1 00:01:58,294 --> 00:01:59,759 Yo, Burset. 2 00:02:00,218 --> 00:02:01,969 We're clearing out, man. 3 00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:05,098 What the fuck you doing? 4 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,354 Cap wanted me to document the damage. 5 00:02:07,812 --> 00:02:10,523 You gotta check out this life-sized fucking panda bear they got in their living room, 6 00:02:10,648 --> 00:02:11,607 half burnt. 7 00:02:11,691 --> 00:02:13,360 It's got one melted plastic eye. 8 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,362 Come on, I'll show you. 9 00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:25,413 So I say to her, "You're the third pregnant girl I've rescued this month." 10 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,541 She goes, "But, I'm not pregnant!" And I go, "You're not rescued yet!" 11 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,169 Hey, Burset, where the fuck you going? 12 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,628 Gotta drain the hose. 13 00:02:33,046 --> 00:02:36,216 Anyway, you know the fucking crying guy with the cat? Remember him? 14 00:02:36,341 --> 00:02:38,218 I kept telling him the cat wasn't in the house. 15 00:02:38,301 --> 00:02:39,760 He kept screaming that I gotta go back in. 16 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,206 Laundry is now available for pick-up. 17 00:04:14,564 --> 00:04:16,274 You sick fuck, do that in the bathroom. 18 00:04:17,609 --> 00:04:18,859 I got cancer. 19 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,826 Is he allowed to watch us like that? 20 00:04:26,909 --> 00:04:28,328 Pornstache? 21 00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,539 He does whatever he wants. 22 00:04:31,623 --> 00:04:33,874 One of these days, you're gonna have to change your panties, Chapman. 23 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,169 That shit's gotta be getting ripe. 24 00:04:36,252 --> 00:04:37,837 Look at this. 25 00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:41,382 I asked Sophia to do my roots, she says there's a two-week waiting list. 26 00:04:41,674 --> 00:04:46,220 I wouldn't let that he-she touch my hair with a 10-foot pole. 27 00:04:46,346 --> 00:04:49,626 Well, hey, maybe you'll get lucky and go bald everywhere but in the tits like Rosa. 28 00:04:49,682 --> 00:04:52,602 And Sophia's pole is a hole now. 29 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,937 Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz, 30 00:04:55,021 --> 00:04:57,315 report to your counselor for your bunk assignments. 31 00:04:57,524 --> 00:04:59,400 Watson, Bresnahan and Diaz. 32 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,610 Finally. 33 00:05:00,776 --> 00:05:02,487 Wait, you got assigned? 34 00:05:02,654 --> 00:05:03,904 This is bullshit. 35 00:05:04,030 --> 00:05:05,615 You know, I did my time in SHU. 36 00:05:05,698 --> 00:05:08,535 How much longer are they gonna keep me in here with Darth Vader and Mr. Clean? 37 00:05:08,701 --> 00:05:10,495 Fuck you. 38 00:05:10,662 --> 00:05:12,330 Why didn't I get assigned? 39 00:05:13,206 --> 00:05:15,708 They're probably sending her to Spanish Harlem. 40 00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:18,044 They're gonna put you in The Suburbs with the other white people. 41 00:05:18,211 --> 00:05:20,254 So how do they choose your roommate? 42 00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:21,881 Why? 43 00:05:22,006 --> 00:05:24,884 You afraid you're gonna end up with your rocka-lezzie girlfriend? 44 00:05:37,397 --> 00:05:40,316 "Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement." 45 00:05:42,902 --> 00:05:44,404 Oh, I'm sorry. 46 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,408 Bitch, don't be cutting! There's a line here. 47 00:05:48,533 --> 00:05:51,285 Um, for the toilet? I just need to pee. 48 00:05:51,411 --> 00:05:52,744 Can I pee? 49 00:05:53,371 --> 00:05:54,706 Go pee, kid. 50 00:05:55,248 --> 00:05:56,541 This better be hot. 51 00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:59,960 If I find another clump of hair in the drain, there's gonna be trouble. 52 00:06:01,546 --> 00:06:03,089 Oh! Gee! I'm sorry. 53 00:06:03,214 --> 00:06:04,965 It's okay, honey, you can look. 54 00:06:05,091 --> 00:06:07,093 I spent a lot of money for it. 55 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,804 Go ahead, it's all yours. 56 00:06:11,514 --> 00:06:14,058 That's okay, I think I'll just wait. 57 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,143 You gonna be waiting a long time, now. 58 00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:22,734 She's talking to the devil. 59 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,360 Yeah, I got that part. 60 00:06:24,527 --> 00:06:26,529 That's Satan's stall. 61 00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,281 At least Satan gets a door. 62 00:06:28,364 --> 00:06:29,907 Give it a week. 63 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,702 You'll be pissing and farting with the rest of us. 64 00:06:33,745 --> 00:06:35,465 Your commissary ain't come in yet? 65 00:06:36,414 --> 00:06:38,165 Oh, I think so. 66 00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:41,210 My ID number doesn't shop until tomorrow. 67 00:06:41,461 --> 00:06:43,129 You better hope they got what you need. 68 00:06:43,254 --> 00:06:45,757 Ain't had powder foundation in dark for three months. 69 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,967 I can't be walking around here with white face on. 70 00:06:48,968 --> 00:06:52,430 But those sad pair of shower shoes are not gonna save you. 71 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,889 You need some of these. 72 00:06:54,932 --> 00:06:56,309 I made my own. 73 00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:57,435 Couture. 74 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,937 Commissary don't carry a size 13. 75 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,273 Is that duct tape? 76 00:07:02,398 --> 00:07:04,484 Metallics are very in this season. 77 00:07:06,152 --> 00:07:09,572 Don't hold your big bathroom too long. Prison food stops you right up. 78 00:07:09,656 --> 00:07:11,157 You gotta get it out while you can. 79 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:15,953 If you wanna skip that shower line, do the 5:00 a.m. or the 5:00 p.m. 80 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,330 That's my secret. 81 00:07:17,997 --> 00:07:19,791 Why are you telling me all of this? 82 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,501 'Cause I fucked up your hair. 83 00:07:21,626 --> 00:07:23,503 That shit looks broke. 84 00:07:23,628 --> 00:07:26,673 When your commissary comes in, swing by the salon. 85 00:07:26,756 --> 00:07:29,175 I'll fix it right up for you. 86 00:07:29,342 --> 00:07:31,803 Okay. Thank you. 87 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:36,349 There's no point in playing shy, baby. You're home. 88 00:08:07,714 --> 00:08:09,382 Medical staff to the iso ward... 89 00:08:09,465 --> 00:08:11,300 Now, that's a fucking waste right there. 90 00:08:11,384 --> 00:08:13,386 Black girl with a white girl booty. 91 00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:15,680 I mean, what's the point? 92 00:08:16,055 --> 00:08:18,766 Ooh, watch out for this one, man. 93 00:08:18,891 --> 00:08:20,560 She looks real good, and then she opens her mouth. 94 00:08:20,685 --> 00:08:24,689 She's got those snaggly fucking Gargamel teeth. 95 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:27,400 Fucking meth heads, man. 96 00:08:31,404 --> 00:08:33,489 Now, that right there? 97 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,784 That's a whole different species, my friend. 98 00:08:36,909 --> 00:08:39,161 Hey, Burset. 99 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,749 Come over here. 100 00:08:42,874 --> 00:08:45,274 Prisoner maintenance detail for the shower room. 101 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:52,091 Mmm. Smell that. 102 00:08:52,174 --> 00:08:53,926 That smell good to you? 103 00:08:54,051 --> 00:08:55,344 Mickey D's? 104 00:08:56,345 --> 00:08:58,806 How long's it been since you had one of these? 