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00:00:09,534 --> 00:00:11,327
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
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00:00:42,059 --> 00:00:52,818
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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(GATE BANGS)
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(GATE CLOSING)
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(SIRENS WAILING)
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(FEMALE DISPATCHER
TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
7
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PATRICK: Yo, Burset.
8
00:02:00,185 --> 00:02:01,936
We're clearing out, man.
9
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What the fuck you doing?
10
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,321
Cap wanted me to document the damage.
11
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You gotta check out this life-sized fucking
panda bear they got in their living room,
12
00:02:10,615 --> 00:02:11,574
half burnt.
13
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It's got one melted plastic eye.
14
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Come on, I'll show you.
15
00:02:22,252 --> 00:02:25,380
So I say to her, "You're the third
pregnant girl I've rescued this month."
16
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She goes, "But, I'm not pregnant!"
And I go, "You're not rescued yet!"
17
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(ALL LAUGHING)
18
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,136
Hey, Burset, where the fuck you going?
19
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,595
Gotta drain the hose.
20
00:02:33,013 --> 00:02:36,183
Anyway, you know the fucking
crying guy with the cat? Remember him?
21
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I kept telling him
the cat wasn't in the house.
22
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He kept screaming that I gotta go back in.
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(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
24
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WOMAN OVER PA:
Laundry is now available for pick-up.
25
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(SNORTING)
26
00:04:14,531 --> 00:04:16,241
You sick fuck, do that in the bathroom.
27
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I got cancer.
28
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,793
Is he allowed to watch us like that?
29
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Pornstache?
30
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:29,421
(GRUNTS)
31
00:04:29,504 --> 00:04:31,506
He does whatever he wants.
32
00:04:31,590 --> 00:04:33,841
One of these days, you're gonna have
to change your panties, Chapman.
33
00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:36,136
That shit's gotta be getting ripe.
34
00:04:36,219 --> 00:04:37,804
Look at this.
35
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:41,349
I asked Sophia to do my roots,
she says there's a two-week waiting list.
36
00:04:41,641 --> 00:04:46,187
(CHUCKLES) I wouldn't let that he-she
touch my hair with a 10-foot pole.
37
00:04:46,313 --> 00:04:49,593
Well, hey, maybe you'll get lucky and go
bald everywhere but in the tits like Rosa.
38
00:04:49,649 --> 00:04:52,569
And Sophia's pole is a hole now.
39
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MAN OVER PA: Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz,
40
00:04:54,988 --> 00:04:57,282
report to your counselor
for your bunk assignments.
41
00:04:57,491 --> 00:04:59,367
Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz.
42
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Finally.
43
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Wait, you got assigned?
44
00:05:02,621 --> 00:05:03,871
This is bullshit.
45
00:05:03,997 --> 00:05:05,582
You know, I did my time in SHU.
46
00:05:05,665 --> 00:05:08,502
How much longer are they gonna keep me
in here with Darth Vader and Mr. Clean?
47
00:05:08,668 --> 00:05:10,462
Fuck you.
48
00:05:10,629 --> 00:05:12,297
Why didn't I get assigned?
49
00:05:13,173 --> 00:05:15,675
They're probably sending her
to Spanish Harlem.
50
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,011
They're gonna put you in The Suburbs
with the other white people.
51
00:05:18,178 --> 00:05:20,220
So how do they choose your roommate?
52
00:05:20,346 --> 00:05:21,847
Why?
53
00:05:21,972 --> 00:05:24,850
You afraid you're gonna end up
with your rocka-lezzie girlfriend?
54
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(ANITA LAUGHING)
55
00:05:37,363 --> 00:05:40,282
WOMAN OVER PA: "Goals are the fuel
in the furnace of achievement."
56
00:05:42,868 --> 00:05:44,370
Oh, I'm sorry.
57
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:48,374
Bitch, don't be cutting!
There's a line here.
58
00:05:48,499 --> 00:05:51,251
Um, for the toilet? I just need to pee.
59
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Can I pee?
60
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Go pee, kid.
61
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This better be hot.
62
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:59,926
If I find another clump of hair in
the drain, there's gonna be trouble.
63
00:06:01,512 --> 00:06:03,055
Oh! Gee! I'm sorry.
64
00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:04,931
It's okay, honey, you can look.
65
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I spent a lot of money for it.
66
00:06:07,476 --> 00:06:08,519
(FLUSHING)
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Go ahead, it's all yours.
68
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,024
That's okay, I think I'll just wait.
69
00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:16,109
You gonna be waiting a long time, now.
70
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(WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
71
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,700
She's talking to the devil.
72
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Yeah, I got that part.
73
00:06:24,493 --> 00:06:26,495
That's Satan's stall.
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00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,247
At least Satan gets a door.
75
00:06:28,330 --> 00:06:29,873
Give it a week.
76
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,668
You'll be pissing and farting
with the rest of us.
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(SCOFFS) Your commissary ain't come in yet?
78
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(STAMMERS) Oh, I think so.
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My ID number doesn't shop until tomorrow.
80
00:06:41,427 --> 00:06:43,095
You better hope they got what you need.
81
00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:45,723
Ain't had powder foundation in dark
for three months.
82
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,933
I can't be walking around here
with white face on.
83
00:06:48,934 --> 00:06:52,396
But those sad pair of shower shoes
are not gonna save you.
84
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:53,855
You need some of these.
85
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I made my own.
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Couture.
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Commissary don't carry a size 13.
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Is that duct tape?
89
00:07:02,364 --> 00:07:04,450
Metallics are very in this season.
90
00:07:06,118 --> 00:07:09,538
Don't hold your big bathroom too long.
Prison food stops you right up.
91
00:07:09,622 --> 00:07:11,123
You gotta get it out while you can.
92
00:07:11,206 --> 00:07:15,919
If you wanna skip that shower line,
do the 5:00 a.m. or the 5:00 p.m.
93
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,296
That's my secret.
94
00:07:17,963 --> 00:07:19,757
Why are you telling me all of this?
95
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,467
'Cause I fucked up your hair.
96
00:07:21,592 --> 00:07:23,469
That shit looks broke.
97
00:07:23,594 --> 00:07:26,639
When your commissary comes in,
swing by the salon.
98
00:07:26,722 --> 00:07:29,141
I'll fix it right up for you.
99
00:07:29,308 --> 00:07:31,769
Okay. Thank you.
100
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:36,315
There's no point in playing shy, baby.
You're home.
101
00:07:47,159 --> 00:07:48,494
(SIGHING)
102
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,348
MAN OVER PA: Medical
staff to the iso ward...
103
00:08:09,431 --> 00:08:11,266
Now, that's a fucking waste right there.
104
00:08:11,350 --> 00:08:13,352
Black girl with a white girl booty.
105
00:08:14,186 --> 00:08:15,646
I mean, what's the point?
106
00:08:16,021 --> 00:08:18,732
Ooh, watch out for this one, man.
107
00:08:18,857 --> 00:08:20,526
She looks real good,
and then she opens her mouth.
108
00:08:20,651 --> 00:08:24,655
She's got those snaggly
fucking Gargamel teeth. (GROWLS)
109
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:27,366
Fucking meth heads, man. (CHUCKLES)
110
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Now, that right there?
111
00:08:34,206 --> 00:08:36,750
That's a whole different
species, my friend.
112
00:08:36,875 --> 00:08:39,127
Hey, Burset.
113
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,715
Come over here.
114
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,240
MAN OVER PA: Prisoner maintenance detail
for the shower room.
115
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,057
Mmm. Smell that.
116
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,892
That smell good to you?
117
00:08:54,017 --> 00:08:55,310
Mickey D's?
118
00:08:56,311 --> 00:08:58,772
How long's it been since
you had one of these?
119
00:09:00,482 --> 00:09:02,568
- Long time.
- Mmm-hmm.
120
00:09:02,735 --> 00:09:04,110
Do you want some?
121
00:09:04,903 --> 00:09:06,572
You offering me a taste?
122
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,908
You can suck it out of my dick.
123
00:09:10,576 --> 00:09:13,620
I don't do sausage
in my breakfast sandwich.
124
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,752
What the fuck are you doing
inside the CO bubble?
125
00:09:21,754 --> 00:09:26,592
Your foot's over the line, Burset. You
better get back before I give you a shot.
126
00:09:29,678 --> 00:09:31,388
Shit is wild, right? (CHUCKLES)
127
00:09:31,555 --> 00:09:32,765
Freaky.
128
00:09:33,265 --> 00:09:35,267
Freaky-deaky. Freaktown.
129
00:09:37,102 --> 00:09:38,604
Cyborg pussy.
130
00:09:39,605 --> 00:09:41,940
I bet it's fucking perfect.
131
00:09:42,941 --> 00:09:44,542
Don't tell me you'd hit that? (CHUCKLES)
132
00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:46,236
I live in the present, not in the past.
133
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,447
Besides, she used to have a dick,
134
00:09:48,572 --> 00:09:50,616
and so she knows what it likes.
135
00:09:50,741 --> 00:09:51,784
(CHUCKLES)
136
00:09:57,538 --> 00:09:59,998
What'd you guys do about pussy
in Iraq anyway?
137
00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:02,251
Did you fuck camels?
138
00:10:02,376 --> 00:10:03,836
I was in Afghanistan.
139
00:10:03,961 --> 00:10:05,641
And you don't go anywhere near the camels,
140
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,465
'cause sometimes they strap them up
with explosives
141
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:10,008
and run them into camp and...
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
142
00:10:10,635 --> 00:10:12,010
And if you try to have sex
with the girls there,
143
00:10:12,136 --> 00:10:13,763
their village throws rocks
at 'em till they die,
144
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:15,807
so there's not a lot going on.
