1
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:16,407
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:01:26,168 --> 00:01:29,045
A colleague of mine e-mailed
that to me this morning.
3
00:01:29,171 --> 00:01:32,675
Apparently it was posted
on PrisonPoon.com,
4
00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:34,844
labeled as
"Litchfield Poonanny."
5
00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:39,306
Does your colleague often
browse PrisonPoon.com?
6
00:01:39,389 --> 00:01:41,684
I would like to solve
this problem
7
00:01:41,809 --> 00:01:43,853
before the warden
finds out about it, Joe.
8
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,738
Neither of us wants to
see what happens if he,
9
00:01:45,771 --> 00:01:48,106
or, God forbid, the press,
get a hold of this.
10
00:01:48,231 --> 00:01:54,112
Forgive me for questioning the no doubt
pristine reputation of Prison Poon,
11
00:01:54,196 --> 00:01:57,366
but how do we know for sure
it came out of here?
12
00:01:57,533 --> 00:01:59,117
Notice the tile?
13
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,579
Either one of your inmates has a cell phone...
There's no way.
14
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:05,332
My guys tore the bunks apart
looking for the screwdriver.
15
00:02:05,415 --> 00:02:08,711
Then it's a CO. And he's taking
beaver shots of inmates.
16
00:02:08,836 --> 00:02:10,170
So much better.
17
00:02:10,253 --> 00:02:13,215
The warden'll love that almost as
much as he loves a dick in the ass.
18
00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:16,844
Well, what the warden does
with his free time...
19
00:02:20,764 --> 00:02:23,726
I will get to the bottom
of this, ma'am.
20
00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:24,810
I hope so.
21
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:28,522
It is so depressing dealing with
a man who makes less than 40 K.
22
00:02:28,605 --> 00:02:31,901
I was really hoping to get
you above that this year.
23
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,324
Christ.
24
00:02:40,701 --> 00:02:43,328
Freckle guy in Admin
is really into Photoshop.
25
00:02:44,246 --> 00:02:45,414
Useful.
26
00:02:46,582 --> 00:02:47,917
Are you back on carbs?
27
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:52,295
My gut's all fucked up from my cheat
day, so I'm sticking to soft foods.
28
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:54,965
Got some Go-Gurt
in the fridge for lunch.
29
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:57,593
Watermelon Meltdown
flavor, so...
30
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:01,638
Fig's on the warpath.
31
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,098
Might want to hide out
in your office today.
32
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,939
Between
the Baptists and the addicts,
33
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:13,734
I can't find a peaceful place to
meditate on love and acceptance,
34
00:03:13,817 --> 00:03:16,278
which my Buddhist
faith requires.
35
00:03:16,403 --> 00:03:17,446
Mr. Healy,
36
00:03:17,571 --> 00:03:20,323
we're having a real hard
time praising the Lord
37
00:03:20,449 --> 00:03:22,618
in front of all these
heathens and sinners.
38
00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:24,954
We need our chapel.
It's our God-given right.
39
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:28,582
Hey, Mr. Healy, would you
take a look at this?
40
00:03:28,749 --> 00:03:30,542
I think it might be the flu.
41
00:03:44,306 --> 00:03:48,811
Mr. Healy, them cracker meth-head bitches
won't let us change the channel.
42
00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:53,189
And it's our turn! I can't watch
no more Toddlers and Tiaras.
43
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:56,986
Don't you triviatize.
This shit is serious.
44
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,321
I won't support the
sexuation of baby girls.
45
00:03:59,404 --> 00:04:01,156
That's some nasty shit,
46
00:04:01,239 --> 00:04:03,951
even if some of they sequin
dresses do be on point.
47
00:04:06,411 --> 00:04:08,664
You into some dirty
shit, Mr. Healy?
48
00:04:10,165 --> 00:04:13,335
Fine! You have control of the
TV schedule from now on.
49
00:04:13,585 --> 00:04:14,878
I'll get you a remote.
50
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:16,839
Now, don't bother me
for 24 hours.
51
00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:18,841
No, no, no.
Make it 48 hours.
52
00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:20,676
Yes, sir!
53
00:04:23,595 --> 00:04:25,955
...could do it. She's
been taking tap since she was 3.
54
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,685
Planet Earth 24/7, bitches!
55
00:04:31,812 --> 00:04:32,813
Uh!
56
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:37,233
In this climate...
57
00:04:37,609 --> 00:04:39,778
Huh, is that how you wear
your hair these days?
58
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,864
Oh, really, Mom?
Every time?
59
00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:43,157
Don't be mopey.
60
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,701
Polly had the most darling
French braid yesterday.
61
00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:46,827
You saw Polly?
62
00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:49,412
Yes. I dropped by
with a baby present.
63
00:04:49,538 --> 00:04:51,707
She told me about your
little chicken incident.
64
00:04:51,832 --> 00:04:52,872
Is that what she called it?
65
00:04:52,916 --> 00:04:56,170
It's none of my business, but I
think you owe her an apology.
66
00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:58,380
I have been trying
to apologize!
67
00:04:58,505 --> 00:04:59,715
Keep it down, Chapman!
68
00:05:01,550 --> 00:05:02,551
Oh, my.
69
00:05:04,427 --> 00:05:07,973
I have been calling her. A lot.
But she won't answer the phone.
70
00:05:11,768 --> 00:05:14,396
I need you to be
very honest with me.
71
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,273
Are you losing it in here?
72
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:21,820
Because we're very worried about you.
There are medications.
73
00:05:22,029 --> 00:05:23,613
I am not going crazy.
74
00:05:23,739 --> 00:05:25,574
I am surrounded by crazy,
75
00:05:25,657 --> 00:05:29,494
and I am trying to climb
Everest in flip-flops,
76
00:05:29,578 --> 00:05:31,914
but I am not going crazy, okay?
77
00:05:32,455 --> 00:05:35,333
Honey, nobody would blame you.
Look at this place.
78
00:05:35,792 --> 00:05:37,251
You're incarcerated.
79
00:05:38,962 --> 00:05:43,092
God only knows the emotional toll it
must take to be in here with that woman.
80
00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:45,802
She is the least
of my problems.
81
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:48,304
She's your entire
problem, Piper.
82
00:05:48,764 --> 00:05:51,683
You'd be home trying on wedding
dresses, growing your business,
83
00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:55,562
giving me grandchildren,
if it weren't for her.
84
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,190
She stole all that from you.
85
00:05:58,272 --> 00:05:59,357
Mom.
86
00:05:59,441 --> 00:06:00,609
Yes.
87
00:06:00,734 --> 00:06:02,444
I need you to hear
what I'm gonna say.
88
00:06:02,569 --> 00:06:04,278
I need you to really hear it.
89
00:06:07,281 --> 00:06:09,034
I am in here
90
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:13,914
because I am no different
from anybody else in here.
91
00:06:16,499 --> 00:06:18,252
I made bad choices.
92
00:06:19,169 --> 00:06:21,295
I committed a crime.
93
00:06:21,421 --> 00:06:24,466
And being in here
is no one's fault
94
00:06:26,009 --> 00:06:27,177
but my own.
95
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:30,472
Honey, if that lawyer
had done...
96
00:06:30,555 --> 00:06:31,765
Howard.
97
00:06:34,308 --> 00:06:36,645
Larry's father's name
is Howard.
98
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:42,025
You never would have ended up
in here if you'd gone to trial.
99
00:06:45,319 --> 00:06:48,364
Sweetheart, you're nothing
like any of these women.
100
00:06:49,323 --> 00:06:52,661
Any jury worth its salt
would have seen that.
101
00:06:54,204 --> 00:06:57,499
Darling, you were a debutante.
102
00:07:34,161 --> 00:07:36,038
Visiting hours
will be over at noon.
103
00:07:36,163 --> 00:07:40,250
You may return at 2:00 p.m. for
the afternoon and evening hour.
104
00:07:43,086 --> 00:07:44,838
You look like her.
105
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:46,381
That's what I'm told.
106
00:07:46,506 --> 00:07:47,716
You don't think so?
107
00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:51,220
I prefer to be in denial
about the shared genetics.
108
00:07:51,803 --> 00:07:54,348
You are in denial about
a lot of things, blondie.
109
00:07:54,472 --> 00:07:57,100
I'm a WASP.
That's what we do.
110
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:01,730
I'm working on it. Are you
waiting for somebody?
111
00:08:01,813 --> 00:08:05,150
Nah. Wouldn't want to ruin
my four-month dry spell.
112
00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:07,986
Yeah, well, after that visit,
113
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,571
that's starting
to sound appealing.
114
00:08:09,863 --> 00:08:13,408
Look, don't say ungrateful
crap like that around here.