105 00:09:00,516 --> 00:09:02,602 - Long time. - Mmm-hmm. 106 00:09:02,769 --> 00:09:04,144 Do you want some? 107 00:09:04,937 --> 00:09:06,606 You offering me a taste? 108 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,942 You can suck it out of my dick. 109 00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:13,654 I don't do sausage in my breakfast sandwich. 110 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,786 What the fuck are you doing inside the CO bubble? 111 00:09:21,788 --> 00:09:26,626 Your foot's over the line, Burset. You better get back before I give you a shot. 112 00:09:29,712 --> 00:09:31,422 Shit is wild, right? 113 00:09:31,589 --> 00:09:32,799 Freaky. 114 00:09:33,299 --> 00:09:35,301 Freaky-deaky. Freaktown. 115 00:09:37,136 --> 00:09:38,638 Cyborg pussy. 116 00:09:39,639 --> 00:09:41,974 I bet it's fucking perfect. 117 00:09:42,975 --> 00:09:44,576 Don't tell me you'd hit that? 118 00:09:44,644 --> 00:09:46,270 I live in the present, not in the past. 119 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,481 Besides, she used to have a dick, 120 00:09:48,606 --> 00:09:50,650 and so she knows what it likes. 121 00:09:57,573 --> 00:10:00,033 What'd you guys do about pussy in Iraq anyway? 122 00:10:00,827 --> 00:10:02,286 Did you fuck camels? 123 00:10:02,411 --> 00:10:03,871 I was in Afghanistan. 124 00:10:03,996 --> 00:10:05,676 And you don't go anywhere near the camels, 125 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,500 'cause sometimes they strap them up with explosives 126 00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:10,043 and run them into camp and... 127 00:10:10,670 --> 00:10:12,045 And if you try to have sex with the girls there, 128 00:10:12,171 --> 00:10:13,798 their village throws rocks at 'em till they die, 129 00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,842 so there's not a lot going on. 130 00:10:15,925 --> 00:10:18,010 Plus, they're all dressed like beekeepers. 131 00:10:18,093 --> 00:10:20,262 Occasionally, a Russian hooker comes through, 132 00:10:20,346 --> 00:10:23,349 but those girls are nasty and they cry a lot. 133 00:10:23,557 --> 00:10:25,852 Transporting one to I-S 12. 134 00:10:26,018 --> 00:10:28,228 All these offenders want a piece of me, Bennett. 135 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,564 You know why? 136 00:10:31,023 --> 00:10:32,900 It's the fucking pheromones, man. 137 00:10:33,025 --> 00:10:36,529 You get 'em all locked up like this for a long time, 138 00:10:36,654 --> 00:10:40,366 and they get this prehistoric yearning for man-stink. 139 00:10:41,283 --> 00:10:44,954 They fucking hate my guts, you know? 140 00:10:45,037 --> 00:10:47,414 But they can't help themselves. 141 00:10:48,499 --> 00:10:50,584 I'm musty and they love it. 142 00:10:51,878 --> 00:10:53,587 You don't really... 143 00:10:53,713 --> 00:10:55,715 What? Fuck 'em? 144 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,386 Hell, no! That's against the rules. 145 00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:02,638 Ladies in the house programs, 146 00:11:02,722 --> 00:11:03,764 we will begin in one hour. 147 00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:06,058 But I tell you what, grasshopper. 148 00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:10,813 Some of these bitches would suck it for half a cigarette. 149 00:11:11,647 --> 00:11:13,440 Swallow. Lift your tongue. 150 00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:15,401 Okay. Move on. 151 00:11:15,818 --> 00:11:16,903 Black! 152 00:11:17,152 --> 00:11:19,405 Take these with food. No check. 153 00:11:19,613 --> 00:11:21,156 Ooh, you got me on the yellow ones. I like the yellow ones. 154 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,410 Lost 10 pounds on the yellow ones. But gave me that horrible rash on my... 155 00:11:24,493 --> 00:11:25,828 Not my problem. 156 00:11:26,245 --> 00:11:27,287 Burset. 157 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:31,751 What are those? Those aren't my pills. 158 00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:34,420 They are now. Whole prison is going generic. 159 00:11:34,545 --> 00:11:36,129 What's the dose? 160 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,798 .5 milligrams. 161 00:11:37,924 --> 00:11:39,466 Then that ain't enough. I need four of those. 162 00:11:39,592 --> 00:11:41,092 I do what the chart says. 163 00:11:41,886 --> 00:11:43,094 You can't just change my dose. 164 00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:44,931 Talk to your counselor, okay? 165 00:11:46,097 --> 00:11:47,224 Fatovich! 166 00:11:50,061 --> 00:11:52,438 You got a name, girl? 167 00:11:52,605 --> 00:11:55,274 That's your bed, those two are your hooks. 168 00:11:55,399 --> 00:11:57,818 This ain't like the projects in here, I got rules. 169 00:11:57,944 --> 00:12:00,111 No sleeping all day 'cause it's depressing. 170 00:12:00,237 --> 00:12:01,614 Clean up after yourself. 171 00:12:01,697 --> 00:12:05,910 If I find a mess on this floor, my floor, you're gonna hear about it. 172 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,620 And keep your food sealed, 173 00:12:07,703 --> 00:12:09,956 because I don't need chipmunks or roaches in here 174 00:12:10,039 --> 00:12:11,749 trying to get their Cup O' Noodles on, 175 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,709 plus that poor excuse for food stinks to high heaven... 176 00:12:13,793 --> 00:12:16,796 I sleep whenever I want, old lady. 177 00:12:18,965 --> 00:12:22,175 And I don't know what busted-ass country you come from, 178 00:12:22,301 --> 00:12:24,053 but this is America, 179 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,765 and if I want noodles, I'll eat noodles. 180 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:32,519 Now, back off across your floor before I make you that mess you hate so much. 181 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,067 Time to peel that orange, Chapman. 182 00:12:38,149 --> 00:12:39,401 You're one of us now. 183 00:12:39,485 --> 00:12:42,237 One of us. One of us. 184 00:12:42,321 --> 00:12:44,698 Gooble gobble. Gooble gobble. 185 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:50,161 Inmate Martinez, report for an assignment at the laundry detail. 186 00:12:50,329 --> 00:12:52,414 Nine and a half, right? 187 00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:56,669 Ten. 188 00:12:58,671 --> 00:13:00,840 Did your feet swell when you went back to boys? 189 00:13:01,674 --> 00:13:03,009 Fuck you. 190 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,772 You can't just change people's meds! 191 00:13:06,846 --> 00:13:09,807 I got a line of golden girls complaining about blood pressure pills. 192 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,600 Half this prison's on antidepressants. 193 00:13:11,684 --> 00:13:14,004 You take away their Zoloft, they're gonna go off the rails. 194 00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:16,480 Monumentally bad. Monumental pain in my ass. 195 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,858 Your ass? I'm juggling vendor changes, staff reductions. 196 00:13:18,983 --> 00:13:20,860 Look at me, I'm paying for my own coffee here. 197 00:13:20,985 --> 00:13:24,822 I got a tranny camped out in my hallway yelling about her hormones! 198 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,533 He can suck it up. She. Jesus. 199 00:13:27,616 --> 00:13:29,368 She could be a major headache for us. 200 00:13:29,451 --> 00:13:31,244 We are only required to give her enough to maintain. 201 00:13:31,370 --> 00:13:32,913 It is a federal system. 202 00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:35,749 If he wanted to keep his girlish figure, he should've stayed out of jail. 203 00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:38,293 Why would anyone ever give up being a man? 204 00:13:38,377 --> 00:13:41,755 It's like winning the lottery and giving the ticket back. 205 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,026 Hello, baby. 206 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,739 Look at you getting your sweat on. 207 00:14:06,822 --> 00:14:08,407 You look all shiny. 208 00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:10,910 I bet you don't even smell funky. 