1
00:01:03,233 --> 00:01:13,507
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:01:23,268 --> 00:01:26,145
A colleague of mine e-mailed
that to me this morning.
3
00:01:26,271 --> 00:01:29,775
Apparently it was posted
on PrisonPoon.com,
4
00:01:29,858 --> 00:01:31,944
labeled as
"Litchfield Poonanny."
5
00:01:32,151 --> 00:01:36,406
Does your colleague often
browse PrisonPoon.com?
6
00:01:36,489 --> 00:01:38,784
I would like to solve
this problem
7
00:01:38,909 --> 00:01:40,953
before the warden
finds out about it, Joe.
8
00:01:41,078 --> 00:01:42,838
Neither of us wants to
see what happens if he,
9
00:01:42,871 --> 00:01:45,206
or, God forbid, the press,
get a hold of this.
10
00:01:45,331 --> 00:01:51,212
Forgive me for questioning the no doubt
pristine reputation of Prison Poon,
11
00:01:51,296 --> 00:01:54,466
but how do we know for sure
it came out of here?
12
00:01:54,633 --> 00:01:56,217
Notice the tile?
13
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,679
Either one of your inmates has a cell phone...
There's no way.
14
00:01:59,805 --> 00:02:02,432
My guys tore the bunks apart
looking for the screwdriver.
15
00:02:02,515 --> 00:02:05,811
Then it's a CO. And he's taking
beaver shots of inmates.
16
00:02:05,936 --> 00:02:07,270
So much better.
17
00:02:07,353 --> 00:02:10,315
The warden'll love that almost as
much as he loves a dick in the ass.
18
00:02:11,483 --> 00:02:13,944
Well, what the warden does
with his free time...
19
00:02:17,864 --> 00:02:20,826
I will get to the bottom
of this, ma'am.
20
00:02:20,909 --> 00:02:21,910
I hope so.
21
00:02:21,994 --> 00:02:25,622
It is so depressing dealing with
a man who makes less than 40 K.
22
00:02:25,705 --> 00:02:29,001
I was really hoping to get
you above that this year.
23
00:02:35,214 --> 00:02:36,424
Christ.
24
00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:40,428
Freckle guy in Admin
is really into Photoshop.
25
00:02:41,346 --> 00:02:42,514
Useful.
26
00:02:43,682 --> 00:02:45,017
Are you back on carbs?
27
00:02:45,142 --> 00:02:49,395
My gut's all fucked up from my cheat
day, so I'm sticking to soft foods.
28
00:02:49,938 --> 00:02:52,065
Got some Go-Gurt
in the fridge for lunch.
29
00:02:52,524 --> 00:02:54,693
Watermelon Meltdown
flavor, so...
30
00:02:57,154 --> 00:02:58,738
Fig's on the warpath.
31
00:02:58,864 --> 00:03:01,198
Might want to hide out
in your office today.
32
00:03:05,370 --> 00:03:07,039
Between
the Baptists and the addicts,
33
00:03:07,164 --> 00:03:10,834
I can't find a peaceful place to
meditate on love and acceptance,
34
00:03:10,917 --> 00:03:13,378
which my Buddhist
faith requires.
35
00:03:13,503 --> 00:03:14,546
Mr. Healy,
36
00:03:14,671 --> 00:03:17,423
we're having a real hard
time praising the Lord
37
00:03:17,549 --> 00:03:19,718
in front of all these
heathens and sinners.
38
00:03:19,843 --> 00:03:22,054
We need our chapel.
It's our God-given right.
39
00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:25,682
Hey, Mr. Healy, would you
take a look at this?
40
00:03:25,849 --> 00:03:27,642
I think it might be the flu.
41
00:03:41,406 --> 00:03:45,911
Mr. Healy, them cracker meth-head bitches
won't let us change the channel.
42
00:03:45,994 --> 00:03:50,289
And it's our turn! I can't watch
no more Toddlers and Tiaras.
43
00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:54,086
Don't you triviatize.
This shit is serious.
44
00:03:54,211 --> 00:03:56,421
I won't support the
sexuation of baby girls.
45
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,256
That's some nasty shit,
46
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,051
even if some of they sequin
dresses do be on point.
47
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,764
You into some dirty
shit, Mr. Healy?
48
00:04:07,265 --> 00:04:10,435
Fine! You have control of the
TV schedule from now on.
49
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:11,978
I'll get you a remote.
50
00:04:12,311 --> 00:04:13,939
Now, don't bother me
for 24 hours.
51
00:04:14,022 --> 00:04:15,941
No, no, no.
Make it 48 hours.
52
00:04:16,441 --> 00:04:17,776
Yes, sir!
53
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:23,055
...could do it. She's
been taking tap since she was 3.
54
00:04:23,115 --> 00:04:26,785
Planet Earth 24/7, bitches!
55
00:04:28,912 --> 00:04:29,913
Uh!
56
00:04:33,332 --> 00:04:34,333
In this climate...
57
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,878
Huh, is that how you wear
your hair these days?
58
00:04:36,962 --> 00:04:38,964
Oh, really, Mom?
Every time?
59
00:04:39,047 --> 00:04:40,257
Don't be mopey.
60
00:04:40,339 --> 00:04:42,801
Polly had the most darling
French braid yesterday.
61
00:04:42,884 --> 00:04:43,927
You saw Polly?
62
00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:46,512
Yes. I dropped by
with a baby present.
63
00:04:46,638 --> 00:04:48,807
She told me about your
little chicken incident.
64
00:04:48,932 --> 00:04:49,972
Is that what she called it?
65
00:04:50,016 --> 00:04:53,270
It's none of my business, but I
think you owe her an apology.
66
00:04:53,352 --> 00:04:55,480
I have been trying
to apologize!
67
00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:56,815
Keep it down, Chapman!
68
00:04:58,650 --> 00:04:59,651
Oh, my.
69
00:05:01,527 --> 00:05:05,073
I have been calling her. A lot.
But she won't answer the phone.
70
00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:11,496
I need you to be
very honest with me.
71
00:05:13,165 --> 00:05:14,373
Are you losing it in here?
72
00:05:14,499 --> 00:05:18,920
Because we're very worried about you.
There are medications.
73
00:05:19,129 --> 00:05:20,713
I am not going crazy.
74
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,674
I am surrounded by crazy,
75
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:26,594
and I am trying to climb
Everest in flip-flops,
76
00:05:26,678 --> 00:05:29,014
but I am not going crazy, okay?
77
00:05:29,555 --> 00:05:32,433
Honey, nobody would blame you.
Look at this place.
78
00:05:32,892 --> 00:05:34,351
You're incarcerated.
79
00:05:36,062 --> 00:05:40,192
God only knows the emotional toll it
must take to be in here with that woman.
80
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:42,902
She is the least
of my problems.
81
00:05:43,028 --> 00:05:45,404
She's your entire
problem, Piper.
82
00:05:45,864 --> 00:05:48,783
You'd be home trying on wedding
dresses, growing your business,
83
00:05:48,867 --> 00:05:52,662
giving me grandchildren,
if it weren't for her.
84
00:05:53,205 --> 00:05:55,290
She stole all that from you.
85
00:05:55,372 --> 00:05:56,457
Mom.
86
00:05:56,541 --> 00:05:57,709
Yes.
87
00:05:57,834 --> 00:05:59,544
I need you to hear
what I'm gonna say.
88
00:05:59,669 --> 00:06:01,378
I need you to really hear it.
89
00:06:04,381 --> 00:06:06,134
I am in here
90
00:06:07,052 --> 00:06:11,014
because I am no different
from anybody else in here.
91
00:06:13,599 --> 00:06:15,352
I made bad choices.
92
00:06:16,269 --> 00:06:18,395
I committed a crime.
93
00:06:18,521 --> 00:06:21,566
And being in here
is no one's fault
94
00:06:23,109 --> 00:06:24,277
but my own.
95
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,572
Honey, if that lawyer
had done...
96
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:28,865
Howard.
97
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,745
Larry's father's name
is Howard.
98
00:06:35,372 --> 00:06:39,125
You never would have ended up
in here if you'd gone to trial.
99
00:06:42,419 --> 00:06:45,464
Sweetheart, you're nothing
like any of these women.
100
00:06:46,423 --> 00:06:49,761
Any jury worth its salt
would have seen that.
101
00:06:51,304 --> 00:06:54,599
Darling, you were a debutante.
102
00:07:31,261 --> 00:07:33,138
Visiting hours
will be over at noon.
103
00:07:33,263 --> 00:07:37,350
You may return at 2:00 p.m. for
the afternoon and evening hour.
104
00:07:40,186 --> 00:07:41,938
You look like her.
105
00:07:42,397 --> 00:07:43,481
That's what I'm told.
106
00:07:43,606 --> 00:07:44,816
You don't think so?
107
00:07:45,524 --> 00:07:48,320
I prefer to be in denial
about the shared genetics.
108
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:51,448
You are in denial about
a lot of things, blondie.