115
00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:16,494
Your mother shows up,
buys you pretzels. Poor you.
116
00:08:16,578 --> 00:08:18,205
We all have our shit, Nicky.
117
00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:22,084
Yeah, some shit stinks worse
than other shit, princess.
118
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:24,086
You don't know
how my shit smells.
119
00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:25,379
Sure I do.
120
00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,092
Your shit smells like Shalimar.
121
00:08:30,217 --> 00:08:32,344
Must have rubbed off
when she hugged you goodbye.
122
00:08:32,427 --> 00:08:34,263
What a bitch.
123
00:08:50,946 --> 00:08:54,283
Nicole! It's time
to wake up.
124
00:08:56,618 --> 00:08:57,702
Mom?
125
00:09:01,831 --> 00:09:04,042
Bacterial infection
in your heart.
126
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:06,378
Usually introduced
from a dirty needle.
127
00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:08,797
They also found traces
of cocaine in your blood,
128
00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:11,258
which is a fun
new choice for you.
129
00:09:11,633 --> 00:09:13,218
I had pneumonia.
130
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,928
It must've spread or something.
131
00:09:17,806 --> 00:09:19,308
Seriously, I'm clean.
132
00:09:19,391 --> 00:09:22,018
Ironically enough, you are now.
133
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,479
You had several blood
transfusions during the surgery.
134
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:35,031
Must have been a pretty
bad case of pneumonia.
135
00:09:39,369 --> 00:09:41,204
What, you gotta call Paolo?
136
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,370
Make sure he's surviving
without your tit to suck on?
137
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,292
You are 26 years old.
138
00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:48,337
Isn't it time you gave up
this angry, I-hate-Mom phase?
139
00:09:48,503 --> 00:09:50,130
Holy shit!
140
00:09:50,672 --> 00:09:52,382
Oh, you're my mom!
141
00:09:52,507 --> 00:09:55,148
See, I could have sworn it was that
brown woman who made me pancakes
142
00:09:55,218 --> 00:09:56,658
and read me
Charlotte's Web at night.
143
00:09:56,719 --> 00:09:58,847
I did what was good for you.
144
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:01,557
Living with a nanny while you lived in
a separate apartment with that prick
145
00:10:01,683 --> 00:10:04,560
who thought children carried germs?
That's for my own good?
146
00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:07,981
I think if you take a second and
look at our current situation,
147
00:10:08,064 --> 00:10:09,232
you might reconsider.
148
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:12,152
Do you know what? Keep blaming
everyone but yourself, Nicole.
149
00:10:12,235 --> 00:10:14,696
Seems to be working out
really well for you so far.
150
00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,366
I always miss you
until you're here.
151
00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:23,121
Then I realize the mom I miss must've
been someone I invented when I was a kid.
152
00:10:24,122 --> 00:10:26,041
I don't know what more
you want from me.
153
00:10:26,916 --> 00:10:29,794
I want you to do things
mothers do.
154
00:10:30,545 --> 00:10:35,384
I don't know, hold me,
give me sips of water.
155
00:10:37,552 --> 00:10:38,553
Anything.
156
00:10:40,263 --> 00:10:42,391
They told me
you were gonna die.
157
00:10:44,142 --> 00:10:45,685
I'm done, okay?
158
00:10:46,936 --> 00:10:48,230
I'll stay clean.
159
00:10:59,074 --> 00:11:00,450
Hey, Ma.
Mmm-hmm?
160
00:11:00,742 --> 00:11:01,743
What that...
161
00:11:01,826 --> 00:11:03,370
Fucking slut.
162
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:04,746
Aleida, it's not worth it.
163
00:11:05,038 --> 00:11:06,122
Aleida! Aleida!
164
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:07,416
Fucking bitch!
165
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:11,294
Yo, respect your mother.
166
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,380
Why? She never acted
like no mom.
167
00:11:13,463 --> 00:11:15,882
You okay?
Shit.
168
00:11:22,805 --> 00:11:25,934
Baby watch, day 232.
169
00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:29,771
Painting the nursery. Mimosa
yellow, non-toxic, obvs.
170
00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:32,232
Leave a message, but it might take
me a while to get back to you,
171
00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:35,651
because, you know, I'm preparing
to bring forth new life.
172
00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:42,784
I got nothin'.
173
00:11:43,785 --> 00:11:47,621
And you have no knowledge of anyone
taking his or her cell phone
174
00:11:47,747 --> 00:11:52,461
out of his or her locker
during his or her shift?
175
00:11:52,794 --> 00:11:56,131
If I were you, I'd ask Mendez.
He looks guilty.
176
00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:57,882
It's probably the mustache.
177
00:11:57,966 --> 00:12:00,135
You ever notice
how guys with mustaches
178
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:03,054
always look like they
just fingered a little girl?
179
00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:06,682
How about a camera?
180
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:10,312
You see anyone with a camera?
181
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:17,611
Nope.
182
00:12:18,528 --> 00:12:21,823
You have not observed
183
00:12:22,949 --> 00:12:25,659
or participated in any
184
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:30,165
inappropriate activity
185
00:12:31,374 --> 00:12:34,919
or relation with an inmate?
186
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,507
No, sir. It's...
187
00:12:42,927 --> 00:12:45,888
Because, in here, inappropriate
188
00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:48,600
can mean a smile
189
00:12:49,184 --> 00:12:51,353
at the wrong time, Bennett.
190
00:12:52,187 --> 00:12:57,567
These women are hungry,
if you get my meaning.
191
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,320
Yes, sir.
192
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:03,198
They want sex, is what I mean.
193
00:13:04,115 --> 00:13:05,325
Understood, sir.
194
00:13:06,326 --> 00:13:09,078
Good. We're done here.
We're done.
195
00:13:16,211 --> 00:13:17,462
Mr. Caputo?
196
00:13:18,463 --> 00:13:21,591
Come in.
Susan, have a seat.
197
00:13:22,716 --> 00:13:26,680
Congratulations on becoming a
Litchfield correctional officer.
198
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:29,391
We really appreciate
you coming in so soon.
199
00:13:30,016 --> 00:13:32,185
CO Thompson came...
200
00:13:32,977 --> 00:13:34,770
This is confidential,
of course.
201
00:13:34,896 --> 00:13:36,398
Well, he came a little undone
202
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:42,487
and is currently on
temporary/permanent leave.
203
00:13:43,071 --> 00:13:47,075
The inmate will have to wear
an eye patch for a few weeks.
204
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,036
Well, I'll be sure to keep my
hands to myself, sir.
205
00:13:50,119 --> 00:13:53,039
Except during strip searches, I hope.
Right?
206
00:13:56,585 --> 00:14:02,591
Anyway, I just wanted to personally
make sure you're settling in okay
207
00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:09,305
and bring you up to speed
on our current crisis.
208
00:14:21,109 --> 00:14:22,277
Why'd you change the station?
209
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:24,946
That reggaeton shit
gives me a headache.
210
00:14:25,029 --> 00:14:27,115
It's the same thing
over and over.
211
00:14:27,198 --> 00:14:29,200
How come none of these
stations play The Smiths?
212
00:14:29,284 --> 00:14:30,785
'Cause it's pussy music.
213
00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:34,497
How Soon Is Now? is,
like, an '80s anthem.
214
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,124
Bitch, you were born in '92.
215
00:14:36,207 --> 00:14:38,334
So? So you don't know shit.
216
00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:42,380
The shark makes its move,
moving directly to the seal.
217
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:45,883
Oh, fuck this!
218
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:50,388
That's it. Ina Garten is making
brown butter cake today.
219
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:52,181
Don't fuck with my
cooking shows. T!
220
00:14:52,307 --> 00:14:53,891
It don't matter
what you wanna watch.
221
00:14:53,975 --> 00:14:58,146
I'm president of the TV, and you
can't do nothing about it, Pussy.
222
00:14:58,313 --> 00:15:01,941
My name is Poussey.
Accent a droite, bitch.
223
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:03,693
Accent a what?
224
00:15:03,818 --> 00:15:04,902
It's French.
225
00:15:04,986 --> 00:15:07,238
Poussey is a place in France
where my daddy served,
226
00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:08,823
and kings was born and shit.
227
00:15:08,948 --> 00:15:10,108
What the fuck you named after?
228
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:11,576
Some bullshit cakes
with cream in the middle?
229
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,161
You callin' me a Ho Ho?
230
00:15:13,244 --> 00:15:16,289
It's Hostess, you dumbass.
Man, you a fuckin' Swiss roll.
231
00:15:19,584 --> 00:15:20,960
Norma, will you go?