145
00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:17,975
Plus, they're all dressed like beekeepers.
146
00:10:18,058 --> 00:10:20,227
Occasionally, a Russian hooker
comes through,
147
00:10:20,311 --> 00:10:23,314
but those girls are nasty
and they cry a lot.
148
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:25,817
WOMAN OVER PA: Transporting one to I-S 12.
149
00:10:25,983 --> 00:10:28,193
All these offenders want
a piece of me, Bennett.
150
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:30,529
You know why?
151
00:10:30,988 --> 00:10:32,865
It's the fucking pheromones, man.
152
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:36,494
You get 'em all locked up like this
for a long time,
153
00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:40,331
and they get this prehistoric yearning
for man-stink.
154
00:10:41,248 --> 00:10:44,919
They fucking hate my guts, you know?
155
00:10:45,002 --> 00:10:47,379
But they can't help themselves.
156
00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:50,549
I'm musty and they love it. (SIGHS)
157
00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:53,552
You don't really...
158
00:10:53,678 --> 00:10:55,680
What? Fuck 'em?
159
00:10:56,347 --> 00:10:57,640
(SCOFFS)
160
00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:00,351
Hell, no! That's against the rules.
161
00:11:00,518 --> 00:11:02,603
WOMAN OVER PA:
Ladies in the house programs,
162
00:11:02,687 --> 00:11:03,729
we will begin in one hour.
163
00:11:03,855 --> 00:11:06,023
- But I tell you what, grasshopper.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
164
00:11:07,024 --> 00:11:10,778
Some of these bitches would suck it
for half a cigarette.
165
00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:13,405
Swallow. Lift your tongue.
166
00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:15,366
Okay. Move on.
167
00:11:15,783 --> 00:11:16,868
MALE NURSE: Black!
168
00:11:17,117 --> 00:11:19,370
Take these with food. No check.
169
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:21,121
Ooh, you got me on the yellow ones.
I like the yellow ones.
170
00:11:21,205 --> 00:11:24,375
Lost 10 pounds on the yellow ones.
But gave me that horrible rash on my...
171
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:25,793
Not my problem.
172
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:27,252
Burset.
173
00:11:30,422 --> 00:11:31,716
What are those? Those aren't my pills.
174
00:11:31,799 --> 00:11:34,385
They are now.
Whole prison is going generic.
175
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,094
What's the dose?
176
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:37,763
.5 milligrams.
177
00:11:37,889 --> 00:11:39,431
Then that ain't enough.
I need four of those.
178
00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:41,057
I do what the chart says.
179
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,059
You can't just change my dose.
180
00:11:43,185 --> 00:11:44,896
Talk to your counselor, okay?
181
00:11:46,062 --> 00:11:47,189
Fatovich!
182
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:52,403
MISS CLAUDETTE: You got a name, girl?
183
00:11:52,570 --> 00:11:55,239
That's your bed, those two are your hooks.
184
00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:57,783
This ain't like the projects in here,
I got rules.
185
00:11:57,909 --> 00:12:00,076
No sleeping all day 'cause it's depressing.
186
00:12:00,202 --> 00:12:01,579
Clean up after yourself.
187
00:12:01,662 --> 00:12:05,875
If I find a mess on this floor, my floor,
you're gonna hear about it.
188
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:07,585
And keep your food sealed,
189
00:12:07,668 --> 00:12:09,921
because I don't need chipmunks
or roaches in here
190
00:12:10,004 --> 00:12:11,714
trying to get their Cup O' Noodles on,
191
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,674
plus that poor excuse for food stinks
to high heaven...
192
00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:16,761
I sleep whenever I want, old lady.
193
00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:22,140
And I don't know what busted-ass country
you come from,
194
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:24,018
but this is America,
195
00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:27,730
and if I want noodles, I'll eat noodles.
196
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:32,484
Now, back off across your floor before
I make you that mess you hate so much.
197
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:38,032
NICKY: Time to peel that orange, Chapman.
198
00:12:38,114 --> 00:12:39,366
You're one of us now.
199
00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:42,202
One of us. One of us.
200
00:12:42,286 --> 00:12:44,663
Gooble gobble. Gooble gobble.
201
00:12:45,497 --> 00:12:50,126
MAN OVER PA: Inmate Martinez, report for
an assignment at the laundry detail.
202
00:12:50,294 --> 00:12:52,379
Nine and a half, right?
203
00:12:55,549 --> 00:12:56,634
Ten.
204
00:12:58,636 --> 00:13:00,805
Did your feet swell
when you went back to boys?
205
00:13:01,639 --> 00:13:02,974
Fuck you.
206
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,737
HEALY: You can't just change people's meds!
207
00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:09,772
I got a line of golden girls complaining
about blood pressure pills.
208
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,565
Half this prison's on antidepressants.
209
00:13:11,649 --> 00:13:13,969
You take away their Zoloft,
they're gonna go off the rails.
210
00:13:13,985 --> 00:13:16,445
Monumentally bad.
Monumental pain in my ass.
211
00:13:16,528 --> 00:13:18,823
Your ass? I'm juggling vendor changes,
staff reductions.
212
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:20,825
Look at me, I'm paying
for my own coffee here.
213
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:24,787
I got a tranny camped out in my hallway
yelling about her hormones!
214
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,498
He can suck it up. She. Jesus.
215
00:13:27,581 --> 00:13:29,333
She could be a major headache for us.
216
00:13:29,416 --> 00:13:31,209
We are only required
to give her enough to maintain.
217
00:13:31,335 --> 00:13:32,878
It is a federal system.
218
00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:35,714
If he wanted to keep his girlish figure,
he should've stayed out of jail.
219
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,258
Why would anyone ever
give up being a man?
220
00:13:38,342 --> 00:13:41,720
It's like winning the lottery
and giving the ticket back.
221
00:13:50,521 --> 00:13:52,188
(PANTING)
222
00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:01,991
Hello, baby.
223
00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:06,704
Look at you getting your sweat on.
224
00:14:06,787 --> 00:14:08,372
You look all shiny.
225
00:14:08,455 --> 00:14:10,875
I bet you don't even smell funky.
226
00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:12,376
(SNIFFS AND CHUCKLES)
227
00:14:12,459 --> 00:14:14,252
I knew you wouldn't.
228
00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:17,715
You a real woman, Chapman.
A real grown woman.
229
00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:19,675
And not like all these
other girls around here.
230
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:22,178
I can't waste my time
with these silly bitches.
231
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,388
I need a real woman.
232
00:14:26,057 --> 00:14:27,058
I'm sure that you'll find one.
233
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:28,851
- I wrote a poem, you wanna hear?
- You know, that's fine...
234
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:33,730
"Before I met you
the sun was like a yellow grape
235
00:14:35,065 --> 00:14:38,193
"But now, it look like fire in the sky
236
00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:45,241
"Why? Because you light a fire inside me"
237
00:14:49,370 --> 00:14:50,747
Wow.
238
00:14:55,085 --> 00:14:56,460
I wrote it for you.
239
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:01,091
You know, my fiancé is a writer.
240
00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:06,971
I'm gonna call you Dandelion.
241
00:15:07,097 --> 00:15:10,558
'Cause they're pretty,
and yellow, just like you.
242
00:15:11,893 --> 00:15:13,144
GUARD: Everybody out! Let's go!
243
00:15:13,352 --> 00:15:14,938
Oh! Thank you.
244
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:18,441
PIPER: What's going on?
245
00:15:18,524 --> 00:15:19,525
Locking up the track.
246
00:15:19,609 --> 00:15:21,236
- Why?
- Budget cuts.
247
00:15:21,318 --> 00:15:22,946
No staff to cover it.
248
00:15:23,113 --> 00:15:25,281
But I have to run.
249
00:15:25,364 --> 00:15:27,700
This is the only thing
that makes me feel normal.
250
00:15:27,825 --> 00:15:30,286
Ya'll gonna have to do your swirl
someplace else.
251
00:15:31,246 --> 00:15:32,580
Swirl?
252
00:15:32,997 --> 00:15:35,541
(SING-SONGY) Chocolate and vanilla.
253
00:15:36,084 --> 00:15:41,798
Swir-irl. Swir-irl.
254
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:47,762
The bottom line is that the prison can
no longer provide high-end hormones.
255
00:15:47,845 --> 00:15:51,599
If I don't get my medication,
I'm going through withdrawal.
256
00:15:51,682 --> 00:15:56,104
Hot flashes, night sweats. My face will
sag, my body hair will start to grow back.
257
00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:57,480
Okay, we don't need to get into...
258
00:15:57,563 --> 00:15:59,482
Let me explain this for you.
259
00:15:59,565 --> 00:16:02,610
When my penis was split in half
and inverted,
260
00:16:02,693 --> 00:16:04,779
my testes were removed,
261
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:07,157
so I don't have any testosterone left
262
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,618
to replace the estrogen
that you taking away from me!
263
00:16:10,701 --> 00:16:13,329
Okay, okay! What do you want from me?
264
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,000
I wanna see a doctor.
265
00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:19,165
You can't go to the clinic
unless it's an emergency.
266
00:16:19,252 --> 00:16:20,711
This is an emergency.
267
00:16:20,837 --> 00:16:22,505
Yeah, well, we don't see it that way.
268
00:16:27,635 --> 00:16:28,678
Was there something else?
269
00:16:29,762 --> 00:16:30,847
Yes.
270
00:16:37,353 --> 00:16:38,562
(GULPS)
271
00:16:41,149 --> 00:16:43,484
I'd like to report an emergency.