109
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,200
I'm a WASP.
That's what we do.
110
00:07:56,535 --> 00:07:58,830
I'm working on it. Are you
waiting for somebody?
111
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:02,250
Nah. Wouldn't want to ruin
my four-month dry spell.
112
00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:05,086
Yeah, well, after that visit,
113
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:06,671
that's starting
to sound appealing.
114
00:08:06,963 --> 00:08:10,508
Look, don't say ungrateful
crap like that around here.
115
00:08:10,633 --> 00:08:13,594
Your mother shows up,
buys you pretzels. Poor you.
116
00:08:13,678 --> 00:08:15,305
We all have our shit, Nicky.
117
00:08:15,388 --> 00:08:19,184
Yeah, some shit stinks worse
than other shit, princess.
118
00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:21,186
You don't know
how my shit smells.
119
00:08:21,311 --> 00:08:22,479
Sure I do.
120
00:08:24,981 --> 00:08:27,192
Your shit smells like Shalimar.
121
00:08:27,317 --> 00:08:29,444
Must have rubbed off
when she hugged you goodbye.
122
00:08:29,527 --> 00:08:31,363
What a bitch.
123
00:08:48,046 --> 00:08:51,383
Nicole! It's time
to wake up.
124
00:08:53,718 --> 00:08:54,802
Mom?
125
00:08:58,931 --> 00:09:01,142
Bacterial infection
in your heart.
126
00:09:01,226 --> 00:09:03,478
Usually introduced
from a dirty needle.
127
00:09:03,561 --> 00:09:05,897
They also found traces
of cocaine in your blood,
128
00:09:06,022 --> 00:09:08,358
which is a fun
new choice for you.
129
00:09:08,733 --> 00:09:10,318
I had pneumonia.
130
00:09:10,402 --> 00:09:12,028
It must've spread or something.
131
00:09:14,906 --> 00:09:16,408
Seriously, I'm clean.
132
00:09:16,491 --> 00:09:19,118
Ironically enough, you are now.
133
00:09:19,244 --> 00:09:21,579
You had several blood
transfusions during the surgery.
134
00:09:29,254 --> 00:09:32,131
Must have been a pretty
bad case of pneumonia.
135
00:09:36,469 --> 00:09:38,304
What, you gotta call Paolo?
136
00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:40,470
Make sure he's surviving
without your tit to suck on?
137
00:09:40,557 --> 00:09:42,392
You are 26 years old.
138
00:09:42,475 --> 00:09:45,437
Isn't it time you gave up
this angry, I-hate-Mom phase?
139
00:09:45,603 --> 00:09:47,230
Holy shit!
140
00:09:47,772 --> 00:09:49,482
Oh, you're my mom!
141
00:09:49,607 --> 00:09:52,248
See, I could have sworn it was that
brown woman who made me pancakes
142
00:09:52,318 --> 00:09:53,758
and read me
Charlotte's Web at night.
143
00:09:53,819 --> 00:09:55,947
I did what was good for you.
144
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,657
Living with a nanny while you lived in
a separate apartment with that prick
145
00:09:58,783 --> 00:10:01,660
who thought children carried germs?
That's for my own good?
146
00:10:01,786 --> 00:10:05,081
I think if you take a second and
look at our current situation,
147
00:10:05,164 --> 00:10:06,332
you might reconsider.
148
00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:09,252
Do you know what? Keep blaming
everyone but yourself, Nicole.
149
00:10:09,335 --> 00:10:11,796
Seems to be working out
really well for you so far.
150
00:10:11,921 --> 00:10:14,466
I always miss you
until you're here.
151
00:10:15,967 --> 00:10:20,221
Then I realize the mom I miss must've
been someone I invented when I was a kid.
152
00:10:21,222 --> 00:10:23,141
I don't know what more
you want from me.
153
00:10:24,016 --> 00:10:26,894
I want you to do things
mothers do.
154
00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:32,484
I don't know, hold me,
give me sips of water.
155
00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:35,653
Anything.
156
00:10:37,363 --> 00:10:39,491
They told me
you were gonna die.
157
00:10:41,242 --> 00:10:42,785
I'm done, okay?
158
00:10:44,036 --> 00:10:45,330
I'll stay clean.
159
00:10:56,174 --> 00:10:57,550
Hey, Ma.
Mmm-hmm?
160
00:10:57,842 --> 00:10:58,843
What that...
161
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,470
Fucking slut.
162
00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:01,846
Aleida, it's not worth it.
163
00:11:02,138 --> 00:11:03,222
Aleida! Aleida!
164
00:11:03,348 --> 00:11:04,516
Fucking bitch!
165
00:11:06,892 --> 00:11:08,394
Yo, respect your mother.
166
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,480
Why? She never acted
like no mom.
167
00:11:10,563 --> 00:11:12,982
You okay?
Shit.
168
00:11:19,905 --> 00:11:23,034
Baby watch, day 232.
169
00:11:23,159 --> 00:11:26,871
Painting the nursery. Mimosa
yellow, non-toxic, obvs.
170
00:11:27,038 --> 00:11:29,332
Leave a message, but it might take
me a while to get back to you,
171
00:11:29,415 --> 00:11:32,751
because, you know, I'm preparing
to bring forth new life.
172
00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:39,884
I got nothin'.
173
00:11:40,885 --> 00:11:44,721
And you have no knowledge of anyone
taking his or her cell phone
174
00:11:44,847 --> 00:11:49,561
out of his or her locker
during his or her shift?
175
00:11:49,894 --> 00:11:53,231
If I were you, I'd ask Mendez.
He looks guilty.
176
00:11:53,314 --> 00:11:54,982
It's probably the mustache.
177
00:11:55,066 --> 00:11:57,235
You ever notice
how guys with mustaches
178
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,154
always look like they
just fingered a little girl?
179
00:12:02,073 --> 00:12:03,782
How about a camera?
180
00:12:04,409 --> 00:12:07,412
You see anyone with a camera?
181
00:12:13,418 --> 00:12:14,711
Nope.
182
00:12:15,628 --> 00:12:18,923
You have not observed
183
00:12:20,049 --> 00:12:22,759
or participated in any
184
00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:27,265
inappropriate activity
185
00:12:28,474 --> 00:12:32,019
or relation with an inmate?
186
00:12:33,438 --> 00:12:35,607
No, sir. It's...
187
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,988
Because, in here, inappropriate
188
00:12:44,115 --> 00:12:45,700
can mean a smile
189
00:12:46,284 --> 00:12:48,453
at the wrong time, Bennett.
190
00:12:49,287 --> 00:12:54,667
These women are hungry,
if you get my meaning.
191
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,420
Yes, sir.
192
00:12:57,629 --> 00:13:00,298
They want sex, is what I mean.
193
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,425
Understood, sir.
194
00:13:03,426 --> 00:13:06,178
Good. We're done here.
We're done.
195
00:13:13,311 --> 00:13:14,562
Mr. Caputo?
196
00:13:15,563 --> 00:13:18,691
Come in.
Susan, have a seat.
197
00:13:19,816 --> 00:13:23,780
Congratulations on becoming a
Litchfield correctional officer.
198
00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:26,491
We really appreciate
you coming in so soon.
199
00:13:27,116 --> 00:13:29,285
CO Thompson came...
200
00:13:30,077 --> 00:13:31,870
This is confidential,
of course.
201
00:13:31,996 --> 00:13:33,498
Well, he came a little undone
202
00:13:33,623 --> 00:13:39,587
and is currently on
temporary/permanent leave.
203
00:13:40,171 --> 00:13:44,175
The inmate will have to wear
an eye patch for a few weeks.
204
00:13:44,676 --> 00:13:47,136
Well, I'll be sure to keep my
hands to myself, sir.
205
00:13:47,219 --> 00:13:50,139
Except during strip searches, I hope.
Right?
206
00:13:53,685 --> 00:13:59,691
Anyway, I just wanted to personally
make sure you're settling in okay
207
00:13:59,774 --> 00:14:06,405
and bring you up to speed
on our current crisis.
208
00:14:18,209 --> 00:14:19,377
Why'd you change the station?
209
00:14:19,544 --> 00:14:22,046
That reggaeton shit
gives me a headache.
210
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,215
It's the same thing
over and over.
211
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:26,300
How come none of these
stations play The Smiths?
212
00:14:26,384 --> 00:14:27,885
'Cause it's pussy music.
213
00:14:28,010 --> 00:14:31,597
How Soon Is Now? is,
like, an '80s anthem.
214
00:14:31,723 --> 00:14:33,224
Bitch, you were born in '92.
215
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,434
So? So you don't know shit.
216
00:14:36,268 --> 00:14:39,480
The shark makes its move,
moving directly to the seal.
217
00:14:41,691 --> 00:14:42,983
Oh, fuck this!
218
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:47,488
That's it. Ina Garten is making
brown butter cake today.
219
00:14:47,613 --> 00:14:49,281
Don't fuck with my
cooking shows. T!