209 00:14:12,494 --> 00:14:14,287 I knew you wouldn't. 210 00:14:14,747 --> 00:14:17,750 You a real woman, Chapman. A real grown woman. 211 00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,710 And not like all these other girls around here. 212 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:22,213 I can't waste my time with these silly bitches. 213 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,423 I need a real woman. 214 00:14:26,092 --> 00:14:27,093 I'm sure that you'll find one. 215 00:14:27,218 --> 00:14:28,886 - I wrote a poem, you wanna hear? - You know, that's fine... 216 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:33,766 "Before I met you the sun was like a yellow grape 217 00:14:35,101 --> 00:14:38,229 "But now, it look like fire in the sky 218 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:45,277 "Why? Because you light a fire inside me" 219 00:14:49,406 --> 00:14:50,783 Wow. 220 00:14:55,121 --> 00:14:56,496 I wrote it for you. 221 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,127 You know, my fiancé is a writer. 222 00:15:04,546 --> 00:15:07,007 I'm gonna call you Dandelion. 223 00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:10,594 'Cause they're pretty, and yellow, just like you. 224 00:15:11,929 --> 00:15:13,180 Everybody out! Let's go! 225 00:15:13,388 --> 00:15:14,974 Oh! Thank you. 226 00:15:17,476 --> 00:15:18,477 What's going on? 227 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:19,561 Locking up the track. 228 00:15:19,645 --> 00:15:21,272 - Why? - Budget cuts. 229 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,982 No staff to cover it. 230 00:15:23,149 --> 00:15:25,317 But I have to run. 231 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,736 This is the only thing that makes me feel normal. 232 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,322 Ya'll gonna have to do your swirl someplace else. 233 00:15:31,282 --> 00:15:32,616 Swirl? 234 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,577 Chocolate and vanilla. 235 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:41,834 Swir-irl. Swir-irl. 236 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:47,798 The bottom line is that the prison can no longer provide high-end hormones. 237 00:15:47,881 --> 00:15:51,635 If I don't get my medication, I'm going through withdrawal. 238 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:56,140 Hot flashes, night sweats. My face will sag, my body hair will start to grow back. 239 00:15:56,307 --> 00:15:57,516 Okay, we don't need to get into... 240 00:15:57,599 --> 00:15:59,518 Let me explain this for you. 241 00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:02,646 When my penis was split in half and inverted, 242 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,815 my testes were removed, 243 00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,193 so I don't have any testosterone left 244 00:16:07,276 --> 00:16:10,654 to replace the estrogen that you taking away from me! 245 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,365 Okay, okay! What do you want from me? 246 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,036 I wanna see a doctor. 247 00:16:17,161 --> 00:16:19,201 You can't go to the clinic unless it's an emergency. 248 00:16:19,288 --> 00:16:20,747 This is an emergency. 249 00:16:20,873 --> 00:16:22,541 Yeah, well, we don't see it that way. 250 00:16:27,671 --> 00:16:28,714 Was there something else? 251 00:16:29,798 --> 00:16:30,883 Yes. 252 00:16:41,185 --> 00:16:43,520 I'd like to report an emergency. 253 00:16:46,148 --> 00:16:48,859 Man, new bunkie's trying to lay down all these rules and shit. 254 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:52,779 "Dis go here. Dat go there. Dis how you be wipin' your bunghole." 255 00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:54,865 Wait, you got assigned? What dorm are you in? 256 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,245 Yo, girl, be careful messing with Miss Claudette. That woman is no joke. 257 00:16:59,536 --> 00:17:02,289 What, is she gonna put a voodoo curse on me? 258 00:17:02,373 --> 00:17:05,042 Island bitch got control issues. 259 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,753 Word is she killed someone. That's why she doin' so much time. 260 00:17:07,836 --> 00:17:09,004 Yeah, I believe it, too. 261 00:17:09,088 --> 00:17:11,048 You look in her eyes and know she seen some shit. 262 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,132 I'm not scared of her. 263 00:17:12,258 --> 00:17:13,342 You should be. 264 00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:17,179 I hear when she was down the hill she threw a pot of boiling water in her bunkie's face. 265 00:17:17,263 --> 00:17:21,016 Burned her eyelids off. She be looking like Beetlejuice and shit. 266 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,268 So? 267 00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:23,852 Let her come at me. 268 00:17:23,936 --> 00:17:25,562 Yo, come on, now. 269 00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:27,169 She'll see what she be messing with. 270 00:17:27,189 --> 00:17:29,775 Yo, the lady ain't taken a visitor in 10 years 271 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,568 'cause she won't do strip search. 272 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,779 And she ain't dookied 273 00:17:33,946 --> 00:17:35,530 - the whole time she been locked up. - Oh, come on. 274 00:17:35,614 --> 00:17:36,656 No, I'm serious. 275 00:17:36,782 --> 00:17:38,617 - That's crazy. - Nah, for reals. 276 00:17:38,742 --> 00:17:42,454 No one's ever seen her use the stalls! That's the truth. She don't poop. 277 00:17:42,537 --> 00:17:45,958 She probably got a voodoo spell stopping up her butt. 278 00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,626 That's some steel right there. 279 00:17:56,551 --> 00:18:00,180 Maxi pads with wings are back in the commissary. 280 00:18:03,725 --> 00:18:08,439 Swing shift guard detail. P.m. cell check commences at 2130 hours. 281 00:18:18,282 --> 00:18:21,952 I had to rub Red's feet for this. 45 minutes. 282 00:18:22,077 --> 00:18:23,662 You can't sit there. 283 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,457 How long are you gonna do this? 284 00:18:26,999 --> 00:18:29,084 We both live here. We have to deal with each other. 285 00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:30,502 No, we don't. 286 00:18:30,627 --> 00:18:33,088 I plan on spending my entire sentence avoiding you. 287 00:18:33,172 --> 00:18:34,214 Get over it. 288 00:18:34,340 --> 00:18:36,925 We did some illegal shit and we both got caught. 289 00:18:37,509 --> 00:18:39,178 You stole my life. 290 00:18:41,138 --> 00:18:44,183 You stole my good life that I made after you. 291 00:18:45,684 --> 00:18:47,602 Stay the fuck away from me. 292 00:18:50,105 --> 00:18:53,192 Ladies, in-house programs will begin in one hour. 293 00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:55,152 Is there a problem here? 294 00:18:55,986 --> 00:18:57,363 No. 295 00:18:58,155 --> 00:19:00,366 You bothering my friend here? 296 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:04,536 Dandelion, she bothering you? 297 00:19:04,703 --> 00:19:06,788 No, we were just talking. 298 00:19:07,206 --> 00:19:11,043 Yeah, she is bothering me. 299 00:19:12,461 --> 00:19:15,222 Then you need to be on your way. 'Cause she don't like talking to you. 300 00:19:15,339 --> 00:19:18,050 Not one bit. 301 00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:20,593 Are you kidding me? 302 00:19:20,719 --> 00:19:22,554 Move, bitch. 303 00:19:22,637 --> 00:19:24,397 This is my wife here, so you need to step... 304 00:19:24,473 --> 00:19:26,016 Well, no, I'm not actually your... 305 00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:29,895 I will cut you! I will cut you, bitch! 