232
00:15:21,043 --> 00:15:22,420
What, are you blind now, too?
233
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:25,173
If you put the "S"
on the end of "knife,"
234
00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:26,841
you can make "slut" going down.
235
00:15:26,966 --> 00:15:28,009
Fifteen points ain't bad.
236
00:15:28,092 --> 00:15:29,093
No cheating!
237
00:15:29,177 --> 00:15:30,637
Oh, I'm just helping her.
238
00:15:31,179 --> 00:15:34,349
The plural of "knife"
is "knives," genius.
239
00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:36,685
No such fucking
word as "knifes."
240
00:15:36,768 --> 00:15:38,186
Oh, no?
241
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:41,272
Well, then what does Tony do to
Bernardo in West Side Story?
242
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:44,108
I'll tell you what.
He knifes him.
243
00:15:44,192 --> 00:15:47,612
Well, aren't you
the plot spoiler?
244
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:49,113
So, here's a good idea.
245
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:51,073
Why don't you mind
your own fucking business
246
00:15:51,199 --> 00:15:54,536
and go back to planning your cute
little hetero wedding?
247
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:57,955
Hey! Are you gonna get
your dress off of eBay?
248
00:15:58,039 --> 00:16:01,292
I sure hope nobody scams you.
That'd be fucking ironic.
249
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,630
Don't you dare!
250
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,234
You are way too fucking
short for that!
251
00:16:07,298 --> 00:16:09,759
Sit down, Boo! I am serious!
252
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,886
Hey.
253
00:16:11,969 --> 00:16:13,054
Hey!
254
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:19,728
You ladies need to start
acting like ladies.
255
00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:22,510
Now, what's the
problem in here?
256
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,069
Ladies!
257
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,238
Ladies!
258
00:16:32,532 --> 00:16:35,076
I'm gonna bring back
the Women's Advisory Council.
259
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:37,537
The first election
will be held this Saturday.
260
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:40,415
In the meantime,
don't bother me
261
00:16:40,665 --> 00:16:42,083
and simmer down,
262
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:44,252
okay?
263
00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:46,212
All kitchen
inmate duties...
264
00:16:46,462 --> 00:16:47,589
Thank you.
265
00:16:50,091 --> 00:16:53,302
Oh, it's on. Who's gonna
be duchess of WAC?
266
00:16:53,428 --> 00:16:54,763
Taystee!
267
00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:57,098
♪ Taystee ♪
268
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:07,442
So, I'm thinking campaign
buttons instead of posters,
269
00:17:07,525 --> 00:17:10,445
'cause everyone
will be doing posters.
270
00:17:10,528 --> 00:17:14,282
We can stick 'em on with tape. What
do you think about yellow and pink?
271
00:17:14,407 --> 00:17:15,408
They're my wedding colors.
272
00:17:15,491 --> 00:17:17,702
It's just a real
pretty combination.
273
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:21,122
But I don't wanna tell Christopher,
'cause I don't want him to get jealous.
274
00:17:21,205 --> 00:17:23,625
'Course not. You wouldn't want him
to think you liked pink in prison,
275
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:24,709
right, Morello?
276
00:17:26,043 --> 00:17:28,123
Still can't believe you're
running for this lame shit.
277
00:17:28,129 --> 00:17:29,547
Red told me to.
I'm her pick.
278
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,215
You want me to say no to her?
279
00:17:31,674 --> 00:17:33,134
She picked you?
280
00:17:33,217 --> 00:17:35,177
Yeah. You got
a problem with that?
281
00:17:35,303 --> 00:17:37,743
I just think it would have been
smarter for her to pick a dyke.
282
00:17:37,764 --> 00:17:39,181
A real dyke.
283
00:17:39,307 --> 00:17:42,602
Yeah, Nicky. Last time I
checked, Lorna was pretty gay.
284
00:17:42,685 --> 00:17:44,646
Gay for you,
as a matter of fact.
285
00:17:44,729 --> 00:17:47,315
Oh, you didn't hear?
We're done.
286
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,984
Well, she's gotta start working
on tightening her pussy muscles,
287
00:17:50,109 --> 00:17:53,195
'cause her fiance's dick is so small,
it's like a hot dog in a hallway, so...
288
00:17:53,321 --> 00:17:54,322
Wow.
289
00:17:54,405 --> 00:17:56,950
All right, ladies! Taystee! Taystee!
What's happening?
290
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:59,452
So, who are you running
against besides Taystee?
291
00:17:59,535 --> 00:18:02,580
She don't count. Black ladies just
run against the other black ladies.
292
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,457
My competition is Pennsatucky.
293
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:07,794
But it don't matter, because Red's gonna
make all the white girls vote for me.
294
00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:10,463
So, you only run against
white people. Hmm.
295
00:18:10,546 --> 00:18:12,674
You can only vote within
your race or your group.
296
00:18:12,799 --> 00:18:13,967
Look, just pretend
it's the 1950s.
297
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,176
It makes it easier
to understand.
298
00:18:15,301 --> 00:18:18,805
See, everyone elects a
representative from their own tribe.
299
00:18:18,888 --> 00:18:24,519
White, black, Hispanic,
golden girls, others.
300
00:18:24,644 --> 00:18:27,188
And those five gals,
they meet with Healy,
301
00:18:27,271 --> 00:18:28,648
they tell him what we want,
302
00:18:28,731 --> 00:18:32,026
then he speaks to the higher-ups.
It's like student council.
303
00:18:32,151 --> 00:18:34,362
But how is that
an effective system?
304
00:18:34,487 --> 00:18:36,656
Not every Hispanic person
wants the same thing.
305
00:18:36,739 --> 00:18:39,450
Oh, sure they do. They all
want to come to America.
306
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:42,203
Jesus, your entire world view is
based on West Side Story, isn't it?
307
00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:45,164
Can we get back to Lorna being racist?
Just more of that, please.
308
00:18:45,581 --> 00:18:47,834
But...
Okay, fine.
309
00:18:47,917 --> 00:18:50,670
See, I know because my
neighborhood is near them.
310
00:18:50,753 --> 00:18:53,339
They live, like, 20
people to one apartment.
311
00:18:53,422 --> 00:18:54,716
They have more kids
than even the Irish.
312
00:18:54,841 --> 00:18:56,968
The men like their women
with big titties, big asses.
313
00:18:57,051 --> 00:18:59,171
They're dirty, they're greasy,
their food smells nasty
314
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,014
and they're taking
all our jobs.
315
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:04,475
If y'all want a man representing
you, be my fucking guest.
316
00:19:04,559 --> 00:19:07,436
That bitch got a plastic
pussy or some shit.
317
00:19:07,562 --> 00:19:09,271
You wanna see it?
318
00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:11,858
Please! You flash that shit
like it's made out of diamonds.
319
00:19:11,941 --> 00:19:14,381
I done seen it about 10 times already today.
320
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:17,572
Listen, honey, I know all you care about
is what you get to watch on the TV,
321
00:19:17,697 --> 00:19:18,990
but me and my
diamond kitty here
322
00:19:19,073 --> 00:19:22,035
wanna prioritize things
around this place,
323
00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,370
like health care,
basic human rights...
324
00:19:24,453 --> 00:19:26,998
You ain't never gonna
change that shit.
325
00:19:27,081 --> 00:19:29,500
You think
this white people politics?
326
00:19:30,167 --> 00:19:32,921
Let's talk about
health care, Mackenzie.
327
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:35,757
Oh, Amanda, I'd rather not.
It's not polite.
328
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,800
Well, did you see that
wonderful new documentary
329
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,510
about the best sushi
in the world?
330
00:19:39,594 --> 00:19:43,389
Of course, now that I'm vegan, I didn't
enjoy it as much as I might have before.
331
00:19:43,472 --> 00:19:45,433
You know, I just
don't have the time.
332
00:19:45,558 --> 00:19:49,437
Chad and I have our yoga workshop,
then wine tasting class.
333
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,275
And then we have to have really
quiet sex every night at 9:00.
334
00:19:54,358 --> 00:19:57,612
But did you hear that piece
on NPR about hedge funds?
335
00:19:57,695 --> 00:20:01,616
Amanda, let me ask you, what do you
think about my bangs these days?
336
00:20:01,699 --> 00:20:02,825
I mean, do you
like 'em straight down,
337
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,953
or should I be doing more
of a sweep to the side?
338
00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,454
Sweep to the side.
339
00:20:08,414 --> 00:20:09,540
Yo, you gotta...
340
00:20:09,624 --> 00:20:12,794
If you want more pizza,
vote for Maritza.
341
00:20:12,919 --> 00:20:14,378
That shit is horrible.