272
00:16:46,112 --> 00:16:48,823
Man, new bunkie's trying
to lay down all these rules and shit.
273
00:16:48,906 --> 00:16:52,743
"Dis go here. Dat go there.
Dis how you be wipin' your bunghole."
274
00:16:52,910 --> 00:16:54,829
Wait, you got assigned?
What dorm are you in?
275
00:16:56,164 --> 00:16:59,209
Yo, girl, be careful messing with
Miss Claudette. That woman is no joke.
276
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:02,253
What, is she gonna put
a voodoo curse on me?
277
00:17:02,337 --> 00:17:05,006
- Island bitch got control issues.
- (SCOFFS)
278
00:17:05,089 --> 00:17:07,717
Word is she killed someone.
That's why she doin' so much time.
279
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:08,968
Yeah, I believe it, too.
280
00:17:09,052 --> 00:17:11,012
You look in her eyes
and know she seen some shit.
281
00:17:11,095 --> 00:17:12,096
I'm not scared of her.
282
00:17:12,222 --> 00:17:13,306
You should be.
283
00:17:13,389 --> 00:17:17,143
I hear when she was down the hill she threw a
pot of boiling water in her bunkie's face.
284
00:17:17,227 --> 00:17:20,980
Burned her eyelids off.
She be looking like Beetlejuice and shit.
285
00:17:21,064 --> 00:17:22,232
So?
286
00:17:22,398 --> 00:17:23,816
Let her come at me.
287
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,526
POUSSEY: Yo, come on, now.
288
00:17:25,693 --> 00:17:27,133
She'll see what she be messing with.
289
00:17:27,153 --> 00:17:29,739
POUSSEY: Yo, the lady ain't taken a visitor
in 10 years
290
00:17:29,864 --> 00:17:31,532
'cause she won't do strip search.
291
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,743
And she ain't dookied
292
00:17:33,910 --> 00:17:35,494
- the whole time she been locked up.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, come on.
293
00:17:35,578 --> 00:17:36,620
No, I'm serious.
294
00:17:36,746 --> 00:17:38,581
- That's crazy.
- TAYSTEE: Nah, for reals.
295
00:17:38,706 --> 00:17:42,418
No one's ever seen her use the stalls!
That's the truth. She don't poop.
296
00:17:42,501 --> 00:17:45,922
She probably got a voodoo spell
stopping up her butt.
297
00:17:46,089 --> 00:17:47,590
That's some steel right there.
298
00:17:47,715 --> 00:17:49,384
(LAUGHING)
299
00:17:56,515 --> 00:18:00,144
WOMAN OVER PA: Maxi pads with wings
are back in the commissary.
300
00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:08,403
MAN OVER PA: Swing shift guard detail.
P.m. cell check commences at 2130 hours.
301
00:18:18,246 --> 00:18:21,916
I had to rub Red's feet for this.
45 minutes.
302
00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:23,626
You can't sit there.
303
00:18:24,501 --> 00:18:26,421
How long are you gonna do this?
304
00:18:26,963 --> 00:18:29,048
We both live here.
We have to deal with each other.
305
00:18:29,132 --> 00:18:30,466
No, we don't.
306
00:18:30,591 --> 00:18:33,052
I plan on spending my entire sentence
avoiding you.
307
00:18:33,136 --> 00:18:34,178
Get over it.
308
00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:36,889
We did some illegal shit
and we both got caught.
309
00:18:37,473 --> 00:18:39,142
You stole my life.
310
00:18:41,102 --> 00:18:44,147
You stole my good life
that I made after you.
311
00:18:45,648 --> 00:18:47,566
Stay the fuck away from me.
312
00:18:50,069 --> 00:18:53,156
WOMAN OVER PA: Ladies, in-house programs
will begin in one hour.
313
00:18:53,239 --> 00:18:55,116
Is there a problem here?
314
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:57,327
No.
315
00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:00,330
You bothering my friend here?
316
00:19:01,372 --> 00:19:04,500
Dandelion, she bothering you?
317
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:06,751
No, we were just talking.
318
00:19:07,169 --> 00:19:11,006
Yeah, she is bothering me.
319
00:19:12,424 --> 00:19:15,185
Then you need to be on your way.
'Cause she don't like talking to you.
320
00:19:15,302 --> 00:19:18,013
Not one bit.
321
00:19:19,514 --> 00:19:20,556
Are you kidding me?
322
00:19:20,682 --> 00:19:22,517
Move, bitch.
323
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,360
This is my wife here,
so you need to step...
324
00:19:24,436 --> 00:19:25,979
Well, no, I'm not actually your...
325
00:19:26,062 --> 00:19:29,858
(YELLING) I will cut you!
I will cut you, bitch!
326
00:19:30,025 --> 00:19:31,818
Don't make me cut you!
327
00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:36,323
You know where the fuck you at, bitch?
You don't know me!
328
00:19:36,781 --> 00:19:38,533
OFFICER: Take it easy, take it easy.
329
00:19:41,286 --> 00:19:42,996
(LAUGHS)
330
00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:46,416
It's all right. We all good.
331
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:48,918
Mmm-hmm.
332
00:19:53,715 --> 00:19:55,091
(CHUCKLING)
333
00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:02,724
I'm not your wife.
334
00:20:03,725 --> 00:20:05,977
I threw my pie for you.
335
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:15,111
The head should pass through your body
in three to five days.
336
00:20:15,237 --> 00:20:17,239
Unless you start vomiting
or have severe cramping,
337
00:20:17,322 --> 00:20:20,367
it's best just to let the body
eliminate this on its own.
338
00:20:20,492 --> 00:20:22,077
I'm gonna have to shit it out.
339
00:20:22,244 --> 00:20:25,955
If it made it down your esophagus,
it should travel the rest of the way.
340
00:20:26,081 --> 00:20:28,333
If it doesn't pass in a week,
we'll consider surgery.
341
00:20:28,417 --> 00:20:30,126
Pay close attention to your stool.
342
00:20:30,252 --> 00:20:31,753
I don't think I could miss it.
343
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,423
I'm going to have to put you
on suicide watch.
344
00:20:35,090 --> 00:20:37,300
What? (SCOFFS) Why?
345
00:20:37,426 --> 00:20:39,761
We take swallowers very seriously.
346
00:20:39,928 --> 00:20:43,139
You really think I would've eaten
a bobble-head if I wanted to kill myself?
347
00:20:44,099 --> 00:20:45,892
Listen, Doc, I need my dosage.
348
00:20:46,601 --> 00:20:51,565
I've given five years, $80,000
and my freedom for this.
349
00:20:51,647 --> 00:20:55,026
I'm finally who I'm supposed to be.
Do you understand?
350
00:20:55,110 --> 00:20:56,819
I can't go back.
351
00:20:57,779 --> 00:20:58,947
Look,
352
00:20:59,906 --> 00:21:01,741
I'd like to help you.
353
00:21:02,617 --> 00:21:05,579
Unfortunately, you have elevated levels
of AST and ALT,
354
00:21:05,661 --> 00:21:07,163
which could mean liver damage...
355
00:21:07,289 --> 00:21:09,749
That's bullshit. That could mean anything.
356
00:21:11,793 --> 00:21:13,336
We're gonna take you
off your hormones entirely...
357
00:21:13,462 --> 00:21:14,879
- What?
- ...until we can schedule an ultrasound.
358
00:21:14,963 --> 00:21:16,256
- Get a clean read.
- (SCOFFS)
359
00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:18,133
But that could take months.
360
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:20,843
I can offer you an antidepressant.
361
00:21:22,137 --> 00:21:23,221
CRYSTAL: I can't take it!
362
00:21:23,972 --> 00:21:24,973
Can I open 'em?
363
00:21:26,808 --> 00:21:28,810
All righty. Open 'em.
364
00:21:32,147 --> 00:21:33,607
Oh, my God.
365
00:21:33,689 --> 00:21:35,484
- Good or bad?
- Not good.
366
00:21:35,609 --> 00:21:40,155
You look like Hannah Montana.
That skirt is...
367
00:21:40,322 --> 00:21:42,324
I thought it was so cute.
368
00:21:43,199 --> 00:21:45,327
That's what happens when I shop for myself.
369
00:21:46,244 --> 00:21:48,163
It's 'cause I never got
to be a teenage girl.
370
00:21:48,246 --> 00:21:49,831
And you never will be.
371
00:21:49,956 --> 00:21:52,750
You should be dressing like a classy
grown-up lady.
372
00:21:53,460 --> 00:21:54,836
You think I'm classy?
373
00:21:55,044 --> 00:21:58,673
I can't have my husband walking 'round
like a $2 hooker.
374
00:21:59,215 --> 00:22:00,592
Let's see.
375
00:22:03,178 --> 00:22:04,471
Ah.
376
00:22:04,971 --> 00:22:07,516
Yeah, this color looks good on you.
377
00:22:08,141 --> 00:22:09,518
Come here.
378
00:22:35,544 --> 00:22:37,753
Can't believe I'm doing this.
379
00:22:38,754 --> 00:22:40,089
You don't have to.
380
00:22:41,216 --> 00:22:42,551
Hmm.
381
00:22:43,176 --> 00:22:44,636
Okay.
382
00:22:45,094 --> 00:22:46,888
That is much better.
383
00:22:47,930 --> 00:22:52,394
I can't zip it, but you get the idea.
384
00:22:56,481 --> 00:23:00,193
Holy shit. I look hot.
385
00:23:08,493 --> 00:23:10,203
Please keep it.
386
00:23:11,079 --> 00:23:12,414
(SIGHS) Crystal...
387
00:23:12,497 --> 00:23:15,375
I'm fine with the rest of it.