306 00:19:30,062 --> 00:19:31,855 Don't make me cut you! 307 00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:36,360 You know where the fuck you at, bitch? You don't know me! 308 00:19:36,818 --> 00:19:38,570 Take it easy, take it easy. 309 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:46,453 It's all right. We all good. 310 00:19:47,704 --> 00:19:48,955 Mmm-hmm. 311 00:20:01,427 --> 00:20:02,761 I'm not your wife. 312 00:20:03,762 --> 00:20:06,014 I threw my pie for you. 313 00:20:11,937 --> 00:20:15,148 The head should pass through your body in three to five days. 314 00:20:15,274 --> 00:20:17,276 Unless you start vomiting or have severe cramping, 315 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,404 it's best just to let the body eliminate this on its own. 316 00:20:20,529 --> 00:20:22,114 I'm gonna have to shit it out. 317 00:20:22,281 --> 00:20:25,992 If it made it down your esophagus, it should travel the rest of the way. 318 00:20:26,118 --> 00:20:28,370 If it doesn't pass in a week, we'll consider surgery. 319 00:20:28,454 --> 00:20:30,163 Pay close attention to your stool. 320 00:20:30,289 --> 00:20:31,790 I don't think I could miss it. 321 00:20:31,957 --> 00:20:34,460 I'm going to have to put you on suicide watch. 322 00:20:35,127 --> 00:20:37,337 What? Why? 323 00:20:37,463 --> 00:20:39,798 We take swallowers very seriously. 324 00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:43,176 You really think I would've eaten a bobble-head if I wanted to kill myself? 325 00:20:44,136 --> 00:20:45,929 Listen, Doc, I need my dosage. 326 00:20:46,638 --> 00:20:51,602 I've given five years, $80,000 and my freedom for this. 327 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:55,063 I'm finally who I'm supposed to be. Do you understand? 328 00:20:55,147 --> 00:20:56,856 I can't go back. 329 00:20:57,816 --> 00:20:58,984 Look, 330 00:20:59,943 --> 00:21:01,778 I'd like to help you. 331 00:21:02,654 --> 00:21:05,616 Unfortunately, you have elevated levels of AST and ALT, 332 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,200 which could mean liver damage... 333 00:21:07,326 --> 00:21:09,786 That's bullshit. That could mean anything. 334 00:21:11,830 --> 00:21:13,373 We're gonna take you off your hormones entirely... 335 00:21:13,499 --> 00:21:14,916 - What? - ...until we can schedule an ultrasound. 336 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,293 Get a clean read. 337 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,170 But that could take months. 338 00:21:18,337 --> 00:21:20,880 I can offer you an antidepressant. 339 00:21:22,174 --> 00:21:23,258 I can't take it! 340 00:21:24,009 --> 00:21:25,010 Can I open 'em? 341 00:21:26,845 --> 00:21:28,847 All righty. Open 'em. 342 00:21:32,184 --> 00:21:33,644 Oh, my God. 343 00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,521 - Good or bad? - Not good. 344 00:21:35,646 --> 00:21:40,192 You look like Hannah Montana. That skirt is... 345 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,361 I thought it was so cute. 346 00:21:43,236 --> 00:21:45,364 That's what happens when I shop for myself. 347 00:21:46,281 --> 00:21:48,200 It's 'cause I never got to be a teenage girl. 348 00:21:48,283 --> 00:21:49,868 And you never will be. 349 00:21:49,993 --> 00:21:52,787 You should be dressing like a classy grown-up lady. 350 00:21:53,497 --> 00:21:54,873 You think I'm classy? 351 00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:58,710 I can't have my husband walking 'round like a $2 hooker. 352 00:21:59,252 --> 00:22:00,629 Let's see. 353 00:22:03,215 --> 00:22:04,508 Ah. 354 00:22:05,008 --> 00:22:07,553 Yeah, this color looks good on you. 355 00:22:08,178 --> 00:22:09,555 Come here. 356 00:22:35,581 --> 00:22:37,790 Can't believe I'm doing this. 357 00:22:38,791 --> 00:22:40,126 You don't have to. 358 00:22:41,253 --> 00:22:42,588 Hmm. 359 00:22:43,213 --> 00:22:44,673 Okay. 360 00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:46,925 That is much better. 361 00:22:47,967 --> 00:22:52,431 I can't zip it, but you get the idea. 362 00:22:56,518 --> 00:23:00,230 Holy shit. I look hot. 363 00:23:08,530 --> 00:23:10,240 Please keep it. 364 00:23:11,116 --> 00:23:12,451 Crystal... 365 00:23:12,534 --> 00:23:15,412 I'm fine with the rest of it. The hair and the makeup. 366 00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:18,123 I'll teach you all of it. You'll be a pro. 367 00:23:21,710 --> 00:23:23,670 Just please keep your penis. 368 00:23:26,047 --> 00:23:27,924 - You know I can't. - For me. 369 00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:34,556 You don't have to stay. 370 00:23:39,144 --> 00:23:40,312 No? 371 00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:44,149 Where would I go? I mean, this is my family. 372 00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:55,952 I got this for you. You can try it on if you want. 373 00:23:56,035 --> 00:23:57,412 I'm 10 pounds up. 374 00:23:57,537 --> 00:24:00,624 Besides, your tits are better than mine. 375 00:24:02,459 --> 00:24:04,002 You're perfect. 376 00:24:04,127 --> 00:24:05,504 Come here. 377 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,940 - You can't leave me alone with my mother. - I know, I know. 378 00:24:26,024 --> 00:24:28,859 I promised your brother I'd help him fix the roof of his trailer. 379 00:24:28,985 --> 00:24:30,570 I need a buffer! 380 00:24:30,696 --> 00:24:32,531 Why can't you just come and visit me 381 00:24:32,614 --> 00:24:34,366 every single waking moment that you're allowed to 382 00:24:34,491 --> 00:24:36,493 and make your life all about me? 383 00:24:36,702 --> 00:24:40,580 Piper, we talked about this, okay? Visits every other week, so I can have a life. 384 00:24:40,706 --> 00:24:42,541 You said that. These are your words. 385 00:24:42,624 --> 00:24:44,042 But I'm an idiot. 386 00:24:44,209 --> 00:24:46,670 Okay, here's the game, 387 00:24:46,753 --> 00:24:48,963 you remember every rude thing she says, all right? 388 00:24:49,047 --> 00:24:50,089 And then next week, 389 00:24:50,215 --> 00:24:53,802 we will rank them in order from kind of crazy 390 00:24:53,884 --> 00:24:56,388 to truly bat-shit bananas. 391 00:24:56,513 --> 00:24:58,765 It'll be fun! Come on, Piper. 392 00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:01,810 I can't cancel. He's living under a tarp. 393 00:25:01,976 --> 00:25:03,353 Jesus. 394 00:25:03,978 --> 00:25:06,690 When is he gonna get his shit together? 395 00:25:06,815 --> 00:25:09,735 I'm not sure that Cal gets the "family fuck-up" title anymore. 396 00:25:13,112 --> 00:25:15,365 You okay, Pipes? 397 00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:18,159 In-house programs start in one hour. 398 00:25:18,284 --> 00:25:19,870 Are those groceries? 399 00:25:20,078 --> 00:25:22,581 Yes. But... 400 00:25:22,706 --> 00:25:24,416 You forgot to bring the bags. 401 00:25:25,751 --> 00:25:30,839 Uh, I did, but I'm gonna eat the bag later, so don't worry. Planet is safe. 402 00:25:31,047 --> 00:25:33,592 Did you go to Whole Foods? What did you get? 403 00:25:33,717 --> 00:25:35,218 A bunch of stuff. 404 00:25:35,385 --> 00:25:41,099 No, no, no. Be specific. Tell me everything. In detail. Just take me away. 405 00:25:42,016 --> 00:25:45,604 Okay, um, I got some crispy snap peas, 406 00:25:45,729 --> 00:25:48,481 I got some cherry juice for my smoothies. 407 00:25:48,607 --> 00:25:50,525 Oh, God, smoothies. 408 00:25:51,443 --> 00:25:54,780 Then some purple kale, Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies. 409 00:25:54,863 --> 00:25:57,532 I can feel them in my mouth. 410 00:25:59,576 --> 00:26:03,622 Then I got, um, you know, those bulk roasted almonds. 411 00:26:03,705 --> 00:26:07,667 You know, with the sugar coating on the top? 412 00:26:07,793 --> 00:26:08,993 Yeah, yeah, the crack almonds. 413 00:26:09,085 --> 00:26:10,545 The crack almonds. 414 00:26:12,213 --> 00:26:16,008 And, uh, well, then I got some heirloom tomatoes. 415 00:26:17,051 --> 00:26:19,471 Last of the season, you know? 416 00:26:19,596 --> 00:26:24,309 Super plump and ripe. Engorged almost. 417 00:26:24,392 --> 00:26:28,354 With some wet, juicy buffalo mozzarella. 418 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,441 And some sweet, sweet-ass organic blueberries. 419 00:26:31,566 --> 00:26:33,151 Mmm. 420 00:26:33,276 --> 00:26:35,821 My cock is hard. And I'm rubbing it against your ass. 421 00:26:35,904 --> 00:26:37,029 What? What? 422 00:26:37,155 --> 00:26:39,574 - What? - Are you trying to have phone sex with me? 423 00:26:39,658 --> 00:26:43,829 I thought that's what we... I'm confused. 424 00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:47,332 There are guards listening. They sit in a bubble and they listen. 