342
00:20:14,879 --> 00:20:17,924
I like pizza.
Everyone likes pizza.
343
00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:19,174
What? It's
American and shit.
344
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,052
It's Italian,
you fucking idiot.
345
00:20:21,135 --> 00:20:22,470
What, you got something better?
346
00:20:22,553 --> 00:20:24,472
Yeah. I'm gonna run.
347
00:20:24,597 --> 00:20:27,642
Oh, shit. It's on.
Wow, fancy!
348
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:31,062
What, "Vote for Flaca,
puta's full of caca"?
349
00:20:31,145 --> 00:20:33,648
All right!
Okay!
350
00:20:35,524 --> 00:20:37,652
Shit. It don't matter
who wins, all right?
351
00:20:37,735 --> 00:20:39,445
Just as long
as you handle our shit.
352
00:20:40,154 --> 00:20:42,782
Please. I can out-shout
any of these bitches.
353
00:20:42,865 --> 00:20:44,158
Are you sure?
354
00:20:44,241 --> 00:20:45,618
Oh!
355
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:48,245
All of you who think we don't have
any sisters, we're black people...
356
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:50,164
Did you know they can't float?
357
00:20:50,247 --> 00:20:51,457
What the hell
are you talking about?
358
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:52,541
It's true!
359
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,335
Like in the swimming
pool and shit.
360
00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:56,504
Their bone density
ain't right for it.
361
00:20:58,089 --> 00:20:59,882
Yo, my uncle told me.
362
00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:03,094
Yo, that shit is
crazy, Flaca-ca.
363
00:21:03,636 --> 00:21:05,096
They're smelly,
stupid and lazy,
364
00:21:05,179 --> 00:21:06,848
but they ain't got
different bones.
365
00:21:06,973 --> 00:21:10,559
Except in their pants. Yo, let
me tell you, them black boys,
366
00:21:10,685 --> 00:21:14,313
they got some serious trouser meat.
Like, whoa!
367
00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:23,781
That's enough!
368
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:27,535
Quiet down!
Hey! Quiet down!
369
00:21:27,618 --> 00:21:30,872
You are in violation
of the Litchfield...
370
00:21:30,997 --> 00:21:32,165
Shut up!
371
00:21:45,553 --> 00:21:47,638
Well, don't be an observer.
Grab a rag.
372
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:55,437
What's up, Nicky?
373
00:21:55,563 --> 00:21:57,356
This rag smells like mildew.
374
00:21:58,232 --> 00:22:01,110
It means your counter
is gonna smell like mildew.
375
00:22:01,235 --> 00:22:02,570
That's gross.
376
00:22:02,695 --> 00:22:04,197
You need to wash
your rags, Red.
377
00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:07,116
Nicky...
378
00:22:11,245 --> 00:22:13,581
Why'd you choose Lorna
to run for WAC and not me?
379
00:22:13,664 --> 00:22:15,875
You're questioning
my decisions?
380
00:22:15,958 --> 00:22:19,545
Only in the most respectful way you
could possibly imagine. I just...
381
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,423
I thought I was
like your Spock.
382
00:22:22,548 --> 00:22:24,008
My what?
383
00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:28,387
You know, your right hand.
Your girl Friday. Your V.P.
384
00:22:29,013 --> 00:22:31,766
Lorna is pretty
and unthreatening.
385
00:22:31,891 --> 00:22:34,977
I like her lipstick
and she listens.
386
00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:37,605
The last thing you need
is a public forum.
387
00:22:37,688 --> 00:22:39,607
You're already too mouthy
for your own good.
388
00:22:39,732 --> 00:22:40,858
Yeah, but...
389
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:43,652
Don't confuse being my
daughter with getting a vote.
390
00:22:43,778 --> 00:22:45,738
This isn't a democracy,
sweetheart.
391
00:22:55,288 --> 00:22:57,499
You need something?
392
00:23:14,558 --> 00:23:15,768
Oh, gosh!
393
00:23:15,851 --> 00:23:19,981
This prize sure beats the heck
out of a decoder ring.
394
00:23:20,064 --> 00:23:21,607
What can I say?
395
00:23:22,524 --> 00:23:26,154
The girls are very concerned
about their oral hygiene.
396
00:23:32,660 --> 00:23:34,578
You bringing in
cell phones, too?
397
00:23:34,662 --> 00:23:36,580
Absolutely not.
398
00:23:36,664 --> 00:23:41,252
So you're not taking dirty pictures of
your hairy pussy to send to your husband?
399
00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,463
Do the curtains
match the drapes?
400
00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:48,176
You got some purple
wispies down there?
401
00:23:49,510 --> 00:23:52,763
What are you talking about?
402
00:23:56,725 --> 00:23:58,853
Someone smuggled in a phone.
403
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,773
And now it's getting
in the way of my business.
404
00:24:04,733 --> 00:24:07,028
I don't like competition,
sweet cheeks.
405
00:24:15,328 --> 00:24:17,830
Cell block D,
prepare for inspection.
406
00:24:36,807 --> 00:24:38,726
Visiting hours
are now over...
407
00:24:43,731 --> 00:24:48,694
Caputo grilled me about inappropriate
relationships for five hours today.
408
00:24:48,777 --> 00:24:52,114
It wasn't really five hours,
but it felt that way.
409
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,909
You know, this is
inappropriate.
410
00:24:55,034 --> 00:24:56,409
What you and me are doing.
411
00:24:56,535 --> 00:24:58,079
It's gonna be fine, baby.
412
00:24:58,204 --> 00:25:00,122
I think we have different
definitions of fine.
413
00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:04,417
I'm about to lose my job,
and your mom was naked.
414
00:25:04,501 --> 00:25:06,795
Like, really, really
naked. All of it.
415
00:25:06,921 --> 00:25:10,465
I saw her boobs.
416
00:25:10,591 --> 00:25:12,467
But you didn't do
nothing, right?
417
00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:14,136
What?
418
00:25:15,971 --> 00:25:17,223
You didn't fuck her?
419
00:25:17,306 --> 00:25:18,849
Why would I...
420
00:25:18,933 --> 00:25:22,603
I don't want your mom,
Daya. I want you.
421
00:25:45,751 --> 00:25:47,086
No...
Let me.
422
00:25:47,169 --> 00:25:48,670
Please, don't.
423
00:25:49,671 --> 00:25:51,799
I wanna feel all of you.
424
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:28,627
Oh, come on in, Chapman.
425
00:26:30,587 --> 00:26:31,713
Please close the door.
426
00:26:49,690 --> 00:26:51,817
What? Do you...
427
00:26:52,026 --> 00:26:53,152
Hold up the red one.
428
00:27:00,533 --> 00:27:02,411
Okay, now the blue.
429
00:27:03,037 --> 00:27:04,372
Mail call
in 15 minutes.
430
00:27:05,414 --> 00:27:08,042
Cart will be making
the rounds in 15 minutes.
431
00:27:09,542 --> 00:27:10,543
Mr. Healy...
432
00:27:10,627 --> 00:27:13,797
It's for my wife.
It's our anniversary tomorrow.
433
00:27:13,881 --> 00:27:17,176
I think the blue
is better. Thanks.
434
00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:20,637
Have a seat, Chapman.
435
00:27:25,893 --> 00:27:28,812
Chapman, we understand
each other, don't we?
436
00:27:30,398 --> 00:27:31,773
I think so.
437
00:27:32,107 --> 00:27:33,192
I mean, I agree.
438
00:27:33,275 --> 00:27:35,152
I think the two of us
working together,
439
00:27:35,903 --> 00:27:37,779
we could really turn
some things around.
440
00:27:37,905 --> 00:27:40,324
Or at the very least, make
things a little quieter.
441
00:27:46,621 --> 00:27:48,040
You want me to run for WAC.
442
00:27:48,916 --> 00:27:51,919
We don't get ladies as bright
as yourself in here often.
443
00:27:52,002 --> 00:27:55,588
Thank you, Mr. Healy. I appreciate that.
I really do.
444
00:27:55,672 --> 00:27:59,427
But I'm trying this new thing where
I stay out of the spotlight.
445
00:27:59,552 --> 00:28:01,887
I feel... I think that
it's a better bet for me.
446
00:28:01,970 --> 00:28:06,225
I'm giving you a chance to
make your time count, Chapman.
447
00:28:06,641 --> 00:28:11,480
Thank you. But I need
to politely decline.
448
00:28:11,604 --> 00:28:15,359
Well, I'm disappointed.
449
00:28:15,443 --> 00:28:18,320
It's certainly not like I can
force you to run anyway, right?
450
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,616
We're not Cosmo, Larry.