The hair and the makeup.
388
00:23:15,458 --> 00:23:18,086
I'll teach you all of it. You'll be a pro.
389
00:23:21,673 --> 00:23:23,633
Just please keep your penis.
390
00:23:26,010 --> 00:23:27,887
- You know I can't.
- For me.
391
00:23:33,142 --> 00:23:34,519
You don't have to stay.
392
00:23:39,107 --> 00:23:40,275
No?
393
00:23:40,816 --> 00:23:44,111
Where would I go? I mean,
this is my family.
394
00:23:51,993 --> 00:23:55,914
I got this for you.
You can try it on if you want.
395
00:23:55,997 --> 00:23:57,374
I'm 10 pounds up.
396
00:23:57,499 --> 00:24:00,586
Besides, your tits are better than mine.
397
00:24:02,421 --> 00:24:03,964
You're perfect.
398
00:24:04,089 --> 00:24:05,466
Come here.
399
00:24:07,092 --> 00:24:08,594
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
400
00:24:18,395 --> 00:24:19,772
(DOOR SLAMS)
401
00:24:23,442 --> 00:24:25,902
- You can't leave me alone with my mother.
- (SOBBING) I know, I know.
402
00:24:25,986 --> 00:24:28,821
I promised your brother I'd help him fix
the roof of his trailer.
403
00:24:28,947 --> 00:24:30,532
I need a buffer!
404
00:24:30,658 --> 00:24:32,493
Why can't you just come and visit me
405
00:24:32,576 --> 00:24:34,328
every single waking moment
that you're allowed to
406
00:24:34,453 --> 00:24:36,455
and make your life all about me?
407
00:24:36,664 --> 00:24:40,542
Piper, we talked about this, okay? Visits
every other week, so I can have a life.
408
00:24:40,668 --> 00:24:42,503
You said that. These are your words.
409
00:24:42,586 --> 00:24:44,004
(WHISPERS) But I'm an idiot.
410
00:24:44,171 --> 00:24:46,632
Okay, here's the game,
411
00:24:46,715 --> 00:24:48,925
you remember every rude thing she says,
all right?
412
00:24:49,009 --> 00:24:50,051
And then next week,
413
00:24:50,177 --> 00:24:53,764
we will rank them in
order from kind of crazy
414
00:24:53,846 --> 00:24:56,350
to truly bat-shit bananas.
415
00:24:56,475 --> 00:24:58,727
It'll be fun! Come on, Piper.
416
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,772
I can't cancel. He's living under a tarp.
417
00:25:01,938 --> 00:25:03,315
Jesus.
418
00:25:03,940 --> 00:25:06,652
- When is he gonna get his shit together?
- (LARRY CHUCKLES)
419
00:25:06,777 --> 00:25:09,697
I'm not sure that Cal gets
the "family fuck-up" title anymore.
420
00:25:13,074 --> 00:25:15,327
(SIGHS) You okay, Pipes?
421
00:25:15,577 --> 00:25:18,121
MAN OVER PA:
In-house programs start in one hour.
422
00:25:18,246 --> 00:25:19,832
Are those groceries?
423
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,543
Yes. But...
424
00:25:22,668 --> 00:25:24,378
You forgot to bring the bags.
425
00:25:25,713 --> 00:25:30,801
Uh, I did, but I'm gonna eat the bag later,
so don't worry. Planet is safe.
426
00:25:31,009 --> 00:25:33,554
Did you go to Whole Foods?
What did you get?
427
00:25:33,679 --> 00:25:35,180
A bunch of stuff.
428
00:25:35,347 --> 00:25:41,061
No, no, no. Be specific. Tell me everything.
In detail. Just take me away.
429
00:25:41,978 --> 00:25:45,566
Okay, um, I got some crispy snap peas,
430
00:25:45,691 --> 00:25:48,443
I got some cherry juice for my smoothies.
431
00:25:48,569 --> 00:25:50,487
Oh, God, smoothies.
432
00:25:51,405 --> 00:25:54,742
Then some purple kale,
Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies.
433
00:25:54,825 --> 00:25:57,494
I can feel them in my mouth.
434
00:25:59,538 --> 00:26:03,584
Then I got, um, you know,
those bulk roasted almonds.
435
00:26:03,667 --> 00:26:07,629
You know, with the sugar coating
on the top?
436
00:26:07,755 --> 00:26:08,955
Yeah, yeah, the crack almonds.
437
00:26:09,047 --> 00:26:10,507
The crack almonds.
438
00:26:12,175 --> 00:26:15,970
And, uh, well, then I got some
heirloom tomatoes.
439
00:26:17,013 --> 00:26:19,433
Last of the season, you know?
440
00:26:19,558 --> 00:26:24,271
Super plump and ripe. Engorged almost.
441
00:26:24,354 --> 00:26:28,316
With some wet, juicy buffalo mozzarella.
442
00:26:28,442 --> 00:26:31,403
And some sweet, sweet-ass
organic blueberries.
443
00:26:31,528 --> 00:26:33,113
Mmm.
444
00:26:33,238 --> 00:26:35,783
My cock is hard.
And I'm rubbing it against your ass.
445
00:26:35,866 --> 00:26:36,991
What? What?
446
00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:39,536
- What?
- Are you trying to have phone sex with me?
447
00:26:39,620 --> 00:26:43,791
I thought that's what we...
(STUTTERS) I'm confused.
448
00:26:44,374 --> 00:26:47,294
There are guards listening.
They sit in a bubble and they listen.
449
00:26:47,377 --> 00:26:48,961
I'm sure people do it all the time.
450
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,882
And there's a woman weeping next to me.
451
00:26:53,467 --> 00:26:58,680
Okay. Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then.
For the 500th time today.
452
00:26:59,097 --> 00:27:01,308
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
453
00:27:01,475 --> 00:27:04,478
No, it's okay. I'm, uh...
454
00:27:04,603 --> 00:27:07,272
I'm reliving my youth. I'm 14 again.
455
00:27:07,439 --> 00:27:09,691
WOMAN: (SOBBING) I know. I don't wanna...
456
00:27:09,817 --> 00:27:10,983
I love you.
457
00:27:12,110 --> 00:27:13,487
(SIGHS)
458
00:27:13,612 --> 00:27:15,196
I love your little boobs.
459
00:27:15,572 --> 00:27:17,990
WOMAN: (SOBBING) Oh, my God!
460
00:27:18,991 --> 00:27:20,118
No!
461
00:27:27,125 --> 00:27:29,962
You're not allowed to
put stuff on the walls.
462
00:27:30,128 --> 00:27:32,339
Everyone has stuff on their walls.
463
00:27:33,674 --> 00:27:34,842
Officer!
464
00:27:36,551 --> 00:27:37,928
What's going on?
465
00:27:38,010 --> 00:27:40,180
Tell her she gotta take
that ugly shit down.
466
00:27:44,685 --> 00:27:45,853
Your kid draw that?
467
00:27:47,521 --> 00:27:48,563
I did.
468
00:27:48,730 --> 00:27:50,022
(SCOFFS)
469
00:27:50,148 --> 00:27:51,984
- Sorry, I didn't mean...
- No, it's okay.
470
00:27:52,066 --> 00:27:55,403
I kind of messed it up.
My eyes are too small.
471
00:27:56,488 --> 00:27:57,990
No, it's nice.
472
00:27:58,907 --> 00:28:01,117
I mean, it's cool that
you can draw, you know?
473
00:28:01,201 --> 00:28:02,452
It's art.
474
00:28:03,704 --> 00:28:06,122
Oh, so you gonna allow that shit?
475
00:28:09,376 --> 00:28:11,169
She can leave it up.
476
00:28:14,422 --> 00:28:15,423
Fine.
477
00:28:15,549 --> 00:28:18,467
Then I'm gonna
put my pictures up of Kanye.
478
00:28:19,050 --> 00:28:23,514
- What did you do to your hair?
- I had to give it to a transsexual.
479
00:28:23,597 --> 00:28:25,140
For a weave.
480
00:28:25,224 --> 00:28:26,225
(CHUCKLES)
481
00:28:26,350 --> 00:28:28,227
Interesting.
482
00:28:28,352 --> 00:28:31,939
Your dad sends his love.
He wanted to come, but...
483
00:28:32,063 --> 00:28:33,983
No, I get it.
He doesn't wanna see me like this.
484
00:28:34,065 --> 00:28:35,234
Here.
485
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,403
They didn't frisk me at the door.
486
00:28:37,528 --> 00:28:39,989
I mean, this could totally be
a fake belly full of drugs.
487
00:28:40,072 --> 00:28:41,574
How would they ever know?
488
00:28:41,699 --> 00:28:45,160
I get strip searched on the way out.
Squat and cough.
489
00:28:45,411 --> 00:28:47,204
Oh, Piper, please.
490
00:28:47,287 --> 00:28:50,332
You didn't touch anything
in that bathroom, did you?
491
00:28:50,416 --> 00:28:53,293
Everything around here is so sticky.
492
00:28:53,419 --> 00:28:57,048
But the people are much cleaner
than I thought they'd be.
493
00:28:58,799 --> 00:29:00,467
How are you feeling, Pol?
494
00:29:01,218 --> 00:29:03,596
Large. Hostile. Nothing new.
495
00:29:03,721 --> 00:29:07,349
I am so excited for you. For all of us.
496
00:29:07,433 --> 00:29:09,727
It is so smart to do this now.
497
00:29:09,810 --> 00:29:13,522
I told Piper, it's much harder to conceive
when you're in your late 30s.
498
00:29:14,231 --> 00:29:15,274
Thanks, Mom.