425 00:26:47,415 --> 00:26:48,999 I'm sure people do it all the time. 426 00:26:49,918 --> 00:26:51,920 And there's a woman weeping next to me. 427 00:26:53,505 --> 00:26:58,718 Okay. Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then. For the 500th time today. 428 00:26:59,135 --> 00:27:01,346 Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. 429 00:27:01,513 --> 00:27:04,516 No, it's okay. I'm, uh... 430 00:27:04,641 --> 00:27:07,310 I'm reliving my youth. I'm 14 again. 431 00:27:07,477 --> 00:27:09,729 I know. I don't wanna... 432 00:27:09,855 --> 00:27:11,021 I love you. 433 00:27:13,650 --> 00:27:15,234 I love your little boobs. 434 00:27:15,610 --> 00:27:18,028 Oh, my God! 435 00:27:19,029 --> 00:27:20,156 No! 436 00:27:27,163 --> 00:27:30,000 You're not allowed to put stuff on the walls. 437 00:27:30,166 --> 00:27:32,377 Everyone has stuff on their walls. 438 00:27:33,712 --> 00:27:34,880 Officer! 439 00:27:36,589 --> 00:27:37,966 What's going on? 440 00:27:38,048 --> 00:27:40,218 Tell her she gotta take that ugly shit down. 441 00:27:44,723 --> 00:27:45,891 Your kid draw that? 442 00:27:47,559 --> 00:27:48,601 I did. 443 00:27:50,186 --> 00:27:52,022 - Sorry, I didn't mean... - No, it's okay. 444 00:27:52,104 --> 00:27:55,441 I kind of messed it up. My eyes are too small. 445 00:27:56,526 --> 00:27:58,028 No, it's nice. 446 00:27:58,945 --> 00:28:01,155 I mean, it's cool that you can draw, you know? 447 00:28:01,239 --> 00:28:02,490 It's art. 448 00:28:03,742 --> 00:28:06,160 Oh, so you gonna allow that shit? 449 00:28:09,414 --> 00:28:11,207 She can leave it up. 450 00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:15,461 Fine. 451 00:28:15,587 --> 00:28:18,506 Then I'm gonna put my pictures up of Kanye. 452 00:28:19,089 --> 00:28:23,553 - What did you do to your hair? - I had to give it to a transsexual. 453 00:28:23,636 --> 00:28:25,179 For a weave. 454 00:28:26,389 --> 00:28:28,266 Interesting. 455 00:28:28,391 --> 00:28:31,978 Your dad sends his love. He wanted to come, but... 456 00:28:32,102 --> 00:28:34,022 No, I get it. He doesn't wanna see me like this. 457 00:28:34,104 --> 00:28:35,273 Here. 458 00:28:35,398 --> 00:28:37,442 They didn't frisk me at the door. 459 00:28:37,567 --> 00:28:40,028 I mean, this could totally be a fake belly full of drugs. 460 00:28:40,111 --> 00:28:41,613 How would they ever know? 461 00:28:41,738 --> 00:28:45,199 I get strip searched on the way out. Squat and cough. 462 00:28:45,450 --> 00:28:47,243 Oh, Piper, please. 463 00:28:47,326 --> 00:28:50,371 You didn't touch anything in that bathroom, did you? 464 00:28:50,455 --> 00:28:53,332 Everything around here is so sticky. 465 00:28:53,458 --> 00:28:57,087 But the people are much cleaner than I thought they'd be. 466 00:28:58,838 --> 00:29:00,506 How are you feeling, Pol? 467 00:29:01,257 --> 00:29:03,635 Large. Hostile. Nothing new. 468 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:07,388 I am so excited for you. For all of us. 469 00:29:07,472 --> 00:29:09,766 It is so smart to do this now. 470 00:29:09,849 --> 00:29:13,561 I told Piper, it's much harder to conceive when you're in your late 30s. 471 00:29:14,270 --> 00:29:15,313 Thanks, Mom. 472 00:29:15,438 --> 00:29:16,856 Oh, but it's true. 473 00:29:16,982 --> 00:29:19,525 You just don't have a lot of time to waste. 474 00:29:19,651 --> 00:29:24,030 That's exactly what I need right now. A reminder of my ebbing fertility. 475 00:29:27,951 --> 00:29:29,911 I'll go get some snacks. 476 00:29:33,999 --> 00:29:37,418 The whole way up she hummed Édith Piaf songs and ate pistachios. 477 00:29:38,169 --> 00:29:41,464 You owe me. I wanted alone time with you. 478 00:29:42,132 --> 00:29:43,341 I have a wife! 479 00:29:43,508 --> 00:29:45,510 - What? - A prison wife. 480 00:29:45,593 --> 00:29:48,013 Her name is Crazy Eyes and she follows me everywhere. 481 00:29:48,179 --> 00:29:49,639 That really happens? 482 00:29:50,181 --> 00:29:51,474 Jeez. 483 00:29:51,557 --> 00:29:55,186 Are her eyes, like, bulgy or crossed, or is one lid kind of droopy? 484 00:29:55,353 --> 00:29:56,688 - What kind of crazy? - They're just crazy. 485 00:29:56,771 --> 00:29:59,149 They're just full of crazy. It's terrifying. 486 00:29:59,231 --> 00:30:01,776 I'm afraid to tell Larry because I don't want him to worry. 487 00:30:01,860 --> 00:30:04,654 But she's extremely persistent. 488 00:30:04,737 --> 00:30:06,823 She follows me everywhere. 489 00:30:07,198 --> 00:30:08,700 She threw pie for me. 490 00:30:08,867 --> 00:30:10,368 Did she rape you? 491 00:30:10,493 --> 00:30:13,204 - No, she didn't rape me. - Oh. 492 00:30:13,287 --> 00:30:15,289 But she held my hand. 493 00:30:15,665 --> 00:30:17,458 Aw! That's kind of sweet. 494 00:30:17,542 --> 00:30:20,670 I wish Pete would hold my hand. But he says it makes his palms sweat. 495 00:30:20,753 --> 00:30:22,513 And he won't stop laughing in birthing class. 496 00:30:22,547 --> 00:30:24,174 He's like a seventh grader. 497 00:30:24,298 --> 00:30:26,551 I just told you that I have a wife. 498 00:30:26,676 --> 00:30:27,916 I heard you. That really sucks. 499 00:30:28,011 --> 00:30:30,638 But you were supposed to be my wife, Piper, remember? 500 00:30:30,722 --> 00:30:33,892 I'm kind of freaking out that you're not gonna be there. 501 00:30:34,726 --> 00:30:36,061 I know. 502 00:30:36,186 --> 00:30:37,854 I'm sorry. 503 00:30:38,521 --> 00:30:42,150 We just got this crib pad that sets off an alarm if the baby stops breathing. 504 00:30:42,233 --> 00:30:43,776 Which could totally happen. 505 00:30:43,902 --> 00:30:45,070 I mean, that's a thing. 506 00:30:45,153 --> 00:30:47,363 And there's a skinny bitch in my pre-natal yoga, 507 00:30:47,488 --> 00:30:49,240 she's a stick who swallowed a grapefruit. 508 00:30:49,323 --> 00:30:51,659 The other day she asked me if I was having twins. 509 00:30:51,743 --> 00:30:53,745 Ugh, thank God. I'm starving. 510 00:30:53,828 --> 00:30:54,996 Skittles. 511 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:59,458 Did you know that inmates are not allowed to touch money in this place? 512 00:30:59,584 --> 00:31:02,336 The guard just told me. Fascinating. 513 00:31:04,005 --> 00:31:06,549 So what about the Barney's order? Did you find a warehouse? 514 00:31:06,632 --> 00:31:09,260 Oh, I got a couple of sketchy bids. I haven't had time to go look. 515 00:31:09,385 --> 00:31:10,803 Well, that's why we hired Mariana. 516 00:31:10,929 --> 00:31:12,597 I fired her. 517 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,265 She doesn't know how to make a Word document. 518 00:31:14,390 --> 00:31:15,850 And she doesn't shave her pits. 519 00:31:15,934 --> 00:31:18,103 Wait, but why didn't you ask me first? 520 00:31:18,186 --> 00:31:19,395 That's not fair. 521 00:31:20,939 --> 00:31:23,942 Oh, honey, it's not as if we can pick up a phone and call you. 522 00:31:24,025 --> 00:31:25,777 I know it's hard, 523 00:31:25,860 --> 00:31:29,239 but the rest of us have to keep living our lives. 524 00:31:38,957 --> 00:31:40,208 How you doing, Red? 525 00:31:40,291 --> 00:31:41,793 I'm missing half my zucchini. 526 00:31:41,876 --> 00:31:44,879 These girls don't realize I'm here to provide food, not dildos. 527 00:31:45,713 --> 00:31:49,259 I'm all out of cucumbers, carrots, beets. 528 00:31:49,341 --> 00:31:51,803 God knows what they're doing with those. 529 00:31:51,928 --> 00:31:54,430 Can't hang on to anything cock-shaped. 530 00:31:58,059 --> 00:31:59,978 Sorry. Too soon? 531 00:32:00,603 --> 00:32:01,687 A little. 532 00:32:01,813 --> 00:32:03,982 You, I don't understand you. 533 00:32:04,774 --> 00:32:06,442 I got three sons, and let me tell you, 534 00:32:06,525 --> 00:32:08,569 if they tried to do what you did, 535 00:32:08,653 --> 00:32:12,782 I'd chop off their hands before I'd let them get rid of their baby makers. 536 00:32:13,616 --> 00:32:15,827 I already made my baby. 537 00:32:15,952 --> 00:32:18,955 Listen, I need you to get something in. 538 00:32:19,538 --> 00:32:22,333 Talk to Gina. She takes my orders, you know how this goes. 539 00:32:22,500 --> 00:32:25,837 It's something that's hard to get. Estrogen pills or patches. 540 00:32:25,962 --> 00:32:28,006 - I don't do drugs. - It's medication. 541 00:32:28,173 --> 00:32:31,592 I got rules. No drugs. Nothing like that comes through my kitchen. 