451
00:28:23,742 --> 00:28:26,036
We don't do pieces on
having better orgasms.
452
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:30,416
And, truthfully, "edging" sounds like
a recipe for blue balls. It's just...
453
00:28:30,832 --> 00:28:32,126
It is gross.
454
00:28:32,209 --> 00:28:34,711
Look, what if I change
the angle? Maybe...
455
00:28:34,795 --> 00:28:37,756
What's the deal with your wife?
Is she really in prison?
456
00:28:39,467 --> 00:28:41,969
My fiancee. She is.
It sucks.
457
00:28:42,094 --> 00:28:45,806
Look, um, I really think
if I made some changes...
458
00:28:45,931 --> 00:28:47,971
Christ, Bloom. No one wants
to learn how not to come.
459
00:28:48,016 --> 00:28:49,393
Coming is the whole
goddamn point.
460
00:28:49,477 --> 00:28:50,644
Listen, I've got to
get to this meeting.
461
00:28:50,727 --> 00:28:53,939
But this is a good story, okay?
Come on, Tim.
462
00:28:55,149 --> 00:28:58,860
I need this. Just give me something, huh?
An assignment.
463
00:28:59,694 --> 00:29:00,862
You want an
assignment? Fine.
464
00:29:00,988 --> 00:29:02,864
Here's your assignment,
"My wife is in prison."
465
00:29:02,990 --> 00:29:04,116
Fiancee.
466
00:29:04,199 --> 00:29:06,994
She takes naked showers
with bad, busty women,
467
00:29:07,077 --> 00:29:09,580
and I'm home alone thinking
about it, trying not to come.
468
00:29:09,663 --> 00:29:11,665
That's a story for us.
Knock yourself out.
469
00:29:15,628 --> 00:29:18,713
It's too far!
A little to the right.
470
00:29:19,173 --> 00:29:21,509
Ain't we learned our lesson
about hanging crosses, Tucky?
471
00:29:21,634 --> 00:29:24,637
Ain't we learned our lesson
about mouthing off? Get...
472
00:29:24,719 --> 00:29:26,013
Sorry.
473
00:29:27,848 --> 00:29:29,016
You keep this up,
474
00:29:29,141 --> 00:29:31,310
and God's gonna start
questioning your devotion.
475
00:29:31,393 --> 00:29:32,603
He told me.
476
00:29:36,773 --> 00:29:39,943
"Died for your sins."
Who's gonna win?
477
00:29:40,027 --> 00:29:41,529
Tiffany.
478
00:29:43,197 --> 00:29:45,115
Man, those little white
midgets are sad,
479
00:29:45,199 --> 00:29:46,534
but them bitches
know how to win!
480
00:29:46,617 --> 00:29:49,537
Look at you,
all power hungry and shit.
481
00:29:49,620 --> 00:29:52,080
Where are your morals,
Candidate Jefferson?
482
00:29:52,206 --> 00:29:53,457
Well, Mackenzie...
483
00:30:01,715 --> 00:30:03,300
This fucking election.
484
00:30:03,384 --> 00:30:05,344
Like this place needs to be
any more like high school!
485
00:30:05,427 --> 00:30:08,013
My God, I'm drowning
in vowels over here.
486
00:30:14,395 --> 00:30:15,604
This the campaign strategy?
487
00:30:15,729 --> 00:30:18,566
No, it's more like
a life strategy.
488
00:30:18,691 --> 00:30:20,234
Everyone likes to get fed.
489
00:30:20,317 --> 00:30:23,320
Come on. Come on! Come on.
That's gross.
490
00:30:25,113 --> 00:30:27,575
Come on!
It's delicious!
491
00:30:29,034 --> 00:30:30,411
Speaking of high school...
492
00:30:30,494 --> 00:30:32,162
I feel like such an asshole.
493
00:30:32,246 --> 00:30:33,830
Why won't she even look at me?
494
00:30:33,914 --> 00:30:37,000
'Cause you were an asshole.
Everyone has their limits.
495
00:30:37,251 --> 00:30:40,170
Okay, 32, 33...
496
00:30:40,254 --> 00:30:41,630
Whoa.
Thirty-four points!
497
00:30:41,755 --> 00:30:43,424
Bam!
498
00:30:44,341 --> 00:30:47,511
Look, you know her better than
I do, but in my experience,
499
00:30:47,595 --> 00:30:49,263
she can smell bullshit
like a shark smells blood.
500
00:30:49,388 --> 00:30:51,432
Just cut out the needy puppy
act and be straight with her.
501
00:30:51,557 --> 00:30:53,225
Say you're sorry
for being a dick.
502
00:30:53,808 --> 00:30:57,896
What about, like, a snappy kind of slogan?
Something with rhymes in it?
503
00:30:58,731 --> 00:31:02,067
What about, "Vote for Morello because
she's not yellow, she's white"?
504
00:31:11,952 --> 00:31:13,787
Mmm! Oh, that's good.
505
00:31:15,122 --> 00:31:16,123
It's a party!
506
00:31:16,248 --> 00:31:19,084
I feel like I'm playing house.
507
00:31:19,293 --> 00:31:21,962
You wanna
play doctor instead?
508
00:31:22,087 --> 00:31:23,505
This place
is insane.
509
00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:26,174
Cheers.
Cheers.
510
00:31:26,300 --> 00:31:28,302
Great to meet you, Holly.
511
00:31:30,137 --> 00:31:32,139
It's Polly, actually.
512
00:31:33,014 --> 00:31:35,809
Right. Polly Hobbie.
513
00:31:43,651 --> 00:31:47,195
Would you excuse me for a minute?
I have to go play hostess.
514
00:31:50,616 --> 00:31:51,992
She's better in smaller groups.
515
00:31:52,075 --> 00:31:53,452
Think she'll remember
my name then?
516
00:31:53,535 --> 00:31:55,870
Are you being pissy
because I'm seeing a woman?
517
00:31:55,996 --> 00:31:58,290
I'm pissy because
you're seeing an asshole.
518
00:31:58,373 --> 00:32:01,001
I think you're overreacting
a little bit, Molly.
519
00:32:02,127 --> 00:32:03,504
There's a weird energy in here.
520
00:32:03,629 --> 00:32:06,173
Not to mention she's loaded
and she's, what, like, 30?
521
00:32:06,298 --> 00:32:07,424
Trust fund?
522
00:32:07,508 --> 00:32:09,468
No, she imports things.
523
00:32:09,551 --> 00:32:13,514
I can't believe you're giving me shit for this.
You dated your teacher.
524
00:32:13,597 --> 00:32:15,182
Adjunct professor.
525
00:32:15,683 --> 00:32:20,145
I really like her.
526
00:32:21,021 --> 00:32:22,731
Do you like her or her things?
527
00:32:22,815 --> 00:32:25,025
Oh, I get it. You're
feeling threatened.
528
00:32:25,150 --> 00:32:27,736
Oh, Jesus. Fuck off. I'm
just looking out for you.
529
00:32:27,861 --> 00:32:30,572
Well, don't. I'm happy.
530
00:32:30,698 --> 00:32:33,784
Well, then don't expect me to be
there when you're not happy anymore.
531
00:32:33,867 --> 00:32:38,205
Okay, I won't expect that. But you will be.
Because you love me.
532
00:32:38,288 --> 00:32:40,499
Of course I do,
you stupid lesbian.
533
00:32:40,582 --> 00:32:42,000
You spoiled bitch.
534
00:32:43,918 --> 00:32:46,505
I came seven times
last night.
535
00:32:46,588 --> 00:32:48,716
Well, that's just excessive.
536
00:32:53,721 --> 00:32:54,888
Beautiful.
537
00:32:55,305 --> 00:32:56,473
Thank you.
538
00:32:57,558 --> 00:32:58,892
You're doing well.
539
00:32:59,727 --> 00:33:01,102
I am.
540
00:33:08,902 --> 00:33:10,738
We'd like to increase
your output.
541
00:33:10,821 --> 00:33:13,240
I'm always curious about who "we" is.
542
00:33:14,241 --> 00:33:17,411
Is that like when "they" say that
faux fur vests are in this season?
543
00:33:17,494 --> 00:33:18,704
You know what I mean?
544
00:33:18,787 --> 00:33:20,581
No, I don't know what you mean.
545
00:33:24,459 --> 00:33:25,502
How much?
546
00:33:25,586 --> 00:33:27,962
One hundred thousand a month.
547
00:33:28,088 --> 00:33:30,257
Oh, Jesus.
548
00:33:30,382 --> 00:33:33,301
What can I say?
We're back in vogue.
549
00:33:34,595 --> 00:33:36,471
Give the people what they want.