499
00:29:15,399 --> 00:29:16,817
Oh, but it's true.
500
00:29:16,943 --> 00:29:19,486
You just don't have a lot of time to waste.
501
00:29:19,612 --> 00:29:23,991
That's exactly what I need right now.
A reminder of my ebbing fertility.
502
00:29:27,912 --> 00:29:29,872
I'll go get some snacks.
503
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:37,379
The whole way up she hummed
Édith Piaf songs and ate pistachios.
504
00:29:38,130 --> 00:29:41,425
You owe me. I wanted alone time with you.
505
00:29:42,093 --> 00:29:43,302
I have a wife!
506
00:29:43,469 --> 00:29:45,471
- What?
- A prison wife.
507
00:29:45,554 --> 00:29:47,974
Her name is Crazy Eyes
and she follows me everywhere.
508
00:29:48,140 --> 00:29:49,600
That really happens?
509
00:29:50,142 --> 00:29:51,435
Jeez.
510
00:29:51,518 --> 00:29:55,147
Are her eyes, like, bulgy or crossed,
or is one lid kind of droopy?
511
00:29:55,314 --> 00:29:56,649
- What kind of crazy?
- They're just crazy.
512
00:29:56,732 --> 00:29:59,110
They're just full of crazy.
It's terrifying.
513
00:29:59,192 --> 00:30:01,737
I'm afraid to tell Larry
because I don't want him to worry.
514
00:30:01,821 --> 00:30:04,615
But she's extremely persistent.
515
00:30:04,698 --> 00:30:06,784
She follows me everywhere.
516
00:30:07,159 --> 00:30:08,661
She threw pie for me.
517
00:30:08,828 --> 00:30:10,329
Did she rape you?
518
00:30:10,454 --> 00:30:13,165
- No, she didn't rape me.
- Oh.
519
00:30:13,248 --> 00:30:15,250
But she held my hand.
520
00:30:15,626 --> 00:30:17,419
Aw! That's kind of sweet.
521
00:30:17,503 --> 00:30:20,631
I wish Pete would hold my hand.
But he says it makes his palms sweat.
522
00:30:20,714 --> 00:30:22,474
And he won't stop laughing
in birthing class.
523
00:30:22,508 --> 00:30:24,135
He's like a seventh grader.
524
00:30:24,259 --> 00:30:26,512
I just told you that I have a wife.
525
00:30:26,637 --> 00:30:27,877
I heard you. That really sucks.
526
00:30:27,972 --> 00:30:30,599
But you were supposed
to be my wife, Piper, remember?
527
00:30:30,683 --> 00:30:33,853
I'm kind of freaking out that
you're not gonna be there.
528
00:30:34,687 --> 00:30:36,022
I know.
529
00:30:36,147 --> 00:30:37,815
I'm sorry.
530
00:30:38,482 --> 00:30:42,111
We just got this crib pad that sets
off an alarm if the baby stops breathing.
531
00:30:42,194 --> 00:30:43,737
Which could totally happen.
532
00:30:43,863 --> 00:30:45,031
I mean, that's a thing.
533
00:30:45,114 --> 00:30:47,324
And there's a skinny bitch
in my pre-natal yoga,
534
00:30:47,449 --> 00:30:49,201
she's a stick who swallowed a grapefruit.
535
00:30:49,284 --> 00:30:51,620
The other day she asked me
if I was having twins.
536
00:30:51,704 --> 00:30:53,706
Ugh, thank God. I'm starving.
537
00:30:53,789 --> 00:30:54,957
Skittles.
538
00:30:55,041 --> 00:30:59,419
Did you know that inmates are not allowed
to touch money in this place?
539
00:30:59,545 --> 00:31:02,297
The guard just told me. Fascinating.
540
00:31:03,966 --> 00:31:06,510
So what about the Barney's order?
Did you find a warehouse?
541
00:31:06,593 --> 00:31:09,221
Oh, I got a couple of sketchy bids.
I haven't had time to go look.
542
00:31:09,346 --> 00:31:10,764
Well, that's why we hired Mariana.
543
00:31:10,890 --> 00:31:12,558
I fired her.
544
00:31:12,641 --> 00:31:14,226
She doesn't know how
to make a Word document.
545
00:31:14,351 --> 00:31:15,811
And she doesn't shave her pits.
546
00:31:15,895 --> 00:31:18,064
Wait, but why didn't you ask me first?
547
00:31:18,147 --> 00:31:19,356
That's not fair.
548
00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:23,903
Oh, honey, it's not as if we can pick up
a phone and call you.
549
00:31:23,986 --> 00:31:25,738
I know it's hard,
550
00:31:25,821 --> 00:31:29,200
but the rest of us have
to keep living our lives.
551
00:31:38,918 --> 00:31:40,169
How you doing, Red?
552
00:31:40,252 --> 00:31:41,754
I'm missing half my zucchini.
553
00:31:41,837 --> 00:31:44,840
These girls don't realize I'm here
to provide food, not dildos.
554
00:31:45,674 --> 00:31:49,220
I'm all out of cucumbers, carrots, beets.
555
00:31:49,302 --> 00:31:51,764
God knows what they're doing with those.
556
00:31:51,889 --> 00:31:54,391
Can't hang on to anything cock-shaped.
557
00:31:58,020 --> 00:31:59,939
Sorry. Too soon?
558
00:32:00,564 --> 00:32:01,648
A little.
559
00:32:01,774 --> 00:32:03,943
You, I don't understand you.
560
00:32:04,735 --> 00:32:06,403
I got three sons, and let me tell you,
561
00:32:06,486 --> 00:32:08,530
if they tried to do what you did,
562
00:32:08,614 --> 00:32:12,743
I'd chop off their hands before
I'd let them get rid of their baby makers.
563
00:32:13,577 --> 00:32:15,788
I already made my baby.
564
00:32:15,913 --> 00:32:18,916
Listen, I need you to get something in.
565
00:32:19,499 --> 00:32:22,294
Talk to Gina. She takes my orders,
you know how this goes.
566
00:32:22,461 --> 00:32:25,798
It's something that's hard to get.
Estrogen pills or patches.
567
00:32:25,923 --> 00:32:27,967
- I don't do drugs.
- It's medication.
568
00:32:28,134 --> 00:32:31,553
I got rules. No drugs.
Nothing like that comes through my kitchen.
569
00:32:31,637 --> 00:32:36,016
Besides, even if I wanted to help you,
I don't have connections like that.
570
00:32:38,102 --> 00:32:40,729
Here, have a yam.
571
00:32:40,813 --> 00:32:43,232
My mamochka ate those
during her menopause.
572
00:32:43,315 --> 00:32:46,819
And I'll get you some soy,
but that's the best I can do.
573
00:32:48,821 --> 00:32:50,781
What if I have my own connections?
574
00:32:50,906 --> 00:32:54,659
Do you not hear me, huh?
It's not gonna happen.
575
00:32:55,785 --> 00:32:58,997
Listen, sweetheart, there's other channels.
576
00:33:02,208 --> 00:33:05,962
But I really don't think you wanna
go down that road.
577
00:33:08,006 --> 00:33:10,549
You wanna go down that road?
I say Jordans.
578
00:33:10,675 --> 00:33:13,011
- Those are cool.
- Those are gay.
579
00:33:13,178 --> 00:33:14,179
I like the Lebrons.
580
00:33:14,304 --> 00:33:15,930
You want the highs or the lows?
581
00:33:16,055 --> 00:33:17,056
Both.
582
00:33:17,182 --> 00:33:18,224
No. Pick one, baby.
583
00:33:18,349 --> 00:33:21,477
If it were up to me, my
man, I'd say the lows.
584
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:22,812
Those Dunkmans are tight.
585
00:33:22,895 --> 00:33:24,689
They're the hottest pair of kicks
to drop this year.
586
00:33:24,772 --> 00:33:25,857
How much?
587
00:33:25,982 --> 00:33:27,358
$300.
588
00:33:28,526 --> 00:33:30,028
We'll take 'em, right?
589
00:33:39,578 --> 00:33:42,874
SALES CLERK: Stand up. Check 'em out.
You're gonna love those shoes.
590
00:33:42,999 --> 00:33:44,334
Excuse me, do you have...
591
00:33:44,458 --> 00:33:46,211
Hey, Michael, what are you doing here?
592
00:33:48,963 --> 00:33:50,464
Oh, shit!
593
00:33:50,673 --> 00:33:51,716
Hi, Pat.
594
00:33:51,966 --> 00:33:53,467
Shit... Uh...
595
00:33:54,302 --> 00:33:55,553
Yeah.
596
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,138
I, uh...
597
00:33:57,222 --> 00:33:59,057
Deborah's doing some shopping,
so I just thought I'd...
598
00:33:59,182 --> 00:34:02,060
Did you get my letter?
I was hoping to hear from you.
599
00:34:02,143 --> 00:34:04,187
Yeah, I was, uh...
600
00:34:05,271 --> 00:34:07,899
I'm sorry. I gotta go.
601
00:34:09,775 --> 00:34:11,569
Take care, Michael.
602
00:34:13,571 --> 00:34:14,947
Nice kicks.
603
00:34:18,076 --> 00:34:20,203
Sometimes it's hard for people.
604
00:34:20,286 --> 00:34:21,579
Michael.
605
00:34:22,247 --> 00:34:23,789
Michael! No!
606
00:34:23,956 --> 00:34:26,709
Sir. Ma'am. You need to pay for those.
607
00:34:29,628 --> 00:34:30,908
MAN OVER PA: Attention, inmates,
608
00:34:30,922 --> 00:34:34,759
the pharmacy window
will be closing at 1530 hours.