542 00:32:31,676 --> 00:32:36,055 Besides, even if I wanted to help you, I don't have connections like that. 543 00:32:38,141 --> 00:32:40,768 Here, have a yam. 544 00:32:40,852 --> 00:32:43,271 My mamochka ate those during her menopause. 545 00:32:43,354 --> 00:32:46,858 And I'll get you some soy, but that's the best I can do. 546 00:32:48,860 --> 00:32:50,820 What if I have my own connections? 547 00:32:50,945 --> 00:32:54,699 Do you not hear me, huh? It's not gonna happen. 548 00:32:55,825 --> 00:32:59,037 Listen, sweetheart, there's other channels. 549 00:33:02,248 --> 00:33:06,002 But I really don't think you wanna go down that road. 550 00:33:08,046 --> 00:33:10,589 You wanna go down that road? I say Jordans. 551 00:33:10,715 --> 00:33:13,051 - Those are cool. - Those are gay. 552 00:33:13,218 --> 00:33:14,219 I like the Lebrons. 553 00:33:14,344 --> 00:33:15,970 You want the highs or the lows? 554 00:33:16,095 --> 00:33:17,096 Both. 555 00:33:17,222 --> 00:33:18,264 No. Pick one, baby. 556 00:33:18,389 --> 00:33:21,517 If it were up to me, my man, I'd say the lows. 557 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:22,852 Those Dunkmans are tight. 558 00:33:22,935 --> 00:33:24,729 They're the hottest pair of kicks to drop this year. 559 00:33:24,812 --> 00:33:25,897 How much? 560 00:33:26,022 --> 00:33:27,398 $300. 561 00:33:28,566 --> 00:33:30,068 We'll take 'em, right? 562 00:33:39,618 --> 00:33:42,914 Stand up. Check 'em out. You're gonna love those shoes. 563 00:33:43,039 --> 00:33:44,374 Excuse me, do you have... 564 00:33:44,498 --> 00:33:46,251 Hey, Michael, what are you doing here? 565 00:33:49,003 --> 00:33:50,504 Oh, shit! 566 00:33:50,713 --> 00:33:51,756 Hi, Pat. 567 00:33:52,006 --> 00:33:53,507 Shit... Uh... 568 00:33:54,342 --> 00:33:55,593 Yeah. 569 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,178 I, uh... 570 00:33:57,262 --> 00:33:59,097 Deborah's doing some shopping, so I just thought I'd... 571 00:33:59,222 --> 00:34:02,100 Did you get my letter? I was hoping to hear from you. 572 00:34:02,183 --> 00:34:04,227 Yeah, I was, uh... 573 00:34:05,311 --> 00:34:07,939 I'm sorry. I gotta go. 574 00:34:09,815 --> 00:34:11,609 Take care, Michael. 575 00:34:13,611 --> 00:34:14,987 Nice kicks. 576 00:34:18,116 --> 00:34:20,243 Sometimes it's hard for people. 577 00:34:20,326 --> 00:34:21,619 Michael. 578 00:34:22,287 --> 00:34:23,829 Michael! No! 579 00:34:23,996 --> 00:34:26,749 Sir. Ma'am. You need to pay for those. 580 00:34:29,668 --> 00:34:30,948 Attention, inmates, 581 00:34:30,962 --> 00:34:34,799 the pharmacy window will be closing at 1530 hours. 582 00:34:36,634 --> 00:34:39,137 Hey. You wanted to see me? 583 00:34:39,220 --> 00:34:40,305 Yes, Chapman. 584 00:34:40,388 --> 00:34:43,057 Bravo dorms, assemble for visitation hall. 585 00:34:43,141 --> 00:34:46,477 We do not choose roommates around here. 586 00:34:46,602 --> 00:34:50,564 This type of hanky-panky is against prison regulations. 587 00:34:50,648 --> 00:34:52,984 I warned you about this when you first came in. 588 00:34:53,151 --> 00:34:56,028 I... I don't know what you're talking about. 589 00:34:59,157 --> 00:35:03,995 Warren just informed me that you'd like to be bunked together. 590 00:35:04,996 --> 00:35:06,414 Warren? Who is that? 591 00:35:09,792 --> 00:35:10,835 Crazy Eyes? 592 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:14,213 This is not gonna fly around here. Not on my watch. 593 00:35:14,755 --> 00:35:17,342 Lesbian request denied. 594 00:35:17,925 --> 00:35:20,011 Okay, wait! I had nothing to do with that! 595 00:35:20,136 --> 00:35:22,721 Believe me, the last thing I want is to be anywhere near her. 596 00:35:22,847 --> 00:35:24,682 I've been trying to shake her for days. 597 00:35:24,849 --> 00:35:26,351 This didn't come from you? 598 00:35:26,517 --> 00:35:28,686 No! Absolutely not. 599 00:35:28,769 --> 00:35:31,397 Please don't put me with her. Please. 600 00:35:31,522 --> 00:35:35,234 I would like to stay as far away from that as possible. 601 00:35:35,443 --> 00:35:37,820 I was hoping that that was the case. 602 00:35:39,364 --> 00:35:41,573 She is completely nuts. 603 00:35:41,699 --> 00:35:44,869 No, I know. I've had trouble with her before. 604 00:35:44,994 --> 00:35:47,955 She's what we call a "stud," 605 00:35:48,039 --> 00:35:50,541 which is very confusing for a nice girl like you, 606 00:35:50,708 --> 00:35:53,878 because, let's be honest, she looks like a man. 607 00:35:54,712 --> 00:35:57,382 If it were up to me, I'd take all the butch ones 608 00:35:57,465 --> 00:35:59,300 and I'd put them in a "little boy's wing," 609 00:35:59,384 --> 00:36:02,053 and I'd separate them from the general community. 610 00:36:02,428 --> 00:36:06,724 Ran that up the ladder a couple of times, got no traction at all. 611 00:36:08,393 --> 00:36:09,685 My advice? 612 00:36:11,729 --> 00:36:13,772 Let her down easy. 613 00:36:14,565 --> 00:36:18,944 She's volatile, that one. She was removed from the puppy program. 614 00:36:21,447 --> 00:36:25,451 Lesbians can be very dangerous. 615 00:36:26,660 --> 00:36:28,662 It's the testosterone. 616 00:36:30,581 --> 00:36:34,502 They took my moisturizer, guys. I had to walk through the airport barefoot. 617 00:36:34,793 --> 00:36:38,172 I mean, if Bush fucking wins again, we're all moving to Berlin! 618 00:36:42,885 --> 00:36:45,971 Hey, you, Laura Ingalls Wilder. 619 00:36:47,056 --> 00:36:49,934 We're escaping America before the apocalypse. Wanna come? 620 00:36:50,476 --> 00:36:51,769 Sorry? 621 00:36:51,936 --> 00:36:53,438 What can I get for you? 622 00:36:53,812 --> 00:36:55,565 Oh, hi, I was wondering if you're hiring? 623 00:36:56,774 --> 00:36:58,025 No, I'm sorry. 624 00:36:58,109 --> 00:36:59,444 Well, can I leave this with you? 625 00:36:59,569 --> 00:37:03,155 Honestly, it's just gonna end up in a drawer somewhere, so... 626 00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:05,491 Okay. 627 00:37:05,866 --> 00:37:06,951 Well, 628 00:37:11,289 --> 00:37:12,790 can I have a margarita then? 629 00:37:13,541 --> 00:37:14,708 That I can do for you. 630 00:37:22,758 --> 00:37:25,636 It's a little cold out for a margarita, don't you think? 631 00:37:28,139 --> 00:37:30,015 Let's see this. 632 00:37:31,016 --> 00:37:34,520 Steve's Greek Cuisine? Le Grand Fromage? 633 00:37:34,645 --> 00:37:36,105 Bullshit, bullshit. 634 00:37:36,188 --> 00:37:37,982 You need a lesson in fudging a resume. 635 00:37:38,065 --> 00:37:39,150 Do you work here? 636 00:37:39,275 --> 00:37:40,818 Are you fucking kidding me? 637 00:37:42,403 --> 00:37:44,280 Manager, Polly Harper. 638 00:37:45,573 --> 00:37:47,116 No one named Polly Harper gets put in charge. 639 00:37:47,199 --> 00:37:48,242 Who is that really? 640 00:37:48,326 --> 00:37:49,994 It's my friend. 641 00:37:51,829 --> 00:37:54,332 You've never waited a fucking table in your life, have you? 642 00:37:56,459 --> 00:37:57,668 No. 643 00:37:59,837 --> 00:38:02,173 So, Piper Chapman, 644 00:38:03,508 --> 00:38:08,513 "A Smith grad with excellent listening skills, passionate about making diners feel good." 645 00:38:08,638 --> 00:38:10,681 Mmm. That sounds kind of dirty. 646 00:38:10,764 --> 00:38:12,517 You can put that on my tab. 647 00:38:12,850 --> 00:38:15,603 "Safe, clean, and careful when handling food and drink." 648 00:38:16,895 --> 00:38:18,397 Oh, gosh. 649 00:38:18,523 --> 00:38:20,399 I like that in a woman. 650 00:38:22,734 --> 00:38:24,254 What else do I need to know about you? 651 00:38:26,197 --> 00:38:27,698 Who are you? 652 00:38:28,782 --> 00:38:30,368 My name is Alex. 653 00:38:32,662 --> 00:38:34,664 And what do you do, Alex? 654 00:38:35,706 --> 00:38:38,417 Besides make fun of strangers in bars? 655 00:38:38,543 --> 00:38:41,337 I work for an international drug cartel. 656 00:38:45,216 --> 00:38:47,843 Oh, come on. You telling me you don't get lonely out here 657 00:38:48,386 --> 00:38:50,346 in the middle of nowhere? 658 00:38:50,429 --> 00:38:54,183 No, I'm not into people. I'm more into beans. 659 00:38:54,266 --> 00:38:57,895 Did you see my long beans? They're going off. 660 00:38:57,978 --> 00:38:59,813 And my banjo. 661 00:38:59,897 --> 00:39:03,359 Those are my friends, my beans and my banjo. 662 00:39:03,568 --> 00:39:06,028 And I'm banging this underwater welder. 