550
00:33:37,013 --> 00:33:40,684
Well, I'm gonna need a few more kids
and more cash upfront for treats.
551
00:33:40,809 --> 00:33:43,771
Whatever you need, as always.
552
00:33:44,396 --> 00:33:46,607
Kubra will be happy to hear.
553
00:33:47,691 --> 00:33:50,402
We value your role
in this organization.
554
00:33:50,778 --> 00:33:53,572
Great. Glad
I'm not expendable.
555
00:33:59,286 --> 00:34:01,413
We'll give you a call in a few
days to arrange the next drop.
556
00:34:01,496 --> 00:34:04,458
Can't wait. Cheers.
557
00:34:15,009 --> 00:34:16,470
That's a hell of a scar.
558
00:34:18,138 --> 00:34:19,598
Pervert.
559
00:34:21,391 --> 00:34:22,559
I like your tits, too.
560
00:34:25,312 --> 00:34:26,521
Baboon heart?
561
00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:28,982
Bacterial infection.
Hmm.
562
00:34:30,150 --> 00:34:31,234
Endocarditis.
563
00:34:31,318 --> 00:34:34,362
What? Drug pusher/
heart surgeon?
564
00:34:34,488 --> 00:34:36,824
Just the former.
565
00:34:36,907 --> 00:34:39,660
It was pretty common
among our top customers.
566
00:34:41,954 --> 00:34:43,163
You miss it?
567
00:34:43,246 --> 00:34:45,916
Holy shit. So much.
568
00:34:45,999 --> 00:34:49,795
More than good coffee, more
than sleeping in the dark,
569
00:34:49,878 --> 00:34:51,171
more than wearing skirts.
570
00:34:51,296 --> 00:34:52,339
You wore skirts?
571
00:34:53,006 --> 00:34:54,716
Yeah. I loved
a good skirt.
572
00:34:58,052 --> 00:34:59,179
You?
573
00:34:59,888 --> 00:35:01,306
I don't miss smack.
574
00:35:02,265 --> 00:35:04,476
I was such a lousy
junkie.
575
00:35:04,559 --> 00:35:06,436
Never fully committed.
576
00:35:07,437 --> 00:35:08,897
But the business...
577
00:35:09,523 --> 00:35:11,358
Man, that I miss.
578
00:35:11,441 --> 00:35:14,194
The adrenaline, the power.
579
00:35:17,489 --> 00:35:20,283
Yeah, I miss cooking it. Which
makes me an idiot, right?
580
00:35:21,326 --> 00:35:23,871
I'd let it bubble, even though
you waste it when you do that.
581
00:35:23,954 --> 00:35:27,165
I just loved the chemistry,
you know? The routine.
582
00:35:27,708 --> 00:35:29,751
I am a sucker for ritual.
583
00:35:30,210 --> 00:35:34,130
Look at us, Nichols. Same
coin, different sides.
584
00:35:34,506 --> 00:35:36,508
Supply and demand,
motherfucker.
585
00:36:01,241 --> 00:36:02,283
Hey, Alex.
586
00:36:12,961 --> 00:36:16,214
An inmate from Litchfield Federal
Prison is attempting to contact you.
587
00:36:16,297 --> 00:36:18,759
To accept the call,
please press one.
588
00:36:20,468 --> 00:36:23,513
Fine. You caught me
on a hormonal upswing.
589
00:36:23,597 --> 00:36:26,600
Plus I need a distraction
'cause I'm in the stirrups.
590
00:36:26,725 --> 00:36:28,226
Am I a good friend or what?
591
00:36:28,309 --> 00:36:31,521
You are. You're the best friend.
You are the best friend.
592
00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:33,607
You're my best friend.
593
00:36:33,732 --> 00:36:34,733
Oh!
594
00:36:35,275 --> 00:36:38,028
I'm so sorry, Pol.
The chicken...
595
00:36:38,111 --> 00:36:41,281
How about we don't talk about
the chicken, like, ever again?
596
00:36:41,364 --> 00:36:45,869
It's so weird in here, Polly. I
wish I could explain it to you.
597
00:36:45,953 --> 00:36:48,663
Well, I have an asshole alien
growing inside me
598
00:36:48,789 --> 00:36:51,833
and I'm waiting for a strange man
to put his hand up my vagina,
599
00:36:51,959 --> 00:36:55,295
which I'm pretty sure
I prefer to my husband's.
600
00:36:55,378 --> 00:36:57,089
We could have a weird-off.
601
00:36:57,171 --> 00:36:59,215
God, I miss you so much.
602
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,301
I miss you, too, Pipe.
603
00:37:02,761 --> 00:37:06,098
So, Barney's.
604
00:37:06,180 --> 00:37:07,724
Nope. You've
forfeited your right
605
00:37:07,808 --> 00:37:09,328
to talk about the
business for a while.
606
00:37:09,350 --> 00:37:11,019
I'll take care of it
from here on out.
607
00:37:11,144 --> 00:37:13,688
You're kidding me? So you're not
gonna tell me what's going on?
608
00:37:13,814 --> 00:37:17,067
This is really important to me, Pol.
We really need the money and...
609
00:37:17,150 --> 00:37:19,903
Babe, I know.
I'll take care of it.
610
00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:24,157
Jesus, you're a felon,
I'm fat and miserable.
611
00:37:24,282 --> 00:37:27,327
Who gives a fuck about soap right now?
It'll all be fine.
612
00:37:28,578 --> 00:37:29,704
Will it?
613
00:37:29,830 --> 00:37:33,708
I have no fucking clue. Seemed
like the right thing to say.
614
00:37:34,501 --> 00:37:36,962
How are things with
you and super-cunt?
615
00:37:37,045 --> 00:37:40,007
Fine. Sort of.
616
00:37:42,968 --> 00:37:47,597
I don't know. I feel like I need
to tell her that I'm sorry.
617
00:37:47,681 --> 00:37:52,185
I feel like I need to tell
everyone that I'm sorry.
618
00:37:53,020 --> 00:37:56,230
Piper Chapman,
The Apology Tour.
619
00:37:56,356 --> 00:37:57,649
You care about her?
620
00:37:57,732 --> 00:38:00,193
I mean, no. I just
think that it would...
621
00:38:00,276 --> 00:38:01,637
Since we're stuck
in here together,
622
00:38:01,695 --> 00:38:03,196
it would be easier
if we were friends.
623
00:38:03,321 --> 00:38:06,158
If super-cunt replaces me as
your best friend, so help me.
624
00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:07,784
Oh, never.
625
00:38:07,868 --> 00:38:10,453
Hey, if your mom's been telling me
to rub cocoa butter on my tutu,
626
00:38:10,537 --> 00:38:11,872
what the fuck does she mean?
627
00:38:11,955 --> 00:38:13,999
Oh, Jesus. Oh...
628
00:38:14,082 --> 00:38:16,376
She used to call it that
when I was little.
629
00:38:16,543 --> 00:38:17,711
A tutu?
630
00:38:18,086 --> 00:38:19,295
You heard that one before?
631
00:38:21,882 --> 00:38:23,050
My gynie loves it.
632
00:38:24,509 --> 00:38:26,053
And I love you.
633
00:38:29,056 --> 00:38:30,431
I love you.
634
00:38:33,935 --> 00:38:35,562
So you're done being mad at me?
635
00:38:35,687 --> 00:38:40,525
Yes. Now I've got to get probed. Have
a nice rest of your day in prison.
636
00:38:40,608 --> 00:38:42,889
Have a nice time getting your tutu probed.
637
00:39:04,091 --> 00:39:06,927
Don't be yellow,
vote for Morello.
638
00:39:07,052 --> 00:39:09,596
My friends,
we may be incarcerated,
639
00:39:09,679 --> 00:39:13,349
but that does not mean we're
not entitled to fair treatment
640
00:39:13,433 --> 00:39:16,978
and access to
comprehensive medical care.
641
00:39:17,104 --> 00:39:18,438
Tuesdays, pizza?
642
00:39:18,563 --> 00:39:21,608
Fuck pizza, we're gonna
have Tuesday tacos.
643
00:39:21,691 --> 00:39:24,861
Tacos, burritos, hot salsa and everything!
This is stupid!
644
00:39:24,945 --> 00:39:27,739
Hi, ladies... I take care of business.
I know what's up, all right?
645
00:39:27,822 --> 00:39:29,222
...most of y'all
know me as Tiffany.
646
00:39:29,241 --> 00:39:32,202
Only a few, Pennsatucky. We're
gonna leave it that way.
647
00:39:32,285 --> 00:39:35,538
I hope each and every one of
you will allow me to lead you,
648
00:39:35,622 --> 00:39:38,959
in addition to letting me do your
weave at a discount!
