Watch yourself, little girl.
843
00:47:12,553 --> 00:47:14,513
This is not America,
844
00:47:15,765 --> 00:47:17,516
this is The Litch,
845
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,102
and I've been here a long while.
846
00:47:26,609 --> 00:47:28,110
(WOMAN MOANING)
847
00:47:30,195 --> 00:47:31,739
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
848
00:47:35,950 --> 00:47:37,327
(GRUNTING)
849
00:47:44,293 --> 00:47:45,628
(SIGHS)
850
00:47:57,347 --> 00:48:01,811
MAN OVER PA: Inmate Stuart,
report to inmate work station two.
851
00:48:01,894 --> 00:48:03,813
Officer Roberts, guard
detail, central library.
852
00:48:04,979 --> 00:48:09,485
I'm in here at 5:00 just about every day.
You don't like it, avoid it.
853
00:48:13,906 --> 00:48:15,365
You named me.
854
00:48:15,491 --> 00:48:18,285
- What?
- You didn't have to take me down with you.
855
00:48:18,368 --> 00:48:19,662
Is that what all this is about?
856
00:48:19,787 --> 00:48:21,831
You think I turned you in?
857
00:48:21,956 --> 00:48:24,416
You haven't seen me in five years,
858
00:48:24,500 --> 00:48:27,336
you had no idea what was going on with me.
859
00:48:27,419 --> 00:48:29,463
I am a different person.
I was building a life...
860
00:48:29,546 --> 00:48:32,800
Oh, well, hurray for you.
It wasn't me, Piper.
861
00:48:32,883 --> 00:48:34,050
Bullshit!
862
00:48:34,176 --> 00:48:35,719
You never ever forgave me for leaving.
863
00:48:35,845 --> 00:48:37,045
Thirteen people were indicted.
864
00:48:37,053 --> 00:48:39,097
You met all of them. We traveled together.
865
00:48:39,181 --> 00:48:40,223
I know it was you.
866
00:48:40,349 --> 00:48:41,517
No, it wasn't!
867
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:43,644
And fuck you for thinking it was!
868
00:48:43,727 --> 00:48:44,927
Right, what did they give you?
869
00:48:45,019 --> 00:48:47,539
Time off for every innocent person
that you threw under the bus?
870
00:48:47,648 --> 00:48:50,526
Innocent? That is fucking hilarious!
871
00:48:51,401 --> 00:48:54,028
You carried that bag.
No one had a gun to your head.
872
00:48:54,112 --> 00:48:58,283
Your fiancé might buy this bullshit,
but I know you.
873
00:48:59,702 --> 00:49:01,578
I know you.
874
00:49:02,830 --> 00:49:05,582
And there were no complaints
when I took you all over the world,
875
00:49:05,708 --> 00:49:07,501
but the second shit got real...
876
00:49:07,584 --> 00:49:08,711
You put me in danger.
877
00:49:08,794 --> 00:49:10,713
You loved it.
878
00:49:11,922 --> 00:49:13,089
(CHUCKLES)
879
00:49:13,215 --> 00:49:16,844
You were just this boring
little girl from Connecticut,
880
00:49:16,927 --> 00:49:19,053
who wanted to feel special and bad.
881
00:49:19,179 --> 00:49:22,516
- Don't turn this around on me.
- I didn't name you.
882
00:49:22,599 --> 00:49:26,562
And, yeah, maybe I never forgave you
for leaving,
883
00:49:26,687 --> 00:49:29,899
because you broke my fucking heart.
884
00:49:30,024 --> 00:49:33,027
And maybe I've done a lot
of fucked up things in my life,
885
00:49:33,109 --> 00:49:35,237
but I've never lied to you.
886
00:49:36,613 --> 00:49:37,740
Ever.
887
00:49:50,252 --> 00:49:51,461
I'm stuck.
888
00:49:51,587 --> 00:49:55,674
I think my necklace is caught on my shirt
or in my hair or maybe both.
889
00:49:57,885 --> 00:49:59,135
So you want me to...
890
00:49:59,261 --> 00:50:01,095
Yeah. Yeah.
891
00:50:02,347 --> 00:50:03,766
Oh, man. (CHUCKLES)
892
00:50:03,891 --> 00:50:05,976
Don't look at my belly.
893
00:50:06,268 --> 00:50:07,603
There.
894
00:50:09,229 --> 00:50:10,647
You're free.
895
00:50:11,314 --> 00:50:12,733
Yeah, right.