220
00:14:49,407 --> 00:14:50,991
It don't matter
what you wanna watch.
221
00:14:51,075 --> 00:14:55,246
I'm president of the TV, and you
can't do nothing about it, Pussy.
222
00:14:55,413 --> 00:14:59,041
My name is Poussey.
Accent a droite, bitch.
223
00:14:59,751 --> 00:15:00,793
Accent a what?
224
00:15:00,918 --> 00:15:02,002
It's French.
225
00:15:02,086 --> 00:15:04,338
Poussey is a place in France
where my daddy served,
226
00:15:04,422 --> 00:15:05,923
and kings was born and shit.
227
00:15:06,048 --> 00:15:07,208
What the fuck you named after?
228
00:15:07,216 --> 00:15:08,676
Some bullshit cakes
with cream in the middle?
229
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,261
You callin' me a Ho Ho?
230
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:13,389
It's Hostess, you dumbass.
Man, you a fuckin' Swiss roll.
231
00:15:16,684 --> 00:15:18,060
Norma, will you go?
232
00:15:18,143 --> 00:15:19,520
What, are you blind now, too?
233
00:15:19,604 --> 00:15:22,273
If you put the "S"
on the end of "knife,"
234
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:23,941
you can make "slut" going down.
235
00:15:24,066 --> 00:15:25,109
Fifteen points ain't bad.
236
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,193
No cheating!
237
00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:27,737
Oh, I'm just helping her.
238
00:15:28,279 --> 00:15:31,449
The plural of "knife"
is "knives," genius.
239
00:15:32,283 --> 00:15:33,785
No such fucking
word as "knifes."
240
00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:35,286
Oh, no?
241
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:38,372
Well, then what does Tony do to
Bernardo in West Side Story?
242
00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:41,208
I'll tell you what.
He knifes him.
243
00:15:41,292 --> 00:15:44,712
Well, aren't you
the plot spoiler?
244
00:15:44,796 --> 00:15:46,213
So, here's a good idea.
245
00:15:46,297 --> 00:15:48,173
Why don't you mind
your own fucking business
246
00:15:48,299 --> 00:15:51,636
and go back to planning your cute
little hetero wedding?
247
00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:55,055
Hey! Are you gonna get
your dress off of eBay?
248
00:15:55,139 --> 00:15:58,392
I sure hope nobody scams you.
That'd be fucking ironic.
249
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,730
Don't you dare!
250
00:16:02,814 --> 00:16:04,334
You are way too fucking
short for that!
251
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,859
Sit down, Boo! I am serious!
252
00:16:07,652 --> 00:16:08,986
Hey.
253
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,154
Hey!
254
00:16:11,823 --> 00:16:16,828
You ladies need to start
acting like ladies.
255
00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:19,610
Now, what's the
problem in here?
256
00:16:23,835 --> 00:16:25,169
Ladies!
257
00:16:25,962 --> 00:16:27,338
Ladies!
258
00:16:29,632 --> 00:16:32,176
I'm gonna bring back
the Women's Advisory Council.
259
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:34,637
The first election
will be held this Saturday.
260
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,515
In the meantime,
don't bother me
261
00:16:37,765 --> 00:16:39,183
and simmer down,
262
00:16:40,225 --> 00:16:41,352
okay?
263
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,312
All kitchen
inmate duties...
264
00:16:43,562 --> 00:16:44,689
Thank you.
265
00:16:47,191 --> 00:16:50,402
Oh, it's on. Who's gonna
be duchess of WAC?
266
00:16:50,528 --> 00:16:51,863
Taystee!
267
00:16:51,946 --> 00:16:54,198
♪ Taystee ♪
268
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,542
So, I'm thinking campaign
buttons instead of posters,
269
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:07,545
'cause everyone
will be doing posters.
270
00:17:07,628 --> 00:17:11,382
We can stick 'em on with tape. What
do you think about yellow and pink?
271
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:12,508
They're my wedding colors.
272
00:17:12,591 --> 00:17:14,802
It's just a real
pretty combination.
273
00:17:14,886 --> 00:17:18,222
But I don't wanna tell Christopher,
'cause I don't want him to get jealous.
274
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,725
'Course not. You wouldn't want him
to think you liked pink in prison,
275
00:17:20,808 --> 00:17:21,809
right, Morello?
276
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,223
Still can't believe you're
running for this lame shit.
277
00:17:25,229 --> 00:17:26,647
Red told me to.
I'm her pick.
278
00:17:26,731 --> 00:17:28,315
You want me to say no to her?
279
00:17:28,774 --> 00:17:30,234
She picked you?
280
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,277
Yeah. You got
a problem with that?
281
00:17:32,403 --> 00:17:34,843
I just think it would have been
smarter for her to pick a dyke.
282
00:17:34,864 --> 00:17:36,281
A real dyke.
283
00:17:36,407 --> 00:17:39,702
Yeah, Nicky. Last time I
checked, Lorna was pretty gay.
284
00:17:39,785 --> 00:17:41,746
Gay for you,
as a matter of fact.
285
00:17:41,829 --> 00:17:44,415
Oh, you didn't hear?
We're done.
286
00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:47,084
Well, she's gotta start working
on tightening her pussy muscles,
287
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:50,295
'cause her fiance's dick is so small,
it's like a hot dog in a hallway, so...
288
00:17:50,421 --> 00:17:51,422
Wow.
289
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,050
All right, ladies! Taystee! Taystee!
What's happening?
290
00:17:54,132 --> 00:17:56,552
So, who are you running
against besides Taystee?
291
00:17:56,635 --> 00:17:59,680
She don't count. Black ladies just
run against the other black ladies.
292
00:17:59,764 --> 00:18:01,557
My competition is Pennsatucky.
293
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,894
But it don't matter, because Red's gonna
make all the white girls vote for me.
294
00:18:04,977 --> 00:18:07,563
So, you only run against
white people. Hmm.
295
00:18:07,646 --> 00:18:09,774
You can only vote within
your race or your group.
296
00:18:09,899 --> 00:18:11,067
Look, just pretend
it's the 1950s.
297
00:18:11,149 --> 00:18:12,276
It makes it easier
to understand.
298
00:18:12,401 --> 00:18:15,905
See, everyone elects a
representative from their own tribe.
299
00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:21,619
White, black, Hispanic,
golden girls, others.
300
00:18:21,744 --> 00:18:24,288
And those five gals,
they meet with Healy,
301
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,748
they tell him what we want,
302
00:18:25,831 --> 00:18:29,126
then he speaks to the higher-ups.
It's like student council.
303
00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:31,462
But how is that
an effective system?
304
00:18:31,587 --> 00:18:33,756
Not every Hispanic person
wants the same thing.
305
00:18:33,839 --> 00:18:36,550
Oh, sure they do. They all
want to come to America.
306
00:18:36,634 --> 00:18:39,303
Jesus, your entire world view is
based on West Side Story, isn't it?
307
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,264
Can we get back to Lorna being racist?
Just more of that, please.
308
00:18:42,681 --> 00:18:44,934
But...
Okay, fine.
309
00:18:45,017 --> 00:18:47,770
See, I know because my
neighborhood is near them.
310
00:18:47,853 --> 00:18:50,439
They live, like, 20
people to one apartment.
311
00:18:50,522 --> 00:18:51,816
They have more kids
than even the Irish.
312
00:18:51,941 --> 00:18:54,068
The men like their women
with big titties, big asses.
313
00:18:54,151 --> 00:18:56,271
They're dirty, they're greasy,
their food smells nasty
314
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,114
and they're taking
all our jobs.
315
00:18:58,196 --> 00:19:01,575
If y'all want a man representing
you, be my fucking guest.
316
00:19:01,659 --> 00:19:04,536
That bitch got a plastic
pussy or some shit.
317
00:19:04,662 --> 00:19:06,371
You wanna see it?
318
00:19:06,497 --> 00:19:08,958
Please! You flash that shit
like it's made out of diamonds.
319
00:19:09,041 --> 00:19:11,481
I done seen it about 10 times already today.
320
00:19:11,502 --> 00:19:14,672
Listen, honey, I know all you care about
is what you get to watch on the TV,
321
00:19:14,797 --> 00:19:16,090
but me and my
diamond kitty here
322
00:19:16,173 --> 00:19:19,135
wanna prioritize things
around this place,
323
00:19:19,217 --> 00:19:21,470
like health care,
basic human rights...
324
00:19:21,553 --> 00:19:24,098
You ain't never gonna
change that shit.
325
00:19:24,181 --> 00:19:26,600
You think
this white people politics?
326
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,021
Let's talk about
health care, Mackenzie.
327
00:19:30,104 --> 00:19:32,857
Oh, Amanda, I'd rather not.
It's not polite.
328
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,900
Well, did you see that
wonderful new documentary
329
00:19:35,026 --> 00:19:36,610
about the best sushi
in the world?
330
00:19:36,694 --> 00:19:40,489
Of course, now that I'm vegan, I didn't
enjoy it as much as I might have before.