649
00:39:39,042 --> 00:39:41,128
You all listen to me.
I know what's up, all right?
650
00:39:41,211 --> 00:39:42,812
Come on, let's hear it up
for the Latino!
651
00:39:45,465 --> 00:39:48,718
As lady president, I'll
demand waterbeds for everybody.
652
00:39:48,802 --> 00:39:52,806
We'll be dreamin' like Beyonce on
a yacht every night up in here.
653
00:39:52,889 --> 00:39:55,516
Comprehensive that, bitches!
654
00:39:57,852 --> 00:39:59,312
Yo. You got my shit?
655
00:40:02,274 --> 00:40:03,483
It's comin'.
656
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:08,196
My cousin paid you for that shit.
Ain't it supposed to come in today?
657
00:40:09,072 --> 00:40:10,406
Listen, powder.
658
00:40:11,116 --> 00:40:13,701
If you speak to me again,
I will fucking crush you.
659
00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:17,872
It's coming. Chill out.
660
00:40:24,671 --> 00:40:26,923
Well, this is a surprise.
661
00:40:27,007 --> 00:40:28,927
Best entertainment you could
hope for around here.
662
00:40:29,009 --> 00:40:31,011
Friday night, we're
gonna have salsa night, okay?
663
00:40:31,136 --> 00:40:33,054
I can't live without
my conga, okay?
664
00:40:33,180 --> 00:40:36,349
As y'all know, I am a
follower of Jesus Christ,
665
00:40:36,432 --> 00:40:37,767
my Lord and my Savior.
666
00:40:40,020 --> 00:40:45,441
And he wants us to spread his word.
With force, if necessary.
667
00:40:45,525 --> 00:40:49,070
You know, I'm surprised the Admin
is actually letting this happen.
668
00:40:49,196 --> 00:40:51,948
Those boys have
awfully short memories.
669
00:40:53,908 --> 00:40:57,204
White girl who won
last time got slocked
670
00:40:57,287 --> 00:41:02,834
when she asked the commissary to stock unsalted
potato chips instead of salt and vinegar.
671
00:41:03,543 --> 00:41:05,253
It's not a job you want.
672
00:41:05,378 --> 00:41:07,881
Furthermuch, why don't
we have Ultra Sheen
673
00:41:08,048 --> 00:41:09,216
in the commissary?
Why?
674
00:41:09,299 --> 00:41:10,675
You ask me,
that shit is racist!
675
00:41:10,758 --> 00:41:12,886
Fucking racist. Why you gotta
hate black folks? Why?
676
00:41:12,969 --> 00:41:15,680
You do have
to admire their effort.
677
00:41:16,514 --> 00:41:19,392
Every damn inmate is here.
678
00:41:23,730 --> 00:41:25,357
I'll see you later.
679
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:30,070
In closing, let's get some motherfucking
fried chicken up in here once in a while!
680
00:41:30,153 --> 00:41:31,571
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, I said it.
681
00:41:31,654 --> 00:41:32,655
She said it.
I'm black.
682
00:41:32,739 --> 00:41:33,865
She's black.
And she black.
683
00:41:33,948 --> 00:41:35,348
I'm black! And we
like fried chicken.
684
00:41:35,408 --> 00:41:37,493
Well!
That shit is delicious.
685
00:41:37,577 --> 00:41:42,082
Everybody likes it. Chicken for the people.
I rest my case.
686
00:41:44,625 --> 00:41:48,838
Well, I say we should have
a "whites only" bathroom!
687
00:41:50,590 --> 00:41:53,176
This ain't
The fuckin' Help, bitch,
688
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:55,095
but you will eat my shit.
689
00:42:54,695 --> 00:42:55,696
Oh!
690
00:42:56,990 --> 00:43:01,577
♪ They call me Taystee
'cause my pussy be delicious
691
00:43:01,661 --> 00:43:03,079
♪ Like an apple it's nutritious
692
00:43:03,163 --> 00:43:04,705
♪ Like a Clinton it's ambitious
693
00:43:04,831 --> 00:43:07,834
♪ You wanna mess with all that?
Bitch, please
694
00:43:07,917 --> 00:43:10,670
♪ You's a gnat, you'll go
splat Best be runnin', stat ♪
695
00:43:16,176 --> 00:43:17,260
Yeah? Well. Yo, yo...
696
00:43:17,344 --> 00:43:19,929
♪ My name is Leanne
and I got game
697
00:43:20,013 --> 00:43:22,515
♪ We're here in Litchfield
and it's kind of lame
698
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:25,477
♪ This rapping thing
don't seem so hard
699
00:43:25,559 --> 00:43:27,728
♪ Ain't like
I'm a fucking retard! ♪
700
00:43:36,154 --> 00:43:39,032
♪ Fucking dumbass cracka
Should just smack ya
701
00:43:39,115 --> 00:43:42,243
♪ Think you own Jesus?
Turns out he was black
702
00:43:42,369 --> 00:43:44,954
♪ The word is ironic
Me? I'm deep like Atlantis
703
00:43:45,038 --> 00:43:47,790
♪ Rhyming some chronic shit
then pray like a mantis
704
00:43:47,874 --> 00:43:50,502
♪ Matter of fact I'm so done
with your white trash ass
705
00:43:50,584 --> 00:43:53,713
♪ Just 'cause you got little
tits don't mean you got class ♪
706
00:43:55,798 --> 00:43:56,799
That's my shit!
707
00:44:09,437 --> 00:44:10,563
Hey.
708
00:44:11,314 --> 00:44:13,024
This is crazy...
Shh...
709
00:44:14,067 --> 00:44:15,902
Go away.
710
00:44:17,737 --> 00:44:18,905
Sorry.
711
00:44:57,110 --> 00:44:59,112
Who wants a piece of Big Boo?
712
00:45:48,911 --> 00:45:51,623
Are we supposed
to lie down, Mr. Healy?
713
00:45:59,839 --> 00:46:01,508
Hey. Hi.
714
00:46:01,591 --> 00:46:02,842
Hey.
715
00:46:02,925 --> 00:46:04,135
How are you?
716
00:46:05,094 --> 00:46:06,179
Good.
717
00:46:06,262 --> 00:46:08,598
I made you this.
718
00:46:17,231 --> 00:46:20,318
Wow. Thanks.
719
00:46:24,614 --> 00:46:27,367
When I was little, I found
this comic book in the trash.
720
00:46:28,409 --> 00:46:31,287
I'd never seen girls
who looked like that.
721
00:46:31,787 --> 00:46:35,416
They were like Disney
princesses, but prettier.
722
00:46:35,749 --> 00:46:38,294
I liked tracing
the drawings a lot.
723
00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:40,213
My friends thought
that they were lame,
724
00:46:41,964 --> 00:46:44,175
but I liked that
they were different.
725
00:46:45,009 --> 00:46:48,054
They weren't like the
Sunday comics, you know?
726
00:46:48,720 --> 00:46:51,224
I guess I'm a freak,
or whatever.
727
00:46:51,307 --> 00:46:53,893
Not that you're a freak
because of your legs.
728
00:46:54,018 --> 00:46:55,395
Leg.
729
00:47:01,484 --> 00:47:05,071
I didn't mean that.
I'm sorry.
730
00:47:10,910 --> 00:47:12,078
Does it hurt?
731
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:18,626
Not anymore. Just a little
clumsy sometimes.
732
00:47:18,876 --> 00:47:21,421
Me, too. Sometimes.
733
00:47:31,222 --> 00:47:33,302
Thanks for the advice yesterday.
I think she loved it.
734
00:47:41,274 --> 00:47:42,567
You got enough money?
735
00:47:43,109 --> 00:47:45,695
Yes, transfer came
through yesterday.
736
00:47:47,821 --> 00:47:49,990
And Daya, she need anything?
737
00:47:50,116 --> 00:47:51,451
She's fine.
738
00:47:52,577 --> 00:47:54,828
Then why isn't she here
to say hello?
739
00:47:56,914 --> 00:47:59,417
You better not be fighting again.
She needs her mother.
740
00:47:59,875 --> 00:48:02,629
Wait a minute, both of you
are here to visit me?
741
00:48:02,878 --> 00:48:05,381
Sure don't seem like it,
742
00:48:05,465 --> 00:48:06,798
the way you're talking.
743
00:48:07,383 --> 00:48:09,260
Daya. Daya!
744
00:48:09,636 --> 00:48:10,637
Aren't you my woman?
745
00:48:12,472 --> 00:48:15,391
You acting like
a jealous bitch.
746
00:48:16,892 --> 00:48:19,646
Shit's not flattering, is it?