896
00:50:23,869 --> 00:50:25,454
(PHONE RINGING)
897
00:50:25,579 --> 00:50:27,497
- Hello?
- Hey, baby, it's me.
898
00:50:27,706 --> 00:50:31,209
Hey! How was the visit with your mom?
899
00:50:31,418 --> 00:50:33,712
Listen, Larry, I need you
to do something for me,
900
00:50:33,796 --> 00:50:34,797
and I don't wanna talk about it.
901
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:37,925
I need you to find out if Alex Vause
named me at her trial.
902
00:50:38,132 --> 00:50:42,178
But wait, my dad said
the testimony was sealed.
903
00:50:42,304 --> 00:50:43,764
Why the sudden interest?
904
00:50:43,847 --> 00:50:48,018
I don't know. It's just eating at me.
I got a lot of time on my hands.
905
00:50:48,142 --> 00:50:51,563
Please, Larry. There's got to be a way.
Will you talk to him?
906
00:50:51,647 --> 00:50:55,442
Her name is Alex Vause. V-A-U-S-E.
907
00:50:56,318 --> 00:50:58,152
This is really important to me.
908
00:50:58,236 --> 00:50:59,863
Yeah, okay. But, um...
909
00:51:00,030 --> 00:51:01,364
And I don't wanna talk about it.
910
00:51:01,698 --> 00:51:02,908
(SIGHS)
911
00:51:04,118 --> 00:51:06,745
And my mother told me that
my eggs are getting old.
912
00:51:11,165 --> 00:51:14,086
Chapman! Get your things together.
You're moving down to B dorm.
913
00:51:14,168 --> 00:51:15,879
Cube 18!
914
00:51:16,005 --> 00:51:17,339
That's the ghetto.
915
00:51:18,298 --> 00:51:19,424
What?
916
00:51:20,634 --> 00:51:22,136
They got you in the ghetto.
917
00:51:22,218 --> 00:51:25,014
Good luck, Chapman. You're gonna need it.
918
00:52:11,685 --> 00:52:14,646
That's your bed. These are your hooks.
919
00:52:15,564 --> 00:52:19,902
I am nobody's cleaning lady
and I make honor cube every week,
920
00:52:19,985 --> 00:52:22,236
so you do your part and then some.
921
00:52:22,362 --> 00:52:24,948
My floor's my pride,
922
00:52:25,074 --> 00:52:28,618
so no shoes,
leave them off before you step in.
923
00:52:28,827 --> 00:52:31,830
And I see that nonsense
go down in the cafeteria.
924
00:52:31,914 --> 00:52:33,623
I don't care if you're gay or what,
925
00:52:33,749 --> 00:52:37,169
but you bring any drama in here
and we'll have trouble.
926
00:52:37,251 --> 00:52:40,589
I don't tolerate foolishness in my bunk.
Understand?
927
00:52:50,557 --> 00:52:54,186
MAN OVER PA: The following inmates have
prescriptions waiting in the infirmary...
928
00:53:07,407 --> 00:53:09,159
- You have the right to remain silent.
- I don't understand!
929
00:53:09,283 --> 00:53:11,036
- What's happening?
- Anything you say or do
930
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:12,495
can and will be held against you
in a court of law.
931
00:53:12,621 --> 00:53:14,123
- You have the right to an attorney.
- What did you do?
932
00:53:14,248 --> 00:53:16,768
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you.
933
00:53:16,792 --> 00:53:19,293
Do you understand these rights
as I just read 'em to you?
934
00:53:21,630 --> 00:53:22,798
Yes.
935
00:53:22,965 --> 00:53:25,675
With these rights in mind,
do you wish to speak to me?
936
00:53:31,598 --> 00:53:32,808
No.
937
00:53:37,229 --> 00:53:41,357
MAN OVER PA: Officer Williams,
inmate services, station 2365.
938
00:53:41,483 --> 00:53:43,152
Hey, Burset!
939
00:53:53,578 --> 00:53:56,456
I heard you've been looking for something.
940
00:53:57,373 --> 00:53:59,501
Change your mind about
that Egg McMuffin?
941
00:54:01,628 --> 00:54:03,839
You've got the wrong girl.
942
00:54:31,325 --> 00:54:32,868
(WOMAN SNORING)
943
00:54:54,973 --> 00:54:56,308
(SNIFFS)
944
00:55:00,103 --> 00:55:01,313
(SIGHS)
945
00:55:01,479 --> 00:55:03,106
(SONG PLAYING)
946
00:55:04,801 --> 00:55:15,388
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com