331
00:19:40,572 --> 00:19:42,533
You know, I just
don't have the time.
332
00:19:42,658 --> 00:19:46,537
Chad and I have our yoga workshop,
then wine tasting class.
333
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:51,375
And then we have to have really
quiet sex every night at 9:00.
334
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:54,712
But did you hear that piece
on NPR about hedge funds?
335
00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:58,716
Amanda, let me ask you, what do you
think about my bangs these days?
336
00:19:58,799 --> 00:19:59,925
I mean, do you
like 'em straight down,
337
00:20:00,051 --> 00:20:02,053
or should I be doing more
of a sweep to the side?
338
00:20:02,136 --> 00:20:03,554
Sweep to the side.
339
00:20:05,514 --> 00:20:06,640
Yo, you gotta...
340
00:20:06,724 --> 00:20:09,894
If you want more pizza,
vote for Maritza.
341
00:20:10,019 --> 00:20:11,478
That shit is horrible.
342
00:20:11,979 --> 00:20:15,024
I like pizza.
Everyone likes pizza.
343
00:20:15,107 --> 00:20:16,274
What? It's
American and shit.
344
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,152
It's Italian,
you fucking idiot.
345
00:20:18,235 --> 00:20:19,570
What, you got something better?
346
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:21,572
Yeah. I'm gonna run.
347
00:20:21,697 --> 00:20:24,742
Oh, shit. It's on.
Wow, fancy!
348
00:20:24,867 --> 00:20:28,162
What, "Vote for Flaca,
puta's full of caca"?
349
00:20:28,245 --> 00:20:30,748
All right!
Okay!
350
00:20:32,624 --> 00:20:34,752
Shit. It don't matter
who wins, all right?
351
00:20:34,835 --> 00:20:36,545
Just as long
as you handle our shit.
352
00:20:37,254 --> 00:20:39,882
Please. I can out-shout
any of these bitches.
353
00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,258
Are you sure?
354
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:42,718
Oh!
355
00:20:43,094 --> 00:20:45,345
All of you who think we don't have
any sisters, we're black people...
356
00:20:45,429 --> 00:20:47,264
Did you know they can't float?
357
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,557
What the hell
are you talking about?
358
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:49,641
It's true!
359
00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:51,435
Like in the swimming
pool and shit.
360
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,604
Their bone density
ain't right for it.
361
00:20:55,189 --> 00:20:56,982
Yo, my uncle told me.
362
00:20:58,025 --> 00:21:00,194
Yo, that shit is
crazy, Flaca-ca.
363
00:21:00,736 --> 00:21:02,196
They're smelly,
stupid and lazy,
364
00:21:02,279 --> 00:21:03,948
but they ain't got
different bones.
365
00:21:04,073 --> 00:21:07,659
Except in their pants. Yo, let
me tell you, them black boys,
366
00:21:07,785 --> 00:21:11,413
they got some serious trouser meat.
Like, whoa!
367
00:21:19,421 --> 00:21:20,881
That's enough!
368
00:21:20,965 --> 00:21:24,635
Quiet down!
Hey! Quiet down!
369
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:27,972
You are in violation
of the Litchfield...
370
00:21:28,097 --> 00:21:29,265
Shut up!
371
00:21:42,653 --> 00:21:44,738
Well, don't be an observer.
Grab a rag.
372
00:21:51,162 --> 00:21:52,537
What's up, Nicky?
373
00:21:52,663 --> 00:21:54,456
This rag smells like mildew.
374
00:21:55,332 --> 00:21:58,210
It means your counter
is gonna smell like mildew.
375
00:21:58,335 --> 00:21:59,670
That's gross.
376
00:21:59,795 --> 00:22:01,297
You need to wash
your rags, Red.
377
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,216
Nicky...
378
00:22:08,345 --> 00:22:10,681
Why'd you choose Lorna
to run for WAC and not me?
379
00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:12,975
You're questioning
my decisions?
380
00:22:13,058 --> 00:22:16,645
Only in the most respectful way you
could possibly imagine. I just...
381
00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:19,523
I thought I was
like your Spock.
382
00:22:19,648 --> 00:22:21,108
My what?
383
00:22:21,192 --> 00:22:25,487
You know, your right hand.
Your girl Friday. Your V.P.
384
00:22:26,113 --> 00:22:28,866
Lorna is pretty
and unthreatening.
385
00:22:28,991 --> 00:22:32,077
I like her lipstick
and she listens.
386
00:22:32,203 --> 00:22:34,705
The last thing you need
is a public forum.
387
00:22:34,788 --> 00:22:36,707
You're already too mouthy
for your own good.
388
00:22:36,832 --> 00:22:37,958
Yeah, but...
389
00:22:38,042 --> 00:22:40,752
Don't confuse being my
daughter with getting a vote.
390
00:22:40,878 --> 00:22:42,838
This isn't a democracy,
sweetheart.
391
00:22:52,388 --> 00:22:54,599
You need something?
392
00:23:11,658 --> 00:23:12,868
Oh, gosh!
393
00:23:12,951 --> 00:23:17,081
This prize sure beats the heck
out of a decoder ring.
394
00:23:17,164 --> 00:23:18,707
What can I say?
395
00:23:19,624 --> 00:23:23,254
The girls are very concerned
about their oral hygiene.
396
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,678
You bringing in
cell phones, too?
397
00:23:31,762 --> 00:23:33,680
Absolutely not.
398
00:23:33,764 --> 00:23:38,352
So you're not taking dirty pictures of
your hairy pussy to send to your husband?
399
00:23:39,395 --> 00:23:41,563
Do the curtains
match the drapes?
400
00:23:42,273 --> 00:23:45,276
You got some purple
wispies down there?
401
00:23:46,610 --> 00:23:49,863
What are you talking about?
402
00:23:53,825 --> 00:23:55,953
Someone smuggled in a phone.
403
00:23:56,620 --> 00:23:59,873
And now it's getting
in the way of my business.
404
00:24:01,833 --> 00:24:04,128
I don't like competition,
sweet cheeks.
405
00:24:12,428 --> 00:24:14,930
Cell block D,
prepare for inspection.
406
00:24:33,907 --> 00:24:35,826
Visiting hours
are now over...
407
00:24:40,831 --> 00:24:45,794
Caputo grilled me about inappropriate
relationships for five hours today.
408
00:24:45,877 --> 00:24:49,214
It wasn't really five hours,
but it felt that way.
409
00:24:49,340 --> 00:24:52,009
You know, this is
inappropriate.
410
00:24:52,134 --> 00:24:53,509
What you and me are doing.
411
00:24:53,635 --> 00:24:55,179
It's gonna be fine, baby.
412
00:24:55,304 --> 00:24:57,222
I think we have different
definitions of fine.
413
00:24:57,348 --> 00:25:01,517
I'm about to lose my job,
and your mom was naked.
414
00:25:01,601 --> 00:25:03,895
Like, really, really
naked. All of it.
415
00:25:04,021 --> 00:25:07,565
I saw her boobs.
416
00:25:07,691 --> 00:25:09,567
But you didn't do
nothing, right?
417
00:25:10,194 --> 00:25:11,236
What?
418
00:25:13,071 --> 00:25:14,323
You didn't fuck her?
419
00:25:14,406 --> 00:25:15,949
Why would I...
420
00:25:16,033 --> 00:25:19,703
I don't want your mom,
Daya. I want you.
421
00:25:42,851 --> 00:25:44,186
No...
Let me.
422
00:25:44,269 --> 00:25:45,770
Please, don't.
423
00:25:46,771 --> 00:25:48,899
I wanna feel all of you.
424
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:25,727
Oh, come on in, Chapman.
425
00:26:27,687 --> 00:26:28,813
Please close the door.
426
00:26:46,790 --> 00:26:48,917
What? Do you...
427
00:26:49,126 --> 00:26:50,252
Hold up the red one.
428
00:26:57,633 --> 00:26:59,511
Okay, now the blue.
429
00:27:00,137 --> 00:27:01,472
Mail call
in 15 minutes.
430
00:27:02,514 --> 00:27:05,142
Cart will be making
the rounds in 15 minutes.
431
00:27:06,642 --> 00:27:07,643
Mr. Healy...
432
00:27:07,727 --> 00:27:10,897
It's for my wife.
It's our anniversary tomorrow.
433
00:27:10,981 --> 00:27:14,276
I think the blue
is better. Thanks.
434
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,737
Have a seat, Chapman.
435
00:27:22,993 --> 00:27:25,912
Chapman, we understand
each other, don't we?
436
00:27:27,498 --> 00:27:28,873
I think so.
437
00:27:29,207 --> 00:27:30,292
I mean, I agree.
438
00:27:30,375 --> 00:27:32,252
I think the two of us
working together,
439
00:27:33,003 --> 00:27:34,879
we could really turn
some things around.
440
00:27:35,005 --> 00:27:37,424
Or at the very least, make
things a little quieter.