747
00:48:23,857 --> 00:48:24,984
It went well.
748
00:48:25,067 --> 00:48:27,819
Yeah. I mean, it...
You know. It was great.
749
00:48:28,154 --> 00:48:29,697
Wow! He liked it?
750
00:48:29,821 --> 00:48:32,158
You seem surprised.
Edging?
751
00:48:32,241 --> 00:48:34,962
Edging? Babe, it's a really... It's
a very weird thing to write about.
752
00:48:35,328 --> 00:48:36,912
Weird, very weird.
753
00:48:37,747 --> 00:48:41,875
Actually, he, um, wants me
to write another article.
754
00:48:43,795 --> 00:48:44,878
Really?
755
00:48:45,004 --> 00:48:46,964
Yeah, he thought, um...
756
00:48:47,047 --> 00:48:50,259
He thought I should write about you.
About our experience.
757
00:48:52,512 --> 00:48:54,347
Our experience?
758
00:48:58,518 --> 00:48:59,519
Huh!
759
00:49:00,852 --> 00:49:02,980
Has it been difficult
for you in here?
760
00:49:03,063 --> 00:49:05,525
You know, you're not the only
person having a hard time, Piper.
761
00:49:05,692 --> 00:49:07,527
I hate your stern voice.
762
00:49:13,115 --> 00:49:16,369
I'm sorry. I don't mean
to take this out on you.
763
00:49:16,452 --> 00:49:18,078
But I...
764
00:49:18,204 --> 00:49:20,498
Could you just give me
a little bit of time
765
00:49:20,581 --> 00:49:24,502
to figure out how I feel about you writing
an article about me being in here?
766
00:49:24,585 --> 00:49:27,046
Of course.
You need to
767
00:49:27,588 --> 00:49:28,673
process.
768
00:49:28,756 --> 00:49:32,301
I should respect that.
Take some time.
769
00:49:32,385 --> 00:49:36,848
I'm just not sure if I'm ready to be
Piper Chapman, the convict fiancee.
770
00:49:36,930 --> 00:49:41,227
But as soon as you write an
article, it will all be so, um...
771
00:49:43,521 --> 00:49:44,522
Public.
772
00:49:44,605 --> 00:49:45,857
I hear ya.
773
00:49:47,107 --> 00:49:48,317
I hear ya.
774
00:49:51,237 --> 00:49:53,905
So, is everything
going okay with Alex?
775
00:49:54,407 --> 00:49:56,826
Yeah, it's fine. It's good.
We don't talk.
776
00:49:58,077 --> 00:49:59,203
Good.
777
00:50:00,246 --> 00:50:01,497
That's good.
778
00:50:03,583 --> 00:50:05,710
Diablo!
779
00:50:07,044 --> 00:50:08,962
Diablo?
What?
780
00:50:09,505 --> 00:50:11,340
That lady, that crazy lady.
781
00:50:11,424 --> 00:50:13,885
I found her phone
in the bathroom,
782
00:50:13,967 --> 00:50:15,302
and there was
a picture of her...
783
00:50:16,095 --> 00:50:19,390
And Healy had it printed out
on his desk, and the...
784
00:50:20,099 --> 00:50:21,259
Never mind.
It's a long story.
785
00:50:21,267 --> 00:50:23,102
Anyway, everybody thinks
that she's crazy
786
00:50:23,185 --> 00:50:25,271
and that she's talking
to herself in there,
787
00:50:25,354 --> 00:50:26,938
but she's not!
788
00:50:27,064 --> 00:50:29,776
She's talking
on the phone. To Diablo!
789
00:50:29,859 --> 00:50:31,943
She's been sending him
pictures of her tutu.
790
00:50:32,069 --> 00:50:33,320
Whoa!
791
00:50:34,614 --> 00:50:36,783
That's kind of brilliant.
792
00:50:38,618 --> 00:50:40,453
Wait a second.
Mmm-hmm.
793
00:50:43,414 --> 00:50:45,207
If you know where her phone is,
794
00:50:46,793 --> 00:50:48,795
can you send me
pictures of your tutu?
795
00:50:49,211 --> 00:50:50,379
Ew!
796
00:50:51,756 --> 00:50:53,424
All right.
797
00:50:53,965 --> 00:50:58,970
Thirty-one for Maritza,
16 for Sophia Burset,
798
00:50:59,096 --> 00:51:03,267
41 for Taystee,
46 for Lorna Morello,
799
00:51:03,350 --> 00:51:05,895
24 for Tiffany,
800
00:51:05,977 --> 00:51:08,815
19 for "Fuck you."
801
00:51:08,898 --> 00:51:12,652
An impressive 28 for Jesus.
802
00:51:13,736 --> 00:51:17,865
You still can't tell the fish kissers
who's boss, can you, Samantha?
803
00:51:17,989 --> 00:51:20,992
I've asked you repeatedly
not to call me that.
804
00:51:22,161 --> 00:51:24,996
This isn't about
giving them power.
805
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:30,252
This is about your mother telling you, you
could take a bath before dinner or after.
806
00:51:30,628 --> 00:51:33,004
You were still gonna get wet,
807
00:51:33,130 --> 00:51:35,382
but you thought
you had a choice.
808
00:51:36,342 --> 00:51:39,178
I have no fuckin' idea
what that means,
809
00:51:39,303 --> 00:51:43,683
but I do know you just basically
built a prisoners' union.
810
00:51:46,811 --> 00:51:47,937
Samantha.
811
00:52:04,119 --> 00:52:07,665
Attention. All maple
syrup is now considered contraband
812
00:52:07,748 --> 00:52:09,500
after last week's incident.
813
00:52:10,376 --> 00:52:14,797
The winners of the WAC elections will
be announced shortly. Thank you.
814
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,592
Enjoy dinner!
Hope it's scrumptious!
815
00:52:19,134 --> 00:52:20,594
I'm real nervous.
816
00:52:20,928 --> 00:52:25,641
I thought the whole idea of Red endorsing
you is that you're going to win.
817
00:52:25,808 --> 00:52:28,728
It is. She's just playing coy.
It's a talent of hers.
818
00:52:28,811 --> 00:52:31,438
I made Claudette's
famous coconut cake
819
00:52:31,564 --> 00:52:35,735
in honor of our new
WAC representative.
820
00:52:40,406 --> 00:52:42,073
Should coconut be beige?
821
00:52:44,368 --> 00:52:45,327
Fine.
822
00:52:45,411 --> 00:52:48,205
No cake for you,
little girl, big mouth.
823
00:52:55,755 --> 00:52:57,548
Tough love, I guess, huh?
824
00:52:57,631 --> 00:53:00,259
Jesus. I don't know
how you deal with her.
825
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:04,764
Norma's gonna
get you some mouthwash.
826
00:53:04,889 --> 00:53:08,350
A clean mouth
makes you feel better.
827
00:53:08,434 --> 00:53:10,436
Here.
828
00:53:17,108 --> 00:53:21,614
You gotta hit rock bottom before
you know which direction to go in.
829
00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:23,365
Welcome to the floor, kid.
830
00:53:24,742 --> 00:53:27,244
It'll be better from now on.
831
00:53:29,371 --> 00:53:31,665
And what I'll do to you
if you use again
832
00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:34,543
will hurt a lot more than this.
833
00:53:34,627 --> 00:53:36,754
Remember what I'm saying.
834
00:53:43,094 --> 00:53:45,554
Ladies,
attention, please.
835
00:53:47,138 --> 00:53:48,808
How's my hair?
836
00:53:51,102 --> 00:53:52,478
You look great, kid.
837
00:53:53,938 --> 00:53:56,983
Don't worry.
You're gonna be great.
838
00:53:58,525 --> 00:54:02,071
Your elected
WAC leaders are...
839
00:54:02,488 --> 00:54:04,155
Ruiz...
840
00:54:06,867 --> 00:54:08,452
Which Ruiz?
841
00:54:08,535 --> 00:54:10,203
Maria Ruiz...
842
00:54:11,538 --> 00:54:12,790
Oh, shit!
What the fuck?
843
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:14,249
What the fuck?
844
00:54:14,333 --> 00:54:16,669
Jefferson...
845
00:54:16,794 --> 00:54:21,048
Ooh! Taystee is
prison president, bitches!
846
00:54:27,805 --> 00:54:33,310
Chang, who will be representing
both the others and the golden girls,
847
00:54:33,936 --> 00:54:34,979
and...
848
00:54:39,692 --> 00:54:41,152
Chapman.
849
00:54:52,746 --> 00:54:54,456
But you didn't even run!
850
00:55:07,302 --> 00:55:17,768
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com