663 00:39:06,278 --> 00:39:07,446 Wow. 664 00:39:07,572 --> 00:39:09,240 You gotta have hobbies. 665 00:39:10,157 --> 00:39:11,200 What about you? 666 00:39:11,283 --> 00:39:13,744 What's happening with the writing? No gigs? 667 00:39:13,827 --> 00:39:18,123 Been a little distracted. Maybe you heard, my fiancée's in prison. 668 00:39:18,624 --> 00:39:21,835 Hey, when you visit, do you get to, uh... 669 00:39:24,755 --> 00:39:27,049 No, they don't allow conjugals in federal. 670 00:39:27,592 --> 00:39:30,469 - It's a lot of me, myself and I. - Bummer. 671 00:39:30,761 --> 00:39:31,762 Oh. 672 00:39:32,096 --> 00:39:33,431 You gotta try edging, man. 673 00:39:33,598 --> 00:39:34,806 What is that? 674 00:39:35,057 --> 00:39:38,936 It's where you jerk off, okay? 675 00:39:39,061 --> 00:39:41,397 Right to the point of orgasm 676 00:39:43,232 --> 00:39:44,567 and then stop. 677 00:39:45,693 --> 00:39:46,985 And you do this because... 678 00:39:47,111 --> 00:39:50,615 Because your jizz is your power, man. It's spiritual, it keeps your Chi inside. 679 00:39:50,698 --> 00:39:52,617 Especially if you got writer's block. 680 00:39:52,742 --> 00:39:57,455 You gotta walk right up to that line, bro, and not cross it. 681 00:39:57,788 --> 00:39:59,039 And this is something you do? 682 00:39:59,164 --> 00:40:00,124 Yeah. Welder chick taught me. 683 00:40:00,249 --> 00:40:04,712 See, you gotta, um... You gotta grab right underneath your balls, 684 00:40:04,795 --> 00:40:07,005 like, right here, you really gotta get up right up in there. 685 00:40:07,131 --> 00:40:08,173 Okay, yeah. 686 00:40:08,299 --> 00:40:10,008 And it creates, like, a whole body thing. 687 00:40:10,134 --> 00:40:11,761 Kind of like a female orgasm. 688 00:40:11,843 --> 00:40:13,679 You know, most dudes, they don't know what women got, 689 00:40:13,804 --> 00:40:14,846 but trust me, bro, 690 00:40:15,097 --> 00:40:18,309 it is way, way better. 691 00:40:19,310 --> 00:40:21,019 A lot of creative people do it. 692 00:40:22,020 --> 00:40:25,149 In fact, they say that John Lennon wrote Imagine 693 00:40:25,274 --> 00:40:26,984 right at that sweet spot. 694 00:40:34,492 --> 00:40:36,034 Fifteen months. 695 00:40:36,994 --> 00:40:40,581 Whoa. It's a long time to wait. Even if it is for my sister. 696 00:40:40,665 --> 00:40:43,000 How about we don't talk about sex with your sister? 697 00:40:43,125 --> 00:40:44,502 Good point. 698 00:40:47,838 --> 00:40:49,006 Did you see this coming? 699 00:40:49,131 --> 00:40:51,300 With Piper? 700 00:40:51,383 --> 00:40:55,680 No, no, not jail, but something, yeah. 701 00:40:58,140 --> 00:41:01,560 She wants to feel like she's different. 702 00:41:02,269 --> 00:41:05,063 Likes the whole "I'm risky" thing. 703 00:41:06,607 --> 00:41:08,484 My sister's a complicated cat. 704 00:41:10,194 --> 00:41:11,779 So I'm learning. 705 00:41:13,197 --> 00:41:15,366 Not like my parents ever saw it. 706 00:41:15,491 --> 00:41:17,909 Between "Perfect Piper" and "Doctor Danny," 707 00:41:18,035 --> 00:41:20,538 they met their quality parenting quota. 708 00:41:20,621 --> 00:41:24,500 But, like, I was free to smoke a bowl and fuck off for the rest of my life 709 00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:26,711 with nobody ever bothering me. 710 00:41:26,794 --> 00:41:30,381 Now, my mom's talking about coming up here to visit, 711 00:41:30,506 --> 00:41:32,424 putting me in the Christmas letter. 712 00:41:32,550 --> 00:41:35,052 Suddenly I'm "Creative Cal." 713 00:41:35,761 --> 00:41:37,137 It's fucked up. 714 00:41:41,308 --> 00:41:45,187 Piper going to jail might be, like, the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 715 00:41:54,739 --> 00:41:56,866 Oh. Sophia! 716 00:41:56,948 --> 00:41:58,909 I got you a present. 717 00:41:59,034 --> 00:42:01,328 It's powder foundation in medium dark. 718 00:42:01,453 --> 00:42:03,414 I had to guess. I hope it's all right. 719 00:42:03,539 --> 00:42:06,667 Honey, it's perfect. That's real sweet of you. 720 00:42:06,751 --> 00:42:08,085 Thank you. 721 00:42:08,252 --> 00:42:09,795 You're welcome. 722 00:42:14,258 --> 00:42:15,967 I got commissary. 723 00:42:16,093 --> 00:42:17,636 Look whose ship finally came in! 724 00:42:18,262 --> 00:42:19,430 Here. 725 00:42:19,555 --> 00:42:21,766 This is payback for all the stuff you gave me. 726 00:42:22,850 --> 00:42:27,104 And, Nicky, here's your cup. 727 00:42:27,187 --> 00:42:28,272 Hmm. 728 00:42:28,689 --> 00:42:31,942 And, um, Nivea. That's interest. 729 00:42:32,067 --> 00:42:34,111 What else you got, kid? I'll take that face wash. 730 00:42:34,236 --> 00:42:36,280 Don't be a commissary ho, DeMarco. 731 00:42:36,363 --> 00:42:39,784 And these... It's like Christmas! 732 00:42:41,118 --> 00:42:43,245 Yo, P, heads up. You got a visitor. 733 00:42:45,038 --> 00:42:46,624 Hello, baby. 734 00:42:48,375 --> 00:42:49,668 Can I talk to you? 735 00:42:50,795 --> 00:42:52,838 Inmate Peterson, please return to the prison chapel. 736 00:42:57,468 --> 00:42:59,970 Listen, Suzanne. 737 00:43:00,971 --> 00:43:02,222 I, um... 738 00:43:03,014 --> 00:43:04,516 I know that you like me... 739 00:43:04,642 --> 00:43:07,102 I don't just like you, Piper. 740 00:43:07,185 --> 00:43:08,771 I got feelings. 741 00:43:09,730 --> 00:43:12,399 Love feelings. 742 00:43:13,108 --> 00:43:14,985 Yeah, I got that. Um... 743 00:43:16,862 --> 00:43:19,156 You know, maybe I was unclear, 744 00:43:19,281 --> 00:43:22,785 and I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, 745 00:43:25,579 --> 00:43:30,459 but I cannot be your wife. 746 00:43:30,542 --> 00:43:34,004 I've already promised to be someone else's wife. Larry. 747 00:43:34,087 --> 00:43:36,507 Whom I love very much. 748 00:43:36,590 --> 00:43:39,635 And I'm just not interested in anybody else. 749 00:43:39,718 --> 00:43:42,262 This is nothing personal. 750 00:43:42,346 --> 00:43:44,515 But you and I? 751 00:43:46,183 --> 00:43:47,685 Not gonna happen. 752 00:43:51,856 --> 00:43:53,190 I feel you. 753 00:44:00,656 --> 00:44:02,366 Where is he? 754 00:44:02,449 --> 00:44:04,869 He won't come. I tried. 755 00:44:05,703 --> 00:44:08,038 They let him pitch Friday. 756 00:44:08,163 --> 00:44:11,166 This big game against Castle Hill. They won. 757 00:44:11,333 --> 00:44:13,168 That's great. 758 00:44:15,086 --> 00:44:16,630 You look like shit. What's wrong? 759 00:44:18,716 --> 00:44:20,217 They took me off my hormones. 760 00:44:20,300 --> 00:44:21,719 What, why? 761 00:44:21,844 --> 00:44:23,165 They're saying it's liver damage. 762 00:44:23,220 --> 00:44:25,973 It's bullshit. They just don't wanna be liable. 763 00:44:26,097 --> 00:44:28,308 Oh, I'm sorry, baby. 764 00:44:28,517 --> 00:44:29,685 I'm losing my shit, Crystal. 765 00:44:29,768 --> 00:44:34,481 I didn't wanna have to ask you, but I don't know what else to do. 766 00:44:38,986 --> 00:44:41,071 I need you to sneak 'em in. 767 00:44:45,242 --> 00:44:46,577 How? 768 00:44:48,203 --> 00:44:49,538 I don't know. 769 00:44:49,663 --> 00:44:51,415 You want me to shove 'em up my ass? 770 00:44:51,498 --> 00:44:53,250 Take 'em out in the bathroom? Then what? 771 00:44:53,333 --> 00:44:57,421 Put 'em in my mouth so I can kiss you? Have you lost your fucking mind? 772 00:44:57,588 --> 00:44:59,172 It's crazy, I know. 773 00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:01,258 You want me to get locked up, too? Oh, that's perfect. 774 00:45:01,341 --> 00:45:06,013 Yeah, Michael can go live with my mother, who won't speak to me anymore at all. 775 00:45:06,095 --> 00:45:07,765 But you? 776 00:45:07,848 --> 00:45:12,227 Well, you'll have your smooth skin and your lady curves, so it'll all be worth it. 777 00:45:12,436 --> 00:45:15,230 I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. 778 00:45:16,481 --> 00:45:20,694 I'm working two jobs, I'm trying to raise our son. 779 00:45:20,778 --> 00:45:22,379 You know they trying to seize the house? 780 00:45:22,446 --> 00:45:24,239 They can't do that. 781 00:45:24,322 --> 00:45:27,785 I never paid any of our bills with those stolen credit cards. 782 00:45:27,910 --> 00:45:30,454 I can't even show my face in church anymore. 783 00:45:30,537 --> 00:45:31,956 I'm sorry. 784 00:45:32,121 --> 00:45:35,459 How fucking selfish can you be? 785 00:45:35,626 --> 00:45:38,378 Crystal, if they take this away from me, 786 00:45:39,337 --> 00:45:41,506 this will all have been for nothing. 