441
00:27:43,721 --> 00:27:45,140
You want me to run for WAC.
442
00:27:46,016 --> 00:27:49,019
We don't get ladies as bright
as yourself in here often.
443
00:27:49,102 --> 00:27:52,688
Thank you, Mr. Healy. I appreciate that.
I really do.
444
00:27:52,772 --> 00:27:56,527
But I'm trying this new thing where
I stay out of the spotlight.
445
00:27:56,652 --> 00:27:58,987
I feel... I think that
it's a better bet for me.
446
00:27:59,070 --> 00:28:03,325
I'm giving you a chance to
make your time count, Chapman.
447
00:28:03,741 --> 00:28:08,580
Thank you. But I need
to politely decline.
448
00:28:08,704 --> 00:28:12,459
Well, I'm disappointed.
449
00:28:12,543 --> 00:28:15,420
It's certainly not like I can
force you to run anyway, right?
450
00:28:18,340 --> 00:28:20,716
We're not Cosmo, Larry.
451
00:28:20,842 --> 00:28:23,136
We don't do pieces on
having better orgasms.
452
00:28:23,220 --> 00:28:27,516
And, truthfully, "edging" sounds like
a recipe for blue balls. It's just...
453
00:28:27,932 --> 00:28:29,226
It is gross.
454
00:28:29,309 --> 00:28:31,811
Look, what if I change
the angle? Maybe...
455
00:28:31,895 --> 00:28:34,856
What's the deal with your wife?
Is she really in prison?
456
00:28:36,567 --> 00:28:39,069
My fiancee. She is.
It sucks.
457
00:28:39,194 --> 00:28:42,906
Look, um, I really think
if I made some changes...
458
00:28:43,031 --> 00:28:45,071
Christ, Bloom. No one wants
to learn how not to come.
459
00:28:45,116 --> 00:28:46,493
Coming is the whole
goddamn point.
460
00:28:46,577 --> 00:28:47,744
Listen, I've got to
get to this meeting.
461
00:28:47,827 --> 00:28:51,039
But this is a good story, okay?
Come on, Tim.
462
00:28:52,249 --> 00:28:55,960
I need this. Just give me something, huh?
An assignment.
463
00:28:56,794 --> 00:28:57,962
You want an
assignment? Fine.
464
00:28:58,088 --> 00:28:59,964
Here's your assignment,
"My wife is in prison."
465
00:29:00,090 --> 00:29:01,216
Fiancee.
466
00:29:01,299 --> 00:29:04,094
She takes naked showers
with bad, busty women,
467
00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:06,680
and I'm home alone thinking
about it, trying not to come.
468
00:29:06,763 --> 00:29:08,765
That's a story for us.
Knock yourself out.
469
00:29:12,728 --> 00:29:15,813
It's too far!
A little to the right.
470
00:29:16,273 --> 00:29:18,609
Ain't we learned our lesson
about hanging crosses, Tucky?
471
00:29:18,734 --> 00:29:21,737
Ain't we learned our lesson
about mouthing off? Get...
472
00:29:21,819 --> 00:29:23,113
Sorry.
473
00:29:24,948 --> 00:29:26,116
You keep this up,
474
00:29:26,241 --> 00:29:28,410
and God's gonna start
questioning your devotion.
475
00:29:28,493 --> 00:29:29,703
He told me.
476
00:29:33,873 --> 00:29:37,043
"Died for your sins."
Who's gonna win?
477
00:29:37,127 --> 00:29:38,629
Tiffany.
478
00:29:40,297 --> 00:29:42,215
Man, those little white
midgets are sad,
479
00:29:42,299 --> 00:29:43,634
but them bitches
know how to win!
480
00:29:43,717 --> 00:29:46,637
Look at you,
all power hungry and shit.
481
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,180
Where are your morals,
Candidate Jefferson?
482
00:29:49,306 --> 00:29:50,557
Well, Mackenzie...
483
00:29:58,815 --> 00:30:00,400
This fucking election.
484
00:30:00,484 --> 00:30:02,444
Like this place needs to be
any more like high school!
485
00:30:02,527 --> 00:30:05,113
My God, I'm drowning
in vowels over here.
486
00:30:11,495 --> 00:30:12,704
This the campaign strategy?
487
00:30:12,829 --> 00:30:15,666
No, it's more like
a life strategy.
488
00:30:15,791 --> 00:30:17,334
Everyone likes to get fed.
489
00:30:17,417 --> 00:30:20,420
Come on. Come on! Come on.
That's gross.
490
00:30:22,213 --> 00:30:24,675
Come on!
It's delicious!
491
00:30:26,134 --> 00:30:27,511
Speaking of high school...
492
00:30:27,594 --> 00:30:29,262
I feel like such an asshole.
493
00:30:29,346 --> 00:30:30,930
Why won't she even look at me?
494
00:30:31,014 --> 00:30:34,100
'Cause you were an asshole.
Everyone has their limits.
495
00:30:34,351 --> 00:30:37,270
Okay, 32, 33...
496
00:30:37,354 --> 00:30:38,730
Whoa.
Thirty-four points!
497
00:30:38,855 --> 00:30:40,524
Bam!
498
00:30:41,441 --> 00:30:44,611
Look, you know her better than
I do, but in my experience,
499
00:30:44,695 --> 00:30:46,363
she can smell bullshit
like a shark smells blood.
500
00:30:46,488 --> 00:30:48,532
Just cut out the needy puppy
act and be straight with her.
501
00:30:48,657 --> 00:30:50,325
Say you're sorry
for being a dick.
502
00:30:50,908 --> 00:30:54,996
What about, like, a snappy kind of slogan?
Something with rhymes in it?
503
00:30:55,831 --> 00:30:59,167
What about, "Vote for Morello because
she's not yellow, she's white"?
504
00:31:09,052 --> 00:31:10,887
Mmm! Oh, that's good.
505
00:31:12,222 --> 00:31:13,223
It's a party!
506
00:31:13,348 --> 00:31:16,184
I feel like I'm playing house.
507
00:31:16,393 --> 00:31:19,062
You wanna
play doctor instead?
508
00:31:19,187 --> 00:31:20,605
This place
is insane.
509
00:31:21,565 --> 00:31:23,274
Cheers.
Cheers.
510
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,402
Great to meet you, Holly.
511
00:31:27,237 --> 00:31:29,239
It's Polly, actually.
512
00:31:30,114 --> 00:31:32,909
Right. Polly Hobbie.
513
00:31:40,751 --> 00:31:44,295
Would you excuse me for a minute?
I have to go play hostess.
514
00:31:47,716 --> 00:31:49,092
She's better in smaller groups.
515
00:31:49,175 --> 00:31:50,552
Think she'll remember
my name then?
516
00:31:50,635 --> 00:31:52,970
Are you being pissy
because I'm seeing a woman?
517
00:31:53,096 --> 00:31:55,390
I'm pissy because
you're seeing an asshole.
518
00:31:55,473 --> 00:31:58,101
I think you're overreacting
a little bit, Molly.
519
00:31:59,227 --> 00:32:00,604
There's a weird energy in here.
520
00:32:00,729 --> 00:32:03,273
Not to mention she's loaded
and she's, what, like, 30?
521
00:32:03,398 --> 00:32:04,524
Trust fund?
522
00:32:04,608 --> 00:32:06,568
No, she imports things.
523
00:32:06,651 --> 00:32:10,614
I can't believe you're giving me shit for this.
You dated your teacher.
524
00:32:10,697 --> 00:32:12,282
Adjunct professor.
525
00:32:12,783 --> 00:32:17,245
I really like her.
526
00:32:18,121 --> 00:32:19,831
Do you like her or her things?
527
00:32:19,915 --> 00:32:22,125
Oh, I get it. You're
feeling threatened.
528
00:32:22,250 --> 00:32:24,836
Oh, Jesus. Fuck off. I'm
just looking out for you.
529
00:32:24,961 --> 00:32:27,672
Well, don't. I'm happy.
530
00:32:27,798 --> 00:32:30,884
Well, then don't expect me to be
there when you're not happy anymore.
531
00:32:30,967 --> 00:32:35,305
Okay, I won't expect that. But you will be.
Because you love me.
532
00:32:35,388 --> 00:32:37,599
Of course I do,
you stupid lesbian.
533
00:32:37,682 --> 00:32:39,100
You spoiled bitch.
534
00:32:41,018 --> 00:32:43,605
I came seven times
last night.
535
00:32:43,688 --> 00:32:45,816
Well, that's just excessive.
536
00:32:50,821 --> 00:32:51,988
Beautiful.
537
00:32:52,405 --> 00:32:53,573
Thank you.
538
00:32:54,658 --> 00:32:55,992
You're doing well.
539
00:32:56,827 --> 00:32:58,202
I am.
540
00:33:06,002 --> 00:33:07,838
We'd like to increase
your output.
541
00:33:07,921 --> 00:33:10,340
I'm always curious about who "we" is.