609
00:34:36,594 --> 00:34:39,097
Hey. You wanted to see me?
610
00:34:39,180 --> 00:34:40,265
Yes, Chapman.
611
00:34:40,348 --> 00:34:43,017
MAN OVER PA:
Bravo dorms, assemble for visitation hall.
612
00:34:43,101 --> 00:34:46,437
We do not choose roommates around here.
613
00:34:46,562 --> 00:34:50,524
This type of hanky-panky
is against prison regulations.
614
00:34:50,608 --> 00:34:52,944
I warned you about this
when you first came in.
615
00:34:53,111 --> 00:34:55,988
I... I don't know what
you're talking about.
616
00:34:59,117 --> 00:35:03,955
Warren just informed me that you'd like
to be bunked together.
617
00:35:04,956 --> 00:35:06,374
Warren? Who is that?
618
00:35:09,752 --> 00:35:10,795
Crazy Eyes?
619
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:14,173
This is not gonna fly around here.
Not on my watch.
620
00:35:14,715 --> 00:35:17,302
Lesbian request denied.
621
00:35:17,885 --> 00:35:19,971
Okay, wait! I had nothing to do with that!
622
00:35:20,096 --> 00:35:22,681
Believe me, the last thing I want
is to be anywhere near her.
623
00:35:22,807 --> 00:35:24,642
I've been trying to shake her for days.
624
00:35:24,809 --> 00:35:26,311
This didn't come from you?
625
00:35:26,477 --> 00:35:28,646
No! Absolutely not.
626
00:35:28,729 --> 00:35:31,357
Please don't put me with her. Please.
627
00:35:31,482 --> 00:35:35,194
I would like to stay
as far away from that as possible.
628
00:35:35,403 --> 00:35:37,780
I was hoping that that was the case.
629
00:35:39,324 --> 00:35:41,533
She is completely nuts.
630
00:35:41,659 --> 00:35:44,829
No, I know. I've had
trouble with her before.
631
00:35:44,954 --> 00:35:47,915
She's what we call a "stud,"
632
00:35:47,999 --> 00:35:50,501
which is very confusing
for a nice girl like you,
633
00:35:50,668 --> 00:35:53,838
because, let's be honest,
she looks like a man.
634
00:35:54,672 --> 00:35:57,342
If it were up to me,
I'd take all the butch ones
635
00:35:57,425 --> 00:35:59,260
and I'd put them in a "little boy's wing,"
636
00:35:59,344 --> 00:36:02,013
and I'd separate them from
the general community.
637
00:36:02,388 --> 00:36:06,684
Ran that up the ladder a couple of times,
got no traction at all.
638
00:36:08,353 --> 00:36:09,645
My advice?
639
00:36:11,689 --> 00:36:13,732
Let her down easy.
640
00:36:14,525 --> 00:36:18,904
She's volatile, that one.
She was removed from the puppy program.
641
00:36:21,407 --> 00:36:25,411
Lesbians can be very dangerous.
642
00:36:26,620 --> 00:36:28,622
It's the testosterone.
643
00:36:30,541 --> 00:36:34,462
ALEX: They took my moisturizer, guys.
I had to walk through the airport barefoot.
644
00:36:34,753 --> 00:36:38,132
I mean, if Bush fucking wins again,
we're all moving to Berlin!
645
00:36:42,845 --> 00:36:45,931
Hey, you, Laura Ingalls Wilder.
646
00:36:47,016 --> 00:36:49,894
We're escaping America before
the apocalypse. Wanna come?
647
00:36:50,436 --> 00:36:51,729
Sorry?
648
00:36:51,896 --> 00:36:53,398
What can I get for you?
649
00:36:53,772 --> 00:36:55,525
Oh, hi, I was wondering if you're hiring?
650
00:36:56,734 --> 00:36:57,985
No, I'm sorry.
651
00:36:58,069 --> 00:36:59,404
Well, can I leave this with you?
652
00:36:59,529 --> 00:37:03,115
Honestly, it's just gonna end up
in a drawer somewhere, so...
653
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:05,451
Okay.
654
00:37:05,826 --> 00:37:06,911
Well,
655
00:37:11,249 --> 00:37:12,750
can I have a margarita then?
656
00:37:13,501 --> 00:37:14,668
That I can do for you.
657
00:37:22,718 --> 00:37:25,596
It's a little cold out for a margarita,
don't you think?
658
00:37:28,098 --> 00:37:29,974
Let's see this.
659
00:37:30,975 --> 00:37:34,479
Steve's Greek Cuisine? Le Grand Fromage?
660
00:37:34,604 --> 00:37:36,064
Bullshit, bullshit.
661
00:37:36,147 --> 00:37:37,941
You need a lesson in fudging a resume.
662
00:37:38,024 --> 00:37:39,109
Do you work here?
663
00:37:39,234 --> 00:37:40,777
Are you fucking kidding me?
664
00:37:42,362 --> 00:37:44,239
Manager, Polly Harper.
665
00:37:45,532 --> 00:37:47,075
No one named Polly Harper
gets put in charge.
666
00:37:47,158 --> 00:37:48,201
Who is that really?
667
00:37:48,285 --> 00:37:49,953
- It's my friend.
- (LAUGHS)
668
00:37:51,788 --> 00:37:54,291
You've never waited a fucking table
in your life, have you?
669
00:37:56,418 --> 00:37:57,627
No.
670
00:37:59,796 --> 00:38:02,132
So, Piper Chapman,
671
00:38:03,467 --> 00:38:08,472
"A Smith grad with excellent listening skills,
passionate about making diners feel good."
672
00:38:08,597 --> 00:38:10,640
Mmm. That sounds kind of dirty.
673
00:38:10,723 --> 00:38:12,476
You can put that on my tab.
674
00:38:12,809 --> 00:38:15,562
"Safe, clean, and careful
when handling food and drink."
675
00:38:15,645 --> 00:38:16,646
(LAUGHS)
676
00:38:16,854 --> 00:38:18,356
Oh, gosh.
677
00:38:18,482 --> 00:38:20,358
I like that in a woman.
678
00:38:22,693 --> 00:38:24,213
What else do I need to know about you?
679
00:38:26,156 --> 00:38:27,657
Who are you?
680
00:38:28,741 --> 00:38:30,327
My name is Alex.
681
00:38:32,621 --> 00:38:34,623
And what do you do, Alex?
682
00:38:35,665 --> 00:38:38,376
Besides make fun of strangers in bars?
683
00:38:38,502 --> 00:38:41,296
I work for an international drug cartel.
684
00:38:43,047 --> 00:38:44,508
(LAUGHS)
685
00:38:45,175 --> 00:38:47,802
Oh, come on. You telling me
you don't get lonely out here
686
00:38:48,345 --> 00:38:50,305
in the middle of nowhere?
687
00:38:50,388 --> 00:38:54,142
No, I'm not into people.
I'm more into beans.
688
00:38:54,225 --> 00:38:57,854
Did you see my long beans?
They're going off.
689
00:38:57,937 --> 00:38:59,772
And my banjo.
690
00:38:59,856 --> 00:39:03,318
Those are my friends,
my beans and my banjo.
691
00:39:03,527 --> 00:39:05,987
And I'm banging this underwater welder.
692
00:39:06,237 --> 00:39:07,405
Wow.
693
00:39:07,531 --> 00:39:09,199
You gotta have hobbies.
694
00:39:10,116 --> 00:39:11,159
What about you?
695
00:39:11,242 --> 00:39:13,703
What's happening with the writing?
No gigs?
696
00:39:13,786 --> 00:39:18,082
Been a little distracted.
Maybe you heard, my fiancée's in prison.
697
00:39:18,583 --> 00:39:21,794
(CHUCKLES) Hey, when you visit,
do you get to, uh...
698
00:39:24,714 --> 00:39:27,008
No, they don't allow conjugals in federal.
699
00:39:27,551 --> 00:39:30,428
- It's a lot of me, myself and I.
- Bummer.
700
00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:31,721
Oh.
701
00:39:32,055 --> 00:39:33,390
You gotta try edging, man.
702
00:39:33,557 --> 00:39:34,765
What is that?
703
00:39:35,016 --> 00:39:38,895
It's where you jerk off, okay?
704
00:39:39,020 --> 00:39:41,356
Right to the point of orgasm
705
00:39:43,191 --> 00:39:44,526
and then stop.
706
00:39:45,652 --> 00:39:46,944
And you do this because...
707
00:39:47,070 --> 00:39:50,574
Because your jizz is your power, man.
It's spiritual, it keeps your Chi inside.
708
00:39:50,657 --> 00:39:52,576
Especially if you got writer's block.
709
00:39:52,701 --> 00:39:57,414
You gotta walk right up to that line, bro,
and not cross it.
710
00:39:57,747 --> 00:39:58,998
And this is something you do?
711
00:39:59,123 --> 00:40:00,083
Yeah. Welder chick taught me.
712
00:40:00,208 --> 00:40:04,671
See, you gotta, um... You gotta grab
right underneath your balls,
713
00:40:04,754 --> 00:40:06,964
like, right here, you really gotta
get up right up in there.
714
00:40:07,090 --> 00:40:08,132
Okay, yeah.
715
00:40:08,258 --> 00:40:09,967
And it creates, like, a whole body thing.
716
00:40:10,093 --> 00:40:11,720
Kind of like a female orgasm.
717
00:40:11,802 --> 00:40:13,638
You know, most dudes,
they don't know what women got,
718
00:40:13,763 --> 00:40:14,805
but trust me, bro,
719
00:40:15,056 --> 00:40:18,268
(CHUCKLES) it is way, way better.