787 00:45:47,888 --> 00:45:50,181 I married a man named Marcus. 788 00:45:52,559 --> 00:45:55,020 I cry for him all the time. 789 00:45:56,981 --> 00:45:59,984 But I stayed and I supported you 790 00:46:00,109 --> 00:46:02,778 because I could see how much pain you were in. 791 00:46:04,153 --> 00:46:05,906 I know it was saving your life. 792 00:46:06,031 --> 00:46:07,449 It was. 793 00:46:07,574 --> 00:46:10,995 I figured better my kid had two moms than a dead dad, right? 794 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:16,458 At least he'd be around, which is more than my father was. 795 00:46:18,376 --> 00:46:22,506 At least he'd be at his baseball games, even if it was in a dress. 796 00:46:25,634 --> 00:46:27,176 So I put up with you becoming a woman, 797 00:46:27,302 --> 00:46:30,055 but I never signed on for a life with a criminal. 798 00:46:31,974 --> 00:46:38,229 I'm gonna get my shit together. I promise. I'm gonna make it up to you. 799 00:46:38,355 --> 00:46:39,815 Oh, you wanna make it up to me? 800 00:46:39,898 --> 00:46:42,067 Do your time. 801 00:46:43,068 --> 00:46:46,780 Get the fuck out of here, so you can be a father to your son. 802 00:46:49,867 --> 00:46:51,368 Man up. 803 00:46:58,333 --> 00:46:59,543 What the fuck is this? 804 00:46:59,626 --> 00:47:01,545 We're reassigning you. Get your things. 805 00:47:01,670 --> 00:47:04,381 You fucking kidding me? 806 00:47:05,507 --> 00:47:06,758 You had me moved? 807 00:47:09,427 --> 00:47:10,888 Who's running this place? 808 00:47:10,971 --> 00:47:12,139 Not you. 809 00:47:12,221 --> 00:47:14,265 Shut your mouth and get your things. 810 00:47:15,851 --> 00:47:17,728 Watch yourself, little girl. 811 00:47:17,853 --> 00:47:19,813 This is not America, 812 00:47:21,065 --> 00:47:22,816 this is The Litch, 813 00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:25,402 and I've been here a long while. 814 00:48:02,647 --> 00:48:07,111 Inmate Stuart, report to inmate work station two. 815 00:48:07,194 --> 00:48:09,113 Officer Roberts, guard detail, central library. 816 00:48:10,279 --> 00:48:14,785 I'm in here at 5:00 just about every day. You don't like it, avoid it. 817 00:48:19,206 --> 00:48:20,665 You named me. 818 00:48:20,791 --> 00:48:23,585 - What? - You didn't have to take me down with you. 819 00:48:23,668 --> 00:48:24,962 Is that what all this is about? 820 00:48:25,087 --> 00:48:27,131 You think I turned you in? 821 00:48:27,256 --> 00:48:29,716 You haven't seen me in five years, 822 00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:32,636 you had no idea what was going on with me. 823 00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:34,763 I am a different person. I was building a life... 824 00:48:34,846 --> 00:48:38,100 Oh, well, hurray for you. It wasn't me, Piper. 825 00:48:38,183 --> 00:48:39,350 Bullshit! 826 00:48:39,476 --> 00:48:41,019 You never ever forgave me for leaving. 827 00:48:41,145 --> 00:48:42,345 Thirteen people were indicted. 828 00:48:42,353 --> 00:48:44,397 You met all of them. We traveled together. 829 00:48:44,481 --> 00:48:45,523 I know it was you. 830 00:48:45,649 --> 00:48:46,817 No, it wasn't! 831 00:48:46,900 --> 00:48:48,944 And fuck you for thinking it was! 832 00:48:49,027 --> 00:48:50,227 Right, what did they give you? 833 00:48:50,319 --> 00:48:52,839 Time off for every innocent person that you threw under the bus? 834 00:48:52,948 --> 00:48:55,826 Innocent? That is fucking hilarious! 835 00:48:56,701 --> 00:48:59,328 You carried that bag. No one had a gun to your head. 836 00:48:59,412 --> 00:49:03,583 Your fiancé might buy this bullshit, but I know you. 837 00:49:05,002 --> 00:49:06,878 I know you. 838 00:49:08,130 --> 00:49:10,882 And there were no complaints when I took you all over the world, 839 00:49:11,008 --> 00:49:12,801 but the second shit got real... 840 00:49:12,884 --> 00:49:14,011 You put me in danger. 841 00:49:14,094 --> 00:49:16,013 You loved it. 842 00:49:18,515 --> 00:49:22,144 You were just this boring little girl from Connecticut, 843 00:49:22,227 --> 00:49:24,353 who wanted to feel special and bad. 844 00:49:24,479 --> 00:49:27,816 - Don't turn this around on me. - I didn't name you. 845 00:49:27,899 --> 00:49:31,862 And, yeah, maybe I never forgave you for leaving, 846 00:49:31,987 --> 00:49:35,199 because you broke my fucking heart. 847 00:49:35,324 --> 00:49:38,327 And maybe I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life, 848 00:49:38,409 --> 00:49:40,537 but I've never lied to you. 849 00:49:41,913 --> 00:49:43,040 Ever. 850 00:49:55,552 --> 00:49:56,761 I'm stuck. 851 00:49:56,887 --> 00:50:00,974 I think my necklace is caught on my shirt or in my hair or maybe both. 852 00:50:03,185 --> 00:50:04,435 So you want me to... 853 00:50:04,561 --> 00:50:06,395 Yeah. Yeah. 854 00:50:07,647 --> 00:50:09,066 Oh, man. 855 00:50:09,191 --> 00:50:11,276 Don't look at my belly. 856 00:50:11,568 --> 00:50:12,903 There. 857 00:50:14,529 --> 00:50:15,947 You're free. 858 00:50:16,614 --> 00:50:18,033 Yeah, right. 859 00:50:30,879 --> 00:50:32,797 - Hello? - Hey, baby, it's me. 860 00:50:33,006 --> 00:50:36,509 Hey! How was the visit with your mom? 861 00:50:36,718 --> 00:50:39,012 Listen, Larry, I need you to do something for me, 862 00:50:39,096 --> 00:50:40,097 and I don't wanna talk about it. 863 00:50:40,180 --> 00:50:43,225 I need you to find out if Alex Vause named me at her trial. 864 00:50:43,432 --> 00:50:47,478 But wait, my dad said the testimony was sealed. 865 00:50:47,604 --> 00:50:49,064 Why the sudden interest? 866 00:50:49,147 --> 00:50:53,318 I don't know. It's just eating at me. I got a lot of time on my hands. 867 00:50:53,442 --> 00:50:56,863 Please, Larry. There's got to be a way. Will you talk to him? 868 00:50:56,947 --> 00:51:00,742 Her name is Alex Vause. V-A-U-S-E. 869 00:51:01,618 --> 00:51:03,452 This is really important to me. 870 00:51:03,536 --> 00:51:05,163 Yeah, okay. But, um... 871 00:51:05,330 --> 00:51:06,664 And I don't wanna talk about it. 872 00:51:09,418 --> 00:51:12,045 And my mother told me that my eggs are getting old. 873 00:51:16,465 --> 00:51:19,386 Chapman! Get your things together. You're moving down to B dorm. 874 00:51:19,468 --> 00:51:21,179 Cube 18! 875 00:51:21,305 --> 00:51:22,639 That's the ghetto. 876 00:51:23,598 --> 00:51:24,724 What? 877 00:51:25,934 --> 00:51:27,436 They got you in the ghetto. 878 00:51:27,518 --> 00:51:30,314 Good luck, Chapman. You're gonna need it. 879 00:52:16,985 --> 00:52:19,946 That's your bed. These are your hooks. 880 00:52:20,864 --> 00:52:25,202 I am nobody's cleaning lady and I make honor cube every week, 881 00:52:25,285 --> 00:52:27,536 so you do your part and then some. 882 00:52:27,662 --> 00:52:30,248 My floor's my pride, 883 00:52:30,374 --> 00:52:33,918 so no shoes, leave them off before you step in. 884 00:52:34,127 --> 00:52:37,130 And I see that nonsense go down in the cafeteria. 885 00:52:37,214 --> 00:52:38,923 I don't care if you're gay or what, 886 00:52:39,049 --> 00:52:42,469 but you bring any drama in here and we'll have trouble. 887 00:52:42,551 --> 00:52:45,889 I don't tolerate foolishness in my bunk. Understand? 888 00:52:55,857 --> 00:52:59,486 The following inmates have prescriptions waiting in the infirmary... 889 00:53:12,707 --> 00:53:14,459 - You have the right to remain silent. - I don't understand! 890 00:53:14,583 --> 00:53:16,336 - What's happening? - Anything you say or do 891 00:53:16,420 --> 00:53:17,795 can and will be held against you in a court of law. 892 00:53:17,921 --> 00:53:19,423 - You have the right to an attorney. - What did you do? 893 00:53:19,548 --> 00:53:22,068 If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. 894 00:53:22,092 --> 00:53:24,593 Do you understand these rights as I just read 'em to you? 895 00:53:26,930 --> 00:53:28,098 Yes. 896 00:53:28,265 --> 00:53:30,975 With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me? 897 00:53:36,898 --> 00:53:38,108 No. 898 00:53:42,529 --> 00:53:46,657 Officer Williams, inmate services, station 2365. 899 00:53:46,783 --> 00:53:48,452 Hey, Burset! 900 00:53:58,878 --> 00:54:01,756 I heard you've been looking for something. 901 00:54:02,673 --> 00:54:04,801 Change your mind about that Egg McMuffin? 902 00:54:06,928 --> 00:54:09,139 You've got the wrong girl.