542
00:33:11,341 --> 00:33:14,511
Is that like when "they" say that
faux fur vests are in this season?
543
00:33:14,594 --> 00:33:15,804
You know what I mean?
544
00:33:15,887 --> 00:33:17,681
No, I don't know what you mean.
545
00:33:21,559 --> 00:33:22,602
How much?
546
00:33:22,686 --> 00:33:25,062
One hundred thousand a month.
547
00:33:25,188 --> 00:33:27,357
Oh, Jesus.
548
00:33:27,482 --> 00:33:30,401
What can I say?
We're back in vogue.
549
00:33:31,695 --> 00:33:33,571
Give the people what they want.
550
00:33:34,113 --> 00:33:37,784
Well, I'm gonna need a few more kids
and more cash upfront for treats.
551
00:33:37,909 --> 00:33:40,871
Whatever you need, as always.
552
00:33:41,496 --> 00:33:43,707
Kubra will be happy to hear.
553
00:33:44,791 --> 00:33:47,502
We value your role
in this organization.
554
00:33:47,878 --> 00:33:50,672
Great. Glad
I'm not expendable.
555
00:33:56,386 --> 00:33:58,513
We'll give you a call in a few
days to arrange the next drop.
556
00:33:58,596 --> 00:34:01,558
Can't wait. Cheers.
557
00:34:12,109 --> 00:34:13,570
That's a hell of a scar.
558
00:34:15,238 --> 00:34:16,698
Pervert.
559
00:34:18,491 --> 00:34:19,659
I like your tits, too.
560
00:34:22,412 --> 00:34:23,621
Baboon heart?
561
00:34:23,747 --> 00:34:26,082
Bacterial infection.
Hmm.
562
00:34:27,250 --> 00:34:28,334
Endocarditis.
563
00:34:28,418 --> 00:34:31,462
What? Drug pusher/
heart surgeon?
564
00:34:31,588 --> 00:34:33,924
Just the former.
565
00:34:34,007 --> 00:34:36,760
It was pretty common
among our top customers.
566
00:34:39,054 --> 00:34:40,263
You miss it?
567
00:34:40,346 --> 00:34:43,016
Holy shit. So much.
568
00:34:43,099 --> 00:34:46,895
More than good coffee, more
than sleeping in the dark,
569
00:34:46,978 --> 00:34:48,271
more than wearing skirts.
570
00:34:48,396 --> 00:34:49,439
You wore skirts?
571
00:34:50,106 --> 00:34:51,816
Yeah. I loved
a good skirt.
572
00:34:55,152 --> 00:34:56,279
You?
573
00:34:56,988 --> 00:34:58,406
I don't miss smack.
574
00:34:59,365 --> 00:35:01,576
I was such a lousy
junkie.
575
00:35:01,659 --> 00:35:03,536
Never fully committed.
576
00:35:04,537 --> 00:35:05,997
But the business...
577
00:35:06,623 --> 00:35:08,458
Man, that I miss.
578
00:35:08,541 --> 00:35:11,294
The adrenaline, the power.
579
00:35:14,589 --> 00:35:17,383
Yeah, I miss cooking it. Which
makes me an idiot, right?
580
00:35:18,426 --> 00:35:20,971
I'd let it bubble, even though
you waste it when you do that.
581
00:35:21,054 --> 00:35:24,265
I just loved the chemistry,
you know? The routine.
582
00:35:24,808 --> 00:35:26,851
I am a sucker for ritual.
583
00:35:27,310 --> 00:35:31,230
Look at us, Nichols. Same
coin, different sides.
584
00:35:31,606 --> 00:35:33,608
Supply and demand,
motherfucker.
585
00:35:58,341 --> 00:35:59,383
Hey, Alex.
586
00:36:10,061 --> 00:36:13,314
An inmate from Litchfield Federal
Prison is attempting to contact you.
587
00:36:13,397 --> 00:36:15,859
To accept the call,
please press one.
588
00:36:17,568 --> 00:36:20,613
Fine. You caught me
on a hormonal upswing.
589
00:36:20,697 --> 00:36:23,700
Plus I need a distraction
'cause I'm in the stirrups.
590
00:36:23,825 --> 00:36:25,326
Am I a good friend or what?
591
00:36:25,409 --> 00:36:28,621
You are. You're the best friend.
You are the best friend.
592
00:36:28,705 --> 00:36:30,707
You're my best friend.
593
00:36:30,832 --> 00:36:31,833
Oh!
594
00:36:32,375 --> 00:36:35,128
I'm so sorry, Pol.
The chicken...
595
00:36:35,211 --> 00:36:38,381
How about we don't talk about
the chicken, like, ever again?
596
00:36:38,464 --> 00:36:42,969
It's so weird in here, Polly. I
wish I could explain it to you.
597
00:36:43,053 --> 00:36:45,763
Well, I have an asshole alien
growing inside me
598
00:36:45,889 --> 00:36:48,933
and I'm waiting for a strange man
to put his hand up my vagina,
599
00:36:49,059 --> 00:36:52,395
which I'm pretty sure
I prefer to my husband's.
600
00:36:52,478 --> 00:36:54,189
We could have a weird-off.
601
00:36:54,271 --> 00:36:56,315
God, I miss you so much.
602
00:36:56,900 --> 00:36:58,401
I miss you, too, Pipe.
603
00:36:59,861 --> 00:37:03,198
So, Barney's.
604
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,824
Nope. You've
forfeited your right
605
00:37:04,908 --> 00:37:06,428
to talk about the
business for a while.
606
00:37:06,450 --> 00:37:08,119
I'll take care of it
from here on out.
607
00:37:08,244 --> 00:37:10,788
You're kidding me? So you're not
gonna tell me what's going on?
608
00:37:10,914 --> 00:37:14,167
This is really important to me, Pol.
We really need the money and...
609
00:37:14,250 --> 00:37:17,003
Babe, I know.
I'll take care of it.
610
00:37:17,087 --> 00:37:21,257
Jesus, you're a felon,
I'm fat and miserable.
611
00:37:21,382 --> 00:37:24,427
Who gives a fuck about soap right now?
It'll all be fine.
612
00:37:25,678 --> 00:37:26,804
Will it?
613
00:37:26,930 --> 00:37:30,808
I have no fucking clue. Seemed
like the right thing to say.
614
00:37:31,601 --> 00:37:34,062
How are things with
you and super-cunt?
615
00:37:34,145 --> 00:37:37,107
Fine. Sort of.
616
00:37:40,068 --> 00:37:44,697
I don't know. I feel like I need
to tell her that I'm sorry.
617
00:37:44,781 --> 00:37:49,285
I feel like I need to tell
everyone that I'm sorry.
618
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,330
Piper Chapman,
The Apology Tour.
619
00:37:53,456 --> 00:37:54,749
You care about her?
620
00:37:54,832 --> 00:37:57,293
I mean, no. I just
think that it would...
621
00:37:57,376 --> 00:37:58,737
Since we're stuck
in here together,
622
00:37:58,795 --> 00:38:00,296
it would be easier
if we were friends.
623
00:38:00,421 --> 00:38:03,258
If super-cunt replaces me as
your best friend, so help me.
624
00:38:03,340 --> 00:38:04,884
Oh, never.
625
00:38:04,968 --> 00:38:07,553
Hey, if your mom's been telling me
to rub cocoa butter on my tutu,
626
00:38:07,637 --> 00:38:08,972
what the fuck does she mean?
627
00:38:09,055 --> 00:38:11,099
Oh, Jesus. Oh...
628
00:38:11,182 --> 00:38:13,476
She used to call it that
when I was little.
629
00:38:13,643 --> 00:38:14,811
A tutu?
630
00:38:15,186 --> 00:38:16,395
You heard that one before?
631
00:38:18,982 --> 00:38:20,150
My gynie loves it.
632
00:38:21,609 --> 00:38:23,153
And I love you.
633
00:38:26,156 --> 00:38:27,531
I love you.
634
00:38:31,035 --> 00:38:32,662
So you're done being mad at me?
635
00:38:32,787 --> 00:38:37,625
Yes. Now I've got to get probed. Have
a nice rest of your day in prison.
636
00:38:37,708 --> 00:38:39,989
Have a nice time getting your tutu probed.
637
00:39:01,191 --> 00:39:04,027
Don't be yellow,
vote for Morello.
638
00:39:04,152 --> 00:39:06,696
My friends,
we may be incarcerated,
639
00:39:06,779 --> 00:39:10,449
but that does not mean we're
not entitled to fair treatment
640
00:39:10,533 --> 00:39:14,078
and access to
comprehensive medical care.
641
00:39:14,204 --> 00:39:15,538
Tuesdays, pizza?
642
00:39:15,663 --> 00:39:18,708
Fuck pizza, we're gonna
have Tuesday tacos.
643
00:39:18,791 --> 00:39:21,961
Tacos, burritos, hot salsa and everything!
This is stupid!
644
00:39:22,045 --> 00:39:24,839
Hi, ladies... I take care of business.