720
00:40:19,269 --> 00:40:20,978
A lot of creative people do it.
721
00:40:21,979 --> 00:40:25,108
In fact, they say
that John Lennon wrote Imagine
722
00:40:25,233 --> 00:40:26,943
(CLICKS TONGUE) right at that sweet spot.
723
00:40:34,451 --> 00:40:35,993
Fifteen months.
724
00:40:36,953 --> 00:40:40,540
Whoa. It's a long time to wait.
Even if it is for my sister.
725
00:40:40,624 --> 00:40:42,959
How about we don't talk about
sex with your sister?
726
00:40:43,084 --> 00:40:44,461
Good point.
727
00:40:47,797 --> 00:40:48,965
Did you see this coming?
728
00:40:49,090 --> 00:40:51,259
With Piper?
729
00:40:51,342 --> 00:40:55,639
No, no, not jail, but something, yeah.
730
00:40:58,099 --> 00:41:01,519
She wants to feel like she's different.
731
00:41:02,228 --> 00:41:05,022
Likes the whole "I'm risky" thing.
732
00:41:06,566 --> 00:41:08,443
My sister's a complicated cat.
733
00:41:10,153 --> 00:41:11,738
So I'm learning.
734
00:41:13,156 --> 00:41:15,325
Not like my parents ever saw it.
735
00:41:15,450 --> 00:41:17,868
Between "Perfect Piper"
and "Doctor Danny,"
736
00:41:17,994 --> 00:41:20,497
they met their quality parenting quota.
737
00:41:20,580 --> 00:41:24,459
But, like, I was free to smoke a bowl
and fuck off for the rest of my life
738
00:41:24,542 --> 00:41:26,670
with nobody ever bothering me.
739
00:41:26,753 --> 00:41:30,340
Now, my mom's talking about
coming up here to visit,
740
00:41:30,465 --> 00:41:32,383
putting me in the Christmas letter.
741
00:41:32,509 --> 00:41:35,011
Suddenly I'm "Creative Cal."
742
00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,096
It's fucked up.
743
00:41:41,267 --> 00:41:45,146
Piper going to jail might be, like, the
worst thing that has ever happened to me.
744
00:41:54,698 --> 00:41:56,825
Oh. Sophia!
745
00:41:56,907 --> 00:41:58,868
I got you a present.
746
00:41:58,993 --> 00:42:01,287
- It's powder foundation in medium dark.
- (CHUCKLES)
747
00:42:01,412 --> 00:42:03,373
I had to guess. I hope it's all right.
748
00:42:03,498 --> 00:42:06,625
Honey, it's perfect.
That's real sweet of you.
749
00:42:06,709 --> 00:42:08,043
Thank you.
750
00:42:08,210 --> 00:42:09,753
You're welcome.
751
00:42:13,048 --> 00:42:14,090
(CHUCKLES)
752
00:42:14,216 --> 00:42:15,925
I got commissary.
753
00:42:16,051 --> 00:42:17,594
Look whose ship finally came in!
754
00:42:18,220 --> 00:42:19,388
Here.
755
00:42:19,513 --> 00:42:21,724
This is payback for all
the stuff you gave me.
756
00:42:22,808 --> 00:42:27,062
And, Nicky, here's your cup.
757
00:42:27,145 --> 00:42:28,230
Hmm.
758
00:42:28,647 --> 00:42:31,900
And, um, Nivea. That's interest.
759
00:42:32,025 --> 00:42:34,069
What else you got, kid?
I'll take that face wash.
760
00:42:34,194 --> 00:42:36,238
Don't be a commissary ho, DeMarco.
761
00:42:36,321 --> 00:42:39,742
And these... It's like Christmas!
762
00:42:41,076 --> 00:42:43,203
Yo, P, heads up. You got a visitor.
763
00:42:44,996 --> 00:42:46,582
Hello, baby.
764
00:42:48,333 --> 00:42:49,626
Can I talk to you?
765
00:42:50,753 --> 00:42:52,796
MAN OVER PA: Inmate Peterson,
please return to the prison chapel.
766
00:42:52,921 --> 00:42:54,130
(SNICKERS)
767
00:42:56,341 --> 00:42:57,342
(SIGHS)
768
00:42:57,426 --> 00:42:59,928
Listen, Suzanne.
769
00:43:00,929 --> 00:43:02,180
I, um...
770
00:43:02,972 --> 00:43:04,474
I know that you like me...
771
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,060
I don't just like you, Piper.
772
00:43:07,143 --> 00:43:08,729
I got feelings.
773
00:43:09,688 --> 00:43:12,357
Love feelings.
774
00:43:13,066 --> 00:43:14,943
Yeah, I got that. Um...
775
00:43:16,820 --> 00:43:19,114
You know, maybe I was unclear,
776
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:22,743
and I'm sorry if I gave you
the wrong impression,
777
00:43:25,537 --> 00:43:30,417
but I cannot be your wife.
778
00:43:30,500 --> 00:43:33,962
I've already promised
to be someone else's wife. Larry.
779
00:43:34,045 --> 00:43:36,465
Whom I love very much.
780
00:43:36,548 --> 00:43:39,593
And I'm just not interested
in anybody else.
781
00:43:39,676 --> 00:43:42,220
This is nothing personal.
782
00:43:42,304 --> 00:43:44,473
But you and I?
783
00:43:46,141 --> 00:43:47,643
Not gonna happen.
784
00:43:51,814 --> 00:43:53,148
I feel you.
785
00:44:00,614 --> 00:44:02,324
Where is he?
786
00:44:02,407 --> 00:44:04,827
CRYSTAL: He won't come. I tried.
787
00:44:05,661 --> 00:44:07,996
They let him pitch Friday.
788
00:44:08,121 --> 00:44:11,124
This big game against Castle Hill.
They won.
789
00:44:11,291 --> 00:44:13,126
That's great.
790
00:44:15,044 --> 00:44:16,588
You look like shit. What's wrong?
791
00:44:18,674 --> 00:44:20,175
They took me off my hormones.
792
00:44:20,258 --> 00:44:21,677
What, why?
793
00:44:21,802 --> 00:44:23,123
They're saying it's liver damage.
794
00:44:23,178 --> 00:44:25,931
It's bullshit. They just
don't wanna be liable.
795
00:44:26,055 --> 00:44:28,266
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
796
00:44:28,475 --> 00:44:29,643
I'm losing my shit, Crystal.
797
00:44:29,726 --> 00:44:34,439
I didn't wanna have to ask you,
but I don't know what else to do.
798
00:44:38,944 --> 00:44:41,029
(WHISPERS) I need you to sneak 'em in.
799
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:46,535
How?
800
00:44:48,161 --> 00:44:49,496
I don't know.
801
00:44:49,621 --> 00:44:51,373
You want me to shove 'em up my ass?
802
00:44:51,456 --> 00:44:53,208
Take 'em out in the bathroom? Then what?
803
00:44:53,291 --> 00:44:57,379
Put 'em in my mouth so I can kiss you?
Have you lost your fucking mind?
804
00:44:57,546 --> 00:44:59,130
It's crazy, I know.
805
00:44:59,255 --> 00:45:01,216
You want me to get locked up, too?
Oh, that's perfect.
806
00:45:01,299 --> 00:45:05,971
Yeah, Michael can go live with my mother,
who won't speak to me anymore at all.
807
00:45:06,053 --> 00:45:07,723
But you?
808
00:45:07,806 --> 00:45:12,185
Well, you'll have your smooth skin and your
lady curves, so it'll all be worth it.
809
00:45:12,394 --> 00:45:15,188
I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry.
810
00:45:16,439 --> 00:45:20,652
I'm working two jobs,
I'm trying to raise our son.
811
00:45:20,736 --> 00:45:22,337
You know they trying to seize the house?
812
00:45:22,404 --> 00:45:24,197
They can't do that.
813
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,743
I never paid any of our bills
with those stolen credit cards.
814
00:45:27,868 --> 00:45:30,412
I can't even show my face
in church anymore.
815
00:45:30,495 --> 00:45:31,914
I'm sorry.
816
00:45:32,079 --> 00:45:35,417
How fucking selfish can you be?
817
00:45:35,584 --> 00:45:38,336
Crystal, if they take this away from me,
818
00:45:39,295 --> 00:45:41,464
this will all have been for nothing.
819
00:45:47,846 --> 00:45:50,139
I married a man named Marcus.
820
00:45:52,517 --> 00:45:54,978
I cry for him all the time.
821
00:45:56,939 --> 00:45:59,942
But I stayed and I supported you
822
00:46:00,067 --> 00:46:02,736
because I could see
how much pain you were in.
823
00:46:04,111 --> 00:46:05,864
I know it was saving your life.
824
00:46:05,989 --> 00:46:07,407
It was.
825
00:46:07,532 --> 00:46:10,953
I figured better my kid had two moms
than a dead dad, right?
826
00:46:11,078 --> 00:46:16,416
At least he'd be around,
which is more than my father was.
827
00:46:18,334 --> 00:46:22,464
At least he'd be at his baseball games,
even if it was in a dress.
828
00:46:25,592 --> 00:46:27,134
So I put up with you becoming a woman,
829
00:46:27,260 --> 00:46:30,013
but I never signed on
for a life with a criminal.
830
00:46:31,932 --> 00:46:38,187
I'm gonna get my shit together. I promise.
I'm gonna make it up to you.
831
00:46:38,313 --> 00:46:39,772
Oh, you wanna make it up to me?
832
00:46:39,855 --> 00:46:42,024
Do your time.
833
00:46:43,025 --> 00:46:46,737
Get the fuck out of here,
so you can be a father to your son.