I know what's up, all right?
645
00:39:24,922 --> 00:39:26,322
...most of y'all
know me as Tiffany.
646
00:39:26,341 --> 00:39:29,302
Only a few, Pennsatucky. We're
gonna leave it that way.
647
00:39:29,385 --> 00:39:32,638
I hope each and every one of
you will allow me to lead you,
648
00:39:32,722 --> 00:39:36,059
in addition to letting me do your
weave at a discount!
649
00:39:36,142 --> 00:39:38,228
You all listen to me.
I know what's up, all right?
650
00:39:38,311 --> 00:39:39,912
Come on, let's hear it up
for the Latino!
651
00:39:42,565 --> 00:39:45,818
As lady president, I'll
demand waterbeds for everybody.
652
00:39:45,902 --> 00:39:49,906
We'll be dreamin' like Beyonce on
a yacht every night up in here.
653
00:39:49,989 --> 00:39:52,616
Comprehensive that, bitches!
654
00:39:54,952 --> 00:39:56,412
Yo. You got my shit?
655
00:39:59,374 --> 00:40:00,583
It's comin'.
656
00:40:02,085 --> 00:40:05,296
My cousin paid you for that shit.
Ain't it supposed to come in today?
657
00:40:06,172 --> 00:40:07,506
Listen, powder.
658
00:40:08,216 --> 00:40:10,801
If you speak to me again,
I will fucking crush you.
659
00:40:12,095 --> 00:40:14,972
It's coming. Chill out.
660
00:40:21,771 --> 00:40:24,023
Well, this is a surprise.
661
00:40:24,107 --> 00:40:26,027
Best entertainment you could
hope for around here.
662
00:40:26,109 --> 00:40:28,111
Friday night, we're
gonna have salsa night, okay?
663
00:40:28,236 --> 00:40:30,154
I can't live without
my conga, okay?
664
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,449
As y'all know, I am a
follower of Jesus Christ,
665
00:40:33,532 --> 00:40:34,867
my Lord and my Savior.
666
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:42,541
And he wants us to spread his word.
With force, if necessary.
667
00:40:42,625 --> 00:40:46,170
You know, I'm surprised the Admin
is actually letting this happen.
668
00:40:46,296 --> 00:40:49,048
Those boys have
awfully short memories.
669
00:40:51,008 --> 00:40:54,304
White girl who won
last time got slocked
670
00:40:54,387 --> 00:40:59,934
when she asked the commissary to stock unsalted
potato chips instead of salt and vinegar.
671
00:41:00,643 --> 00:41:02,353
It's not a job you want.
672
00:41:02,478 --> 00:41:04,981
Furthermuch, why don't
we have Ultra Sheen
673
00:41:05,148 --> 00:41:06,316
in the commissary?
Why?
674
00:41:06,399 --> 00:41:07,775
You ask me,
that shit is racist!
675
00:41:07,858 --> 00:41:09,986
Fucking racist. Why you gotta
hate black folks? Why?
676
00:41:10,069 --> 00:41:12,780
You do have
to admire their effort.
677
00:41:13,614 --> 00:41:16,492
Every damn inmate is here.
678
00:41:20,830 --> 00:41:22,457
I'll see you later.
679
00:41:23,540 --> 00:41:27,170
In closing, let's get some motherfucking
fried chicken up in here once in a while!
680
00:41:27,253 --> 00:41:28,671
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, I said it.
681
00:41:28,754 --> 00:41:29,755
She said it.
I'm black.
682
00:41:29,839 --> 00:41:30,965
She's black.
And she black.
683
00:41:31,048 --> 00:41:32,448
I'm black! And we
like fried chicken.
684
00:41:32,508 --> 00:41:34,593
Well!
That shit is delicious.
685
00:41:34,677 --> 00:41:39,182
Everybody likes it. Chicken for the people.
I rest my case.
686
00:41:41,725 --> 00:41:45,938
Well, I say we should have
a "whites only" bathroom!
687
00:41:47,690 --> 00:41:50,276
This ain't
The fuckin' Help, bitch,
688
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,195
but you will eat my shit.
689
00:42:51,795 --> 00:42:52,796
Oh!
690
00:42:54,090 --> 00:42:58,677
♪ They call me Taystee
'cause my pussy be delicious
691
00:42:58,761 --> 00:43:00,179
♪ Like an apple it's nutritious
692
00:43:00,263 --> 00:43:01,805
♪ Like a Clinton it's ambitious
693
00:43:01,931 --> 00:43:04,934
♪ You wanna mess with all that?
Bitch, please
694
00:43:05,017 --> 00:43:07,770
♪ You's a gnat, you'll go
splat Best be runnin', stat ♪
695
00:43:13,276 --> 00:43:14,360
Yeah? Well. Yo, yo...
696
00:43:14,444 --> 00:43:17,029
♪ My name is Leanne
and I got game
697
00:43:17,113 --> 00:43:19,615
♪ We're here in Litchfield
and it's kind of lame
698
00:43:19,740 --> 00:43:22,577
♪ This rapping thing
don't seem so hard
699
00:43:22,659 --> 00:43:24,828
♪ Ain't like
I'm a fucking retard! ♪
700
00:43:33,254 --> 00:43:36,132
♪ Fucking dumbass cracka
Should just smack ya
701
00:43:36,215 --> 00:43:39,343
♪ Think you own Jesus?
Turns out he was black
702
00:43:39,469 --> 00:43:42,054
♪ The word is ironic
Me? I'm deep like Atlantis
703
00:43:42,138 --> 00:43:44,890
♪ Rhyming some chronic shit
then pray like a mantis
704
00:43:44,974 --> 00:43:47,602
♪ Matter of fact I'm so done
with your white trash ass
705
00:43:47,684 --> 00:43:50,813
♪ Just 'cause you got little
tits don't mean you got class ♪
706
00:43:52,898 --> 00:43:53,899
That's my shit!
707
00:44:06,537 --> 00:44:07,663
Hey.
708
00:44:08,414 --> 00:44:10,124
This is crazy...
Shh...
709
00:44:11,167 --> 00:44:13,002
Go away.
710
00:44:14,837 --> 00:44:16,005
Sorry.
711
00:44:54,210 --> 00:44:56,212
Who wants a piece of Big Boo?
712
00:45:46,011 --> 00:45:48,723
Are we supposed
to lie down, Mr. Healy?
713
00:45:56,939 --> 00:45:58,608
Hey. Hi.
714
00:45:58,691 --> 00:45:59,942
Hey.
715
00:46:00,025 --> 00:46:01,235
How are you?
716
00:46:02,194 --> 00:46:03,279
Good.
717
00:46:03,362 --> 00:46:05,698
I made you this.
718
00:46:14,331 --> 00:46:17,418
Wow. Thanks.
719
00:46:21,714 --> 00:46:24,467
When I was little, I found
this comic book in the trash.
720
00:46:25,509 --> 00:46:28,387
I'd never seen girls
who looked like that.
721
00:46:28,887 --> 00:46:32,516
They were like Disney
princesses, but prettier.
722
00:46:32,849 --> 00:46:35,394
I liked tracing
the drawings a lot.
723
00:46:35,478 --> 00:46:37,313
My friends thought
that they were lame,
724
00:46:39,064 --> 00:46:41,275
but I liked that
they were different.
725
00:46:42,109 --> 00:46:45,154
They weren't like the
Sunday comics, you know?
726
00:46:45,820 --> 00:46:48,324
I guess I'm a freak,
or whatever.
727
00:46:48,407 --> 00:46:50,993
Not that you're a freak
because of your legs.
728
00:46:51,118 --> 00:46:52,495
Leg.
729
00:46:58,584 --> 00:47:02,171
I didn't mean that.
I'm sorry.
730
00:47:08,010 --> 00:47:09,178
Does it hurt?
731
00:47:11,180 --> 00:47:15,726
Not anymore. Just a little
clumsy sometimes.
732
00:47:15,976 --> 00:47:18,521
Me, too. Sometimes.
733
00:47:28,322 --> 00:47:30,402
Thanks for the advice yesterday.
I think she loved it.
734
00:47:38,374 --> 00:47:39,667
You got enough money?
735
00:47:40,209 --> 00:47:42,795
Yes, transfer came
through yesterday.
736
00:47:44,921 --> 00:47:47,090
And Daya, she need anything?
737
00:47:47,216 --> 00:47:48,551
She's fine.
738
00:47:49,677 --> 00:47:51,928
Then why isn't she here
to say hello?
739
00:47:54,014 --> 00:47:56,517
You better not be fighting again.
She needs her mother.
740
00:47:56,975 --> 00:47:59,729
Wait a minute, both of you
are here to visit me?
741
00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:02,481
Sure don't seem like it,
742
00:48:02,565 --> 00:48:03,898
the way you're talking.
743
00:48:04,483 --> 00:48:06,360
Daya. Daya!
744
00:48:06,736 --> 00:48:07,737
Aren't you my woman?
745
00:48:09,572 --> 00:48:12,491
You acting like
a jealous bitch.
746
00:48:13,992 --> 00:48:16,746
Shit's not flattering, is it?
747
00:48:20,957 --> 00:48:22,084
It went well.
748
00:48:22,167 --> 00:48:24,919
Yeah. I mean, it...
You know. It was great.
749
00:48:25,254 --> 00:48:26,797
Wow! He liked it?
750
00:48:26,921 --> 00:48:29,258
You seem surprised.
Edging?
751
00:48:29,341 --> 00:48:32,062
Edging? Babe, it's a really... It's
a very weird thing to write about.
752
00:48:32,428 --> 00:48:34,012
Weird, very weird.
753
00:48:34,847 --> 00:48:38,975
Actually, he, um, wants me
to write another article.
754
00:48:40,895 --> 00:48:41,978
Really?
755
00:48:42,104 --> 00:48:44,064
Yeah, he thought, um...
756
00:48:44,147 --> 00:48:47,359
He thought I should write about you.
About our experience.
757
00:48:49,612 --> 00:48:51,447
Our experience?
758
00:48:55,618 --> 00:48:56,619
Huh!
759
00:48:57,952 --> 00:49:00,080
Has it been difficult
for you in here?
760
00:49:00,163 --> 00:49:02,625
You know, you're not the only
person having a hard time, Piper.
761
00:49:02,792 --> 00:49:04,627
I hate your stern voice.
762
00:49:10,215 --> 00:49:13,469
I'm sorry. I don't mean
to take this out on you.
763
00:49:13,552 --> 00:49:15,178
But I...
764
00:49:15,304 --> 00:49:17,598
Could you just give me
a little bit of time
765
00:49:17,681 --> 00:49:21,602
to figure out how I feel about you writing
an article about me being in here?
766
00:49:21,685 --> 00:49:24,146
Of course.
You need to
767
00:49:24,688 --> 00:49:25,773
process.
768
00:49:25,856 --> 00:49:29,401
I should respect that.
Take some time.
769
00:49:29,485 --> 00:49:33,948
I'm just not sure if I'm ready to be
Piper Chapman, the convict fiancee.
770
00:49:34,030 --> 00:49:38,327
But as soon as you write an
article, it will all be so, um...
771
00:49:40,621 --> 00:49:41,622
Public.
772
00:49:41,705 --> 00:49:42,957
I hear ya.
773
00:49:44,207 --> 00:49:45,417
I hear ya.
774
00:49:48,337 --> 00:49:51,005
So, is everything
going okay with Alex?
775
00:49:51,507 --> 00:49:53,926
Yeah, it's fine. It's good.
We don't talk.
776
00:49:55,177 --> 00:49:56,303
Good.
777
00:49:57,346 --> 00:49:58,597
That's good.
778
00:50:00,683 --> 00:50:02,810
Diablo!
779
00:50:04,144 --> 00:50:06,062
Diablo?
What?
780
00:50:06,605 --> 00:50:08,440
That lady, that crazy lady.
781
00:50:08,524 --> 00:50:10,985
I found her phone
in the bathroom,
782
00:50:11,067 --> 00:50:12,402
and there was
a picture of her...
783
00:50:13,195 --> 00:50:16,490
And Healy had it printed out
on his desk, and the...
784
00:50:17,199 --> 00:50:18,359
Never mind.
It's a long story.
785
00:50:18,367 --> 00:50:20,202
Anyway, everybody thinks
that she's crazy
786
00:50:20,285 --> 00:50:22,371
and that she's talking
to herself in there,
787
00:50:22,454 --> 00:50:24,038
but she's not!
788
00:50:24,164 --> 00:50:26,876
She's talking
on the phone. To Diablo!
789
00:50:26,959 --> 00:50:29,043
She's been sending him
pictures of her tutu.
790
00:50:29,169 --> 00:50:30,420
Whoa!
791
00:50:31,714 --> 00:50:33,883
That's kind of brilliant.
792
00:50:35,718 --> 00:50:37,553
Wait a second.
Mmm-hmm.
793
00:50:40,514 --> 00:50:42,307
If you know where her phone is,
794
00:50:43,893 --> 00:50:45,895
can you send me
pictures of your tutu?
795
00:50:46,311 --> 00:50:47,479
Ew!
796
00:50:48,856 --> 00:50:50,524
All right.
797
00:50:51,065 --> 00:50:56,070
Thirty-one for Maritza,
16 for Sophia Burset,
798
00:50:56,196 --> 00:51:00,367
41 for Taystee,
46 for Lorna Morello,
799
00:51:00,450 --> 00:51:02,995
24 for Tiffany,
800
00:51:03,077 --> 00:51:05,915
19 for "Fuck you."
801
00:51:05,998 --> 00:51:09,752
An impressive 28 for Jesus.
802
00:51:10,836 --> 00:51:14,965
You still can't tell the fish kissers
who's boss, can you, Samantha?
803
00:51:15,089 --> 00:51:18,092
I've asked you repeatedly
not to call me that.
804
00:51:19,261 --> 00:51:22,096
This isn't about
giving them power.
805
00:51:22,180 --> 00:51:27,352
This is about your mother telling you, you
could take a bath before dinner or after.
806
00:51:27,728 --> 00:51:30,104
You were still gonna get wet,
807
00:51:30,230 --> 00:51:32,482
but you thought
you had a choice.
808
00:51:33,442 --> 00:51:36,278
I have no fuckin' idea
what that means,
809
00:51:36,403 --> 00:51:40,783
but I do know you just basically
built a prisoners' union.
810
00:51:43,911 --> 00:51:45,037
Samantha.
811
00:52:01,219 --> 00:52:04,765
Attention. All maple
syrup is now considered contraband
812
00:52:04,848 --> 00:52:06,600
after last week's incident.
813
00:52:07,476 --> 00:52:11,897
The winners of the WAC elections will
be announced shortly. Thank you.
814
00:52:12,940 --> 00:52:15,692
Enjoy dinner!
Hope it's scrumptious!
815
00:52:16,234 --> 00:52:17,694
I'm real nervous.
816
00:52:18,028 --> 00:52:22,741
I thought the whole idea of Red endorsing
you is that you're going to win.
817
00:52:22,908 --> 00:52:25,828
It is. She's just playing coy.
It's a talent of hers.
818
00:52:25,911 --> 00:52:28,538
I made Claudette's
famous coconut cake
819
00:52:28,664 --> 00:52:32,835
in honor of our new
WAC representative.
820
00:52:37,506 --> 00:52:39,173
Should coconut be beige?
821
00:52:41,468 --> 00:52:42,427
Fine.
822
00:52:42,511 --> 00:52:45,305
No cake for you,
little girl, big mouth.
823
00:52:52,855 --> 00:52:54,648
Tough love, I guess, huh?
824
00:52:54,731 --> 00:52:57,359
Jesus. I don't know
how you deal with her.
825
00:52:59,820 --> 00:53:01,864
Norma's gonna
get you some mouthwash.
826
00:53:01,989 --> 00:53:05,450
A clean mouth
makes you feel better.
827
00:53:05,534 --> 00:53:07,536
Here.
828
00:53:14,208 --> 00:53:18,714
You gotta hit rock bottom before
you know which direction to go in.
829
00:53:19,048 --> 00:53:20,465
Welcome to the floor, kid.
830
00:53:21,842 --> 00:53:24,344
It'll be better from now on.
831
00:53:26,471 --> 00:53:28,765
And what I'll do to you
if you use again
832
00:53:28,891 --> 00:53:31,643
will hurt a lot more than this.
833
00:53:31,727 --> 00:53:33,854
Remember what I'm saying.
834
00:53:40,194 --> 00:53:42,654
Ladies,
attention, please.
835
00:53:44,238 --> 00:53:45,908
How's my hair?
836
00:53:48,202 --> 00:53:49,578
You look great, kid.
837
00:53:51,038 --> 00:53:54,083
Don't worry.
You're gonna be great.
838
00:53:55,625 --> 00:53:59,171
Your elected
WAC leaders are...
839
00:53:59,588 --> 00:54:01,255
Ruiz...
840
00:54:03,967 --> 00:54:05,552
Which Ruiz?
841
00:54:05,635 --> 00:54:07,303
Maria Ruiz...
842
00:54:08,638 --> 00:54:09,890
Oh, shit!
What the fuck?
843
00:54:10,140 --> 00:54:11,349
What the fuck?
844
00:54:11,433 --> 00:54:13,769
Jefferson...
845
00:54:13,894 --> 00:54:18,148
Ooh! Taystee is
prison president, bitches!
846
00:54:24,905 --> 00:54:30,410
Chang, who will be representing
both the others and the golden girls,
847
00:54:31,036 --> 00:54:32,079
and...
848
00:54:36,792 --> 00:54:38,252
Chapman.
849
00:54:49,846 --> 00:54:51,556
But you didn't even run!
850
00:55:04,402 --> 00:55:14,868
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com