834
00:46:49,824 --> 00:46:51,325
Man up.
835
00:46:58,290 --> 00:46:59,500
What the fuck is this?
836
00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:01,502
We're reassigning you. Get your things.
837
00:47:01,627 --> 00:47:04,338
(SCOFFS) You fucking kidding me?
838
00:47:05,464 --> 00:47:06,715
You had me moved?
839
00:47:09,384 --> 00:47:10,845
Who's running this place?
840
00:47:10,928 --> 00:47:12,096
Not you.
841
00:47:12,178 --> 00:47:14,222
Shut your mouth and get your things.
842
00:47:15,808 --> 00:47:17,685
Watch yourself, little girl.
843
00:47:17,810 --> 00:47:19,770
This is not America,
844
00:47:21,022 --> 00:47:22,773
this is The Litch,
845
00:47:22,857 --> 00:47:25,359
and I've been here a long while.
846
00:47:31,866 --> 00:47:33,367
(WOMAN MOANING)
847
00:47:35,452 --> 00:47:36,996
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
848
00:47:41,207 --> 00:47:42,584
(GRUNTING)
849
00:47:49,550 --> 00:47:50,885
(SIGHS)
850
00:48:02,604 --> 00:48:07,068
MAN OVER PA: Inmate Stuart,
report to inmate work station two.
851
00:48:07,151 --> 00:48:09,070
Officer Roberts, guard
detail, central library.
852
00:48:10,236 --> 00:48:14,742
I'm in here at 5:00 just about every day.
You don't like it, avoid it.
853
00:48:19,163 --> 00:48:20,622
You named me.
854
00:48:20,748 --> 00:48:23,542
- What?
- You didn't have to take me down with you.
855
00:48:23,625 --> 00:48:24,919
Is that what all this is about?
856
00:48:25,044 --> 00:48:27,088
You think I turned you in?
857
00:48:27,213 --> 00:48:29,673
You haven't seen me in five years,
858
00:48:29,757 --> 00:48:32,593
you had no idea what was going on with me.
859
00:48:32,676 --> 00:48:34,720
I am a different person.
I was building a life...
860
00:48:34,803 --> 00:48:38,057
Oh, well, hurray for you.
It wasn't me, Piper.
861
00:48:38,140 --> 00:48:39,307
Bullshit!
862
00:48:39,433 --> 00:48:40,976
You never ever forgave me for leaving.
863
00:48:41,102 --> 00:48:42,302
Thirteen people were indicted.
864
00:48:42,310 --> 00:48:44,354
You met all of them. We traveled together.
865
00:48:44,438 --> 00:48:45,480
I know it was you.
866
00:48:45,606 --> 00:48:46,774
No, it wasn't!
867
00:48:46,857 --> 00:48:48,901
And fuck you for thinking it was!
868
00:48:48,984 --> 00:48:50,184
Right, what did they give you?
869
00:48:50,276 --> 00:48:52,796
Time off for every innocent person
that you threw under the bus?
870
00:48:52,905 --> 00:48:55,783
Innocent? That is fucking hilarious!
871
00:48:56,658 --> 00:48:59,285
You carried that bag.
No one had a gun to your head.
872
00:48:59,369 --> 00:49:03,540
Your fiancé might buy this bullshit,
but I know you.
873
00:49:04,959 --> 00:49:06,835
I know you.
874
00:49:08,087 --> 00:49:10,839
And there were no complaints
when I took you all over the world,
875
00:49:10,965 --> 00:49:12,758
but the second shit got real...
876
00:49:12,841 --> 00:49:13,968
You put me in danger.
877
00:49:14,051 --> 00:49:15,970
You loved it.
878
00:49:17,179 --> 00:49:18,346
(CHUCKLES)
879
00:49:18,472 --> 00:49:22,101
You were just this boring
little girl from Connecticut,
880
00:49:22,184 --> 00:49:24,310
who wanted to feel special and bad.
881
00:49:24,436 --> 00:49:27,773
- Don't turn this around on me.
- I didn't name you.
882
00:49:27,856 --> 00:49:31,819
And, yeah, maybe I never forgave you
for leaving,
883
00:49:31,944 --> 00:49:35,156
because you broke my fucking heart.
884
00:49:35,281 --> 00:49:38,284
And maybe I've done a lot
of fucked up things in my life,
885
00:49:38,366 --> 00:49:40,494
but I've never lied to you.
886
00:49:41,870 --> 00:49:42,997
Ever.
887
00:49:55,509 --> 00:49:56,718
I'm stuck.
888
00:49:56,844 --> 00:50:00,931
I think my necklace is caught on my shirt
or in my hair or maybe both.
889
00:50:03,142 --> 00:50:04,392
So you want me to...
890
00:50:04,518 --> 00:50:06,352
Yeah. Yeah.
891
00:50:07,604 --> 00:50:09,023
Oh, man. (CHUCKLES)
892
00:50:09,148 --> 00:50:11,233
Don't look at my belly.
893
00:50:11,525 --> 00:50:12,860
There.
894
00:50:14,486 --> 00:50:15,904
You're free.
895
00:50:16,571 --> 00:50:17,990
Yeah, right.
896
00:50:29,126 --> 00:50:30,711
(PHONE RINGING)
897
00:50:30,836 --> 00:50:32,754
- Hello?
- Hey, baby, it's me.
898
00:50:32,963 --> 00:50:36,466
Hey! How was the visit with your mom?
899
00:50:36,675 --> 00:50:38,969
Listen, Larry, I need you
to do something for me,
900
00:50:39,053 --> 00:50:40,054
and I don't wanna talk about it.
901
00:50:40,137 --> 00:50:43,182
I need you to find out if Alex Vause
named me at her trial.
902
00:50:43,389 --> 00:50:47,435
But wait, my dad said
the testimony was sealed.
903
00:50:47,561 --> 00:50:49,021
Why the sudden interest?
904
00:50:49,104 --> 00:50:53,275
I don't know. It's just eating at me.
I got a lot of time on my hands.
905
00:50:53,399 --> 00:50:56,820
Please, Larry. There's got to be a way.
Will you talk to him?
906
00:50:56,904 --> 00:51:00,699
Her name is Alex Vause. V-A-U-S-E.
907
00:51:01,575 --> 00:51:03,409
This is really important to me.
908
00:51:03,493 --> 00:51:05,120
Yeah, okay. But, um...
909
00:51:05,287 --> 00:51:06,621
And I don't wanna talk about it.
910
00:51:06,955 --> 00:51:08,165
(SIGHS)
911
00:51:09,375 --> 00:51:12,002
And my mother told me that
my eggs are getting old.
912
00:51:16,421 --> 00:51:19,342
Chapman! Get your things together.
You're moving down to B dorm.
913
00:51:19,424 --> 00:51:21,135
Cube 18!
914
00:51:21,261 --> 00:51:22,595
That's the ghetto.
915
00:51:23,554 --> 00:51:24,680
What?
916
00:51:25,890 --> 00:51:27,392
They got you in the ghetto.
917
00:51:27,474 --> 00:51:30,270
Good luck, Chapman. You're gonna need it.
918
00:52:16,941 --> 00:52:19,902
That's your bed. These are your hooks.
919
00:52:20,820 --> 00:52:25,158
I am nobody's cleaning lady
and I make honor cube every week,
920
00:52:25,241 --> 00:52:27,492
so you do your part and then some.
921
00:52:27,618 --> 00:52:30,204
My floor's my pride,
922
00:52:30,330 --> 00:52:33,874
so no shoes,
leave them off before you step in.
923
00:52:34,083 --> 00:52:37,086
And I see that nonsense
go down in the cafeteria.
924
00:52:37,170 --> 00:52:38,879
I don't care if you're gay or what,
925
00:52:39,005 --> 00:52:42,425
but you bring any drama in here
and we'll have trouble.
926
00:52:42,507 --> 00:52:45,845
I don't tolerate foolishness in my bunk.
Understand?
927
00:52:55,813 --> 00:52:59,442
MAN OVER PA: The following inmates have
prescriptions waiting in the infirmary...
928
00:53:12,663 --> 00:53:14,415
- You have the right to remain silent.
- I don't understand!
929
00:53:14,539 --> 00:53:16,292
- What's happening?
- Anything you say or do
930
00:53:16,376 --> 00:53:17,751
can and will be held against you
in a court of law.
931
00:53:17,877 --> 00:53:19,379
- You have the right to an attorney.
- What did you do?
932
00:53:19,504 --> 00:53:22,024
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you.
933
00:53:22,048 --> 00:53:24,549
Do you understand these rights
as I just read 'em to you?
934
00:53:26,886 --> 00:53:28,054
Yes.
935
00:53:28,221 --> 00:53:30,931
With these rights in mind,
do you wish to speak to me?
936
00:53:36,854 --> 00:53:38,064
No.
937
00:53:42,485 --> 00:53:46,613
MAN OVER PA: Officer Williams,
inmate services, station 2365.
938
00:53:46,739 --> 00:53:48,408
Hey, Burset!
939
00:53:58,834 --> 00:54:01,712
I heard you've been looking for something.
940
00:54:02,629 --> 00:54:04,757
Change your mind about
that Egg McMuffin?
941
00:54:06,884 --> 00:54:09,095
You've got the wrong girl.
942
00:54:36,581 --> 00:54:38,124
(WOMAN SNORING)
943
00:55:00,229 --> 00:55:01,564
(SNIFFS)
944
00:55:05,359 --> 00:55:06,569
(SIGHS)
945
00:55:06,735 --> 00:55:08,362
(SONG PLAYING)
946
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:20,644
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com